Member: Pam B
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: 5/13/01
Time: 11:36:47 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Pam, an alcoholic,

I had never in my life admitted to a thing nor had I ever let anyone know real feelings about anything (other than acting out anger) so the idea of TELLING another human being about me was more than terrifying. But my sponsor pointed out in the BB if we do not do this, we will drink again - and that equally terrified me. (caught between the rock & a hard place . . . )

The only choice was to Trust God & just do it. When we met, my sponsor prayed for us & that helped alot. I was still very nervous thru the whole thing, but I got thru it. Thank God!

Some are expecting to feel mountains move & the earth tremble upon completing Step 5. I did not. What I felt was overwhelming RELIEF that is was over. I immediately went home to do my Step 6 - more than willing to have God remove all my defects of character & get on with the remainder of the steps because I never wanted to have to do that again!

By the time I had begun making some of my amends in Step 9, I began seeing the results, changes in me, new freedom, etc - amazed to discover feeling okay about myself as a person, okay with God & feeling "a part of" rather than "apart from" - no better & no worse than any others. Just me & that is OKAY - a New Happiness I'd never known before this.

Over the years I've done Step 5's at times over again, and they are not the terrifying fear the 1st had been, because I know the freedom & happiness for me that will result. Thank you for letting me share. Pam


Member: baker
Location: Canada
Date: 5/14/01
Time: 9:46:13 AM

Comments

Good morning now we start into the part of the program were the changes happen.Again I must admit I only understood "simple". Admited to God (he knew I was bent) Admited to another person (my Sponser really knew I was a basket case) BUT to admit to(I), ! that I was anything less than perfect! wow. THat took some time, but when done I had a starting point to re build,and correct these wrongs.

keep on trudging.


Member: Jeff S
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 5/14/01
Time: 10:19:42 AM

Comments

Please Help! Exact nature of my wrongs will kill me. Spent last 1 1/2 hours on x sites. Missed my morning meeting. Feel guilty for my actions. Feels like the disease is creeping back in me. Character defect of lust is one of my worst defects.

Would appreciate any comments or experience, strength and hope. I do not want to relapse.

Jeff S


Member: Jeff S
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 5/14/01
Time: 10:20:25 AM

Comments

Please Help! Exact nature of my wrongs will kill me. Spent last 1 1/2 hours on x sites. Missed my morning meeting. Feel guilty for my actions. Feels like the disease is creeping back in me. Character defect of lust is one of my worst defects.

Would appreciate any comments or experience, strength and hope. I do not want to relapse.

Jeff S


Member: Evin D
Location: S Florida
Date: 5/14/01
Time: 3:36:13 PM

Comments

My name is Evin and I'm an alcoholic. I am responding to Jeff from Los Angeles cry for help.

I was caught up in a similar cycle some years ago. I needed a change, something to do with my life while I sobered up. Boredom led me to x-browsing. So I went to meetings and stayed away from the Internet.

I got up early, changed my lifestyle and got a change of scenery in a AA meetings. I made friends there, got a sponsor. I went out afterwards for coffee with people I met there. I fought to get my life back. And it took time, it was a gradual process.

Call your sponsor and talk this over with him. If you don't have a sponsor get one today. Go to a meeting and ask someone to volunteer as a temporary sponsor. Our fellowship is one of unity and togetherness. You are not unique in your concerns.

Hope this helps. Don't drink, go to meetings and say the serenity prayer. It gets me out of many binds.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."


Member: Baker
Location: Canada
Date: 5/14/01
Time: 5:23:18 PM

Comments

Hey Jeff Talk to your sponser now. Admiting to the "macho" defect of character is usually a cover for something much more serious. This is were the 4th step is most valuable.Start digging!

keep trudging


Member: Donna A.
Location: So. CA
Date: 5/14/01
Time: 6:11:41 PM

Comments

I'm a grateful alcoholic named Donna. To Jeff, I too had a problem with lust in the beginning of my recovery carried over from my alcoholism. I think you'll find that it won't be the women that will save you, they are as sick the men in early sobriety. I had to take some suggestion and get hooked into women's meetings instead of mixed meetings. So you might try to go to men's meetings.

Taking the fifth step was very hard for me because I had never told the whole truth to anyone. since taking my fifth step, I have been able to stay honest with others as well as with myself. It was a hard step, but more benificial to me then I can tell you. The truth may be hard sometimes but I know get results in my life instead of consequences as a result of it.


