Member: Di
Location: Ok
Date: May 04, 2003
Time: 01:27 AM

Comments

ok finally got got a few moment to post, I guess I can now say day 40 since it is after 12:00 for me, I have had a heck of a day, just had to track down my 12 year old Grandson who lied about what he was going to do and boy I am here to tell you I was fit to be tied. I thought of drinking and a cig at the same time but I did not kill him I just grounded his skinny butt and told him how worried I was and gave him a hug but he is grounded. I made it through a lot of stress today and caught my self thinking how nice a drink would be. right then and there all my thoughts of me not being a alkie all went out the window now I can for sure say this lady is a alkie but the good news is that I made it now I am off to bed....god bless and good night....Diane


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: May 04, 2003
Time: 01:27 AM

Comments

Hi all. Day 27 for me. (((Hope))) I'm praying for you. (((Stephanie))) I'm praying for you. The most important thing for all of us to do today is to NOT TAKE THE FIRST DRINK and to love each other through this. Keep coming back. We need you. :-) (((T Bone))) your brevity and clarity are awesome! Thanks.


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 04, 2003
Time: 06:20 AM

Comments

Good morning everyone--Thanks to all for keeping the postings coming. I am starting the fourth week of my sobriety and its good but still not easy. (Chris H) Thanks for your comment. (Patty B) On the bedroom slipper thing--You made me realize that I need to back off on some things. I have been trying to achieve all perfection all at once. Thanks for that. I hope that you all keep having your back to back days and (Di) Learning to handle the stresses of life is something that I failed at and would always turn to drinking as the result. I am really working on my coping skills and noticing what I feel when I have fear and anger and lonliness. This is one large area that lets me know that I am an alcoholic because I would turn to IT instead of plain old reasoning. Thanks for listening and have a nice Sunday.


Member: Di
Location: Ok
Date: May 04, 2003
Time: 09:05 AM

Comments

Day 40 Diane here, yes Marsha I had bad stress at Home with my grown son but nothing like little one's around. This is a growing experience for me, I am having to take deep breaths but I have to admit that when I got that feeling to want to drink last night it only lasted a few seconds cause I did not have any more time to want to drink lol see I am taking care of 4 grandchildren ages are almost 15 almost 13 and 10 and a 3 year old boy which is a handful all by himself and to top it off 3 of the children are boys so that is triple the trouble lol


Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: May 04, 2003
Time: 10:39 AM

Comments

When i first put the drink down, i expected to have a new way of living straight away, I thought I don't drink now why isn't anything happening to me, why do i still think of drink, why am i still doing what i did when drinking, but now i see, i had nothing to start with so i had to sit with that for a while before the magic started to happen, When people at meetings said they have a choice today, not to drink, i thought i new what they meant, but its only now i understand, I thought it would be hell being an alcoholic, its not, in fact its heaven, but also i had to learn to trust myself, when i did anything nice or caring, i didn't trust my intentions I.E was i meaning this, because for so long in drink 26yrs, i had used and abused everyone, but learning to trust yourself is a bit like if you lose a lot of weight, you go into shops looking at the smaller clothers, but your so used to having to wear the bigger sizes that you can't believe the smaller ones really fit you, until you try them on. Yes i have still got loads of character defects left, thank god because it still means i've more growing to do, and that is so exciting, when god (of my understanding) gave me the strengh to give up alcohol, he had to give me a really good replacement and he did, a second chance at life. well all of you are doing so well, thanks to all of you for keeping me sober, this is the only page that does this. Please feel free to email me if you have any questions or worrys, i may not be able to help,all the time but i will certain go throughd with ya. STICK WITH THE WINNERS tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: May 04, 2003
Time: 10:40 AM

Comments

When i first put the drink down, i expected to have a new way of living straight away, I thought I don't drink now why isn't anything happening to me, why do i still think of drink, why am i still doing what i did when drinking, but now i see, i had nothing to start with so i had to sit with that for a while before the magic started to happen, When people at meetings said they have a choice today, not to drink, i thought i new what they meant, but its only now i understand, I thought it would be hell being an alcoholic, its not, in fact its heaven, but also i had to learn to trust myself, when i did anything nice or caring, i didn't trust my intentions I.E was i meaning this, because for so long in drink 26yrs, i had used and abused everyone, but learning to trust yourself is a bit like if you lose a lot of weight, you go into shops looking at the smaller clothers, but your so used to having to wear the bigger sizes that you can't believe the smaller ones really fit you, until you try them on. Yes i have still got loads of character defects left, thank god because it still means i've more growing to do, and that is so exciting, when god (of my understanding) gave me the strengh to give up alcohol, he had to give me a really good replacement and he did, a second chance at life. well all of you are doing so well, thanks to all of you for keeping me sober, this is the only page that does this. Please feel free to email me if you have any questions or worrys, i may not be able to help,all the time but i will certain go throughd with ya. STICK WITH THE WINNERS tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAND
Date: May 04, 2003
Time: 12:54 PM

Comments

Live and let Live when i was out there drinking i used to be an animal nobody was safe from my vengance! i hated everything and if it wasnt going my way god help the next person i meet. the guys with the flash cars i used to swear at and i know i was jealous of there success , but when i got sober i relised that everyone is not my enemy so began to live and let live and respect otherpeoples success! my older boy supports Rangers and being a Celtic supporter i had to L.A.L.L LOL, REGARDS L-RAY


Member: Chris H.
Location: Kansas
Date: May 04, 2003
Time: 02:58 PM

Comments

Hello from Kansas! Chris H. here, an alcoholic who has been gone from this great meeting for too long...... The good news is I've been sober since March 17th...one day at a time. Live and Let Live. I have that printed out and taped to the cabinet by my desk at work. One of me greatest "faults" is that I want everyone to think like I do. I went through a period during those first few weeks sober (this time) where I was angry and ready to argue with my co-workers because they don't see everything like I do. It damn near drove me to drinking again until I talked to my sponsor and she said....Live and Let Live. Huh?? I didn't really understand then but now I know that I have my life to live and my way of thinking and my opinions. They do NOT have to be the opinions of everyone I come in contact with and I can let them live their lives the way they choose. What a revelation!! It's part of this alcoholic's thinking, but one day at a time I'm working on it and it IS getter better and better. Glad you all are here. Sorry I've been such a stranger!


Member: Mike D
Location: Colorado
Date: May 04, 2003
Time: 07:02 PM

Comments

Day Seven. My head is kind of spinning. (Thought that only happened drunk.) So much to think about. Maybe I am just over thinking. Life is less than perfect, but I am sober today.


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: May 04, 2003
Time: 11:03 PM

Comments

Hi Stacy, alcoholic. 28 days. ((Marsha)) I also failed in the coping skills with respect to stress. I began to turn to alcohol rather than face my life! This program is really helping me learn new tools. I need to handle life as an adult, not a scared little girl. It's hard. ((Mike D)) I could've written the same thing on my day seven. It was so emotional and a raging thinkfest was going on in my head all the time. I combatted that by calling my AA friend, going to this site, going to meetings, reading the Big Book (do you have one???), praying to God, going for a walk. I believe that if you just hang in there one day at a time, you'll begin to feel the "fog" lift and you will start to feel a lot better. Certainly not 100% bliss, but the constant head spin will slow down. Live and Let Live. I'm learning that if I just worry about me and me alone, things go better for me. I'm so tired of trying to control everyone and everything around me. I'm learning to surrender, mind my own business and start listening more than I speak. I'm sick of hearing myself and my bulls**t!! LOL. Thank you all for this fellowship. This meeting is a tremendous help to me in the struggle. God Bless.


Member: Greg S
Location:
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 12:12 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Greg & I' an alcoholic. Live & let live / living life on life's terms...I tend to class these 2 together since life & people are diverse beyond description, in both good and bad ways. Nothing/nobody's perfect, but Life is beautiful & so are people. Yo, Mike D. I was exactly where you are yesterday. I am so glad that I went to chapter 5 of the Big Book ( online at www.recovery.org) after finishing my meeting. Right there was just what I needed to hear " Our sobriety is a daily repreive contingent on our spiritual maintanence". So I went to work & spent the rest of the night praying my ass off. And it worked...by the time I got home, the desire to pick up that 1st drink was gone, and I enjoyed the rest of the evening. I was so busy praying & reciting steps that my self-will couldn't get in a word edge-wise. So that chapter was perfect for my dilemna yesterday. And today was totally different. I felt positively vibrant, and hardly even thought about drinking. And when I did I said no thanks to myself. Willingness - I've been praying for that alot. Almost tacked it on to the end of the Serenity Prayer as it seemed so fitting. Thanks, God, for another 24 without alcohol, and a beautiful day to all !!!


Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAND
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 04:23 AM

Comments

Marsha-Mike-Stacy-Chris- you are doing great stick at it and get to meets, Regards L-RAY


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 07:09 AM

Comments

((L-Ray)) Thanks for the post. I will get to a meeting this week. It is funny that you should say something at this time because I have arrived at a point where I need somebody face to face and a counselor or a doctor is not enough. I have discovered at this point (23 days) that staying sober is not all there is to sobriety. I need a program to stay focused and driven. There are alot of deeply rooted old emotions to deal with. Live and let live was never ever a part of my growing up. It was do as I say--do as I do or pay the consequences. This topic is probably at the root of my alcoholism. I still am under the shadow of--what would my parents think. I have not gone to meetings because of what someone might think. In my opinion I have not been practicing Live and Let Live to myself--let alone expecting others to behave in certain ways. Thanks for listening.


