Member: neil s.
Location: k-town, germany
Remote Name: 62.224.213.137
Date: April 18, 2004
Time: 12:14 PM -0400
WOW, a question asked by myself MAY, MANY times. hello, my name is neil and i'm an alcoholic, working on day 249. many times i tried to quit drinking, 3 months, 2 weeks, 2 days another 2-3 months, but it was always the same, nothing ever changed other than the fact that i was not drinking, when i did go back drinking it was not ( any of the times) "drinking like a gentlemen" it was full bore blown out worse than i was before i quit drinking, all my freinds ( well drinking freinds) would laugh and ask why i quit in the fist place, many of you may still have this same question, well let me just tell you, after being sober only 249 days, i no longer feel traped, traped with anger, with rage, with being negative about everything in my life, hating everything and everybody, and i mean everybody and didn't care who you were, i usually would tell you, i finally realized that the problems i had was from the alcohol and that the alcohol was from my problems, it was a vicious circle that i did not know how to get rid of, all those times i quit drinking i still had all the crap in my life, and my life was crap, then i found AA and decided that i wanted what they had, i decided to do this one day at a time, not just quit drinking, but to become sober, which i never knew the difference until AA, i have never felt better in my life, the more i give back, the more meetings i go to, the more service work i do, i get more and then some in return. "HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M AN ALCOHOLIC" i drank 10-12 beers EVERYDAY more on some occasions, shots, bloody mary's, then more beer etc, and my life was seriously unmanageable, and that i NEEDED a higher power or something the recover me back to sanity. (i chose the higher power) if i can do it YOU can do it, HAPPY 24
Member: Corinne B.
Location: Northern CA
Remote Name: 66.81.57.252
Date: April 18, 2004
Time: 12:36 PM -0400
I heard early on that if you're asking yourself that question, you already know the answer. I've also heard that by the time you realize you're an alkie, the diagnosis is unanimous. I had many signposts that I ignored all along the way. Thought that if I didn't drink scotch like my parents, who I knew were alkies, then I wouldn't become one. Everything I did revolved around booze from an early age, but since I was also doing illegal drugs, my denial about the drinking was bigger than most folks, I think. I remember having to buy a 9x12 carpet for a flat in Berkeley when I was about 22, and I bought a rich burgundy-colored one, in case I spilled my wine on it. Evidently, by age 22, I was already spilling lots of wine. From age 13 to 31, I drank or used some form of an addictive substance almost daily. Alcohol, to me, is simply a legal, addictive substance in liquid form, socially acceptable because it produces so much income for so many in our socity. The many times I awoke from blackouts, having to feel between my legs to determine if I'd had sex the night before, not knowing where I was or how my clothes got hung up in yet one more strange man's closet, began to bring shudders of absolute horror to me more & more often the older I got. I wish I'd stayed sober once I finally arrived at AA, but after 6 yrs, I thought that I had it licked and wouldn't repeat those mistakes again. I came very close a few times to getting right back into that lifestyle while back out there for 6 1/2 years, but I was lucky. I got married after drinking again for a year and a half. I married someone who let me drink the way I wanted to. While married, I found I had Hepatatis C from when I slammed heroin for 4 months at age 19. I still drank another year after learning I had that liver disease. I also almost died of 7 bleeding ulcers - from drinking wine, not eating right, and popping NSAIDS for all the pain in my joints & back/neck - and still I began drinking 2 weeks later spending those 3 nights in hospital, and continued drinking another 6 months before I finally fled to AA. That's how I felt when I came back here. I felt like a refugee from my then-current life, who had to flee a very unhealthy marriage situation to save her very life. Anyway, the clues were certainly all over the face, or should I say - facade - of my life. I just couldn't go on ignoring the facts any longer. I may just be more thick-headed than most to have to hit such bottoms throughout the course of my drinking life. It doesn't have to be that way for you - if you're new and reading here, call the hotline in your phonebook. There will be someone there who can direct you to a meeting place. There are people in AA just like you, who needed a hand to reach out to one day, and who can now reach theirs on back out to help you, too. What have you got to lose? A miserable way of life, more than likely...
Member: Carrie S.
