Member: Von
Location: Ohio
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 7:16:22 PM

Comments

I chose to do my fifth step with my sponsor and it took us 11 hours to complete (2 sittings). But I didn't care. Once I could see the garbage within me, I wanted so badly to get it out. It's like never cleaning house and getting bugs and roaches. As long as I can't see the dirt, I act like "out of sight, out of mind". But oneday, I turn on the lights and open the windows. I am appalled by the filth and garbage and can no longer live in that space the way it is. That's how it was for me. Once I could see what type of person I had become, I wanted to do whatever it would take to change.

Another thing. It says we admit the "exact nature of our wrongs" not "admit our wrongs". I feel true growth in the 5th step is to focus less on what I did, but why I did it.

I spent a lifetime hiding secrets, living in shame and despair. Today, I can lead a meeting and talk about the stuff. I never feel diminished, just free. What a miracle!


Member: Harry K
Location: U.K
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 7:24:12 PM

Comments

This was one of the steps that had held allot of reservations for me. Admitting to God and myself were no problems, but to another person? "Two out of three would do" I told myself, but that was before I got there. After completing my 4th step, I WANTED to sit down & tell another. My sponsor was the obvious one but I wasn't sure. After a week of deliberating I called him and went over his house. Before we began he said to me that being I was about to reveal some painful things about myself to him, it was only fair that he reveal some painful things about himself to me. After he was done with a couple, I realised I was no worse than he. It was more than a confession. It was an exploratory process as well. "The Natures" of my wrongs. It took a few hours and when we were done I left feeling like a million. I went home followed the rest of the instructions and felt for the first time that I really could stay sober so long as I continued doing the work. The fifth step was a sort of "turning point" for me in another area. I don't have any secrets left. I'm not ashamed to tell others some of the wrongs I had done if it helps them. I don't have to hide behind my mask of "strength" if I'm feeling down. I can show the "chinks" in my A.A armour when I need help. I don't broadcast any of this at meetings, there is a time and place. But I can live inside my own skin today, because when we really get down to the "pay dirt" I find that its a gift being able to develop the trust in others I never had. It's great to develop the real "SELF" honesty required to stay sober and its grace when the person sitting in front of you helps develop it and put to rest all those skeletons I thought I'd be taking to the grave.


Member: Ryan K.
Location: Alberta, Canada
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 7:28:42 PM

Comments

I did my Step 5 with my sponsor on the way to an Area 91 spring assembly. We had been talking about doing this step for weeks, and finally an opportunity lent itself halfway to Regina, SK. After this powerful step, my sponsor looked at me and said 'Wanna do a 6 and 7 too?" We both laughed. The weekend was full of meetings and fellowship, and a great time was had by all. I highly encourage anyone at the juncture of this step to dive into it, it's not as tough as you think it is! I procrastinated for months, and the longer I did, the harder I told myself it would be. In the end, I had nothing to fear. It was just another conversation with my sponsor! Live and let Live!


Member: B.M.D.
Location: CANADA
Date: 1/21/01
Time: 8:09:28 PM

Comments

Hi I'am B.M.D.and I'am an alcoholic,it's always great to give my two cents worth on the steps because I believe thier very important to one's sobriety and recovery.It wasn't as hard doing the fifth as it was to do the fourth,because I had a good sponsor and I had GOD with me,it's strange but when I went to my sponsor's place we got down on our knees and did the 3rd step prayer something I thougth I would never do with another man,it was weird but yet it was o.k. We talked for along time and it wasn't as bad as I was making it all out to be,the one thing he pointed out to me was never to forget to put MY GOOD POINTS ABOUT MYSELF DOWN,something I forgot to do.I felt little better when I left his place because I got a lot of stuff of my back that I was carrying around for so long.When I tell another person about myself I'am being HONEST with myself and GOD just like the 12 and 12 says.I have seen to many people skip this step and they alwas go out or they are no different when they first came into the program,their attitude has never changed they are only sober or what we call dry.I didn't want that in my life any more it was to hard to handle. I would just rather be out there getting drunk. Please give it a try, you have so much to lose, it's not as bad as we make it all out to be,were just afraid that someone is going to know us and were really not so bad after all and that was only a suggeston but make sure your ready for this step and your not just a new coming into the program.


