Member: Judyrose M
Location: Boston Ma
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 13:01:08

Comments

Step six...humph? Just don't remove the defects I'm still enjoying. I don't want to get well over the week-end! :=) I'm 22 years sober...and still not well....but it is the trying!!!


Member: Merle P.
Location: New York
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 13:46:16

Comments

Merle, Alcoholic. When I first did this step in my first year of recovery, I didn't understand it. I thought everything was going to be perfect the next day, including me. It took me a long time to learn that I wasn't entirely ready. I also learned that if I want these defects removed I have to do my part, too. If I want to stop lying, I have to start practicing telling the truth. If I want my selfishness removed, I have to practicing being unselfish. God will only do what I can't do myself. Love to all.


Member: Doris H
Location: Ore.
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 14:30:36

Comments

Doris the alcoholic here, Well ! ! This is a biggy, - - - -I'm sure not ready for this one, but I will be someday and I am looking forward to it. B U T ! I will get there, one day and one step at a time, Love Doris


Member: Jeri C.  
Location: midwest
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 14:40:34

Comments

Hi Jeri=alcoholic and drug addict in recovery. I've been living step six for a long time because all the defects don't just POOF disappear. A few-I think my HP has allowed me to keep until I learned that they were not going to work for me and be sober at the same time. Some of them I was real grateful He removed right away so I didn't have to suffer with them. I worked the steps for years until I learned that for me they were a pattern for living. So, I deal with life on life's terms by using the steps and traditions to deal with anything that comes my way. I want to share that it WORKS! I will soon be 22 years sober and free from other drugs. I came in the doors of AA suffering from a "seemingly hopeless state of mind and body" and today I am free a day at a time. God Bless.


Member: Miah
Location: West Coast
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 15:30:09

Comments

Miah, Alcoholic. This is my first time in cyber. I would like to say that I have learned to live with some of my defects, because HP OR I haven't got "it" ---Yet. My Sponsor told me some years ago that some of your defects stay as a teaching tool for another who is watching and learning. I will always decide to work at what can bechanged and give my thanks to HP for what is. After all, we must take the better with the bitter. Thank-you AA for saving my life! and helping back to a spiritual exsistance. Trust God, love all and work your program.


Member: Maggie M.
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 15:39:59

Comments

Maggie,Alcoholic. The way step six works for me is that I do not want my tired, old defects of character.Because I dont want them I ask God to remove them . Now, as God is all powerful this removal of charcter defect actually works`UNLESS I want to retain them in order to be the proud owner of my character defects. Its cool,it takes my small willingness to let go and God does the work .Why is such a simple program made out to be hard,different but not hard!Its a case of cause and effect .If I want them removed they are,if I want to hang on to them thats how it will be for me.Now the real question is am I happy with my caracter defects ?The fact that its a defect should give the idea that I'd be better off without it. God will do His part,but it does take my willingness to not want it!Love to all,Maggie


Member: Mark C.
Location: Shelter Island,N.Y.
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 16:06:01

Comments

After writing the 4th doing the fifth and becoming aware of my defects at least some of them , I could stop pointing the finger at everyone else, I could see what my role was in the past when things were bad.I am also aware of my stinking thinking, like they person in the car ahead of me is not a @##$%^&** Jerk, I get half way thru the obcenity ,and say alittle prayer . I never used to do that .By working ALL of the steps I become entirely ready. The steps are written in the past tense,just the act of going to a meeting brings me closer to becoming entirely ready.Spiritual progress not perfection.


Member: Tom R.
Location: Chi.IL
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 19:32:51

Comments

Hi I'm Tom - Alky- I need to be aware of my character defects continually or they just take back over. I found out the hard way what it means to have an action program.I relapsed and went through a lot of pain to get back.I'm now involved heavy into service work.When I got to the 6th step this time I saw my character defects for the first time in my life. It ain't pretty!!!!At least now I wanna do something about them.Thanx for lettin' me talk.I'm off to my Sun. Big Book Mtg.


