Member: tm
Location:
Date: 6/10/01
Time: 6:00:22 PM

Comments

well well well.................

today has been hell hell hell...............


Member: counter strike
Location:
Date: 6/10/01
Time: 6:03:02 PM

Comments

/\/\/\ /\/\/\ /\/\/\ /\/\/.\ /\/\/\/\ //\/

so long...............tim mcveigh............

may you be in peace on your long journey....,

its the nature of the beast........


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota , florida
Date: 6/10/01
Time: 9:20:03 PM

Comments

thank you god , for allowing me to make that list and giving me the power to nmake the amends.......amen..richard m.alcoholic


Member: Dry in the Desert
Location: Nevada
Date: 6/10/01
Time: 11:39:51 PM

Comments

Good Evening Everyone, my name is Walter and I am an Alcoholic !

Step Eight....terrifying !! "Made a list of all persons we had harmed....make direct amends...." Gasp !!

There was a story of a newcomer who was asked to read a portion of Chapter Five "How It Works"; when he got to Step Eight, he read it, paused and said " Holy Sh...t ! Do you see what that says !??"

And of course that is the reaction that most of us have......HOWEVER, if you read ALL the words, it say "and became WILLING to make amends."

As with other "two part' step, the willingness will bring the action.

It has been my experience that once I truly admitted my part in the harm and truly became willing, God put the person or situation right in front of me in a way that the amends became a natural part of my living sobriety. None of my amends have been painful and all have led to spiritual growth.

Do not be afraid of step eight (or four), just start writing !!

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Sam C
Location: San Francisco, CA
Date: 6/11/01
Time: 5:27:41 PM

Comments

How come were on step 8, did I miss a memo?


Member: Sam L
Location: Hong Kong
Date: 6/12/01
Time: 2:07:43 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Sam and I'm alocholic. Step 8 is properly the most important step for my recovery. I've been doing "the List" last couple days and it's a long list. I will do whatever I have to do to make it up whoever I had harmed in last few years.


Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 6/12/01
Time: 3:39:10 AM

Comments

Adam, alcoholic.

I had to discuss actually becoming willing to make amends beofre I could put pen to paper. I had to talk about first, what kinds of harm people do each other (like it says in the 12 and 12) and then I had to discuss what could be done about it. Doing this really made it easier to write that list, and I am glad my sponsor was there to guide me.

Grateful to be here and to be sober


Member: Pat S
Location: Michigan
Date: 6/12/01
Time: 12:52:56 PM

Comments

I am Pat, Alcoholic. This is the place where I become accountable for the harm I have caused other people. It is me confronting me, in black and white without rationalization or putting myself at the top of the list. (I heard Father Martin say that once.) This for me means making the list from my 4th step, reviewing it with HP and my sponsor and praying for the willingness to put into action in step 9 what I just completed in step 8. I can say without question that this step saved my life, and continues to work miracles for me today. Because I have meaningful relationships today, I will have difficulties and miracles. Step 8 provides the means to be able to see myself as I am, and be willing to work with others to grow.


Member: Von
Location: Ohio
Date: 6/12/01
Time: 2:35:15 PM

Comments

Step 8 is a two part step. It took me forever to understand that. Within a week of my 7th step, I made out my list, but truthfully, I was not willing to make amends. In hindsight, I believe I was willing to make the list, but not willing to make amends.

But as I continued in the program, situations arose that strengthened my faith and foundation and over time, I became willing to make amends. Often I made direct amends that I didn't realize I made until I grew a little more and could recognize what I did later.

One of the things that I have learned from others is simply being willing to say "I'm sorry" is not enough. Today, becoming willing to make amends asks of me to be willing to change my thoughts, my words, my actions, and my behaviors. Becoming willing allows my Higher Power to work in my life and direct my thoughts and my actions.

Like all previous steps, though I "did" this step, I've being "doing" it ever since because as I continue to grow in the program of AA, the depth of my willingness and the quality of my spirituality makes me a more consistent person. My willingness to follow through on things becomes a more automatic, confident action.

I still have my amends list and I accept that it will take time for everything to finally be crossed off, especially since I have the knack of adding new things when I go through my "self-will run riot" phases and "step on the toes of my fellows".

