Member: maverick
Location: loving life - looking forward to death
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 09:05 AM
Yes, of course an open-mind is good, but only to the extent it is properly formed. One of the oft-repeated idiotic things that is regurgitated in meetings is the idea that "my mind is like is like a parachute, it works best when it's open." The funny thing is that little ideology embody the very half-truths of which are professed so loudly in AA by those whom put no thought into the very analogous quips such as that one. What I mean is that sure one must keep his/her mind open and take in all available information, that's obvious and exactly what I advocate and promote. However, that's only part one of the puzzle, especially where sobriety and people just learning how to actually live are concerned. It's of no use to keep a constantly open mind and never choose anywhere to stand upon. What about when one lands on the ground with that open parachute? Are we going to stay in the air floating around forever or does the parachute eventually land and collapse, forcing us to take a stand upon which very place we've chosen to land while floating down. You see, the whole point of an open-mind and learning is just like the whole point of an open-mouth: Just as an open mouth gives us availablity to food and we must bite down on things solid, so too it is with an open-mind. We must decide for ourselves those things that are solid and not only grab on or hold on as people in AA often-times parrot, but to be strong in our more well-informed choices. It's truly a matter of knowing where you stand, and standing there! This is the whole reason I come to this site and real meetings on occasion, to basically force AA to DO as they espouse in this ideaology. People in AA are anything but open-minded as you can plainly see how they attempt to turn my geniune care for being a "dry-drunk" simply because I see the obvious fallacies and point them out without just accepting and parroting the regurgitated crap like the parachute ideal. Even funnier is that I've been sober a long time and know what they'll say before they even say it, how sad is that? And how open are people's minds if they only say the same old things over and over? I would offer that they are not at all open and a quick look around this site is but a clear and prime example. Go ahead, take a peek around here and see how these peole react to me and others with actual thought and then ask yourself if they are either open-minded or if you are attracted to this "way of life" that is anything but what they preach and actually tries to ridicule someone for calling them on thier own cliches such as this one. Go ahead, keep an open-mind. I only hope and pray that you are as blessed as I to eventually choose a solid Rock to stand upon, which AA is not and does not provide............
Member: maverick
Location: loving life - looking forward to death
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 09:05 AM
Yes, of course an open-mind is good, but only to the extent it is properly formed. One of the oft-repeated idiotic things that is regurgitated in meetings is the idea that "my mind is like is like a parachute, it works best when it's open." The funny thing is that little ideology embody the very half-truths of which are professed so loudly in AA by those whom put no thought into the very analogous quips such as that one. What I mean is that sure one must keep his/her mind open and take in all available information, that's obvious and exactly what I advocate and promote. However, that's only part one of the puzzle, especially where sobriety and people just learning how to actually live are concerned. It's of no use to keep a constantly open mind and never choose anywhere to stand upon. What about when one lands on the ground with that open parachute? Are we going to stay in the air floating around forever or does the parachute eventually land and collapse, forcing us to take a stand upon which very place we've chosen to land while floating down. You see, the whole point of an open-mind and learning is just like the whole point of an open-mouth: Just as an open mouth gives us availablity to food and we must bite down on things solid, so too it is with an open-mind. We must decide for ourselves those things that are solid and not only grab on or hold on as people in AA often-times parrot, but to be strong in our more well-informed choices. It's truly a matter of knowing where you stand, and standing there! This is the whole reason I come to this site and real meetings on occasion, to basically force AA to DO as they espouse in this ideaology. People in AA are anything but open-minded as you can plainly see how they attempt to turn my geniune care for being a "dry-drunk" simply because I see the obvious fallacies and point them out without just accepting and parroting the regurgitated crap like the parachute ideal. Even funnier is that I've been sober a long time and know what they'll say before they even say it, how sad is that? And how open are people's minds if they only say the same old things over and over? I would offer that they are not at all open and a quick look around this site is but a clear and prime example. Go ahead, take a peek around here and see how these peole react to me and others with actual thought and then ask yourself if they are either open-minded or if you are attracted to this "way of life" that is anything but what they preach and actually tries to ridicule someone for calling them on thier own cliches such as this one. Go ahead, keep an open-mind. I only hope and pray that you are as blessed as I to eventually choose a solid Rock to stand upon, which AA is not and does not provide............
Member: mav
Location: adding on
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 09:22 AM
Oh yeah, I forgot this part of my great analogy: If you constantly float around in the air with that parachute open and never land on anything solid, then any and all ideas keep "flying" through and one never believes in anything. Obviously EVERYTHING would be subject to change with the wind, even one's most devout beliefs and Faith itself. It reminds me of an old saying I Love and ole CarlC. used to say sometimes, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything!" Precisely what has happened to most here and in AA at-large, very sad.......... BTW-- I miss you CarlC.
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 10:39 AM
Day 11! And still no desire to drink! YIPPEE! I know this is still really new. I'm not kidding myself that things are not going to get tough at times. Yesterday I was tested. At least that is how I looked at it :) My mother used my cell phone and when I got it back from her all of the keys were locked. I tried to get it unlocked, but nothing. Of course I thought she his some weird button, so we went off to the cell phone store and was told that my cell phone just broke. Yeah, just broke. So I had to get a new one. At the same time, my internet wasn't working. I worked on the system for about an hour, and finally called the provider. The internet was down in all of Ohio for most of yesterday. Anyway, I just kept thinking, what else could go wrong? And what are the odds? Then I cought myself saying "poor me", and turned it around to realize the good things that happened yesterday. Good weather, going for a hike with my mom and son. Learning to see the cup half full (probably not a good analogy here...sorry) instead of half empty is something I'm going to work on. I hope everyone looks at things as a positive today! Thanks to all of you!