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 20:49:31

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda an alcoholic. I did not understand for a long time what Step 6 actual entailed. Then I was told it was just a mental frame of mind to be able to move onto Step 7. So I reviewed my list of flaws in my character from the 4th step and asked myself if I wanted to be relieved of every single defect of character, and I could not see any reason why I would want to keep any, so I said yes. After all, why would I want to hang onto defects of character that brought me nothing but confusion, misunderstandings, feuds, defiant behavior, and led me to be inconsider, rude, selfish, dishonest, why go on. It is all the undesireable traits I had when drinking. All has not been removed, but I was willing to have them all removed. I believe that is what this step is concerned with, willingness to change.

Love to all, Linda.


Member: Linda M
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 03 May 1998
Time: 21:46:53

Comments

Linda M. Alcoholic.

Step 6 for me has more meaning the longer I am sober and working a program. I sometimes suddenly realize, when I see clearly a defect that I can't seem to get rid of, that there is a benifit for me in keeping it. There is some sort of payoff for me to not to want to let it go. Just realizing this lessens the defect somewhat or at least makes me aware when it rears it's ugly head!

I am getting to know myself and I don't always like what I see. But acceptance is the first step just as it was with my powerlessness over alcohol. I have to accept something first before I can do anything about it.

Am grateful to be sober today and thankyou everybody!

Linda M


Member: Barb B         
Location: PA
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 01:51:47

Comments

Barb B., Pearl (person entering a recovered life) Like seeds in a watermellon, our defects are, we spit them out. And no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we can see how our experience can benefit others. Or shall we say we can see how our defects (selfishnes, self-centeredness, and so forth, has affected others) I heard it said some of my character defects have character. Its all in our perception, I think, the real point of step six is, is to show us our real need for the Higher Power. And we humbly ask Him to remove our character defects. I remember asking Him to make me perfect, make me perfect, makemeperfect!!! I was trying to find it thru, perfect foods, oatmeal, bananas, and lots of it, I won a door prize a day or two later a five lb can of sauerkraut, and the name on the label was perfection. My defects do have Character, God is A Character. And He is bigger than my mistakes. Have a good day.


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 17:24:15

Comments

Hi bonnie/alcoholic here, Hi extended family, (((ROOM-HUG))) STEP 6- they dont say it separates the men from the boys for nothing. LOL - Painstaking, it tis, I did the 4th and shared it with my sponsor (5th) then I went to the beach and humbly asked HIM to remove my character defects and shortcomings, dusted off my hands and went home. Little did I know this is not the way its done. for you see even after my first 4th and 5th i didnt have a whole lot of self honesty and thank God for that, for He is merciful and has only shown me little bits of my character defects at a time. a couple Christmases ago I was at a friends' house in an uncomfortable situtation, that situation let me feel what I had put my kids thru on an occasion about 20 yrs ago, i wrote them another amends letter with an addition to this one, is there anything that I can do to make this up to you today, surprizingly they all came up with something and happily I can report that I've met all but one request and that one will be complete in june or july, i will be going to a gay pride parade with my youngest son. Today I try to do what I promise, i try to walk like I talk for I may be the only Big Book someone runs into. I think Merle P and Jeri C said it the way I see it. Thank God for AA and thank AA for my God. Dear God, please bless all who venture here. *********************************************** bonzoc@webtv.net - Bonnie C. 5/30/80


Member: Milas
Location: Ca
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 20:00:56

Comments

Hi, I'm Milas an Acholic Well, humility is coming slowly along with my willingness. As they grow, my character defects fade,at least the most obvoius ones. Isn't that amazing ;) ----- And yes more are being revealed, requiring more humility all the time. With HIS help,we're working on those too.****** thank GOD and AA******


Member: Eddie
Location: Waianae Hawaii
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 20:28:39

Comments

Hi, Eddie Alcoholic

For a long time I thought I was the guy they talked about in the BB who was normal in every respect except for his drinking, that once you took the alcohol away from him he was all right. My problem, so I thought, was my drinking.And as long as I didn't drink than I was okay. Boy was I wrong! It's like when they say, "take a drunken horse thief and sober him up, you still have a horse theif." So I was 5 years years sober, practising the program as best I can behaving like a "sober horse theif" It was until all my behavior caught up with that I became willing to have my defects removed. Its easy to be a liar, cheat, and a theif when youre drunk. But practising these behavior sober with a new found conscious was slowly pushing back to drinking . At first it was easy to do my dirt and than sweep it under the rug. But as time went on the dirt under the rug was getting higher and higher. I believe that I hit a bottom in sobriety, that I needed to make a decision , it was eeasy to see that my life was unmanageable drunk, now I ahd t by the fact that sober my life was still unmanageable. I had to clean up the wreackage that I had created "sober" and to share this at a gut level with my sponser. Today I know that alcohol was not my problem, but my solution. I know that I cannot continue to act like a drunk and expect to remain sober. I like the part in the BB where it says "there is one who has all power, that One is God , may you find him know." Being powerless over alcohol was easier for me to see than being powerless over my defects, I just thought that was me. Thanks for letting me share. ALOHA eddie


