Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, fl.
Date: 04 Apr 1999
Time: 19:21:48
i am an alcoholic.....my name is richard m. hello everyone!!!! It was these " defects " which were the problem....i believed they were my strenghts and hopes!!!!!! When i finally admitted to GOD,that i neded to try and live without drinking the alcohol.....god saw that i had become willing and HE removed the desire to drink..........What a witness in mylife that he is in control!!!!!! Some how i had to continue to be willing to have him remove all of the other character defects as well...... for some i still hung on to as ok!!!!!!! staying sober by his grace and in the fellowship...... has allowed me to stay available for the rest of my recovery....learning to recognize character defects in me and continueing to stay willing for his grace to remove them is a life time deal..it is possible ...if we don't drink!!!!!!!
Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 04 Apr 1999
Time: 19:45:09
Larry, alcoholic
The BB talks about doing Steps 6 & 7 "That night", after completing Step 5. I did Steps 6/7 a couple of days after my 5th Step. I didn't mean to do them, it just happened. I was walking down a path alongside a golf course on a beautiful spring day on my way to see my counselor. I was thinking about my 5th Step because I was going to relate that experience to her during our session that afternoon. Suddenly the weight of all my character defects just overwhelmed me. I had to sit down. For the first time I saw how much they controlled my life, how much a prisoner I was of all my fear-based, compulsive behaviors. It was an emotional bottom similar to my alcoholic bottom. At that instant I was ready and willing to have my character defects removed.
Peace & Serenity
Member: Steve Q.
Location: Earth
Date: 04 Apr 1999
Time: 19:52:03
Hard to get a handle on this one. Steve here, alcoholic.Willingness ebbs & flows. These defect run so deep, I act on them so unthinkingly, reflexively. I dispair at times of them ever retreating. So stubborn, so angry, so fatalistic and controlling....Yet the desire to drink is gone, and the obsession was just as powerful as these habits of thought & behavior.There is an implied "gradualness" to this step, similar to the second step.I know I want to be rid of them, and I am equally aware that self will cannot overcome self will. I will continue to pray for the willingness and ask your prayers as well.I cannot do it alone.
Member: Patti K.
Location: Woodstock
Date: 04 Apr 1999
Time: 21:38:54
Hi all. Steve Q. I like what you said about self will not getting rid of self will and the behaviors being just as much of an obsession as the alcohol. I definitly Identify with ALL OF THAT. mY CHARACTER DEFECTS WERE, AND ARE, ATTRIBUTABLE TO MY "SELF CENTERED FEAR", SO TAUGHT TO ME BY A WISE SPONSER.. LOOKING AT MY DEFECTS CAN BE HARD FOR ME BUT KNOWING THAT IF I AM WILLING GOD WILL REMOVE THEM IS A VISION FOR LIFE. LIKE IT SAYS IN THE BIBLE YOU ONLY NEED FAITH THE SIZE OF A MUSTARD SEED, MY SEED OF WILLINGNESS IS GROWING ALL THE TIME. I'M WILLING TO BE WILLLING TO HAVE THE WILLINGNESS TO BELIEVE THAT GOD COULD DO FOR ME WHAT I CANNOT DO FOR MYSELF. HE HAS SHOWN ME WHAT MY DEFECTS ARE SO AT LEAST NOW I AM AWARE WHAT IT IS I'M TRYING TO GET RID OF. I HOPE I'M MAKING SOME KIND OF SENSE. TO SOME IT ALL UP, THIS ALCOHOLIC IS ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE ALL THESE DEFECTS OF CHARACTER. MY JOB IS TRULY BELIEVING THAT HE CAN AND LETTING GO OF MY, YEARS TO ACQUIRE, VERY STRONG WILL.
WISHING YOU ALL ANOTHER SOBER DAY. SOME PEACE AND SOME SERENITY ALONG THE WAY.
