Member: dee w
Location: fort langley, canada
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 10:00 AM
Hi everyone..Dee, alcoholic. I want to thank you for all the shares. I am nearly 6 months sober and am currently in residential treatment(home for weekend visit). I, too, was finding it difficult to go to F2F meetings. At treatment we have 2 meetings/week in house which we must attend. This has helped me greatly. It is so important to be with other alcoholics. I have not shared at a meeting, but feel confident that I will do so in the coming weeks. I really encourage anyone who is apprehensive about attending meetings to take that first step and walk in to the room...for me doing so has brought me so much closer to the program and my HP. Thanks for listening.
Member:
Location:
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 10:21 AM
Hello all! And hallejuhah today I have 8 wondrous days of sobriety. I have been able to make 3 meetings this week as well as log on to online AA sites. But today I am on a mission to find a sponsor. I really want to make it this time. Even though I have a crippling shyness (when sober). I'd make a beginners meeting today and get someone even if its temporary. Thanks. And god bless you all for helping me.
Member: tech
Location:
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 11:19 AM
testing
Member: Christa W.
Location: Yuba City CA
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 11:19 AM
Christa here alkie with 14 days sobriety today. That first drink will snag even those of us who are not looking for it. Im so grateful that my husband removed all the alcohol from the house or Im sure I would have slipped last night. Changes are happening and that usually sets me up for dissaster.Not having anything around gives me time to think about my actions and sets up other ways of dealing with issues. It's a scary place to be in when you realize just how vulnerable you still are to the first drink. I thank my HP for stepping in and giving me another day of sobriety.
Member: Sharon T.
Location: California
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 11:36 AM
Hi everyone, Sharon T. Alcoholic. I can relate to people not being able attend meetings in the 'real' world. Being shy is a real handicap. I am into my third week and still can't bring myself to attend a meeting.
Member: Beth H.
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 12:38 PM
Good afternoon everyone! This is a HUGE topic for me. Of course, that first drink is my downfall every time. I've not been able to focus too much on anything else for the past month. I've tried all sorts of tricks; some work, some don't. Most effective is to only think about avoiding that first drink - don't think about the rest. If I can resist one measly little beer, and if I can continue to resist it every day, I think I can stay sober. It's JUST ONE DRINK. Simple. It's the 10 that follow that complicate things so much. But they won't come if I don't start with that one. It's really hard, especially when everyone around me has alcohol readily available. In the past, I tried to reason with myself whenever I felt a craving. Now I just tap myself, shake my foggy head, and say (out loud if I have to) "You have no choice! Just don't do it!". That is all. I also have been drinking so much herbal tea and vegetable juice that I'm getting up to go pee five times every night. Is it possible to get a buzz just from being waterlogged? :) Anyway, good topic. I really am looking forward to posts from others at various points along the path to health - tips, hints, ways to trick the Beast until real sobriety can take root. My meeting is tonight, I think I'm gonna go. But I've said that before. We'll see. Love you all.
Member: Jeff B
Location: Dallas, TX
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 12:41 PM
THREE months today.
Member: Ann
Location: MA
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 01:07 PM
Ann - alcoholic. If your an alcoholic the first drink will get you drunk. That's what I was told and that's the truth. 1's too many - 100 not enough. Being an alcoholic and having read the Doctor's opinion - when I take a drink it sets up a compulsion(allergy) in me that I have to have another and another etc. If I don't take the 1rst drink I will not take the 2nd, 3rd - and with me it could be 10. I don't drink a day at a time no matter what. I am shy (painfully so also) but when I first started really coming around (1994) I went to meetings at least once a day. I was too afraid not to and it really was the only place I felt comfortable - I might of went to meetings around the clock if it was possible. I don't know how some of you are doing it "alone". It is so much easier when you have support - someone to call, someone to lean on, someone who understands -someone to help you understand. I've been battling shyness all my life but I couldn't live the way I was living when I was drinking and I couldn't get sober alone. I have a husband who wanted and supported me to get sober but not being an alcoholic himself he didn't have a clue what it was like. Even today he doesn't have much of a clue about it but I have a couple of other people who do. The first word of the 1rst step is "We" - I think that's pretty significant.
Member: BRUCE N
Location:
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 01:25 PM
158 DAYS AND COUNTING ONE DAY AT A TIME. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND i'LL DO THE SAME.
Member: Rhonda G
Location: Iowa
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 01:35 PM
Hey all. Rhonda here. I have been sober for 7 days now. The first drink for me is the worst thing I could do. Actually its the first sip. I can't stop when I take that first taste. I know that for me to live a healthy life I have to avoid drinking. Congratulations to everyone for another day of sobriety. Have a good day.
Member: Karen P.
Location: Atlanta, GA
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 04:19 PM
Hello again. I'm Karen, Alcoholic. I have almost six months sober, and not taking that first drink is the only way I have done it (so far, ODAAT). Actually, tomorrow is six months. My problem now is getting past the second step. I've decided that AA is the most reasonable HP for me now, yet I am very shy about speaking in public, and I don't share in F2F meetings unless forced to (by being called on). Then I feel like a stammering fool. My sponsor tells me if AA is my higher power, then sharing in meetings must be my form of prayer. I've told her how much trouble I'm having with that, and she suggested starting online (which she did). I've got to get over my stagefright, for more reasons than one, but fully participating in AA and making a connection is my biggest reason. I hope that some of you can relate. Take care, and I will be back soon. Please talk to me.
Member: Michaela M
Location: Paris, France
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 04:43 PM
Hi Michaela here, alcoholic and addict. As ((Ann - MA)) pointed out, 'it's the first drink that gets you drunk'. If I think about wanting a drink or drug and forget the mental and physical pain that it has given me and start to just remember the 'good times' then I share these thoughts at a meeting. I tell myself to go to a meeting and then think about the drink later. Once I have been to a meeting and I have shared or even just listened to others shares it re-affirms those feelings of complete heart ache and saddness that I had through drinking. I know then that the first drink will lead to another binge if not that time then another time but it will happen this is without a doubt. It is simple really do not pick up that first drink. It may even mean that you have to avoid the places you drunk at and people you know that drink for a while but the thing I know I must put first and formost in my life right now is my sobriety and my recovery. In order to do this I do not pick up a drink for today. ((Karen P)) - Congrats on 6 months for tomorrow, well done!! I am also a very shy person and found or still find it awkward and difficult to speak in meetings. I often feel that people won't want to hear what I have to say and that others are far more confident and articulate than I am. I have really forced myself to speak though and it really does get easier the more you do it, honestly. The thing is that you do not have to speak if you really do not want to but the longer you don't the more it becomes a big issue in your life. I find that when I do speak people talk to me after the meeting and people do want to hear you. As a newcomer with just over 3 months sobriety people do want to know how we are feeling and what we are experiencings. I'm learning that it isn't about being part of a crowd or being the best speaker it is about sharing what is going on in your head so that it leaves your head and stops bugging you. You can always go with someone else in the program so you know you won't be alone or you could go to an open meeting where non-alcoholics can attend so that you can take a relative, partner or friend perhaps. Congrats to each of you on your sobriety whether it is hours, days, months or years!! Michaela mikkimaynard@emailaccount.com
Member: Nancy B
Location: Michigan
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 05:55 PM
How wonderful Bruce N to have 158 days of sobriety. I hope to keep it up as well, I've been sober for 4 days now and still want that drink in the back of my mind. But I know if I do it i will be very upset with myself and I will have let down my kids. All I can do is pray for myself and for others to keep receiving the strength we so need to be successful.
Member: Marsha L.
Location: Guam
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 06:20 PM
The first drink is the REAL challenge for the alcoholic. Absolute necessity must be put forth for survival, and mediocre change cannot be put down like a flag. I have been sober now for one month, although I do still find a need for an occasional 'crutch'. Pampering my emotions is my untimely demise, but I keep my pledge to do otherwise. Perhaps others would be helped if they knew the God that lives in all of our realms. Putting forth a sense of 'journey' will always put me in the 'swing club' and help me realize my gains. But it only takes one day at a time, and I can impart myself with many rewards for this and that. I always like to challenge myself with a rule of governance that applies to my heart and head, but only in a rather lucid way. Otherwise, boredom and incongruity set in. And that wouldn't help my situation.
