Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson Michigan
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 10:36 AM
I have to handle one day at a time so that I don't get overwhelmed with the big picture. By doing what I can do today, I get closer to tommorrow. If I worry about what is going to happen next month, I am not taking care of today and that is a waste of a perfectly good day.
Member: Deb
Location: Portland
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 10:40 AM
I think I am an alcoholic. I am afraid to stop drinking. I don't want to go to a doctor and have this in my medical records. What if I have dt's? Can I avoid that? I have a million reasons not to go to a meeting. People will know.
Member: Tracy
Location:
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 11:11 AM
{{DEB}} People arent that interested in us believe me. Are you more concerned with what people think, people who don't pay your morgage, don't pay your food bills, or is it more important for you to get better?
Member: Tom
Location:
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 11:54 AM
Deb,just make the choice to stop drinking,it does not matter which method of treatment you decide on.Ultimately only you can decide to stop once and for all.Of course all things in life are done one day at a time cause you cant do anything until tomorrow gets here.Proper planning for the future is a must or you will be stuck in the past of one day at a time being today.DRINKING CANNOT AND MUST NOT BE A PART OF TODAYS OR TOMORROW'S OR NEXT WEEK OR NEXT MONTHS OR NEXT YEARS ACTIVITIES.Of course there are many one day at a times that will come and pass.Decide right now if you want to quit forever and that way you will not have to revisit the drinking problem one day at a time.It works for me and millions of other ex drinkers all over the world.Make the word ALCOHOLIC a word of the past and dont choose to dwell with the phrase I'M AN ALCOHOLIC for the rest of your life.Get recovered today once and for all.BE STRONG FOR YOURSELF.
Member: DanR
Location: Virginia
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 12:30 PM
Hello everyone - My name's Dan, and I'm an alcoholic. (he hears Hi Dan in the mind). One Day At a Time is a good topic. There's not a single day that goes by that I don't think about my previous life. I'm like Deb, I worry about people knowing that I'm an alcoholic, and that by telling everyone that I know that I don't drink anymore let's them know about my illness. Then I think that it doesn't matter what they think, or even guess. What's important is that I'm not drinking today. That makes it a good day. I'm still new at this, and have a real fear that I won't be able to keep it up for the next day, or next week, or next month. What I do know is that if I drink, I'll be headed right back to the bottom where I was a year ago. So Today I'm not going to drink. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 02:26 PM
In the begining, it was really hard for me to grasp one day at a time. All I could think about was not being able to drink on New Years, birthdays, barbeques, weddings, christmas, weekends, dinners, etc. Those thoughts drove me crazy, trying to imagine the rest of my life sober. I don't do that anymore. All I have is today, and that is all I need to worry about when thinking about sobriety. Everyday I pray to God to remove the obsession from me and to remind me what it was like when I was drinking. When the obsession is removed, not drinking isn't a problem and when I truly remember what it was like, I am again gratefull to be sober.
Member: Jenifer
Location: Canada
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 02:40 PM
Deb , go to your doctor. I did five years ago and I've never looked back. He no longer asks me how I'm doing , they trust me now and the fact that I have the since to ask for help , should I ever need it again. He didn't fall of his chair in suprise or disgust when I arrived one night after clinic hours. Just gave me support and help. Just go , you will be surprised. ANd remember that you are by no means the first to go for help , often they need it too.
Member: HeatherS.
Location: MI
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 03:16 PM
Every morning when I wake up I add another day to my total days of sobriety. Today is day 25. I have no idea what today is going to bring, but I know that I am not going to drink. I know I don't want to start over. I want my life back.
Member: scarlett
Location: PA
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 05:29 PM
it was so hard for me to quit when i really believed i had a problem. all i thought of was who would find out and what they would say. i refused rehab and seeking medical help because i was too embarrassed to admit i'm an alcoholic. i did detox @ home and it was horrific but i did some reading and pretty much knew what to expect...until the voices & shakes scared me senseless...calling your doctor is the best thing to do just to keep tabs on your health. no one that ever saw me out drinking has called to see how i'm doing but several people from aa have! i don't worry about what others think now. it crosses my mind on occasion, but the dwelling on it is gone. i don't believe i'v ever been this calm and focused!! thinking one day at a time is the most sensible thing to do!
Member: Jim L.
Location:
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 06:00 PM
1 day at a time is what I needed to hear. So glad you guys are here. I'm on vacation in Paris with "nothing to do" and can't sleep for the committee ringing in my head making plans for next week. Knew what I needed was a meeting. The internet goes on the gratitude list for sure. I found out everyone knew I was an alcoholic anyway. My first sponsor told me I gotta get sober for me, people will come and go, but no matter where I go, I'm always there. (scary thought that) His words have helped me time and time again. I have to live with ME 1 day at a time, and for me, only working the program makes that possible. If everyone finding out I was an alcoholic was the price for the wonderful life I have now, it was a bargain! A steal! No, a gift. Merci!
Member: mark m
Location: columbia tenn
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 06:05 PM
hey to all mark m here ,alcoholic it's been awhile since iv'e been here just thought i would say hey and to let my friend know that i'm done with my time(23 days in jail is know fun) but i'm back still c/s 142 days and still going strong send me a email my friend kidmills117@aol.com and to the rest of you may god bless and stay c/s
Member: mark m
Location: columbia tenn
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 06:05 PM
hey to all mark m here ,alcoholic it's been awhile since iv'e been here just thought i would say hey and to let my friend know that i'm done with my time(23 days in jail is know fun) but i'm back still c/s 142 days and still going strong send me a email my friend kidmills117@aol.com and to the rest of you may god bless and stay c/s
Member: Tom
Location:
Date: October 05, 2003
Time: 06:48 PM
Everyone knows that choosing to drink is not a disease or illness,it is just plain old bad decision making resulting in very bad side effects which go away once the ingesting of the alcohol stops.By adopting the disease concept we are merely escaping that we were and still are responsible for being drunks.Yes that is the miraculous cure,yep the positive choice to not ingest alcohol into the bloodstream ever again.What a concept to actually realize that by choosing to self destruct with alcohol in the first place can be reversed by choosing not to engage in destructive behavior.We all initially started out drinking because we liked the taste and effect and the good times that we had and then eventually it became a way of life as things change in our lives.Now as we realize what happened we must strive to admit that we alone are responsible for our juvenile behavior and start acting responsible this very minute and for the rest of our lives and be proud and take credit for overcoming the desire to be intoxicated and to remove being controlled by the booze.
Member: Don
Location:
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 12:47 AM
I would have to disagree with you Tom, that alcoholism is in fact a disease. Besides the common dissection of the word into dis-ease....remember what the suffix "ism" indicates - The biological nature of the alcohol being broken down into diacetic acid and acetaldehyde when it is metabolized in the human body might be an interesting study. I'm sure you can search online and find plenty of white papers to support this theory. Make no mistake about it, though, as the book entitled "Alcoholics Anonymous" points out that few can remain sober on the basis of self-knowledge. It is because of the social and psycological aspects of the addiction that steps 2-12 do not mention ethanol itself. Most good sponsors will agree that the only step that must be done perfectly is step 1. My opinion only is that you may need to look again at your drinking patterns to determine if you possibly are powerless. If not, hats off to ya...you lucky fella. You can "drink with impunity". I know that I cannot. Thanks for letting me share, Don
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 05:32 AM
Hi, Ann D here and now 5 days sober. 5 great days! Thanks to all on the web for helping me get this far. I wrote early morning yesterday and found out that that is cleaning day for "staying cyber". This weekend was learning experience in many ways. I found out that watching sports isn't for me anymore. After watching my cubbies for the first inning, I realized I was watching a moving ad for budweiser. I switched to PBS and watched a great show about the beginning of the blues. I also found out that I can get a ton of stuff done sober. It seems as if the days are twice as long. I also spent SO much more time with my son, and it was quality time. I don't know if you know how much this discussion means to people like me, but thanks for sharing your experiences as it is a huge help.
Member: Jean
Location: PA
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 07:48 AM
Hi, I'm Jean & I am an alcoholic. Deb, from what I have read so far, you are the most important person here right now. If you are questioning your drinking.. you probably have a problem. We don't have to do anything alone anymore. Go for help. Go to a meeting. Listen to people. Allow yourself to trust someone. Listen for someone that talks about their alcoholism that you can relate to. Get your hand up and say just what you wrote here. People will help you. Don't worry about your Dr. People in the program are not Dr.'s but at least they will be able to help you decide what to do and most likely support you and will hopefully be by your side all the way. Online reaching out is a good start, but we as humans need people.. physcial presence of people. We need touch, talk. Let the the program and fellowship of AA be there for you. Yoy have to take the steps though, it does not come to us. Only you can decide to continue with the pain & confusion you experience now or to put an end to it. Once you do take that step, things may not get better, but YOU WILL.
Member: Tom
Location:
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 08:30 AM
Don,it is ok for you to be wrong,as anyone who believes that choosing to drink is a disease or illness,about the only true disease that results from alcohol is the dreaded liver damage that can and does result in death of the alcohol abuser. As far myself I have not drank in 19 years and I dont have any intentions or desires to drink in the future.I used the program for what it was worth and it initially helped out tremendously until I realized that I was merely exchanging addictions,I used to spend time drinking over and over and over again and then I was spending even more time attending meetings over and over and over again.To me it was a crutch to keep me off the alcohol and it worked.But I had a need to truely have my sanity restored and actively become involved in society again and reach my goals and dreams that I had before choosing to self destruct with the use of alcohol. For those who do not have a life or do not have dreams and ambitions to attain in life.A lifetime of meetings and hearing the same repeat stuff year in and year out then odds are AA is as far as you will get in life as it teaches limited agendas,its just like having a big thumb on your life restricting your true progress towards a full life. You may ask,how do I know that?Well my friends because I lived experienced exactly what I posted above.
Member:
Location:
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 09:19 AM
Tom, maybe you could find a non-AA site to share on.
Member: Deb
Location: Portland
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 09:36 AM
Thank you all for your support. I am choosing to not drink just for today. I have looked up some meetings near my work that I may be able to get to during my lunch break. It just seems so overwhelming, all of the changes that will need to be made. I know I am making excuses but I have all of these things running through my head. I have a great life and I enjoy drinking but somewhere along the way it's become a need. I feel like I plan my life around when I can open that bottle of wine after work. I won't drive after drinking, but still manage to consume the same amount whether starting at 4 in the after noon or 8 at night. Thanks again
Member: Tom
Location:
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 10:16 AM
Sorry anonymous poster.I am in the right place.I believe in AA and the help that it can give to newcomers.I just do not think that a person has to surrender their ideals and morals in exchange to just stop drinking.Enough said.
