Member: Jackie D.
Location: East Coast
Date: 02 Mar 2003
Time: 10:10:43
Good Morning. I am grateful to have started this day free from the bondage of an alcoholic obsession. Just for today I am free. That freedom is precious gift to me today. My fourth step experience went like this; I tried and tried to do an honest fourth step, but couldn't see my character defects for a long time. I'd get a glimpse of something and as quickly as it came it would slip away from me. I was in quite a fog for quite a long time. I kept trying, though. As I look back on it, all of those attempts at a fourth step and reading the step book and the big book and going to step meetings were very important preparation for my REAL inventory. It was like taking child-birth classes so that as your giving birth you understand what's happening to you. In my FIFTH year of sobriety, I was writing a letter to someone and all of a sudden God shed His Light and Grace on me so that I could see me. It was a HORRIBLE sight! Oh how I thank God for the 5th, 6th and 7th steps!! I would have been lost without the hope contained in those next few steps. I've learned to actually appreciate it as my character defects are revealed to me . I look forward to me and "THE BOSS" working together on overcoming them. The result is ALWAYS good; more joy, more strength, more peace , more whatever, but it is always good. Today I'm gonna work the program, read some A.A. approved literature (I think I'll make it the B.Book), I'll watch for selfishness, dishonesty and FEAR.I'll ask God to have His way with me today to direct my thinking etc. I know that these things will keep my life as sweet as it can be today, no matter what happens. Thanks, and if your struggling, PLEASE hang in there. It gets better, better than I thought it ever could. I have come to appreciate
Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date: 02 Mar 2003
Time: 11:15:10
Hi! I'm Kathy and I am an alcoholic. I remember when I did my first 4th step several yrs ago, thinking..there are some things that I am NEVER going to share with anyone and at that time I didn't. But now at 3 1/2 yrs sober I am starting another 4th step and I feel ready to share those things. When I read the 4th/5th Steps in the 12 and 12 I realize that my thought is not unique. I am human just like everyone else. As long as I am willing...more is revealed.
Member: Harry K
Location: U.K
Date: 02 Mar 2003
Time: 19:34:15
This was for me the most powerfull step. When I knew I was defeated, when I came to believe in a power greater than myself and when I turned it over, I had to get down to "the causes and conditions" just like I was instructed in our book. It took me a couple of months to do a THOUROUGH 4th step. I did everything that was "suggested" and by the time I was done I had about 200 pages or more written out and I really found out what made me "tick". I did not shy away from this step because I knew I was doing myself allot of good putting all down on paper. I would be a liar if I told you I enjoyed every part of it, I didn't. But the chapter is titled "How it works" not "How it feels". Today I know who I am. I know what I am inclined to do when I don't get what I want, think I might lose whatever the hell I THINK I have or am angry or frightened. I was given the gift of enlightenment and clarity as to who I really am. I no longer act out the ways that I used to. I now see that 95% of my problems stem from me and I'm less impulsive and hurtful today. By doing step 4 the greatest gift I got was the realisation that if my life was so shitty because of myself, then if I did things differently my life would get a whole lot better. I don't cheat on my wife, I don't try to manipupulate everything around me and I dont try to run the show anymore. I've learned the joys of taking responsibility for my own life. I'm no longer the victim (unless I slip up). I love being sober, and I love having no one else to blame if I feel bad. Thank you.
Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: 02 Mar 2003
Time: 21:53:19
Kim V here alcoholic. 4th step. I put that off for a long time. Or rather was on it for ever. But practicing these principles in all my affairs is the continuous 4th step process. I have these character defects. I have asked God to remove them. My main one is being a control freak. I am growing in leaps in bounds to where I was 6 1/2 years ago when I got sober, so by practicing these principles in all my affairs, works!. I will never be perfect. But today I am aware of my character defects, So when I slip up, I notice and can make amends if needed. Also because I have let others know me well. My support system can call me on my stuff too. For me That's how it works. They were right when they wrote in the Big Book, "More will be revealved". Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Adam H.
