Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 13 Apr 2003
Time: 08:21:57

Comments

Step nine looks formidable when viewed by itself. When going through the steps, it seems trivial, as four and five seem to be the impossible ones. Still an alcoholic when I got here and still am today, but only one thing was left off my step nine list that knowledge of was high in my memory. As a good alcoholic, I justified not making this amends because it would hurt the involved parties. Well, in fact it was MY fear that was the single biggest obstacle. I had cheated on my wife. Years later, I had to admit the fact in court papers during a divorce. Wife lost her job, and it cost me much money in the divorce. Was putting it off the right thing? I think not, today. As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Had I not been an alcoholic, I probably would have taken care of this amends too, when it should have been done. Instead, I allowed it to grow into a monster. Sounds just like when I was drinking! All my problems seemed to do that then. Today I don't take nearly as many false steps, and life IS better. Facing some step nine problems? Considering not making that amends? talk to your sponsor. You may find that fear is the real reason, and that is the worst possible reason for an alkie not to do something. Mark W. LMW007 @ aol.com


Member: Mike H.
Location: Jackson MI
Date: 13 Apr 2003
Time: 21:17:18

Comments

Step nine is a tough deal because not only have you admitted your faults but now you have to do something about them. The first time I did this I was gungho I screwed up miserbly. The second time thru I took my time and prayed alot and that helped to make it worthwhile. I have had to start over due to a relapse and am now going back thru the steps and trying to do it right. With the grace of God I will succeed. Thanks for everyone being here.


Member: francis l quinlan
Location: mortlake ,australia
Date: 14 Apr 2003
Time: 00:21:06

Comments

I called an old shipmate(62yo),we had sailed together as boys (16(yo's).I gave him a hell of a hard time when we were apprentices on that old iron ore carrier back in 1958 .I hadnt intended to make amends to him but to someone else whose phone number I wanted .He was another old shipmate,a captain whose good shoes I had helped throw over the side one night when a few of us were frisky with grog in us .Cutting to the chase,this old captain had died and a chance at amends was lost .But I apologised to my boyhood shipmate .He took it well ,like a good fella that he is . Did I feel better ,you betcha ! More importantly I hope he felt better.The above amends probably hadnt caused any heartache to the amendees but it was still worth doing . best Frank Quinlan Merchant Navy ,retired.


Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAND
Date: 14 Apr 2003
Time: 07:36:22

Comments

After making that list < i did make amends to my family and friends< my ex was now married again and i felt she would be harmed and her new husband to, so i havent made that yet, yet when our assets were getting shared out there was a joint account and there was a lot of money there and at that time of my soberiety i was sorry for the hurt i gave her and i let her have the lot so i was trying even in early years to make ammends! some people show up in my life-(Higher power working) i meet a couple in Spain last year and i made ammends to them for a thing which happened 20 years ago, and they laughed and said that they were glad to hear that i was sober now, and not the nutter they knew! regards L-RAY


Member: janis payton
Location: west losangeles
Date: 15 Apr 2003
Time: 01:35:50

Comments


Member: janis payton
Location: los angeles
Date: 15 Apr 2003
Time: 01:36:46

Comments


Member: T-Bone
Location: S. Fl
Date: 15 Apr 2003
Time: 05:45:21

Comments

T-Bone here, grateful by the grace of God to be sober today. Every time step nine is the topic the posts are few and fair between. Me thinks we all still got some work to do. For me not a day goes by that I don't need to make amends to someone, even if it is just subtle in keeping with step ten at the end of the day. Thanks and have a great 24.


Member: Michelle C.
Location: Somerville, MA
Date: 15 Apr 2003
Time: 08:36:56

Comments

Hi all, my name is Michelle, alcoholic. After going through the first 8 steps with a sponsor, I started on step 9. I had always feared making direct amends, but by the time I got to step 9, I guess God was there because I just followed the next direction my sponsor gave me. I knew if I didn't make my amends I would most likely drink again. So I started in on my list. I have made direct amends to a former employer, to sponsees, to my parents, to ex-boyfriends, and others. With each one, I try to discuss it with my sponsor or another alcoholic to make sure I am on the right track and not going to cause more harm. I have found an amazing freedom in owning my past behavior and putting it behind me. Clearing up the wreckage and getting right with God were NOT what I came into AA for, but what a gift it is to face people and tell the truth about the past. The amends with my parents were incredible. I had worked for them for a long time and had treated my mother very badly. Our relationship forever changed after I got sober, but it reached a different level after I made my amends to them. Those promises that come when we are "halfway through" our amends, well, a lot of them have miraculously come true for me. I still have plenty of work to do, a few amends left to make, but with God and with you I will be fine. Thanks for letting me post!


