Member: Gabrielle
Location: Midwest
Date: 05 Jan 2003
Time: 09:43:13
Gabrielle, grateful recovering alcoholic....Step 10 the daily way to keep tabs and correct where I am not up to par....sometimes I think that I still have to look hard to find my side of a wrong...but it usually is more apparant than I am willing to admit is all. It used to be that I was never wrong and had no fault...when I was drinking it was everyone else's fault, including God. Today I try harder through the daily practice of the steps to put into perspective my wrong in any situation that has caused someone pain and then be willing immediately to ask forgiveness...I have learned it is a lot less painful to admit I am less than perfect, that I have made a mistake, that I am human and be grateful for the opportunity to make it right. In the beginning I used to write down my daily Step 10, that way I could see the changes I was making in becoming a human being and made my approach to the next situation easier....we do not get perfect working the steps...we do not lose our character defects because we ask God to remove them.... we do however grow towards spiritual progress by working the steps and appying them to our lives daily and when necessary we slow down or take another look at ourselves to be sure we are continuing on the right path...we must be very through in this process or we lose footing we have gained and our insight becomes fogged and we go backwards...I am have but one opportunity everyday to be the most honest I can in my own recovery that is through my working of this step to continue to right that which needs correction in my life. I cannot fail until I stop trying, In Sobriety, In AA, In Life Gabrielle
Member: Elizabeth E.
Location: Southeast USA
Date: 05 Jan 2003
Time: 10:49:00
Yes, because of God and AA I can look at myself without running or drinking. I am grateful. Being alive to bring in this new year, it is mandatory for me to continue to look at me and my behaviors, thoughts, relationships, etc. I was told that in order for me to stay sober, I must evolve or change-sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. "...a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 05 Jan 2003
Time: 11:55:20
Hi, Bill here,alcoholic from Arizona. Lot's going on in this Step. Here is where we take care of any new mistakes, not old mistakes. Those were taken care of in Four. Unless we are holding on to a couple so we can slither through without doing a 5th,6th,7th,8th and 9th on them? :) In this step we are charged with more work.."Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness". There is a rule (that we do not have in AA?) "Love and tolerance is our code". The surrender that some like to put into Step One happens here.."..we have ceased fighting anything or anyone--including alcohol" This is a result. There are promises in the 10th Step. The greatest promise of all. "For sanity will have returned.". There is a warning in this Step. "We are not cured of alcoholism." In Ten we will learn the proper use of the will and where we can exercise our will power all we wish along certain lines. This is all cool..BUT it never ends... "We must go further and that means more action. Thank you for being a part of my sobriety today. Bill email: az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake City
Date: 05 Jan 2003
Time: 12:27:34
Hi, I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic. Without alcohol in me I stand a much better chance of seeing that look on your face when I have said or done something that harms, hurts or offends you in some way. I don't think I have such a complete grasp on "appropriate" that I necessarily know when I have wronged someone, so I rely on all the information available to me, not just my thinking or opinion. I think the reason this step is located where it is has something to do with the idea that my character defects are not gone just because I have done some step work to "eliminate" them. I believe G~d gives my defects back to me as they offend Him. And they will. I'm human. Step 10 gives me an opportunity to clean up my continuing and ongoing messes so I can stay as close to being spiritually fit as possible, given my human limitations. Thanks for letting me share what works for me and wishing you all a sober day if that's what you want. Hugs, Bob
Member: Cindi P.
Location:
Date: 05 Jan 2003
Time: 14:11:03
Hi, My name is Cindi P. and I am an alcoholic. The day after my sponsor took me through step 10 in the BB I developed a strong resentment toward someone for the way they corrected my behavior. I called my sponsor as soon as I got home from the meeting where it happened and she walked me through sharing my experience, seeking help from someone else about whether or not I had an amend to make, helping me rehearse what I would say to the person I had the resentment about, and praying for HP's help. I did make that amend, and learned very clearly how to do the step. Today, whenever I experience anger, resentment, self-pity, or fear, I look in the mirror to find what I have done to create the problem. I, too, wrote down my tenth step work for a while to really learn the process, and suggest the same to my sponsees. I really appreciate everything that has been shared already and look forward to reading other peoples' experiences the rest of the week.
