Member: Dr. Allan
Location: Scotland
Remote Name: 81.129.149.203
Date: 04 Apr 2004
Time: 08:12 PM -0400
When I first came to A.A. I quickly accepted that I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. I later realised that I had to look further into this, so I consulted the Big Book and read the Doctor's Opinion, Bill's Story and More About Alcohol. As the result of this, I was totally convinced, as I got a huge amount of identification from these chapters.
Member: Donnie M
Location: Short Gap, WV
Remote Name: 68.187.51.61
Date: 04 Apr 2004
Time: 11:31 PM -0400
The one step I have to redue everyday. I pray I will never forget when that first step was taken and the lengths I had to go through to take it.
Member: Elaine S.
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Remote Name: 4.159.113.97
Date: 04 Apr 2004
Time: 11:50 PM -0400
Boy did I need this topic!! I have been having a really hard time the past week or so, and I needed to be reminded again that I am powerless over alcohol, and my life was so unmanageable...when I start thinking what a crap life is I can always remember how good it is (as compared to when I was drinking)...I am glad that I found this topic today!!
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Remote Name: 66.119.33.170
Date: 05 Apr 2004
Time: 11:02 AM -0400
How many times did I have to reach out and touch that hot stove? I knew I would be burned, but I chose to continue the pain brought on by drinking rather than face an unknown life without alcohol. Inevitably, everything dropped away from me, so at the end, there was only alcohol. Getting it, having it and finding more. Above job, family friends, my own health, running was all that mattered. That journey took me to several hospitals and institutions and daily thoughts of suicide. Today, I know for me alone, alcohol is an unbeatable foe. It is only by the grace of God I get to make a different choice than enter into that battle.
Member: joe W
Location: Lufkin, TX
Remote Name: 66.76.20.235
Date: 05 Apr 2004
Time: 11:30 AM -0400
I had readily admitted that I was powerless and my life had became totally unmanagable but I thought that there was no hope for me. I was surprised that I had a disease and that like other diseases it could be arrested by abstainance. My problem was living a life of moral responsibility and none of my friends were willing to help me. AA knew what the problem was and accepted me for what I was and gave me the steps to recovery. Thanks AA for over 35 years of beautiful living. Please note that I am not saying that it is easy but that it works!
Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.231.160.24
Date: 05 Apr 2004
Time: 04:27 PM -0400
HI Bill here, Alcoholic from Arizona. The only reason I came into my first AA meeting was to accompany a buddy who was interested in AA but did not want to go alone. I had put down my last drink nearly a week before but did not believe in AA or treatment or spin dries. I had been there and they did not work. (At that time). They did not let newcomer's "shift for themselves" back then. Nor did they overwhelm me with a bunch of sayings or "rules?" that I would not have understood at the time. What happened was...a gentleman came up to me took me aside and told me I was sick and could get well if I wanted to. The moment I agreed with that man I had taken a sufficient first step. Enough to at least get me started. To be continued next week with Step 2 :) Love you, Bill
Member: Barry D
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada
Remote Name: 207.34.65.225
Date: 05 Apr 2004
Time: 06:08 PM -0400
Step 1, They suggested Step 1 was step of getting HONEST with myself. It would be approx 3 years sober in AA and a whole lot more pain (Humility) before i really came to. The 30,60 and 90 day fog i think took 6 months to lift. i had thought my drunk alog was surely all the proof i needed that i belonged in AA. i was also guilty of practising the 2 Step (Step1 and 12) without ever having completed the work of the Steps in between. Pain is a great teacher. Sponsors advised that self knowledge and will power were useless. Step 1 was the Bed Rock Step that ALL other Steps built upon. i could take up a space and not do any of the work and stay sober if i chose, however no guarantee of contented sobriety. As long as i insisted on working program Barry's way i could expect Barry Results. Did i now want AA results?. They advised that no matter what step i struggled with it could be linked to Step 1. Disease two fold in nature: 1st as a disease it's progressive in nature and i may find incidence of it in my family. All i had to do to keep from triggering craving was not use. 2nd was hardest, i had an obsession of the mind. First i learned the obsesion was the thought, "i had one more drink in me". Later i learned obsession took 2 forms, my ability to justify and rationalize good/bad that would eventualy lead me back to the drink. The railroad mind, sleepless nights, un manageable life, bankrupt body, mind and spirit was evidence enough of the obsession. i found out i could be just as insane sober 3 years as i had been drunk, except sober every thing was real. Dead is Dead, drunk or sober and i was at that jumping off place sober. i became willing to find sponsor who started by leading me through first 43 pages of BB Step 1 which suggested it was book to be studied not read, Suggestd i attend and focus primarily on the more FOCUSED 12x12, BB, Step and Tradition meetings and Studies. Stick around for the meeting after the meeting. One Day at a time things became increasingly better, the world around didn't affect me or have the same power over me as it once had. i slowly became honest and teachable and remain so to this day as long as i keep EGO and Self Pity out of the way...
Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 69.3.218.230
Date: 05 Apr 2004
Time: 11:24 PM -0400
Evening, Jim here, grateful and sober today by God's grace, the program of action in the twelves steps, and by the loving support of my brothers and sister in the fellowship. Besides staying close to firing lines by working with suffering alcoholics, I often look to Bill's story to stay close to step 1... "The remorse, horror, and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable. The courage to do battle was not there. My brain raced uncontrollably and there was a terrible sense of impending calamity." I worked real hard on step 1 many times in and out of AA, sober and drunk... By the time I made it back to AA the last time, I had completely surrendered for good. Thank God.
Member: Mike L
Location: kzoo Mi
Remote Name: 24.176.12.155
Date: 05 Apr 2004
Time: 11:38 PM -0400
It took me a while to really come to grips with step one. I think I realized pretty quickly just how powerless I was, but It really took me a long time to come to terms with how unmanageable my life was. I never lost a job or went to jail so I had a tough time seeing the unmanagability.While my life might not have fallen apart, I finally saw that alcohol and drugs were managing what life I had. Everything I did had to revolve around when I was going to drink or when I was going to do whatever.I finally tried committing suicide about 4 different times but it wasn't so much that I wanted to die, it was more I had lost control of my life, I didn't want to live like that, and the only way I could think of to break that grip was suicide. Now I have my life back, and while I still constantly work on the first step, It's meaning has changed a bit over time. While I am powerless over alcohol, as long as I don't drink I do have power over it.Every day that I don't drink or use, is one more day that I have beat alcohol but it only takes one drink for me to be on the wrong side of that fight again. If that happens, I don't know if I could ever regain that power and I really don't want to find out.
Member: zak T
Location: Barrow, AK Barrow, AK
Remote Name: 209.165.150.195
Date: 06 Apr 2004
Time: 03:07 AM -0400
My name is Zak and I am an alcoholic. I was twelve stepped into AA by a man who simply said, "There is a better way." My first step was easy, I had no power or choice once I drank, and I could not manage my own life. I looked at time and money and could easily find three examples of unmanagability on any given day. I still can today. This was enough to get me started. The man who twelve stepped me became my sponsor. He was pretty new but we were in a place that did not have much AA, 6 months was a long time, two years was a wizened old timer and quite rare. I worked the twelve steps with him to the very best of my ability, crazy as I was. He was illiterate, yet he assigned me readings and struggled with a speak and spell to stay up with me. It was the blind leading the blind, but the world was so dark then it didn't matter. We stayed sober. After a couple of years of continuous sobriety, I was miserable. My life was still unmanageable, I did not want to continue living as I was living. I went to meetings for the social aspects, and I acted as though I were the one who was illiterate. Misery drove me to the book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I found in there things that I had not imagined in all of my previous readings of it. I looked at myself by my actions and my intentions and saw that I was an alcoholic, I had not been mistaken. I refocused on the steps and again did what I was willing to do. At meetings, I started to hear the disease concept, I wasn't sure about it. I still suspected that it might be a matter of will. I knew that I couldn't drink, I was too week and mean. Life and fortune took me to several places to live and work and dramatically changed my life during the first seven or eight years of sobriety. Along the way, AA's shared their experience strength and hope with me and I found out that the steps are in the book, not on forms that treatment centers put out. I started to study the steps in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I took my intentions out of the examination of my life. I had to judge me as I lived, not as I thought. I went to my sponsors and worked the first step with him from the book. I began to understand and accept that it is not just a matter of will. I have a disease that is mental, spiritual, and physical. In looking at my actions cronologically I can see the progression of an addiction to alcohol. I can see a progression of moral decay, and I see a dying spirit screaming for something. I know now that a lack of power is my dilemma and always has been. Of myself, I haven't the power to function as a poor member of society, I am corrupted. It is only through working the balance of the twelve steps with my sponsor from the book Alcoholics Anonymous that today, I have the power in my life to be a productive member of society and to love without return. thank you.
Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.231.160.24
Date: 06 Apr 2004
Time: 05:30 AM -0400
HI Zak T. God bless you. I was told years ago that if I stayed in AA long enough I would hear my story. You told my story in your post or close enough anyway. If you would read up to my post That buddy I accompanied to his first AA meeting because he was too nervous to go alone became my first sponsor. I was sober nearly a week and he was sober a little over a day. But he had something I wanted. He believed AA would work and I did not. He moved in with me and we started through the steps together. As you mentioned it was the blind leading the blind. That was many many years ago and we are both sober today. Thank you Zak, for the tear in my eye. After all these years I finally heard my story. Bill
Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 24.48.38.226
Date: 06 Apr 2004
Time: 08:46 AM -0400
Hi everyone, I have admitted to myself that I am powerless over alcohol finally. I thought that once i did this truely in my heart I would be okay and strong enough to gt through this thing. But then some things happened, couldn't handle it all and boom, drank myself silly as well as some other things. I now know that I have to get to a meeting something that deep in the pit of my stomache I don't want to do. I know that everyone says that its just a group of people who care but I just don't really want people caring or feeling sorry for me. I just want to listen and take from it what I will. I went to one before, I finally got the nerve and this woman wouldn't leave me alone. It was like she wanted to be my best friend, I know that some want comfort but I wanted her to go away, no matter what I did to sort of hint GO AWAY, she wouldn't. I am still in the mad stage, I do't want any friends or people coming over and telling me how okay this all is, its really not that okay. Its really messed up, its really going to kill me and its really a charcter defect I have to accept. Its really NOT OKAY. Sorry everyone, needed to vent.
Member: Carrie S.
Location: Los Angeles
Remote Name: 67.124.68.69
Date: 06 Apr 2004
Time: 12:41 PM -0400
Carrie, alcoholic. When I tried this thing again (the first time I lasted a month), I read the first step and thought "Yep, I can't control my drinking." After I spent time in the program and kept relapsing, I finally understood what powerlessness meant. Whether I am accepting of my disease or not, having a good day or not, no matter how long it has been since my last drink - I will always be an alcoholic. Ya, sometimes that really sucks. But without this disease and program of recovery, there is no way in hell I would have the relatioship with God that I have today. I have 1 year and two months of sobriety and everyday is new. Before my life was completely unmanageable, I ran around in circles getting no where slowly. My life has potential today. Potential to change, grow and learn. I NEVER had that, not even before I picked up my first drink. Today I am powerless over alcohol, but my life is manageable if I work for it. Thank God.
Member: joe W
Location: Lufkin, TX
Remote Name: 66.76.20.235
Date: 06 Apr 2004
Time: 03:48 PM -0400
LisaM, I know the feeling. The good thing is Step 2. Without it where would we be. People do mean well most of the time. The spiritual side of the program makes people reach out and care. The fact is that every one of them who are trult alcoholics understand. I never had someone that understood what feeling like taking your own life felt like until I went to AA. I heard other people describe my feeling. By going to a meeting you become WE and not I. We are never alone and yet we can be at arms length if needed. Keep coming back and keep thinking WE. We need you.