Member: Anne M
Location: NY
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 07:12 PM
Hi, Anne here, alcoholic. Congrats to all of you for the time you have put together! I have 106 days today. I have been able to avoid the first drink because I KNOW that I am an alcoholic -- I don't want ONE drink. Any time I think of drinking, I want THE WHOLE BOTTLE. I want to drink until I fall down. So, thinking through the thought keeps me in the realization that I CAN'T have a drink because I won't stop there. And I absolutely positively do not want to ever live through another blackout in my life. Good luck to all of us! Love, Anne
Member: Rhonda G
Location: Iowa
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 08:28 PM
Hey everyone. Rhonda here. Today has been a struggle for me. I am experiencing a lot of intense cravings. But I know that if I take that first drink or sip in my case I won't stop there. I want to feel numb and that has always been my soul purpose for drinking. It scares me to feel some of the feelings I have so I have always turned to the alcohol and now I am experiencing those feelings. This online AA has really helped me this past week to keep from taking that first drink. Congrats to everyone and good luck on staying sober.
Member: kirsten
Location: montreal
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 09:16 PM
ohmygod! I love you guys! I, too, really need this site. In fact it is the only support I am getting right now and we all need the support. I love the topic. By reading your strugglings, I realize that I am not the only one here dealing with this on a daily basis. It reminds me that there are good days and bad days. And that if I have to leave the party to a chorus of " why? " and "C'mon, just stick around..." Then, I just do. Because staying sober is the only priority. I am not even afraid of never having another drink again. There was a time when the thought of a wedding or even a dinner without alcohol was preposterous. FOREVER ? I couldn't stomach the idea. I have seen the results of my drinking so many times over now that the thought of drinking is my biggest fear. I suspect that if I drink again, I will never make it back out alive and - for today - I ain't gonna find out. Have a great 24! k.
Member: Karen P.
Location: Atlanta, GA
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 10:24 PM
Hi. I'm reading your postings before I go to bed. Gives me a sense of comfort. What keeps me away from the first drink is remembering my last drunk and knowing that I don't WANT just one drink, ever. I still marvel at those people in restaurants who leave wine in their glass and get up and go home. My last drunk I only remember part of, because I blacked out, locked myself out of my condo, and embarrassed myself in front of my neighbors (who were very helpful). I went to rehab the next morning, and the breatholizer said I was still drunk! Don't drink no matter what! The cravings are getting much weaker, though I still have passing impulses and drinking dreams sometimes. I thank you all for being here. Karen
Member: Marsha L.
Location: Guam
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 11:03 PM
Rhonda, INTERNALIZE your thoughts. Purging yourself of all the gloom and splatter will help you to share what looms so unpleasantly. Further your nuance by taking all thoughts to heart. Check your slip at the door, and recognize the hatred that pours from the wine glass. I know it's hard; I have been sober for a month now, with only a few crutches along the way. Don't make it an unpleasant journey: intensify your aggresiveness. Make plans that take you on a journey through the loose web of alcoholism, and share that journey with the others around you. Once a drunk, always a drunk, but don't say so. Maybe you just need to personalize your thought patterns, one day at a time. I will pray to the Lord Jesus Christ for you.
Member: Gretchen M.
Location: Maryland
Date: September 01, 2002
Time: 11:39 PM
Thinking today about how many wondrous excuses my drinking can find to get to that first ("just one this time") drink...so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Beginners is a good place to check in to daily and have my head at. Thanks all for being here today. Will be reading your posts daily.
Member: Gage
Location: LA
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 12:35 AM
I'm Gage, and I'm an alcoholic. Hello, and congratulations to all of you! Some with months of sobriety, some with only a few days -- believe me, I know a few days can be a long time to go without a drink. Keep it up! I once went three years or so without a drink. This was sobriety of "the white knuckle" variety, as some people call it. I did go to AA meetings during that three years, but I didn't take the steps, and I don't recall ever feeling very happy about not drinking. Sometime during my fourth year I began drinking again. There were so many times in that year that I got drunk and I can't quite recall which was the first drunk I had, but I know that one of the first occurred when I was house-sitting for a neighbor who had gone out of town. He had asked me to feed his cats and keep an eye on his place. One afternoon I went over to feed the cats and for some reason I opened his fridge. There was a six-pack of beer in there and almost like a robot or something I just reached in and grabbed one, opened it and drank it standing right there by the fridge. I didn't even think about it first. After I downed that first one, I sat down and drank the rest. Then, I went for more and I'm sure you know the rest of the story. I am not weak-willed where alcohol is concerned, I am no-willed. Some people find it impossible to believe that I could not have stopped myself when I reached for that first drink. But our book, Alcoholics Anonymous, talks about this, in the main text, and in the stories in the back where there are numerous examples of the same sort of thing I just described happening to other folks as well. If you will search your own experience, more than likely you will recall an instance or two in which you found yourself with no natural defense against taking that first drink. If this is the case, then I hope you'll get started taking the steps suggested in the book. Get someone who's taken the steps before you to help you understand them. That's what I've done and that's what I'm still doing. Keep it simple, and good luck to all of you.
Member: Madelaine
Location: Texas
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 06:05 AM
Perhaps someone can tell me what happens to that morning's or the previous day's posts when the topic changes for the week? It doesn't appear that you can retrieve them like you can on the CP. Congratulations to everyone for their days of sobriety. This is a good place to come for support. Keep coming back. Anybody heard from Anne C?
Member: Dennis A
Location:
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 08:26 AM
Hi, It seems that I am having a hard time going to meetings. Maybe it's ego but I have grown tired of the same "experts" going on and on useing the standard AA speak. There is nothing real in what they say. Anyway, I know I should go to meeting but I don't feel any different. I have good days and bad just like when going to meeting. I would like to go more aften but I wonder what the point is??? Free coffee. Lots of free advice from people what can't stay sober or are miserable being sober. Just thought I'd put it out there.
Member: Walt L.
Location: Northern Ca
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 08:42 AM
Walt, alcoholic....congradulations to everyone of you who havn't taken a drink today; that is the key to this whole deal and the only thing that I can do one hundred percent correctly, and if any of you are like me then you KNOW how important that is. For an alcoholic of my type not to drink for 24 hours is a miracle so continue to do whatever it takes to do this and I swear to you that the miracle will grow and enlarge in your life to the point where you will look back and realize that by your action of not taking that first drink a whole new life has been given to you "one day at a time". If you are interested in a clear and concise program to make this seemingly impossible task less complicated and doable then get the book Alcoholics Anonymous. Read, and follow, to the best of your ability, the instructions contained in the first 103 pages. You will find a new life beyond anything that you can presently imagine. via con Dios
Member: Brenda S
Location: Kansas
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 10:54 AM
Good Morning, Brenda, alcoholic. I awoke to a beautiful morning here in Kansas, but last night wasn't a pretty sight. I had been drinking too much and made a total fool of myself in front of my mother, husband, children, and grandchild. I've been "thinking" about quitting for some time now. I've been through in-patient treatment twice in the past, the first time I went willingly. The second time, I was forced to go or lose my job. I want to come and join you folks because I truly believe in the effectiveness of AA. HELP.........
Member: Sherry
Location: Ca
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 11:48 AM
Hi Sherry here alcoholic. I also need to quite once and for all. This site is great to read the posts from all of us who want to stop and feel quilty when we slip. You give me hope when I read from you that its difficult to stop the cycle. Just don't pick up the first drink. I did that last night and followed it with many more. I pray tonight I'll be at a meeting or at least here with you. Life is throwing alot at me right now, and I need to cope with it sober. Thanks for this site.