Member: Marv L
Location: Laurel,Ms
Date: 05 Jan 2003
Time: 21:22:59
Hi,Im Marv L,alcoholic.So glad this step says"when I am wrong"==kinda foretells that even with an honest effort to be the person I can become by turning my will and my life over to my HPs care,there will be times I will miss the mark! Im prone to drift into blaming,and getting into that poor-lil-ole-me pattern! Asking for forgiveness for daily wrongs that I do (promptly,too, no pouting!) makes living one day at a time easier,and signifies I have ceased fighting-----.Makes for a better life!! Happy new week to everyone!
Member: Landscape Ray
Location: South Lanarkshire
Date: 06 Jan 2003
Time: 08:20:51
Step 10 for me was a new begining my past had been cleaned and now i must live for to-day , i think sanity had entered my life and i wasnt afraid anymore, i try and be good at what i do to-day and i know im not perfect but if i do ma=ke a mistake or hurt anyone i will make amends and say sorry,this is a lifetime job and i use the last three steps in my life to-day,i beleve there is nothing i can not face in front of me with the power behind me kind regards Ray
Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,IL
Date: 06 Jan 2003
Time: 09:33:07
I am an alcoholic and an addict this step 10 constantly reminds me of my chracter defects step 4 and 5 at all times when ever I am doing my step 10 I know what I have to do first I try to keep control of myself my senses that I dont do anything or say anything that would hurt a person slips do occur i do not hesitate to immidiatly admit it. I find lot of peace within me that I have done the right thing and not carry guilt inside me. thanks to aa.
Member: Kathleen
Location: Floral city, Florida
Date: 06 Jan 2003
Time: 17:15:22
HI everyone, this is an important step, as they all are of course. Kathleen here alcoholic. I've been in a slump lately and have been taking a look (tenth step) at what my part has been and seems I may have an amend or two to make. I've been trying to get back to basics and I know that making amends as things happen is very important, because if not they build up and the self confidence starts to slide and the fear sets in then the self pity and then the drink and I don't ever want to have to sober up again so will do what I need to do. Real nice being here.....thanks... Kat
Member: Joanna
Location: NW
Date: 06 Jan 2003
Time: 17:29:29
Joanna-Alcoholic, Well funny this is the topic I did just take an iventory and realized I needed to make an amends, I called and made it. I am not sure how involved my ego was. I am a bit confused by my own actions. Although they looked honest and straight forward, I think I had other motives and that is why I don't feel clean about this situation. I shoud have called my sponser, support group or read the posting before I acted. Live and Learn. Very grateful to be sober, and learning everyday to live one day at a time. Sobriety date: 6/10/96. J
Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date: 06 Jan 2003
Time: 17:44:48
My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. The step reads ãcontinuedä ö started learning about taking inventory on Step 4. Now we continue that process. ãPersonalä tells me that I am to look at myself, not at others. I try to review my day in the morning before I start and in a final quiet time at the end of the day. Where have I fallen short and need to ask for help? Where have things gone well, and I need to be grateful for the gifts my HP bestows on me? There are many hours in between the morning and end of the day, so I try to continue to examine myself on a continual basis throughout the day. The step reads ãwhenä, not ãifä, which tells me that as I human being, I will be wrong. If I can admit to myself when I am wrong, that is the most difficult part. My ego tells me I am not wrong. Then admit to others when necessary. This step helps me live comfortably in my skin in the present. Thanks for all the comments.
Member: Ed Z.
