Member: Gabrielle P
Location: Arlington, TX
Date: 3/17/2002
Time: 2:55:59 PM
Gabrielle, grateful recovering alcoholic. This subject seems to be following me everywhere. And maybe that means I need to take a closer look at me. I didn't believe in a higher power when I first came to the rooms. The God of my childhood days was to blame for my demise in my eyes and heart. And it was not with just a little bit of effort that i had to change that way of thinking to remain sober. I remember going to ameeting one night and hearing someone share about the emptiness inside, and I began to think hard about what was inside of me. I had to imagine a place where the light of my higher power could burn inside of me. The place I had set aside was full of bitterness and herat aches and blame and resentments. Self hatred ruled my heart and it was black with anger and rage. I had to clean that up, I had to find a way to make that place bright and good again so i could believe again that I ahd a chance to be realeased from the damned evil that consumed me. I felt so terrified and alone, I had to reach out, and God (whom I chose as a higher Power) just had to be there. But He was nto the God that I had grown up with. And my mind and herat began to clear and I began to see a difference in my life, trusting just a little bit more each day. I eventually was able to feel the difference and know that my Higher Power was with me every where I went. My life was beginning to change and become better and I felt like a new person. I was beginning to experience that I was chaning in spite of myself. That was what let me know that God could and would , if I seek Him out.
Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 3/17/2002
Time: 6:25:28 PM
Adam, alcoholic.
I think the key word in this step is COULD because the question for me was not whether or not I believed in God (I didn't when I came into AA); instead it was did I believe that something more powerful than Adam COULD straighten out Adam's behavior. I knew I couldn't do it on my own. Not drinking was not enough for me becuase I was just as out of control sober as I was drinking, and I was going to die if I continued to live that way.
All I can say is that I am grateful that there was a man in my homegroup who said that for him the letters G.O.D. once stood for Group of Drunks. That made a lot of sense to me. My mother had gotten sober in AA 8 years before I crawled in, and I had seen that AA worked. She was not the same woman I grew up with. I didn't know what exactly happened in those meetings, but if it could change my mother, it could possibly change me. Again, I didn't know if God could restore me to sanity, but this Group of Drunks seemed to be able to do it. On a daily basis they were telling me to do things that worked for them: "Get a Big Book and read it." "Get a sponsor and work the Steps with him." "Get a homegroup and show up no matter what." The people who said these things seemed to be really happy in sobriety, which I didn't think I could be when I came in. I got hope when I heard these people and accordingly, I came to believe that these people COULD help me if I allowed myself to trust them.
That is just what came to pass. Today I haven't had a drink in over five years and I am happy in sobriety. I owe that to a Group of Drunks. Grateful to be here and sober.
Member: BrianR
Location: VA
Date: 3/17/2002
Time: 9:30:19 PM
The higher power I see in my recovery is not at all "higher" but "different." When I chose to change my life i didn't look for a God, but I looked to change the environment,ie people, that I was hanging out with. Hanging out with people who didn't have to drink to have a good time was how I managed to change my habits. We all need help, whether that help comes from faith, freindship, or both, doesn't matter. finding something that will assist you in staying sober and be there for the long haul is what matters.
Member: Scott D
Location: eastern washington
Date: 3/18/2002
Time: 11:11:55 AM
Scott Alcoholic
I surrendered about 7 months ago, because scott was like a bad director in a bad movie. scotts movie was pretty sad,and now one was coming to scotts movie, but scott. Any way there is a better way to live,and that i have found with AA and a power greater than my self. That would be god as i under stand him.I thank him every day for a nother day of being sobber. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Kjoe
Location: NYS
Date: 3/18/2002
Time: 11:25:07 AM
Hi All Kjoe Alcoholic/Addict, This Step goes along with the Discussion Topic...Self will , ego deflation.... I needed help when I first came into the rooms of AA/NA and I found a bunch of Powers greater than myself.. A Group. Of. Drunks... Hard to admit but, I the all-powerful Kjoe was out of control and was up to my neck in a legal nightmare...I needed lots of help to stay sober and found that with the PEOPLE of AA... They taught me Good. Orderly. Direction. That if, I did not pick up a drink or, drug that my life would get better. And so, it has been for a good many moons. That, to me was simple to understand...... But, there is another side of the coin here .... to some the whole Idea of having some sort of self will or, ego is a bad thing. And we must cast out our self will and ego to have an un-natural dependence on a power greater than ourselfs or GOD.. I believe that one's own self will can be used to stay clean & sober....... just as it was once used to keep us high and drunk. I believe that ego is a good thing when it is the right size. This Group. Of. Drunks. restored me to sane thinking and behavior. I have not made the insane choice to pick up a drink or drug in over 15 years. ....kjoe
Member: Mary W.
