Member: Melissa M
Location: Nebraska
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 07:34 AM
Hi. Melissa, alcoholic here. I have to practice honesty on a daily basis. I spent so many years being dishonest, that honesty doesnt come naturally for me. Now thats being HONEST! Seeing that before my eyes, is well, scary, but its the truth! I hate making amends, and so I live my life today doing the next right thing...by the guidence of my HP. The hardest person to be honest with is myself. I can rationalize and justify just about anything in my alcoholic mind! My sponsor is good at calling me on it...and that sucks! But its what I need, and helps keep me sober. I could lie my way back to drinking again, if I didnt practice the steps and principles of this program. I am grateful for it, even if I dont like it!
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 09:20 AM
Hi ((All)), My Dad always said to never believe anyone who proclaimed that he was honest! Honest people don't have to say it. I (think)? I was always pretty honest except as Melissa said, with myself. Denial, if it meant hurting someones feelings etc. Today, It's like I'm melting away to honesty in the program of AA. I have a hard time lying to myself nowadays. I question my motives if it doesn't feel right. I don't have to try to keep it real. I feel awful inside if it is a lie. I can tell my kids, boyfriend, people, exactly how I feel without sugar coating it. To Thy Own Self Be True... What a concept! Put to (action) it is a beautiful thing. It is almost like I can't lie to myself anymore without this giant lie alarm going off non-stop in my head forcing me to deal to shut the damn thing off. It is really cramping my style in the relationship department. How can I tell you how much you irritate me, let me count the ways...Grin. Let me show you the door... I don't tolerate crap anymore from men which is really cutting into my social life. All the little white lies I told to keep a man... Your so strong, handsome, you make me feel safe, you complete me....Ha ha, yeah right! Also taking things that I should never have tolerated if I respected myself. I can't, won't go there anymore because I'm worthy of a mans respect TODAY. I'm not ready to jump on the NOW bandwagon or become a man hater I just want a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T. I get what I need today because I demand it. If I don't get it I'd rather be alone. Wow, thats growth. Because it is Sunday I want to leave you all with a verse I can appreciate today: He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered. Proverbs 28:26. God Bless us all. Kelly
Member:
Location:
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 10:52 AM
He may be beloved of progressives everywhere, but the Rev. V. Gene Robinson, now bishop-elect of the Episcopal Church of New Hampshire, is a flaming fraud. Insensitive, you say? Consider his conduct. Fifteen years ago, Robinson dissolved his marriage, dumped his wife, abandoned his two little girls and went off to shack up. He thus violated his marriage vows, flouted the teachings of the Anglican faith he was ordained to uphold and entered into a sinful liaison his church has always taught was perverted. Having failed to conform his life to scriptural command, Robinson now demands that Scripture be reinterpreted to conform to his deviant life style. To see Robinson elevated to bishop is to be reminded that in the French Revolution, the Paris mob used the high altar at Notre Dame Cathedral to canonize the town tramp as their Goddess of Reason. Now, with massive moral arrogance, Robinson protests that if the Episcopal faithful do not accept him as a consecrated bishop, they -- not he -- will have broken communion and be responsible for dividing the church. Faithless to every vow he ever made, this impious cleric now proclaims undying faith to boyfriend Mark Andrew. My advice to Mark: Have his eminence fitted with one of those ankle bracelets that lets you know where the suspect is every moment of the day. Robinson is being portrayed in the prestige press as a man of moral courage. But a man of moral courage would have stayed with his family, kept his vows, fought his temptations. Robinson ditched his family, dishonored his vows and disgraced himself. He should have been defrocked and excommunicated, not elevated to bishop. As for the Episcopal faithful, they have little choice but to break communion. For if Robinson is morally qualified to be bishop, then Scripture is wrong. If Scripture is right, Robinson is a reprobate. You cannot teach it both ways. Either homosexual acts are immoral or the Episcopal Church has been teaching homophobia 600 years. To witness the moral confusion at the Minneapolis convention of the American Episcopal Church is to understand which way the wind is blowing. Gay rights has become the civil rights cause du jour of our cultural elite, and politicians -- those most reliable of weather vanes -- are signaling recognition of the new correlation of forces. Asked his own views on the morality of homosexuality, the president himself bobbed and weaved, saying, "we are all sinners" and should "respect each individual." When Rep. Janice Schakowsky railed that he had just called gays sinners and should apologize, the White House meekly retorted that President Bush "doesn't believe in casting stones. He believes we ought to treat one another with dignity and respect." In the Big Tent, the only mortal sin is being judgmental. In his answer, however, the president had carefully added, "I think a marriage is between a man and a woman, and I think we ought to codify that." This response was 100 percent political. An amendment to the U.S. Constitution to restrict marriage to a man and a woman is a wedge issue that can rip the Democratic Party apart. As long as President Bush sticks to his Briefing Book, he holds the commanding heights in what is likely to be the fiercest battle of the Culture War in 2004. The Vatican, however, seeing the movement gaining ground, has issued a document of moral clarity calling civil unions "gravely immoral" and homosexual acts "deviant," and urging Christian leaders to oppose homosexual marriages and adoptions. "There are absolutely no grounds for considering homosexual unions to be in any way similar or even remotely analogous to God's plan for marriage and family," declared the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, the Roman Church's watchdog of orthodoxy. Its 12-page guide, approved by John Paul II, states, "Marriage is holy, while homosexual acts go against the natural moral law." With the Episcopal Church heading for schism, the Supreme Court discovering sodomy to be a constitutional right, President Bush maneuvering to back an amendment outlawing gay marriage, and the Pope denouncing homosexual unions as immoral and homosexual acts as deviant, there's no way this issue can be kept out of the campaign of 2004. Nor should it be. But it does reveal a painful truth. America is again a house divided. The "don't ask, don't tell" moral community in which we grew up has dissolved irrevocably. Christianity, dying in Europe, is under siege in America. A paganism that holds homosexual unions to be "sacramental" -- the Rev. Robinson's term -- is ascending. The sad sundered Episcopal Church is a mirror for America.
Member: VickiL
Location: North Carolina
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 12:21 PM
I am trying to stop drinking after a 3 year relpase. I previously had almost nine years of sobriety. Having trouble with saying I am an alcoholic. I know I don't want to continue drinking but I hate labels and hate having to call myself something that carries such a stigma in society. I guess part of it is a fear that someone at work will find out and use it against me. This is holding me back from attending meetings.
Member:
Location:
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 12:51 PM
{{{VICKI L}}}Welcome back it's good to have you here. I can really relate! I had a hard time labeling myself. Then the light went off while I was writing out my first step""I AM AND ALWAYS WILL BE AN ALCOHOLIC"" All the arrows of my newly sober mind hit the target! The beauty of being guided ,by a sponser, through the steps, is that they are in that order for a divine reason. I was relieved when I got the powerlessness of step#1. Step 2 set me up for a scary jump to surrendering to my higher power in step 3 and 4,5,6,7,8,9 helped peel away the dirty film of shame that I felt when I originally "LABLED" my self an alcoholic. The expierence, strength and hope of the fellowship supports me and ...here's getting to the topic of HONESTY... when I felt I needed to share with my boss and co-workers about my alcoholism they supported me too! 2 promotions and 2 rasies later, I work the program rigorously honestly and practice the principles in all my affairs...all of them!!! Half measures avail me nothing!! That's the only way I know how to express this mystery that saved a wretch like me. GOOD LUCK!! e-mail me if you need to chat...sober2day35@yahoo.com
Member: Nadine
Location: Finger Lakes,NY
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 12:52 PM
oops! forgot to post my name!
Member: Jeff H
Location: Warrenton,Mo.
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 01:46 PM
You know I am having a real problem being honest with myself right I'm moved out of the house my kids don't get and my soon to be x won'tlet me see them.She started a relationship while I was in treatment.When I got home alcohol was my comforter I tried to over look what happened and blame but we all know who is to blame.I'm the only one that can take the blame she went through alot of B.S. And I was the cause.Now I'm caughtin this cycle I do good all week then when I get to the weekend forget it.I did move into town so I can get to meetings Monday,Wensdayand friday.Hopefully this week will be better.Missed not being able to be on the site this week found access.Going to focus on soberity and honesty.god bless you all
Member: Alan G
Location: IL
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 03:56 PM
Alan Here Alcoholic from IL...Honesty..This is day 7 for me..First and foremost I have to be honest with myself everyday that I am An ALCOHOLIC and that I will never be able to drink like a normal person. I have been sober for around 40 days before..but then I began to lie to myself and rationalize how I had it under control..Well that was about 4 years ago and the longest I have ever made it since then is today, Day 7. Be Honest if we are at this site then we will never be able to drink without it consuming our lives..God Bless you all!
