Member: EXACTLY
Location: BY THE BOOK
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:00:15 AM
...UNITY;the state of being united;oneness.oneness of mind,feeling etc as among a number of persons; concord,harmony or agreement. a single seperate thing.constancy or continuity of purpose,action,etc. absence of diversity;unvaried or uniform character. ANT Diveristy. BB THERE IS A SOLUTION pg 17 ((We))have a way out on which ((we)) can absolutely agree,and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action.This is the great news (((THIS BOOK))) carries to those who still suffer from alcoholism. I don't have any problem with absolutely agreeing with the((we))of the of the book or the way out of alcoholism.I have little doubt that had I allowed myself to continued following,relying upon the "the herd","my leaders" for support,guidance,direction in continuing my sobriety I probably would not be here now writing this. There came a time when that kind of support was not enough,was not helping me get the job done,complete the task.Was even interferring. Then I started to redouble my efforts in looking for answers in the BB&12+12.It was there for me that I found a beginng of feeling like I could at least be united with the writer an those that shared their es&h.They became the ones I trusted to help me to continue in my sobriety They have never misled,lied,decieved, cheated me out of anything they promised or failed me.Book-THE HOME GROUP-pg 67 If we could say one thing above all else, it would be that when we followed the directions EXACTLY,the newcomer recovered; when we followed the traditions EXACTLY,the group flouished.It took some of us a very long time to discover these simple truths.BB story -FREEDOM FROM BONDAGE- The AA members who sponsered me told me in the begining that I would not only find a way to live without having a drink,but that I would find a way to live without wanting a drink,if I would do these simple things.......They suggested that I study The AA book and take the Twelve Steps according to the explanation in the BOOK. Had I not read,studied the BB&12+12 I would not have known what path I was following within the "herd". BB pg 58 Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoughly followed our path. Sober in spite of the lack of unity of the "herd",by the GRACE of GOD. Talk to GOD,study the books, go to a few meetings to get sober,stay sober,survive alcoholism. Talk to GOD, study the books to learn how to survive within the "herd".
Member: Donnie M (D.O.S. 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va.
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 10:47:11 AM
My biggest amends was I had to say I was sorry to God. I have and understanding with my higher power today and life is great I can`t say it is perfect, but it is a lot better than it was.
Member: Fran M.
Location: michigan
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 2:11:40 PM
It took me a long time to realize some of the damage I had done and had some odd reactions to the amends I made when I did "get it" but my amends were made for me not exactly for other people. Thanks.
Member: EXACTLY BY THE BOOK
Location: AS WELL------COG
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 2:28:58 PM
as a rule i don,t read many of these posts and honestly was about to ask GOD to take away my desire to come here,but i felt it rather important to share my 9th step experience ,in the hope that it may encourage others.AND BAMMMM there you were. we are a hated breed amongst the herd my friend.but my heart lit up as i began and continued your post.i would love to chat with you and can set it up if you like. i will check back later today 2/3.leave a time and day for a little book chat.i,ll log on here that day and time,you log on here 5 minutes later and i will have left a site that i,ll be waiting for you on. i will wait 10 minutes.I AM VERY ENTHUSED ABOUT POSSIBLY CHATTING WITH SOMEONE WHO WILL NOT WANT TO TAR AND FEATHER ME.yours in the fellowship of the spirit. COG
Member: COG
Location:
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 2:45:23 PM
i feel i have taken up enough space,so i will share my 9th step at a later time
Member: EXACTLY
Location: BY THE BOOK
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 3:31:17 PM
If my comment seemed out of place its because I didn't know what time they changed the format for the meeting. When I submitted it I was still on the first tradition. Seems to have still served a purpose.
Member: Chris S
Location: Asheville, NC
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 3:36:21 PM
Hi everyone I am Chris and I am an alcoholic!
