Member: Kerry
Location: California
Remote Name: 68.169.185.57
Date: May 02, 2004
Time: 08:56 AM -0400

Comments

Hi, I am early in sobriety. I have been involved w/AA/NA for over 20 yrs. I am very discouraged, but still alive!! I want to drink/use so much but know it will kill me. I am going to go pull weeds. ks


Member: Adam H.
Location: New York, NY
Remote Name: 172.130.99.114
Date: May 02, 2004
Time: 12:22 PM -0400

Comments

Adam, alcoholic. Always a good suggestion...I think if not for someone explaining to me about H.A.L.T., the slogans "Keep it simple" and "First things first" would have remained a dark mystery to me. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Kat
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.218.129.24
Date: May 02, 2004
Time: 12:42 PM -0400

Comments

Kerry - savor the joy in your garden and understand the symbolism of pulling out those weeds as you cleanse your heart, mind and spirit of all those negative holds that block you from shining your light. Think of yourself as a tiny bud that is just waiting to blossom. Putting a drink or drug on that plant will kill it... sunshine, water and fresh air will help it to become the gorgeous embodiment of God's miracle. Prayers and blessings to everyone... now for HALT... I'm hungry... better go eat!! love, Kat


Member: Tracy
Location: Little ole England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: May 02, 2004
Time: 03:28 PM -0400

Comments

I am just begining to see that HALT was how I was getting about my recovery..hungary to learn more...angry when i didnt get it when I wanted it...lonely when I got resentful to others in AA....and tired from trying to analyse everything single thing that was/is said in the rooms. Now I just wake up listen and if I grow a bit more today and learn a bit more today then its a good day....at least I dont' have to pick up that first drink! KISS trace


Member: Lise
Location: Alberta
Remote Name: 24.71.223.142
Date: May 02, 2004
Time: 03:49 PM -0400

Comments

I used to think the HALT thing was cockpooie. Then at the last treatment centre that I attended, they proved to me that it was not. The Health Recovery Centre focuses on nutritional maintainence through diet and vitamin regime. One of the things that they did was a 12 hour glucose check to see if I was hypoglycemic as over 75% of alchoholics are. So they gave me a dose of sugar and monitored my levels every two hours, at hour 2 I was hungry, at hour 4 I was getting tired, at hour 6 I was very irritable, and by hour 7 I was craving a drink and by the end of the 12 hours I was near delirium. Needless to say I am hypoglycemic, and once I ate a high protein turkey sandwich, within 20 minutes I felt normal again. So, now in recovery I eat every three hours, keep my sugar to a minimum, get a full 7 hours of sleep, and I find I am never getting angry. As for the loneliness, I surround myself with good people, some are in program and some are not. I have had to learn to be alone comfortably and have found the balance of keeping lone time for me and having time for and with others. Beats the hell out of locking myself in my room and drinking for days on end.


Member: Tracey
Location: East Coast
Remote Name: 69.137.36.114
Date: May 02, 2004
Time: 05:56 PM -0400

Comments

HALT...I have been up until a few days ago all of those things. I am new to AA and will start outpt rehab, on May 5th...12 step group and individual tx. As it is I feel pretty low, my husband is making me sleep in another room and has made me take all of my pictures of my son down from around the house...otherwise he'll throw me out (r/t drunkeness a few days ago).... I think this is what they call hitting the bottom. Thanks for letting get that off my chest. Tracey


Member: Glen H
Location: Tx
Remote Name: 4.15.232.43
Date: May 02, 2004
Time: 05:58 PM -0400

Comments

Lise, I don't normally get into this, one reason being I'm not a dietitian nor a doctor. You are exactly right about us not dealing well with sugar and blood levels, and while the scientific evidence is still out, I suspect that alchoism is related somehow (as do others)...... .....But anyway, one thing we have found, informally and by accident, is that those of us who do Atkins (or any of the low carb) feel one whole hell of a lot better physically and mentally. It makes sense and goes right along with you are saying... .....Again, we ain't doctors, I've just heard what Lise is saying many times, and know persobnally that when I'm keeping my carbs below 30 g a day, I feel great. ..to say nothing of that I've nearly lost 20punds.


Member: Glitter Girl
Location: Glitterland
Remote Name: 66.81.54.44
Date: May 02, 2004
Time: 07:36 PM -0400

Comments

Whenever the subject of HALT comes up, I am usually reminded of my first 3 to 5 months sober. I would go on these shopping binges because I was afraid of accumulating too much money, and if I were to get access to too much money at once, I was afraid of what I'd do with it (use, drink, etc.). While on those shopping binges, I would almost invariable forget to eat, and that's when the first part would set in ... I'd get hungry. Then, of course, what came next was that I'd get tired because I was fatigued behind not eating enough and doing all that power shopping. After awhile, I would then get all frustrated because the clothes wouldn't fit, and about that point I would realize that I'd bought more shoes than anything else again - Shoes are just so much easier to buy than clothes anyway, but I am never in short supply of shoes, so that would just make me angry, that I'd gone out to get clothes, and ended up just buying more shoes... And of course, I was going home alone with all that stuff, where I would just be left feeling real lonely - just there at home, after shopping alone, hungry and tired 'cuz I hadn't stopped for lunch, angry that I bought more shoes than clothes, and lonely beyond belief that there wasn't anybody home to share it all with at the end of it all. And that's when the lonely, pity-pot tears would set in. All that shopping, and not even happy about it. I'm glad it's not that way anymore, but this memory helps to remind me to eat when I go shopping, or at least right before. Of course, now, I can't go on such long, power shopping binges like I used to, but a girl's gotta try every now and then :)


Member: Mia
Location: USA
Remote Name: 206.225.97.158
Date: May 02, 2004
Time: 09:40 PM -0400

Comments

When I came in the program I had no idea how to take care of myself so I was usually in some state of HALT. So I used it quite a bit. Its not like I knew this particularly. It wasn't really a thought process that one should eat on a regular schedule, call people so as not to get lonely, keep check on feelings so they don't build up to explosive proportions and go to bed at night. This was my normal living! However, I think the hardest thing is the lonely part. I've been sober 13 years and still its difficult letting people in. Doing the call thing. I guess there's always work to be done...*sigh* Take care everyone.


Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Remote Name: 205.188.116.195
Date: May 02, 2004
Time: 11:59 PM -0400

Comments

One of the most important things I have found to safeguard my sobriety is to know when something is wrong with my head and rapidly take steps to correct whatever the emotional or mental problem may be. A good idea to protect our emotional or mental health is to eat nourishing foods, get enough rest, fulfill our emotional needs particularly those pertaining to our gregariousness -- we need the company of our fellows -- and do the best we can to avoid anger and deal with resentment. Perhaps it should be HALT R. We should try to remember to "Ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self seeking motives." Daily we must ask ourselves have we been " ... resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?" (Big Book pg. 86.) I wonder were HALT came from? I heard it first over 17 years ago.


Member: chuckm
Location: Alberta
Remote Name: 209.197.146.72
Date: May 03, 2004
Time: 02:45 AM -0400

Comments

I'm Chuck, an alcoholic H.A.L.T -- Hungry,Angry,Lonely,Tired. It was explained to me that any one of these by itself is not a major problem. But,they cause high emotion which distorts our perception of what is going on in our life. We then can make serious blunders. Peace and Serenity


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Remote Name: 65.102.61.160
Date: May 03, 2004
Time: 11:16 AM -0400

Comments

My alcoholism is a physical, mental and spiritual disease. When I stop putting the alcohol into me, my spiritual and mental defects become glaring. Having those unique mental twists of an alcoholic, I am sensitive and easily angered. Even the smallest aggravation can take on gigantic proportions. Part of loving myself is taking care of myself. Getting, exercise, eating, resting and having regular contact with other alcoholics. Easy does it.


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 68.164.230.197
Date: May 03, 2004
Time: 02:00 PM -0400

Comments

When I was learning how to quit drinking this acronym helped. As I began the process of change some years later by working the steps, this saying became an annoyance when I heard it in meetings. I felt I was above such silly sayings and limited thought. I was selfishly annoyed by many of AA's phrase and cliches. That is when I had to take a good look at myself and ask why I became annoyed. The answer pointed back to me. My Ego began to make it's slow comeback, making me the center of my attention once again. It was time to burst my bubble once again by doing yet another 4rth step. Will this not end. I hope not. I have many people in this program that help me bust my bubble if I'm willing to let them. Hungry,Angry,Lonely and Tired are states of being that are to be avoided, but watch out for the opposites of those states of being... Stuffed like a pig, indifference, people pleasing, and sloth. We alcoholics love to substitute compulsions, and in many cases, it becomes yet another problem to deal with. Best wishes to all.


Member: Babette
Location: Jerusalem
Remote Name: 82.166.251.93
Date: May 03, 2004
Time: 02:41 PM -0400

Comments

((Glitter Girl))Like you I shop til I drop and wear my t-shirt "Get out of my way I"M SHOPPING! Shoes are easy to spend piles of money on. Ialso would forgo lunch and come home Hungry Angry (I spent so much money) Lonely (no one to share it with) and Tired. It's a compulsion/addiction like anything else but a Healthier one I think. Tired is the one I have the most trouble with. I have alot of trouble sleeping some nights and the mornings after I am barely human. I feel depressed, easily irritated, mad at the world and usually feel that way all day long til I finally collapse into bed at night. I have trouble napping so that doesn't help. But, at least 2 days a week I am usually tired and irritable. I know I can get through them without a drink or drug I just wish I could be one of those people who sleep 4 hours and have energy. Being new in sobriety I am looking forward to this changing. Love, Babette


Member: Holly
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 38.225.248.2
Date: May 03, 2004
Time: 03:28 PM -0400

Comments

HiAll...Holly here, alcoholic. I've 15 days today...hmm, HALT...I'm really proud of myself these past 15 days as for the first time when intially trying to get sober, I'm doing something different...I'm actually for the first time, napping and resting...I'm eating when I'm hungry (usually when I decided I was going to get sober, I'd set myself up on the huge plan to get fit and healthy and exercise all the time and diet, etc....one big plan for failure!!!!) Now, I'm eating an ice cream when those terrible sugar cravings kick in...I'm making sober people and meetings my social life, hence I'm not getting lonely and I'm using all the creative forces I used to waste before when drinking to catch up on some reading, to get back to making jewellery and knitting (sounds stupid, but I love that stuff)...I"m praying a lot and really journalling my anger...all in all, I'm really, really taking care of the HALT. I can't tell you how much it is really making this a little easier. I can't say enough, nor encourage anyone in early sobriety..if you come home from a bad day, and are tired...BY ALL MEANS, HAVE THE HOT BATH, GRAB A BOOK AND CALL IT A NIGHT...forget about the laundry...no guilt! We need to take care of ourselves...recognize that we are in recovery from a deadly disease...just like anyone getting out of the hospital, it's okay if I need to take it easy for a while and remember to watch "HALT" Love and peace, Holly


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 68.171.89.218
Date: May 04, 2004
Time: 05:45 AM -0400

Comments

Ann here, alcoholic, and grateful everyday! HALT makes sense to everyone. I guess everyone deals with it everyday, but we alcoholics make an extra special point of it because we ignored it for so long while abusing. Just another part of our alcoholic habits to change..and with time, it does change. When I first got sober, I also had the chocolate cravings. I never ate chocolate or sweets before that. For the first couple of months I focused on my sobriety and ate or did whatever I wanted as long as I didn't drink. After a couple of months, I realized I was using chocolate as a crutch and excuse also. The old " well as long as I'm not drinking" excuse. I then focused on weaning myself off of that. I started to add exercise and watch what I was eating, and at 7 months I exercise somehow everyday and am on a carb controled diet. I feel great! As a matter of fact, the longer I'm on the carb control diet, the better I feel. I don't know if there is something to that or not, but it works for me. As alcoholics, we use excuses for just about everything. Remember as your body tries to straighten itself out and get back to normal it needs what it craves for a little while to not put it in shock, then it needs the best nutrician you can give it to fully heal. Take care of yourselves everyday. It does get better day by day. Here's to another sober 24 for everyone!


