Member: Joel H.
Location: N.C.
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 11:57:42

Comments

There is a higher power, and it ain't me! My best behavior got me here and there was plenty wrong with me before I ever picked up that first drink. The Big Book talks about soundness of mind, well, I certainly didn't have soundness of mind or body when I came back to AA and I still don't!! But I am a little better than I was a few months ago. I went to a long going AA retreat in the mountains of N.C. a couple of weeks ago, and the genuine love I experienced there, I will never forget. I was eating ice cream late at night on the front porch of this huge dining hall, two fellow trudgers sat beside me, one sober around 20 years, the other around 7 or 8 years. They shared with me and I cried. One held out his hand and said all I had to do was to take it. I did and cried some more and more. Then he told me all I had to do was to reach out to the God of my understanding and take his hand each day and let him guide me, easier said than done, but that makes a lot of sense to me, since I don't know much about guiding myself. Without help it is too much for us, but there is one who has all power, that one is God, may you find Him now. I Can't, HE Can, I think I'll let Him. I need all the HP I can stand. Thanks..


Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 12:11:08

Comments

Larry, alcoholic

I came to AA a militant atheist. The 2nd and 3rd Steps sounded like religious gibberish to me. Fortunately, I quickly found that something magical seemed to happen in AA meetings. No matter how lousy I felt when I went to a meeting, within about 10 minutes or so I felt 100% better and when I left the meeting I no longer craved a drink. The compulsion to drink lifted after about 3 weeks of meetings. Based on this miracle, I used AA as my higher power. After about 6 months of meetings, having completed my 4th Step but afraid of doing a 5th Step, I convinced myself that I'd had about as much AA as I needed and drifted away from the program. I remained dry for another 5 years.

Then I experienced some tragedy in my life and hit an emotional bottom. I was overwhelmed with fear, anger, rage, resentments, and self-pity. I was in trouble and knew it. My obsessive behaviors and other character defects suddenly came crashing down on me like a huge weight. So I came back to AA. I had thought sobriety=sanity, but now realized that I was unable to handle life - a fairly good working description of insanity. This time around I worked hard on my program. I was still an atheist so I continued to use AA as my HP. While "working" Step 2, I realized that not only were the people in AA somehow mystically connected, but all humanity seemed somehow connected. So I guess I was a Humanist at that point. Had I waited to "come to believe" in anything beyond that, I doubt I would have made much progress. At that point, I only maintained a willingness to keep an open mind. I worked my 3rd Step by exploring a wide variety of religious and spiritual traditions in a search for something that would strike a chord in me. When in frustration I finally gave up the struggle of the search, I immediately had another minor spiritual awakening and realized that my HP had been with me all along. I came to believe that not only is everyONE connected, but everyTHING is connected. Turning my will over involved accepting and properly playing my small role in the grand scheme of things. I realize that others' have much different concepts of a HP - and that's OK - I can only share my ES&H.

As I have worked through the rest of the Steps, I have experienced many more minor miracles and "coincidences": the healing power of the 4th thru 7th Steps, the reestablishment of healthy relations with others through making amends and helping others, and the establishment of conscious contact with the divine. As the Promises have begun to come true in my life, my faith in my HP has continued to broaden and deepen.

So, my experience is that "coming to believe" didn't happen at Step 2; it merely started there. Working the 12 Steps has been an evolving process of spiritual awakening. I didn't come to believe in my current concept of a higher power and then work the rest of the Steps (3-12), I came to believe in my higher power BY working the rest of the Steps.

Peace & Serenity


Member: JJS
Location: PA
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 16:55:53

Comments

Hi JJ here, grateful recovering alcoholic. I didn't have trouble coming to believe in a power greater than myself, I had always believed. My problem was believing that I wasa insane. Certainly I could identify my drunk behavior as insanity, but thinking that I needed any help in sobriety took some time. I hit an emotional bottom along the way too, and it helped me see that I can still be plenty insane, or "off the beam", even though I have not had a drink or a drug in almost five years. I believe today that my Higher Power keeps me ssafe, sane and sober one day at a time, and I ask Him everyday for one more day. Things in my life are a lot smoother. I love it! Thanks for letting me share.


Member: JCP
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 17:31:37

Comments

J here, a grateful alcoholoc:

Grateful for nothing more than that a Power greater than ourselves does not take orders from me.

The contrast is between getting the most I could imagine and receiving beyond all my most drunken imagination.