Location: Los Angeles
Remote Name: 67.124.69.76
Date: April 18, 2004
Time: 02:35 PM -0400
Wow, thanks Corrine your share was amazing. I'm Carrie and I am an alcoholic. I used to think that an alcoholic was someone who liked to drink alot. I thought people who had lots of problems from drinking/drugs were just sort of crazy and didn't know how to control them selves. Yes, I liked to drink and I was proud of it. I could drink most under the table and would be the last one standing. I didn't puke and I never drank in the morning before work. But things just starting changing. Hangovers during the weekdays starting becoming a real problem. I knew I needed to try harder to not drink so much during the week, just keep it to a glass or two of wine - stop being such a pig about drinking. But I couldn't do it. I would wake up in the morning, hung over again, dreading the work day ahead of me and cursing myself for not trying hard enough. I would swear to myself,"TONIGHT I WON'T DRINK!". But by 5 o'clock I would get such a craving to drink and for some reason or another, it MADE SENCE to drink again. I had a hard day, I needed it to relax, it would make my dinner taste better, no one loves me so why not, don't I deserve to be happy, etc. Eventually I realized that I was having a problem NOT drinking. I resolved to try harder. Even if I wanted to drink, I told myself I wouldn't. Driving straight home from work, there were voices pratically screaming in my head to stop at the liquor store. Sometimes I made it home without stoping. Other times I pulled up to the liquor store accepting defeat, feeling crazy and out of control. When I did make it home without stopping I would wash my face and put on house clothes so I wouldn't leave. Many times I would put on my shoes to go to the store, then stop, then put them on again - I was seriously losing the battle. By Fridays I was ready to drink without restraint. By Monday I was deciding the best way to kill myself. Drinking became something I HAD to do. And the worst thing about it, I wasn't able to get buzzed anymore. I was drinking more and more and just went straight from sober to dead drunk. Finally it was suicide or AA. I went to AA and even though I didn't think it would work for me or that I would ever be happy again, I stuck around. I began to learn about alcoholism. It was hard, uncomfortable and scary. I relapsed three times in the first year. But, I kept comming back. Today I have 1 year, 2 months and 28 days of sobriety, one day at a time. Today I am a GRATEFUL alcoholic. If you have made it to this web site, you have already beaten the odds. Go to meetings and keep going. Whether you want to or not, whether you have relapsed or not, whether you believe or not. If it happened for me, it can absolutely happen for you. We'll be waiting for you with open arms. God bless.
Member: Adam H.
Location: New York, NY
Remote Name: 172.135.32.157
Date: April 18, 2004
Time: 03:11 PM -0400
Hi, I'm Adam and I am an alcoholic. Thank you Corinne for what you said about wondering if you are an alcoholic. They used to tell me the same thing...that normal drinkers don't preoccupy themselves with that question. They also told me that normal drinkers say they are going to have two and they don't mean two quarts...and that when a normal drinker says they are going to have two, they actually will stop at two. I had never had that experience, even though a lot of times I wanted desparately to stop at two and had _tried_ to do so. They also went on to talk about this person called a problem drinker who may drink quite heavily, but if some external force becomes operative (divorce, lawsuit, facing jailtime, et al) that person will stop or moderate. I initially thought that might be me, until I realized that all throughout my drinking, I was essentially cutting myself off from any external forces like family, friends and mentors that cared enough to say something to me, and that it was probably only a matter of tiime before I got behind the wheel of a car drunk and got someone killed. I was terrified to think I might have to live through what came after doing something like that while I was stinko, but even with that fear, I still drank. I think that people who don't have alcoholism don't think and act like that either. That decided it for me...not how much or how often I drank, not how much I lost or gained, not whether or not I had DWIs or a court card or had done time. I could not say no when I wanted to and even when there was good evidence to support the idea that I losing control fast. I'm so grateful AA was there and that I had seen it work formy mother eight years before I came here...and I am so grateful that when I got here the ONLY requirement for membership was a desire to stop drinking. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: stuart
Location: london UK
Remote Name: 217.35.96.78
Date: April 18, 2004
Time: 03:36 PM -0400
How do I know?....easy peasy. Here's some help. "We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition" - Big Book P31-32
Member: LeeLee F.
