Member: Mike O.
Location: Pontiac, Michigan
Date: 15 Mar 1998
Time: 14:03:00

Comments

Hi..my name is Mike and I am an alcoholic..The first step is the one I was ready for when I entered these doors.. I always have to remember where I came from..a drink today is not an answer..it is death for this alki..my life was so unmanageable..it still is in many areas..I am not happy, joyous and free but I am close enough to know that my life is so much better. Thanks for letting me share.. michaelott@webtv.net


Member: Russ W.
Location: Powell, WY
Date: 15 Mar 1998
Time: 17:02:31

Comments

I am Russ and I am an alcoholic/addict. The first step for me is not so hard. I am definetly powerless over alcohol and drugs. I drank when I wanted to drink and when I didn't want to. I had no mental defense against the first drink. Then after the first drink I did not know how or when I was going to stop. It was usually when I passed out or got locked up. I could not control my consumption or behavior after the first drink. The second part of the step of unmanagability I still struggle with. My life is not yet managable. But when I was drinking I was a lot worse. I became homeless, irresponsible, and not dependable. My family and friends did not want much to do with me, in fact they were happy to see me locked up because they thought I was safe and off the streets. I am grateful for this program and the steps. I did my second fifth step yesterday and I am doing really good today. Thank you for reading and letting me share.


Member: Patti A.
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
Date: 15 Mar 1998
Time: 18:11:07

Comments

Hi. I'm Patti and I'm an alcoholic. When I first came to AA I didn't have any trouble with the first part of Step One, but the second half took about 2.5 years to accept. I was so invested in everything looking good. I was fairly young when I got sober. Had a good job, nice clothes, husband, family, house with a white fence, good car. And I was ready to die. I would hear all of the stories about all of the things people had lost before they came into recovery. It took a long time for me to understand that my life was just as unmanagable as anyone else's, even if I hadn't lost the outside things. My spiritual bankrupcy was as profound as the next person's. My recovery took a rich and rewarding turn when I finally fully took Step One. Thanks.


Member: Erv W..
Location: Adams Wi..
Date: 15 Mar 1998
Time: 18:51:19

Comments

Good afternoon, my name is Erv and I'm an alcoholic.. Step one for me took 30 years.. My first contact with AA came when I was just 20 years old.. By every form of self-deception and experimenatation I tried to prove myself non-alcoholic.. I also tried all the half-measures that I could think of.. Nothing worked until I was near death.. Thats when I found the honesty to take the first step without reservation.. I will have 1 year on the 9th of April.. Life is so much better for me now, I wish I could have seen it many years ago.. To any new person coming on the program, Go to meetings 90 in 90, listen, and don't take the first drink.. Have a great week !! Your friend in sobriety Erv W..


Member: Pat M.
Location: Arizona
Date: 15 Mar 1998
Time: 19:38:51

Comments

Hi,my name is Pat M. and I'm an alcoholic. It took me six months to do the first step. It was a wonderful feeling when I finally surrendered. I was absolutly powerless my life was unmanageable.


Member: Danielle
Location: Canada
Date: 15 Mar 1998
Time: 23:43:38

Comments

Hi. Danielle, big fat alcoholic. I know alcohol controls my life. I know it because I even dream about drinking, and my frist thought, no matter how early, is "what will I drink first?". I usually have a beer for breakfast, and get worse from there. I don't go to school anymore. I study before a test; I have straight A's. Maybe if I flunked it would be better...? I acknowledge that my alcoholism (I've never doubted that I was an addict, which may be worse that denial), I know my life is unmanageable. I've always known that. I want to quit. I've tried. I've done it for a week just to say that I could, and than I drank a 26 of Vodka to celebrate. My friends all try to "help". They want me to quit except for when I'm partying with them. I keep trying to explain alcoholism to them, I guess their brains turn off at a certain point. Kinda like mine doesn't function at all. Sorry. Didn't mean to bother all of you; I don't deserve to. (Erynyes@aol.com)