I was a "realist," after seven years of drinking every day -- I'd accept six weeks or so dry, then maybe try to drink "sensibly."

It was all I could do to make a second meeting, and the third day I did something else, but avoided a drink -- three meetings in four days without a drink, but wanting to just the same.

I'm talking months, not drinking but going around griping: "Used to be all I did was drink; now all I do is DON'T drink." I added one more meeting on Sunday night -- four a week for a time, although I had drunk seven nights a week.

That was where I stayed for months, no faith or very little, glad to feel better but sure as God made little green apples that I was only "buying time" -- if you are reading this you probably know that story by heart.

The miracle is not just that I do not want a drink today, but the rewards I value most were unimaginable: So I can't claim now that I asked the Power greater than ourselves for them.

In that first year I marched up those 12 steps putting a lot of effort into it (time on my hands, you know) only to discover when I was done that I had only "reached" Step 2.

No room here to explain, but it's an old AA saying -- just don't take that first drink, find meetings, do the steps, you get the idea: If you don't get the program, it will get you.

dixyflier@usa.net


Member: Chris V.
Location: Belleville, Il.
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 17:38:20

Comments

Hi Everyone! I'm an alcoholic named Chris, sober for 8 months. I always believed in God somewhere in the back of my head, but I only talked to him when there was something selfish that I wanted. I really turned my back on him and denounced him for quite a while until I realized how truly meaningless life can get when you do this. I don't know exactly when I came to believe that God could and would restore me to sanity, or that I am 100% there, but all you need at first is a willingness to believe. God definitely does do for me what I cannot do for myself, and that is just one of the many gifts of this program. God Bless!


Member: Joe A.
Location: Portland, Oregon
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 17:50:07

Comments

Hi, my name is Joe Allison and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. By the grace of God and with the help of beautiful people in AA like you, it has been more than 28 years since I have found it necessary or desirable to take a drink of alcohol or any other mood-changing chemical.

At a meeting at a group on the north side of Chicago's Loop (the Mustard Seed), I heard a comment that helped change much of my thinking about the program and the Second Step. Someone said that "My God is very polite God. He stands just outside the door of my life waiting to be invited into my life. He doesn't try to force Himself onto me. Any time He begins to feel unwelcome, He goes back to his station outside the door of my life, waiting to be invited back."

Compare that statement with the words of the Second Step: "Came to believe that a Power Greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity," and with the last words of the "How It Works" we hear read so often at meetings--that God could restore us to sanity, and WOULD IF HE WERE SOUGHT."

I believe that I have at least one thing in common with God: neither of us can give you something which you won't receive. If I try to force my opinions on you, you tell me to get lost, and I wind up frustrated.

Please be patient with yourselves. God is not finished with you yet!

Joe Allison of Portland, Oregon


Member: Tacey C.
Location: Arizona
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 18:15:31

Comments

Hi, my name is Tacey and I am an alcoholic. Grateful to be here and grateful to be sober. In the third step in the 12 & 12 it states, "In the first two Steps we were engaged in reflection. We saw that we were powerless over alcohol, but we perceived that faith of some kind, if only in AA itself, is possible to anyone. These conclusions did not require action; they required only acceptance." That says to me that I'm either there or I'm not. I took the first 2 steps the hard way. I simply kept going back out and drinking. "...alcohol was a great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of reasonableness." The Big Book doesn't even give specific directions for formally taking Step Two. Instead, it explains to me in great detail the insanity of the first drink and how to find a way of faith. In fact, until the 5th chapter, after the A, B, C, which we hear in almost every meeting, the text is about the first 2 steps. Right after C) God could and would if He were sought are the words: "Being convinced, we were at Step Three..." Being convinced of what?? I say it's the "...three pertinent ideas:" So, step two is the point where I had to go to continue to Step Three. I cannot begin to turn my life and will over to the care of God unless I have first came to believe in Him. The miracle of AA, to me, is that it gives me the opportunity to come to this place of belief on my own. In "We Agnostics", it talks about stepping from Reason to Faith. Reason is my intellect and I can't find God with my intellect, Faith is of the heart...to believe in God today, for me, is to believe there is good in my world. Sometimes, when I can't see good, I have to go back to Step Two for not believing in a Power Greater than Myself is insanity today. And, if I let myself get too far away from Him, I KNOW I will drink, again. Sorry so long. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Geri W
Location: Va
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 20:00:44

Comments

Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here.