Member: ROO
Location:
Date: 5/14/01
Time: 6:23:43 PM

Comments

5TH STEP WITH PRIEST MANY TIMES IN 12 YRS BUT THE FIRST TIME I WAS FULL OF FEAR SHAKING NERVOUS BUT I KNEW I HAD TO CLEAN THE SLATE MY DARKESS SECRETS WITH PAIN CAME RELIEF THAT I DIDNT HAVE TO CARRY THAT BAGGAGE AROUND ANYMORE IT OPEN ME UP TO CHANGE FREE FROM THE SELF THIS DISEASE CENTERS IN THE MIND AND I NEED TO KEEP THAT UP FRONT AT ALL COST THANK YOU FOR FOR BEING HERE FOR ME TO ALL IN HERE HAVE A NICE DAY


Member: tee he he
Location: wheres lulu
Date: 5/14/01
Time: 6:44:50 PM

Comments

not an alter boy roo


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 5/14/01
Time: 11:21:19 PM

Comments

I am an alcoholic denial and lies usually became a part of my life style until i started AA now accepting my responsibilties and being honest to myself is first to admit when ever i am wrong it prevents me from going and having a guilt trip later and I feel better about myself. Thanks to all AA members and there support


Member: Missy R.
Location: NC
Date: 5/15/01
Time: 12:17:23 AM

Comments

Hey Missy here; alcoholic and addict. That admitting that I had a problem with alcohol and pills was hard to do, even to myself. Then I learned that I had to admit it to others as well both in meetings and out. I have no problems with admitting the problems in meetings with others who understand but I still have problems telling friends and family members. I am struggling daily with this and I pray constantly for strenght and for guidance. It does get easier each time I tell my story and each person seems to understand at least part of what each of us goes thru.


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 5/15/01
Time: 2:12:36 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic.Step five for me is really one of the most critical steps in our twelve step program.Step four we learn about ourselves, and in my case I learned a little about who I was and a whole lot about who I wasn't.If we are to find peace, we need to accept ourselves as we are,no better no worst than anyone else.Once we can accept ourselves, we must allow our past to become just that- our past.By talking openly and freely with God and another person we gain humility by allowing ourselves to accept us, good, the bad, and the indifferent.Talking with another person is critical, because if our past remains inside us, we will never ever find the promise that talks about comprehending serenity and finding peace. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.


Member: Charlie D.
Location: South Korea
Date: 5/15/01
Time: 2:52:30 AM

Comments

My name is Charlie and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for close to 16 years. I would like to tell you a little experience I have had with my Fifth Step. It all has to do with honesty, as far as I'm concerned. In the beginning, I though I was being honest with you, and I could tell you what I thought my problems, my character defects, and my ideas were, or even what yours were for that matter. I'd tell anyone anything, and did so freely. But it wasn't until I became thoroughly honest with myself, and humbly admitted to myself that I wasn't the most perfect person that I thought I was, and uncovered and saw the flaws and the recurring damage that I was creating for my fellow human beings, that the real and final Fifth Step came to realization. I did my Fifth Step, finally, after several years of disengenuous attempts at avoiding the truth with many others, with a wonderful lady who was my spiritual advisor. I remember that after I was completely truthful with ONE human being, solely, and did so without holding anything back, that I found relief from all that haunting guilt and shame that I had been carrying around with me for so many years. It was truly the Step that put me "on the broad highway" towards recovery. The Steps have changed my life, and I try to "practice these principles" in "all of my affairs" today. It's not easy. Most of all, because I'm still human, and will never be any better than that no matter how much I progress spiritually. No matter how hard I may try, I will never be perfect. All I can do is try, and that's all that God asks of me, is that I try. I humbly believe that I'm a spiritual being enjoying a human experience, and was given the "grace" to have a life that overcomes my alcoholism, in action, thought and in deed. Thank you, God, and thank you, AA, for letting me discover a better way of life, both sober and sane. The quality of my life keeps improving, and to repeat my sponsor: "It just keeps getting better." I'm very, very grateful. Thank you for letting me share.


Member: Tim F.
Location: Japan
Date: 5/15/01
Time: 10:55:30 AM

Comments

To Jeff S.

Keep communicating with others about what's happening in this area. I lost a job from acting out what I had been thinking about (and looking at), and for me alcohol was the detonator to this time bomb inside. Don't let it explode on you, too.