Member: DANIELW.
Location: PORTLAND INDIANA
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 12:03 PM
Hi everone I'm Danno46 I am a alcoholic and addict. I Thank my HP for AA and all related web sites. I only have three months today, this time. I was always really wanting to stay sober and clean but it was my way. It didn't work! So now I am trying the true AA way and it's working. Because I am working the program. I still have cravings, so I look back to my last drunk and high and remember how sucidal and depressed I was and That usually helps me not to want the frist drink. I only have two meetings a week in my home town. So I can get on the net and find one any time I need or want one. There are some good sites out here you just have to look. With a lot of good info and years of cleaness. I am new to this one but so far It seems good too. If anyone wants more site info e-mail me at danno462002@yahoo.com I will be more then happy to give them to you. JUST REMEMBER JUST STAY AWAY FROM THE FRIST DRINK, AND EVERTHING ELSE WILL WORK OUT THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSE TO. I WILL BE PRAYING FOR ALL OF YOU DANNO46
Member: Jan
Location: Michigan
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 01:06 PM
Hi Everyone, I'm Jan and I'm an alcoholic. I a single parent with four children. I was sober two weeks to the day Saturday, August 30. I got drunk Saturday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years left me yesterday. I went to a meeting last night, and just called and found a meeting for tonight. I've been battling with booze for years. I realize that I am powerless. Walking into my first AA meeting was dreadful! I've been to 5 meetings now, and they work! For all of you that can't get yourself to a meeting, let go and let god! Try it please... Thanks for letting me share.. I'm glad to be here on this site. Jan
Member: John P.
Location: Tampa Bay
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 01:48 PM
((Dennis A) John Here... Alcholic. 10th. day (this time around) Some time ago I felt the same way you do. Meeting after meeting, hearing the same thing, from the same people, as though it was pre- rechorded. I raised my hand and told them how I felt. (exactly as you do) The last twenty minutes of the meeting we heard form some people that normaly just sat and listened, as I did. It was refreshing to hear some new thoughts. After the meeting, some members came up and thanked me for my honisty. Meetings can get a little stale now and then. They are like a cup of coffee, sometimes you have to stir them up, to get the sugar up off the bottom. Hang in there and stay sober. I'm working on it at my end. God Bless All! John
Member: AnneC
Location: Canada
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 02:10 PM
Hi Madelaine-Texas, AnneC Here. Thanks for caring enough to miss me, you don't know what that means to me. I have been drinking but not by any means in excess. I have had no problem having a couple and putting the bottle away. I have problems relating to some of the comments made as I never drink in the morning, nor crave one and I have not had blackouts. My problem is that once in a while I take too much(at home when I am alone and lonely) and I hate myself for it. It is usually when something is getting me down. Am I kidding myself??? I have been coping well and a lot is due to this site and the caring people on it. As far as picking up comments from the last topic, just go to archives and you will find all the topics there. Let me know what you think! Good Luck to everyone, you are in my prayers.
Member: Madelaine
Location: South Texas
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 02:11 PM
Hi. This is Madelaine, alcoholic. I'm here right now because I'm really wanting that drink. Really wired up. Reading the posts helps me not take that first drink. I don't want to blow the last 44 dry days. Thanks.
Member: Rhonda G
Location: Iowa
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 02:48 PM
Hey everyone. Rhonda here. Marsha L. Guam-- Thank you for that wonderful suggestion. I will try to do that. I too am here right now because I really want to drink. I have experienced yet another loss. It is a fact that I don't deal well when this happens. Earlier today I went for a very long drive. It seemed to help me calm down some and it kept me from drinking for I won't drink while I am driving. I have lost more than one person to a drunk driver and I don't want others to have to experience that. Thank you everyone for all your support. I really appreciate it. I have now been sober for 8 days and I really don't want to blow it. Thanks for listening and take care of yourselves today.
Member: Yvonne
Location: Scotland
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 02:53 PM
I found it very, very hard to stay away from that first drink as I could never understand that it was the first drink that got me drunk. Most of the time, once I had taken that first drink, there was no way I could stop drinking until I reached oblivion. But the problem for me was the very few times that I did manage to stop after just a few. These times allowed me to believe that I could drink normally if the circumstances were right. They allowed me to forget the times when I had no control at all and the sheer hell of the hangovers the next day. I could persuade myself that I enjoyed drinking at times and if only I could keep that control going I would be able to drink normally. I kept trying for nearly 14 months after coming to AA for help with a 'drinking problem' and had to finally accept that I really was an alcoholic. One thing that helped me to understand how powerless I was after that first drink was to actually write down all the times I could remember when I had been powerless. The times when I had only bought one bottle of wine to have a nice 'civilised' drink and ended up driving drunk to the off license because one bottle was not enough and the craving for more was uncontrollable. And I also wrote down all the times when alcohol had made my life totally unmanageable. Appointments cancelled due to hangovers, friends insulted during late night drunken phone calls, the children getting themselves ready for school whilst I lay in bed praying for them to go quickly so I could go back to sleep. Step one was the most important step for me to help me stay away from that first drink. It was only when I really looked at these things that I began to totally accept my alcoholism and become prepared to do anything to stay away from the first drink. Picking up the phone and asking for help, going to meetings, pacing the floor with gritted teeth counting away the hours before the day was over, taking countless hot baths...anything rather than drink. Chocolate and sweet drinks helped a lot and I pretty much chain smoked through that time. A lot of the time it was white knuckle stuff..crying under the duvet 'please god don't let me drink', raging down the phone to my sponsor that he didn't understand how bad I felt. But if you just keep hanging on no matter what, the day does pass and the next day isn't as bad. One night when I was trying to persuade myself I might be able to drink normally again, I got the Big Book out and went through it ruthlessly underlining every single thing that applied to me in there. There were so many pencil marks in the end that I had to accept that I was definitely an alcoholic and that I had better do what I had to, so that the obsession to drink could be lifted. Because I was dying an emotional death if not a physical one yet. I started working the steps with my sponsor as honestly as I knew how, and Step One was the most important one. After nearly a year the obsession has pretty much lifted.The cravings got less and less after the first month or two. I still get thoughts about drinking now and again. But once I think them through and remind myself of the end result rather than the initial buzz...I can usually put them out of my mind. If not, I pick up the phone or post at the Coffee Pot and ask for help. The first few months are not easy but as your head begins to clear and the cravings become less you start to see the life that is possible without alcohol. People used to say to me ' Don't leave before the miracle happens' and I just about growled at them I was in so much pain. But it does seem like a miracle when you start to have hope again and look forward to the future again through clear eyes. It was worth all the effort in the beginning and I would never want to go back to the way I was again. Love and best wishes to everyone struggling through this today Yvonne
Member: Jeff C
Location: Wisconsin
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 03:07 PM
Hello. Jeff, alcoholic. I have almost 2 months under my belt now. Feeling good, but I know I'm only one day away from being an active drunk. I'm just finishing up my outpatient treatment program. It's been helpful for me. I've been trying to quit drinking for almost 3 years now. It seems like I can always stop drinking for a few days or weeks when I have to (my wife finds out, my health gives me a scare, I get in trouble at work, etc.). However, I always seem to go back to the bottle after things quiet down a bit. One thing that always gets me in trouble is trying to think too much about the 'why'; why I drink, why I can't stop, etc. I'm finally realizing that those are the words of my addiction. When I go down that road I always seem to get into a wrestling match with my addiction, and I always lose. The best thing for me, at least right now, is to avoid that fight and read (BigBook, 12x12, etc.), work with my sponsor, go to meetings, get on my knees and be grateful, and do something no matter how small. That's about all I know at this point. thanks
Member: Curt C.