Step 2. Came! Came to! Came to believe!

Without step two, I'd be drunk today(or dead).After the admission that I was an alcoholic, withut that step of HOPE, I would have been doomed. I came to believe that a Higher Power that I choose to call God could and would restore me to sanity if I sought Him. And He has done it. All I had to do was follow the simple(not always easy) steps that were outlined in the Big Book. Found a sponsor to help me - the old alcoholic fog was still there. Go to a few thousand meetings to listen and learn how others were doing it. Keep m y side of the street clean and help others. One Day At A Time. Still works. Try it - you'll like it or we will refund your misery.

Peace and Hugs


Member: Mark Q
Location: TF Idaho
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 23:47:19

Comments

It is important to remember, a Power greater than ourselves. I need to remember, I am Powerless over alcohol-that my life is unmanageable.

Keep it simple Mark, Love and twenty four more Thank you for sharing


Member: Deanna
Location: Texas
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 00:24:14

Comments

Deanna here, alcoholic.

This was exactly what we discussed at my step meeting tonight. JJS: You just stated the exact same words that I did tonight in my share. I was raised with a God of my "family's understanding." So, I knew about God and truly believed there was one. I just didn't believe he liked me very much and that I was definitely on his shit list. I couldn't believe that I was insane. I fought coming in to AA because what was the use? He didn't like me and so I would just be setting myself up for another punishment. HE wouldn't allow me to get sober because that would be a reward and I didn't deserve that. THAT was insanity!

When my husband died in 1993 all I could believe was that I had been so bad now that HE wasn't going to wait for me to die to be in Hell, I was gonna LIVE it.

After finally going to a meeting one of the first things I heard was "Absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake." I needed to hear that more than anything in the world at that time. I knew there was a God, but just couldn't accept that HE loved me. I only had to be willing just a little. I only had to be openminded just a little.

Today, I do believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. I don't believe I'm so worthless now. I don't believe that I have to drink today. I don't believe that my family doesn't love me. All those thoughts were insane and part of my disease. God has done for me what I couldn't do for myself and continues to do that for me everyday that I don't drink.

Thanks for the topic, I needed it.

Deanna


Member: Curtis P
Location: Hollister, Ca.
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 03:23:05

Comments

I had a problem with that word "sanity" for it meant to me early in sobriety that I would have to be "insane" for it to apply to me. That was not how i viewed myself & therefore could not associate myself with the steps, fortunately, through Gods grace and the guidance of a loving sponsor who explained to me that the context of the word "sanity" as used in step two meant that for me to continue to drink would be insane for me, as it had always yeilded bad results. Once i learned that, and we say it a lot in meetings"insanity means-doing the same thing over and over expecting different results".Only then was it possible for me to move forward through the rest of the steps, which I might add have given me the opportunity to have a life today that is far better than I could have ever imagined. I am truly blessed and way overpayed.


Member: Lori D
Location:
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 07:26:22

Comments

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.Well my higer power was working overtime for me this weekend.Still very new to sobriety I was in a position were I was to stop the events that were unfolding berore my eyes.Two members showed up at my door each having gone out again,one needed serious medical help an spiritual,the other was ending a very abusive realationship.I did the best that I could hoping I was doing what needed to be done.All I can say is I relied on my Higher Power and with alot of prayer I made it to today knowing I did the best that I could do Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Tom A. 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 15:20:41

Comments

Good Afternoon to everyone on Staying Cyber's 12 & 12 meeting.

My name is Tom A. and I am sober today because a Power greater than myself has restored me to sanity by showing me how to stay a way from the first drink one day at a time.

Early in my sobriety I was introduced to the symbol of a three-legged milk stool in a little bookd called "The Little Red Book." It suggested that Step 1, dealt with the physical part of the disease, Step 2, dealt with the mental part of the disease, and Step 3 dealt with the spiritual part of the disease and they likened the first three steps to that milk stool and if, you ever milked cows by hand you know you need all three legs to get the job done. This suggestion from "The Little Red Book" has been helpful to me in my journey and I thank those who shared it with me. We claim spitiual progress and not perfection and that milk-stool symbol helps me to remember that it is the First Drink I need to watch out for one day at a time.

Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!

