Member: peter c
Location: Long Island
Date: 09 Mar 2003
Time: 09:39:07

Comments

Admiting to God wasn't all that hard. Admiting to another person wasn't all that hard. First time around, I admitted some stuff to one person, other stuff to another person nad so on. No one individual knew everything about me. But admiting to myself was the really hard part. Accepting my defects, and the cosequenses of my actions, was humbling. I needed everythig I learned in steps 1-3 to get through it. And knowing the next steps would give me relief also helped. These days I can tell when my defects are flairing up before they cause me trouble (most of the time). I can laugh at them and at myself.


Member: Brit Gilmo
Location:
Date: 09 Mar 2003
Time: 10:46:25

Comments

I really agree with you about afmitting t oyourselves is really hard


Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: 09 Mar 2003
Time: 11:04:15

Comments

Kim V here alcoholic. Yes admitting to oneself is hard. It demands rigerous honesty. If I can not be honest with myself, my sponsor and who I share my 5th step with, then all is lost as there is no easier, softer way. I found doing my 4th and 5th step was a real relief as I was so tired of hiding all the secrets. Now I don't care who knows what. I mean there are many things I am certainly not proud of from my past but doing the right thing today has helped me deal with the shame of yesterday. I found complete freedom when I let those secrets out. When I stood up in front of this small town's AA meeting and told them I just got out of prison and needed their help, I can't expalin what a relief it was. I no longer had to worry about anyone finding out because the cat was out of the bag. They welcomed me with open arms and loved me for who I am today. What a freedom, a freedom from fear, rejection etc... Today I have so much gratitude for the 5th step and how it works in my life. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Barb B
Location: The Burg, PA
Date: 09 Mar 2003
Time: 18:44:48

Comments

What they say about sharing your load with someone else, cuts it in half, is so true. The first time I did a Fifth step was probably as a small Catholic school girl, going to confession. I always felt cleansed when I came out of there. Having done my inventory, getting honest with myself, and with the Priest who heard it. My problem started when I quit taking inventory, quit being honest and walking away from God as I understood him.


Member: Victor M
Location: NYC
Date: 09 Mar 2003
Time: 19:41:19

Comments

I'm Victor M, alcoholic. First time at this meeting. The 5th step was relatively easy for me, probably because the 4th was such a long, drawn out, bear of a step for me (3 years) and, because i did it in my 4th year, there was very little in it that I hadn't heard shared in meetings before. I knew I was just another sick garden variety alcoholic and I was happy to get it off of my chest. My sponsor was someone I saw share at meetings, was not a 'buddy' and he helped me through the rougher areas by sharing his like experiences. When it was over I felt great, much like I did recently when I went to confession for the 1st time in 20 years. Cleansed, reborn, given a second chance at life, a part of mankind. Thanks


Member: Victor M
Location: NYC
Date: 09 Mar 2003
Time: 19:41:30

Comments

I'm Victor M, alcoholic. First time at this meeting. The 5th step was relatively easy for me, probably because the 4th was such a long, drawn out, bear of a step for me (3 years) and, because i did it in my 4th year, there was very little in it that I hadn't heard shared in meetings before. I knew I was just another sick garden variety alcoholic and I was happy to get it off of my chest. My sponsor was someone I saw share at meetings, was not a 'buddy' and he helped me through the rougher areas by sharing his like experiences. When it was over I felt great, much like I did recently when I went to confession for the 1st time in 20 years. Cleansed, reborn, given a second chance at life, a part of mankind. Thanks


Member: Larry M.
Location: South Texas
Date: 10 Mar 2003
Time: 01:01:53

Comments

Good evening. My name is Larry-and I'm an alcoholic and sober today by the grace of God and the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous. My first inventories were relating specific incidents that had caused great difficulties and brought relief. But it was only a very small start. Over the years,the things that I've learned to recognize as my defects are the defects that I see so readily in others. (page 47 in 12x12) My sponsor helped me understand that listing the defects of the person I despise the most was a "shortcut" to listing my own defects. And now, years after that revelation, page 230 in the "Big Book" discribes me, as well as the author, when he wrote, "I discovered in pointing out to the new man his wrong attitudes and actions that I was really taking my own inventory, and that if I expected him to change, I would have to work on myself too. This change has been a long slow process for me........


