Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 08:58 AM

Comments

hi Diane here day 47, and a happy Mother's Day to all the Mother's on this site, a good day to stay sober, sorry about the one no name person, you really seem depressed and I'm not sure why you think this site is down on you or am I just reading your post wrong????? I take what helps me now and leave the rest. I learned this when I first came on this site ,,,,take care and stay sober one day at a time.....their are a lot of good links on this site that smart folks have took the trouble to link for us so to them I again want to say thank you so much,,,,,Diane


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 09:08 AM

Comments

http://www.secularsobriety.org/30days.html this is helpful for all who are still in their 30 days of sobriety


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 09:19 AM

Comments

Anger I believe that is a big part of my addiction might come from abuse as a child from a Dad alkie and he also molested my sister and beat us, Today I'm learning very slowly to try and control that anger that was a learned behavior, I do know this, that I can not keep dealing on the past but to look to the future with hope and stay sober


Member: Pat H.
Location: Northern Va.
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 11:03 AM

Comments

A good tenth step helps me here. A revue of my day and where i was at fault. I use the serenity prayer to work it out for myself--is it something i can change? if not then I have to work on accepting what I can't change and letting it go.If I can change then what do I need to do?Easy? no way-- necessary to my recovery? Yes it is.If I can't work it out I go to at least one other alcoholic or else take it to a meeting.The wisdom to know the difference is the collective wisdom in the rooms.


Member: Fred
Location: Maryland
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 11:43 AM

Comments

Hello everybody, this is my first visit here. I'm glad I have this opportunity to share my anger and resentment towards myself because I can't drink successfully. I keep relapsing and when I do I can't control myself. I just wish I was normal. Whenever the word drunk or DWI is brought into a conversation I get uncomfortable. I'm glad that I'm almost two weeks sober.


Member: John L.
Location: Illinois
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 11:51 AM

Comments

On page 64 of the BB it Says"Resentment is the number 1 offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else" As I look back I realise that when I drank it was due to anger/resentments. But after working a number of steps I have been able to get rid of my resentments. When I am angry I call my sponsor or another person in AA. Instead of the anger lasting hours,days or weeks it is usually gne in 15 minutes. This does work because after trying to stop drinking many times in the past I am now coming up on 8 months. God bless you all


Member: Cheri
Location: Ca
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 11:57 AM

Comments

Hi Cheri alcoholic, anger and resentment is what makes me drink. Trying to control others is impossible, you can only make choices for yourself each day. Anger over not being able to drink like non alcoholics made me drink more. Trying each time to do it differently so I wouldn't get drunk. Like the BB says we try drinking like others, beer or wine or vodka, or counseling, or church. The bottom line is we're unable to take that first drink. It starts the craving for more. I am unhappy that I'm unable to have that glass of wine with conversation and no more, however, I NEED TO ACCEPT the fact that I can't. Each day that I don't pick up that drink helps me understand. It's day 6 and every day that I read at this site gives me hope and faith that I won't pick up that drink this day. For the no name person, I agree with Diane, that if your suffering from this disease; if you continue reading these posts, you'll find similarities and understanding from these fine people.


Member: John K
Location: Philadelphia
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 11:59 AM

Comments

Hi all, John, alcoholic. The only cure for resentments is forgiveness. After a while, if you do the Program as written, you will lose your capacity for resentment bit by bit. I found that out for myself after I had done the first 5 Steps of AA. The way it happened for me was, first I hit a real bottom in sobriety where I became willing to do absolutely anything AA might suggest; then I got used to doing the first 3 Steps; then, when I was chomping at the bit to do the 4th and 5th Steps, my sponsor finally agreed. We sat down at his table, and instead of asking me what I resented, he asked me, "What's the very first thing that comes to your mind--what is your first memory? I don't care if it makes sense or not, just write it down." I did that, and discovered that the first thing that pops into an alkies head without the Steps is a resentment! When I was about 2 or 3, I had really bad earaches. Since my parents belonged to a cult that forbade medical treatment, they prayed over me; I don't remember whether it worked or notI still *unconsciously* resented it 25 years later. We used the Big Book template for the 4th Step, with one important addition. On page 62, first full paragraph (the one about selfishness), it talks about decisions based on self, which later placed us in a position to be hurt. We added a column for these decisions based on self to the Big Book's template. In this case, by the age of 3, I resented Dad, Mom, God, and the cult, because I was afraid I would die or would never be out of pain, and thus decided that I better become self-sufficient (ego=easing God out) because they couldn't take care of me sufficiently. So I had to play God. Once I saw that, I also saw that everyone involved (including myself) was truly sick, and without any effort on my part, forgiveness just came. That was the first miracle! Welcome, Diane, and keep coming back no matter what! Thanks.


Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAND
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 12:14 PM

Comments

Its true one of my the biggest down falls was Anger and Resentments-- i used to loose sleep planning what i was going to do with S.O.B it took over my life and the more i thought the more angery i became--until my mind was clouded with these two feelings and nothing would sway my thinking until i sorted it out-usualy with violence! but to-day its different ive had 16+ years to practice this program-and as ((((John K)))) says we replace these feelings with forgivness and understanding and acceptance--when i accept it i dont get angery any more and i relise to-day im not always right so i try not get resentfull, Regards L-RAY


Member: Ronnie B.
Location: Florida
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 12:53 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Ronnie, I'm an alcoholic. I love the beginners meetings as it takes me back to when I came into the program. Thank you all for sharing. I need to be reminded that anger and resentments are not good for me. I know that when I am angry, I am blocking God from helping me out. I can't hear a word He is saying. When I get angry I have to call my sponsor or someone else in the program and get it out. To keep it inside, well it becomes a resentment that I can't afford to hang on to. I also have come to learn that my anger is just another way of my not being able to control people, places and things. Therefore when I get angry I have to ask myself who or what am I trying to control. Also it is me trying to play God and that doesn't work. I hit my knees again this morning and asked God to help me deal with my anger and went about my day. I can say he has helped me out. I feel much better. God never lets me down and for that I am forever grateful. Have a Sober and Great Day. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 12:56 PM

Comments

Another Sunday morning without a hangover. 14 days. I'm ok. I feel better about myself than I did two weeks ago. I'm doing things for myself that I hadn't thought to in ages. Right now, recovery is feeling good. I feel good knowing that it's all about the process. Thanks for the suggestions, the stories, and the links.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Kansas
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 04:34 PM

Comments

Chris H., alcoholic in Kansas here. Anger and resentments are truly deadly to this alcoholic! I hung on to so many things from childhood till the day I started working these steps that kept me weighed down and drove me to drink. I think resentments almost become like children to us. They are what we used to justify our behavior. But letting them go, one by one....and learning to deal with anger is helping me to live a mostly joyous life again! Great topic....can't wait to hear more from all of you.


Member: Jan B.
Location: New York
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 05:34 PM

Comments

Anger and Resentments....... Good topic, I have always prided myself in my ability to be this "happy go lucky" person, when inside I have had a ton on anger and resentments. Ironically, one of the biggest resentments I have had is that my mother was taken from me in a car accident when I was eleven. It was very tramatic since I was in the car at time time it happened. We were hit by a drunk driver - A little twist since, I have become an alcoholic. I guess, that is a resentment I have every mother's day. I became a wild child, my father didn't look at my own drinking, my step mother resented my existance. I was quite popular because I turned to my peers for acceptance. You can't just quit drinking and let go of the resentment. I think that has to come with time with feeling comfortable with yourself - accepting your own actions. I find that many of my resentments lie in the premise of what happened to me. A true feeling of an alcoholic, poor me, look what has happened to me. We need to take a look at where our anger and resentment stems from. With myself, often I feel it has been from my own behavior. Not wanting to take the blame for the things that I have done, not what others have done to me. Peace


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 06:45 PM

Comments

Diane here again, well it's cool today in Texas which for now is good because I just found a again frozen air conditioning unit so looks like I may be hot for a while till my Daughter can get it fixed, wow I should have known when my computer kept setting off an alarm that is was too hot hahaha, Now talk about a reason to be angry hahaha but thank God at least for now it's cool.... I will be doing more praying for this one for the old Diane would have been fit to be tied but not drinking sure makes lifes problems a little easier to handle,, congratulations on all the new folks heck I guess I'm a new folk but I sure am happy to be sober


Member: mark f
Location: central Pa..
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 08:05 PM

Comments

Mark here former drunk. ive got a little more than 19 months sober and it seems to be getting better every week. However i do still deal with anger and resentments. Ive come to a point in my recovery where i reckognize these feelings and thoughts and instead of acting on them like i might have 20 months ago, i catch myself and pray for the help i need to overcome whatever it may be. I still get those feelings but now i`m realizing that it`s my doing not anyone elses. My anger or resentment is usually because i cant accept something or someone as being just as it is supposed to be. His will not mine right? Working on it though it does get better !! Happilly trudgeing along,, peace!!


