Member: Yongae J
Location: ohio
Date: July 21, 2002
Time: 11:55 AM
hi, i'm yongae, alcoholic and addict. i find it hard. for example, i'd love to travel. i could spend a semester in hawaii and stay with my relatives rent free. i am from california and miss the sun, since moving to ohio 1.5 years ago to come to school. the idea of living in the sun for awhile feels nice. but i don't think i should move away if i'm staying sober here and i have support here. i mean maybe i'll still be able to find support there and i'm sure there's AA there also. but i'm scared to move. i just don't want to mess anything up if it's working, ya know. so it's hard. and there's also a should i? should i not? when it comes to working in addition to being a student, and maintaining a new program, and having a relationship. i don't have to work if i live modestly. but i don't want to be pinching pennies, i hate that feeling. i also don't want to be so busy that i'm stressin and will not be able to go to as many meetings. i don't have much family around so i want money to be able to visit. tough decisions. would appreciate any experience, strength, and/or hope. thanks for listening.
Member: Anne M
Location: NY
Date: July 21, 2002
Time: 12:48 PM
I need to be more careful with my minor decisions; I do not what to make any major decisions. With my minor decisions (mostly the people, places and things issue) I have put myself in bad situations 3 times in only 2 months of sobriety, saying "I can handle it." Well, I did handle it, but I tortured myself. I need to be comfortable with my minor decisions before I contemplate major ones. I totally agree with the concept of no life changes during the first year.
Member: Michaela M
Location: France
Date: July 21, 2002
Time: 02:12 PM
Hi, Michaela alcoholic and addict. As of today I am 72 days sober so am very much a newcomer to AA and sobriety. Making major decisions in early sobriety, now this is a tough one because some people say don't make major decisions because the important thing is to stay sober one day at a time, which of course it is. I think that you shouldn't make any unnecessary important decisions in early sobriety. There are some things you have to do because of circumstances and there are some things you need or want to do to improve your life and do what is best for your sobriety. There are, however, things that you would really like to do but they can be put on a back burner until you are in a stable position, plus of course there are your wish lists, which can be good to help keep a positive and enthusiastic outlook. It is good to open up doors and explore possibilities to improve your life that enable you to create and maintain a healthy, happy sober life style. It is also important not to aim for things that are beyond your reach initially. I guess what I am saying is that, for example, if you have to move or get a new job then make sure that you look for possibilities within your capability and go for the junior office job instead of the executive high powered job in the early stages if it means you can get to meetings and focus on your sobriety. Move to an area that you know has a lot of meetings and a good network of people and support if you need to move. It is important to remember that when making each and every choice your sobriety comes first and foremost and don't try and run before you can walk. Remember that your higher power is the one guiding you all the way. Love in the fellowship Michaela
Member: Jeremy S.
Location: San Diego
Date: July 21, 2002
Time: 03:50 PM
hi, Jeremy, Alcoholic/Addict...i'm 29 days sober as of today, this is a good topic. when i made my decision to get clean, i had to make a lot of changes, moved out of my old place in the neighborhood i used to drink/use in, now staying with family in a much quieter neighborhood. i had to stop spending time with the friends i used to drink/use with. fortunately for me i had a close friend who is 15 months in recovery who was happy to spend a lot of time with me on my recovery and has been a great inspiration. i am on a waiting list to enter an inpatient treatment program and wednesday will be 4 weeks i've been waiting to get in. thus, i'll be making major life changes in there. luckily i've been hitting alot of meetings and getting good input. anytime i've had a decision to make, be it a small or large one, my Higher Power has showed me the way. i've learned early in my recovery that the best way to deal with a situation like that is to meditate on it and put in the hands of my HP, and, HP willing, the right thing will happen. love the site here, will be back until i get admitted to treatment. thanks for letting me share.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: July 21, 2002
Time: 04:20 PM
Hi Bill here. Alcoholic and "old-timer" serving our primary purpose; to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. Certainly, we all make a very major decision when we take the first Third Step. And one that should be made quickly. I was taught to be very careful taking on new things early on. If they could be put off, then it would probably be a good idea to wait. I would suggest: married? Stay married. Divorced or separated? stay that way for a bit longer. Another major change is this overwhelming desire to "Fess up". I would be careful in that department as well. That is Step 9 and we are way away from that one early on. Your new change of behavior will become obvious to those around you. I would let that lay. It is enough in the beginning. There may be deeper problems early on. Problems that I have neither the education nor the degree to be able to help you with. It would serve us well to remember. We did not become alcoholic overnight. We will not get well overnight. Some of us have survived alley lurking, gutters, street living and all kinds of objectionable behaviors when we were drunk. As a sober people we can tolerate a heck of a lot more. I still lived in my chicken coop several months after getting sober. Easy Does it. But DO IT. Thank you for being a part of my sobriety today. Bill az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Margaret M.
Location: Richmond, IN
Date: July 21, 2002
Time: 04:42 PM
Hi, Margaret, alcoholic. In my first year of sobriety, I had all sorts of grandiose ideas for what I was going to do in my third attempt at recovery, I was in a whole heck of a lot of denial, but luckily my brain was clear enough to know that the first thing to do was to go to meetings, the second thing to do was to get a sponsor, and the third thing to do was to do everything my sponsor said. My sponsor said "first things first", and then suggested I complete steps 1-9, and continue to do 10-12 everyday. I got through that first year by just doing that (with my HP's help I'll get through the second), and now I'm starting to be able to judge which big decisions are truly good for me and which aren't, but I always check in with my sponsor first.
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: July 21, 2002
Time: 05:56 PM
Lessa E here, grateful recovering alcoholic. Great topic today. And one I answer much differently, this being my second pass through the program, than I did the first time. First time through I'd hear the 'old timers' telling me not to make major changes. I'd laugh. I was convinced I got the program, I mean, I really, really 'got it'. Besides, I was the one with promotion opportunities at work, with the chance to travel alot, not them. Alot more money, more prestige, more 'fun'. Well, also, only I failed to see it, alot more stress, alot of taking me away from a support system that was, in a large part, responsible for my sobriety. *I* made the changes,anyway. Threw my all into the new job instead of working the steps of my program. And all that stress and pressure of this job got to a drunk who had not begun to really work the steps. I'd ended with step 3, and had not truly begun to change. When I came back to the tables, I was finally 'willing to go to any lengths'. I didn't make any major changes. Even though this job had, by now, become intolerable. I needed to learn to live sober - truly live sober. I've worked the steps, to the best of my ability. And funny thing, a year into it, I was part of a massive corporate layoff. I got injured. My house got flooded out and insurance didn't cover it. All kind of changes started happening that were way beyond my control. However, I found that, due to working the program, getting a good foundation in place, I was able, with the help of my HP whom I know as God, to get through them, 24 hours at a time, without the thought of a drink crossing my mind. Thanks for helping me stay sober.
Member: max c
Location: houston
Date: July 22, 2002
Time: 01:22 PM
hello my name is max,alcoholic, I recall many major decisions(too me anyway) occuring during my first year of recovery.The only possible irrevseable deccision i could make is to drink again,every thing else will work out. wether i like the outcome or not will mandate wether it was a good or bad decision(HAHA).I like what old timer said married,stay married(unless abuse is involved) single,stay single,not working get a job,writing hot checks you may want to stop. I became really comfused about everything. they kept telling me i didnt' know anything about this way of life.They were right. I didn't know how to stay sober and live life on lifes terms.I got a lot of bad advice.finicial advice from homeless people. relationship advice from divorced people.ect.Ive seen sponsers give advice to sponsees to leave thier spouse and them hook up with sponsees x.pretty rough bunch.I made (make) plenty of mistakes.At first all I really understood about the program is keep comming back,and if I WANTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT I HAD TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.If you get the same advice from three different people its usually good advice.I found out,allthou,ignorant about soberitey I wasnt stupid.It says in the big book we can go and do anything we want .(I really acted on that one)then I was advised about the rest of the paragraph,as long as I was spiritually fit.Step one,mettings and THE GRACE OF GOD kept me sober the first year.I knew no matter what, bad decission,was going on in my life if i drank(Or whatever) it was only going to make it worse.I knew this because I ended up in AA trying to fix myself.And am always reminded by other peoples relapses.The best thing that can happen to me if i drink again is to make it back to AA.Anyway my five min. is up.Do what you got to do.Leave when you feel squirrly.trust in god(hp)and most important KEEP COMMING BACK NO MATTER WHAT. GOOD LUCK. THANK YOU FOR BEING THERE FOR ME MAX Ps sometimes the best decision I can make is to not make a decision.after reading my 2 cents above ive decided I cant spell very well.