Member: JA
Location: SC
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 08:54 AM

Comments

please please yall dont forget to call your sponcers thats what we are here for :) yall are in my prayers and remember the promises...llittlelady31@AOL.COM


Member: Maggie
Location: IL
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 09:06 AM

Comments

Good morning, Maggie here. Alcoholic. (Mike D.) Your doing great! The first three months of my sobriety the ONLY thing I had in my life WAS the fact that I was sober. Nothing was the same, EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING sucked. I just knew I couldn't drink so I did what I was told and held on. I went to one or three meetings a day for four months. Today I know that one drink means death to me. I am only six months sober and I feel like 6 days sober sometimes. Things WILL get better! I still go to alot of meetings a week and I remember that last drunk, and thank my God (as I understand him) that I am alive today! Hang in there buddy, it works if you work it SOBER! Lots of love, Maggie


Member: Di
Location: Ok
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 10:21 AM

Comments

good morning Diane here 41 days, I must not understand live and let live is that in the big book? I will have to again read chapter 5 anyway I am living here in Texas for a month and all kinds of new paths to walk down with the children, they keep me on my toes,,,,when the little one goes with his mom next week I will have a lot more time to give my all the my AA group which is this site, I do notice that without being able to really read all the post it makes my life a little harder to handle but I won't drink no matter what because I have little one's under my care and will not no way put them in danger of me being drunk. Of course the old Diane would have drank late at night after they was all in side but I see that was wrong now


Member: Hope
Location: Dakotas
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 11:18 AM

Comments

Day 4: Live and let live. Per an earlier not so generous request I will attempt to not be so chatty, nor give details of my days. To say that this last weekend was difficult would be a drastic understatement. I was and still am surrounded by people who daily abuse alcohol. What I found is that on my third night of sobriety I held absolutely no anomosity for the intoxicated people around me. I envied not being able to participate but i enjoyed watching thier fun. I didn't feel annoyed or impatient with them. I expected that I would. I have to be careful not to grab someone's gin instead of my ice water, but I am glad that I don't feel any self-righteous condemnation. The is nothing I can do about the way my loved ones drink but reading and re-reading chapters 2 & 3 of the big book reminds me why I can't. "The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker". I suspect I will always be surrounded by alcohol and those who abuse it. Perhaps someday they will envy my new way of life and become curious, but if they don't for now that's Ok with me too. Thank you to those who showed understanding if my earliest stages of crisis.


Member: Mary F
Location: Central Jersey
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 12:06 PM

Comments

What happens when your own husband won't live and let live? I have been sober for one week today and have been visiting this page for awhile now and it gives me hope and inspiration. But my husband, who has been begging for nothing more than for me to stop drinking, is finding every other fault in the world with me now that I stopped. He thinks just because I stopped for a week, the problem is over and he can find something new to control me with. He has me at a very weak point today and its taking what little willpower I have to not drink. Any suggestions on how to deal with him without taking that dreaded first drink?


Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 12:28 PM

Comments

((Mary)) Sound like your husband is very insecure and seeing your strenght not your weakness is threatning him, just take this as a sign of your growth, nobody can make you drink that is your dicision, remember this disease wants us to drink and will jump on any band wagon to get you. So beware, and pray, you don't have to do this alone, but you can drink alone, and we've been there and don't want it. Just be strong and look at your husband and see his controling you as his weakness not yours tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 12:35 PM

Comments

((Mary F))Live and Let Live--So many emotions and control issues here. I have told my husband to let me sail my own ship. He told me once that he doubted if I could do it. Well I put my sobriety first and sometimes he gets intimidated by my changed disposition. I seem more self confident to him. I have to Let him Live and not try to force change but to ride it out and not go back to drinking.


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 02:54 PM

Comments

((Marsha L)) - Good to see you here. I mostly post on the CP page, but just came here to check in again. I identify with what you said about your husband feeling insecure about your new confidence. I've been with my wife for 23 years this July, and we were drinking buddies for 22 of the 23 years. She still drinks (but I don't know if she is alcoholic, and I don't take her inventory), and has seen a big change in my disposition. Many of the things that really used to piss me off do not anymore. I have made sobriety my number one priority, and it shows in how I live. Sometimes I think this makes my wife uncomfortable somehow. I relate alot to what you said. Thanks, and keep coming back, this program works! Peace, Bill


Member: Mike D
Location: Colorado
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 03:51 PM

Comments

8 days. The weekend made me realize how much of my social life used to involve alcohol. I realize I have no business around booze right now. I am enjoying that there is a lot to life when you're not suffering a hangover, though. I FEEL more energetic even after a week. Sure I have a Big Book. Thanks to all those pointing me to one.


Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 04:54 PM

Comments

Live and let live. I am not sure I understand this yet, but to me this is about everyone finding their own way. "These steps are but suggestions" and "There are as many ways to get sober as there are Alcoholics" are two phrases my sponsor uses when I judge my program and beat myself up because I don't feel I am "doing it right". He also says, "Easy does it but do it". That said, these steps are more than just suggestions TO ME, because I tried every other way possible to stop drinking and nothing worked. (Hope)) Congrats on day 4. If typing your life story, in ALL CAPS, with no regard for spelling or grammar helps you stay sober today, then do it. Staying sober today is your number one priority. Congrats to everyone here with a sober 24! Peace


Member: Jason L.
Location: Derry Pa
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 06:53 PM

Comments

hello,jason l here,addict,alcoholic-live and let live is a good topic for me to share on,because it was one of the hardest thing in the world for me to do!it was always hard for me to live my life of addiction,along those of whom i loved,who lived a life of sobriety!the two worlds just do not mix well together.such a simple subject,but such a hard thing to understand when you are an addict or alcoholic.it took years for me to finally realize that,and even now that i am sober for a little while its still pretty hard to do.i guess that in some cases,you have to give in order to recieve...


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 06:57 PM

Comments

Stacy, alcoholic. (((Mary F))) That sounds so hard. Go to meeting is my suggestion. My husband is being pretty supportive, but if I talk too much about AA or go to often he says, "you've already done the hardest part! You've stopped drinking". In some respects he's right, but I know beyond any doubt that if I want to stay stopped and if I want to have any life of serenity that I must do the steps and learn a new way to deal with my life. I'll pray for you.


Member: bobby
Location:
Date: May 05, 2003
Time: 09:52 PM

Comments

Hi. Bobby... probably an alkie... It's been... i dunno 8 days/nights now. I've been feeling more energized and less fatigued during the day. one of my cubemates asked before he left "whatcha doing for cinco de mayo celbration!". I said nothing... he said he was probably going out for tequila... then I said "oh, I quit drinking".... then i rethought it, trying not to sound like i was an alkie... i then added "well, i stopped drinking during the workweek". anyways. the urges to drink are pretty well suppressed as long as I keep busy at night. I rearranged my room and did many chores. I keep my tummy full with fairly healthy food. I have been keeping the obsessive negative resentment of the past at bay. I've cleaned and fixed my bicycle and looking into getting an offroad motorcycle. i bought a tivo. want to buy a digital piano soon. distractions are a good thing! I think i'm doing well. keep up the positive lifestyle everyone. that's all for today... Bobby


Member: J-Rae
Location: N.D.
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 06:23 AM

Comments

Hello, everyone... J-Rae, here, alcoholic... Live and let live...great topic...After the desire to drink was taken from me, I realized that I didn't know how to live...I had to replace all that time I'd wasted getting wasted with something constructive. I kept coming back to AA, where those people seemed to be learning how to live. I'd always 'lived' my life through other people, places and things. I didn't have a life of my own. In AA, I saw people living life. They taught me how to live life, and how NOT to live (or try to live) others' lives. As a human being, I had the right to live my life the way I wanted, and it took me a while to figure out that EVERYONE else has that same right, too. When Drinking, I didn't have the right to choose how to live, the compulsion of the drink did that for me. It chose my friends, my playthings and playgrounds. When I came to believe that a Power Greater than myself could restore me to sanity, and when I turned my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him, I realized that there was a better way to live. I kept going to AA meetings, calling my sponsor and others in the program, reading the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and talking to my Higher Power. I'd call my sponsor, when I couldn't think of what the next right thing to do was, and she suggested I say the serenity prayer...and, somehow, even though the things around me seemed so tangled, that gounded me, and gave me peace and hope. The Big Book says that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is a design for living that really works. Oh how true!!! I figured out that MY design for living is what got me here in the first place. I had a right to live... with my mistakes, with my disease, with my successes and failures.... and that EVERYONE ELSE has that very same right!!! What a concept!!! No one else had to live like I thought they should, do what I think they should do, or any of that. I'd finally been given a freedom to live life sober, and the freedom to let everyone else choose how to live their own life. Simple, plainly very simple...It's worked for over 3 1/2 years for me, and so I think I'll keep coming back, 'cuz life gets gooder and gooder!!!


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 07:59 AM

Comments

((J-Rae))That was a beautiful share on Live and Let Live. I am 24 days sober and I hope that I can develop an attitude as good as yours. I am still fighting the urge and will be so thankful when the cravings stop. I am thankful for AA and this site. Thanks for listening.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 08:32 AM

Comments

Hi All, Thanks ((JRae)) for your insight into Live and Let Live. I agree but could not have put it that well. I had always put the big J of judgement on everyone else until AA taught me that we are ALL flawed and I better focus on me first cause my best thinking got me here! I am in the middle of moving and can't help but be grateful that I'm not drinking right now. I would have been a basket case but today it is ok and I am peaceful and accepting of the fact I need to move. I am not good at moving and have been at it for a week but I'm getting there. I still make a meeting a day because I need a meeting a day especially during stressful times. I get what I need today because I am getting to know my needs over my wants. I want to get better and I need AA! Congrats on everyone staying sober for one more day. Its awesome to see the miracle happening. Just for today lets not drink.... Kelly


Member: Di
Location: Ok
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 11:23 AM

Comments

Hi Diane here, 42 days today, I'm finding out that to live and let live means to me that I carry on with my life and not let judgement of others bring me down on my road to recovery, it's like once we stop drinking every one including me, expects us to just carry on with life like nothing was ever wrong with us. I also stop smoking and find at times I still crave a cigaret when stress of waking up the 15 year old grandson gets to me, had a fight just trying to wake him up so I said well you are going to drive me to smoke again, of course he informed me that I can choose to die of cancer or not smoke and he informed me that it was not his fault if I smoke, how wise is the young today? very wise if you ask me. anyway just for today I choose to not drink or smoke and take care of my health,,,,thanks for letting me share,,,,,Diane


Member: Cheri
Location: California
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 11:28 AM