Member: Kim
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 10:32 PM

Comments

Kim here alcoholic. I find with resentments that they are usually about things I kept to myself instead of talking to the person about when a situation bothered me. Most of the time it is something I misunderstood. I have learned there is always some part of a situation that I have a responsiblity in. I have found with anger that it is hard to control as I have stuffed those feelings so long. I found the more I practiced taking care of my feelings at the time, regardless of how uncomfortable it is the easier it was to do. Also the more I practice expressing my anger appropriately the more I am able to do so with out over reacting. I found it takes practice. I found I avoided my anger because I was scared of it and other people avoid it because they are uncomfortable with it. I now find anger not to be either good or bad. It just is like any other feeling. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 12:09 AM

Comments

Hi Diane here, I just realized today that I got some bad anger problems, and I think it is a control thing, with the children when they don't mind me, I guess I came from a time when I was told to do something I did it or else, well I need to work on me a lot more then what I realized before this topic came up so I am glad to have read the post to maybe teach me some control, any suggestions to help me with this problem or web links sure would be appreciated....Diane


Member: Just some experience!
Location:
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 12:37 AM

Comments

Diane, I've honestly found that life all around gets better with sobriety, but my practical experience is that early on the serenity prayer and ten deep breaths helped a lot when the kids, (who were really small back then) got on my last nerve. I don't know why it worked, and is still working, but it truly does. God bless you and bless you and bless you.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 01:17 AM

Comments

Hi All, Kelly an alcoholic. Resentments and anger I have always had but they are much less now that I stopped drinking and started in AA and recovery. I noticed a rapid reduction when I started working the steps as if by magic. I am easygoing by nature and held my anger in for most of my life. Depression is anger turned inward. That is how it manifested in me. Writing step 4 and beginning with my earliest memory which was (fear) I learned that fear is at the root of most all of my problems. I suffer from the 101 fears the Big Book talks about. Most of my anger and resentments are fear based. Just realizing that really helps me to know what to identify when I feel anger. I ask myself what am I really afraid of ??? My usual way to deal is to be an alcoholic with an inferiority complex. It is so much easier to run and hide or slam down my walls than to think it through. I end up full of fear which bubbles over into anger and then if left to itself turns into a seething resentment. I used to handle resentments, the number one problem for alcoholics, by burying them with booze. When I quit drinking I felt overwhelmed by them and tried controlling them by avoiding the person, place, or thing causing it. That did not work so I started turning it over to God. Wa-la the resentment started to go away. Owning my part in it was key. Just because things scare or intimidate me doesn't give me the right to cop a resentment. If the fear is irrational I pray for God to relieve it. If it is a person then what is it about them that threatens me? Half the time it is something I'm blowing out of proportion. Again I pray for God to relieve it. This has been working for me. Thanks for letting me share. Kelly


Member: Robert O
Location: Central New Jersey
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 10:09 AM

Comments

If there is one word that I could describe myself with, it would be angry. I don't exactly know why I was so angry for so many years. Maybe it was family, I know alot of it had to do with my friends. I never had the most loyal friends and it took me several years to finally break away from the people who were hurting me. However, I am not going to blame those people for anything. I know that I have choices in life, and those were the people I choose to hang out with. I also made the choice to abuse alchohol for as long as I did. I used to blame everything and everyone for my episodes and I covinced myself that as long as people understood it was alright. I later realized that it was easier for everyone to accept it then to challenge me in any way. They were right in their assumptions. There are days where I am still angry and still resentful but I am still sober. I am happy today, and I am going to take it one day at a time. Thanks again.


Member: Linda C
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 10:13 AM

Comments

Good morning. Linda C here, and I'm an alcoholic. The past 24 hours have been overwhelming for me and I've spent most of that time in tears of joy as "obvious" truth became apparent to me. Anger and resentment have fueled my behavior for so long that I forgot it was anger I was feeling. I just turned it all inside (depression as Kelly points out) and isolated myself, taking the blame for all that went wrong anywhere around me. Words pounded into my head as a child, "if you aren't going to do it RIGHT, don't do it at ALL!" (both parents and parochial school teachers in the 50's and 60's) left me feeling I had to be able to CONTROL every outcome. I never learned to set appropriate boundaries, because I felt I should be able to CONTROL every situation. I am now 4 days sober, having turned all control over to God who loves me unconditionally. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all who share here. Smiling through my tears, Linda


Member: Julie M.
Location: Alva Fl
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 10:40 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Julie and I'm an alcoholic. I like this topic. I never really thought about why I drank I thought is was for fun and because I could. But to be honest with myself I like John L. drank because of anger in my realationship and the fact he was drinking so why shouldn't I go to the bar and have fun too. Now I don't have to do that I don't get angry because others can drink and don't have problems with it. I can't drink. One leads to another and so on...Today I'm still sober and very greatful. I just celebrated my birthday this weekend and my son and parents came and helped me put up cattle fence around my pasture. We were all unexperienced and it was a sight to see us dummies out there. Life is great sober and I live today not yesterday or tomorrow. Live for today. It's easy and it works. Thanks for listening. Jules


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 12:11 PM

Comments

Craig, another real alcoholic (page 21) For me, anger and resentment are only expressions of fear (F*k Everything And Run). I would much rather run and drinking used to be a good way to blot out the world for a time. Today, whenever I am afraid or resentful, I hear my sponsor asking "What are you afraid of?". The 12 steps of AA, allowed me to enter into a world of Peace, I had never known. Today, the steps help me face my fears and grow. If you are new, and you are Alcoholic, this same Peace is freely available to you. Find someone today to help you being to practice the 12 steps.


Member: Hope
Location: Dakotas
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 12:45 PM

Comments

Thanks (Jan B.)- good share. I know that over the years I have used alcohol to make myself shut off the terrible anger I had inside. I used it to shut down lots of other feelings as well of course. But the onset of my disease stemmed from an intial realization that stop being so hateful for all that was happening. Like most females I was raised that we should always "be nice, polite, keep everyone happy and not to make waves". That's how I wanted to be too. The problem is noone ever told me how to get rid of the incredible rage I had against those that were hurting me, while I was struggling to be respectful for them. I picked up some other self-destructive habits in the process of searching for a way to vent my anger but the one that really worked well was drinking. A glass of wine before I had to interact with them and suddenly it was easy. As long as I was numb I was nice. It worked for awhile but pretty as soon as I stopped drinking the anger came back twice fold, so I wanted to be drinking all the time. I am 11 days sober now and I am finding that the best revenge is living well.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 01:08 PM

Comments

hi Diane here again and thank you (((just some experience))) for your advice, this morning the children all got up for me but I did take my belt up just to let them know I meant bussiness but did not use it, I hate to even suggest a spanking but I want them to know not to walk all over me while I am taking care of them, I prayed this morning and they got up with out me having to freak out, the oldest seems to be a heavy sleeper mainly cause he won't get his butt in bed on time but I tried to explain to him last night how I get worried about him when he don't come home on time and how I am responsible for his safty so he has to mind me, maybe tonight will go better and I'll remember deep breaths but he ignores calmness he only reacts to me if I yell at him other wise he seems to just block me out all together and it has been at least 15 years since I've had to raise a teenagers but I do have the 29 year old that has a drug problem but he is working now, I'm rambling on sorry,,, I just feel so overwelmed with these children and I do love them and it kills me to have to get on to them. Heck I do all the house work and so they have nothing to do but eat and sleep and play,


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 02:52 PM

Comments

Day 15. I'm ok. Anger and Resentments. I have some experience there. Yesterday was mothers day, so the focus of a big chunk of my anger and resentments are all fresh in my head. In the 14 years since I have grown up and moved out of my parents house, I have uttered the serenity prayer a billion times. I pray to be able to forgive them for being a couple of drunks. I pray to forgive them for beating me all the time. No child deserves to ever go through what I did. I pray to forgive them for passing this disease on to me. I pray and I pray and I pray. I just can't do the pink bubbles and white light thing anymore. Maybe anger and resentment are the only ways to feel in this situation. Today I am sober. I am working multiple programs and doing a lot on my own to clear my head. It's working for me. Anger and resentment may have been what drove me to therapy and later recovery. Today, I am glad that there seem to be positive roles for emotions that are conventionally viewed as being wrong or something to move beyond. Even anger and resentment can be the stepping stones to recovery. I'm not saying a person should wallow in their own 'negativity'. What I am saying is that maybe there is a place for these emotions in building a happy life for yourself. Forgive and forget? Naaah. Take the lesson and move on. In my case, I know I will never forget.