Location: Fredericksburg, Va
Remote Name: 67.21.153.187
Date: April 18, 2004
Time: 06:35 PM -0400
Hello, I'm LeeLee and I'm an alcoholic. I was reading in the Big Book ( the new one) on pg. 334 about how when the person controlled their drinking, they couldn't enjoy it and when they enjoyed their drinking they couldn't control it. This hits home with me. I think I have finally quit denying my problem to myself, as this is the third time I've come back into the rooms. Whatever the reason, I don't drink like people who are not alcoholic drink. When I drink, I can't stop and the only way not to drink is to not take that first drink. I might be able to control myself for one evening or even a week or even longer than that, but after a bit, drinking becomes an obsession and somewhere in my head there is this crazy person scheming and planning about when and where and how I'm going to have another drink. The only way I can kick that person out of my head is to go to meetings and study all the tools given in AA. (Even then, that monster will pop up & try to talk meout of my sobriety) I have 3 months now, after my 3rd slip when I had five years sober. When I came back each time, a friend told me, "You never have to do this again." I'm praying this time I won't. Thanks for letting me share. LeeLee
Member: chuckm
Location: Alberta
Remote Name: 209.197.146.133
Date: April 18, 2004
Time: 06:43 PM -0400
I'm Chuck, an alcoholic. An alcoholic is one who cannot control the amount they drink after one or two drinks. That was me and it was getting worse. My wrong thinking was making me miserable which led me to the first drink. The first 9 steps of the AA program are designed to correct my thinking. It worked and now I depend on my Operators Manual, Alcoholics Anonymous, and it hasn't let me down yet. Peace and Serenity
Member: mark m
Location: columbia tn
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: April 18, 2004
Time: 06:56 PM -0400
hello mark here, ALCOHOLIC i knew i was a alcoholic when i didn't want a beer, but needed one or two or three.......
Member: mark m
Location: columbia tn
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: April 18, 2004
Time: 07:10 PM -0400
MARK M ALCOHOLIC I KNEW I WAS A ALCOHOLIC WHEN I DIDN'T WANT A BEER ,BUT NEEDED ONE OR TWO OR THREE.......
Member: jules h.
Location: Iowa
Remote Name: 209.152.104.163
Date: April 18, 2004
Time: 07:58 PM -0400
Greetings from jules, alcoholic.........good topic, since my denial was such a big part of my disease!! Yes, while at the bar, saying to myself, "here I am drunk again, I still wondered if I was a real alcoholic? But what is an alcoholic anyway? An alcoholic is a person whose lost the ability to control their drinking, and that was me!!! Once I took that first drink I couldn't stop, and I wanted the party to go on and on, so I do qualify for this a.a. program, thank GOD!!!
Member: Mary O
Location: Long Island
Remote Name: 24.47.62.111
Date: April 18, 2004
Time: 10:11 PM -0400
My name is Mary and I am an alcoholic. It's only been a week since my last drink, but that's the longest I've gone without a drink in many years. I was in denial, thinking that I was a social drinker. But now I realize that I was lying to myself. Social drinkers don't black out 3 nights a week and are still drunk when they get up in the morning. I've been "saved" for 3 and a half years, all the while drinking 12-18 beers a day. What a phoney! This has been a long week, but I have been praying and thinking a lot. I know it won't be easy, but I've made a step in the right direction. Hopefully, with these cyber meetings and with live meetings, I can still be saved. I am so grateful for the support of all of you who read this. I would love some encouraging e-mail if you have the time. 7 days and counting............
Member: Steven062802
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.131.190.84
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 12:17 AM -0400
Hi there, I'm an alcoholic named Steven. When I read the question, "How do I know if I'm an alcoholic" a memory just came FLOODING to mind. I remember walking into my kitchen where my roommate was making some drinks...he handed me one and I just sighed. I said, and I mean word for word..."Don't you just love alcohol?" I HADN'T EVEN HAD A SIP but I already felt relief at just having one in my hand. That's one of the first times I think I crossed the line from normal to problem drinking. I recently had a conversation with a co-worker about alcoholism. He just doesn't understand why he can put a drink down and I couldn't. I told him that I didn't know either, but the thought of putting a drink down rarely ever passed my mind. Normal drinkers usually get everything they need/want from a few drinks and stop when they start to feel drunk...me on the other hand...I'd only stop to puke...and then get right back up and order another beer. My drinking wasn't normal and neither was my need for it. I'm an alcoholic who has resigned from the debating society...I don't care anymore WHY I am in AA. I'm just thrilled that I've found it and it's working. I wish you all a wonderful 24 hrs.