Member: Don B.
Location: New Mexico
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 04:47 PM
I guess this is the first day I have really said it to myself and believed it. I am an alcoholic. I have been since 1986. Never been arrested for my behavior but have had to quit a good job and watch my career go up in smoke. That was four years ago and am just now realizing that most of my behavioral problems go back to sucking of a bottle of bourbon. Got wasted just last night, and have decided enough is enough. Is there hope for someone drinking this long?
Member: Jeff H.
Location: Warrenton Mo.
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 05:10 PM
Hey DON I'm in no position to give advice but hope is all we need to start.Pray about it'you will get an answer.take it easy and be sober today (I hope for us all)HOPE what a wonderful word.I bet sobriety will be as good as it sounds.God bless and peacefulness
Member: Jackie
Location: MN
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 05:48 PM
Hey Don, welcome. Yes there is hope for us long time users. I started when I was 14 years old, just ended a 21 year drinking career. I am going on 8 months sober. Hardest thing I have had to do in my life. But for me there was no more "choice" it was either quit, or die. That was the direction I was heading for. I have thanked God for a second chance at life. It is amazing the things I have taken for granted all of my life. There are ups and downs, but you have to stay strong. I am started to see the promises people have told me about in my short time sober. Partying was my life, what ever I did, alcohol was involved wheather anyone knew it or not, it was hard/weird to learn not to have that drink. But my yearning for wanting to LIVE is what has helped me stayed sober. Take care, and hang tight Jackie
Member: jeff r
Location: ny
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 06:03 PM
honestly this is my first online meeting, sober now for the third time, this time for 9 months, so far, am really tired of doing everything multiple times before I get it..I know the slogans and the talk, but need more, not exactly sure what more is, just know it can't be anything mind altering, don't have the desire to use/drink now but then things are not going well enough yet. honestly this disease sucks!!! just when you feel like its in your pocket out it pops, thanks felt good to vent I will keep going to meetings,take it a day at a time and try to keep it simple HOPE I GET IT FOR KEEPS THIS TIME,MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT
Member: AZbill
Location: az-bill@mindspring.com
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 10:39 PM
HI. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. The day I admitted that to myself was the first time in a very long time that I spoke the truth about myself. Welcome back Vickey L. Come on back to the meetings. Let me make one thing clear. You do not have to admit to anyone that you are an alcoholic. That includes AA meetings. Open or Closed. The purpose of anonymity at the personal level provides protection for all members from identification as alcoholics. And at the level of press, radio,TV, and films it puts the brake on those who would use their A.A. affiliation to achieve recognition, power, or personal gain. And that includes Betty Ford. :) Me choosing to admit or not to admit I am alcoholic is not a question of honesty. I admit that I am alcoholic simply because I don't give a darn who knows it so long as I don't forget it. Take care and love you all. Episcopalian or not. Gotta take a shot once in awhile LOL Bill
Member: Carlc
Location: nm
Date: August 10, 2003
Time: 11:42 PM
Honestly what is the topic? Womens liberation, homosexuals in the pulpit, I dont want to be an alcoholic, how to be a lesbian? This is just like a lot of meetings that I go to, everyone talking about bullshit instead of what the solution to our problem. If you dont want to be an alcoholic or if you dont want to stop drinking, dont, but dont whine about it. If anyone wants sympathy or your ass kissed, you have to come to the right place. This illness is about life or death, not how to be a lesbian in 3 or 4 easy steps.
Member: Lyn
Location: Scotland
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 03:25 AM
Thanks for all your posts, I can identfy with many of you. I try to apply Honesty daily. Once I was able to admit from my heart that I WAS and Alcoholic and not just say it, my life has began to change.I Will never forget the mental torture I went through, 3 weeks after I put down my last drink, it was then I was able to admit that I WAS and alcoholic as no social drinkers would go throught this, they can take it or leave it. Today I accept what I am and feel sometimes like I am back at school, learning how to live a day at a time without lifting that first drink. I am enjoying my journey, didnt want to live, but have the want today and that is a miracle, its gets easier , a day at a time, I thank my HP nightly for having had a sober day and ask him for his guidance every morning, I dont feel alone with my illness anymore, I am being guided to a better way of living, Honesty being a very important part, I cant afford to keep any bad thoughts in my head, I share them at my meetings or with my sponser. God Bless you all
Member: P.S.
Location: Mi
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 09:14 AM
Hello to all, I'm an alcohlic. I just read the message from Lyn in Scotland. It has helped me begin my day with a better attitude! Thankyou!
Member: Jim
Location:
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 09:53 AM
Heres one for you I stop drinking 22 years ago but I was doing it my way no meeting so all that aside. I was still hanging around my buddys some were alright with it me not drinking some of them weren't. They didn't feel go about themselfs so they would aways ask me if I wanted a beer.This go's on for 5 or 6 years some of them still asking me if I want a beer.So one day theirs a bunch of my buddys and me hanging around.Bothering me again asking me do you want a beer their all standing around I says sure.So their all watching me I take a beer I open it and pour it out.What are you doing he yells I said I'm thinking of your health.Honesty nobody asks me if I want a beer anymore It was funny I felt good but it was funny
Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson MI
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 10:35 AM
What I like about honesty is that you don't have to remember what you told to who. The truth is the truth. A lot of people do not like my new attitude but that is their problem. I would rather tell the truth than lie to save their feelings.
Member: Bev
Location: South East
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 10:35 AM
Hi, This is my first meeting on line. I am in hopes I can find help in these meetings. Well here's to honesty - I was once in recovery for 15 years - my life was great...... I kept the same job for 13 years. I was respected in the family, church and workplace. Now I cannot keep a job. I have the desire to drink everyday. I only allow myself to drink after 6:00 pm. But then, I poor it on. I hate myself when I drink - but it seems I don't hate myself enough to stop drinking. I need to really kick my self in the butt and get with a program of recovery. I can only tell you that it is very hard at first to stop. I am in that spot right now. Thanks for allowing me to share
Member: DebLH
Location: WI
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 11:01 AM
Deb, recovering addict alcoholic, When I surrendered to the disease of alcoholism I don’t believe I even knew what honesty was. I had no experience with it. I grew up in an alcoholic home and I learned to deny and lie as far back as I can remember. It was an amazing thing to become aware of how dishonest I was. When I got honest with myself and started to share the truth about myself and the mess I had created with my life was when the miracles of recover started to happen in my life. People responded to me in a caring way and they actually wanted to help me. I received the love and respect that I’d always wanted and my whole life changed. I became a person that could trust and that was trustworthy. Today it feels as uncomfortable to be dishonest as it did to be honest when I first started on this journey of recovery. Each day I thank God for AA, and to all of you for sharing. (Don B.) I’ve met many wise people in this program that drank for the majority of their lives before finding this program. If you’re breathing, there’s hope. Keep coming back. (Vicki L) I introduce myself as a recovering addict alcoholic because of the stigma I connected to being an alcoholic, I need to do all I could to feel proud of being me and adding the word “recovering” turned something I had felt shame about into something I felt proud of. Today it’s more a habit as I no longer feel that shame, but it’s still how I introduce myself. I’d be happy to lend my support to anyone who wants to email, Deblh@sobercity.com
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 11:13 AM
a New Day and honesty has always been a part of my life except for my drinking I would hide and drink only after 9 at night but now today I am sober and my life is really great. Sober 139 days and each day is better. Now I can be honest about my all my life and not just part of it.
Member: monica
Location: california
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 12:48 PM
hi, I am 2 days sober. I am an alcoholic. I honestly said it outloud 6 days ago then had one last drunk, I hope. I have been an "over-drinker" :) since I was 14 and I am 56 now. Wow. I have known it but just never wanted to give it up because it was such a big part of my life. But last week I felt anything but honest - and really dishonest to myself, like I was , once again, hiding out from me. That's when I finally admitted it. Anyway, I have been in alanon for a long time - wrong room - and now I am taking one day at a time. A guy in alanon who is also an aa says he thanks God every night for another sober day and asks God every morbning to keep him sober today. That's sort of where I am. I know I cannot do it with my own will. i am so absolutely sure that I need my higher powers help and I feel like finally, finally surrendering. Thanks for listening. Monica
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 02:12 PM
Welcome Monica and best of luck on your sobriety
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 02:31 PM
Jane C.A gratefull sober alcoholic.. It took me a long time to be able to say that I was grateful for anything until I got honest and admitted that drinking my way out of problems was my choice and no one elses',,It felt really good when I stopped the blame game..I felt FREE..I don't think any one thinks that they have this disease when they first start drinking..It doesn't matter that I was surrounded my heasvy drinkers when I was growing up..I never wanted alcohol as part of my life.. but when troubles started, there I was looking for a way to survive and only making thing worse, mostly for myself..Today, I can truly say that I am a grateful alcholic and this may be my second time around after having had 18 years sobriety, and only about one month without a drink. I know that the people in AA are some of the neatest people I ever met in my years sober..we live a Godly life (or at least try in most cases) more than many people that we know,we Have a blessing in the 12 steps that most folks don't have. I only hope that someday I can be a much better person than I may be now. and I do try in all my affairs to be as honest in all my dealings, without hurting someone.. May God BLess Us ALL with a sober day..