Member: Kat
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.218.129.24
Date: May 04, 2004
Time: 09:10 AM -0400

Comments

Holly - those fifteen days look fabulous on you sweetie!!! Keep up the great work. I too learned how to slow down and give myself what I need. I really swung the pendulum the way of the slug for awhile, but I gave myself permission to do that and I can feel the benefits now as I'm out walking and exercising and coming out of my cocoon. Keep coming... it's so worth it!! love, Kat


Member: Desdimonah
Location: Florida
Remote Name: 68.218.199.60
Date: May 04, 2004
Time: 11:11 AM -0400

Comments

Good day, Desdimonah, a grateful, recovering alcoholic - today is my 8 month birthday - just a drop in the bucket and wow, at the same time, seems eons! What a grand new way to live. I posted on the CP last week - my post was full of self pity as I reread it and after reading ((jimr))'s post, I see exactly what it was about. You spoke of being annoyed by the AA cliches, and silly thoughts and catch phrases. I was just there recently; saying aloud to other's in the group, "doesn't anyone have an original thought!?" But, I'm very new, in my infancy of recovery, and of course I'm not utilizing, I'm analysizing...bad bad! What works, works. Keep it simple. HALT is a stronghold. Keep a vigil; watch for any one of the four or combination of the symptoms. I think many of us feel unworthy still. But, it's important to rest, pray, meditate, eat well, exercise, be balanced and involved. Today, I love being a part of and treating myself well. I love to nap when I'm able, I love to sit with a cup of tea with honey and read, I love to volunteer for services and I love to eat and eat healthy and well and I love to exercise - I just love getting sweaty and feeling accomplished. Thank God the desire to drink has been removed (today!) God bless each of us. Thank you for allowing me to share - even if it was basically a ramble. (I seem to still have difficulty articulating my thoughts - AA overwhelms me and frustrates me - I'm so damned grateful that the program and my Higher Power have graced and blessed me!)


Member: Henry
Location: Fredericksburg
Remote Name: 129.174.20.175
Date: May 04, 2004
Time: 01:26 PM -0400

Comments

Hello to all...This will be the first time that I make any comments, and indeed it is my first time being a part of any group comitted to staying sober. I feel it is important to first say that I am only 19 years old. I am doing this as part of a rehab that I am going through to be reaccepted back into the college that I was forced to leave. This has become a much bigger burden on me than I could have anticipated. While I can't say that I am Hungry at any time (I tend to eat on a pretty regular schedual and pretty healthy foods) I do tend to get angry at some points. Mostly it is during the commute back from my full time job. A drive that should take 45 minutes usually ends up taking 2-3 hours. This can be very frustrating. As far as being lonely...I am lonely. There is no other way to say it. Because I have always gone to school away from where my home is I don't have many friends. And the ones I do have are still away at college. My family is very supportive, but there is only so much companionship I can find there. Being tired has become a part of daily life for me as well because of the long commute in the mornings and nights. I try to get atleast 7 hours a night of sleep, but sometimes that is hard between meetings and other things in my life. The one thing that I am greatful for is that I have been able to controll myself. Not drinking (or using) has helped me to feel better emotionally and mentally so I feel as if I can commit to being sober, but any suggestions to help are welcome. Thanks...Henry


Member: Holly
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 38.225.248.2
Date: May 04, 2004
Time: 01:46 PM -0400

Comments

Hi all, Holly here, alcoholic...day 16.. Thank you so much Kat...the "15 days looks good on you"...I printed it out and put it in my journal...love and blessings..that really made me feel awesome!!! Working the HALT stuff...and am feeling better for the first time in a long time, however, people and stuff baffles the crap out of me. I am spinning and take everything personally. I'm hyper-sensitive and honestly, this is insanity. I can't really focus at all. I'm not having using thoughts, but I'm feeling insane. I can't shake it. I know it will pass, right. Just checking in. Things I did for my sobriety today... #1) prayed for willingness #2) took medicine #3) emailed friends in program #4) went to meeting at noon #5) emailed my sponsor #6) plan meeting at 6pm #7) plan to read part again of the big book #8) read 24 hour book #9) read bible reading #10) relax later...eat well... PRAY, PRAY, PRAY... My prayers are simple .... 'GOD HELP ME' 'JESUS SAVE ME' Over and over and over again. I feel like Iím going insane. Thank you all very much...a little off topic, but I had to throw it out...what part of HALT takes care of this mental stuff???


Member: Jim D
Location: Fl
Remote Name: 24.28.47.151
Date: May 04, 2004
Time: 03:08 PM -0400

Comments

Holly - 16 looks evan better than 15. You are not going insane, you are dealing with things without a drink or a drug, this too will get easier, rember SOBER means son of a bitch everythings real. Jim


Member: RalphK
Location: Iowa
Remote Name: 12.217.224.245
Date: May 04, 2004
Time: 07:52 PM -0400

Comments

Holly, I can identify fully--strange how sensitive we get once we're fully aware of our surroundings. I've been going through a lot of the same reactions, but I also sense some pleasant surprises, like when people say they're glad that the "old Ralph" seems to be back. Jim's response was wonderful and I take it to heart. Thanks to you both for sharing! Had strong cravings today--for no particular reason. Just kept thinking about beer all afternoon. Spooky, but I got through it; and I'm going to a meeting in an hour. Last week I faced the supreme test of my early sobriety with nary a thought of drinking. Cunning, baffling, powerful: how true! Greetings to all & here's to another sober 24hours! Ralph, grateful alcoholic (day 24)


Member: KellyM
Location: WA
Remote Name: 66.10.15.76
Date: May 04, 2004
Time: 08:01 PM -0400

Comments

i remember when i was first explained what HALT was - it was profound moment. It made so much sense to me and it helped me realize where some of my problems lie with drinking, etc.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 205.188.116.195
Date: May 04, 2004
Time: 10:49 PM -0400