Member: AZbill
Location: az-bill@mindspring.com
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 03:21 PM

Comments

Hi Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. I took care of all the angers and resentments I could think of in Step Four. When I could not think of any more, then I was done with Four. However, I did have some old forgotten resentments pop up later on. I just did a one line Fourth Step on that item at that point and pressed on. No law against that. :) Step 10 charges me with the responsibility to continue to set right any new mistakes. Step 11 gives me the means to do this. When I retire at night. I review my day. Constructively. Don't even have to work at it. I am given an eight question check list. After the review I ask for forgiveness and for corrective measures. When I wake up I think about the day ahead and include plans for correcting any errors from the day before. I do not agonize over petty errors. That is why they put erasers on pencils..to correct those. But I do take care of the major stuff. BTW if you really want to see your bosses jaw drop. Just walk up to him the first thing the next morning and say. "I gave that butt chewing out from yesterday into consideration and quite frankly I cannot take any responsibility for that error...It was not my fault". LOL. I did it and it was well worth it. Love you all.


Member: Jackie
Location:
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 04:00 PM

Comments

Hi guys. I have a question. I haven't gotten a sponser yet, woman with sobriety here is few and far inbetween. Is there a website with like worksheets, or ways to go through steps 4 & 5??? Craig, I loved your saying F*** everything and run, my motto for Years!!! PEACE Jackie


Member: Jackie
Location:
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 04:00 PM

Comments

Hi guys. I have a question. I haven't gotten a sponser yet, woman with sobriety here is few and far inbetween. Is there a website with like worksheets, or ways to go through steps 4 & 5??? Craig, I loved your saying F*** everything and run, my motto for Years!!! PEACE Jackie


Member: Rich
Location: NH
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 08:33 PM

Comments

I slipped and fell off the wagon and I'm having a hard time getting up again. I tell myself every morning when I get up that I won't have a drink today but the "2 o'clock bell" rings and I'm off to the store for some more.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Kansas
Date: May 12, 2003
Time: 10:52 PM

Comments

((Rich))....you're in the right place. Don't just tell yourself you're not going to drink..ask your HP for the willingness to not drink just for this 24 hours. I found when I started asking for willingness to do the things I was being told I need to do it became much easier....just a thought! Keep coming back.


Member: L.W.R
Location: canada
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 01:17 AM

Comments

everyone new in sobriety.. keep coming back, im not new, but im not better than you. so one thing i always noticed about myself and resentments was the more i had wrong or twisted inside myself... the more resentments i seemed to get.. seen it over and over and over again in aa and if you wanna see it full blown, just get to know an active alkie.. they are often loaded down with the world is wrong and its thier fault... I eventually got to where i was able to look at myself (the steps) everytime i had a resentment, i wouldn't even include the person i was angry with, i would go right to the source... which was me... today for me resentment is without exception (something within myself) every single time, and its self centered).. everytime. ALL I HAVE TO ASK MYSELF IS THIS.. what's not going my way today? who isn't as well as i think they should be? What am i not getting that i think i deserve? and why don't i seem to understand that life isn't always fair? Why doesn't that sick buger get it together so i can marry him and be happy? a classic)) What's the payoff of me hanging on to this anger? do i use anger to justify my not making changes? There were times in earlier sobriety that i just couldn't seem to shake a resentment, no matter how many times i did the steps and prayed for the person, on and on. Finally one day i accepted that i was not ready to look at me, and walla! god took it almost the next day... pretty powerful program.


Member:
Location:
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 07:38 AM

Comments

Day one sober and glad dor it. After spending the past week or so reading all your posts, I feel I am ready to try myself. I mentioned in an earler post that my husband is a daily drinker (although less prone to over doing it than I am) so there is always alcohol in my house. I am worried about the resentment of seeing him have a glass of wine and not be able to join him but I will take it one day at a time. I've quit for short periods in the past, so I hope I can do it again. Thanks to you all for being here.


Member: Terry
Location: NY
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 07:38 AM

Comments

Day one sober and glad dor it. After spending the past week or so reading all your posts, I feel I am ready to try myself. I mentioned in an earler post that my husband is a daily drinker (although less prone to over doing it than I am) so there is always alcohol in my house. I am worried about the resentment of seeing him have a glass of wine and not be able to join him but I will take it one day at a time. I've quit for short periods in the past, so I hope I can do it again. Thanks to you all for being here.


Member: Linda C
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 08:36 AM

Comments

Good morning. Linda here; I'm an alcoholic and this is day 5 of recovery. Discovered last night that my phone call to my mother-in-law last week during a blackout wasn't the usual hateful trash I can dish out. I had offered to take her to a doctors appointment today. Good thing she called to ask what time I'll pick her up. Had to tap-dance around the fact that I couldn't remember her "appt. time" (couldn't remember anything ABOUT the phone call!) but I'm used to having my tap shoes nearby - just in case. I'm looking forward to being out of the house with her, and NOT being ANGRY that helping her out is eating into my DRINKING TIME. My God is so good! Linda


Member:
Location:
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 09:48 AM

Comments

((Jackie%9f T_]鵦ظk(pN


Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 09:48 AM

Comments

((Jackie)) I am just doing steps 4/5 now and yesterday i asked why when writing down all the shit i've done in my life isn't it effecting me, shouldn't i be feeling something, but my sponser said that what step 5 is for to share it with someone else thats when the feelings come in, and you have to really do this f2f or it ain't the same straight away my chest got hot at the thought of sharing with her some of the things i have written down, but that is good, i love this raw feeling i can get today instead of all that deadness i had before. tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: Robert O
Location: Central New Jersey
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 11:17 AM

Comments

(Terry) I know what your feeling. I remember when I first decided to put down the bottle, all I could think about is the resentment I would feel when I saw other people drink. I couldn't fathom not joining in to celebrate whatever the excuse was to celebrate. But you know what, this time, it wasn't that hard. I came to a point in my life where everything was going great for me, and in one night I almost jeapodized everything. I was lucky however, by the grace of god I didnt injure myself or anyone else when I got behind the wheel of a car. A friend of mine was not so lucky. The only thing I can offer you is my experiences in hope that they will help you as others have helped me. I asked myself a simple question, has alchohol done anything to make my life better? The answer was NO. Thats when I decided I wanted to see what life was like sober. It does get easier, but more so, each time you are faced with the question to drink and you refrain, it makes you stronger. The best feeling in the world is when you are in control of your own life. I wouldn't trade that feeling for a drink. I am sober another day and I am in control another day. One day at time, thats all you need to hope for. Thanks for sharing.


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 11:43 AM

Comments

Day16. This is what feeling ok is like... In two weeks, I have realized that this is a disease I have. I could easily die from it. Among other things, Drinking could damage my brain chemistry irreparably. There is one thing that I have to do to halt this disease, but there is no magic pill. I have to avoid alcohol for the poison that it is. I enjoy my personal worth more than I could any drink. I am sober today.


Member: Brenda R.
Location:
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 11:58 AM

Comments

57 days today. Again. I am in a recovery program in SF. Every time I relapse, which has been once in the last 4 1/2 months I am told by my program manager to start the 90 meetings in 90 days over again. I have been doing this for the last 8 months and have yet to reach 90 days. I am becoming resentful that am spending so much time each day getting to and from meetings. No car 3 hour round trip. I am grateful to discover that this online meeting is available . Now if only my program manager will be agreeable to this solution when I tell her today. Otherwise sobriety is a blast and life has never been better. I welcome any comments. Brenda.


Member: Tammy
Location: Colorado
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 12:30 PM

Comments

Hi I am an alcoholic!!! I have known this for about 20 years but have chosen to ignore it and justify my drinking because I wanted to be social! I am a really nice person when I am not drinking, according to my husband the most wonderful woman in the universe, but have in last 6 months become a monster when drinking. I have vented extreme anger and meanness when drunk that I didn't even know I had in me! Two nights ago was the WAKE UP CALL. I was angry at my husband once again! Our five year old had gone to bed an hour earlier and I became verbal about my anger and my husband decided he would leave and go to a hotel because he knows there is nothing he can do when I get like this. So I got physical with him and tried to prevent him from leaving. He pushed me away from him and again tried to leave.....anyway it was completely nuts, I was way out of control and we were physical with one another. As he was pulling out of the driveway my 5 year old came into the kitchen where I was crying and upset and he was sobbing, I mean really upset. THIS IS IT! I will not continue to hurt my husband, my sweet innocent child with my continuing denial of what is making everyone hurt so much! I feel so ashamed and so crazy and honestly this is the farthest from who I really am. I know I can do this because I cannot see it any other way. My son told me that he prayed for us at his church school yesterday (prays that mommy and daddy will stop fighting!) WAKE UP CALL!!!