Member: Steve F.
Location: Germany
Date: 10 Mar 2003
Time: 05:06:03

Comments

Hi, my name is Steve, and I am an alcoholic. "Taking the fifth" was very important to me, and I have done it several times since I came to AA. I have admitted to God, to myself and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs, and in so doing have gaind the feeling that I am human again, with all of my faults and positive features, just like eveyone else. My life as a drinking alcoholic was run by what I considered to be a "secret agenda", and King Alcohol and I worked very hard at fueling resentments and keeping that steady stream of self-pity and hate flowing to cover up the deep-seated fear, anxiety and insecurity that I seem to have been born with. The fifth step is vitally important to me because it lets me betray alcohol. If I don't take stock of my character and admit the exact nature of my wrongs, then I will start believing all of the old lies that aclcohol used to tell me to keep me a "shivering denizen of his mad realm". Working the fifth step, like all of the other steps, helps me along the path of learning how to rely on a Power greater than myself to solve my problems, or learn how to live with them, instead of relying on alcohol to do the trick. Alcohol betrayed me in a big way, and I just have no desire to debase myself again to the point that I think I am God while laying in the gutter. A human like myself cannot afford such kind of luxury without paying for it with my very own soul.


Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 10 Mar 2003
Time: 05:34:25

Comments

Lessa E here, grateful recovering alcoholic. What came out of my 5th step this time (it's my second pass through the program) was not so much a sense of relief, as all of my past has been shared at one time or another with folks in the program. What I got out of it was how much of my past was shaped by the same character defects simply manifesting themselves differently. I had such a difficult time trying to do my 4th step as the BB instructs. So I was told to write the story of my life, breaking it down into different age groups. I did this on the PC (I got nowhere with writing it out by hand, as when I'd do something as silly as make a spelling or punctuation error, I'd start all over again...nasty perfectionism!!! *G) Anyway, I ended up with 27 pages. And I remember,after going through 5 or 7 pages, I was asked, "Do you have anything DIFFERENT you want to go through?" I was flabbergasted. I thought I was so complicated, I still had delusions of uniqueness. And what most of my life has boiled down to has been ego, pride and fear. Oh yes, they reared themselves a little bit differently under various circumstances. But it was the same defects that kept rearing their ugly heads and I was too wrapped up in myself to see it. The phrase "garden variety drunk" came to mind after I got done with my 5th step...and I was reminded that, after all, that is what I am. lessa_e@hotmail.com


Member: Thomas
Location: US-Boston
Date: 10 Mar 2003
Time: 10:11:48

Comments

My experience with the 5th was quite an eye-opener. I had done a very thorough 4th and realized how much my defects of character (selfish, dishonest, and fear) had fouled up my life. But reading it to another person brought it out into the light. Up until this point I felt as though I was living a dual life as I always lived one way and acted another. Sharing my life history with someone bridged the two together for I discovered that my past couldnt have been any different, that was the natural result of living on self-reliance. Steps and 5 were really just setting the stage for God to come in.


Member: bikerbabe
Location: hellishelping
Date: 10 Mar 2003
Time: 14:21:26

Comments

Just did my 5th step. what came out of it this time was how little i really did care for some of the other alkies in the fellowship..i have just discovered that my "good deeding" and showing up for 12 step work was more to find out about the latest gosip and a morbid joy of "seeing what a mess the person was in" i really am not genuine, and i really don't care much about them...i am mostly just "pretending" Reflecting back to the faces of those new people it was even obvious to 'them. they could see and get the sense of my coldness,, they knew i was only there for some morbid manipulation.... yes. these truths are hard to face, but you gotta get this stuff out and get honest.. or suffer some more, your choice..people are smart,,even newcomers,, check you attitude of superiority at the door when you meet them.. and if you don't really give a shit.. then save everybody the bullshit and get yourself healthy enough first before you embarrass yourself some more.. lots of love and a brand new skull cap. biker babe.


Member: Norm F
Location: columbia, sc
Date: 11 Mar 2003
Time: 12:23:28

Comments

Norm-alcoholic. First time here. I sat on a fifth step for over a year. Doing the fourth, admitting to myself and God who and what I was was easy. Telling someone else about me was the hardest thing I think I have ever done. I sank into the bottle so far for so long that I had no idea how to communicate on an honest and even basis. Being a "loner" with alcohol does that to a person. At the end of that year the guilt and remorse was so heavy on my shoulders that I was either going to drink or do the fifth step. I'm grateful to God for giving me the courage to do it. One of the miracles of AA is that all of those things I was so ashamed of are now my greatest asset when it comes to sharing with another drunk like me. Love being sober.