Location: Claypool, IN
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 03:27 PM
Hi everyone. Today is my 186th day of being sober, one day at a time. I was recently released from a work release center after serving 6 months for a DUI. During my stay there, I attended 148 AA meetings, and have been to a meeting each day since. My Higher Power gave me that DUI as a chance to stay sober and I am making the most of it! The thing I would like to say to those who are having a hard time going to meetings is to just do it! The fellowship and friendship are very important to me. Once I started going to meetings, they became more and more comfortable to be at. Now I don't feel right if I don't go to one. Early sobriety is not easy. This is my third time in the program. My two previous attempts only kept me sober for a matter of weeks. Both times, I did not do what I was told to do.[get a sponsor, use the phone, work the steps, etc.] I have done the best I can this time around and, for at least this 24 hours, I am sober. Always keep in mind, do your best! It may not be perfect, but nothing is! Don't sweat the small stuff! If you make sure to call before you take that first drink then you'll be OK. I am grateful for being sober and I love you all.
Member: Marsha L.
Location: Guam
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 04:23 PM
I got drunk and trashed my apartment last night. I need to clean up, but I'm too hung over to function. What brings about these horrid destructive binges? For me, the insanity of life brings about feelings that are hard to quell. I wish to be a champion of freedom, but my wishes are stormed out by cheap bashes at liquor.
Member: Rhonda G
Location: Iowa
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 04:53 PM
Hey everyone. Rhonda here. I am so close to walking out my door and getting drunk. I am reaching out to supporters so I am still at home. Which is a good thing. I know the last thing I want to do is take that first drink. I can't handle taking that first drink. Thanks for listening.
Member: John P
Location: Tampa Bay
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 05:34 PM
((Ronda G)) You may be able to handle that first drink... It's the hundreds that are sure to follow, that will give you the problem! If you MUST walk out that door, then PLEASE go to a meeting. If you really think going out and getting drunk will help matters, (and i pray you dont) have one for me. Because I know I can't! Hang in there if you can... It does get better. God Bless. John
Member: Madelaine
Location: Texas
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 05:50 PM
Rhonda G--I am where you are right now. I've been there most of the day. I got some advice on the Coffee Pot, and I'm trying to follow it. Just got out of the bathtub after having sex (the advice was to masturbate). Now I'm back at the computer seeking more support. Look at the posts on the CP for some experienced advice. Marsha--do you have the desire to stop drinking? If so, AA is where you belong. Don't drink again, and "again" starts with that first drink. Keep coming back.
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 08:46 PM
To avoid the first drink, this is what worked for me early on when it was more physical; - Chocolate - Power bars - Coke (not diet) - Exercise (this works off the sugar) You have probably heard of HALT - don't yourself get hungry (my big trigger) angry, lonely, or tired. After a few months avoiding the first drink became more a matter of following my routine - prayer, meditation, exercise, big book, call a drunk, work the current step, make a meeting. If I do this everyday alcohol has no power over me. If I don't, well let's just say I start to get squirrely. If I stay that way for too long, say a month, I'll drink. That's why I only have 90 days sober today. But I did learn from that slip. The other night I was really uptight, my shoulders really ached. I thought, "Man, I used to fix this with a monster drink (4-5 shots) to loosen me up but that is NOT a option today." Instead I lay on my bed and imagined the relaxing effects I sought, the muscles letting go, the tension seeping out of my body. I asked God to touch me and calm me. It didn't work as fast as the monster drink, but it did work! Better yet, I woke up the next day ready for life, instead of coping with life. Hope this helps, it works for me right now. Peace
Member: Ann
Location: MA
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 08:50 PM
Ann - alcoholic. Rhonda don't drink. Read the post above yours to remind you why you shouldn't and read Madelaine's below to find out how to get thru it. There's reasons you don't want to drink now is the time to think of them. I suggested to Madelaine what was suggested to me when I was in the same place - "You don't have to drink even if you want to" As alcoholics we are going to crave alcohol that doesn't mean we have to drink. Marsha - could your life be insane because of the alcohol? No one says it's going to be easy but it is simple. You won't get drunk if you don't drink. The twelve steps helped me out of the insanity. Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable. 2.Came (CAME) to beleive that a Power greater than ourselves could (not would but could) restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision.........
Member: SEXY FEMALE
Location: CANADA
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 08:54 PM
HELLO TO YOU ALL I THINK FOR EVERYONE OUT THERE SEX IS BETTER SOBER THAN WHEN WE WERE DRINKING AM I RIGHT OR WRONG
Member: AnneJ
Location:
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 10:36 PM
Two days without a drink. I am ashamed, scared, and frightened.
Member: aa
Location: ACKland...
Date: September 02, 2002
Time: 11:02 PM
your wrong
Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 12:31 AM
Here are the things that were told to me when I first came to AA and what I subsequently found to be true. AA is not a self-help program. If we could help ourselves we would have no need for AA. AA is not a religious program, but is spiritual in nature. There are two aspects of AA: the Fellowship and the Program. The Fellowship is a very powerful thing and is sufficient to keep some of us sober. Most of us however are of the hopeless variety of alcoholic and to acquire and retain sobriety require the profound change, which comes from taking the Steps of AA. Being of the hopeless and real variety of alcoholic it was suggested in very certain terms that I take each and every Step in the order they are presented following the directions contained in the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous." Furthermore, I should find someone who had taken the Steps and seemed to be living a life "happy, joyous and free" and ask that person for help. I found someone, asked and he became my "sponsor." Together we read the Big Book and followed the directions for taking the Steps as best we could. The more experienced members of AA also suggested that I attend AA Meetings on a regular basis as often as I drank. Not only should I attend Meetings frequently, but also I should acquire and fulfill commitments at these Meetings. Wash the coffee cups (some Meetings still had glass cups at that time), make coffee, mind the literature, greet people, be a secretary or treasurer, GSR or Intergroup Rep. anything would do. Talk to people newer than I. Not only give my phone number to new comers but get their numbers and call them. Having done what was suggested I continue to do what was suggested, to the best of my ability, and my life has become wonderful. I now live "happy, joyous and free." With diligence and willingness you can do the same. I wish whoever reads this luck in gaining and maintaining sobriety.
Member: Jack H.
Location: Orlando
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 10:05 AM
Hi all. My name is Jack and I'll always be an alcoholic. I choose not to take that first drink because I discovered, in April, 1980, that I can not take just one. I tried it and got very drunk. The next day was my first AA meeting and I have not taken a drink since. One of the neat things I learned is that our bodies convert most of the alcohol into sugar. In my early days, when I had strong cravings, I would eat some candy or ice cream. For me eating sweets actually helped to reduce my cravings while I was going thru the withdrawel process. On another note, I see many of the newcomers saying that they are afraid to go to a face-to-face meeting or to share in a meeting. From my point of view, the newcomers are the most important persons in any AA meeting. Their comments remind "old timers" like me exactly where I will be tomorrow if I pick up that first drink today. Love to all. Have a happy and sober 24. Jack
Member: Madelaine
Location: South Texas
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 10:08 AM
Follow the previous post and keep coming back. The fellowship and the program works. I made it through yesterday and now have 45 sober days. Nobody said it would be easy, and it's not, but we can do it. Blessings, Madelaine
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 10:55 AM
After many horrible losing battles with King Alcohol, I finally came to understand drinking was poison for me. “Cunning, Baffling and Powerful”, the key for me has been to admit complete defeat and turn to my higher power whenever I even think about a drink or drug. I have to apply the rest of the steps in order to find and maintain a connection with my personal higher power and I need your help to understand the steps. Today I love life, tomorrow I may drink again, so I’ll try staying safe here in Today.
Member: Doug M.
Location: Upper Michigan
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 11:55 AM
To Rhonda and everyone else out there having a really rough time - if you are really having trouble making it day to day without alcohol, PLEASE look into a recovery program! AA is an important first step (and a life-long step) but don't be afraid to go see a doctor. There are many different approaches to recovery, from detox to outpatient help; from live-in rehab houses to occasional one-on-one counseling. 99% of these approaches are accompanied by the 12-step program. And if you have health insurance, it most likely covers at least some of the burden. If you don't have insurance, look into a social service organization or government agency for assistance. For some people, professional help can make the difference. And DON't EVER be ashamed.