God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net


Member: Nelson
Location: Trout River, Ont.
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 17:57:06

Comments

My name is Nelson and I am an alcoholic. My idea of a higher power is grounded in the feeling that I am not alone or unique. As a matter of fact, I ain't diddly squat without this here program of A.A. Since coming to believe, I start off each day with a warm cup of coffee, a bowl of instant oat meal and a few moments alone with the god of my understanding. From this point, I try to keep the day in perspective in that it is just that, another day. Practicing this routine has kept me sober one day at a time for sometime, now. This here kind'a living arrangement or lifestyle, if you will, allows me the clarity of mind to see my way to my daily goal of putting first things first while still being open enough to allow for inventory takin' and correcting my own behavior as is deemed necessary to stay away from that first drinking spell. Easy Does It! Thanks to all of you for helping make this program available.


Member: Hugh  R-D
Location: S.wales
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 19:17:39

Comments

Iam one who came to believe,empasis on came,my own lack of humility and honesty was my big problem.Allways hid myself behind a wall to stop you knowing me so how could I come to belive.After 3 years in the fellowship 1973 to be eexact.Iwas staying in Spode house staffs on a retreat,just looking.A priest friend in AA walked me baqck through my life,as we talked I spoke honestly and slowly the barrier between me and God chainged from a brick wall to railings with agreen park beyond.Sudenly I stood in the meadow.didnt know to laugh or cry,Ifelt whole at last,it was ok to be me...I was free.We went ito a side chapel and repeated a mantra,God is love I am in gods love.Ican feel that moment of total humility ,honesty and love,To-day...I know the meaning of Bills 10 dollar word syncronisity.Ican see it now in all my life.so I Hugh even me came to believe I could and can not restore my self to sanity.one day at a time we are privaleged people.Thats all this my first time on this and I bet it shows,love to all.


Member: JCP
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 23:34:40

Comments

To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic, such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.

But it isn't so difficult. About half our original fellowship were of exactly that type. At first some of us tried to avoid the issue, hoping against hope we were not true alcoholics. But after a while we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life -- or else.

Page 44


Member: Chris M.
Location: SCcoast
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 13:21:55

Comments

Chris Alcoholic. Step 2 was particularly tough for me. Like many of us I had written the entire possibility of a God that was running the show. During my first three or four months of sobriety I was blessed in many ways and was also able to witness many miracles. I was too stubbourn and blind to recognize these miracles at the time. Looking back now they seem to all make sense. The events occuring immediately before and after my drying out period show me still the proof of a God that loves me. Now three years later I feel that I am embroiled in similar struggles to my initial athiesm. I am at a point now that I believe in God,who loves me and wishes a fruitful life for me. My problem now is figuring out how to regain the closeness with God I once felt, and to be able to truly turn my will over to him in the morning. The saying goes "Faith without works is dead". That totally describes my situation now. I guess I am having a hard time becoming willing to do the work that needs to be done on my spiritual self. I will continue to pray that I may find the humility and drive to get through this. I know God will deliver me from this if I allow him.Thank you for allowing me to share.


Member: Joan W
Location: Upstate NY
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 21:27:26

Comments

Hi Everyone;

I am an alcoholic and my name is Joan.

All I can say is WOW!!! What a great read this has been tonight. I felt the tenseness leave and the peaceful feeling return... Thank you all and Hugh, your first post was beautiful. Joel your post brought me to tears. What a perfect illustration of the fellowship of AA.

I guess I was blessed because I came into sobriety with a belief in a Higher Power. My pain came from believing that He had given up on me and left. That is where my feeling of abject lonliness came from. Never in my life have I felt such aloneness as at the end of my drinking.

So in this step the leap of faith for me was believing that God 'could and would' do anything for this sick, sorry soul. That was where the fellowship came in. In meetings I heard experience, strength and hope, and slowly I had an awakening that instead of just being dry, I might be able to find some of the peace and serenity that those I listened to had found.

I learned that God had not deserted me, that as someone said here, he was waiting outside the door, waiting for me to let him back into my heart and soul. The sober people in AA meetings gently showed me how to take that leap, and walked with me. Those first promising words I heard have been true for me, I have never HAD to drink again and I have NEVER been alone again.

Thank you all and thank you God.

God Bless us every one, Love, Joan


Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, MA, USA
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 22:53:07

Comments

Steve F., alcoholic

I have 116 days in AA, and Step 2 is very important to me. I did most of my heavy drinking many years ago. The worst was when I was about 35. I didn't drink every day or all the time, but when I drank, I drank as much as I could, as fast as I could. I used coke, amphetamines and crystal meth so I could drink more before I blacked out or passed out. That was the first time I admitted to myself that I had a drinking problem, and the first time I tried to quit (without AA). I lasted about 3 months.