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: July 22, 2002
Time: 01:24 PM
I’ve read some great sharing. I love newcomers. The life you are choosing is more rewarding than you can ever imagine today. I always suggest the newcomer not be rigid in thinking. When I first got here, I could only see things black or white. When someone suggested I not change anything big for a year, I beat myself up every time real circumstances were different from my preconceptions. I suffered greatly for this lack of tolerance and early on it sent me out again and again. I also wanted to do this all by myself, so I would listen in meetings to these silly rules and try to force my life to fit around them based on my own interpretation. It was not until I stayed around long enough that I discovered for every single rule, there were those who broke them and are still sober. It was not until I found a “closed mouth sober friend” and became willing to share all my notions with him and listened to his point of view with the open mind, that the steps started to become a real, miraculous part of my life. Please keep coming back!!
Member: Susan S.
Location: West Michigan
Date: July 22, 2002
Time: 02:02 PM
Hi, I'm Susan, who is overcoming my disease of alcoholism and addiction. When faced with decisions in early recovery, I first take them to one who is almighty, all-powerful, all-knowing, and who loves me very very much. That one is my Higher Power, who I know as "God". I keep the Jan. 6th Thought for the Day foremost in my mind. "Everything" I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing - Staying Sober. I realize it is not good for me to make permanent decisions based on temporary circumstances. When I don't know what to do, I do nothing. The bible says "Be still, and know that I am God." It also says to Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added. I currently have less than 1 year of sobriety and am taking a Professional Review Course to pass a professional licensing exam. I still attend at least 4 to 5 meetings a week, attend church regularly, pray and meditate on spiritual things, and work my AA program. In so many words, First Things Are First. Before I started drinking heavily, I was very career-oriented. For me, taking this professional review course is simply a return of the old non-drinking me. It feels good to walk on a college campus again. It feels good to do homework in the college computer lab again. Yes, all things are possible as long as I don't take that first drink or drug. Thank's for letting me share. Now it's time to study.
Member: Mark A
Location: Calgary
Date: July 22, 2002
Time: 10:15 PM
I am Mark and I am an alcoholic. I made it through the weekend without a drink. Its about 10 ten days now. I am going out of town tomorrow and will be staying in a hotel. I need to find a meeting there because I know I will get thirsty. I welcome any suggestions from new members. Mark
Member: To Mark
Location: From AZbill
Date: July 23, 2002
Time: 12:59 AM
HI Mark.. Try these numbers. Sunday Morning Group 403-244-3631; Monday 272 Group, 403-284-1864; Mon thru Fri. Brown Baggers 403-256-8670; All seven days. Glenmore Group 403-230-3134. If you need more? az-bill@mindspring.com Bill
Member: Kate S
Location: New York
Date: July 23, 2002
Time: 07:43 AM
Kate here, alcoholic, escape artist at large. Everything said here by the more experience (Bill et al) is true. I wanted to make all major changes in my first year, still tend to: divorce, job change, move, etc. You name it. Anything to escape pain. Movement meant numbing, a new escapade/drug to focus on. When the newness wore off - it always does - there's nothing but things to fix. Mark, I'm so proud of you. Keep on the good fight. God is in you and for you all of your days. Hugs to all
Member: stephany m
Location: new york
Date: July 23, 2002
Time: 09:26 AM
Hi all. I have been visiting this site quite a bit lately.Thank you for all your posts.I can finally admit thatI am an alcoholic, but I continue to drink and smoke pot and can't get myself to a meeting. Problem is, I am embarressed to go back.Much of the time I feel as though the people at the meeting are so closely knit that I will never get past that barrier. I'm lonely, scared and feel as though I will be losing my best friend if I give up the bottle. All my friends tell me I am not an alcoholic, I just "abuse" sometimes-spoken like true alcoholics lol. The whole lot of us are sick. Please pray for me today that God will give me the courage to walk back through the door of the meeting. Please pray for the guilt and lonliness to subside. I can't take it for one more day.Thanks for being there.
Member: tinag
Location: albuquerque
Date: July 23, 2002
Time: 10:04 AM
Hi my name is Tina, alcoholic. Great topic! Just what I needed this week. I've been sober for almost 90 days now and have been, slowly but surely, have been learning to live life on life's terms and give the events and actions of my day to my Higher Power. Thank you for reminding me that my sobriety takes precedence over everything else in my life ~ without sobriety there eventually wouldn't be anything else (spirituality, family, job, etc.) Currently I am faced with some decisions about where I live and where I work and am not sure what to do. I'm one of those 'I want everything... and I want it now!' people. I want to have that 'good career' that 'healthy loving family', that 'one true love', to be 'financially stable' (not wealthy, just out of debt), I also want to have what someone with 10+ years of sobriety has. Basically, I want to be 'wonder woman' ha! Anyway, thank you for letting me share. tinag
Member: Gage
Location: LA
Date: July 23, 2002
Time: 10:39 AM
Hi, Stephany M in NY. I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic (just like you). Stephany, everybody sitting in that room had to walk through that door for the first time. Some of them, like myself, had to walk through it more than once "for the first time." So, don't worry about that. Please do go to that meeting. Tell those people what you've said here if you are able. If you aren't able to say much, at least try to tell them who you are. If you can't even do that, that's okay too. There is one thing that I know helped me though, and I hope you'll try it. That is, after the meeting, try to hang around and help clean up. It's easier than speaking up in a meeting, and it does help you spiritually. It's an expression of your willingness to be helped, and someone will notice it. And even if no one does know you've done it, God will. I'd be willing to say that your fear, guilt and loneliness will begin to subside the moment you do this. But remember, what we get in AA is a daily reprieve from our alcoholism. So, you might find that you need to do this again tomorrow. It'll be easier tomorrow, but let's get you through that door today. Good luck. We love you.
Member: Babette R
Location: Jerusalem
Date: July 23, 2002
Time: 04:14 PM
Babette here, an alcoholic and addict. Today I'm 171 days clean and sober and its taken me a long time to put together this time. In one of my past attempts at recovery I had major changes made for me. While in rehab my then husband took out a restraining order which kept me from living in my own home. He started divorce proceedings and all this was happening while I was trying to stay sober. It didn't last, I was devastated by the changes enforced upon me and totally overwhelmed. It wasn't long before I started drinking again. This time around I'm not making any major changes except by looking for a job which I badly need. Change to me is scary, and I even worry about how I'll handle a job once I get one. But I have to trust in my Higher Power and if its meant to be , I believe he'll give me the strength to do it. One thing I did was quit smoking which wasn't as bad as it was the first time I tried to quit. I guess I was ready. But I was also aware that if it got too rough and I felt like drinking or using I would smoke first. So far I haven't had to do either, thank God. I think all changes should be made with the guidance of our Higher Powers, then you can't go wrong. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Dave A.
Location: Manassas, Va.
Date: July 23, 2002
Time: 06:19 PM
Hi, Dave here, an alcoholic. I have less then one month of sobriety right now, however, I have been going to AA meetings for the past 17 years, off and on. Each time I drop out of the program, thinking I can do it on my own, I relapse, ending up in a hospital for three days to weeks, a detox center, or lose my job. Bad decision making on my part. I leave the BIG ones to people with clear heads now, like beginning an Outpatient Intensive Program, which I began just yesterday. And Stephany, as many times that I have left the program, (too many) the doors to AA have always been open to me. The wonderful folk you meet there will always welcome you back. It is only the people who DON'T make it back - living on the street now or dead, that worries them. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: xx
Location:
Date: July 24, 2002
Time: 06:30 AM
xx
Member: Helen S
Location:
Date: July 24, 2002
Time: 08:05 AM
Hi there Just happened to come across this site in my desperate search to do something about my drinking problem. I've been drinking for about 3 years, brought about by my need to escape from immense stress at work. I've known it was wrong and a problem the first few times I drank on my own and bottled up everything I was feeling about myself. Nobody even knew about my drinking until a few weeks ago. I don't want to go for in-patient treatment because I feel it's only a problem for me at night. I go to work, I work hard but something takes me over at night and I reach for a few drinks before I go to bed. I'm so tired of feeling this way and pouring my energies into covering up. I know I need help and have been reading so much about this problem - I know what's down the road if I don't stop. Please help!