Member: Jim B
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 02:55 PM
My disease always reminds me of what alcohol did FOR me. And there was a period of time where I felt alcohol was my friend. It helped me in many ways. But at some point in my drinking it turned on me and cut me to ribbons as the Big Book says. I was in and out of AA for years and never made the connection that it was always the FIRST drink that got me drunk. Once I have alcohol in my body it begins the craving cycle that leads to needing more and more and more. But with the help of my HP I am now able to counter the thoughts of what alcohol did for me with what it did TO me. My HP will protect me from that first drink every time I think it might be an option. All I have to do is ask and I do that on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis.
Member: Ralph
Location: Malaysia
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 03:38 PM
Hmmm ... first drink, next drink, last drink ... Somehow I have lost contact with that part of the program. I have been missing a lot by being away from meetings for five years. The messages posted here are making me aware that I have drifted slowly into dangerous water, and that I better do something before the insanity returns. The word insanity always was offensive to me, and I tended to skip over that little word. Later I began to see that we alcoholics are all a little 'crazy' to one degree or another. You don't have to go to too many meetings to get that idea. But I was sure I wasn't 'insane'. Not me. Them maybe, but not me. I laugh now at myself because the insanity is still there, just waiting for a chance to get active again. Anger, resentment, ego, control over people places and things ... it took so long to learn how to live. Now look at me, taking chances with the great gift of a good life AA has given me. I have forgotten to be sincerely grateful for that, and it sure is good to be here to be reminded of what it was like. It feels good to able to write this. Hi, all!
Member: Dawn S.
Location: Mesa, AZ
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 05:54 PM
Dawn Alcoholic - 4 months sober. Yesterday being Labor Day was a tough day, my family drinks at every function. I am not afraid of being around alcohol I just know that in me any alcohol is too much. I must remember where I was 4 months ago (very low bottom) I cannot predict the outcome if I take that first drink. The first drink for me is the end of all that I have worked for and I know that I could lose everything that I have gained by being sober and working the steps the last 4 months. This is my first post but this is a cool way to talk to other alcoholics. I need contact w/ other alcoholics who understand where I am. Thanks everyone!
Member: Rhonda G
Location: Iowa
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 06:49 PM
Hey everyone. Rhonda here. Today is 9 days of being sober today. Today has been a lot better for me. The cravings haven't been as intense as the past few days. I am very thankful for this. I am glad that I didn't take that first drink this weekend. Thanks for all your support. I will definitely keep coming back. Happy 24 to everyone.
Member: Determined ,and I mean it
Location: USA
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 07:21 PM
Five hole nights after tonight,its a true inspiration reading the post up here. I'm going to kick this in the butt for sure, just like smoking many years ago......It just feels right this time.I'm getting my new found energy from a bright Beacon GOD and Jesus Christ my savor....Its a humbling experience you also have to bring a bunch of determination to the table also..... Could kick myself in the butt for letting things get so pnsane...Fear mostly, My dad die from a long cancer illness,it definitely took its toll, plain and simple....Should have got some grief consuling(no I to much of a Man for that,Yeah right) I guess the best advice I can give for a persons loved one that is ill and dieing, love them to their death , because you got know control,let the lord have it, make them comfortable as you can......Sorry for being a heavy like this ......Love thy neighbor, Peace.....
Member: Dirk
Location: Oregon
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 09:36 PM
Thank you all for sharing. I needed to read again how uncontrolable life is once I take the first drink. I am grateful for AA fellowship and the program of sobriety.
Member: Sherri R
Location: CA
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 09:50 PM
Sherri Alcoholic - Today is day one for me. Again. Last night was another first in my drinking career and after a sleepless night I again came to the conclusion that I might just have to lose everything before I let go and work the program. I am becoming a very experienced beginner in AA. I can relate to many of you that are uncomfortable speaking in meetings. I am also very shy and one of the things that I find easier for me is to arrive at meetings early and ask if I can read “How it Works.” It is my favorite AA literature because I need to believe that it will work for me too. I love this topic, “staying away from the first drink” because this is a real issue for me. My first attempt at living sober was during the summer of 1998. I am a third generation drunk and had been through treatment as a family member when I was a teenager so I knew what I was and I knew where to go. I looked in the phone book for the nearest AA meeting center and drove my self over and walked in and approached the first women I saw. I went to meetings every day and sometimes two or three a day. In hindsight I can recognize the signs that appeared in my behavior before I went out. First I stopped going to meetings daily, and then I stopped talking to my sponsor. I don’t remember how long I lasted but believe it was around 32 days. I repeated this pattern in August of 1999. Even after a two week stay in a treatment center I was only able to achieve 34 days. Same exact pattern. I really dislike thinking about my last drunk and all the pain I have caused those in my life. I also very unhappy about the fact that I must start over yet again. I never enjoyed having to raise my hand as someone with less than 30 days. Maybe I can use that feeling to help me keep that first drink away. The good news is that I still know where to go. I’m made an appt. with my doctor for tomorrow to get a referral to a treatment program. I want to find a sponsor that also has had my experience of being a perpetual 30 dayer. I understand that I cannot stop going to meetings no matter what.
Member: paul j
Location: ozarks
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 10:17 PM
paul here...alcoholic and addict...been a long time since attending a newcomers meeting...way back when, my sponsor suggested that it may be beneficial to put the "plug in the jug"...he realized that i would try to analyze anything he said so he kept it as simple as one could keep it...i extended that to don't roll the first joint...don't take the first snort...don't eat the first pill and on and on and on...it has been said here and i will repeat it as it is worth repeating...it is the first of anything that gets me...not the fifth or the hundredth..the first...that is truly simple folks...when i was 90 days sober i attended my first conference...that was back in 84...there must have been a thousand folks there and it seemed like everyone wanted to give me a hug...by the end of the weekend i was overwhelmed, but i did not drink...i have come to love hugs...i give them often and never turn one down...a hug is better than a jug...or a drug...i almost turned one down once, but made up my mind not to be a hypocrit...hugged that man so hard i rocked his world and in the middle of that hug i realized his humanity...god makes miracles happen every day in aa...take care folks
Member: Isis P
Location: Atlanta Georgia
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 11:37 PM
Hi! Everyone! Today is my 10th day. Hallejuhah!!! I have been going to meetings almost every day. And I reccommend them highly to everyone trying to stay sober. It's great to meet other people like myself. I have even been able to laugh. I am still searching for a sponsor. And that's hard since I'm painfully shy when sober. It's great to see the wide variety of people at these meetings! One thing I do want to share is something I heard a woman say at a beginners meeting "You have to have a willingness to go to any lenght to get sobriety and that means doing things you normally don't do". Well I have tried to stay sober without a sponsor or doing the steps, it didn't get me much time. This time I will do exactly what's suggested! Anyway, please everyone if you feel like drinking get yourself to a meeting. love you all
Member: Heide J.
Location: Washington
Date: September 03, 2002
Time: 11:50 PM
Hi, this is my first time here tonight and I am truly thankful for all of you. My problems with meetings isnt necessarily that Im uncomfortable its my lack of trust in people. Im hoping to find that again here. Thank-you for letting me share
Member: Marsha L.
Location: Guam
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 01:26 AM
Hello. After my drunken spree two nights ago, I made it sober through today, with only a few little crutches along the way. My mind is awash with new feelings about alcoholism. It is so unlikely that God will have to interfere with my changed patterns.
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 02:54 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. No human power could relieve us of our Alcoholism. God could and would IF HE WERE SOUGHT. Most powerful prayer I ever cried out. God Help!!!! I haven't had the obsession to drink since early 1988, and I can honestly say it's about 7 years since I have had a thought about taking a drink. God willing November 23rd will make 15 years of continous sobriety.Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.