Member: Libby
Location: Glenside PA
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 20:44:18

Comments

Hi! Libby alcoholic-- Not sure if I have the words but will try to express what step six means to me. I remember when I formally took step 3 with my sponsor I was scared the "I" would no longer be. And as we know now that is not a full truth. It was the launching pad for six. Naturally, I immediatly started on my 4th (only because my sponsor showed me the steps thru the Big Book)and was disturbed with what I was seeing on paper. Being the dramatic person I am I laid on my bed like Christ on the cross, and said "I don't want to be that person any more". Did my 4th and 5th and was asked "are you ready to let go?" I looked in her blue eyes and she was holding my hand took a second and with a tear in my eye said YES! That was 6 months ago.

I remember reading here "you don't have to understand the steps , But do them. I can tell you people have said I am more flexable and compassionate.Rigidity and fear of being close to you all is slowly leaving me and I didn't do it. As someone else posted I am as willing as the dying can be (most days) I know I cannot use my former ignorance to indulge in my old ways. Thank you AA!!

Peace to all Libby


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 04 May 1998
Time: 22:13:55

Comments

Hello to all y,all (plural) I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. To me , this is the most dificult step of the 12 to do. I was the person who shared that I had heard a speaker say you don't have to understand the steps, you have to do the steps. When I heard him say that it gave me lots of relief inthe fact that I ahd been having a great deal of difficulty in dealing with "entirely read" and remove " All" these defects. I had tried in the beginning for " blanket coverage" for this removal and He said NO. I had to back up and go through my 4th and 5th steps and He wanted me to know what each defect was and still is and become willing to give each to Him. When I was able to meet that cryteria, He would accept them only if I willingly would give them to Him and He would keep them just as long as I would allow Him to keep them. The key to this, for me, was that He would not take one defect from me AGAINST my will. This is why I believe the 12 & 12 refures to it as the one that separates the men from the boys. In other words How sober do you want to be or how happy do you want to be? I can still let myself get hung up on "entirewly ready and all these defects". As I said, I found for me they were very elusive and I had to act when I was willing and any other time it was an effort in futility. I am so glad I did not wait till I understood the steps before I did them. Love to all y,all Sanders


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 01:38:04

Comments

Hey all, Amy an alcoholic. Thanks as usual for making me feel better about my slow pathway through the steps. This one I pray for and try to keep a childlike faith that it has been (is daily being) removed, along with my daily bread and MILK. I loved the quote above "My defects have a Character, he is God", if we are made in his image (Which is what I believe) we should be ok as long as we don`t drink. I know I have defects of character but if I take it easy and try to improve SOMETHING or do a good deed then I feel like a human. Does any of this make sense? Love Amy GC


Member: Chris K.
Location: MB, Canada
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 01:45:47

Comments

Hi I'm Chris and I'm an alcoholic. As I read all the comments I feel so weepy cuz this is such an important step to me right now cuz I'm going thru the steps again for the first time after a relapse after 9 years in this amazing program - I can't help but feel so grateful because this is the step that reminds me that I'm human - I realize that my fears have kept me so dishonest and I haven't given so many people in my life a chance for so long - it's no wonder it hurts and yet on the flip side as I go thru the steps again I know that the grace of God is always waiting just as the alcohol was - I really liked what our Hawaii member was talking about - I'm learning again (cuz honestly it got to be like I never knew what grace was and I thought I already knew all the answers!) that working these steps are my passage to spirituality which gives me a completely different perspective! That old saying - if our way worked we wouldn't need to be here! Thanks - Chris K.


