Member: Lyla D
Location: Polk City, Fl (with NO snow)
Date: 1/20/2002
Time: 9:43:32 AM

Comments

My list came from my fourth step inventory. It was strange, but there were only a few people on that list. My mother, who was dead by the time I got sober, my grandmother, other family members and myself. I had been so isolated while drinking, that there just weren't that many people. There were some employers that I could have made amends to, but the supervisors that I worked under were no longer with the companies, so I chose to be the best employee I could for present and future employers. I prayed and asked for help from my HP, then I got down to it.

There was a man in the area I got sober in that used to say he had 3 lists, one of the people he was willing to make amends to immediately, one of people that were maybe and one of people that he would NEVER make amends to, they owed him amends! Well, after he made amends to the people on the first list, he was ready to go on to the second list and by the time he was done with that one, he realized where he was wrong and went to the third list.

I hope everyone has a good week. Love y'all


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake City
Date: 1/20/2002
Time: 1:13:05 PM

Comments

This was a long list....and an embarassing one. I worked with a lot of people and had damaged (read polluted) the environment badly. Add to that three marriages, two children, family of origin (all alive and well) and I had some considerable work to do. Very hard to become willing bacause of all the shame, but with G~d in charge it became doable. This is where I found out what my relationship with G~d was about. Trusting that this was what I needed to do and having faith He would walk me through...which He did, of course. The lesson here was that if my fear and ego were in charge I would make excuses for not including those that didn't really need to be included ;>) (If I am G~d, I don't need one). I've done three of these and fortunately the list gets shorter, but the depth of the candor and honesty got deeper. I've been amazed at the ingenuity of my denial and defenses to avoid taking responsibility for and knowing me! Thanks for the great topic. Love and hugs, Bob


Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 1/20/2002
Time: 4:59:09 PM

Comments

Adam, alcoholic.

This is a step that, for me, really requires the guidance of a sponsor simply because the part about "becoming willing to make amends" is really hard for me. I've got a lot of pride, and it's really hard to even make a list of the people I had harmed without that pride telling me that it's weak to even think about making amends to these people...that "I'm sorry" have been really cheap words with me when I was drinking...that the only amend I really need to make to these people is not to do it again. With an attitude like that, how can I possibly become willing to make amends let alone a list of the people I had harmed?

All I can say is thank God for the guidance of a sponsor which usually comes in the form of "ask your Higher Power for the willingness and the humility to make that list" or "how much of what's stopping you is fear? We can talk about that and remember...there's a prayer in the Big Book that says 'God remove my fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be.' I think it might be useful." I have also been very fotunate to have with sponsors who have allowed me to discuss with them plans for making amends while I was making the list. Discussing the process really helped me set aside my pride (and my fear) so that I could make that list and acquire the willingness to move forward.

Grateful to be sober.


Member: Jeanette
Location: NY
Date: 1/20/2002
Time: 5:56:17 PM

Comments

Hi friends,

Just went throughtthe eight step with both my sponsors and, though not a long list, I know what needs to be done. There are some people on my list that are no longer with us and it was suggested that I write a letter to each of them. It seems like an easy task, but with procrastination as my middle name............I waited. But even just starting the letters was such a freeing experience. One sponsor suggested writing a letter to my father, then writing a letter as if from him to me - writing what I want to hear from him. Very hard to read with eyes filled with tears. let me tell you. But what a feeling of being at peace. a feeling of letting go. I hightly recommend that route. have a great sober day


Member: Dana W
Location: Texas
Date: 1/20/2002
Time: 6:18:58 PM

Comments

Hello, Dana here, alcoholic

Lovely you are on this Step. Haven't visited Stayingcyber in awhile, and when I do, you have just what I need!

My experience so far is that I made the list (it keeps getting longer, too). I said I can't even remember some of their names, but I did throw a plate of food at this one person. Sponsor said, things like names will be revealed. Just write down "the blonde I threw food at". Then she said add a column for how you're going to make the amend, f2f, phone, letter mailed, letter unmailed. So I did.

THEN she said did I need to make an amend to myself. Boy howdy, I sure did/do...and it is taking such a long time. Jeanette, maybe my sponsor sees the same therapist as yours. She got me into some inner child writing that has opened memories and feelings and all kinds of hidden stuff. I am the adult me when I write with my writing hand, the child when I scribble with the other hand. Wow.

