Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson Michigan
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 10:30 AM
There are many ways to keep from being lonely. One is prayer. I can always stop for a minute (or however long) and pray to my higher power. It gives me comfort and the feeling of not being alone. Calling someone on the phone works for me as well. I am a loner and don't mind being that way but sometimes I do need support and these two things work well for me.
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 12:02 PM
Jane C..I'm an alcohoic who doesn't mind being alone..like (Mike H.) I'm also a loner..my Mom always used to say that I was the loner in the family, like my Father was..well to me it wasn't a bad thing to be like him..I loved him a lot..I can even tolerate all the rainy days we have here..I talk a good part of every day to God..He is always with me and I can always read the BB and Bible and novels and get on the web..but I'm usually too busy to get into much of any of this for too long.. Lonliness was never a problem..but for my program , I can't get too tired,that's my nemesis..I pray we can all get through this week-end Holiday sober..not partying is the best way to do it..so I'll have a quiet week-end with my BF...God be with us all and keep us sober by your Grace..
Member: PhilySunshine
Location:
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 03:12 PM
Hi Mike & Jane, I'm PhilySunshine and I am an alcoholic. I guess what I'm feeling is a bit of lonliness. I haven't been feeling too great for a couple of days now. I'm a big meeting maker, but sometimes I know I'm guilty of "running" to meetings to avoid responsibilities at home. I live by myself and am a loner too but am also a runner. My apartment really needs a cleaning and I avoid it like the pleague. I did think of drinking or taking myself out this morning on my way to a meeting. I'm such an extreemist. I did share about it and I feel better and others could relate. I've been out of work for "mental health". Doing some out- patient at a rehab near by. It's bringing up a lot of things and supposed to go back to work 10/1. When I found this out, Friday, since then I've been consumed with fear. I have a lot to work on and I'm just beginning. I know that it's a lifetime job, but I feel like that raw onion right now. Not feeling like I'm ready yet. Well, going back to do some more of my kitchen. I'll check back to share more in a bit. Happy Sunday. Take Care.
Member: Amber
Location: USA
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 03:57 PM
Well, for me loneliness has alwasy been a problem. I am stuck in a shy body that really wants to be outgoing and social. I really love to be out and around people but by genetics I am like my father who was very shy. The only way I could be who I wanted to be was to drink, to get outside the confines of this shyness. The sad thing is, I now realize, that while I think I am being "the real me" the social me - all I really am is drunk. and I'm sure now that others see that. I often hoped that they wouldn't because truly inside I wanted to be this free social person. It is hard to come to terms with being this sober, boring, shy person and I hate it. Therefore it makes me lonely. But looking for help in alcohol doesn't make me "ME" - it makes me a "fake" me - a drunk one. I'm still having a hard time with this. Social situations are still very diffcult for me. I wonder if anyone else feels this...
Member: PhilySunshine
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 04:40 PM
Amber, Does any one else feel this? Honey, you are not unique. My guess would be that 90 percent of society, not just alcoholics, have some sort of social anxiety. You are absolutely not any different than anyone else. I was brought up with a stepmother that kept me isolated from the other kids in the house and not allowed to go out & play with the other kids on the street. As an adult, socializing has been such a difficult thing for me. AA has done so much for me in this area. You need to get phone numbers... AND USE THEM. There are a lot of good WOMEN in AA. Go to AA functions.. get out there, girl. This is not a dress rehursal. You get one chance at this life. Make the best of it. Do it, anything, in spite of the fear. FEAR. Face Everything And Recover or Forget Everything and Run. The choice is yours. Embrace that little girl that is so scared and tell her that you will be there to protect her so she can now have her fun. Love ya'.
Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 05:00 PM
I totally relate to everyone, I have been feeling lonely as well - guess I always have. Drinking made it easy for me to be social, well until the drink took over and made me make an ass out of myself. Now I am sober, and able to go out with out fear of what I am going to do, but without the drink I find it hard to get anywhere but a meeting. But, it's okay for right now - I have 7 months of sobriety and am learning about my fears and it is going to be a long, on going process to learn to let go of these fears and get some freedom in my life. It's hard, thinking about the drink has been an often thought lately - but I am praying for clarity and strength. Alcohol doesn't help anymore and it never will again. I had a long period of time with no obsession to drink, and I will have it again - I just need to work a little harder at it, writing, more meetings, prayer, talking to other alcoholics. This thing really does work, but no one EVER said it was going to be easy. It's hard sometimes, so hard all I can do is cry - but when I think of the alternative, to live as a drunk, to remember what it was like, to remind myself that the fantasy of social drinking is insanity for me, I get some sanity back and the courage to fight for another day. I have the hope that if I keep on this path, my life will get better. It already has, in ways I didnt think possible, so I have to trust that this progress will not stop. It's called faith and I am learning how to have that too. Happy sober day to you all.
Member: pj
Location: neb
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 05:12 PM
mike buddy, whtcha doin in this womans meeting. i thank God i dont haveta listen to this crap everyday of the week. someone please shoot me if i come back here and see all this feeling bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON"T DRINK & GO TO MEETINGS!!!!
Member: Tracy
Location: Essex, England
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 06:21 PM
CARRIE~ Not at home so can't email you, but you know you gave me strenght last wk, so your not drinking and you saved me from a very dark place recently so remember when you are crying and lonely that I am saved because of you! Trace xoxoxoxoxo
Member: PhilySunshine
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 07:39 PM
pj, keep coming back. This is a dis-ease of feelings and emotions.
Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 07:50 PM
Thanks Tracy, you made my day : )
Member: Jane C..
Location: Alaska
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 08:22 PM
Jane C...an alcoholic also...for you Amber..for most of my life I thought I was shy..but as I got older I had a hard time functioning in ANY social activity..I felt so different from my very big family of siblings and relatives,..I WAS different..but it went a lot deeper than shyness..I have a few Phobias and one of them is EXTREME anxiety in all situations outside my safe place, which is home..there are PEOPLE there and I have to relate... and I can't...not the way I should.. I'm going to say something now that many AA people are against..finally after almost half my life is over, I have the help I need, but not quite there yet...but doing so much better that I'll be able to get to ftf meetings soon and be comfortable and able to TALK..my Doctor prescribed Paxil.in a lower than usual dose..because I don't take medication like that..I've only taken it for a short time, but I feel a little more confidence around people..he told me that If I really needed it, it would help, but if I saw no changes then it probably isn't right for me...there are other things to try that are really safe.. non-addictive and it won't make you feel like you would on tranquilizers.. Paxil is in the family of meds..that work well for anxious phoobic people..it won't make you feel low or high, at least that's the way it works for me... Maybe you could look into it..I started around the same time I got sober, and it's just over 6 weeks for me now..I know that there are folks in the program that frown on this kind of thing, but we do what we need to do for our sobriety, and our health issues..I could never tell anyone to stop their meds, until or unless they had to..I've seen this done and these few people never came back to AA, at least not while I was early in sobriety many years ago, I slipped after 18 years and meds. had nothing to do with it..We are here for one reason...we need and want to stop drinking.PERIOD
Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 10:49 PM
What I did to fend off loneliness when first sober was go to a lot of Meetings, get phone lists and use the phone to call other alcoholics and hang out with alcoholics as much as possible. Of course, I was fortunate to have a wife for company at night. Had I not had my wife I would do as many single newcomers do and go to night Meetings. As I came to believe in a Higher Power I asked that Power to be with me always.