Comments

Hi, Kelly an alcoholic. When I first heard about HALT in AA I laughed. Most of my adult life I walked around, hungry, angry, lonely and tired. I was a single mom working 12 hour shifts with no time to eat and no time to date or go out. I was angry at myself for the poor choices I made that put me there. Since putting the booze down and working the program I am on the way to living healthier. I am no longer lonely with all the friends I have in AA. I get plenty of rest and my anger is practically non existant if I turn my resentments over. The one thing I need to work on is not walking around hungry. I forget to eat and then end up with the "hungry horribles". I am so used to ignoring hunger but am on a tight budget for food so I keep eating mostly cheap filling foods like pasta. I never realized how expensive it is to eat right! I think I may look into a low carb diet because so many say It makes them feel better. Are low carb foods cheap eats? I tend to eat a lot of cookies and donuts and drink coffee with creamer no sugar at meetings. Yep, Gotta start eating better...Kelly :)


Member: Gage
Location: swamp
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: May 05, 2004
Time: 01:00 AM -0400

Comments

Happy 8 months, Desdamonah. (Did I spell it right?)


Member: Pam B - Sobergirl91 hotmail
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Remote Name: 68.204.189.40
Date: May 05, 2004
Time: 01:54 AM -0400

Comments

Hi All - lots of good shares. I relate the H.A.L.T. to that my disease is 3-fold . . . mental, physical & spiritual. Whenever things were NOT going "my way" - ie all my carefully thought out plans did NOT achieve the results I'd expected . . . then I would be Angry (er, raging is more like it) - & I was so Tired & stressed to the max after all the effort of that thinking, planning, plodding, conniving, manipulating! really burnt out from all that hard work! & the staying awake all nights long to do it! . . . & I'd start thinking how things work out for everyone else, but never do for me! (boohoo!)- something is different about me, but I don't know what - everyone else sees it & knows whatever it is, but I don't . . . Even in a crowd, while married, whether w/others or home all alone - I was always apart from - isolated, alone - Lonely. & that "Poor me! Poor me!" needed to Pour me a drink! (for the affects ie to change how I felt into Feeling GOOD! . . .) & (who had room or time for food?) >>>>>> When I got to AA, I was still in habit of these old ways until I did my 12 Steps. & I also found out I'm hypolglycemic that if I don't eat healthy foods every few hrs, I have severe mood swings, anger-rages, start craving sweets & starches - but having them makes me worse. a catch-22 that nullifies all the growing & changing going on mentally & spiritually, if I don't also take care of my physical health . . . If I don't get enough rest & sleep, then I'm too fatigued to eat & exercise as I need to - & also the mood swings, anger rages >>>>>> so I have to remember all 3 - to take care of my Physical health w/right foods, enough sleep & rest, exercise, fresh air, meditation, tending any physical ailments or health issues, giving/getting at least 1 hug a day, etc - & the Mental thru my Step work that results in taking care of the Spiritual >>>>> The result is a relationship w/myself & my HP, that I am never "alone" - & the "getting outside of myself" in service to others & the friends I've made in this program - I have become "a part of" rather than "apart from" & am not isolated nor Lonely.


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.231.160.24
Date: May 05, 2004
Time: 02:54 AM -0400

Comments

HI All, Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. All HALT means to me is taking care of my self. When I came into AA, I had not bathed in awhile, I was living in a old chicken coop and shed converted into an "apartment". I had not a stitch of clean clothes the bed had not been changed or made for months. Every dish I owned was in the sink filled dirty water and pond scum. I had to learn how to eat properly, How to stay calm in an emergency (I am a medical care professional High stress was normal) I had to learn to get enough rest. Take minute vacations. I am an AA club oriented alcoholic. Still attend roundups and conventions occasionally. I am in service in AA and in the community. Take care love you all, Bill


Member: susans
Location: california
Remote Name: 4.27.16.130
Date: May 05, 2004
Time: 04:12 AM -0400

Comments

hi. I am so freaked out tonight. I am about a year and a half. I can't sleep because i am worried about my rent, etc. I am scared. susans usa


Member: Joni N.
Location: Pollock Pines, CA
Remote Name: 158.222.227.166
Date: May 05, 2004
Time: 04:46 AM -0400

Comments

Hi, ((everyone)). Thank you for helping me to stay sober...one day at a time. ((Susans)) First of all, don't pick up a drink. I know you know that won't help. It's after 1:00am in CA so there's nothing you can do right now about your rent or whatever you are afraid of. Do you have any relationship with a HP? Prayers help me to calm my fears. Just talk to your HP and share your fears...then turn them over to your HP's care. Tomorrow please call your sponsor or another person in the program. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. You did the absolute right thing by reaching out to someone. Hugs, Joni Peace and Love


Member: Shannon
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: May 05, 2004
Time: 09:49 AM -0400

Comments

My name is Shannon and I am an alcoholic. I've been trying so hard to quit drinking. Trying and succeeding. Trying and failing. Staying sober about a week at a time. Had eight days, blew it. Had another seven - went to a friends 40th birthday party last night. Actually told my ex this morning "I heard I was polite and not drunk". The things that come out of my mouth horrify me. I left AA in 1988. I have made sporadic, desperate appearances over the years when things get real bad, but never made any real effort to get sober. Now I want to and it has never been this hard. This week's topic is so interesting to me because all four are staples of the alcoholic lifestyle. I guess I never noticed before how consistant all four are in my life. Hungry? I forget to eat all the time. That seems ridiculous to non-alcoholics, but it happens to me regularly. Oops. Forgot to eat. I feed my kids, but opt out of the meal. I'll take my protein liquid-style, thanks. Not eating and drinking = faster blackouts, sometimes puking and promising myself to remember to eat next time, tomorrow. Angry? Oh yes. Raging mad at the world. Lonely? Is there anyone lonlier than a practicing alcoholic? Tired? If I just get three hours I'll make it through the day... Is it any wonder these conditions represent a threat to the recovering alcoholic. Talk about visiting familiar places! My eyes are opening. I am changing my life. I have today. I am not drinking today. Shannon