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 05:56 PM

Comments

(((Tammy))) you can do it just take the one day at a time and not drink for that one day, this is my 49 day and I have to admit the thought to drink has crossed my mind today, I wish I could give you a magic pill to help you through this but what I've found out is coming to this site is what helps me to understand the many emotions we all go through, ,,,,, and Brenda this site works for me and I'm sure what you can not drive it will help you also heck,,,, any meetings are good ones,,,,Hey (((Marsha L))) where the heck did you go?


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 06:06 PM

Comments

Stacy, day 37. I really like your posts, ((Mike)). You are keeping it simple and I am learning the same things your are. Keep the poison out! A bad day sober is better than a good day drunk for me right now. I'm grateful for this site. I've told others new in the program about it and hope they will visit. Anger. It's interesting that when I was drinking I was so angry and now that I'm not, my anger has lessened. I do have anger and resentments, but not nearly the intensity. I know that when I do the steps I will learn more about what I have so masterfully been covering up. Growing up in an alcoholic home I learned survival methods that are not serving me today. The biggest one being that I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS ANGER OR DISCOMFORT!!! I avoid confrontation at all costs. I feel so inept in this area. I'm sick of it. I've always hated that side of me, but I never knew how to address it. And then when I tried to get help, I would be overcome with Fear (F**k everything and run!)and shut that door. Now that I'm a Mom I really want to get through this and be able to show my children by example how a grown up behaves!


Member: neil s.
Location: suffolk, england
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 06:07 PM

Comments

hey all, neil here alcoholic, ((tammy)) good on you, NOW it is time to do step 1 and i mean NOW, while all of this is fresh, the next thing you need to do is find several pics of you, hubby and son, and put them everywhere, bathroom mirror, by the coffee pot, on the frig, in your car, next tell hubby what it is you want to do, and that you need his support, but remember and you will read it here from me and/or other folks, sometimes our "significant other" just doesn't understand, and if they don't FINE, you must remember you are doing this for TAMMY, you must feel it in YOUR heart, on 30 sep 02, while my wife was away (military) and she was going to be gone 6 months, i flipped out on one of my screaming, blaming everything on my wife for leaving us (my 2 boys 5 & 8 and me)the kids couldn't do anything right, was out in the kitchen and just started crying, i knew right then and there that my HP was talikg to me and asked my HP to help me get rid of this evil beast in me, that i was helpless and powerless, i also asked for a better relationship, my HP has since lead me to many sites and places for me to find the things i need, i take things ONE DAY AT A TIME, and know that i will NEVER learn all that i need to learn, but JUST FOR TODAY i know, i WILL be sober, and I WILL love my family and freinds like there will not be another day, thanks for letting me babble, have a great 24, come back!


Member: neil s.
Location: suffolk, england
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 06:22 PM

Comments

hi all, neil, alcoholic, anger & resentments, this could be taken several ways, one that comes to mind is the possible begining of step 4, which is a tuff one for most of us. when i first quit drinking, i too was always angered about anything and everything, driving was getting really bad for me, especially since i'm a (SAHD) Stay At Home Dad, and take the kids to school and pick them up, so on the road alot, long story short, i took a stress/anger management class, (twice) and if that wasn't enough while driving my 2 boy's to school, 10 oct 02, rolled & flipped the van thank god i was sober since 30 sep 02 (only 10 days) but could you imagine what would have happened to me or my boys (mom was in the desert) if i had my usual 10 - 12 beers the night before, that was a wake up for my anger/patience point, so it too has taken on a ONE DAY AT A TIME approach, i also have found a few sites some of you may like, www.myhappiness.com/ http://thehappyguy.com/ ENJOY, happy trails, we can all do it ONE DAY AT A TIME.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 13, 2003
Time: 06:34 PM

Comments

hi Diane here thank you Neil for the good share and the web site I sure need some help with my anger right now today. I've prayed to my Hp to help me and now I have a peace in my Heart again. thanks,,,


Member: carlc
Location: Texas
Date: May 14, 2003
Time: 04:40 AM

Comments

Welcome to all the new people if you are alcohlic you are in the right place thats the good news the bad news is that if you are alcohlic you are suffering from an illnes that only a spiritual esperience can conquer i was in and out of the program for many many years and it wasnt until i was as ready as the dying could be that i became willing to follow direction the only advice i can give a newcomer is to keep coming back no matter whether you drink again just keeping coming back i wish the best and may God bless you all


Member: T-Bone
Location: S. Fl
Date: May 14, 2003
Time: 06:59 AM

Comments

Jackie, welcome. Try http://www.sober.org/ look for the Big Book Bunch, takes you through all the steps. Keep coming back.


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 14, 2003
Time: 07:11 AM

Comments

((Diane)) I'm still here and sober although I had a minor slip. I jumped right back on though and have been doing some reading about the physical aspects of addiction. I have started counting my days again (at day two) although it was not a bender or anything I had a couple of beers. I am trying to understand the chain of events that lead me there because just to stay sober is not enough. Thanks for thinking about me and you stay sober. I am really proud of you. Talk to you soon. Marsha.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: May 14, 2003
Time: 07:44 AM

Comments

(((Marsha))) Welcome back! Day 2 is awesome! I'm still moving slowly but in my mind I'm saying hell no I'm not gonna go. I don't like change but part of getting sober is accepting financial responsibility and living within my means.... very humbling! I keep saying to myself wherever I go that is where I am meant to be and it helps. I had a great day yesterday as it was my official 8 months. I got another gift when the sponsor I was looking for was literally placed in my life. I already have a BB step study sponsor but I wanted a regular AA sponsor. She has 18 years sobriety and is into skiing and hiking like me, same interests. She is also more importantly walking serenity. I wanted someone who practiced what they preached. She has what I want and I feel that she can take me through the steps in the way I want to... thoroughly. I need to do the inside work to get better. Like you said just giving up the drink is not enough. I have that black hole inside saying FEED ME. I have a lot of fears too that are irrational and need a 4th step and a fifth. Do you go to meetings? You may want to because I could not get this program alone. I need the support of f2f meetings and hearing others ES&H. Keep coming back Marsha and take it one day at a time all. ((Diane)) did you get your AC fixed yet? I said a prayer for you about your anger and for patience with the grandkids... Kelly :)


Member: Linda C
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: May 14, 2003
Time: 08:09 AM

Comments

Good morning. Linda C here; alcholic. This is day 6 of my new life, and I actually feel like a baby -- looking around with my new eyes at things I've been ignoring for a long time. I have so much to learn, and I'm spending large chunks of every day (my usual afternoon "get-an-early-start-on-the-drinking" time) reading the Big Book and other links you have all been kind enough to post. What a blessing for me that this week's topic is Anger and Resentment. My husband really tied one on last night. I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. The last time that happened (me sober - him drunk) I yelled and carried on, and blamed him for the fact that I HAVE to drink, because HE drinks. Hmmm. I wonder how many times the situation has been in reverse, and he was angry and disgusted with me. Decided it was a good time to drive out to the nursery and buy a few flats of bedding plants for the garden. As I pulled down the driveway, I had to laugh; I think that's the first time I've been behind the wheel after dinner in about 5 years! I'm realizing that anger/resentment/drinking are so tied together for me that it's hard to untangle cause and effect. I have the rest of my life to sort it out. For today, I thank God for his grace, and for all of you. Linda


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 14, 2003
Time: 10:41 AM

Comments

thanks for the prayer Kelly and the air is working now just have to not turn it down too much, as for my anger last night was a bad deal my 15 year old grandson knocked two holes in his wall and he pushed all my buttons to upset me, we finally made up when he told his Mom he was in a crimpt gang and owed some money anyway I am not use to how he treated me, anyway he and I made it and today is a lot better, hey (((( Marlsha L)))) good to have you back again, hey a small slip is ok at least you got back in gear this is day 50 for me sober but last night I sure wanted to get drunk. Diane


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 14, 2003
Time: 02:40 PM

Comments

Day 17. I'm ok. Welcome Back (Marsha). "Beyond the Influence" is a WONDERFUL book, if you're trying to understand alcoholism as a physiological disease. I've been reading it. It's helping to reinforce the knowlege that alcoholism is not a shortcoming on my part. It's an affliction that we all have to deal with. Today, dealing with alcoholism is simpler (Stacy, thanks so much for the compliment). It was when I was dancing around inevitability and denying my own issue that life was way too complex. I'm finding that the more honest you are with yourself, the more truth flows out of your lips and onto the page when writing. With all that happening, I feel good to be on this path to self discovery. I also am finding that by concentrating on my own self worth, I am not even interested in poisoning myself. We are ALL worth more than this disease. No poison, no problem. Namast.


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 14, 2003
Time: 03:45 PM

Comments

((Mike)) Thanks for the information and Namast`e.