Member: Melissa
Location: Canada
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 10:58 AM
At the beginning of my sobriety, being open-minded looked very basic - it started with believing (finally) that I couldn't stop drinking and stay stopped, on my own. For a long time, I had a very closed mind on this subject, and all I got was misery and the suffering of being stuck in addiction. I HAD to start drinking again because I was so miserable when I tried to stay sober. Being open-minded was going to meetings and meeting people who had felt and acted just like me. Being open-minded was telling the truth about what was really going on in my life. Being open-minded was particularly about listening to people talk about what their spirituality meant to them and finally realizing that I, too, was a spiritual being. That was a big leap, for me. I was the kind of person who had an iron-clad set of beliefs, and those beliefs would finally have done me in, if they hadn't been ripped away from me by the appalling pain and misery of practicing active addiction. What kept me away from AA was a belief that I'd turn into some saint-like zombie, but that was wrong, I'm just turning into the person I was meant to be. No saint, and certainly no zombie. There're so many ways that being open-minded has improved my life, but in Early Sobriety, it started with asking for help, and getting that help from Alcoholics Anonymous. Support and encouragement to all the newcomers.
Member: Michelle
Location: South Dakota
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 11:11 AM
Good Morning. Michelle here grateful recovering alcoholic. Excellent topic. I needed to become oepn-minded in order to truly appreciate all the program of AA has to offer. The willingness to become open is directly proportional to my quality of recovery. AA has taught me the tools to use and they work for me. Welcome newcomers. The rewards of this way of life are beyond words.
Member: Marsha A
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 12:30 PM
Hi, I'm Marsha and I am an alcoholic. I was sober for 10 years in AA and 4 more after I stopped going. I was open minded for sure I beleived that if I stopped going I would get drunk, untill I stopped going and ended up drunk 4 years later. I have tried to come back but it hasn't worked for very long. Finally I went to a psychiatrist, my AA groups were strongly apposed to this. I found out I have Post Tramatic Stress Disorder (from my abused childhood). All I was doing in AA was being controlled by a sponser, (not drinking) but I never got to the root of the problem. The psychiatrist has nothing against AA she just thinks that at times we need more help. So at this point and time that is what I am doing and I have put together 1 whole month of being whithout a drink. I beleive that open mindedness should include other ideas. I have learned this the hard way. Please do not get me wrong I love AA and it's people. I just came to the point that I needed more and my hard core AAer's did not see that. Thank you for your time. Marsha
Member: Ronnie
Location:
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 01:10 PM
Marsha,good for you in realizing that you were being controlled and manipulated.Of course teh hard core oldtimers in your group are opposed to anything that takes the spotlight away from their perceived wisdom.By choosing to buck the system in your group you will now be shunned and that shundemnation will be coming from the old timers or someone in the pecking order right below them.You are doing the right thing and if it takes away some of their power then they did not have much power in the first place.Welcome back to SANITY.
Member: Marsha A
Location: St. Petersburg, FL
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 02:04 PM
Marsha Alcoholic, Thanks for you comments Ronnie. I feel as though I am on the right track, no matter what the hard core AAer's say. I do not have a sponser at this time because of my choice. But I can say that what I am doing is working. The psychiatrist said she had nothing bad to say about AA and that it helps many people to get and stay sober. But sooner or later some of us need more help. Guess I am one of those. Thanks again. Marsha
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 02:48 PM
Day 16 and all's well. It has taken me a long time to finally give AA a chance. I was afraid that I'd become a 'bible thumper' going door to door trying to 'spread the message.' I was closed minded and trying to sober up on my own. Well it didn't work for me. I stepped forward 16 days ago, scared of what would happen. But, a change was needed. I realized that the AAers weren't gonna turn me into some monk. They just wanted to help me get my shit together. Nothing is being pushed onme, it's great. Thanks for your support.
Member: mav
Location: ....
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 04:53 PM
Most excellent Marsha, and you too for your support of clear progress Ronnie. You two just provided me a little encouragement and helped with my ever-waning enthusiasm for bringing those simple and obvious truths you speak of into the rooms for others to hear. Thanks to both of you....
Member: mav
Location: ....
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 04:53 PM
Most excellent Marsha, and you too for your support of clear progress Ronnie. You two just provided me a little encouragement and helped with my ever-waning enthusiasm for bringing those simple and obvious truths you speak of into the rooms for others to hear. Thanks to both of you....
Member: mav
Location: ....
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 04:56 PM
Tom, you're only talking about 16 days.... They have already started their indoctrination of you even if you don't realize what they're doing. Still, 16 days is nothing and WAY too soooon to develop any type of informed choice. The best thing you could do is go find a therapist like Marsha as AA is just cheap group therapy basically. You do indeed get what you pay for there, BAD mental health....
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 07:35 PM
Don't worry mav, I'm already seeing a therapist. I know I'm still searching for what's going to work for me.
Member: Shelia
Location: Somewhere out there
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 10:42 PM
I think that admitting that you have a drinking problem is the first step towards being opened minded. I also believe that going beyond AA and trying to incorperate the ideas such as healthy foods, taking medication for depression, pain as prescribed by your doctor, and adopting vitality into recovery is part of benig opened minded. If you close your mind to every but AA I do believe that you are setting yourself up for failure as AA only looks at part of the problem and that is isolation. With AA you can get the support you need durng the rough times, but you need to be opened to other ideas as well.
Member: Mark
Location: Alberta
Date: October 12, 2003
Time: 10:52 PM
Mark, I am an alcoholic. 110 days+/- . Regardless of being sober for a few days, I find myself less open minded than I was a few years ago. Certain groups have burned me too often, and now I shun or avoid them. Does this make me a racist? Only the bloody "visible minorities" get any support, and they can be more brutally racist than I could ever be. Comments?
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 04:26 AM
Day 12 and counting. Thanks for sharing with us newcomers as it really helps. Going to be open minded today! and sober :)
Member: Lisa
Location: FL
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 08:20 AM
Good morning everyone, I am on Day 3 of my sobriety. I messed up this weekend. I thought that now that I realized that I have a problem that I could go out with my friends and just not drink. Well that of course led to maybe I will just have one and thats it and the next thing I new I was calling in sick to work because I was still drinking when it was time to go. I am so scared of what is going to come of my life. God, who would have know that as a little girl with an entire future ahead of her, this would be it.