Member: Didda J.
Location: London/England
Date: 16 Mar 1998
Time: 01:08:27

Comments

Hi, my name is Didda and I am an alcoholic. I was just like you Danielle, I never had a proplem with the later part of the first step. I felt my life had allways been unmanageable, may it have been so because of my upbringing or other, but for many years I looked at drinking and being drunk as a light spot in my existance. People who loved me worryed about me, some got very scared of loving me because they were sure that I would die and they did not want to be a part of my desturction. I admited being an alcoholic many years before I finaly gave up. I bathed in this murky truth about my self with out consern for what I did to others, and it wasn't until I had had my son and he was two and a half years old that I knew that I was bringing unto him what had been brought unto me, and I only knew that that was not what I wanted. My life was so totaly unmanageable that his existence was responsible for me being alive at that time. Today it is not like so, the responsibility has been reversed, but I am still having to work on this guilty feeling that I have towards him. No child should be responsible for the life of their parents, and when I admited that alcohol and drugs were not for me and that my life had been unmanagable because of them either being in side me or others, I started living life with the help of people who had been where I was and knew how I could get better. All the best to you Danielle and you can do it if only you are willing. All the best ...thanks Didda


Member: jrr
Location: harmony by the lake
Date: 16 Mar 1998
Time: 02:26:28

Comments

Danielle..welcome--welcome to the most successful program known to man dealing with the disease of alcoholism...it will work for you if you do as those before you have done...MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH and, most of all; HOPE : I was beaten to a pulp...thoroughly pitiful and ,...incomprehensible..demoralization..I did not want to stop drinking per se , I just wanted the black fog to lift...life sucked...so I drank..and life sucked ..so I drank..and life s..well, you just might identify, anyway..I got to the rooms,that is a face to face meeting . If I wanted to get sober I had to do as they (old-timers ) did ,and part of that was GO TO MEETINGS !! they did not want to hear this unique crap... don't worry about not knowing anyone..they also told me that when you enter an AA meeting , there are no strangers, just Friends I had not met, yet. And as I went to meetings , an amazing thing happened...I started to hear amazing stories...all this wacked out stuff that I was sure no one but me had experienced....much less would even admit experiencing !!! and here I was in this room full of friends who I had not yet met, but I'd be damned, they sure knew me , or at least some of my crazy thoughts...yet , these people were laughing and carrying on while others told this wacked out shit,all the while I could feel true,and I mean real, warmth, all around me . and this is the real scary part...all of a sudden ...I felt at home ?! couldcha imagine that Danielle ? The next thing I know, I was out to coffee at a diner with about 17 of these people...strangers, if you will, just listening to their stories and laughter, and as I got a ride home , I realized...I am powerless over my old way of life , ie, drinking and the crappy life it lead to ...these people seemed happy and relatively together, I mean, without a fix of some sort...so they must be more powerful than me so perhaps they could help me find the answer. and Danielle , you know what ? the answer was in the smiles and warm words these people gave me---instructions-- a road map if you will, a new design for living...Step One is the start....go for it ! God Bless...I need you ...peace jrr


Member: Richard C.
Location: Here not there.
Date: 16 Mar 1998
Time: 10:59:19

Comments

For the past 16 years life has been so much better than the end of my drinking years. I am most grateful for the compulsion being lifted.


Member: Stan P.
Location: Haven Pa.
Date: 16 Mar 1998
Time: 18:28:39

Comments

Hello Everybody; I'm Stan and Im an alcoholic I came into the rooms On My 2'nd step I did the Ist step before I left the house armed with all the qualification's honesty willingness and an open mind a no. of detox stays almost convinced me of being insane.I learned from you people that insanity starts with the 1st drink. Thank you for continuously showing me how to out fox the fox last drunk 4/15/1986 thanks to my higher power and AA God bless!!


Member: Rich L.
Location: NE Phila.
Date: 16 Mar 1998
Time: 20:34:34

Comments

Hi, I'm Rich an alcoholic. I thought for a long time that the first step was,"I admitted I was an alcoholic." I could easily admit to be an alcoholic, I told all my so called friends that too Danielle. It took my awhile to see I was powerless over alcohol, and what my friends/drinking buddies did and said. I didn't think my life was out of control, I was just having a bad go at life. Than I found the rooms, I listened to the sober and happy people who shared my pain. They gave me suggestions as to how I could enjoy what they had. It all starts with the first step. Get yourself to a meeting and meet some of the best friends, true friends, you'll ever meet in your life. Keep the faith!