Member: Michelle
Location: Chicago, IL
Date: 04 Apr 1999
Time: 23:21:47
I am Michelle, a grateful recovering alcoholic. Perfect topic for me because sometimes my resentments get the best of me. I am now re-working step six but am really between sponsors right now and it's kind of hard to go it alone. I've been in the program 2 and a half years and I realize it's not good to not have asponsor but I am looking. Until I find one I will keep praying for God to relieve me of my defects of character on a daily basis. I will live one day at a time to it's fullest and I will not drink today. For that I am grateful ...thanks!
Member: Chandra P.
Location: Akron,Ohio
Date: 05 Apr 1999
Time: 00:50:30
Hi everyone,my name is Chandra and I am an alcoholic.I am going through some really intense self awareness. I am acutely aware that I am a self-centered, fear based person by nature. I realize my will cannot remove all of these. I need God's help on a daily basis. I ask God to help me to see with new eyes,a new vision, a miracle. I have recieved many miracles.All of them happened with in myself. I keep coming back and remain teachable. God Bless Everyone! Chandra
Member: Kathy J.
Location: Cleveland,Ohio
Date: 05 Apr 1999
Time: 00:52:45
Happy Easter from a Clevelander who is vacationing in snowy Arizona. This Wednesday I will be sober 2 years, thanks to the grace of God. I noticed when reading the steps last week, that they are written in past tense. Step six says, "were entirely ready to have God remove our defects of character". When I did my sixth step I was very ready & willing to have God remove my defects. I know that after a while I had a tight hold on them again. The past tense in the steps I believe, is because we have to continually work the steps over & over again. Thanks for being here!
Member: John B
Location: Sebring, Oh.
Date: 05 Apr 1999
Time: 01:06:38
Hi everyone, I'm john and I'm an alcoholic sober today by the grace of God, the actions of A.A. and sponsership. I get a better understanding of the phrase "more will be revealed" on a daily basis. So the key for me is to stay willing and let God do his work. I try to carry with me the thought that this process happens thru me not by me. I am the pipe not the well. Thank God this is a program of progress. Also, the tenth and eleventh steps are windows for me to recognize these defects. what a gift I have been given, am I grateful enough? john
Member: Bill S.
Location: St. Paul, MN
Date: 05 Apr 1999
Time: 02:07:09
Hello, I'm bill and I am an alcoholic. first let me say, I never met a charactor defect I didn't like. That i think is why the step says"were entirely readyto have God Remove them, becauseleft to my own devices, the results would be nill, Have a good week everyone
Member: Bill J 12 19 75
Location: Kingsville Tx.
Date: 05 Apr 1999
Time: 11:07:16
Hi my cyber friends; Step 6 seems easy enough until I set out to do it. It was easy to be willing to get rit of the defects that were causing me grief. That would get me fired or put in jail or divorced. When I got to the things that I liked it was hard to remain willing. Can tell when I am being succesful by my conscience. It would tell me not to do things that I use to do with comfort like take a pad of paper or pen from work. I learned if I bought extra thing that were tempting so I wouldn't be tempted. That worked on some of them. I have to continue to work on my willingness for these things seem to come back if I don't keep a constant vigle and listen to my conscience. Love to my cyber friends!!!
Member: Rob S.
Location: Exeter, NH
Date: 05 Apr 1999
Time: 11:27:51
Hi, I'm an alcoholic named Rob. The timing of this one is perfect for me -- I feel like I've just gone through an intense 6th step experience. I feel like I've finally become willing, after having stalled on this step for nearly 2 years.
I did my fourth and fifth step with my sponsor shortly after I was a year sober. It turned out to be a wonderful experience for me -- I saw the many ways in which my own behaviours made myself and others miserable, and I was for a time really able to forgive myself and those I had harbored resentments against. Ah, but then I came to Step 6...
Like many of the other steps, this one worked its way into my life when I was ready for it. I'd been living with the knowledge of my character defects, from Step 4, for quite some time. Just going about my life, day to day. I continued to have recurring difficulties in my work life, with my family, in my relationship -- the three "hot spots" I'd identified in my 4th step, which co-incidentally (?) seemed to cover just about any interaction I had with others. I knew a drink wouldn't make things better. I knew to go to meetings and to ask for help. But I wasn't willing to let go, yet.
