Member: Jeff T.
Location: Ne.
Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 12:04:49

Comments

Hi, Jeff Alcoholic. When i came to my first meeting i knew that i had a drinking problem, but there was no way i was going to admit it to anyone else. Little did i know that my life was unmanageable. I thought everones life centered around alcohol like mine. Who, what, when, where & how much? At that 1st meeting, after listening to this pittyfull bunch i couldnt wait to get out of there. As soon as they let go of my hands, out the door i went, when i herd a guy yell at me "hey take this book home & read it & come back next week & tell us what you think". Well i did read it, as uncomfortable as it made me feel. I had to return the book so i went back the next week. When it was my turn to speak i told them it sounded like the book was talking about me. They all just smiled & said "welcome, you can keep the book". In this book which i came to study i found out just how bad my drinking had become & how unmanageable my life was. It still took a few months to admit i was one of you guys, but when i did it felt as if a great load had been lifted from my shoulders. I will always be greatful for that pityfull bunch of drunks who showed me a better way of life & how to live life on lifes terms without alcohol. Thanks for listening.


Member: Kent H.
Location: Smoky Mtns, TN
Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 12:09:03

Comments

Hello, I'm an alcoholic named Kent. I'm also a chronic relapser, as I mentioned in the Discussion Meeting. So here I am back at Step One and don't know if I even have the energy to start again. All I know is that my life is unmanageable whether I drink or not. Love to All, Kent


Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAND
Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 13:12:14

Comments

When i came first to the fellowship i was powerless! i couldnt stop drinking! my life was unmanageable because of drink--so i believe i had to replace the power of drink with something else it was the rooms at first- white knuckle stuff! but i found a higher power and the obsession was removed! so i admitted this ! and i contiue to practise these steps in my life. Regards L-RAY


Member: Sonia
Location: UK
Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 13:16:13

Comments

I accept that no matter what happens a drink is not going to make it better. I accept that my thinking is constantly disturbed by thinking of drinking. I accept that a drunk is inevitable if i take the first drink, even if the drunk is two weeks later. Permission to drink = inevitable drunk. I Accept that i will definatly die of a drink related disorder if i keep on drinking. I accept that while drunk i am accident prone so any drunk could be my last day on earth. (important for one day at a time for me). I Accept that all this running away from life into drink has delayed my growth and learning. I Accept that I cannot grow and drink at the same time. I Accept that i am a dysfunctional bitch and need to learn some new perceptions. Step two. AA can help, the twelve steps can help, i have seen it work in others Step three Get on with the rest of the steps. (((Kent)))I dont know you, but i want you to know, that if you dont drink even if your ass falls off, and you work the steps, you will be happy beyond your wildest dreams. Honesty is my saving grace. Honesty with another AA. If the world blows up dont drink.


Member: Bikerbabe
Location: hellishelping
Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 14:54:28

Comments

One sour old son of a b...anyhow.. she made me do a step one in its entirety! i had to write down all the "consequences" my drinking had caused me, and all of the things i could remember that happened as a result of alcohol/ drug related abuse... the list was very long my friends... going back generations! It wasn't to hard after that to see how urgently i needed help,god,meetings, god, yada yada. Now if i could just carry that list around with me and refer to it whenever i get the slick idea of maybe sippin again... i'll be alright. That's the nature of this mental illness,, i write all that stuff down, and in no time at all i could be entertaining the thought of sippin.. now if that's not mentally ill, then one day i'll be slicker than Jerry Lee Louis's hair.


Member: Kathleen
Location: Florida
Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 15:33:05

Comments

Hello all, Kathleen here alcoholic. (((Kent))) keep coming back. I knew that I was powerless over alcohol for a very long time. I just didn't care. My life unmanagable?? Well I was living on the streets, selling plasma two times a week for 7 bucks to get some starting money. I had lost custody of my 1 year old son (another good reason to get drunk)(.... yeah..I guess you could say my life was unmanagable.. I'm very grateful for the program of AA, the 12 steps, and ya'll. Kent, I know for me, I couldn't get past that 1st year until after I did the 4th and 5th steps... I finally figured out that the chapter 5 titled "How it works" is really how it workss..go figure.. Have an awesome day everyone, unless you choose to do otherwise.. Kathleen


Member: Mark
Location: Albany
Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 15:33:46

Comments

Bikerbabe, I Love You!!! As far as step 1--DUH??? Don't Drink, sort of similar to rocket science, eh? Not to mention my life was completely manageable even when I got here, it just sucked and I didn't want to live like I was living, that's all. I could have easily managed to keep doing for at least a period of time longer barring any unforeseen accidents, like a bus running me over or something, always a possibility! Plus I now have total control over alcohol and that illustrious "first drink!" I simply don't live that way anymore. It's NOT real hard to not drink for me now, nor was it ever!!! Does that that mean I'm not a "real alcoholic"?? What do you think Bikerbabe, and give it to me rough, that's the way I like it honey!!!