Member: stephany m
Location: new york
Date: July 24, 2002
Time: 08:51 AM
Good Morning All! Got through yesterday without a drink. Plan to do the same today. Gage, you can't imagine how much your post meant to me. Thank you So much! Although the pain is still raw, some of the hopelessness is gone because I know I can come here and relate and be taken seriously. My best friend called this morning to check on me.(biggest drinking buddy) She wants to go to a meeting with me. God works in mysterious ways.I'm going to keep praying all day and get to that meeting, even if I have to walk through that door alone.Thanks again Gage. You may have helped save a life . Godd bless us all
Member: Trish D.
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Date: July 24, 2002
Time: 02:16 PM
Hi, I'm trish and I am an alcoholic and addict. While I am not new to AA, I guess I am considered a newcomer cuz I have 38 days. I finally tried rehab and successfully completed that. However after rehab, I went to a halfway house. I couldn't deal with that....the rules, living with 12 other catty women, having to go to NA most of the time instead of AA, etc. I know they are excuses but I was miserable there, so I left last night. Everyone is expecting me to relapse now and that pisses me off. It doesn't make me want to go back out and use but it makes it hard to go to meetings now because I look like a failure/ quiter. I know we are suppose to be willing to go to any lenghs to stay sober, but are we suppose to be unhappy? I tried to get back into outpatient to day and the guy made fun of me. I haven't been to a meeting since I left and I know I am in a dangerous spot now. I don't want to relapse...I don't want to let anyone down, especially me. I felt good last night when I finally got back to my apartment, but now I am getting stuck again. Help? trish4402@aol.com
Member: John B.
Location: boonies tn.
Date: July 24, 2002
Time: 04:59 PM
Hey I'm John, alcoholaddict. I was just messing and found this site-glad I did. I'm not a newcomer or an oldtimer (a little over 4k days) and I was drawn by Stephany and Trish. This a.m. I read chapters one and two of our text as I try to keep my recovery fresh. I got kinda choked up when I read about "came to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it". When I was FINALLY ready to stop,the fear of where I might be going was no match for the terror of going back to where I'd been! Just put one foot in front of the other and get/stay as close to people in this program as you can. If I'd been given a wish twelve years ago, I wouldn't have known what to wish for. True peace of mind and serenity were just words. Whether you drink or don't, PLEASE keep comin' back!! I need to see where I hope I never have to walk again. Grace be with you.
Member: Richard P
Location: london UK
Date: July 24, 2002
Time: 06:53 PM
hi everybody my name is Richard and yes I have at last come to terms with the fact that I am an alcoholic. Knew it before and stopped for 3 months,but then something happened and I turned to the bottle again to block it all out, problem with that it just makes everything harder to deal with. That was 3 years ago and only now am I truly trying to get back on the road again, spent last 6 weeks cutting down goodbye spirits and wine, just beer. Have now got to the stage where I have to stop kidding myself I am not a normal drinker. I have decided to clear the last of the Alcohol from my home and tommorow will be my first day totaly sober AGAIN! wish me luck as i cannot allow this evil monster to keep leading my life and ruining my health. GREAT SITE
Member: GWEN E.
Location: NORTH CAROLINA
Date: July 24, 2002
Time: 10:09 PM
HI MY NAME IS GWEN E. AND THIS IS MY FIRST VISIT TO YOUR SITE. I AM AN ALCOHOLIC SINGLE PARENT OF TWO CHILDREN AND A LIVE IN NEPHEW. I TRY NOT TO DRINK BUT I HAVE SO MUCH PRESSURE TO JUST KEEP THINGS GOING THAT I DRINK ALMOST EVERYDAY THAT I CAN AFFORD A DRINK. THE LONGEST I HAVE GONE IS 11 DAYS AND THAT WAS HARD WORK. I WAS VERY PROUD OF MYSELF BUT OF COURSE RELAPSED. IN ALL HONESTEY, I AM HAVING A BEER RIGHT AT THIS MINUTE. I REALLY WANT TO STOP BUT I ALWAYS FEEL LONELY AND HELPLESS WHEN I DO. I TRIED WORKING TWO JOBS BECAUSE I WOULDN'T HAVE TIME TO DRINK AND THAT WORKED FOR ABOUT A WEEK. I HAD TO QUIT MY SECOND JOB BECAUSE I WAS WEARING MYSELF OUT AND STILL FINDING TIME FOR A DRINK. ANY HELP OR ADVICE WILL BE VERY WELCOME. THANKS FOR YOUR TIME.
Member: Pat M
Location:
Date: July 24, 2002
Time: 11:44 PM
Member: Robert K.
Location:
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 04:38 AM
Hello friends,I'm Robert and I'm an alcoholic.This site for us newcomers is agreat idea.Thank you.I have 70 days today,not by my own power.Trish D.,hang in there!The group I go to is tight knit as well,but I'm not there to make them all my friends.I'm there to stay sober.Show up and learn from the old timers and the rest will take care of itself.I had to keep coming back because I had tried everything else.I could drink again if I wanted to,but what was the point?If I wanted to live I was going to be right back in the rooms having suffered even more.Keep going back.If it hurts,keep going back.If you are angry,keep going back.Lonely,keep going back.It gets better,I promise.You are in my prayers.teeter76@bellsouth.net
Member: The crazy world of Avril G
Location: Belgium via Barnsley UK
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 04:40 AM
Gwen, welcome to staying cyber. Click on the link below and you will find contact numbers for AA, hopefully one of the numbers will be in your area, but eitherways, a phone call to any AA number will help you to find a real AA meeting, which is what you need right now. Keep coming back here and sharing, and others will share back to you about how WE recovered, and how WE had all the same excuses to drink as you have just shared. You can't do this alone, and having made contact wit AA members, you are no longer alone. PLEASE, GWEN, make that phone call. My e-mail address is posted, for you to use if you wish. Good Luck. Just click below for NC contacts. http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/english/US_CtrOffice/nc.html goodallavril2000@yahoo.co.uk
Member: Michaela M
Location: France
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 04:49 AM
Hi everyone Michaela alcoholic and addict here, taking it one day at a time. I'm now 76 days sober. ((Helen S)) - It is good that you are recognising that you feel you have a problem with your drinking habits and that is a very hard thing to come to terms with. Have you read any AA literature or though about going to any meetings? I could find out about some on-line information or put you on to someone in your area that could discuss any issues you have. If you would like to e-mail me my address is mikkimaynard@emailaccount.com ((Richard P)) - Good luck with getting sober it takes courage to admit that you are an alcoholic and it takes even more to put down the drink altogether and take a look at your life. When you gave up for three months did you have any AA support? If you would like to contact me via e-mail at all my address is mikkimaynard@emailaccount.com ((Gwen E)) - I can relate to your feeling of lonliness and helplessness, however there is no need to be alone in admitting that you are an alcoholic and that you have a drinking problem. There is also no need to be alone in becoming sober. AA have a very good program and they have a lot of meetings in all areas. I believe that meetings are children friendly as well. Instead of wearing yourself out trying to work 2 jobs in order to quit drinking you could go to meetings and speak to people that relate to what you are going through, it can also be a very social event so a little more relaxing than working. If you'd like to chat at all you can e-mail me on mikkimaynard@emailaccount.com Good luck and good wishes to all here newcomers or not, readers and posters. If you have a desire to stop drinking you are in the right place. Love in the fellowship Michaela
Member: Phil S.
