Member: D H
Location: Ore
Date: 19 Apr 1998
Time: 11:00:51

Comments

D H Admitting my wrongs to God will be the easy part. How can we keep anything from God. He knows everything we do. I think the hard part of admitting my wrongs to God is having to acknowledge to myself in this process all of those things I have done wrong. Admitting those wrongs to another human being will be tough. Whom shall that be ? Probably my sponser. But ! I am not at this step yet so I'll put this off for a while. (A friend told me once that he would procrastinate BUT ! he'd probably put it off. I'm a bit like that too. I started the fourth step two days ago and so far it's going smoothly. Thank You for all that you all contributed. D H


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 19 Apr 1998
Time: 12:53:31

Comments

I am very definitaly a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. The 5th step to me was very important and I took it with my sponser as he knew more about me than any one else. In taking this step, I found that I could lie to God and get away with it "longer" than than I could with my sponser. With my sponser, I would start to "drift off" the truth just a bit and my sponser would say " Lets back up and try that again". I can still hear him now saying that and it has been 15 years since it took place. He has been dead for several years and I truely do miss him. He was such a help to me inhelping me to understand tne program and keeping me honest with me. Anyway, we talked about the 4th step I had written for a couple of hours and I found out that most of the stuff I had done, he had also done. I found out I was not a bad person but a sick person who wanted to get well and this was a big part of the process of getting well. As I shared in the 4th step, I have not found it necessary to go back and re do the 4th or 5th. I use the 10th for keeping me in the "now" This is how I experienced the 5th step and hope it might make it a bit simpler for someone just starting it. Love to all Sanders


Member: Mark B.
Location: Eielson AFB, Alaska
Date: 19 Apr 1998
Time: 14:44:43

Comments

Mark, Dope fiend alcoholic. The 5th, or confession is one of the 5 principles contained in the 12 steps. I know for me, admission of my faults, my shortcomings is as nesessary as inventory because if I don't own my part in something, the knowledge alone, avails me nothing. As I worked my 4th with my sponsor, I went through the emotional rollcoaster the likes of which I never dreamed possible. One minute I'd be laughing, the next crying, the next ready to kill somebody so for me, I was constantly examining and talking about things I uncovered with him. My 4th and 5th went together hand in hand. I can't really talk about one without talking about the other because for me, I stuffed so much, hid so many feelings behind my actions, that when I wrote them, I had to get rid of them, had to talk about them, had to examine them. Everything I thought was so terrible and horrendous, that I was going to take to my grave with me, I've shared about from podiums, shared in discussions meetings, shared with people I sponsor. They've lost their grip, their power over me. What I do today is continually through spot inventories, own and admit my part in things that cause me discomfort with others, repair damage of my present, and not allow secrets to build. I heard a long time ago that I was as sick as my own secrets. Today I try to have none. I can't afford to. today I try to live an open and honest life so I have none of the baggage I once carried. I'd like to be able to tell you I do this thing perfectly, I don't. That's why I still need all the tools, why I still believe in the old "uncover, discover, and discard", direction I was given long ago. It works for me. Gotta run, hugs to all.

Mark


Member: Linda M
Location: London, Ontario
Date: 19 Apr 1998
Time: 15:28:59

Comments

Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my name is Linda. I can barely remember the first 5th step I took, but I do remember I did a lot of finger-pointing to justify my actions. I did it with a Nun who worked with alcoholics here were I live. It was funny, looking back that is :), how she just had to look at me a certain way which made me realize, even then, that I was being dishonest with myself and her. I did, however feel much better as soon as the appointment was made, even before I actually went through the process. Since that time I have done at least one more with my sponsor once I got to know myself better and became aware of my true defects of character. It was neat because she had done the exact same behaviours as I had and this made me realize I wasn't totally rotten. Also in discovering these things about myself and discussing them with another person it seemed to help me to change my behaviour. To find solutions and not be so powerless over my actions, once I realized how they hurt others. Today I use the 10th to keep myself on track and don't feel the need to do another fifth.