Member:
Location:
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 10:18 AM
Deb,the only change that needs to be made is to just choose not to drink and everything will be okay in due time as with any process of getting better.
Member: HeatherS.
Location:
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 11:19 AM
In response to the last post, that is the most ridiculous thing I have read yet. Stoopping drinking and expecting everything else to just fall into place and be "OK" is a totally unrealistic expectation. Obviuosly whoever wrote that has no idea what alcoholism entales. I may be new to this 26 days sober, but I do know that the one act of not drinking is not the sole answer to recovery. It's only the beginning.
Member: Becky
Location: Seattle
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 11:54 AM
Becky here, alcoholic (among other things), DEB, it is so wonderful to read your posts. I'm 7 weeks into my journey of being sober. I too was finding that my life was revolving around my evening bottle of wine. I started paying attention to my drinking (like it sounds like you are doing) and noticed that it was every single night, much earlier start on the weekends, always more at parties, and that I was even driving mildly intoxicated. That really shook me up, as I preach to my kids not to ever EVER drive drunk...and I was tired of them seeing me every night with wine glass and bottle in hand. If I was stressed they knew I "needed" a glass of wine. I checked myself into detox, surprised the hell out of my husband and close friends, and am choosing carefully who I share this all with. But yes, it is a bit to swallow that it will now be on my medical records, but were I to continue eventually it would end up there anyway! And I may have ended up with a DUI/DWI on my record, etc etc. Others have already shared with you about AA, I would echo all that, don't forget the anonymous in AA, you may be surprised at who you meet there. So far I've had a good experience with AA. TOM, perhaps you are unaware of the most current research on the disease aspect of Alchoholism. I had a hard time with it too, and it took the 6th book to finally convince me - I recommend it to all: Beyond the Influence:Understanding and Defeating Alcoholism by Katherine Ketcham. No doubt people exchange meeting addicition for their alcoholic addiction, but for the beginning it is certainly what I need to get away from drinking. My eyes are open, attending AA is my choice, it is good for most, and what do you care if they are addicted to meetings? Some people garden to the extreem too. My guess is that most people balance out after awhile and add other things into their life. ANN, I have more time too! It really is very cool. One day at a time is working for me, today, this day. Take Care ALL.
Member: Donna H
Location: Kansas
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 12:18 PM
There were times in the begining that I was just minutes at a time. I remember hanging on waiting just until meeting time knowing for that hour or more I would be"safe" and okay. I have to remember that I all need to do is not drink "just for today" otherwise if I start thinking I can't drink or can't drink ever that gets my head going and there is nothing worse than getting into my head that can get me into a big turmoil fast. The big thinking committee. That is not a good place for me to be. I do get ahead in making plans but I don't plan the results some things I have to plan for but has long as I don't dwell on the future and consume my time in it I'm okay. It is best for me to live and stay in today and I do it the best I can.
Member: Jessica G.
Location: Burlington, NC
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 12:31 PM
ANYONE WHO CAN HELP: I just picked up a white chip on Friday (10/03/03). My biggest problem was with narcotics, however, in the past I had problems with alcohol, so I felt more comfy in AA. I have not taken anything since around 7pm on Friday. I thought I was doing well. However, I have been shaking, I have headaches, and I feel like I am going nutty. I am at work right now- a nervous wreck. In a way I want to go to a treatment center, but in a way I want to do this "on my own." Does anyone out there have any idea when the shaking and headaches will stop?! I don't know what to do. I want to just take something to be okay- to stop the shaking. I talked to my sponsor a little bit ago, but I still need something. Please help if you can. Any advice or comments would be great.
Member: Lissa
Location: Kentucky
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 01:19 PM
I guess I am in the same boat as you,Jessica. You have a couple of days more than me, though. I had one of the worst week-ends I have ever had. Went out Friday night and got drunker than all get out which in turn caused me to lose my job Saturday morning so what did I do!?! I started drinking about 10:30 Sat. morning and stayed drunk all week-end. I wasn't home Sat. night because I knew that my B-friend and I would fight because I was drunk. So I drank all day yesterday and when I finally did come home he wanted me gone because he is tireed of seeing me like that all the time. I'm glad the gun wasn't loaded. So when I woke at 5:30 this morning I came to reality as I watched him sleep. I love me, him and my/our life together to let the beer do this anymore. The one thing that I realized though is I have to have help. There is no way to do it on my own. I can't hit any farther down than I am now. I guess I could, but don't feel it. And Jessica that white stuff, darlin' it is easier than the drinking. Believe me because I have been there too. Been off it for 5 years, but you know what took it's place. Yep, the beer! I will 27 in a month and I have nothing to show for my life and I am not going to spend the next 10 yrs. and nothing to show for it either. So here I go on day 1 and I am glad that I found this because it has made me feel better just to read what all of you have wrote. Thanks!!!
Member: bob
Location: california
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 01:28 PM
bob here, alcoholic, working on the 12th day without a drink. Over the weekend, I opened a bottle of wine and poured it for guests. No one said anything, but I'm sure they noticed that I didn't pour one for myself. No one's ever seen me pass on a drink. Usually, I would hope that guests wouldn't drink too much - that would mean less for me. This time, I kept looking at their glasses and hoping they wouldn't leave anything that I would feel compelled to finish when no one was looking. When they left, I actually poured out the remains. I thought that if that's all I'd be having, there wasn't any point in having it at all. Why bother with a half glass if you're not going to wash it down with a whole bottle? I'm noticing that everything I do has to be referenced to my drinking. If I think about going to the movies, my first thought is that you can't drink in the theater. Going to the hardware store, I'm thinking "if you're buying nuts and bolts, shouldn't you be buying some beer to go with it?" I've got a meeting tonight, and my thought is that this means I can't get drunk either before or after dinner. I divide all life events into two categories: those that allow for drinking and those that interfere with my drinking. The thoughts are there without my even thinking about it. Maybe this will change. And maybe tomorrow I will decide to drink. But today I'm planning not to drink, despite the fact that I really would like to get buzzed out tonight. I'm certain that I can handle today without a drink (why should I screw up today when I didn't screw up on the weekend? Maybe to reward myself?). I'm good for today, and I'm going to work on tomorrow tomorrow.
Member: lastgasper
Location: here&now
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 02:03 PM
dont waste a lot of time and energy on imaginary situations.
Member: bob
Location: california
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 02:52 PM
((Jessica)): I don't want to offer you any advice because I've realized over the last week and a half that when it comes to alcohol, my judgment is not very good. But as for a comment, I think it's a sure bet that the sickness you're feeling will come to an end, one way or another, whether you drink or not. If you don't drink today, it's a new day and tomorrow might be easier. But if you do, then today is Ground Hog Day ... you'll have to do this over and over again. ((Lissa) Maybe a bad weekend is a good thing if it helps you see what you need to do.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 06:24 PM
I'm working on day 10. It hasn't been easy, don't expect it to be either. But taking just one day at a time helps so much. The idea of giving up the alcohol is overwhelming in and of itself. But by setting smaller goals, it makes them easier to achieve. One Day at a Time What a beautiful concept. Thanks to all. ((DEB)) I feel sure you'll make the best choice for you. We're in this together, believe it or not. Stay sober everyone.
Member: Tom
Location:
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 06:30 PM
Hello,my name is Tom and I am an ex drunk.I drank my last drink years ago.I made a commitment to myself that I did not need the booze and its destructive effects in my life and my life has been good since then.It was not a cakewalk but in due time the urges went away without changing everything about myself.I liked me,I just did not like what the alcohol did to me and my thinking.I had to face that I was me and nothing was going to change me but me and I have done that.Refrain from the booze and life will get better in due time.
Member: Les
Location: atwoodles@aol.com
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 06:38 PM
I should like to know, if the is not overly destructive to our security, who chooses the topics for this site?
Member: Dave
Location: N.Y.
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 06:39 PM
Today is 19 days without a drink.Twenty days ago I sick and hung over.I was trying to remember where I spent all my money.Money I needed for food ,gas,electric ect.I thought back to the things I had done those last 3 or4 days and I how I had promised myself that would never happen again.I got down on my knees and I cried out to God...19 mornings without a hang over...
Member: Dave
Location:
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 06:42 PM
P.S.....Thankyou God....
Member:
Location:
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 06:47 PM
I'm noticing a common thread among us. If we think we're becoming a slave to the bottle, we probably are.
Member: Jenny M.
Location: Spokane, WA
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 07:09 PM
Hi I am Jenny an alcoholic with over 60 days sober. I feel so good and my life has so much more meaning. I have an interest in living once again. ((Dave)) Hang in there. One day at a time, or one hour at a time if needed. Some day's are easier than other but every day is better than my best day drinking HONESTLY. ((Bob)) you hang in there too. Stay away from pouring wine if you can? AT least I know it would have been hard for me in my 1st couple of weeks of sobriety. I am grateful every day for my sobriety and know I want to live.
Member: Debi B
Location: Florida
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 08:43 PM
My story is so close to many of yours. My Last drink was October 2,03. Had to take my son to the docter at 11:00 am. But before that, I stop by the store and picked a small bottle. I proceeded to drink on the way there, while I was there, and after I left. I took my son home,and hit the road. Three hours later I found myself in an ambulance. I had literally fell out of my moving vehicle. By the grace of God, I did not hurt anyone, my son is fine, no ticket..DUI or any fine was issued.It has scared the crap out of me. I could have lost everything in that very instant. And I can't even remember it. That was Thursday, it is now Monday evening and the thought of a drink makes me ill.But I am so scared that when the feeling comes back, can I be strong enough to fight? Tomorrow I am going to my 1st AA meeting. Part me is soo excited and another part is going to have to pry myself into that building. So that is my one day at a time story. The plan ... stay sober tonight and haul butt to that meeting tomorrow. Then I'll make little baby steps, with little baby plans. God gave me a warning, and I am going to listen!
Member: Debi B
Location: Florida
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 08:44 PM
My story is so close to many of yours. My Last drink was October 2,03. Had to take my son to the docter at 11:00 am. But before that, I stop by the store and picked a small bottle. I proceeded to drink on the way there, while I was there, and after I left. I took my son home,and hit the road. Three hours later I found myself in an ambulance. I had literally fell out of my moving vehicle. By the grace of God, I did not hurt anyone, my son is fine, no ticket..DUI or any fine was issued.It has scared the crap out of me. I could have lost everything in that very instant. And I can't even remember it. That was Thursday, it is now Monday evening and the thought of a drink makes me ill.But I am so scared that when the feeling comes back, can I be strong enough to fight? Tomorrow I am going to my 1st AA meeting. Part me is soo excited and another part is going to have to pry myself into that building. So that is my one day at a time story. The plan ... stay sober tonight and haul butt to that meeting tomorrow. Then I'll make little baby steps, with little baby plans. God gave me a warning, and I am going to listen!