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: May 05, 2004
Time: 10:54 AM -0400

Comments

Hi Susans, Hope today you pick up the phone about the rent problem. Ask for help! I had that problem last year and at the last minute everything worked out fine. I turned it over to my HP and just did the footwork/ phone calls. GodBless. Shannon, Thanks for the remember when!!! I still have to remember to eat at 19 months sober! I spent my last 2 years not eating because like you said food ruined my buzz/blackout. If I ate I had to drink more to get buzzed. I pretty much lived on a daily intake of 4 gallons of 12% alcohlol wine and a bowl of Chex cereal a day for the last year. I took a Centrum vitamin everyday and that is what kept me alive I think, it wasn't nutrician that's 4 sure! Man was I sick or what! At detox they gave me horse pills/ vitamins that my body needed and within a week I started to get the feeling back in my legs. I had alcoholic neurapothy from not eating. My big question Shannon is how far do you want to take this??? If your drinking like I think you are your not getting drunk anymore, not eating, can't shut your head off, losing everything dear to you, Living from black out to black out. Have you had enough yet? I was so miserable at the end of my drinking. I wanted to stop drinking but was (afraid) to give it up. I finally got the courage to ask for help and I hope you do too. When you are feeling miserable say in your head "God, I can't go on like this, Please help me to have the courage to ask for help". Keep saying it. I promise you it will come in the form of the courage to pick up the phone and get into a detox. It happened that way for me. GodBless and keep coming back. We care! Kelly :)


Member: susans
Location: california
Remote Name: 4.27.16.130
Date: May 05, 2004
Time: 01:02 PM -0400

Comments

hi again. I am going to share constantly. Still mad at God, because i am trying so hard to get my life in order and i don't have my rent money, and then i watch e and see how anna n. smith gets all this money and i wonder why i, being a year and a half sober, may lose my rent control apt, because i can't come up with rent. Where's God in all this? I AM doing the next right thing. susans calif


Member: Desdimonah
Location: Florida
Remote Name: 68.154.209.220
Date: May 05, 2004
Time: 03:21 PM -0400

Comments

Almost, {{Gage}} Sometimes as I trudge the road of Happy Destiny, I believe the spelling should be "Des DUH monah!" Susans, hang in there - this too shall pass (yet another AA cliche') Trust God, have faith, don't drink. God has blessed you and will continue to - He has a plan for you. (Wow, I should SO take my own advise!) Peace and prayers


Member: terrilynn40
Location: Arkansas
Remote Name: 69.29.154.89
Date: May 05, 2004
Time: 11:59 PM -0400

Comments

hello,my is terri. halt is imprtant to remember, but also,,, dont get too bored.im always finding new hobbies to take up or somrthing. it keeps my hands busy, and my mind off of outher things. thank you for letting me share. God Bless to all.


Member: Ed Z.
Location: USA
Remote Name: 206.107.237.115
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 01:41 AM -0400

Comments

Ed Z. alcoholic. I learned the acronymn or saying HALT is actually one whole concept. The reason early on I was told is figure out HALT. Because I couldn't handle anything but small parts, and then put them together. California sue is trying to get God's help with a roof over her head, Perhaps if you go to God's house like a church and ask for help. Even if part of rent payment is gotten. Especially if landlord gets check from God's servant the minister, priest, rabbi, muslim or whatever with you not touching money. Drunk we could take no much longer if we didn't have responsibities. Instead of bar hop church hop, But don't forget AA. I will have 16 years (05/08/88) without a sip of booze. I'm supposed to share my experience strength and hope. I still rather feel like the little nut or acorn, instead of a growing tree. God Bless You.


Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Remote Name: 209.240.205.63
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 01:52 AM -0400

Comments

Hi, JaneC..alcoholic here, just back from a long trip to the East Coast for family business...still sober, but thinking about it a lot of the time...I'm back into my old agoraphobic ways again...we had an auto accident in S.D. on the way home, due to icy, rainy and snowy weather...I do pray when we go driving and I did a lot of it that day..before the accident..and I really believe we had a miracle... 4 cars were involved in this accident and no one was seriously injured...it could have gone totally the other way...a pick up truck hit 3 cars doing 60 miles per Hr...on this hwy. with dangerous driving conditions...so many people walked away from the mess that it had to be a miracle...3 kids and 3 adults were in the pick up and no one was hurt...why or how some are spared and others are taken will always be a mystery...a woman was killed the same day earlier..lost control of her car and was hit by a semi-truck..I thank God over and over for sparing me because I was in the car on the side where the pick up hit and landed our car on the oppsite side of the Hwy...and it stopped just short of hitting the guard rail..I did a lot of praying in that car..asking God to please, please watch over and cover us with his blood...for those who don't believe..I can only say that I can't imagine my life if I didn't have a strong belief in God...I did however pick up the wine again, for a short time, on and off for about] 2 months...then prayed even harder for my sobriety again and God was there for me again...I can't get through the day without him..I'm sober again, and I will do what it takes to stay there...again... God Bless you all...and may her give us all another sober day...


Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Remote Name: 209.240.205.68
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 01:59 AM -0400

Comments


Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Remote Name: 209.240.205.68
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 02:01 AM -0400

Comments

JaneC..again..I messed up the last line of my post..it should have read..May HE give us all another sober day....


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 205.188.116.195
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 06:20 AM -0400

Comments

Susans, congratulations on a year and a half!! Wow, what a great accomplishment! I also used to live in California. The LA area. I knew people who had rent controlled apartments, and consider that a blessing and a gift. That is not easy! I thought about your rent thing and at first thought "what else is going on in your life that is keeping you from being able to pay rent?" I just went thru a surgery for a bone growth problem in my mouth. Not gum or teeth related which my insurance company say they will cover, but of course I'm having to fight it and am still $4000 out of pocket. These things happen. Contacting your higher power might give you piece of mind, but probably won't pay your rent. Be honest with your landlord and yourself and odds are he'll give you a couple of weeks to pay it. When I got sober, I did everything I could to start to pay off the debt that I accumulated while drinking. I read your comment about Anna, and I can't even watch her because my cable is now disconnected. It was hard at first, but now I read and walk and just enjoy the quiet. I also shut off my home phone and just use my cell. Look around and see what you can do to make your financial burden easier. It really does help. I also picked up other jobs and now work nights, weekends or whenever I have to to make the $. I take my son with me places and he helps. It can be done! You will be amazed what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it. Look what you did when you decided to get sober! I'll be thinking about you. Also to everyone else. I think we need to be more supported of other peoples beliefs and start to refer to your "god" or "whatever" as your HP. Some people have different beliefs and we should respect that. Thanks, and here's to another sober 24 for all of us!


