Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 04:32 AM

Comments

I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic, and I can attest to the fact that everything Carlc said about the disparity between the fellowship and the program is true, and the way he says it sucks. If he's really bothered about the lies and the bullshit he might go back into his own Big Book and read the part about growing in effectiveness, and decide for himself whether that includes getting up in peoples' faces and trying to cram down their throats what, by his own admission, took him 7 or 8 of his 15 years to latch onto, and if he blames the fact of that on other people being full of shit, he's wrong. It was his fault. I know it was his fault because I went to my first AA meeting when I was in my 20's, met a wonderful old guy who'd gotten sober around the time they invented dirt, who never told me to do anything that he didn't do himself, and who talked straight out of the Big Book to me, and I stayed dry three years, got drunk, and stayed drunk right on up to a little over two years ago. Because I wanted to. It was my fault. And I'm 50 years old now, or soon will be. I could have been sober most of my adult life and possibly have avoided untold amounts of suffering for myself as well as anyone else who was dumb enough to love me had I listened to that old guy, but I didn't. Because I didn't want to. The only bullshit that distracted me was my own. Besides, there always has been and probably always will be bullshit in AA, and we've always fought with, bickered with, and conjoled one another, and in spite of that, nobody's ever been able to seriously screw AA up. (And if you don't believe me, read AA Comes of Age.) Besides, it even says it in the Bible: "Wherever two or more of you are gathered, my brethren, there will be bullshit -- for drunks, that's wherever one and a half of you are gathered." No, it really doesn't say that. But something that really is said in the Bible is, "Though I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, have I not love, I am become the sounding of a gong or the tinkling of brass." It's from a letter Paul wrote to the Church in Corinth. In another part of the letter Paul describes the character of love, and it doesn't say love is angry as hell. And the Big Book says I am to attempt to grow in effectiveness. It might take me 7 or 8 years to even begin to do that. Kelly, you've been around a little under a year haven't you? Way to go, girl.


Member: Heather
Location: up all night
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 05:54 AM

Comments

Gage, I loved that post. I was really mad when I came from the pot to here, and what you said about Paul just calmed me right down. I wouldn't have thought that was possible, given how utterly outraged I was. It's like it's just melting. I can still feel the adrenaline results in my body, but my mind is calming so fast it's incredible. Thanks.


Member: Heather
Location:
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 07:03 AM

Comments

Sorry-forgot something. Please see Coffee Pot re someone looking to accompany him to his 1st meeting.


Member: Troy C
Location: Maryland, USA
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 09:21 AM

Comments

Hello everyone,I'm troy, alcoholic/addict.My favorite meeting is today. I'm looking forward to it.I decided not to drink or use today.Hope everything goes as planned. I rent a room to an in-law who is bad off on liquor.I hate to see him killing himself.he has been sober for 3 days because we won't take him to get a bottle. I can't throw him out because he is a family member/ friend, but he doesn't want to quit drinking.I want him to get sober so bad because he is such a good worker and all around guy when he isn't drunk.we use to drink together,and he still works for me,but since I have been sober,it is harder to put up with his drinking.I don't want to hurt him , but he is killing himself, and I want to help him so bad.I ask him to go to AA with me,but he wont go.I have talked with him about it,but he doesn't want to quit.It is sad.Any ideas anyone? There is only one thing that is good about this problem, and that is when I see him, It definately makes me not want to drink anymore.Hard truth hittin' me in the face, huh? I don't want him to be an example, I want him to be sober and alive. I am going to ask him again to go with me to my meeting, and pray he will go.It is hard to help someone who doesn"t want help.I have only been clean/sober for 3 months and some days ,first time ever in my life.I love it and want him to have what I have.Thanks for letting me share,Troy C


Member: Fred
Location: Maryland
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 09:35 AM

Comments

Fortunately I do not live with an alchoholic (other than myself)and it's hard enough to live with myself in early sobriety. I see members in the family who drink occasionly but it has no effect on me. I'm my worst enemy. Every single one of us has our own "triggers". My trigger is getting up into my head about the little things in life. Now it could be said that seeing someone drink or the sight of a beer might "trigger" me to drink just by being around it. Well I think that is bullcrap! That would mean I should never turn the T.V. go to a sporting event, walk into a conveince store, drive in a car attend family gathering's. point blank I would become a hermit. I'm the problem. I'm spiritually bankrupt. However I do take precautions, I don't go to bars, I avoid going to liquor stores, I dont stay late at family gathering's you know when the "party" starts.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 11:27 AM

Comments

Hi ((Troy)), It must be incredibly hard to live with someone drinking themself to death. I think you are doing all you can as he does not want to change and WTG on using him as a power of example with your own drinking. About 17 years ago I lived with a bad alcoholic, my son's father and I could not handle it. After two really violent episodes involving a gun and a knife I called it quits. He died at 37 from the disease. He did not want to stop. Sometimes when I see alcohol take someone I think to myself that maybe God is merciful. I mean in ending their pain and mental anguish. I am so grateful to God for relieving my mental obsession with booze. I have a good life now, not perfect but wonderful just the same. Today I have a favorite meeting I attend too and then a party for a member who graduated from college sober! It is so good to see what we can accomplish when we put the booze down. I want to eventually go back to school for a medical profession. My head is slowly clearing and after a year or so I will look into it in earnest. Hey (((Gage)))!!! I'm still kicking. Still writing too. Great to read your post. Having a hard time digesting Carlc. It is not his message that bothers as much how he imparts it. It reminds me of a tv evangelist and it is a real turn off to me. I am new to AA but getting there- 9 MONTHS JUNE 10TH! Who-Hoo! but I'm not dumb and can make my own mind about the program and how I want to work it. I work a hard, straight up program and even doing the steps as they are laid out in the Big Book with the help of a Big Book step study sponsor. I feel great and maybe that pisses some people off but it is my experience so far in AA and sobriety has been wonderful. I feel reborn. ((Everyone)) have a great Sunday and Enjoy the day the Lord has made. Kelly


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 12:40 PM

Comments

hi Diane day 75 sober


Member: Rosemary
Location:
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 04:02 PM

Comments

Congratulations ((Diane)) keep coming back :)


Member: Patty B
Location: Austin TX usa
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 04:04 PM

Comments

I don't live with anyone who's using, at this point. Not since I stopped, 45 days ago. I am so hopeful that by my daily example, my 14 year old daughter will manage to escape this disease. Her father was an alcoholic, it runs in his family. My family is full of compulsive overindulgers. She's seen me for 14 years overindulge but still manage to have a fairly ok life, so I'm just praying to God, my HP, that by example now I can show her how much better life is if you don't use/abuse/drink/overeat/etc. I hope she doesn't have to ever say "My name is____, and I'm an alcoholic/addict(etc.)." I had to learn the hard way, please God don't let her have to do the same. I know watching my mom go through menopause by first making then drinking huge gallon jugs of watermelon wine, mustang grape wine, etc...and how all ocassions had to have alcohol as part of a celebration..same as carbohydrates..was just dismal. Maybe I can keep a potential recruit out of this program just by living in it and using the tools 24/7. That's all I got. Thanks.


Member: Rosemary
Location:
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 04:04 PM

Comments

((Troy) that's a rough situation. but maybe you're enabling him more by letting him stay. maybe the best thing that you can do is make him leave and love him from a distance. just my thoughts. take care!


Member: Andrew J
Location: Denver, CO
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 06:40 PM

Comments

I have to say that you all have it together. As someone trying to find sobriety this site is an inspiration to me. I know that what Bill W. spoke was true but this disease has a grip.


Member: Judi
Location: NC
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 07:17 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Judi and today sucks. Home on a self planned 30 days before I go into a 10 day treatment in July. Had years of not drinking. Picked up last Nov. and I am beginning to think I will be one of those that don't make it again!!! I keep hearing it's so hard to come back after all that time but I NOW remember how hard it was in 1989 to get sober!! 44 days of confindment and then a halfway house. It was in Ft. Lauderdale so meetings and support round the clock. Not so here. I'm beginning to think I must be on "that river Nile" because I want to drink so bad at times and nothing else seems to matter. Yea yea, I know all the things to do but don't feel close to my HP God, can't get to meetings because I live in the sticks and ain't driving for this 30 days because I would go straight to the drink. NO ONE with any program lives around here. I've checked via meetings. At this point I'm hiding hoping the cravings will go away before I go to treatment. Ok. Thats enough crap outta me. You guys are great. Read here all the time. Lets hear some horror stories to stir up the ole memory.