Member: Brain
Location: orbit
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 02:57 PM
Hello its off the topic be I honesly want to know Do you think its harder to quit drinking the older that you get. Our DO you think that everyone is deffernt its defferent stages of drinking. Listen to ME starting my own meeting right "their" going to send me""BILL"" BE EASY NOW take it easy on me. I just wonderen and I can't spell great I know .Hayyyyy I try
Member: Connie S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 03:17 PM
Honesty, good topic - When I was first introduced to AA I didn't want to stop drinking and didn't know what honesty was. I hung in there until all the promises of drinking came true for me. Thanks to a loving and forgiving God of my understanding, I can be honest in all my affairs today. This is very different from the way I used to be. I used to lie to everyone, my spouse, my employer, family, friends, other drunks, etc. I think the key was when I finally got honest with myself and admitted that I am an alcoholic and will never regain the ability to drink as normal people do. Admitting this honestly to my innermost self was freeing and opened the door for miracles to happen in my life. Is my life perfect? far from it.; am I normal? - is anyone? I'm not want I ought to be and not what I want to be but I'm thanking God that just for today I'm not what I used to be. It's by His grace that I'm able to progress spiritually today. Thanks for helping me stay sober another 24.
Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 04:33 PM
Honesty was not a trait I was known for in my addiction. Even sober, honesty comes hard sometimes for many reason, but I keep trying daily. First and foremost, I am honest to myself about my disease. I am an alcoholic who has no control over her drinking once I've taken that first drink. Then, through living sober, I began to become honest in other areas of my life - relationships, money, employment, etc. My thought is: we can't live "dirty" and do the same things we did while drinking and stay sober. The guilt and dishonesty (feelings) will take this alkie back out there - I know it. It is refreshing to have a conscience today - to TRY and be honest in all my affairs - and be able to look myself, and the world, directly in the eye. ((Vicki)) Welcome back. For me, there is no stigma attached to an alcoholic in recovery... only one who is active in their addiction. Don't let your thinking get in the way of getting sober - alcoholism kills. Best wishes and I hope you keep coming back, k? ((Bev)) If you are truly having a difficult time putting it down (most of us did), is detox an option? Either way, call AA's central service and ask for a meeting near where you live and a name of a woman to contact you. You dont have to do this alone. (Monica) Just cuz.
Member: jeff h
Location: alabama
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 05:03 PM
i'm trying to recover from a relapse i would like to talk about life on lifes terms how do you deal with that. i had 14 months sobriety,or dry. because,if i had the peace of sobriety, i don't feel i would have relapsed..
Member: Bill.R.
Location: P.A.
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 08:36 PM
Greetings friends,I made it through my vacation without a relapse!I've got 70 days behind me.These past two weeks in Virginia beach were harder for me than I expected.My sister had a relapse while we were there which made it very uncomfortable for me to be around her.I wasn't sure how to feel.Was I disapointed,angry,hurt,resentful,or jealous.I decided I was all of the above.I didn't keep myself busy enough.I gave myself too much time to think.The mind can be both a wonderful and terrible thing.I dont blame my sister or anyone else for slipping.It's a cruel disease we share.Right now I can only look out for myself,and I can only do that one day at a time.Best wishes to all!Be strong!
Member: Meetingless
Location: In the recliner
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 09:46 PM
0 Meetings in 186 days and I feel fine.0 Steps in 186 days and I feel fine.
Member:
Location:
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 09:50 PM
Why count days if you feel fine?
Member: Bikerbabes live and kickin it for ya all.
Location: hellishelping
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 11:39 PM
Hey meetingless....i got more days in than you!....whoo hoo eee))).... i say there's nothing more theraputic than for an alkie to let go of his adiction to aa ...every now and again... yessirrreee.....ive seen people wastin away at the coffee shops and not gettin a life, because they are so 'addicted to and 'soaked' in a and a...... (ps.. all newcomers should take heed, that you do not qualify for a 'break from aa..... i repeat; i repeat... YOU DO NOT QUALIFY FOR A BREAK .... YET....if your new,, you best be runnin to as many as you can every day,,, depending on how twisted you are i suppose.
Member:
Location:
Date: August 11, 2003
Time: 11:58 PM
Meetingless...You are in a meeting...In the recliner...Not a face to face meeting,but still a meeting...In the recliner.
Member: Pam B - Sobergirl91 at hotmail.com
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: August 12, 2003
Time: 12:53 AM
Hi, I'm Pam - an alcoholic. Before sobriety I had always considered myself the most honest person I know. I can laugh at that insanity kind of thinking I'd been in now - ever since the 12 Steps have revealed how very dishonest with myself I'd always been. I identify w/the paragraph in Step 2 of the 12&12 that says just because a did a few good or right things I thought that made all the other things I did go un-noticed! & in Step 12 talking about being dependant on others instead of on God. The Steps & this program taught me to get honest & be responsible for my own self instead of blaming other persons, places & things when my day isn't going the way I want it to. Honesty for me is a process of growing out of my denial one day at a time - the truth is that I am the only one responsible for how I am - I, with God's help thru living these 12 Steps to the best of my ability one day at a time is the only one who can do anything about how I am & how my life is today. Thank God for this program/these 12 Steps. Thanks for letting me share. Pam
Member:
Location:
Date: August 12, 2003
Time: 01:13 AM
Name: Location: Date: 8/12/2003 Time: 1:12:00 AM Comments: bikerbabey come back......,,,,,,yo, yo, yo baby come back!!! Remember that song by Chi-towncago?
Member:
Location:
Date: August 12, 2003
Time: 01:15 AM
Name: Location: Date: 8/12/2003 Time: 1:12:00 AM Comments: bikerbabey come back......,,,,,,yo, yo, yo baby come back!!! Remember that song by Chi-towncago?
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: August 12, 2003
Time: 01:53 AM
Hi ((All)), I wanted to share some really good news. Today I got a double God-shot straight up, no ice. Sunday I was still waiting to hear on an apt. for my son and I. Time was running out so I decided to accelerate my prayers for God to help us find the right place. At Church I slipped the Nun that sits in the first pew a note asking her to pray for us and let God find a good place for us to live. I later spoke in Maine and I swear I had divine help at the tough part of my story where I sometimes lock up. It went fine and so many people came up to me and shook my hand or hugged me. On the way home I stopped at Church to pray to the Blessed Mother for her show me the way. I got up this morning and my second choice apt. called and I was approved! I was psyched! Then after lunch my first choice, a duplex called and said I was approved and when did I want to move in?.... Whoo- Hoo!!! I was jumping up and down and my son thought I went nuts. In between all this I went to 3 great meetings and talked to two women that asked me for help. I just feel so wonderful right now, the Promises are coming true for me and I am soooo grateful. I am so excited about moving as my new place is bright and sunny and will be fun to decorate and make homey. It has a full attic, lots of closets, two nice bedrooms and a good sized bathroom. The first floor has a brand new white kitchen and dishwasher!, new linoleum, a dining room and a living room. The basement has a new washer and dryer. It has a front porch and in back a new deck and a small yard with trees for privacy. My prayers were answered and I am so happy I wanted to share this with you all. Did I think of a drink today? Hell NO! Life is so good now I'm just looking forward. Hi to all the newcomers and keep posting. ((Bikerbabe)) you are too funny woman. Remember I would love for you to chair a meeting if your ever up my way. I need advance notice though so I can have the ambulance out front for the oldtimers in case they blow a gasket! Vroom Vroom. Peace out. Kelly :) ~God could and would if he were sought~
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: August 12, 2003
Time: 03:22 AM
Jane C.an alcoholic..I once heard in a meeting, many years ago that if we could pick a disease to have, that this would be the one..I had to think about that for a while..maybe I would choose it, maybe not..It is however, the only one that can be arrested with the help of only ourselves and the Grace of God showing us the way through the 12 steps..(Meetingless)..I am meetingless for now..only about one month sober this time..I can HONESTLY say, that if I continued with regular meetings years ago that most likely I may not have slipped.. A few things keep me from meetings for now..anxiety mostly..and after reading a post saying how some of us become addicted to meetings, I would'nt want that kind of life..there is life outside of AA.. I hope to get to some meeting before long, but I know I don't want to go daily again..I pray that for a while I'll be able to stay sober by reading these posts..they are so very helpful to me..I don't want to miss what's being said here for more than a day...I guess I'm getting addictaed to these posts..not a bad thing..I also promised my husband before he died (Lung Cancer, he wasn't a drinker) that if I ever had this alcohol problem again that I would GO to AA..it was a deathbed promise and I will HONESTLY tell you that I probably won't go on a regular basis, again because of serious social anxieties (I've said that often in these posts)..That really is my biggest reason for not going.I'm rid of my other excuses.. May God BLess us all and give us another sober day..