Location: Chicago, IL
Date: 02 Mar 2003
Time: 23:56:47
Adam, alcoholic....very grateful to be sober today. I love what it says on page 64 of the Big Book: "Though our decision (Step 3) was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions." I think that passage spells out very clearly what the inventory is and why we have to do it. Put simply, we can DECIDE to let a Higher Power work in our lives, but if we don't make good on that decision by first trying to establish exactly what it is in us that's PREVENTING that Higher Power from working in our lives, how can that decision be anything but a bunch of fluff? Step 4 is about being willing to look honestly at what needs to be removed so that that Higher Power CAN work in our lives.
Member: Karl H.
Location: Fort Wayne, IN
Date: 03 Mar 2003
Time: 11:22:05
My name is Karl, I'm an alcoholic. I'm glad I came to this page today. I got sober almost 5 years ago and was burning to work the steps. I wrote what my sponsor said was the "world's longest 4th step" (but judging from one post here, it is maybe just the 2nd longest.) AT any rate in the last year I've had difficulty with sobriety. What I mean by that is that I've thought of drinking far more in that time than I ever did in the first year or two. Reading the posts here make me think that while I followed a leisurely way to step nine, I was probably not working hard enough on getting rid of these character defects I was supposed to discover. Also I really appreciated the point that if I am feeling bad, it is because of what I am doing, not the bad hand I've been dealt. Somewhere along the line I must have forgotten that. Thanks.
Member: L.W.R
Location: spiritual kindergarten
Date: 03 Mar 2003
Time: 14:51:46
Hello everyone in recovery. its beautiful isn't it.. the other day i was talking to a member of aa and i found myself feeling quite irritated by the way they were 'loudly' monopolizing the conversation. and the thought crossed my mind that they must be mentally handicapped. i realized that this person has been a part of my journey for at least 5 years... in showing me many times what i don't want.. and helping me to feel grateful... for what i do have. and all of a sudden, i was filled with compassion and love for her.. And all i had to do was not be around her to long for my own comfort and sanity, but look " i thought" what she has to live with.. it was a good place to be and i felt good. considering the plight of others. thier situation and 'how they are' instead of "how irrated" i am. '4' a change.
Member: Stuart M
Location:
Date: 03 Mar 2003
Time: 19:13:00
What I discovered in step 4 was "the EXACT nature of MY wrongs. All along I had the idea that eveybody in the world was out to get me. Finding my defective character in among the resentments,fears and shame was a great revelation to me because then i knew what I could change. I love the promises attached to step4 "We have listed and analyzed our resentments We have begun to comprehend their futility and fatality, We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness, We have begun to learn tolerance,patience and goodwill toward all men, even our enemies for we look on them as sick people" (BB p70 last paragraph) remember Resentment is the No 1 offender God bless you all
Member: Roxanne F.
Location: Hornell, NY
Date: 04 Mar 2003
Time: 08:27:03
Hello Roxanne here, alocholic. In working steps one, two, and three, they fully prepared me for the task I was setting out to do in step 4. Turning my will over to GOD meant that all the crap that was going in to step four was no longer going to be mine. Which is precisely why 3 comes before 4. I dreaded it for a long time and heard horror stories about it, but what I realized when I did it was that if I am open for the message I am ready to find out why I stayed in the same spot for years. Everyone in the world wronged me and that was it!! LOL. Boy was I in for a suprise. The fourth column of the 4th step shows me the exact nature of my wrongs. How fear had been a rotting and corrosive thread in my life, and how I have repeated the same thing over and over again until I beleived I had no choice but to live the way I always had. It sounds to me that most people are more fearful of step 5 than anything but if we keep it in today and work on whats in front of us, then the 4th one is the one that is being worked on. What I experienced is that with a thourough 4th,especially when listing my fears, It was that paralyzing fear that kept me from doing the 4th to begin with. Be in today. Focus on the task and remember that GOD is with you all the time. The best thing I did was ask GOD to show me what I needed to see before I set out to do it, and then thanked him. We make it bigger than it really has to be. No one here is unique. Roxanne rfuller@stny.rr.com
Member: Peg M.