Member: TROY C
Location: Maryland, USA
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 10:50 PM

Comments

HELLO TROY HERE ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT, HI EVERYBODY, MY MEETING WAS GREAT. TOPIC WAS SELF HONESTY! WHAT A GOOD ONE. I CATCH MYSELF WORKING ON THAT ONE EVERY DAY, TO MAKE SURE I CAN AND WILL STAY SOBER BY GODS WILL.THANKS FOR OUT-PUT ON THE TOPIC ROSEMARY,I WILL TRUELY CONSIDER IT.I HAVE TO THINK IT THRU ALL THE WAY.I FORGOT TO MENTION IT, MY RENTER IS MY WIFE'S FATHER. WE BOTH LOVE HIM AND WANT TO HELP,BUT I CAN'T SEE HIM THROWN OUT ON THE STREET.MAYBE IF HE HAD ANOTHER PLACE TO GO, CAUSE WE'RE EXPECTING A NEW BABY BOY ANY DAY NOW,AND WE'LL NEED THE ROOM WHEN MY SON<FEELS NEAT SAYING THAT>GETS OLDER. I HAVE A DAUGHTER THAT IS 5 YEARS OLD AND SHE OR HE DOES NOT NEED TO BE EXPOSED TO THE PARTY ATMOSPHERE. GOOD LUCK AND STAY STRONG TO EVERYONE,PLEASE STAY ON THE RIGHT PATH! BYE


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 11:15 PM

Comments

thanks for the congratulations Rosemary, Sometimes I just don't have a lot to say but I am working the program and staying sober, Judy it's only as hard as you mind makes it in fact just a couple of days or maybe it was weeks lol not sure right now I just seem to not be craving and on my 75th day sober and hope to stay that way... That is if I don't get a big head and start thinking I can again drink. I finally stopped thinking I needed a buz at night to have fun. Now I am using my new found brain cells and loving learning. Now as for the subject of living with a user heck their is my Son and my husband drinks some but they don't do it around me. Also my husband don't have a problem with it. If he does he will have to figure that out on his own cause I'm staying sober, I've not went to a meeting yet cause I live far out and I like this online message board it works for me. good luck to you (((Judi))) and what happened to Marsha L??? not seen her post for a few days now anyone heard from her? (((Marsha L)))if you are out there I've been thinking about you. Please post and let me know you are doing good. Diane


Member: Lee L.
Location: Canada
Date: June 08, 2003
Time: 11:42 PM

Comments

To watch someone that you care about do that to themselves hurts, because I know what it's like wanting to escape from painfull distuctive thoughts and feelings, I know what it's like to be crawling around in my head, going crazy...brings back memories, sometimes I even think "lucky son of a bitch"...lol kidding. I think the best thing to do is put yourself first, don't push your views and thoughts on them, just show them that there can be life with out booze...without saying a word. Don't sit and listen to their drunk'n stories, switch topics...things like that...I find when I get talking about drunk stories, it makes me want to drink...talking about how I felt the next few days pulling off it, makes me realize why I don't. luv,Lee


Member: MartyG
Location: CowtownOH
Date: June 09, 2003
Time: 12:00 AM

Comments

High all, still an alcoholic. ((RickF PA)), hey just wanted to give you a heads up, if you want to read. I did the exact same thing that you did. Almost to the 29 days. Was very confident since I opted for the extra days. I needed all I could get. Came out shakey but strong (if that makes sense) made it almost a year. Got 90+ in 90 days, etc.. Started feeling good, clearing my head, getting better physicaly, and getting confident in my new found sobriety. Got close to my first year then had a beer on the day my daughter was born. Stayed out just over a year and it was a nightmare. I've been sober since Jan. 1 03 and sober today. Who knows about tomorrow? I'll pray for tomorrow tonight and in the am. I usually don't spout off like this but if I can keep anyone from having to go through what I did then it will be worth it. Take it easy my friend. Pray, go to meetings, use the tools they showed you in rehab,etc. Use whatever works for you. I wish you success in your journey in sobriety. Peace to you,Peace to us all.meg


Member: CarolD
Location: Dallas, Ga. USA
Date: June 09, 2003
Time: 04:13 AM

Comments

Hi Everyone...Congratulations to those in recovery and Prayers to those still using. I refuse to live with addicts...my sobriety comes 1st. Yes...I too tried to save 2 of my children. 1 is now in prison and the other has been missing for 7+ years. I pray daily for both. I got sober in `89...and many of my drinking friends have died from our disease since then. Yes...I also tried to save them. Personally...I think we can be too close to be effective in carrying the message. Live with a drunk? Nope.


Member: Steven J.
Location: North Texas
Date: June 09, 2003
Time: 01:31 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Steven and having a hard time. I keep drinking and am getting worse. Last November I went to an in patient program after a real bad night slashing up my wrist. I am sober as of this post.


Member: Jan BB
Location: Paris, France
Date: June 09, 2003
Time: 03:05 PM

Comments

((Steven J.)) Take a postive action, pick up the 500lb phone and call AA. Talk a real person in AA, now. Do it ((Steven)), reach out, just ever so much more, please take action, time is wasting. We care and I think you do too. HOPE for ((Everyone)) janbbparis@yahoo.com


Member:
Location:
Date: June 09, 2003
Time: 07:05 PM

Comments

I dont try to cram anything down anyone throats, if you want to drink give it hell I dont care because that is between a person and their creator. But is does piss me off when I see these self appointed gods, take these people and lead them down the wrong road. What is wrong with the truth? I accept full responsibility for my own actions, and I dont apologize to anyone for my beliefs or the way I feel, I dont crawl before no man or woman. The truth set me free not being a kiss as keeps me that way. I used to be able to quote the bible but I was not living by what it said.


Member: Carlc
Location: nm
Date: June 09, 2003
Time: 07:14 PM

Comments

I dont try to cram anything down anyone throats, if you want to drink give it hell I dont care because that is between a person and their creator. But is does piss me off when I see these self appointed gods, take these people and lead them down the wrong road. What is wrong with the truth? I accept full responsibility for my own actions, and I dont apologize to anyone for my beliefs or the way I feel, I dont crawl before no man or woman. The truth set me free not being a kiss as keeps me that way. I used to be able to quote the bible but I was not living by what it said. The devil knows scriptures better than anyone else and so do his followers, a person very close to me , who is in a wheelchair just got swindled out 5,000 dollars by a bible toting pharisee. So dont quote scriptures to me, because I am in the process of studying them , and learning them right.


Member: Judi
Location: NC
Date: June 09, 2003
Time: 08:38 PM

Comments

Heather Contact me. I got your email addy wrong. boxermomagain@webtv.net


Member: Jen G
Location: NJ
Date: June 09, 2003
Time: 08:43 PM

Comments

To Steven J. Hang on. You're a person worthy of life and living it. Go to a meeting. Talk to people (in person) and here. Just don't drink. Congrats to you for not drinking as of your post. Keep it up.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: June 09, 2003
Time: 11:13 PM

Comments

ok now day 76 I know you guys must be tired of my silly number post but it helps me so hope you don't mind, Steven my heart goes out to you


Member: angie k
Location:
Date: June 09, 2003
Time: 11:24 PM

Comments


Member: Carlc
Location: NM
Date: June 09, 2003
Time: 11:56 PM

Comments

This is a great topic for Al Anon not for people in early sobriety. If we cant keep ourslelves sober how can we keep someone else from drinking.


Member: angie k
Location:
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 12:37 AM

Comments

hi there, angie k. alcoholic.sober a while.i,m new to cyber sobriety but its a good way to stay in touch when i cant get a meeting at ten at night. the program works.....i went from sleeping on a floor in a house that was sold{by my friend}no electricity, no heat, no hot water,no food, no fridge, no furniture, no friends, other than her, no money and no family, i was born over seas, however in sobriety i have been given it all back and so much more.......the thing that i keep remembering is that if i dont take the first drink i wont get drunk......the pain and the feelings will settle as time goes on......day at a time.......day at a time......somebody once told me when i was having a craving to just dont drink for a minute and then when that minute passed to not drink for the next minute....then for five minutes.....then for ten minutes.....after that time the cravings had passed....sometimes we have to do it for just a minute at a time.....and that gets us from minute to minute sober......thanks for listening.....a


Member: CarolD
Location: Dallas Ga. USA
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 09:50 AM

Comments

welcome Angie...glad you are here. Steven J...the oddest thing...once I finally quit drinking..no more scars in my mind or on my wrists. Meetings are vital....IMO Cheering you both forward...Carol


Member: J.B.
Location: wonderland
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 03:27 PM

Comments

Well, I found 7 beers and I'm on my 4th. Damn if this feeling right here could follow me around.......... But alas trouble is ahead. Why can't this be easier? So much to lose.


Member: angie M
Location: costa mesa CALIFONIA
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 04:07 PM

Comments

hi everyone i am newly sober too ...206 days today.... and i live at sober living home .. because of the fact that i just wanted to build a solid foundation before i go outthere and try to tackle life head on... i have learned so much from the program i am at , from the girls that come in and ended up relapsing during their stay or the ones that leave and end up back beaten down again alcohol... it makes me thankful i haven't had to go back out there i am so grateful for this program for recovery homes that give people a way to discover aa for the girls i live with that help guide away from what i dont wanna be like anymore (by their bad examples) and toward what i do wanna be like (by their good examples..strong orogram and spitrituality etc) my head is healthier than it has ever been in all my life ... and only because of aa congrats to the lady with 9 months today and ((GAGE)) i really liked what you wrote in that first post ... thanx ....


Member: Bill P.
Location:
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 05:48 PM

Comments

Troy, Take out insurance on the guy. (Just kidding).


Member: angie k
Location: nj
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 08:21 PM

Comments

hi j.b. in wonderland... those seven beers wont make your day better...they will just prolong the agony.....i think its fantastic that you have 4 days....people like you keep me sober and i mean that in the nicest way possible.....i live for new people.....they show me what i need to know just by showing up at a meeting.....please keep coming to the meetings....you help me stay sober......angie k


Member: angie k
Location:
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 08:24 PM

Comments

sorry j.b. i re read your e mail and realised my mistake....you actually drank the beer...too bad.....you can still quit right now.....hope you make it back......angie k


Member: Stephanie Y
Location: OH
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 08:58 PM

Comments

Diane:) Stephanie here- CONGRATULATIONS!!! I have read you every day, I just have not posted- I finally can admit I've goofed up- that takes a lot for me to admit- tell me it's okay Tracy, Stacie, Heather, you guys make me smile


Member: JB
Location: Here
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 09:46 PM

Comments

Yea you F'ed up.So start all over. We can do that. I know.