Member: Lisa
Location: FL
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 08:24 AM
The topic is something that I was thinking about all weekend, being open minded to this program, to change. Stop being so afraid of it. I think that is what is stopping my recovery. I think that I am just going to throw in the towel and just do this program, completley and see how it works. No more bars, giving up my old friends for now, no more nothing, just will have to find other entertainment for now.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 08:40 AM
Hi ((All)), Kelly here and still an alki, I take this topic about staying open minded seriously. I did AA 6 years ago and I went in and went through the motions. I shut off my mind when I walked in and silently judged everyone else in the room. I told myself I was not as bad as most of the people I saw and some were too rich and successful to have ever been REAL drunks. They must have had high bottoms. Since I was still working and managing somewhat I did not think I was (that bad). I was putting us all in categories in my head to rationalize another drink. When I get (that bad) I can always come back for help. I went back out for 6 long years and albeit slowly I became worse then most of the people I heard my first time around. I came back to AA on my knees with an ounce of willingness born out of desperation. My life was a shambles and everything they said would happen if I kept drinking did. I lost the big job, my fiance, one child, my self respect, my health, my home and in the end my sanity. Coming back to AA this time was different because the jig was up. My life was totally insane. I (became) exactly what I had looked down upon 6 years previously. Today I can honestly say that after a year of AA I have never been to a bad meeting. I don't judge like I used to and keep an open mind that we are all there for the same reason, to put the drink down and learn how to live happy and sober. I have other problems, depression, PTSD, and a panic disorder but that I handle outside the program. On the positive side it has gotten 150% better since I stopped drinking. Drinking intensified whatever I was feeling, so a bad day became an awful day and a happy day could be ruined by one stressful situation. Not so anymore because I'm not always drunk or hung over. My medication can also work correctly because it is not part of a cocktail anymore. It's hard to have an open mind when your in denial and self- will telling you your (not that bad). Today I try to identify with the speaker instead of compare myself to them. It's all a matter of (yets). I haven't lost anything, got arrested, lost my liscence...YET! It can all happen if I pick up another drink. Just for today I ask God to keep me away from a drink or a substitute. To not judge another fellow drunk or myself too harshly. Gods will, not mine, be done. Kelly :)
Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson Michigan
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 08:42 AM
To me, being open-minded means listening to other peoples ideas and actually think about those ideas instead of just listening and saying "yea, right". As long as I stay open-minded I can learn new things. I can try them out and see what works for me and what doesn't. When I was first in the program I listened to everyones Ideas and tried to use them all and about went nuts. I have since learned balance and only hold on to what will work for me and not "everything".
Member: Jeff M
Location:
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 11:30 AM
Jeff M here total alkie. 32 days sober. I went out with friends last night to a restaurant with awesome wine and a fancy bar where a piano player & bass player created great atmosphere. It was just the kind of situation I used to think would make me want to drink. I always loved the atmosphere of bars. Turns out I just liked the buzz of being whacked. Lisa from FL, it was so revealing to see my friends there drinking. I drank diet sprite all night. As time went on they all got buzzed. I watched them all steadily lose control. Oh, not crazy out-of-control. Just slurring their words, over-reacting here and there, telling gossip. I didn't judge them at all. After all, that was me a while ago. But I got kind of philosophical, wondering why I would ever WANT to be seen that way by other people? Sure, the buzz was awesome. I love drinking. But the buzz goes away, and you're still slowly dying from the effects of alcohol poisoning. Hang in there. Never give up. Keep saying no to alcohol. It wants to kill you. It's that simple. Have a great day everyone.
Member: Lisa
Location: FL
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 12:48 PM
((Kelly M)) and ((Jeff)) your comments put a lot of rality to what i am dealing with and I wanted to thank you. I tried to go to a meeting over the weekend but panicked. Suddently the reality of my problem was just to much. I need strength to get myself to walk into a meeting and I hope I can get that here. Its something about revealing myself to others. Here are alcoholics, at a meeting, and I don't want to admit to them I have an alcohol problem, its some kind of wierd pride thing I guess. Doesn't make sense does it.
Member: AZbill
Location: az-bill@mindspring.com
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 02:38 PM
HI. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. It was my open mindedness that got me started on the road to recovery. I did not believe AA would work. The only reason I came into AA in the first place was to keep a friend company. As I posted in the Discussion Meeting... my buddy thought it would work and I was open minded enough to try. Now, I did not trade a barstool for a seat in AA. By that I mean I did not trade isolation in booze for isolation in recovery. So I do not make a lot of meetings. Alcoholics Anonymous to me is the 12 Steps as defined in the first 164 pages of the Big Book. As far as I know, there is no other place where the descriptions and the instructions for working those steps can be found. I believe there are numerous ways of getting and staying sober. I just chose AA. I have a daughter that got sober in a church. I do not push AA on her nor does she push church on me. But we can talk recovery. We do trade ideas. Neither of us feels our sobriety is any more or any less that the others. I do have a sponsor in AA. I had tutors in college. When my car breaks I have a favorite mechanic I trust. I am open minded enough to understand that I do need help outside of myself..Thanks love ya. Bill
Member: kl
Location: usa
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 07:33 PM
The AA meetings I attend are filled with people who don't pass judgement on others..at least not in public. They seem to be fair minded and very seldom dispute anyone else's view even though the comments vary wildly. I know there are meetings where folks are intolerant of those who don't agree with them whether it deals with the validity of AA or anything else. I think people should be encouraged to find an AA meeting which agrees with them and stay with it. If a person has put a fair amount of sobriety together and feels AA is unncessary..then try it without meetings. If you're new and want to stay sober..AA is where you need to be.