Member: Annie M
Location: Bloomsburg, PA
Remote Name: 66.33.230.7
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 01:13 AM -0400
Hi all, Annie, alcoholic here. This is a great topic. I came to AA at 20 years old. I didn't have the intense stories that some had. I didn't drink a 5th a day. I didn't have any DWI's. I hadn't lost a family, home or even a dog. LOL But I had lost hope and myself. Some old timers gave me the old "I spilled more than you drank" stuff. But one told me something that has stayed with me for a very long time. "It's not what you drank or how much. It's what it did to you." That, I got. I heard another person say, if you take the cure and it works than you have the disease. Very rarely does a person who doesn't have a problem with alcohol ask themselves if they are an alcoholic. Good luck and keep coming back! It works if you work it!
Member: RalphK
Location: Iowa
Remote Name: 12.217.224.245
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 06:32 AM -0400
Here's a thought: You know you're an alcoholic when you get up clear-headed on a Monday morning and get through your routine without mishap, and recognize how much better it is this way than hung over and anxious. Because once you realize that you're within reach of gratitude and serenity. Have a good day everyone!
Member: DaveC
Location: Fla
Remote Name: 200.118.59.196
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 08:29 AM -0400
Very good topic! There question of alcoholism is a tough one for the "high-bottom" drinker, who may abuse alcohol, but isn't necessarily alcohol dependant. Im a drinker, try to limit it to only weekends, don't drink during the day nor to the point of passing-out or vomiting. I usually have a 5-6 beer limit. This usually results in restless sleep, and a hangover the next a.m. I also notice the irritable feeling associated with this (of course, this couldn't be attributed to drinking only beer--yeah right). The medical profession also characerizes binge drinking as consuming more than 4 drinks in one setting, which I frequently do. My point is, it's sometimes difficult for the boarderline social drinker who does not experience the low-bottom characteristics, to come to terms with the potential problem associated with consuming alcohol. The denial is telling me there is not a problem, or how come I can't drink like my peers and not experience the hangovers, sleepless nights, and sour attitude associated with drinking. Again, very good topic, thank you all for sharing, and I'd like to also hear from some of the high-bottom folks who may have had some of these same questions.
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Remote Name: 65.102.61.160
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 10:51 AM -0400
I knew I was an alcoholic when I couldn’t control my drinking. Occasionally I could stop for a short while, but I always felt like I was missing out on something and tried to make up for lost time when I started drinking again. For many years I knew I couldn’t get through a day without drinking, but the most important thing, was I didn’t believe there was a way out. I kept waiting for medicine to produce a pill or therapy that would cure me. I had no faith in AA, because it was free (well 5$ for a big book LOL). This hopeless pathetic drunk has not had a drink in some years now, thanks to AA.
Member: Lise
Location: Alberta
Remote Name: 24.71.223.142
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 12:22 PM -0400
When I came to AA I knew I had a drinking problem but was not ready to admit that I was an alcoholic. Powerless, surrender, honesty, etc were just not words in my vocabulary. At that time I was a daily drinker, I knew that it was not normal to carry a bottle with you 24/7. I knew it was not normal to need a couple shots in the morning just to get out of bed, but I still believed that I could control it and drink normally. That didn't happen. Then I admitted I was an alcoholic and quit going to AA. My attitude then became, hell I am an alcoholic so I shall do what alcoholics do, and that was to drink. It got to the point where even my drinking buddies didn't want to drink with me so I drank at home. It took a lot of loss before I was finally willing to give up the drink and make the shift from practicing alcoholic to recovering alcoholic. The freedom that I feel today is overwhelming at times. Trying to control my drinking was just to difficult, it is so much easier to just not drink.
Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 24.48.38.226
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 01:04 PM -0400
Hi everyone, I am Lisa and I am an alcoholic. I have tried tohide from these words so many times. I have tried so hard to just be "normal" and be ale to go out and drink and have fun and it not interferre. But little by little it has. I have so many regrets that I can't count them anymore, each time I get this thing in my head that it will be different and it never is. I think that accepting that you are is that only way to your recovery. You can't take this program lightly, it has to be something that you follow step for step. I have decided when I woke up today that it will be different. That I will get to meetings and soon I will find myself again. I will know what it feels like to be happy. Rightnow I am batteling a DUI, trying to get out of the bed repetation I have given myself at work from calling in sick or coming in so hung over i could barley keep my eyes open, all of those embarrasing moments that cost me friends and now I am pretty much alone. I think that i am happy though, happy that I am here, happy that I know one day it will all be over. I am very happy. I have given up and am giving myself to God. Today I am going to make count. Today I am going to find a way to make things better for myself even if it is doig a great job at work or taking some time to soak in a tub and relax while I red, anything positive, its my new thing. Find something positive that will give your life happiness. But most importnatly I am able to be alone now. I am not scared any longer. I have given in to the word alcoholic and am accepting it, because its me.
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 02:20 PM -0400
Hi Everyone. Ann here, alcoholic, and happily sober almost 7 months.I have missed a week and wow, what a lot of new people. Congratulations to all of you for joining in! I just got back from my first vacation in 4 years. It was great! I went camping with my son and enjoyed the great outdoors, bugs and all. :) Anyway, I just wanted to remind everyone again that not drinking doesn't mean anything to anyone who isn't an alcoholic. I was asked numerous times over the week if I wanted a glass of wine or a beer and I just replied that I didn't drink. Not an issue or comment or question from anyone but one gentleman. You guessed it. He was the only one that drank all day long. So, if you are worried what other people think, don't. No one cares that you don't drink. Just as they don't care if you eat vegetables or not.. unless they are your mom. Have a great week everyone, and here's to another sober 24 for all of us! Oh, and Lisa M., congratulations to you for accepting your disease and doing something about it. Welcome to the club and you should be very proud of yourself. I am. :)
Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 68.164.7.32
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 04:08 PM -0400
Signs That You Are an Alcoholic You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job is interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the long-lost 5th food group. You can focus better with one eye closed. The parking lot mysteriously moved while you were in the bar. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. Hey, 5 beers have just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..." You wake up in the bedroom, your clothes are in the bathroom and your underwear is in the car. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in. Roseanne Bar looks real good at closing time. You know you are a recovered alcoholic when you can laugh at how you used to be and accept that you really had no control of your drinking because you physically processed alcohol differently than 90% of the general population. AA helps you learn to live sober. It gets better, not neccesarily easier. It's a program of action. Beast wishes to all.
Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 68.164.7.32
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 04:10 PM -0400
'best' wishes, that is
Member: Jim D
Location: Fl
Remote Name: 24.92.177.64
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 04:48 PM -0400
Lisa M. You are not alone. Go to a meeting, you will have a room full of friends, just let them get to know you. Good Luck.
Member: Carrie S.
Location: Los Angeles
Remote Name: 67.117.47.51
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 07:56 PM -0400
You know you are an alcoholic if you call grapes "wine eggs" : )
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: April 19, 2004
Time: 10:49 PM -0400
Hi, Kelly an alcoholic. I knew I was an alcoholic at 30. I took a test in a womens magazine and failed it. I drank everyday after work and I never even tried to cut back. It took the next ten years and two detoxes to get sober for over 6 months. I just was so bad in denial I kept thinking of different ways to hide my drinking until it was obvious to all. I could admit until the end that I was an alcoholic but the second part, and my life had become unmanagable, came 10 years later when I totally surrendered. It had been unmanageable for a long time but I refused to see it. I now realize it was (((denial))), "I could continue to drink as long as I managed well". That is from the Big Book and how I was. I was lying to myself for a long time. In AA they say denial keeps a lot of us out there too long. Now when I think back about my denial I remember this AA phrase...DENIAL= Don't Even Know I Am Lying. Another one is, "If you think you might be an alcoholic you are". It isn't meant to be mean but people who are not alcoholics don't ever find the need to ask themselves that. Best of Luck All, Glad you had a nice camping trip ((Ann))! Kelly :)
Member: LeeLee F.
Location: Fredericksburg, Va
Remote Name: 67.21.153.187
Date: April 20, 2004
Time: 10:15 AM -0400
Hello again,
Member: LeeLee F.