Member: roze
Location: Penna.
Remote Name: 64.12.116.69
Date: 06 Apr 2004
Time: 04:35 PM -0400
hi everyone roze,alcoholic addict.i have almost 10 months sober.today i had a moment of clarity & realized that people were telling me what works,admitting i am POWERLESS over alcohol.i need to remember that fact when i get caught up in life being lifey. just keep it simple & go back to basics.by the Grace of God & this fellowship i will add another 24hrs. to my soberity. love to you all,roze
Member: Karen S.
Location: Alaska
Remote Name: 209.165.150.195
Date: 07 Apr 2004
Time: 04:19 AM -0400
Hello, I'm Karen, alcoholic. Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable. I realized I was an alcoholic very early in my drinking. That was not sufficient to stop me. Nine years of drinking later, I realized I was empty and dead inside. I cried out to God to help me, and through a series of events, I found myself in an AA meeting. I was so glad! But, I did not want to really DO the AA program. I was content to learn about my disease and come to an understanding of it. Of course, I drank again. It took a complete and total admission all the way to the core of my being to finally be relieved of the insanity of drinking. My sponsor walked me through this step--I explained and admitted the nature of my drinking, including the insanity of my life leading up to that first drink. I looked at the whole thing chronologically, and could see that my drinking increased in intensity and frequency as time marched forward. My thoughts also turned more and more to drink, until I really didn't care about much else. I became totally out of control and no longer cared about work, people, or life. Having shared this shameful thing that was my life with her, I found that I am truly not alone, she too was an alcoholic. Having admitted the powerlessness and unmanageability, what then? Thank God for step 2! Hope is always in the next step.
Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 24.48.38.226
Date: 07 Apr 2004
Time: 09:31 AM -0400
Hi everyone, I have finally admitted to myself that I am powerless over alcohol. That my life is unmanageable. No matter how much self pitty I have I can not allow it to control me anymore. I have finalyl let go of my desire to fight this thing and try to find a way to not be this person. I have finally deiced that this is what I have to do and that is that. Its either this or dying because I know another drink and another morning of what the hell did I do, will eventually kill me. I no longer feel bad about going to a meeting, I no longer think that its not for me, I no longer think that I can do this alone. I now know that i need help and thats why I am on this site right now. I attended an on-line meeting last night and it opened me up to talking with others and how you can actually have fun, it isn't just people wanting you to cry on thier shoulders. I started thinking that I might meet some friends. One of my problems is trying to pretend that I am someone else with others. I don't wnat them to know my secrets or my problems, I can't really be myself. Thsi is so hard but I know its something that I have to do. I can't seem to stop crying some days and some days are better. Thanks for listening.
Member: Adam H.
Location: New York, NY
Remote Name: 64.232.156.194
Date: 07 Apr 2004
Time: 10:41 AM -0400
Adam, alcoholic. In my neck of the woods, you hear a lot of talk about the "gift of desperation" at Step 1 meetings, and I'm right on with that idea because "desperate" describes quite accurately the state of mind and body I was in when I got here...and I didn't even know it was the best way to come in to AA. I wanted so much to walk away from the person I had been all my life, but every attempt to do so lead me back to the bottle or back to violent and humiliating behavior while sober. Enough time passed living under those conditions that I was finally driven to the point where I sincerely felt terrified that I might have to go on watching myself live the way I was and get worse. See, it wasn't dying I was afraid of; I was afraid of having to live to see what was going to happen next in that waking nightmare of a downward spiral into alcoholic hell. And the worst part about it all was that I did not know how to do any differently though I DESPERATELY wanted to do differently. What I know today is that the if not for the pain of admitting how desperate I was to stop living the way I was living, I couldn't have opened myself up to AA's lessons on how to walk away from the person I had been all my life to be the person AA said I could be....the one I am today, in fact. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: PattiK
Location: catskills
Remote Name: 66.82.9.39
Date: 07 Apr 2004
Time: 02:19 PM -0400
Hi all, Ahh, step one, the one step we need to perfect. I knew I was powerless over alcohol long before I came into the rooms, I just didn't know what to do about it so it kept it's power and I my powerlessness. Often, veryoften drinking to the point of no retrurn. Blackouts were a part of my life, and somehow, I lived with that, lived in fear but lived. Almost 8 years later, I know my powerlessness is still very much a part of me, but, thanks to the people in AA and my Higher Power, the desire has been lifted, I don't need alcohol to get through any day. Good day to everybody. Patti
Member: Joni N.