But I don't view the list as a reason to beat up myself up, or a "shame and guilt thermometer". Today, I see the list with regret and love, for them and for me.

Has anyone ever told you about when you make amends for things that weren't even on the list? But that's for next time.


Member: sue
Location:
Date: 6/12/01
Time: 5:41:01 PM

Comments

im horny totay,what can i do?


Member: big bob
Location:
Date: 6/12/01
Time: 7:42:56 PM

Comments

sue use the dildonics


Member: lulu
Location:
Date: 6/12/01
Time: 8:53:53 PM

Comments

swallow=======================0.......


Member: rachel
Location: york
Date: 6/12/01
Time: 8:54:45 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Rachel an alcoholic. Being willing to make amends is hard for me. I'm not sure what amends I need to make. So I feel stuck. I need to go backj to 6 and work my way to 8. If I'm having problems with a step I try to go back to the last place that I knew what was going on. thanks for another day sober. I'm grafeful. Rachel


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 6/13/01
Time: 2:12:10 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic.Step eight is just about becoming willing to repair the wreckage of our past.A majority of my past was revealed to me in my fourth step, however there were some that accumulated during my first seven years of sobriety when I was just not drinking and only giving lip service to the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.I don't get into the politics of who does/does not belong on the eight step list.For me I allowed my conscience to be my guide.If someone/something was occupying space in my conscience, it needed to be dealt with.As it says in one of the promises, we will come to understand the word serenity and know peace.If my conscience is bothering me, then I will never have the miracle of this promise. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.


Member: Allison V.
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 6/13/01
Time: 7:40:11 AM

Comments

One of the reasons that got me thinking that I had a major problem with alcohol is that I used to have friends and neighbors that I spoke with on a regular basis. Over time, and many drunks, I did and said things that I thought were not heard. I'm sure I've hurt them in some way because I was a sloppy drunk. I prayed for God to help me find a way to mend these broken friendships over and over. Now, only after I stopped drinking, can I actually think that I might be able to begin to make amends.

Jack...you helped me with your saying, "If someone/something was occupying space in my conscience, it needed to be dealt with." I truelly understand that. There are things popping up in my mind everyday that I need to deal with. I was unsure that there were things I was willing to repair...I now feel like I have a slace to start. Thank you. I look forward to the promise.


Member: John W.
Location: Springfield IL
Date: 6/13/01
Time: 11:02:52 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm John a grateful recovery alcoholic. The list should be very simple since you should have already done a fourth step and listed already much about who you have caused harm to. You may have done a written 1st step as well, in it probably holds a number of people whom you have done harm to.

By now, meaning your at the 8th step, their should be a reasonable change in heart and attitude and a relationship with God. Therefore repentance of former ways will automatically bring about a willingness.

If your having trouble with willingness, I suggest trying to do a more thorough and honest approach to step three.

Wishing to all, Peace and blessings.


Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 6/13/01
Time: 11:37:01 AM

Comments

I live next to the ocean, sometimes(when I am full of "EGO") I need to go down to the ocean to see, hear and feel the 'healing power'. One day when I was down by the ocean...I overheard a little boy crying because he had a speck of blood on his leg and his parents could not understand his "FEAR". I understood the "FEAR"(the DNA of our blood is wrong) that we no longer run and play in the sand...seeing, hearing and feeling the "healing power". Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to the all. Keep coming back.


Member: mike H
Location: alaska
Date: 6/13/01
Time: 1:39:18 PM

Comments


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 6/13/01
Time: 4:44:01 PM

Comments

Step eight is hard to start. One hears at meet- ings "Work the Steps" This is only accurate to a point. Early on, one does much work accomplishing a goal of the next step. Later, it becomes "living" the program. Results are visible, yes, amazing. Both child- dren are now back to loving dad. In the past two weeks, two of three ex-wifes have contacted me, and we have met. All of them had good reason to never have anything to do with me again. As a result of living the program, life is much better than before, and actually fulfilling. To me especially, that is amazing. Admitting we are wrong, and owning up to it is easy, once we start. When making amends we must NOT forget forgiving oursselves! I person- ally felt better when I managed, and each time I managed to forgive myself for something I had done, or failed to do. It has been many 24 hours, but my daughter now lives with me. Her mother has sent the papers to end the child support to the court (three times - seems they don't believe it:)) My son has turned from wiolent hatred to warmth. My ex-wifes are kind and considerate. In every case where a face to face amends was made, the other parties reaction was a site to behold. I must have been a worse jerk than I've admitted to myself:) The parties I harmed, each one accepted my amends with grace. How I wish that I were so full of loving grace when it would have made a difference in the past. I do not wish to close the door on the past, but live now in the today. I love life now. I hope others here come to the same conclusion as they learn to live the program. Many prayers for those who are just beggin- ing. My hope is that you, too get to live to see what the program can do for a usless drunk. Mark W.