Member: Bonnie B
Location: Michigan
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 08:14:42

Comments

Hi I'm Bonnie B. an Alcoholic. When I entered this program my ego was very fragile. I truly believe that I WAS a defect -- so giving up my defects was very hard for me -- I was afraid there would be nothing left.

My defects served me well. I believe today that ALL of me is given by God and that the defects were good things that got twisted. They helped me survive for many years --they were the only thing I knew -- but then I found AA and a new way to survive.

I wanted to to 'zap' me and make me perfect but in order to become "entirely ready" I had to come face to face with each defect and see how it was hurting me and others and THEN and only then was I entirely ready to have Him remove them. Once they were gone, there was plenty of room for Him to put in some good stuff to replace all that uk. Today I am happy joyful and free no matter what my circumstances. Thank God for AA! This is cool -- I am new at this stuff -- I'll be back!


Member: Rory A
Location: London England
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 11:19:51

Comments

Hi, I'm Rory and an alcoholic. Just did step 5 with my sponsor - what a relief !! After four years in the program, sober but crazy as ever, the pink cloud had gone and all that was left was meetings, sharing, and service. At last I embarked upon the real meat of the recovery, the steps, with a person I couldtrust totally. Now, at the beginning of step 6, I am finally starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. What a remarkable fellowship this is.


Member: Steve G.
Location: So. Cal
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 11:37:21

Comments

Hi, Steve, alcoholic, I believe that I lived my life as the sum of my defects. There were very few assets. At least that's what I thought. I always believed, hoped, prayed, that there was a good person buried under all those defects. You know, a pony under the pile.... I took step 6 when my sponsor and I agreed that I had become willing, no easy task for an alcoholic but, it can be done. I think step 6 is a life long journey, it's happening slowly but, it's happening. I was sitting next to my sponsor at our 12x12 meeting a few years ago, and was shocked to see him highlighting something in his book. You see, He got sober when I was 5 months old. I'll be 47 later this month. That fact is not to impress you or anyone else, it just drives home the point to me that this wonderful journey is a life long commitment. As that "old man" says, we all can stay sober on an all time basis, one day at a time. I thank God every day for the program of AA, and for all of you.

Thanks, Steve


Member: David B.
Location: Phila., Pa.
Date: 05 May 1998
Time: 23:17:51

Comments

Hi all, David B., alkie, addict. So glad to find this way to get AA when I can't make a real meeting. Coming back into recovery after a two year relapse and 15 years sober but not working the program before that I'm keenly aware that this is the heart of the issue. It's the defects in me that caused me to seek the drugs and drinks. Therapy made me more aware of them but didn't make them go away. The spirituality and fellowship and forgiving acceptance of me as I am- the guts of the program- are what make me believe I have a chance to let go of the defects. I came back in dead and now I feel like I have my life back and the love and guidance of a true functional (!) family. Thank god for you all and for this new way to reach you. You've re-lit my heart! Thanks.


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 04:08:22

Comments

Hi Bonnie/alcoholic here, Hi extended family, (((ROOM-HUG))) sorry for sharing twice in here but I cant get into the coffeepot, page full, and I wanted to send ((((hugs)))) to all who are hurting and just to everyone, cause I love your hearts and to DORIS-girl I just love your spirit, LIB, hugs across the country for you, MARY W, left hugs for yu in disc. but I dont think you saw them, so heres more :-) to my brothers so far away from home defending my freedom hi5s and hugs and heartfelt thankyous, ((MICHELLE)) ((FAYLA)) ((EILEEN)) ((DUANE)) ((CLIFF)) ((RONNIE)) all my email family ((EVERYONE)) Josh please tell Mike W. I will send email and some of my best jokes, thanks, you're a nice guy for doin that.love ya. Please God bless all who venture here. *********************************************** bonzoc@webtv.net


Member: Jane
Location: Ma.
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 06:50:40

Comments

Often the awareness of a defect of character comes to me by being on the receiving end of my own behavior! Yuck. What a grace tho, because then comes discomfort and finally the WILLINGNESS to let go and humbly ask that it be removed.

When a defect has become sickening to me, it's time to give it up. Strangely, this is not self hatred at all. Just self knowledge. In early sobriety I decided just what needed changing and set out to "fix" myself--what a bore!! HP is far more merciful, when I gave him the game plan.