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 152.163.242.211
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 09:29 AM -0400

Comments

((Jane C Alaska)) Wow, What a gift to see you back on this board! Remember me? The one that posted here almost daily my first year! Well, now I just got 19 months!!! Pretty amazing for a drunk like me. I am so glad that God watched over you during the accident and everyone walked away. Are you happy at your new home? You said you were agoraphobic again. Do you go to a meeting once in a while? Meetings are still a daily thing for me and where I live they are plentiful. They keep me centered in my recovery and in the middle of the herd. I started temp sponsoring and it has been very gratifying, helps me more than her! What a nice surprise to see you back Jane. GodBless and keep posting. Kelly :)


Member: Holly
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 38.225.248.2
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 09:40 AM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, Holly here, alcoholic. Susans, I totally understand where you are at right now as I'm in the total chaos of finanical burdens. I'm behind on everything. I cut my cable, cut my phone and only use my cell...I feel like I"m swimming upsteam and not getting anywhere. Everything seems to be behind and it just seems the more I try to get caught up, the more I fall behind. This is scary. I understand. I was behind in my mortgage for a bit...I sold my diamond engagement ring (a 2.5 carat pear diamond)...for $3500 and all of it went to my mortgage. I don't even want to tell you what that thing was actually worth, not to mention the years of tears I spent "paying" for it. The only things I kept from my divorce were my jewellery, my dog, the good china and a car (which I paid for anyways)...my ex was very well off and sometimes I hold so much resentment when I know that he's living so well and I'm struggling so dreadfully much. I also hold resentments when my 'using' friends call me up as they did the other day to see if I could help them with their immigration work...of course, they've not called me since I stopped going to bars with them. It really peeves me that here I am, trying so hard to get healthy, struggling to do the next right thing, and there they are, still in full addiction and having a ball...not worried about anything. Priveledged, playful, beautiful, having the time of their lives and well, I'M STUCK IN THIS CRAP!!! I know they really aren't friends..but it still sucks. I sometimes miss being part of the "who's who"...now, I'm broke, I'm feeling fat and ugly, I'm in dire need of a vacation, I'm feeling like crap, I'm angry, I'm tired (my car alarm woke me up last night)...AND I'M PISSED THAT I'VE BEEN GIVEN THE SHORT STICK IN LIFE...I'm a good person, I read the bible, I go to church, I work with charities, I help the homeless and I'm feeling like a HUGE LOSER. What the heck happened???? My life wasn't supposed to be like this...People are living in my head...I could handle going into a bar with tons of people around me drinking better than I could handle hanging out with some of my friends for b'fast and coffee...that's how much they trigger me...they somehow make me feel less-than. I want to be like them at the same time I'm repulsed by everything they are. See where I'm at...I'm feeling like I"m going insane and I'm in a rat cage just spinning out of control. I pray for a little peace to quiet the monsters in my head. I pray for God to help me with my financial situation. I'll pray for you too Susans (and everyone here)..WE ALL could use some divine intervention, n'est-ce pas? God bless. Holly


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 11:59 AM -0400

Comments

Drinking is but a symptom of this disease. When we are faced with a life without alcohol, before WORKING the Steps, we still carry around all the garbage we did before. The mental, emotional, and spiritual problems still haunt us. It's through taking Step three that we begin to trust in something, a power that can save us.... It was said earlier that God ain't going to pay the rent and that is the absolute truth!... Step four is were you seperate the men from the boys, the women from the girls. It is through continuous ACTION in this program and through brutal honesty that we begin to gain sanity back into our lives. For many, this program is all about growing up. At least that was true for me.... He/she clamors for this or that, claiming he/she cannot master alcohol (or life) until his material needs are cared for... NONSENSE!... Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job -- wife or no wife -- (apartment or no apartment, prestige or no prestige) we simply do not stop drinking (or get better mentally or emotionally) so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God...page 98 in the Big Book with a few bracketed opinions in between) More will be revealed daily. Best wishes to all. Life gets better if you work hard at it. Pain is not only a good motivator, it is a GREAT Fertilizer for GROWTH, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.


Member: Holly
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 38.225.248.2
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 01:43 PM -0400

Comments

Hi All...Holly here, alcoholic. I guess I should re-read my posts before I let them be printed. I apologize for sounding like a whiny, sappy, spoiled rotten, pouty, brat! It is just the way I feel sometimes. Again I apologize...I should re-read before I cyber-scream the insanity in my head...have a blessed day...sorry again.


Member: roze
Location: Penna.
Remote Name: 152.163.252.193
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 03:15 PM -0400

Comments

Holly,i'm glad you cyber screamed!!! i feel like that some days too.i just got a new sponsor,she will listen to me spout off & it does feel good to get it out.then i feel like a brat,i realize i'm alive,my kids are doing good,& i need to live ODAAT.sometimes 1 minute at a time.love to((all)) roze


Member: flowers
Location: california
Remote Name: 4.27.16.130
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 08:53 PM -0400

Comments

HI Thanks ohio girl (can't re your name) for your sweet words, and jim and ros and everyone. I am from ohio too. I think i am depressed and that is why my rent is such a struggle. I am just showing up for my life, and just doing life. I don't drink, no matter what. I never want to be a newcomer again. That year was a ( i don't even have words for how hard it was). Like i said, i have a year and ( i lied b4) 4 months! susans Calif


Member: flowers
Location: california
Remote Name: 4.27.16.130
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 08:54 PM -0400

Comments

opps, thanks holly! susans usa


Member: Bobbi C
Location: Baltimore
Remote Name: 172.168.132.54
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 10:38 PM -0400

Comments

Best to all the newcomers here. Remember, the ONLY answer to any addiction is God and His beloved Son Jesus Christ. No man-made program alone will suffice - not acupuncture, not pills, not hypnosis, not AA. Turn to God and to Jesus and you will have success - guaranteed. God Bless you, my friends.