Member: barbk
Location: washington
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 12:54 AM
Hi I'm Barb, alcoholic...how about feeling lonely when you DO have people around you? Sometimes, like today I feel so alone with my disease. I have only been sober for a little over 3 months and today was a rough day for me....I really wanted to drink. Lots of emotional stuff piling up and it got so overwhelming....tired of feeling so much!!! But I kept saying the serenity prayer over and over again and then my daughter called and left me a message that gave me some inspiration, hope and strength. She was having a rough day too....just because and needed some mom time to hang out and talk. I can handle that. thanks.
Member: tracy
Location: Essex, England
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 11:28 AM
Hi ((BARB)) You are not alone :-) (((CARRIE)))
Member: John R
Location: Paris
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 12:09 PM
To Mike H Thankyou, for never being alone with your HP! I use the phone only in emergency! The phones conspire against me! My 'bad luck' with phones, transcends probability!! I also meditate, to get in touch with my HP! Do you know how to meditate? If not ! Be taught! By a good teacher!
Member: John R
Location: Paris
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 12:09 PM
To Mike H Thankyou, for never being alone with your HP! I use the phone only in emergency! The phones conspire against me! My 'bad luck' with phones, transcends probability!! I also meditate, to get in touch with my HP! Do you know how to meditate? If not ! Be taught! By a good teacher!
Member: Sue P.
Location: Central FL
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 12:59 PM
Hi everyone! I think this is a wonderful topic. I think loniness was the biggest emotion that started my drinking. Then after awhile I became withdrawn. The more I drank the more withdrawn I became. It got so bad it seemed I had developed anxiety. I tried every medication on the market. Nothing seemed to help. I walked around with no emotion at all. I couldn't stand it. I didn't feel right. Worst than when I was drinking. It was as if the drugs just put me in another alternate state that I really didn't like. After going into treatment and staying clean for awhile the anxiety started to go away. Not completely, but enough that I could function like a human being again. I still get lonely and anxiety. But from what aa people have been telling me, it goes away alittle more each day I stay clean. It just takes while till my body will feel normal again. I agree with some of the other guys. Meditation helps those wild emotions when they come around. Hang in there!
Member: Shari
Location: West Coast
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 01:58 PM
Hi Shari Alcoholic. I've had one of the most stressful summers of my life! I cannot handle stress and chaos. That's what my life has been this summer. Soooo, I drank all summer until I felt like I was going to die, I felt so bad with hangovers, heat, work, sun etc. I'm on day 3. I started yoga this morning so that helps with meditation and breathing and I check this site everyday, even when I was drinking. It's a good feeling to know your not crazy by yourself, that there are others out there that are suffering as much as you are. This site does give us hope and strength. Someone in last weeks post mentioned surrendering to this disease. That hit home for me. I had no where to go but "let go" and I prayed to God to help me. On day 3 I'm feeling better and stronger so like Sue says each day get better. Thanks!
Member: Pam B - Sobergirl91 at hotmail.com
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 04:20 PM
Hi, I’m Pam – an alcoholic. I always felt lonely & isolated even in a crowd (unless I was blind drunk) – even felt that way growing up with my family. I have always had lots of friends to hang with & do fun exciting things with – but ever since childhood I’ve noticed that they all seem “close” & open & comforting & caring to one another, but not towards me. As my drinking progressed I developed a fear of people that was severe anxiety to be around any others that I didn’t already know - got to the point that even while drunk didn't help! When I got to AA I was so shy & withdrawn that even tho I clung to my sponsor & the home-group members that had ‘adopted’ me & took me to 3 mtgs a day, phoned to say hi & see how I’m doing each day – I primarily always just listened because I couldn’t talk w/any of them (except my sponsor after I got to know her awhile). - I would hyper-ventilate, the anxiety was so intense to even talk on the phone. I was 2 ½ yrs sober before I began to share very briefly at a mtg once in a very seldom while - & that would “kill” me – but I did it anyway because >>>>>>> my sponsor & the oldtimers had told me since the beginning that all of these things are nothing more than Self-Centered FEAR >>>> but IF WE DO THE THING WE FEAR THE MOST, THE FEAR WILL DIE >>>> otherwise we’re allowing Fear to rule our lives instead of letting God be the Higher Power that governs us.>>>>>>> Up until when I did my 1st Step 5 w\my sponsor, I had never communicated a real or honest thing about myself to another person anytime in my whole life before then. I had lived keeping all my real feelings hidden within – the big secret kept all to myself - wearing the outer masks to disguise & conceal it all – as if something is wrong to admit to hurt, loneliness, rejection, etc – I’d cover those things up w/anger, indifference - too cool, calm & collected to be effected. (no wonder others were “close” but not with me – I had never let a single person know a real or honest thing about me). >>>>>>> Up till the time I’d begun making some of my Step 9 amends I still felt “apart from” rather than “a part of” AA. I knew I belonged here & that this is where God wants me, but it wasn’t until after doing a few amends in Step 9 that I began feeling that I am no better than, nor any worse than, any other human-being – began feeling I am ok as a person - ok w/me & ok w/God. >>>>> I no longer felt lonely even in a crowd after that (by then I was near to 2 yrs sober). >>>> As I completed my 12 Steps, I also began feeling at ease w/my own self (comfortable in my own skin) - ok to honestly admit my true feelings to appropriate others rather than the insanity of keeping them to myself, secret & hidden - & aware of an always-present connection w/God. I have not felt ‘alone’ ever since - no longer a need to find ways to ‘run’ & avoid being alone w/myself or God – I have grown to be able to be alone without being lonely - & I enjoy that time w/myself & with God. >>>> When I want to be with others – I go do that - & I am able to interact, communicate, enjoy, appreciate & care about them now. I have several "close" persons in my life now - some REAL friends/loved ones who find me as special to them as they are to me. But I am not dependant on them nor seeking another to feel ok about myself. God has filled that 'void of longing' via the relationship I have developed w/Him as the result of getting honest w/God, myself & others via these 12 Steps. When I was no longer seeking to find another person to fill that void – then God blessed me with a wonderful man to share my life & grow together with one day at a time - & I greatly appreciate that but how I am today is not dependant on that. I am grateful to God for this program, these 12 Steps & all of you. Things do get better if we keep putting one foot in front of the other & just keep following the suggestions as they are given in-spite of how we feel about it at a time or not.