Member: William.A.
Location: High---Point.
Date: 1/23/01
Time: 11:00:43 PM

Comments

Hello,William.Alkie.

I would at this time,like to share my experience with the cpers,on the (05) step when it came time for me to grow I was introduced to the fifth-step by my sponsor who had done his fifth-step with his sponsor just (04)years prior to me getting to that point.

I now can see that in all those days we rode to meetings and talked on the phone,spent times having lunch,dinner,or breakfast and the like,thier was a very good reason for us to have been together,I see today that we were building a relationship,a strong bond between two people that who were heading in the direction,walking the same path,to freedom ,happiness,and joy. I was being prodded tospeak openly with someone who would later,,have known something about my situation,this I think was mentioned somewhere in the Big-Book. Doing my (05th) step with my sponsor helped me to become more honest about the things that were talked about,one of the important things that was said to me was about solitary (self-apprasiable)was not one of our strong points,we have a hard time being honest with another person,we are not be to selfish- while only trying to look at the things that have cut me off from the grace of GOD.so today when I listen or read about some,s sponsor telling them to write he good and the bad points down,I look for a person who will some day suffer from resentments simply because they may not be working towards cleaning house,maybe some one that has held on to some of the bad stock when taking an inventory.

Remember most of us said when we entered these rooms that we would go to any-lenghts for victory over drinking,so part of that any-lenght means working this programs as placed in the Big-Book,not some-ones head . WHAT IS THE ANSWER.


Member: Barry L
Location: Tech
Date: 1/23/01
Time: 11:31:09 PM

Comments

We have experienced a major problem with our server over the last few days, our web hosting provider did'nt give many details. The Meetings should all be working now, but we are not sure the problems are over.

Thanks for all the e-mails and thanks for your patience.


Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 2:29:26 AM

Comments

I'm Chuck, an alcoholic

I'll try to send this again.

I have heard that we are as sick as our secrets.

I remember that when I received praise I would think, yes but if you really knew me you would reject me. I was always hiding who I was.

After confiding my final big fear to another AA member I was not rejected. What a relief.

A few days later I realized that for the first time in my life I accepted who I was, no more secrets.

Peace and Serenity


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 1:57:00 PM

Comments

once we have taken this step,withholding nothing,we are DELIGHTED. we can look the world in the eye. we CAN be ALONE at perfct PEACE and EASE. our fears FALL fall from us. we begin to feel the nearness of our creator. we may have had spiritual beliefs, but NOW we begin to have a spiritual experience. the feeling that the drink problem has DISAPEARED will often come strongly we feel we are on the broad highway walking hand in hand with the spirit of the universe.(PG.75 b.b.b)Sounds good t' me. whats all this crap about being afraid to do something that results in all this? steps 4&5 kick ass


Member: ((((((((imp)))))))))
Location:
Date: 1/24/01
Time: 6:10:25 PM

Comments

yea you tell 'em lu-lu!!!!!!!!!!!!!hey i still need to find a job!!!!!!!!man,whats it been now, almost a year????thats depressing.


Member: VINNIE V
Location: NEW ENGLAND
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 4:19:42 PM

Comments

I HAVE DONE NUMEROUS 5TH STEPS WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE OVER THE YEARS. THEY ALL ARE DIFFERENT AS I WAS ALWAYS AT A DIFFERENT STAGE OF SOBRIETY AND APPROACHING THE STEP DIFFERENTLY WITH A DIFFERENT PERSON. WHAT WAS CONSTANT WAS I APPROACHED THE STEP WITH HONESTY AND THE HELP OF MY HIGHER POWER. I TRIED NOT TO GET CAUGHT UP IN DOING THE STEP FOR THE PERSON DOING IT WITH ME. I FEEL MY HIGHER POWER PUT THEM THERE FOR A REASON NEITHER I OR THEY FULLY UNDERSTOOD, AND THAT REASON WAS NOT OUR PRIMARY CONCERN. WE, WERE THROWN TOGETHER TO DO THIS STEP AT THIS TIME,AND I ALWAYS FELT SOMETHING GREATER TNAN MYSELF AND MY EFFORTS CAME FROM THESE FITFH STEPS. PRE JUDGING THE OUTCOME IS SILLY, TRY TO RELAX AND LET IT FLOW YOU ARE WITH FRIENDS.