God bless


Member: Raleigh W.
Location: Washington, D.C.
Date: 5/15/01
Time: 1:11:55 PM

Comments

Before taking step five, I lived with the pain of being unique, figthing that lonliness that only we alcoholics know; for all of my secrets and actions in the past (and present) would probably have gotten me arrested, or at least rejected if you knew, if anyone knew the real me. Writing down my secrets, and sharing them with another human being did not give me the immediate freedom that I had heard others share about... what it gave me was a sense of belonging, and a sense that I could be forgiven. Somehow thinking about my defects, and theorizing about them did not have the same effect as writing them down. My past, which used to torment me, became my ally. Because in here our pasts help us to relate to one another, and places me in a unique position to be of assistance to another sick and suffering alcoholic; like my friend Jeff. Jeff, I too struggle with that sort of addiction, and it is as all-emcompassing and all-powerful as the alcohol. Even worse it embarressed me and I felt that I could not be honest with my sponsor. But the fifth step paved the road to communication which allowed me to have the freedom to take the action to change my behavior. While I am powerless over alcohol and my thoughts, I am not powerless over my actions. There is a choice; just as there was with drinking, when I admit complete defeat. And it becomes a sixth step issue of "How much pain is enough?" Will I choose comfort or character-building? Will I call my sponsor when in the middle of a compulsion, or will I continue to fight it on my own? This is the exact line from which we leave our own self-will and move towards God's ideal for us. In the moment, it never seems like the right thing to do to reach out; just like when I am depressed and it feels like the worst thing in the world to get out of bed. God cannot enter where I will not open myself to him. And as long as I place things in front of him and between myself and my relationships with other people just that much longer do I stay unique and different and alone. I can relate, I have been there. There is a different way. You don't have to act out today, one day at a time; I believe that you are worth saving. Thank you for letting me share.


Member: sandy
Location:
Date: 5/15/01
Time: 8:45:32 PM

Comments

what is oral sex mean?


Member: jose
Location:
Date: 5/15/01
Time: 10:30:38 PM

Comments

12 inchs of pole


Member: Michael
Location: AZ
Date: 5/15/01
Time: 11:18:36 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!

I did the 5th Step with my sponsor, and I, like Pam, did not have an earth-shattering experience. My 4th Step, for some reason, was more compelling. Neverthless, the 5th Step was another key step in removing, from me, the chains of the past.


Member: Howarrd H
Location:
Date: 5/16/01
Time: 3:03:37 PM

Comments

Hi, My name is Howard, and I am an alcoholic. Many years ago when I took my fifth step, it was the step I dreaded most. Yet it turned out to be the easiest step. All I had to do was read what I had written in my fourth step.

I wrote about fifty pages. It took me three Sunday afternoons to read it all to my sponsor. When I finished, he said 'all right, where is the good stuff? What you told me is all bad stuff about yourself. Let's hear the good stuff."

I said, "There isn't any good stuff."

He mad me go back and spend a whole week on good stuff. I could only come up with half a page. That's kind of sad that I could write fifty pages of bad stuff about myself, but only a half a page of good stuff.

If I did it over today, there would be a lot more good stuff and a lot less bad stuff, not because I am so much better, but because I see myself differently.

I am grateful to be here today; I am grateful to be anyplace alive and sober today, but I am especially grateful to be here.

Thank you.


Member: bugsbunny
Location:
Date: 5/16/01
Time: 4:41:21 PM

Comments

pepper ann


Member: sonia and cat
Location: uk
Date: 5/16/01
Time: 8:49:42 PM

Comments

Hello World

I havent done my fifth step yet, but it doesnt hold any fear for me today, maybe i waited to long to do it. I know who i am and where i came from, I believe i know my faults. I do feel free today, free to be me. If i look inside i find a human being. Never couls accept that i wasnt perfect, i thought i had to be, i know today that i dont, I know today that not every one likes me and i dont like everyone. But i also know that no matter who needed help, if i could give it i would.

It was very hard to not judge myself harshly, i would never judge another the way i judge myself.

Thankyou for being here.

me.sonia@ntlworld.com


Member: LDT
Location: Around
Date: 5/17/01
Time: 1:09:45 PM

Comments

You may admit the exact nature of your wrongs, but when will the world, whose people "are often quite wrong" ever admit theirs? But after all, who are you, in the stream of the never ending voices that crowd and cloud the atmosphere? Nobody but a stupid drunk, or ex-drunk who doesn't know where he is, or where he is going! So you ask, why do there have to be wars and Revolutions? And we reply; that wars and Revolutions are an expression of the impossibility of any political reconstruction of an interdependent world to an internationalism that can provide an adequate existence for all by rationalist methods! Logical arguments, even with proven statistical and historical facts, are indeed impotent against overbearing materialist interests! The present global political machinery that supports a supreme image of a prospering economy to mainly support personal wealth will let civilization perish rather than give up their insatiable hunger for more, at the expense of man's existential needs! A suicidal sickness indeed!! So much for "the world and its people."


