Member: Lori A
Time: 3:21:56 PM
This step has been vital to my continuing recovery. I have taken them all very seriously, as when I came into the program I was in such emotional pain and turmoil that I was ready to do what ever I was told. I believed then as I do now that these steps, and in particular this 9th step, were crutial to my well-being. I think of it as getting rid of the garbage of my past in an honest, sincere way so that I can lighten my steps through life. The 9th has been the most difficult for me, and the most rewarding. I never notice it more than when I encounter a person who is still running from guilt and shame through the use of alcohol. It brings me back in my mind to that first meeting I attended. When asked if I wanted to speak, all I could think of to say was I just wanted some peace. I was told I WOULD find peace, and I have through the 9th step in particular. The end result did not always lead to instant relief, often the exact opposite was the case. I wanted to unload so badly that my sponsor had to help me with the finer points of the process. I was told my fessing up may cause some anger, but would it HARM someone. Generally not. More likely my ego was the victim in most cases. I learned to check my motives and keep my ego out of it. That ego had gotten me into more trouble than anything else in my life, so a good dose of humility really helped. One of the parodoxes I discovered was that when I was willing to experience the humility, my self-esteem began to rise. I have yet to understand this fully but don't want to dwell on it too much for fear I'll lose the essence of the lession. The biggest lession I have learned from this step is that I do have strength through my higher power and I have found some peace. I believe the promise that I heard that day, and I also believe that if I keep on the path with these steps, the periods of turmoil will be fewer and shorter and the peace more lasting.
Member: you know who!!!!
Time: 1:08:24 AM
i need peace in my life,i wish i could find it
like you lori.lu-lu can you help me on this? i dont think the meds are working anymore.
Member: Jim S
Time: 7:20:00 AM
Jim here and I am an alcoholic. I have hurt so many people in my short stay here on Earth thatI have lost count. My drinking was the problem, but I also believe that my hurting others was caused another issue as well..namely that I did not like myself. I am trying to make amends to two ex spouses, a twenty year old daughter, two sisters, a sprinkling of former girlfriends and some close friends. I could catalog the list but the main point is that by trying to make a mends I do feel a burden lifted. A few I have not contacted because I know it would just rekindle some bad feelings. Anyway I am trying.
Member: Ed S.
Time: 8:56:51 AM
I vividly remember a comment made by my sponsor on the essence of the 9th step. He said that we made amends so that those we harmed could be relieved of their resentments towards us. It shocked me. Self-centered as I was (an still am, to some extent), I thought it was to lift the burden from my shoulders. As with most of AA, though, I find that lifting other's burdens lifts mine as well. When I seek to be of maximum service to my fellow humans, I find that peace and serenity that has elluded me all of my life.
Location: Mt vernon.Illnois
Time: 9:22:51 AM
I am an alcoholic 9th step is an important step alcoholic not knowing what they are doing can damage relationships beyond the wildest imaginations. I remember 10ys ago when my doughter graduated from school with sumacumladae and ranked first in her class, She had to go to get her class grad pictures taken 'cause i was busy getting a buzz I was late to take her school as a result she missed her class pic it ment a lot to her which i could not understand then now I do. 10 yrs have gone by she has not forgotten the incident I have made several amends to her but of little use it was awaful on my part ,
although my unconditional love for her will continue in fact I will go an extra mile to what I had done in the past to hurt the people I had hurt during my sick days.These steps help me to avid this in future.
Member: Pam B
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Time: 12:55:31 PM
Hi, I'm Pam, an alcoholic
I would like to share that making my ammends on step 9 gave me the experience of then knowing that I am "a part of" rather than always having felt "a part from"
- This action of step 9 was an important part of the ammends to myself BY making the ammends I owed others, because until I experienced this change of knowing I am okay as a person, I had never really known I'd always considered myself "less than" and NOT okay as a person. It made me a member among members - both in AA, and in the human race.
This experience was not the result of others patting me on the back or saying "that's ok" - as I did not go seeking that from anyone. And not everyone accepted my ammends, nor willing to restore peaceful relations with me. But it came from doing the right thing. Secret inner satisfaction with myself as a person - at peace about my own self within, and with the God of my understanding.