Living daily in Step 3 keeps me on track for God's plan for the next round of change in Step 6. What a life!! Being entirely ready for me is to be surrendered as much as is humanly possible in a day. Often I am not, tho. Love to all.


Member: Barbara S.
Location: NJ
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 10:27:18

Comments

My name is Barbara and I'm an alcoholic.

Liked very much what Jane said above about trying to "fix" herself and then finding out that it was easier and more fulfilling to simply let go, instead. I realize now that that's been true for me, also, although the willingness to be "fixed" is definitely the key. This Step, to me, is about letting go (a kind of "leap of faith"), and time, and hope, and patience (something I wasn't equipped with at first!). As with the other Steps, I find there is always more there, and, well, thank God for that!

When I first came around AA, I heard about the "peeling of the onion" - the way in which we slowly come to know ourselves through our defects (and our assets!). Now, what I like is that I no longer think I'm a horrible person because of my defects, because I'm just a human being among other human beings, and won't ever be perfect. But I am willing to improve - something I couldn't even have imagined in my drinking days.

Thanks, all, and a good week -


Member: MATTHEW   L
Location: MAPLEWOOD  N.J.
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 14:02:19

Comments

STEP 6 MY DEFECTS HAVE BROUGHT ME SUFFRING IN MY FIRST ATTEMPT IN RECOVERY, I HAD 17 MONTHS AND SELF CENTERED FEAR LONELYNESS SENT ME OUT ON A SLIP... I HAVE LEARED ALOT ABOUT MY SELF IN THE PAST 20 DAYS THEN I DID BEFORE. BY GODS GRACE I CAME BACK FAST I NEED HELP FROME OTHERS WHO HAVE BIN WHERE I HAVE GONE. SOBERITY HAS ITS UPS AND DOWN.. LORD HELP ME TO GET A JOB SO CAN BE A RESPONSIBLE RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC THANK YOU TO ALL MY AA FRIENDS ..GOD BLESS US ALL


Member: NANCY C"
Location: QC, CANADA
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 22:25:39

Comments

Step Six - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Step Six - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Step Six - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Etc... I have REAL trouble with this one i think... sometimes i'm so selfish and if there's something i can't stand is when things doesn't work like I want.... I'm sober for two years now, and i work hard on myself...but you know sometimes everything happens and i get angry and all... anyway i'll work on it...

Nancy


Member: Erv W.
Location: Adams Wi.
Date: 06 May 1998
Time: 23:13:04

Comments

Good evening, my name is Erv and I'm an alcoholic.. I also just finished another 5th step.. And when I was done I came home and did the sixth and seventh.. The sixth step was and is the hardest.. All those defects of character where and are my masks.. And if I am ready to give them all up, there would only be the real me.. And what if you didn't like the real me ?? Yes, for brief moment I wanted to let them all go !! But then came fear, and I now know that it's going to take a lifetime.. But I will keep giving them to God, and maybe someday I won't have to take any back !! Have a great week everyone, and I hope to see you next week !! Erv


Member: Bruce M
Location: St.Catharines, Ontario
Date: 07 May 1998
Time: 09:40:32

Comments

In step 4, I recognized my defects. In step 5, I admitted them to another person. For me, step 6 is not the removal of these defects, but rather the willingnes to have them removed--the desire to change the things that I can. I ask my higher power not only to HELP me eliminate the defective aspects of my character, but to also HELP me build and develop valuable, positive characteristics to replace the defective parts. I cannot change if I am not willing to change, and I cannot change if I am not willing to put forth the effort to change...it takes both the help of my HP and me taking an active, responsible role in the development of my own character. I wish you all the best and may you all achieve spiritual, mental, and physical progress as you work the steps.


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB AK
Date: 08 May 1998
Time: 19:24:13

Comments

Mark, Dope fiend alcoholic. Pain has this funny way of getting my attention. Pain is a great motovator for me to get off of my ass and willing to do whatever it takes to get out of the pain. My defects cause pain in my life. clinging to them out of some false sense of security has through the years cused me more pain. Only through pain, caused by me in my life, do I become willing to let go of things that cause me harm. The insanity of the disease though causes the great debate to commence in my head. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Must be why this step falls after the preceding 5 that have helped me build a faith that will allow me to become willing to trust, to let go, to surrender.

Mark