Member: John K
Location: Philadelphia
Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 16:25:10

Comments

Hi all, John, alcoholic. Good old raunchy uncensored AA. Anyway, for me the first step was clear to me from day one. I was bathed in self-hatred for all the stupid things I had done, and had already had people call me an alcoholic at the age of 24. (Only, they used the term "drunk".) I knew for a fact that once I started drinking, I couldn't and wouldn't stop until I was out of money or passed out. I was beginning to get angrier and angrier, too; it was only a matter of time before I started getting locked up. (>>The thing I didn't realize at first was that I wouldn't be able to control my drinking *forever*, no matter how long I lived or what I tried; and that, no matter what I tried, I wouldn't be able to manage my life drunk or sober, because I am an insane alcoholic.>>) Alcoholism is a mental illness combined with a spiritual unease and a physical allergy. Watch any insane individual for more than 5 minutes, and it becomes obvious that they aren't in control, and when they try to be, they get bad results. Alcoholics are just better at covering this up. I am very fortunate, by the grace of God, that it doesn't matter--I don't have to be in control, because my HP is! As time goes by and I recover further, I have more choices about how to respond to life. This in turn opens up even more choices to me. It's a wonderful thing and my life is great, and just keeps getting easier and better. Thanks!


Member: Jackc formerly Carlc
Location: Texas
Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 20:27:05

Comments

I accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic so I drank, it wasnt till I conceded to my innermost self that I was alcholic and could not drink alcohol that the process began. I used to take the steps off the wall so I got off the wall sobriety but when I took the steps the way they are outlined in the book did I become happy content, jouous fortunate, and free not in bondage. There are alot of people sponsoring people in AA and have never taken a step in their lives,there are also sponsors in the program that are not even alcholic, page 96 explains how to sponsor someone it says when the man is ready to go therough with the 12 steps of recover HAVING HAD THE EXPERIENCE YOURSELF you give much valuable advice but dont get mad if they want to consult some else. Sponsorship is pomp, worship and at best idolatry, the book says we bow before no man, either God is everything or else is nothing.


Member: Mark from Albany
Location: To CarlC, I mean Jack
Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 21:47:22

Comments

Jack or Carl or whatever, I like you man, you had some good posts last week, but that is way out of context about page 96, always a problem to not have contextual interpretation!! Anyways, check out the first 164 pages and see if you find the sponsor EVER mentioned?? O--The BIG 0000,, that's how many times it's mentioned!! It's just another idea ripped off from Catholicism and spiritual direction anyways, but you believe what you want, nobody needs to worry about that stuff on day one! People need someone, preferably NOT another alcoholic, but that's another topic!!! God Bless man, keep up the good work, it's obvious you do care about people though!!


Member: cindy p.
Location: bristol pa
Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 22:36:31

Comments

hi,cindy-alcoholic....love how it works....my old ideas had to change....thought if i wasn't dead-i wasn't powerless....now i think i drink as well as i fly....i surrender....thanx A.A.


Member: Bikerbabe
Location: hellishelping
Date: 18 May 2003
Time: 23:12:42

Comments

This is my second post this week, and i figured "what the hellishelping" i'm only after progress, (not perfection). ((Mark)) ((sweetie)) I got 2 lots of news for ya...(Good and Bad) first the bad news... "I don't have all the answers for ya......but the good news is that its none of my bizness...BooWWWWAAAaaaahhhhhh BRACK! BRACK!


Member: Cynthia H.
Location: Texas
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 00:28:12

Comments

Cynthia, i'm a alcoholic, This program (thank-goodness) has taught me to cease fighting anyone or anything including alcohol.It took me a long time OUT THERE to admit i was alcoholic and my life was unmanagable by me. I just finally reached a point where I had enough of the pain and it was at that point i was willing to go to any lenght, I had heard of AA I didn't think it worked cause my dad didn't get sober but I went to my first meeting,didn't know it at the time but I took something with me that nite, just a small piece of hope. Been doing that with every meeting I go since I got sober. Recovery doesn't happen over nite it takes time and Kent we all had to walk thru the pain to get to the other side. Don't drink, go to meetings, ask for help and most of all Keep it simple. I love what AA has done for me and would not want to go back to my old life for anything.Great Week To All!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 ceaseo9to


Member: seven years
Location: In Tibet
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 00:39:22

Comments

I don't have trouble staying sober now either... i've been sober for 7 years. I don't go to aa anymore, because i could not get past the irritation of all that confusion and the pure non-sense that goes on there, I'm simply one of those people who got the message, the miracle, the promises, and grew out of it i suppose, i became very disinterested and un-enthused with the program for some time before i finally gave in to the god of my understanding, which was giving me the message loud and clear, that it was time to go, Hell i wasn't even wanted there anymore cause i was too well, most of them stayed away from me because they were uncomfortable around a healthy person..(Small Town aa)(And it got kinda creepy, cause some wanted what i had they'de be my buddy my pal to kinda get well through osmosis) some would stare at me all the time juring the meeting, (it was kinda sad) hey: i worked really hard for those seven years... .. worked my way right out the door...when i first left it was hard: i missed the very people who were bad for me to be around, but i had to do what i had to do. And truth be known; ive been doing better than ever,, My Guide and Sponsor even suggested i don't go to many meetings as i seem to do better without. i work hard and enjoy life and i don't drink, and i still think of others and what i can add to the stream of life to the best of my ability..i'm a bit lonely cause its still new, but i'de rather be lonely and moving forward than clickin and grovin emotionally and staying sick. I'll meet people again.