Member: Sunshine
Location: PA
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 09:01 PM
Deb B, Welcome. Thank God no one was hurt. Don't drink & make that meeting tomorrow. Sometimes, even though that event & a thought of a drink may make us feel sick, it can also make us feel quilt & shame... which could lead us to a drink. Use the phone instead. AA has a hot line.. use it if you have to. Pray. Call a club house in your area. You are worth it and your child deserves his/her mother to be there & healthy. You will be fine as long as you hang in there. The Serenity pray and if you don't know that.. "God Help Me" over and over until you fall asleep. It worked for me. One of my old sponsors used to say to me that I couldn't handle baby steps, I had to take infant steps. I'm satisfied with that. A step is a step. Hang in there girlfriend. You're going to be okay. Just don't drink.
Member: Dave
Location: SHIPWRECKED
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 09:06 PM
A man is the only surviver of a shipwreck and he finds himself all alone stranded on a deserted island.The lonliness is terrible and he cries out to God," Why me,Why couldn't I have died with the rest of my crew?"Well he desides after some time he is going to have to make some sort of life for himself so he finds some wood and things that had washed up on shore and he makes himself a shelter and a fire to keep warm and he is quite proud of his new home....One day he goes off hunting and foraging to replentish his food supplies and wile he's gone his home burns to the ground.There is nothing left but ashes.He is devistated and broken."Oh God no,I can't take any more,I give up",and he cries and cries all night long. The next morning much to his surprise he sees a ship sailing right at him..... He is rescued...Once on board the ship he is so happy and thankfull and he asks the captian,"How did you know I was here?"and the captian says,"I saw your signal fire."...Although we may not understand our pain and suffering now,it may be instumental in our future happiness.
Member: Tom M
Location: SC
Date: October 06, 2003
Time: 11:10 PM
(Deb B) Welcome. I was in a similar situation 10 days ago. I went to the bar with a co-worker. One minute I'm buying another round. The next, (some hours later), I being ushered out of a home that I've never seen before,in handcuffs. Homeowners come home from a party to find me passed out drunk in the bed. I know, sounds like "Goldilocks and the Three Bears". Don't remember a damn thing after ordering that last round. That was my wake-up call. I surrendered to my Higher Power while sitting in the booking room at the jailhouse. I'm grateful I didn't kill anyone that night. It's a miracle. Hang in there darlin'. We can do this together, one day at a time.
Member: Sunshine
Location: PA
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 08:01 AM
Deb B & Tom M, how are you two doing today? Did you get to your meetings? I know it's early but I'll be running around today and wanted to find out. Be sure to get a lot of phone numbers before you leave your meetings. Don't set yourself up and have no one to reach out to. The beginning can be like a rollercoaster. You are going to have your ups and downs and you will need support. Let others help you. Don't allow anyone to dicourage you in or out of the rooms. Take what you need and leave the rest. Get your white chip and hold on to it. Until you develop a HP for yourself (if you don't have one already) that chip can remind you what happens to you when you do pick up that drink. Pray, "God Help Me" over & over if you feel like drinking. Have a good day. :)
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 08:33 AM
Good Morning ((All)), I'm Kelly an alcoholic. WARNING: This is long! It was so nice to read you all. It helps me to remember what it was like last year and it can be again if I pick up a drink. Over the weekend at my retreat we went through the 12 steps with a couple of great speakers. I filled up a notebook with my notes! I also think that I know I am ready to start the turn arounds of Step 4. If anymore resentments come to mind I will just add them to my list. Most of the people in attendance had already been through the process (12 Steps) and most were in there 20's which was really refreshing. Young people that had this wonderful peace about them. The retreat was at a beautiful lakefront summer camp that had been a Methodist camp since the 30's. Walking the paths I could hear the prayers of many children over the years and their young writings on the walls of the cabins brought me back to all the silly stuff of youth. It was a really great experience and a boost to my sobriety. That said, One day at a time is the way I stay sober. I try to stay in today when I start to look back, back to me is the guilt, shame and remorse. When I start to worry about tomorrow today I feel fear, doubt and insecurity start to set in. A reminder to myself that tomorrow is up to God, not me and enjoy the present day as it is, is all I have. What is God's will for me today??? I have a notebook that I fill up with what I think is the next 'right' thing to do with my day which today it is sorting through my summer clothes and getting my fall clothes out. A simple task but none the less something I would not be doing drunk. God gives me what I need if I ask each morning what is his will for me and the power to carry that out. IT WORKS! I know this probably sounds so foreign if you are just trying to put down the drink but this is the concept that I'm trying to get across. By turning (MY) will and power over to the care of God, I'm not calling the shots anymore.... That's a good thing! I'm not running on EGO...(edging God out) and DENIAL...(don't even know I am lying) to myself anymore. This keep me humble and right sized. It is very freeing and you can have it too by doing a few simple steps. AA works if you work it and it sucks if you don't. I work it everyday and my life is good and does not suck anymore. Even my worst day sober is nothing compared to the hangovers and dt's. The peace and serenity of this program can be realized if you want it bad enough. One last thing I want to mention is how great serenity feels. Driving home from Maine my engine caught on fire. I was so peaceful I pulled over and got out and walked over to a AAA truck and calmly asked the man if he had a fire extinguisher. He jumped out and put my engine out and told me the manifold was on fire. I had spilled some oil on it when adding oil. He said I needed to pressure wash it off. I looked across the street and there was a car wash. I cleaned my engine and got back on the road and never once felt flustered. It occured to me that God was with me the whole time because I would have freaked last year if that happened. THAT'S SERENITY...Thank you all for helping me to stay sober today. Kelly :)
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 08:44 AM
Hi, Ann D here, and entering my 6th day of sobriety. Thank you (Kelly M) for a wonderful reading to start my day. I haven't had one feeling of the need for a drink since I stopped. As a matter of fact, that kind of concerns me reading other members thoughts and ideas. But I'm sure that will come in time and the people in AA are my rock. As I stopped because of a DUI, I have alot of hurdles to overcome in the next few months, but none more important than remaining clean and sober. Thank you all for all of your help and wishes. I now know I am not alone!
Member: Deb
Location: Portland
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 10:12 AM
Hi all, I made it through day 1. Looking forward to not drinking tonight either. Tried to find the lunch time meeting but could not find it. Will try to find an evening one near home instead. My hubby thinks I am overreacting and that I don't "really" have a problem. I know I have a problem when I cannot remember anything that happens the last hour of every evening. Anyway, I appreciate all of your comments and sharing of your lives.
Member: Debi B
Location: Florida
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 10:22 AM
Well it's Tuesday morning and I have remained sober and actually had a really good night sleep. The meeting I have decided on, for my first meeting is called "Helping Hands". It is a open discussion meeting and it begins at noon. Since I woke up this morning I have come up with about 10 reasons why I can't go. But after getting on line and reading all of your feed back from my last comments, I will be there. As I type this I am shaking like a leaf, nerves I guess. I figured that if I can walk into a bar and not know anyone and order a drink, I can darn sure walk into an AA meeting to stop this maddness. This site has been very helpful, just knowing that I am not alone. Today is the first big step for me and I am scared, however I am giving it to God and hope for the best. Bless you all...wish me luck!
Member: Tom M
Location: SC
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 10:52 AM
I'm back. Working on Day 11, another 24. Went to my first meeting last night. Gave myself a thousand reasons not to actually go in but couldn't find one good enough to keep me out. Once I entered, it was like a weight was lifted somewhat. I honestly believe that it was everyone carrying that same burden. Everyone welcomed me with open arms. Got more phone numbers than I can read. Will have to sort through them. Listened to each story, heard a lot of myself there. I'm going to another meeting tonight, trying to find the 'right' meeting for me. I guess instead of bar hopping, I'll meeting hop. I really felt like 'one of the gang' last night. For those who have read my postings these past few days, you know that I put a good deal into acceptance by others. As we all do. (Sunshine) Thanks for the support. (Deb in Portland) Congrats on Day 1. Let's go another 24 hours. (Deb B) Welcome to another day of sobriety. I hope your 1st meeting is as good as mine was for me. I didn't realize how badly I needed it until I was there. I know what I am and have seen what I can become. Hang in there for another 24 hours. Good luck on your meeting. Thanks Everyone
Member: Jessica G
Location: Burlington, NC
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 11:52 AM
Hi! It's Jessica again! I made it through yesterday. I went to visit my mother last night, hoping that she would be supportive. Boy, was I wrong. She just kept saying, "You're 20 years old and you already have problems. You don't need AA, you need a shrink, you need to get over it." Why is it so hard for some to understand. I guess it is true what the Big Book says, "Some are sicker than others." and my mother is a sick-o. She is in denial. One day she will be more open minded. But I cannot worry about her. I have to think about me right now. Today is day four. I am having chest pains like crazy. Didn't sleep well because of it. Ready for a meeting. Went to a meeting again last night. Doing well so far with the 90 in 90 thing. My sponsor is proud. I got a home group last night, too. I don't know what to do about the chest pains. I can't take any medication for it. It almost feels as if I am having a heart attck. I am less shaky today, though. One day at a time. We can ALL make it! :)
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 12:12 PM
(Jessica) Congrats!! I agree with your thinking. Worry about yourself first and foremost. Your mom wil come around eventually. She probably doesn't think you're serious about getting help. I know my mom and aunt thought, and may still, that i just had a bad night, or dose, and that I was over-reacting. After the first week passed, thank God, they started to believe. The only difference in my mom's drinking and mine is where it takes place. The results are the same. Once we pick up a beer, we have to drink until we've passed out. I'm behind you all the way. We can do get through this together. Hang in there dear. Another 24 hours.
Member: Jessica G
Location: Burlington, NC
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 12:23 PM
Thank you, Tom M. You are very nice. I appreciate you sharing your experience. It is so nice to know that "they" (family members, friends, etc.) will come around. I am in AA for one reason and one reason only. I think it is difficult for her to understand that. I have never done anything right in her eyes. But, I know that what I am doing is right in the eyes of my Higher Power. Thank you again.