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 69.3.216.214
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 10:43 PM -0400

Comments

Holly, this is the place to let it out. If I didn't have the support of my sponsor letting me rant earlier on, I'd be still working on the problem. I'd rant, he'd reel me in, He'd give me more slack in the line and I'd go swimmin' up stream a bit, then reel me back in again. There are alot of people at this site that have a great stake in your sobriety. You guys help me every day. Sweet dreams all.


Member: mark m
Location: columbia tn
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: May 06, 2004
Time: 11:27 PM -0400

Comments

HOLLY let it out it's good to do that hey at least you live in bloomfeild hills mi pretty ritzy place, hang in ther kid it only gets better love to all mark m (formerly from MI)


Member: flowers
Location: california
Remote Name: 4.27.16.130
Date: May 07, 2004
Time: 01:30 AM -0400

Comments

I don't know if I shared already? I am a mess susans usa


Member: Elizabeth B
Location: North East USA
Remote Name: 69.37.220.233
Date: May 07, 2004
Time: 09:18 AM -0400

Comments

Hello, I'm a beginner here, starting a new life (I hope) today. I have been trying to give up sugars and find that I have the urge to hide (drink) again now after about six months of not doing so. I'm not sure what I need in my life (except change). God has kept me alive. Elizabeth Northeast USA


Member: Tracy
Location: Little ole England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: May 07, 2004
Time: 01:06 PM -0400

Comments

Susans- STOP take a deep breath, well quite a few deep breaths and dont drink inbetween. God gives us this mountains to climb so we dont keep tripping up the mole hills Tracy


Member: Holly
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 38.225.248.2
Date: May 07, 2004
Time: 03:27 PM -0400

Comments

TGIF!!! Hi everyone, Holly here, alcoholic. Day 18. Woohoo! Okay, I'm not that estatic, due to an overwhelming nausea and headache and truly, honesty, simple lack of motivation here at the office. I'm a little concerned...I don't know if it is my medication that makes me so tired/unmotivated or really the depression. I fantasized about the 5 o'clock hour yesterday...you know, nothing major happened in my day, but I got out, it was beautiful weather here, a Thursday, well, seems that everyone would be out and I had a want to be 'there'. It passed, but I went shopping and bought some things with which to make my mom a bracelet for Mother's Day with...hmmph, $80 for silver for a bracelet, but it beats drinking, right? I'm bloody hell broke, but I was going insane to fill the "urge". I just couldn't go home to an empty house with nothing to feed my mind, or use my creativity or something, so I opted to get out my "hobby stuff" I'd really not paid attention to for the longest time, and well, play. Feeds the soul, albeit a little expensive. Did the trick. In sobriety, we really need to follow HALT and I've got to come up with some alternatives to fill my time/creativity...I'm working on some things to keep me occupied...trust me...read more books in the last week than I have since university... I guess I'm just babbling, right now I definitely have to watch switching addictions to that of shopping, cuz I felt pretty good going and buying all the supplies (silver) last night...AND I could justify it because I didn't drink, right??? WRONG. This really is insanity. Lord help us all. Have a great weekend... I prayed for us all this morning...feel free to contact me anytime at hollyannplh@aol.com...I could use some support. P.S. Tracey from the "pot" posts...I loved you puppy "Mayden"...I'll send you some pics of my new baby...I've a 4 1/2 mon old Bichon Frise...she's really the cutest ever!!! God bless.


Member: flowers
Location: california
Remote Name: 4.27.16.130
Date: May 07, 2004
Time: 06:26 PM -0400

Comments

thank you tracy.. I am so upset right now, sooo mad. Nothings working out for me. No checks came today, I hate my life right now. I am so sick of being poor and sitting next to a woman in the meeting who says she wants to show off her big ring. I am so not there yet. Money to me is something other people get Susans Calif


Member: Bobbie
Location: Port Hueneme CA
Remote Name: 192.85.47.1
Date: May 07, 2004
Time: 06:54 PM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, I am Bobbie..and alcoholic. In the past I have shared a great deal of negativity but am thrilled to say I am basking in the sunlight today. One of the objectives I have in sobriety today is to try to stay in balance...not too high or low. Paying heed to HALT (Don't get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired) helps me keep on track. Anger is my biggest challenge...all it takes is for someone to piss me off or a bill I didn't expect and I am off on my negative spiral. If I just repeat...Thy will be done not mine...and allow things to unfold - all works out. Have a great weekend.


Member: RalphK
Location: Iowa
Remote Name: 12.217.224.245
Date: May 08, 2004
Time: 08:57 AM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, Ralph/alcoholic here (Day 28!). Woke in the middle of the night with anger about things at work, wrote more of my 4th Step about my feelings, tried to let it go--and it wouldn't go. Then started reading a novel to get out of my own head, and after a while the anger was gone. A first--and a miracle considering the intensity of my rage. Ignore the naysayers; this program does work. Everyone have a happy and sober 24H! Peace. Ralph


Member: Kathleen
Location: Florida
Remote Name: 165.247.66.168
Date: May 08, 2004
Time: 09:51 AM -0400