Well, after really struggling recently and finally feeling "defeated" at both work and in my relationship with my partner, I was given the awareness that the problem was, once again, me. I felt just like I had when I'd admitted defeat to alcohol -- exhausted, but relieved. I could just let go. And that, for me, led me directly into the 7th step. But that's a different story...
Wishing you all serenity, Rob
Member: Bill T.
Location: Ridgefield, Wa
Date: 05 Apr 1999
Time: 15:29:39
hey Bill here alcoholic: Were ready to have God remove these defects. Well how willing are you to have him remove them? If a person want's God to remove his or her defects of Char. then go for it, because he or she will. But if you want to hang on to some, watch out , why you ask, because you are not ready to do this step..... One of my best defect, was that I could to it, don't have to ask for help. I can do it myself. Well in my 18th yr I ended up in the hosipal,because I thought I could do it myself. that is go when I was ready. Well it did'nt work out that way. I went to my home group and told them what I had been holding on to for yrs. Not asking for help. Right there and then I felt a good-ness come over me. I'am here today telling you-all this so you might see that it make's no different how much time you have one day at a time. Don't hold on to anything. When you ask to have your defect's remove, remove them all. The past 2yrs since I do ask for help when I need it. Well thank's for listen to me rattle a bit. But just remmber because I have 20yrs in the program, still work it the way you feel good with. Because we only have today.... Thank's Bill T.
Member: Jack c
Location: Friendship Wi
Date: 05 Apr 1999
Time: 17:37:49
Hello, I'm jack c and am an alcoholic Charachter defects is a nice word that covers a mean nasty attitude an a personality disorder coupled up with most of the seven deadly sins well honed and used to survive. What a load of garbage I carried around for many a drunken year. Just staying sober was not enough for me.I was miserable, and was working step six all wrong. I was trying to improve my behavior, attitude and other disorders, little by little by myself, my effort, my dedication, my willful decision to get rid of the most serious defects, as they cropped up their ugly heads. What a total failure this effort was. A sponsor told me to let go and let GOD. Just be entirely ready to have HIM do the clean up. HE can. I can't. I now have received the benifits of HIS miraculous help, and am a much better sober person and improving in becoming a decent human being. Thank you all for listening, and may GOD bless all of you.
Member: Chris A
Location: OR
Date: 06 Apr 1999
Time: 08:06:45
HI Chris here alcoholic, I think one of the reason I stick with AA no matter what is that the greatest gift of my recovery has been to get to know myself. Step 6 is part of the process of discovering who I wishes to be and who I don't want to be. It is a program of progression not perfection an some of my character defects are acuitely aware of that but today I can ask God for the 24 hours ahead to save me from embracing my remaining character defects and for that I am eternally grateful.
Member: Jodene Alcoholic
Location: OKC
Date: 06 Apr 1999
Time: 10:11:10
I thank each of you for your sharing. Right now I'm struggling with what's MY will and what's GOD'S will in my life. For sure and for certain I believe God wants me sober. I was blessed early in sobriety with the revelation that God wants good for me, not harm. As long as I remember that, I stay willing to ask for and accept His/Her will. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Matt L.
Location: The Lake PA
Date: 06 Apr 1999
Time: 16:45:29
Hi everyone, my name is Matt and I'm an alcoholic. I was taught that the first six words of Step Six were the focus. When I was entirely ready to have God, there were certain things I HAD to do, and certain things I HAD to stop doing.' Do the opposite' was good direction for a while. When I work on the little things, God works on the big ones. I remove the actions, God removes the thoughts. It's a daily thing. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Geri W
Location: Va
Date: 06 Apr 1999
Time: 17:03:54
Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. Thanks for letting me share about the sixth step.
I've been sober for a few 24's and I still ask God every morning to relieve me from the bondage of self so that I may do His will throughout the day. And to remove my character defects. Why?