Member: angie k
Location: nj
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 10:55 PM

Comments

hi jb....i just came from a meeting.....an old guy who was an ex marine gave his story.....those old guys pull no punches..... glad you are back...stay here....it gets better....i know it sounds so cliche....but it really does.....hi there everybody else....today was a sober day....mentally {for once}:) a good day.....angie k


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 11:09 PM

Comments

JB, Keep drinking. After a while no amount of booze will give you that feeling. I used to drink from 2pm to 2am straight and could not get drunk. The only thing I accomplished was allieviating the shakes and the sweats a little. That feeling you want to follow you around is fleeting, enjoy it while it lasts. ((Diane)) Congrats on day 77! Did not see you post today. I love celebrating my length of sobriety and I pick up my 9 month chip on Thursday at my home group. ((Angie))Congrats on 208 days! It is great that you know you need long term treatment and can get it. It does take time to learn how to live sober. AA carried my a** the first months. Just keep coming and getting/ passing the message. We all don't get it the first time around. A friend of mine just got 7 months after being in AA for 37 years. He just keeps coming back! I admire that. I also heard a guy today with a powerful message and 15 years sobriety that drank like I did. I saw a lady pick up her 11 year chip also and she spoke about gratitude. Tonight I reached out to a girl that keeps slipping and wants to die. I will go to meetings with her tomorrow and just be a friend. The thing about AA that amazes me is that the more I give the more I get back in my own recovery. (Today) would have been the pits last year because I blew the clutch in my car. It was ok (today) because I have tools. I asked for help and picked up the phone for a ride and my car will be back Thursday. I barely missed a beat today when last year drunk this would have blown me sideways, ruined my day, gave me a reason to drink even more. I'm not even sweating the bill now that I SAVE 400 dollars a month not buying alcohol. Sorry this is so long, I just can't believe how much I have changed and how much better my life is getting. I am not making this up and I wanted to pass it on. It does get better... Kelly


Member: Annie H
Location:
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 11:33 PM

Comments

Hi, I am annie and im an alcoholic. I have never been on an online meeting and am curious to see what its all about. I am 18 and have 13 days. I have been to many meetings but i can't get out of denial...i don't want to stop...i just started and was having so much fun...i feel so scared and anxious and i am just so confused.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: June 10, 2003
Time: 11:53 PM

Comments

Stephanie glad to see you back again today is day 77 for me sober but it has been a little harder day cause got chewed out in email by my younger sister so kind of hurt but still hanging in there and sober. Glad you came back.... I know what you mean about not posting cause sometimes I just have nothing to say but I still try and post something even if it is short it seems to help me stay on track..........Diane


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 01:02 AM

Comments

Where is this topic does it mention trying to keep other people sober??? Anyway, hi I'm Stacy, 65 days today. I do not currently live with an alcoholic or addict (besides myself!) but I did growing up. I watched my Mom slowly kill herself. It is by the grace of God that I have the opportunity to break the cycle that runs in my family. Today is a hard day. Sobriety has its ups and downs. Overall, I know I'm better off, but the growing pains that all of this is causing in my marriage is very painful and difficult. Haven't gotten to a meeting in 5 days and I'm feeling it! Thanks for listening. ((Steven)) keep coming back.((Stephanie))!!!! So glad you're back. I was sad when you stopped posting and prayed for you.


Member: anne m
Location: pocono mts. PA
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 10:29 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Still Anne & still sober. Congrats to all you new commers. keep comming as some one with a few 24's I can tell you that my worst day sober is better than my best day drunk. love you all


Member: Stephanie Y
Location: Oh
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 12:12 PM

Comments

you are so sweet-Stacy, Diane- I missed posting too but never missed reading yours- you are wonderful for staying sober- i'm trying again


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 12:34 PM

Comments

Carrie, alcoholic - 4,622 hours sober (a week away from 5 months). Kelly, I identified with your post so much! I just got a letter from the IRS - I owe money, I banged up my car pretty badly, and I had not such a nice visit with my folks recently - AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO DRINK!!!! Yeah, I did not do this on my own, it's all God, who would of ever thought that it could work for me??????? Anyways, I dont really know what to say about the topic, other people drinking is none of my business. I do feel for people who live with active alcoholics/addicts, I have a sober relative living with one. But, for me, I cannot and will not live with someone who is using. This is really an Alanon topic. For those of you living with, or finding yourselves too heavily involved with an alcoholic/addict, please check out Alanon - it is a wonderful program.


Member: Trace
Location: Essex England
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 12:41 PM

Comments

((Stephanie)) Just keep on keeping on and you will win. ((CARRIE)) I to am 5months sober this friday, I know its selfish but I am so looking forward to getting my chip, wonder what colour it will be LOL!


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 12:49 PM

Comments

((Trace)) my 5 month chip with be invisible colored!! I am looking forward to the blue six month chip, it will really set off my eyes!!! Yes, I know, we are a week apart - I am 12/20/03, I always read your posts!!! You are my Sobriety Sister from the UK!


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 01:44 PM

Comments

I'm going on 3 months so I'm not far behind you two gals I'm day 78 I never got a 2 month chip guess I need to find a meeting I know it would help my loneliness


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 01:48 PM

Comments

all right Stephanie start posting your days again you know 1,2,3,4,5 remember??? hehe anyway I think once you get past the first week then things start to clear up again and the World seems a lot better and even though my Sister hates me I still am happy. I guess I kind of told her off about her pill popping problem but sometimes the truth hurts. It really runs in my family and I also think the drinking is bad in my sisters they all drink their wine


Member: angie m
Location: costa mesa
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 02:48 PM

Comments

hey congrats to everyone comming up on the a chip.... lol at the the blue chip setting off the eyes comment... ya know out here in my meetings in cali... its very hard to find a meeting that gives out 5 months chip so thats cool that they do where you guys are from.....


Member: Trace
Location: Essex England
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 03:26 PM

Comments

CARRIE~ I am confused with your dos. Mine is 01/15/03 think you may have posted yours wrong. Typical conversation between 2 alkies both talking f**king s**t LOL! In England my dos is 15/01/03 so I must be bilingual now


Member: josh s
Location: nd
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 03:31 PM

Comments

My name is Josh - alcoholic/addict. im on my 8th day sober so i am new to the meetings i put my self into a 28day inpatient tretment becuse i started to get in trouble with the law so i decided that it is time to give up my addiction so that i dont lose all the good thins that i have like my child which means more to me than life itself thats all i have to say so good luck to you all and have a good day


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 03:37 PM

Comments

(Trace)1/20/03!!! Yes, like you said, typical alkie conversation!!! (Angie)No 5 month chips in California, that's why mine will be invisible - the 6 month chip is blue.


Member: angie ocmeowme@yahoo.com
Location: orange county california
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 03:44 PM

Comments

ahhh ha i see now ... invisible ok i get it so where in LA are you at carrie .... did you go thru a treatment center ...


Member: Kat V.
Location: Mo.
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 08:24 PM

Comments

Kat here, alcoholic out in Mo. Had to write back to Judi. here's what you do. Take ten minutes to bitch, piss, moan and sit on your pity pot. At the end of that ten minutes(watch the clock)get your ass up and take it to a meeting and if your ass falls off pick it up and carry it along with you. I'll guarantee you would have driven your butt the 30 miles to get booze back when. Hell you probably would have walked if you couldn't drive so put forth even half the effort you would have to get a drink to get to a meeting instead. Heres something maybe some of you newcomers don't know yet. This program isn't here for those who need it, it's here for those who want it! You must be willing to work for it as in willing to go to any lengths to get it. Here's a "sobering" little tid bit for you, only about 2% of us drunks get to die sober. Will you be one of the few? I sure hope so. Judi, if you want to wallow in crap at least learn how to do the back stroke honey. If I pissed you off maybe it will make you think, think, think! I do wish you sobriety and honestly hope you do not take advantage of the "drunk" you still have left in you. We all have "just one more" drunk left in us, unfortunately we don't all have one more life left in us afterward. Love and soberity to all.


Member: J.B.
Location: toilet
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 09:17 PM

Comments

Oh my head hurts STILL. Yup ya'll,it doesn't get any better! Just another drunk. Same S--T as every other time I've gotten drunk. Thank God no one got killed.


Member: Sadi B.
Location: Delawar
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 10:26 PM

Comments

J.B...Been thre, done that. There is nothing I have done that can't be forgiven. I have come dangerously close to killing myself and others.That's when I had to face the fact that I am indeed an alcoholic and had to take the steps that I needed to to insure that I would have a fighting chance of arresting this disease before I did somethin that is not reversble. Thank God...I had a year clean last Sarurday.....so far so good.Haven't had my head in a toilet fo a year...SURE FEELS GOOD.


Member: Tom G.
Location: Michigan
Date: June 11, 2003
Time: 11:41 PM

Comments

Hi. Tom, alcoholic. The key is not quitting- it's staying quit. If I don't take the first drink, I can't get drunk (If I get plowed by a train, it's the engine, not the caboose that does the damage). What price sobriety? Humility??? A force feeding of humble pie??? Is it true that the steps are ego deflating? What does it mean to go to any lengths for VICTORY over alcohol? If I surrender, do I get my power back? Hmmmm. Counting days (or hours) is awesome! I'm hoping that God didn't waste His time getting me a spiritual experience. God bless


Member:
Location:
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 12:05 AM

Comments

OK, Tom, where can I find the "steps" I'm about to take what I hope will be my last drink.. (At least till I try the whole sobriety thing on.)


Member: Sand B.
Location: Delawae
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 12:13 AM

Comments

Will you hae just THAT drink...and call it a day?


Member: Meg A.
Location: Augusta, GA
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 12:14 AM

Comments

Hi, Meg Alcoholic. I don't even know where to start right now. I pretty new to sobriety(5 months) and my dad is an alcoholic and so is my older brother and I live with them both. My dad is in the program, but rarely goes to meetings anymore and my brother is drinking and using again. I just feel so crazy all the time just being in the same house with them both and I hate it and I don't ever know what to do. I can't ever talk to either one of them really about anything, and they both keep asking why I even bother going to meetings anymore, b/c "I don't need to"... HELP!


Member: Sandi B.
Location: Delaware
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 12:16 AM

Comments

Will you have just THAT drink...an call it a day ? I am here if you want to talk.


Member: Sandi B.
Location: Delaware
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 12:40 AM

Comments

Meg, I commend you for continuing to try to help yourself...especially when everyone else around you is using. It's prbably tough not just saying..."what the heck"..and join them.You might want to attend an Alanon meeting and talking this over with an adult you can trust. Hang in there...You have your whole lie ahead of you!!! Bless You.