Linda M


Member: Linda P.
Location: Fresno, CA, USA
Date: 19 Apr 1998
Time: 16:43:31

Comments

Linda, an alcoholic. Good topic. My fifth step spanned several hours and I was fortunate enough to have a sponsor that identified with my own experiences. There were a few things I purposefully left out, but within days of doing my 5th, I spoke to her about them also. It took me a while to trust someone with that personal stuff. Certainly was a relief to get all that out into the open, and to find out I was not so unique to those experiences of life that I thought were so treadful. That there were others that could steak claim to the fact they to had things happen to them that were either similar or worse than my own experiences. My sponsor was honest with me and shared about herself, her actions in that regards helped me to trust and be honest with her about everything. We are best friends today. Our common afflictions brought us close. Not everyone I understand has that kind of relationship with their sponsor. Sponsors are there to help us through the steps, not to necessarily be our buddy or friend. It just worked out that way for us and I am thankful for that.

Love to all.

Linda P.


Member: jrr
Location: harmony on the lake
Date: 19 Apr 1998
Time: 19:36:37

Comments

Amy G ...i suggest you look at my post in coffeepot....then get busy with 4 and 5...for obvious character defects do not go away .....and again...thank- you Sanders for such a simple and honest post...as always...


Member: St. Peter
Location: The pearly gates
Date: 19 Apr 1998
Time: 23:43:36

Comments

Judge not lest ye be judged, jrr .


Member: D H
Location: Ore
Date: 19 Apr 1998
Time: 23:47:45

Comments

I would like to thank you all for your comments on this step. As I said before I am having trouble and fears, your true confessions has helped me and I am sure many others a great deal.THANK YOU AGAIN, D


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA   KS
Date: 20 Apr 1998
Time: 01:24:09

Comments

fayla ,I havent taken a fifth step yet,I will as soon as i get a sponser,I look forward to getting that stuff out ,i keep thinking i doint half to tell them every thing ,I know this is drinking thinking ,we all know how us drunks minds work .I half to be on gard all the time my mind trys to play little tricks on me . I know when i do the fith step ,iam going to be honest, I keep this thought in mind ,If you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it ,I WILL do any thing to stay sober . I BELIEVE this meeting is helping me to grow alot. I have so much work to do on my defects ,and iam pluging along ,just for today. love to every one of you . fayla g


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA   KS
Date: 20 Apr 1998
Time: 01:25:47

Comments

fayla ,I havent taken a fifth step yet,I will as soon as i get a sponser,I look forward to getting that stuff out ,i keep thinking i doint half to tell them every thing ,I know this is drinking thinking ,we all know how us drunks minds work .I half to be on gard all the time my mind trys to play little tricks on me . I know when i do the fith step ,iam going to be honest, I keep this thought in mind ,If you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it ,I WILL do any thing to stay sober . I BELIEVE this meeting is helping me to grow alot. I have so much work to do on my defects ,and iam pluging along ,just for today. love to every one of you . fayla g


Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 20 Apr 1998
Time: 03:46:17

Comments

Hey to All, Amy the alcoholic. Jrr I love you. I have admitted my shortcomings to Jesus and he forgave me for them, that is good enough for me but it sure would warm this displaced southerners heart if you would also. You are right that the 5th step is what I need to work on next. Therefore I am looking for a sponsor. Love to all, Amy G.C. PS Doris I understand troubles and fears. My grandmother was in intensive care after an open heart operation a few years ago and I said to her "grandmama you are so strong" and she said, no dear I just know on whom to lean (meaning the HP).