Grateful for my sobriety and give credit to God and AA for it!!! This is a very important step in my sobriety. If I didn't work it honestly and with humility I would have stayed miserable and I believe I would have gone back out. The promises are written in the BB after this step and for me it happened that way. It was very important that I used my sponser for this. I wanted to make amends to some people and was advised not to. I didn't see why at the time, but now I know it would have done more harm than good. I had to pray for the willingness on some. I became willing on some and months and even years later the opportunity presented itself. God has never given me more than I can handle when I have turned it over to him. I had great experiances making amends with ex-girlfriends, my brother, college roommates. I didn't rekindle any great friendships on them, but their reaction was better than I thought. Some of the people I made amends to acted as if what had occurred was not a big deal. The number one thing for me in my keeping sober is that I hide nothing from my past. I told all in the fourth and fifth step and I was honest about my amends. If I felt like I may have harmed someone, I discussed it with my sponser and made the neccessary amends. I took a lot of faith to take this step. But it gave me the most freedom. I encourage anyone resisting taking it to pray hard for the willingness, ask God to remove your fear and he will. Thank God I'm sober. Have a terrific day.
Member: by the book the 2nd
Location:
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 4:22:18 PM
no interest in a chat then book man?
Member: EXACTLY
Location: BY THE BOOK
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 5:00:37 PM
COG, post day + time. WILL make an atempt to chat.
Member: EXACTLY
Location: BY THE BOOK
Date: 2/3/2002
Time: 5:02:44 PM
COG, post day + time. WILL make an attempt to chat. Or go to coffee pot, will look for you.
Member: anonymous 1
Location:
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 12:25:49 AM
I have been waiting for this step to come up because it may be the one that is going to tear my ass. I have a person on my amends list that has been on my mind for a very long time, even when I was drinking. She'd be grown now, but she was a child that I abandoned. I looked for her once, while I was still drinking. I think I just wanted to know where she was, but I didn't find her. I know there are people who can find virtually anyone, so that's not really the problem. What is the problem is that I don't have any idea what the proper amends might be. There are other people who'd be affected as well. I've spoken to my sponsor and he even suggested that it might even be harmful to contact her if I found her because there may be a man that she thinks of as her father. So, the person to contact would be her mother I guess. I've been sober less than a year, but this is where I am in the steps. Or maybe I'm still on step eight, becoming willing. I think I am as willing as I can be though, but I'm still scared. But I know this isn't going to go away. I have to do something. I'd like your thoughts but you needn't heap more guilt on me, because I don't think I could feel any more guilt than I already do. I may not have expressed that well. I don't have the words to say how sorry I am for what I've done.
Member: Jen J
Location: NC
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 7:27:30 AM
Hi,Jen, alcoholic. Step 9 was difficult at first for me.My sponsor had me make 3 lists: those I was willing to make amends to, those I maybe was willing to, and those I just could not conceive being willing to make amends to. That was several 24 hrs. ago. Slowly, as I continued to listen to others share, get closer to the God of my understanding, and not pick up a drink one day at a time, I became willing to amend my behaviors of the past. I thought for a long time the hardest ones to make amends to were my biological relatives, then it seemed it was those who had abused me as a child, then it became clear the hardest to forgive was ME! Carrying guilt and shame over mistakes I have made in drunkedness and in sobriety has blocked from the "sunlight of the Spirit", blocked me from helping others, and blocked me from growing in the Program. I have come to believe that once I cleared up the garbage of my past that I have a new day, each day I awaken, to do the best I can for that 24 hours.By focusing on amending my old ways, my insanity of trying to live the same way and expecting different results,and praying for the willingness to change, I have slowly been able to accept me exactly as I am. It has been through living the 12 steps and totally giving every area of my life to the God of my understanding, that I have been shown all of who I am: the good/the negative/the ugly/the beautiful.Once I can really honestly accept me for all of me, I can take those issues into willingness and prayer.Today I do not have to pretend I am a saint or the worst of the worst.I am who I am. I still am selfish and self-centered,at times; I still can want to be a better ME and the only way that can happen is to make a conscious effort to change. Through forgiving myself for past thoughts and actions, it has opened a door towards forgiving others.I had to start by asking others to forgive me,by admitting only my part,and being willing to do life differently.This step is not about others embracing me, but about becoming free.Honesty and willingness preceded courage to meet who I was and am. Without continuous action in this step, as more has been revealed, I do not think I would have stayed sober.I am most grateful for the wisdom and power of making amends to others and to myself.By the way, all three lists I originally made in Step 8 have been done.By doing that, I have a clean slate and can approach life doing the best I can for this day. When I screw up I can practice the principle of Step 9 into Step 10.What a relief !!