Member: Nell
Location: chicago
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 08:11 PM
I have been sober now for 2.5 years.It was a very hard struggle in the biggining but thanks to this site and A.A. I have come this far. To All the new comers posting here, As a very wise man has told me it does get Gooder and Gooder.Take it one day at a time. It really does work. and please learn to use the scoll button on all the hateful post you see. Live Long and Sober Nell
Member: Tom
Location: NY
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 09:16 PM
Tom here, checking in after two month's of back on the "wrong track". (Checked out for the last two..) I know you'll all be offering inspiring words as you usually do. I haven't come back to even see what's going on and I'm not quite sure I'm there yet. Kelly, I'm not suprised your still here, you're a strong woman, as is Diane. I plan to join you again soon. Best of luck to you all.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 09:42 PM
It's been 17 days so far. Being open-minded also means to be able to seek out other options for sobriety besides AA. Although it's helping me, it may not help others. I can't tell someone they're wrong for choosing (or not) to follow the steps and traditions of AA. I believe that my energy would be better used to support them in their endeavor. The road is a rough one which ever way you decide to go. Let's stay sober for another day. Thanks for the support.
Member: Laura A.
Location: Virginia
Date: October 13, 2003
Time: 11:10 PM
Laura, alcoholic. I really like that I can go to meetings and take what I want and leave the rest. When I start to get fussy about what people are saying, it's usually my problem and not the meeting's or an individual's. My ass is in the chair and I am not drinking, plus on days when I have a meeting planned, or have gone to a meeting, I am not likely to drink -- which is *my* bottom line and goal from meetings! I try to stay openminded. I was certainly very openiminded about drinking and drug use and the things it led me to...Certainly there are people that are going to piss me off at meetings. There were certainly people who pissed me off in bars. But some of those people often have a smart thing or two to say, and if I look at why I might get annoyed with them, it usually has more to do with me than them. A lot of the people that I really like in AA initially irritated me because for some reason and when I got over it I liked them just fine -- not that they had changed, either. Just my attitude. I like what the old-timers have to say. AA has changed a lot over the years and it is important for me to realize that. It's not therapy and was never supposed to be, and I have to remind myself that I'm there to share my experience with alcoholism, not my family shit or relationship crap, whatever. Happily, my sponsor is very good at listening to that stuff and pointing out that all of my "issues" are a lot more manageable when I stay sober. It really amazes me that I was openminded enough to get to the rooms in the first place, though. Drinking had closed my thinking a lot -- I was really suffocating from the fear and anxiety I felt. And it takes my keeping my mind open to believe the promises, because I still feel they will not happen -- although they are! Have a great day, everyone. It really does get better -- a lot, and faster than you can imagine!
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 14, 2003
Time: 03:24 AM
Day 13 and I'm off to my second face to face AA meeting today. Really looking forward to it. I have been sharing on this website since day 1 and have learned SO much about myself by reading your thoughts. None of us is alone. All of us can read the postings on any given day and see some of ourselves in their thoughts. My experiences are my own, but my road paralleled many of your roads. If we keep sharing, we keep growing and learning, and therefore, stay stronger and sober. AA has done this for me, and I know there is always something that can help anyone. Go to a meeting and share. You have no idea how this not only will help you, but help others. Everyone, have a great day.
Member: Lisa
Location: FL
Date: October 14, 2003
Time: 08:18 AM
Hello everyone, Day 3 for me. I had a great night, watched some movies with some friends, went to the park, got some exercise and got a good nights sleep. I feel really good today, no cravings, no nothing. Just feel relaxed. I hope that I have a lot of these days, thought I know that I will have bad days soon. I am really tryig hard to get away from the people that I have been friends with up till now. They are all good people, but all they just aren't the influence that I need right now. So its going to be a hard journey but I am ready to make the sacrifices.
Member:
Location:
Date: October 14, 2003
Time: 11:19 AM
Learn How To Suffer
Member: William S.
Location: Austin, TX
Date: October 14, 2003
Time: 12:06 PM
Greetings from a 1st-time poster-- I had a full-blown relapse one month before my 7th year, the red-flag indicators were shooting up for two years & I blindly ignored/denied every one of them. I'm on day 6 after drinking & getting progressively worse over 10 months. I've been around the program for over 17 years and got back to work quickly--I've never worked the program more diligently than now: meeting people (esp. those in early sobriety), two sponsors (two guys w/ over 30 yrs sobriety combined) and I feel fortunate that the fellowship of AA accepted me back because pretty much everyone else has written me off as Too Much Trouble. The years sober that I did have (4-1/2, 6-1/2) were great but it's really really easy to blow off the work for "more important things". I pray daily for strength to keep sobriety as my #1 priority. This is an incredible resource for those of us who need more support during the day, more than just waiting for a meeting after work. I get very uncomfortable sharing in the big meetings we have around here so this cyber meeting is really cool. I hope to become a regular part of this community.
Member: Renee
Location: Apalachicola, FL
Date: October 14, 2003
Time: 11:44 PM
((LISA-FLORIDA)) I can SOOO relate to how you feel about hanging about people who are drinking and are also your friends. I was in and out of AA for about 2 yrs before I finally realized that I had absolutely NO business in bars in my early days of sobriety. I too thought I could just hang out...and that I'll just have one drink, as you well know....became many. I had to change my playground and my playmates...even now I still am not completely comfoprtable just hanging out in a bar...so I choose to NOT put myself in slippery places...You are truly making the right decision for now. QAnd you will find that the people you meet and make friends with in AA are the most valuable ones you can have. Meet and don't go to drinkings.have a great sober 24 hrs.... Renee
Member: Duane P
Location: AZ
Date: October 15, 2003
Time: 03:32 AM
hello, Alcaholic named Duane here.i guess being openminded to me is always listening to another way to accomplish what you want, because if you can get good at something and in many ways be able to accomplish that task, in a way you could see a mastery of that. For instance if you knew ten ways to avoid taking that first drink, instead of only one, the chances of you staying sober is that much greater, so i listen to what everyone has to say and pray that something that someone says out there is exactly what i need to here at exactly that critical moment, and i stay sober for one more day. thanks for sharing everybody, duane
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: October 15, 2003
Time: 04:28 AM
Jane C...an alcoholic...new sobriety date, July 14, 2003..I relapsed after 18 years of total sobriety with many years in AA, then going to meetings now and then..it worked for me, until my husbands illness.then his death..I've said this before, but for the folks who have relapsed. it bears repeating..it can happen.. but I don't think we have to spend the remainder of our lives in the rooms of AA if we can spend our time with the right people and in the right places..I'm able to do that.. God has blessed me with enough open- mindedness to know that I'm not able to handle alcohol..which means I have had the ability,to stay sober from the very first meeting I attended years ago, and now from the first time I posted on this site.. LIfe is really so much more gradifying without having demon alcohol trying it's best to control it..I hope I never forget this..MARSHA..I also lost a sponser when I told her that I needed more help...I have extreme anxiety, with shortness of breath and often panic..I found out that I have Agoraphobia that can be traced back to early childhood..hence not going to meetings..at least not this time in my sobriety..for a while, that is.. I totally believe in any kind of medical help necessary..no one in AA could ever talk me out of it.. I have a fairly intelligent mind and I can't let anyone take away my right to any help I may need..no outside help ever made me pick up a drink... but some members in AA are so fearful for their own help outside of those rooms that they try to pass it on to whoever will listen..I do pretty much what I want to for myself..no matter how much critiziam I get..and Kelly, thanks for sharing that you have a panic disorder and are getting help..I think more people in AA may have it and just never can see it for what it is... I haven't posted for a while..we've been ferrying to a different part of Alaska, looking to buy a house..we ended up in Haines..a very small old town that is like the town I grew up in..folks say it hasn't changed in 30 years or more..my BF and I really liked it there and God put the most perfect house there for us..we are now going to sell the one we have and if it's Gods' will for us, we will soon be moving from Juneau..Hanies in about 40 miles south of Canada and we can drive to many cities in Alaska..to get anywhere from Juneau, we need to take the ferry or fly..it's late, and past bedtime..and I pray that with Gods' grace we will all have another sober day..and a hug for you all...