Member: jrr
Location: Harmony on the Lake
Date: 20 Apr 1998
Time: 05:16:24

Comments

well ... i did not know St.Peter had a computer....funny...sounded as if he was judging me...hypocrite - eh, petey..?? And Amy...to ya... i left a note for you about 10 minutes ago at the coffeepot...and i trust you got my return e-mail to your lovely note...you will do fine over there...for you do not walk alone...you have your God, and a whole lot of people right here who will help anyway they can...even if it seems chaotic...and do contact mary w. in kansas...she is a big big fan of yours...as am I...so misunderstanding aside...God Bless and stay strong...We love you ! peace, jrr


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 20 Apr 1998
Time: 05:32:01

Comments

Bonnie/alcoholic, Hi extended family (((ROOM-HUG))) the 5th step, finally dumping the poison and finding out I was not the worst person in the whole world was really freeing. I did my first 5th step when I was 13 months sober, I didn't have alot of self-honesty at that time so I have done many 4ths and 5ths since. one I did on the 7 deadly sins (they are in the 12 & 12) as they pertain to all areas of my life, many others on all sorts of things that weren't working. this is a lifetime process as my self-honesty gets deeper, my character defects and short comings keep surfacing and as I identify them and write and share about them they lose their power. such a wonderful process. the person I chose to do my 5th step with had 13yrs when I had 13months, I chose her because I admired her dignity, honesty and depth when she shared, I had never heard her share a tidbit of gossip and I had met her the week i came into the program, she was the secretary of the Womans group I went to weekly, so I knew her character. the only suggestion I can make when making a choice of the person to share with be very selective and Pray about it. I wanted someone I could share anything with for I was sharing my deepest darkest secrets. I am as sick as my secrets and I cannot afford the poisons they produce so i have to rid them. dear God please bless all that enter here *************************************** bonzoc@webtv.net


Member: Michael H
Location: jackson mi
Date: 20 Apr 1998
Time: 07:19:18

Comments

Mike, alcoholic. When I did my fifth step it was like aload was lifted from my shoulders. I smiled. I cried. I laughed. Then I thanked God.


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 20 Apr 1998
Time: 12:00:46

Comments

FAYLA HERE, THATS WHAT MY BROTHER TOLD ME ,WHEN YOU GET ALL THAT CRAP OUT IN THE OPEN ,YOUII FEEL LIKE A NEW PERSON ,I SURE HOPE SO CAUSE SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE THE OLD ONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME , LOVE FAYLA


Member: Barbara S.
Location: NJ
Date: 20 Apr 1998
Time: 12:08:14

Comments

My name is Barbara, and I'm an alcoholic. This is perhaps the Step I love best. In my whole life, what I'd wanted most, I think, was to find people to share myself with and to talk to; Step 5 was the beginning of learning how to have relationships with others, and how to give of myself (which, to my surprise, meant talking about the things that were important to me!).

I actually ended up doing this Step for the first time in a kind of unusual way: early on (after about 1-1/2 years of sobriety) I did service work at the local AA intergroup office every week, and ended up talking to another volunteer there about everything there is to talk about. I was working at that time on my 4th Step (and so many other aspects of sobriety), and asking for help, and after about a year, I realized that I had done my 5th Step with this person without even realizing that was what had happened!

After that, although it didn't come all at once, I lost my fear of looking at and trying to understand my own defects, and of talking to others about them. I no longer had to be perfect, only to want to try to do better. I also realized that God does truly "work in mysterious ways," ways I would never have thought of myself!

Thanks, all, for being part of this lovely journey....


Member: Hack
Location: Montana
Date: 20 Apr 1998
Time: 17:48:06

Comments

Hello. My name is Heather and I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. The 4th and 5th step are my favorite ones to talk about. Befor I took the 5th step I was full of fear and resentment. I remember the feeling of freedom I felt after I finally admitted to another human being everything about myself. My sponsor had me make a fear list with my 4th step. I had everything on there. I was told that no matter how small or big I thought it was to put it down anyway. I had everything from deathe to spiders on that list. After I told my sponsor about my fear of spiders it was explained to me that they are god's creations, too. Just like me. After I came to terms with that I looked down at my Big Book and with the fire light I could see a spider. I was o.k. I didn't freak out, I just brushed it off. It's a god thing. Thereis a paragraph in the Big Book on page 75. It talks about how we will feel after we do a 5th step. The fears fell from me. I could walk hand in hand with my creator, and look the world in the eye. It was a wonderful feeling. I know that I didn't do it alone. On the top of every page I was told to write"God, guide and protect me" It works!! I am glad to be here. Thank you for helping me stay clean and sober another day.