Member: Carlc
Location: Texas
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 02:17:44

Comments

Mark you are absoulutly right, I believe spnosorship is pomp worship and and at best idolatry you are only about the 8th person in all my years in aa drunk or sober that ever has had this same view I dont understand all this hiring and firing, we are to give freely of what has been given us. This priceless gift we have been given is not so much that we are sober but that we are able to affect another person come back from the gates of insanity or death. Our sole purpose is to be of service to God and the people about us. I will sit with another alccoholic who is willing to go therough with this process anytime anywhere as long as it takes and go through the book as it was done for me. The reason I changed my name is because someone was using my name to give some fraudulent advice to another alcholic, something I refuse to do lie to one of my fellows in this program.


Member: Mark
Location: Albany
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 09:05:53

Comments

God Bless Carl, or Jack, I truly do appreciate your views as they do appear to be well thought out, really good stuff. I also appreciate that you keep fighting the culture of AA's just don't drink crap despite the fact they seem to give you some grief. We need more like you and I think I can tie that in as the first step to helping make life more managable, finding that someone like you is out there gives me hope for AA. 7 years in Tibet))) Haven't I heard that somewhere before??? Are you real??? Anyways, I am exactly where your at as I'm thinking strongly about "graduating" myself from AA also, it's way too shallow in general for all the reasons you said and more, but God bless them, I am just contemplating whether I should go my own road. Thanks for sharing as it's really nice to know of others like me out in the great big universe!!! Step 1))) Perfect to make my point!!! DON'T DRINK, DUH????That is sooooo simple and exactly where 90% of AA'ers are stuck at---even or especially those with years of not doing it--how very sad!! And that's a LOW estimate!!! Stay there if you want and I'll be praying for you "old-timers" as a life-long step 1 has got to be true living hell!!1


Member: T-Bone
Location: Fl
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 09:18:23

Comments

Must be a full moon, you all are confusing the heck out of me today. BikerBabe is the only one not talking in riddles. Anyway, it's probably just me. God bless.


Member: mike r.
Location: mount forest , ont .canada
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 10:05:38

Comments

I'm Mike a grateful recovering alcoholic, It took me the second time to finally realize that I am powerless over alcohol I was out to injury myself everytime and I would let every little thing get to me then it I would to turn it to my drinking. But I have started to do the steps easier, slower, more talking to my sponsor and the fellowship of my group it will be eight months and I my loving each and every single day as it comes. All I have to do is remember One Day at A Time and to do the steps.


Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 10:29:13

Comments

Just a thought for all those who are graduating from AA, i am new 4months sober, and i am not able to even contemplate leaving AA at the moment it is my life line, yes there is some shit and people with egos etc etc, but as they say take what you want and leave the rest behind, so try and remember how desperate you were when you first came around, its ok slagging something off when you ain't getting nothing from it, but i cannot afford that luxuary.


Member: seven years in tibet
Location:
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 11:22:34

Comments

Tracy)) your absolutely right... I couldn't leave aa, not for the first 5 or 6 years... for sure...Your right on... i forgot to mention that, i believe absolutely that when you are new, you need it,,


Member: Dana B.
Location:
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 11:37:40

Comments

This is the first time I've checked out this web site. I've never been to an AA meeting, but have been to ASAP,individual substance abuse counseling for 2 years for marijuana, group counseling on substance abuse and now I feel I may need an AA group. I've traded one substance for another yet I feel my life is managable. Mabe this is denial, I need to find out. I work, work out, take care of my responsibilities, and on the weekends I drink alcohol. Some of the time I drink within limits, some of the time I get dizzy drunk, and once every 4 to 6 months, alcohol turns on me and I end up in a big fight with my boygriend. Am I an alcoholic? My son is into sports and does not use drugs or drink. He doesnt want me to drink at all. I feel I should get help because I still want to drink every now and then. I'm not sure where I belong.Dana.


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 15:10:49

Comments

After my third relapse, I was finally able to admit to my innermost self that I am and always will be powerless over alcohol. Now that I have 4 months again, I am able to understand that it wasn't just alcohol making my life unmanageable. Starting step 4 today.


Member:
Location:
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 15:45:22

Comments

culty culty culty. If you're seeking sobriety, and this cult of Bill W doesn't work for you, try http://www.rationalrecovery.com/ http://www.secularsobriety.org/ http://www.aadeprogramming.com/


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 17:47:12

Comments

It seems like I was always depressed as a youngster. I thought I had good reason to be. Alcohol and drugs seemed to provide some relief at first. Later when alcohol turned on me, I couldn‚t stop. Everyday became the same. „Today I‚m gonna stopš, then it was „maybe just a couple drinks to settle my nervesš, after that it was „well there‚s always tomorrow, so I best keep this buzz going for nowš. My insanity made me forget, all the suffering and humiliation alcohol always brought me. At the end alcohol made me believe life was not worth living and I was on a mission to die. It took me a few days in the hospital and then a detox center, to finally admit I was done. I was done fighting. I knew then in my heart I will never win that battle. I had been exposed to the steps and they were the only place I knew to turn. Early on there were many things I didn‚t like about AA, but I became willing to do whatever it took to keep me from returning to that living hell. Today I love life and the knowledge of my own powerlessness is an valuable asset.


Member: jake the fake
Location:
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 20:23:38

Comments

Whatever happened to step one?