Member: Sandi B.
Location: Delaware
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 12:40 AM

Comments

Meg, I commend you for continuing to try to help yourself...especially when everyone else around you is using. It's prbably tough not just saying..."what the heck"..and join them.You might want to attend an Alanon meeting and talking this over with an adult you can trust. Hang in there...You have your whole life ahead of you!!! Bless You.


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 12:59 AM

Comments

Welcome Josh! Keep coming back, it works. I'm having a good day today. No severe emotional rollercoasting. No internal, seething anger. No strong urge to leave the country. LOL! I took this one day as it came. I did what was in front of me and left the big problem solving to my HP. Talked to my sponsor and an AA buddy. Read my 12x12 tonight. Feeling good. Last night sucked and today is good! That's my rollercoaster life! Have a great night all.


Member: Bikerbabe...
Location: Hellishelping......second helping"
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 03:19 AM

Comments

If i was still living with someone who was drinking and using addictively" i would seek proffesional help immediately following a promt and swift removal of the losers from my house. "court ajourned". Who in thier right mind?! what the FFFF... I doubt that Martha Stewart got to where she is accomodating a lot of drunk and drugged nuts in her house?! Go Martha go! she will prevail.


Member: robert j
Location: angel beach
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 05:49 AM

Comments

Hi,I'm Bob and I need to justify my posting on EARL,in a sense if I am living my life one day at a time,I am in early sobriety,been there for a little over twelve years,the only difference between me and the new guy is that God removed my obsession to drink a while back,and yes I will be forever gratefull,I've dated women who drank but never lived with one(not for very long anyway)it just does'nt work for me,I can imagine how tough it would be in early sobriety.


Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson MI
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 08:43 AM

Comments

Mike, alcoholic. I presently am living with a friend that drinks. It doesn't seem to bother me due to the fact that I try to practice "live and let live". If does come to the point where it bothers me then I need to search inside myself for the reason. It is also a reminder to me of what I can become again if I pick up a drink. I don't spend my time on changing my friend, I spend my time trying to change me. Thanks for being here.


Member: angie m dos 11/16/2002
Location: costa mesa california
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 12:35 PM

Comments

Meg i have kinda went through the same thing except that was before i was introduced to the program of aa ...i was just dry,... and i moved back in w/my parents who never drank or used before... but cone to find out they had started ..they tryed to keep it seceret but that only works for so long especially around an alcoholic whos been around... anyways it drove me insane.... its hard.....i feel for you ... what does your sponser say??? have you thought about m,oving into a sober living situation... it would be a really good idea...i live in one ... and its really a safe enviorment when your newly sober..... ocmeowme@yahoo.com


Member:
Location:
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 02:58 PM

Comments

Hi. I seem to recall the BB talking about us alcoholics watching normies taking drinks with impunity and that can drive us up the wall. When I am around drinking, alcohol seems to have a life of its own, and it seems to be deliberately messing with me. Thats when I need to pick up the phone and call someone in the program. Angie makes a good point when she says she was just dry before being introduced to AA. It's also called white knuckle sobriety. I too believe a newcomer needs safe refuge, preferably with other alcoholics serious about recovery.


Member: Tom G.
Location: Michigan
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 02:59 PM

Comments

Hi. I seem to recall the BB talking about us alcoholics watching normies taking drinks with impunity and that can drive us up the wall. When I am around drinking, alcohol seems to have a life of its own, and it seems to be deliberately messing with me. Thats when I need to pick up the phone and call someone in the program. Angie makes a good point when she says she was just dry before being introduced to AA. It's also called white knuckle sobriety. I too believe a newcomer needs safe refuge, preferably with other alcoholics serious about recovery.


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 04:41 PM

Comments

Just checking in. Still plugging away, although I'm doing this a bit differently. If this religion stuff doesn't work for you either, try http://www.aadeprogramming.com/ http://www.rationalrecovery.org/ http://www.unhooked.com/ http://www.secularsobriety.org/ Good Luck.


Member: J.B.
Location: Not toilet yet
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 04:57 PM

Comments

Hey ya'll. I need info on what to expect from a treatment center. I'm heading there and getting scared! What if it's not the "cure" I am hoping for?????


Member: angie m
Location: southern california
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 05:10 PM

Comments

j.b....what kind of cure are you hoping for ....if it's to get true recovery ...to learn how to become and stay sober ...then really no matter what treatment center you go to all you really need to do is remain teachable....willing...and humble.....have you ever been to one before...i was scared to at first ...but it is the best thing i have ever experienced...i mean overall....i never would have learned what i ahev there any other way anywhere else if you wanna talk you can email me at rebos_n_cali@yahoo.com


Member: angie m
Location: southern california
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 05:10 PM

Comments

j.b....what kind of cure are you hoping for ....if it's to get true recovery ...to learn how to become and stay sober ...then really no matter what treatment center you go to all you really need to do is remain teachable....willing...and humble.....have you ever been to one before...i was scared to at first ...but it is the best thing i have ever experienced...i mean overall....i never would have learned what i ahev there any other way anywhere else if you wanna talk you can email me at rebos_n_cali@yahoo.com


Member:
Location:
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 06:00 PM

Comments

((Kat V.)) You say alot, yet so little at the same time. Slogans, slogans, slogans. Choke on your tough love shit, shut up, and take a seat. It's not WHAT you say, dearie, but HOW you say it that makes an impact.


Member: Kat V.
Location: Mo.
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 06:15 PM

Comments

Hi y'all, Kat here, alcoholic. j.b. hon, there is no "cure" for alcoholism. As is stated in the big book we can only arrest it in it's tracks no cure has been invented yet. But if you want a better life than you have now all you really need to start is a willingness, and the the openness to be teachable. The people at the recovery center will start you on your way and the A.A.'s you meet at meetings will help you even further. If you don't have a big book, get one. Another good tool is the 24 hour a day book or just about anything put out by Hazelden. Other A.A.'s will know what I'm talking about if you don't, just ask someone at a face to face. Good luck. To the young lady living with active users. I feel for you sweetie. I recently had to remove my spouse from my home and life due to the active use of alcohol on his part. It's a difficult situation and one not easily dealt with especially by one so young. I suggest you call your local welfare department and speak to someone there and be honest. You don't have to use your real name if you are afraid of repercussions. Or you can try the local womens shelters. They may be able to at least point you in the right direction. Good luck hon. I truely hope you can hang in there and find the resources you need to make it through.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 08:52 PM

Comments

hi Diane here day 79 sober I just got my linux to work and get online so found this site again hehe good luck to the one's living with drunks cause believe me I know how hard it is to try and know how to talk to a user/alkie you never know if you will piss them off or what?


Member: Lisa
Location: Southwest
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 10:16 PM

Comments

Just poured my last drink down the drain. Read all of your comments. Maybe I'll be okay. Sure hope so. Here goes my first try!!


Member: J.B.
Location: Alkie Land
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 10:17 PM

Comments

J.B. here. Thanks so much Angie and I will e-mail as soon as I get off here. I will be gone for the required time and hope you all are doing premo when I get back from treatment cos I'll be counting on ya!!!!!


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 11:48 PM

Comments

good luck JB and you too Lisa


Member: To Lisa
Location: Love Land
Date: June 12, 2003
Time: 11:50 PM

Comments

Lisa, how can you pour it down the drain girl! I can't afford that. I'm heading for treatment in AM so can't say to much, but I do know where your coming from. Love you cos we have the same problem. SammyLee1@webtv.net Please write.


Member: Sandi B.
Location: Eastcoast
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 12:34 AM

Comments

( Lisa ).....Very courageous. I could never have thrown it down the drain. Congratulatons! Now....get to an AA meetig as fast as your little feet will take you!


Member: J.B.
Location:
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 04:06 AM

Comments

Kat. I beg to dffer. If you READ the BOOK it says many times "recovered" as in cured.


Member: Heather
Location: Rockies
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 05:31 AM

Comments

((Diane Judi Lisa Angie Bikerbabe Stephanie) Heather alkie day 8 now. If anyone wants to email me, it's leahhmc1 at hotmail.com. Diane, thanks for suggestion about posting days. Sometimes it seems like so dang long it's hard to keep track ;). Best wishes all; we can do this!!!! PS- I poured mine out when I quit. Hated it the next morning, but if I hadn't, I never, ever would have quit. Here's to another 24 sober!


Member: Heather
Location: to Judi
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 05:33 AM

Comments

Judi, I tried to email you and it said something to the effect of "not listed in known user table". If that's what I think it is (Glen?) then you need to add me to your list of accepted people. Looking forward to talking w you. Send one to me and I'll reply.


Member: Trace
Location: Essex England
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 07:20 AM

Comments

Hi Tracy alcoholic here, 5 months sober and still have a secret cache under the kitchen sink, no its wrong but part of me keeps it for emergency, just in case I lose control of my battle with the alkie head, or maybe I remember what it was like when there never use to be any left in the house that feeling of terror, strange because I am doing so well and can honestly say that life so far is beyond my wildest dreams with more to come. But i suppose some habits die hard. tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: Teresa B.
Location: IN
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 09:58 AM

Comments

Teresa B. here, alcoholic. 1. How to handle living with an active user. I've been there, had a now ex-husband who rejected the AA program while I accepted it. Eventually he was the one who left. Was a very effective lesson in that I am powerless over people, places, and things. I can only control my actions and reactions to them. The question is, how do you do this with an actively using person. With respect to Will S., "Aye, here's the rub." I would suggest any recovering alcoholic working their own program who is living with an actively using person to join Al-Anon or Nar-anon. Yes, do this in addition to your own program. Living with a recovering person is hard enough, living with an active user is a crazy-making trip. Just like you can't recover from your own disease on your own, you won't be able to keep yourself from going crazy from living with this sick person. 2. Everyone struggling to get/stay sober. Glad you are coming online and being honest about where you are at. If one day at a time is to long, take it down as far as you need to. One ten hr period at a time, One six hr, one hr, 30 minutes, five minutes. Also, hit as many f2f meetings as you can and call as many people as you can. Doesn't matter if they are early or far along in sobriety. A call from a fellow recovering alcoholic helps him/her as well. For the newly online, you may see some really wild/cruel comments from certain posters. In Internet speak, these people are called "trolls." As long as there is a message board up and running, there will be sad/sick people who live to spew online venom. Best way to handle these folks is to never respond to their posts. When you respond to a troll's post, it just fuels their sickness. Take care for this 24.....