Location: Fredericksburg, Va
Remote Name: 67.21.153.187
Date: April 20, 2004
Time: 10:25 AM -0400
Hello again, I loved the story about holding onto the lawn!. It's nice to be able to laugh at ourselves and these kinds of stories help me not to take myself too seriously. I have to remember it's one day at a time and for Mary and Lisa and anyone else who is just starting ( and I'm talking to myself here too)just keep on going to meetings and don't take a drink. I had someone tell me that the person whose been sober the longest, is the person who got up earliest this morning. So no matter how many 24 hours we have, we have just this 24 hours today. so with your help and God's, we all can make it this 24 hours. One day at a time is sometimes easier to think of than a whole year or a month or even a week.Just keep going to meetings and don't take a drink. Thanks for letting me share, LeeLee
Member: VIC N.
Location: portland, oregon
Remote Name: 65.54.97.142
Date: April 20, 2004
Time: 11:53 AM -0400
Hello all, Vic here and I am an alcoholic. I knew I was when one beer was too many and onehudred was not enough.I am on my 88th day and I am starting to get the concept of recovery vs asbetince.I attend my local meeting twice a week at minimum and it realy helps.good luck to all.
Member: Holly
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 38.225.248.2
Date: April 20, 2004
Time: 01:06 PM -0400
Mary, I just wanted to very quickly let you knowt that I too am of strong faith, and well, it is like I feel like I'm a phoney as Jesus would call a hypocrite. I speak Jesus with my lips and deny HIm with my lifestyle. I'm back to taking anabuse amongst another drug as I've only a few days sober. I drank this weekend (bindged), and spent yesterday totally in bed crying. HOpeless. I couldn't even pray. I felt like God had just turned his back. I honestly felt like He had forsaken me. How much more pain can I take???? I slowly stopped everything...my meetings, my bible study, my everything. I'm just way to sad, it seems. Mary, I understand the battle, the enemy is out to take us out. Please feel free to email me at hollyannplh@aol.com. sorry to all others, don't want to sound like I'm preaching. It is my beliefs, that's all. I'm desperately sad, feeling hopeless and really don't want to get out of bed. I've gotten now 3 duis, am still paying for one of them...was re-baptized this summer, okay, ready....i had drank before I went to the baptism. How pathetic. I"ve got a strong faith, but feel like a lie. I went through deliverance this past October and my life just seems to have gotten worse. I can't even muster the strength to pray. I stayed in bed yesterday, missed work and cried all day. Back on some meds, I guess, it might help. Love and blessings to you all...sorry to banter, just really, really down. MARY - feel free to email me (or anyone else for that matter, i could really use some love and support)! Thank you. Holly
Member: Jackie
Location: MN
Remote Name: 198.74.20.73
Date: April 20, 2004
Time: 02:58 PM -0400
(((Holly))) Hang in there. I KNOW the feelings you are going thru right now. At the end of my drinking, I was so ashamed, guilt ridden, felt like a pathetic piece of crap as a human being. I had to drink to get out of bed, had to drink on the way to work, drink during work, after work, in the middle of the night when I woke up, needless to say 24/7 at the end. I didn't want to FEEL those feelings. I remember staying in bed and hiding under the covers cause the shame was to much. Alcohol is a depressant as we all know, so it just intesified those feelings for me. I am pretty new to this also, 16 months sober now, and I KNOW those feelings to go away, as long as you stay sober. Each day gets a little easier than the last. God didn't give up on you, you need to have a little more faith in yourself. He is there to help you, but it takes work. You know, in a way I am glad I am an alcoholic, I feel like sobriety has been such a gift, and I am truly for the first time in my life enjoying life and all it has to offer, I am appreciating the small simple things so much more. Its truly amazing. (((HOLLY))) One foot in front of the other, you can do this :) PEACE Jackie
Member: Mary O
Location: Long Island
Remote Name: 24.47.62.111
Date: April 20, 2004
Time: 07:46 PM -0400
Hey all. I'm Mary, an alcoholic.Holly- I will be sending you an e-mail. But in general, I want to say this disease sucks. I'm on day 9 and I figure I've saved over $150 already. What a waste. Also- on the hypocrite issue- I'm in medicine! "Physician- heal thyself!" I haven't slept in 10 days. I have horrible, nightmares. I'm shaking, sweating, I feel my heart pounding in my chest. I have severe feelings of disociation. But every day, I feel a little better. Nothing could be worse than waking up and not remembering anything and wondering. I even misplaced my car once and had to call the cops and explain that! I really related to what Lisa said. But that's over now. There is hope. I will work at this every day of my life, but the benefits are worth it all. Thank you all for your thoughts and support! Be blessed!
Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Remote Name: 67.120.25.131
Date: April 20, 2004
Time: 08:56 PM -0400
My life was going the wrong direction. My wonderful marriage was strained. My job of parenting was not too great. I was caring less about my appearance or my home and more preoccupied about when the next drink would be. I once was a positive thinker and had become a CHRONIC negative thinker. My friendships were suffering. I could no longer look myself in the eye when in front of a mirror. The sunlight of the Spirit was clearly cut off. One morning I told God that if there was a way out, would he please give me the courage to reach out for it. And he did. He brought me to you and I am indebted. Love to all.
Member: RalphK
Location: Iowa
Remote Name: 12.217.224.245
Date: April 21, 2004
Time: 08:00 AM -0400
Greetings everyone; Ralph, alcoholic. Day 11 and enjoying the pink cloud phase. I know it will pass but it's strong enough now to get me from one day to the next. Problems at work increase daily but I'm less rattled by them. Very conscious of a difference in outlook between now and 2 weeks ago, and grateful, grateful, grateful! Best wishes to all.
Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Remote Name: 4.158.66.62
Date: April 21, 2004
Time: 10:18 AM -0400
My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. For me, the following sentences from page 44 of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" sums it up, "If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer." I know I am an alcoholic because when I truly did not want to drink, I always wound up sooner or later, usually sooner, taking that first drink. And once I started drinking, I wanted more to drink with little or no regard for any consequences. I HAD to have more. Mary O - Welcome! Hope you contact your local AA and get top face-to-face meetings (f2f) in your area. Dave C - I had a so-called "high bottom". I have not YET lost a job, gotten a dui (I didn't get caught, but did drive drunk), lost family (only because leaving my family would have interfered with my drinking). I did not have any significant physical withdrawal symptoms and had not YET started morning drinking. But I know that I am an alcoholic because I had the intense craving for more once I started and could not maintain a desire to not drink more than 24 ours on my own. I always found myself with a reason to take the first drink. Ralph K - Welcome! Are you making f2f meetings? They help a great deal in working the Twelve Steps of AA. Holly - I was told that faith would move mountains but that I'd better bring along a pick and a shovel. AA is a spiritual program of ACTION. Getting to f2f meetings, talking with others, working the Twelve Steps. Having a sponsor, regular attendance at Step meetings, and reading the Big Book can help a lot with these things. Joe - joep041699@mindspring.com
Member: Shannon
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: April 21, 2004
Time: 02:08 PM -0400
My name is Shannon and I have known that I am an alcoholic since I was seventeen and first went to AA in '86. I am now thirty-four and still struggling with the concept. Through denial and rationalization, I have continued drinking since walking away from AA in '88. At times worse than others, progressively worse overall. The last ten years just rapidly, increasingly worse. No longer hiding behind phrases that I used to use to placate myself, like "alcholic tendencies" or simply, "Irish". Forced to face again the reality that drinking makes me sick, makes me insane, makes me do things that I do not remember the next day. It is horrifying. Sickening. Always apologizing. I know I am an alcoholic. Now I just need to get myself to do something about it. I keep coming back to this page. I have been to one meeting this year. I will go back. I need to go back. I know it will be so worth it to be sober. I have today. And I have yesterday. Most important, I have today. I have faith.