Location: Ohio
Date: 06 Jan 2003
Time: 19:58:01
Hi Ed Z. alcoholic. Step Ten is a great growth experience after learning of the blessing from the daily reprieve from the booze."Admission and correction of errors now." Examine our motives in each thought or act that appears to be wrong. We are disturbed no matter what the cause there is something wrong with us." When my behavior takes on the appearance of a drunk, I find strength and comfort in being able to change the situation, by knowing I did something wrong and stopping the emotional changes.I gave a lead just before Christmas in a halfway house and explained Step Ten is when I screw up and can tell others I am sorry. I don't have to stay in top muscular condition to beat up everyone I can who doesn't agree with me. Or emotionally masturbate in the bad neighborhood between my ears. Gabrielle wonderful wisdom, you summed up my today's annoyances with fear and comfort zone of limitations by stating you can't fail until you stop trying. I try all steps now in reverse order and am most of the time looking to change limitations, not character defects. Thank you all for your wonderful discussion of step ten.
Member: Jackie L
Location: Pa.
Date: 06 Jan 2003
Time: 20:05:04
Oh dear, I am struggeling. I work with the elderly. some co- workers are abusers but have management all "schmoosed" into submission. I have spoken the truth and have had it distorted and turned against me by management And by abusers. It's WRONG. If I don't speak up and speak clearly to administration before I leave this job I will feel like I am abandoning the helpless in a cowardly fashion. But I really LOVE not fighting anybody or anything. HELP, OUCH I feel squeezed between a rock and a hard place.
Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: 06 Jan 2003
Time: 23:53:22
I'm Gage and I am an alcoholic. Dr. Silkworth, I think, put it the way it really is. An alcoholic is pretty much screwed unless he allows himself to undergo a complete change in psyche. To me, that means that I can't just "learn" this stuff -- I have to put it into practice until it really becomes my nature. Well, here it is.
Member: BobbyA
Location: Salem, Oregon
Date: 07 Jan 2003
Time: 01:22:53
Bobby A, a grateful Alcoholic/Addict. I am actively working at recovery again; I have only worked through step five once and that took over five years! I pray to God that I stay on track this time because I am real tired of this dry drunk. I look back on my first year in the program and recall feeling more serene than any period of my life after doing a meeting a day for ninety days. I called my sponsor tonight for the first time since asking him 17 days ago if he would be my sponsor again (I had asked almost a year ago and NEVER called him once). I have set out to do a meeting-a-day-for-ninety-days while reading the book and making an honest effort to follow directions. My sponsor told me tonight that I had just done some tenth step work with him. I realized before going online tonight that I felt very relieved of some burdens I had been dragging around with me. I thank God for giving me the courage to pick up the phone and make that call. I want the tenth stepâs promise, ãbeing restored to sanityä. I am working on my second fourth step and am praying for the courage to press on through all twelve:in order. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Kim E.
Location: Indiana
Date: 07 Jan 2003
Time: 06:09:19
Hello, I'm Kim, an alchoholic. I have found that many of my wrongs are errors of omission: things left undone, feelings not shared, communications not made. Sometimes this is even more tricky and subtle to pinpoint than if I outwardly offended someone. But I think th root cause is the same: I am afraid to "let my guard down" with people and let them know me. So I continue to work on this and pray about this. My sponsor reminds me to be gentle with myself. I don't have to use step 10 as a stick to beat myself up with. But I do not want to slip back into the mode where I am oblivious to the effect I have on others. I used to think that I didn't matter - that no one noticed me anyway, so how could I be hurting anyone? But now I am learning that I do have an effect on others, and this can be positive - Wow, that's the scary (and wonderful) part. And, relating to Jackie's comments above, whenever I feel between a rock and a hard place I pick up the 3000 pound telephone and talk to my sponsor about it. I have run away from jobs without even facing my boss. And I think the lessons I need to learn keep replaying themselves in different forms until I get them. That makes me mad, but it's true. And sometimes, I just need to run away anyway and look at the lesson later. It always helps me to be accountable to someone I feel safe with. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Landscape Ray
Location: Scotland
Date: 07 Jan 2003
Time: 09:42:08
hi jackie sorry to hear about your problem, only got my experience i work mostly in nursing homes have been for 12 years a lot of grass to cut but i have come across abuse of the residents its quite common on several occasions i have spoke out and , i went to the top, there are bodys you could approach without letting your self be known if you feel strongly about it then do what you have too, otherwise leave it but dont get screwed up lifes to short good luck and ((())) RAY
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 07 Jan 2003
Time: 10:38:23
When I go sailing, I cannot aim directly at my goal and never waiver. The truth is I am always adjusting my course, based on winds and currents. In AA my goal is conscious contact with God, but the winds and currents of my perception often point me toward my ego and fear. Step 10 is part of my rudder and jib.