Member: Unknown
Location:
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 06:55 PM
I read the previous post and it actually made my heart drop. All that was said; sounded just like myself.
Member: AZbill
Location: az-bill@mindspring.com
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 07:33 PM
Hi. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. At one point in my sobriety, I was a telephone contact. Doing much like the Steering Committee does here in email. When I called you and listened for to you for awhile, one of my comments was, "Pretty lonely out there, ain't it?". Most of the time I got your attention. We alcoholics understand a loneliness like no other.... When I came to AA a friend moved in with me and we helped each other through the Big Book. We made AA meetings. At one month I was asked to return to work. It was a one man shift, but I never felt loneliness. I had a boss. I had a man to relieve and someone to relieve me at the end of my shift. I had a responsibility. At one year, I won a seat in a 15 seat major. Now I had 14 other people with a common interest. After graduation I went into my field of study and worked in large major hospitals. I phased into the mainstream of life rather slowly. In recovery you never have to be alone again. Unless you want to be...And by the way, when I doing that telephone 12 Step work... I made 100's of calls and I had a 100% success rate. I never once took a drink.. :) Take care I love you all. Bill
Member: Roberta
Location: Canada
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 08:34 PM
There is no place that is as lonely as a drunk by themselves or with another drunk. The bottle is not a friend, it makes you think that it is one, but it isn't. It is the worse feeling in the world to be alone with someone than to be alone with yourself. I use to enjoy being by myself when I was drunk, I thought I was pretty smart until I woke up the next morning and use to find all these scribblings and typed messages that meant nothing to me sober. I don't go over to friend's homes because I have been drinking - I will not drink and drive under any circumstances - my friends don't drink. I do not have one alcoholic friend excpet for my husband and our relationship is built on booze we have been married 20 years. I quit drinking today. I know that he won't. He doesn't believe there is a problem. He will one day and I hope I am not alone then because he is no longer walking the face of this earth. I plan on fending off my loneliness by going out with those friends that I don't go out with because I have been drinking. I will e-mail people that I usually don't e-mail because I am too drunk to work the key board. Loneliness can also be avoided by finding a great book, meditating, listnening to music and learning how to enjoy yourself without the bottle at hand. I will manage to get throught this week without any problems, my challange is the weekends. I guess it goes back to those party days of college and being in your early 20's when your body could handle the party.
Member: Cindy
Location: LA
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 11:03 PM
Hello I just saw this site and I know this will not work for me so if your new this is'nt at all what aa is about I think and I don't see how this will help me but if it can help you good luck take what you need and leave the rest
Member: Becky T
Location: Cleveland
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 11:23 PM
Lonliness - That's a good one . I've always felt lonely and I don't enjoy it but at the same time I find it oddly comforting! That's why I"m grateful to this program because I know that's something I need to work on. I have no problem talking to my higher power but it's interacting socially that makes me opt for being by myself. It is truly a fear for me- proably fear of rejection. Even when I go to meetings I'll see someone who I may want to approach and ask for their number but by the time the meeting is over I've given myself several reasons why I shouldn't. All I can say is change is definitely a process!!!
Member: C.B
Location: LORAIN, Ohio U.S.A.
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 11:47 PM
HELLO every one sometimes people like my self does not say comments at meets still looking for good advise I been in so much some times all as I do is listen to people talk then talk after the meetings There are times I do'nt talk to many people I Do not want to get lead in any wrong way so sometime now if it is in a wright state of mine in getting the best advist from the old timers that have some time in keep it simple we know smile and have a great day all and god bless you for better day
Member: C.B
Location: LORAIN, Ohio U.S.A.
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 11:47 PM
HELLO every one sometimes people like my self does not say comments at meets still looking for good advise I been in so much some times all as I do is listen to people talk then talk after the meetings There are times I do'nt talk to many people I Do not want to get lead in any wrong way so sometime now if it is in a wright state of mine in getting the best advist from the old timers that have some time in keep it simple we know smile and have a great day all and god bless you for better day
Member: C.B
Location: LORAIN, Ohio U.S.A.
Date: September 01, 2003
Time: 11:49 PM
HELLO every one sometimes people like my self does not say comments at meets still looking for good advise I been in so much some times all as I do is listen to people talk then talk after the meetings There are times I do'nt talk to many people I Do not want to get lead in any wrong way so sometime now if it is in a wright state of mine in getting the best advist from the old timers that have some time in keep it simple we know smile and have a great day all and god bless you for better day
Member: Kellly M
Location: NH
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 12:02 AM
Hi All, I'm a loner but I'm never alone it seems. I have never had problems with that as I liked a solitary life and I prefered to drink alone. It was a little hard to get used to going to meetings and dealing with people in the beginning, I got overwhelmed and had to go home and have some quiet time. As the months went by I got used to being around people and enjoy my many friends in AA. I'm lucky that I almost never feel lonely. If someone is feeling lonely try some AA meetings. Even if you are too scared to talk to anyone someone will come up to you and introduce themselves. I think all of us want to go somewhere and have someone glad to see us and know our name. Like that song from the show "Cheers". The difference is that my friends in AA are real friends. They are genuine. Becky T., Ask for that number and I bet you will be pleasantly suprised with the response. I will be picking up my 11 month chip this Thursday! Wow, and it went by fast too! I could never had done this without AA and a higher power and that blessed gift... desperation! Nite all. Kelly
Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 02:18 AM
Being a Stay at home Mom I experienced a new and unique kind of lonliness. Prior to that time I was extremely social and involved in many thing with others. Being a Mom at home, with a spouse who worked many hours, I drank to run from my lonliness. Now in AA I am learning how to live one day at a time in my crazy life and I know that I do not have to do anything ALONE ever again if I chose. I have my higher power and I have all of you. Thanks for being here.