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 17 Mar 1998
Time: 00:09:25

Comments

Hello everyone, I am very definitally a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I wish I knew what to say to you Danelle to maybe help you to get off before it is too late, but I am at a loss for words. It is sad to say but it is very- very true that AA is for people who WANT it and not for people who need it. When I first came to AA, I tried for the next 5 years to provr to me and everyone else that I was not powerless over alcohol and during this period, I nearly died several times. I was in the VA hospital three times, a private hospital four times, one of which I received shock treatments, I tried suicide two times, got my first DWI, and lost a very good position in the work field. During this time, I was going to meetings fairly regularly but I coud not stop drinking. Where I got sober, we gave chips and you got a white one for being new or coming back. I received at least 100 white chips and I have one three months chip. This was some 22 years ago and I have not found it necessary to take a drink since. When I finally realized I could no longer drink and was able to surender I came back in the program with a desire to have what I saw in all the other people in the program. I know today that every drink I ever took was necessary and I do not believe I would have made it on one less drink, but I have arrived, I do not have to drink anymore. This is when I realized there is a big differance in "wanting" something and "wanting to want" something. I love you and hope and pray that you find your way in but it is just that simple, you have to want it. Goodnight and God bless. Sanders W.


Member: Martina G
Location:
Date: 17 Mar 1998
Time: 06:48:16

Comments

Hi - Martina alcoholic. sober 12+ yrs and one drink away from disaster. I like this topic because it reminds me that if I rely on my power and strength, I will my life will become unmanagable again and I will drink (because an unmanageable life means that self-pity will quickly follow for me). Today I came into work and my calendar said "For we brought nothing into this worlk, and it is certain we can carry nothing out". This really gave me perspective today on what is important. My sobriety, my relationship with God and others. Of course other things have to be attended to, (like I better get to work so I can actually KEEP my job !!) but it is good to remember how unmanageable my life was before sobriety and get my mind back to the basics. God Bless you all and thanks for all the sharing. It helps.


Member: troyj
Location: north chicago,il
Date: 17 Mar 1998
Time: 11:30:59

Comments

hi-taj here...i like the 1st step because for a long time i refused to admit that i had a problem. until we admit that we have a problem no stepa will be taken to solve this problem. as far as my life being unmanagable, it has been for some time and will continue to be that way until i begin to grow up and realize life for what it is. but just for today i can be paart of the solution instead of creating problems for myself and loved ones. god please grant me the strength to make it through another day clean.


Member: Kelley C
Location: Chicago
Date: 17 Mar 1998
Time: 16:04:02

Comments

Hi. I'm Kelley, a recovering alcoholic/addict. I, like others have said, read this step for years as "I'm powerless over alcohol". In fact, I had no problem admitting my alcoholism...what I couldn't tolerate was the notion that I could not run my life effectively, efficiently, or (god help me, gulp) sanely. Giving up some notion of control and actually trusting someone/anyone was terrifying to me. I, wrongfully, assumed for a long time that as long as I was sober (and "trusted" God to help me stay sober) the rest of my life would be managable and somehow successful. I was so terrified of looking inside of me and discovering how angry,hurt, underdeveloped spiritually, emotionally, sexually, socially I was. If I did I would somehow have to acknowledge sources of pain that I had long ago decided "didn't matter and certainly didn't count." So, I overdeveloped my intellectual growth and allowed academia to be my God and my manager. Although, useful for a time it had little to do with allowing myself the freedom of spiritual and emotional growth that can accompany a sober life. I guess what I'm saying is that I've hit Step One in so many facets of life....SOBER. I have had to examine my powerlessness over my own history (I can't change the past but I can learn from it and reclaim my life), I am powerless over another's view (but I can hear it and not have to accept it for my own if it's not appropriate), I am powerless over what's meant to happen (but I can either stew about it or get on with it). In real tangible ways, I am powerless over what happens (I was recently seriously injured) and I had to "trust" the competencies of medical personnel (whom by the way have been utterly fabulous). I am scheduled for yet another surgery tomorrow morning and am faced with another Step 1-2-3. Anyway, the point of all this is that AA has given me continued sobriety which allowed me the luxury (and pain) of working Step 1 on all sorts of levels in order to live life more abundantly (and at times more gracefully). I, would, however appreciate your prayers and well-wishes for my upcoming surgery. Thank you all for the gift of sobriety and the chance for emotional/spiritual/and now physical healing. Thanks and God/dess/universe bless. Love, Kelley


Member: Jacque R
Location: Nebraska
Date: 18 Mar 1998
Time: 00:33:10

Comments

Hi, I'm Jacque and I'm an alcoholic. I haven't been here for a couple of weeks because my computer went kerplunk. Neat new format...step meetings...cool. Thanks you cyber-techies, you. I've been overwhelmed lately in the "life" department and that puts me right into step 1, big time. Sometimes when I think I'm doing alright that unmanageability rears it's ugly head...like when I start paying more attention to what other people are doing instead of checking where I'm at. All it takes, though, is a meeting, and BAM, back to step 1 and back to reality. I am so grateful this place is here...it's such a relief to be thinking straight again. Again, I say, thanks you cyber techies, you. I needed this page tonite.