Location: California
Date: 3/18/2002
Time: 6:15:05 PM
I truly believe in God, but I believe I ask Him for so much. But I have asked him to help me stop drinking, but last night when I was having a good time, I said it's okay, you don't have to listen, I'm having such a good time, but please help me get home safely with my children in tow. What a loser I am, driving with my children.
Member: Donnie M (D.O.S. 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va.
Date: 3/18/2002
Time: 6:33:26 PM
Hi all Donnie here and I`m an alcoholic and I believe I started this step my last night of drinking because I knew that I was powerless over (we will just say any substance) and I had blamed God for just about every little thing that had happened in my or my families lives. I sat there that night on these church steps after fighting the suicidual thoughts for the last time to either have the desire to drink leave me or to have my life end right then and there.I am not saying I had a big awakening or anything like that , but something happened that night. I have honestly excepted God as my higher power and I thank him every morning for the gift that has been given to me and thank him at night for my day cause if I didn`t drink in the day I find that my life is getting better all of the time. I will end with this I have found a higher power and the funny thing is he was there all along just waiting for me to ask. God bless all and thank`s for letting me share.
Member: shaly
Location: texas
Date: 3/18/2002
Time: 10:05:07 PM
hi: i've never done this before. i've never said that i think i'm an alcoholic. i know i have a major problem on my hands, writting this just proves it to me. i have to believe that there is help outside of myself because obviously i can't help myself.if i could have done this alone, i'm sure i would have. i'm out of control and have been for a while now. so here i am, contemplating how to change my life and i guess it doesn't matter if it's GOD or a group of drunks at this point. i just need help.
Member: Mike .T
Location: michigan
Date: 3/18/2002
Time: 10:40:51 PM
Hi my name is Mike and I'm an alcoholic this step was hard @ first but then my sponser said do you do the things you used to do and by gods grace I don't and that is a blessing. My thoughts and actions are changed and I had nothing to do with it, I just ask God and you people for help One day @ a time and my life has changed into the miracle you told me it could be. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Bill F
Location: Lost Angeles
Date: 3/19/2002
Time: 1:18:04 AM
Was there a power greater than myself? Well I did have this thing with alcohol that I couldn't control. So there was a power that was keeping me very much insane. After a while sober I realized how much clearer my thinking was and how my actions had changed. And I had to admit I hadn't done it. On to Step 3.
After 17 years, even my shrink says I'm sane.
Member: Scott K
Location: Rochester, NY
Date: 3/19/2002
Time: 7:27:47 AM
Hi, I'm Scott - Alcoholic
I'm still on first step and am pretty much convinced that I am helpless over alcohol and my life is not manageable when I am drinking. I am going to F2F meetings most every day and go to 3-4 first step meetings every week.
Second step is going to be hard for me because past hardships and my drinking have really soured my idea of God. I do know that since I have made the committment to myself to stop drinking and go to AA meetings, that many good things have happened in my life. I honestly don't have the enormous un-controllable cravings for drink. I am also changing very much in my ideas of what is important and am becomming a much more balanced person. My wife of 33yrs(I'm somehow still married!!) is approaching me about starting over and that is a miracle in itself considering the hurt that I have caused her. I am really trying to look at these things as a HP working in my life, there seems to be no other explaination but this alcoholic mind is still skeptical. I will keep trying as I work toward step 2. Thanks for listening.
Member: Connie S
Location: Riverside, N.J.
Date: 3/19/2002
Time: 8:24:03 AM
Hi all, I am an alcoholic named Connie. The G.O.D part... Group of Drunks... helped me soooo much early on. I could not stop drinking. You all could. I could not stop cussing, you all showed me how a woman is appropriate. I could not stop hating myself. Youa ll showed me how to walk with grace and dignity, AND gave me the time in which to learn. In the beginning I did what you said, went where you said to go, and tried to do what you all did. Now I realize my GOD is that Higher Power who I knew all my life. He spoke through you all. Even now, without a drink, insanity still returns to visit. With the tools of this program, I just don't entertain it long anymore. I still do as I am told, but now the voice sometimes comes from deep inside me. It still says, don't drink, go to meetings and just be nice. Thabks C.
Member: John Wesley
Location: Hymn 792,
Date: 3/19/2002
Time: 5:45:48 PM
RETURN O wanderer, to thy home! Thy Father calls for thee; No longer now an exile roam, In guilt and misery. Return O wanderer, to thy home! "Tis Jesus calls for thee; The Spirit and the Bride say, "Come;" O now for refuge flee! Return O wanderer, To thy home, Tis madness to delay; There are no pardons in the tomb, And brief is mercy's day...