Looking forward to your shares. Peace and serenity, Dana


Member: To Jeanette, NY.
Location: 12 & 12
Date: 1/20/2002
Time: 6:21:53 PM

Comments

Becoming willing to make amends to all persons we have harmed is to have a change of heart, It means really that we "Keep no record of wrongs" and, are willing to let by gones be by gones; That means past tense and if it is truly past, then it is no more present, if a resentment is still here, it could not be called past nor could it be amended as it were. To make a list is dilegent to say the least, but a change of heart will far surpass any note pad that has an external or outward so to do. We can go over hill and dale to make one member of AA, and we ourselves have yet to undertake for ourselves the discreation that bids us not to dig up evil. It truly is to dig up evil to go knocking on anothers door with an "I'm sorry!" They don't want to know that one, but if you erase the black board so to speak on everything that is past in all your relationships you will have made amendments acceptable to God with whom we have to do; For in turning our wills and lives over to the care of God, It is a clear conscience toward him that bids us undertake this step at all if we think rightly about the new way of life we are embarking on.


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 1/20/2002
Time: 9:19:54 PM

Comments

I am an alcoholic step 8 was one of the step I did when I started on my recovery but now I remember that I dont make the same mistakes again so that I dont have to go back to make the amends to the people that I had harmed I just remember not to repeat the pain I gave to my friends and family mamebers again and somehow compensate for my old behavior.


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 1/20/2002
Time: 9:20:44 PM

Comments

I am an alcoholic step 8 was one of the step I did when I started on my recovery but now I remember that I dont make the same mistakes again so that I dont have to go back to make the amends to the people that I had harmed I just remember not to repeat the pain I gave to my friends and family mamebers again and somehow compensate for my old behavior.


Member: Dustin C.
Location: Port Allegany,PA
Date: 1/20/2002
Time: 10:05:51 PM

Comments

I'm not at this step yet. But when I do get there, There is going to be a long list. Most of the things on the list, eat at me every day. My sponcer told me, one step a year. If something bothers me, then we'll talk about it. But he said the first year, just don't drink and go to meetings.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Me
Location: Here
Date: 1/21/2002
Time: 3:08:33 AM

Comments

Is it Ok to go to meetings and still drink? I didn't think so. i'm just having a hard time getting it. You would think since I'm Catholic and use the sacrement of Reconcilliation I would be better.I just use it once a year---not enough! I try to mention and be sorry for all my offenses. I just can't be sincere about drinking, I know i'm an alcoholic. I'm still working on step one, Thank-you all for sharing and letting me ask myself a question.


Member: RodL
Location:
Date: 1/21/2002
Time: 8:40:32 AM

Comments

This is new for me, I need to make my list and really check into who I've hurt over the years. Up front I can say its been my wife, daughters, close friends, and some co-workers. I was web surfing and found this page. I've relapsed, but I want to start my recovery again. Searching for this page is my start. I must begin again with step 1. Thanks for the page


Member: Dana W
Location: Texas
Date: 1/21/2002
Time: 10:53:27 AM

Comments

Hi Y'all, this is Dana, alcoholic

I see some newcomers to the whole AA thing in this discussion...Welcome! They tell me to share my Experience, Strength, and Hope...here goes... When I was starting this last journey of sobriety, this site and two others were a great way for me to test my own waters. I knew I was powerless over alcohol but didn't know if I could do the 12 steps. I got to know there are millions of AAs out here who started off just like me. Later I found out how many AAs really want to help me and other alcoholics. And now I am one of them!

I was always too ashamed to attend meetings if I was still drinking. And there were Years in between my 3 attempts. But it says "The only requirement for membership is a DESIRE to stop drinking." So I say, go to meetings and come as you are.

Getting a sponsor (I have an online sponsor!) was the key to start my ignition. I started working the steps and going to meetings. It is almost 9 months and I feel stable in this AA thing. I even have a couple real friends in AA.

I am at a pause before Step 9, so I guess I am on Step 8. Am I Willing to make the amends? I believe this may be where I am stuck. I freely admit my part, my wrongs. But I want there to be some OUTCOME to making amends. Somehow I want to CONTROL the process. Anybody with words of wisdom on this, please share! Peace and serenity to all of you. Dana


Member: Dave L
Location: Illinois
Date: 1/21/2002
Time: 12:36:43 PM

Comments

My name is Dave and I am an Alcoholic.

