Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: 06 Apr 2003
Time: 10:26:42
I see that this is not the step where we make amends, this is where we are to become willing. It's the desire to make amends that can be difficult for me. I have this desire for some, but not "to them all". Making progress though.
Member: Rivner
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Date: 06 Apr 2003
Time: 11:00:04
Mornin' Folks. Rivner-alcoholic. "Became willing". Guess I need to hook that up with "rigorous honesty" Didn't like it much, but a time came when I couldn't hide from it. I think it was motivated out of a desperation - a profound sense of loss that left me greivous and cornered. It was a bell going off in my head that had the timbre of "this needs to be done; move it to the top of the list". I first had to accept that my durnken actions, at the lest, removed me from being emotionally present in the lives of my kids. Then I had to accept that "I'm sorry" was an old saw that wasn't going to cut it. It was no longer about being sorry. It had to be about letting folks know that I was in a program of growth that could help me become as better version of myself - someone who was making a comitment to something other that self-centerdness. Since that all came together I've phoned, written, driven and flown to them. All were......"receptive". It was a wonderful catharsis; kind of like geting a new saddle - both the horse and rider like it; all are comfortable, and comfort is what it's all about. The only comfort in alcohol is fleeting and shallow.
Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: 06 Apr 2003
Time: 11:28:38
Kim V here alcoholic. Became willing to make amends. Well for me that was a lot easier than actually making the amends. The people I had hurt were mostly people I loved and that I could clearly see that I had hurt them. I was lucky that not too many of them hurt me back and the ones who had I knew did it out of hurt themselves. This step really helped me get rid of a lot of shame. I found that a lot of the people I had hurt eventually came around after I had been sober awhile and I learned that they had loved me unconditionally anyway. What wonderful things come out of doing these steps. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Todd M
Location: Charlestown, IN
Date: 06 Apr 2003
Time: 11:53:00
I have hurt my mom and step dad . My mom is a nervous wreck over my drinking. I have talked very bad to the police. I have told some of my friends off. One of my frineds got lucked up by the police because I got into a fight. I don't mean to hurt people, but I do because of my drinking.
Member: Harry K
Location: U.K
Date: 06 Apr 2003
Time: 12:43:25
By the time I reached this step, "being willing to make amends" was easy. I knew I messed up, my 4th step pointed that one out to me pretty well. What I wasn't prepared for was the listing of ALL those I had harmed. Step 8 is another inventory on the HARM and HURT we've caused. Not just directly, but those that paid for our mistakes indirectly as well. Ever cheat on your wife / husband? We know how this hurts them but what about the families of all the partys involved? If we involved ourself with another who was also married or "commited" didn't we hurt their families as well? How about our own families? Think of the overall damage "one little fling" has on the stability and security of our kids and others. Ever lost a job because of drinking? Who did I hurt there? When I "borrowed" money without asking I also placed yose I stole from at risk. This doesn't mean I go back to all these people and make amends to them. But the 8th step was the step which CONVINCED me that selfish, dishonest and arogant actions had left a great deal of wreckage in the past and if I were to stay sober, this crap had to stop. It was with the help of my sponsor where it was decided which ahmends would be necessary (directly) and which ones would only be serving myself and should be avoided. He also helped me decide the best way to make them. Granted, there were a couple I wasn't ready to make then because I still held on to some false pride and ego, but I eventually came around and did those as well. But sorry, I got ahead of myself. This is the 8th step! Make a list of EVERYONE you ever remember hurting as a direct or indirect result of your actions. If you truly feel some remorse over these things I don't know how one wouldn't be willing to amend it if possible. But again, get a sponsor before moving on to step 9. It worked for me, I hope it works for you oif you choose to do it the same way. GOD Bless.
Member: Yvonne Yvonne B.
Location: Lakeville, PA
Date: 06 Apr 2003
Time: 20:57:00
Hi!- Yvonne, Grateful recovering Alcoholic! My list involved my family and after sharing with my sponsor was READY to make my amends.Two years later after reading the 9/02 Grapevine, I realized it was necessary for me to add my Superintendent, Principal, and Dept. Chair where I taught H.S.-so made an appointment and followed through with Step 9! This is an on-going process. With God, who knows who next I might be adding to my list? and then making my ammends.So far, so good.Life is full of Peace and Serenity.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 06 Apr 2003
Time: 22:03:37
HI Everyone, Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. A lot of the people I had harmed first showed up in my Fourth Step. Also a lot of people in my Fourth Step did not belong on my Eighth step list. Just because I was angry at a given person, if I did not act on that anger, then there was no harm... generally. I will pass on a hint that was passed on to me. Since there is some eighth step information in our Fourth step, why not list them during the Fourth and lay that list aside. It surely will make things a bit easier when we do reach Step 8. Bill, az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Victor M
Location: NYC
Date: 06 Apr 2003
Time: 23:14:45
Hi; I'm Victor, alcoholic. This one stops me in my tracks becuase I can't seperate it from 9 and I really don't know how to apologize to some people for some really cruddy stuff I did even before I was drinking. That's where a sponsor could really help me. I need a sponsor. There, I said it. Now go do it Victor. Take the action and let go of the results. Thanks for listening.