If I had not done the prior steps 1 thru 8 with my sponsor, I would not have been able to make ammends at all, as it requires ability to honestly see the wrongs in myself and the true wrong/harm I'd done others, before I was able to set out on a plan to right the wrongs, the harm I had done others and myself, and to clear the wreckage of my past.
Otherwise, while telling the person our intent to mend the damage we've been to them, we'd be blind to the very things about us that are the real damage and continuing to do to them.
Ammends mean to change my behaviors and actions towards others and myself. The prior steps 1 - 8 reveal to me just what those changes need to be, and the ability to make those changes about myself. It is not running up to others to announce "hey! I don't drink/drug anymore - you can like me now" type of thing. Ego strokes like that keep us sick and in conflict with ourselves, God & others (EGO = Easing God Out)
Making ammends is taking the action/living the action, to right the wrongs I have done. A new changed person - Progress not Perfection - now living to the best of my ability as a useful productive member of society who is capable of being considerate, kind & caring about others, in service to God and those people around me - Living the 12 Steps, practicing these Principles in all my affairs, keeps me progressing one day at a time, always in awe filled gratitude that I am not the person I used to be. Thanks to my HP and all of you in this fellowship. Pam
Member: Black Horse
Location: Go Ye Forth!!
Time: 1:35:20 PM
Have some "fellowship" with this!!
1) And it occurred at the end of two years of days that Pharaoh was dreaming, when lo! he was standing by the river (Nile); 2) and lo! from the river, were emerging seven heifers attractive in appearance and fat in flesh,- and they fed among the rushes. 3) And lo! seven heifers more emerging after them out of the river, ugly in appearance and lean in flesh,- and they went and stood beside the heifers by the lip of the river. 4) Then did the heifers that were ugly in appearance and lean in flesh eat up the seven heifers that were attractive in appearance and fat. So Pharaoh awoke. 5) And he fell asleep and dreamed a second time, when lo! seven ears sprouting on one stalk fat and good; 6) and lo! seven ears, lean and shrivelled by an east wind, sprouting after them. 7) Then did the lean ears swallow up the seven fat and full ears. So Pharaoh awoke and lo! it was a dream. 8) And it followed in the morning that his spirit turned restless, so he sent and called for all the sacred scribes of Egypt and all her wise men,- and Pharaoh related to them his dreams but there was no one that could interpret them to Pharaoh. 9) Then spake the chief of the butlers with Pharaoh saying, my faults would I mention this day. 10) So Pharaoh was wroth with his servants,- and put them in the ward of the house of the chief of the royal executioners, me, and the chief of the bakers.11) Then must we needs dream a dream in one night, I and he,- each man according to the interpretation of his dream did we dream. 12) And there with us was a young man, a Hebrew servant to the chief of the royal executioners, and we related to him and he interpreted to us our dreams,- to each man- according to his dream did he interpret. 13) And it later followed as he interpreted to us so it happened,- me he restored to mine office but him he hanged. 14) Then sent Pharaoh and summoned Joseph, and they hastened him out of the dungeon,- so he shaved himself and changed his garments, and went in unto Pharaoh. 15) And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, a dream have I dreamed but none can interpret it,- but I have heard say concerning thee that on hearing a dream thou canst interpret it. 16) And Joseph answered Pharaoh saying, not to me doth it pertain! may God grant in answer the prosperity of Pharaoh! 17) Then spake Pharaoh unto Joseph,- in my dream there was I standing on the lip of the river; 18) when lo! out of the river were emerging seven heifers fat in flesh and attractive in form,- and they fed among the rushes. 19) And lo! seven other heifers emerging after them poor and very ugly in form and lean in flesh,- I had never seen such in all the land of Egypt for ugliness! 20) Then did the lean and ugly heifers eat up the first seven fat heifers; 21) and they passed into their stomach, yet could it not be known that they had passed into them, their appearance being ugly as at the beginning. So I awoke. 22) Then looked I in my dream,-And lo! seven ears sprouting on one stalk full and good; 23) and lo! seven ears withered lean shrivelled by an east wind sprouting after them. 24) Then did the lean ears swallow up the seven good ears. So I told these things unto the sacred scribes, but there was none that could explain them to me. 25) Then said Joseph unto Pharaoh, the dream of Pharaoh is one. What God is about to do hath He announced to Pharaoh. 26) The seven good heifers are seven years, and the seven good ears are seven years,- the dream is one. 27) And the seven lean and ugly heifers that were emerging after them are seven years, and the seven lean ears shrivelled by an east wind will turn out to be- seven years of famine.28) The very word that I spake unto Pharaoh, what God is about to do hath he showed unto Pharaoh. 29) Lo! seven years entering in of great plenty in all the land of Egypt. 30) Then shall arise seven years of famine after them, so shall be forgotten all the plenty in the land of Egypt,- and the famine shall consume the land; 31) neither shall the plenty in the land be discernible because of that famine following after,- for it shall be very severe! 32) And for that there was a repeating of the dream unto Pharaoh twice, it is because the thing is established from God, and God is hastening to do it. Amen and Amen in 666!!