Because I discovered that most of these defects were the tools that I used to survive before AA. They defined who I was - when those defects were removed, they had to be replaced with the new me. Didn't happen overnight - but I was willing to become whatever God wanted me to be. His plans were(are) so much better than mine.
I had to learn that I was not the center of the Universe and that most things going on didn't revolve around me. I had to learn that there aren't many "big deals". That my opinion or actions wouldn't change the outcome of most things. I had to learn that I didn't need to "fix things". I had to learn so much - and God continues to reveal new things to me. As the New me emerges, the old character defects are no longer needed in my life. Awsome! As long as I am willing to have Him remove them and put new things/people in my life. And am willing to accept the outcomes.
That's only part of the reason that I am a grateful alcoholic. He has replaced those character defects with some really good character traits. I love it, and can't wait to see how I turn out.
Member: Mary M.
Location: Delray Beach, FL
Date: 06 Apr 1999
Time: 17:20:06
Greetings -- I'm Mary, an alcoholic junky. For a couple decades the top priority in my life was maintaining my alcohol and drug addiction. My "character" was based on that priority...no wonder lying, cheating, stealing manipulation, envy, greed...well, the standard parade of defects had become the only way of life for me.
Exercising those defects today brings me one step closer to drinking and using drugs again. Whenever I think of it that way, I am ENTIRELY ready to have these defects removed. I can't remove them by myself. After all those years, I BECAME those defects. I ask for help. So far, that help has never been denied me.
Also, my sponsor taught me that Steps Six and Seven are the ones we truly live in if we're working a program.
That's all for now. Thanks.
Member: Michael O'
Location: NH
Date: 06 Apr 1999
Time: 21:40:06
I may be rushing this step since I'm only 3 weeks clean for the first time in program. The willingness is there and I pray every day all day for god to help me remove all my many defects. It's easy to recognise them in myself, but I see that I am still trying to hard to deal with them on my own instead of giving them up to him. Big mistake! I keep screwing up not only myself but those around me I love. So I guess I have to take a few steps backwards at this point and work them in the order as they are written. I pray I'l get to the place in my own mind I wish to be. I need to work on patience and not rush things. Real hard for me. Thanks and pray for me,I need all the all the help I can get.
Member: Bob G.
Location: n. ill.
Date: 07 Apr 1999
Time: 00:00:04
Pages 311&312 in the BB were pointed out to me when Iwas about 3or four months sober. It still amazes and comforts me to read these two pages and know that as long as we keep trying we will continue our journey today. Thanks for letting me share today.
Member: JCP
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 07 Apr 1999
Time: 00:39:17
I remember having no idea "what to do" about some of these steps. On, say, Step 4 I could get busy writing a list, then decide those were the wrong kind and do another list. When I got to Step 9, I started naturally with the worst-case amends, called up, mentioned my name and heard the phone click.
I still seemed to be hopping on up those steps before somebody asked what I thought the subject of that sentence was -- all of them from 2 to 11 -- not I, in other words. I got drunk alone, but now WE stay sober.
The truth for me is that as an ex-daily drinker I owe this day to US and most of us are you, y'all as we used to say when I lived down south.
To those on short time, it's all short -- one day. Sometimes less. For years I couldn't do any day without drinking. Not only that but I was related to drunks, none of whom got sober. So it was a Higher Power than me, for sure. I even managed to stash a few "defects" -- wouldn't know how to act if I got perfect.
So hang in there. One day at a time. Easy does it. Take care.
Member: deirdre s.
Location: new waterford, oh!