Member:
Location:
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 02:36 PM
HI, Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. Today is absolutely the very last day I have a chance to live life to its fullest. Nobody can guarantee that I will see the morning. At my last job, I used to poke my head into my bosses office to tell him I was leaving for the day. He used to ask me what time my first patient was in the morning. I gave him the same answer every day. "I don't know, I will look at the schedule when I get here." He finally stopped asking that question. Take care, I love you all. Bill
Member: Debi B
Location: Florida
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 02:41 PM
Was driving to the meeting, and past the bar that I like to hang out in. And I kept on going. I got to the meeting and in the car took a deep breath, grab my purse and hauled butt to the building before I changed my mind. In side I met two very nice men and they introduced me to a wonderful women that sat with me.I was shaking something awlful,and cried through the hour off and on. Why was I crying? I have no clue ...I think they were happy tears, but they wouldn't quit.This meeting had about 40 people there, All from the ages of 19 to 90. Some in suits and some in shorts. All walks of life...I was soo impressed with all of them. Their stories were from the heart and I could so relate to many of them. In the end I walked out with a white chip and 20 phone numbers of the women in the group. This group meets every day at noon, and I plan on being there. I really look forward to it actually. All I know is that I felt a warmth around me, and I loved that feeling. Thank you all for talking me into going...god is good!
Member:
Location:
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 02:57 PM
ODAAT means One Drink At A Time. Moderation folks, that's the key. You people who drink several drinks within an hour simply do not get the positive effects of alcohol. It's no wonder you consider yourselves alcoholic. Drink two drinks the first three hours and then just one every hour after that and you will soon find out that humans and alcohol can co-exist.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 05:34 PM
(Jessica G) You're welcome. KEEP COMING BACK!! (DEB B) Glad your meeting went well. We aren't alone in this time of uncertainty. Celebrating 11 days and counting. Want to share it with each and every one of you. THANKS AGAIN
Member: bob
Location: california
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 08:36 PM
I'm really puzzled as to why some one would come here and tell us that "all you need to do is just drink in moderation." Doesn't he know that we all tried that? Doesn't he see how much pain we have created for ourselves by trying to co-exist with acohol? Jessica is only twenty years old and some fool is trying to tell her that it's really ok to drink? No harm, no foul? And I thought I was sick!
Member: Tom M
Location: SC
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 08:42 PM
(Bob) Amen to that. For me 'moderation' just meant that instead getting blind drunk every night, I got blind drunk every other night or so.
Member: Dave
Location: NY
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 08:55 PM
Twentyone days.... I woke up thismorning with a bad cold,red puffy eyes stuffed up head.I looked in the mirror and I looked like I had pollished off a 30 pack.I looked around on the table and the counter,not one dead soldier any where.It's been years since I looked this bad and felt this good.I had to pinch myself to make sure I was'nt dreaming.I did't think I could do it.Thankyou AA for your help
Member: Carol P
Location:
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 09:08 PM
Hi I am new to this. I guess you would call me a double winner. At first I really did not think I had problem with drinking. But I do.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 09:29 PM
Welcome Carol P. I'm glad you showed up. You didn't get here by accident. I've only been here a few days, but have 'met' some wonderful people. Also some disillusioned souls here. You just have to sort through the b.s to find your message. It probably won't take long to find what you need to read. That doesn't mean you'll want to though. We're all in this together. Just take each day as they are given. One at a Time.
Member: Carol P
Location:
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 09:31 PM
Thanks Tom. Just a little scared about discoving this about myself.
Member: How it happened
Location:
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 09:50 PM
Carol,exactly you did not get here by accident,you had to search for the site and it comes up,no,no accident but intended results from you inquiry mind and that is a good thing
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 09:53 PM
It scared the hell out of me as well. I don't know your situation, but the beauty of this program is that it's for all walks of life and all 'stages',if you will, of alcoholism. It took me getting dragged out of a house, that I didn't even know I was in, to surrender to my Higher Power. I have a good career, a nice home and a new truck. I can't be an alcoholic can I? Wrong, I can't pick-up that first beer. If I do, I'll stop when I pass out. I would suggest that you find some face2face meetings in your area. AA has a 24 hour hotline and can help you answer any questions you may have. They can help you find some meetings as well. I didn't know how badly I needed the meetings until I went. Keep Coming Back!!! We're here for you.
Member: your new friends
Location:
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 10:11 PM
Carol,try and remember that being scared can cause inaction.That deer in the headlights thing.Don't let it.Fear loves inaction. It's hoping to put put the brakes on this journey you started to discover yourself.Your stronger.You will win.That is the end of the story Dont forget that
Member:
Location:
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 10:12 PM
New truck,no way now we know that you are not an alcoholic but only a problem drinker,alcoholics would have had their truck reposessed due to lack of work resulting lack of money to pay the truck note and you have a house too.Hmmmmmm.
Member: DAVID D.
Location: SO.IL
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 10:32 PM
NOV. 25,1988 I HAD MY LAST DRINK,DRUG ON FEB 21 1989 I WAS SHOCKED AND HURT TO FIND MY FATHER AND BEST DRINKING BUDDY DEAD.WITHIN A FEW DAYS I FOUND MYSELF WALKING AROUND WITH A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS IN MY POCKET AND VERY THIRSTY I ALMOST WALKED INTO A BAR BUT I WANTED TO DO 1 THING RIGHT BEFOR I GOT DRUNK SO I PUT OFF THAT DRINK UNTILL 1 MORE DAY SO WE COULD BURY DAD. DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES I HAD TO KEEP PUTING THAT DRINK OFF ONE MORE DAY. THATS HOW I FIRST CAME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT ONE DAY AT A TIME MENT TO ME AT THAT TIME THANKS FOR THE PLACE TO SHARE DAVID D.
Member:
Location:
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 10:58 PM
you better get him planted pretty quick...
Member: MARK M
Location: COLUMBIA TENN
Date: October 07, 2003
Time: 11:03 PM
hey to all just mark m here just thought i let ya'll know that i'll pray for you tonight i hope everybody has a goodnight and may god bless you remember DON'T DRINK AND GO TO MEETINGS LOVE MARK
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 04:48 AM
Jane C..still an alcoholic..this is a very good new comer meeting..I've read all the posts and pray for everyone with a few days to keep it up..you all can do it..I haven't had a drink since I first came on to this site and in the beginning I didn't know if I could do it..well it was a bit hard in the beginning.. driving past the liquor store in town..even the supermarkets were hard for me..there was alcohol there too...but somehow I made it to almost 3 months sober..I have 11 weeks now..I try to stay in the now and not think about tomorrow, except for the things that need to be done..it seems to work for me and I'm so grateful to be able to read the posts that you all send..reading them reminds me of where I had been and where I could be if I didn't stop drinking..I know that God is helping me to dodge all the slippery places in and aound my life and I thank Him daily and ask Him to keep me sober everyday..so many of the new people shared so much..Tom, Deb Ann, Carol and Jessica..I know that it may not be an easy ride for a while yet, but a day at a time you will get to where you want to be and the serenity that comes with it is so worth the work that needs to be done..Jessica, you may be having panic attacks,they cause chest pain and shortness of breath..I get them now and then, but I know after getting them on a regular basis in the past, that they will become less and less..I'm not a doctor, but its possible that panic may be causing some problems..check it out..and Kelly, I remember going on retreats..and the comfort and peace that was felt there..and filling notebooks and reading my Bible..we have no retreats here that I know of,but I'm into reading from my Bible every day..even if only for 10 minutes..I need the quiet and the serenity that comes with it..Peace to you all and may God give you another sober day, and a hug to all the really new people...nite..sleep tight..
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 05:53 AM
Day 7! I still haven't been to a face to face AA meeting, but reading all of your posts have made me feel great about the choice I have made to not drink and proud of all of my you. I will make my first meeting on Friday. How long are the meetings? Do I need to bring anything besides me and a donation? I'm really looking forward to it. If the people there are anything like the people that share on this site I am a very blessed person. Thank you all for your strength! Ann
Member: Sunshine
Location: PA
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 07:06 AM
The answer to "Why would people come here and say, all you need to do is just drink in moderation?" and "If you really had a problem your car would be repossessed..." Your bottom is your bottom. You are the only one that can say whether or not you are an alcoholic or not. In the rooms & on any site you go to... take what you need & leave the rest. Family, friends, spouses, co-workers: it doesn't matter what they say. See when people want to make changes within themselves, others get threatened. You're changing the "Normal". People have adjusted to the "abnormal" and they are very comfortable in the roles they have learned to play and don't see a need or want to change it. They don't know how to react. Jessica, you are 20 years old and have your whole life ahead of you. How lucky you are. Follow your heart which is right now telling you that you have had enough of this "abnormal" life. Continue on your road to recovery. Maybe one day that "anonymous" writer will be here and you'll be able to comfort him/her to get help that they finally realize they need. It's all in our HP's time. Even the "anonymous" writers have a HP they just don't know it yet. Something brought them here to this site!
Member: Sunshine
Location: PA
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 07:56 AM
Anyone new getting sober, it may be a good idea to get a physical by your doctor. You also need to be honest with him/her and let them know that you are getting sober. I know you may not want to share it with them, but it's your health. We often don't know what damage the alcohol has done to our systems. Yes, it may be anxiety, but don't take any chances. Get it checked out by a professional. The AA program & the fellowshop will help us put a drink down and keep it down. But often, we need outside professionals for other things.
Member:
Location:
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 08:07 AM
Higher Power my ass,far fetched fictional character DEFECT
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 09:30 AM
Goodmorning all of us in recovery, It's a beautiful morning, I have a clear head and am filled with joy. Bruce is on the stereo singing, At night we went down to the river.... Down to the river... and into the river we'd dive. It really is the little gifts I have today that mean so much. Classic Bruce Springsteen, a cup of hot coffee, a clear head, a plan for today. Yep, life is good! Welcome, Ann, Tom M, Jessica, Deb B, Dave and it's great to see you all staying sober and going to meetings and posting. That takes courage! Keep coming back! Hi Jane, You sound good. This was my first AA retreat and I really enjoyed it. It's great you use prayer and meditation. I am trying to memorize the the 3rd Step prayer because I read it before I work on my step 4. It is on page 63 of the Big Book. I realized that with a year I am still at the infancy of learning the program. God willing I will do all the work because I want what the people at this retreat had. There is more to AA then speaker meetings but they were neccessary at the start. I needed to just trust in the process and sit and listen. REALLY LISTEN. I was sick, spiritually bankrupt and dead from the neck up. These people had a solution and I wanted it and because they believed I believed. I saw God in their eyes and voice and it gave me hope. I didn't have to go to God to get well, I had to get well to go to God. I'm glad I did and it only took an ounce of willingness. Sunshine, good advice on being upfront with your doctor. Mine knew because it shows up in my bloodwork. Even at a year sober I needed to have my Liver scores checked before surgery. They are within the normal range but still slightly elevated because of the damage. Unfortunately mine is permanent but was stopped before Cirrosis. If your doc does not know you drink you could go on Lipitor for your cholestrol and do a lot of Liver damage without knowing it. Lipitor lowers cholestrol but taxes your liver so drinking on top of it is very bad. Even taking ibuprophen and drinking together can damage your Liver so always be upfront with your doc. Gotta run and everyone have a great day! Kelly :)
Member: Deb
Location: Portland
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 09:31 AM
Made it through day two. Am choosing to not drink today either. Things have been stressful at work and I have had every good excuse to buy that bottle of wine, but Thank God have not. My husband was buying beer last night and I literally had to remove myself from the aisle so I could avoid seeing my favorite wine. I have been thinking of things that I can do instead of drink. I can go for a walk, I can play on the internet among others. God Bless
Member: Debi B
Location: Florida
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 09:40 AM
Just wanted to say good morning. I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin has I do today. I know that I have only been sober 5 days however today I woke up with a plan. I have important things to do today and I am not hungover while doing them. I really enjoyed my first meeting yesterday and I plan to go to the same meeting everyday. Only today I look forward to going and I am actually excited about being there. I haven't spoke up yet and probably won't for a while, but by listening, I have learned so much in only 1 hour of being there.(amazing)Thank you all for supporting me and have a very wonderful sober day!