Member: Mike H.
Location: Jackson MI
Date: 06 Apr 2003
Time: 23:44:07
I had a discussion with a good friend and member about this step and we sat down together and read the step in the 12 and 12. This enlightened me to the fact that I never really accomplished this step. I never made a list of all the hurt that I did to people even emotional or indirectly. I am starting the steps over and with HP's help I will accomplish my goal.
Member: Jan
Location:
Date: 07 Apr 2003
Time: 00:20:11
Hi everyone, I'm Jan an alcoholic. I just wanted to post that it was one month ago today that I had my last drink. And, tomorrow morning, I'm going to my first meeting. I've taken several dry runs (no pun intended)to where the meeting is, but didn't have the courage to go in. I have some things in me that I want to fix and I want what you all have so my desire to go to a meeting is so strong. Please everyone pray for me to have the courage to walk in that door tomorrow morning. You all have already done so much for me. Thank you.
Member: Charlotte S
Location: Taiwan
Date: 07 Apr 2003
Time: 07:52:57
Hi Jan, I am Charlotte an Alcoholic currently living in Kaohsiung, Taiwan. There are no meetings here for me to attend in the English language, so could you please stick your face into your meeting for us both. My thoughts and prayers are with you today, and for the next many many 24's - best wishes to you.
Member: Marsha R.
Location: CT
Date: 07 Apr 2003
Time: 11:24:36
Hi, My name is Marsha and I am an alcoholic... Thanks for all your comments!! The great part about step eight is that, for me, it is a about getting ready to make amends and it can be broken down into two parts. Helped to keep it simple for me. First: the list. My list was lengthy and included some people which I really didn't need to make amends to. I went over the list with my sponsor and she helped me clean it up. Second: The willingness. This part was a little harder, but I prayed about it until it happened... and for where it didn't I kinda acted "as if" when it came to step nine. Asking for "God's" help to become willing was an act of willingness on it's own, and it worked!
Member: Pip W
Location: London
Date: 07 Apr 2003
Time: 13:09:23
Hi everybody Thankyou all for your posts,im about to start my step 8 and reading what you have all shared, has helped me with thoughts and feelings about it, Love and Hugs Pip W
Member: chris
Location:
Date: 07 Apr 2003
Time: 13:46:55
god bless all amen one day at time
Member: chris
Location: ohio
Date: 07 Apr 2003
Time: 13:49:10
god bless all amen one day at time
Member: Larry M.
Location: Texas, USA
Date: 09 Apr 2003
Time: 20:38:28
Hi, my name is Larry and I'm a grateful alcoholic. I'm sober today only by the Grace of God and the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous. Over the years of sobriety, we usually find it important to continue to be involved with these principles, for we never complete them. For me sponsorship was very critical to get me started with step 8 and discuss some tenative plans for amends. I was advised that some of my proposed amends would probably hurt myself and not help the other party. Another hang-up was financial amends. I'd gone through bankrupcy and eventually faced the fact that though I had no legal obligation to repay, there was a moral debt and my that's what we're about in AA. So my list had to be revised considerably over the years and some people's names have been added. All these principles have helped me become a useful member of society again. Thank you for allowing me to share and Thank God for our sobriety.
Member: Shauna W
Location: Murchison, West Australia
Date: 10 Apr 2003
Time: 09:57:42
Hi, I'm Shauna and I'm an alcoholic. Step8 for me made me look more deeply at the people I had mentioned in Step4. When I did step 4 I certainly wasn't ready or willing to make amends to most of the people I had harmed. So, God again in His wisdom, put 4 first, then 8!!!I think if I had to do 8 &9 together My hackles would have come up and I would not have felt as safe as only needing to make a list and become willing!!!! I took a fair time on 8 as my perfectionism was rising up to taunt me and also my fear of the unknown was wanting me to stall as long as possible to delay doing step 9. It was after doing step 4 with my sponsor that I began praying in earnest, having had a spiritual awakening of sorts. I just kept praying for God's will and the power to carry it out, praying, praying and more praying. The results were amazing as God used people, places and things to help me see what I was making this list for and how it would benefit me and others. I also received another message very strongly at the time, which was not to just dump my feelings of guilt, remorse etc. but to really work out if it would hurt "them or others". I felt then to be ready for step 9. Over the years I have done all the steps many, many times, sometimes well, sometimes barely but I know that if I keep the channels open between me and God, it will all work out. Thanks for all your sharing, and Jan all the best for your first meeting. I used to be petrified to go into the meetings, but terrified or otherwise, I DID go in, and for that I am very grateful.
