Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson MI
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 09:03 AM
It has always been advised to not make any major decisions for about a year. I believe this is because we are in a fog and full of fear and wonder about our new life that is just beginning. Some decisions can't be put off but I feel the ones we can put off we should until we have gotten back on "solid ground" so to speak. Just my opinion, thanks.
Member: Marv L
Location:
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 09:28 AM
Hi,Marv,alcoholic.Grateful that theres a fellowship of caring folks who can help guide newcomers toward living sober!!! I look back to those early days in my own trip,and feel only a higher power can help us sift out the right answers. Heard that "When the pupil is right,the teacher will appear",and have found it so..What often appeared to be a flimsy reed,turned out to be MUCH MORE!! Thank you all for helping me enjoy another sober day!!
Member: dody z
Location: canada
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 10:17 AM
dody here alcohlic, but a happy sober one looking for AAroom where the theme music it starts with is from the tv show "cheers" have good safe sober day!!!!
Member: dody z
Location: canada
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 10:20 AM
dody here alcohlic, but a happy sober one looking for AAroom where the theme music it starts with is from the tv show "cheers" have good safe sober day!!!!
Member: Barb G
Location: USA
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 04:10 PM
Hey just found this place thru google! Hoping for help to quit for good!
Member: Geri W
Location: Ohio
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 05:04 PM
Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. I've been sober awhile, but I still struggle with "major decisions" - of course the definition of "major" has changed. The first few weeks, months were shakey at best. I was fortunate enough to have found an old "big book thumping" sponsor who never told me what to do, but would listen to all my craziness until I reached a somewhat logical decision. Her advice - "don't decide anything that if it goes wrong, will lead you to think about drinking". Eleven years later, I still follow that guideline.
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 06:20 PM
Major decision was for me to stop drinking and smoking and a good diet with exercise and vitamins anymore decisions might cause a problem so that is it for me right now. 5 months 2 days sober oh I did go to the link someone posted for the Big Book on last weeks and want to say thank you for the post I think it was Kerry C who posted it
Member: desiree b
Location: usa
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 06:32 PM
hi i'm desiree an alcoholic. i have been fortunate enough to find a loving sponsor, however she is unavailable to talk to most of the time. she has me call her at work and then she is too busy to talk for more than a minute or two. i called her and left a message yesterday and as usual no call back. i have worked through step 7 with her and was hoping to continue. it is difficult for me to make friends with women, which is what she says i need to do. i have been making an effort for over a year now and it seems the story is always the same i call and leave messages and rarely get calls back. i am a nice person who likes to listen but sometimes i need someone to listen to me too. i find some meetings very oppressive. there are a lot of egos. i know i need to reach out again, so today this is what i am able to do. i hear a lot of experience and strength from others , yet also a lot of criticism. it seems i am never doing enough things right. i know there is hope for me, yet at this moment i fell so sad without hope . god is here but i am trapped by my shortcomings and feel so unworthy. thanks for listening. just for today.
Member: Jeff H
Location: mid.Missouri
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 06:53 PM
hello all had a bad week,I found a co-worker tuesday who shot himself in the head the day before very sad and quite unsettled.Did not have a sponser lost my clean time.Friends from an old meeting came looking for me.starting over day 1:( I am taking off tomorrow to go to counselor and hitting 2 meetings.I know things get bad but if you are thinking about doing that remember your not giving yourself a chance to make them better.sorry i'm off the subject but I needed to say that
Member: rose m.
Location: south florida
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 09:02 PM
hi. been clean and sober- sometimes just dry- but without any drugs or alcohol for 18 yrs and 8 months. i must admit i have not had a sponsor for 14 yrs. and the sponsors i had before that - well, lets just say ive had many disappointments and taken a lot of bad advice which is why i have not had a sponsor for so long- but im still clean & im happy & i still get to meetings as often as possible- im a single mom who works fulltime so sometimes im lucky if i make one meeting a week, other times its every day at lunch. you can make it, even without a sponsor!
Member: damian
Location: Ontario
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 09:15 PM
I seem to have been left behind - no answers to my questions. I am an alcoholic - my question was for someone to tell me, show me, explain how my life will be better if I am sober. I am scared. Doubly, I drink on medication (I am manic depressive) I am worried that if I stop drinking, I will be back relying on my mind, which is so tempermental PS before you suggest it, I have a therapist - I also have an eating disorder
Member: Damian
Location: Ontario
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 09:19 PM
Member: desiree b Location: usa Date: August 24, 2003 Time: 06:32 PM Desiree, everything you said is the exact same for me. Perhaps we can work together as email friends - I am also terrified and my therapist said its what I need to do. The internet is a good start I think Damian
Member: PeanutsP
Location: New York
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 09:30 PM
It's been a long time since I could say that I made it through the weekend without picking up a drink and I can say that once again this weekend and it feels great. Life is truly 100 times better sober...It's hard to put the feelings into words.
Member: Roberta
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 10:08 PM
Making major decisions. Well I am making one September 1st in that I will not drink that day. I am hoping that I can same the same committment the next day until I reach 100 days and then choose to go another 100 days. I have decided to quit before after a major drunk but it never seemed to work. This time I am setting a date and I am going to quit on that date. After September 1st I will do it one day at a time and I will turn my problem over to God. I watched an interesting program this morning on CTV called something like Cake Date. It was about people of all walks of life entering a program in Vancouver Island. Found the whole thing rather interesting, but being outside of that province and many miles away not a place that would be a reality for me to reach. I hope you all have a great 24 and I will keep in touch
Member:
Location:
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 10:16 PM
just marking my spot
Member: gallagher
Location: seoul, korea
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 10:17 PM
hi i'm gallagher and i'm a 30 year old alcoholic.my problems with alcohol have been gradually increasing for the past ten years and i have known that i was addicted for the past 3 or 4 years. in other words, i have been out of the denial stage for several years, but still haven't found the strength to quit for more than a few days. i'm a high functioning alcoholic, but have experienced arrests, blackouts, deteriorating relationships, unsafe sex, memory loss, health problems, financial and emotional problems, but i still choose to drink because of an irrational obsession in my mind that tells me i need it at the end of the day.i'm a night drinker. i'm fine until about 9 p.m. and then the cravings kick in. sleep is unfathomable without it. i drink alone at home and i have a large selection of drinking buddies, many of whom also are alcoholics in denial. most people are aware that i drink heavily, but no one ever makes comments about me being an alcoholic and i never admit it to other people. i guess it's my dirty little secret and i go to great lengths to cover it up, rotating the different shops i buy my booze at so no one will get too suspicious. i guess part of my success in covering this problem up is my ability to function (keep a job, remain sober during the day, maintain viable relationships, etc.). no one really suspects that i could be truly addicted to this stuff except for me. haha. also, i've never been a mean or crazy drunk. when i'm intoxicated, i don't pick fights with people or get behind the wheel of a car. about the worst that happens is i will pass out at the bar or wake up next to a stranger or spend the weekend utterly hungover. nevertheless, i am an addict. i've promised myself to quit on numerous ocassions, but slipped back into the old routine so easily. a couple of weeks ago, i managed to go six days without drinking. i did this with the help of 1/2 xanax in the evening for sleep. i know this isn't true sobriety, but that is as good as it has been in a while. it was amazing to wake up with no hangover and have a clear head during the day. of course, i slipped on a friday and made up for lost time, waking up on saturday and throwing up ... being so hungover that i couldn't even hold down food at 7pm the following day. i know that i want sobriety, but it seems so elusive. i've watched family members die from this disease and i know it will eventually be me if i don't stop.i'm moving back to america in a few weeks and hope to get this under control there, go to meetings and maybe even rehab. i think i could really benefit from a 2-3 week inpatient rehab scheme, but i can't afford it. so it looks like it will have to be cold turkey for me.
Member:
Location:
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 10:20 PM
Member: gallagher
Location: seoul, korea
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 10:23 PM
AFFORDABLE REHAB CLINICS i did a little research the other day on detox centers and was shocked to see that many city rehabs cost about $300 a day.now, if you don't have insurance, how is the average sick person supposed to be able to afford that? does anyone have info on affordable rehab? i'm not talking any fancy rehabilitation spas, just your average drying-out facility where one can spend a week or two getting it together. any advice would be appreciated. cheers.