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 02:23 AM
Jane C..Hi again..I'm still an alcoholic..today was a quiet, but tiring day..stayed at home with my BF and had no thoughts of taking a drink.. (Pam B.) your post today said so much to us who have such social and people fears...not too many people have the courage to fess up to this problem..you have managed to make me see that there is hope around the bend..and to know that I don't have to share at meetings right at first in meetings..My first time in AA, I was nearly forced to speak up..I think I did it too soon because I was a total wreck when I did..I felt shaky and I could feel my face turning shades of red..I was so self-concious when this happened, I'd tell myself that I would never go back, but I did, for more punishment..when I get to my f2f meetings again..I just may wait a long time before I speak..regardless of what others may think..some people had a way of making others feel guilty for not sharing at every meeting..Thank you all for you posts,this site has helped me more than I could ever imagine..God Bless us all with his Grace...
Member: Ame
Location:
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 04:54 AM
Well I just read the posts..it is 3:47 am and I havent slept yet tonight. Too much shame and guilt. I just spent labor day weekend at a campground and was drunk the whole time. I feel like I was hit with a truck and now I have to go to work in 4 hours and pretend I'm ok....I am not ok!! Our son stayed at a friends house sunday night but I couldnt remember which friend!! I am 40 years old. I was sober for 5 1/2 years until last summer when I relapsed. It been bad ever since. My eye lids twitch a lot and sometimes my lips quiver after a night of drinking. I am probably killing myself slowely. I cant face the day..every day. I have severe depression and now anxiety also. The only time I feel even a little bit ok is when I'm drinking and now I feel like crud every other day. This is harder than I could ever imagine and now I have to let it go ...for the second time. I am a failure. As a parent, a wife and a co-worker. How will I ever ever make it right?
Member: Mark B.
Location: Chicago
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 08:16 AM
My name is Mark and I'm powerless over drugs and alcohol. I had 3 1/2 years clean and sober, then I went back out for 3 1/2 years and now I have 83 days. I relapsed because I stopped working the steps, stopped going to meetings, stopped talking to my sponsor, and stopped working with other alcoholics and addicts. I relapsed and decided to try all the drugs that I heard about and eventually started shooting up crystal meth. This 83 days is the longest clean and sober time I've had in 3 1/2 years. An old timer with 28 years said it to me best. "Make up your mind! Do you want to live or do you want to die? It's that simple. If you want to live, you're in the right place and if you want to die, see me after the meeting and I'll buy you the first one." I remember being shocked when I first heard that, but after I thought about it i realized that everytime I pick up and use, I'm taking a chance at an overdose, something I've done twice, both times ending up in the hospital. Everytime I drink or drug, I'm doing the slow form of suicide. My sponsor tells me that everything can be referred to the first step. I'm powerless over drugs and alcohol, but by admitting that I get the power of choice. I get to choose whether I want my life to be manageable or unmanageable. If I drink or use, that's choosing unmanageability. Today and just for today, I choose manageability.
Member: Kelly M
Location: Boxville USA
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 08:48 AM
Hi All, Just catching up on my reading everyone here. I was without a phone/ internet for a week as my new place had a cut inside wire. Had the phone man in to fix it yesterday. I really missed this board and the daily logging in and reading/ writing. It really helps me so much. Last week was really HARD. I HATE MOVING!!! I stink at it. I felt like a dog chasing his tail running from room to room packing boxes. Unpacking is worse because I have to decide where is the best place to put things away. I have ADD and need to keep it simple. Coffee near coffee pot, phone book next to phone, laundry baskets in every possible place. My BF was sooo patient, Thank God. I must have re-arranged the living room 3 times before it felt right! The best thing happened yesterday. The phone repair guy had just left and I was drying my hair and the power went out. It was just my place and the power company told me to call an electrician when the breaker box was not helping. Being Labor Day the only company that could come out was 150 dollars an hour. My landlord wasn't home. I had just paid the phone guy 110 dollars to fix my phone line. I started to have a melt down. I went out on the front porch and sat down and said the Serenity Prayer. I turned it over because there was nothing I could do about it.... sh- happens. I felt instantly better and calmer. Everything worked out fine. My landlord showed up and went next door and tripped the main breaker. The elecric guy showed up and ended up fixing 3 problems for the landlord and he told me to take the phone line repair charge off my rent! Last year I would have had to drink over this predicament. Instead of turning it over I would have dwelled on my phone and electric not working and got rip roaring drunk. {Today} I have the tools to handle when things don't go right. - God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference... (Ame), you sound just like me last year... it hit home. My life was a mess and everything was falling apart, no it was a shambles. Keep coming here until you are ready to surrender and read. Remember that "surrender" is an action word! Mine was going into a detox that I arranged. I was willing to go to any length to get sober and I continue that today by following the program of AA and not drinking one day at a time. It is working miracles in my life. The hardest part of a thousand mile journey is the first step! Hi ((Jane)), Glad you are ok with the move to the cabin. Your BF sounds like a nice man. ((Diane)), how many days/// ???. Hope you are well :). ((AZBill)), you are a power of example to me. When I get my year I want to look at going back to school for nursing. That is an attainable goal today because I am sober. Sorry so long. I missed you all, you help me more than you know. Kelly ;-)
Member: September
Location: FL
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 10:47 AM
Hello everyone hope you all had a good weekend, I didn't-failed again, couldn't resist the holiday parties. And as usual took them way out of control. So I will say that yesterday September 1 is my day number 1. Starting over again. It seems that it is getting worse now. I am having more mess ups closer together. The topic is a good one, the thing that ALWAYS gets me is being lonley. I can't stand to be alone, I hate having to close the door to everyone I know just because of my stupid problem. I hate it. I feel like I am in some sort of hell. I have nothing and as the days passs I loose more and more. I didn't get myself to a meeting like I wanted to. I am going to get to one today after work. The fear inside of me is so strong, I tried to go but just broke into tears just pullinginto the parking lot. I ran home and decided to just try again to do it alone. I am scared and I don't really have anyone to talk to. Except for this group I haven't said anything to anyone. Although I know they suspect. Mostly no one says anything to me. I have been the one to seem to always have it together. The lie that I live is worse than my problem I think. I can't seem to get close to anyone, because of the fear of them seeing me for who I really am, usually i hold it in so much that when I let it out its one big bang and they go running. God the honesty that is flowing from me today, the way I am seeing things is changing each time I fall, I know when I first came to this site I couldn' even admit to myself that I am an alcoholic, then thought I had it under control, as though I were somehow special. Its not being able to control myself that is killing me, that makes me such a failure in my eyes that I hate myself completley. I can't seem to even find one morsal of something postive to see about myself. I am so low. I was so positive on Saturday morning, talking to God, ask ing him to help me and then a beer was infront of me and within two seconds I picked it up and chugged it and thought forget all my problems, today I am having fun, tommorow I will stop, its the holidays, and thats when I ended the night at my bank account, taking out money and driving to a friends once again drunk, got a speedign ticket, not sure why he didn't give me a DUI, then I went back home and just kept drinking, watched the sun come up and thats when I had the worst panic attack I ever had in my life and I thougoht I was go ing to die. I wanted to end everything at that moment. I wanted to give up this stupid fight. And for some reason something inside of me, some sort of calming feeling came over me and I just tookp a deep breath and walked to my apartment, got into bed and slept until today. Somehow there must be an angel watching over me. For whatever reason, God must have a plan for me, I just wish I could see it. After all that I have done, all my self respect gone, all my values in the trash, all my morales run over, there just isn't anything left inside of me some days. There just isn't any reason to see something good when I look in the mirror. Its all a lie and I feel so lost. But for some reason I just keep going on, and something inside me tells me it will get better. Just a little ounce of hope for the hopeless.