Member: Tom G.
Location: Saginaw, Mi
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 20:49:35

Comments

Hi everyone. Tom, alcoholic. First of all, I'm grateful for this site- I can get a meeting while at home on a Monday night. My second sponsor (who died sober with 20 years of continuous sobriety) drilled into me the word "powerless" not only over alcohol, but over " people, places and things!" I still wonder how far my powerlessness extends, but as far as alcohol is concerned, my experience of ending up in the psycho ward three times convinced me that I can't drink successfully. (By the way, I belonged in these hospitals on those occasions, and am grateful for especially the nurses who helped this crazy drunk sober up) Of course, it wasn't until my 17 year old half-brother 12 stepped me into the rooms that recovery started to take hold. The psychiatrists couldn't keep me sober, but my fellow alcoholics could, and did. God bless, one day at a time, stay away from the first one, thanks


Member: ..
Location:
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 20:52:35

Comments

If any of you would like an AA forum just like this one, but without the disruptions, check this one out http://aaforum.org/12x12/12x12.htm


Member: Bikerbabe's not insecure
Location: hellishelping
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 21:06:07

Comments

Tell me who ya are honey... ps.. (you might want to get used to the "disruptions" as you've dubbed them. If humor, fun and reality is "disrupting" to you, maybe you should start a "Too Serious in Sobriety" meeting of your own. You know what? I never find myself worrying about who says what here, and i love what Pam Sober girl said... She doesn't meet too many arsholes anymore.. good on ya Pam. After Bikerbabe meets the 3rd asshole, she quickly runs over to the mirror and takes a look. that usually clears that up fast... lol (meaning lots of laughs)


Member: ???????????????????
Location: ??????????????????
Date: 19 May 2003
Time: 22:52:19

Comments

To seven years in Tibet; If every one in AA left after a few years what would become of AA and the new people?


Member: from 7 yrs in tibet.. to ??????
Location:
Date: 20 May 2003
Time: 00:51:52

Comments

You know what? god would still have them sweetie... he's got all of us you know, that's just fear... that's just like freaking out over not enough money in the basket.. or what will happen if the coffee isn't decaf.. or a meeting folds because it had to... i'm glad aa is there for newcomers, i'm just one of those who don't fit there... that's all, no big deals.. there are plenty who do fit and that's as it should be no? We alkies get so into (fear based playing god) and we really don't need to.. just my opinion.. ((it kind of reminds me of the new guy sittin next to the oldtimer, freaking out because the sky is falling.. said the old to the new.."you just keep coming back now"... says the new one.." you don't get it do you?" oh my god i'm convinced the sky is falling!! what's the matter with you!?"... says the old one..." You just let go and let god now" if there were no meetings at all, i would assume god knows what he is doing... (((love and service))).


Member: Vee
Location: midwest
Date: 20 May 2003
Time: 07:58:46

Comments

Having spent 15 years in major denial and doing the research out there thoroughly I think I've got a clue. My life was manageable ONLY by a greater power than myself, and ONLY by letting go completely would my insanity be relieved. I do AA in moderation and it works for me today, that's why I'm here. I have a god-given "no-rules" sponsor whom I take as needed. I CHERISH my sobriety and the new life it has given me. I have come to understand and believe that I don't have to go back there if I can just not drink and haven't felt the compulsion in a very long time. Yes I could maybe do it without AA but why try when I can come here and feel in direct contact with a higher power who speaks to me directly through the other people in THIS room. I am grateful to you all as you keep me sober and that keeps my big fanny under me where it belongs.


Member: Von
Location: FL
Date: 20 May 2003
Time: 12:38:56

Comments

Welcome to the newcomers. I quit visiting staying cyber two years ago and decided to pop in to see how it's doing. I was thrilled to see a "Newcomer" section because a forum like that is very important. But I'm not so thrilled to see that the 12x12 forum sounds like a newcomer forum as well with a lot of "Chat room" digression. For the member that provided the website to the other forum, thank you. For everyone else, the topic is the first step so let's get focussed. The big book talks about "conceding to your inner most self". For 7 months in the beginning, I thought I knew what that step meant. I could remember how alcohol near the end really controlled my life, my decisions, my behaviors, it decided how I dressed, when I worked, who I hung out with, which weddings I attended, etc. But unmanageability to me was a different story...I still had my job, my marriage, etc...but 7/23/99, something changed and I realized that the unmanageability to me was less my actions and more in my thoughts...my level of dishonesty, selfishness and pride, to mention only a very few, affected my decisions. And with or without alcohol, I was a very sick person physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. And it was my thinking that made my life unmanageable. The big book does say that "our problem centers in our minds". So the first step to me means that not only do I have a drinking disease (physical allergy), I also have a thinking disease (mental obsession). And only when I was willing and able to recognize how sick and powerless I really was, was I able to finally accept that only a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity (right living and thinking). But these things only come with sobriety and time. They come through working the steps and working with the program of AA in its purest form. That's my experience. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: AZbill
Location: az-bill@mindspring.com
Date: 20 May 2003
Time: 13:38:22

Comments

Bill here, Alcoholic from Arizona. By the grace of God, the fellowship and a darn good 9th Step, I will be leaving my computer on Thursday May 20 to visit my former wife, my hubby in law and my six daughters in Va beach, Stops along the way will be Fairfield, TX, S.E. Indiana and Cincinnati. I expect to return sometime early July but you know what we say about expectations. I will be traveling interstates, 10,20,30, 40, 65, 71 to Cincy and S.E. IN. Then 75 and 64 into Va Beach.. If I pass you close and y'all want a coffee and a meeting email me. I will sincerely miss you guys. Bill