Date: 07 Apr 1999
Time: 01:15:33
I love seeing all these folks from ohio! I am not alone!
were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects in character... ooooh yes, I was ready! after looking at myself & seeing the truth w/ steps 4 & 5- God is so good, & He removed so many of my defects early on as I kept honest and kept asking. over many years, other defects arose, and being lazy with my 10th, particularly when my husband began drinking after many years, I was back to this & the 7th step quite often... reading it constantly in the 12 & 12... I had to pray daily for God to remove the ugliness I was seeing arise in my character, but I wasn't ready until I was hurting.. I wish I could learn the easy way... constant vigilance- I want to always be willing, even now as I write, to be aware of my need to surrender my ego and actions- my thoughts- all those flaws... to a God of my understanding. trusting Him to do that- is all that saves me most days- this is a good reminder... thanks
Member: Jake S., alcoholic
Location: PA
Date: 08 Apr 1999
Time: 01:30:39
I really took it to heart that all I had to do was be willing to have God remove my defects. If God chose not to do that, then I was off the hook, wasn't I? Oh, sure, I let some of the really big one go - the ones that were either killing me or hurting the ones I love. But, some of those less glaring defects, the ones that were really ddep seated, those I could hang on to, couldn't I? I mean I am ready to have God remove them if he chooses to. It was really an eye opener for me to have someone point out to me (as Matt does above) that I should somehow be responsible for "removing the action", and that God would remove the thought or the defect. This makes me now face the reality that, you know what?, I just don't need to go down that road, do I? When faced with the "opportunity" of letting a character defect kick in, I can just choose not to follow that instinct? WOW! What a concept. Well, progress, not perfection, right? Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 08 Apr 1999
Time: 14:36:10
Good Afternoon!
A special hello to all who have posted and all who have read this week on Staying Cyber's 12&12 meeting dealing with Step 6.
My name is Tom A. an alcoholic, who is sober today by the grace of a loving Higher Power and this Fellowship known as Alcoholic's Anonymous.
I can attest to the fact that God will remove defects in my character, that is, if I am entirely ready for them to be removed. However, I believe this a day at a time removal!
I was helped early in my AA adventure by someone mentioning that our defects of character can be grouped into physcial, mental and spiritual defects of character. This provided me with a method for doing the suggestion in Step 10. To illustrate after four years of sobriety I found myself smoking four packs of Camels a day and I tried all sorts of gimmicks, but when I finally asked my Higher Power to help me with this character defect, the help was provided one day at a time. I guess what I am trying to say is that a character defect isn't a character defect in my life until I realized that it is. One of the promises is that God will remove them, when we are entirely ready to have Him/Her do it.
Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!
God Bless - Tom A, ate@gte.net
Member: Mary Ellen M.
Location: Orlando,FL
Date: 09 Apr 1999
Time: 02:55:13
Hi, folks; Mary Ellen, alcoholic . My sponsor and I are going over step 6 right now in the Big Book. I haven't been feelng very well the past few days and my character defects,esp. resentment anger and irritability have been getting the upper hand with me.Great topic.
Member: Bonnie C - 5/30/80
Location: Seattle
Date: 09 Apr 1999
Time: 05:56:29
Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here (((ROOM-HUG))) CHARACTER DEFECTS, didnt have any before I got here, it was all those people who I was associated with. got a little honest with myself, found a few, got a little more honest, found more, took a 7 deadly sin inventory, *about the 3rd inventory I had done* and I found I was loaded with the damned things. many inventories and many times and many yrs working steps 4thru9 and the maintainance steps and these buggars still surface. Not as blatant as they were and they aren't accompanied by so many friends but I'll Never be perfect although I am much better than I ever was. My kids and grandkids like me today cause i'm likable. hasn't always been that way. Who can get close to a whiny, self-pitying, constantly complaining martyr? Yeah, they couldnt either. so I guess the results are in how others react to my changes and if I'm still reacting or being patient. If I am living more like the St Francis Prayer or reacting to people places and things. It took them a while to trust that the changes were real, I was like a chameleon for so long. I'd try to be good and kind but only could be for a little while cause what was the use if I couldnt maniputlate others to see things my way. I was so inconsistant! I had to acquire self-worth before i could stop NEEDING their approval. Once I stopped needing their approval, I relaxed and was a nicer person to be around. So once it wasnt important to have, i got it. Seems to be the way it always happens in sobriety. Thats so i can focus on what is truly my higher power. --- A little barometer that my sponsor had me use in this higher power thing was that whatever I thought of most in my day was my higher power. Thank God today it is GOD, that was not always so either. Dear God please bless all who venture here. love and hugs, bon -- bonzoc@webtv.net
Member: Kim M.