Comments

well I really tied one on last night, I was so upset with work, husband you name it, I was on my last nerve. I being alcoholic grabbed the bottle and poured it down my throat. All I wanted to do was escape the pressure. I have a high stress job and my husband isn't pulling his share of the load. I know it's just an excuse to get drunk and I did very well. I'm very hung over this am and know I need to go to a meeting, however I'm to sick to go. I can only go 4 or 5 days now without a drink. I am a blackout drunk and was on the phone all night to relatives, I don't remember much that I said except to tell people how to live their lives. Like mine is in control? I've prayed for God to take this disease from me, but its not happening. I want to get better as well. Please pray for me to get stronger so I can start the meetings and stay sober one day at a time. Thanks for being here. C


Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 11:42 AM

Comments

My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. If we do not drink today, we won’t get drunk. If we work the program of Alcoholics Anonymous as contained in the Twelve Steps, our lives will probably get better. Mine did. And so did many others that I know through f2f meetings of AA. Keep at it ODAAT, and welcome to the greatest adventure of our lives. In order to live, I follow the suggestions that have been given to me in AA, and I have a better life today that I have ever had. Joe P - joep041699@mindspring.com


Member: Terry
Location: NY
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 11:49 AM

Comments

"Live and Let Live," I learned that the hard way after I got too involved in a family member's bad relationship. Of course Dear Abby is right warning that eventually they get back together and then you are the bad guy. After that experience "Live and Let Live" became my middle name! But to get on track, I am here for help. I have a b***h of a hangover today and I have had too many of them lately. I know I need to quit drinking before I have serious health problems. Reading all your entries has really helped. At least I know I am not alone. I am trying to get up the courage to go to an AA meeting, but until then it's nice to know I can come here for support. Thanks


Member: Phil A
Location: Geordieland UK
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 12:12 PM

Comments

((Cheri)) Last night while walking up to my meeting I bumped into a guy who used to sleep in a skip somewhere around the corner from me. He was begging, so I sat down on the pavement and had a chat with him, Ihadn't seen him since somewhere around Christmas and wa wondering if he was ok. He still didn't want to attend a meeting. He'd been beaten up twice yesterday and had only got released fom the cel's that morning. He used to have a good Job, Wife, A nice house and car and his kids looked up to him. Last night his sole possesions were what he was wearing. The disease of Alcoholism will never be taken away from ya, but if ya have an honest desire to stop drinking and stay stopped then like me and countless others a can live in a daily reprieve, no matter what happens in your life. Godspeed to ya ((Bobby)) Well done on day eight. Keeping yourself busy is always a good thing. GeordieWaly@aol.com


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 12:43 PM

Comments

When I drank, I was the supreme judge. When I looked at you there were only two categories, someone I could use or someone who was in the way. Thanks to practicing the 12 steps, I can now see the depth of my insanity and I have found a new life, free from alcohol. Today judgement is one of the first character defects to arise, when I move away from the program. I have not been to this part of the site in some time. It is startling and a good reminder of how unmanagable my life was when I was still active. Believe me, I was clueless and hopeless, still a bit clueless LOL. It was only in the action of practicing the steps, going to meetings and trying to keep an open mind on a daily basis. That I found some Peace. The same Peace is available for you, regardless how things appear at this moment.


Member: Mary F
Location: Central Jersey
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 01:40 PM

Comments

Hi, Mary F. Long overdue admitted alcoholic. Thank you all for your advice yesterday, it was the real turning point in my life because it was the first honest attempt I've made in 15 years to actually quit drinking. And when I found that after a week of being sober and the craving kicked in, I couldn't resist it. I cried and struggled with myself not to, but I gave in. Now, today I feel more horrible then I ever felt in my life because I let myself down. My husband tells me its a new day, start again today, and if I fail, I will always have tomorrow. I believe in that and it gives me hope. I'm hoping I can go 2 weeks this time.


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 02:01 PM

Comments

Stacy, alcoholic. 30 Days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very grateful. Reading the BB and the 12X12, going to 2 meetings (should be more), calling my AA friend, going to this site, going to Church and praying is what is working for me. Thank God and AA!!! I could not have had the life that I dream of before and today anything is possible. ((Mary and Cheri)), keep coming back. What you are doing today is very hard work. We are here and understand. Don't give up. Before you pick up the first drink, call someone, go to this site, read the literature. Hang in there, girls. Happy Sober Day to all.


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 02:22 PM

Comments

Hi everyone. Kim here, alcoholic. LIVE AND LET LIVE. This slogan in AA helps me SIMPLIFY my life. First and foremost, I must be concerned about myself and how I act/think/react to the world. Then, I must allow others to act/think react to THEIR world and allow them to do so without my interference/judgement and criticism. Early sobriety is hard enough,with our minds racing and feelings popping up everywhere, without our need to be in other people's business. My life gets simpler - easier - if I keep the focus on myself. I must allow myself to Live (good and bad) and allow others their path as well. ((Stacy)) Congrats on those 30 days. ((Everyone)) Keep Coming Back.


Member: Terry
Location: NY
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 02:31 PM

Comments

Hi Mary F. I can really relate to your discouragement. I was sober 9 days before I blew it this time. The most I have ever managed to stay sober for is 3 months in the past 16 years, mostly its been a week or a few days here and there. It's very depressing because I really want to try hard and I just seem to lose my will power for no reason. I know I can stay sober just for today and hope I can build on that.


Member: Mike d
Location: Colorado
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 02:45 PM

Comments

Day 9. I'm ok. Cleaning my house today. Feels kind of cathartic. I'm just making some space for myself to start pursuing all those interests that I wasn't motivated to while drinking. Live and let live. I'm working on the first 'live' today. Helping myself. I realize now how much I have put off and all the opportunities I have chased away as a result of this disease. I have spent the last year an a half in a depression. I wished I could figure out why. Now, It's funny that I had gone back to drinking during that time. I really wasn't ready to make that connection. I am now. I am sober and I am not depressed anymore. What a blessing.


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 04:20 PM

Comments

((Mike D)) Congrats on 9. I had extreme depression when drinking. I found that I was really getting down on myself about everything. It has lifted somewhat but even after 3 weeks of sobriety I am having problems with it--maybe I'm just slow. I know that thinking about Live and Let Live helps to take the burden off a little. I try to remember that as long as I stay sober things should get a little better all of the time. I am not trying to accomplish alot right now. Just focusing on my health and living. Thanks for listening.((Mary))You hang in there and keep coming back no matter what. It took me many starts before I got this far. I just take it day by day.


Member: neil s.
Location: suffolk,england
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 05:06 PM

Comments

hello all, neil here, alcoholic from england,((mary)),((marsha)),((mike)), since we are alcoholics, and do not want to scare our inner "demon" you know the one that WANTS us to take that first drink, the one that WANTS us to have a bad day, think that our spouse is getting on us obout EVERYTHING under the sun, the one that WANTS us to stress out on the way to work, at work, after work, the one that WANTS us to blow off the meeting tonight (ahh one night won't kill us). don't give in to the your inner "demon", DO THE WORK, if you want it, fight for it, if it was easy nobody would drink, if we tell our inner "demon" that we are only going to NOT drink "just for today" then "IT" says O.K., because onr day is no big thing to "IT", but what you can't tell yourself because "IT" will hear you, is that your going to quit FOREVER, because "IT" won't let you do that, because forever is a very long time, so do it JUST FOR TODAY, pray to "your" god and ask for control over your inner being. HAPPY 24


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 05:56 PM

Comments

((Thanks Neil))I needed that.


Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAAND
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 06:19 PM

Comments

((((Stacy-Mary-Marsha-Mike D)))) Get to meets and it will get easier, get phone numbers and keep sober company,you are all doing great keep it up! regards L-RAY


Member: Curtis L
Location: Goliad, Texas
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 08:24 PM

Comments

My name is Curtis and I am an alcoholic. It's a great day to be sober and sane. That's possible because of AA and the Higher Power that I've found in this program. Live and Let Live is a wonderful thing to do. I know now that just trying to take care of my life by turning it over to God is a full time job for me. I spent many years, decades, deciding what others "should" do with their lives, and let my life go down lower and lower. It was so easy deciding what Joe or Suzy should do because I didn't have to live with the consequences. Today I am responsible for my actions and no one elses. I ask God each morning to help me to not intentionally hurt another person. Sometimes when I'm being true to Curtis and doing what is right for my spiritual growth, others may be hurt or feel rejected. That is their problem, not mine. My wife of 22 years told me when I was about a year sober that she liked me better when I was drinking. I should think so because I felt so guilty about my drunkeness that I would give in to her about anything and everything. When I got sober and started working and living the steps and taking care of my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs; she resented it because she could no longer control me by sending me on a guilt trip. I'd spent a lot of time trying to please people so that they would like me and maybe I'd feel OK about me. Didn't work. I wasn't being true to my beliefs and morals, so I lost respect for myself. It was necessary to do so that I might admit I was hurting myself. It helped me reach my bottom; my surrender point; and be willing to change the way I was living because what I was doing was destroying Curtis. --- I don't care for people telling me how to live my life, so I treat them the way I'd like to be treated and I don't tell them how to live their life. In sponsoring people, I do make suggestions on taking some actions because my experience indicates that it helped me improve my quality of life. --- I'm extremely grateful for each of your posts and hope you will continue to come back to this site and receive information from others as to what has worked in their life to improve it's quality. AA works; if you work it. Love and Hope and Hugs in the fellowship, Curtis


Member: Di
Location: Ok
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 08:25 PM

Comments

Mary F Girl I've been right in your shoes I would try and try and quit then I would find a excuse to drink and would be right back on my merry go round and felt there was no hope but there is hope with God's help and saying no to the first drink you can do it, I'll be praying for you,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Diane 42 days sober,,,,don't get me wrong it is a struggle at the trigger points but breath deep and if you fail just get back up like your husband said and try again


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 08:38 PM

Comments

Stacy here, still alcoholic. ((Mike and Marsha)). I was truly depressed. Alcohol began to change who I am. I am an optimist and a fun-loving person. BUT, in the disease that was changing. I became VERY down on myself. I blamed the fact that I became a Mom and stopped working to be home with them. I blamed my husband for not helping me enough. I blamed my Mom for being a drunk and not teaching me how to handle life better. I blamed my Dad for not getting me out of the alcoholic home early enough in my childhood. I was pointing so many fingers thinking that if all of these people, places and things would change that I would no longer be depressed. I was so wrong. I knew deep down inside that I was "not acting right" so I sought help via books, tapes, Church attendance, bible studies, Oprah, Dr. Phil, Phychologist, Paxil medication etc. etc. Most of the time I just pointed fingers and felt sorry for myself. I WAS THE PROBLEM. I WAS DRINKING AND LYING TO MYSELF AND EVERYONE AROUND ME!!!! Today I need to just learn to live and let live. Work on my insides and let the rest follow. I just try not to let life overwhelm me. Easy does it. The next step for me to is to ask someone to sponsor me. I intend to do that tomorrow night at a meeting and take a 30 day chip. thanks for letting me share


Member: Greg S.
Location: Okawville, IL, USA
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 09:24 PM

Comments

Hi World, I'm Greg & I'm an alcoholic.Just got done reading chapters 1 & 5 of the Big Book (www.recovery. org). Came here to read (& re-read) everyone's shares. Thank you all for reminding me that I was willing to go to any lengths today to get what AA promises.And that turning my life & my will over to the care of my Higher Power made this possible. Thanks, God for the Serenity Prayer, thank you for another 24 without alcohol...