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 15, 2003
Time: 04:58 AM
2 weeks, 14 days. Has been wonderful. Went to my second face to face meeting yesterday. Was on patience. Was an eye opener per usual. I have court on Thursday.. I could use all of your prayers. Thank you for sharing your stories with me all of you! Have a great sober 24 all.
Member: Lisa B
Location: Wisc
Date: October 15, 2003
Time: 06:16 AM
30 Days yesterday....
Member: Lisa
Location: FL
Date: October 15, 2003
Time: 09:11 AM
Today is day 4 for me! Almost 1 week. Last night was hard. I went out to dinner and there is a huge board as you come in letting you know the specials and all about thier great HAPPY HOUR. God, I wanted just one, I just got off work, an extra stressful day, a drink would have been great at that point, but then I stopped and thought just for today I won't have any. It was easy to look at it as just tonight rather than never again and then worries and fears of never being able to have fun :-). I ordered my ice tea and eventually wound down all on my own, afterwards I went home and got some exercise. I feel good today. One day at a time is the only way to do this.
Member: dave
Location: ny
Date: October 15, 2003
Time: 11:10 AM
28 days
Member: Jeff M.
Location:
Date: October 15, 2003
Time: 12:43 PM
Lisa, I am really happy for you. You'll find that your body gets stronger from exercise and the detoxification that is taking place in your blood cells, and your mind gets clearer. Who knows, but maybe you'll like being sober more than you like drinking. That's happening to me after 34 days sober. I find that exercise gives me an anti-hangover, if there is such a thing. I feel so good when I wake up. But I'll never forget how rotten I felt every morning before I took that first step. And I don't WANT to forget. Everyone, have a great day and no matter what, don't drink today. Take care.
Member: Becky
Location: Seattle
Date: October 15, 2003
Time: 03:30 PM
Being open minded. For me this means I need to look for what I agree with and set aside, but not completely dismiss, what I disagree with. For example, I am starting on step 4. Read the 12x12 on that last night, and could not relate. I'm a high bottom person, don't have any sexual indiscretions in my past, or horrible consequences from my drinking, am not an obviously proud person...so what am I to do? I had better feelings after re-reading How It Works. But plan to be open minded when I meet with my sponsor tonight to begin on this with her. It should be interesting.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 15, 2003
Time: 04:50 PM
Day 19 and counting. Been a tough week. Work's been stressful and I'm going to court tomorrow morning.That's also got me stressed. I just want to drink away these problems, but I know that'll only create more. So I'm choosing to saty sober for another 24 hours. THANKS FOR EVERYONE"S SUPPORT!!!
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 16, 2003
Time: 08:19 AM
15 days... I'm at court today too (Tom M). One day at a time.. time heals.. thanks everyone from the heart.
Member: Donna
Location: Graceville, Fl
Date: October 16, 2003
Time: 09:04 AM
Donna alcoholic, being open minded was difficult for me when I first came to AA. I looked for how I was different from you. I am so glad something changed & I started to hear how I was like you. The most difficult thing for me to believe was that I needed someone to show me the way (a sponsor) & that God of my understanding would have anything to do with me. That this higher power would actually show me how to stay sober. It has worked for me & I hope it works for all of you. My life has never been better. When I first came in the rooms I hated me & my life. I would wake every morning saying shit here comes another day. Today I wake looking forward to each day. I am happier than I have ever been with so many friends. I thought not drinking I would never have any fun. What I realized when I got the booze out of my system was that I had not had fun in a long time. Today I can tell you I do have fun & really enjoy my life. Wishing the very best for all of you
Member: Donna
Location: Graceville, Fl
Date: October 16, 2003
Time: 09:09 AM
Donna alcoholic, being open minded was difficult for me when I first came to AA. I looked for how I was different from you. I am so glad something changed & I started to hear how I was like you. The most difficult thing for me to believe was that I needed someone to show me the way (a sponsor) & that God of my understanding would have anything to do with me. That this higher power would actually show me how to stay sober. It has worked for me & I hope it works for all of you. My life has never been better. When I first came in the rooms I hated me & my life. I would wake every morning saying shit here comes another day. Today I wake looking forward to each day. I am happier than I have ever been with so many friends. I thought not drinking I would never have any fun. What I realized when I got the booze out of my system was that I had not had fun in a long time. Today I can tell you I do have fun & really enjoy my life. Wishing the very best for all of you
Member: CR
Location: West Coast
Date: October 16, 2003
Time: 12:09 PM
Hi I'm CR and an alcoholic. Tried to have a drink last night, ended up drunk. They say if you don't think your a drunk go try to have one drink and stop. I tried that and of course you know what happens. I'm hung over and am upset with myself for getting drunk. This disease is going to kill me. I need to once and for all stop! So, here's day one again. I don't have to worry about day 2 as I never drink 2 days in a row. It's like once a week. However, I'm still a drunk, cause I can't stop when I start. Thanks for letting me ramble. God bless.