Member: L.D.T.
Location: Around
Date: 5/17/01
Time: 1:21:44 PM

Comments

You may admit the nature of your wrongs, but when will the world and its people who „are often quite wrongš ever admit theirs? And, after all, who is interested in your wrongs? And who are you in the stream of never ending voices that crowd and cloud the atmosphere. A stupid drunk, or ex-drunk, who doesn‚t know where he is, or where he is going! So you ask, why are there wars and Revolutions? And we reply: that wars and Revolutions are an expression of the impossibility of any political reconstruction of an interdependent world to an internationalism that can provide an adequate existence for all by rationalist methods! Logical arguments, even with proven statistical and historical facts, are indeed impotent against overbearing materialist interests! The present global political machinery that supports a supreme image of a prospering economy to mainly support personal wealth will let civilization perish rather than give up their insatiable hunger for more, at the expense of man's existential needs! A suicidal sickness indeed!! So much for „the world and its people!!š


Member: dubbya
Location:
Date: 5/17/01
Time: 2:19:24 PM

Comments

Better stick to the decaf from now on LDT


Member: whoa, buddy!
Location:
Date: 5/17/01
Time: 7:02:40 PM

Comments

Hear!! Hear!! Somebody like the sound of their own ego!


Member: jose
Location:
Date: 5/18/01
Time: 7:35:48 PM

Comments

i like to masterbate.


Member: PEDRO
Location:
Date: 5/18/01
Time: 8:11:00 PM

Comments

JOSE YOUR A BAD MAN


Member: U NO WHO
Location:
Date: 5/18/01
Time: 9:33:29 PM

Comments

LULU WHERE ARTE YOU HIDING AT ,I HEARD YOU WERE IN JAIL HAVING A THREESOME WITH THE GUARDS...... ..............TEE-HE-HE


Member: cyd
Location:
Date: 5/18/01
Time: 10:51:14 PM

Comments

Hello everyone...just scrolling through all the messages and advice. I'm only 4 days sober but, I feel good about myself. I've been attending 2 meetings a day and am finally meeting people who have decided that I must be serious. I'm happy about that because it would be hard going through the steps and all the changes without the benefit of someone. I've pretty much left my "drinking friends" behind until I feel stronger about being in that situation...which may be awhile. Anyway, I'm having my ups and downs but, I'm asking for strength and guidance every minute of the day and today I was still sober. It's working. It kind of made me laugh though to see some of the childish comments made by people who are obviously not in the program, it seems they are worse off than we are and are crying out for attention from anyone who will give it. PS(I think LDT was on the totally wrong web site...unless of course he's drunk.)


Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: detroit
Date: 5/19/01
Time: 7:13:10 AM

Comments

I did my 'official' 5th several years ago. I have been doing 'partial' 5ths, aka 10ths, using a neat website lately.

http://www.dailyinventory.com/

After I make a few clicks on the short form, I can email it to my sponsor and it's kind of like doing a 5th.

Like this morning, my sponsor asked me about 'lonely'. On the short form you have a choice between pairs of words. One pair is 'lonely' or 'family'. I picked lonely for yesterday because I hardly even saw my family. So she pointed out to me that I have this whole weekend to take care of that.

Hopefully, I'll spend a good part of today with my family. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Tim H
Location: USS GARY at sea South of the Equator and West of the International Dateline
Date: 5/19/01
Time: 12:09:59 PM

Comments

I'm an alcoholic, and my name's Tim. Sober by the Grace of God and rooms like this since 13 Feb 88.

I remember the fear of the fourth and fifth steps, but once I picked up that crayon and industrial size roll of toilet paper and scribbled out that masterpiece of English literature, then shared it honestly with my sponsor, the fear was gone.

Oh, sure, there was still that bit of distrust back in the back of my head -- he might tell. Since then I've had the opportunity to share it with a few other sponsors as well as sponsees.

Like Howard's, my sponsor made sure that I'd written the good about myself as well.

Now about sex. Jeff, it sounds to me like you're on the right track. You're aware of your defect of character -- now write about it and share it with your sponsor. I, too, like the occasional x-site (personal preference is erotica), so I know what you're going through. I just do my best to remember "In all things moderation, even moderation."