Location: Pollock Pines, CA
Remote Name: 158.222.224.214
Date: 07 Apr 2004
Time: 06:58 PM -0400
Hi ((everyone)) Thank you for helping me to stay sober today. When I realized I was just an alcoholic and I couldn't drink without getting into trouble, I was so relieved. I thought I was a really bad person...and I kept going to different doctors trying to find out what was wrong with me. I was hoping they would find a brain tumor to explain my behavior! lol How freeing when I accepted, at my first AA meeting, that I was just an alcoholic. The second part of Step One was easy for me then, also. How much more unmanageable can life be when you keep trying to kill yourself? Thank God that I was led to this program!!!!!! Hugs, Joni Peace and Love
Member: Karen A.
Location: Florida
Remote Name: 12.217.158.41
Date: 08 Apr 2004
Time: 05:03 AM -0400
Good Morning from Florida! Happy Birthday Rarley WOW 31 yrs. I too enjoy my sobriety 12 yrs, each morning I wake up and still amazed that my higher power whom I chose to call God, relieved the obsession and complusion to drink. I made a mess of my life, but this program helped me rebuild it and I love like. I truly take advantage of my free time. It is my joy to work with alcholics. I also enjoy my family, my home, friends, my garden, my work. Life does keep getting better and better. God Bless
Member: Stephen C
Location: North Stratford,N.H.
Remote Name: 165.121.132.102
Date: 08 Apr 2004
Time: 11:09 PM -0400
good evening to everyone and its your old friend steve and congradulation to rarely for your 31 yrs. And Ill never every forget where i was when i did my first step and i dont forget it everyday,because i was all these steps in my everyday life and I know that just that one will send me to my grave and so thats why i stay away from my old friends and the bars,but most of all i call my sponser if i even dont have a problem so that he knows im alive and we have a very good friendship and so for that if there is someone new and just needs a firend or someone to talk with im here and im responisable and you can reach me that the following emails fruitbomber20027@hotmail.com aND germgrabber2000@yahoo.com and also to all have a happy Easter.
Member: Dean
Location: Fargo
Remote Name: 24.117.105.135
Date: 10 Apr 2004
Time: 10:41 AM -0400
I was truly amazed at how this program worked, when i relized it was about what was going on within me, how i reacted to life with anger,resentment,selfpity,selfcenterdness, all kinds of stuff that continued me down that empty road,waking up in the morning to check and see if my car was out front, or trying so hard to remember what i said and did the nite before, I really did feel split into two people, somewhere in me was a good person that i later came two find, with the help of the 12 steps, all beginning with reaching out for help and someone was there to help me work the steps and discover what i had been doing and owning up to my end of it, it never showed me how to be more sociable or confident , that was somthing i had to learn and still do, but thank God i get to get up each morning and practise these principles in all my affairs.
Member: Dawn R.
Location: Reserve, Louisana
Remote Name: 68.17.31.107
Date: 10 Apr 2004
Time: 10:57 PM -0400
I frist walked into an AA meeting because My mother( Who has been sober for 15 years) was out of town, and she need someone to give her sponsee a ride to a speaker meeting. It was not until many years later that I realized that I was powerless over alcohol and my life unmanageable. After many years of taking others to meetings, and my life spinning out of control, I realized I had a problem with life and alcohol. It was hard for me to admit that my life was a mess. I had another image of an alcoholic and It was not me. When I took the 1st step with my sponsor, I realized in black and white how messed up I was. I am truly grateful that AA welcomed me and helped me with my life.