Member: Jodie
Location: Philadelphia
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 10:08 AM
When I was new, I would go to meetings sometimes 2 a day, but I felt like I was not going to stay sober & I felt as though I was going crazy mentally. I would go to meetings & honestly share how crazy I felt. Then one great day, someone in AA reached out to me & showed me the Steps as they are in the Big Book. I got a sponsor who was well-versed in the Big Book & began at once to take the Steps. Sometimes I was fearful, sometimes I didn't understand but I just followed the directions as layed out in the Big Book & which my sponsor was showing me. I was taught how to 'Live' the program in my daily life. Now, when life throws me those curve balls, my thoughts are not of a drink. My HP has become the main source of my strength. Life is not a bowl of cherries, however I know I would have been able to have any lasting sobriety without a Higher Power & the Steps. I still practice living the Steps in my daily life, & I still have short-comings, but I am blown away by how much I have changed. If you are new, please find someone who can take you through the Steps. Best places to find these people, I find are at Big Book studies & meetings. Anyway, just wanted to share this.
Member: HeatherS
Location: MI
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 10:47 AM
Hi everyone! I'm not having such a great day. But i wanted to thank all the people who posted this morning-sunshinePA,JaneC,Ann,KellyM,Deb,DebiB and Jodi. Reading your posts helps so I wanted to say thank you. It's nice to feel like I'm not alone and that is what this site does for me. 28 days sober today. Still haven't been to a f2f meeting yet. Reading all the posts has made me realize that going to a meeting is what i really need, for so many reasons. I have a intensive out-patient group that i meet with 3 days a week for 3 hours a day. It helps alot, but I know I need something more because of all of you. So thank you again, for helping me not feel so alone.
Member: Renee
Location: Texas
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 10:48 AM
Day 2... Renee here. This is my second morning waking up without a hangover. I realized I needed help 5 years ago when I put my kids in my car after having a full bottle of wine and headed off for the store for another bottle. I knew then it was time to stop. Luckily I did for a while after finding out I was pregnant (I NEVER drank while I was pregnant). I was sober for a while but after two more unsuccessful pregnancies, I hit the bottle again. This past Monday night I drank so much that I found myself passed out on the porch at 4:30 am while my kids slept inside. My husband was away on business. The past two days have been really hard, but I will take it one day at a time. I am going to my first meeting tomorrow. I am terrified that I will not be able to get out of the car and walk through those doors. Your posts have been of great inspiration and will hopefully give me the courage to live a better life.
Member: Lissa
Location: Kentucky
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 12:30 PM
Hello all. Hope that everyone is having a good morning. I know that you are having a hard one Jessica, but hang in there girl, and it will all work out the way it needs to for you. The chest pains, their a pain in the you know what. I always put a hot rag on. It helped to ease the pain, at least for me. Just trrying to figure out a way to help you not sit sround in pain. As for me I am going on day 3 and actually have felt better than expected. Reading all of your alls comments every morning is a huge help. I have my first meeting tonight. I hope that helps as well as I expect it will. The love and support of my b-friend is making it unbelievably easier. Without him I would be losing my mind. I know that I am doing this for myself, but he does play a big part of it. Have to get ready to go pick him up so have a good SOBER day all.
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 12:59 PM
Jane C..an alcoholic..it doesn't upset me at all to admit that I have this problem..it doesn't make me who I am as one of Gods' children..It's so good to see all the really newly sober people trying so hard to stay sober..I started posting here and have been sober since..from the very beginning I was so grateful to find all of you people that I just made myself come back here every day..it's not as easy to post as much right now though...I'm in the process of looking for a different part of Alaska to call home for awhile with my boyfriend...I did, however, tell him that I go nowhere without my web..he laughed and said it's fine with him..it had to be, he would have to go without me otherwise, and I'm crazy about the man..Renee..stay with this post and just tell yourself that your life and your kids depend on your sobriety..just don't pick up that wine today..I know exactly how you feel..I've done the really sad thing of finishing a bottle and going for more..wine was my drink also..I really love wine, but it doesn't love me back... it was killing me, destroying my life and causing me so much more fear than I would normally have, and I've had a lot of it, all my life.. Anothera bonus in sobriety for me is that I'm guilt free..my BF thinks I don't really have a problem, but he never knew about the drinking I did when I was home alone...and about the bottles I'd hide from him, and the anxiety I had thinking that he would find them...it's over for me now and I ask God for sobriety today..tomorrow will take care of itself..today is what I have.. Hugs to all of you..(I thing I've been here long enough to do that) I've never been touchy, feely, outside of family..I feel like you are family now..have a great sober day with the Grace of God...
Member: Lisa
Location: FL
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 01:17 PM
Hi everyone, I don't understand alcohlism. It scares me. I feel like a failure or something. I also don't want anyone to know about my problem. I live a lie. I have had so many hang over excuses its ridiculous. I am at the verge of loosing my job and I daily find myself depressed and sad, angry at myself for a million different stupid things I have done while drunk. I sometimes get anxiety attacks. I have told myself over and over again that I don't want to drink anymore but it never works. I hav been so afraid of not being able to have a life without it, I guess that would be a big sign that I AM in fact an alcoholic. Thinking about going to a party or the holidays and not being able to drink makes me so ashamed. I have tried to beat this, I have tried to pretend that I am better than all the others and CAN control this thing, but then I find myself back to square one, once again praying for help and crying for whatever I did. I have had enough, I don't feel alive anymore. And right now, in my despiration its easy to say, no more alcohol, its better than being in this hell, but then boredom sets in, or missing my friends, or feeling so alone, so I start the I will just have one, its a work night, I won't get crazy...I am stuck in some crazy pattern and its been over a year and I can't seem to break out of it. I need help
Member: Sunshine
Location: PA
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 01:20 PM
Just wanted to say Hi to Jodi. Welcome! I'm from the Philly area too. (Bensalem)
Member: Sunshine
Location: PA
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 01:24 PM
HeatherS, Get your butt to a meeting. You need "live" people to talk to, too. You need people to see you and you see them. As someone said here, you'll find the really good ones at BB & Step studies. They are the ones really working to get better. Get yourself a sponsor. Don't do it yourself. 28 days is a long time to be going it alone. Don't set yourself up you've come too far.
Member: Stan S
Location:
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 02:24 PM
Lisa from FL, I have had the same thoughts you are having. I went for about 2 years waking up every morning feeling miserable and resolved to quit, yet drinking by five o'clock. For reasons unknown to me, one day out of the blue I drove to the bookstore and bought a book about the 12 steps. I was shaking in fear as I took it to the counter, thinking that now the book clerk knows I'm an alcoholic (which of course she did and now I smile at that memory). But going through that little ritual at the bookstore was like climbing a ladder to some next level, and then kicking the ladder away after I got there. I bought the book and there was no turning back. (For other people, going to the first AA meeting provided the same kind of pivotal moment, and I would certainly recommend that). Funny, but I don't even read the book. That night, I proceeded to drink to the point of passing out, but it was odd because I consciously knew what I was doing. It was almost like putting on a performance for myself, a one-act play PROVING that indeed I had no control over alcohol. The sober part of me watched in detached amusement. I could FEEL it. The next morning I woke up feeling unbelievably peaceful and happy. It was like the Wizard of Oz, where Dorothy opens the door and everything is in color. The insight hit me like a speeding train. Twenty four hours earlier I was still lying to myself, believing I had control over my drinking. Yet here I was and it was crystal clear to me: I was utterly powerless. But I was ecstatic. Hung over and ecstatic. I had taken the first step, and I knew it with every fiber of my being. I was finally convinced, I am an alcoholic. I needed no more proof. No more attempts at controlled drinking. Nothing. The freedom of finally letting go of my resistance was (and is still) exciting. I firmly believe that I was guided by a higher power, because the clarity of those early days was so intense. I do believe going to AA meetings and following the steps can be valuable. I'm not a regular attendee, and not much into the program. I have no idea how long I've been sober, but it's been years since my last drink. I'm just saying maybe AA is the right idea for you. You need to take the first step. I firmly believe that. After that, you're on a beautiful and fulfilling journey you'll never regret. I promise.
Member: Lisa
Location: FL
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 04:28 PM
Stan S-Thank you so much for the inspiration. You story was great, The idea of freeing myself and letting go is something that I am craving so badley. Knowing that alcohol, something so irrelavant to life, something someaningless is actually taking control over me is ridiculous and if can just simply let go and tell myself that I am powerless so therefore I don't need it, is something that will take awhile to get used to but God it seems so easy!!! Now, just have to make myself believe that a drink isn't as fun as I think it is. Thanks for your words
Member: Connie S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 04:58 PM
Lisa, drinking was once fun for me too and i was afraid to try to stop. I isolated and pretty soon it was easy because no one wanted to be around me. I finally became so ashamed of how I was living that I fell on my knees and cried out to God for help. I had been through the revolving doors of AA for years, since 94 but would not admit that my drinking was controlling me. I could not admit that I had a problem, but when I admitted it to my innermost self, and I gave AA a chance, I began to get honest, openminded and willing, things began to get better for me. My life is better today. Sounds like you realize you have a problem and thats a big one, it was for me. If you are willing and open the door just a little you can always open it some more. You do not have to feel like you do right now ever again, you do not have to have the remorse and shame unless you want it...and you don't have to suffer alone. We are here for you. Please find a local AA meeting and go there ASAP. If you truly desire to stop drinking and start really living, there is a solution. Get a big book and read the first 164 pages, in there lies the answer to all your problems. I wish you the best.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 05:53 PM
(Lisa) Drinking has always been 'fun for me'. It was the consequenses that bothered me. So every morning was my first day of sobriety, for the last couple of years. But then like so many of us here, I was drinkin' by five o'clock. Most days I didn't even know I was drinking. Alcohol had control over me. I only admitted it 12 days ago. So, I'm by far no expert. If anyone ever truly is. But, my admittance and decision to do something about it, were the greatest moments of my life. It's not easy leaving work and not going to the bar. I was scared to change my life, but I needed it. I was scared to go to that 1st meeting. But, I found that I needed it also. I met some wonderful people. Alkies just like me. I found I wasn't so different. I finally fit in somewhere. It's been a wonderful 12 days. Looking forward to day 13. Hope you'll join us in 24 hours of sobriety. Welcome!!