Member: Rama S
Location: Dubai UAE
Time: 2:13:31 PM
My name is Rama and i am an alcoholic. I am just doing step 4, and realised and admitted to myself that I have a very low self esteem. So I've felt really depressed the last 2 days and don't know what to do about it. I think just the thought of makung amends leaves me paralysed.
Location: North Vancouver
Time: 4:59:04 PM
Something I've heard on many occasions was that it's recommended the steps be done in order and that it's not a race. It was easy to apply the one step at a time when I began to live more one day at a time. Today I beleive my higher power only reveales as much as I need to live today. Whatever is planned and whatever I need to know or experience tommorrow will be revealed then and be to my beterment- if I ask.
Member: Bill M.
Location: Southeast Georgia
Time: 6:41:38 PM
Bill, alcoholic Sounds like Black Horse may be drinking some White Horse. Another wonderful thing about AA is we have no teachers, or preachers, just God as the Principal and we are the children. Sounds too simple. Good sponsors are necessary and I don't mean Sam and Charlie tapes you hear at some meetings. Some folks admit they are alcoholic and want to go make amends. Good sponsors don't let this happen often. While we are clearing away the wreckage we need guidance too as some of us have a tendency to make fool of ourselves even after we get sober. Right Horse? First things first. They numbered the steps so we could do something right for a change. My sponsor said "Don't take yourself so seriously." and I didn't hear it until he added "no body else does". Lighten up, don't drink, and go to meetings. You may want to talk to your doctor about any perscribed medications your on. Think it was in a meeting in Texas, that they said they stayed sober "through prayer and medication" but thats before we became so well informed by the drug addicts.
Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, florida
Time: 9:29:56 PM
hello my name is richard m....... i am an alcoholic...5546 days today since i began on dec 28 th 1985. tehe first amend i made was to my self.....when i finaly learned . i needed to learn how to live with out drinking ...god removed the desire to drink .....and ever since .when ever an opportunity to make an amend arises .i do it .!.i am not perfect .i just try to do the right thing all the time .....soberly ......i know and believe i need gods help to do that too .so by his grace i find the strength to go on !!!!!.... i say thank you god !
Member: Mary K
Location: Boston (Raynham)
Time: 9:36:34 PM
Hi All, Mary, alcy
Bill M from Georgia I really like what you said.
Making direct amends....the longer I am sober the more people and incidents I remember (most with a shudder) and need to add to my list. When an encounter with that person occurs, whether by my intentional doing or by "coincidence" I do not find it difficult anymore to make sincere amends since time has shown me that this step benefits ME and my sobriety regardless of how the amend is received. I believe that that attitude evolved from working on "unrealistic expectations of myself, of others and of God". Oh, to be an alcy....we certainly do not lack character, be it defective or not.