Step 8 is difficult for me to discuss without touching on 9 as well. What I have discovered after a number of years of sobriety is that step 8 and 9 had and still have a tremendous impact on my current relationship with others. I found when I first came to AA that I had difficulty establishing and maintaining relationships with others. I was too scared to be humble or vulnerable with humans ... especially admitting where I was wrong or had harmed others. My low self esteem and/or ego kept me from being wrong. Step 8 and then 9 humbled me enough to open up and become vulnerable with other humans. It was the segway into giving by listing the people I had harmed and then making amends. I did not realize that at the time, but step 8 was the crowbar which gave me an ability to begin to truly be vulnerable on another level. My relationships with people began to change thereafter for the better. To this day, amends are a cornerstone to my ongoing relationship with others. Whenever I owe an amend, my ability to serve others is hampered by the cloud of my hurtful actions. When I list those out and then make my amends, my trust in others and ability to be vulnerable improves. Thanks for letting me share. I could write a book here, for there are so many tangents to this topic.


Member: Jim M
Location: Canada
Date: 1/21/2002
Time: 10:38:30 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Jim and I'm an Alcoholic,

There is still time to get better. Welcome to all those who are testing the waters or feel like they are adjusting to the temperature. You won't be sorry. Realize that you are changing for the better and there doesn't need to be an end to the change if you take it one day at a time,

I have a problem with always thinking that I've done something wrong to nearly everyone that crosses my path. If only that I haven't been myself with them. Yet I'm afraid to be myself cuz I feel like I offend people constantly.

None of this can be true. It's just self centeredness gone extremely bad. It isn't possible for me to hurt others as much as I think I do. Perfectionism? I've always thought I knew everything and now that I know that I don't, I've got nothing to say.

I guess that's pretty funny!

Anyway, my point is that I am OVER-WILLING to make amends.


Member: Nancy O.
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 1/21/2002
Time: 11:29:11 PM

Comments

I have only just discovered this site. I think I will come back often because working the steps is so essential for me today. I was sober for ten years but did not work the steps. Then I slipped.

Today I work the steps to the best of my ability. I must confess that my 8th step list has more than 60 names on it -- and some of them groups or categories, like "all the nuns at Georgetown Visitation."

I am sometimes distressed that I am unable to make some of the amends because I don't know where the people are, or they have died.

But a wise young priest said to me "Why don't you say a prayer every day for those on the list. Even credit card companies accept partial payment."

I make what direct amends I can, but I say a prayer every day for everyone on the list.


Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: 1/21/2002
Time: 11:34:44 PM

Comments

So, having done seven steps I arrived at Step Eight which is as scary as Steps Four and Five. Not because of making the list, but because after the list I must begin to make amends. Only a few of the people and institutions on the list came from my Forth Step, the majority came from memory. At first I thought I could handle it without the help of my sponsor, but as the list started to grow out of proportion I relented and checked with him. Between the two of us we did manage to get a working list. On the list were people to whom I owed money and apologies. There were also institutions to which I owed money, the IRS for example.

The first part of Step Seven, making the list turned out to be easy. The second part, becoming willing to make the amends, was not so easy. I became willing to make some of the amends, but not all. Being willing to make a few of the amends was all that was needed to get started on Step Nine. As I progressed through Step Nine the willingness to continue grew. Had I waited to make my amends until I was willing to make them all I believe none would have been made.


Member: Connie S.
Location: Riverside, N.J.
Date: 1/22/2002
Time: 8:10:34 PM

Comments

Hello everyone. I am an alcoholic and my name is Connie. Thank God these steps are in order!!! I had sooo much to learn about forgiveness of myself and the difference between amends and sorry. A list. Its just a list. My sponsor divided it into two parts for me, those for direct amends and those still, I needed to forgive for my soul to be healed. I was on the top of that list, because even after seven steps of learning, revealing and growth, I still harboured resentment and shame towards myself. The second part of step eight, is the kicker. Became WILLING to make amends. Pray, pray and pray some more. Willingness is always the answer.Honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. I am willing today. And I am sober Thank you all


Member: Anna W.
Location: Long Beach, CA
Date: 1/22/2002
Time: 9:24:34 PM

Comments

Honesty, openess, and wilingness, is how it works. I am sober a very long time by doing these three things along with the steps, my faniky members, have not forgiven me, I forgave my self, and I know I am not a saint, it takes perserverness, and not giving up, my higher power has walked me through some horrendus things, my sponcer who is 10 years older thsn me has been my strenth. She is wise enough for me to see when I could not see the forest for the tree's I have to make amends on a daily bases, I do do some silly things at times. I have to be willing to turn it over till God helps me get it right, it is always on his time not mine.


Member: P.Jensen
Location: st.pau,mn
Date: 1/22/2002
Time: 10:32:52 PM

Comments

i need big time help, where do i go tojust talk my e-mail address is paddy1748@aol.com i was in treaatment a year ago and am struggling could some one PLEASE write me i'm struggling and want help on here other than my meetings, PLEASE i guess i'm begging i don't know where to go not sure where to go on here so thats why i left my e-mail address, i'm just learning the computer, i am 54 female and really need someone to talk to on the comp. to keep me safe between my meetings and to learn the ropes will someone PLEASE answer me??