Member: John C
Location: Malvern
Date: 11 Mar 2003
Time: 17:39:26

Comments

This step was great for me, It allowed me to get out all the secrets that were keeping me sick plus it made me feel a part of AA even more because I did it and therefore had experiance on it, because I bounced in and out of these rooms for 4 years before getting three and a half years which I have now and if it weren't for the people in the rooms and my sponsor then I would still be drinking and having alcohol problems! I'll take life problems over alcohol problems any day. " You gotta remember we have to be willing to go to any lengths to stay sober, and that isn't just for the new comers it's for all of us. Thank you for being here and thank you for letting me share!


Member: John T
Location: Kingston, Ontario
Date: 11 Mar 2003
Time: 21:07:23

Comments

I am a relatibe new comer to AA and sobriety. John here, I'd like some opinios of what I am doing, please. My question is on the "higher power". At one point I went to church irreguarly, but since becoming sober, I attend full time and am taking a course "Alpha" which is a re-itroduction to the church and religion. I leave church Sunday mornings feeling calm and relaxed. I enjoy the experience. Does my time reading the Bible and going th church count in my efforts to maintain sobriety? I pray an aweful lot more lately, "talking" to God, admitting my wrongs, asking for forgiveness - should this time and these times count as work on the steps concerned with the "higher power and admitting to myself? Thanks for the time - thanks in advance for the comments. My prayers are for me first but always include all those who wish to help themselves. God Bless


Member: Carol H.
Location: KCMO
Date: 11 Mar 2003
Time: 21:10:55

Comments

Hi, I'm Carol, and I'm an alcoholic. First time at this meeting. Thanks so much for being here. I'm undergoing chemotherapy and can't go to face-to-face meetings and be exposed to viruses, etc. I'm eternally grateful for this fellowship and find that it's working through cancer, too. I like what someone said about admitting the secrets. I was living such a lie to the world and to myself when I was drinking. I was Mrs. Sports Mom/Sunday School Teacher (and church secretary!) during the day, and drank myself out cold every night. I was so afraid people would know what I really was. Doing the fifth step in the treatment center was a huge relief, because it was done with a chaplain whom I didn't know and would never see again...perfectly safe. The harder part has been continually admitting my wrongs as they occur. It's gotten easier with practice. But I find that if I worry a thought or event - somewhat like probing an acheing tooth with my tongue - then I'd better get to admitting my wrong in the situation or I'll have no peace. Thank God for the AA program and hope. Thank you all for sharing.


Member: Melanie
Location: Akron, Ohio, USA
Date: 12 Mar 2003
Time: 00:25:19

Comments

Hi! I'm Melanie, an alcoholic. My fifth step was the best experience! I told all my awful secrets, resentments and sex escapades to another person and suddenly understood where I had been going wrong in life. I found that some of what I had shared was so PETTY when told to another that it was almost laughable. It was the step that put the past IN THE PAST where it belonged, so I could make a new beginning. I began a life in which I didn't make those hurtful choices anymore. I am not perfect, but a good look at that old life has taught me what I don't want to do anymore. With all that mess in perspective, I can let God into my life. John T.--You sound like you're using A.A. and your church in a complimentary manner in your recovery. HOW you work the steps is less important than the honest and thorough effort put into each step. Noone should tell you "that doesn't count" when you use the God of your understanding in your step work. Just remember to keep it simple. When you are confused about the steps, return to your Big Book and your sponsor. Thanks for being here! Love and blessings to all!