Member: Madelaine
Location: South Texas
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 05:10 AM
I'm glad to be here and glad that you are here. A hearty welcome to all the newcomers, and thanks to the "old"-timers for your experienced input. God grant us another 24 sober hours, and keep us coming back. Blessings, Madelaine
Member: Bill
Location: Singapore (on ship)
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 09:45 AM
I want to mention the 'Big Book' of AA, simply because it hasn't come up lately. If you are new to AA, and haven't got a copy, just post a note here and we'll see if we can get one to you. And that's true no matter where you are. Most recovering alcoholics tend to read the big book with their heads, and that is fine, but there is something about the big book that touches the heart and will make you cry. It is the ability to deal with the emotions which keeps us sober, and the big book is a wonderful way to get that process started. Most alcoholics never get sober, and eventually the disease kills them, or so I have always been told. My experience tends to confirm this, and I can tell you of many sad stories in which an alcoholic "got cured" and found it impossible to maintain continuous sobriety. If you are an alcoholic, it is a life threatening situation. There is no known cure. We say in AA that we are able to stay sober only "one day at a time" and for us that is enough. When I got up this morning I decided not to drink today. Maybe tomorrow. But for today I have decided. I don't have to decide about tomorrow until it gets here. And when it comes, it is my choice. I learned how to live without drinking in AA, and it didn't cost anything other than what I could spare at the time, given on a genuinely voluntary basis. It is a debt I can never repay. If I can say something here that might help someone who is hurting, that would be great. Keep coming back. It gets better.
Member: Mark W.
Location: st. Louis
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 10:10 AM
Hi, I'm Mark, an alcoholic. Many good posts already this week. There are a number of posts dealing with recovering from this dis-ease on your own. Admit it, those who haven't. The frewuent slips, crutches, new determination after a bout, are the dis-ease speaking for you. It knows that you know about the problem, and is fooling you into the belief that you can successfully drink again, after the resolute pledge to stop or moderate weakens after a few days to a month. I can't, WE CAN. I am powerless over alcohol, and found a support group that supports me when I feel the urge to drink. AA. Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: BB Thumper
Location:
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 11:19 AM
Step 1 is an important step because it comes before Step 2. Step 2, now that's an important step because it comes right before Step 3. Step 3 is important because it takes us to Step 4. Now, here's an important step, Step 4 because it leads all the way up to Step 5. Don't forget Step 5, it will be the one that comes right before Step 6. Gosh, don't skip ^, it takes us to 7. 7 gets us to 8. 8 gets us to 9. 9 to 10. Step 10, now get used to this step for sure because it's one that you will take numerous times in your sober life. 10 to 11. 11 to 12. 12 is a lifetime proposition. That's the way it goes.
Member: Melissa
Location: Florida
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 11:41 AM
Hi, Melissa-alcoholic. Almost 90 days sober! I still can't believe it, I never thought I could go a day without a drink, let alone 90! My home group is great! My sponcer and I are not clicking....she doesn't seem to have time to help me with the steps so I am asking someone in my home group that I can really relate to. I still have that desire to drink every once in a while. It has tapered off in the last few weeks. I believe it is because I am actually praying and asking God for his help in keeping me sober. I hope it keeps working and my new sponcer will help me in moving on to step 3. Thanks for letting me babble! Melissa
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 07:39 PM
HI Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. I will always be an alcoholic but I can recover from alcoholism. As an alcoholic, I have a brain that will tell me that it is ok to drink and a body that tells me it is not. As a medical care professional, I can say that most alcoholics clinically detox in 3-5 days. What this means is that the physical compulsion to drink has left you. Now we have to deal with the mental obsession. In the "Doctor's Opinion" Bill Silkworth mentions the psychic change. All this is, is the way we think. He mentions an entire psychic change and he calls it essential. I have been very fortunate in recovery by having good sponsorship. In fact the very first thing mentioned to me when I got to AA was, "Bill, we can see that you are sick. We are going to get you well. All you have to do is change the way you think about alcoholism. And we are going to teach you how to do that." That simple statement gave me a lot of hope. It is a shame that that is not pointed out to many of the newcomers. That simple statement is more comprehensible then all those "cute" sayings. I would rather call it like it is. Alcoholomania or alcoholophilia. One is an abnormal craving for alcohol and the other is a morbid craving for alcohol. These terms describe the seriousness of our disease for better. Scary eh? Bill az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Timm S.
Location: Ft. Myers,FL
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 08:57 PM
Member: Timm S.
Location: Ft. Myers,FL
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 09:15 PM
Hi guys, names Timm, I am only 19, and praise God for that. I didnt get into my drinking too bad but I still feel I had a problem for my age. All I can put in as some advice is to give your life to the lord. You know, Jesus sometimes uses your past, weither it be good or ba, to Glorify Him. As Bill said (the guy above me), his mind says one thing but, but his body says another. My friends that is the flesh fighting the spirit. Stay in God's will and in the Spirit and He will bless you ten fold. He used my bad time when I was arrested for my DUI, and I had two weeks left of probation for a stupid little fight. I sat in jail, uneducated about my situation, thinking that I was not getting out for a least a month because of VOP. At that time I realized the there were limitations on people wanting to hear from me, except for my God. At that time I gave Him all the glory, all the honor, and all the praise for giving me eternal life that day. Since then I now have a reason to be obedient to my authorities, and him. This is all the imput I have for my first week, thank you and God Bless!
Member: Jen C
Location: Tempe, AZ
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 10:30 PM
Hey everyone, Jen C. here. I posted last week and have been checking back everyday. The labor day weekend didn't go to well so I'm on my first 24 again. I wanted to say hi to Dawn S. from Mesa. It's nice to see another person from around my parts here. Also a hi to Timm from FL. Timm, I too am going through this at a young age (20). Again its makes me feel more comfortable that you guys are here. Right now I'm struggling with the shyness of going to a F2F meeting. I've been told numerous times that it really makes a difference. But it's one of those things I don't want to do alone. So far this site has been helping but I know I need more than a computer to get through this. So, I've made it through today and tomorrow I will try again. I'm going to bed early tonight so I don't have the temptation to head out with friends. Take care and god bless.
Member: Marsha L.
Location: Guam
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 11:10 PM
I've made it another day sober! Only two crutches today. Hopefully the measly world of alcohol is once again behind me. The blessings bestowed on me by my higher Power are precious; light emanates from His glory. To be sober is like a cremation; all the demons are ashes. Behind me are the days of leaning; better days are ahead.
Member: Marsha L.
Location: Guam
Date: September 04, 2002
Time: 11:10 PM
I've made it another day sober! Only two crutches today. Hopefully the measly world of alcohol is once again behind me. The blessings bestowed on me by my higher Power are precious; light emanates from His glory. To be sober is like a cremation; all the demons are ashes. Behind me are the days of leaning; better days are ahead.
Member: Sherri R
Location: CA
Date: September 05, 2002
Time: 12:35 AM
Sherri, Alcoholic - Day two for me. I saw my doctor this morning and I am now back on my antidepressants, which is a good thing. Baby step for tomorrow is to attend a women's meeting. Jen C. I can certainly relate to your fear of attending ftf meetings. In my area there are several candlelight women's meetings that are quite small; usually 8 to 10 women. I find this level of intimacy much less threatening. AZB - I really enjoyed your post, thank you for sharing. I don't have doubts that I can not drink for 30 days, it's the days after that are so scary for me. After being through this twice before I know how good I feel at 30 days and its just so easy to let my head tell me I ok again. I think about this quite a bit. It's this mental and emotional argument. Thank you again for sharing.
Member: Marsha L.
Location: Guam
Date: September 05, 2002
Time: 01:52 AM
Antidepressants can be the joy of any woman. Trust your instincts while taking them in all their glory. The twelve steps are the only possible door to go through. Trust me, I know. I have been sober for 2 days now, with only a few crutches along the way. But the real test will be when I am ready to accept the consequences of my inability to cope with my inadequacies. Purposeful contemplation is a must; you must PURGE all thoughts of anything otherwise. Seldom have I seen a recovering alcoholic remember his/her faults without being gravely reminded of his/her fantasy life. Take a moment to thank your Higher Power for all this, then count on faith to raise yourself into the realms of sobriety.