Member: Bettybee
Location: Ohio
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 10:33:36 AM
Anonymous 1: Although you couldn't tell us all the details of your separation from your daughter, your sponsor might be right - contact her mother, first. You surely wouldn't want to do anything that might harm your daughter in any way.
Being a drunken mother, I know the guilt of doing and NOT doing what was right by my daughter. That guilt stayed with me a long time into sobriety.
In my case, a beautiful relationship has evolved as a result of my "direct amends" to her - they start out with an apology. From then till now, I've been the best mother I know how to be.
As far as what apologies to make (if you have the opportunity), #1 guidance is through prayer. Talking to others is a great help. You'll find that some things must go UNsaid.
Suffice it to say, I could tell my dauther that I was sorry for not being there for her, and that I know I was a lousy mother. That was the start.
Best to you, and God bless.
Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake City
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 11:28:04 AM
I had this list from my first 4th step. I made amends, some face to face, some in spirit (gave them to G~d), and some by phone, some in writing, all depending on the circumstances and conditions at the time. (For me, there is a very close connection between steps 4-9.) Much later, after my fourth 4th step, these began to be focused on people no longer alive or of unknown location, as they were about long-standing hurt, resentment. I had been harmed, in my perception, so deeply and so long ago, that I didn't initially even remember who or what. I had been using those old wounds that helped to shape my personality for so long they seemed "normal" and were very unconscious. Forgiving "them" and myself for using "them" as my excuse to behave badly was a spiritual coversion beyond words. This was the place I had not wanted to go and avoided, but was not aware of it until the fourth 4th. I used to have a very black and white view of the world, believing "I" decided the value and correct definition of people and situations. This made it easy for me to become "upset" when things didn't work out according to "my plan." Putting this step to work in my life has given me so much more tolerance of myself and others....who needs the drink? There is NOTHING in my life that can be improved by a drink. It's a non-issue. Now, as far as maintaining this new disposition full-time, well, that hasn't happened here! Progress, not perfection. G~d bless, Bob
Member: Scott S
Location: San Diego
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 8:22:15 PM
Hello everyone!! This is a tough one for me!! Ive never been very good at amend's !!! I also have a hell of alot of wreckage!! Ive had to rely on my sponsor for advice on this process. I truly believe that this step got me to move ahead in my sobriety and keep me honest!! Im not done nor ever will be! But I have learned so far how important it is to do my best job with this step!!! Thanx......Scott
Member: Anne M.
Location: Alberta
Date: 2/4/2002
Time: 11:46:42 PM
Step 9: Made directs amends to such people where ever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
My name is Anne, and I'm an alcoholic.
After 13 months of sobriety, I'm back at square one, again. I was sober without a drink, but my mind was...a disaster? Ya, that word fits. Feb. 1, 2002 is my new sobriety date. Step 9..hmmm... I'm very unorganized&confused, I had a good handle on things, but, obviously, the housecleaning was not honestly&thoroughly made. I think, at the moment, the first person I need to make amends to, is myself. I'm pretty good at ripping off my own arm and beating myself over the head with it. Rather than blaming others, I blame myself, and I "allow" others to blame me-whether it be justified or not, sometimes it is, sometimes is isn't. I am disappointed in myself for my sobriety losing its priority...I'm not real certain if it lost priority, or if it got dropped on the floor with the rest of the deck, the fact that I didn't go "all out" and get hammered doesn't change the fact-that much I've got straight. I know that I'd gotten stuck at step 4 for a very long time, and not to blame anyone else entirely, my sponsor at the time informmed me, upon completion that I'd done it wrong, I'd done it the BB way, but that was the wrong way. God gave me a little tug, and directed a different member in my direction, steps 5-6-7..then came 8...all of the sudden, I wasn't "satisfied" with the way I'd gone about the steps??? I was AFRAID to face steps8&9. On the flip side of that,&by bizarre coincidence, my long lost ex-husband sent me a X-mas card, guess which step he was/is at?? Go figure. I keep procrastinating, hesitating, and this (with other stuff) is what leads to S-obriety L-osing I-ts Priority, right? The program saved me once,&, it's the program that saved me now. One can "shy away" from the program, but it doesn't ever leave you. For THAT, I am very grateful. It works if you work at...it works AT you when it don't, and that, in this garbled mind, is what makes the program work FOR you. Thank God! And, thank you for reading the ramblins of...me...in all honesty:)
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 2:13:02 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. Step nine for me is simply fixing what I broke, if I can. I also must remember that when it refers to hurting them or others, I am not an other. I caused the mess, and I must do whatever I can to fix it, but not at the expense of someone else.Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.