Member: C.J.  M
Location: Black Ankle.N.C.
Date: 6/13/01
Time: 7:31:48 PM

Comments

Hey everyone, I'm C.J. M a cross addicted alcoholic. Dry in the Desert said it all better than I could ever hope to.If I'm willing to keep doing the next right thing that my Higher Power whom I do chose to call GOD, keeps putting in front of me, I will acomplish my admends. I think it's a lifetime struggle.Thanks for letting me share, this is the next best thing to a meeting


Member: Andrea O
Location:
Date: 6/13/01
Time: 10:00:07 PM

Comments


Member: Andrea O
Location:
Date: 6/13/01
Time: 10:02:31 PM

Comments

I'm very alone because of all the persons I had harmed - primarily myself. I'm now afraid of people and primarily 13th steppers because I'm not sure how to do relationships right. I'm scared to become friends because I may hurt people - as much as I myself have been harmed by my drinking. Perhaps I need to make amends to me? Advice anyone?


Member: Andrea O
Location:
Date: 6/13/01
Time: 10:02:34 PM

Comments

I'm very alone because of all the persons I had harmed - primarily myself. I'm now afraid of people and primarily 13th steppers because I'm not sure how to do relationships right. I'm scared to become friends because I may hurt people - as much as I myself have been harmed by my drinking. Perhaps I need to make amends to me? Advice anyone?


Member: Andrea O
Location:
Date: 6/13/01
Time: 10:02:35 PM

Comments

I'm very alone because of all the persons I had harmed - primarily myself. I'm now afraid of people and primarily 13th steppers because I'm not sure how to do relationships right. I'm scared to become friends because I may hurt people - as much as I myself have been harmed by my drinking. Perhaps I need to make amends to me? Advice anyone?


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 6/14/01
Time: 12:11:55 AM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks for sincere shares!

I worked off my 4th Step list when compiling my 8th Step list, beginning with family. I then moved on to friends and acquaintances and then institutions, the latter something I did reluctantly.

I think one key in making this list is working with one's sponsor. My sponsor really offered some helpful guidance here, and I'd suggest to any newcomers to stick close to their sponsor when taking this Step.


Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 6/14/01
Time: 2:55:06 AM

Comments

I'm Chuck, an alcoholic

Step 8. Make a list of the people I have Harmed(hurt,damaged). This does not include people I owe an apology for being an a--hole, they were not harmed. This reduced my list to a reasonable level (I am not that great).

To be right with my God I must be willing to make Amends(compensation, restitution or reparations). To become willing is the last stage in my return to sanity(mental health).

The actual amends are for the other person's benefit. I get a benefit because I am doing God's will.

Peace and Serenity


Member: gravely concerned
Location: everywhere
Date: 6/14/01
Time: 3:36:55 AM

Comments

"step 8 is a 2 part step" as von boldly goes where many have gone before- up the wrong path. sorry von you've got it wrong. might I suggest something?! read the Step as it's written. is that so difficult? what does it actually say? "made a list of people we had harmed....". we've already made a list,von! "we have(past tense)a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends" ( p.p.76 b/book). "when did we take inventory"? asks the newcomer. "we made it when we took inventory" (p.p.76). when did we take inventory? In Step 4. Q. where do you get your ideas from von? it's not A.A? IS IT? if you want to spout you're version of this Programme, go set up you're own site, " as von sees it" perhaps. you arrogant, irresponsible fool! moral of the story? if you want to recover, read the Steps as they are written and stick to the B/Book. God blesses you.