Member: Alani W.
Location: Northern California
Date: 3/19/2002
Time: 9:15:17 PM
I was raised in a church that portrayed a vindictive God. I was afraid of Gods' wrath for most of my life. The people in the church attributed every negative happening to God. It was hard for me to believe that this was a God of love.
The most powerful part of the program is the prayer and meditation. That is where I met my higher power, and this God is one of love, light and justice. Whenever I want to communicate with God, I say the serenity prayer, and feel that peace that come over me.
I begin and end each day with a prayer, and use the serenity prayer throughout the day.
God could and would if he were sought. I don't know exactly when in my recovery my higher power became one with me. I prayed so much that it took a while to realize I was not alone.
Member: Mary W.
Location: Capital of California
Date: 3/19/2002
Time: 9:17:22 PM
Hi, this is my 2nd time here. Came here yesterday. I always said that I would seek help if I hit bottom. I believe I came close when I drove in my 2,000 lbs. of steel (or more??) with my most precious cargo in the back seat after having 1 margarita and 3 beers in a 2 hour period. My mom tried to tell me, but I said I'm fine I'm fine, but I know I wasn't. I was just past the threat of getting caught by a cop and right before the threat of killing someone. This is the first time in my life I've been able to read or hear what A.A. people have to say and not dismiss it. It feels really good. Just like when I lost weight, I was "ready." SHALY, you have to be ready!! You have to say enough is enough. I like to drink, but is it all worth it??? Signed, Mary 42 hours sober.
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 3/20/2002
Time: 1:33:32 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcohoic. Step two for me was my first act of faith, I was asked to believe in something other than myself. I always believed in God, my problem was that I didn't have faith that God would help someone like me. Our Big Book doesn't demand that we believe in God, it says it is essential that we believe in the power of God. Thru the amazing Grace of God I don't have to drink today, and that is the sanity that has been restored to this alcoholic. To drink today is deliberately forgetting that I am an alcoholic. Thru God's amazing grace, the fellowship of Acoholics Anonymous I have enjoyed 14 years 4 months of continous sobriety. God Bless all on our amazing journey.
Member: Dorothyann M
Location: central jersey
Date: 3/20/2002
Time: 12:15:28 PM
I can't do this on my own. I have tried. I am powerless over alcohol and drugs. I was clean and sober for 5 1/2 years, went out for 6 months on R&D. It did not work. I thought God (my HP) had seriously forgot about me prior to going out...I was quite mad at Him. I humbly asked Him on March 17th, 2002 (which would have been my 6th anniversary had I not picked up) to please allow me to ask Him back into my life. You see He never left me...I was the one who threw Him aside. I talk to Him now at so many different parts of the day it is amazing. I came to believe (again) that I have no power. I NEED a power greater than myself to restore this thick headed Irish Lass to sanity. I am nothing alone. With my Higher Power and all of you I can accomplish anything.
Please keep me in your prayers, as I will keep all of you and all sick and recovering alcoholics in mine.
Love to all, da gypsy
Member: Nola K
Location: New Mexico
Date: 3/20/2002
Time: 12:39:32 PM
Hi all; Nola here, Remembering when I was drinking and using, and believed I was in control and there was no God. and then when things got really bad towards my bottom every time I got in trouble I yelled at God for either help or to blame him. I still do that from time to time in the program after 20 years the difference today is I believe he exists and he loves me or I would never have found my way to these rooms and to this way of life. when I ask God to forgive my past indescrestions and to forgive my current character defects when they raise their ugly heads he does, My God is either a God of grace or he isnt God He forgets when I ask for that, I am the one who keeps dragging STUFF back up and into my life. thats my insanity today! FAITH; F-fantastic A-adventures I-in T-trusting H-him Thank you, for keeping me sober one more day.
Member: Bill H.
Location: Orland Park, IL
Date: 3/20/2002
Time: 1:17:54 PM
I am Bill and I'm an alcoholic who is sober today through God's grace and this fellowship. The God whom I thought was vengeful and punishing never really existed if I honestly looked at my life. It was convenient for me to have an idea of a scorekeeping God because because who would want a relationship with a God who was waiting for me to screw up. My original sponsor, who died after sponsoring me for 19 years, told me of a God who had been waiting for me to ask for help, who would come to meet me as the Father ran down the road to meet the Prodigal Son. I had missed the point of that story for years, focusing on how the other son got screwed with no fatted calf or party. As the Big Book story on acceptance says we have to change the lenses on our glasses. I know how much God loves me today. Just think of how big God's fridge must be to have all of our pictures on it. The 4th step showed me the need to be restored to sanity even if up until then all the 2nd step meant to me was faith. I'm glad I had that faith by the time I finished my first 4th step and could see the need to be restored to sanity. I still need restoration at times today. I just marked 22 years of sobriety but when I falter I can still run down that road to meet my father for forgiveness, and sanity.