Member: Di
Location: Ok
Date: May 06, 2003
Time: 10:57 PM

Comments

very true and good share curtis thank you.... Diane


Member: Chris H.
Location: Kansas
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 08:07 AM

Comments

Good Morning...Chris H., alcoholic here. I just wanted to share that I'm so thankful today to wake up and feel rested and to have my mind relatively clear. The fog is still there sometimes, but I'm not quite two months sober yet! I've been having trouble reminding myself that I cannot "help" take my husband's pain and problems from him. His father passed away a week and a half ago and there are other minor struggles going on. Live and Let Live reminds me that I can only live my life in the best possible way. I'm here for him.....but I can't live his life any more than he can live mine! Thanks for being here....


Member: Hope
Location: Dakota
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 10:10 AM

Comments

(Cheri) and (Mary F) Thank you for having the courage to admit when you slipped. I watch the responses you get very closely to see if the others really do "Live and Let live" or if they came down on you with judgements. I was relieved to see that the responses were supportive and generous. I am only on Day 6 and I feel so afraid that I will fall. Last night the fellas starting their nightly ritual of making a pyramid out of beer cans, because it was sunny out (yesterday it was because it was storming :) I found a yoga class to get me out of the house and since I have never done that before I was sufficiently hurt enough not to want a drink. But I think I am an all or nothing type. I think I have to never fail and drink again or I would be too ashamed and disappointed to try again. In case I do though thank you to those that had the courage to admit it and thank you to those who were kind to them. It makes me feel safer here.


Member: Di
Location: Ok
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 10:21 AM

Comments

your right hope, heck I've slipped many times and finally I am 43 days sober which I am sure is not much because so many have so many more days but just think we are clear headed today so that is what counts right? Diane


Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 10:39 AM

Comments

My name is Tracy i am an alcoholic, who after 26yrs is almost 4 months sober, all i wanted to share with you all, is how wonderful it is, and i hope you to get to this point, its not been plain sailing, but thats what makes all the better, the harder you work, the better the payoff. tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 10:49 AM

Comments

((Hope)) You are awesome. Keep at it one day at a time. I have only about 3 weeks of sobriety now and when I was at day 6 the fear of slipping was almost overwhelming but just keeping it focused on one day instead of yesterday or tomorrow helped me. The first few days I watched the clock and did it hour by hour. Sounds extreme maybe but when IT started to call my name at about 2 in the afternoon--I would say "Ok you don't have to drink for one hour". Then at 3 o'clock I would repeat the process and on and on until bedtime. The hours turned into days. At times it was torture. I used to go in a room and shut the door and beat my fists on the furniture. Someone said on one of these pages that if you want it bad enough then you have to fight for it. Work it. Those guys drinking beer around you are no help but it's good that you remove yourself from that activity. Yoga can take you to another place in your mind. Go beyond the physical part and a good teacher will let you know that it is not about perfection. It is kind of a revelation when you can let the beer drinkers Live and Let Live and you can go do your own productive thing. I have found a great support group on this page. Thanks for listening.


Member: Di
Location: Ok
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 11:41 AM

Comments

very good share (((Marsha L))) I never had it that bad as a withdrawal thing just around 7 to 9 and when my stress goes up I have thoughts of drinking, but don't matter what degree that we suffer with our addiction what matters is that I admit I am a true alcoholic and must remember that to keep me from going even further down in my disease to a point that would be past recovery for me at least. I am still trying to work on my defects of character in my personality, which is hard work right now because I am faced with 4 very very active children who take a lot of my attention. My Daughter is flying Home today to pick up the Baby because he sure misses his Mommy and mostly his Daddy, he is so attached to his Daddy is really cute.....well I guess I've done too much chatting now...take care and God bless each one of you in our fight for sobriety......Diane


Member: Cheri
Location: Ca
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 12:03 PM

Comments

Hi Cheri here, alcoholic. Well I got thru yesterday without drinking but i did take pain pills for the aches and headaches. I know that's bad for my body and liver but in my mind its better than booze. Thanks for being supportive. I will try one day at a time. I need to get honest with myself and others. My greatest fear is that when I disclose my disease to my peers that I will be judged harshly. Anytime we talk about others that have a drinking problem, they(my peers) say " oh they're alcoholics!" and look down they're noses at them. Why can't people say, "they have a problem and they're taking care of it?" Why does the general population see all alcoholics as skid row drunks? It's not at all like that. Some of us are functional professionals that hold down a career without having a bottle at work! Am I having a pity party or what?


Member: GenieK
Location: NJ
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 12:21 PM

Comments

I was sharing on this site about 6 months ago.But my effort at staying sober did not survive for long.Am back with a renewed hope that today will be my day 1 of a renewed commitment.I have been working the steps in another program GA.Step 1,admitting I have no control over my addiction to alcohol is the reality.Agreeing that only my HP can help me to attain sobriety,is also my only choice-for sure I can not doo this alone.Will be back, Genie k


Member: Marty G
Location: Cowtown OH
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 12:23 PM

Comments

Hi everyone Marty here an alocoholic. I am glad we are sober at least for today. Live and let live, what other way is there for early sobriety? (Hope) and anyone else for that matter, post what ever you need to, whenever you need to. That is why we are here. If anyone says different remember live and let live, it's your sobriety that is important. That doesn't mean to blow people off because there are a great number of people here that are genuinely concerned about helping us begin the road of recovery. I wont name names but read them and you will soon learn who they are. Early sobriety is difficult and learning to cope with even the simple emotions can be overwhelming so be easy on yourself you can always beat yourself up later lol. Love one another, and especially love yourself. Live and let live. meg


Member: Hope
Location: Dakotas
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 12:35 PM

Comments

Thank you (Marty G). Many thanks to you too (Marsha L) - I watch the clock and go by the hour right now too. Sincerely Grateful...


Member: annie b.
Location:
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 01:00 PM

Comments

I am soooo tired. Tired of myself and what I let my life become. I have been to this site before- about 4 years ago when I managed to stay sober for about 3-4 months. I was also going to AA meetings and trying to work the steps. Well, I'm back into the old cycle again, and it seems harder now to try and get sober than the first time around. I have no desire to go to AA right now, so I'm turning here first, hoping it will spur me on. I've been drinking beer every night and really want to break the cycle but am having a very tough time. (My resistance is quite high at this point so I'm not stumbling around drunk in front of my kids- I guess you'd say I am a functioning alcoholic,- if there can be such a thing- tho a bit foggy)My life has been through a lot of changes the past two years and I guess I'm feeling the need to escape now more than ever. (Tho I could always find an excuse for drinking.) We made a major move to another state (left my home of 10 years), moved again, had a surprise baby (who is now 9 months old-also have two kids-10 and 11)my hub lost his job in October(so our financial status is extremely bad), lost my Mom to cancer in Nov. and just been through a lot of stress. ANYWAY, I so want to to feel alive again and wake up looking forward to the day ahead. But then when 4 o'clock rolls around, I let go of God's will and turn to mine. Like I said I've done the AA thing and am not ready to go back- yet I know I need to do something. Any suggestions for getting through the first few days??? Please help. Thanks so much........... annie b.


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 02:01 PM

Comments

((Annie B)) Just read your post and you have been through and still are in alot of stress. I found that part of staying away from the first drink is to draw strength from this website and reading my downloaded Big Book. As part of someone's earlier suggestion today, I read chapter 5--How It Works. I was truly inspired or should I say reinspired. Part of what I understand about Live and Let Live is that our problems are going to be there so let them be our problems and lets own them and know that there are solutions that have nothing to do with alcohol. I have taken many a drink in the face of stress only to wake up the next day and find that the stress didn't go away. I have found that my improved health has allowed me to cope better. I hope that this helps in some small way. Keep posting.


Member: Jackie
Location: MN
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 03:51 PM

Comments

Hey everyone. I am a little over 4 months sober. I almost typed pregnant, where the hell did that come from. lol Anyway I am still getting alot of "AHA'S" on a daily basis. So much sober learning to be done. Especially if you started as a kid, like me, and never learned to "live life the right way" Stacy, West Coast, you gave me an AHA today reading your post from the 4th. Worry about me and me alone! HA something I have NEVER done, and never even thought about doing. Thank you, another eye opener for me. Sometimes the answers are right in front of my face, but my eyes aren't open to them. Everyone, you all are doing a great job!! PEACE Jackie


Member: neil s.
Location: suffolk, england
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 04:09 PM

Comments

hi all, neil here, alcoholic from england, ((annie b)) we have all been where you are now, many of the past posts were about people doing the "slip" Sobriety Lost It's Priority, but we all learned from it and movwed on, and went right back to our higher power, did the first step again, said the serenity prayer, SOMETHING, i hate to say it, but just saying you want/need to stop drinking (although a good first move on your part) will not be enough after a while, it will take some work, it's not hard, all you have to do is worry about 1 day, 24 hours, just for today, one day at a time. get out of the house, go for long walks, take different routes to and from work, change when you get up in the morning, change your diet, excersise, don't do anything like you use to do it when you where drinking, this is the NEW YOU, and change is good, i was always told when i first quit to eat right, get plenty of sleep, excersise, and take care of ME, even if your married, have kids etc., YOU have to do this for YOU. happy trail, ((hope)) YOU can do it girl, do it for YOU, the new YOU. let's all do it JUST FOR TODAY.