Member: GERTIE D
Location: KLAMATH FALLS,OR
Date: 20 May 2003
Time: 16:03:36

Comments

HI EVERYONE, MY NAME IS GERTIE AND I' AN ALCOHOLIC. FOR ME STEP ONE CAME BT THE GRACE OF GOD, IDID NOT WANT TO BE AN ALCOHOLIC NORE DID I WANT TO ADMITT IS WAS AN ALCOHOLIC. SO MY GOD SEEN TO IT THAT I HAD TO HIT THE BOTTOM THAT WAS RIGHT FOR ME AND I COULD NOLONGER FIGHT WITH ANYBODY OR ANYTHING. I'M WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGHT FOR THIS PROGRAM, MY SOBRIETY DATE IS 1/8/88. THIS PROGRAM HAS GIVEN ME A LIVE WORTH LIVING. THANK YOUA.A. AND THANK YOU GOD


Member: brian s.
Location: NJ
Date: 20 May 2003
Time: 17:10:11

Comments

Hi, i am not sure that i am in the right place but I became an alcoholic and am one still. I developed anxiety attacks and started to drink so that i was able to function. Now i plan around drinking and what not and i very close to losing my gf over this. It started with one beer to calm my nerves now it is large amount of vodka and beer over what i use to do to mask my problems. Maybe i didnt read the faq correctly. But can someone tell me where i can get the big book. And if i am in the right place. I have anxiety so i am unable to attend meeting with actual people. but would like to be pointed in the right direction.


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 20 May 2003
Time: 19:40:52

Comments

Brian, you can call information and get the number for AA central office in your area. They will tell you when and where there are meetings. Check it out and see how it feels for you.


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 20 May 2003
Time: 22:07:58

Comments

Sorry Brian, I guess I missed your last sentance. The most important part of our program is in working with others, it's really not a program that can be worked alone. I'm sure there is AA literature online that you will be able to find, if you would like to learn more about alcoholism. You also might want to consider seeing a doctor about your anxiety, I found I needed help with my clinical depression and sought treatment from a qualified physician - because as you know, we really aren't very good at diagnosing and treating ourselves.


Member: Melanie
Location: Akron, Ohio, USA
Date: 21 May 2003
Time: 00:23:36

Comments

Hello there, I'm Melanie, an alcoholic. I labeled myself an alcoholic long before I stopped drinking. Then a family member gave me a big book. I hadn't realized the implications of being an alcoholic until I had been through that book several times. It spoke to ME personally. I knew things were getting worse and that I should "cut down" my drinking. It soon became clear not only that I couldn't stop drinking, but I couldn't even slow down without help. The night came when my husband walked out on me again and I saw a vision of my future. I pictured myself drinking alone in a cheap one room apartment with a mattress, a chair and a TV. No friends, no family members to visit me. Barely clinging to a dead end minimum wage job. The stories in the big book helped me to find my "bottom" without having to actually go there. I got into treatment the next morning. The unmanagability in my life was all in my thoughts and behavior. I had a job, had graduated college, had a car, husband, roof over my head. But I also had nightmares, anxiety attacks, unused potential, sick relationships, fear, remorse, depression...... If drinking didn't have negative consequences, we wouldn't be here talking about it. We would have no reason to quit. I am blessed that someone cared enough about me to give me that book at the right time for me to make the connection between the unmanagability and the alcohol. It saved my life, my marriage, my spirit and my mind. Thank God. Thank YOU for being here for me.


Member: Chuckm
Location: Alberta
Date: 21 May 2003
Time: 03:33:49

Comments

Step 1 I am powerless over alcohol because my body is allergic to it. An allergy is an abnormal reaction to a chemical. Once I have the first drink my body reacts by craving more. Not everytime, but most of the time. There is no cure for an allergy, except to not take that first drink. The problem is why do I take that first drink? I always took the first drink to change my feelings.All alcoholics that I have talked to agree. But, the only way I can change feelings is by changing my thinking. Alcohol is a lousy way of changing thinking. In the program I have come to see that incorrect beliefs caused the thinking that made me feel bad. This wrong thinking is what caused my life to be unmanageable. I was not playing with a full deck. AA says we have a common problem. Since we all have different life experiences what is common. Every alcoholic that I have talked to say they were worried, anxious and miserable when they came into AA. To feel that way is the result of an unmanageable life. By doing the program of AA and living steps 11 and 12 my life must be manageable since today I have, Peace and Serenity


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 21 May 2003
Time: 04:17:33

Comments

Hey Brian, I found a site that has the big book http://webpages.charter.net/rfhale/index.html


Member: Les D.
Location: MN
Date: 21 May 2003
Time: 07:53:33

Comments

HI, Les here, Alcoholic. ((DANA)) -- Thanks for stopping by -- If you can't decide where you belong, try going to the AA website:.. http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org and click on "IS AA FOR YOU". Answer the questions honestly and decide..... UNMANAGEABILITY in my life showed through to me in my hallucinations, my lying, my drinking, and my desire to commit suicide. Since I came to AA in 1980 -- I've not had a desire to drink AND I've learned how to live a happy life. It works!