Member: Robert O
Location: Central New Jersey
Date: May 14, 2003
Time: 04:18 PM

Comments

Feeling a little indifferent today. Don't know if I don't have anything to say or if I don't know how to say. Kinda of weird, just thought I would mention it. Still sober another day. I guess I am not feeling angry or resentful. Maybe thats a good thing.


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: May 14, 2003
Time: 06:31 PM

Comments

Stacy, alcoholic. Looking forward to a meeting tonight. I wish I could attend more. Once again, I agree with you Mike. Concentrating on my own self worth is a great help! I wake each day now and ask my HP to help me to live honestly today. I've been lying to myself, my husband, my family, my friends. What a relief to live today with a clean slate. I'm nervous about doing the steps, but I know that I need to. I'm rambling. Enjoying my new life. Hope you all are too.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 14, 2003
Time: 08:19 PM

Comments

Hi Diane here, yep Robert I know what you mean, I'm just here today, kind of numb but sober, got a bug so don't feel very good today,, I am sober 50 days now, I feel so ashamed of my actions last night, I think I am just out of pratice to handle a crazy teen again.


Member: nobody special
Location: smartland
Date: May 15, 2003
Time: 12:30 AM

Comments

Was i responsible for my alcoholism? Was i aware that i was in fact mentally ill? Was i a bad person, because i was mentally ill? Expecting yourself to kick the habit on your own is just like asking a parkinson's victim tightrope. My only hope turned out to be my higher power., which i wasn't aware of when i got to aa, In early sobriety i wasn't well enough to worry about getting a higher power.. anyhow it already had me ... lol in sobriety..


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 15, 2003
Time: 09:03 AM

Comments

but (((nobody special))) we have to be accountable for our own actions or I know I do. what happens when our children are sick from our sickness? how do we help our older adult children when we totally screwed up their lives with our sickness??? I do turn my acoholic disease over to my HP and trying to turn every thing over to my Hp where are all the answers???


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 15, 2003
Time: 11:32 AM

Comments

Day 18. I'm ok. I went out last night for a fantastic meal. As much as I would have liked a glass of wine with dinner, I knew it was best not to. I enjoyed my dinner (Grilled Salmon over a citrus cous cous with asparagus, yum!) and my friends with a glass of mineral water. First time 'out' since I quit drinking, and it wasn't an issue at all. I had a really good time and I feel pretty good about that. AND no hangover! No poison, no problem.


Member: nobody special
Location:
Date: May 15, 2003
Time: 12:11 PM

Comments

((Diane))) ""the big book... about the jaywalker: then you'll understand what i'm talking about.. there comes a point in our drinking when we lose the choice... aka (mental illness) i would say that i was personally responsible for all of the drinks i had before the day came that i could no longer be responsible because it turned into a mental illness..... ive been sober a long time now. and i wish you the same...another 24 is how we do it. sometimes another minute/hour etc. I'll never forget the first 6 weeks of quiting.. i barely made it, i didn't go to meetings right away, and looking back i almost should have been in a detox... but it all happend the way it should have... if we continue any really dishonest behaviour for long enough we will either drink again or live most uncomfortably..


Member: Kirsten S.
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Date: May 15, 2003
Time: 01:23 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Kirsten and I'm still an alcoholic. I had 8 days sober unitl I drank and lost them all. I felt just horrible, I had let down all the people that supprt me, my family, my friends, my AA members and my Sponsor. I it sure was not worth the pain that I caused them and myself for those few drinks. I Have to start over. 90 in 90 = and I can do it. I wish you all another 24 and I will take one for myself. ** This is my first visit and i will keep coming back. Thank you for leting me share.


Member: Greg S
Location: Okawville, IL
Date: May 15, 2003
Time: 02:00 PM

Comments

HI everyone I'm Greg & I'm an alcoholic. Last Friday I decided I'd rather be drunk than sober. By Tuesday my life was completely unmanagable. So I woke up yesterday & asked myself if I truly had a desire to stop drinking. Happily, the answer was "yes" & I stayed sober yesterday. Kristen, Marsha -thanks for your honesty. Carl C. - thanks for telling me exactly what I needed to hear yesterday about keep coming back regardless of slips/relapses. T-Bone, thanks for the link at www.sober.org - you wouldn't believe how much that site helped, especially the part about "what did I think I wanted that was in the bottle" I'll be thinking about that & working the 1st this week. Thanks for letting me share, and thank you all for your experience, strength & hope...


Member: Wendy W.
Location: Longmont, CO
Date: May 15, 2003
Time: 03:19 PM

Comments

Hello to all...Wendy alcoholic here!129 days today...wow who would of ever "thunk" it !!!!! This is so great to be able to have a meeting right here on the computer...This is my first time here so "THANKS" everyone can't wait for more...... Keep coming back.....it works!!!


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: May 15, 2003
Time: 04:04 PM

Comments

Day 39 today. I am learning that if I don't take action I won't change my life. I am getting to meetings (not as many as I should) when I can. I am looking for a sponsor and the milisecond I find her, I will ask. I have known that I need to start writing things down. My AA buddy recommended this and I just haven't gotten around to it. But the committee in my head is running wild and I know that if I start writing it will help. So, last night after the meeting I went and got a little notebook and came home and started to write. I began writing on Step One (taking some action). I see clearly when I list the ways that my life was unmanageable that I need help. I do feel that I'm exercising power over my disease by doing all of the work that I'm doing on myself and with AA. I admit I struggle with "powerlessness". I have always contemplated, thought, prayed and considered making changes in me, but I have always lacked the key ingredient - ACTION! I love to wallow and do nothing. And then get angry about how things aren't working for me. In the BB it says in one of the stories that "I was judging me by my intentions, while the world was judging me by my actions." Thanks for listening. ((Mike)) good for you on your first night out. I really enjoyed my first night out to a nice dinner. I had mineral water as well. Driving home sober! What a great feeling. Welcome newcomers.


Member: Kerry C
Location: Texas
Date: May 15, 2003
Time: 04:25 PM

Comments

Hi, Kerry here an alcoholic. I havent had the need to take a drink in 55 days by the grace of God and the freely sharing of this program by those who went before me. Firstly, to those who are having trouble not drinking, it was suggested to me to not just read but thoroughly study Chapter 3 of the Big Book (More About Alcoholism, page 30). Now about this business of Anger and Resentment, Chapter 5 of the Big Book (How it Works, page 66) puts it about as plain as it can be put. It is plain that a life that includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for the alcoholic these things are poison..If you will notice the Big Book uses words like: futility, unhappiness, precise extent, infinitely grave, fatal, to drink is to die, had to be free of anger, poison. I dont know about you but those seem to be serious warnings to me. So how do we get rid of this anger and resentment? Luckily for us the Big Book has clear instructions on how to do it. Steps 4 and 5. Our minds can really only harbor one kind of feeling at a time. If there is anger, there is no room for love. If there are resentments, there is no room for compassion. While this on-line meeting is very helpful, eventually we have to work the Steps to be relieved of our compulsion to drink. The best way to work the Steps is to have someone show you how. That is why it is so important for us to work with a sponsor face to face. My thinker got me into the mess I was in, how can I expect it to solve the very problem it created??? Only I can decide to take that first drink and only I can decide not to take that first drink. God wont knock the drink out of my hand or disable my car so I cant go to the store to buy it. This is the essence of Step one. I am only powerless after I take the first drink. Thank you all for helping me stay sober today. I was feeling resentful so came here to read and get me out of myself for awhile.


Member: Linda C
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: May 15, 2003
Time: 05:49 PM

Comments

Linda C here; I'm an alcoholic, and this is day 7 of sobriety. Day 7! A whole week! I haven't felt this healthy in many years. And I haven't been this busy in many years. I've lost so much time, and I thank my God for giving me the grace to LIVE this day.


Member: KipC
Location:
Date: May 15, 2003
Time: 06:40 PM

Comments

This is my first real attempt at stopping drinking. I would like to attend a local AA meeting. Do I need to do anything other than attend? I really do not know what to expect and would ask for some guidance.


Member: Kerry C
Location: Texas
Date: May 15, 2003
Time: 07:52 PM

Comments

KipC, Just bring your body and an open mind. Many groups will ask if there is anyone attending their first AA meeting. You can tell them your name or sit quietly. You might consider going a little early and staying a little late after the meeting to talk to some of the people there. If you make the effort to introduce yourself, there will be someone that will talk with you if you want. The sooner you get to know some people the more comforatable you will be. The only requirement to attend an AA meeting is the desire to stop drinking which you seem to have. Welcome to the fellowship!


Member: BeezS
Location: USA
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 12:56 AM

Comments

I don't care what anyone says...this is an illness, not a "character defect." I went to an AA meeting and some idiot talked about his "character defect." I got livid and tried to speak up fot the first time ever in a meeting, and was told to shut up. I will never go back again. Who needs that kind of support? This place has been very helpful to me, but AA meetings rot.