Member:
Location:
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 11:18 AM
Jane C..alcoholic here..I'm so sorry that some people have had a bad time this holiday week-end..for me it was just a matter of staying away from those slippery places and I did..so far I have been able to
Member: Jane C.
Location: Aaska
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 11:31 AM
Jane C.again..my post took off before it was finished..I have been able to stay away from having a drink because I can also say no.. but I know this is a one day at a time life that I have to live, I don't tell myself that it's for the rest of my life..knowing how it works..on a daily basis, I hope that it becomes easier..I still don't feel strong enough or secure enough in my sobriety to go to some places..for me it's best for the first NO to be accepting invitations that I know will be dangerous for me..I'm grateful that God somehow got me to this site and also that He put a man in my life that is so understanding and who also doesn't feel the need to do much socializing where there might be temptaion..he has had his own battles to fight and he came out a big time winner..but he knows that for him it will always mean, asking God for his help and then thanking Him for giving it... God Bless everyone on this site and all other addicts in their struggle..
Member: September
Location: FL
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 12:49 PM
Hello again to everyone, just wanted to thank you all for listening. It helps to know that there are people out there who care and who are fighting with me. I need to pick myself back up and stop feeling sorry for myself and take some actions for once. I know I need to be stronger, and I think somewhere inside of me I have it in me to win this battle. Good Luck to everyone, I am making it to my first meeting tonight. I found one at a loal church. I am taking all of your advice and going. Its the one thing that I haven't tried since I have come to this site. If it will help then I will give up my shame and take this step. Thanks again to everyone for listening.
Member:
Location:
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 03:50 PM
This is crazy thinking I hate when I here this. Do you want to live or do you want to die? It's that simple. If you want to live, you're in the right place and if you want to die, see me after the meeting and I'll buy you the first one." So if I don't drink I'm going to live forever drinking the only thing thats going to kill me wrong
Member:
Location:
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 04:17 PM
O ya I forgot they died sober
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 05:38 PM
Kerry here an alcoholic. For me being alone is very dangerous. That leaves me and my mind to converse. I can be alone in a room full of people or alone by myself. When I am absorbed in self my disease will slip in and start telling me how good I am doing and that I can relax a little. Or it might come as a wave of self pity. What's the use you're working the program and all these things are still wrong. Things like God wouldn't allow this pain if He loved you. Fortunately by staying in the program daily it becomes routine to counter those thoughts with the tools we learn. My sponsor reminds me often that there are really only two types of thinking and actions daily. We are either moving away from or towards relapse, determined by our thoughts and actions that day. The Big Book tells us that we must continue to grow spiritually. The only way to continue to grow spiritually is to continue to seek and develop our understanding of God. When we rest on our laurels we actually move back towards relapse. The key for me to fend off loneliness is to stay out of self. Prayer, meetings, email, reading or posting here, calling other alcoholics, AA activities, helping others, reading the BB or other AA literature; these are all tools to help us stay out of self. I can never forget that my mind is trying to kill me via alcoholism.
Member: Breea
Location: West Coast
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 06:42 PM
September ... your amazing! You wrote/said what I have been feeling and was completely scared to express that the lonliness just left for a few ... Thank You for the gentle repreive! You are in my heart and prayers.
Member: lku
Location: usa
Date: September 02, 2003
Time: 06:48 PM
I agree with one of the posters who said some of the loneliest people are active alcoholics. When I was actively drinking, I was alone and on my pity pot. It was a sad situation. I locked everything and everyone else out of my life so I could drink. What a dead end. Today, I'm sober and active in life. If I'm alone, its because I choose to be.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 12:44 AM
September, Don't ever give up! I enjoyed your posts. You are trying and that is all that matters right now. Keep posting and reading here. I really hope you made it to that meeting. Meeting makers make it as one guy said that spoke the other night with 13 years. Go to a meeting if you are having a bad day, go to a meeting if you are having a good day but most of all go to a meeting if you don't want to go to a meeting! Begin again. Kelly :)
Member: buzzsaw
Location: Detroit, MI USA
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 02:02 AM
September - email me @ buzz_saw21@yahoo.com. Maybe we can exchange phone #'s and help eachother. That is what the program is about. I can TOTALLY relate to the anxiety and self-centered feelings you are having. I am by no means an angel, but I do believe I can help. Just a hunch. The hand of AA is always there. Talk to you soon.
Member: Chad
Location:
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 07:47 AM
Fending off loneliness I like loneliness.I don't like to be around people I have a hard time trusting people.Its the American way they lie cheat and steal.So for me its very hard to trust anybody they say one thing and do another.So I feel I'm better off without people the world has changed and I think not for the better.I know I can not change people places and things.I can only change myself thats why I would rather just stay to myself.And thats the way I think.
Member: Student
Location: Philadelphia
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 09:31 AM
Hello all, I am coimg up on one year of continuous sobriety, and I still feel lonely sometimes. Still, I keep on trudging forward, going to meetings, and trying my best to live the program everyday. When I start to feel 'bad', whatever, my silly little problem. I remind myself of how grateful I am to be sober, because I can't afford to let my emotions consume me. I know that if not for A.A. and the people in it I would not be sober today.
Member: tracy
Location: Essex, England
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 11:43 AM
HI SEPTEMBER~ I can't fix you but I can offer you hope, its does work. I am sober 7months and already my life is changing from that sad sitting in the gutter figure, to someone I am growing fond of, and getting the courage to be proud of. From simple things like changing my entire book collection to beng that person my friends can now call on for companionship, if someone had told me last yr this would be so, I think I would have drank on it believing it impossibe. So SEPTEMBER just carry on walking through the flames they will not burn you if you have the faith! Just another alkie offering you there hand!