Member: Debi B
Location: Florida
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 08:24 PM
(Lisa) Been through Hell and back, here. It is your decision to make, and only yours. Myself, I have only 5 days sober. However I am tired of feeling like crap. And I refuse to continue to bang my head against the same brick wall over and over and over again.I went to my first AA meeting yesterday. All I have to say is WOW! I loved it. People just like me. I wasn't alone. It is a wonderful thing! Good Luck with whatever decision you decide on. God Bless You
Member: Carol P
Location:
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 09:08 PM
Hi today is day 2 for me. I am carrying my white chip where ever I go. I can go weeks without a drink and I get bored and have to go to my favorite bar just for the food. At least that is what I tell myself. Then I am closing the bar down and bring a ton of people to my house for the after hour partys. And not making it to work. Really sucks. I am going to go to a meeting on friday. See I was in Alanon for 8 years. But I alway thought the problem was his. Because he actually did drink 24/7. But today I know I have the problem to. I am giving it to my HP. Because I know he can help.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 08, 2003
Time: 09:30 PM
Amen.
Member: Jodie
Location: Philadelphia
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 02:47 AM
Hello Sunshine & thanks 4 the Welcome.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 05:28 AM
Good Morning World. Today is the start of Day 13 for me. Got a lot of crap rummaging around in my head. Got a copy of The Big Book last night. Pretty good reading so far. Just opened another door in my head. And that means a whole new flood of thoughts and questions have shown up as well. I'm going to ask someone to be my sponsor today. I'm enjoying sobriety too much to run from it because of the questions in my head. (Stan S)Thanks for your story. Almost thought I was reading of myself, only you've gone much farther Than I yet. You are truly an inspiration. THANKS
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 05:43 AM
Day 8 and counting! Thanks to all of you for sharing your feelings and stories. Everyone of them I read gives me more strength to stay sober just one more day. I have replaced my drinking with walking and doing some housecleaning. Housecleaning of the mind. I am getting rid of those thoughts of loneliness, depression and feeling lost and replacing them with beautiful images of what is to come and what is here now. I have all of you to thank for that. I hope everyone has a wonderfully sober day today.
Member: Sunshine
Location: PA
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 07:31 AM
Good Morning Everyone. Just went through all posts. Doing good. Just keep coming back. Have you read the Daily Thought at "aaonline.net" for today? The title is "Bankrupt". And thought to ponder, "If I have the courage to begin, I have the courage to succeed." Hang in there. AA-related 'Alconym' . . . S W A T = Surrender, Willingness, Acceptance, Trust. It is sent to me daily and it gives me something to think about that morning and takes me through the day. :) Enjoy your day.
Member: Deb
Location: Portland
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 10:00 AM
It is very inspiring to read all of your posts. Thank you for posting you thoughts. Working on day 4, choosing not to drink. It seems that is the ONLY way I can think of it, as choosing for today only. Anything else is totally overwhelming. Heres to health.
Member: Lisa
Location: FL
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 10:24 AM
Hi everyone, I am calling this Day 2 of my sobriety. Its actually been since Monday night that I dank, but yesterday was my, I guess you would say, "Awakenign Day". Everything is good, working on the one day at a time thing. I think that works better then the whole idea of trying to reason how to live the rest of yourlife without parties and all my friends I currently have and blah blah blah. The scariest part of it all is that desire to have fun, with friends, go dancing, get out, relax from a long week, but it seems that this problem that I have won't ever let me do that, I have to become some bible child and never do anything worng again, can I get some opinions on that. I mean I believe in God, but do i have to become an every minute thank you god person and no longer associate with the "drinkers" of the world? I mean, what if you wnat to o out dancing, what if your single and live alone and want to get out of the house and spend time with people, what then? I don't know, maybe beating this means forgetting dancing and getting out, maybe I need to learn to be alone for awhile. Does anyone have any thoughts for me on this?
Member: Lisa
Location: FL
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 10:27 AM
Deb-Portland, hey sounds like we are sort of on the same boat with this thing, just wanted to say that I am rooting for ya girl, and everyone else here!
Member: Joel
Location:
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 12:21 PM
I can definately relate to Lisa. Early on, I didn't know how to have fun without drinking and druging, and while these people in AA used to think like I did, and shared many of my experiences, they were different now. I saw hope for me in them. So I went to meetings every day, showed up early and stayed late, and got a sponser. Most of the time I just listened, and observed how they lived their lives sober now, and shared what was going on with me. I latched onto many of the people at the AA meetings, tagging along on functions (AA dances/meeting trips) and to different peoples homes for fellowship. Slowly, I learned about true friendship, this program, God (my HP), and how to have fun in sobriety. I chose to stay away from my old drinking and drugging buddies, as I tended to be a "chameleon" and take on the characteristics of those around me. In fact, it was years before I found and contacted my old aquantences. That helped me to build new associations. Take care.
Member: jan
Location: Upper Penisula MI
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 12:33 PM
Hi Everyone, I'm six days sober today - again. I can sure relate to Lisa. I feel really good today. Reading everyone's posts this past week have sure help me. It's hard to believe that alcohol has so much control over me. It's also so nice to wake up without having a hangover at work all day. I just want to thank all of you, reading your posts have given me the courage to not drink today.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 01:29 PM
Hey Lisa, in my opinion, you don't have to become a 'bible thumper' in order to stay clean and sober. You just have to let God, as is known to you, guide you through. It's times like this that we all need our Higher Power. I thought that I had a bunch of friends that would back me in sobriety. I was wrong, most laughed at me or put me down. If they can't accept you sober, then they're not true friends. I have met several people at my meetings that go out and 'party'. I'm not sure as to how yet, as I'm still new too. But I know that I can't hide in a bubble forever. I have to venture out among the 'drinkers' again. If I hide from it, it will find me. That's when trouble starts, for me anyway. Get yourself a sponsor, they can help you alot. I got a copy of the Big Book. It's actually good reading so far. I also got a book called "The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous". It's an interpretation by the Hazelden Foundation. For me, it kinda helps put the steps into perspective. It makes it easier to grasp. I'm saying you must buy these books, but they are helping me cope. Also, as Sunshine mentioned the "Daily Thought", some sort of daily meditations book might help you. It gives me a positive thought to mull around in my head, lot of room to bounce around in there, throughout the day. These are just some ideas from someone who's going through this as well. Ultimately, the decision up to you. Let your HP guide you. We are all backing you. Join me in staying sober for another 24 hours.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 01:29 PM
Hey Lisa, in my opinion, you don't have to become a 'bible thumper' in order to stay clean and sober. You just have to let God, as is known to you, guide you through. It's times like this that we all need our Higher Power. I thought that I had a bunch of friends that would back me in sobriety. I was wrong, most laughed at me or put me down. If they can't accept you sober, then they're not true friends. I have met several people at my meetings that go out and 'party'. I'm not sure as to how yet, as I'm still new too. But I know that I can't hide in a bubble forever. I have to venture out among the 'drinkers' again. If I hide from it, it will find me. That's when trouble starts, for me anyway. Get yourself a sponsor, they can help you alot. I got a copy of the Big Book. It's actually good reading so far. I also got a book called "The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous". It's an interpretation by the Hazelden Foundation. For me, it kinda helps put the steps into perspective. It makes it easier to grasp. I'm saying you must buy these books, but they are helping me cope. Also, as Sunshine mentioned the "Daily Thought", some sort of daily meditations book might help you. It gives me a positive thought to mull around in my head, lot of room to bounce around in there, throughout the day. These are just some ideas from someone who's going through this as well. Ultimately, the decision up to you. Let your HP guide you. We are all backing you. Join me in staying sober for another 24 hours.
Member: Dena G
Location: Texas
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 01:30 PM
Hello all. Today is my first day of sobriety. I just can't continue lying to myself anymore. I keep telling myself that I will just have one glass of wine before going to bed, but it never ends up that way. While I was drinking last night I finally realized that I had no control over alcohol. As I poured that second glass and then the third, it hit me that I couldn't stop drinking. No matter how hard I tried I just kept pouring and drinking until I felt sick. When I think about never having another drink it scares me. It is my crutch. I have used it to "solve" my problems, but it has only created more problems. I HAVE TO QUIT NOW! Looking at me from the outside it would seem that I live an extremely normal life, but in this separate world I have created I rely on alcohol like people rely on air to breathe. I am terrified that I will pick up another drink and lose control again. Reading your posts has given me inspiration to make a change. Wish me luck.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 01:31 PM
Sorry, I meant to type "I'm not saying you must buy these books, but they are helping me cope."
Member:
Location:
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 01:32 PM
GOOD LUCK DENA G!!!!
Member: Jan
Location:
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 01:38 PM
Hi Dena, I know how you feel, I wish you luck. Can you get to a meeting? That did help me, along with taking it one day at a time. Pat yourself on the back for getting through today....
Member: Jane C.
Location: ALaska
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 01:43 PM
Jane C..alcoholic..almost 3 months sober..Thank you Stan for showing all the newly sober good people that going to AA meetings every day or even every week is not a life time commitment..I'm like you, not going overboard with meetings..it would be depressing for me to think that they are going to be the only thing that will keep me sober..this is my second time in AA..the first time I stayed sober for 18 years bouncing in and out of meetings.for me it was all I needed..once I knew I was truly an alcoholic, I was determined to STAY sober..and I did, from the first meeting..I relapsed after all those years because of my husbands 2 years of fighting cancer and his ultimate death..I drank during the last part of his illness for strengh to care for him, and for the relaxation that I needed at the end of the day..I was fooling myself into believing that I could stop without help..WRONG..I need all of you people in my life..there is so much to give and take from all of us..I found this site and haven't had up a drop of wine or anything else since my first time on..I love you all, and I need all of you.you are the greatest gift from God that I could ever recieve..He sent me here to find the most loving, caring people that I could find to help me in this journey, or struggle to stay sober, so that I might be able to take on life in this crazy world without going crazy myself..I'll be away for a few days and won't be posting, but I have all the new posts to read when I get back home.. Hugs to you all and Gods blessings for another sober day..