Member: Richard C.
Location:
Date: 20 Apr 1998
Time: 22:58:25

Comments

Honest self admission is vital.


Member: Erv W.
Location: Adams Wi.
Date: 20 Apr 1998
Time: 23:19:26

Comments

Good evening, my name is Erv and I'm an alcoholic.. I took a fifth step at the six month mark.. I now find it was not the best.. I have a little over one year now, and I'm ready for another one.. The book tells me that any business that doesn't take a regular inventory usually goes broke.. And being a low-bottom drunk, I know what it's like to be broke.. And I'm not just talking about monitarily.. Today I'm so grateful that God has taken the obsession to drink away that I will go to any lengths to stay sober today !! And if that includes taking a fifth step every six months, thats fine with me.. I hope everyone has a great week, and I hope to see you all here next week.. Your friend in sobriety Erv..


Member: Mark S
Location: Ohio
Date: 21 Apr 1998
Time: 22:24:34

Comments

My fifth step was not as profound as many describe theirs. I attribute this to my having been in counselling for quite a while. Most of my fifth step had aleady passed my lips a few times. I think there must be something universally theraputic about "confession". Most cultures seem to have some form of it.

Anyway, one significant element of my fifth step was that I approached it knowing I was going to hold something back. It was a shame-based behavior that I was not prepared to divulge. I knew I was going to have to do another fifth later because I didn't think I'd be able to let go of this particular issue.

My sponsor arranged for me to do my fifth with a brother who happened to be in several 12 step programs. He allowed me to feel so at-ease, I did end up sharing my secret. Turns out to be not a big deal, but something I can deal with.

I did the fifth to the best of my abilities and I'm glad I did. I hope no one holds back. Old timers tell me it may affect their sobriety, sooner or later.


Member: FAYLA
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 22 Apr 1998
Time: 03:25:34

Comments

FAYLA AA, ITS REALLY HARD TO COMENT ON ALOT OF THE THINGS SOME OF YOU SAY ABOUT THE STEPS ,UNTILL I FIND A SPONSER AND START WORKING THEM,I HAVE LEARNWD ALOT ,FROM YOUR POSTS ABOUT WHAT I NEED TO DO WHEN I DO THEM ,IVE LEARNED ALOT FROM ALL OF YOU IN MANY WAYS IVE LEARNED TO CARE ALITTLE ABOUT MYSELF ,I HAVE A REAL HARD TIMES WITH THIS AND SOME OF THE NICE THINGS YOU SAY ABOUT ME ,I THINK IF YOU KNEW ABOUT MY 5TH STEP STORY ,WOULD YOU STILL THINK IHAD A GOOD HEART. I LOVE YOU ALL ,MY BROTHER AND OTHERS HAVE TOLD ME ,YOUR ONLY AS SICK AS YOUR SECRETS AND IAM PRETTY SICK . FAYLA G


Member: Doris
Location: here with the rest of you
Date: 22 Apr 1998
Time: 11:36:22