Member: Robert O
Location: Central New Jersey
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 04:30 PM

Comments

Hey, I am sort of new to this but I think I need some help. I was reading through a couple of posts and I think that I might be in the right place. I don't really know where to begin. I had my last drink on March 8, 2003. I was found behind the wheel of a car slumped over with no idea on how I got there. Fortunatley, enough an officer found me before I caused any damage or injury to myself or others. I was angry of course and gave the officer a hard time, something that I regret now. I have lost the trust of my family and I feel like I have noone to turn to. I am angry all the time, even though I am not drinking anymore. I can't really explain why, I have a good job, I own my business, great friends/family, and I live in an affluent community. So if there is anyone out there that could help me to get me started or pointed in the right direction, I would greatly appreciate it.


Member: neil s.
Location: suffolk, england
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 04:33 PM

Comments

hi neil again, and yes still an alcoholic, i have some sites for you all to check out, especially the "newbies" because reading as much stuff you can get you hands on is good for you, "keep your mind on what you want and off the things you don't want" READ, READ aand READ some more, i have alot more sites but here are a few. http://www.hazeldenbookplace.org/serenitynow http://www.step12.net/ http://open-mind.org/site.htm http://www.aahistory.com/jft.html they are all about AA and stories, prayers and a whole lot of things to make our journey a little easier, we all need help, we all are in this together, we CAN and WILL overcome this thing, this evil nasty beast that is in us, but we need armour, and reading as much as we can gives us the armour we need. happy trails.


Member: neil s.
Location: suffolk, england
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 04:45 PM

Comments

hi all, neil here, alcoholic, ((robert 0.)) you are at the right place, congrats on the march 8th, we all have made some mistakes, but thank your higher power, you are still here to talk about the hard time you gave the police officer, you have made the first attempt, read all the posts here, i'm sure you will read your own story, read all you can, change everything you do, a little at a time, it does sound just like me when i first quit drinking ANGER and STRESS, take a class, i took anger and stress management, i took it twice, i also started working out again, tread mill, bike, cross trainer, and i mean work out untill you can't go anymore, then go another min., also make sure you eat right and get plenty of sleep, start taking care of YOU, find a local AA meeting, get a sponsor, or stay cyber, but get a sponsor. happy trail, we can do it ONE DAY AT A TIME.


Member: Mary F
Location: Central Jersey
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 07:42 PM

Comments

Hi everyone. Mary, definite alcoholic, something I'm still trying to come to terms with. I feel as though up until I admitted it and tried to do something about it, my life has been sort of in a fog, not real, not the real me. I think I may have found my husband after nine years of marriage and hurting him with my disease. I found that he's not really my enemy like I always thought. That's still hard for me to comprehend, but I'm giving myself over to it because I need the support that he's giving me. Hope, if you give in, it doesn't make you a horrible person for failing, it just makes you a person with a fault. I found that out Monday. Terry, yes, I have no willpower either, but I feel a little better about myself that I'm trying, and that gives me a little more self esteem to keep trying.Di,thank you. Jackie...:) pregnant..that's me, I have 4 boys ages 6mos.-8yrs...I feel like I've been pregnant half my life! LOL Thank you everyone for being here. Peace.


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 07:45 PM

Comments

Day 10. I've been doing the whole recovery thing, Complete with meetings, the big book, and a lot of introspection. Right now I feel more outside than ever. Like I didn't even fit in with the mold of an active alcoholic. I never drank compulsively. I never drank everyday. I never craved booze. I didn?t get drunk every time I drank. I've gone months, and over a year without a drink, or seeking recovery. I don?t know if it?s luck or what, but I am blessed in having never betrayed myself at any core level while drunk. Thank God I never hurt anyone! I never got violent. For that, I am really grateful. Does any of that indicate that I am NOT a survivor of this disease? HECK NO! I was a binge drinker that couldn't stop when he got loaded. I always went overboard on a drunk. I tended to be the loudest and most drunk. I even had the LOVELY habit of thinking that it was important to call poeple just to say 'hi', when drunk. Just what everyone needs, a drunk call late at night from their friend/brother. I was always so embarrased in the days that followed a drunk. I said things drunk that were pretty inappropriate, I said too much. I said things I meant. Heck, I even said things I really didn?t mean. I don?t know if it?s luck or what, but I am blessed in having never betrayed myself on any core level while drunk. Thank God I never hurt anyone! I never got violent. For that, I am really grateful. It's obvious my body does not like alcohol. I did black out a bit, but that was not the worst part. I wound up depressed for weeks after a bender. I had hangovers that lasted many days. I had a Mister Hyde personality change that reared it's head in an extreme situation while drunk. I was irrational. I put myself and others in unnecessary danger trying to drive home. I alienated myself. I alienated my friends. I alienated my family. I alienated my lover. OK, does any of that indicate that I am an alcoholic? It does to me, most certainly. Maybe it's genetics, or maybe it?s upbringing. I tended to use booze to blow off steam. In that, I guess I used booze to cope. Not entirely healthy, I know. Points to the communication and self worth issues I've been working on for years. Like I had shut myself up too much when sober, and needed to use booze to express my un-expressables. Believe me, I know it's better to say it sober. Gets the point across more effectively. Really. I'm afraid it's the same old story. I am just so afraid of manifesting my familial disease, that I am hypersensitive. In a twisted way, maybe some of the time I was drinking to prove that I could. Prove that I was NOT them. Right now it all feels so self-fulfilling. Sometimes I feel like I (on some level) manifested my greatest fear. I am an alcoholic just like them. The difference is that I am choosing to do something about it. It?s hard. As far as the whole 12 step thing goes, I am so glad for the people. It?s nicer to do this, knowing that I am not as alone in my disease as I may have thought. I will admit, at the risk of offending someone, that I have have a hard time with the AA dogma sometimes. I know it works for a lot of people. Sometimes, though, It just feels to me like religion all over again. Whether it?s the Bible or the Big Book, I would betray myself by blindly believing anything. In meetings, I can sometimes feel like a Buddhist at an old Christian Fundamentalist Revival (Not being a Christian or a Buddhist, but it?s a good analogy). But that?s not what this is about for me. It?s about recovery. It?s about talking this out with other people that are surviving this disease in THEIR way. Everyone does this differently. Some do this through faith. That's beautiful. Some do this through will. I think the self examination is the poweful part, but that's me. Having made that clear, I can say that what recovery is showing me today is that I will not admit that I am powerless. Feeling powerless may, in fact, be what gets me to start drinking in the first place. Right now, I feel like telling myself that I am ?Punk Rock? enough not to take that drink. I am willing to live and let live. I willing to live for myself. I?m important enough to start taking care of. I?m cool to write all day and do some of the things that I put off because I was hung over and depressed. I am ok today. ?I am not alone. I am not afraid. I am not unhappy. The words I say to myself everyday. I am not alone. I am not afraid. I am not unhappy. Such a stupid ritual to have to say to myself everyday. I?m not alone but I found my answer and set myself free. I?m not unhappy. ? I believe a song can change the world. I believe that I am the only one that can set myself free. Thanks. Writing myself sober, Mike


Member: Mike
Location:
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 07:56 PM

Comments

PS. The quote was VNV Nation.


Member: Di
Location: Ok
Date: May 07, 2003
Time: 09:01 PM

Comments

,book mark


Member: Nadine C,
Location: Cocoa, Florida
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 07:08 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Nadine, and I'm an alcoholic. Annie, to thine own self be true. Only you can know if you are an alcoholic. Its natural for us alcoholics to drink. Its unnatural for us to not drink, so wanting to drink, is pretty common in early soberiety and at times, no matter how much time you have sober. Alcohol is cunnilng and baffelilng and its constant vigilance to stay sober one day at a time. We only have today, as tomorrow is a promissory note, and we can't afford to project. When I first got sober, I worried about my Daughter getting married and me not able to take a drink, and she was only 8 years old at the time. Talk about projecting I did, and I was told to worry about today, not the past or the future. Today I can say I attended her wedding and they had Champaign at all the tables, I gave mine to my Daughter and new son=in law to take on their honeymoon, and I drank soda. I toasted them with Sprite and noone knew the difference. Remember its not what we drank, how much we drank or when we drank, its what the drink did to us. To anyone who has a slip or keeps slipping, then please come back to the post and to AA, remember we are powerless over alcohol, and our lives have become unmanagable. I was told too, early in soberiety to change playmates, and playpen, to help in soberiety. When I got off work and wanted to drink like usual, I would be good to myself and take a nice long bath, put makeup on and stay busy till time for an AA meeting and I went every night which was a change in routine and after meetings, a few of us would go to a resturant and contunie our meeting or just be there for support of each other and this would keep me out until bedtime and then I knew I didn't have to drink for another 24 hrs. and I could do it one day at a time. There are times even today when I get into my stinking thinking and think about a drink or am tempted,but I remember my last drunk and the hell I went thru getting sober and the thought leaves me. Its natural for me to want to drink being an alcoholic, and I still have to take it a day at a time. Another thing we used and today I still do, use the HALT. Hungery, Angry,Lonely, and Tired, and I have to ask myself which of these I am when I want a drink and try to change whichever it is that ie making me think that way.God Bless all of you at this web site, you help me stay sober, and I'm thankful that I have this meeting. I'm sober 22years, and ONE DAY AT A TIME, is the key. Too, if I don't pick up the first drink, then I can't get drunk.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 07:22 AM

Comments

thank you Neil S for your links I do appreciate any extra knowledge I can find to help my in my fight to stay sober,,,,I woke up very early this morning our Air conditioner froze up on us and may still be froze up....so with maybe 4 hours sleep I am here...oh today is day 44 for me,,, I relize many say months or weeks but for me days are important for I take one day at a time in my fight for sobriety,,,,have a great sober Day.....Diane


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 07:38 AM

Comments

Good morning everyone-Marsha here an alcoholic-I just want to thank you all for your shares and to comment that when I don't have anything much to say, I like to post anyway because I believe that this is my strongest link with sobriety. I learn at least one thing everyday. (Nadine) You talked about projecting and I was worring about a wedding that I am going to in June. Now I can put that fear aside and only address it on that day and then keep my sobriety just in that 24 hour period. It appears to be so much simpler that way. Thanks.