Member: bob
Location: california
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 02:28 PM
Hi Dena: I've been doing life for two weeks now without a drink, and what you described about your last night and your first day is still vivid in my mind. I don't want to jinx myself or anyone else by saying it, but it gets easier as time passes. I found that publicly admitting that I'm an alcoholic and listening to the experiences of others in the same boat is a tremendously powerful antidote to the illness I created in my mind, body and spirit. Some of the people who post here have been doing this for years. I'm inspired by them and by those who have been alive for only just a few days. Thoughts and prayers are with you, and everyone else who is on this path.
Member: bob
Location: california
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 02:33 PM
I was thinking about some of the discussion about "how" to stay sober. Should you do this, or should you do that. Here in California, there are a lot of highways that have five or six lanes going in the same direction. Some lanes move faster than others, but no matter which lane you're in, as long as you don't take a wrong exit, or head the wrong way on the highway, you usually get where you want to go.
Member: Sunshine
Location: PA
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 03:06 PM
Jane C. Welcome Back. "I relapsed after all those years BECAUSE OF MY HUSBANDS 2 YEARS OF FIGHTING CANCER & DEATH..for strengh to care for him & relaxation that I needed at the end of the day." Do you hear yourself? You didn't drink for 18 yrs because you went to meetings, helped others & received help for yourself. You picked up a drink because you WANTED to drink! Your husband had nothing to do with it. Please, don't misunderstand me. My heart goes out to you for losing your husband and going through that period of time watching him and caring for him. However, the program teaches us to live life on lifes' terms. Under any and all conditions, we do not pick up that drink. You can try to lie to us or others, but please, do not lie to yourself. You have no acceptable excuse for picking up a drink. Had you not been around before for so long, I would not have sounded so harsh. But, I believe you know in your heart of hearts that what I said is true. I'm sure you can handle it. I'm really glad you are back.
Member: Lisa
Location: FL
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 04:03 PM
Hi everyone, Thanks for the replies. I am really happy to know that I can ask questions here. I am back and forth with understanding how I am going to have a life without alcohol but then again I don't have anything with it. I was thinking that maybe if I jsut stop worrying about enjoying how I am going to have fun and just enjoy my sober days then things might start to make more sense. Who knows, one day at a time right. Good Luck to everyone
Member: TRENT H
Location: OKC
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 06:47 PM
ALL MY RESENTMENTS ARE THE RESULT OF NOT GETTING MY WILL IN THE PAST MY ANGER AND MY DEPRESSION ARE THE RESULT OF NOT GETTING MY WILL IN THE PRESENT ALL MY FEARS ARE MY CONCERN I WONT GET MY WILL IN THE FUTURE
Member: Tom
Location:
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 07:24 PM
Hi everyone,just checking in to let everyone know that everything is going good and still drink free and that is a good thing.I am enclosing a couple of links that are must reads for anyone in our wonderful program.After reading the links you will find a box at the bottom of the page and in that box is a picture of the wonderful founder of our program Bil W..Just click on the picture of Bill W. and a wealth of information will be displayed for your reading pleasure and it is all true.Here are the links:What's Good About AA? What's Not Good About AA?
Member: Tom
Location:
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 07:43 PM
Here are the links:http://www.aadeprogramming.com/reclaim/orange-whats_good.html http://www.aadeprogramming.com/reclaim/orange-not_good.html
Member: Dena
Location:
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 07:45 PM
One baby step accomplished! Today I poured out all the alcohol that was in my house right down the kitchen sink! I carted the huge bag of bottles out to the trashcan and tossed them in. It felt pretty good! But what felt even better came later in the day when I was driving past my favorite liquor store. In the past I always made sure that my house was generously stocked so I wouldn't have the fear of running out. But today, knowing that my house was alcohol free, I did not pull into buy more alcohol. I just kept on driving! And so here I go... my first night with no alcohol in my house. One day at a time!
Member: Karen P.
Location: Georgia, USA
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 07:54 PM
Hi, I'm Karen, alcoholic. I'm going on a year and a half sober and I still won't invite friends over for drinks. I just don't want to be tempted. I just counted it up. I do have over a year and a half of sobriety. That is not without fleeting thoughts of drinking, I just don't do it. I thought the struggle would be over by now, but it's not, entirely. I still have to remind myself of the last night I drank, embarrassed myself in front of the neighbors, and vowed to go to detox the next morning (I was too drunk to go that night). AA has been a great help to me, and my sponsor a crucial source of support. I am grateful. If I can be of help to anyone newer to the struggle than I am, please email me at Poelman@msn.com. I would be glad to respond. In the re: say drinking, or I may think it is junk mail and trash it. Y'all have been an important source of support for me over the last year and a half, and if I can give something back, I'd like to. I can't be a sponsor because I work out of town and am not really available for the better part of each week, so if I can help here, it would be good. Don't drink, get/call your sponsor, work the steps, and go to meetings. It works. Karen
Member:
Location:
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 09:10 PM
Karen,if you dont drink why on earth would you invite anyone over for drinks in the first place,duh
Member: Debi B
Location: Florida
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 09:27 PM
Hi Debi B here. Had a tough day. My boss called me last night and wanted me to pick up another client today. Which was not a problem, it just requires me to work twice as much, but being sober this past week makes that pretty easy. However my home life is falling apart. my husband and I have been best friends, partners, and big time drinking buddies for the last 6 years. When I decided to get sober for good he said he would support me in that. He told me that he isn't ready and I respect that. I have not mentioned one word about his drinking this week..not one single word. Instead I have just been taking care of myself and attending AA. Well, that is when it hit the fan tonight. He thinks AA is some kind of group that is going to take me away from him. He has spent the entire evening trying to push my buttons, trying to upset me. But I have remained calm and let everything slide off my back. (my tougue is bleeding..lol) But I just lets it go. He is going crazy that he can't get a rise out of me. It's almost that he want me to fail. He told me, "look at all the crap I've done for you, and now you act like you don't need me, screw you"...isn't that beautiful! I guess I am just tired...I took the kids to school at 6 this morning, then on to work, got off at 5 this afternoon, then ran and got the kids from school. Came home, made dinner(which he refused to eat just to be an ass) got the kids homework done, bath time, now bed. All to be yelled at and belittled. And I wonder why I drank? Well the jokes on him this time...thank you for letting me vent. By the way he's past out now,,,I have all of you...thank you
Member: IS IT WORTH IT DEBI
Location: NO IT IS NOT
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 09:45 PM
Debi B. your husband is indeed correct ,the program will divide you from your family,AA will become your family.It would be much easier for your family if you just dont drink and stay the person that they know and love without alcohol.Coomon sense should tell you that whether you choose your family of your new family of AA derelicts choosing to drink will not be permissible either way.By choosing the program over your family reflects your committment to our family which does not sound too strong due to AA.READ THE ABOVE LINKS DEBI,SAVE YOUR SELF.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 09, 2003
Time: 10:15 PM
(DEBI B) An acronym that I first learned here. It has helped me through some unsure days and nights. F ather A ll I s in T hy H ands
Member: Sunshine
Location: PA
Date: October 10, 2003
Time: 12:00 AM
Trent, thanks for your "self-will" post. That's a keeper for me. Dena, You Go Girl! You can do it! :) Debi B, I think earlier in the week I responded to a post about a similar situation. NOBODY LIKES CHANGE. By you changing makes him look at himself and that scares the hell out of him. You can be an example for him. Recognize his fear. See if he even knows that he is scared and what he is scared of. Let him know that you are not expecting anything from him and that you still love him. Ask him if he loves you and if he does than he needs to let you get better.. get the help you need to get. Hang in there. Keep doing what you're doing. Don't allow any guilt trips from ANYONE. Stand your ground. You deserve to be good to yourself.
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 10, 2003
Time: 04:30 AM
Day 9! I've been posting here since day 1, and what a change I've gone thru. I have no desire for alcohol, but I have been going thru alot of ups and downs emotionally. Today I'm going to my first face to face meeting. I'm really looking forward to it, but slightly scared. Yesterday I bought the big book and stayed up late reading it. If only I would have read it about 2 years ago. It's interesting how people who have never looked into AA seem to think we are alone, and no one is like us. Now that I am surrounding myself with AA materials and thoughts, I realize how many of your life experiences mirror mine! Even the story from (Jane C). I started drinking more around the time of my fathers death last November and it just spiraled from there. I was blaming my increase in alcohol on that til I read (Sunshines) posting. I guess I was just looking for an excuse for my bad behavior. It was always something. Work is tough, bills, single parenthood, living in a place you don't necessarily like..etc, etc.. Now I know that it is up to me to stay sober and happy, and no matter what life throws at you, you can handle it. Thanks to all of you for your incredible support and I hope everyone has a wonderfully sober day.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 10, 2003
Time: 06:39 AM
Good Morning Everyone, starting day 14. WOW!! I never thought I could say that I haven't had a drink in 2 weeks. I'm on-call this weekend, and that usually keeps me busy and away from the bar. I am choosing not to drink for another 24 hours. I'll be reading my big book this weekend. (Debi B) Hang on, your Higher Power will see you through. And so will we. (Sunshine) Your kind and honest words help me keep going. Thanks for your love. (Ann) I'm proud of you. It is nice realizing that you are not alone in your fight. You have an entire population behind you. Will anyone join me in not drinking today? THANK YOU ALL!!
Member:
Location:
Date: October 10, 2003
Time: 08:24 AM
Kelly and Sunshine are the same person,just thought everyone should know.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: October 10, 2003
Time: 08:51 AM
Good Morning All, It's another new day! I'm sober too and that is too cool for words...! It was so good to read all of you this morning that are staying sober and coming back and sharing. It helps to keep me sober by reading what it was like. I can never forget my past nor want to shut the door on it. My heart goes out to ((Debi B)) because I could relate. I was single when I got sober but lost my best drinking buddy right at about 2 weeks sober. It is (VERY) common as others explained and it has nothing to do with (you) but it is the insecurity of the other person. It scares the hell out of them and you find out real quick who your friends really are! Deb, just remember that as hard as it is you and your sobriety have to come first, even before your children. That one really got me. Anything that goes first becomes first. At meetings talk to another woman about it and get some feedback. Alanon is a program of recovery for the family and they have meetings on how to deal with a husband or wife that still drinks. Best of luck! ((Trent)) great saying and its on my fridge dry erase board. Sooo true! Thanks for that. ((Karen P.)) Congrats on a year and a half! It has been nice reading you here since I came here last October.((Sunshine)) thanks for calling me on myself on the discussion board. I'm just a sick person trying to get well and I need to be reminded of that in a kind way. I guess I really want to try and make sense out of what I don't understand. Some of the posts here are so sick and demented. I have to just learn to ignore them and be the bigger person like I always preached to my kids. Easier said then done!!! My sponsor told me to shut off the tv and stay away from negative people for my first year and just focus on my recovery. Gotta keep doing that. Congrats ((TOM M on 14 days))! You are almost halfway to getting your 1 month chip. Don't deny yourself the pleasure of picking up that chip and every single one after. It marks our time being sober and as you get more and more time sober picking up that chip every month becomes huge, or it did for me. Then getting my 1 year chip and its metal and heavy. The feeling of it in my hand after 11 months of lighter chips was such a great feeling of accomplishment. For an alcoholic not to pick up a drink for 365 days in succession is nothing short of a miracle! If you stayed sober for 24 hours that is a miracle too so lets all stay sober today just because were worth it. Kelly :)
Member: Sunshine
Location: PA
Date: October 10, 2003
Time: 10:23 AM
Good Morning All! Got up a little late today & missed my 9am meeting. That's okay, good to see you all here and sounding good, but most important - sober. :) Have a good one.