Comments

Fayla, my friend, we all have secrets and I will tell you mine. If it makes you feel any better. Like I have said before I grew up in an incestuous home. It started when i was 4 and ended when I was 18 and got married, but the pressure from him never did.Somehow I managed to believe that this was MY fault. When I was 13 I had a baby. Noone EVER knew that I was even pregnant. I lived in such total fear and terror I of course never went to anyone, I 'learned' to put this reality out of my mind. No wonder I was so good at hiding all those years. It was my natural state. When this child was born I was alone and I did feel it move, I'll never know if it died or I killed it. I have confessed this to a priest and he said I was not responsible. Those are just words to me. I still beat myself up over this and i am 52. I am trying to let this go but it is hard. Living this way all of my early life taught me some survival skills. Lying. Cheating. Stealing. Conniving. I learned to justify any action because I DESERVED something didn't I ? It was O K for me to steal a candy bar. It was the only way I could get one and I did deserve these small pleasures. It was O K for me tell a lie because that was the only way to get out of a beating. It was O K for me to cheat on a test in school because I never had a chance to study and that was the only way I could pass and if I didn't pass there were more beatings. See, sometimes you just learn to SURVIVE. Now it is time for me to try to live accordinmg to the standards I have set for myself. It is time for me to be honost and tell these things to another human being and it is awful damn hard to do that. "Nobody would ever like me if they knew the real me. If they knew what I have done." I , of course, say that to myself and doing the steps invovling this looks pretty darn hard to me. BUT ! I am praying about it and this, here, is the first time I have ever said these things and having this very anonymous place has helped me a lot. I just want to say, FAYLA, Your heart is shing through and I don't care what you have ever done, I think I could and do love you as another human being and at the same time I don't really believe that anyone could REALLY love me. Cause I'm a bad person down deep. IS THIS SICK THINKING? You bet it is. But ! I am working on it. God bless you Fayla, and all of you,Doris


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 22 Apr 1998
Time: 11:45:05

Comments

I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Hang in there Fayla and stay with the steps. I STRONGLY urge you to get a sponser NOW to help to guide you through the steps. I truely feel and know that for me the 12 steps ARE the program of AA. I was very fortunate in that I found a step oriented sponser who was very knowledgable of the steps to guide me through them. He started my home group, which was a step study group, primarily from the big book. He had nothing against the 12 & 12 but said it is harder to find everthing in the BB and while looking you just may run accross something else that might help you. this was the format started 20 years ago and it is still very succesful and one of the better step meetings in the area still today. For some reason we always managed to get good participaton from all people even if they had not done a particular step and this was just great because hopefully they would be on that step later and have some of their concers answered when they did get there. So as I said earlier Fayla, get you a sponser and stay in those steps. I hope your brother continues to improve and he is still on my prayer list. Love to all, Sanders


Member: Eddie G
Location: Waianae Hi
Date: 22 Apr 1998
Time: 18:54:09

Comments

Hi, my name is Eddie and I'm a Alcoholic This is the step that brought me forward. My sponser, God bless him, was a walking talking copy of the big book. I watched him walk his talk. Being a new comer at the time, and having little faith, I wanted to see if he was real. He had a group of us that he sponsered at the same time, and he would run step study meetings from his house. When we got to the 4th step the fear kicked in, fear that if you found out what I did and who I really am your not going to like me, shame guilt, and the all time favorite remorse. See when I got to this program, I was a total losser, in every aspect of my life. The plastic face that I put on just to walk into the door, was sometime to difficult to do. I remember times when I would catch the bus 30 mile get to the meetings and be to ashame to walk in, I would get back on the bus and go home. So when I got to the 4th step the fear almost sent me out the door. It's amazing, I felt so unique, like no one was as bad as me, that no one did the terrible thing to the people they love as I did, that no one sold there soul to the devil. I was so wrong, I found out that I wasn't alone, that i was wasn't the worst person inthe world, Ialso found got that God loves, and the way I know this is because he gave me AA SO when it comes to the 5th step, the freedom I felt was unreal. The 4th step will show how willing you really are, because I tell you, with out help from my sponser, and the other men in that step study, I couldn't have got honest, without getting honest I would have never felt the freedom they talk about in the big book. Freedom from boundage What a feeling.

Aloha Eddie.