Member: Lyn
Location: Scotland
Date: August 12, 2003
Time: 04:58 AM
Morning all :) How I can identify with you Pam, I was very like yourself didnt think I lied , if I did it was only to protect others from knowing about my drinking, who was I kidding lol I suffer from Alcoholism and Behaviourable problems. Today I keep them both very seperate, atend my AA meetings and try to apply honesty on a daily basis, what a releif it is to be able to be honest and share with others what is going on in my head, Im not alone any more, I atend a pyscoligist weekly and today I dont lie to her, all the things that I have kept in my head for the past 4 years when my problem started it was only myself and my HP that knew what had happened to me, today I tell her the truth and its a relief, who I am to hide it from her , she is there to help me with the illness that I have, today I accept all the help out there on offer that will help me stay away from a drink a day at a time . God Bless you all Day 98, the longist time in my life that I have been able to stay away from a drink , a day at a time .
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX(kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: August 12, 2003
Time: 06:11 PM
Kerry here an alcoholic. Honesty is the big one to me. It seems to be wraped in all of my character defects. Over the years of alcoholism dis-honesty developed as a defense mechanism. Every time the police pulled me over and asked how much I had been drinking 2 or 3 was the standard answer. Honestly had I only drank 2 or 3 I would have never been pulled over. When people would tell me how drunk I was the night before, I would say Oh I forgot to eat. The truth was I never intended to eat. Eating would interfere with my buzz. When I was late for work of course I over slept or had stomach problems. Both reasons 1/2 truths, but in reality caused by drinking. People would ask me to go do something not involving drinking. I would make up some excuse not to go. The truth being I had to drink so couldn't go. So I lived my life in one big lie after the other. Tracking them all is very hard :) Now in recovery I am asked to be rigorously honest. That is no small task considering that lying is my first instinct. I have to make a conscious effort to tell the truth. I like to lie about resentments, fears, feelings, and most anything that I am uncomforatable with answering or doing. So I try to think before I speak and run my statements through the truth test. It is amazing how many times I catch myself getting ready to lie about something when there is absolutely no reason to lie about it. Just as I had to get honest about the fact that I am alcoholic I have to get honest about all aspects of my life.
Member: JUST LEFT A MEETING
Location: ON MY WAY TO ANOTHER MEETING
Date: August 12, 2003
Time: 07:05 PM
Can anyone tell me where I can get help for my new addiction?Is there really such a group called MA (MEETER'S ANONYMOUS).I feel so helpless and powerless over meetings and I have tried to apply the 12 steps to this problem but it is not working.If I dont make at least 3 meetings a day I feel like I am not working the program hard enough.It is the hardest addiction that I have ever had.Please someone make a pot of coffee.
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 12, 2003
Time: 11:05 PM
Day 140 and this day is hard I have wanted a drink tonight, my Son never came home from work so I know he is probably out druging again if that's a word? Anyway I made it without a drink and I've prayed for him all night but when is my worry ever going to end? I can't take much more recovery of him coming home then poison dreams where he screams in his sleep. I'm venting so please excuse this post. I'm sober guess that is what matters, God bless and another sober day to you all
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: August 12, 2003
Time: 11:12 PM
Hey, (Just left a meeting). If your new in sobriety and you need 3 meetings then go to three meetings. We get what we need in this program. The good news is that your addiction to meetings will not kill you or make you wish you were dead. If you have to worry that you are not working a hard enough program then you probably are not. If you feel good about your program that is all that matters. We don't go to meetings to find out what happens to people that stop going to meetings. We go according to what feels right for us and what we need to stay sober and learn the program. It helps me in AA to identify with, instead of compare everyones program. Hi ((Diane)), I know you wrote you are into computer programming and chat and I have a question for you. A friend of mine caught a virus/ worm called Blaster#4 from China yesterday. It locked up her new computer. She brought it back and got another one and when she logged on to her ISP...Myexcel.com she was infected again and shut down. She said there is a patch but once infected you cannot download it. I'm on AOL and have not been affected by it. I don't know what to tell her? Do you have any suggestions or have heard about this worm? Thanks in advance! Sorry, I know I'm off topic but I know a lot about being a drunk but not much about computer viruses. I run Norton and just keep getting the updates? ((Kerry C)) I really could relate to your post. The lie test@! Pretty cool, I also find myself falling back into that denial-lying even now sober. Off to bed. Nite All. Kelly :)
Member:
Location:
Date: August 12, 2003
Time: 11:25 PM
DONT FEED THE TROLLS
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX(kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: August 12, 2003
Time: 11:58 PM
Diane hang in there. A drink will only make things worse as you well know, besides I am sure you don't want to have to start counting from 1 again to 140 :) From the description of your prayers sounds like you are praying for the wrong person right now. Try asking God to remove your thoughts of drinking first. As weird as this sounds your worry about your son will stop when you let it go and realize that you can't keep him or anyone else besides yourself sober. The Serenity Prayer helps us to ask God for that. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change. The courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference." That prayer helps me get through some rough spots. And an Alanon meeting wouldn't hurt either ;)
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 12:13 AM
Hi Diane, We must have posted at the same time! I'm so glad you resisted the urge to drink tonight! It is almost day 141 for you. I know you tried Alanon online. Did it help at all? I don't know how you live with your son. He is an adult and very disruptive. What about looking into a sober house for him to live in? We have one near here and it is very reasonable. The only way you will get some peace is to push him gently out of the nest and say fly. No excuses! At a certain point we are not helping our kids but hurting them. In turn they are harming us and we let them out of guilt. It is your choice but do you really want to spend the rest of your days living in this hell? Is it worth losing your sobriety over? My Dad used to say, "We can't save the world but we can save ourselves". I'll include you in my prayers tonight. Peace. Kelly
Member: Jenny
Location: Spokane
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 01:13 AM
Hi Diane, My son was going down the road to distruction and just got in a nasty car wreck. Thank God he is alive and that no one else was injured. He admits he was drunk and does not remember the incident. He is going to face legal charges for this. I have to be strong myself and not bail him out of any more of his mistakes. He needs to learn from them and I am not doing him any favors. I am so thankful for my AA home group and AA as a whole. I would not be able to handle this situation in a positive way had it not been for AA. Thank God when I got that call from the emergency room I was sober and not on my usual Friday night drunk waiting for the morning hangover. I feel like a new person again since I chose the road to sobriety and keep telling myself that drinking is not an option. Life is good. Even during the painful times drinking is not longer an option.
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 01:56 AM
Jane C. An Alcoholic..DIANE..I have a troubled son also..the drugs may be over (Not sure) but he does drink.He made me crazy for a lot of years..threatened my life over the phone many times..and he was the one who showed his love the most...but he got off track in the Army and then the Navy..The only thing that helped was really using tough love, and it is just that..It hurts so bad, and the guilt that goes along with it, and even today, sometimes I feel empty and wonder what do I feel..it's all confusing for me but it does work..he just can't be around when he is out of control..and many years ago in AA a woman with a troubled son of her own told me to picture putting hin into God's arms and asking GOd to do for him what I could never do..and to watch over him and keep him safe.. or words to that affect..Lately, I feel a peace that I haven't had for a long time..I know part of it comes from not drinking and knowing when I've had enough of things going on around me that I can't accept..I have so much patience with people that it almost borders on my becoming a people pleaser again, and I know it's not that..this is a very different kind of peace..it's a good feeling..I hope we can all have it.. I'm rambling now, I hope that God will give us all a good nights rest and another sober day.