Location: Seeb, Oman
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 05:41 AM
Helen S. Call your local AA 24 hr line. Speak with someone about the issues you've expressed here. You don't have to go on this way any longer. If nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes. Many of have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired before we make the the move to relief. Just Do It!! Good Luck!
Member: Thomas M.
Location: S. Fla
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 06:29 AM
Tom here greatful to God to be a recovering alcoholic. (( Helen S and Gwen E )) listen to what Arvil g., Michaela M. and Phil S. have shared. Three other alkies can not be all wrong. Get a Big Book read it and go to meetings. God bless and keep coming back.
Member: Ardis
Location: So Cal Mtns
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 07:01 AM
I am a female alcoholic, my name is Ardis. Making major decisions in Early Sobriety all depends on how early and how major, plus the awareness there are exceptions, AA and sponsors are NOT God. HOW MUCH do you WANT sobriety is the question! The Big Book talks about: Are you WILLING to go to any lengths to get a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism? (pg 569) =========================== When and where are we selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result! ================================ To find a job and work 100% at it, was a MAJOR change for me, part of being responsible. In being there early instead of late and hung-over, to leave on time and not before (stealing time). No personal phone calls, no office gossip (character assassinations), no taking pens and papers and whatever else (stealing) that could be used at home too. ================================= Looking for “love” at the AA campus … FORGET it if at all possible. I fell in “love/lust” with so many of the guys, it was pathetic. Only to find out later on, for many it was my feeling of “gratitude” for being treated like a “human” being or like a lady. Others I met later in AA again, I often sat there with my mouth open with thoughts like: “I fell in love with “THAT”? ================================ Fear, everything seems to be fear based within me when alcohol finally delivered me at the doorsteps of AA. I had become so isolated in this dis-ease so lonely, afraid of everything and the EGO eh, what will THEY think of me. We need to see that the world and its people really dominated us. (pg 66). ================================== We NEVER have to drink again if we do NOT want to, there is a SOLUTION to our alcoholism. I found it by going to AA meetings, READING the Big Book and listening and listening some more, and then some! I could not do it alone, together WE can. The Big Book of AA has chapters like: There is a Solution, How it Works, Into Action, Working with Others. I found a sponsor that had had, a spiritual awakening as the results of the 12 steps and she passed the AA Program on to me EXACTLY as it was written down in the Big Book. Do NOT worry to become brainwashed, we MOLD the AA Program to our own life over time. ================================ The AA Program is a program of eliminations, it eliminates those character defect/shortcoming that stand in the way of our recovery and blocks us from the Sunlight of the Spirit. My God (reliance on HP) and the Program of AA keep me sober, the Fellowship of AA gives me friendship pleasures, reality and is so much fun. We CARE, Ardis
Member: stephany m
Location: new york
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 09:00 AM
Hi All! Good morning. I am on day 3 of my sobriety. Gage(and all the others who told me to go to a meeting) I went last night. I lied to my mother & sister & told them I was going to a cheerleading meeting & left them sitting at my house. This morning I realized that I lied because I didn't want them to chastize me if I relapsed, but in reality I didn't want to be ashamed in front of them if I did. (if I'm still missing the reason please tell me)Anyway, what a GREAT meeting!When I told them I was back (again) & had 2 days sober, they clapped, congratulated me and gave me a 24 hour coin. 2 of the women gave me their phone numbers and actually hugged me! Another thing that happened is that one of the fellows said he finnaly ACCEPTED that he was an alcoholic. That was the part that made the "light bulb" go off. I am FINALLY ACCEPTING the fact that I cannot be a social drinker. I AM SICK-PHYSICALLY. I keep telling myself, that if I was allergic to any other food, I would stay away from it. So, why can't I stay away from Alcohol? Hmmmm good question. So, I want to thank everyone here for sharing with me, and letting me share, and give you the permission to tell me if I'm off track-don't be afraid to step on my keyboard-I need the answers you have and I want what you have with all my heart. I love you all.
Member:
Location:
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 09:29 AM
Just for today Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime. Just for today I will be happy. Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be. Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my luck as it comes, and fit myself to it. Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it. Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself. Just for today I will have a programme. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision. Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life. Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me. Above is the JUST FOR TODAY card which I was given at my first meeting, and still have it 12 or so years on. The Big Book can be read online here :- http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/
Member: Anonymous
Location: USA
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 09:56 AM
(((GWEN E))) OF NORTH CAROLINA. YOUR SHARING ESPECIALLY TOUCHED ME BECAUSE THIS TIME LAST YEAR, I WAS A SINGLE PARENT TRYING TO CARE FOR MY CHILDREN AND MAINTAIN A HOME BY MYSELF. TODAY, BECAUSE OF MY DRINKING, I LIVE ALONE. I DID NOT REALIZE THAT WHEN I WAS DRINKING, I WAS NOT PROVIDING THE TYPE OF CARE AND ATTENTION MY CHILDREN DESERVED AND NEEDED. I WAS DRINKING OR DRUNK, SO HOW COULD I HONESTLY BE GIVING MY CHILDREN WHAT THEY NEEDED. YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I WISH I COULD BE A SINGLE PARENT LIVING WITH CHILDREN IN MY HOME AGAIN. MY CHILDREN WERE REMOVED FROM MY HOME BY STATE AUTHORITIES FOR "NEGLECT". HOWEVER, DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT ALTHOUGH I LIVE ALONE NOW; I AM NO LONGER LONELY. I AM NO LONGER DEPRESSED. THIS IS BECAUSE I AM A MEMBER OF AA. I ATTEND MEETINGS REGULARLY -- HOW, HOW I WISH I WOULD HAVE PACKED MY KIDS UP AND TOOK THEM TO MEETINGS, TO THE AA PICNICS, ETC. I CALL AA MEMBERS AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, I WORK THE STEPS. I TRULY BELIEVE MY CHILDREN WILL RETURN HOME WITHIN THE NEXT 6 MONTHS. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE -- SEEK OUT A HIGHER POWER OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING (MINE HAPPENS TO BE GOD) AND GET THE HELP YOU NEED. THERE ARE ALSO TREATMENT CENTERS AVAILABLE (SOME FOR WOMEN AND CHILDREN).
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 11:15 AM
Sorry for the double post. But something Stephany M said really resonated to me. I've been sober before twice - for 5 and then for 2 years. Each time before, I didn't get my siblings or parents involved, thinking the same thing - if I relapsed, I'd be disappointing them. I can see now why I really did it. I was giving myself an excuse to relapse. I didn't want to be accountable for my recovery and if I failed, well who'd know the difference except me? Stephany - PLEASE go to the coffee pot and start posting there. You have some good questions. You aren't going through anything many of us haven't been through. I guarantee you'll get support at the Coffee Pot where we talk about all kinds of subjects.
Member: Kim
Location: Bridgewater
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 12:13 PM
Hi everyone. My name is Kim and I am an alcoholic. ((Trish)) I pray that you get to a meeting TODAY - regardless of your inpatient / outpatient status. You've been sober 38 days, so clearly you have the DESIRE to stop drinking and that is the ONLY requirement for membership to AA. You've earned your seat in the halls - don't give it up for ANYBODY. What other people think of you - or I - is none of our business. What's their opinion of your choice worth to you... another drink???? Your life???? IMO - totally not worth it - but you ARE!!!! :-) ((Gwen)) How are you doing today?
Member: AnnieM
Location: NY
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 12:18 PM
I, too, apologize for the double-post, but I just read the posts from ((Helen, Stephany, Trish & Gwen)). You have been given some wonderful experience, strength & hope from some of our other members, and just wanted to add my 2-cents worth: It does get better. Sobriety may not always be easy, but it is SO worth it. I have 68 days today, and altho I know that I have only just begun the journey, I am SUCH a different person than I was 70 days ago. This program works -- not only with not drinking, but with our thinking and coping and feelings. Also, it is so important for me, as an alcoholic, to read posts from newcomers just coming in or thinking about coming in. You help me stay sober, by reminding me where I came from. Keep coming back, and go to meetings! God bless... AnnieM
Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 03:30 PM
My name is Joe, I’m an alcoholic. Trish D – Go to meetings, get a sponsor, read the Big Book, work the steps. A treatment program is not what keeps us sober one day at a time. Richard P – For us in AA, the answer requires abstinence from alcohol. If we don’t pick up the first drink today, no way we can get drunk. Just for today, don’t pick up the first drink. Attending meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous can be of great help with not picking up the first drink. Gwen E – yeah, do what’s been suggested above. It works. Stephany M – keep going to meetings, you’re on the right road. I don’t know much about making major decisions in early recovery. At that point, I was doing pretty much whatever my sponsor told me to do, going to work, and being a father and husband to the best of my limited abilities. Thanks for all the great shares. Don’t drink and go to meetings.