Member: TO
Location:
Date: October 16, 2003
Time: 05:56 PM
How'd court go Ann? I got PTI and a restraining order against me. It's a hell of alot better than jail. Today is Day 20. When I told the judge and the detective working my case, I could tell that they were both impressed. I think that's what helped keep me out. I'm so happy to be sober. I've got so many ideas of things I'd like to do to kill time. It's amazing how much time drinking takes up. Most of it I don't remember and the rest I was usually too hung over to do anything with it. Now I'm taking things one day at a time. It works for me and I hope it will for you. Let's stay sober for another day.
Member: Dawn G
Location: MI
Date: October 16, 2003
Time: 08:19 PM
Dawn,alcoholic here. It's been 20 days. It's a long tough road but I want to do this for ME! I have been trying to stay very open minded on alot of things. I know that everybody handles it different but it's good to see that everybody basically feels the same. Sometimes I wish people that aren't alcoholics could feel what we feel for just one minute. Then maybe they could understand and be a little open minded.
Member: es
Location: fl.
Date: October 16, 2003
Time: 09:02 PM
hi its me
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 17, 2003
Time: 07:32 AM
Day 16 and very happy about it. Don't miss the drinking, but maybe it's because I have the court thing to worry about. Still no resolution re: my case.. back to court next week, but I can't do anything about it now. I just have to stay strong til all is over. Here's to another sober day everyone.. and thanks, Ann
Member: Lisa
Location: FL
Date: October 17, 2003
Time: 10:23 AM
Hi everyone, starting over again. This is Day 2 for me. I don't understand what is wrong with me. I went to dinner with my cousin whom I haven't seen in awhile and he wanted to have some drinks with me. I couldn't say no to him. I have always been up for drinks and it was like I felt like I had to. I just drank, not thinking, just drank. Well drinks with dinner turned to more drinks at a local bar and then to a friends house for more drinks and then the next thing I know I am the only one awake still punding beers and watching TV and its time to go to work. I callled out sick again. I have created so many "sick problems" that I just don't know whats real anymore. So I was on my couch watching television and I thought I am going to go to a meeting. I am going to walk right in and not be afraid. I am going to get help. I tried to go before but couldn't walk in. So I didn't think about it. I just got it, left the house in my sweatpants and a T-Shirt my hair pulled up and just went. I walked telling myself this is no big deal, were just going to listen and then I sat down and did jus that. I looked around the room, and there were young people all the way up to older people, some crying, some laughing. A girl came over to me and said hello, I wasn't in the mood to be friendly, but I smiled and she gave me her number in case I ever wanted to talk. Then it came time to take a chip. The looked around the room and asked if anyone wanted thier first white chip, if you want to give up the alcohol and set yourself free come up they said and take a chip. I didn't want to go up, I didn't want to be an alcoholic, but I knew deep down that if I didn't take the chip I was going to go home and be back to square one tommorow all alone and scared. So I got up, he was very easy and smiling and everyone clapped for me. After a few people came and hugged me and told me they know what its like, they were in my shoes before. The best part was these people weren't depressed and sad, they were happy and happy to help me. They seemed to have it together and they seemed to be doing good. It wasn't bad at all, I left smiling and feeling like I finally might be okay.
Member: Mary S
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: October 17, 2003
Time: 12:16 PM
I just found this website. I am an alcoholic and want to get sober so bad. Reading the postings is encouraging. I am so afraid of going to a meeting. My family is very concerned for me. I see that many people are in the same boat as me. How did I get here? I am a loner mostly so noone knows how much I drink. If I stop drinking, what side effects can I feel? I will keep reading the posts and hope for the best. Thanks
Member: Lisa
Location: FL
Date: October 17, 2003
Time: 12:34 PM
Hi Mary S. I just went to my first meeting yesteday as you probably read. I was always against going to meetings thinking it wasn't really necessary or that I should be able to control this problem without the meetings. I was afraid, there are so many things that go through your head, but its just more time in misery. I was scared to death to walk through those doors, the excepting, the admitting, the anxiety, the humility, you have to take a deep breath and just force yourself to go in and listen, I was so scared and for two years have been trying to fight this alone, and yesterday, going to the meeting was the first time in awhile that I felt like I have hope. Don't be scared, they all know what you are feeling, I didn't think they would and they will all be so caring and helpful, and they aren't pushy, they don't surround you or stare at you, they don't force the program on you, you can come and go and not talk to anyone, its okay. Just make it to one. I was so against them before but its just people in the same boat as you as on this website all needing help. Good Luck to you.
Member: Camille
Location:
Date: October 17, 2003
Time: 03:07 PM
Day2. I've been trying to quit drinking on my own for awhile now (a couple of years)with no success. Some of the postings encourage me and other make me so sad because they reinforce my fear that I am going to have to deal with this the rest of my life. And of course, I don't want to have to deal with it. My therapist says I will be more successful if I go to meetings. What do you get from regular meetings that you don't get from these internet meetings? It sure would be a lot easier just to do this and not have to arrange babysitters and take the risk of someone actually seeing me walk into the meeting.
Member: Annie K.