Comments

Hello everyone, Kathleen here, alcoholic. (((Holly))) I can understand your frustrations. HALT is a good topic... I've been in that spot of finanacial fear. Still is a struggle today at times. I can only say that by hanging in there one day at a time, doing the next right thing as you said and not drinking, things do get better. I had to remember that I was out there for years drinking and having a life that was totally unmanagable. When I came to AA I had been living on the streets. My ex had the nice house and car and custody of my youngest son. After I graduated nursing school in sobriety, I was diagnosed with MS, had to give up work, go on disability and move in with my parents at age 44 because I was financially destitute. After a couple years of taking the proper medications I went back to work and gave up the disability. It seemed and still does at times that just when I think I'm about to see the light at the end of the tunnell something happens to put it out, but I know, that if I were to pick up a drink it would only make matters worse. It's taken me quite a few years to learn to budget and learn to not enable my active son and therefore, I'm still in financial difficulties but once again there is a light at the end of the tunnell. The one thing I have to be real careful about is not feeling sorry for myself. Self pity will lead me to a drink very quickly as will resentments. I have to watch that anger, deal with it, talk it out, scream and vent as you have and try to let it go. If I get too hungry it affects my mind. It does it withouth me knowing it. Sneaky stuff. And tired, well I stay tired all the time it seems. Goes along with the MS and fibromyalgia. But the fatigue that comes with that is exerbated if I don't sleep right, which I usually don't as I work nights, my choice. And thats a thing today, choices. Today I have choices. I can either sit in self pity and feel sorry for myself for all that is not right with my life or get into the solutions and the steps and be grateful for what I do have today. Anyway..thanks for letting me share... Kathleen


Member: Tracy
Location: Little ole England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: May 08, 2004
Time: 10:51 AM -0400

Comments

susans When I was drinking, saturday nights was having a few cans and watching the lottery draw. Yoyu know when I see the lottery draw now I cringe..the thought of how empty my life "soul" was back then. I quit doing the lottery from the first day I put down the drink. If I won a load of money now I would proberbly just buy a rehab and drink myself to death with the occassional visit to the rehab to get back to full drinking strenght *g Today I know where true happiness and fulfillment lives and its not behind a $ thats for sure. MOney is just a desire not true happyness. Mind you wish my morgage was paid off LOL trace


Member: susans
Location: california
Remote Name: 4.27.16.130
Date: May 08, 2004
Time: 11:20 AM -0400

Comments

Hi Thanks (tracy) I can't look in my old diary's because most of the time it was those drunken nights I would write and I can't even look at those pages, i think i will throw all of them out! I will pour coffee ovethem or hot water 1st to make sure no one else can read them. I still have not heard from the job i went on the interview for last sunday. I pray i get it. It would be so nice to be up and working again. If God led me to that job, why have they not called yet? Wouldn't she of already called? Susans Calif


Member: Tracy
Location: Little ole England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: May 08, 2004
Time: 12:10 PM -0400

Comments

In gods time ((Susans)). Just keep looking and praying..more will be revealed *wink*


Member: Lise
Location: Alberta
Remote Name: 24.71.223.142
Date: May 08, 2004
Time: 03:58 PM -0400

Comments

Susan and Flowers, I sypamthize with what you are feeling. Susan don't throw the writings out, they may serve a purpose as to remind you of the insane behaviour while being a practising alcoholic. i have journaled for over 20 years and have kept every one. When I look back on the pages that I wrote while in active addiction I am filled not with shame but with pride, as I can look back at the person I was and be proud of who I have become. As for the finances. Personally I am in bankruptcy, every penny that comes my way has to be reported to the public trustee until nine months after my discharge. If he feels that there is any that can be put towards the debt, I must oblige. My E.I. ran out and now I am on welfare, very humbling to say the least. I am in the process of quitting smoking, not because I want to but because it is a luxury that I cannot afford. The majority of my groceries come from the food bank, cut off the cable last month, the long distance service this month. Sold my dishwasher, to cover the rest of May's rent. I have a masters degree but can't find a job, even a Mcjob. However, it is a grand day, because I am alive and I am sober. Another luxury that I do not allow myself is self-pity because it will lead to resent and anger and that will lead to the bottle. I am flat broke, unemployed and struggling to keep food on the table and roof over my kids head but damn it I am happy. I have hope, my situation is not going to change over night but I know it will not always be this hard and I know that I will look back on these hard times and be proud that I made it through without taking a drink. Have hope, because when times are tough that is all you have.


Member: flowers
Location: california
Remote Name: 4.27.16.130
Date: May 08, 2004
Time: 04:35 PM -0400

Comments

Hey lise and tracy, I thank you from my soul for those comments. You are keeping me sober, all of you wonderful people. I just wnat to say I am so gratefull for those kind words. Love Susans (folwers) CALIF


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 205.188.116.195
Date: May 08, 2004
Time: 05:36 PM -0400

Comments

Wow, Lise from Canada.. that was a strong share! Thank you so much to put a true frame around what we all have that we tried so hard to get. Sobriety. It is the most important in this early stage and we have to keep that focus! We should all be very proud of ourselves today and just remember what it used to be like. Then smile and keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. If we do that, then our goals and dreams will always be one step closer, not one step further away. Here's to another sober 24 for all of us.


Member: ShelleyH
Location: o'side,ca
Remote Name: 207.220.135.103
Date: May 08, 2004
Time: 10:38 PM -0400

Comments

Hi! ShelleyH, alcoholic. I have 19 days of sobriety and every day just gets better as long as I keep all these little AA sayings in mind and remember to keep my HP's will and NOT MINE as my guide. As I learn new things every day I also relate them to previously learned Bible teachings. (The Bible is my HP's "owner's manual" to his children.) This helps to cement the practical application of the spiritual lesson. One of those lessons is that feelings are fickle (constantly changing), but my HP is faithful. Feelings are indicators of what "maintenance" needs to be done on our flesh so that our spirit can keep us connected with our HP. HALT to me is an easy way to remeber to "pause and take quick inventory of what I need to do to stay in the will of my Higher Power." thanks for all your shares--good times or bad--everyone is so inspiring.


Member: Angela.m
Location: Scotland
Remote Name: 195.93.34.7
Date: May 09, 2004
Time: 05:37 AM -0400

Comments

Hi, Lise I thought what you had to say was bang on. Reminds me that material life priorities are all wrong. Self pity is also a luxury I cannot afford, but find myself wandering into. I think I'm getting a little better at spotting it before it takes too much of a hold. When I struggle I look at my gratitude, because I'm if I am struggling not paying enough attention to that and my HP. Love and prayers to all. Angela.