Member: COG
Location:
Date: 2/5/2002
Time: 8:01:14 AM
Dear anonymous 1, I came to share my 9th step exp. but read your post and it touched my heart.you also said you are up for some words.
Step 9 as all the rest, are "clear in the direction". "......WHEREVER...."
Unless this is eating away at you nite and day,I believe you,ve done your part!When GOD feels the time is right(FOR ALL PARTIES) you WILL some how some way some day meet this person and THE WORDS WILL BE THERE. Stay close to GOD and stay open as it could happen today or in a week 5 years or sadly,maybe never. But if you are following the A.A. 9th STEP as laid down by the founders,YOU ARE NOW FREE OF THIS THROUGH YOUR WILLINGNESS, THROUGH YOUR HONESTY.AND SHOULD GOD SEE FIT, ONE DAY YOU MAY MEET THEM IN A WAY YOU DID NOT SET UP, BUT WERE OPEN AND CLOSE ENOUGH TO GOD TO SEE WAS THE "WHEREVER". STAY CLOSE TO GOD MY DEAR FRIEND ,make a meeting or two. But mainly DO NOT allow ANYONE to stop you in you spiritual journey!!!!!!!IT WILL BE BEYOND BEYOND ANYTHING YOU CAN IMAGINE AT THIS POINT!!!!
IT WILL BE A ROUGH RIDE BUT WITH GOD AT YOUR SIDE>>>>>>
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 2:11:02 AM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Thanks for the sincere shares. Welcome newcomers!
I rarely talk about the condition mentioned in the subordinate clause, i.e. "except when to do so would injure them or others," which I feel is necessary to validate the amend.
Fortunately, working with my sponsor on this Step really made it much easier for me to avoid unnecessarily harming others.
Member: Connie S.
Location: Riverside, N.J.
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 8:48:04 AM
Hello everyone. Connie, alcoholic. I am sooo glad that I didn't have to go around saying "I'm sorry" to every person I had encountered in twenty some years of drinking. Thats what I thought i would have to do when I first came in. I learned, the difference of apologizing and making "amends". I totally agree with the willingness aspect. This step cannot be done on my will. God have so miraculously placed people at certain times in front of me during sobriety when I then KNEW it was time. A women I am sponsoring has gone out and it is bringing me so much closer to all these steps. I am so grateful of the opputunities facing me daily in sobriety. This step is purely for MY sobriety. It is not to have people like me better, to welcome me back, etc... it is done for me to stay sober. Thanks everyone
Member: COG
Location:
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 9:26:52 AM
Most fear step 4(because of the many outsise 4th step info brought into rooms). This 9th step at least if you follow the outline in A.A.(the book NOT THE FELLOWSHIP)makes step 4 look like a walk in the park. But there is nothing to fear, as by now(STEPS 1 thru 8 )we have developed a relationship with GOD and with HIS help and the help of a true follower, this step is the start of the TRUE change. I will share more on MY exp. on this beautiful freeing step soon. I would like to know how the anonymous poster is doing and their thoughts on the responses to their post.
Member: Doctor G.
Location: Va.
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 10:57:20 AM
Although I've felt many times in the past that I've completed this step. Each time I visit a place out of my past, a forgotten amends comes to mind. Therefore I now do an in-depth search and continue to add to the amends list. This also includes members of our fellowship to whom I feel that an amends is owed.
Member: TMG
Location: North
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 7:33:18 PM
Amends? A lost virtue in this "world and its people... often quite wrong." But that doesn't say we shouldn't make amends where due. It is part of an alcoholics recovery! And who is your higher power?
See http://www.geocities.com/tmgnorth/m15.html
Member: 5 years
Location: N.H.