Location: NC
Date: October 17, 2003
Time: 04:44 PM
HI all. Congrats to anyone who doesn't pick up a drink today. I think that Openmindedness is a good topic. I was blessed to come into AA with my face in the dirt. I had had enough to drink at long last, my life too was a shambles. I was so afraid that this wasn't going to work for me, and I wanted to stop drinking so badly that I was willing to listen to anything you guys told me. (Very unlike me). I knew I couldn't do this thing by myself, God knows I had tried enough times. Now it's about 14 years later and I still go to meetings so I can see what happens to people who don't go to meetings. I have a life inside and outside AA. I have a self respect I'd never known, a man who trusts me and loves me, and friends that I can call anytime of the day or night if I'm in trouble. It doesn't get better than this. I don't wake up and hate what I see in the mirror. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Deb
Location: WI
Date: October 17, 2003
Time: 04:45 PM
Hi, DebLH, recovering alcoholic, When I first came to AA I was very closed minded. I was sure that I was a unique case and that nobody could possibly understand my particular life situation. I didn't plan to recover, but I was on probation and I wanted to look good. I attended meetings with a closed mind because I had to, but gradually my mind began to open and I realized that I had much more in common with those attending meetings than ways that I was different. Today I still need to remind myself to keep an open mind. Just because something works for me doesn't make it the "right way" or "the best way". I am no better than my fellows or no worse. It's great to hear from all the new comers and I hope you keep coming back. I recently celebrated 18 years of sobriety and would be happy to offer email support to anybody that would like to write. Deblh@sobercity.com
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 17, 2003
Time: 06:10 PM
It's day 21 for me and loving it. (Mary S, Camille) At the local meetings you get to put faces to all of the horror stories that you read and hear. You'll meet people that genuinely know how you feel and they'll be willing to help. As far as anyone seeing you walk in, that's just an excuse. You don't want to see yourself walking in to the meeting. Your afraid to admit to yourself that your an alcoholic. I didn't wantg a meeting either. Once I finally went to one, I realized that I'd found a treasure trove of wisdom. Everyone has been down the same road. The people at the meetings won't try to make you a 'convert' or any of that bullsh*t. You don't have to say a word if you don't want. If you just sit and listen to everyone's story, you'll eventually realize that you're listening to your story as well. I would advise going to a few different meetings. You need to find one that you're comfortable in. Give it a shot. You have nothing to lose by trying. You have everything to lose by staying drunk. (Lisa)Welcome back. Glad you've come back. Join me in staying sober for 24 hours.
Member: Hal
Location: Garland TX
Date: October 17, 2003
Time: 09:22 PM
Maverick, you really are a maverick. Your words are somewhat harsh, my friend, but so true. Most of what you hear from people in AA is strictly parroting - repeating catchy phrases they have heard in AA meetings with no idea of what they mean or whether they actually make sense. As you noted, most of these catchy phrases, under examination, are without foundation. It is refreshing to see someone open-minded enough to examine things to get to the truth of the matter. You are also correct in noting that few in AA practice what they preach, specifically a clean and sober way of life. The majority of those in AA cannot make it through the day without a cigarette or an anti-depressant or some other drug. It really is quite sad, especially for the newcomer. We had a new person come to a meeting the other day and tell about how he went to his first meeting and a lady was reading 'How it Works.' She was on oxygen and took her oxygen tube out while she read. She had her oxygen tube in one hand and a cigarette in the other hand. She would alternate between puffs on her cigarette and breaths from her oxygen tube. When she got to the part that states 'if you want what we have,' he just got up and left. These poor folks, many of them old timers, don't have a clue about living a life free of addiction. For that reason, you are correct that AA does not provide a rock upon which one can steady his or her life. Thanks for the insightfull thoughts.
Member: Kat
Location: Boston
Date: October 17, 2003
Time: 11:49 PM
I went to a meeting tonight and ran into my "self-appointed" sponsor. She said "You haven't called me... bad, bad, bad. I only have two rules: one you stay sober and the other that you call me." And I said, "I am trying to find my way through all this at my pace. And you calling me bad really pisses me off." Which proceeded to piss her off and she said "fine, let's just leave it that I'm here if you need me" and she stormed off. I realize just like Laura from Virginia said that I am trying to take what I can and leave the rest. I also realize that when someone annoys me it is usually something inside of me... and for me it is the fact that my mother shamed me most of my life and I refuse to let anyone shame me for not calling them. Right now, the only people I want to talk to EVERY day are my husband and my two sons. I don't even talk to my best friend every single day. Frankly, this woman appointed herself my sponsor and we are not "gelling" and maybe it's a good thing this happened after all. I am trying to stay open minded about all the "suggestions" but no one has the right to shame me or tell me I'm bad because I don't call them. For once in my life I am doing really, really good and I'm so proud of how far I've come and just because I don't want to reach out to her does not make me bad. I'm going to pray on this a bit and see where God is leading me here. Maybe the only lesson was to stand up to someone who crossed a line with me. Or maybe it's a lesson for me to just breathe more and let other's issues roll off my back. Or maybe I'll pray on it a bit more and get back to you!! Anyways - thanks so much for letting me share that. LOVE & PEACE, Kat
Member: Amen Kat
Location:
Date: October 18, 2003
Time: 12:43 AM
Kat,you did the right thing,most sponsors well actually they should be called sponges because all they want to do is soak up your strength to feed their egos,sads but true.Chances are she probably needs a sponsor more than you do.Where does the insanity of the fellowship stop in regards to people telling you what to do when you do not even really know them or care to be their friend.If you get a sponsor chances are your best friend will be replaced by that sponsor and if truth be known time will be taken away from the ones that love you and need you the most and vica versa in order to work the program according to your sponsor.Yep take what you want and leave the rest.Who cares if it pisses them off,you go for yourself and not to be led around for a sponsors personal power struggle with the other peers of the group.
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 18, 2003
Time: 06:22 AM
Day 17!! And it's been great. I have been reading the posting re: face to face meetings and I agree that AA has a bad rap on the outside world. If I would have known what wonderful people are in those rooms, I would have gone 2 years ago. Instead, I was afraid of what was in there. Who was in there. That they would "judge" me. That I would feel embarrassed, lonely and small. When I finally decided I had no other choice, I went. I was immediately taken into the fold. People gave me their numbers, e-mail address's, and it was totally positive. I also realized that these people were in the rooms for the same reason that I came, so my past fears were for not. I work in the advertising rhelm, and would love to see public service announcement commercials that would give AA a much needed PR boost. Please, please go to a meeting. You will see right away that these are the people that want you to succeed. They want you to be happy and sober. You will feel safe there and loved. From someone who let other people decide what was right for me for too long. Enjoy your day everyone!