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: 21 May 2003
Time: 18:12:38

Comments

http://www.aadeprogramming.com/ http://www.rationalrecovery.com/


Member: Mike
Location:
Date: 21 May 2003
Time: 19:22:05

Comments

Someone posted the following address: http://aaforum.org/12x12/12x12.htm Don't post there if you value your privacy. It logs and plainly displays your computer's IP address. For those not in the know, It's like your computers address, or phone #. So much for AA's Anonymity, huh?


Member: Carlc
Location: Texas
Date: 22 May 2003
Time: 03:18:09

Comments

In the doctors opinion it states that we get restless, irratable, and discontent, our body gets restless our mind gets irratated, but worst of all our soul is discontented unless we can again experience the ease and comfort that comes AT ONCE NOT LATER BUT AT ONCE with taking a few drinks, drinks we see others take with impunity. That is why we drink, that is the grave nature of the illness, we can use every scychobablle excuse in the book and I go to alot of public gatherings that masquerade as AA meetings where all this group therapy is the main topic except what is wrong with us and how to get out from this. We tell people fake it till you make it , the book says we suffer from an illness only a spiritual experience can conquer, we tell people wait until the miracle happerns, the book says there is one who has all power may you find him NOW, we tell people to heal feel and deal, the book says God could and would if he were sought, we tell people dont drink go to meetings and call your sponsor, the book says Trust God, clean house, and give freely , and on and on and on and then people wonder why people are dying in the rooms of AA.


Member: don a
Location: 15 years sober
Date: 22 May 2003
Time: 11:07:42

Comments

my name is don and i am an alcoholic what an amazing concept when i first found the program i did not think my life was unmanageable just because i wold rather drink and use than pay bills or rent or eat didnt mean my life was unmanageble i knew i wasd powerless over alchol though if i had any power i wouldnt get drunk and that worked for me long enough to come to who says god dont work in our lives just look around and see the miracles


Member: Johnson
Location: Colorado
Date: 22 May 2003
Time: 14:53:32

Comments

Von in Fl., GET a GRIP man, nobody appointed you chairperson of this meeting!!! 7 years in Tibet))) GOOD STUFF!!!!! Please keep posting here as I thoroughly enjoy your insights and would be a very welcome addition to this interaction!! Lighten up, people!! It's not suppossed to be a gloomy bunch now is it???


Member: L.
Location: J/.
Date: 22 May 2003
Time: 15:12:19

Comments

Von, get a grip, who appointed you chairperson of this meeting? I'll tell you who--NOONE!!!!!!


Member: bj
Location: whorehouse
Date: 22 May 2003
Time: 15:17:51

Comments

piss...pissss


Member: bj
Location: whorehouse
Date: 22 May 2003
Time: 15:18:01

Comments

piss...pissss


Member: bj
Location: whorehouse
Date: 22 May 2003
Time: 15:18:02

Comments

piss...pissss


Member: bj
Location: whorehouse
Date: 22 May 2003
Time: 15:18:03

Comments

piss...pissss


Member: Rosemary B.
Location: Gainesville
Date: 22 May 2003
Time: 16:17:08

Comments

Hi. I'm Rosemary and I'm an alcoholic. Step 1 - ok, well, when i got to aa i could definately admit that my life was unmanageable. but for some reason i couldn't quite grasp that i was powerless over alcohol. so, i ended relapsing on mouthwash. i kid you not! i really did. and it was exactly what i needed to do to prove to myself that i really am powerless over alcohol in any form. that was 4 years ago and today i have no doubt in my mind that i am truly an alcoholic and that i cannot touch alcohol in any form. my life is still unmanageable today. God bless those people that come into aa and then their lives become manageable after a couple of years. i am 23 eyars old and i stills crew up so much. i am definately not perfect. but i can admit today when my life is unmanageable. progress not perfection. it's a great day to be sober!


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 22 May 2003
Time: 17:34:43

Comments

Hi, Carrie, alcoholic here. I went out on sleeping pills. Started with one, then the next day one and 1/2, and the day after thatI took sudafed with the sleeping pills to get a high/low feeling. Then I was trying to think up over the counter cocktails that I could make! Then I got 2 bottles of wine. The next day I was able to admit that I am powerless over any and all forms of alcohol.


Member: <>
Location: ???????????????
Date: 22 May 2003
Time: 21:55:03

Comments

carre i know donkies with as much brain as you..


Member: Bikerbabe got one too!
Location: hellishelping
Date: 23 May 2003
Time: 01:14:41

Comments

A quote from the big book of alcoholics anonymous.... yippiiii.... "There will come a day ... or something like that: ide run right over to my big book and look it up if i thought that was a necessary and intelligent behaviour)) anyhow... "There willl come a day when we will have absolutely no defense against that first drink"...(well f'k you!)...there will also come a day when aa will have no defense against me! Just to use some of there own medicine/aka fear instilling... cult practices... come on! who exactly wrote that line? i want to know... buddy was no doubt involved or attending aa for some time to have made a comment like that!)) Now there's a pathetic excuse for a healthy faith in a higher power....and i actually bought that crap.. in early sobriety... (wait a sec... ) I was a sick and twisted newwie...and wouldn't have stayed sober unless i was scared shitless all the time about the horrifying arrival of the coming day!! oh i get it...ooooooogggaaaa booogggaaaa!!! So its better to be scared than drunk okay my friends.....Bikerbabes maybe a little discusted about that...but she's happy at the moment. BooooWhhaaaaaaaaaa BRACK! BRACK!