After that, I stopped using drugs, but I continued to struggle with periodic heavy drinking for 5 or 6 more years. When I was 41, I tried to quit again (still without AA). This time I made it several months. I then embarked upon a long period of so-called "control drinking". I had a list of rules a mile long - don't drink every day, never drink on Sunday, don't drink until after dinner, only drink beer, only a certain number of beers, etc. etc. etc. Sometimes I went weeks without drinking.

I did such a good job of "controlling" my drinking for more than 10 years that I very nearly had a nervous breakdown last Fall (at age 52). Fortunately, I got really drunk about 4 months ago, by drinking like I did 15-20 years ago (i.e., as much as I could, as fast as I could, until I passed out). When I got home - the next morning - I "knew" what my problem was, and I "knew" what to do about it. I called AA and found out the time and place of the nearest meeting. I take no credit for doing any of this. It was all the work of a power greater than myself.

When I walked into my first meeting, I read the steps on the wall, and I was particularly drawn to Step 2. I already knew about the power greater than myself. That's how I got to AA. I was very hopeful to see that Step 2 held out the possibility of sanity. If all it had said was that God could keep me from drinking, I would not have been that impressed with AA - but sanity - that was important to me. I admit it seemed like a tall order at the time.

I have nearly 4 months in AA now, and although I know I have a long way to go, I already feel some measure of sanity in my life. I accept that I have the disease of alcoholism. Given the mental problems I suffered from last year, it was not hard for me to accept that alcoholism is, in part, a mental illness. That's important for me to remember.

I now go to about 4-6 AA meetings a week. I have joined a home group, and have started going out on speaking commitments. I have read through the Big Book several times. I pray every morning for the knowledge of God's will for me, and the power to carry it out. At night, I thank God for helping me through the day without a drink or a drug. It works for me, so I don't question it or wonder why. I accept it.

It is great to see people like Joe A. at this site with 28 years of sobriety. That gives me a lot of hope. If I can put together 28 years, I'll be 80 years old. God willing, I'll make it, one day at a time. I know it will be the best 28 years of my life.

It's also great to see so many other newcomers coming to this site every day. If you think you have a problem with alcohol, I hope you'll consider trying an AA meeting. If you're not an alcoholic, you have nothing to lose. If you are an alcoholic, you'll never regret it.

Thank you everyone, for the opportunity to share.


Member: Pat F.
Location: Sarasota, FL
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 12:27:17

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Pat, and I am an alcoholic. I did not have a problem with step 2. In fact, I felt relieved when I read it. My understanding of my higher power has changed quite a bit in my 16 years of sobriety. It is always giving me new lessons and information. Some of those lessons have been hard ones! But I now know that nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. God has plans for me that are still evolving and I find new aspects to my relationship with my higher power all the time. I think God (literally) for my sobriety and my life today.


Member: Julia J
Location: New Jersey
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 12:39:59

Comments

Hi, I'm Julia and I'm an Alcoholic I have always believed in God, but never in a personal since. I was raised in a specific church and continued to practice that religion. When I was drinking I would ask God for forgiveness every morning and promise not to drink again. I felt that all the bad things that happened to me, and by my bottom my life was pretty dark, were a direct result of my being a very bad person. I now get on my knees every morning and ask for God's help and guidance for that day. I do struggle with believing that God will actually restore me to sanity and that God actually will accept and love me for who I am today and what with God's help I will become, One Day At A Time without taking a drink. It's much easier for me to accept God into my life when things are going well and when I don't call to mind the suffering in the world around me. Mostly though, I have the most difficulty when I feel that I am not do the right thing. If I am holding onto resentments or judgements or fears I turn away from God and act out on whatever negativity I have opened the door to. I am working on turning to God, opening the door of willingness and faith in times that are challenging and painful. This is my road to sanity, I know that because peace enters my life when I open the door to my Higher Power. Thank you for letting me share, this meeting has really changed my day!