Please remember, that it isn't just the nature of your wrongs that can kill you -- the feelings of guilt are just as dangerous. As was said before, get with your sponsor soon.

Tim F. in Japan -- where in Japan. Home based in Yokosuka on board USS GARY. Looking forward to our return home next month. Has been a long three months as the only sober alcoholic on the ship. Glad I finally found this site.

God bless one and all, Tim


Member: Carolyn I
Location: TEXAS, world's best AA
Date: 5/19/01
Time: 5:30:41 PM

Comments

Hi friends! I haven't been to this site in a long time. I'd gotten kind of fed up with all the posts that were inappropriate. Plus, my husband died and I went somewhere unknown and I think I'm still out there. But I'm finally getting some grief counseling, whe I was diagnosed with stress-induced irritable bowel syndrome. Just saying it is embarrasing. But getting the counseling is a lot like doing a fifth step, in that I'm gonna share everything with the counselor, who is also a pastor. I've done two 5th steps in sobriety, using a written 4th step and using my sponsor to do it with. You know, I have heard of only one person who regretted doing the 5th step...actually, she didn't follow the BB's suggestion of who to use and the person spread her 5th step all over the AA group. This person had shown she could be trusted...........trusted to be exactly who she was, a big mouth. My friend stayed sober tho, and the big mouth got drunk and stayed drunk for 5 years before making it back.

Finally, to Tim on the USS Gary, I spent a 3 year tour in Yokosuka in the late 70's, never drawing a sober breath. Hubby at that time was stationed on the Midway and gone a lot. I drank a case of beer ($4 a case) and always had a bottle of Jack Daniels in my hand. When I made it to AA on 10-9-78, the husband split........he didn't like me sober any more than he liked me drunk. Best thing that ever happened to me. Anyway, Tim I'm glad you found the online groups. They are a life-saver for me, as I sit here still in my jammies, too ill to attend a meeting. I still attend 4 meetings a week. I need AA more today than I ever did and I'm grateful to all of you for my sobriety.


Member: BernieK
Location: N.Ireland
Date: 5/19/01
Time: 8:55:32 PM

Comments

Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs?

I've been in AA for about 12 weeks now and this step scares the living daylights out of me. It's not really that I am afraid to admit my wrongs, it's that I don't feel able to figure out their 'exact nature' - I've been examining my conscience for a long time now and I keep coming up with a very specific list of wrongs that I have done to people, but I am also aware that these are just the ones I remember, because I care or cared about the people I wronged. Yet it seems to me that there are probably hundreds or thousands more wrongs that I have done without even knowing or remembering them. I'm very fuzzy about a lot of my drinking. I have also begun to re-evaluate a lot of the things that I always interpreted as self-preservation and seen that they were really acts of self-absorbtion - how do I even begin to deal with these? Then, also, am I just once again becoming self-obsessed by worrying about the hurts I have delivered to people I knew briefly, twenty or more years ago? How much do you try to amend and how much do you let go?

Would a sponsor be able to help me with this?

BernieK


Member: Tim H
Location: USS GARY at sea somewhere South of the Equator and West of the International Dateline
Date: 5/20/01
Time: 1:42:03 AM

Comments

I'm an alcoholic, and my name's Tim.

Bernie -- welcome to sobriety. Get ready to change your whole life. Until then, my only suggestion is this -- stop worrying about Step 5, as you aren't there yet.

I can tell you're not there yet by your question of a sponsor being able to help. That tells me you don't have one. If you do, I apologize. If you don't, get one! I'm in the Navy, and several of my sponsors have been in the Navy -- they liken a sponsor-less alcoholic to a rudderless ship -- not really making progress and all over the place.

Your sponsor will guide you through the Steps (and hopefully the Traditions as well), starting with 1. My sponsor told me they were numbered for a reason -- to be taken in order.

When it was time, my sponsor handed me a 50 pound crayon and an industrial-sized roll of toilet paper with which to write my masterpiece of English literature. We discussed it for several days, and then I just started writing.

As for amends, you're not there yet, either, but you're making a start by coming here. When you finally reach Step 9, there will be some amends you cannot possibly make.

In my case, the amends I am making to some of the women on my list is by staying out of their lives.

Until then, three things -- get to lots of meetings, don't drink, and get a sponsor.

Carolyn -- thank you for the welcome. Always nice to know I have a home.

"We are certain God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free." Tim