Member: Chelli
Location: Indiana
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 10:26 PM
My marriage is in serious trouble. Last week he told me how much my drinking embarrassed him at christmas parties, etc. I was mortified to think that I embarrassed my husband and immediately decided that drinking wasn't worth the hassel it caused in my life. This afternoon after a weekend away alone, I started thinking about some of the most painful things I had ever heard and realized that the past few parties, family get-togethers, etc. in the past 8-9 months, I HAVE NOT abused alcohol as he accused! I was further dismayed to discover that he could not qualify those painful words with anything other than "I was prepared...I presumed..." This does not mean I am not an alcoholic. I still have to consciously manage the number of drinks I consume after I pour the first one. There are too many unhealthy life patterns derived from alcohol to dispute the obvious fact that I'm an alcoholic. I have not had a drink since last Wednesday and I feel better than I have in a long time. I just can't believe that this man, who is supposed to love me, would use such a painful method of pointing out my drinking abuses in such a completely devestating manner! So, talking about making major decisions...we've been on the brink of divorce all summer. He lies, withholds information, etc. in an attempt to control me. He is so smart and logical that he actually feels he's "helping" me! When I drank our fights would esculate but here we are...I'm sober and he STILL justifies telling me half-truths! No, I'm not interested in drinking right now especially because this is a huge decision and I don't want to cloud it. I also don't want to give him the weapon to use alcohol as an excuse for his continued controlling, dishonest behavior. Now is NOT the time to decide!
Member: Ms. Ardis M
Location: Florida Gulf Coast
Date: August 24, 2003
Time: 11:39 PM
Major decisions in early sobriety were for me, not to change my job on a whim. Not to move on a whim out of embarressment because I had made an arse out of myself in the neighborhood. Not to get a boyfriend and be obsessed about him so I did not have to look at myself. If one is married, stay married and allow time to heal some wounds. Give time, time to develop sobriety, to get a new pair of eye glasses to look through and see the world nd the people in a different light. Don't make major decisions on a whim, anything to bring the turmoil on to NOT look at oneself, playing the blaming game. He said, she said ... pointing fingers, don't forget 3 fingers point back to yourself! It is NOT how much I drank, it is what it does TO me. When I drank, I became a liar, a thief and a cheat. Oh no, I had only 2 drinks, sure! A thief of time, a thief of not giving myself 100% at work and to my family. A cheat, staying home with an hangover, telling the boss I'm sick. Not doing my job like I should do it, making shortcuts. Etc. etc. Take YOUR eyes off others and concentrate on SELF. Where can YOU improve the situation, what can YOU do to put others at ease. In early sobriety I could not even see what damage I had done, the turmoil and denial I was in or created. Anything to blame others, I became quiet the Drama Queen, anything to NOT look at myself and how I could change. For me the answers are in the Big Book of Alcohol Anonymous and the AA Program of the 12 steps. Reading that Big Book gave me hope, I was NOT alone, there were more people out there like me, I identified. I went to many AA meetings while I did not want to go, ego and false pride were often involved. I went until I wanted to go. Changing my behavior and RE-actions were hard, were they ever, but so worth it today! Living sober in peace and harmony with the world and not that constant fighting of everything, often not knowing what started the fight anyhow. Alcohol surrendered me into AA, the people in AA loved and guided me until I could love my self and walk on my own 2 feet sober. I can highly recommend this way of life, it has worked a while for me and I have no intentions to change it. Insanity, doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result, that's me drinking. Good luck and God Speed.
Member:
Location:
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 12:18 AM
Men are for Venus and Women are for Mars.I just don't relate to this I'm from earth
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 12:19 AM
Hi All, Busy day. Diane, keep up the great work with 5 months, 2 days! Whoo-h00! I went to Church and walked out when they asked me to pray for that pedophile priest that was strangled in prison yesterday. I could not do it so I need to work on my program somemore. He was a very sick man and someone put a contract out on him. I feel he got what he had coming but it still is bad program to not be able to pray for him. I need to work on forgiveness. I took my daughter to a really good movie, Sea Biscuit. It is about overcoming adversity and I really enjoyed it. It is a true story too. Gallagher, what State are you moving to? I can try and see if I can help. Unfortunately around here most free rehab is court appointed and paid for. I do know of one that is free and then they ask you to get a job and pay rent in the halfway house portion of it. Let me know it sounds like you are really getting sick and tired of being sick and tired. Chelli, I agree that now is not the time to focus on your divorce but on recovery. Your recovery or lack of recovery will be hard on your marriage. In other words it will be affected either way so just work on your sobriety and let the chips fall where they may. If you quit to save your marriage it won't last because you really have to want it for yourself. I lost an engagement over it that way. Geri, Good advice about not making decisions that you could drink over. Well, I'm beat. Good night and God Bless... Kelly :)
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 02:31 AM
Jane C..alcoholic..every one of todays posts so far have said so much that I felt very moved..so many sober folks with such good things to pass on to us new people..first timers and ones who have slipped...the only major decision I've made so far was to woek on getting back my sobriety..Ive only been sober for 40 days after 18 years without drinking..I remember what I was told years ago about slips..just start over and don't feel guilty,it will only get in the way..and to also be grateful for the years that we had sober..at least it gave our health a chance to do it's job..for me about a year ago I learned that I am gluten intolorent...which means, no bread, pasta or cake or goodies unless they are gluten free..and they are very expensive and hard to find a lot of the time..I actually hoped that it maant no alcohol too, but it is allowed..except for beer< I think.. it was never my drink so I thought I was home free with wine, which was my drug of choice.. As for other major decisions,my BF wants to buy a cabin about 200 miles from my apt. here so that we can get away for 2 or3 months now and then...for me this is such a scary thing that I keep putting him off.. I've packed to move so many times in my life that it took a toll physically..a lot of pain, often, and I don't take pain killers,and I'm actually grateful that I'm allergic to a lot of them..So there won't be any decisions made for a long time...May God Bless everyone with another sober day..
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 09:05 AM
Hi Jane, Wow, can relate to the packing thing and I am also allergic to most pain meds thank God! I would listen to yourself on this one. Sounds like this is what he wants and not what you want. Will you be isolated at the cabin? Would you have your computer and phone? I love camping but just for a few days, I'm not a hermit! Ms Ardis, Thanks for your ES&H. I needed that this morning. I am moving for the second time in 3 months but not by choice and it is stressful. I don't want to drink over it but I would not advise it to anyone new to sobriety. So far I have done a couple major changes like sell a house and move and start dating which are no-no's. It is because of AA and a power greater than myself that I seem to be strong enough to do them. I have a lot of support in meetings, my sober friends etc. I get a lot out of this board too and it helps me and is a comfort to read everyone. Everyone that prays say a prayer for me today, I have a lot on my plate and with the grace of God I'll get through it. Peace. Kelly :)
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 09:18 AM
thanks Kelly M for the encouragement now as for that priest he reaped what he sowed and when you molest and go to prison they look down on you big time and no hit man it's just prison and always someone will get a child molester this is just how it is in the our prisons they take care of molesters (Baby rappers) and Kelly you don't have to like his sin or forgive his sin that is of Satan. This priest has to face God not you....5 months 3 days sober today... God bless and another 24 hours to you all...
Member: Barbara S
Location: California
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 09:39 AM
Day 1. I am 61, both parents were alcoholics, husband is a lifelong drinking buddy. Was sober for two years in my late thirties so I know it can be done. My decision today is I will not drink any alcoholic beverage of any kind. Thank you for offering me a place to make this pronouncement. See you tomorrow with the results of this first decision.
Member: Beto L
Location: Tampico, Mexico
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 01:15 PM
When I got sober I was told not to make any major decisions for the first year. To me that was just another way of saying "First Things First." First I needed to work on my biggest problem, which was alcoholism. After I had begun to get the hang of living sober I could attempt to remedy other problem areas in my life.