Member: Jen G
Location: NJ
Date: 23 May 2003
Time: 07:34:16

Comments

Powerless. Been fighting this one for a long, long time. I don't like to think of myself as powerless. But my mind is so sick right now with believing I can control drinking--with the fantasy that I can have one glass of wine with dinner--and then put the wine bottle away. Time and time again I have proven to myself and everyone around me that I cannot control the drinking. I can't control much of anything these days. So am I powerless over drinking? Yes, evidently I am. It's only taken me about 30 years to understand that. And if I don't say it over and over to myself and hear it from others, I'm afraid I might stop believing it.


Member: Dr. Bob Johnson
Location: Colorado
Date: 23 May 2003
Time: 09:54:30

Comments

CarlC*** The doctors opinion was not exactly that, his opinion-NOT medical fact--, it was 60 freggin years ago man!! Nobody in their right mind would care less what that man said!!! OH==== That explains it!!! People in AA are NOT in their right minds and that's exactly why they and ONLY they care what some other idiot said and take it to be Gospel!!! How sad and pathetic is that???


Member: D-flat
Location: feet on earth
Date: 23 May 2003
Time: 11:36:56

Comments

I remember the first time i drank i was 13 yrs old I hated the taste but man I started to feel somthing like comfortable in my skin and free, I loved it!! all my fears and worrys were erased when i drank so how could that be a problem so i continued. so by the time i got to HS drinking became the main focus of my life but i still thought i could maintain and put up with the blackouts and humiliation of not knowing what i said or did to people when drunk, wheni was sober i feltlost and confused at how everybody looked on the outside that they have figured out life and i felt so scared and confused on the inside, so i thought once i leave this small town my life will get better. it didnt it got worse now i found myself drinking by myself more and going to these seedy bars to find people who drank like me. well to make it short i started ending up in jail and i did meet someone who was sober and they showed me the Big book, well that word god in there looked like HUGE, and i couldnt go for that so i went out and tried it on my own and evindually my best thinking ended me up in Jail again for drunkin disorderly, so I called that person back and said whatever your doing i need help and we went through the Big Book and i did the 3rd step with him and a 4th and 5th and my life begin to take on new meaning and like i read earlier i started to feel i wasnt fighting anyone or anything even alcohol, so this is what happen to me, ive been sober 9yrs and still go to 2-3 meetings a week and i enjoy it, its just part of my life and i guess that feeling of being comfortable in my own skin that i thought i was getting from alcohol i feel that way now most of the time and am gratefull, and that word God has become a good thing in my life.


Member: Gratitude Itself
Location: Right Here
Date: 23 May 2003
Time: 17:22:55

Comments

GOD, I thank you for the blessing of having MARK from ALBANY tell me how I should think. Thank You for having him rescue me from those AA people who wish to direct my thinking!


Member: God To
Location: Gratitude itself
Date: 23 May 2003
Time: 18:31:42

Comments

Your quite welcome my chid. I surprise people with my strange ways sometimes, eh? Mark IS after all one of my disciples, you are wise to listen to him, good job.


Member: Heather M
Location: UT
Date: 23 May 2003
Time: 23:48:09

Comments

I'm Heather. I'm alcoholic. I am, without question, powerless over alcohol. I'm in much the same boat as Kent- chronic relapser and almost too tired and discouraged to care. The difference this time is that, for the 1st time in years, instead of trying to quit by myself and failing spectacularly, I found this site. I've already been to the other two meetings at this site, and despite the bs flying around, I still know that this is the thing, the ONLY thing, that will give me a fighting chance. I'm still fighting with going to step 2, but I guess that's why there's 1/week. Johnson and Mark-Albany, it's great that the two of you don't need AA. Since that's the case, kindly let those of who do concentrate on why we're here. Same goes for Bikerb-. To all else, thanks for letting me share and thanks even more for what you've shared. I needed the ESH.


Member: Bikerbabes kickin it for Heather
Location: Hellishelping
Date: 24 May 2003
Time: 00:54:20

Comments

Oh Yooooo Hooo........ ((Heather))... welcome honey... were gonna have a lota fun now.... Bikerbabes back.... and happy to see a newcomer like yourself doin what ya have to ta stay sober.... now you just go to meetings and read your big book and talk to your sponsor and say your prayers honey... And if you got a problem already with me or whoever or whatever... there's a page in your not drinking manual about praying for others... and page whatever it is... has the acceptance statement... you go girl...and Bikerbabes not going anywhere.... i sincerely hope you all return to sanity or die drunk... or not, or whatever the hell else you want... ((myob... minding my own bizness.....


Member: Carlc
Location: NM
Date: 24 May 2003
Time: 02:11:24

Comments

Just like in meetings there are a lot of people on this site that dont have a life and are as phony as a three dollar bill, if I wasnt an alcholic I wouldnt spend one second on this site trying to persuade people how stupid I was, Its friday evening and I would be in some nice restaurant drinking Crown on the rocks and chasing it down with a nice Cold Heineken, then I would go listen to some good music, dance a little and have a good time. Why would I want to spend a friday night talking to drunks about their lives?