Member: Tom A. 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 3/20/2002
Time: 1:57:00 PM
Good Afternoon, Tom Anderson here, a greateful sober alcoholic today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and this fellowship we call A.A. During the month of February this year. I used Step 2 and Tradition 2 as a part of my morning meditation. I have found this to a way that I can maintain a daily contact with A.A. I try to focus upon a word of phrase from the Step or Tradition and this year I chose the word "Power" from Step 2 and the phrase "a loving God"from Tradition 2. This exercise,I discoverd that the "Power"I serve today is a "loving God" that is able to provide Good Orderly Direction each day. The instanity that I need to watch our for is the next First Drink. It is Groups like Staying Cyber and the many face-to-face groups that provide help as we trudge together this happy road to destiny. Love and prayers from an alky who cares.
God Bless - Tom Anderson, cte50203@centurytel.net
Member: shellie w
Location: cali
Date: 3/20/2002
Time: 11:40:48 PM
well i hope that god restores me to sanity, cuz right now im crazy, and i have fallen so many times in a short period, havent yet tonight, but want to. i livein a small town and meetings never seem to be around the time im ready to get hammered, but i guess god is doing it i hope so, i might as well give the credit there, still trying to "get it" i guess. i look at these messages and that one where the lady drank with her kids that is something i did on a regualar basis. i have to stya out of the cars.
Member: Ray C
Location: Haines Alaska
Date: 3/21/2002
Time: 2:41:37 AM
Im Ray an Alcoholic...I seem to remember at a point when I had maybe one or two years without a drink that I realized just what the insanity of alcoholism was and that I definately had suffered with it.The fact the I would continue to drink knowing what was going to happen as a result of it.I think the big book likens it to repeatedly walking infront of a moving streetcar or auto,suffering worse injuries each time but still jumpinig in front of it after each recovery.Anyway after a year or whatever of attending nightly meetings and hearing peoples stories I realized that was just what I had done.It also became obvious to me me that if I continued to make meetings and do what I had been doing since I'd quit drinking I had a choice and didn't have to return to that insanity.I guess you might say I used the AA, Group of Drunks,as my higher power at that point.Simply put I came to belive that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.I can't say I did much of anything besides believe in the program and not drink between meetings and the step sort of took me.It was really that simple for me,not easy but simple.All I know for sure is it worked for me and I'm grateful today that it did.
Member: Tom Mc.
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 3/21/2002
Time: 10:50:43 AM
Hi I'm Tom Mc and I'm definately an alcoholic. I was in what I thought was recovery for about 5 years. I went out about 8 months ago and have been drinking and still going to meetings when I felt sober enough to. I have been beaten by this thing called alcohol. I pray to a power I know is there but have feelings of being abandoned by HIM. I want to be sober again and let God direct me. Thanks, Tom Mc
Member: Steve
Location: Indiana
Date: 3/21/2002
Time: 11:01:00 AM
Step 2 was the beginning of some spiritual relief. After finally being ready to give AA a good try, I was taking a walk one day along the river. It was a nice sunny Fri afternoon about 4 or 5pm. Would normally be drinking by now even tho supposed to work until 6. Started saying steps to myself, as I had been in and out of AA a few yrs so almost knew them by heart. When I got to second step it was a spiritual experience. Not burning bush or lighting bolt but serene.
Realized an HP or God of my understanding could restore me to sanity. I've never forgotten that and its over 8 yrs later, sober with alot of good help. Thanks for reminding me of the inner peace possible with steps 2 and 3. Steve
Member: Tessa W. (dannwhitley@yahoo.com)
Location: Amarillo, texas
Date: 3/22/2002
Time: 1:54:42 PM
Easy! Step 1: I can't Step 2: He Can! Step 3: I think I'll let HIM!
Member: JK
Location: hollywood
Date: 3/22/2002
Time: 5:42:23 PM
Member: JK
Location: hollywood
Date: 3/22/2002
Time: 5:43:35 PM
Alright....I've been fighting the first step....now I understand...with that simple posting.
Member: JK
Location: hollywood
Date: 3/22/2002
Time: 5:43:41 PM
Alright....I've been fighting the first step....now I understand...with that simple posting.