Date: 2/7/2002
Time: 9:17:48 PM
Hey,Book man,I find that what ever step one is focosing on,they must all be applyed to the fitting situation. "Practice these principles in all my affairs.I have found nothing in any of your postings that is in disagreement with the Book.Those on the offensive are a baffeled lot,and may need to reassess their knowlage and understanding of the writeings of the co-founders."We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others."
Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: 2/8/2002
Time: 7:12:57 PM
Just wanted to say one thing here; Amends is not the plural form of amend.
Member: ANONYMOUS26
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 2/8/2002
Time: 8:22:38 PM
COG,in your comment you sald:"Most fear the forth step (because of many outside 4th step info brought into the rooms). That may be true to some extent but,isn't it possible also that because people aren't getting out of the first three steps what they could get, need, to be equipped to start dealing with the 4th through 9th.Wheither its a lack of effort or earnestness on their part or for lack of finding someone able to help them see what they could get out of those first 3 steps. I mean in the 12+12 step 3,it says," In fact the effectiveness of the WHOLE program will rest upon how well and earnestly we have tried to come to a decision to turn our lives over to the care of God as we understsnd Him.... Then it is explained that the OTHER steps of the program can be practiced with SUCCESS ONLY when step 3 is given a determined and persistent trial... To get what? Once we have come into agreement with these ideas, it is really easy to BEGIN the practice of step 3. In ALL times of EMOTIONAL DISTURBANCE or indecision ..... Like when fear and pride start interferring? ISN't that saying that we could be at least somewhat better equipped to start tackling the following steps? Fear is an emotion isn't it? Step 4"Made a searching and FEARless moral inventory. 12+12 step 4 "Both his pride and his fear beat him back every time he tries to look within himself. Pride says,"you need not look this way..."fear says"you dare not look"." Using 1,2 an 3,I can't do this by myself, He can help,I think i will ask for His help. BB pg 63, step 3 This was only a begining, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one was felt at once. What is "the effect,sometimes a great effect felt"? Something that possibly better equips us to tackle the following steps also?
Member: David G.
Location: Illinois
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 2:28:00 PM
My name's David and I'm an alcoholic.
The miracle in my life today is that I am sober and the one who needs to know that is me.
Step nine is really easy. First I tell whomever is receiving my amends what I did wrong. Second, I acknowledge that I am attempting to live my life differently. And third, what can I do to repair the damage.
Member: Geri W
Location: Ohio
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 3:55:40 PM
Step 9 - you know of course that it comes after step 8? To attempt it without completing the first 8 can be damaging to those around me. I had to write about it, talk with my sponsor and other sober AA's who had done the step themselves - often I found that my alcholic thinking had magified the situation and that an "amend" was not necessary. Or if it was, my motive for it really needed to be examined for honesty. Took awhile, since there was quite alot to do.
Today, steps 10, 11 and 12 keep me from having to do 9 over and over. Thank God for the directions in the Big Book and a good sponsor.
Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 2/9/2002
Time: 9:50:25 PM
I am an alcoholic and an addict for my insanity It took me a long time to realize some of the damage I had done and had some odd reactions to the amends I made when I did "get it" but my amends were made for me not exactly for other people. Thanks to AA and alanon
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Member: ANONYMOUS26
Location: NH
Date: 2/10/2002
Time: 8:48:24 AM
COG,no comments?
Member: vinny d
Location: deli
Date: 2/10/2002
Time: 2:06:33 PM
HEY DICK BREATH IT IS 2:06 SUNDAY IT is timE to Ch ang the step Eyther do the f%^&() job oR giVe it to BOOKMAN
Member: vinny d
Location: deli
Date: 2/10/2002
Time: 3:06:59 PM
HEY DICK BREATH IT IS 2:06 SUNDAY IT is timE to Ch ang the step Eyther do the f%^&() job oR giVe it to BOOKMAN
Member: BOOKMAN
Location:
Date: 2/10/2002
Time: 5:29:42 PM
VINNY D,have a realization about working the steps? Hang in there,keep pluging away,its only a matter of what you can do in one day.Get stuck? Start your program over,look to see where YOU have failed.
Member: penicillin
Location: to vinny d
Date: 2/10/2002
Time: 5:56:18 PM
V.D.,don't know what you are doing in step 9,you haven't got pass 1 yet,sound like a drunk without a drink. Are you still drinking? The suggestion is,read the first 164 pages,then decide whether or not you want this program.