Member: Carlc
Location: NM
Date: 24 May 2003
Time: 02:18:48

Comments

To Heather God Bless You and good luck to you, just like in meetings there are a lot of people here that arent alcholics, they just dont have a life, they are miserable and want others be the same. Remember one thing always stand for something, because if you dont, you will fall for anything.


Member: Melanie
Location: Akron, Ohio, USA
Date: 24 May 2003
Time: 02:20:15

Comments

Dear Lord, I pray that it is your will that Bikerbabe may receive your blessings of peace, good health and love in her life. Please meet her needs just as you meet mine each day. And soften my heart, Lord, that I may show her my love when I feel that she is behaving unlovingly. Amen


Member: T-Bone
Location: S. Fl
Date: 24 May 2003
Time: 07:21:00

Comments

When did we all become so secure in ourselves that we can tell people when to come and go on this site. Take a deep breath, this is life here! Even if it is Cyberlife. There are going to be people we don't agree with and that's fine, go ahead and disagree or better yet scroll on by. ( ain't no scroll key in life ). Everyone has something to say and it cann't hurt to listen. And, whatever you do don't discount Bikerbabe, there's alot of good stuff there between the lines. Have a great 24.


Member: Jen G
Location: NJ
Date: 24 May 2003
Time: 14:47:43

Comments

IF I remember right, there's a saying that you take what works for you and you leave the rest. That's what I'm trying to do this time around in AA. I used to get so mad about things people said to me that I didn't like. And so I stopped going to meetings. This time I'm trying to just take what makes sense to me to help my sobriety and leave the rest. Everyone has the right to say whatever they want. What people say is usually a reflection of themselves. What I choose to take from what someone else says is a reflection on me. Or something like that.


Member: Bikerbabes not scared to changeq
Location: Hellishelping
Date: 24 May 2003
Time: 15:16:24

Comments

I have a weekly practice of picking a topic of spiritual interest from my regular inventory..(step 10)...if you like.... and this week its is (Examining how i use my will)....as drinking or not; this was my whole trouble) so all this week it will be my focus... with god to see and correct if necessary... any wrong use of my will. Its lookin good so far. Of course this practice is more effective if i don't turn it into belly button gazing" I have strong will like many alkies,,,but i need the proper direction from my HP...so problem isn't really will power now..its direction))... Hello Mark)))Daily reflections... I have also just grown a little, i'm not changing completely... but i am easing up on the "apostate" stuff as it is getting stale...don't you agree? ... and incidentally.... the pot roller? Its probably the techs themselves.... who cares anyway.... i don't ... i'm not fussing about such trivial stuff now am i? (thanks for the votes of confidence...and the critiquing too! Bikerbabe loves alkies


Member: Carlc
Location: NM
Date: 24 May 2003
Time: 16:58:17

Comments

Bikerbabe I knew you had a great heart. That is a great topic, I have to pray constantly for His will for me. In sobriety I have wanted to off myself at least three times, and each time I was doing my will, my will will get me into a casino where I lose whatever little money I have and then what do I want to do ? get in front of a Kenworh semi because Ive squandered a lot of money trying to change the way I feel , my will got me into a bad realtionship with a married woman I was playing sir galahad and when that ended I had a 25 automatic in my mouth wanting to make a hole in my head. Stopping drinking is just the beginning just like if you want to go to college the 1st grade is a good idea.


Member: Biker friendly babe
Location: A new land?
Date: 24 May 2003
Time: 17:42:20

Comments

Thanks Carl c...hahahaha i had the casino experience myself.. yikes.. very funny story i'll have to tell it some time... glad your not dead man! Wow.. arent we alkies something its like (Im not going to change and i'm cant stand this life... and so f'k u god.. i'll kill myself first.. i now view suicide as the ultimate and opitimee of taking ones own will back.. 2 things my alkie father taught me... don't get involved with religious nuts and never ever kill yourself theres always tomorow..(Thanks Dad..how can you tell things were a bit grim in our house.. Today all is okay... cause i have been saved... got a good life now.. oh oh tears welling up... Ohhh Yoo hoooo!! Melanie... thank you for the prayer... very nice... I also have to pray; when i get feelings that result from my own pre-concieved notions. hmmm... i can never completely get a handle on it all... (Why? because i keep trying to have a handle on it all)) Hahahahahaha.. ha. ok then..... i personally give my self permission to be proggresing and not perfect and no longer allow myself to be "shamed for it (by anyone)..((Translation: i am a rather angry chicky and allow no-one their feelings if they colide with my behaviours)) So sorry Mel if i bug ya a bit. Because i have one or two brain cells left to rub together,, i do not come here for social reasons... so i don't rub your backs.. too bad.. (( Translation: i am not too good at how to socially interact in a healthy way with others so i use anger and dress it up to look like one of my strenghths as i am insecure and scared about this reality... aawwwww...... Love is an action word..that can create a powerful feeling if administered rightly and with good intentions. and sometimes...ITS A BITCH! Booo Whaaaaaaaaa Putt..sput put...pop.. and die.....((There i go again with me angry stuff... geeee wizzzz what's it gonna take? Bikerbabes progressing and not perfect yet...


Member: ><
Location: :"
Date: 24 May 2003
Time: 23:26:15

Comments

CarlC & Bikerbebe>>>great stuff.....I's like


Member: ><
Location: :"
Date: 24 May 2003
Time: 23:26:21

Comments

CarlC & Bikerbebe>>>great stuff.....I's like