Location: Alameda, CA
Date: 04 Mar 2003
Time: 13:22:55
Hello. Peg, alcoholic. Celebrated 16 years 24 Feb. Step 4 was the watershed. It showed me that alcoholism is a total living problem that requires a total living solution. Suddenly, all those lies I had been telling myself and trying to convince others of became apparent. I saw the truth of who I was, much of it totally unconscious and merely MY idea of how to make this thing called life work; control, manipulate, dominate, cheat, steal, lie, betray, self-pity, take. I identified the problem, and the problem was me. It wasn't pretty, but then neither was my life. I had to LET GO of what I thought I knew, LET GO of the old ideas and become H.O.W. to a new way. I never felt a part of the human race until I did this Step, followed by Step 5. It was a tremendous gift. Thank you for letting me share.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 04 Mar 2003
Time: 17:59:37
Hi Bill here, Alcoholic from Arizona. Step Four is a moral inventory not an immoral inventory. The key definition of moral is being capable of distinguishing between right and wrong. The biggest deterrent in doing the fourth step is the fear of having to tell your innermost secrets to another human being. This is not true. You do not have to share this information with anyone unless you choose to. That comes under a future step and even then; we are warned to be careful who we finally do share this step with. Step four is between you and the God of your understanding and he already knows. :). Remember becoming members of AA does not make us candidates for Sainthood. Also, we do not have the luxury of privileged communication. Do not break your sponsors heart by telling him/her about unresolved crimes. Sponsors can and have been put on the witness stand. We go back through our lives which means we start with today and work back. This will help trigger incidents that we may overlook if we start with "I was born" Another hint. Work down the columns and not across the columns. By working down each column separately it will be easier to spot patterns of behaviors. And that is what we are looking for in this Step. Do not try to be perfect. No one one among us has maintained anything like perfect adherence to these principles. So if you cannot think of anything else to write down, then you are done. Press on. If something crops up further down the line that is a Fourth Step issue, take care of it then. There is no law that says we cannot do a single line Fourth Step. I have done many over the years. Bill email: az-bill@mindspring
Member: Lois R.
Location: Chicago
Date: 04 Mar 2003
Time: 18:12:38
Hi I'm Lois a grateful alcoholic step four set me free. Ifound my self there and didn't like what i found. but i had to learn to live with me. but for the grace of GOD! Its ok today. I learned what i did and why. After all the tears I began a new journey. Its great doing inventory you can clean out bad junk and restock with better goods. I'm glad that this program is a design for living. I grateful for all the steps an how they were organized. I THANK GOD FOR GIVEN ME ANOTHER CHANCE TO LINE. I LOVE YOU ALL THANKS FOR LISTING
Member: Todd G.
Location: Illinois
Date: 04 Mar 2003
Time: 23:46:44
Hi all I'm Todd an Alcoholic from Illinois. Have just started into meetings. The first 3 steps I understand. Is there any reading material that deal with the 12 steps alone, a kind of how too book. Silly question probably, but would appreciate any recommendations. I don't have a sponsor yet. Thanks
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: 05 Mar 2003
Time: 00:49:32
Hi ((Todd)), I am working on step 4 now but when I first started in AA I went to a step meeting and they gave me a step book to keep. Just ask. I found it really helpful to read each step and then go back with a highlighter and highlight what stood out or made sense to me. I thought that I had the first 3 steps down my last time in AA but I had never gotten a step book and read/ studied it. Take your time with the first three steps and during that time look for a sponsor to help you with step 4 and 5. In new sobriety I went to mostly speaker/ discussion meetings to get acclamated to AA. After a few months I added a step and a big book meeting to my weekly schedule. I am coming up on my 6th month and my sponsor and I are doing step 4. Everyone is different on timelines for doing the steps but my advice is to be thorough and that is whatever works for you. I found a website that has a lot of links, study guides etc. Some study guides you can download or print out. My sponsor also gave me a bunch and they really do help. Your already doing great just by asking for help. God bless and best of luck. Kelly..... http://www.recovery.org/aa/
Member: T-Bone
Location: s. fla
Date: 05 Mar 2003
Time: 06:14:03
thanks azbill, as always you have simplified what we drunks tend to over analyze. Everyone one have a great 24. T-Bone.