Member: VINNIE V
Location: NEW ENGLAND
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 4:20:32 PM

Comments

I HAVE DONE NUMEROUS 5TH STEPS WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE OVER THE YEARS. THEY ALL ARE DIFFERENT AS I WAS ALWAYS AT A DIFFERENT STAGE OF SOBRIETY AND APPROACHING THE STEP DIFFERENTLY WITH A DIFFERENT PERSON. WHAT WAS CONSTANT WAS I APPROACHED THE STEP WITH HONESTY AND THE HELP OF MY HIGHER POWER. I TRIED NOT TO GET CAUGHT UP IN DOING THE STEP FOR THE PERSON DOING IT WITH ME. I FEEL MY HIGHER POWER PUT THEM THERE FOR A REASON NEITHER I OR THEY FULLY UNDERSTOOD, AND THAT REASON WAS NOT OUR PRIMARY CONCERN. WE, WERE THROWN TOGETHER TO DO THIS STEP AT THIS TIME,AND I ALWAYS FELT SOMETHING GREATER TNAN MYSELF AND MY EFFORTS CAME FROM THESE FITFH STEPS. PRE JUDGING THE OUTCOME IS SILLY, TRY TO RELAX AND LET IT FLOW YOU ARE WITH FRIENDS.


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 4:39:12 PM

Comments

(((((((((()))))))))) what? you still don't have a job? how do you do it,don't tell me l' me guess you found a nice co-dependent A.A. lady with a job, oh well most of the A.A.s over here don't work either, apparently our illustrious founder bill did not work either seems he sorta "took from the basket"something 'bout 30$ a week for him and as for the wonderful dr. bob A.A. contributions, went toward paying off his mortgage... read all about it in A.A. comes of age, thank god for those guys, but wow, some of the stuff they TRIED to get away with,freaky. i wish a.a. would have paid my way the first 4 years, then i could have written a book too...


Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 6:40:08 PM

Comments

Adam, alcoholic.

Oh, Lu-Lu....I've watched people give you a whole lot of grief for some of the stuff you have posted on this site, but it was so nice to see it when you posted the Step 5 Promises from pp. 75 of the Big Book. Those are indeed great promises and I'm really grateful you posted them!

I know when I did my 5th Step I was terrified...it had been a long time since I was honest with myself or with another human being about who and what I was. Years of conning, bullshitting and manipulation the people places and things in my life while drinking had really driven me to hate the person I had become and was becoming. By the time I crawled into AA, I felt certain that I was never going to be able to (re-)join the human race again.

Step Five was really where I put that honesty that they talk about in "How It Works" into practice. The inventory had not been a hard thing to do, but saying it out loud so taht I and abnotehr person could hear and digest it was a tall order for me. I remember telling my sponsor before we started that I was really scared about this...and he took my hands and saiud the Third Step Prayer with me before we started. There was something about that action...I don't know if I felt the nearness of my creator or not, but I do know I experienced a sense of courage that I had never had before in my life, and I was able to open my mouth and be honest. I HAD NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!! That, for me, was evidence of something greater than me at work...by myself, I could not have been that honest. And all I knew when it was over was that I had finally told the truth to another human being, and I felt better. I felt I no longer needed to isolate because someone already knew everything about me. I felt I no longer needed to lie, because the truth was out there now, and it had not destroyed me or anyone else--in fact, it had probably saved my life.. And most of all, I felt free to move forward and change...to stop hating and start changing what I had become and where I was going. All those feelings, I think, are really embodied in those Step 5 Promises, and it's great to see someone else noticed that they were there. THey are indeed some of the wonderful benefits that come from this step.

Grateful to be sober today!