Member: Hope
Location: Dakotas
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 09:26 AM

Comments

Thanks for the share (Mike D) "except for the names and a few other changes if you talk about me the story's the same one". from(N.D. -I am I said) but it's true. Day 7


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 09:56 AM

Comments

hi Diane here, (((Mike))) the way I see the powerless part of admitting .. is that we are unable to take the first drink because this causes a chain reaction to drink more till we are again drunk so yes I am powerless to drink normally like other people and I do agree that a lot of repeating of the big book does get quoted a lot by us but this is what works for most alcoholics so this is to me a good idea also reminds us in our post what to keep our focus on,,,(and this is our sobriety) take care


Member: joe s.
Location: Michigan Rezdog
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 09:58 AM

Comments

joe s., born again newcomer. aa is the cool running stream in my white water life. instead of concentrating on what i don't have and being grateful for today's sobriety, i can live. i can let you be you, and i can be who i am and what i am. live and let live. my darkest hour was my moment of clarity. God knew this and 57 months later i'm beginning to understand the plan. grateful to be alive ... and you can be, too!


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 10:06 AM

Comments

http://www.aahistory.com/days.html I am 43 day 8 hours and 5 minutes sober, check out this site it's pretty cool


Member: Robert O
Location: Central New Jersey
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 10:10 AM

Comments

Thanks Neil, I was looking for somebody to tell me that. It's funny you mention those things, I stopped working out about 2 months ago and I haven't felt the same since. I definatley need to get back in the gym. I am also going to look into some anger/stress management courses. I think thats something I have been putting off for too long now. Has anyone ever tried acupuncture as a form of stress management? I was doing some reading on it so if anyone has some insight, I would love to hear what you have to say. (Mike) Sounds like we've been living the same life bro. Why is that we think our friends/family and our ex's all want to hear from us at 2am? Why is it that we feel that we have to be the center of attention all the time? Why is that eveyone in my family can drink and act responisibly and I can't? I always find myself asking why? That's when I came to realize that I can't answer these questions, and I guess there is reason for that. I just never wanted to admit that I was an alcholholic. I never wanted to admit that I was powerless of anything. I am a very controlling person and when I can't control something my personality changes. I lose control, my blood begins to boil and I can't control my emotions or my actions and I can be completely sober. I have found that alchohol fuels these emotions and depending on how much I have drank, I can be like a runaway train. I hate that feeling and I hate the aftermath of what I may have cause so that was the main reason I decided to stop drinking. Thanks for listening.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 10:11 AM

Comments

Hi ((Nadine)), Good morning and thanks for the wisdom! 22 years is awesome and yet I can relate at almost 8 months. The way you became sober is almost identical to me. I am on my second time through AA and although not a golden slipper a retread non the less. My day is planned around my meeting and evening meetings always turn into a meeting after a meeting at Dunkin Donuts with friends. I need the support and change of routine in my new sober life. I always wondered what clean and sober mean't. Now I know because showering and putting on makeup before a meeting makes me feel better, clean and fresh. My self-esteem was so low at the end of my drinking and I had let myself go. Going to a meeting daily helped me to care again about the little things. I never really left the house when I drank so I stopped caring about how I looked to others. No wonder I was depressed! I did everything possible to stay down and out. I isolated, did not take care of myself, my son, my personal belongings, my finances, my yard, my dog... You name it. BUT I always made sure I had enough booze to stay drunk. Pretty sad and good to remember that. Today I am a sober woman with the grace of god and AA on a daily reprieve from that self imposed hell. One day at a time, one meeting at a time, one suggestion at a time, I am staying sober. Life is good now. Thanks for sharing. Kelly


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 02:52 PM

Comments

Hey all. Day 11. Thanks for your posts. (Hope, Diane, Robert) I'm just doing it one day at a time. I guess there is enough 'dogma' that DO agree with to get me through today. Last night I dreamt that I was looking all over the house for a bottle of booze. When I found it, I realized it wasn't for me, it was for some guests at my house. With a sharp realization that I don't drink anymore, I realized that I didn't want to drink it. Probably the third booze dream in a week. I feel good today. I have a lot to do. I'm so glad to be sober today.


Member: John M.
Location: Ohio
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 03:10 PM

Comments

Hey everyone. I'm John and an alcoholic. I am currently going through an alcohol recovery program at my local hospital and doing well. I have been sober now for 45 days and feeling better and better everyday. It is nice to read everyones posts and see all the positive thinking out there. I have started going to AA meetings and they are helping greatly. I didn't want to go at first but they are not that bad at all. Stay sober everyone and keep going to meetings.


Member: neil s.
Location: suffolk, england
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 04:36 PM

Comments

hello everyone, neil, alcohlic, i am so glad, not overwelmed, not overjoyed, just glad that i may have touched a person that needs help, ((john)) great to hear the progress, keep at it even if you are being made to do this. ((mike)) day 11 GREAT JOB MATE! keep on, keeping on.you said on your first post that you where not sure about AA, i am not shying you away from AA, but i too, asked why?? it was not working for me back on 30 sep 02, and i went to a few other sites to find other answers, i of course came back to AA, i have found that "my HP" is the ONLY choice for me, you may find things different, and i am sur that all others in this group will say the same thing, as long as it works for you, just get sober and stay sober, and whatever works for you. http://www.smartrecoveryma.org http://www.smartjax.org/articles.html these are both "smart" recovery which is is a spiun off of rational recovery, i first went to AA,then went to "SMART" for 4 months only to find that AA was for me, (check it out), also, http://www.rational.org/ http://www.moderation.org this is moderation management, i can't control my booze, so i can't moderate either, maybe you ??, another site i found was, http://addictionalternatives.com/ i still read all the articles here, great site, ther are some "secular sites" that i loged on to and the folks where great, the same as us, wanting to stay sober, just not wanting to9 ask a "higher power" for help, http://unhooked.com/index.htm http://www.secularsobriety.org/ http://www.sossobriety.com whatever it takes, KEEP SOBER, may you find yourself back here like i did, happy trails, take it one day at a time.


Member: Gene C.
Location: East Providence, RI
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 06:34 PM

Comments

Coming soon Twelve and Twelve Dictionary Twelve and Twelve Study Guide Twelve and Twelve Concordance Twelve and Twelve Daily Journal www.twelveandtwelve.com


Member: Marty G
Location: Cowtown OH
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 10:36 PM

Comments

Hello everyone Marty here an alcoholic. Hope everyone is well. ((Nadine)) what did I say about this site being for us new to recovery.lol. In my last post I mentioned that some people you may want to listen to for good insight to sobriety, well Nadine has oftened pushed the buttons I needed pushed to help in my sobriety. Remember this is a "we" program and as for myself I need all the help I can get. Thank you Nadine and all you others that take time to share wih us. Info on sobriety: THE RECOVERY BOOK Al J.Mooney MD Arlene Eisenberg Howard Eisenberg This book covers alot of sobriety issues. They really focus on the first year. Good research on physical and emotional issues. Not strickly AA, but 95% is AA. Great read. Love one another. meg


Member: Patty B
Location: Austin
Date: May 08, 2003
Time: 11:46 PM

Comments

Patty B here. Still an alcoholic. Day 15 and I've visited here every day of it. I'm sober today because of this site (yes I do need to look at the 7th tradition, this is invaluable..I will take care of this aspect!)and my sponsor in my other 12 step program and the Grace of God. Tomorrow my 14 year old daughter goes to her first concert. Without me! But guess what, I've decided to live and let HER live! I'm going to one on Saturday..it's Soberfest in Leander Texas and will be a series of bands and meetings all day. Families and friends..all in a safe environment. Well I need to get back to writing on my first step. Meeting Friday night but first meeting my sponsor to discuss this and since it's our first look at me working the steps it's crucial. But again, I'm taking it easy so I'm not really going to stress about it. I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable 15 days ago.."and a thousand nights" as they say. What a relief. Thanks and goodnight y'all. Your support and sharing make it so much easier.


Member: Greg S.
Location: Okawville, IL, USA
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 01:30 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Greg & I'm an alcoholic. Hit the Web yesterday, & my start page comes up with this ad in big flashing letters- " Take Control" - oh, Lordy, I had to laugh. Sorry, tried that, that's why I'm here ! 15 minutes into my 15th Day, and I'm pleased to announce I'm doin' it the hard way. At certain points today I was turning my life & will over to my HP on a minute by minute basis. Because half measures avail me nothing. I know I'm powerless over alcohol, & that my life is not only unmanagable but catastrophic because of alcohol also. I'm a hopeless helpless alcoholic who by God's Grace didn't pick up that 1st drink today. Thank you all for your honesty, experience, strength & hope...


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 07:53 AM

Comments

hi Diane here day 44, well day 2 of our air out in Texas good news is that it is over cast but also humidity is building up, also way to hot to drink hahaha...going to hit the health food market boy are they nice here


Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 08:57 AM

Comments

(Neil S) Thanks for the links.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 09:38 AM

Comments

Hey Diane, Hope your AC gets fixed soon. I can't take the heat and I live in the north and still have 2 AC's going all summer! Now that I don't have the sweats all the time from alcohol it may be better this summer. Yesterday I went on an AA commitment to Peaks Island, Maine. We took a Ferry to the island and was it ever beautiful. Portland harbor has 2 old lighthouses and some forts. I was so glad to be sober and out living life again. Tonight there is a big sober dance but I'll probably chicken out on that. I can't ever remember dancing sober since I was a kid. I really should just go and face the fear and maybe have a good time!Everyone have a great weekend. Kelly


Member: Linda C
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 10:28 AM

Comments

Good morning. I'm Linda C, and I am an alcoholic. I woke up again this morning unable to remember anything that happened last night. I vaguely remember calling my mother-in-law (uh-oh!) This absolutely must stop. I am ruining my health and isolating myself more and more. Thank you for all of the shares above. I hear myself is so much of what I read, and feel like I have found the hope and help I need to stay sober today. I want to live.