Member: Bill P.
Location: MI
Date: October 18, 2003
Time: 11:55 AM
((Buzzsaw)) - Thanks for the note back. I'll respond separately to you hotmail note. Peace to you.
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: October 18, 2003
Time: 12:04 PM
Hi Diane here 207 days sober and going on 7 months yipeeee, I've not been on this site much lately for I've been very busy with my New almost trim body and walking and Church oh yes I finally got my butt in Church again which I really needed. I still have a Son who is still messed up on Drugs and I am still praying for him but now I am coming to the point that he will have to leave if he don't get off the drugs for he has again stolen money from us, I am trying hard to believe that God will deliver him from his drug addictions, I still don't go to AA meetings my AA is my Bible and I know I can not drink so I don't, I know if I take one drink I will start up the cycle all over again and that is what keeps me clean and sober. I wrote my Son a latter last night telling him what I expect and what will happen if he continues his drug actions now I wait and see if that did any good
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: October 18, 2003
Time: 01:07 PM
Jane C..alcoholic here..DIANE..I'm so glad that you are back...I haven't posted much lately too..just too busy doing things that have to be done...and not doing all the wrong things while I tried to hide the fact that I was drinking too much..My AA is the Bible too, I read from it everyday with my BR..the first thing that attracted me to him was his Bible study and the fact that he is a good Christian..he just couldn't get the so called drunks here to listen, so he gave up on them..it's really sad to think that there is help everywhere if we really want sobriety, and won't even give it a try...I have 3 months now..and I feel really great..there is so much joy and freedom in being sober..and I just don't listen to anyone who even tries to tell me how to live my life..and, trust me almost everyone in my life, wants it THEIR way..well, I've finally learned to say NO..and in a fairly kind way, I hope...if I gave in to what my family wanted, I would never have a life of my own..most of them are takers..and I saw this even when drinking and it hurt me to see what they are all about..they all need some kind of annoymous program.. even if it's just on line..I will go to meetings soon, I'm just about ready to haul myself there..right now we are in the middle of selling my house and buying another one.. and through it all I have no thoughts of drinking..alcohol would probably put me in the hospital next time around..something I haven't had to experience yet..and I know that I owe it all to the Grace of God..by myself, I am nothing..the first thing I did when we found the town we are moving to was check to see if they had AA meetings..they do..the town is so quaint and small that I wondered if there would be any..there is no crime there and only 2 bars, and they are in restaurants..we can't wait to leave Juneau..there is just too much temptation here..they passed a law on Oct. 7 that now says you can grow 2 marijuana plants in your own home, and can have an ounce on your person..but you can't smoke it in public..I've never smoked anything, so for me it means nothing..but I can see all the kids here having a hard time getting it..you have to be 21 to even have it in your home..but believe me, they will find a way, the same as they do for cigarettes.. SOOOoooo many people here do drugs and alcohol that we can't stand watching them kill themselves any- more..I pray for them all..that God will intercede in their lives..but it must be hard when they see their parents do it and allow them to do the same...this is Way too long.. God Bless us all with another sober day..and a hug for all the newly sober folks..I need one from a friend now and then too...
Member: Nadine
Location: The Finger Lakes, NYS
Date: October 18, 2003
Time: 01:24 PM
(((Jane))) I'm so glad I read your post. I needed to see that info about the legalization. I've got to tell on myself and say the old thoughts of "If I was rich I'd move to Alaska and drink and smoke myself into oblivion" That's my disease. I'm a sicko and you shed some truth on my sickness.....killing themselves....I WANT TO LIVE!!!!! Fishing and a meeting, that's what's in store for me!
Member: Kat
Location: Boston
Date: October 18, 2003
Time: 03:46 PM
OK - now I'm even more pissed off. I called my sponsor this morning to tell her what her shaming me brought up in me and basically she fired me!! LOL I was about to tell her that I didn't think we were the right fit and God took care of it for me. Now I'm staying open for the right person to guide me. Last night I had a dream that I was thinking about drinking and I had no one to call because I had gotten rid of my sponsor. And then this morning she got rid of me! I'm really fine with it and actually kind of relieved because she drove me nuts and I didn't feel like opening up to her. However, I feel like now I'm alone and I've been set adrift. I am staying open to God sending me someone I can connect with and trust with my innermost feelings and concerns. I was really clear that she wasn't the one and I don't feel like I did anything wrong in telling her that her comment pissed me off. I was actually quite proud of myself for reaching the point in my life when I can say clearly when someone has overstepped their bounds with me. But I wish I had been the one to tell her first that I didn't want to work with her anymore rather than the other way around. I guess it just didn't end on my terms and that is never easy to deal with. Oh well, the results are still the same and I am remaining open to my next teacher. Thanks for letting me share all of this or I'd explode. Love & peace, Kat
Member: jill h
Location: ny
Date: October 18, 2003
Time: 10:00 PM
hi nadine jill h i came on this site tonight, and i will tell you i am so glad that my foundation was in aa with live, wrinkled, smelly, young, old people this shit on here would be very confusing, but everything happens for a reason, and oh well keep coming back and hey mav what is your story guy are you an ex aa or someone with some real experience strength and hope to share this is a new comer site and man your pretty deep, go back to discussion room for the sake of those who think this is a new comer aa site, i mean thats what they are looking for so let them have it.... your being heard don't worry our GOD knows all what you think not what you say but we aren't that way oh well i better go back to the human side of recovery this is jsut a place to get a glimpse but you had better have a desire to stay clean or just going to these sites for help will probally not work, it won't be easy but get out and breath in a real person meeting. see ya
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: October 19, 2003
Time: 08:21 AM
Hi (All), Shhh, I'm not supposed to post twice a week now that I have a year. I just had to say to Diane... WTG GIRL! 7 MONTHS! I remember when you first started posting and sharing and how much each day meant to you. It really is a one day at a time program and each day builds on another and then we start to get some serious time put gether. I still read everything here daily and my thoughts are with you all. Everyone have a great Sunday! Kelly :)