Location: Pontiac,IL.
Date: 09 Apr 1999
Time: 09:07:31
Hi everyone, My name is Kim and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic! Grateful to be sober today. Thank you for the topic. I have been seeing alot of character defects popping in lately. At first I couldn't figure out what was going on, why I was feeling how I was feeling then it came to me: I need to do another fourth step filling in the BLIND SPOTS that I omitted due to lack of brain cells only a few months back. I am finding that the longer I am coming around the more that I remember and it is a total blessing threw the Grace of God. Without triggers or having to constantly work these steps over and over what would be the point. So now that I see these character defects it is time to write them out and get bizzy Praying and meditating asking that God remove them from me. I am truely grateful that this is a choice for me today. I don't know that this will make sense to any of you but it helped me. Thanks for all the sharing and caring. God - Bless!!!
Member: Jim G.
Location: Maryland
Date: 09 Apr 1999
Time: 22:45:13
My name is Jim. I am glad I'm an alcoholic
"We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."
Oddly,and beautifully, my higher power readied me for Step 6 by turning me back to Step 5 wherein "we admitted to......GOD the exact nature of our wrongs." I had admitted my wrongs to the minister of the church where we held our AA meetings. But I was left empty. I didn't feel uplifted as I had been led to expect. I thought of my AA friend. Johnny, whom I admired immensely. Perhaps he could help. I trusted him. He had so much I admired--- sobriety, confidence, serenity, charm. When I went to visit Johnny, his associates told me that he had been jailed during a terrible drunk. I visited him and did what I could to help him.
After I left Johnny, I felt clammy. I felt so bad for him. I saw his state as a hurt to my higher power. Then I realized "the exact nature" of my wrongs as offenses against my loving GOD. I sobbed in the knowledge that I had offended Him who had been so good to me. Only He could help me. I prayed for Him to take away my faults, those character defects, which had led to my offenses, and to make me a better person.
I became peacefully thankful.
Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person
Location: Detroit
Date: 10 Apr 1999
Time: 12:20:51
I first did my sixth step with my sponsor about 7 years ago. We were looking at my list of 26 character defects (from my 4th step). He asked me if I was entirely ready to have them removed. I looked at the list and there were a few of them I wanted to hang onto for a while. (Like lust, I would be ready to give that one up in about 20 years when it didn't matter anymore). We were in a church basement and they didn't allow smoking, so my sponsor said "I'm going out for a smoke, I suggest you think about it, maybe even pray about it, and when I come back if you still aren't ready, we can pack up and continue another time, no big deal." While he was outside I looked at these 26 items labelled CHARACTER DEFECTS. It occurred to me then, who IN THEIR RIGHT MIND would want to hang onto something called a CHARACTER DEFECT. When he came back I was ready! It was every similar to the time when I finally GOT the 1st step. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: MaryJ
Location: Redmond
Date: 10 Apr 1999
Time: 17:09:31
Hi,
I'm Mary and an alcoholic. I can relate to the others when they said they had no character defects, only other people had them. I spent too many years pretending that I had no character defects (ok maybe one or two), but the other people I was around, that was an entirely different story. Making a list of character defects is difficult for me, because I have many and some of them are not pretty to admit to. But the great part is knowing that you don't have to carry that baggage around with you if you don't want to. Asking God to remove them is like having a load of bricks lifted off your back. The other great thing is it is free!
Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 10 Apr 1999
Time: 18:10:53
I like what Steve and some others have said about this step being hard to get a hold of. You would think it would be easy to "let go" of the things that you know are bringing you down, but when they have been a part of you for so long, you think that they are better than the unknown. However, the promise of a better life won out in the end, and I am glad. Thanks for letting me share.