Member: Marilyn P
Location: NY
Date: 22 Apr 1998
Time: 20:21:20

Comments

My name is Marilyn, and I'm an alcoholic. I did this step with my sponsor. It was very hard to admit I was self-centered. It was even harder to believe I had a part in everything that happened to me. But after a period of time, I learned that if I had a part in everything that happened to me, and if I changed for the better with God's help, that a lot of the awful things that happened wouldn't have to happen again. So there was a lot of hope. Doris, I think a lot of us feel we aren't lovable and that we did things that made us feel ashamed, but by going to meetings, getting a sponsor, joining a home group, working the steps, and especially working with other recovering alcoholics, relying on a Higher Power, we get a chance to be happy and we learn to love ourselves. Thanks, Love to all


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 22 Apr 1998
Time: 21:53:45

Comments

I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Thank you Doris for that wonderful share above, that did me and lots of other people lots of good to see that kind of courage to be able to share our innermost self with someone. Thanks again. I was starting to get a bit concerned about the lack of sharing on this step and remembered so many times past when in a step meeting and you get past #3, and nearly everyone you call on to share, says I'll pass because I haven't done that one yet. Well I for one wish to say this one finally opened up and there is some mighty good "stuff" being passed out for free here. This does me so much good to see this good partisipation in the 5th step. I suggest to anyone reading this who is serious about not drinking, this is where it happens. We have a program of recovery that consists of 12 steps, and if you want it get you a sponser and enjoy the trip. Keep up the good shares, I love them. Sanders


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 23 Apr 1998
Time: 00:25:02

Comments

FAYLA TO DORIS ,THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR POST, IT MEANT SO MUCH TO ME .I PRAY FOR YOU TO AND YOUR PAIN ,I KNOW WE ALL HAVE SO MUCH PAIN , TO DEAL WITH IN OUR LIVES ,I DO IT SO MUCH BETTER SOBER . SANDERS THANK YOU FOR YOUR GOOD ADVICE ,AND KIND WORDS .I HOPE I CAN SOMEDAY HELP OTHERS AS YOU ALL AND OTHERS HAVE HELPED ME .BUT GOD IS NUMBER ONE ON THE LIST .LIFE IS SO NEW TO ME BEING SOBER I LOVE THIS LIFE ,I LIKE THE LOVE I SEE IN MY CHILDRENS EYES .I MISSED SO MUCH WHEN I WAS DRUNK ,I HAVE SO MUCH SOBER LOVE TO YOU ALL FAYLA G


Member: Linda P.
Location: Frseno, CA, USA
Date: 23 Apr 1998
Time: 00:32:14

Comments

Hi everyone, Linda here, an alcoholic.

Doris thanks for your indepth sharing. Sometimes we think the worst of ourselves for what we have done, yet others who hear our stories do not feel that way about us at all, and are actually bonded to us because they can relate. It takes courage to speak up and give of yourself like you did. A wonderful example of just how that process actually works.

Fayla, your not alone with regards to concerns over Steps 4 and 5. Many of us fell into that way of thinking at first. A few facts that placed these steps into prospective for me is that I no longer had the same frame of mind now sober as when I was drinking. Behaviors that I did then, are not practiced in sobriety. The life I had drinking is no more. When I went through those steps it was if I was gossiping about an old acquaintance. It was difficult for me to believe that I did the things I did.