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 11:37 AM

Comments

Congratulation on day 8 Heather this is Day 80 for me I keep track here and in my plainer book it helps me when ever I get a thought to drink I remember my days and don't want to spoil my count. Plus each day is better,best,I'm actually remembering a lot now that I am clean and sober. Happy 24 to you all.....Diane


Member: angie m
Location: costa mesa califonia
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 12:34 PM

Comments

Good Morning all..... congrats to you ((heather)) just hang on...keep busy....meetings...journal....bb...i'mmmmmmmm sure you already know all this so ...as i was saying......congrats to you to ((diane)) doesn't it feel good making through each day and getting to wake up to the next morning clean and sober again.....:) none of that horrifing "oh ma god...." trying recall the events of the night before and then having to get drunk or loaded to drowned out the memory of what ever demoralizing memory surfaced from that night befores drunk/or drug induced episode......at least thats how it was for me... ((JB)) so when are you supposed to go in for treatment email me again and we'll talk .... rebos_n_cali@yahoo.com congrats to ((tracy)) for your 5 months.... i dont know about you but 5 months was a long time for an alcoholic like me .... my head felt so good at 5 months...finally it only took me 10 years of usinh and 29 years of life ...to finally get my way to aa ..and 5 months later my heads healthier than it had ever been ...thank god for this damn program..... someone like me might have never had a chance without it....today i do ....now it's up to me to use these tools i have been given.... action action action.......have a good day everyone and happy fathers day to all the daddy alcoholics out there.....


Member: angie m
Location: costa mesa califonia
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 12:34 PM

Comments

Good Morning all..... congrats to you ((heather)) just hang on...keep busy....meetings...journal....bb...i'mmmmmmmm sure you already know all this so ...as i was saying......congrats to you to ((diane)) doesn't it feel good making through each day and getting to wake up to the next morning clean and sober again.....:) none of that horrifing "oh ma god...." trying recall the events of the night before and then having to get drunk or loaded to drowned out the memory of what ever demoralizing memory surfaced from that night befores drunk/or drug induced episode......at least thats how it was for me... ((JB)) so when are you supposed to go in for treatment email me again and we'll talk .... rebos_n_cali@yahoo.com congrats to ((tracy)) for your 5 months.... i dont know about you but 5 months was a long time for an alcoholic like me .... my head felt so good at 5 months...finally it only took me 10 years of usinh and 29 years of life ...to finally get my way to aa ..and 5 months later my heads healthier than it had ever been ...thank god for this damn program..... someone like me might have never had a chance without it....today i do ....now it's up to me to use these tools i have been given.... action action action.......have a good day everyone and happy fathers day to all the daddy alcoholics out there.....


Member: angie m
Location: costa mesa califonia
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 12:34 PM

Comments

Good Morning all..... congrats to you ((heather)) just hang on...keep busy....meetings...journal....bb...i'mmmmmmmm sure you already know all this so ...as i was saying......congrats to you to ((diane)) doesn't it feel good making through each day and getting to wake up to the next morning clean and sober again.....:) none of that horrifing "oh ma god...." trying recall the events of the night before and then having to get drunk or loaded to drowned out the memory of what ever demoralizing memory surfaced from that night befores drunk/or drug induced episode......at least thats how it was for me... ((JB)) so when are you supposed to go in for treatment email me again and we'll talk .... rebos_n_cali@yahoo.com congrats to ((tracy)) for your 5 months.... i dont know about you but 5 months was a long time for an alcoholic like me .... my head felt so good at 5 months...finally it only took me 10 years of usinh and 29 years of life ...to finally get my way to aa ..and 5 months later my heads healthier than it had ever been ...thank god for this damn program..... someone like me might have never had a chance without it....today i do ....now it's up to me to use these tools i have been given.... action action action.......have a good day everyone and happy fathers day to all the daddy alcoholics out there.....


Member: angie m
Location: costa mesa california
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 12:37 PM

Comments

Amazing by Aerosmith I kept the right ones out And let the wrong ones in Had an angel of mercy To see me through all my sins There were times in my life When I was goin' insane Tryin' to walk through the pain When I lost my grip And I hit the floor Yeah, I thought I could leave But couldn't get out the door I was so sick n' tired Of livin' a lie I was wishing that I would die Chorus: It's amazing With the blink of an eye You finally see the light It's amazing That when the moment arrives You know you'll be alright It's amazing And I'm saying a prayer To the desperate hearts tonight That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation And a how high can you fly with broken wings Life's a journey - not a destination And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings You have to learn to crawl Before you learn to walk But I just couldn't listen To all that righteous talk I was out on the street Just tryin' to survive Scratchin' to stay alive Chorus "To all of you people out there Wherever you are - remember: The light at the end of the tunnel May be you - goodnight"


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 12:39 PM

Comments

Do you know how many times I poured "my last drink" down the drain?!?! The same phrase keeps repeating itself to me, "Only as willing as the dying can be". That's what it took, and from what I have seen, that's what it takes for the majority of us. For me, it was either suicide or sobriety - AND THAT'S NOT ALWAYS AN EASY CHOICE!!! ((Trace)) My friend had almost a year of sobriety when she brought over a bottle of valium that she had been holding onto. We all cried when we flushed them, not because we wanted to take them, but because we knew how much courage it takes to get rid of that last possible escape. Ofcourse, if you are determined to drink, you will. But getting rid of that "escape" in your mind, that's where we really start to recover. The book says we must have no reservations and honestly, it took me three relapses in AA to get rid of mine. Now I just think about today, and I don't need alcohol or drugs in my house because I am not going to use TODAY and I don't worry about tomorrow.


Member: angie m
Location: costa mesa cali
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 12:57 PM

Comments

(((((CARRIE)))))) hey girl that was some good shit... in that last post :) good message....wow i wish i had some alcohol or drugs in my poseesion still...because i would definetly go and dump them after that...... FOR REALs........:)


Member: Barb
Location: canada
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 04:42 PM

Comments

I am relatively new to this website and do not always post but I find great encouragement and support in reading about everyone's experiences, good and not so good. AA meetings are non-existent where I live but I remain focused and greatful that you are all out there which makes me feel less alone.


Member: NO WAY
Location: DON'T BE MAD
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 04:51 PM

Comments

I DON'T THINK ANY OF YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ITS A LONG ROAD TO MANY CURVES I HOPE THIS WILL HELP SOMEONE


Member: NO WAY
Location: DON'T BE MAD
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 04:51 PM

Comments

I DON'T THINK ANY OF YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ITS A LONG ROAD TO MANY CURVES I HOPE THIS WILL HELP SOMEONE


Member: Sandy
Location: Sandylane
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 05:06 PM

Comments

I'm makeing it today noway and I live for today


Member: Millie
Location: Motown
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 06:02 PM

Comments

Kat sweetie-pie--who cares what the precious little big book of aa says?? It's not an authoritative source on ANYTHING, most especially alcoholism..........believe that crap and go and do what you want, but there are literally millions of people who are cured whether you believe that or not!!!!!


Member: angie k
Location: nj
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 09:29 PM

Comments

hi everybody, angie, alcoholic......nj..... jb....glad you are headed for a treatment center......great place to get a strong sense of the 12 steps.....good luck.....being willing and open to new ideas is the key....i remember people telling me things i didn,t like to hear at the start but now i know they were telling the truth because my life has changed so much for the better......for me accepting the first step was the key to all the others.....and i go back over it often just to make sure that i haven,t forgotten where i came from.....all the best....and there is no cure that i know of for alcoholism.....other than to arrest it on a daily basis.....and that means that i dont pick up that first drink......i could deceive myself and believe that i am cured but i dont really want to take that chance......i dont want to find out if i have another drunk left or not......the price is too high......


Member: Heather
Location: UT
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 09:39 PM

Comments

((Diane Carrie Angie Barb)) Good stuff. Carrie, I felt just the same way Angie did- 'bout wish I had some so I could go dump it. Before I left the house yesterday, I was really tripping. I didn't want to drink, but just the sudden realization that if I wanted to, I could go get some alcohol MYSELF was really scary. I'd felt something like it a few nights ago- I wanted to order pizza for a treat, but they won't take $100s. I was going to walk up to the corner store and change one, and my roomie insisted on coming with me (which was a nasty reminder that yes, it still is as bad around here as I said it was). I was walking by the cooler and saw the beer and just froze. It took me probably 30 seconds to take my eyes off of it and walk away. Then, after we walked out, roomie said the other reason he came with me is he didn't want anyone to see me break a $100 and follow me to relieve me of it. I can barely believe I made it all day yesterday without a drink. I found out that there are two midnight meetings- Fri and Sat- so if I'm not too beat, I'm going to go. I seriously overdid it yesterday and I'm exhausted. I'll call it good if I get to the 10pm, let alone a midnight. I've got a meeting I'm going to tomorrow morning, and given that I don't do mornings, this should be interesting. Barb, here's my email: leahhmc1@hotmail.com. PLEASE email me. I've been stuck in my house for the last 10 months until yesterday, and I know how damn hard it is to not drink if one is that lonely. Please email me and if you do, I'll give you my phone#. I just bought a phone card so I can talk w friends in the program all over. This sucks to do alone and this site tends to give the response that either you're not serious about getting sober or you're imaginary. (I know; some people still think I'm both.) I assume you're real and telling the truth, so if you want someone to phone or email with, here ah iz. Tracy- you get emails from imaginary people and you keep alcohol under the sink and *I'm* the one who's "sicker than others"? BTW, the story about the pearls was already posted here about 3 weeks ago- but that was the short version. It was a major factor in my quitting. Anytime you decide I'm real, I think we could be good friends. Besides, what the hell? Some children actually do create "imaginary friends" and it doesn't hurt them, so if you'd like to be friends with a figment of your imagination, feel free; figment is willing. Besides, it's a lot easier than telling something you imagined to go away; that doesn't usually work and it won't work on me. Looking forward to a f2f meeting tonight. I followed Yvonne's lead and told my f2f home group what had gone on here. I told them that my online group told me to "get a gun", go drink (repeatedly), leave, that I wasn't real, that I was someone else, etc., and they said that if someone had done that in a f2f meeting, they'd have been escorted out. Tracy, is that how you act in the meetings you go to, the ones that you ask your husband to lie and say he's sick to watch the kids for? Do you throw that shit around at live meetings, or only online across an ocean? What comes around.... Barb, another idea is check out the aa world services website. They have something that's a sort of correspondence thing for people who are isolated. I'll help all I can, though. If you email me, I'll give you one to use after that that holds tons more. Going to get ready for meeting; the shit on here just drives me nuts sometimes. I hate the smoke at the meeting, but that's a damn sight better than being told I'm imaginary. Some people's kids.....