Member: Brian F
Location: Berwickshire, Scotland
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 07:39 PM
Hi my name is Brian, and I'm an alcoholic. I asked God for help as I felt myself begining to repeat old behaviors. So instead of hiding from my fears, I have been brought here to this page, I spend a lot of time on the Coffee Pot, to be reminded of the struggle I had to put down alcohol, and keep it down. I can identify with all of the posts, if not the circumstances, certainly the feelings. When I had my last drink (up to this day), six years ago, I thought, great! that's it all over. What I know now is that it was just the begining. I had put the drink down, butnothing else had changed, same family problems, same relationship problems, same job problems, same money problems, took a while to realise that I was the problem! I didn't know what to to, I heard at my first meetin, "If you don't pick up the firstdrink you can't get drunk" that simple fact had eluded me for 20 years of drinking. I thought it was the freh air, the fish & chips or the 5th drink that got me drunk. Well do you know what? In six years I haven't picked up that first drink and in ix years I haven't ot drunk! I know today that this was not achieved by me alone. I have to acknowledge my willingness not to drink, but this was based on fear of what would happen, and the fear had always gone in the past. When I discovered I was an alchoholic, I discovered what the problem was. I also discovered that the solution lay in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn't understand anything about the programme at this time It was suggested that "I look for someone how has what you want" I saw this guy, who later became my first sponsor, who seemed calm and at peace with himself. I wanted that because I was in turmoil. I stuck close to him, spent time at his house, learned to do the things that alcohol had taken from me.Simple things like walk past a bar without going in, only that wasn't simple for me. I remember phoning him all exited "hey Alan, I'm getting better, I just walked past a pub and didn't go in"" he replied, "You'll be getting better when you walk past a pub and don't notice it's there" That comment has been so true of all off my recovery, it has been a hard fight against mysel, and I get better when I stop fighting and ask God for help. Now there was another problem, this God business because by the end of my drinking I was locked inside my own world, of which I was ruler, but it only existed inside my head, so how can there be someone more powerful. So being an intellegent guy, I decided to study God, of various religions and cultures to find a "God of my understanding" what I realy wanted was a God who would let me carry on doing ust what I was doing. Then I read in this book by a recovering alcholic Lindsay B I think, "The only thing you need to know about God is that you are not God" hey that did it for me! Anytime someone would suggest I take time over a decision, I would think to myself, "that's ok for you to say, your life is ok", what I hadn't seen was their journey to get to that place where everything was "OK". I've stuck around long enough to get some of these things that I could e other people have, I'm starting to see the difference between "easy" (requiring no work on my part) and "simple"(less complicated than it used to be. Today I still have life to deal with, but all the aforementiond still apply, because if I don't do today what is required, and somedays all it seems I can manage is not to drink, the I will drink again, the Big Book shows me that. I know that I have one more drunk inside me, but I don't believe I have one more recovery. I'm not willing to take that chance! I stick close to AA. Thoughts and prayers to all those struggling, get in touch with somene, tell them how you feel, you will discover that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It's great to give something back to this fellowship which has saved not only my life, but, by my not drinking my family, friends and employers also benefit. Brian@finnie0690.freeserve.co.uk
Member: Lyla D
Location: central Florida
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 10:09 PM
Hi everyone, Lyla, alkie here. Guess I'm an "oldtimer", have 18 years this year. I did not do that alone. I went to meetings, have a sponsor and sponsor people. Alcoholism is a disease of isolation and "it" tells us we don't need anyone or anything. When I was out there, I was a solitary drinker-I drank in bars because I didn't want to drink alone-but I was alone, completely. When I was in early sobriety, some decisions were made for me by my HP-I had a job which was endangering my sobriety, I wouldn't quit because it was good money. My car died and it was beyond repair. I still think my HP killed my car. I had to get a job that was within walking distance because I couldn't afford another car. The no major decisions is a good suggestion and one that helped me get through the worst of my early sobriety. As my husband says "Don't drink, read the Big Book and go to meetings." Worked then and works now. Good luck and if you can't believe in an Higher Power, you can believe in mine. Feel free to e-mail me at ldragonreader@aol.com. Lyla D
Member: Brian F
Location: Berwickshire, Scotland
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 10:10 PM
That's Brian@finnie0696.freeserve.co.uk
Member: Brian F
Location: Berwickshire, Scotland
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 10:17 PM
That's Brian@finnie0696.freeserve.co.uk
Member: Robin A
Location: rjamato@hotmail.com
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 10:25 PM
This is a good discussion point. Some of us want to make huge changes in our outer lives, now that we've made such a big inner change. We're living without the alcohol we have depended on for so long, and we feel freer-we want to change everything as fast as possible. But there can be freedom in NOT making a change. Without the stress of an unnecessary move, or a major work or relationship change, I could jump into recovery with both feet. It helped me to get to know myself better, to get clear about my motives and readiness for change. We can live rich, fulfilling lives; no ones stopping us. Giving ourselves time at first to concentrate on the BASICS of recovery provides us with a solid basis for moving on in our lives. I find myself having to go "back to basics" on a continuous basis, as I seem to veer off track occasionally. I am finally learning the concept of "staying in the here and now"work on whats in front of me, otherwise I go nuts! Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Annie K
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains in NC
Date: July 25, 2002
Time: 11:22 PM
Hello,all. Good to be here. Making major or minor decisions in early sobriety...they told me when I first came to AA in 1990 that it was my best thinking that got me here, and they were right. I was also told that I was never to act on any of my bright ideas without talking to at least 3 other people. This has turned out to be the best advice anyone ever gave me. I still talk to my AA friends before I make any kind of decisions. Gwen--I could really relate to your post. And thanks to Anonymous for showing you another side of that street you are walking down. We all had lots of excuses for the way we drank. We all lied to ourselves and everyone around us. We all hurt the people who loved us and depended on us. You're no different, no better no worse, than any of the rest of us. Please find your way to AA, and use the link that my friend Avril posted. Please feel free to email me, anniekelley@msn.com-- I live in western north carolina. There is a solution, and it is in those first 164 pages of the Big Book and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. You can get your life back, your self respect back, and maybe even like yourself in the process. Thanks for letting me share. One Day At A Time, we can recover.
Member: Phil A
Location: Geordieland UK
Date: July 26, 2002
Time: 05:07 AM
Making major decisions in the first year, not an easy one to follow as it all depends on what that decision is and why the change is needed. I've also heard it around the rooms of AA that no major decisions should be made in the first five years of sobriety. In the first year of sobriet I gotinvolved in a relationship and even though it turned sour after a while and she stopped attending meetings and relapsed we stayed together until a year ago, she died in the states just before Christmas. In the second year I moved house and boy is that stressful, lol, if nothing changes nothing changes. Get to know yourself and your motives for doing something and be true to thine own self. Keep it as simple as possible and keep it in the day and in perspective. GeordieWally@aol.com
Member: Beth H.