Love to all, Mary
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Time: 2:27:51 AM
Hi, I am Jack a real alcoholic.In our Big Book it talks about the promises, it also discusses the promises after the ninth step.For me with step nine, I am trying to become a functioning member of society.I need to deal with my past and repair the wreckage if possible.Some amends may be just a simple I am sorry, however other amends may take quite a bit more, ie financial restitution.What I am trying to do in step nine is put my conscience to rest as far as what damage I did while I was drinking.The second part of this step is critical,we must understand fully that we are not in this to make ourselves feel better at the expense of others.A sponsor is so important before taking this step, he/she can steer us away from a situation that may cause more harm to someone other than just that good feeling for ourselves.I also must remember that I am not an OTHER, I created the mess, I may not have been responsible for my actions under the influence of alcohol, but I am accountable. I will always be making amends to my family for the damage I caused, and the way I do that is to stay sober one day at a time. I have found for myself that once we clean up our wreckage, it becomes a lot easier to live my way into sober thinking than trying to think my way into sober living.Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless all.
Location: Sodom and Egypt
Time: 11:21:01 AM
"...Then He said to them nation will rise up against nation, and kingdom against kingdom; and in various places there will be GREAT EARTHQUAKES (India, El Salvador, Seattle, etc.), and famines, and PESTILENCES (such as shown below)! There will also be fearful sights and great signs from heaven!!" Luke 21:10,11
West Nile Virus - Are Coastal Residents in Harm‚s Way?
by Cheryl Lane
Several residents of New York recently died from a rare form of encephalitis caused by the West Nile virus. Since then, the West Nile virus has been all over the news, causing a scare up and down the East Coast. Residents want to know a number of things: what is the West Nile virus, who is at risk, and how can it be prevented?
West Nile encephalitis is an infection of the brain caused by West Nile virus, a flavivirus commonly found in Africa, West Asia, and the Middle East. It is closely related to St. Louis encephalitis, which is found in the United States. Mild infections of West Nile encephalitis include such symptoms as fever, headache, and body aches, often accompanied by skin rashes or swollen lymph glands. More severe infections are marked by headache, high fever, neck stiffness, stupor, disorientation, occasional convulsions, paralysis, and in rare cases, death. The mortality rate of West Nile encephalitis ranges from 3% to 15%; fatalities are more likely in elderly patients.
The West Nile virus has commonly been found in humans and birds in Africa, Eastern Europe, West Asia, and the Middle East. There were no cases of West Nile encephalitis reported in the United States before September of 1999. Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention believe that the virus has probably been in the eastern United States for at least several months, although how it got here is still under investigation. Basically, the transmission cycle is simple. First, mosquitoes contract the virus by feeding on birds infected with the West Nile virus. Infected mosquitoes then transmit the virus to humans and animals when taking a meal. West Nile encephalitis is not transmitted from person to person, and there is no evidence that it can be transmitted directly from birds to people.
On September 24, the CDC announced the isolation and identification of the West Nile virus from birds collected in New York City. The risk in New York City is greatly reduced because of effective mosquito control and public education. However, the risk will not be completely over until New York reaches freezing temperatures and mosquito season is over. No other areas have been put on alert, but the possibility should not be ruled out. There is no vaccine for West Nile virus; however, there are many steps that can be taken to reduce the risk of infection.
Steps To Avoid Infection: 1. Stay indoors at dawn and dusk and in the early evening. 2. Wear long-sleeved shirts and long pants whenever you go outdoors. 3. Apply insect repellent sparingly to exposed skin. 4. Spray clothing with repellents containing DEET, as mosquitoes may bite through thin clothing. 5. Whenever using an insect repellent, be sure to read and follow the manufacturer‚s instructions.
Vitamin B and „ultrasonicš devices are NOT effective in preventing mosquito bites. An effective insect repellent should contain 20% to 30% DEET. DEET in high concentrations may cause side effects, particularly in children. Also, repellents may irritate eyes and mouth, so avoid applying them to the hands of small children. Insect repellents should not be applied to children less than three years of age.
The recent outbreak of West Nile encephalitis was confined to New York, so for the most part other coastal areas are safe from harm‚s way. However, since the source of the outbreak is still unknown, all areas with high concentrations of mosquitoes seasonally should be aware of the possibilities and protect themselves. For more information on West Nile encephalitis, check out the CDC website at http://www.cdc.gov.
Member: Wayne K.
Time: 7:35:48 PM
...and God shall speak through people. Most of what I've learned about anything was from going to meetings. I must not forget that some of the damage I caused wasn't from what I did but what I didn't do. For instance a very simple song with a message last summer was about sunsreen. I think this summer it'll be mosquito repellant.