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX(kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 01:43 PM
Kerry here an alcoholic. Making Major Decisions. There are many in AA that suggest we should not make any major decisions for the first year of our sobriety. Everyone's definition of major decisions vary but things like; Quitting a job, getting a divorce or ending a relationship, starting a new relationship or marriage, moving to a new city, buying a new vehicle or home...seem to me to be what they are talking about. Some of these decisions are unavoidable but if they don't need to be made I agree that they should be put off for the first year. There is a saying used at my home group very often; "My mind is trying to kill me". At first I kind of laughed at that. When I really thought about it though it seemed very appropriate. While I was drinking, my mind would rationalize and come up with numerous reasons why I could continue drinking even though I knew quite well that drinking was killing me and ruining my life. Alcoholism had so skewed my way of thinking that things that seem ridiculous to me now seemed very normal and ok then. I lived in that fog and confusion for 25 years. My mind would like me to think that since I don't drink anymore my thoughts have somehow miraculously changed in a little over 5 months. I need to be reminded daily that it took 25 years to get that sick and it is going to take more than just 5 months to change those deep ingrained thought patterns. My old thought processes pop up on me all the time. Yesterday for example, I was riding back from a meeting with my sponsor. I have been trying to find a job and had filled out an application last week. They told me they would contact me by Friday. He asked me if I had went there and checked up on the status of my application. I said no if they need me they will call. He is a manager that hires people and suggested that I go there today in person to show that I had interest in the job. In reality it is a job that I really don't want because it requires a high degree of humbling my pride. My first reaction was anger because I just wanted to call them on the phone. The next thought was that I don't really have to do what he says he just makes suggestions as a sponsor. The next thought was that maybe I am going to too many meetings and need a new sponsor. Next it was I'll just lie to him or sabatage the job possibilities. In reality I can't afford to refuse any job possibilities at all. After considering the situation for about 10 hours yesterday I can see now how correct he was and will be going there in about an hour when the guy that I gave the application to will be in. If I would have just relied on my own thinking to make that decision I probably would pass up an opportunity to work. Also my old thinking was trying to kill me by wanting me to pull away from AA. That all occurred in a matter of 15 minutes because I was angry that someone was telling me what I should do. I pulled away from AA 10 years ago using the exact same logic and almost didn't make it back. I know for me that when I start thinking something is a good idea, I should talk to at least one other alcoholic if not 4 or 5. My past history and experience tells me that I have to do those simple suggestions that I hate doing or my mind truly will kill me. I was listening to a tape of Clancy I. yesterday on the internet. He was saying the same thing in a different way. We have to stay with those working the program and away from those who aren't if we want true sobriety. If anyone is interested here is a site that has some great AA Speaker tapes uploaded. You will need Real Player installed on your computer to listen to them. I highly recommend them to everyone at this site and especially to those that don't attend regular face to face meetings. http://www.aaprimarypurpose.org/speakers.htm
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 03:07 PM
thanks for the link Kerry C I will go on my other puter that can download it fast and listen
Member: Chelli
Location: Indiana
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 04:04 PM
Ms. Ardis; thank you for your enlightening response to my tantrum. You're right about taking my focus off of him and looking in the mirror at myself. I can easily admit that he has every right to be angry with me...until now, he's never been "allowed" to voice his feelings as I've not been able to hear him. I'm actually feeling the hurt his words have inflicted on me...I shudder to think about the drunken pain I've caused him! Until now, I was able to hide from those painful consequences with that next glass/es of wine. Kelly M. after just a few days being sober, I feel so much better that my choice to not have a drink yesterday, today, and we'll see how tomorrow goes, is not only for my family, my marriage, but honestly, FOR ME. I'm already trimming down (I'm very active so without the alcoholic calories, it's coming off faster). I feel more level headed and have a new business that I'm building at home. (I write grants, do fund raising and write programs for equestrian nonprofits). How many days I wasted "feeling bad" not getting anything done! Until my husband said it in black-white, I couldn't admit to myself that my drinking has culminated into alcoholism!I love the comment about cheating and stealing...never thought about it that way before. Excellent description Ms. Ardis! Today I moved my precious horse out of the country club she had previously resided in because it was too stressful for me...trainer was controlling and very angry, even abusive to us and our horses. This little mare mirrors so many of my issues. As we work out her issues, mine become evident and together we work on them. What an unsuspecting partner she's become. When I take a deep breath, she takes one. One day I went to her, threw my arms around her and cried and cried. She's still quite reactive due to her reactive past, this day she put her velet muzzle on my face until my tears subsided. I feel this decision for a change is a good thing during this time. She still needs to heal, and I need her help working through my issues and healing me. She loves it when I talk to her and sometimes I can feel what she might say...usually it's "I understand....know what you mean". I'd rather move my horse into a more relaxed stable than stay stressed and tense in the country club and rather than divorcing my husband or anything else irrational! Thank you all SO much for sharing your thoughts!
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX(kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 05:25 PM
No problem Diane. There are other sites as well. I did a search on Google for "AA speaker tapes" and found them. Just got back from my 2 mile walk to check on that job. They told me they weren't hiring but taking applications. Oh well I did my part, got some good exercise, and picked up a couple applications on the way back. Congrats to everyone sober today it is worth it.
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 05:52 PM
Wow Chelli a horse how neat you must really have a blast with your friend now you can do it sober. Welcome
Member: AZbill
Location: az-bill@mindspring.com
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 08:45 PM
Hi. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. Damian go ahead and use my email address. I have had some successes with email sponsorship and I have had some failures with email sponsorship. Let it be known that I will work with you out of the big book for starters. :) Let's give it a try. We will see what happens. Now, for the topic. When I came into these rooms I was one week without alcohol. I chose the AA way (read my post in the 12x12 section) That was a pretty major decision. My former boss found out I was sober and offered me my job back. I had called him over a year earlier and said I would be a couple of hours late. :) I went back to work and that was a pretty big decision after a years + binge. On day 7 me and a sponsor started through the steps. He was on day 1 LOL. In a few months, I outgrew him and got a more experienced sponsor. At one year I made the decision to enter college. I went from a hung over laborer and kiln operator to a Nuclear Medicine major. Graduated 4.3 gpa. Took two board exams. Passed both and went on to become published in my field. Not too shabby for an alley drunk living in a chicken coop, a Big Book Thumper and an accused bleeding deacon LMAO. Take care. Thanks for being a part of my sobriety today. Love ya all.. Bill
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 10:31 PM
WOW AZBill you have done pretty darn good, way to go for me I just want to stay sober and see my children do good. My Daughter is now doing great now for my Son
Member: buzzsaw
Location: Detroit, MI
Date: August 25, 2003
Time: 10:39 PM
My major decision is made everyday, actually every 1/2 hour or so. Don't drink. Please God grant me relief of this urge. Thank you.
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: August 26, 2003
Time: 02:58 AM
Jane C.an alcoholic..today is my Birthday, the real one, and I don't tell my age..no one I know tells theirs either.. (Chelli)..I loved your sharing your story about you and your horse..you must be so happy to have that mare..she must keep you busy, busy..I have 2 dogs and they are work, but I can't give them up..had 3, but one I had a hard time handling..she was the female.. aren't we the stubborn sex? LOL.. AZ-Bill..Your sharing all that you have accomplised gives us a lot of hope...when I moved here, the first thing I did was check out adult ed. Then I got cold feet..ALL those PEOPLE again..I'm so miserabley phobic in social situations that it borders on my being petrified.I've done the work to get over this and still work on it, but to no end..I hope I can get over this soon..I WANT to go to f2f meetings here, but everything here is really still new to me and the only time I'm not alone is when I'm with my BF, which is most of the time..I'ts not an excuse, just another reason to not get to meetings..(Kelly)..I think we'd be quite isolated in the area my BF wants to make a move to..we'd probably have to take the boat to get to town, at least that's what he tells me, but all of this doesn't bother me..it's all the planning and packing and moving...I HATE IT..he said he would do a lot of it and I know he will..he does what he says he will do..(he even cooks now and then) I hate that too..messy, messy but the food is good..so why complain?..I know all of this is off the topic a bit, but their is this big decision to make about the move. also because he will give up his place, and I don't know if that's a good thing to do..he knows just about everyone there and they have problems that he has been trying to work with..alcohol and drugs etc.. he did the drug thing years ago..and kicked it cold turkey in 3 days..he said he was so sick he prayed to die..he was lucky he didn't..the things he told me he did were so horrendous that he was lucky the drugs didn't kill him, but he doesn't recommend detox his way. He said he will never go back to that life again..he just made bad choices..and now that he sees these people and what their addictions are doing to them.it makes him more determined to never go back, and I trust him enough to know he won't.. THis is Sooooooo long, sorry...good nite.and may we all stay sober tomorrow with Gods' Grace..