Location: Great White North
Date: July 26, 2002
Time: 08:55 AM
Hello all. I'm a definite newcomer since I was drunk last night. This morning I found a note on my side of the bed. It said "GET OUT". I've tried to sober up on my own, lasted 10 days, and decided to celebrate with a drink. Four pitchers of beer later, we were cut off, he drove home and I cried all the way. My main obstacles? My husband is a drunk also, so are my in-laws, and we all lie each other up and pretend that we're normal. I'm also a mom, and terrified that if I admit to anyone that I'm an alcoholic, they'll think I'm an unfit mother. I'M NOT! I've known about a regular meeting in my neighbourhood for years now and never had the courage to go. But I really need to. How do I get through this day? My resolve is strong in the morning when I'm sick and hungover, but by suppertime I'm sure "it'll be different this time". Tonight I'm going to my mother-in-law's house, and I know the booze will be flowing. Should I just not go? Should I stay in the TV room drinking pop? If anyone has practical solutions for refusing that first drink I'd really appreciate it. Thanks for reading my rambling.
Member: wg
Location: NJ
Date: July 26, 2002
Time: 10:18 AM
My name is wganyer. I have been clean for 28 days.I am going to classes 3 times a week.Just knew at this. Would love yo talk to someone who is just starting out like me.
Member: stephany m
Location: new york
Date: July 26, 2002
Time: 01:26 PM
Hi all. Stephany, alcoholic. On my 4th day sober, second time around. Beth, if you read my prior posts I too was terrified to walk into the meeting AGAIN. I have been to two so far, and cried at both. It's OK though, beacuse they all know how I feel. When I walked into the room, I saw people who knew each other hugging, laughing and joking around. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I kind of just stood there. For about a half a second. Iwas greeted warmly and hugged. (that's when I started crying lol) After that, several more people came up to me and welcomed me. I WAS HOME! (read my post from yesterday)Take the chance & Go.You have nothing to lose. I did. and I can't wait to go back tonight. Thank you to all who have given me encouragement. I'm loving ya.
Member: Anne M
Location: NY
Date: July 26, 2002
Time: 04:07 PM
BETH - welcome (and everyone else, please excuse my 3rd post here!!). My husband drinks, every night. I am sober for 69 days. It may not be easy, but it CAN be done. If you'd like to email me, feel free (anyone else, too): a725alm@aol.com If not, (or, in addition) I recommend the "Living Sober" book for tips. Anne
Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: July 26, 2002
Time: 04:23 PM
Anne, Bill P. here - just new to this meeting. I'm 76 days sober and my wife is drinking routinely. She drinks every night too, and I'm starting to have no so good thoughts about it. I know it's hard to make this adjustment and I'm listening to my sponsor and AA friends' advice, but I would be interested in your thoughts or advice. You are the first person I've heard from that has a situation that sounds a lot like mine. Thank God for AA and all of the help that is available. I'm doing better than I have in many years, and I'm doing it sober! What a concept! Any comments or advice would be welcomed. Bill
Member: Anne M
Location: NY
Date: July 26, 2002
Time: 06:45 PM
Bill P - email me! I don't want to hog this site....and congrats on the 76 days!! (and hop on to the Coffee Pot page -- an open forum on this site where you can ask questions and post thoughts that don't pertain to a weekly topic) a725alm@aol.com Anne
Member: Vivien F.
Location: Bathurst, Australia
Date: July 26, 2002
Time: 11:50 PM
Hi, I'm Vivien and an alcoholic with 17 days sobriety. I have the same problem as Anne M. and Bill P. in relation to having a partner who drinks. I think that for a long time I didn't admit that I had a drinking problem because my husband always drank more constistently than me. Rain, Hail or Shine he'll drink 4 longnecks (@ 750 mls each - for those in the US I think it's 12 ounces each) of beer each night and becomes very distressed on the rare occassion that he doesn't have them. On the other hand, however, I might drink nothing at all, or a single glass of wine only, for 6 out of the 7 nights per week. It would be on the 7th night, however, that all hell would break loose and for reasons seemingly beyond my control I'd binge drink until I'd fall asleep (say between 2 and 4 am in the morning). I think that I saw my husband's problem with drinking as an excuse for failing to admit to a problem myself. This being said, however, I think that my husband takes the cake when it comes to denial. He consistently states that "you're the one with the problem, we're not talking about me" when I confront him about his drinking. He suffers from major anger management problems and a level of irrationality that must be seen to believe. I know, however, that this is all because of his drinking. I'd love to know how other people cope with this problems. Viv.
Member: stephany m
Location: new york
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 06:32 AM
Hi all, Stephany , alcoholic. I too have a husband that drinks and smokes pot daily. He admits to being an alcoholic but has not accepted it and has no desire to change. That's HIS problem, not mine. It makes it harder for me, but I do love him after all. Perhaps when I get some sobriety under my belt he will come to understand that he doesn't have to live that way. Does making no major decisions mean you don't leave your alcoholic husband for a year? That sounds like a major decision to me! I'm not ready to leave now. I don't want to think about him or our relationship. I am right now just concentrating on getting through my days without picking up a drink. I'm keeping everything "nice nice" at home becasue I can't take any more conflict now. There's too much inside my head to go there. Anyway, thanks for listening.God bless.
Member: Madelaine E.
Location: Texas
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 06:34 AM
Hi. .I'm Madelaine and I'm an alcoholic. Thanks to all of the postings, but particularly to Bill and Ardis. Today will be my 7th day sober--this time. Glad you made it back to a meeting, Stephany. I haven't been able to do that yet. A major decision, which is our topic!In the past I have never made it past 32 days--I always thought I could take that "one" drink. I did, plus many more. For most of my life I didn't drink. I grew up with alcoholic parents who never recognized the problem. I didn't want my children reared around alcohol. They both were introduced to it elsewhere and they both have problems now. At midlife, because of anxiety, I started having a couple of drinks each evening. Before too long, alcohol was running my life. It still is, even though I'm not drinking. I don't know if I can go back to meetings. Is there any other way to assure a good chance at continuing sobriety? I do want to stay sober and I believe in a higher power (God). Please respond. Thanks for the opportunity to speak at this site.
Member: Techs
Location:
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 08:36 AM
Anne, Bill, Stephany, WG, Vivien, Madeliene - don't feel bad about posting, this page is for "if you're new with less than one year, feel free to comment on that topic or anything else as much as you like, as often as you like." In fact, we'll make "living with someone who still drinks and uses" the topic for next week
Member: Beto L
Location: Tampico, Mexico
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 10:00 AM
My first wife and I met in a bar and our life together very much centered on drinking and related offenses. When I came into AA I was told to avoid making any major decisions for the first year. I found that whether she drank or not, my desire to drink had more to do with the willingness I had to go to meetings and work the steps. I had decided to file for divorce on my one year birthday, then I postponed it until after the one year birthday party at my home group, where I was to get my chip and a few minutes of fame. Wouldn't you know, my wife picked up a desire chip at that meeting. Her sobriety didn't last, and we soon divorced, but by then I had made amends to her and we parted on a friendly basis. My experience is that you can stay sober in spite of what anybody else does. I spent a lot of time in meetings, and I read and reread the literature, but I haven't had to drink since I walked through the doors of AA and was taught how to live sober. That was over 26 years ago, thank God. Beto
Member: Clara H.
Location: Far North
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 10:19 AM
Hi, I am on day 1, again. I am familiar with AA and have attended meetings, but am having a hard time getting back. I too live with an active alkie, which at times makes it seem impossible to stop. I have been drinking every day, all day and feel very hopeless. Thanks for listening.
Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 10:39 AM
Gosh, so many others with the same problem! I was in the situation where I quit at my wife's insistance, then had to live with her drinking. She expected to go to the bar two to four times a week. I managed to keep up this schedule for several years, and stay sober. The people at the bar delivered my iced tea, and a pitcher on our arrival. It seemed that they were always smiling to see us arrive. I guess I never got revolting while there and not drinking. Had I been drinking, I am sure that their attitude would have been different, as I could get obnoxious when drinking. Well. it is now six years after I sobered up. The wife is now ex, as I declined the invitations to the bar eventually. I told her I chose to no longer go. It ended our marriage, what there was of it. I still love her, but our lifes are headed in different directions. Life still holds its challenges, and there have been many, but today I trust the higher power to care for me. The weight of the world is no longer on me. For those who are living the life of one who has chosen to sober up, but the spouce or significant other has not, it CAN be done. Just like in meetings, other's experience, strength and hope leads us forward to a better life. The no major changes in life the first year is good advice. Who know what we will do before we learn the methods of handling those things that stess us without the alcohol to run to? I am on line often, and would be happy to be an ear for anyone facing the trials of living with a non sober mate. I wish everyone here could follow the steps that help people get and stay sober: Read the Big Book, go to meetings, get a sponcer. Once one is willing to go to any lengths, it becomes quite possible to do all three of the above. Our dis-ease is cunning, baffleing, and powerful. The three above will allow a reprieve from the insanity. Hugs to all, Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: Margie DOS 8/26/01
Location: New York
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 10:47 AM
Hi Family, my name is Margie, a grateful recovering alcoholic and addict. ((((Stephany M))) Big congratulations on going to your meetings! I so relate to how you feel about your husband and friends. When I first came in, about five years ago, I was smoking weed all day everyday, and drinking every night. I was not the biggest party animal out of my group, so they thought I was nuts to put myself in a rehab. My husband was my d&d buddie, but he did see my insanity and was very supportive of the rehab, anything to get me some help, but not AA. He thought that was a disgrace to admit to. I learned in AA that I had to walk over all of the bodies preventing me from my journey in recovery. Now he sees how much it helps me. He still does not care to understand AA and the program. I think he is also scared that I will drift away from him with all the new friends I have made. He doesn't drink like I did, and he put down the drugs on his own five years ago. But there are so many good changes that have occured in our relationship, all due to AA and me working on me. I wish you much luck, Stephany, it will only get better!! I live on Long Island, my email address is mpetti@optonline.net Please email me. I would love to talk with you. Maybe we live near each other. (((Madelaine))) If you are unwilling to go to a meeting please read the Alcoholics Anonymous Book, we call it the "Big Book". Read it from the first page. The first pages up to 164 is how to recover from alcoholism, in the last part, there are stories that you may identify with. Please try and go to a meeting. It has saved my life. I thought I could do it on my own, and ended up in an isolating self made hell. We alkies and addicts need support from other alkies and addicts, that is how this program has worked so well for so many, for so long. If we don't, our minds and disease will tell us many things we don't and can't use to stay sober. We all feel the same feelings, and insecurities, so please try some more meetings. I wish you the best. I am sorry I am taking up so much room. I have one more month until I can do that I guess. Selfish alkie that I am, I am going to use it. This is a very good topic for me. This is my second time at getting so close to a year. My longer stretch was 23 months. In that first year I had recieved many gifts from God. We were able to buy our first home, after many attempts when using. I also became pregnant with my third boy, my first sober baby. What blessings! I however, put them ahead of recovery. I stopped, slowly, going to meetings and eventually relapsed. Never thought I would, I experienced the spiritual awakening that is talked about in the Big Book, my desire was totally lifted. My thinking had swithed. I thought I was cured. But this is a disease that is insidious, tells me I don't have one. I picked up like there was nothing stopping me, and there wasn't. I had slowly lost my support from AA, my sponsor, my relationship with my HP and eventually I forgot to practice my steps, my new way of thinking. I was powerless without all of that in my life, daily. Today I have good sobriety, I make the effort. I need to make a major decision regarding my lifestyle. I need to help my husband support our family financially. I have never done that before. I had always used others to support me, to scared to fail, I had to do everything perfect. I know God will provide, thanks to AA, and the steps, I am able to see things with hope and with faith. I never had that before recovery. Everything was a worry. I have confidence in myself that I never had before. Because I know I can do all things with God's love and with the suuport of my loving AA friends I so vehemently acquired this time around. I am taking the job hunt slow, but I am doing the foot work. That is all I can do. Thanks for letting me share, for so long a post as well. May you all have a blessed 24 hours. Like our cherished ((Annie K)) says, "Life is a dance if you know the steps". Love Margie
Member: Ed
Location: Canada
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 11:42 AM
Madelaine E You were wondering if you could stay sober without going to meetings. I think that you have the two most important ingredients needed to stay sober – your desire to do so and your belief in God. I have been living happily sober for close to eight years now and find the thought of having a drink now quite repulsive. Perhaps I have just been lucky as I have never been to an actual face to face AA meeting, however, I am sure that I am not all that special and that there are probably many thousands of people that have gotten sober without going to meetings. I have read the Big Book several times and try to live by its’ suggestions and I have learned a lot from all the wonderful people on the Coffee Pot. You might want to give it a try.
Member: Jay L.
Location: Arizona
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 12:26 PM
"Making Decisions in Early Recovery" is a great topic for me. My last drink was February 8, 2001 and major decisions for me have been numerous. I got into a relationship with a great woman, whose also in another recovery program and we've done very well together and are very happy. I'm going to college with a graduation date of May 2004 and am currently studying for the November 2002 CPA exam. I was told to do none of these things while I was early on in recovery, but I found it necessary to not waste any more of my life, as I'm into my mid-forties now. The challenge for me, is to balance my program, along with the rest of my life. I wish I knew of more people who were studying for major exams and in recovery. I need to have more contact with recovering people who are 'out there' in the world striving to achieve. At any rate, life is better for me today as I'm able to achieve more than ever, but I must remember to stay close to what got me here in the first place. Thanks for the topic.
Member: Annie M
Location: NY
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 05:56 PM
((Techs)) Thanks so much for allowing us to post more than once. Much appreciated. And thanks again for this site!! Living with an active alkie/druggie is not easy, as the problems are two-fold. Not only is there alcohol in our homes, but the irrationality of the active personality is quite difficult to stomach when we are sober (for me, at least). ((Vivien)) you described my situation -- hubbie drinks every night, but does not loose control. Maybe 4, maybe 6, but seemily in control. But does freak if he doesn't drink, and is a bastard when he is hung over. I was a one-night-a-weekend drinker for many years, but as the disease progressed, not only did I drink more than once a week, but I got sloppy, loud, angry, and blacked out. But I always said that I drank because "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Well, my husband may or may not be placing his life in jeopardy, but I certainly ended up in jeopardy. Blacking out and falling down where I could have hit my head was what finally stopped me. How have I stayed stopped for 70 days, with him drinking? Well, I suppose a lot of it is my stubborn will. I know in AA we are supposed to learn to be less willful and to go with the will of God, but I think that if I gave up my will, I would drink. What works for me is going to meetings, talking to other AA's, this site, and remembering very clearly how unhappy and unhealthy I was when I drank, and that, I CANNOT HAVE JUST ONE. I can never go back out and be a normal drinker. Good luck to us all. Anne (a725alm@aol.com)
Member: kirsten m.
Location:
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 06:43 PM
hi, just feeling sorry for myself and doing the AA search on the web. I want to go to a meeting tonight, but I am still too hungover. I hope I make it to one. I am 31 with 2 kids and I am an alcoholic. I am so sick of myself and drinking. I have been to many a meeting on the past, but alas, I didn't stick to it. I am scared for myself and my kids and the crazy life that is taking over. It's getting worse all the time. Last night was bad. I only remember the first drink and I have a very long blackout. I came out of the blackout with my husband punching me in the face. The first time ever. So I freak out and get everyone involved (we were camping) and as it turns out, this morning he tells me he was only trying to get me to stop coz I was beating on him in front of the kids. Jesus what is going on here? I dropped the baby - that's twice now. I am so sorry about everything.
Member: RobinA
Location: rjamato@hotmail.com
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 09:25 PM
Hello~my name is Robin and I am an alcoholic and addict of MORE here... Gosh, (((Kirsten)))...First: Remember WE will love you until you can love yourself. I too, was a drunken Mom when I came into the fellowship of AA. I was full of shame, guilt and remorse. I have learned (through this program and the steps) that I did the best I could with what I had available at the time. I wasn't a "bad Mom trying to get good, I was a sick Mom trying to get well" I had to stop beating myself up and get into recovery at all costs. I can only share my opinion with you but I do believe you should (only my suggestion here) get yourself signed into treatment NOW, before it is too late. Next time you blackout you may come to in a jail cell, charged with child abuse, neglect, domestic violence...and many other things up to the worst of all~which I will leave blank (as I am sure you know what I mean) You need help and you need it now! I too was a blackout drinker and even now I get sick to my stomach thinking of what I had done with or without knowing exactly what it was I had done. I signed myself into the hospital and for that I am grateful~it was the start of a wonderful life for me. Please: Get help now!