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 07:21 AM

Comments

Good morning everyone--Marsha here-still sober and will stay that way. I have discovered that since I had the small slip I feel differently about staying sober. Somehow the fear is gone and what is left is the desire to know myself better and to learn more about addiction. Anger and resentment was only one of the triggers that led me to drink. I could think of a thousand reasons that would make me want to drink but the truth is that my real desire was just to drink in the face of anything. I am sick of making excuses for the disgusting habit that has no legitimate value. To me repeating constantly that I am an alcoholic is just making another excuse for staying in the same place that I was. I choose to look beyond the initial urge and to sort it out and take advantage of what the gift of modern science has to offer. I will continue to visit and comment where I can because I need all of you to help keep me strong. Thanks for listening.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Kansas
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 08:15 AM

Comments

Good Morning....BeezS, was the guy maybe talking about his character defects as is related in the steps?? I agree with you.....this is a Dis-Ease and nobody really has the answer to why we develop it. Don't let that keep you from meetings, okay? Is there another group you can try in your area? I've heard sometimes people have to visit many AA groups until they find one they feel comfortable in. Whatever you do...keep posting here. It's good to be a part of the "fellowship" of people who are like us. Have a great day you all! God willing (and Chris willing) I'll have two months sober tomorrow. Seems like it took forever to get there!


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 09:53 AM

Comments

I agree with Chris about it being a disease, I also think they talk of character defects of how that is kind of part of our disease that makes us want to drink, I am very happy to have this site and if I don't like what someone says I just leave it, I take what I need and leave the rest. Hey Chris your ahead of me, I'm on Day 52 and you are so right, it seems like it is taking a long time to get to my 60 day mark hahaha but at least we are still going strong, I've had my bad days and also had the flu this week but I've made it past a bug which is great cause being sick always use to make me want a good stiff drink....take care all and stay sober,,,,Marsha L I understand what you are saying also, see I had tried many many times before and had many slips but finally found this web site and since I've found it thank God I've not slip but not any good on my part,,, just by the grace of God...Diane


Member: Linda C
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 09:59 AM

Comments

Good morning! Linda C here- an alcoholic on day 8 of my sobriety. Looking back on the anger/resentment/drinking issue has been an eye-opener for me this week. Can see specific times when my drinking lead to anger and resentment, but realizing that my anger and resentment were just another excuse to drink (like I needed another one!) I have not attended any meetings yet. For today, I have the tools I need to stay sober for 24 hours; the desire, and the grace of God. My natural tendency to "jump in with both feet", "get it all done right away", "do it perfectly", "take control of it all" would land me right back at day ZERO. So this fellowship is vital to me at this point in my life, and I thank you all for being here. I felt so alone. Linda


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 10:10 AM

Comments

Good Morning all, Kelly an alcoholic. Welcome to everyone new here. Lots of good stuff. ((Kerry)) I work a program identical to you and its working as long AS I WORK IT. I go to lots of meetings, have a home group, a sponsor, and am reading and writing the steps. Last night I picked up my 8 month chip amongst friends and it was wonderful. It was a little bittersweet because a friend who was due his 8 month chip went out last week and went up for a 24 hour chip instead. He told me he felt ashamed and drinking was not worth it. I told him he will have his 8 months back if he keeps coming. I told him at least you came back... it took me 6 years to come back. Some don't.((Marsha)) you seem to have a good attitude and that is really half the battle. As they say, a head full of AA and a belly full of booze don't mix. It takes all the fun out of drinking! ((Diane)) The nice thing about Grandkids is we can give them back! Unfortunately you did not raise them so they are just acting the way they normally do. I was a strict but loving Mom and I demanded respect. I would buy some spackle and have that Grandson patch the holes. If he refuses show him the door. That is YOUR HOME. I know I was blessed with my kids. They are so good despite me not being there at the end. At least during the early years I was there for them. I tempered disapline with love and spent a lot of time with them making memories. They are so happy I don't drink anymore. ME TOO!!! Everyone have a great Friday. Kelly


Member: Bikerbabe
Location: hellishelping
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 12:22 PM

Comments

The problem centers in our minds..(you can read this in our literature)). our mind get it? mentall illness.. jaywalker..thinking problem... how can i get the help i need, when i don't even fully realize my problem? guess i'll be sittin on the fence confused for a little while huh?... oh well, no-one said i had to be brilliant to get sobriety. Apparently when the sun shines it shines on stupid people and smart people all at the same time.. can't really judge a whole lot now can we.


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 01:02 PM

Comments

Day 19. I'm ok. I can relate (BeezS). Science is the realm I prefer to recover in. There is a lot of scientific evidence that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that this DISEASE is caused by an inability to correctly metabolize ethanol(alcohol). This is NOT a character flaw in any of us. It's not about being weak willed. It's about the fact that alcohol creates a near opiate effect in our brains. From there, our brain chemistry alters to accomidate booze all the time at the risk to itself and the rest of the body. Shame, depression, anxiety... "The alcoholic personality" develops in the mid stages of a disease that is already entrenched in us by that point. This IS a physiological condition. This is something that keeps the Booze manufacturers and health insurance companies up late at night. Read the book: "Beyond the Influence", among other things, for more info into the physiological effects of alcoholism. That being said, It is important to respect the recovery of other people. If it helps someone to believe in shame and the power of god to free them from feeling "less than", then so be it. The important thing is that we recognize something is amiss and cut the booze out of our lives. The psychological component of what we've all been through needs to be adressed in whatever way is comfortable for you. There is a lot of good info at www.unhooked.com I really appreciate AA and this room, but I know that the dogma can get a bit rough sometimes. Stay Sober. We are all important.


Member: Brenda R.
Location: SF
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 01:27 PM

Comments

I am an ALCOHOLIC. 60 days sober. 1 relapse in 41/2 months. My name is Brenda. I am so very grateful to have this space to learn from all of you who share your experience, strength & hope. I woke up today full of FEAR. Fear that I have done something wrong. Instant contact with my higher power is the first thing I should have done. But no, the first thing I did was to call the person I had the fear about and got only the answering machine. So here I am making the HP connection as I step into this cyber fellowship. 2 1/2 weeks ago my 13 year old son & I attended my nieces wedding back in my hometown. The place where it all began, the dysfunctional family roots, the drinking & drugging. The place I fled fearfully from in my first geographic move. Alcohol, drugs & dysfunction are still deeply imbedded in the family, so I carefully prepared myself for the trip. I went knowing that I was the first and only example of the AA program for my family. Everyone knows I am in AA & I attended meetings while I was there. My great-niece & nephew (both 13 years old) were to be in the wedding but communications fell apart while I was there and suddenly they were excluded from the wedding altogether. Their parents were not invited as their sister, the bride does not get along with them. Age 13 is when I discovered smoking pot & drinking would sooth anger and resentment. So it was difficult for me stand by and watch more family dysfunction be created and passed to this next generation, these beautiful young people. I bought these children clothes and took them to the wedding. Everything seemed just fine and maybe probably it is. My fear stems from the fact that I have not heard from my niece since the wedding. She and her new husband were going to meet me at the airport during the layover on the way back from the honeymoon. This fear that what I did offended her and this I why I haven't heard from her is what woke me up this morning and she is the one that I called. Neurotic, resentful alcoholic thinking!!!! It is now that the power of the 10th step kicks in. Yes I am ever so grateful to have this venue to work the steps. I am happy to have discovered that there is such a thing as cybergrace. May that power be with us all. Thank you.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 01:33 PM

Comments

good info Mike thanks for your good share it does help to know that we have a true allergy instead of just a character defect, I hate thinking I'm just a nut who can not get better but that I am allergic and must at all cost avoid alcolhol or it will swell me up which by the way it does swell me up just like I am allergic to it so I, at least for me,,, know that I AM ALLERGIC TO ALCOHOL Day 52 sober and allergy free


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 01:33 PM

Comments

good info Mike thanks for your good share it does help to know that we have a true allergy instead of just a character defect, I hate thinking I'm just a nut who can not get better but that I am allergic and must at all cost avoid alcolhol or it will swell me up which by the way it does swell me up just like I am allergic to it so I, at least for me,,, know that I AM ALLERGIC TO ALCOHOL Day 52 sober and allergy free


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 01:45 PM

Comments

I just checked back. Thanks (Diane)You are NOT JUST A NUT. Although, this is not exactly an allergy. Among other things, it's a chromosome mutation that results in a screwed up enzematic process in the liver. The liver kicks alcohol out before it's fully metabolized. From there it enters the brain where it interacts with your receptors(seratonin, dopamine, etc.), creating a molecule that is nearly identical to an opiate (morphine, heroin, codine). So for alcoholics, predisposition can be as deadly as herion addiction. So, you're not allergic, you're a mutant. LOL.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 02:07 PM

Comments

oh my God I never knew I was a mutant lol, oh well what ever the explanation of my disease I know it is something I have to avoid at all cost to be a normal person and a healthy one


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 02:30 PM

Comments

Carrie, alcoholic. I have to say that I am concerned with some of the posts. Character defects, such as resentments and anger, lead us back to the drink. If we are not painstaking in our recovery, we will drink again. To be knowlegeable of the the atomic effects of alcohol on our body will not keep us sober. We have a three fold disease - one of the mind, body and spirit. I know my body does not process alcohol like other people, I know what happens to me when I drink, and I know that if I don't completely give myself up to the program of AA, I will drink again. I cannot do it on sheer will power or knowledge of myself. If you can, then my hat is off to you.