Member: Julia J
Location: New Jersey
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 12:40:33

Comments

Hi, I'm Julia and I'm an Alcoholic I have always believed in God, but never in a personal since. I was raised in a specific church and continued to practice that religion. When I was drinking I would ask God for forgiveness every morning and promise not to drink again. I felt that all the bad things that happened to me, and by my bottom my life was pretty dark, were a direct result of my being a very bad person. I now get on my knees every morning and ask for God's help and guidance for that day. I do struggle with believing that God will actually restore me to sanity and that God actually will accept and love me for who I am today and what with God's help I will become, One Day At A Time without taking a drink. It's much easier for me to accept God into my life when things are going well and when I don't call to mind the suffering in the world around me. Mostly though, I have the most difficulty when I feel that I am not do the right thing. If I am holding onto resentments or judgements or fears I turn away from God and act out on whatever negativity I have opened the door to. I am working on turning to God, opening the door of willingness and faith in times that are challenging and painful. This is my road to sanity, I know that because peace enters my life when I open the door to my Higher Power. Thank you for letting me share, this meeting has really changed my day!


Member: Jack C wanderers 3
Location: Friendship Wi
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 15:54:12

Comments

Hello everybody. I am jack c from wanderers three a group of we's. WE CAME TO BELIEVE; WE WE CAME WE CAME TO WE CAME TO BELIEVE

WERE WE INSANE ? I STILL AM TO SOME DEGREE AND NEED DAILY HELP TO STAY ON THE RIGHT TRACK. Yes I a an alcoholic and will be one the rest of my life. I need AA therest of my life. Step one---I can't Step two---HE can step three---I'll gladly let HIM.


Member: Susie.M
Location: Austraila
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 21:44:02

Comments

Hi I'm Susie and I'm a Alcoholic. It has been great reading though everyones shares. I have been soba for 8 years and this is my 1st time sharing on the net. I thinks it's great. I will return.


Member: Pam
Location: New England
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 10:34:24

Comments

Hi everyone. My name is Pam and I am an alcoholic.

Step 2 is very easy for me to accept. Although at times it seemed to me that when I was drinking, God had "put me on hold", I know that He was there protecting me from myself and the disasterous consequences that could have come from one of my binges.

Each time I have fallen off the wagon (and believe me, there have been plenty) He has always given me the strength to pick myself up and start over again at day one.

I know now that I was projecting too far into the future....trying to break my old "sobriety record"....thinking "I can go three years this time". I am using the approach of "One Day At A Time", which I guess I never fully understood before how important it is to focus on JUST TODAY.

Anyway, I am in day 9 of a fragile sobriety and with the strength I ask for every morning from my higher power, I will focus on only day 9!

Thanks to all for your inspirational posts - they give me great hope.......Pam


Member: Robert J.
Location: Sunporch,Nebraska
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 12:46:25

Comments

I got court ordered into A.A.,2 meetings a week for one year.I did NOT want to say that I was an alcoholic.I would go to meetings and mostly just listen,I fought with everything that A.A. stands for.Some things started happening that I didn't fully notice until later...1.I wasn't having seizures and convulsions anymore 2.I wasn't drinking 3.One night I felt a presence in my bedroom that scared the shit out of me! All of these things together made it easier for me to accept a Power greater than any human thing I had ever known,but more importantly I was able to pray and ask for guidance,it SLOWLY started to seem like the right thing to do.Did I fake it ? No.You might be wondering how I stayed sober. In our Big Book there is a suggestion that I think explains my sobriety to me,it is..carrying our message to other alcoholics,I got asked to chair a meeting in a correctional facility at 9 months of sobriety..the feeling of actually having something to give ,rather than take produced a spiritual awakening in me that keeps me involved in 12th step work to this day.Did I work the steps correctly and in order,probably not,no apoligies but maybe you shouldn't forget that this is just my opinion...I'm human I still make mistakes,but thanks to my faith in a Higher Power, I haven't desired or needed to take a drink in over 8 years,thank you for letting me share.


Member: David D.
Location: NC
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 01:31:28

Comments

This is my first time here so bear with me. My wife is having a really tough time with alchohol and I have not helped at all. I don't know where to turn. She has begun staying out alone and coming home drunk. She believes she is an alchoholic and I just might have a problem too. We are a young couple and need some expert help before our marriage falls apart.


Member: David P.
Location: Kent, Wash.
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 02:00:00

Comments

Hi, I'm David and I'm an alcoholic. David, if you believe you are an alcoholic, then take do something about it for yourself. You can't fix your wife or your marriage but can help yourself. Call A.A. It should be in the phone book in your area. Ask them for help and see if someone can take you to your first meeting. This program is a loving and caring program. I know because I have been here for some time know and if it didn't work I would still be drinking.