Member: Kelley S.
Location: Texas
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 01:59 AM
I wanna get hiigh, ain't life a bitch?? But i made it till midnight, again......this one day at a time shit sucks, it's one o'clock in the morning and i still wanna get high, 23 hours to go.
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 09:14 AM
thanks so much for all the good response on my post he lives here so it's harder when I see what he is doing and yes I've put him in God's hands and picture him recovery but then he slips and my faith starts to slip too. He came home at 11 and got cloths I told him I will not go through his poison dreams again and I will kick his butt out and not help him if he does the drugs again. I chewed him out then he left anyway. I dream something bad happened and I've dream many dreams that have come true. Ok leaving it in God's hands now..................................................................................................................................... now for the msblast.exe worm I had it and found a fix once you have it you can not get online so I got on my husband computer found the fix your friend needs to first I need to know if they have windows xp and if they do you go under safe mode hit F5 on reboot real fast if it's a new computer. When on safe mode you do a search under find type in msblaster.exe when found delete it and any other file it finds one I think has a pdf extension on it delete that one too.... then she has to go to ...start...then run... type in....regedit ...hit enter... click on HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE the plus sign next to it then click on SOFTWARE plus sign...then the Microsoft plus sign....then Windows plus sign...then CurrentVersion plus sign...then click on Run now find the entry that says "Windows auto update"="msblast.exe... she won't see the msblast.exe or I did not till I double clicked it but my sister saw it in hers so I guess it hides in some computers...delete it then close that down...then hit the ctrl plus Alt plus Delete key all at the same time. when that pops up her Task Manager she should click the Processes Tab then at the top Double-click the Image Name column header to alphabetically sort the processes...Scroll through the list and look for cmd.exe If you find the file click it and then click End Processes Exit the task Manager and she should be able to get online to update her virus protector then scan for virus now I did find the Patch here http://www.microsoft.com/technet/treeview/default.asp?url=/technet/security/bulletin/MS03-026.asp tell her or you can go to Nortons web site they have a little tool to search and change all that I just type without having to know a lot it's on the first page but if she has it and can not get to that site she needs to fix it manually
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 09:22 AM
tell your friend not to log online it will shut down to fix it off line also do a scan for virus but she has to get that blaster off and the registry fixed and the cmd.exe stopped before she will be able to get online again it's not hard to get off like some virus or worms are but I rebooted into safe mode without network connections then I fixed it that would be helpful for someone on a T1 where all they do is log on and they are on line
Member: tracy
Location: UK
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 12:31 PM
I feel maybe I need to give AA a rest for a while. Nothink to do with wanting to drink again, cause thats one thing I am sure about, but feel I need to have some MY TIME AND THOUGHT. Seems like I have so much of what everyone else thinks and does that I am having trouble identifying what is my believes and what is others that I have listened to and taken as mine!. It's just in 7months sober I have been going to AA at least 3 times a wk plus other AA related events and I just want some space to sit with my feelings. Does this make sense? Trace
Member: Susan A.
Location: Vernon, CT
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 01:05 PM
Hi All, I'm Susan and I'm an Alcoholic. Sure it makes sense, Tracy, to want to sit with your own feelings, etc. Developing ourselves is one of the great benefits of being sober. You can have be 'yourself' and stay sober in 'AA', maybe by striving to bring your sober self into the rest of what you want to do. I was told the reason I CAN go do all sorts of things is because I ALSO keep doing the things that got me sober in the first place. 2-5 meetings a week for quite a while now. I also go to school, writer's weekends, concerts, travel, meet w/friends, all sorts of things. Good luck and 'don't throw the baby out with the bathwater' if ya know what I mean.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 01:54 PM
Hi Diane, Thank you so much for the info. I printed it and dropped it off at Sue's. At least it does not sound as bad of some of the viruses out there and you can get rid of it in safe mode. It is great you are learning all this stuff and comes in handy when these things happen. Tracy, Susan said it better than I could. I know for me that AA has improved all areas of my life unconsciously. It is a program for living and you might be a little overwhelmed by all the changes your noticing. I would not give up on AA altogether and meetings every week. Those are your support system. You might just might have a lot going on right now and it feels like a big ball you can't unravel. Take a day just for you doing something you can do and relax and enjoy. Good Luck. Kelly :)
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 02:27 PM
here is where you get the tool to remove that blaster worm http://securityresponse.symantec.com/avcenter/venc/data/w32.blaster.worm.removal.tool.html
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 02:30 PM
forgot to say Kelly you can download that program for her and put it on a floppy disk right click it after you download it then click send to A:/ Drive then give it to her and that will remove it for her
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 02:34 PM
ok I have to say that person saying they have a addiction to meetings lol what a joke I believe they are pulling someone's leg or just trying to be funny
Member: sanda
Location:
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 04:30 PM
o ya there are people who are addiction to meetings they can't live without meeting
Member: sanda
Location:
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 04:31 PM
o ya there are people who are addiction to meetings they can't live without meeting
Member: sanda
Location:
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 04:34 PM
its like site people can't live without it its not funny
Member: Avid
Location: Lurker
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 04:36 PM
Excellent Tracy---most Excellent!! Makes pefect sense, I'm proud of you!
Member: sanda
Location:
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 04:36 PM
its like this site people can't live there life without it
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 05:37 PM
well sandra I can I just find a lot of help at times when I am low or need a little support this site helps me get through not drinking, I do understand the addiction to chat cause I use to have that problem on a one on one chat but broke that habit now I use this site which is a lot safer for me
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 08:00 PM
guess everyone has the blaster worm thank God it is off my puter
Member:
Location:
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 08:37 PM
How is September?
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 09:59 PM
she may have the worm a lot of people have it if they have windows xp and did not update like me lol
Member: Andrea D.
Location: Vienna, Virginia
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 10:03 PM
Hi, Im Andrea, and Im an alcoholic. Im new to the online meetings, and Im just lookin around. Honesty is a great subject. Lets see, on the 20th of this month, Ill have 8 months clean/sober! Anyways, on the topic of honesty. Its hard to be honest to everyone else, because Im so used to hiding who I truely am. I've definately changed a lot since Ive gotten sober! Its great! Being honest with myself is pretty hard though. I'd so just like to tell myself that everythings okay sometimes, when I know its not, and I dont like to admit when Im drowning myself in my own river of tears either. Self pity has a lot to do with honesty to myself. I was actually reading in "Living Sober" chapter 22 I think about "Eliminating self pity", but yeah! I think that Im just rambling and crap, but if anyone knows any good online meetings, could you please share them? Thanks for letting me share :)!
Member:
Location:
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 11:01 PM
To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest. Ghandi
Member: Ghandi
Location:
Date: August 13, 2003
Time: 11:06 PM
To believe in something, and not live it, is dishonest. Ghandi
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: August 14, 2003
Time: 01:48 AM
Jane C..An alcoholic.We're having a bit of a problem here with Mike's son..he's been staying here for the summer and maybe longer.He lies a lot and says he is job hunting and we find out he's outsomewhere having fun..He's 20 yrs. old going on 10.. Says he wants to have FUN...Mike told him today that he either gets to work or he can pack up and go back to Virginia..Why do these kids take and never give to their parents? We knew this would happen from the beginning and I've had a problem with Mike being such an inabeler with this boy..I even do his Laundry and food shop...NO MORE...Why? Mike just found out that he was selling POT for a guy in town..we knew that he smoked it, but to SELL IT?.it AIN"t going to happen..he was read the riot act...Being addicted to meetings could never happen with me..I went only because I had to, but when I wasn't there I had a life and a good one in sobriety..since my slip and being sober for one month today..I haven't been to a meeting,.But I think I could get addicted to this AA site..I'm on it everyday..when I went to meetings, after my 90 and 90 I went to meetings only 3 times a week and as long as I stayed sober and had a fairly decent program..I didn't feel the need for more..the only thing we will ever get perfect is to not drink..and sometimes I think it's the easiest part if we don't take that first one..the other steps, for me anyway right now take more work..I wish I could pass on some of the things I learn in the program to people I know..I try, but most folks think they're OK the way they are .not so, maybe they aren't alcoholics, but some drink a lot and their lives aren't so great..mostly I stay away from them..for my own good..I pray we all have another sober day, by the Grace of God..