Danielle in Canada--The only place I could "explain alcoholism" to others was in a room full of alcoholics, and because they didn't "turn their brains off at some point", they added many wonderful and useful things to my knowledge of this disease. For instance, how not to take the first drink. But, I had to go find a room full of them before I could explain things to them. It wasn't too hard, they're under the A's in the phone book. What could it hurt? You already know your other friends will still be ready, willing and able to "help"...until it's party time anyway.


Member: Modie L.
Location: Chicago
Date: 18 Mar 1998
Time: 09:17:39

Comments

Hi, I'm Modie and I'm an alcoholic/addict. The first step for me is the one I must practice with complete perfection! This is the one that not only saved my life, but gave me the chance to start my life over again. It also opened the doors to God (I haven't had faith since I left grammar school). I am 7 months sober now and I could type for hours on how this program has changed my life. I was such an angry, resentful, unhappy, and of course, intoxicated human being until I realized how booze and drugs were the cause of my unhappiness. I was licked! Today I choose not to drink or drug. I choose to rely on my higher power (God), AA meetings and the 12 steps to fill the voids in my life. My life is good today. For that I am extremely grateful. AAAHHH......SERENITY!!!!!!!!!!


Member: Barbara S.
Location: NJ
Date: 18 Mar 1998
Time: 10:48:32

Comments

My name is Barbara, and I'm an alcoholic.

Thanks to everybody for their comments. Actually, I've always been glad it doesn't say, "Admitted we were alcoholics...." Because what I could admit at the time, and what seems to me to be the only important thing even now, was that alcohol caused me great problems and I couldn't control my drinking, once I started. I don't know whether or not I could have admitted I was "an alcoholic" then, and now, as I say, it doesn't even matter to me anymore.

I just recognized that alcohol had made a mess of my life, and that I wanted something better. And I've gotten it, slowly but surely, over the last fifteen years, thanks to the program of AA and the people in it. The First Step was only the beginning, but without it, I couldn't have gone anywhere else. The first step, as it's written in an AA pamphlet, is the First Step.

Wanted to say "Good Luck" to Kelly C. and Danielle. I'll be thinking of you both....


Member: Rick K.
Location: Illinois
Date: 18 Mar 1998
Time: 20:22:55

Comments

Hi, I'm Rick and I'm an alcoholic.By the time I came to AA I really didn't have a problem with the powerless part of step 1.All I had to do was look at my past history.I recalled all those times when I told myself I was only going out to just have a few drinks and come home early and I would end up staying out all night drinking ,once I took that first drink and the craving for more began.I also remember the times I told myself I was going to quit and never did even after the trouble it had caused me.The part about my life being unmanageable was a lot harder due to my pride.Although I lost practically everything that meant anything to me because of booze I still could'nt admit defeat.I wanted to be in control.Until I started practicing some humility I could not stay sober for any length of time.I got a good sponser and decided to focus only 24 hours ata time.During those early years I had to practice step 1 daily.Thanks to my higher power and AA I have been sober almost 7 years and am meeting life on lifes terms and it could'nt be better.Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Glenna L.
Location: California
Date: 19 Mar 1998
Time: 02:08:58

Comments

Hello, I'm Glenna, an alcoholic, I have been in the fellowship for 21 years. Today, I know that I am just as close to a drink as the first day I walked into a meeting. By the grace of God and remembering the First Step on a daily basis is the foundation of my sobriety. Thank you for making this meeting possible.


Member: Glenna L.
Location: California
Date: 19 Mar 1998
Time: 02:09:12

Comments

Hello, I'm Glenna, an alcoholic, I have been in the fellowship for 21 years. Today, I know that I am just as close to a drink as the first day I walked into a meeting. By the grace of God and remembering the First Step on a daily basis is the foundation of my sobriety. Thank you for making this meeting possible.