Member: Boyce A.
Location: West Palm Beach
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 12:03 PM
Relapsed after 9 months, now sober 48 hours. Painful withdrawal symptoms, and, because I couldn't take any time off from work, a trip to the hospital and a 24-hour detox was out of the question. I'm detoxing without any medical aid and I never felt this physically bad in my life. I'm shaking, nauseous and anxious. I know that isolating right now would be a particularly bad idea. I also know that each hour it gets better. Still, the anxiety (and embarassment) is so great, that being around people is the last thing I want to do. I definitely want this, it's just the physical uncomfortability. Oh well, I made the decision to get loaded, and now I'm paying the price. I'm glad this site is here, 'cause I've been too shaky to actually GO to a meeting. Anyway, please keep me in your prayers and know that all of you are in mine.
Member: Bob R.
Location: Chicago
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 12:13 PM
Bob here...alcoholic. I'm on my 12th day of continuous sobriety. I have been going to AA meetings about 30 months...had a run-in with the law that forced me to go. I knew even before then that I was alcoholic, just did'nt care. Took the meetings seriously for awhile, longest period sober was 4 months. Then I started drinking only on my days off, hangovers were bad enough that there was no way I could face work after a night of drinking. In the last couple of months though, I'm now having a minor physical ailment that I know in my gut(literally)is tied to my drinking. I read an exellent book written by an M.D. entitled "The Recovery Book" that has a section on the medical implications of heavy drinking. The bad news is people can and do drink themselves to death (this is'nt new news to anyone here is it?). The good news is, if you stop drinking soon enough, and stay sober the rest of your life, there are some organs in your body that can repair themselves. So, I am now going to my meetings in a new frame of mind. I know like never before that not drinking can save my life.
Member:
Location:
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 12:21 PM
Isn't it only hard liquor that can damage your organs?
Member:
Location:
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 03:15 PM
anything containing alcohol can damage your organs if you abuse it, beer, wine, anything
Member: Joe J
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 03:46 PM
Funny, every AA discussion meeting I've ever been to, be it Big Book discussion, Beginners groups(steps 1,2,3), or Step meetings always followed the same protocol: NO FEEDBACK, CRITICISM, OR COMMENTS. I'm new to this group, and was supprised at the feedback. When people skill their guts, they don't necessarily want feedback. Sharing similar experiences and how we cope with our issues is a better way to learn how to live sober. Anyway, now that my "beef of the day" is out of the way: My name is Joe, alchoholic, I have 10 months sober. People seem to think that one has to make a big "to do' for your 1st year celebration. What happened to being humble? I don't want any big hurrah for my 1st year. I feel if I make to big of a deal about it, it will jinx me or make me even more arrogant toward my sobriety. Besides that I'm, experiencing alot of sobriety growing pains, dealing with feelings instead of drowning them. Loneliness is a biggy BUT if I think about it, I had no more friends drinking than i do sober. Lots of people to drink with at my local bar, but who cares about that. I would go to the bar to be around people I knew. 99% of them I really didn't care for, but we got drunk together so there was some type of comradery. Eventually though I got tired of being at the bar, sitting with people I didn't particularily want to be with , or whom I wouldn't socialize with unless we were drinking. This type of socializing was a way of life. I'm basically a social retard with out booze or weed. The easy way out. Drink or toke for lack of a better thing to do . Break the awkward silence by getting waisted. Sobriety is a challenge. I don't know what I am longing for when I am lonely. I think I am longing for my old life. But my old life sucked. I wanted to kill myself. I was full of self loathing. I was (and am, but working on it) cynical, judgemental, know it all and very arrogant. I once told someone who asked me why I don't drink and my reply was " I don't like myself when I drink, and neither will you "
Member:
Location:
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 05:19 PM
JOE J I can so relate
Member: Will G.
Location: Utah
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 08:24 PM
Hi all, I know how much loneliness can rule our lives. I grew up feeling lonely. I spent 8 years in the Army feeling lonely. I'm now 38 and I just in the last month started to see life as not a lonely place. It wasn't until I started going to F2F meetings and reading this site that I felt "at home." I've been sober for 90 days now and been going to f2f for the last 15 days. My addictive behaviors were killing me and so was the loneliness. AA has helped a great deal with the loneliness. And the Steps are helping with the behaviores. Thank GOD for AA and the fellowship I have found here. Thanks to you all. :)
Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 10:25 PM
I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. I have the craziest bunch of friends I've ever known since coming to AA. Never a dull minute. Hoping all of you will find your place in our fellowship and your loneliness will forever be behind you. Good luck to all. Hi Kelly. Hi Jane.
Member: Linda
Location: Watertown
Date: September 03, 2003
Time: 11:39 PM
AA is good if you can make your way of life. Its great when your thinking is in the clouds.But than reality comes and fall out of that cloud. And you land on your head than I have seen people in worst shape. Your not able to think for yourself anymore you can't and don't think right.If you can make it great more power to you but its very hard on you if you don't or can't.
Member: Jane C..
Location: Alaska
Date: September 04, 2003
Time: 03:47 AM
Jane C..a grateful alcoholic..for me to want to be alone is almost my gredo..there are times when I just don't want anyone to bother me..they either want me to do some- thing for them or they tell me what I SHOULD be doing..I think I've always been on the outside looking in..sometimes I think that God really does work in mysterious ways..having this problem with alcohol has put me in a position to try to get out there and be part of the world, since most of my drinking was done at home, I don't stay here for too many hours alone..having this alcohol problem has me more intuned with God..I'm really never alone, I know that He is with me and helping me in this struggle to stay sober..it's only about 7 weeks for me now...I think it's easier for me if I count the weeks from now on..I really think God has had a plan tor my life..I may want to be alone, but I think He wants something better for me..in the way of being a helping hand for others...I pray that someday I'll be able to do more for others..even if it's only in AA.,for September, Boyce and Bob..my prayers are with you and everyone who has relapsed.. you can make this work for you.. with God the BB, this site and meetings if you can get there, I.m still working on that part of my progam..I'll be going away for possibly two weeks.starting the 4th. or 5th. of the month, so I won't be posting for a while...I'll miss reading all your posts..I'll catch up when we get back..God Bless Everyone and have another sober day......