Member: cindy p.
Location: bristol pa
Date: 16 Apr 2003
Time: 09:05:13

Comments

cindy, alcholic...funny that i am currently doing my 8th step....only because i am so tired of the same stupid stuff in my life over and over and over again...feels like that movie ground hog day...what a frigging night mare...i make the same friends and make the same mistakes and it takes me so long to see it. thank God for the 12 steps. i hope that i can grow up soon and do these direct amends and stop the little dramas that seem so real and aren't....this truely is a lifetime program and i'm grateful it starts with WE.....thank you all


Member: Robert H.
Location: Ohio
Date: 16 Apr 2003
Time: 15:32:36

Comments

I've been trying to figure out, for awhile now, why I haven't been able to come to peace with myself - I'm still dealing with a lot of self-hatred. After reading your posts, and thinking about the fact that I'm just moving into step nine, it hit me that I've not cleared away the wreckage of my past (never been accused of being a quick study at this). All I've done to this point is to honestly list and look at that wreckage. No wonder I still feel this way. Well, at least with this revalation there's is some comfort in knowing the actions of Step 9 will help. Pass.


Member: i finally got it !!
Location: the land of god.
Date: 16 Apr 2003
Time: 17:14:10

Comments

hello everyone.. amends.. ya.. making them to myself alot lately.. been sober for years.. and still -ive been self pitying, self punishing, self sabatoging, and self loathing, self defeating, self centered, and self self self,,me me me,, i i i ,, you know the story.. And it feels great!!!, i am interested more in others,, thinking about easter cards for others.. doin stuff for others,, just being an example is for others.. And ((i'm hangin on to what i got from god, aa, and my own blood sweat and tears)))... big time.. cause i'm tired of being "soaked in self and i'm tired of not having what life has to offer, and im sick and tired of being "sober but still sick. And i've prayed, ive gone to meetings, and ive done everything they told me not to do, and sometimes i did everything they told me to do. ive gone to many a meeting wondering,, when the hell am i gonna get some peace? when will things change, why aren't the steps working for me? what what and why? and ive seen others struggling the same,, and with tears in my eyes, i understand today.. how much courage these fragile human beings have, to be in aa and to keep coming and trying like they do.. and right now' i pray for anyone who is still suffering and staying sober,, you'll not let go, and not give up, and realize what an amazing human effort you really are making, and cut yourself some slack... one day at a time.. and laugh just for today..life's only good when you got god.. and when you don't ..don't worry about it,, cause he's got you.. or she or it.. whatever your god is.. And one day you'll get to this place ( and its a promise)) you'll get to this place.. so huge and so incredible,, and just like me, you'll not be able to explain it,, cause its beyond words.. but you'll see it in little ways,, at the meetings when an oldtimer looks at you and talks to you of thier imense experience.. when one helps another.. when we all suffer together, painstaking for the newcomer, for years, until he gets it.. and you'll learn about love like you never could have imagined it to be.. its very powerful stuff..


Member: David W
Location: NJ
Date: 16 Apr 2003
Time: 22:02:55

Comments

Hi, I'm David and I'm an alcoholic. It's great to read the experience of others working the steps. I suffered many years of untreated alcoholism because I didn't take the actions necessary to bring about a pesonality change. In the last six months, I got a new sponsor who has taken me through the steps in the BB. I'm on step 9 right now - I've made several amends so far and plan to make 2 more this weekend at a family get together. I've seen improvement in my thinking/actions at home - I have more work ahead of me and pray that my higher power will let me stay clear from my old behaviors - my sponsor has made it clear to me that once I make the amend I must not repeat the bad behavior. Good luck to all!


Member: AZbill
Location: az-bill@mindspring.com
Date: 16 Apr 2003
Time: 23:57:32

Comments

Hi. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. This is the Step that is going to get me out of the past that I do not wish to forget nor dwell in. It was suggested to me to make the 8th Step list as I was doing the 4th step. I did that and 8 and 9 became very easy. I really did want to set matters straight. The part in the instructions that made this step easy was that it did not matter whether my amend was accepted or not. I made it. It is now water over the damn. Done. I think you will find that a lot of amending was done the moment you sat down that last drink. All we are doing in 9 is making it official. LOL. I followed the guidelines set down in the Big Book. I did not hurt others to save my own skin. BTW I was not one of the "others", but at the same time I did not go if for impressive heroics either. Prudence prevailed. I made the amends wherever possible and some were impossible. I still stand ready. I made amends to my dead mother. All my amends went well. However,it did take one daughter 17 years past the divorce and 9 years into my sobriety to finally accept my amend. That was her problem. Just one of the many positive results... Every year I get to visit my former wife, my hubby in law and all 6 of my girls. I am welcome in their homes. Another biggy...The IRS actually came to my house and sat at my kitchen table and set up up an affordable repayment plan for eight years worth of taxes. Another God shot? The State of Colorado started sending me refund checks again 8 years worth. Now tell me how hard this step is. :)Bill


Member: alfredo
Location: nj
Date: 17 Apr 2003
Time: 03:32:56

Comments

hello everyone.....i've gotten a lot out of the sharing....i remember in early sobriety(not to long ago) i thought that if i made amends to my ex-wife maybe she would forgive me and take me back......not realizing my life was completely unmanageable i forgot to mention to her that i was about to be a father again from another woman(small detail i don't know why she didn't understand).....well as you can imagine things didn't work out in my favor......i needed a lot of work to do first.....with the help of GOD,my sponcer, and AA.......i got the opportunity to go back to her and make a genuine amends......she remarried as did i......and we have a great relationship today as parents to our daughter....thanks for letting me share