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: August 14, 2003
Time: 09:53 AM
Good Morning All, Welcome Andrea! Almost 8 months is great. Sorry, I don't know of any other meetings. I don't do chat but they do have live meetings on the web. ((Diane)), Thank You!!! Sue is back online and rid of that virus. She is an E-Bayaholic and it was killing her not to be online! Got some bad news yesterday and felt really bad. I went to a meeting but I still felt bad. Just really let down. Monday and Tuesday I was on cloud nine because I got the duplex I wanted. Yesterday the real estate guy called and wanted to sign the lease. Then he dropped on me to bring 1,600 dollars at signing. I already have 800 on it as a deposit. He wants 1st, last and a security deposit. I had to tell him I can't afford that financially. BIG LETDOWN. It is also against the law in NH to charge more than a months rent as a security. He knows that but that is what he wants, oh well! We have the other apt. that came through Monday which was nice also. I guess the biggest let down was my Mother. She called and said she would help if she could but she is remodeling a couple bathrooms. My Mom is loaded but funny about money. She cut us 4 kids out of the will when my Dad was sick and likes to live large and throw it in our faces but if we are ever down and out we know better than to ask for help. I wish she would not offer to help only to decline at the last minute. It's like a power thing I guess? It is not even the money part that bothers me it is that my Mom is so selfish. I woke up and said the serenity prayer several times. Mom won't change but I can change my attitude towards her. Above all she is my Mother and I love her anyway. Off to a Step meeting. Lets not drink today and see if it gets better! Kelly :)
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 14, 2003
Time: 02:51 PM
glad your friend can again ebay lol so sorry about your let down but sometimes God has his reasons for things that happen or don't happen to us, might really be a bad deal in the long run for you with that other duplex but thank God you are still sober and have another place to fall back on. I'm going full force on my Son in prayer and I'm telling him what I think of his actions. For the lady who's son is selling pot girl if they sell pot (that is step one)next they steal from you or others so watch your back. I know my Son has stole from me. Money, Weedeaters and more even traded a good TV I gave him for drugs. He now has a tiny TV that is not very good but guess what this lady won't buy him another one he will buy his next or do without. I'm venting again hehe...Day 142 sober
Member: Jan BB
Location: Paris, France
Date: August 14, 2003
Time: 05:35 PM
I had to get honest with myself before I could get honest with other's. Come clean about my motives and how much I was willing to work at getting and staying sober. I walked around the rock of early sobriety for about 4 years, not a whole lot of growth going on during that time, more like a long process of ego deflation at depth and being thrown down on the mat time and time again to surrender. Nope, I'm no first time winner, but once I quit bullshitting myself, and just did what was before me, one sober day next to another sober day, lo and behold, things started adding up and life took on a new clarity, some call it layers of the onion. Staying truly clean and sober has been perhaps the first honest thing I had ever done, working the steps was the key to unlocking the rest. I honestly love sobriety, I hope you find that too. HOPE for ((Everyone)) janbbparis@yahoo.com
Member: MEETAHOLIC
Location: WHERE ELSE,ON MY WAY TO A MEETING
Date: August 14, 2003
Time: 06:49 PM
I am feeling so powerless today,getting ready to go to my 2nd meeting of the day and then a 30 minute break and a drive across town to attend my 3rd meeting of the day and then I am going to stick around for the meeting after the meeting.I truly realize that this is a disease that I cannot cure but I am trying so hard to arrest it.I have been looking for links to the M.A. (MEETERS ANONYMOUS) but so far I have not been able to find any links.I would appreciate it if someone,anyone,anybody can advice me where I can turn for help.I used to be a druggie,beat that,was an alkie,beat that,was a gambler,beat that,had severe emotion problems,beat that,was an overeater and I beat that too.I beat all these addictions with the step programs.But now I need help to break my addiction to meetings.WOW,it really rules my life.Am I the only one that suffers from this disease or are there others.
Member: Shima
Location: Atlanta, Ga.
Date: August 14, 2003
Time: 07:23 PM
Hi all! I've been gone for awhile, but now I'm back. Of course everyone knows that if you stay away from help you have been doing the wrong thing! I have drinking on and off mostly on. This group was so helpful to me before, can I beg for your skills again????? thanks so much for letting me share! shima
Member:
Location:
Date: August 14, 2003
Time: 07:36 PM
How about your skills Shima.It is real simple,it is a 2 step program.Dont pick up the poison and drink it.How hard can that be?
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: August 14, 2003
Time: 07:47 PM
Jane C..Hi, back again..still the honesty topic..staying honest is a great thing..I just got off the phone with my Mother in N.Y..shse called to tell me about the power failure and to give me some other news..then she asked me what she should do about the situation..she can't do anything no matter what without 2 other signatures, one mine..The whole deal is so scary that I couldn't think at all, period and she wanted quick answers, usually I tell her what she wants to hear, more than what she needs to hear..this time I told her that I couldn't think straight, the whole thing sounds rotten to me, I told her that I was suspicious of the motives, and why a cash deal..I told her that I had alot to think about and that right then I was too confused...my Mother has always had the habit of jumping before she looked to see where she would land,and a lot of the time it was in doo doo..she could never see this.. Oh, I forgot to say that I'm an alcoholic..especially since today I really thought I just might buy a small bottle of wine..Noooooo, I didn't do it..thanks be to God.. Today has just been an off day, even with the weather..it's making my knee hurt really bad (Hurt it 3 weeks ago, in the bathroom, where else..saw the MD yesterday and it needs physical therapy and I have to wait until neaxt Tuesday, and believe me I'll go, only because I have to..I don't like anything to do with medical procedures..you can call me JUST CHICKEN..GOd Bless us all in our sobriety and I pray to get through the rest of the day sober..I feel the need to be extra close to God today,too many decisions to make all at one time..
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: August 14, 2003
Time: 07:53 PM
Jane C.again..alcoholic, I forgot to add that the posts from all you good people also gives me the courage to say sober..I know that I can come here and say whatever I feel like saying and hopefully, not be judged..I can read what you all feel open enough to share, hoping to help someone else..I know that the posts help me a lot since I don't go to meetings yet..I'm still working on that issue..I have a lot of relaxation tapes that can sometimes get me to where I need to go..right now it's to walk the dogs..God BLess us All.
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 14, 2003
Time: 10:03 PM
this is what I like about this site Jane we can vent when we need to hehe, tonight is good for me, My Son is back and God answers my prayers sometimes not for the good for my Son but it stop him so I thank God. Honesty I told him about my dream about him and I was honest with him on how I knew he lied to me, I've been praying that God would give me the right words when I need to talk to him and he seems to be doing just that
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: August 14, 2003
Time: 11:34 PM
Hi All, ((Jane)), I'm glad you postponed the decision until you have a clear head, very wise!. Thinking your way through that drink is awesome! Mom's can be tough, mine really had me feeling bad last night and today she called to see if I lost power. I'm fine and she is in Ct. but only part of the state was without power.(not her). I was glad she was with power because she has COPD and needs her AC to breath. I had a good day today and went to the fireworks and for ice cream with my BF. Now I'm ready to curl up with a book and get some sleep. ((Diane)) I really think prayers do work. I think your right that it was just not meant to be and I still have the other place. Thanks for that. I'm glad your son is talking with you and it is going better. Is he impressed with your 142 days sober? I sure as heck am :)Your setting a good example for him. ((Shima)) Nice to see you back. I remember you and its never to late to start again. Don't listen to the nameless poster. I did not even realize he was goofing on me...Lol. I have a program that works for (me) and that is all I care about along with some great people here that help my recovery. ((JannBB)), How is Paris? I always wanted to visit the Louve. I agree that the Steps are important. I feel so much better doing them. That is all that really matters, staying sober and rebuilding my life one small Step at a time. You can't do the dance if you don't know the Steps.... Nite All, Kelly Zzzz
Member: tracy
Location: Essex, England
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 11:22 AM
My post from a few days ago re. Needing to give AA a rest, wrong big mistake. Boy am I paying for that attitude. So to anyone else getting the I can do it on my own mode,DON'T even go there! AVID LURKER~ Sorry mate but it didn't work for me.
Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 12:18 PM
Thank God Tracy - I was going to email you, then I thought, let her do what she needs to do. Email me anytime you want to talk, we are in this thing together, okay?