My experience with seeing my dishonesty came at 5 yrs sober, long after I had done a 4th and 5th Step with a sponsor. This incident had not surfaced in my memory until I heard others talk of financial amends in a late night meeting. I boasted many times through those years, "thank God I never had to bother with financial amends." Then it struck me I was a thief. When I was pregnant, I walked into a clothing store and stole 2 dresses, and justified that theft by the fact I needed the clothes and had no money to buy any. Not a concern in the world that I was doing anything wrong. I pushed that activity back in the mind and hide that experience in the folds of that poor brain. When I got sober, that old stuff seeped out and I had to deal with it or drink. I did make amends through written correspondence and financial restitution. Another time I walked into a discount store, changed my ratty shoes for a new pair, and again that also had to be dealt with. I guess what I am trying to say, no matter what you have done, there is a remedy down the road in the other steps. Those things that we can not forgive ourselves for, those will take care of themselves in time as you share with others those stories that used to burden you, like Doris's example. There is a promise to the effect that "we will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it." Those stories that you are afraid to share with others, will be like small treasures shared with others on this road of recovery, to help them know that no matter what happened to them, this program can work for them as it has done for you, and for me, and for all those who earnestly work the steps. We have a wonderful opportunity to right the wrongs, and heal from old wounds in this fellowship. May God keep you in his care.

Love to all, Linda P.


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 23 Apr 1998
Time: 06:06:59

Comments

Hi again, bonnie/alcoholic, ((((Fayla)))) that hug's for you. strong suggestion here, please my friend, find a sponsor, and start working these wonderful, healing steps. they are a gift from God for each of us alcoholics. Love and hugs to all who enter here, God Bless


Member: FAYLA   G
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 23 Apr 1998
Time: 10:23:00

Comments

FAYLA ,WITH MY LOVE TOO YOU ALL ,ITS SO NICE TO KNOW YOU ARE THERE I WILL MAKE IT MY GOLD TO GET A SPONSER ,I WILL DO MY BEST TO GET ONE THIS WEEK. LOVE FAYLA


Member: Doris H
Location: In the northwest
Date: 23 Apr 1998
Time: 11:30:46

Comments

I have something I need to say about getting a sponsor. "Hiring" a sponsor is a lot like hiring anyone else. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. I,of course, have used a few shrinks in my life and I found early on that we had to "click" . Sometimes we didn't. But two times we did and those relationships were very good. Dr. Fisher and I became very good friends,God rest his soul. I got a sponsor earlier in my recovery and she was a lovely person, but ! it wasn't working, and - - it died a natural death. Later, 2 months ago, I came to have a lot of respect for the lady who is my sponsor now. We are working on the steps and things are going well. I have seen people give up after a try or two and I am very concerned about this. Like everything else you just have to keep trying. I tink doing the 5th step sincerely and with the right sponsor will be much easier because of having found the sponsor I have now. Keep trying and God bless you, Doris


Member: Kevin G.
Location: Brooklyn, NYC
Date: 23 Apr 1998
Time: 11:58:56

Comments

Hi my name's Kevin and I'm an alcoholic. I did my 5th Step with my sponsor in my second year. I wrote about the relationships in my life and my sponsor read it, and then spoke about his relationships; parents, ex-wife, etc. He did not judge me, tell me what to do, but what he did and how it worked or did not work in his life. I liked that, like a coach. I admitted to myself when I wrote my 4th Step and read it, to God when I asked him to be honest and to my sponsor.

I haven't begun my latest 4th Step, but will. Thanks to all and see you later.

Kevin G.


Member: Jrr.CGRBY
Location:
Date: 23 Apr 1998
Time: 17:32:48

Comments

Jrr. CGRBY here, working steps should be done honestly.


Member: Ed L.
Location: CT
Date: 23 Apr 1998
Time: 22:50:09

Comments

I think this is an awesome idea! I remember a few years back while at a meeting the idea was brought up about the possibility of getting a web site for our state, and a rather fearful response about doing this. Where is the faith in the "Higher Power?" Faith without actions is dead. Great to see progress. All things do evolve, don't they?