Member: alfredo
Location: nj
Date: 17 Apr 2003
Time: 03:33:33

Comments

hello everyone.....i've gotten a lot out of the sharing....i remember in early sobriety(not to long ago) i thought that if i made amends to my ex-wife maybe she would forgive me and take me back......not realizing my life was completely unmanageable i forgot to mention to her that i was about to be a father again from another woman(small detail i don't know why she didn't understand).....well as you can imagine things didn't work out in my favor......i needed a lot of work to do first.....with the help of GOD,my sponcer, and AA.......i got the opportunity to go back to her and make a genuine amends......she remarried as did i......and we have a great relationship today as parents to our daughter....thanks for letting me share


Member: alfredo
Location: nj
Date: 17 Apr 2003
Time: 03:34:35

Comments

hello everyone.....i've gotten a lot out of the sharing....i remember in early sobriety(not to long ago) i thought that if i made amends to my ex-wife maybe she would forgive me and take me back......not realizing my life was completely unmanageable i forgot to mention to her that i was about to be a father again from another woman(small detail i don't know why she didn't understand).....well as you can imagine things didn't work out in my favor......i needed a lot of work to do first.....with the help of GOD,my sponcer, and AA.......i got the opportunity to go back to her and make a genuine amends......she remarried as did i......and we have a great relationship today as parents to our daughter....thanks for letting me share


Member: alfredo
Location: nj
Date: 17 Apr 2003
Time: 03:36:48

Comments

sorry for the multiple posts


Member: BILL, S
Location:
Date: 18 Apr 2003
Time: 06:54:12

Comments

My Name is Bill,S. Today I smiled,and all at once. Things didn't look so bad. Today I shared with someone else. A bit of hope i had. Today i loved a little more. Complained alittle less. And in the giving of myself. forgot my weariness.


Member: ROSS S.
Location: B.R. LA.
Date: 18 Apr 2003
Time: 10:50:00

Comments

THE OTHER NIGHT I HAD DISAGREEMENT WITH MY DAUGHTER,THEN MY WIFE JOINED IN.WELL AFTER IT WAS OVER,I FELT LIKE A FOOL.GOING BACK TO STEP EIGHT THEN NINE MAKING ADMENDS WASN'T EASY,BUT THE ONE THING I'VE LEARN TO DO WHEN ALL IS SAID AN DONEIS TO LAUGH AT MYSELF AND LEARN TO TRY TO BE A BETTER LISTENER.THROUGH MAKING ADMENDS I SEE MY PART IN IT AN RELIZE THAT FOR ME ,I'M NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. JUST ANOTHER HUMAN BEING TRYING TO LIVE IN GOD'S UNIVERSE.


Member: Eva H
Location: Colorado Springs
Date: 19 Apr 2003
Time: 16:27:52

Comments

Hi, I am Eva and I am an alcoholic. Feel strongly that this step needs to be taken with the help and guidance of a sponsor. When I first got sober many years ago, my judgement was definitely clouded. I wanted to get on the phone and tell everyone how sorry I was. You might have expeienced all that tearful remorse. Fortunately I only did this with close family members. Later made appropriate amends to others with the input of my sponsor. Had I not, it could have caused much harm to my husband. This step has really helped me to grow up and accept responsibility for my actions. What a wonderful program! Thank God and AA for my sobriety.


Member: Eddie B
Location: Miami
Date: 19 Apr 2003
Time: 22:46:27

Comments

The best help I got with this step early-on was with the Little Red Book...it does a great job with the concept of our making amends. Stongly recomend it to all who are new and/or looking to expand their insight into this step. <yes, its not AA literature, and so is what most of what is shared in AA meetings not "AA"> DOS 2-09-88


Member: Rick
Location:
Date: 20 Apr 2003
Time: 04:45:56

Comments

i think codependancy should be called abuse.. and i think it should be taken more seriously sometimes.. because it can be just brutal! I remember the days when i didn't have "friends" i had "subjects" or "projects" To take my "mind" off the things i should be concentrating on ((ie ("sortingout my own life a member who is emotionally ill (what do i mean by emotionally ill? )) well if you ask me its simply.. "feeling" that crapy, crapy "feeling inside your own skin, because you can't seem to clean it up))) So anyway, he tried to 'hook' me in, as one of his subjects" to be fixed' and changed' he manipulated, he made all kinds of indirect and sneaky suggestions, oh but he was 'just checkin in with me to see if (I) was okay.. don't ya know... (translation).. to see if (he) was still better than me so he could feel good about himself, and maybe find himself another "Project" so as to avoid his own issues and problems.... ieee yi yi!!! .. i was sailin along fine, he showed up in my life...I was rattled: and i actually almost started to believe that i needed this guy! God help me: cause i actually got selfish enough to be pissed off about it although it was only for a day.. so that's growth for me. H.J.A.Free