Member: Ann A
Location: Rainy NYC
Date: 19 Mar 1998
Time: 10:47:08

Comments

Hi all Ann A- alcoholic 51 days back again. Danielle I've spent 11 years around this program, 4 years sober (dry) then 5years after my 1st relapse, then in and out, all because I quit drinking. The important word there is quit. That implies that I have control over the situation. I don't. In order to stay sober you have to surrender, understanding that when you reach out for help it WILL be there. As I said before it took me 11 years to understand that, because I was a functional(?) alcoholic. Most of us are brighter than average, after all what do stupid people have to run away from. We tend to believe that we can handle more than most, we can handle alcoholism. Not true!!! Give AA or at least this room a chance to bring you into the relief you'll feel when you take this 1st step. Hugs to all Ann


Member: mary w.
Location: KISS in Ks
Date: 19 Mar 1998
Time: 23:13:16

Comments

hello , i'm mary and i am definately powerless over alcohol, and my life was and is still unmanageable by me. it really doesn't matter how many gallons of booze i drank or even spilled, what matters is the the one that brought me here. i couldn't drink sucessfully, i really tried, i even had the delusion that alcoholics were skid row bums or like my mom - drunk at home. i drank in the bars, i wasn't drinking alone there were lots of people in the bar! why yes, i went there alone, and yes, i bought my drinks alone, and usually left alone. but i wasn't drinking alone - that was a quick trip to denial. the drink that got me in these doors really wasn't my last one, but it was one that truely taught me a lesson. it was about a 5th of whiskey in less than 2 hours. it gave me a black out that caused me physical problems for months afterwards. and the hangover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the insanity was even after that horrible nite, i drank again and again. i was truely powerless over alcohol. unmanageable, there wasn't a aspect of my life i could manage, my marrige had ended, my kids ran wild, and was on disiplinary measures at work.

this disease will always rule my life. i can not drink successfully now or ever ( damn thats a long time).

hugs,

mary w.


Member: Mark S
Location: Clevelan
Date: 19 Mar 1998
Time: 23:16:32

Comments

Admitting I was powerless was easy once I accepted that my misuse of alcohol interfered with my relationship with my children. It took an exceptional therapist to allow me to see this.

I have had considerable success in the business world. I thought (eroneously) that the rewards from that aspect of life, somehow, compensated for my shortcomings at home.

That first step allowed me to move to action and to get well, one day at a time.

With sixteen months of sobriety, I can now appreciate how sick I was. My first meeting remains a blur, but what I heard that morning were the words that alcohol is Cunning, Baffling and Powerful. Those words stuck.

This is a great site. I'm going to comment on it at my home group.

Mark


Member: Mark S
Location: Clevelan
Date: 19 Mar 1998
Time: 23:16:47

Comments

Admitting I was powerless was easy once I accepted that my misuse of alcohol interfered with my relationship with my children. It took an exceptional therapist to allow me to see this.

I have had considerable success in the business world. I thought (eroneously) that the rewards from that aspect of life, somehow, compensated for my shortcomings at home.

That first step allowed me to move to action and to get well, one day at a time.

With sixteen months of sobriety, I can now appreciate how sick I was. My first meeting remains a blur, but what I heard that morning were the words that alcohol is Cunning, Baffling and Powerful. Those words stuck.

This is a great site. I'm going to comment on it at my home group.

Mark


Member: Bob M.
Location: Goleta, CA
Date: 20 Mar 1998
Time: 10:30:00

Comments

Hi I'm Bob M. and Iam an alcoholic. I found that I'm always learning a new thing about Step One. Lately I have found that when Iam accepting my powerlessness that something happens to me spiritually. I am empowered by God to go on and work the remaning steps. It is like I am "higher powered" rather than working the steps on any supposed power of my own. Before I take any other step i make sure that I'm spiritually grounded in the first step. then my AA way of life feels much more comfortable. I'm very grateful to be sober sinve Oct. 1, 1993.


Member: mark d
Location:
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 10:06:13

Comments

hey people, mark here.....alcoholic.....powerless over alcohol, yet sober by the Grace of God and the program of AA.....I hated this step and fought it tooth and nail. I was going to have "my" program. I I I I I.....my my my my how grateful I am today to understand that it is "the" program, and that it is my choice to take advantage of it, or to die in the gutter of the poison that was destroying my life.....powerless over alcohol?....you bet...unmanageable?...yuppers on that end too. Almost a total of 2 years in county jails as the result of my alcoholism......year and a half in a jail program and recovery home.....over 5 years without a drink.....thank you God that someone said "quit trying to quit"....so that's what I did.....never could, never have, and hopefully never will...I are as powerless over alcohol today as the day I got here, God help me if I ever forget Step One.