Member: Robert O
Location: Central New Jersey
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 12:01 PM

Comments

Hey everyone, Rob here, can't tell you how much each of your posts has made me feel like I am not alone. Every morning I come into work and check to see the new posts. To be honest this is the only thing I have been looking foward to in a long time. Your stories make it so much easier to take it one day at a time. This is the longest I've been sober, March 8, 2003 and still going. My friends all seem to admire my sobriety, but I know that that will fade and soon enough they will be offering me "just one drink". I know it's inevitable and I only hope I am strong enough to refuse. But as long as keep coming to this site everyday, I think I will be fine. (Linda) All I can tell you is that a couple of days ago I came upon this site, and even though I have been sober for a couple a months, I haven't felt this way in a while. For the first time in a long time, I don't feel alone. I can't give you much advise other then if you feel like alchohol is causing you a problem, keep coming to this site or attend some meetings. These are people who can help, they know exactly what you are going through. Thanks for sharing, you are helping others like me.


Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAND
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 12:16 PM

Comments

Doing well ((((Robert))))and you are bang on buddy you are no longer alone--when i first came about people used to say this at meets and i burst into tears! for the first time in my life i was wanted and nobody wanted anything! ((((Linda)))) get to meets and get phone numbers, and get into the middle of the bed! so the best of luck and take care-- Regards L-RAY


Member: Cheri
Location: Ca
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 12:24 PM

Comments

Hi Cheri here, alcoholic. This is day 4 without alcohol. I could not have done that without this site. I look here everyday to see if anyone else has the same anquish I have. I know now as I've always known that the first drink is the one that gets me drunk, gives me blackouts, and makes me sick. I just took a walk and its beautiful outside, the problem is now that my mind has cleared, I'm so ashamed of my behavior while under the influence. I can't tell you the number of bottles that I've hid, thrown away, refilled so no one would know how much I was drinking, and how much booze I replaced. I buried my anger, resentment and disappointment in others in booze. I'm doing one day at a time, and reading all these posts to see I'm not alone. You know we think we are! I'll get to a meeting soon but until that time this site is a godsend. I needed to say this stuff and get it out of my mind so I can move on to more positive thoughts. Thanks for being here.


Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 12:28 PM

Comments

((Linda)) you ain't done nothing i ain't done and today my life is good, my last drink was jan 15 2003 and that is the longest time in 26yrs. Keep coming back.


Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAND
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 12:47 PM

Comments

((((Cheri)))) nice to walk in the clean air with a clear head! nothing to regret sweetheart your doing well! everything you have done i have and many more people aswell,thats why we share and identify! your doing great Cheri, Regards L-RAY


Member: Rosemary B.
Location: Gainesville
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 01:48 PM

Comments

Hello everyone. I posted something in the discussion meeting that probably should have been posted here. I deal with major anxiety (as many of us do - I know I'm not special). I am four eyars sober and I feel like I should be farther along than I am. But what I'd like to say to the newcomer is that life doesn't get perfect. but what we do get is a set of tools to use when the going gets rough. It's absolutely amazing. And I get these moments in my life where I have this overwhelming feeling that everything is going to be ok. I never had that feeling when I was out there drinking. Stick with it! Go to meetinsg and don't drink. Life may not be a bowl of cherries but it sure as hell beats the cow shit we used to be sitting in.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 02:55 PM

Comments

tell me about it (((kelly))) I'm from Oklahoma and it's not as hot there but we have two big air units at my two story home so this lady is not into heat hahaha, but I'm sober so that is what matters, I know what you mean about life sober and going places, I never could really function while drinking out in public so I just did not go no where, now I see the world through sober eyes and even the heat is not as bad, in fact I could not handle it if I was drinking,,,,day 44


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 03:05 PM

Comments

Linda C you made the first big step and that is admitting we have a problem, so keep coming back it works if you work it, I wish I had more time to post, I will next week for sure for the baby is going with his Mom to Atlanta so I will only have 3 more children to watch which are older, staying sober


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 03:59 PM

Comments

Day 12. The weekend is what really tests me, social booze hound that I was. I'm ok today. Thanks to everyone that posted links for alternative treatments (Neil S, etc.). I was up really late looking into all that stuff. I have to admit, the moderation one messed me up for a minute (moderation.org). I took the little questionaire test they have online. According to the 'test' I scored on the low end of the scale and could attempt moderation as a treatment. At that point, the inner debate kicked in. Suffice it to say, If I could moderate my alcohol, I wouldn't be seeking recovery. I know that this is a progressive disease. I've taken some time to look into the science of addiction. Kind of a contradiction in terms, but at this point, I am trying to arm myself with as much information as is available. In addition to this program, I think it's really helping. I have had positive experiences with some of the secular resources out there. unhooked.com, secular sobriety.org. I'm interested in the 'how's and why's'. Found a great book. "Beyond the influence." Explains addiction as a phyiological AND psychological issue. Good stuff. I know that if I were to go back to the occasional drink, the cycle would just start again. Eventually I would end up being 'that guy' again. I can't go there. I won't go there. "JUST one drink" is NOT an option for me. Thanks for your post (Robert O). I totally relate. I have had friends and family tell me things like: "You just need to calm down. You need to drink without going overboard." Why would other people need for me to have a drink? Like I need to be taught how to drink. That is such a mess. Like they feel threatened by my sobriety. RRRGGHH. I can say, with total confidence, I am a lot more fun sober. Thanks for the posts.


Member: Barbara H
Location: Dundee, Scotland
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 09:24 PM

Comments

Hi all, I am Barbara, alcoholic...Was "sober" for 11 years last June 8th, 2 weeks later I was drunk...thought I could just have a couple and be O.K. (insanity). Well it is almost a year since I picked up that drink and I can't get off it. I have gone to meetings and left to get a "carry out". I've been to me doctor and he gave me Antibuse, but I have to be 3 days off the drink before I can take it...I did manage 10 days a few weeks ago, but was so arrogant I thought I could do it without the drug. I went back on it and can't get off. I feel that I have lost 11 years and so what if I drink now!!! It is affecting my health - and everything else in my life - (((Cheri))) and (((Annie B))) I have read your shares and I do pray that I can find the strength and courage to get back to meetings and get back in touch with God as I understand him. I am afraid to go to meetings...I always find an excuse not to go. I do have physical illness (Rheumatooid Arthritis and Systemic Lupus) so I am genuinely tired in the evening, but I have this since the age of 16 and still managed to get to meetings. I think I need to be locked up for a while (detox) but there are not many facilities here. Sorry for rambling on, but it is good to be in touch with you all. All of you who are stringing the days together keep on going. Please pray for me as I do need help. God Bless all. Do hope someone reads this!


Member: Patty b
Location: Austin
Date: May 09, 2003
Time: 11:41 PM

Comments

So glad to be sober another day. Wonderful one on one with my sponsor face to face today, prior to the meeting. Seemed like there were bad forces at work trying to keep me from actually GETTING to the meeting & sponsor meeting..I swear trains crossing the road at 5pm are just really so hard to accept. I realize trains have to run and make schedules just like we do..but sheesh I actually think this train crossed all the way and then reversed..maybe not, but it sure seemed that way. What was really great about this, however, is that I was focusing on what I'd hear and do today..not really on the 20 minute wait for a train. Not really too concerned that 2 people then tried to cut into my lane. Kind of felt a twinge as I flipped them off..ok I'm asking God for forgiveness for that right now..but I didn't go ballistic..or try to chase them down..do something crazy like I used to when I drank. I just said to myself..I'll get there..she'll be there..the meeting will go on as planned. It'll be fine. I'm still doing the next right thing. More often than I ever have!! I love mornings now even though of course I'd like to sleep a bit more. But at least I don't wake up with that gigantic guilt trip..whew..I'm just doing this one day at a time. Like all y'all. And praying right now for the people in Oklahoma getting hit with yet another tornado..God please put a measure of protection around them.. Thanks.. Patty


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 01:18 AM

Comments

Stacy here, alcoholic. I still cringe as I type that word! Ugh! Today is day 34 and it is the first time that I actually craved a drink. Long and tiring day with kids (babysitting additional kids) and I was just wiped out at 3:00. The thought of a cold beer (or 4, which would lead to a Jack and coke or 2 and then an early eveing trying to sober up and present a good show for my hubby before he arrived home...I'm exhausting thinking 'bout those days!) while the kids were napping sounded real good. I knew, even so, that I would not drink. I fought the craving easiy, BUT it saddened me that I had it. Does that make sense? I guess I thought maybe I was one of the lucky ones who wouldn't have cravings. Yeah, right! So, I called a woman I met at a meeting earlier this week. I reached out. We are going to dinner and a meeting tomorrow night. I also went to a meeting tonight and although I spent a lot of time focussing on the differences rather than the similarities, I still benefitted by being there and not stuck in my crap, negative, poor me attitude. ((Cheri and Mike)) you are doing so well. Let's all hang in there. Love, Stacy


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 04:15 AM

Comments

thank you patty and your post was so cute, I'm of course from Oklahoma but I'm right now in Texas and sober 45 days (it is so late may be day 46) will check in the morning,,,and now can't sleep not sure why, maybe just the strange area, oh I did get a palm so that excited me hahaha,,,, I figure I am worth a new toy being I don't waste good money on booze anymore,,,I sure hope my Home is ok,,,Diane


Member: Linda C
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 06:39 AM

Comments

Good morning. Linda C here. I am an alcoholic and I just completed my FIRST day of sobriety (this time around). The "live and let live" topic saved me from being angry last night when my DH drank his wine while I had mint ginger ale. I have often started the evening determined to stay sober, only to use DH's drinking as an excuse to get out my own bottle. Thank you for your kind comments above, and for being here with just the words I needed to hear.