Member: (((((((((((imp)))))))
Location:
Date: 1/25/01
Time: 11:39:57 PM

Comments

lu-lu,

jobs are real scarce around here(unless you're looking for one)tee-he-he.......truth is i really do got to do something productive or ill probably go crazy!!!!!!!i've been on "vacation" just way too long!!!!!!!!!!!!see i used to be well......you know..(well never mind)you know what i mean!!!!!!!!!!!!

so where was i?????

brain dead......tee-he-he


Member: Jane
Location:
Date: 1/26/01
Time: 6:03:17 AM

Comments

Doing the 4th and 5th step were truly a relief! I had kept so much stuff bottled up for years and all I could feel inside was what a horrible person I was. When I let it all out and what I recieved was alot of love in return it was really wonderful. Today I can look at my life and see so much to be thankful for and I know I've been forgiven. What a blessing!


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 1/26/01
Time: 4:22:34 PM

Comments

Step # five; "Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." To be precise, the exact nature of all our wrongs is of course the sinful nature, which we hope through prayer and meditation to have transformed into the divine nature by the grace of God, But much of this sinful nature can also be called: living life on lifes terms, which would of course be opposed to the divine nature that lives life on God's terms. Yes they are different, even opposed to one another. I don't mean to pour contempt on this so often used phrase "living life on lifes terms" for I know too well that a man must face whatever life dishes out to him and that its not in his hand to do much if anything about it whatever it is that comes his way. But I speak to those that are spiritual; for in the same way there is either Self will or God's will, so there is either life on lifes terms or life on God's terms for "Know ye not, that to whom ye yeild yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death or of obedience unto righteousness? ~Romans 6~16; Knowing the depths of satan as I do I write here. For this phrase has all but made a full swing from saying: what ever happens happens, clear around to: lets live life on the worlds terms! So when we think of the exact nature of our wrongs, they all came from living life on lifes terms rather than living life on God's terms....


Member: JEB
Location: Manitoba
Date: 1/26/01
Time: 5:13:05 PM

Comments

I did my first Step Five with a lady pastor in the church upstairs where my AA Group holds their meeting downstairs. After I was finished she looked at me and said "come back and see me in six months". I then had the unique opportunity to go downstairs and join in our regular meeting. I was very elated and flushed. The group was very supportive and happy for me. During the Step I must have talked a mile a minute. Just when I would uncover something another thing would pop up.

I agree that the Step Four was the tougher part. Looking at myself, honestly. The fourth column showed me that the same things were always at the bottom of my resentments. Now I realize that it is always beneficial to check my motivation.

The worst lie we tell is to ourselves. I used to hate myself. And for what I still don't know. I felt that if someone really knew me they would only see an evil person. But I've peeled that onion and with the help of my Higher Power I realize that I can only change the things I can. Learning to live in my own skin. What a unique concept. But with serenity it is possible.

Six months later I went back to see the pastor. She was wise. I did have more to spill. And I'm happy to say that after she only asked that I pop in every once in awhile to say hi or have a coffee. Kinda like a lube job I guess.

I look forward to my next Step Five. I'm hoping for a shorter list this time!


Member: Robin
Location: NY
Date: 1/26/01
Time: 7:02:38 PM

Comments

Robin alcoholic, I haven't been here in a while. What the heck is going on. I came here to keep sober. To be honest. I was doing a lot better before I did the fifth. I did it with my sponsor, and as soon as I was done, I knew something was not quite right. I just had a feeling, thought it was just because I was finaly honest. A few months later I relize that my sponsor and my mother (in the program) are great buddies. Meanwhile I'm telling stuff to my sponsor and she is haveing tea with the one person in the whole world that I do not trust. I my never trust anyone again. granted, the sponsore may not have said anything to her. I know she is very minipulitive, I do not trust her... Oh, I just have a hard time with this.


Member: HP
Location: HEAVEN
Date: 1/26/01
Time: 9:54:21 PM

Comments

ROBIN............TRUST ME


Member: Norm P
Location: Indiana
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 8:47:38 AM