Member: Patti R.
Location: Denver Rockies
Date: 24 Apr 1998
Time: 14:07:33

Comments

Patti R. Alcoholic- 5th step. One of my favorites. I was dying...I couldn't find a way to live anymore until I was sent to AA--my fifth step was wonderful. I was only 3 months sober but I did the steps very quickly because I didn't want to die and I was 100% willing to do anything. I'd already been to hell. Now my life is wonderful. I have 4 yrs. of sobriety and everything in my life is working out the was it is supposed to. I love my life and my job. I didn't really know what being happy was before AA. I thought being loaded was being happy. Now I know. Thanks for all your comments. I am new to this discussion and am really enjoying reading all of your comments.


Member: Michele B.
Location: NJ
Date: 24 Apr 1998
Time: 15:50:57

Comments

Hi. My name is Michele and I'm an Alcoholic.I want to thank Jesus Christ for His love and grace that keeps me sober in mind, body and spirit one day at a time. I don't know all there is to know about the 5th step but it was a freedom step for me. The first time that I did one, my sponsor told me to go back and lose the fear. When I finally got honest with me (which took sometime in recovery) I was able to share the ungodly past. There were things revealed that eleviated the stress in my life. I knew there had to be a reason to why I did what I always did. My disease wanted me to believe that I had an issue of sexual lust and that was the reason I engaged in relationships with men committed to other women; but after doing a 4th and 5th step, I found out that I had a deep-rooted resentment against women for the emotional neglect I endured as a child in the home and the physical abuse I endured outside the home from peers. I was not a physical person so I used sex as a weapon cause grave emotional and mental harm to women. I didn't know this back then when I was in it but about 2.5 years ago, the Lord allowed me to see that Demon or Defect and I was horrendous. I actually felt the pain that I was causing other women and since that day, I have not been with any man committed to another woman. And that was just one defect. I have since done a couple of 5th steps. Social and emotional insecurity are being addressed and waiting for the removal. Currently, I am in touch with the defect of materialism and accepting that I am the canker worm in my finances and I am in the process of re-evaluating financial priorities and seeing that excessiveness brings me lack. God is awesome and I love the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Thanks for listening. ago the Lord


Member: jb
Location: dc
Date: 25 Apr 1998
Time: 18:04:48

Comments

My name is Jeff and I'm an alcoholic

It is always difficult to talk about the 5th step w/o mentioning the 4th. I started on my 4th at about 2 months sober and I procrastinated on it for another 2 months before it was done. Since the 4th is a written inventory of my grosser defects I worked on it for a while and then put it away. When I picked up again, and worked on it and read it at different times I was able to think of different resentments, fears, and people affected by my sex conduct. I did it in column format like the Big Book and called my sponsor when it was done.

I was glad to be done with it and ready to tell all and I was scared and nervous and all of the things that I thought I would be. I had expected to go through each page item by item and talk about causes, effects, and how they relate to my shortcommings. My sponsor looked at what I had done and told me just to tell him about the secrets. I did, and while I was doing it I thought of 2 more pretty rotten secrets that I had not written down. My sponsor left and and I did feel better for having shared my secrets.

I am self-centered, angry at times, scared at others. When I was drinking these properties came out in the worst ways and worst times. I did not even realize it. AA is giving me a chance for a different way of life .... one day at a time.

I have been reading and listening lots since then and I am starting to belive that there is even more than just sharing secrets. The 5th step is the connection back to reality because this is a program of action. I can have the best thoughts in the world and without the action of sharing them with another person they just fizzle out.

I am grateful to God for my sobriety today and for AA for reminding me that he is there for me.


Member: Colin
Location: California
Date: 25 Apr 1998
Time: 21:42:34

Comments

Thanks to all,and we will be praying for you Fayla.I think one of the greatest gifts that I have recieved from unloading my"terrible burden of guilt"is that once my secrets are out in the open,they lose their power over me.I have become more comfortable (but not com- placent) with myself,warts and all.and that has been one of the greatest gifts of this program.


Member: Technical Cyrvant
Location:
Date: 25 Apr 1998
Time: 22:44:28

Comments

The meeting is now closed

Please do not post any more comments until the meeting is reset for the next week

Thanks SC Tech