Member: Beth H.
Location: Turtle Island
Date: September 05, 2002
Time: 09:04 AM
Morning ((everyone)). This Higher Power sure does have a sense of humour. And if I ever doubted, last night I had such a clear message! I have this awful neighbour who has been a thorn in my side for three years. For a while, I tried to justify my drinking by saying that I could only handle her presence if I was drunk. When I started trying to get sober this summer, I noticed that when I sat out in my yard with tomato juice, she stayed inside and I never saw her. If I sat out with a beer, POOF, there she'd be to bother me. I hadn't seen her for weeks and weeks, and even avoided seeing her at the school both our children attend. Then last night I couldn't stand the craving anymore and decided to walk to the store to get a bottle of wine. And lo and frigging behold - who do I meet?! So, God: I GET THE MESSAGE! And THANK-YOU! It's never been more clear to me that I AM NOT THE ONE IN CHARGE HERE. But neither is alcohol. Today I am going to spend the day with Step 3 in my mind. And if my extra motivation for avoiding that first drink is to keep that evil woman in her house, so be it! :) On another note, ((Marsha L.)), I find your posts a bit difficult to understand. Your poetic language usage takes a couple readings. But a few days ago, you posted about getting drunk and trashing your home, and you were clear and honest and real. That was the first time I could really hear you. I'm wondering what you mean by "crutches"?? That's all. ((Yvonne)) I saved your last post so that when I need reminding, I can read it anytime. You may as well have been talking about my life. Thank-you so much for sharing that. You've really given me hope. Another beautiful sober day ahead, and I'm not thinking any farther than that. Because right now, that is more than I ever hoped for. Love to all of you.
Member: Bill P.
Location: Brighton, MI
Date: September 05, 2002
Time: 11:24 AM
Hi everybody. Bill here, alcoholic. Just short of four months sober now and feeling very well. Life is much better without the booze. A major key for my recovery is living one day at a time. Today is the only day that really counts, and I need to stay focused on that. Also, learning to fully accept that I'm an alcoholic is helping in the recovery process. Whenever I have thoughts of drinking, I can say a prayer and remember that I don't really want to drink. If I were to drink, I would be taken back to the chaos and misery that lead me to AA in the first place. To drink is the worst choice I can make. Thanks to all of you who help me in my healing. God be with you all.
Member: Rhonda G
Location: Iowa
Date: September 05, 2002
Time: 12:50 PM
Hey everyone. Rhonda here. It has now been 11 days since my last drink. I am just getting back from a funeral and getting ready to leave again. I have a very busy afternoon ahead of me. I am craving the alcohol for it has always been my coping skill to get me through any loss. I am thankful that I am busy this afternoon. This way I know I won't take that first drink or sip in my case. Congratulations to everyone on another sober 24. I have to run for now but rest assured I will be back here tonight for I need and want the support. Have a wonderful day.
Member: FrancesP
Location: Utah
Date: September 05, 2002
Time: 01:25 PM
This is my first day trying to stay sober, I really appreciate this site and plan to visit as often as I can, I'm scared but I need to be sober, what a waste of a life I am . francesp, Utah
Member: Joe P.
Location: Chicago
Date: September 05, 2002
Time: 01:56 PM
My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. For me, staying away from the first drink early in sobriety involved a lot of face-to-face meetings, getting a sponsor, following my sponsor’s suggestions, and asking for a lot of help. Whatever it took for me to keep the desire to not drink stronger than the desire to drink. If you are struggling, I suggest as many meetings as possible, 2-3 daily if necessary. Stay close to that last drink: the further we get from the last drink, the closer we get to the next drink. Page 58 of “Alcoholics Anonymous” (Big Book): “If you have decide you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it – then you are ready to take certain steps.” There’s a saying (I hate cliches, but what can I do when they are true?), “There is nothing so bad that drinking won’t make it worse.” We only have to stay away from the first drink for one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. None of these ideas are new to this page, but I believe in the “Three R’s” of AA – Repetition, Repetition, Repetition. Thanks for all the comments. Joe P. joep041699@mindspring.com
Member: Sherri
Location: CA
Date: September 05, 2002
Time: 03:10 PM
Sherri – Alcoholic – Day 3 – I have issues: shame, fear, anger, resentment, selfishness, control, self-hatred and lack of honesty. Despite myself I woke up with my head clearer than it has been since my last attempt at living sober and I started out today reading the daily meditation from Keep It Simple. The quote for the day is “I have never seen a greater monster or miracle than myself” (Montaigne). Prayer for the day: Higher power, help me with the monster that lives within me. I pray that it will never again be let out. Action for the Day: Today, I’ll see myself as a miracle. I’ll be grateful for my new life. I do feel like a monster, and seeing myself as a miracle at this point is a real stretch. Yesterday I said my action for today would be to attend a women’s meeting. I see that my thinking about tomorrow, or the next day, or day 30 is not helping me. I have revised my action for the day: (1) Attend any discussion meeting; (2) Speak in the meeting and ask for a temporary sponsor; (3) Buy a new Big Book (I think I must have thrown mine out in some drunken stupor); and (4) Thank God for the miracle I am today; a sober women. I also want to thank all of your for your strength and support. I am grateful. Sherri
Member: Doug M.
Location: Michigan
Date: September 05, 2002
Time: 04:45 PM
Yeah, a question to Marsha - what do you mean by these 'crutches'????? Just curious....
Member: Marsha L.
Location: Guam
Date: September 05, 2002
Time: 09:02 PM
Crutches help me move through the day without becoming totally frazzled within. Whether it be a spoonful of sugar or a communion-sized sip of wine, it helps mellow out my anxiety-ridden head. I believe in a 'homeopathic' approach to recovery, where a small dosage of the offending substance is administered to combat the disease. It seems to work for me, but I also have a voice inside that yells 'Marsha, RECOVER!"
Member: Robin
Location: Florida
Date: September 05, 2002
Time: 10:13 PM
Marsha, Using the "crutches" you mentioned in your above post are only defeating the purpose of becoming sober. Your keeping that craving alive by feeding it (even small doses of wine) try to go 72 hours totally without the "crutch" and you'll get past the physical craving for alcohol. The rest of it will be the mental obsession that the program of recovery teaches us to live with and to rid ourselves of...One day at a time. KCB!!!
Member: Madelaine
Location: Texas
Date: September 06, 2002
Time: 05:43 AM
There have been some really good posts here. All week I have been struggling with not taking that first drink. I've been successful...so far. I'm learning to reach out--to people, to my HP, to other resources. Obviously working this program is a process, but I can't stay sober if I drink. Here's hoping that we all take this next 24 hours without a drink. God bless, Madelaine
Member: Yvonne
Location: Scotland
Date: September 06, 2002
Time: 03:53 PM
Sherri ..a couple of things that worked for me when I found that I just couldn't get past a certain number of days sober. I wrote my sobriety date down on a piece of paper and put it in my jewellery box, then I asked a friend to keep track of the days for me. That way I could stop obsessing on how many days I had, and how much closer that dreaded milestone that I could never seem to get past was. I then tried to just stay sober each and every day that I woke up. Once I felt more secure I could start feeling pleased about passing 90 days, 6 months, 9 months...but still worked hard at keeping it just for today. Once I started working the steps it became so much easier.
Member: James D
Location: Camp Lejeune NC
Date: September 06, 2002
Time: 03:53 PM
JAMES HERE. 25 Days around this time. The last time. I'm going to 2 new ftw meetings tonite in a different town with 2 new aa buddies. Being with other likeminded people really helps. Looking at my computer in my office is fine at lunch etc, but to really get involved in sobriety (at least early stages) AA and meeting new people has really helped me stay focused. It's Friday nite and all my OLD Marine buddies want to go out and drink, I'll choose AA tonite with my New Marine AA buddies.