Time: 10:10:44 PM
sodom and gamora, oh what a tale that be,the city of sodomites, and chester the molester and sodomy sam. hey lu-lu where are you hiding at.......got any mosquito spray?
Time: 8:33:19 AM
Thank you to everyone who shared on step nine. It made me think about my behavior when I was drinking and I cringed too to think of a few things. Today, as well as apologies I have given, I make living amends like I will do in a few minutes when I go to babysit my nephew. I have better relationships with everyone when I try to be part of the solution. Thanks for reminding me to stay positive. One thing I heard on an AA tape that made a lot of sense to me, "self esteem comes from doing esteemable acts". Even if it's a little thing, I can do something to help someone else today and feel better about myself. I will try to remember this.
Member: Corinne B.
Location: Camino, CA
Time: 12:00:19 PM
TO: RICHARD of Sarsota,
If you see this, please e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org - you may not be aware that a bunch of us from this site will be gathering nearby your area in late April/early May, and we'd sure like to meet another fellow from Staying Cyber; if you're open to it, please write!!
Member: Still Counting
Time: 1:59:03 PM
Making amends! Yes!!
All of us know that whites are hated in integrated communities, and are persecuted and deemed expendable by the "minority groups" in America, who are always in dire need of some kind of rights that the white man has deprived them of!! They get one in a white neighborhood, who turn on their accursed and abominable "boom-boxes" to start a systematic effort to drive out the "white-scum" residents, so they can move in all their half-white, tan, brown, black or even pitch-black "brethren" and any effort to curb their arrogant, belligerent and obnoxious behavior is looked upon as a racial issue, that needs the attention of all the "minority group" forces of dogmatic politics based in Washington DC, by the Jesse Jacksons and all the other true scum of the earth!! I don't know anything about what the hated "white-scum" did to this sun-tanned minority, all I know is that I never had a part in it, and that I have a right to live in the neighborhood I lived in for many years, and not be driven out by this abominable white-hating vermin!! The local police authorities do nothing about this, and while all these heretical hypocrites have their churches of the devil they attend, not one of them practices the "law and the prophets" spoken of in Mt 7:12, i.e., "whatsoever you would have one do unto you, do ye also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets!!" They are only interested in trampling the "white-scum" under their toxic black feet, nothing else! It goes without saying that a decent living, law-abiding citizen would want nothing at all to do with this belligerent white-hating scum, and would avoid them like the plagues they are, and the pestilences of AIDS and so forth they carry!!
Member: Linda C.
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba
Time: 8:30:52 PM
Hi everyone. My name is Linda and I am an alcoholic. When I first did the steps(over seven years ago), Step 9 was hard for me because I had a fear of admitting my wrongs. The first time I did step 9 I didn't have the courage to make direct amends - I wrote letters to the people I felt I wronged and apologized. At that point in time I didn't have a full understanding of what step 9 was all about. I did Step 9 to the best of my ability and understanding. As time went on and I attended meetings, I listened to others share on Step 9 and realized making amends is not just about saying your sorry,but also about changing your behavior. Many times I would say I was sorry and then end up losing my temper and saying things I didn't mean. Sorry didn't cut it any more and I didn't feel good about myself either. Words meant nothing to others and they had to see that I was sincere. It was my behavior that had to be changed - I learnt to control my hurt feelings, to stop lashing out at others when I was angry or hurt,etc. Over time my behavior changed and people could see for thenmselves. Since my first Step 9 I have made direct amends and continue to when I am at fault. I find I like myself more and my fear of admitting when I am wrong has diminished. I still make amends but tend to watch what I say/react to others so I don't say something I will regret. As the big book says,page60,"We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."
Time: 10:08:27 PM
Member: To Still Counting
Time: 10:55:33 PM
If you will write at the beginning of your post here, "The reason I am angry & resentful at these people is because . . ." and then continue on with all that you have posted here, and after the ending, then write: Irregardless of THEIR behavior and what I feel they have done (are doing) to me, my OWN wrong behavior in reaction to them is the following:
When you have completed this with your sponsor, you'll be able to then work through steps 5 through 9 that follow thereafter.