Member: Phil A
Location: Geordieland UK
Date: June 13, 2003
Time: 09:45 PM

Comments

Recovered from the mental obsession to drink for today, a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition. Far from it ((Kat)) Recovered does not mean cured. All I got is today, nothing else, nothing more. ((Tracy)) What type of emegency are ya expecting or are ya expecting to go to emergency. Seriously though if its there for any other reason than its not yours then get rid of it and even if its not yours I would suggest asking whoever it belongs to if its necessary for it being in the house. Living with someone who's drinking, not easy but not impossible and damned hard if their an alkie too especially if theres a relationship going on. Been there done that and its not somewhere I'd venture again in a hurry or advise anyone else to get into if possible. Whats it say about insanity being repeating old behaviours and expecting different results. Keep on doing what your doing and you'll keep on getting what your getting. GeordieWally@aol.com


Member: Susan G.
Location: New Jersey
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 12:10 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Susan. I needed to share with someone and I found this meeting online. I'm 4 1/2 months sober and I was very close to relapsing tonight. I was out with someone to eat and he was drinking. He's not an alcoholic. Why woulod I want to wreck this sobriety? Because I'm not convinced I'm an alcoholic. I thought my drinking was bad until I came into AA and heard so many stories of losing jobs, crashing cars, insane asylums, rehabs, homelessness, dui's, drinking during the day, etc. none of these happened to me. i drank mostly on the weekends, mostly beer, but would binge to excess - i just drank as much as i possibly could, usually with other people. i felt a real progression in my drinking though and even when i told myself i'd slow down, i didn't. i felt like i just crossed a line and i no longer wanted to drink but i kept drinking anyway. so i switched to pot, then back to drinking, etc. i started to hate drinking but was still doing it. i felt very far off-track on where i wanted to be in life and i was living a lie in many ways. i didn't know how to socialize without getting wasted, and casual social drinking was unknown to me. my life hit a bottom a couple years ago and finally i found my way into therapy and al-anon. i barely drank for two years, without AA. all of a sudden i hated drinking - and i tried to put on this facade like i was a 'normal drinker'. i no longer had the compulsion to drink as much as i used to. i think al-anon helped keep me dry because of the 12 steps. but i was still miserable in relation to alcohol. i couldn't drink like i used to but i couldn't stop completely, and whatever time i had without drinking was unhappy. by the time i came into AA i came because i just couldn't stand even the rare drinks i was having -- i would feel horrible the next day. i would wonder what stupid thing i'd said or done the night before. i also was severely uncomfortable socializing. finally this got to be too much so i came to AA. it was a huge relief. i could relate to so many of the stories i heard. i love AA and dont want to leave. but i still question whether i'm an alcoholic and don't feel like i fit in...because i don't feel like my story is as severe as other peoples'... like i never got THAT bad where i was drinking everyday, or drinking a lot of hard liquor, etc. i feel like i'm just trying to fit in at AA and if i told people my story they'd say "you're not an alcoholic." at the same time i don't want to go back out again. i know how miserable i was at the end of my drinking. i also know how miserable i was without AA being dry. so i feel kind of stuck in AA and at the same time i don't feel like i belong here. can anyone relate to this? i'm just waiting for someone to tell me: "You're an alcoholic, you're in the right place, you belong here, I can relate to you."


Member: Carlc
Location: nm
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 12:31 AM

Comments

If you dont think you are an alcoholic what are doing wasting your time on this site? Go out and have a drink or two or as many as you can handle. I am not a mormon so consequently I dont hang out in the mormon church. I know everyone is going to come unglued but the only thing that will convince you that your are an alcohlic is alcohol, so good luck.


Member: Jameson
Location: Wyoming
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 12:45 AM

Comments

Susie girl, get some professional help---NOT AA!!! AA will be there when and if you decide you need and WANT it. Carlc is right actually, go do what you have to find out one way or the other, but the vast majority of AA'ers basically think everyone who drinks a little much is an alkie and if you go there, they'll brainwash you into believing you are whether you are or not. Hey, have a try at it if you want to just make some crazy women friends who are sick, sick women, but it's all up to you sweetheart................


Member: Kerry C
Location: Texas
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 12:54 AM

Comments

Kerry here an alcoholic, Susan G. you probably won't find anyone here to pronounce you alcoholic, that is up to you to decide. But if it helps I copied and pasted this from your message; : "You're an alcoholic, you're in the right place, you belong here, I can relate to you." Non alcoholics usually don't hang around AA meetings very long. Non alkies generally don't worry about if they are alcoholic or not. Non alkies typically drink 2 or 3 drinks and get an ill feeling and stop drinking. Non alkies usually have no trouble remembering what they did the night before nor are miserable when not drinking. As far as relating to the "stories" people tell, consider yourself fortunate that drinking hasn't caused you the troubles we have experienced. In the early days of AA the old timers had a problem deciding who to accept into AA. Should they only accept rock bottom alcoholics or people that just showed the beginning signs of alcoholism? They decided from their common combined experience that each of them at one time in their past were just borderline alcoholics. Had they stopped drinking before the DUI's, broken families, insane asylums...etc, they could have halted the disease before many of the severe consequences had occured. There is only one requirement to be a member of AA. That is a desire to stop drinking. You don't have to be an alcoholic or even stop drinking to be a member. But most alcoholics find that unless they stop drinking entirely, they will eventually be able to tell those horror stories you keep hearing. Alcoholism is a progressive disease that never gets better. If a person is alcoholic, each drink brings them one step closer to death. Our only hope is to never drink again, find a higher power that can and will relieve us of our alcoholism, and work the program of recovery as outlined in the Big Book of AA. The alcohol is only a symptom, the true problem is in our heads. My brian is trying to kill me by convincing me that I am not alcoholic. If you decide you are alcoholic then consider yourself lucky that you did something about it before you have war stories to share. Keep coming back whether you are or not, our way of life has many benefits :)


Member: Susan G
Location: New Jersey
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 12:57 AM

Comments

I think I MIGHT be an alcoholic obviously, or I wouldn't be in AA or even be concerned about trying to stop drinking. I guess my question is, what's the definition of an alcoholic - is it just anyone who has the desire to stop drinking, or is it someone with the uncontrollable desire to drink? Do you think I qualify or could you at all relate to what I said? I wouldn't mind getting drunk again but I know I would hate it afterwards. Now I'm feeling like maybe I need to go out again and go extra hard until I'm sure I belong...but if I'm just going to end up here anyway, why bother?


Member: Susan G
Location: New Jersey
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 01:03 AM

Comments

Thanks Kerry C - Your words helped. Jameson - you need professional help, and I'm not your sweetheart.


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 01:20 AM

Comments

((Susan G.)) The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. Sounds to me like alcohol was a problem in your life. I say grab onto the lifeboat and don't let go. The disease is cunning and baffling and powerful. I relate to you. I'm a stay a home mom. I have a beautiful home, hard working hubby, 2 gorgeous kids...a very charmed life. I never got a DUI (yet). I never got into serious trouble (yet). I never did some huge major damaging thing as a result of my drinking (yet). Actually, that's not true. I did damage to my marriage and my kids, simply because I was in love with booze, not them! Anyway, I hear everyone's stories too and think, "hmm, maybe I don't quite fit into this alcoholic profile..." I have a sponsor now who reminds me that I have been spared the horrible last 15 years and that I should be grateful. The only way that I KNOW I will not end up dead is by not drinking today. I need insurance, so I go to AA, I work the steps and I pray for God's will. Normal people do not concern themselves with their drinking. I am obsessed with it! Best of luck to you, Susan. Thanks for listening.


Member: Kerry C
Location: Texas
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 02:00 AM

Comments

Yes Susan I can relate to parts of your story. I had the same feelings 10 years ago when I first tried AA. I still had my wife, children, car, job, and home. The last 10 years of my drinking I lost all of that and regret that more than you can imagine. I had the answer and chose to ignore it...now I have some of those horror stories. If you follow Carl C advise and go out and drink some more...remember that you might not make it back. 1000's of people die yearly due to alcohol related accidents. Even Carl with all his ignorant advice admits this is a life and death situation we deal with. For the life of me I can't figure out why he would suggest that anyone who might be alcoholic go out and drink some more.