Comments

Robin- The Big Book talks about using great care in choosing the person we do our 5th Step with. We are not perfect and you simply made a bad choice unintentionally. You are not the only one who has ever done this. The Big Book also states that your sponsor is not the only person you may do a 5th Step with;there are many other choices. In Step 6,we are to take some time to review what we have done up to this point(the first 5 steps)in order to see where our program is weak because it is the foundation of, hopefully,a life of continued sobriety. I don't know what to tell you except to learn from this painful mistake and get on with life on life's terms;you need to accept the fact that you made a mistake,which is just being human. You probably aren't ready at this point to do the 5th Step over but you may decide to at some point in the future. If you do,someone like a clergyman you don't even know and no one else does either might be a good choice. This is one of the suggestions the Big Book makes. A clergyman is bound by a code of ethics which requires silence on what people tell them.(The Catholic Church is especially strict about this and you could do it with a priest;you don't have to be Catholic to do that and there are even priests in A.A. but the person you do it with doesn't have to be an A.A. member either.) My heart goes out to you and perhaps your experience has been a lesson to someone else; however,this is not an excuse to put it off or not to do it. I have seen many people get drunk because they would not do a 4th and 5th Step out of fear so you are better off having done it than avoiding it. The 5th Step was the one that set me free from the past and the fear and likliehood that I would drink again. It is the best thing anyone can do-regardless of the results.


Member: WARNING
Location:
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 9:07:34 AM

Comments

HI! The fifth step stuff can be angerous. There is a bit of bad in the best of things. The many entanglements with sponsees and sponsors and grand sponsers etc,etc,etc was real for me and I suggest restraint within those kinds of situations. After many years around this stuff I have experienced alot of growing up. THANK GOD! Dependance on even AA and the people in it is addressed in the litrature. Find it and read it like your sanity depends on it


Member: Bonnie B
Location: Nevada
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 8:01:56 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone - Step 5 comes after Step 4. Please don't start making amends until you have worked the steps - I did, and learned the hard way. When I went over my fourth step with another person, and then talked with God, I was amazed at how much of it disappeared. I was free. I finally owned up to them. Honestly. Don't forget God is with you (step 3) we just do the footsteps for him, and stay sober and happy.


Member: LOST
Location:
Date: 1/27/01
Time: 8:48:52 PM

Comments

HOW CAN ONE TALK TO GOD,OR EVEN BELIEVE IN ANYTHING,I CANT EVEN BELIEVE IN MYSELF ANYMORE, LIFE IS NOT GOOD AND NOT GETTING ANY BETTER REAL FAST


Member: zooaligist
Location: china
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 12:44:10 PM

Comments

Hey Bartender do lemons have feet? NO! Oh shit, I just squeezed the canary into my drink!


Member: John C.
Location: uncle_trippie@yahoo.com
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 3:37:41 PM

Comments

John C. alcoholic There is a basic understanding I had to have upon entering A.A. I was a man of severly compromized principles. The only thing I really comprehended was that at the age of thirty eight, I had (finally) found people who "honestly" do not drink and use. In "how it works", we are assured that"as a result of 'working' these steps", we will gain a set of principles. This assurance became more and more important to me as the fog lifted and I began to accumulate a "group of sobor days". As a result of working the first four steps I found myself accepting a greater understanding of what it was to have a set of principles: step 1, honesty,2, hope,3 faith,4 courage. The fifth step asks (much like in marriage) that I go before "GOD, myself, and another(the community), with a "request". That request is that "you" accept me into your comunity(of sobriety), with all the faults, I have had the "COURAGE" to remember and admit. In this act of shareing , we have done two major things leading to, "INTEGRITY",(the principle gained as a result of the fifth step). One is that I have warned you of the things about me to steer clear of, as I can be dangerous. The other is that I have gained a better understanding of what it is to "INTEGRATE", the root of integrity. :-)


Member: John D
Location: j_deluigi@hotmail.com
Date: 1/28/01
Time: 5:52:07 PM

Comments

Hi all I am John and I am a alcoholic. I was concidered "Of the Hopeless variety" Being from New Yoek I had to end up in the Bowery to realize that I had a problem and realizing this I also thought that I could never come back from that I had no God(I thought), no friends and my family, though they loved me, didn;t want to see me in the shape I was Each principle I learned in AA was there to replace the principles I had lived by and the fifth step had me getting honest with another person about me. Something I could never do on my own. So I bring God and Myself. If the triangle did not already stand for something in AA, I would make a suggestion that it stand for "God, Myself and another human being" Ithas worked for almost 17 years now and my gratitude speaks when I have the privledge listen to another's fifth step