Member: Jackie L
Location: Pa.
Date: 07 Jan 2003
Time: 20:03:10
Thank you Kim And Ray. I am grateful to you and humbled by the awareness that I need to borrow your wisdom and strength and experience in order to make it in this old world. I'm not so jammed up. Yeah A.A.! Thanks to All for sharing
Member: MICHAEL R.
Location: SAN DIEGO
Date: 08 Jan 2003
Time: 05:58:30
I wrote a fears inventory today. It was my first time doing a tenth step on paper. Idid my fourth and fifth step about six months ago and I guess I was taking a break from all the hard work I had done. Anyway, fear of many things has set in recently and in desperation I wrote a fears inventory of what was bothering me. I really did feel much better after examining my fear on paper, instead of trying to process these fears in my head. I now see this tenth step as a real tool for clarity, serenity, and a way to grow in understanding and effectiveness . To be honest I wasn't to excited about doing more writing after doing my fourth step. However, after doing that brief "spot check" tenth step today , I see it is well worth the effort.
Member: c.p
Location: l.a
Date: 08 Jan 2003
Time: 21:18:10
I am Cornell an alcoholic i have been playing with this step since i started it and it could lead back to a drink if i keep up with my current actions i am pretty mean at work at times during the day and i carry these actions into meetings with me i only talk to who i want to talk the rest of the world i feel is out to get mei have a little over a year sober and i am still on the 9th step while my sponser instructed me to continue with 10 11 12 but i feel as long as i cannot complete step 9 i will not become whole i was instucted to file bankruptcy on my 24,000 debt because i took a pay reduction from 45,000 to 14,000 this year i am very up set about that,but because of an injury on the job i cannot continue to do the work i did for 20 years so at this time i am real angry
Member: Jackie L
Location: Pa
Date: 08 Jan 2003
Time: 22:00:23
Hi Cornell. It sounds like you have a wise sponsor. If you follow direction about going ahead and starting step 10 ,you'll keep new thing from piling up, which would make your 9th step an even bigger job. If you DO start step 10 ,and look back on your day before you go to bed ,I hope you'll ask yourself if you were patient with YOURSELF and with your Higher Power as you both work on remaking your life into a life of freedom and joy. It takes time. Hang in there JUST FOR TODAY. You'll be in my prayers.
Member: Melissa
Location: Canada
Date: 09 Jan 2003
Time: 01:25:42
I'm Melissa, an alcoholic. I started doing this step pretty early in my sobriety. I did it for the wrong reasons (I was already scared about Step Four and didn't want to have a bigger mess) but I did it anyway, and the practice of it has helped a lot. Like Kim in Indiana, I've found that a lot of my wrongs are subtler now, more errors of ommision and withholding, and I know more about spiritual harm than I used to. Practicing Step Ten and staying sober has let me identify that 'unclean' feeling that I get when I've wronged someone and I know from experience now that I truly am the one who benefits when I practice this step. The result is serenity for me. Also, as a parent, it's a heck of a good way of keeping honest with my children. I KNOW I make mistakes with them, but Step Ten keeps me out of the guilt and in the solution. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Kathy K.
Location: Northeast
Date: 09 Jan 2003
Time: 05:59:17
Jackie - PA - please, please DO NOT TURN YOUR BACK on elderly abuse. I have worked in the field and know what you're seeing. In my state (MA) we are state agencies to call - An Elder Abuse Hot Line where you can speak without leaving your name - A Department of Elder Affairs - Another dept. which oversees nursing homes/rehabs,etc. Good luck inreporting this.