Member: Melissa B
Location: Canada
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 02:32 PM

Comments

Of course it is a disease. And it manifests physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Scientists have come a long way with the physical, psychiatrists and therapists have made some progress with the mental and emotional, and people fortunate enough to have an open mind and help from AA make tremendous progress in addressing the spiritual. (Although AA does not claim to have any monopoly on addressing even the spiritual, as I understand AA.) For myself, the eighteen months I spent only paying attention to the physical aspects of my alcoholism, resulted in drinking again, though I did not want to drink, I drank anyway. My experience is that alcoholism is a multi-facetted disease. I had to address all of the roots. AA helped (is helping me) to do that. Support and encouragement to all the newcomers. Recovery IS possible.


Member: carrie
Location: los angeles
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 02:57 PM

Comments

Sorry, I have to make a correction. If you can manage to stay sober AND live happy, joyous and free by means of will power and self knowledge alone, then my hat is off to you.


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 03:33 PM

Comments

I have to say that I am not suggesting that I or anyone else do this by means of will power and self knowlege alone. I'm saying that religion won''t cure a disease. Alcoholism is a disease. AA is a religion. It may help some folks, I guess. I'm thinking my time sober is just beginning, but my time in and this chatroom is drawing to a close. I have appreciated the forum. I have appreciated your posts. Good luck to all.


Member:
Location:
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 04:11 PM

Comments

AA is a religion??? Hmmmmmmm, never heard that one before.


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 04:11 PM

Comments

Hi everyone. My name is Kim and I am an alcoholic. Anger and Resentment is a perfect subject for this recovering alkie, even after a few years under my belt. I am currently being consumed by those two emotions, as well as fear, and although I haven't picked up a drink, my emotional sobriety, serenity and quality of life have been drastically diminished. The answer, of course, is to let it go... give it to my HP because I can't deal with it... pray for acceptance of the situation... and look at what is being effected within me (mini-fourth). I drank because I didn't like the way I felt inside. Being sober doesn't mean I don't feel, it just means that I have to learn how to handle those feelings in a new way (12 Steps). But of course, I want to chew on this for a while, until the pain gets great enough, then I will let it go. I know one thing for sure - I'll keep coming back. I might just get different.


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 04:16 PM

Comments

There is no cure, but there is a solution. Call AA a religion, a cult, whatever you want. Most of us have tried to hold on to our own ideas and the result was nill till we let go absolutely. Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling and powerful. Without help it was too much for us. You arent the first, nor will you be the last, to try to do this thing your own way. And you should explore all options, you have the right to choose how to live your life and what you are willing to believe. And just know, if the other ways don't work out for you, AA will always be there with open arms.


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 04:21 PM

Comments

Me again, real quick... ((Mike)) I wish you the best in your quest for sobriety. However, I would like to make one point about your "disease" model you expounded on above. Our bodies are cleared from alcohol within 72 hours. Detox is over. Metabolism of alcohol - either inefficiently or incorrectly - is not the issue anymore, is it? Then why, if this is purely a physiological disease, do many, many alcoholics return to the drink time and again? After those first 72 hours, ethel alcohol isn't the problem. Our thinking is. That is where the 12 Steps come in... to give us a way of living rightly with ourselves, and the world. I have heard of people who, although not drinking for many, many years, have checked themselves into mental health wards because of the way the FEEL - their emotions. Every one of them stated that they had gotten away from AA - the way of life this program teaches - and paid a grave emotional price. Where does this fit into your mutant gene theory? Alcoholism is so much more than drinking... it is also a disease of the spirit - of the mind - of the soul - that will continue to manifest itself if not dealt with in a 3 fold manner. Good luck on your quest - whatever gets you there. AA was it for me.


Member:
Location:
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 05:01 PM

Comments

1. AA is not only far from the only way to deal with an alcohol problem, but the best available scientific evidence indicates that it is ineffective. 2. AA began its life - for its first several years - as part of the Protestant evangelical group, the Oxford Group Movement, not as an independent organization. 3. AA's co-founder, Bill Wilson, did not independently devise AA's "program," its 12 steps. Instead, he merely codified the central Oxford Group Movement beliefs. 4. AA is religious, not spiritual. That is obvious. Even several appeal-level courts have ruled as such. 5. AA relies upon coercion to bring it a majority of its new members, and AA members take an active part in much of that coercion. 6. The 12-step treatment is essentially institutionalized AA.


Member: carrie
Location: los angeles
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 05:52 PM

Comments

1. No one said AA is the only way to stay sober. But for millions of people, it works. 2. Anyone who has read the Big Book knows that AA started from the Oxford Group. 3. The steps work, how they came to be is not really a concern. 4. AA is not allied with any religion, each member chooses his/her own higher power. 5. AA relies on attraction, rather than promotion. The state agencies have decided to coerce alcohol and drug offenders to our meetings. By the way, dont worry - no body is going to get sober by accident... 6. This is an AA site, for people who want to get sober. We share our experience, strenth and hope. And my experience is that I had to try everything under the sun and hit bottom really hard before I was able to finally admit that I was an alcoholic and my life had become unmanageable. Then I was able to turn my will and my life over to a power greater than myself. I do that every day, and today I am sober.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 06:26 PM

Comments

yes I agree AA is a good program and my disease is both physical and mental other wise I would not find the need to consume the first drink (mentally) and (physically) I would be able to stop and not go to the second drink..and (((Mike))) you take what helps you here and leave what doesn't help you...so don't leave come back and chat cause it works if you work it


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 09:25 PM

Comments

I apologize to the group in advance for this, but I really can't hold this one back. Mike, I am really happy that after 19 days of sobriety and one dinner out, you have this whole alcoholism thing down. I felt the same way too - 6 years before I decided I was either going to kill myself or go to AA. And then even after that, I had to relapse a couple more times - just to make sure I was in the right place. This program is not for people who need it. It's not for people who want it. It is for people who work it.


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 09:44 PM

Comments

I've realized that my path is different from convetiolanl AA. I'm gone. This is my absolute last post. I promise. I just have two last things to say. From here, I will be deleting this link and moving on. 1. Carrie, go fuck yourself, you self righteous bitch. Stay sober your way, as I will mine. This is not my first time in the AA program, but it will certainly be my last. Thanks for hastening me out the door when I was teetering. You've confirmed all my budding gripes about AA in one afternoon. 2. Thanks fo everyone for the kind words and non-aa links. They have really helped me to realize that AA is not the ONLY way to get it or keep it together.


Member: shelley k
Location:
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 09:58 PM

Comments

hey im shelley k an alcoholic i was with my son and his friend today and i found a bag of marijuana in my car i have 116 days and i was so scared when i found it. i gave it to my son and he threw it away for me i am so grateful for my son being there and throwing it away for me/ when i was using drugs before i would lelnd my car out to drug dealers and apparently they had hidden drugs in my car. i called my sponsor and she told me to call the police to have them come out and search the car. they did!!!!!!!!!!!!i am so grateful that today i can make other choices.


Member: Bikerbabe
Location: hellishelping
Date: May 16, 2003
Time: 10:41 PM

Comments

I agree absolutely with Mike in Colorado...AA was formed from religion. ,, and AA...(much like any other church)) has PEOPLE IN IT WHO MAKE IT F'N RELIGIOUS!))) But it could be spiritual Mike" if people "like you" stick it out... ((so you saw through the religious/trickery of aa... but don't be to down on it buddy,,, ((its a good trick mike)) it has got people sober and saved lives, now that you caught on; you may be inclined to leave, by all means, i did, i don't go to many meetings at all anymore but i believe i have found a way to remain who i am and not be bothered by my other spiritual kindergartener pals when i do go to meetings: and that my friend is a beautiful thing!!. Look man)) thier sellin more than just cookies at the corner store... does that mean you can't go there to get your chocolatey chips? bikerbabe will cry if you leave.


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 12:46 AM

Comments

Hmmm, I think we have heard from three people who have resentments and anger towards AA. Funny, since this an AA website....There's insanity for you.