Member: Sam J
Time: 11:06:20 PM
Hi all. I am an alcoholic and my name is Sam. Step 9 is a difficult one to take but I found that it did a lot to give me peace of mind and serenity. I did not get in a hurry to make amends to the ex wives and my children. I knew that they wanted to see some action on my part and not just a bunch of "I'm sorrys" that they had heard so many times before. I waited until I was sober 4 years before I tried to make amends to them. However, I was willing to make amends right from the beginning. I think that is what matters. There are many people that I would love to make amends to but if I tried it would only open old wounds. I am willing although it is not a wise thing to do. All I can do in this case is turn it over to my Higher Power and make every effort to avoid making the same mistakes again. Those people are in my prayers every day.
Time: 11:22:39 AM
Hi everybody, Im Steve a recovering alky. The recovery comes from doing the steps with a sponsor. In the 9th step I am making amends by not necessarily saying sorry again and again. People I have harmed have been there, done that, and it didnt work. Part of my amends is to move "back home" to Indiana over a year ago to be nearer kids and relatives whom I missed alot.
Got new sponsor here a few months ago after 7 yrs with the same one in Florida and a few other trusted men to talk with. He suggested I do steps with him again which is humbling and exciting. Like being newcomer again! Even tho I was born and lived here most of life, knew many more AA people in Florida where I finished drinking and was ready for real sobriety. New sponsor and I did 3rd step prayer kneeling at outdoor altar called the Grotto at Notre Dame across from a lake. Very meaningful.
Thanks for topic and being here as I get comfortable with 3d AA "back home". Sincerely written with gratitude.
Member: carol A.
Time: 7:42:27 PM
step 9, was a huge weight off, when I went to all of those affected by my bad choices in life, which was rough and it does chop away at your selfcenteredness. But as time has slowly inched by and I still remain sober and in control of my meds, and deal with the daily grind of not driving,well praise God I must admit I am a better person now than I was then. I do try to think before I leap and take heed that what I do does affect those around me. Thank you God I could have never done it without you. Heyu
Member: just wondering
Time: 9:28:43 PM
black horse,are you on white horse?
Time: 6:18:49 PM
hi tony alcoholic ,we do our part in trying to repair the past but sometimes that is not enough for some people we make amends to . i have done what the step says ,i must accept the results as being the way they are intended to be by my higher power i must let go of quilt for it is counter productive to my soberity i do the best i can and i move on i keep it simple because this is a simple program for complicated people God bless and i'll keep coming back !!
Time: 9:51:42 PM
HI,IM LS alcoholic. Thanks to all. This web sight helps me ,been learning a lot the last week just comming here and reading everyones input.I go to meetings every day and pray.ILL have 1 year the 17th. thanks for teaching me.GOD BLESS.
Time: 10:51:51 PM
lu-lu where are you hiding at?can you come out and play today?
Member: Kevin P
Time: 10:31:44 AM
saying sorry I still kept contol over the situation when I ask for forgiveness I handed my will and my life over in a pactical way.
This thing works 100% of the time if we do what is suggested.
Time: 4:28:49 PM
I remember how my program stalled when I got to the 9th step. So I made direct amends in a fearful, half-hearted way. Even though each amend felt good, when it was time to make the next one, I seemed to go through the agony of fearfulness once again.
But I stayed, kept going to meetings, and learning to apply the principles of the steps in my life.
My Higher Power, who I choose to call God, answered prayers I didn't even know I had. The answers came through people sharing their experience, strength and hope. A couple examples include a member telling how when they were stuck on a step, it meant that the previous step needed to be readdressed. It hit me that though I made the list, I wasn't completely willing to make amends...just going through the motions.
Another member shared that with the 9th step it wasn't about "how" but "who". As long as I focussed on "how", I was still running the show. As soon as I recognized that it was all about "who" then I turned it over to my Higher Power.
As I grow in sobriety, I transform, and many amends get made just by my changed behavior and choices. Direct amends become a part of wanting to continue to build the relationship with my Higher Power. Each amend comes in my Higher Power's time. All I have to be is willing.