Member: Chelli
Location: Indiana
Date: August 26, 2003
Time: 09:07 AM
My horse is a gift...I never did ride her while drinking and the couple of times when I did, I fell off her! She was soooo cool! She stopped dead, looked at me with a look that seemed to say, "you idiot, what are you doing down there?" I have found that my drinking was primarily in the evening and that around 5 PM I have the urge to pour a glass of wine...I use a wonderful little affirmation that has worked for me for the past 20 years (I'll be 40 on Christmas and am perfectly ok with it!). I modify it for whatever the issue may be, even for getting over the fear of my horse (she's highly spirited-like me, she's been abused-like me, she doesn't trust-like me, and she's always afraid someone is out to get her-like me. We've come a long way already). In case anyone is interested, I say it over and over again until the fear, the urge, the anger, whatever, subsides. I'll do it all day if I have to; "I joyfully let go of alcohol, I am a peace." Sometimes I'll say "willingly, desire, urge, whatever". It has REALLY worked for me as I'm going on day 7 without a huge conflict thus far. This affirmation has even worked with my husband's ex who sues us every year! I enjoy and laugh with select words I use in it to describe her in that short affirmation! It makes me laugh and lightens the harassment. Jane, isn't it cool to share your growth experiences with these unconditional animals?? Bill, congrats on your wonderful story! You must feel so good about getting your job back! Time to get sweaty and smelly at the barn. Have a GREAT, SOBER day!
Member: alison h.
Location: usa
Date: August 26, 2003
Time: 10:07 AM
day 1 sober-i am scared that all the "yets" are starting to happen, especially losing the people i love and who love me; not to mention job,freedom etc. I have real problems in social situations... have to learn to get over myself. also have a copy of the big book-thank you all for this meeting and site- God Bless.
Member: lkj
Location: usa
Date: August 26, 2003
Time: 12:19 PM
I am sober today for the longest period in my life for years. Thats an accomplishment after about 20 yars of attending meetings, admitting I was an alcoholic and yet contiuing with long periods of drinking. One night last year something clicked. I accepted an offer from an AA friend to attend a meeting at a time when I was in the depths of a relapse. That friend later became my sponsor. For months, not a day went by that we didn't connect with a brief phone call. He constantly reminded me that staying sober was my life's #1 priority. If I didn't do that, nothing else mattered. I started to wake up spiritually. I utterly surrendered to my higher power and gave up on any notion that I could ever drink again. My story is hope that recovery through AA works even though it doesn't always "take" right away. I still talk with my sponsor and attend meetings regularly. I have a greater hope than ever before that AA is really working.
Member: Pam B - Sobergirl91 at hotmail.com
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: August 26, 2003
Time: 01:08 PM
Hi, I'm Pam - an alcoholic. Welcome to (((Everyone New))) - good to see you here & thank you for sharing - it helps to keep me sober today, reminding me what it was like when new & that I don't want to ever have to go thru newly getting sober again. If we both follow the suggestions of this program - one day at a time - neither of us will ever have to go thru that again >>>> we do not become cured of alcoholism - it is only a daily reprieve (relief/remission from it) that is contingent upon (depends upon)the maintenance of our spiritual condition (ie applying the principals of the 12 Steps into all our daily affairs in a relationship with God - our HP - that is the result of doing so) >>>>>>> ON TO THE TOPIC: pgs 84 thru 88 of the BB is the time in our sobriety when we've learned 'proper use of the will' via applying/living the prior Steps 1 thru 9 into our lives. Thru that I've begun to see myself realistically & getting honest about myself - I've learned to check my true motives in decisions I make & actions I take - I've learned to share my ideas w/my sponsor & others who are living sober by these 12 Steps before jumping out there in impulsive rash decisions & judgments - I've consciously become aware of & in contact with God (my HP) taking care of me & guiding me as long as I remember to ask for that - & by Step 11 (pg 86 thru 88 BB) I have learned how to make right decisions & better decisions for myself. At that point, being still new at this, its suggested to still run my ideas by my sponsor and/or another sober AA for feedback rather than rely on my own thinking as yet, as we do not become perfected at this - & when wrong, promptly admit it. I'm still not perfected at this today >>>>> Just a few days ago my own thinking was that I 'save the CP page' by copy/pasting all the posts of those who had shared or were asking for help before the disruption going on moved them too far back to be lost before most could read them. But instead of helping anything, it added to the disruption taking place >>>> What I should've done was run my idea by someone for feedback before acting - to ask before just doing something irregardless how right I view it or good intentions I may have - I was wrong not to have done so. >>>> I have not been cured of my alcoholic thinking or ISMS - have learned from this. my growing in this program continues to Progress one day at a time - but I have not been perfected. The basic suggestions & all that I've learned since the very beginning in this program are still the daily basics for me. Thanks again to (((All of You))) for being here. Pam
Member: Sue P.
Location: Central Florida
Date: August 26, 2003
Time: 03:54 PM
Thanks AZBill. You really give a lot of inspiration to us newbees. I'm still working on step three just as I see it. It really helps to get feedback from people who have been there and know what it feels like. I noticed over the last few weeks there are alot of people in this group who have been in aa awhile. I was shocked at some of the comments at first but I honesty believe there are caring individuals here. I like to read them and take some of it in. Learning all over again. Good thing about last week's topic that relates to this weeks is that I don't have to make it happen all at once. Or do I?
Member: AZbill
Location: az-bill@mindspring.com
Date: August 26, 2003
Time: 07:17 PM
Nope Sue P.. AA is best taken in small bites and savoring each piece.. There is an online AA roundup in Floral City just outside Inverness the last weekend in Oct. You and anyone else is welome to attend and help us cut pumpkins :) Katnashrambler@aol.com Bill
Member: PeanutsP
Location: New York
Date: August 26, 2003
Time: 07:26 PM
I agree with Buzzsaw. Since I'm in early sobriety...my major decision is to not drink each day. I haven't drank in over a week and it feels like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel a sense of freedom that I have not felt in a long time. I thank you all for sharing. YOu are all an inspiration to me and it helps to know that in time life really does get better.
Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: August 26, 2003
Time: 08:33 PM
Here are the things that were told to me when I first came to AA and that I subsequently found to be true. AA is not a self-help program. If we could help ourselves we would have no need for AA. AA is not a religious program, but is spiritual in nature. There are two aspects of AA: the Fellowship and the Program. The Fellowship is a very powerful thing and is sufficient to keep some of us sober. Most of us however are of the hopeless variety of alcoholic and to acquire and retain sobriety require the profound change, which comes from taking the Steps of AA. Being of the hopeless and real variety of alcoholic it was suggested in very certain terms that I take each and every Step in the order they are presented following the directions contained in the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous.” Furthermore, I should find someone who had taken the Steps and seemed to be living a life “happy, joyous and free” and ask that person for help. I found someone, asked and he became my “sponsor.” Together we read the Big Book and followed the directions for taking the Steps as best we could. The more experienced members of AA also suggested that I attend AA Meetings on a regular basis as often as I drank. Not only should I attend Meetings frequently, but also I should acquire and fulfill commitments at these Meetings. Wash the coffee cups (some Meetings still had glass cups at that time), make coffee, mind the literature, greet people, be a secretary or treasurer, GSR or Intergroup Rep. anything would do. Talk to people newer than I. Not only give my phone number to new comers but get their numbers and call them. Having done what was suggested I continue to do what was suggested, to the best of my ability, and my life has become wonderful. I now live “happy, joyous and free.” With diligence and willingness you can do the same. I wish whoever reads this luck in gaining and maintaining sobriety.