Member: Sanders Watford DOS 9-6-75
Location: Graceville, oysterland, FL.
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 11:48 PM
Hi All Y'all, I am very definitely a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Lots of very good stuff on here, and I can only add this. You have to want to get sober and be willing to go to any length to get it. You can get sober in spite of anyone else and their drinking. You might prepare yourself for the fact that you and your spouse may not stay together when you do get sober for a while, but that is something you have to be prepared for later on. Many do not like us when we get sober, because they have lost a drinking buddy. It is not easy to get and stay sober, but it sure is worth it. It takes a mighty good man or woman to get and stay sober, and I wish you all the luck, prayers and support in the world as you trudge the road of happy destiny. I always post my Emil address and if you feel I can be of any help to any one of you, please feel free to contact me and I'll share any way I can. Good luck and God bless. Sanders & Little Fella sanders@wfeca.net
Member: Sanders Watford DOS 9-6-75
Location: Graceville, oysterland, FL.
Date: July 27, 2002
Time: 11:50 PM
Hi All Y'all, I am very definitely a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. Lots of very good stuff on here, and I can only add this. You have to want to get sober and be willing to go to any length to get it. You can get sober in spite of anyone else and their drinking. You might prepare yourself for the fact that you and your spouse may not stay together when you do get sober for a while, but that is something you have to be prepared for later on. Many do not like us when we get sober, because they have lost a drinking buddy. It is not easy to get and stay sober, but it sure is worth it. It takes a mighty good man or woman to get and stay sober, and I wish you all the luck, prayers and support in the world as you trudge the road of happy destiny. I always post my Emil address and if you feel I can be of any help to any one of you, please feel free to contact me and I'll share any way I can. Good luck and God bless. Sanders & Little Fella sanders@wfeca.net
Member: The crazy world of Avril G
Location: Belgium via Barnsley UK
Date: July 28, 2002
Time: 12:02 AM
{{{{{{KIRSTEN}}}}}}} I was a 29 year old mother of two when I came to AA. I do not know to this day how I did not have my kids taken into care. CALL YOUR LOCAL AA HELPLINE NOW!!!! I am 48 now, with 12 years of sonriety. OK, so you have tried AA meetings before, I 'tried' AA for 7 years before the penny finally dropped, and I started to recover. One of the best days of my life in recovery for me was to see my eldest daughter get married 3 years ago, and to have her take me by the hand, and introduce me to all her friends and work colleagues. This was a girl who as a child I had dropped on a couple of occasions, and I almost burned both my kids alive when I set fire to my kitchen in a blackout. This girl who was once completely ashamed to tell anyone I was her mother, on her wedding day proudly told everyone, 'This is me mam and me best friend.' And lots of people told me, 'I wish I had a relationship like that with my kids, Emma talks about you all the time, she thinks the world of you' If anyone had told me a few years ago that this was possible, I would never have believed them. Feel free to e-mail me, but first CALL AA. Go back to meetings, and this time stick at it. YOU need never drink again if you don't want to. ~~*SOBRIETY ROCKS*~~ goodallavril2000@yahoo.co.uk
Member:
Location:
Date: July 28, 2002
Time: 12:24 AM
Of course alcoholics are also eligible for our sister fellowship ALANON which will help with the problem of living with a drinker. AA members in Alanon are known as 'Double Winners' Those unable/unwilling (for the moment) to get to real world AA meetings, checkout the following site, whihc has online voice activated AA meetings. AA is listed under tha category Health Related/Parenting. http://www.paltalk.com
Member: sonia
Location: uk
Date: July 28, 2002
Time: 04:12 AM
Kirsten, I am a 36 year old mother of One, I spent 16 months mesing about with this disease going to counselling and AA, I am now sober, for nearrly two years now. I know it seems impossible, getting sober did appear impossible to me, but i knew i could do one day sober, just do one day, get in touch with AA, go to as many meetings as you can (the kids might miss you a little but they will miss you alot when you are no longer there), so for now, just for now, get to as many meetings as possible, get as many phone numbers as possible, do anything, but dont have a drink, and one day at a time the day will come when you dont even think of a drink. Your choice. I know it doesnt feel like one but it is, you have a choice, drinking and death and insanity. Fucking painful sobriety leading then wonderful sobriety.
Member: J-Rae
Location: N.D.
Date: July 28, 2002
Time: 05:24 AM
J-Rae, alcoholic here. Great topic. I will share what happened to me. I went into treatment at 36 yrs. of age, and had 4 children, 2 from a previous marriage, and 2 with the man I was married to at the time of going into treatment. I was served divorce papers and an ex-parte parent interim order one week into treatment. Changes? I'd been kicked out of my home, had my children taken, (the two oldest went to different parts of the country),lost my job, and was in a different state, going to treatment for help with my drugging and drinking, and like it or not, CHANGES WERE OCCURRING. I cracked up laughing at a meeting when they said, "No big changes in the first year" Then I bauled hysterically, thinking, "These people just don't get it, do they?" Well, 'those' people also told me to keep coming back, that I was in the right place, and loved me and cared for me. Everything in my life was a crisis. If there wasn't a crisis, I could make one in a hurry. I didn't even think I was alcoholic, just addicted to marijuanna and 'abused' alcohol. (That's what a counselor had told me a year prior to going into treatment). I introduced myself as 'a drug addict who desires not to drink', because I didn't want to get kicked out of an AA meeting, too.(The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking). I was a REAL alcoholic, and didn't even know it until I hung around AA a while and related to all those 'alkies' stories, feelings, fears, etc. Then, I slowly came to the conclusion that 'I must have this thing'. Alcoholism. Cunning. Baffling. Powerful. I'd found a temporary sponsor before leaving treatment, not just because it was 'strongly suggested', but because I didn't know how I'd survive life out of treatment. My parents, who got me to treatment, thought that treatment was the 'cure' for being 'an addict who drank'. They are still plagued with the 'stigma' of their daughter being an alcoholic. The REAL change started happening within myself. Because I admitted, slowly, that I was powerless over alcohol, that my life had become unmanageable. Then, I tried working the steps to the best of my ability. (My best wasn't too good, either). BUT, I kept coming back. I got a permanent sponsor. I read the Big Book, and STUDY this basic text. I understand that I need to go to any lengths DAILY to not take that first drink. I start my day talking to my HP(Whom I choose to call GOD today), grabbing a conscious contact with Him and ask for direction and guidance for each day. I thank Him at night, and my miserable hopeless lonely disgusting life is no longer miserable, hopeless, lonely and disgusting. I do not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. I love life today and hope to be able to help others afflicted with this disease to find the way out of the dark dispairing cloud of the sickness alcoholism creates. Today, I am living life to the best of my ability, by the grace of God, and with the support and fellowship of other alcoholics in recovery. I am living in the SOLUTION and not the PROBLEM today. I know and accept that I will not be perfect. If I want a different life than the one I led before, I have to live differently. I never want to return to that dark pit of despair and hopelessness. I have insurance against that today....AA. I still attend several meetings a week. Not because I HAVE to, but because I WANT to. Life is no longer a crisis. It is a great journey that I take and share with others who have this disease. Easy? No. SIMPLE, though, when I follow the directions. As someone else here has stated, "Life is a dance when you follow the steps" (You know who you are, sister, even though I can't remember your name at the moment). I can laugh at my silly mistakes today and learn from them, and insist on having fun living this life. There are some major changes I actually DIDN'T make that first year: I didn't change my occupation. I didn't change my name (Couldn't till the divorce took place-over two years later) The changes that took place that first year were NOT IN MY CONTROL. That includes the changes that took place inside me that the HP changed through AA. I needed that year, and then some, to find out who I really was and develop ideals of who and what I wanted to be. I had used up so much of my life living a lie, I didn't know who or what I was or wanted to be. I am finding that out, one day at a time, through AA, trudging this road of happy destiny. Thanks for letting me share. -J-Rae, a grateful alcoholic.