Member: aa member
Location: real meeting
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 01:14 PM
to the new comer this is not what aa is about.What this is a tool that can be used. I see that alot of people need different help.Please take the time to get to a face 2 face meeting a real aa meeting.Don't listen to these people who say they can't go to a real meeting.They are just fooling themselfs they like to hide on the computer keybroad in one hand drink in the other. Wishing they could stop its a good tool this site but I don't think this is what aa is about.Don't beleive everything you read get to a real meeting face to face.Then you will be able to see the people who have what you want. See who works the program and who doesn't I see alot of these people here don't.They'll be writing this is a meeting I come here to vent this is a meeting. STOP you don't fool me I'm sick of hearing I can't its not you can't you wouldn't. Please work the porgram stop hiding you are just hurting yourself because your not fooling me just fooling yourself
Member: Kerr y C
Location: TX(kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 03:40 PM
Kerry here an alcoholic. Another week has passed. Congrats to all sober this 24 hours. A couple of paragraphs from Chapter 2 There is a Solution for the weekend. "The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove." " There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self- searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at out feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed."
Member: NOT KERRY
Location: NOT EVEN CLOSE
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 04:24 PM
Kerry where can someone go to have things laid at their feet.Get a life GURU wannabe.
Member: Samantha
Location: Gig Harbor WA
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 05:04 PM
In answer to the previous question, the spiritual tools are available to all those who ask, and have been for two thousand (2,000) years. It is called grace by faith. Read the Bible, particularly the New Testatment. Go to Church. Speak with a saved person. Drop to your knees, where the spiritual tools will be closer to your grasp, and ask God for His grace. And, in the process, learn something about humility. The answer is easy for those who turn their lives over to the will of God and are born again. The answer is impossible and will never come for those who choose a different path and rely upon self will. I pray you will give it a try, lest you be lost forever. God Bless All.
Member: ACKNOWLEDGE JESUS
Location: FORGET THE GURUS
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 06:06 PM
Samantha,its ok you can say JESUS,GO AHEAD SAMANTHA say it so all the AA ERS can hear you.
Member: Becky
Location: Seattle
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 06:07 PM
My name is Becky. Went to my first meeting two days ago. Am still drinking...I'd like to quite but wish I could just "manage" it. Am smart enough to know that is dumb.
Member:
Location:
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 06:16 PM
AMEN
Member: YES IT IS THIS SIMPLE
Location: NO NEED IN TORTURING YOURSELF
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 06:17 PM
BECKY THE ANSWER IS A TWO STEP METHOD. DONT PICK UP THE POISON IS THE FIRST STEP AND THE SECOND STEP IS TO NOT DRINK IT.
Member:
Location:
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 06:26 PM
is this a woman meeting
Member:
Location:
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 06:28 PM
I guess it is
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 07:57 PM
Jane C. alcoholic...I think we could all learn a lot from people like Kerry and Samantha..I read simple truths in their posts..I Know, for myself, that I can only hope that one day I'm able to pass what I've learned in AA as passionately and truthfully as they did today, and Kerry has much to say in his other posts..he really does want to help...and he isn't a Guru"..we don't need a guru when we have our Heavenly Father to show us the way, be it at home or sitting in an AA meeting..and there really are some of us who just can't seem to get the willingness to get through the doors again..and no, we don't sit here with a drink in one hand and keyboard in the other..I think we need to look at ourselves before we think we know what someone else is doing to maintain or achieve sobriety..God be with us all today.. and keep us all sober by his Grace..
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 15, 2003
Time: 10:31 PM
Jane I agree with you so much and nope I am not holding a drink in one had while typing I don't go to meetings I know they might be helpful just to get friends with my same problem but I like not having to worry that the world will know. You know in small towns it don't matter how you try to hide it if you go to a meeting they find out. Some of us just can't go for other reason and for us this site is great and yes Men are also on this site in fact a lot of Men post well I'm still sober but tonight is another hard one day 143, I also find walking and some running helps me a lot
Member: Stumpy
Location: Texas
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 12:53 AM
Buenos noches, Diane from Oklahoma. My thoughts are with you. Don't be worried about not going to meetings. Oftentimes, they can be just as harmful as they are helpful. Although some people that go to meetings are honest and are working to get/stay clean and sober, it has been my experience that the majority are not. That can be a negative experience if you're not used to it. These same folks will violate your anonymity, and I can understand your concern in a small town atmosphere. Just keep placing your faith in God and Jesus, work the program your own way, and use the internet for your meetings. You're getting close to six months, so it sounds like it's working. AND keep up the running. When I used to run a lot, I almost never drank. When I quit running, however, I turned to alcohol to relieve the day's tensions. Mea culpa. I should have known better and kept on the exercise route. I've been clean and sober for about seven (7) years now, and I run about 200 miles per month. It's not as easy as it used to be, since my old football knees are well over 50 years old, but the benefits are just the same. I have read several articles about how running can beat alcoholism. The recovery rate seems to be significantly highter than A.A.'s. So, keep up the running in addition to the prayers, program, and internet meetings. God Bless. Post when you get six months and I'll be happy to send you a six month chip!
Member: Kerry C
Location: TX (kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 01:12 AM
Jane and Diane don't worry about the Trolls. They feed on people responding to their posts. Look at it this way, the time they spend monitoring this site keeps them off the streets and out of the general public :)
Member: aa member
Location: real meeting
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 01:51 AM
Thanks Stumpy thats what I'm going to do I'm going to do run.I don't want to go to those harmful meetings everybodys going to be talking about me.They don't make it anyway right nobody cares anyway they just go to talk about everybody.Their not there for help they just want to talk about everyone that goes I know.I see that you read several articles about running can beat alcoholism not one several. And the recovery rate seems to be "significantly higher than AA's" Stumpy where can't I get these books. Because I want to throw all my AA books out they don't work. So thats what I'll do I'm going to run run and run and hide because those people at AA are all going to talk about me. AA won't work running thats the answer and I'm going to pray that its going to work.And I'm going to pray that you are going to send me my 8 year chip If you have any left in that potato chip bag
Member: aa member
Location: real meeting
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 01:51 AM
Thanks Stumpy thats what I'm going to do I'm going to do run.I don't want to go to those harmful meetings everybodys going to be talking about me.They don't make it anyway right nobody cares anyway they just go to talk about everybody.Their not there for help they just want to talk about everyone that goes I know.I see that you read several articles about running can beat alcoholism not one several. And the recovery rate seems to be "significantly higher than AA's" Stumpy where can't I get these books. Because I want to throw all my AA books out they don't work. So thats what I'll do I'm going to run run and run and hide because those people at AA are all going to talk about me. AA won't work running thats the answer and I'm going to pray that its going to work.And I'm going to pray that you are going to send me my 8 year chip If you have any left in that potato chip bag
Member: NEVER AN AA MEMBER
Location: CHIP CONTROL ROOM
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 02:02 AM
AA MEMBER,That is the best thing you will ever do.Run as fast as you can away from the RUT OF AA.Who needs worthless chips and pins for choosing not to drink.PLEASE AA REWARD ME FOR TOWING THE LINE,HEY WHERE DO YOU GURU'S KEEP THE CONTROL CHIPS. YEAH RIGHT REAL MEMBER,YOU ARE BRAINWASHED AS THEY COME.
Member: LISTEN TO THE TROLLS
Location: THEY HAVE KNOWLEDGE
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 02:07 AM
Kerry C. You appear to suffer from the fallout of AA DOGMA.Without a doubt you either have a controlling sponsor or are a controlling sponsor or worse yet both.Wake up Kerry,there is life out there besides BEING IN THE CLUTCHES OF THE GURU'S CONTROL.
Member: Clean and Sober
Location: Geprgia
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 02:17 AM
Very funny, Stumpy. Most of the people I see in AA smoke so much they can't even walk to their car. They quit drinking [some anyhow], but there still so hooked on nicotine that there worse than any heroin junkie. Maybe if they ran, they could get clean and sober. But they are all paddling on that river Denial.
Member: Lurking
Location: Southwest
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 12:06 PM
Jane, I finally understand why you aren't going to meetings. I go to meetings where I live but is is a big city far from my origins. I would never consider going to a meeting where my parents live -- my hometown. There would be people in there that I know would not keep it anonymous for me.