Member:
Location:
Date: September 06, 2002
Time: 05:24 PM
Yvonne, thank you for the suggestion. It is really hard to keep that 30 day thought out of my head, especially because I am still very much in the mourning phase. Yesterday I went to get my hair cut and the women in the chair next to be started talking about how she had invited friends over to share a bottle of wine. I must admit, I felt really sad to hear that. I know I can't drink, and I know exactly what will happen if I do. Today is day four for me and I am so grateful to be sober. I accomplished all of my actions for the day yesterday. I bought a new big book, I went to a discussion meeting and actually shared. I finished my share telling them that I was looking for a temporary sponsor and asked all the women that were available for sponsorship to please talk to me after the meeting. Of course I left with a sponsor. I also thanked my higher power for the miracle that I am...a sober woman. Thank you again for your suggestion, it really does help to hear your strength and hope. Sherri
Member: Laurie
Location: Glorious Canada
Date: September 06, 2002
Time: 07:34 PM
Once I wake up tomorrow morning without having a drink I will have 7 days sober. Wow! The only thing I am finding thus far is that I am having dizzy spells the last couple of days. Is this a sign that my body is healing? I wish A.A. offered more in the lines of what to expect while going through recovery physically as well as mentally.
Member: Beth H.
Location: Great White North
Date: September 06, 2002
Time: 10:10 PM
(((Laurie))) It is glorious isn't it? (Canada, and being sober!). I don't know about dizzy spells - I've had those when I'm excited and breathing quickly. Maybe you're just feeling really good about life and taking in every breath? And in the early days of sobriety, whenever I've felt excited, happy, giddy, my first instinct is to have a drink to "calm down". Because I am so not used to feeling anything but misery. Something else I've found during this early stage is that I have more control over my other impulses: coffee, spending money, snack foods, etc. I just feel like a good, clean, responsible person in every way. A more patient mother, a more confident woman, a friend who listens. (((Yvonne))) Your posts are so important to me. I also get hung up on "sobriety dates" to the point where I work out the numerology of the date - and I don't even believe in that crap! Whenever I mark the date of my last drink on my calendar, I get messed up about counting the days. For me it's not one day at a time, it's one minute at a time. Whatever it takes! Have a great Friday night all! I will keep coming back.
Member: Debbie
Location: SD
Date: September 07, 2002
Time: 01:01 AM
My name is Debbie, I'm an alcoholic. I noticed in the past when I was drinking (12 days sober) that the "first drink behavior" would really begin several hours before the first drink. I would first experience detachment (denial) and than I would convince myself that I "deserved it" or that I could handle just a couple--Ha! Once I had myself talked into it I would get so excited to have that drink that there was no turning back then. I have learned to recognize and avoid situations/thoughts/states of mind that lead me into that first stage (detachment) so that I, hopefully, and with Gods help don't pick up that first drink. It also helps me to look at it like I choose to not drink because its bad for ME not because I "can't" drink. I can, I can also kill myself it doesn't mean I'm gonna. I only have 12 days of sobriety but I strongly encourage and support everyone who wants to make it for just the next 24 hours. Thank you for "listening".
Member: Danno46
Location: Portland Indiana
Date: September 07, 2002
Time: 01:06 AM
Hi everyone I'm an alcoholic and addict. It's been over 3months now and the cravings have almost left me. That's a wonder in it's self. What is the strangest is, I have been really sick with headaches unbearable. Yesterday after test ctscans and a bunch more stuff I found out I have a chronic diease in my head that has nothing to do with my 33yrs of using and abusing. It's called (www.)psecotumorcerebi.com orPTC for short. I didn't want to drink over it I was just glad to finally find ot what I had. What it is I have to much water around my brain and the pressure builds up to the point it fills like your head is going to pop like a ballon. They took the pressure off yesterday by a spinal tap. They gave me some meds for it and the pain beening an addict also scares me having good pain pills around. I have lied to myself for so many years I am sure I could now and tell myself that (HAY YOU HURT TAKE SOME PILLS YOU NEED THEM IT'S OK BECAUSE THE DOCTOR GAVE THEM TO YOU). So far I have took them as it says too. Before I take one I check with my wife and see what time I took the last one. But she is not always around and I am just plainly scared of being an addict and PTC I have been praying alot all of you out pray for me. commits here or e-mail at danno462002@yahoo.com YOUR FRIEND IN FELLOWSHIP DANNO46
Member: Madelaine
Location: Texas
Date: September 07, 2002
Time: 07:27 AM
49 days and counting! Good luck to each of you posting here. Keep coming back!
Member: Brena
Location: Kansas
Date: September 07, 2002
Time: 09:51 AM
Hello, I'm Brenda, an alcoholic. I've been on vacation from my work for the last 11 days and drank to excess for all those days. Tonite I go back to work, I hope to make it through the day without a drink. When I think of NEVER having a drink again, I get into trouble. One day at a time is a difficult concept for me to grasp. I plan on keeping busy today and have my Big Book handy, with God's help I know I can make it.
Member: Jason C.
Location: Orange, CA
Date: September 07, 2002
Time: 01:01 PM
Jason, Alcoholic. 5 days new, again and my hands have almost stopped shaking. I finally feel like eating again. This is the first online meeting I have attended. I have not been to a meeting in 6 months and that may have something to do with being new. After taking that first drink after having 3 years of sobriety, I've been trying to put together 30 days for the last 22 months..... it's been a very painful journey. I've been back to my old home group and regular meetings in that time but my ego is stopping me from going back and standing up as a newcomer again. I have not been to my home group in almost 9 months. I know what I need to do but for some reason I can't bring myself to walk into a meeting or even pick up the phone. I have to admit, I'm scared. Tonight I have made the decision to go to a meeting. With God's help I'll be there and hopefully share and talk with other AA's. I am having such a hard time clicking the submit button........ I almost erased this several times...... What a mess I am. I'm very glad I found this meeting, it helped break the ice for me to get back into the one thing that can save my life and help me avoid a drink today, Alcoholics Anonymous.
Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: September 07, 2002
Time: 01:08 PM
Welcome new comers. The topic is 'staying away from the first drink'. All I can do is share with you my ownership of my Experience, Strength and Hope(my life). When I walked into the doors of A.A., I did not own my Experience, Strength and Hope(my life) ... Alcohol, a "Destroying Power" owned my Experience, Strength and Hope(my life) The Steps and Traditions, the Sharing of others of their Experience, Strength and Hope and a "Healing Power" gave me the opportunity to own my Experience, Strength and Hope. Welcome new comers, thank you for your sharing of your Experience, Strength and Hope(your life) it helps me (rather than Alcohol) to own and share my Experience, Strength and Hope one day at a time. Thanks for sharing the "Healing Power"
Member: JAMES D
Location: NC
Date: September 07, 2002
Time: 05:00 PM
Hang in there Jason. I was a retread this time around too and took a 30 day chip last nite. It doesn't matter they will take you back gladly. I used to live in Orange when I went to Chapman, some good meetings there on campus. This time it's for the long haul.
Member: Buddy S.
Location: near New Orleans
Date: September 07, 2002
Time: 09:46 PM
I'm back after six years worth of slipping. I haven't hit bottom yet but I sure do see it on the horizon. I hope I've had enough now... God has pulled me through before and I'm sure he can again if I let him. I haven't been fair to those who love me. There will be many amends to make a few steps down the line. Thank you for waiting for me to make it back.
Member: Heide
Location: Washington
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 12:28 AM
I am in trouble. I have been sober for almost two years, and have severely fallen off the wagon. I really need a sponser and was wondering if someone would be willing to help me out. I need some one willing to go through the steps with me and be there and hopefully we can help each other. If you are interested please respond for e-mail address
Member: Gage
Location: LA
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 01:15 AM
HEIDE, I can't be your sponsor, but if you'd like to talk, gage22501@aol.com BUDDY S, I'm near New Orleans also. If you'd like to talk, same addy. Good luck to both of you and everyone else here.