Member: Jeff H
Location: mid.Missouri
Date: August 26, 2003
Time: 11:06 PM
Jeff H. alcoholic How is everyone.The only major decision I made today was not drinking.Is anyone old enough to remember Rocky 1......Getting Stronger....God bless and peace be with you all.Don't forget to pray.P.S. about the priest If you feel like you need to forgive him thats O.K.I think it is a good sign that you see more room for yourself to grow,and theres nothing wrong with that!Right? H.O.W.Jeff:)
Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: August 26, 2003
Time: 11:35 PM
Stacy, alcoholic. 141 days today. I resist the urge almost daily to make major decisions. I almost feel as if I'm standing still (of course while my head is racing) by not making major decisions. Now the fog is clearing a little and I'm seeing things differently. All the sudden I want to redesign my whole life. My sponsor has helped me with this. First things first. First thing is that I am an alcoholic and I'm just starting step 4. I need all 12 under my belt before I start making major changes/decisions. I am taking her advice. But it's hard (little alcoholic tantrum for ya!)!!!! Have a great sober night all.
Member: Shawna K.
Location: San Diego
Date: August 27, 2003
Time: 12:08 AM
Hi...this is my first time at any type of AA "meeting" due to extreme anxiety about going to new places and meeting new people. i also dont like hugs. But anyways, im 17 years old and have been in a outpatient family rehab program for about 6 months. My only requirement to graduate is to to attend AA meetings, but i cant yet. im starting to take meds for my anxiety, but until then, online meetings are my only hope. I was sober from early march to laste july, with little relapse at a party three weeks ago. since then, sober. i kinda self sabotaged myself to stay in my program longer, because i cant grdaute until i go to AA meetings and am clean for 3 months. But anyways...more later, just the intro.
Member: Mike W.
Location: Michigan
Date: August 27, 2003
Time: 08:04 AM
Hi, I'm definately an alcoholic, My name is Mike. Lot's of good posts on this site. God's Grace to all in the fellowship ! I had a lot of decisions were made for me in early recovery without much to say about it at all. I had to learn to relly on truting God to give me the intuition I needed on a daily basis to make the next right decision and or accept that what was going on , even if it was not exactly the way I wanted it to be, was exactly the way it was supposed to be at that time. (serenity prayer time ! ) I have had a tendency to just be compulsive and do things without thinking them through, asking my sponcer/winners in the fellowship, last but not least, God,(11th Step) what their "good orderly direction" would be as THEY SEE IT... Don't forget, I have found that my life IS UNMANAGABLE... a least on my own knowledge, misinterpetations, messed up limited perceptions,etc. I can still make a mess out of things and make foolish decisions if I don't carefully consider things using all the resourses God makes available to me, and letting peace be my guide. Often , I'll Know deep in my spirit what the right thing to do is>>> even if I DON'T want to do it !!! Thanks for being here for me today !! God Bless you all. And incase nobody's told you that they love you today, I'm telling you, I love you..!!Thanks for letting me share.>>> Mike W. plumbfitter2000@yahoo.com
Member: Sammy
Location: meetings
Date: August 27, 2003
Time: 09:16 AM
Hi my name is Sammy an alcoholic Making Major Decisions.At one time this was very hard for me to accept.Did I want to stop drinking yes I did. What was this going to take for me to stop.I had to make a Decision drinking or quiting how was I going to do this.I had to make a Decision first I have to addmit that I was an alcoholic.And was I willing to do whatever it takes to stop drinking.Was I willing to change that was a tough one.Thinking to myself what am I going to half change my life how.How am I going to change my life how can I do this.I was told you half to make a Decision.Do you want to drink or do you want to stop drinking I had to make a Decision.I knew I didn't want to drink so I had made the Decision that things had to change.Change what me my thinking for one thing my friends and the things I did.I had made the Decision to stop drinking and I would do whatever its take to quit. Change Take sugestions see how people with my same problem of drinking did it. How did they do this HOW DID THEY STOP DRINKING.So I went to where these people are why because I had made a Decision.And that Decision was I would do whatever it takes to stop drinking.So I went to meeting and listen why because I had made a Decision not to drink.So I went to these meeting why because I made a Decision not to drink.AA could show me some tools I said tools WHAT TOOLS.I had made a Decision to stop drinking so I would do whatever I had to do.If these people in AA had tools to help me form drinking I wanted those tools.Why because I had made a Decision not to drink.I know I needed these tools I couldn't stop thinking about drinking.And without drinking how could I be happy.Those people in AA had the tools to show me the way not to drink and be happy.I had made a Decision not to drink .I knew I could not do it alone and be happy.How many people don't want to drink can they do it alone.Not many but their not happy I'v seen it their mad at the world and everybody in it.Do I want to be like that because I tried to do alone.So please make the right Decisions don't try and do it alone.Deep down you will not be happy get the tools and use the tools make that Decision.
Member: Tom S
Location: NYC
Date: August 27, 2003
Time: 09:54 AM
Hi everyone. I'm Tom, an alcoholic. Major decisions in my 1st yr of sobriety could amount to anything from going on a date to taking classes at the university to finding a part time job. I was told that those decisions would take care of themselves eventually. For that moment, I had to keep it simple, and just concentrate on my sobriety by getting a sponsor I could trust, go to meetings everyday, and find faith in a higher power. I did those things because I wanted to stay sober at any cost. By showing up for myself ONE DAY AT A TIME I was able to stay sober so that I could rationally make the decisons that I needed to make in real life. By keeping it simple and taking those baby steps one day at a time, I eventually looked at myself in amazement to find that I had changed quite a lot in many positive ways. By my putting faith in the program and just showing up, it worked! It is still working 5 yrs & 7 months later. I'm definately not the same person I was back then.
Member: lkt
Location: usa
Date: August 27, 2003
Time: 12:32 PM
In the months I've been sober, I've felt great physically. Mentally I feel incomplete. I don't pay attention to details. I forget stuff. I'll nod off in my office during the middle of the day. I'm less prone to mood swings. The people who work with me say I've lost my energy and sharpness. I know I was more edgy and fired up when I was drinking because I had so much going to maintain an appearance of normal life and tend to my alcoholic needs, too. Now I feel so much more comfortable. Other folks read it is as complacency. Maybe I need to work harder to get "fired up" mentally..maybe some of it will come as recovery time increases..maybe I'll just be different from this point. Opinions? Experiences?
Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date: August 27, 2003
Time: 05:08 PM
My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. Making Major Decisions. First major decision was to try to not drink. But really, that was not all that major, because I had made that decision many, many times, and I always ended up drunk anyway. The really major decision came when I decided that I would do my very best to take the suggestions I was given and follow the AA program (the 12 Steps). Best decision I can remember making in a long time. Joe P - joep041699@mindspring.com
Member: Sue P.
Location: Central Florida
Date: August 27, 2003
Time: 07:01 PM
My name is Sue and I am an alcoholic. The first major decision I made was to stop drinking. I used to be so stressed out that I couldn't be around strangers. I was so strickin with anxiety that I was afraid.It was the drink that made me like that. I feel so much more confident now that it seems that everything is easy now. I know that situations will arise that will trigger my disease, but I am much more able to deal with things as they come along. I like so many of you avoid making big decisions. I was down and out for such a long time, I think I am finally finding myself. I just wonder what each day holds for me, every morning when I awake. Keep hope all you new comers. Life is good. Give it a chance without picking up that drink. I know I have along way to go, but, but I finally feel as if I am on the right road.
Member: Kathy L
Location: San Diego
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 01:06 AM
Hi, I'm Kathy and a very new newcomer AGAIN. I am having a difficult time and I mean difficult. I don't even know where to start. I have made so many mistakes lately and it's getting worse...i just need help and I guess I'm having a hard time just trying to stay clean and sober first of all. I need to do this for my son and I and I don't understand why I just can't seem to get on track. I have so much to do in this life and I feel like all I'm doing is going backwards. Anyways, thanks for "listening."