Member: Shelli
Location: Oregon
Date: 12 Mar 2003
Time: 09:51:52

Comments

To John T.: Welcome, you're wanted and needed here! The fact that you're back in church is great, but in order to get real recovery and sobriety, you need AA meetings, a sponsor to explain the process and to guide you, and you need to work the 12 steps as they are outlined in the big book of AA. No other way will lead you to the "spirutality" we seek and need. Keep coming back and do the work. It will pay off in every way in your life. The fifth step is the door opening to real and lasting freedom. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: LAT
Location: Reynolds , GA
Date: 12 Mar 2003
Time: 23:10:37

Comments

John T., attending church irregulary or regulary does not in fact make you in right standing w/ God. You have to realize that you are a sinner and can't help yourself in any way w/out Christ as your Saviour. I know that you can be saved and be A Christian and still be an Alcoholic, cause I am. For a long time I used the excuse of "It's just a habit " something I was use to doing every day when I came home from work. But after reading on line about the Big Book and it's definiton of an Alcoholic I realized that I fit in that catergory. Of course I truly believe that a perosn needs "Human" connections as well as a spirtual connection to try and become a recovering Alcoholic but the only way you can begin to overcome this problem is to believe in your heart that Jesus Christ died for you on the Cross and accept him as your saviour and turn your life over to him and he will guide you. It's not as easy as saying a prayer and it will all be better cause I believe that God uses people to help others such as AA. I have not yet been to an AA meeting. I hope tp attend one real soon that is beibg established in a church and will use The Big Book as references and The BIble, also. I hope that you and anyone else who has questions about attending church or going thru studies about religion will open a Bible and learn the one and only true way to God thru Jesus Christ.


Member: Beth
Location: LA
Date: 13 Mar 2003
Time: 16:49:49

Comments

It really helped to admit to myself, to Alah and to somebody else.


Member: tech
Location:
Date: 13 Mar 2003
Time: 17:32:25

Comments

test


Member: Ron M
Location: Wi
Date: 13 Mar 2003
Time: 18:56:12

Comments

Hi, I'm Ron, alcoholic. My take on steps 4 and 5 is simply this. At 46 years of age I had accumulated lots of stuff inside my head. Some good, some bad, but as long as I just kept it up there I could do anything I wanted with it. I could rationalize it, simplify it, justify it, belittle it and bemoan it. I could even ignore it or hide it so deep I figured I would never have to deal with it. What I couldn't do with it was give it to God cause I didn't even understand what it was. I had to make my stuff real and I had to make it honest. When I put it on paper, then it was "out there", it was somewhere other than just inside my head. I couldn't ignore it anymore, and when I went to my sponsor with it then it became honest. I couldn't rationalize and justify anymore. I had to get honest with another human being before I could be sure I was being honest with God and with myself. Funny, but my "stuff" just doesn't seem as frightening as it once did. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Bob B
Location: UK
Date: 14 Mar 2003
Time: 13:21:43

Comments

Hello. I'm Bob and an alcoholic. I suppose there was no unintentional pun intended when Bill W and his contemporaries numbered the step. To say 'Taking the fifth' seems doesn't mean the same outside AA. Personally I prayed so hard before my 5th step - praying that I could be ruthlessly honest with another human being and hoping against hope that he wouldn't be as disgusted with me as I was with myself. In the event it was an anticlimax. He didn't think I was so bad. Now several months on I'm begining to wonder if, despite his decade in AA, perhaps he didn't fully understand - or whether he did and I'm not as evil as I think I am? My sponsor says you never ever finish the steps so I'm beginning to gird myself up for doing the fifth again and again for the rest of my life. Thanks for listening - Go with God everyone.


Member: Helen W.
Location: New Castle, Del.
Date: 14 Mar 2003
Time: 19:05:40

Comments

The next best thing to doing your own fifth step is hearing someone else's.


Member: ANILG.
Location: MT VERNON,IL
Date: 15 Mar 2003
Time: 09:13:50

Comments

I AM AN ALCOHOLIC THE FIRST TIME I LEARNED ABOUT THE POWER OF GOD WAS WHEN I HIT THE MY BOTTOM AND WAS INTRODUCED TO GOD AND AA. IT WAS A AWAKENING EXPERIANCE I FELT LIKE GOD HAD GIVEN ME ANOTHER CHANCE I WAS NOT VERY HONEST WITH MY SELF ALL MY LIFE NOW I AFTER I DID MY 5TH STEP AND CONTINUE IT I FEEL RELEIVED THAT SOME LOAD HAS GONE OFF MY HEART AND INISIDE OF ME. I CONTINUE TO WORK ON MY 4TH AND 5TH STEPS. THANKS TO AA AND ALANON.


Member: Ronnie Joe
Location: Baltimore
Date: 15 Mar 2003
Time: 21:21:10

Comments

As always...it is great to hear all on here speak and open their hearts! God Bless you all and stay sober. Lif is "GRAND" Ronnie