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 04:19 AM

Comments

Susan, I totally relate - I felt the same way when i came into AA. But, if you stay sober long enough and work the steps, you will be returned to sanity and you will see just how really insane you were. Or maybe you just aren't ready yet. I tried AA 6 years ago, stayed sober a month and I didn't think it was for me. I knew I drank too much, but I couldn't give up that desperate hope that someday, somehow I could control and enjoy my drinking. At the time, I still had some control - it took 6 more years for me to hit MY bottom. There is always gonna be someone out there who out drank you and there are going to be people in the rooms who you think might not even be alcoholic. But what matters is YOUR willingness to admit that YOU are powerless over alcohol and YOUR life had become unmanageable. AA is not a contest or a social club, it's a program for living. Oh ya, and Susan you REALLY sound like an alcoholic to me, but that's just one alcoholic's opinion! ; )


Member: Trace
Location: Essex England
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 05:19 AM

Comments

To any newly sober people, Its not what you say its your actions that count. This is a prog of action. I think I am doing ok 5months still growing still making mistakes and still going back and fixing what I broke. But the difference in me now is I see what I have broke and go back and fix it instead of running. Well thats all I have got to say really just keep on keeping on. Love Ya all


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 08:30 AM

Comments

Hi (Susan), I could relate to your question and felt the same as you 6 years ago when I used to peruse this page. I was in AA 6 years ago for 6 months and decided I was not that bad. I looked for the differences in everyone in AA not the similarities. I still had a lot going for me but I did not know what I did not know. Alcohol is cunning, powerful and baffling. It got me in the end because I ignored all the signs I was an alcoholic. Self centered fear really. That will never happen to me... how disgusting! Yada yada. I became a disgusting wreck of a woman in 6 short years and the last thing I lost was my self respect. When I lost that I became a low life drunk. Then I was like HEY, wait a minute... How did I get here??? I ignored every signpost God waved in front of me telling me Kelly your a drunk.... Just add alcohol! I really wish I was at the point you are and I was 6 years ago and had embraced the program of AA. I would have saved myself a world of hurt and a lot of heartbreak. Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic. Remember, the woman takes the drink, the drink takes the woman, the drink takes another drink. It can take years but it does get worse... a lot worse. BTW, if your not an alcoholic just don't ever pick up another drink, its that simple. God Bless. Kelly


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 08:43 AM

Comments

Jameson, Your advice to Susan is anything but helpful. Your on an AA page for new people telling them AA brainwashes people and AA women are crazy? What is your angle? Are you with a woman in AA and have resentments because you don't understand AA? Try Alanon Sweetheart. Good luck...


Member:
Location:
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 10:19 AM

Comments

Soooooooo.........


Member:
Location:
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 10:25 AM

Comments

Kelly from New Hampshire is 100% right---If you're not an alkie, just don't pick up that first drink and it's no big deal! As a matter of fact, even if you are an alkie like me, just not drinking is no big deal, but whoever said it's the actions that count is only telling a half-truth at best, words also matter whether one believes they do or not. Anyways, not drinking is no big deal whether or not an alkie, so why not just not drink anyways as what real benefit is there to drinking? Does anyone know any??


Member:
Location:
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 10:50 AM

Comments

Is that that idiot Mark up above? Pick up your ego and haul it out of here, we like you better when you aren't around. Not drinking is a big, big deal to alcoholics.


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 10:54 AM

Comments

For some reason, I thought the purpose of AA was to assist people in defeating their drinking problem. What I realize is that an insane burned out drunk in a church basement telling people how to live their lives helps no one. If this religion stuff doesn't work for you either, try http://www.aadeprogramming.com/ http://www.rationalrecovery.org/ http://www.unhooked.com/ http://www.secularsobriety.org/ If you wait for 'rock bottom', it may be too late. Good Luck.


Member: Melissa B
Location: Canada
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 10:59 AM

Comments

That's my story, too, Susan. Not an accident, lost job, legal incident, or even an embarassing story to tell. The markers and signs were quiet and insidious but I drank too much, I had a wierd relationship with alcohol, it was too important to me, and now I am pretty convinced that all the truly horrific consequences were just waiting for me. I still looked okay on the outside when I stopped drinking, but inside I was beginning to shatter. Thank God (or whomever) that I was able to somehow pay attention and get help within AA. I am truly an alcoholic, but nothing changed for me until I became convinced of this for myself and experienced the hopelessness of trying to stay sober on my own. Bless you and I hope you post again.


Member:
Location:
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 11:02 AM

Comments

Mike, you don't understand recovery in AA. It's not necessary that you do. AA is doing very well without you.


Member: Trace
Location: Essex England
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 11:20 AM

Comments

mike~ ITS NOT THE STATE OF THE PERSON OR THE TYPE OF ROOM THEY ARE IN IF YOU DON'T GET IT YOU DON'T GET IT. OPEN YOUR MIND AND DON'T BE AFRAID FACE YOUR FEAR AND YOU WILL KNOW WHO YOU ARE.


Member:
Location:
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 11:31 AM

Comments

Is Mike thew only one with any sense in this whole room?


Member: Trace
Location:
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 12:03 PM

Comments

Sorry your name was the smallest word in my post, maybe that means something maybe not


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 12:44 PM

Comments

Mike, haven't you made any friends yet in rational recovery? Can't you go play with them instead of hasseling us? Is your ego that overgrown that you think without your input, helpless people will fall under the spell of AA? AA doesn't work for you and Mr.No Name, fine. If people decide they don't like AA, I am sure they have just as much sence as you do to find an alternative program of recovery. THIS IS AN AA WEBSITE!! Get a grip, get a life and move on.


Member: Pam B - DOS 11/18/91 Sobergirl91@hotmail.com
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 01:06 PM

Comments

Some posters here are anti-AA and suggesting links to other sites that are publicly known to condone & support continued drinking - which may be fine for NON-alcoholics if they want to throw away 100's of dollars on books that are telling them to keep doing as they're doing w/drinking - but leads to death, institutions & jails for anyone who IS an alcoholic. Some of these anti-AA posters are also posting mistruths concerning the BB & saying that it is inaccurate & voicing the truth that AA & the BB does not work for everyone, as if that truth backs the statements that the BB is inaccurate - but that implication is entirely out of context. The truth & fact of the matter is that the Solution to the drink problem that is outlined up to pg 164 of the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book (BB) DOES work for ALL who simply follow what's written there. It DOES contain the FACTS about the symptoms of alcoholism to diagnose yourself with - & it does give the Solution that works if you are an alcoholic & WANT to achieve Sobriety. Those who try to do it alone without a sponsor (someone who is already staying sober from having followed the directives of those pgs - the 'suggestions' of the AA program) usually do NOT follow those directives as they are given & will not likely STAY sober. Those who pick & choose only the portions that suit them usually do not stay sober, either. But it is RARE that we have ever seen any person fail to achieve sobriety - & keep it - who DOES follow the suggestions of the AA Program as they are given - ie: BB - the 12 Steps. Those who do fail are usually those who are Constitutionally incapable of being Honest. "Constitutionally" is referring to DENIAL - giving credit elsewhere (ie blaming other people, places & things) for what I have done/am doing. Denial is the heart of the disease of alcoholism but if we do simply just follow the suggestions, we get over that & get sober. (((Carlc))) - I never felt I "fit in" at AA even tho I knew I am an alcoholic & do belong here - until I got to Step 9 & had begun making my 1st few amends to people. Then I knew I am doing the right thing by God (my HP)& that I am no better nor worse than anyone else in AA - we're all journeying this road together. From then on I felt "a part of" rather than "apart from" I would suggest read the BB taking time to identify with what it is saying, get a sponsor who is living the 12 Steps (has stayed continually sober since Step 1 thru 12 & lives the program as you're hearing its to be lived & you want to do likewise as they're doing.) Pam


Member:
Location:
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 01:20 PM

Comments

pammy, pammy, pammy are ya nuts girlfriend?? Ya must be if you actall belive the stuff ya say as it's rather idiotic to think that stupid blue book has AALL the answers. matter of fact, it's REALLY STUPID, not rather so!! Typical alkie talk that has nothing to do with anything--if you don't want to drink--DON"T!!! It's NOT hard!!!!!!! You people are soooo stupid thet ya half ta make somthin so easy seem sooo hard??????/


Member: CarolD
Location: Dallas ga. USA
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 01:20 PM

Comments

Sigh....I see the RR site is again sending out their messages on AA based sites. Please do check Rational Recovery...spend the money.. Jack T. must low on cash again. *smile* I hope you find the joy and serenity AA freely gives to me.


Member:
Location:
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 01:22 PM

Comments

((Mike)) Why don't you go home and wait for yourself?


Member: rgb
Location: jr
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 02:33 PM

Comments

The intent of this site is to publicly address some very serious issues which concern the well known program of Alcoholics Anonymous. At first glance, this popular abstinence program appears to save countless lives, but upon closer examination we find that a notable amount of individuals suffer further as a result of AA thought reform. Many see AA as their last hope -- when they fail to find answers in the program which really work, some give up, drink fatally and die. (We believe that in some of these cases, the indoctrinated belief of powerlessness is acting as a lethal self-fulfilling prophecy) These deaths are then attributed to the "disease" of alcoholism and the lost member is seen as not having "worked the program". We do not agree with this viewpoint! The contributors to this site have found that AA has a dark side which is rarely discussed in meetings and is discussed only in a limited capacity in print. This is an attempt to voice this much needed alternate point of view. Additionally, we hope to provide an open forum for discussion where questioning and critiquing is encouraged, so that those individuals who do choose AA can be better consumers. Lastly, for those creative thinkers who are spinning their wheels in a 12 step program, we hope to provide long-overdue information which encourages growth outside of AA. Meditation of the Month -- March Rebels and dissidents challenge the complacent belief in a just world, and... they are usually denigrated for their efforts. While they are alive, they may be called "cantankerous", "crazy", "hysterical", "uppity", or "duped". Dead, some of them become saints and heroes, the sterling characters of history. It's a matter of proportion. One angry rebel is crazy, three is a conspiracy, fifty is a movement. -Carol Travis Books provided by: "I never gave them hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell." -Harry Truman


Member: Kerry G
Location: Annie H still reading?
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 08:09 PM