Member: Kathy L
Location: San Diego
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 01:08 AM
Hi, I'm Kathy and a very new newcomer AGAIN. I am having a difficult time and I mean difficult. I don't even know where to start. I have made so many mistakes lately and it's getting worse...i just need help and I guess I'm having a hard time just trying to stay clean and sober first of all. I need to do this for my son and I and I don't understand why I just can't seem to get on track. I have so much to do in this life and I feel like all I'm doing is going backwards. Anyways, thanks for "listening."
Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 02:39 AM
(((Kathy and all newcomers))), keep coming back!!!
Member: FRED W.
Location: MIDWEST (ILLINOIS)
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 07:11 AM
HELLO ALL: JUST HAD MY FIVE MONTH BIRTHDAY BEING STRAIGHT AND SOBER IS GREAT!
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX(kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 10:12 AM
Good job Fred I just had my 5 month a week ago feels good doesn't it. Kathy F. I had a hard time quitting even though I really wanted to. I finally told myself that drinking was no longer an option no matter what. To me that meant that I could never again drink even one drink. For some reason that made the difference. So when I thought about drinking my next thought was, that is no longer an option for you Kerry, find a different way to deal with the urge to drink. I prayed a lot, ate a lot of sweets, and went to an AA meeting everyday. The prayer was a simple one asking God to remove the desire to drink. The sweets gave me a temporary reprieve from the urge. The AA meetings gave me a safe place to hang out and talk to others struggling. I also decided that no matter what I would not buy any alcohol and drink it. I had relapsed before and knew very well that God would not knock the drink out of my hand. So I couldn't have the drink in my hand in the first place if I wanted to really stop. My prayers are with you; you can do it if you are truely ready to stop.
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 10:13 AM
Oops not Kathy F, Kathy L...
Member: Alison H.
Location: east coast
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 10:25 AM
hi,Alison, alcoholic. Kerry, thanks for your sharing.Everyones posts help me take it one day at a time. i also need to remember that no matter what i have to deal with the first drink is not an option unless i wish to invite insanity and loss into my life again. I am so grateful for this site and to know that i am not alone. Thank you for letting me share.
Member: maggs
Location: wa
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 11:25 AM
I make major decisions every hour,everyday and its the same one ...DON'T DRINK! Some days are harder than others ,but family, friends,and AA make it a little easier
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 12:03 PM
hi Diane Day 156 sober that is 5 months and 6 days. Doing good today God Bless and stay sober
Member: September
Location: FL
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 01:40 PM
Hi everyone, I thought I could stop drinking, I was doing well, everything was going fine and then I ended up messing up again..thought I would just let it slide and try to remeber not to drink anymore, but I ended up doing it again, 1 week later, that was last night. I went to a business dinner had a few drinks, left with a General Manager and went for more drinks, he asked me over and over to stop drinking and I refused, I drove around and couldn't even see the road clearly, I remember trying to stay focused by closing o ne eye, I got into a fight in front of him, now I have to hope that he won't say anything to anyone, but I am sure that won't happen...My life is spinning out of control, I can't seem to change, I need help, I just want this all to end, no more insanity, WHY CAN"T I JUST SAY NO. How can I fix my reputation with the company, what if I killed someone last night, what if I killed myself, I can't take it anymore, I am tired of being ashamned of myself, I am tired of waking up with anxiety because of what I did, my life is so unbearable, I am tired of picking myself up all over again, how many times can I do it, why am I such a screw up? God I just can't take it anymore. I need help! I need help, I need help. I am an alcoholic. I admit it, my life has become unmanageable, I surrender myself to God and ask him to guide me, to help me. I am powerless over alcohol. I will attend meetings, I need them, I will not be afraid, I hope that I find the support that I need. I hope to find friends, I cant be scared anymore. This is it, the last straw, if I can't make it this time, I just don't think I can go on anymore.
Member: Jackie
Location: MN
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 01:51 PM
(((September))) Wow, you sound exactly like I did 8 months ago. I KNOW what you are feeling, and its terrible! I can tell you, each day that goes by does get a little easier. I love the feeling of waking up now, happy with myself, and I can actually sleep at night. Stick with it and be strong, those feelings of shame, guilt, self loathing will go away, because you will be proud of yourself. Stay strong, glad to see you back :)
Member: September
Location: FL
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 04:23 PM
((Jackie)) Thank you for your comments. I am so low right now I can't see the sky so to speak. I was so proud of myself, getting my apartment, handeling the bills, working two jobs, and now I am back to that person I am trying so hard to forget..I spent my rent money, I ruined my reputation with my job that I was doing so well at, for once I actually felt happy to go to work, its was getting to be that good, I have decided on a career and really have been running with it, everything I have worked for I just threw it all away, I just drank it all away, I humilated myself, I don't know if anything will ever be easier, I just don't see it, but I have to try, I have to. Can anyone tell me where I can go to find a listing of meetings in my area?
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX(kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 04:56 PM
September usually there is an AA listing in your local phone book. Glad you made it back many don't. Just hang in there. I am trying to find the place online that has meetings listed that I used at first. If I find it again I'll post it for you. Believe me we were all where you are at now. It does get better when we work the program. Feel free to email me if you want or post here as often as you like. There are people here that care and understand because we have all been there. You don't have to do it alone!
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 05:01 PM
Here is one link I found September http://www.theagapecenter.com/AAinUSA/
Member: lth
Location: usa
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 05:30 PM
September, The AA Big Book and AA meetings are full of stories and people with experiences similar to yours. There is hope. If your boss is still open to help you, talk with him about an employee assistance plan. Some time in rehab may give you another chance with the company. Get to an AA meeting and start working the program Sounds like your life depends on it.
Member: alison
Location: usa
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 06:43 PM
September, lth may be right on the money, start w/someone from AA -maybe set up outpatient rehab/90 in 90 meetings and , if you are able, set up a plan or contract w/EAP in your company. If your boss is an SOB even w/ knowledge of you taking positive actions asap, you are still able to buy sober time w/ the company, work the program and salvage references if you need to. U R not alone- all our lives depend on it.
Member: krm
Location: usa
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 08:06 PM
Hello everyone, well I am going to try to stop drinking again... I had quit for 4 months, started drinking only on the weekend, would quit off and on, now I am drinking atleast 4 days a week. It is so hard. My husband drinks and it just makes it even more difficult. Yesterday I went into my daughters room and looked at her diary, I have never done that before. For some reason I just felt like I had to see what she wrote. One of the things she wrote was " I really hate when my mom drinks", I felt so bad after reading that. I must really be in some kind of denial. For some reason I didnt think that my drinking was effecting my kids that much. I am so tired of going back and forth, I dont know if I will ever be able to quit completely. When I was working I did very well as far as not drinking. I am staying home again and now it is harder to stop. I feel so much guilt whenever I wake up the next morning after drinking. I do not go out and do anything stupid, although I used to, but I do know that it is time to stop. You would think that I would have learned from my mistakes. Why can't I learn from past? Why do I completely block it out? I need to find out about getting a sponsor. I have never went to an AA meeting. Any suggestions would be welcome.
Member: Katie G.
Location: Maryland
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 08:12 PM
My major decsion in my life would be for me to choose staying sober over my friends , who I also had to realze were just my drinking buddies. It was very hard for me to just let go of the slippery places and try finding new friends and new places to hang out at. But with a lot of help and support and going to A.A. 4 times a week I've learned to keep myself busy. At 23 I never expected to do this but this in my own opion is the best thing I have ever done.
Member:
Location:
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 09:14 PM
I missed mars last nite; hope to catch it tonite. Once in 60,000 years it appears; and gawd damn I was too busy! I heard it was very red and bright and plan on seeing it tonite but heard tomorrow would be the best day to see. I will lounge tomorrow night looking for it; nature is beyond beautiful.