Member: Stacy
Location:
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 01:52 AM

Comments

Stacy, day 40. Wow, this site really heated up. I'm sad. I was just telling a friend how helpful it has been to me and now I feel she'll look at all of these posts and think I'm way off! I can say this. 41 days ago I was miserable. I was a mess. By the grace of God, AA meetings, AA literature, AA members, this site I am learning how to live a more honest and healthy life. It is not easy, but the tools I have available to me today are vital to my staying sober. It may be a cult. It may be dogmatic. It may be a crock of sh*t, but I will take it, because it works and on my own, I was failing. I asked someone to help me begin Step One. Today was a very difficult day. But I am not drinking. I will miss Mike. His contribution to this site was significant to me. Best of luck to all, whatever works for you. I'll keep coming back.


Member: carrie
Location: los angeles
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 05:08 AM

Comments

Carrie, alcoholic.I need to apologize to everyone for getting myself involved in a debate over AA in this forum. This is not a place to argue. This should be a safe place to come for help. From now on, no more opinions - just experience strength and hope from me.


Member: CarlC
Location: Texas
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 05:13 AM

Comments

Alcoholism is spirtual malady that centers in our mind that is why we have two alternative, we either accept spiritual help or we go to the bitter end. When I first came to AA I thought it was the biggest bunch of BS I had ever heard,but you see I became as willing as the dying can be, and what caused this in me my best friend alcohol, it took wverything from me and I fought it tooth and nail, we drink because we get restless, irratble, and discontent unless we can again expierence the EASE AND COMFORT that comes AT ONCE with taking a few drinks, thats why we drink. I dont get mad at people who down the program I did it myself, that is the GRAVE nature of this illness. It takes us to the gates of insanity or death. 3 out 100 alcoholics die sober the rest die drunk, that is the isidious part of this illness. To all newcomers just keep coming back no matter what. Mark from Albany keep up the good work suffering alcoholics need the truth. God bless you all.


Member: Linda C
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 08:59 AM

Comments

Linda C here; I'm an alcoholic. This was to be day 9 for me, but I drank two glasses of wine while preparing dinner last night. Amazingly (to me) that's all I had. But I know I can't do that and survive. I was awake most of the night, thinking and praying. I want to be sober. I want to be healthy. I do not want to drink. I refuse to be ANGRY with myself. And I refuse to be RESENTFUL toward my husband, who was in the kitchen pouring himself glass after glass of wine while I cooked. I have a "thank you for not smoking" sign in the kitchen; maybe I should add a "thank you for not drinking!" sign. Anyhow, here I am back to day 1. Linda


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 10:29 AM

Comments

Hi All, Kelly an alcholic. Wow, I went on a date last night and what a debate I missed! ((Linda)) Congrats on day 1 and knowing that you have a resentment with your hubby drinking wine in front of you. That must make it hard. Have you asked him not to? Try not to be too hard on yourself and get to a meeting for support if you don't get it at home. I had a good friend making drinks in front of me two days out of rehab. I was invited for dinner and it made me uncomfortable. She was setting me up because she was an alcoholic and did not think I was going to stop. When she realized I was serious she ditched our friendship. I was no longer a drinking buddy. You really find out who your friends are when your sober! Good luck with it. I have to do some more moving today, give a bookie report at a meeting and have another date tonight. I feel so damn normal lately. Tomorrow I climb Mt. Major with some AA friends and I can't wait as I used to do a lot of hiking with my son. I'm so out of shape but determined to do it and live with sore muscles for a couple days. I'm getting my life back that alcohol robbed... The promises are coming true.... It is because AA is teaching me how to live happy and sober. I don't care how it works or doesnt work just that it works for me. Take care everyone and keep coming back. I enjoy reading your contributions. Kelly


Member: Stacy
Location:
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 03:10 PM

Comments

It's alright Carrie. We're all learning. I accept your apology and appreciate your post very much


Member: Billy
Location: north dakota
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 04:54 PM

Comments

Hi, this is BIlly and im an addict. This is my first time on the site and I like it. I dont think im an alcoholic but an addictions an adiction. I'm on one week sober and i can feel my anger going away somewhat and it feels good. thanks everyone for being here. laters


Member: neil s.
Location: suffolk, england
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 05:03 PM

Comments

hello all, neil here, alcoholic, for all you NEWBIES, do not even think twice about what all the "FLAMES" were about, i must say (and not real proud of it) i too had a "DRY" drunk like mike did and questiones everything and everybody that had anything to do withh AA after about a month, and it was because i was not "feeling" the same as everyone else did, i wantd that feeling, i wanted the "NEW" happiness, i wanted to be able to forget the "OLD", but it wasn't happining fast enough for me, so BAM, i too started cursing etc , got myself kicked off 3 AA sites, they were all small sites and met alot of great folks, then started out on NON AA sites, met alot of great folks there as well, still belong to 1 of them, but when it all came down to it, and after all the reading, i came to the conclusion that AA was for me, i NEED my HP, and I need to give it 100%, work ALL the steps, for anyone to be sober for 18 days or 18 months, if they have not givin AA a 100% chance and really worked the program, (12 steps etc.) then they are only fooling themselves, but another thing i also learned is WHATEVER WORKS, whatever works for you, just stay sober, so for you new folks, do the work, plan your work and work your plan, HAPPY 24


Member: neil s.
Location: suffolk, england
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 05:24 PM

Comments

hi all, neil again, found another GREAT site http://johnptroy.hypermart.net/ check it all out, but for you "new" folks check out the "relapse symptoms" we can all do it JUST FOR TODAY.


Member: Sam
Location: NYC
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 09:21 PM

Comments

LOL. Could these people be seeing through the veil? If you are, here's a good one: http://www.geocities.com/drugsandalcoholinfo/webpagesandpapers/12biglieofaa3.htm AA is most certainly a religion.


Member: Troy
Location: Alabama
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 09:53 PM

Comments

AA might be a religion but it sure as heck WORKS and that's what counts!!!!


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 17, 2003
Time: 11:20 PM

Comments

hi Diane here Alcoholic day 53 sober and darn proud of my days, my HP has helped me through a lot of ups and downs and this site is great, Thanks for being here. Sorry to hear fighting but heck this is a free site and no one controls what we say so thank God we all have freedom to speak our minds even if we are not always right,,just greatful I'm sober...Diane


Member: alternate view
Location:
Date: May 18, 2003
Time: 12:03 AM

Comments

http://www.geocities.com/drugsandalcoholinfo/webpagesandpapers/insideaawebpagewebpage.htm


Member: BeezS
Location: USA
Date: May 18, 2003
Time: 03:25 AM

Comments

Thanks Mike in Colorado. Your reflections mean a lot to me.


Member: neil s.
Location: suffolk, england
Date: May 18, 2003
Time: 06:06 AM

Comments

good morning all, well morning for me 10:55 am (england) neil here, alcoholic, after all the FLAMES yesterday, which is somewhat "normal" at some AA meetings i thought this would be appropriate, i get this daily: AA Thought for the DAY (courtsy of AAonline.net) LOVE the idea that we can be possessively loving of a few can ignore the many, and continue to fear or hate anybody, has to be abandoned, if only a little at a time. we can try to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love. we can show kindness where we had shown none. with those we dislike we can begin to practice justice and courtesy prhaps going out of our way to understand and help them. we can and should learn from whatever anyone says or does, let yourself NOT get into a situation where you may get ANGER to another, take care of yourself, eat right ,sleep right get plenty of BIG BOOK, and read as much as you can, wether you beleive this is a disease or NOT, whatever works, if you don't like a certain AA meeting try another somewhere else, i mean helk if you where still drinking and there was a real cool night club that just opened up 50 miles away, you would go right ??, so make the same commitment to AA, give it 100 %, work the steps, give it an honest try, then make up your mind. HAPPY TRAILS


Member:
Location:
Date: May 18, 2003
Time: 06:16 AM

Comments

Don't try to explain aa to yourself, or anyone else for that matter, if it works don't worry because aa will reveal itself in many different ways at many different times. Sounds like a few of you need to attend some meetings. I know I do after reading some these post. Watch out cause the ego is a powerful thing, and left to itself would have us out drinking with the idea that we are in control of our drinking etc. Yes I do have some resentments but Im trying to take care of them one day at a time. Thanks, Love one another meg


Member:
Location:
Date: May 18, 2003
Time: 06:16 AM

Comments

Don't try to explain aa to yourself, or anyone else for that matter, if it works don't worry because aa will reveal itself in many different ways at many different times. Sounds like a few of you need to attend some meetings. I know I do after reading some these post. Watch out cause the ego is a powerful thing, and left to itself would have us out drinking with the idea that we are in control of our drinking etc. Yes I do have some resentments but Im trying to take care of them one day at a time. Thanks, Love one another meg