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: September 04, 2003
Time: 06:57 AM
Jane C..alcoholic here again.. someone asked me some time ago if marijuana or weed as they call it here, is legal...NO..not in any way is it legal..there was a time in the l980's that it was, and right now they are trying to make it legal again..this has been going on for a few years, and it hasn't happened yet.however, the number of people here that do it is unbelievable, and they don't even try to keep it quiet, except from the law..it's very expensive, but it seems like it's easy to get..it must really be hard for people here not only to stay sober, but to stay away from other drugs..pray for them, they need so much help..my son is a baseball coach here at the high school and he says even the kids do it almost openly.God Bless All
Member: Amber
Location: USA
Date: September 04, 2003
Time: 12:15 PM
Hello to ALL of you, I wrote about my terrible shyness & therefore, loneliness and I got some wonderful answers and I wanted to thank you all by name but ALL of you have helped me so much & I related so much and it was a blessing not to feel so alone. I have read your words over and it has helped me. PhillySunshine and Jane were one of the first to answer and it helped me. But I read on and I related to literally all of you.Thank you. September - I have slipped off and on for many years and I remember someone telling me "Alcohol will take you to places you do not want to go" and I have felt that suicidal feeling while drunk.That hopelessness. All along I have this great family & yet drunk I want to kill myself. Now why do I still want to drink? This is the devil's disease.
Member: September
Location: FL
Date: September 04, 2003
Time: 12:59 PM
Hi everyone, today is day 1 again. I am so glad to have everyone out there praying for me. I met someone in my complex, we haven't talked to much until the other night. He brought over some beer for me as a welcome gift and of course I had one, I ended up talking about my problems and funny thing is, instead of running away he just listened and when I wanted to get more, he kept me calm and told me to lay down and he played with my hair until I fell asleep. He came over later to check on me and brought me some food. He told me that he understands and will be there to help me anytime. It was so amazing to me that I told my big secret to someone and they didn't run away thinking I was nuts, they actually wanted to help. So today I start on day number one and greatfully do't have much to feel ashamed over this last time I drank. I now have so much encouragment inside of me to make it. That fear of admitting my problem isn't so strong anymore. Everything that I say on this site, others relate to, I don't feel so alone anymore. I feel like I am going to make it. Its the best feeling in the world. I don't want to pick up another beer or drink of alcohol ever again, and I am determined this time to do it. Maybe I just needed a little faith again.
Member: Sandy
Location:
Date: September 04, 2003
Time: 01:23 PM
September I have faith in you use protection. You can do it good luck
Member: Jillian
Location: NYC
Date: September 04, 2003
Time: 05:47 PM
Are you for real September? If you are then you are either completely crazy or just plain and simple stupid. It's one or the other as nobody who gives an alkie a beer is neither giving them a "gift," nor wanting to "help" them! I mean for cripes sake girl, listen to the nonsense you just wrote would ya hon? And then you are also naive enough to think "all he wants is to listen?" Yeah, listen to sound of your panties hittin the floor maybe!! GROW UP!!! Your headed fopr a hell of a time on the road your choosing to go down girlfriend, good luck, you'll need it!
Member: Glen S.
Location: Depew NY
Date: September 04, 2003
Time: 07:20 PM
Ahhh, Being lonely...I know it well...Some of the things I learned when I first stumbled into AA were taught to me by the "Olde Timers"...(I thought that anyone with six (6) months were "OLDE Timers...the rest were just BS)... One of my first lessons was that when we first get here that we are "People Starved"...and will reach out to anybody of the opposite sex that shows any kind of attention...good or (mainly) bad !! My Sponsor told me that I had to stop bringing the "BARROOM INTO AA"...duh, had to have him explain what he meant...rrreeeaaaalll sllllowwww, as I am pretty thick headed... I came to understand that I had a "warped sense of reality", due to the use and abuse of alcohol, and really didn't know how to live. Some of the sure ways that I was taught about how to handle "Being Lonely All The Time", were things that I did in AA first then found out the reasons later.... Join a Home Group...Get active in that home group...make coffee, set up and take down chairs etc...Get to the meetings an HOUR before or you are Late...and are missing out on the best part of AA...the "Fellowship" !! Ahhh...then there are those things, called the STEPS...without taking,working or doing...there is really NO way for an ALKY like me to "RECOVER" (page 17 of the Big Book). I have also learned that we in AA do not give any type of advice...especially medical. All we can do is "Share "OUR" Experience, Strength and HOPE" !!! We have to go to those meetings to find out if the "MIRACLE" of Sobriety has happened in our lives too... If you are an ALKY like us and you are Sober today..Then the "MIRACLE" of Sobriety has happened to you TODAY... GOD BLESS All of you in your quest for a Happy Sober Life !!!
Member: DODY
Location: ONTARIO
Date: September 04, 2003
Time: 10:23 PM
DODY HERE ALCOHOLIC, SBER FOR 1YR. THIS IS A GREAT TOPIC MANY OF THESE POSTINGS COULD HAVE BEEN MINE, GOOD THINGS HAVE BEEN HAPPENING TO ME SINCE I`VE BEEN SOBER , THE LONELINESS IS MORE TOLERABLE AND SOMETIMES I`M ACTUALLY HAPPY!!THANKS TO ALL OF YOU AND TO MY H.P.HAVE A HPPY SOBER LIFE, IT`S THE ONLY ONE WE HAVE....
Member: Kathleen H.
Location: Boston
Date: September 05, 2003
Time: 02:19 AM
Hi - Kathleen, alcoholic. I've been sober 3 whole months! It took me a month before I'd even say the word "alcoholic" out loud. I can feel the cloud of confusion clearing in my brain. I've observed myself picking up the phone to reconnect with lost friends. I even called my new sponsor twice this past week. Not because I wanted to drink, but because I'm happy that I actually want to connect with people again. I've been really open with my husband and two teenage sons with what I'm going through right now. My oldest son who is 17 told me that he was proud of me. My youngest thinks I didn't drink enough to be in AA and I told him that it isn't how much you drink, it's what it does to your mind. I want my family to be a part of my healing and I don't want it to be a private or shameful thing. Yeah it sucks and still wish it didn't have to be me, but at least I'm brave enough to do something about it so that I never got that bad that my son could be the one to suggest AA! I hear something in everyone's story that resonates with me on some level and that makes me know that I'm not alone and that I'm in the right place at these meetings. I told my therapist the other day that I can picture God clapping and saying "Now this is someone I can work with!" I was getting in the way of His glorious plan for me by drinking and I can finally see the light. Amen!!
Member: Kathleen H.