Member:
Location:
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 09:15 PM
I missed mars last nite; hope to catch it tonite. Once in 60,000 years it appears; and gawd damn I was too busy! I heard it was very red and bright and plan on seeing it tonite but heard tomorrow would be the best day to see. I will lounge tomorrow night looking for it; nature is beyond beautiful.
Member: Christine
Location: ROYERSFORD,PA
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 11:06 PM
I think making major decisions while in your first year in sobriety is very difficult because you are to be focusing on the steps and attending meetings.
Member: Christine
Location: ROYERSFORD,PA
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 11:07 PM
I think making major decisions while in your first year in sobriety is very difficult because you are to be focusing on the steps and attending meetings.
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX
Date: August 28, 2003
Time: 11:17 PM
Sorry about posting this here. It seems someone is forging my email address and sending out an email with an attachment. I never add attachments to my emails. I am not sure but would guess it would be a virus. So if you receieve an email from me with an attachment just delete it I didn't send it. I am canceling the email address and won't post another email address here. I am certain that whoever is doing it got my email address from here because it is a new email address and this is the only place it has ever been used. I will be sending an email to those I am in contact with and will give you my new email address which will never be posted here. It is sad that someone here would do that. Sorry if anyone received one of those emails.
Member: Jenifer d
Location: england swings
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 12:28 AM
September , this is NOT the end of the world ! It may feel like it but , believe me , life can dump a lot more worse things into your life. And you survive ! Ten years from now what happened will be 'water under the bridge '. Life can also dump some unbelievably good stuff too , when your least expecting it. So pick yourself up , accept the consequenses of what you did then move on. Everyone has things in their life that they wish they had not done and you didn't hurt enyone except yourself. Get up and try again , that is the story of all our lives . Good luck !
Member: to Kerry from Pam B
Location:
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 01:16 AM
Someone has been doing the same with my Sobergirl91 at hotmail.com email address for about a week now. I've forwarded the ones returned to me as "undeliverable" to abuse at msn & all the servers in the headers & they're tracking the original source which is coming from Outlook Express email program >>>>> you may want to read about the viruses/worms going around in HowStuffWorks.com explains that some are sending themselves out to all in the address book of anyone it has infected - & 'spoofing' one of those as if its the email address they're being sent from >>>>>> some being returned to me are also sites that someone has used my email to sign me up for. I'm not concerned because in hotmail I can block any that may come from sites that I haven't really signed for. It hasn't been a problem so I am continuing to use my Sobergirl91 email addy here as many needing email help need to be able to make contact with us fellow AA's. I just don't give out nor post my regular email address here nor anywhere online. Let me know if I can be of help. Pam
Member: to September
Location:
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 01:28 AM
(((September))) - Hi, this is Pam B - I live in Daytona Beach - email me. If you're not in my area, I'll help you with finding mtgs in your area. Also, several of us regulars in this site live in various parts all around FL too. Sobergirl91 at hotmail.com
Member: Kathy L
Location: California
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 02:02 AM
Hi everybody. This is my second night coming back here. Thanks Kerry for your comments. I guess I just need to start someone, and I'm doing it online until i get the guts to walk into a meeting. I just wonder what it takes for me to finally give it all up. My life right now is scary, literally. I am afraid of what is going to happen next. It's a big tumbleweed growing bigger and bigger and I can't stop it. I'll save you all the details, plus I don't have the guts to tell anyone. I'm truly afraid for me and my son...and still I keep doubting my problem...why? why can't I just do it? I'm in tears. Thanks.
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 02:12 AM
Thanks Pam, I emailed Hotmail so waiting on their response. I have been running the same virus/trojan/firewall protection for 3 years and nothing has made it through to infect my system. My system is virus free so I guessed that the email header was being faked. I am saving the undeliverable ones as well to send to hotmail when they request them. I am still changing email address since someone or something is using it. We have never emailed each other so it is 2 seperate events with one common link this site. I never open attachments so that should eliminate the chance of a possible common contact that we both have. I guess it is possible that a computer that had both of our email addys in their address book had the virus. Let me know if you get any new info from hotmail.
Member: For krm
Location: USA
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 05:18 AM
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/ http://anonpress.org/ http://www.elmoware.com/spktapes.htm
Member: Fred
Location: LA
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 10:44 AM
Hi Fred Alcoholic yes I made the Decision to stop drink like everybody. But you just can't do it alone not drinking you think you can but forget it you can't.Sorry but yes you do need AA to show you the way.They can show you how by useing their tools there ways.You mite think your stong enother but forget it that doesn't work.This site is a tool not a meeting I see alot of people useing this site as a meeting.Why because they did not make a Decision not to drink. They have and idea that they don't want to drink. Sure they think they can do it but they did not make the Decision its just and idea.Why their not trying to hurt you they just haven't made a Decision to quit it was just and idea that they had.I can't go to those meetings people will see me and talk about me.So they sit on their computer and think that it will go away wrong because their working the program.But are they no their working their own program it doesn't work.I did it before by myself sure thats why back it did work. And you didn't work the program thats why your here your way doesn't work SO you make the Decision don't have and idea it always doesn't work. I made a Decision to stop drinkingI don't have and idea .Thats why I stick with the people who made a Decision not and idea.If you want it go to the meeting you make the Decision.
Member: Carl c
Location: nm
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 12:18 PM
God must be pretty dumb because you all say he talks thru you and boy he says some pretty dumb shit, both here and in meetings. As for oldtimers the only thing that means is you are old and have been here a long time. It boggles my mind how God has been assigned a secondary role in AA and reduced to nothing less than a puppeteer.
Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 12:35 PM
September - it sounds like you are learning first hand that alcoholism is a disease that you cannot control. Like most good alcoholics I had forgotten that simple fact and haven't been getting to as many meetings lately - thank you for reminding me that I have a disease and that I need help everyday. When I don't get to meetings, I forget - and for us, to forget is to die. You are on the right road, let's trudge it together.
Member: Jan BB
Location: Paris, France
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 02:52 PM
I am a burn-my-hand on the stove type. If I am told not to do something, you can bet, I'm going to do it. I would say the only major decision (in the first year, and I assume that is what we are talking about, in that is how the common saying goes) is to put the drink down, get to meetings, face-to-face, feel surrounded by AA and the program, get in the middle. It's all a bit heady to feel in control of one's life, sober. Working the steps puts all of this in perspective. Keep at it, one sober day next to another sober day. Feel free to write anyone who put's up their email; that is the reason why we do it. HOPE for ((Everyone))janbbparis@yahoo.com
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 03:12 PM
I stayed in a dead end boring job my first year because I did not want to make a major decision. Changing jobs would have meant changing cities, churches, etc. Because the job was not demanding much of me, I had a lot to give to my recovery. It was a blessing now that I look back on it. ((Kathy L)) I started to take a look at my drinking 2 years ago. I read the posts on this site almost daily for about 4 months before I walked into a face-to-face meeting. I attended face-to-face meetings on my lunch hour for over a month before I told my wife I wanted to join AA. I knew that once I started, there would be no going back, so I wanted to be sure. You asked, "What does it take for us to give the booze up?" That would be a different answer and same answer for all of us - we hit bottom. Mine was a physical bottom, I physically got ill if I drank, and did not know how to live without the emotional relief booze gave me. I couldn't NOT drink. Put another way, I did not know how to really live. I have seen people embarass themselves one time and join AA. I have seen a highschool friend drink himself to a slow death before he turned 40. His bottom was 6 feet under. I guess when we have had enough to drink, we come here to learn how to live without using alcohol. Have you had enough? Only you can answer that. Peace
Member: P
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 04:14 PM
Hi Everyone, I'm PhilySunshine and I am an Alcoholic. It has only taken me 10 yrs to accept that. At 8 1/2 yrs, I picked up a drink. I am now getting the help that I wish, not should, I would have gotten a long time ago. Just wasn't the time. I have made soooo many poor decisions drinking & sober. This is a dis-ease of feelings & emotions. Alcohol is just a symptom. Something which I've never dealt with very well. Anger, Rage...Don't you dare get close to me - I'll make sure you won't want to because I know you will end up hurting me and I will not let that happen - ever. By the way, this included or maybe especially God / Higher Power. I was the bewildered one running my own show, always. Thought I ran it pretty well. Little did I know. Thank God I am beginning to be open-minded enough to see that I am a horrible director. In the process putting the people around me through hell also. Misory likes company. I'm a sick pup, however, there is a belief in me somewhere that there is hope for me or I would not be here or came back. I have been brainwashed as a child to believe that I am a nothing, will always be a nothing.. today AA & the followship are going to be my new parents. See I need a roll model..a new way of thinking..a new way of behavior. AA is the path in which I Choose to learn these lessons. In my 8 1/2 yrs I've experienced some things the hard way, yet chose not to learn the lesson. I'm tired of hurting. I'm sick & tired of being sick & tired. It's up to me to go to any length to stick & stay, One day at a Time. Love, Peace & Prays PhilySunshine
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 04:30 PM
Jane C.alcoholic here...I've been so busy I couldn't remember If I posted yesterday,just read them all and I see that I didn't..and today makes 6 weeks sober for me and I really feel so grateful for the people who post here..they are ALL so helpful with this struggle we all have..(September)..I did something much the same, but without the driving, went to a group luncheon with the girls U worked with..had too much to drink..and ended up having to have a good friend in the group drive me home..I ashamed to have my husband see this..but thank God he was not a judgemental man.. You can get through this, I did the next day was uncomfortable, but if people care enough they forgive.. Just keep trying as many times as it takes, and you WILL make it to sobriety and you will feel so much better about yourself and everything..because everythinging in life is soooooooo much more enjoyable without the drink..God Bless everyone here and all who are still struggling in their addictions.