Member: Monica C
Location: Philly PA
Date: 11 Apr 2003
Time: 12:24:44
Hello, Monica, alcoholic from Philly. I still carry around that 8th step list in my big book. most names and finanical ones are crossed off, but I still have some people and debts I owe left. And I think about those people often, actually I think about them alot. Someday I will be willing to go to those people and admit my harms and clear the wreakage the best I can. It was great at one meeting I was at, a man said, "I am done with all of my ammends." So powerful, so freeing, so much hope. When I heard that, I knew it was possible to be willing and to do each ammend no matter what the consquences were.....to go to any lengths to stay sober. I will keep asking God for the willingness and hopefully when it comes, I will make direct ammends. Happy FRIDAY! AA ROCKS!
Member: Steve
Location: AZ
Date: 11 Apr 2003
Time: 23:27:09
I want to thank all of those who have shared their personal remarks about their life experiences in the AA program. I am 6 days sober and for the first time in a long time I felt a brief feeling of happiness today. I thank my Heavenly Father for that. It has been so long since I have felt anything that can even resemble a pleasant feeling. Been continuously drinking for about the last 4 years. So many thoughts and feelings. I am still on my first step and I want to tell you all how encouraging it is to read your remarks and the positive emotions I feel about recovering. I am so grateful that I was able to find this web-site online and I hope to continue reading your messages for many evenings to come. I was challenged in one of my first meetings last week to go to 30 meetings in 30 days and having this message board to read before I go to sleep at night is an added blessing I was in desperate need of. God bless you.
Member: Philski
Location: Colorado
Date: 12 Apr 2003
Time: 00:39:06
Hi, my name is Phil and I'm an alcoholic. Am looking at step 8 in a different way given that I've been sober for a number of years. Some people may say that this step applies just to our drinking active acting out years. Given that in sobriety and the imperfect way I do my life, I have still harmed others and not addressed it in my 10th step. So therefore, given that working the steps is an ongoing process that we never "graduate" from, I have started a new list of people I have inadvertedly harmed. An ex-wife and ex-girlfriend in particular. The IRS is another organization that I am struggling to look at. Feedback is welcome...
Member: anilg
Location: Mt vernon,IL
Date: 12 Apr 2003
Time: 08:55:03
I am an alcoholic to me making amends is still hard there are grudges that I have and bad relationships that i blame others though I think i have changed but to make amends and taking all the blame for the past is very hard though i follow what is god;s will in each case and take his help whenever I have doubts in my decision making amends to others. I have tools that I can work with thanks to aa and alanon.
Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 12 Apr 2003
Time: 10:39:39
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Hi, Mark, an alcoholic, here. Step 8 and nine are important! After a thorough step 4, most of eight's list was in evidence already. Some things though are hard to let go of. I was married when I sobered up, but separated at the time. The single thing that I held on to was one item that I justified not telling because it would harm others. Five years later it came back to haunt me. My wife filed for divorce, and the interrogatories (lawyer's pre trial questionaire), had questions directly relating to this item I had not let go of, nor came to be willing to make this amends. I had cheated on my wife when still drinking. Well, there was the question! What do I do now? I wrote step nine in the blank, then answered honestly. This cost me emotionally, and financially, and it came back on my daughter as well, as she got a subpeona at her Christian high school a few days later. I am not proud of that act, but I am glad that I finally made the amends. Fear still drives this alcoholic at times, BUT there is far less to fear today. It is often said at meetings "It works if you work it". Well, I feel that I have the "it" those that were there when I arrived had. I hope that all of you also get the "it" if you do not yet have it. AA saved my life, and for that I am grateful. Mark W. LMW007 @ aol.com
Member: Mike H.
Location: Jackson MI
Date: 12 Apr 2003
Time: 12:27:55
As it is stated in the Book: "we only sweep off our side of the street". We are not assuming all of the blame but only our share. We are not to criticize or find fault with others. We only need to admit our faults and make the necessary changes so it doesn't happen again. Thanks to everyone for sharing. Mike H.