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 6/14/01
Time: 7:36:16 AM

Comments

Andrea O You are not alone. You have the same problem many do, did. The fourth and fifth steps will show you that you are a valuable human. Get a sponsor. Work the steps. You will find that your sponsor has thick skin, and is very much like you. The discussions you have with the sponsor will be confidential, and you will find that she (note the pronoun) has some of the same troubles that you do. In fact, you will find that you are very similar people. My fourth step revealed to me that I was afraid of nearly everything, and was running away to the drink. I am not afraid today, and am much happier than in the past. Do go to a face to face meeting. Try a temporary sponsor. My home group always offers temporary sponsorship, so that those that are afraid will not feel committed. I hope that you find yourself, as we are most all very good people when we let ourselves out of the shell we have built for ourselves. Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: god
Location:
Date: 6/14/01
Time: 1:20:27 PM

Comments

gravely concerned: everywhere:

LEAVE VON ALONE YOU COWARD!!!


Member: no mo homos
Location:
Date: 6/15/01
Time: 12:21:46 PM

Comments

i think homos are weird


Member: jose
Location:
Date: 6/15/01
Time: 3:14:31 PM

Comments

yes they are


Member: Karen
Location: UK
Date: 6/15/01
Time: 4:20:37 PM

Comments

Is it your sponsors' responsibility to decide how you make amends? I owned up to some childhood stealing and was told by my sponsor that I had to make a donation to charity as an amends. She told me how much I had to donate and I agreed as I felt I had to. Its more than I can afford right now.

I feel also that now I have told her everything she is telling me who I have to make amends to. I'm not sure if this feels right.


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis USA
Date: 6/16/01
Time: 10:56:16 AM

Comments

Karen, Are you being tested?? Pray on the subject. Did you not start by being willing to do anything to get sober, and stay that way? Talk to your sponsor and determine whether these are suggestions...... I suggest to my sponsees. Sometimes forcefully. When you were stealing as a child, did the party you stole from need or desire the item(s) stolen? Afford?????? How much did you spend on alcohol? More than you will be donating???? Reservations do come up. How bad do you want the guilt gone? Don't give up before the miracle. Many of us have been complainers. Myself included. I can tell you today, that I'd rather be living in my car from giving everything else away, than in the gutter from drinking it away:) It is easy to do what I must today. It was not always this way. Love to all here, and Karen, please realize that the gift of sobriety is far greater than non alcoholics will ever know. See, you have the promise of a gift that nothing else matches. Believe me, it IS worth the effort:) Mark W.


Member: MELVIN BUTT MUNCHER
Location:
Date: 6/16/01
Time: 1:58:16 PM

Comments

BABABABABA BOO

SCARED YOU DIDNT I?


Member: Isobel D
Location: Australia
Date: 6/17/01
Time: 3:37:45 AM

Comments

This Step may take a long time to complete.We may be able to make a list but becoming willing may take a long time.I did damage to others but others did damage to me and it takes a long time to realise that you were responsible as well.Bill writes about this in the 12x12 - whenever we ponder a broken or twisted relationship immediately our emotions go on the defensive.To escape looking at the wrongs we have done another we resentfully focus on the wrongs he has done us.This is especially true if he has in fact, behaved badly at all.Triumphantly we seize upon his misbehavior as the perfect excusse for minimizing or forgetting our own.So have another look at your list and see if everyone is on there and forget about Step 9 for the time being.


Member: Norm P
Location: Indiana
Date: 6/17/01
Time: 5:56:24 AM

Comments

Almost every time I worked a step,I made it far more complicated than it really was. Same goes for Step 8. The list has already been made(in Step 4)and the biggest obstacle is willingness. We may feel we don't owe them anything and the time may not be right. Also,sometimes we forget something in Step 4(or have done something since then)that we are not proud of and this is our opportunity to catch up. And,no,it ain't time to beat ourselves up and scare ourselves to death. Didn't we already do that when we were drinking. In Step 8,we aren't actually doing anything;the hardest part is,as always,changing our attitude as we prepare for the next step.


Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: detroit
Date: 6/17/01
Time: 6:20:26 AM

Comments

I did step 8 with my sponsor 8? years ago. Came up with a list of 26 people I had harmed. But, you know what, I don't think I did the second part of this step...became WILLING to make amends to them all. I think that part involves forgiveness (or myself and them) and I need to go back and do that part first, then it will be much easier for me to do step 9 which is mostly undone for me. Thanks.