Member: Marsha L
Location:
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 06:41 AM

Comments

Good morning everyone. (Rosemary B) I have suffered anxiety attacks all of my adult life and worse after a drinking session. Stopping the vicious cycle has quieted them but I have problems with depression. My feeling is neither high or low but just kind of flat. I have been on different kinds of medications in the past but to be honest I didn't stop drinking and we know that the combination can be deadly. I have recently been to my doctor and am being treated for an allergy. I have been quite sick and that is probably the only reason that I have not gone back to drinking. I have just about made it to a month sober and I feel like I am hanging on by my fingernails. (Barbara H) Don't get down on yourself. I'm afraid to go to meetings too. I am afraid that my family will know. I am afraid that I will run in to some one that I know. (Mike) I love your possitive attitude. I have also been reading about the scientific aspect of addiction. I have always been interested in health and nutrition GO FIGURE. Thanks for listening and (Diane) Hi to you and congrats.


Member: Marsha A
Location: Florida
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 07:39 AM

Comments

Good Morning, Just found your sight. I am Marsha and I'm an Alcoholic. I was sober for 13 years, then drank. Now I am having a really hard time staying sober for even a week at a time. I have 4 white chips now and drank yesterday. So now I have to pick up another one. I have gone back to the same set of people I got sober with the first time. My question is do you think I should try different meetings? Maybe a different view of things? I feel like such a failer, I also think I have a problem thinking that I am as sick as I was the first time I came in. It seems that at times I have control when before I knew I didn't. Thanks for any input. I will talk to you again next week.


Member: Terry
Location: NY
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 08:43 AM

Comments

Hi Marsha A. You ask some really tough questions and I'm sure someone here will have some insight for you. I am hardly the person to be giving advice since I am still struggling with my own sobriety, but it occurred to me that if you could stay sober for 13 years then you could do it again. Can you pinpoint what caused you to start drinking again after all that time? It seems that it could be a vaulable clue to your relapse and future recovery. Best of luck to you.


Member: Terry
Location: NY
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 08:49 AM

Comments

Hey Linda C. Just out of curoisity ( and ignorance) what is a DH? Darling husband? One of the reasons I have a hard time staying sober is because my husband still drinks and there is always alcohol in my house. I can go for quite a while but eventually my will power is defeated. I don't blame him in the least, live and let live. I know it is my decision to drink or not whether I am in Armish country or Las Vegas. We create our own circumstances. Here's hoping you stay stronger than I have lately!


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 09:49 AM

Comments

Hi All, Especially to those coming back. I don't have much wisdom to share on why we relapse or how to get sober again except my own reasons. I guess we surrender when we get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Alcohol is cunning, powerful and baffling and is ready to take our will back when we get weak or complacent with our program. It is there all along waiting for a weak moment or if we think we have it in the bag so to speak. We are never cured of this disease only on a daily reprieve. Good luck on trying to come back. I hope you don't wait as long as I did. I had to be one of those people in AA that needed to go out and drink and get as willing as the dying can be. That is why alcohol is so cunning because if I got hit by a train once I would probably never do it again but with alcohol we blank out that this disease wants to kill us and how painful it is. Very baffling! Best of luck and God bless. Kelly


Member: Marie T
Location: Texas
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 11:33 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Marie - alcoholic. That's the first time I've ever admitted that, although I've been worrying about it for years. This is my first day, this time. In a way, live & let live is a core issue for me. I don't drink during the day, or even much with other people. I just take the booze like a drug alone at night to blunt feelings of anxiety, fear, loneliness. I don't know how I will fall asleep without it, I dread lying awake all night. I don't even know what people do at 9 pm, how will I cope with the panic. Thanks for being there, this is my meeting.


Member: Cheri
Location: Ca
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 11:43 AM

Comments

Cheri here alcoholic. Stacy, Barbara, Marsha's and guys, its day 5 for me. Praise God!. Yes your right, I hate saying alcoholic. It would be nice if there was a softer word for us. Seems so degrading. Oh well, The way I've stayed sober is to check this site 3 or 4 times a day and read what you guys are going thru. I don't feel alone anymore, and its unbelievable that there are soooo many of us out here. I've also discovered doing something different at the happy hour time takes my weak mind away from the drink. That is my "special time" always has been. 4pm rolls around and I would make every excuse to take a cold beer or 8, a glass of wine or bottles, or whatever choice I would like for the evening. I love to change my drink each time, makes me feel like I'm not depending on just beer to let me escape the hassles of the day. You know, I work, am somewhat a professional? So I can afford whatever booze I'd like. Doesn't really matter which one, I always end up drunk, cause I deserve to relax! God, now I know what stinking thinking is! Thank God for this meeting as I'm planning to go to a women's meeting soon, until that time, this site keeps me sober. Thanks for letting me ramble.


Member: Cheri
Location: Ca
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 11:43 AM

Comments

Cheri here alcoholic. Stacy, Barbara, Marsha's and guys, its day 5 for me. Praise God!. Yes your right, I hate saying alcoholic. It would be nice if there was a softer word for us. Seems so degrading. Oh well, The way I've stayed sober is to check this site 3 or 4 times a day and read what you guys are going thru. I don't feel alone anymore, and its unbelievable that there are soooo many of us out here. I've also discovered doing something different at the happy hour time takes my weak mind away from the drink. That is my "special time" always has been. 4pm rolls around and I would make every excuse to take a cold beer or 8, a glass of wine or bottles, or whatever choice I would like for the evening. I love to change my drink each time, makes me feel like I'm not depending on just beer to let me escape the hassles of the day. You know, I work, am somewhat a professional? So I can afford whatever booze I'd like. Doesn't really matter which one, I always end up drunk, cause I deserve to relax! God, now I know what stinking thinking is! Thank God for this meeting as I'm planning to go to a women's meeting soon, until that time, this site keeps me sober. Thanks for letting me ramble.


Member: Linda C
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 11:55 AM

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Linda C here. Yes, DH is darling husband, Terry. He's been my darling, drunk-together husband for 32 years now; I'm worried. Marie, last night was my first (this time) to be sober at 9 pm, and I wondered the same thing - what do people do at that time of evening if they aren't drinking? I got out my foot bath and pedicure equipment (long buried at the back of a closet - how we neglect ourselves!) and gave myself a first-class pedicure. Then a long bath. And I SLEPT. Linda


Member:
Location:
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 04:36 PM

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Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 07:35 PM

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For now it helps to get away from people when they are choosing to imbibe. Had another booze dream. That makes 4 in 13 days, I believe. I dreamt that I had a beer without realizing that I don't drink. The theme in these dreams seems to be forgetting that I choose not to drink. Like that would happen! The same thing happened when I quit smoking a year and a half ago. I had all these dreams where I was smoking until I realized I didn't smoke anymore. Today is Day 13. Today I really dislike Saturday Night. I've got phone calls and emails inviting me out to bars. I love to be social. I would like to see some friends. I think the time has come to tell my friends that I am not drinking. Spending my evening sober in a bar would be like having my teeth drilled even though there is no cavity. Maybe dinner and a movie. Maybe dinner and laser tag!! Keeping it Positive, Mike


Member:
Location:
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 08:31 PM

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I have so much to say; is defintely beyond this site's memory or capabilities. To people that, their true intentions are to make a difference; be honest and true to the people you correspond with. There are people that are honest and genuine that have absolute intentions on changing their life and come to this web site to try and make a difference in not only their own life; but, with every life they touch. I am certain there are many people besides myself, that have come to this site for help that are not able to seek the help that they need. Everyone has their reasons and I believe everyone should be open minded to everyones choices and reasons. I know if I succeed in accomplishing what I hope to achieve that I wouuld never deny anyone to help them to achieve the same goals I finally achieved. I would no matter what; try and help them. I hope that every person that dedicates themselves to any opinion on this site; also has the courage; to help people like myself and millions others that try and help themselves the best way they know how.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 08:52 PM

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hi Diane here Alkie, day 46 and finally awake, not slept much last night but did not drink so this is good. Hi (((Marsha L))),,, and all the new people someone said or I think I read a few Woman with husband who also drink, well mine does too but he knows I have stopped so he don't drink around me so that is a little easier on me. Got me a new toy yesterday, a palm and dictionary and games and memory card to download some more games hahaha, it is nice to pay attention to ourselves since we are not wasting our time and killing our bodies on the dreaded booze bottle, (((mike))) those dreams I also stopped smoking and I also remember the dreams, but then wake up happy to have not slipped into a drunken state, so many struggles in life but we are sober just for today,,,Diane


Member:
Location:
Date: May 10, 2003
Time: 08:57 PM

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I don't accept or acknowledge or reccommend anyone on this site; just know I went on this site to get help and it took a few to make a difference; amd eventually that few did make a DIFFERENCE.


Member: AZbill
Location: az-bill@mindspring.com
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 01:57 AM

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HI Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. I would like to address those who have had drunk dreams. Only acloholics have them so that should tell you something. I have had my share, realized them for what they where. They Usually go away. I did have one that sent me into a panic. I used to sleep with a bottle on the floor by my beside for years. I had one of my drunk dreams where I dreamed that I drank in my bedroom. I tell you I tore that bedroom apart looking for that bottle. Not fun to wake up in the place where you dreamed you drank. Thanks Love you. Bill


Member: janet
Location: Costa Rica
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 03:52 AM

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Bill---that is so very true!!! I still have them (DRUNK DREAMS) off and on and they are the most REAL dreams I have ever experienced. I awaken in a sweat, fearful that I really "did it"!! Then I really awaken and am so thankful that it was "just" a dream..... Oh how easily our minds go back there...... Thanks...hugs....janet


Member: Linda C
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: May 11, 2003
Time: 08:41 AM

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Linda C here. I am an alcoholic, and this is day 3. I am amazed at how many hours are in a day now. Yesterday would have been my usual "stock up" day. Instead, I used my money for some new body lotion, toner, stuff for a facial. Learning to 'live and let live' by planning what I will do during drinking time (that's a lot of planning for this house!) I feel God's grace working in my life. Yesterday, I had an opportunity to go help a neighbor at 5:30. Three days ago, I wouldn't have been aware my neighbor NEEDED help at 5:30 pm. Thank you to all on this thread. What a blessing to know that I'm not alone. Linda