Comments

I am new to this board. I will have 5 mths next week. I just wanted to address Annie H. You wrote "Hi, I am annie and im an alcoholic. I have never been on an online meeting and am curious to see what its all about. I am 18 and have 13 days. I have been to many meetings but i can't get out of denial...i don't want to stop...i just started and was having so much fun...i feel so scared and anxious and i am just so confused." Annie, I don't know your story so I am hoping that my story may help clear some of your confusion. When I was 23yrs old, I was drinking heavily on weekends. I still had a job, and was engaged to be married. I had known for a long time that I had a drinking problem. I could never just have a few. Rarely was there any beer/wine/anything alcoholic left in the house after a night of drinking. I was having a lot of fun. It amazed me, however to wake up and realize that I had forgotten part of the evening. Once, I even admitted it to a friend, and she found it hard to believe. She said that I hardly even looked drunk. People thought that I could really hold my liquor. Once, I was in a bar, sitting with a guy that I didn't know all that well, and an exboyfriend of mine came up to us and bet the guy that I would drink him under the table. Boy, was I proud! (sick) I also started doing things that I would never have done sober. I would feel so sick inside, when I actually remembered it. Anyhow, at 23, I decided that I needed help. I couldn't skip one weekend of drinking, even when I really wanted to. The whole week was a waiting period for the weekend. The weekends were also getting longer. Thursday and Sunday were being included. A friend of mine was about to lose her kids because of her alcoholism, and was getting ready to go to her first AA meeting. I decided to join her. Every week I would go to a Thursday night meeting. I felt great. I wasn't drinking any more, and life was better. I was, all of a sudden very confused about my feelings for my husband to be, and brought it up at my meeting. Someone suggested that I postpone the wedding. That freaked me out. My Grand mother was coming from Ireland, lots of money was already spent, etc... I was still frequenting the bar with my fiancee at the time, and that Friday I drank and never went back to my meetings. Obviously I wasn't working the program. Only one meeting a week, no sponsor, and knew nothing about the steps. Well, we got married. I kept drinking. We had a nice house built, and a few months later I left him. I went to live with a friend. The drinking picked up pace, I was taking days off work, and doing things that I was ashamed of. All this time, my husband was very persist in trying to get me to come home. There was no way that I would, because I knew that I didn't love him. After another crazy night of drinking, I woke up, called in sick for work, and cried my heart out. I hated myself. I thought that I needed to go back to hubby for some normalcy. I had no control, and was a better person with him. So, I called and went back. A year later we had a baby, and two and a half yrs later we had another. Somehow, I was able to stay off the booze while pregnant, but I made up for it when I wasn't. I have grown very tired of living with someone whom I like and respect, but don't love. We have been in marriage councelling for the past year, and that hasn't helped. Up until 5 months ago, I was drinking mostly daily. This is a progressive disease. What was once just weekends became daily. The days that I didn't drink, (to prove to him that I could do it) were like I was holding my breath. I hated my life, I hated myself, but somehow I managed to love and take care of my kids. Drinking was no longer fun. I didn't go out to drink anymore, in fact I loved to stay home and drink by myself until I passed out. I figured that way I wouldn't get myself into any trouble. My long distance phone bills came in to let me know that I was still blacking out. I had to pretend that I knew what people were talking about when they mentioned something from previous conversations. A lot of people actually believed that if they had my life they would drink as much as me. Boy oh boy, I was a con and didn't even know it! Any how, this is getting really long. Hubby suggested that maybe if I quit drinking I would love him again. Much different from 12 years ago when he didn't think that I needed AA or any help. He said that I didn't have a problem. (still having trouble letting go of resentment) Enough is enough here, I'll get to the point. I am now in AA 5mths, going to 4 meetings a week. I have a sponsor, and I will be doing step 4 next month. I am having a hard time dealing with feelings. I am grateful that I get up without alcohol being my first thought. I can actually go to the store to buy milk when we're out of it.(didn't DUI, not yet anyway) I have a lot more freedom than I had when booze was my best friend. So, Annie, alcoholism doesn't care how old we are. I hope that you can get away from it before so many of the not yets happen. (blacking out, waking up with someone and not knowing if you used protection, DUI, jail, killing someone, killing yourself, etc....) You are never too young to be an alcoholic. It is not a game. Do something about it now before 12, or however many years go by. Have the life that you should have. I hope that this helped you, I know it helped me. All the best, Kerry


Member: Heather
Location: UT
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 08:12 PM

Comments

Hi room!! Trace- your comment about "Mike" being the smallest word in your post to him cracked me up. WTG! And I wanted to say it here: congrats on 5 months and I apologize to you for getting back in your face. Won't happen again. ((Barb))-where are you? ((Angie, Carrie, DianeC)) Susan- the reason no one will out-and-out say you're an alcoholic is that AA has a firm belief that no one but the individual themself can determine if he/she is alcoholic. What we can do, however, is recognize patterns of behavior- and yours seems to fit a lot of ours. The difference lies in how bad things got before we quit. The Big Book has sections of stories called "They stopped in time" and "They lost it all", among others, so one does NOT have to lose everything to be alcoholic. Chances are, if you're worried about it, you're alkie. If you realize that before you lose everything, so much the better for you. Yes, you could go drink some more to see if you can lose everything or if you can stop, but isn't that a rough road? You can always try this and if you decide it's not for you, alcohol will still be there. Carlc seems to think one has to know they have no control over alcohol before AA can help. That's not true. The ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Both on stayingcyber and in the Big Book, there are stories of people who have had years not drinking in AA before they took the Step 1: Admitted...that we were powerless over alcohol.... You can try AA and make up your mind as you go. Beats the hell out of losing everything to prove it to yourself. I was told by another alcoholic in '87 that I seemed to be alcoholic. I didn't believe it; I couldn't even buy at that age and rarely drank. This guy gave me the big book, answered questions I asked, and about 3 months later I admitted I was alcoholic. I recognized myself in the stories immediately, but it took a while before I could say it. Best of luck, Heather PS-Carlc, how did "mormon" come up? And how about dishing up some strength and hope?


Member: Sandi B
Location: EASTCOAST
Date: June 14, 2003
Time: 11:48 PM

Comments

Susan: "YET". Bad things haven't happened to you YET. From what you say you are in the early stages of addiction. Given time and you will relate very well to all in AA. If you live that long. I wish I had been more attentive. I understand 100 % of how you feel. I once was at the turning point that you are today.Just trying to save you a lot of heartache....All my best, Sandi.


Member: suzyqnj
Location: NJ
Date: June 15, 2003
Time: 12:07 AM

Comments

SUSAN G...YOU GO GIRL! Take what you need to keep you sober, and leave the rest. I'm so glad to see some posts about how bad some of the shareing on this sight has been. I was begiging to think nobady was going to say anything. sue


Member: Shima
Location: Atlanta, Ga.
Date: June 15, 2003
Time: 05:41 AM

Comments

Hi everyone i'm back from my vacation I really missed the site!!!! Shima here, a sloppy drunk, I was catching up on the post and while reading them I decided to address the AA issue before I vent about my issues. I am trying AA for the first time. I have read all of the steps. I was just wondering how culd this program be bad when it promotes peace love and happiness. The focus is mainly based on self-peace, love and hapiness. I can't understand why learning to adapt those qualities in your life is so wrong!! I know one thing, alcohol abuse was/is only a cover up for my lack of self-peace,love and happiness...I think AA can give some me knowledge about learning how to exibit the quailities of the tweleve step program (AA) without drinking Thanks for letting me share


Member: Heather
Location: UT
Date: June 15, 2003
Time: 06:35 AM

Comments

Shima, you go!!! That about says it, I guess!!! If that doesn't some up this program, I don't know what does. Mike, put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!!! I just read an archived meeting from '98 in which Sanders picked the topic of "favorite one-liners" (AA slogans). Sanders, good on ya!! I'd been looking for something like that; I have way too many of these scribbled down around my computer. I found a lot I'd never heard before and some I needed to hear again. It may have been 5 years ago, but it still rocks!! Now to go read the archived meeting on "insomnia".....(at 4:36 am Mountain) Happy Father's Day!!!


Member: Betty B
Location:
Date: June 15, 2003
Time: 10:16 AM

Comments

Annie, you are doing the right thing--you are lucky you recognize where you are headed while you are young and can get this vice out of your life and fill it with great and fulfilling things. It's not really fun to drink - not in the long run. Look at the people who are working hard to accomplish in life and follow their example --(NOW THAT'S WHERE THE FUN IS!) -- Those who think that drinking is what means a good time are deluded. Take it from an old fool (ok not that old - but wasted way too much time thinking that I could handle it - WASTED TIME that's what it amounts to in a long run - wasted health -- Don't be afraid, do the steps, know the traditions so no one drags you down the wrong path even in this program -- get out of the need to alter your state with chemicals NOW while your young and fill the void with good things. I don't mean to preach, but I was gullable enough when I was your age. I whish I had this advice then. Betty


Member: Susan G
Location: New Jersey
Date: June 15, 2003
Time: 02:03 PM

Comments

Susan G here again...and yes I AM an alcoholic - powerless over alcohol with an unmanageable life. I just wanted to say thank-you to everyone here who responded to my post a couple days ago. Yesterday I dealt with the worst obsession to drink in the 4 1/2 months I've been sober but managed not to pick up. If I wasn't an alcoholic, I would've been able to just go out and have a few drinks and leave it at that. But I can't drink normally anymore - I've done enough damage to myself I don't want to go down the road and see how much worse it can get. All of your words here really saved me from taking another drink. I appreciate this on-line community because it's even more 'anonymous' in some ways than a meeting -- I wasn't able to share in meetings about my anxieties about not fitting in...though I'm sure I would have gotten the same support there that I got here. I feel for the guys (Mike, Jameson) who only can proclaim negativity towards AA and its members...they obviously are looking for help or they wouldn't be here. I don't want to suffer from the same kind of stubbornness & denial anymore - it's what kept me out of AA for 3 years when I knew I needed help with drinking. Today I just want to get better, and I'm just grateful I got into this program when I did. I've re-joined AA again for this 24 hours, by the grace of God and wth help from people like you ..