The step this week is how a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. For me, drinking was crazy. Drinking lost many friends for me, a relationship that was very important to me, almost lost a job over it, and the funny thing was I woke up sick most of the time, did things that were VERY embarassing, things that I thought I could never live with. But I have. I have a wife, two wonderful children, and many friends, most in the A.A. program. I have been here quite some time but I still only have today to be sober and to me, that day is a miracle, considering what I came from.

The first step last week was "we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and our lives have becom unmanageable", If this is how you feel, then you are in the right place. This step I take every day. I am powerless over alcohol and with it my life is truly unmanageable. Good luck, David, and you must know this-the only person important in A.A. is the newcomer. Without you, all of us would have no purpose. A very dangerous thing for us recovering alcoholics. To survive we must help the alcoholic who still suffers. May your God be with you.


Member: MaryJ
Location: Seattle
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 21:11:35

Comments

Hi,

I'm Mary and an alcoholic. I think step 2 is early in the 12 steps for a reason and reading through the above comments helps to validate my reasoning. For some reason many people in the area I live in have a huge problem with this and it has been a real sticking point.

I can relate to those who have commented about always feeling there was a higher power. Sometime I feel closer and sometimes I feel farther away from my higher power. I'm always reminded that if I don't feel close to my higher power, it wasn't my higher power who moved.

David D, if you feel like you may have a problem, you probably do, so get help for yourself. get to a meeting or several meetings.

Thank you all for sharing.


Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 21:27:11

Comments

All of my life I had gone to church, but I never really embraced the idea of a higher power guiding me in every aspect of my daily life until coming to AA. It is such a help to have someone there to lean on in times of trouble as well as times of mere indecision and even happiness. I have come to think of Him as a constant companion, not just someone to run to in times of trouble, and I truly believe that has helped to restore some of my sanity. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Dick M
Location: Dallas
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 23:41:46

Comments

I am celebrating my 23rd birthday nest week and this is the first time I have seen thise meetings. I am amazed as to how much we are all alike as I read Julias comments. I would pray ever night to God to not let me drink so much and feel I was evil because I would drink. I now as God, in the morning to keep me sober today and thank him at night. Until I used the 2nd step and trusted God to run my day I got nowhere. I try to keep it simple and I have overcome every obstacle I feared while I was drunk.


Member: Michelle S
Location: Canada
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 01:31:01

Comments

sorry Im a newbie at this and am still trying to come to terms with step 1 . Comments were all very informative though.


Member: Avril G
Location: DRIFFIELD UK
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 05:24:53

Comments

My childhood was spent with an alcoholic mother who I can hear now, saying, "Avril the church is not a haven for saints - It is a school for sinners. The people who go out with someone else's husband on a Saturday night, go to church for forgiveness of their sins on Sunday, they are nothing but hypocrites, NO YOU CAN'T go to Sunday school!!" My maternal grandmother never set foot in a church, and it was looked down upon in our house, so I used to have to sneak in to Sunday school, without my parents knowledge, since my best friend had asked me to go and I really wanted to go. So, having been brought up with that attitude, there's little wonder I was a staunch agnostic/atheist (I'm still not sure I know the difference) Yesterday, I returned home from a spiritual retrea, in a Monastery in Leicester, UK (Mount St. Bernards) and it is an annual trip, with 11 other alkies in recovery. Dear God, if you are struggling to find a higher power (which is the reason I first ever went) go on one of these. I still do not do church on Sundays, but what I do do, is live a life according to my conscience, practising the AA principles in all my affairs, and today, I believe that THIS IS God's will for me, today. Four of us girls got together (we are all the same sponsorship chain) and shared almos a group step 5, I guess, and the whole retreat was so cleansing, emotionally and spiritually. This is how I re-affirm that God is still active in my life, since I believe that when a group of alkies talk, GOD listens in ALWAYS. It's his way of knowing what it is Avril needs, when she forgets to ask him!! For 3 days I saw nothing but recovery taking place, and in idyllic surroundings, and talked to many of the monks, about why they felt they wanted to give their lives to this vocation. One young man at our meal table, a nurse, was there because he felt that he had had the calling, and that he was now visiting many monasteries, to observe and learn about that way of life, because he felt he wanted to join the order. (We swapped addresses before we left, and I am looking forward to hearing from him)

I have been unable to post here for ages, due to disconnection during my house move, so it is good to be back, and find all of you are still here. The book 'Came to believe' was an excellent source of inspiration to me when I was struggling to find God, but you know what?? As soon as I gave up the search for God, I found him!! I guess I musta been trying too hard.