Member: JK
Location: hollywood
Date: 3/22/2002
Time: 5:43:46 PM
Alright....I've been fighting the first step....now I understand...with that simple posting.
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 3/22/2002
Time: 7:29:26 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Thanks for the sincere shares. Welcome newcomers!
The greatest obstacle for me in coming to believe that a Higher Power could restore me to sanity was not that He was incapable of restoring me to sanity--as my God was the omnipotent God of the Islam, Judaism, and Christianity. The real question for me, borne out of my personal experience, was would He?
I could only find out the answer to this question by staying sober and practicing the principles of the program to the best of my ability.
Member: Bettybee
Location: OH
Date: 3/22/2002
Time: 8:07:16 PM
Tom Mc ... that's a desperate place to be ... knowing there is a higher power, but feeling that you're not one of his favored people.
To get back on track you have to stop drinking. Alcohol is handling everything right now ... fear, anger, loneliness, shame, etc. It's your power. And it will continue (at least for a while), as long as you keep drinking. That means you do not NEED another power.
Feelings are just that.... feelings. Doesn't make them facts. Feeling deserted by God is simply a feeling, not a fact.
My prayers for the still suffering go to you this day.
Member: Virginia
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 3/23/2002
Time: 1:47:18 AM
Step 2 was a powerful tool that I used each time I shared in a meeting.
I would say at the end of my *pitch* that I really believed that my HP could and would restore me to sanity.
Did it work??? All I know is that in 18 yrs I haven't been in one nut-house and prior to that I was locked up more than once.
Member: Rich R
Location: Detroit
Date: 3/23/2002
Time: 8:43:36 AM
"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
I guess I had to come to meetings long enough to realize that a power greater than myself had led me into INsanity before I could get the second step.
I never realized the extent of my insanity until I came to meetings and heard you people telling MY story. When you told it, it sounded different and I could be objective about some of the stuff I had done.
The tricky part about insanity is it is a gradual process of losing tough with reality. I could always make excuses for my odd behavior until I stopped drinking and started looking at all the wreckage in one big picture. Then there was no denying the reality - I was quite a ways from where I wanted to be.
I might as well give this NEW higher power that you folks were using a try. You guys seemed pretty happy and some of you had some impressive abstinence dates!
Thanks.
Member: Kevin M.
Location: B. Ohio
Date: 3/23/2002
Time: 5:14:39 PM
Came to Believe, it was a long hard road. Yes I believe that a greater power than myself was needed to help me, oops flip the m in me so that it will become a w, we to become sane for perhaps for the first time. Could restore us to sanity, us, dag gone it there it go's again not revolving around me. Guess the Higher Power may use other people to help us back to a somewhat serene way of living if we work for it in our sobriety. Thank you for this meeting.
Member: Norman C
Location: Reading, PA
Date: 3/23/2002
Time: 7:05:34 PM
My only problem with this step was the sanity part. I did not think I was out of my mind or nuts. I just couldn't stop drinking. Eventually I realized that my drinking career was not that of a normal person, and, whatever it meant, I knew that I had gained the desire to get sobriety. I had a problem with the sanity issue because I have a sister who had to be in a mental hospital and get electric shock treatments. Eventually I came to realize what this step really meant for me - the belief that a higher power could help me. I no longer have a problem with this.
Member: Dan D.
Location: Chicago
Date: 3/24/2002
Time: 9:42:53 AM
I remember taking a walk on the day before I was to be released from the state nut house.They finally gave me a pass to walk the grounds.It was a beautiful evening,a dramatic sun set filled the sky and I knew that whatever happened in my life that it would be just fine so long as I did'nt give in to drink.I had heard this kind of thing at meetings for years and just fiqured people were trying to look "spiritual".How wrong I was.I did'nt know that experiances like I had are real.Today the thing I have remeber is that I have to maintain that spiritual health through selflessnss,prayer and meditation,and forgivness.Have a great sober day.Those of us still having a hard time please keep coming back.Sometimes It's in our deepest time of sadness that we begin to see.
Member: mary
Location: vermont
Date: 3/24/2002
Time: 11:15:40 AM
hi everyone, my name is Mary and i know that my life is always great when i am in touch with my higher power..am happier, freeer, less depressed etc..and a feeling that everything is going to be alright.However, I have trouble with the balance thing..But for now i know i can not do without my HP.have friend who has a plaque at her table that says "Hello, this is God..i am going to take care of your problems today and concerns..i don't need your help..so enjoy your day..so you don't need to be in charge..i will be handling everything..thought that was wonderful..