Member: KimV
Location: Mars Hill, NC
Date: 09 Jan 2003
Time: 20:56:50
I am KimV alcoholic, I find when I stop fighting everyone and everything, then I don't get resentments as often and don't need to do as many 10th steps. When I stay spiritually centered I don't get thrown by what other people are doing. I always have SOME responsiblity in every situation and in every situation I probably could have handled it a little better or different. This is why we PRACTICE these principles as we never get them perfect. The good news is there is always room for growth. For some reason admitting we are wrong is painful. It is for me. My 11 year old daughter loves it when I am wrong about anything. It makes her day. She asks me to repeat it several times, and if I am wrong twice on the same day, that's even better. The good news is that it gets less painful. I also think more carefuly before I open my mouth especially when I am feeling emotional. I am learning that I am accountable for my actions and what a great example I am able to pass on to my daughter. It is wonderful to be a part in breaking the cycle of addiction and dsyfucntion. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Melanie F.
Location: Ohio
Date: 11 Jan 2003
Time: 01:05:38
Hi, I'm Melanie and alcoholic. I have been complacent lately, not working any particular step to the fullest. Thanks for the reminders that step 10 is an excellent step to begin again today. It is the step that keeps me out of that remorse that was my life before AA. I should probably start on step 1 again and work them all. If I do 10 properly today, I will know what needs to be done tomorrow. Thanks for this meeting. Not a replacement for face to face, but this total anonymity and having to think things through to type things out, havings comments to read and absorb; these are definite benefits of this medium. Blessings all!
Member: Joy S.
Location: Chas. SC
Date: 11 Jan 2003
Time: 08:59:22
After all that agonizing work doing step 4, I don't want all that crap to build up again! I reflect on today at the end of each day. Lately I have been feeling shoved by someone I don't have the option not to deal with. I managed to keep my cool for awhile but they thrive on chaos and finally started punching my buttons so hard I was about to tell them off. In my mind I had decided it was time, it was ok, all that stuff, if I did. I'm glad I ended up talking to my sponsor again. She got my serenity back and the next day, everyone else was talking shit about this person. I realized what an unlikable perwson she has made herself out to be and how a lot of great people avoid her. I saw her after that and all I could see was how lonely and desperate she seemed to be. now I just feel sorry for her, she's here own worst enemy. Overcompensation is a bitch! If I keep my side of the street clean the whole neighborhood still looks better. Thanks for listening. To Jackie,you sound like such a nice and compassionate person, do the right thing, you sound like the only person who might.You are all in my thoughts. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Eve Mulac
Location:
Date: 11 Jan 2003
Time: 14:05:53
hi im Eve a recovering alcohalic. in my recovery I always do steps 1,2,3 and 11, personally inventory Ive shy'd away from because when i first came into the program the list seemed to be long and had no end. But i was recently told personally inventory doesnt have to be negative so that came as a great relief to me. Apologizing to me in most cases comes easy by the grace of God. I see it as a most loving act and should be accepted as such. thanks
Member: Jackie L.
Location: Pa.
Date: 11 Jan 2003
Time: 20:14:15
JOY S.and KELLY K. I have taken your encouragement to heart, also Kim E. and Ray's. Thanks to the precious "Fellowship of the Spirit" I am not alone in this. That makes an enormous difference to me. It has always been hard for me to ask for help, to reach out. In a way i am having a bit of a 10th step experience as I type. I am reviewing the struggle I went through in deciding whether to "send" my initial post, reviewing my red-faced reaction to self exposure as I hit that submit button. Reviewing the fear that I'd get no response.(me,me,me)... Once I did my part, you DID extend your hand of encouragement and support to me,and there's the mystery and miracle of it... I am changed. I have been relieved of the bondage of self. Things are more clear. My God has begun acting through circumstances and through people at work. Leonardo Da Vinci said, "Ah Lord, You will grant us everything for the price of an effort" I KNOW what he meant at this very moment in my life. Of course , even people who didn't address me as they shared ministered to me. I thank you All from the bottom of my heart . I feel ready to move forward in this matter and, in a very real sense, I'm taking you with me.