Member: cindy p
Location: bristol pa
Date: 05 Mar 2003
Time: 10:55:02
hi cindy here...alcoholic,,,not so proud of that as just ok with it...the 4th step...well some people know how to do self appraisals, me i never learned the art...the 4th step is a guide to self evaluation...says in the book it is but a beginning of a lifetime process...at 1st i was very scared,i did it anyway,learned it was no real big deal...now i do self exams all the time...i like it...i'm not always wrong...i can be ok with being wrong; sometimes better than others...i don't drink and then i try to do the next best thing, if i make an error, i can correct it{or not}pain or suffering are still my choice, i do know that God loves me and that helps
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 05 Mar 2003
Time: 12:05:21
HI Todd. The only silly question is the un-asked one. The first 164 pages of our beloved Big Book from which we took our name.."Alcoholics Anonymous" has all the descriptions and the instructions on how to work the Steps. The instructions for working the Steps are not found anywhere else in AA literature. We do have a 12x12 which many do indeed work out of. But it came later and it is designed to give a deeper meaning to the Steps. Post Grad work if you will :). But unfortunately we have to learn to crawl before we can walk. Email me and I will give you page and paragraphs where the descriptions and the instructions are located for each Step. Bill az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Peter C
Location: Long Island
Date: 05 Mar 2003
Time: 18:09:56
Welcome to recovery, Todd. Having a sponsor is important. I got one my first day and never regretted it. you can email me directly at ppjtcart@optonline.net if you want. I am struck by something Stuart M said: "the exact nature of our wrongs". It was important that I focused not on any particular actions, but on their nature. I may not repeat actions, but I certainly can repeat my nature. By learning the nature of my wrongs in the 4th step, I stand a chance of recognizing them when the come around again. Then I also stand a change of stopping them, which is what helps me stay sober...no regrets, no sorrys = no drink. today.
Member: Paul.Q
Location: Toronto
Date: 05 Mar 2003
Time: 21:24:51
Fearless Moral Inventory...."fearless" can't do it with fear...need to have step 3 solid on rock. The great "I" keeps me in denial. Going in and wiping my slime was not easy. Truth hurts but it will set you free! GOD gave me power to smash the denial and get to the truth. One thing I've learned is that he is in charge and that I can't judge me anymore. GOD has used me in areas with other people that some would disagree, but its between GOD and me. He knows my needs in all areas of my life. FEAR, RESENTMENT and SEX CONDUCT...the 3 chickens to pluck. Once revealed and understood they get wiped. ALWAYS IN HIS GRIP - paul.q
Member: Sharon C.
Location: Chicago area
Date: 07 Mar 2003
Time: 18:58:49
Hi, I'm Sharon and I'm an alcoholic. I am back after a nine year relapse, and grateful to be sober today. I am looking forward to beginning my fourth step and I have much work ahead of me. I know the HOW in how it works represents honesty, openness and willingness. I continue to ask my higher power each day to help me to be honest, open and willing so that I may continue on my journey.
Member: Patti
Location: Boston
Date: 07 Mar 2003
Time: 21:49:24
I am Patti and I am an alcoholic. Welcome back, Sharon. We need you. I agree with others on this site that going through the steps with a sponsor is easier than alone. You are still pretty alone though when you sit down and do a moral inventory. I know I started this before I had a clue what "wrongs" were. I thought they were eating with your mouth open or throwing a wrapper out your car window. Imagine my surprise when I figured out what I've got: fear, doubt and insecurity! The 4th step is also something you can do again in your mind when your spiritual condition is shaky and the alcoholic behaviors slip back in. Right now I have to sit back and contemplate why I am so fearful and resentful at work, because I know it all points back to my insecurity of losing my job or people there not liking me. Without exposure to the 4th step three column process, I don't think I could have figured it out on my own. Thank you for you all being here.