Member: September
Location: FL
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 04:49 PM
Today is Day 1 of my sobriety. I am still carrying so much shame and regret. The rumors are flying and my career seems to be taken a bad direction. I haven't been invited to join in some meetings and conference calls that we are being held. I was being given extra opportunities before I made an ass of myself. Maybe overtime I will redeem mysel fto everyone, I jsut feel like I am living a ightmare and I know its never going to end. I have lost my will I think. So what now.
Member: Jenny M.
Location: Spokane, WA
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 05:16 PM
My name is Jenny M. I am an alcoholic. I am in early sobriey but feel so much better. My heart goes out to you Kathy. Hang in there. It took me forever to get up the courage to stop drinking. It took some terrible things to happen in my life. The one thing about making major changes is the only one that matter staying sober and making everything in your pathe lead the way to stay that way. Lots of meetings, reading and healthy choices.
Member: prh
Location: usa
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 06:53 PM
krm: you are in denial. you should get yourself to an aa meeting right away and share with those folks what you wrote here. your child's diary is telling you a lot..its time to take action.
Member: buzzsaw
Location: Detroit, MI USA
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 07:21 PM
Stupid me ... stupid me. Repeat over and over. I thought I could go out and play pool with a friend. Right ... smart thinking, started drinking. Balls! Not only that some drunken bastard wanted to fight me. Imagine that! I ended up getting my senses together and avoiding the fight, actually pieced everything together and my friend then wanted to fight and had to get him out of there. What a cluster. If I would of gotten in that fight, I would of went to jail, hell if the cops even showed up I would of got jail for probation violation. Can I be that dumb? I did not drink and drive, if there is any bright side to this mess. Man, I wish they would just ban alcohol and take it all away, it would be so much easier if it was truely illegal. I just have to convince myself that it IS illegal for me! Back to the drawing board.
Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 07:31 PM
Hey everyone, Haven't posted in such a long time over a year and have just been reading everyday. I once again am rock bottom, I attended AA over a year ago and tried my hardest, 100%, got the sponser, commitments, and about 12 mtgs. a week. I still cannot go without a drink for more then 2 days. I have read every book out there. And like the BB book says, self knowledge alone will not keep you sober. I had to prove that fact to myself. I had major decisions to make, and I know not to make them in early sobriety. But I can't help it. My emotions and intergrity get to me. I am saddend today, cause I know all this self knowledge and everything to lose. I just can't do it. I write this cause I'm feeling so much remorse and regret. But let me have one day were I am feeling good. Everything goes out the window. It had been told to me that the only thing I am missig in step one is Surreder. What is that? I have prayed, went to even church, folleded the path of AA. What am I not getting!It mystifies me how anyone gets sober. Do you not get the nightmares at night? or the anxiety of the next drink? or can't seem to eat? Or maybe its your so angry and discontent? Then at the same time lets talk about emotions. Sad, Angry, Discontent, lack of Patience. It can go on and on for me. How do you not pick up a drink not feeling this way? Am i the hopeless drunk that can't get it together. Everyday for the last year I have tried not to drink. And its relentless, I pick up that first drink. I am highly educated and can't seem to get this. the more I think the more I get discouraged. Anyone please help, If i can get a moment of clarity, maybe I will get it!
Member: Bill R
Location: P.A.
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 08:10 PM
Greetings friends,I'm Bill,I am an alcoholic.((September))Welcome back,don't stay away so long. Have you been to any meetings?Have you ever been in detox,rehab,or an i.o.p?This can be your bottom.Are you in a position at work that you could ask them to help you get into a program?Do you have health insurance that would cover such a program,if not many state counties will cover them?((Kathy L))Go to a meeting,I think you will be surprised and relieved.If I could find the guts to go to a meeting anyone can.I was the king of isolation.((Jackie))Aint it great to sleep again,I had forgotten what it was like.((PhilySunshine))((Jane c))((EVERYONE))Keep coming back it works if you work it.We are coming up on a long weekend,they can be a challenge.We are all in the same boat and it helps alot if we all row together.Best of wishes to everyone!Be good,be strong,be sober!
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 10:45 PM
Another weekend is at hand, congrats to everyone sober this 24 hours. Going to several AA functions for this long weekend. The Doctor's Opinion tells us why we drink and how to stop. If we never drink that first drink the cravings don't come. "Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery. On the other hand-and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand-once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules."
Member: Charlie to FC in CA
Location: Here and now
Date: August 29, 2003
Time: 11:35 PM
I would like to share a little bit about myself. Did I have nightmares? Yep. Anxiety? Yep. Eating Problems? Yep. Was I sad? Yep. Angry? Yep. Discontent? Yep. Impatient? Yep. The list went on and on. You stated the key yourself, FC and that is surrender. You are NOT a hopeless drunk. Before AA, I was a nonsurrendering drunk. There is a big difference. Surrendering is accepting the fact that I am and always will be an alcoholic. But, by surrendering, hope begins anew. If you would like to have the hope that you see in these rooms you can. The choice is yours for the taking. Keep coming back! We care!
Member: Dale W
Location: W.Y.
Date: August 30, 2003
Time: 10:19 AM
Hi! I'm Dale an alcoholic. I was one that thought I was a hopless drunk, but what I found out was I was a drunk without hope. The shame is not in relapse the shame is not doing something about it. It just might be the thing to get you motivated into action. As our book tells me, the actual or potential alcoholic, wiyh hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge. Knowledge informs, wisdom (with help of a higher power) transforms. The only way I was able to make that transformation was through the 12 steps, and a higher power. The first thing was to surrender/accept my disease. I needed to look that word up in the dictionary and found acceptance was one meaning was a belief in. today I believe I am alcoholic, I believeI have a disease, I belive in the simple outline suggested, I believe in a higher power, I believe I am NOT hopless, and I believe in the fellowship of A.A.. It works it really does thanksfor all of you. Keep coming back.
Member: Bernie S.
Location: Dartmouth, NS
Date: August 30, 2003
Time: 10:06 PM
My name is bernie. I'm a real alcoholic. If you'd like to know what can happen to a drunk from nova scotia who doesn't listen to his sponsor, just pick up a copy of July's grapevine and read my article. It's called Get a Cat. You might enjoy it. I was going to post some of it here, but I think I hit delete instead of send. Guess I'm not perfect yet, just sober.
Member: Julie
Location: Canada
Date: August 31, 2003
Time: 12:11 AM
thats idiotic bernie. im meen reely now, cuase ya didnt listen to sponser? listen ta youself fer Gods sake man. are you really that pathetic?