Location: Boston
Date: September 05, 2003
Time: 02:33 AM
Dear September, Hang in there baby girl. God is stirring up the waters in you. I suggest you find a really good therapist. I found one early this past year and it took me months to finally take action and go to AA. But my decision was made for me and not out of guilt or "shoulds". By having a loving and kind therapist to just listen to me so I could get to know myself better and understand myself and start to figure out why I drank - only then could I make such a brave decision. Be gentle with yourself - but be honest with yourself too. I went to a Tony Robbins seminar over three years ago and he asked "What is one thing you could do or stop doing that would have a dramatic impact on your life?" and then he challenged us to take action on it. The woman I was with asked what my action was and I told her it was personal and didn't want to share it. Over those three years, I quit drinking probably 3 or 4 times for several months at a time. But I didn't build a solid foundation underneath me like AA provides and every time a disaster hit, or even just every day crap, I'd head straight for the liquor store. On September 11th I had 6 months of sobriety and got in my car and bought a bottle of wind and drank the whole thing by myself. Alcoholism is a disease, not a moral issue. Let go of the guilt and take action on your life. Your anxiety is not your drinking... it's what you're not doing about it. You will be in my prayers. Bessings to you all.
Member: Kathleen H.
Location: Boston
Date: September 05, 2003
Time: 02:34 AM
Dear September, Hang in there baby girl. God is stirring up the waters in you. I suggest you find a really good therapist. I found one early this past year and it took me months to finally take action and go to AA. But my decision was made for me and not out of guilt or "shoulds". By having a loving and kind therapist to just listen to me so I could get to know myself better and understand myself and start to figure out why I drank - only then could I make such a brave decision. Be gentle with yourself - but be honest with yourself too. I went to a Tony Robbins seminar over three years ago and he asked "What is one thing you could do or stop doing that would have a dramatic impact on your life?" and then he challenged us to take action on it. The woman I was with asked what my action was and I told her it was personal and didn't want to share it. Over those three years, I quit drinking probably 3 or 4 times for several months at a time. But I didn't build a solid foundation underneath me like AA provides and every time a disaster hit, or even just every day crap, I'd head straight for the liquor store. On September 11th I had 6 months of sobriety and got in my car and bought a bottle of wind and drank the whole thing by myself. Alcoholism is a disease, not a moral issue. Let go of the guilt and take action on your life. Your anxiety is not your drinking... it's what you're not doing about it. You will be in my prayers. Bessings to you all.
Member:
Location:
Date: September 05, 2003
Time: 02:40 AM
oops...that's a bottle of wine not wind!! If I bought a bottle of wind I wouldn't be in this mess! and sorry I must've hit submit twice on the above post... kathleen
Member: Babe
Location:
Date: September 05, 2003
Time: 11:51 AM
With all that life has to keep a person busy, and even interested at times, its hard to believe you could ever get lonely, but alas, i do to. i recongnize it now, where as in the earlier going of my sobriety, i wasn't in touch with much of what was going on in my feeling emotional or physical body, i have hobies, a few friends, and many aquaintances, some of which i wish would go away permanently, however, if i get that kind of lonliness, that nothing can fix, i usually like to practice, Thinking of others, and what i can do to be of service, and the feeling doesn't last long when im in that mode. before learning these coping tools, i would use people to "Fill... that hole, i was seldomly by myself, its different now. aa told me what the tools were, and that's where it was up to me to pick them up. But for many years, i wouldn't pick up the tools and get into action, and then i would 'whine' about how aa wasn't working for me,, ha ha typical selfish alkie behaviour... whachagonado eh?.. many things that make you feel uncomfortable can be almost instantly cured by getting out of self... amazing isn't it.. selfishness being the root of likely "all of man's problems, never mind just alkie problems... nuf outa me. sober mind, sober thought, sober action, and sober speach to all.
Member: Karen S.
Location: Arizona
Date: September 05, 2003
Time: 03:24 PM
I'm Karen, an alcoholic with 5 days sobriety. I love this site. Thank you all for contributing and helping. My loneliness was the reason I always drank. The abusive home I grew up in made me a social screw up big time. Never had any friends, didn't know how to make one but desperately wanted to. It wasn't until I was well into my 30's I read Dale Carnegie's book and learned how to make friends. How ridiculously sad I had to read a book to learn how to socialize and make friends. Still don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I have are true friends and that's enough for me right now. I drank to be more social and I would be clever and funny while drinking, until my head hit the table and the words coming out of my mouth made no sense. Then they'd see the seriously mentally-disturbed person I was and run as fast as they could away from me. That made me drink more as I'd been abandoned my entire life in that fashion. Now I see the insanity and did some serious self-searching, research and investigation why I was like I was. My HP is showing me doors to open and it's very exicting, and I can't wait to explore more and be sober again. Grace and peace to you all. Thank you again.
Member:
Location:
Date: September 05, 2003
Time: 07:02 PM
Tony Robbins is awesome!!!
Member: Kathleen H.
Location: Boston
Date: September 05, 2003
Time: 07:17 PM
Dear Karen - years ago I attended a seminar by Marsha Sinetar who wrote the book "Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow." During the break there was a bookstore and everyone from the seminar was packed into the self-help section. I said outloud, "Don't you think it's so sad that we all need so much help?" and a woman responded, "Not at all, I think it is wonderful that we're all seeking wisdom on our path to enlightenment." It's not ridiculously sad at all that you need a book on how to socialize, these are life skills that someone forgot to teach us and the fact that you even read that book shows that you too are on the path to enlightenment and your soul is seeking the wisdom. Be gentle with yourself. Make the shift that you are not broken, but merely learning about yourself and let it be exciting to find out what you didn't even know you didn't even know!!
Member: Connie S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: September 05, 2003
Time: 07:24 PM
Hi Ya'll, Connie here, grateful, recovering alcoholic. Thanks for all the shares, I enjoy this site, reminds me of what it was like - you'd think with all the bad things that happened to me in my drinking I wouldn't need reminding but I do! Thank God the fog has been lifted enought for me to accpet that today. Today I have 90 real days clean and sober - this feels nice!
Member: Karen S.
Location: Arizona
Date: September 05, 2003
Time: 07:27 PM
Dear Kathleen - thank you for your kind words. It means so much to me that someone cares.
Member: Dr. M
Location: Pacific NW
Date: September 06, 2003
Time: 03:44 AM
Interesting thoughts...sometimes a meeting is just what I need. Others, a meeting is just what I don't need (or so I think.) It is those times when I feel that I don't need a meeting that I have to worry. Loneliness for an alcoholic is like water for a fish. It is just a part of what we do and who we are (at least that's true for this alcoholic.) Seems like the longer I have sober, the harder it gets to go back to the old ways of thinking. I have just celebrated one year sober. My sponsor tells me that AA ruins future drinking. She assures me that if I follow the steps, go to meetings, and don't take the first drink that the tough times will be just bumps on the journey, not slides down the long slope. Thanks for a great site and wonderful insights from y'all. Peace, M