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 12:15 PM
Stumpy thanks for the encouraging words it does help to hear that what I am trying to do is not crazy today is day 144, 6 more days and I'll be on my 5 months (YES) I also think that folks that find AA helpful should hang in there I see nothing wrong with them finding help if that is good for them so be it. I just for my personal self try to depend on my lord Jesus and when it's hard I pray and boy lately I've been praying a lot. I also read a lot of Christian reading that I found on the net by Chuck Smith it was free and I downloaded it into my palm which I read every day and right before I go to sleep at night. I use to go the Chucks Church and he is a really good preacher
Member: September
Location: FL
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 01:20 PM
Hi everyone, been awhile since I have posted. Just needed to take a break from worries I guess, get a different perspective on things. I somehow am finding it easier to have a life without always thinking about this alcohol issue that i have. I have moved into my apartment, doing better at my job, just got a promotion and things seem to be falling into place for me. I haven't had one single urge to drink. I met some new friends in my apartment complex, since we live near the beach we went down and bar b qued and played volleyball, they had a cooler but I just stuck with water, wasn't interested in drinking, maybe because I have so much going for me now and I just don't want to go back to the crappy life that I have been running from. I wish everyone the best in thier recovery, hope that I can stay strong as strong as I have been, somehow I have a feeling that everything is going to be okay, not sure what happened but I just feel it.
Member: aa member
Location: real meeting
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 02:32 PM
Hello! I'm back I was just looking at the post again I see people need alot of help. Kerry, please just because people don't agee with you you get mad and start calling them trolls. Sorry but people don't go to AA just to get chips.They go for themselves to help themselves to not just drink because that is only a part of the problem it is also the way we think just because we didn't drink today, big deal are we happy? That's only part of it and this brainwashing thing that's funny just because people can't do it all alone they go there for help they're all brainwashed these people are trying to stop drinking. Sure alot don't make it because it's not easy, if it was easy everybody could just do it. They wouldn't need AA or anything they can just do it all themselves. Today I'm not only sober I'm very happy that's all I'm trying to say. Drinking is only a part of the problem it's also your thinking and if you hide from your problems how can you solve your problems? More power to you if you can but it has been my experience that I cannot do it alone. For me AA has taught me not only how to stop drinking but also alot about my thinking so don't get mad just because of my beliefs AA has shown me a better way to live my life and I just would like to share my experiences that people find it alot easier with AA than trying to do it all alone. I don't write these things that I talk about to hurt anyone everybody has a mind of their own I have just found AA to be the best way for all! My prayers are with all of you and I hope you find your way to AA. May God be with you.
Member: AA MEMBER
Location: NEVER
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 03:35 PM
AA member,wrong again,its not the right way for all!!You already knew all that stuff that you claim AA has taught you,its real simple to know right from wrong chip collector.
Member: FOR AA MEMBER
Location: GET A GRIP AND GET OUT OF THAT CULT
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 03:45 PM
AA member,wrong again,AA is not the best way for all.Now get your ass back in line and wait your turn for your miracle,yes stick around for the miracle,yes keep coming back you dumbass.
Member: aa member
Location: real meeting
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 03:59 PM
Your funny you hide on your computer throwing rocks not answers. So please could you tell me the right way because I'm wrong. You know everything but the answers. I know with all my chips I could start a poker game. So please give me the answers not rocks.
Member: YOUR ANSWER
Location: AA MEMBER
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 07:34 PM
YOU ARE THE ANSWER AA MEMBER.NOW YOU KNOW CHIP COLLECTOR.YOU ARE THE DRIVER OF YOUR OWN BUS,NOW GET OUT OF THE BACK SEAT AND DRIVE THE DAMN THING.
Member: aa member
Location: real meetings
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 07:40 PM
Please Dear the bus come on I'm flying the plane.But thanks for the answer
Member: aa member
Location: real meetings
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 09:20 PM
Moral of the story get the chip off your shoulder put it in your pocket. Get on the plane and we will fly faster than a rocket with a higher power and you can learn how to leave most of your troubles behind and learn how to face your other troubles. Unless you want to take the bus.
Member: yvette M.
Location: N.Y
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 09:34 PM
I thank my higher power for giving me one more chance to let the real me be shown to myself and the world.When I drink I'm a loud and boisterous drunk. everyone knew when I was headed for the store and they knew what I was going for.Yet that didn't stop me from pursuing after my inner most deepest desire,the almighty intoxicating liquid!I have to keep it real with myself,a favorite saying of mine is "to thine own self be true" this helped me to realize what flipped out veiws I tried to con myself with.I justified my drinking and my drinking justified the years I can't remember.Do I truly want this or am I willing to go back to the unknown day after day.....etc...
Member: AA LIFER
Location: CAUSE IT GETS ME OUT OF THE HOUSE
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 09:36 PM
Get real dumbass,I already have a higher power and I dont go to smoke filled rooms to feel my higher power or repeat useless meaningless slogans to feel good about myself.Go to church if you want religion,go to AA if you you want to tow the line.Now get your brainwashed ass back in line and wait for your turn for your miracle and please stick around the miracle is coming.KEEP COMING BACK IF YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO CHIP COLLECTOR.
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 10:11 PM
Welcome Yvette where you in the black out?
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: August 16, 2003
Time: 11:31 PM
Hi Everyone, Glad to hear the good news September. I'm getting ready to move myself. Tonight at my meeting a bunch of people offered to help so I am going to utilize it. I'm only moving a few blocks so it won't be too hard. I love my new place and go over everyday and just walk around and picture what I want it to look like. I introduced myself to my new neighbor and he is a very nice guy and his son is on the same Little League team as my BF's son. God really came through and gave me the duplex which I was not supposed to get but I did! I am verrry grateful for all the gifts he gives me. Welcome Yvette, I agree I never want to go back there. If someone told me that my life would turn around like this last year I would have laughed at them. I thought the bottle was my answer to everything until it did not work anymore. Cunning, powerful and baffling it had me believing I could not live without it. THAT WAS THE GREAT LIE... I now truelly live sober and remember each day and live that day thoroughly. Today I went to a cookout on a beautiful lake and ate good food and went waterskiing, laughed a lot. I had a great day. Tomorrow I'm off to Massachusetts with my kids to go to my Great Aunts 90th birthday. My family I don't see enough so this will be a great day for all of us. My relatives drink a lot but I feel ok about being around booze. I'm going to see my family first and foremost and my Grammys sister is the last left of that generation. If I was still drinking myself to death I would not have had a day like today or be going to a family celebration tomorrow. I would have slept the day away, woke in a stupor and then start drinking again to stop the shakes and sweats. My only outing would have been to the packy. Pretty sick! I need to type this because I need to remember just how bad I got and to share that I can live... (Really Live)without booze. Wishing everyone a wonderful Sunday. Kelly :)
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: August 17, 2003
Time: 12:17 AM
hey Kelly thanks so much for the good share I enjoyed reading and am glad you get to move to a neat place, My Son moved out today so I am praying he does well but I do know this will be good for him to have to pay rent at least then he won't have a bunch of money to blow on drugs so God has answered my prayer for peace and I believe this will help him to grow up
Member: Just Lurking
Location: Reality --not Virtual Reality
Date: August 17, 2003
Time: 02:45 AM
For those of you who are using this website as your only meeting --- my gosh, what goes on in this website is so different than the way it is in a real meeting. I can't believe some of the name calling that goes on here. I have found nothing but support, kindness and genuine fellowship in face to face meetings. When I was posting on this site, some of the things that people said just made me more insane and depressed. Please get yourselves to a real meeting. It isn't easy to walk in there, but I promise that you have a better chance at real change than you could ever find here.
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: August 17, 2003
Time: 04:32 AM
Jane C..a grateful alcoholic.. "Just Lurking"..I agree that some things here are not the way they are in ftf meetings..but, a lot of it is the kind of thing that can be said before and after meetings, when members get together for a little fellowship..These posts for me have a little of everything..and I do what so many have said in those ftf meetings,"Take Away the Good"..I do that, and just ignore the posts that judge and condemn..AA isn't the place for it, and for me this is AA. Diane..my BF is originally from Oklahoma..he was raised on ranches and farms most of his life..and was once a stuntman for nearly 20 years..he said most of his stunts were falling off of horses and bulls and sometimes trains..he's paying for it now with all the arthritis in all of the bones he broke during this part of his life..and this is something that would be shared with AA friends when socializing after meetings.. It's all here...Kelly, I hope you have fun moving..when I moved up here, I had to do most of it alone and it was very depressing, but I did get through it with some good counseling and I didn't pick up a drink..that was 2 years ago and my drinking was an on an off thing... It's onlly been the last year that it started to be almost a daily, fearful thing again..and the drinking felt like it did when I reached the end of my drinking the first time, years ago...I felt my control was totally gone..especially when I left the house to get more to drink..it made me hate myself and trying to hide it from my BF scared me enough to do something about it.. I felt so sneaky..I thank God that I found this site, and I know I've said this before, I don't know how I found it..I had to be DRUNK..boy do I hate that word..I hope that God will give us another sober week-end. I feel in my heart that it was God that somewhow led me to this site... May He Bless us All..gnite