Member: Jan
Location:
Date: 08 Mar 2003
Time: 05:56:56
Hi, Jan, alcoholic. Step 4 was the one that I got stuck on the first time around. My first sponsor suggested I start. I started. We argued. I fired her. Second sponsor pushed for step four--same deal. The funny thing is, I had started. I had this whole angry notebook full of crap, mostly directed at my parents (Mom the co-dependant, in Al-Anon since I was 5; Dad the alcoholic, sober since I was 8). I was like 37 at the time and my Dad had passed away (at least I was sober for that). Eventually, I started drinking again. Somewhere along the line, I let go of a lot of the garbage, having shared it with no one other than a spiral bound notebook. The past was past. My parents did the best that they could at the time with the resources they had. Resentments served no purpose except to cause me pain, and I didn't need any more of that. All (most?) the things that hurt me, I forgave, becuase I looked at all the pain I had unintentionally inflicted and hoped those people would forgive me too. This time around, I am still working on steps 1-3. I still have trouble with the term "morally bankrupt"--maybe I haven't yet found my lowest bottom, but I've never thought I had reached a zero balance in the moral department. I suppose some people will think that egotistical, but I see no point in dragging myself lower than I have actually gone.
Member: Joy S
Location: ChasSC
Date: 08 Mar 2003
Time: 09:57:27
Powerful stuff! When I came to AA, I had let the pain of all my life overcome me and I was so lost and messed up. When my sponsor and I got to step 4- It was decided that I would start with my sister, she and I had been very close growing up and had gotten to a place where all we did was headbutt. It was breaking my heart all the time, but everytime I tried to work on the step I seemed stuck. One night I woke up at 4:30 am and couldn't sleep and decided to try again. I got stuck again, prayed and heard something (HP) tell me to start with my father. Within 10 minutes the "outline"-so to speak- of my 4th and my truths about my life and past was clear to me. I had a true revelation about my life. My father had been both close and abusive to me and alot of my stuff started in that confusion and pain. I had blocked stuff away after he died but it continued to run my life behind the scenes. The stuff with my sister and just about everyone else in my life came out of that damage. I was able to see and later accept how bad I had also been to myself, and later did this step again on resentments I felt about myself. The 4th step truly and honestly showed me myself and my past and changed my life. I remember being so scared of doing it, and then so frustrated once I committed to it, but it was the turning point for me. It was where I started to recover. Alot has happened since that time, mostly good, and all of the wonderful things I have now are because HP gave me the courage and insight to be direct with myself through step 4. Can't sat enough about the transforming power of this step. Thank you for sharing and letting me share.
Member: AZbill
Location: From AZbill
Date: 08 Mar 2003
Time: 15:34:46
Couldn't resist this one Joy, I may be the only one in this room that knew He could get a drink out of a coffee cup on Sunday in Goose Creek, SC LOL. All the joints are probably open on Sunday now Bill az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: suea
Location: montana
Date: 08 Mar 2003
Time: 21:17:52
came-came to-came to believe-i am truly grateful for this day of life-of sobriety-that doesn't mean i don't still deal with life on life's terms-it means-i remember what i did last night-wasn't a black-out-i didn't choose to use to deal with life on life's terms-i trust god-that's a miracle- i never imagined trusting me, god or other people that are safe for me-i am a miracle-i won't give up b4 the miracle-aa is spiritual program when i use-i lose my spirit-i choose just for 2day not to lose my spirit-
Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon
Date: 09 Mar 2003
Time: 06:30:36
I an alcoholic and an addict to me the 4th step and the fith step were very challanging to me personnaly I did my moral inventary and found people that i had hurt my family and friends not being honest and truthful to my self as a result our relationshios suffered.now that I sober i always look into this step over and over see that I have made some progress and continue to improve myself. thanks to aa and alanon.