God Loves all of us, and I love all of you, and thanks for being here.

Goodie@tesco.net (new friends are always welcome)


Member: David K
Location: Australia
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 09:32:08

Comments

Hi, David from Emerald, Queensland australia. The only power graeter than myself when drinking was BOOZE. I had a lot of problems with this step and 3. I believed that now booze was gone from my life then nothing left was more powerful. Within a short time I had become convinced that there had to be some power greater than myself to enable me to not drink and then stay stopped. I like the wording of step 2 as it was a slow and painful trip to the God of my understanding...

Love you all, may God bless each and everyone of you....

David, sober and loving it...


Member: robert j.
Location: sunporch,nebraska
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 11:59:12

Comments

Ooop's,I lied,,there was this one night,had this terrible toothache,the Mental Obsession told me to drink it away,friend on the phone told me I was full of shit..just makin an excuse to drink,No I didn't drink that night but with out a doubt the DESIRE was there. I learned that night about the cunning,the baffling the power that alcohol contained The Big Book was telling the truth,those knotheads at the meetings weren't lying either,the program and the Fellowship gained some respect for me that night sorry for talkin twice,I had to. NEWGUY"S the Big Book is our living manual, keep coming back you'll find a new way to live,one of the paybacks being a freedom to live the way you were supposed to be living all along,thanks for lettin me share...twice.


Member: A B
Location: Canada
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 17:47:57

Comments

Even admitting I was insane was its own challenge since I could not truly look at that possibility when I first came in. Such denial. Harder again was actually accepting the possibility, then the truth that I was/am insane whenever "I want what I want now!" Oh well, patience and listening and persevering are paying off day by day.

Tks,


Member: Richard  A G
Location: London  GB
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 21:02:50

Comments

Hello, I'm Richard alcoholic,gay,Mormon,depressive and Co-dependent. Wow

I believe in a higher power even though sometimes I make a joke of it.If it was not for my Heavenly Parents I would be dead.over 2 months ago I was on the verge of killing myself. I had everything set up.How ever being very depressed and easily distracted the telephone went and I completely forgot what Iwas up to. The next day in my alcholic haze I remembered. Two days later I was admitted in to hospital with severe depression. I drank because I was depressed. However I drank for 20 years. Yes I believe that a higher power than myself have stopped me drinking.

Thank you for a sober day


Member: buddy r.
Location: nc
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 01:19:08

Comments

to chris m sounds like you are already there Gods love and my prayers with you


Member: GordyG
Location: Malaysia
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 01:32:26

Comments

Came to believe......That's the part of the step some of us forget. I am a long time in this program and I still wait to be returned to sanity. Kind of a nice journey though. One of those steps I won't do perfectly but I will keep doing it anyway. When I got serious about this program and I was looking for a sponsor, I met this guy who on the surface seemed to be absolutely nuts. He had something I wanted and I chose him for my sponsor. He has twenty plus in this program and I never let him get too far away. Kind of protects my "sanity"....


Member: GordyG
Location: Malaysia
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 01:33:01

Comments

Came to believe......That's the part of the step some of us forget. I am a long time in this program and I still wait to be returned to sanity. Kind of a nice journey though. One of those steps I won't do perfectly but I will keep doing it anyway. When I got serious about this program and I was looking for a sponsor, I met this guy who on the surface seemed to be absolutely nuts. He had something I wanted and I chose him for my sponsor. He has twenty plus in this program and I never let him get too far away. Kind of protects my "sanity"....


Member: GordyG
Location: Malaysia
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 01:33:28

Comments

Came to believe......That's the part of the step some of us forget. I am a long time in this program and I still wait to be returned to sanity. Kind of a nice journey though. One of those steps I won't do perfectly but I will keep doing it anyway. When I got serious about this program and I was looking for a sponsor, I met this guy who on the surface seemed to be absolutely nuts. He had something I wanted and I chose him for my sponsor. He has twenty plus in this program and I never let him get too far away. Kind of protects my "sanity"....


Member: GordyG
Location: Malaysia
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 01:35:22

Comments

Sorry guys and gals. I did not mean to submit all those....