Member:
Location:
Date: October 10, 2003
Time: 10:38 AM
http://powerfullyrecovered.com/articles/articleix.htm
Member: paul p
Location: michigan
Date: October 10, 2003
Time: 09:48 PM
The one day at a time thing is hard to do. I know that it is necessary, however, thoughts of future events keep popping into my mind. I associate all of them with drinking. I then have to force myself to think of only today. But the damange is done. I keep thinking of the future. It is hard to think I have abused the privledge of drinking and now I have to suck it up and let it go. Hell I have spent 22 years driniking pretty hard. I have not had a drink in 10 days. I know I cant expect a 22 year pattern to be reversed in 10 days. Hopfully it will only take 11 (wink). I have found more comfort here than my local meetings. Also a book from aa called "living sober" has been a huge help. It speaks to people like me that are drunks but have not lost anything because of it. It is a tremendous help to those of us that were able to stay "functional". Thanks to all.
Member: T
Location:
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 12:24 AM
It's the end of day 14. Just got home from a service call out of town. After a call out of town, I used to stop off at the bar because I new that I could blow off any more calls until the next morning. So tonight, as I'm driving home, I see that my bar is open and hoppin'. Without a thought I was pulling in. but suddenly I realized what I was doing and just drove through the parking lot. I continued on home sober. It was another battle won.
Member: T
Location:
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 12:24 AM
It's the end of day 14. Just got home from a service call out of town. After a call out of town, I used to stop off at the bar because I new that I could blow off any more calls until the next morning. So tonight, as I'm driving home, I see that my bar is open and hoppin'. Without a thought I was pulling in. but suddenly I realized what I was doing and just drove through the parking lot. I continued on home sober. It was another battle won.
Member: Jan BB
Location: Paris, France
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 03:51 AM
((Ann D.)) Love to hear about your first meeting last night, and reading the BB, staying sober 10 days, well done! Great shares by all the newer members of ES page, I support you one and all. My first year was a string of one sober day next to another sober day. I went for along time by not drinking between meetings, one meeting to the next. Want to remind the over 1 year sober posting, there are giudelines at the top of the page, one post, 300 words per week. I see the postive intent by a few, yet, the guidelines are the group conscience, to be respected by all, not just trolls. ((T)) Excellent Keep at it! Thanks for letting me share, HOPE for ((Everyone)) janbbparis@yahoo.com
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 06:14 AM
Hi ((Jan BB)) and ((ALL)), I just realized I was breaking group conscience now that I have a year. ((Sorry)) about that. I also want to point out that everyone with less than a year sober can post here as much as they want and need to about anything that is bothering them. This is the group conscience from above: >>> The Early Sobriety Meeting of Staying Cyber was created so that those new to sobriety would have a comfortable place to ask any question that they might have. Each week a topic will be chosen from a suggested list to start the meeting. Those with less than one year may share on that or any other topic as often as they wish. Whether it be answering a question or sharing, we ask others - those with more than one year - to limit their shares to once per week and to keep that share to less than 300 words so that all may have an opportunity to participate in the 12th step work.>>> End quote. This board has been a huge help to me this past year and it will continue to as a once a week weigh in on the topic, (300 words or less). Good Luck and GodBless to all of us in the battle to get and stay sober. Kelly :)
Member: Tom
Location:
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 08:54 AM
Kelly anyone can post on this page or any other page whenever they want to(INCLUDING YOU).The battle is won once a person chooses to stop drinking and stay that way. Jan BB,go remind yourself to keep your nose out of what others do.You have no say so over nothing except what goes on on your side of the street,now get back on your side.LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE.THEY WILL NOT OBEY YOU.
Member:
Location:
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 09:12 AM
Jan BB,why did you not just say Kelly,you are posting more than you should and once a week will be all that you can do from now on. We Americans will not be told by anyone from CHIRACSVILLE what we can and cannot do so dont even try. Kelly, you post on any page as often as you like.
Member: JaimeS
Location: NM
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 12:27 PM
Jaime here, I had 13 days sober and decided to drink yesterday and the day before. I wish I had discovered this site earlier. I went to a meeting last night and two people said "This is day 13 isn't it?" I choked and just nodded. I feel like a liar and a fake. What do you say when that happens? I will go back and clean it up with those two people because it's really bothering me. All I can say is that as I read the entries of the other newcomers here and really identify with the hangovers, blackouts and overall feeling like a terrible person and even though I screwed up I have the choice to start over again. I have also seen the negative comments by someone so cowardly that they wont even use a name. If you have to go so far out of your way to be negative about AA then I think I really have something worthwhile. Thank you for your comments they make me laugh. Being a drunk is a very awful feeling. I noticed that I was taking the blame for things and carrying around this inferiority complex as a result of getting ripped every night. So thank you all for your comments, especially the people on their first few days. Your honesty about your situation has shown me that I am lacking in that area and that is part of the reason I gave up after 13 days. I am starting over today. Will keep in touch.
Member: Dawn G
Location: MI
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 01:00 PM
Thanks for all the comments. It's been 14 days for me. I am determined to do this.
Member: TOM M
Location: SC
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 01:18 PM
(Jaime S) I'm sure that all of us have 'slipped' at some point in our quest for sobriety. We had to start over, (if you haven't,then that's wonderful). I'm working on day 15. One of the biggest concerns for me is that you can't a years old habit overnight. Keep going to your meetings, get some numbers. They're there so if you get to that point of 'needing' a drink, you can call a friend who will talk you through the rough times. You're not alone in this. As far as lacking in honesty, it took a little extra to tell us that. Remember, "To Thine Own Self Be True" You obviously want a change, you didn't find us by accident, I sure didn't. This site has been very helpful as my job has kept me running the highways, and out of the meetings, for the entire 2nd week of my sobriety. It also has some folks posting a bunch of bullsh*t. You have to sift through and find what helps you. I had to go out and get the Big Book and some other AA literature to study when I have a little extra time. It also keeps my m ind off of the bar. Hang on for 24 hours. We're here with you.
Member: Deb
Location: Portland
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 03:13 PM
Last night was my first Friday Night without my bottle or two of wine. It was a struggle, I went to a funeral and I had to fight to not buy the wine. I wanted it so bad. But I didn't. Lisa, like you my husband is/has been my drinking partner for years. He is my best friend. That is one of the things that frightened me most about choosing not to drink. I was/am afraid of how that will effect my marriage. So far he has been pretty encouraging, only bothers me when he says that I am more fun when I drink. But that will be one of the hurdles I have to tackle. Anyway, I almost didn't make it through last night and had to remind myself that I CHOSE not to drink. This truly is "One Day at a Time". Here's to a sober weekend..God Bless
Member: chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 03:29 PM
I'm Chris--I'm an alcoholic/addict...Living one day at a time is a constant learning experience for me. I am finally learning not to beat myself up about the past and am trying not to worry or "awfulize" about hte future...The best thing I am learning about now is to be VERY greatful for all of the wonderful that my Higher Power has blessed me with as a result of this program. . My old " using " self...would go from one " awful " thing to another...IF something good would happen , I would not be particularily be greatful for it. I would just worry about the next "awful" thing that could or was happening to me..Today I am learning to be awed at the fantastic things my Higher Powere does for me on a regular basis. And I am not beating myself up for the ingratitude I had in the past. This program has taught me so many great thinkgs and for that I am eternally geatful!!!
Member:
Location:
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 03:57 PM
Tom H. has his own Big Book,hooray for Tom.That crap is over 70 years old.It will keep you sober if you actually read it cause you cant see the little words if you are under the influence.
Member:
Location:
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 04:22 PM
Chris H.,CONGRATULATIONS,you have won the monthly award of PARROT OF THE MONTH,you have earned your entry into the finals for the PARROT OF THE YEAR AWARD.POLLY WANNA CRACKER.
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 04:39 PM
10 days! 10 great days thanks to all of you! Thanks (Jan BB) for wondering about my meeting. It's nice to know you have friends from all over the world who care. I attended my first face to face yesterday and had a wonderful time. I now know that this group meets twice a week and I plan on attending every one. If only I would have known years ago what incredible people you would meet at a meeting and the support that comes with it. Every one of them without exception welcomed me with open arms and I left with phone numbers, e-mails and new friends to call. To anyone who is still questioning AA, don't. I spent too much time wondering myself, and for not. Thanks to all and enjoy another sober 24.
Member:
Location:
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 04:48 PM
Ann,if only would it would always be the way that you described.More will revealed.
Member: O.T. P.
Location: North Central Texas
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 08:15 PM
Today I finally admiited to myself that I am an alcoholic and have decided to change my ways. I am greatful for this site and the postings. I managed to stay sober for 9 months but threw that away a few months ago, the biggest problem that I am having is leaving the past in the past and tryng not to get down on myslef. Any suggestions? Are you supposed to leave it in the past or carry it with you? Is the depression something that goes away in time? Thanx
Member: for O.T.P
Location:
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 08:47 PM
The depression will go away in time.Of course leave all the past behind if possible,but it is not possible for the past to go away.One can only learn from one's past resulting in having experience and if choosing to be an alcoholic is part of your past then your experience with that should tell you not to engage in such self destructive behavior.No need in going around declaring that you are grateful for deciding to be responsible for your own well being.Dont give your credit away as you deserve the credit since you are the one who is actually making the effort to refrain from using the booze.
Member: Debi B
Location: Florida
Date: October 11, 2003
Time: 10:04 PM
Got up this morning and went to the grocery store. I went to get coffee/cream and a dounut. I walked out with coffee/cream a dozen dounuts, peanut butter cookies and a bag of m&m's. What is it with this sugar thing? Anyway 8 days sober and hubby is coming to grips with the AA thing. He even watched the kids while I went to a meeting today and didn't even complain. Anyone have any suggestions about satisfing this sugar craving, I would appreciate it.( before I become big as a house..lol)