Member: Recovering Alcoholic
Location: Here
Date: 1/22/2002
Time: 10:33:00 PM

Comments

To ME from Here, Please go to meetings.

In the meetings other alcoholics will share their stories of their experience, strength and hope. You will find their stories are similar to your story. They have found a way to stay sober today.

The essense of what I have learned from all the expereince, strength and hope is ... "The Chaplet of the Divine Mercy" ... God have mercy on 'US and the 'WHOLE WORLD' ... God's will is Divine Mercy and Divine Love.

God Bless.


Member: me
Location: here
Date: 1/23/2002
Time: 2:34:38 AM

Comments

Thank-you recovering Alcoholic!!! Your words are Divine comfort to this weak soul.


Member: Tami M.
Location:
Date: 1/23/2002
Time: 1:02:19 PM

Comments

I have never posyed before, but I'm in an outpatient recovery program and I'm only on step 1, but I am intrested in how you would get a sponsor online. I'd appreciate anyone that can help me with this. Thanks


Member: Robin A
Location: Fl
Date: 1/24/2002
Time: 12:24:17 AM

Comments

P. Jensen-I tried to email you-got one of those "unknown" errors and the contact couldn't be created (?????????)

Do you use AOL Instant Messenger? Add me to your list-I can talk to you-I am online most nights-my user name is: rlha32099

My email is rjamato@hotmail.com if you'd prefer to write. I can tell you about a program online that you can download to go to actual "voice" meetings. Alot of people from staying cyber go there as well.

Its www.paltalk.com a free program/download and there are AA meetings in the parenting/health related group. My username there is Sobergirl_2 add me to your list and then we can get in touch-Good luck-Robin


Member: Robin A
Location: Fl
Date: 1/24/2002
Time: 12:28:51 AM

Comments

http://www.paltalk.com


Member: John L.
Location: Washington, D.C.
Date: 1/24/2002
Time: 4:24:51 PM

Comments

Hello, group! My name is John and I'm an alcholic. This step is not as tough as it needs to be. Step 9 is tougher, that's for sure. I didn't realize that it was simply a list, as one of you mentioned. It is to be done with a sponsor's guidance; he or she can help put things in perspective. Should I list the fellow kindergartner of 38 years ago I stabbed with a pencil? Should I make amends to family members right away, even though I'm not on step 9? I believe that I should put the kindergartener on the list, and I think I should list my family, not make amends yet ... because Step 8 is simply making a list a list of all people we have harmed. By the way, if you want to talk about pain, list your financial amends, too! After review by a sponsor and prayer, then Step 9 can be approached. It is difficult to make the list, but it's to get you ready for 9 ... the step that brings you back to humanity, the community and family--not to mention closer to God and yourself. So be fearless with your 8th step list. Part of the process is that your sponsor will give you context on how to thin the list. It's a wonderful thing. And when we are halfway through with 9 ... we begin to get the promises!

We will know a new peace ...

Love to all of you!


Member: TMG
Location: North
Date: 1/25/2002
Time: 6:15:54 PM

Comments

...but when I started to go to parochial school as a child I can't recall ever doing any serious harm to anyone, but that's when I fell prey to the neo-inquisition, which you might call the American Inquisition, in which many "American People" also were thrust into, which sowed all the seeds for a "long winding road" and a love affair with toxic substances,...

See http://www.geocities.com/tmgnorth/hpp.html

To be continued.


Member: Michael R.
Location: san diego
Date: 1/26/2002
Time: 5:38:10 AM

Comments

Part of the beauty and power of steps 8 & 9 is that usually the other person feels better and you feel better. If you have any preconcieved ideas about taking action on these steps try to just do them regardless. These two steps are truly the steps that will allow you to live comfortably in your own skin sober. I had many ideas of what I was to expect from these steps. It's just speculation until we begin and get our own personal experience.


Member: Marcia  H.
Location: Slo Co, Ca.
Date: 1/26/2002
Time: 9:25:54 PM

Comments

Hi I have been sober since 1985. I went through all the steps, and I did truly start feeling good about myself. Lately I feel the need to go back through the steps. Haven't been to meetings for a while, and feel it is important to stay in contact. I do not want to drink, but want to live a happy, joyous and free life. Good luck to everyone working this step. It provides the boost we need to continue to live with ourselves in peace.