Member: Holly
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 38.225.248.2
Date: April 21, 2004
Time: 04:08 PM -0400
Hello and God Bless all! Well, I'm still sober today thanks to Anabuse, Naltrezone and an anti-depressant. My sadness hasn't left. I went to a meeting early this am and b'fast with my sponsor. She of course, confirmed that this was just something that I was going through and it would get better, as a matter of fact, she told me "miracles" would happen. Mary and everyone THANK you so very much for your encouragement. I was able to pray this morning and it didn't feel like I was being heard, but He will honor the faithful. I feel numb. I've been trying to get sober for 5 years now. I'm a great liar. One could say that I've used AA meetings as an enabler. I go out, do something really horribly stupid, then get welcomed back by my AA friends and cheered up. Pathetic, I tell you. I binged last weekend and well, took a handful of valiums to help me sleep...I'm with someone that I don't know if he's for me or not, hence I used our fights this weekend as an excuse to really come down hard on myself and just destroy myself..you know the old "I'll show you, I'll hurt me". He used to be in the program. Financially, I kinda need him...I've gotten myself into quite a bit of a mess with my finances (just being irresponsible, no other excuse) and he's been helping me out. One minute he's great for me, the next I'm not so sure. I've made a direct correlation that whenever I turn away from God to a man, I fall...fall from God's graces and fall from my sobriety. I can't handle pain and I usually have a habit of involving myself with abusers...either that or I'm just the most sick puppy you've ever met...I don't know. I'm beginning to wonder if it really is all me and I'm mentally insane, or diagnosably mentally ill. Honestly. I'm confused, sad, and scared...and well, simmer that all with anger I didn't realize I really had...I feel like screaming "I'm not NUTS"...I'm smart and capable and educated and kinda cute...I'm going insane inside my head...I guess I can't describe it. Thank you again for letting me "share". Peace, love, and happiness, Holly hollyannplh@aol.com
Member: stuart
Location: london UK
Remote Name: 81.154.146.89
Date: April 21, 2004
Time: 05:40 PM -0400
Holly, God Bless You. Here's a simple test for you...Ask yourself these questios honestly..do you want to stop drinking and stay stopped? Do you want to do something about it? Are you willing to do anything about it? If you can answer all 3 "Yes" without hesitation, then you will get and stay sober forever one day at a time. If you are hesitating, pray for guidance and ask yourself why, honestly...don't fool yourself ask yourself. Answer the questions truthfully, your heart and your soul already know your truth, your head tells you lies. Don't bother "trying" to give up, you'll never do it. If you are truly alcohol is your master and always will be; your best efforts at trying will always fail. Don't try; surrender...give in. Whatever your head tells you, the battle against alcohol has already been lost and was lost a long time ago. You've been knocked to the canvas...stay down, don't get up...give in...it's over. Your problem is not drinking, your problem is lack of power. Look earnestly and honestly for that Power greater than yourself and your problem will be solved...you will recover. My daughter is a beautiful 19 year old called Hollie!!...may you find peace Holly. Give in, get on with the programme and you will find peace...God Bless
Member: PattyP
Location: Maine
Remote Name: 64.12.116.20
Date: April 21, 2004
Time: 06:06 PM -0400
Hi! Everyone. Great topic. As far as knowing I was an alcoholic, it wasn't that I was drinking in the morning (that seemed normal) It was the day I mistakenly picked up a warm beer WITH cigarette butts in it, took a drink, gagged, thought oh well and drank it anyway. Thankfully that wasn't this morning. Peace. Patty-Alcoholic
Member: Bill
Location: Iowa
Remote Name: 199.108.163.34
Date: April 21, 2004
Time: 08:11 PM -0400
Neil S in K-town--- Man did you bring back memories!! My 1st" geographical cure" end me up in K-town. I spent 2 years there at Kapaun Barracks and Kleber Kaserne. I was in HQ Battery, 94th ADA. I was there 1960-62. Took me until 81 to get sober. If you want to talk about K-town I"ll send my addy. It's a great day to be clean and sober !! Thank you all for being my friend !! Bill
Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.7.158
Date: April 21, 2004
Time: 10:10 PM -0400
Not sure this week's question is phrased quite right. For me, at least, it would read better like this -- How do I accept the fact that I am an alcoholic? Accepting it has been the struggle for me. But I have, in fact, kept asking How do I know? Why? In part because I'm that high bottom drunk someone ask about earlier. Haven't lost a job -- I'm retired now. Still have my house, car, etc. Years ago I bought into the disease model of alcoholism after reading "Under the Influence" as part of a program I was sent to after a DWI. Didn't have the standard withdrawal symptoms quitting then (or for short periods over the years) and in fact the court was told by the program that I did not appear to be an alcholic and seemed to have learned my lesson. My ticket to ride. And I've been on a roller coaster ever since. Finally, in January this year I resolved to quit and went back to the meetings I'd attended for a few weeks in March-April 2003. Also posted on this board. Stayed sober for a day or two short of 2 months again with no withdrawal symptoms. Started drinking again off and on (still wasn't convinced I was an alcholic) but did keep going to the one meeting a week where I had agreed to make the coffee and set up for the meeting. Monday this week, I decided enough is enough. Made meetings on Tuesay and Wednesday. My drinking was worse this time around but so far I haven't been able to share in the meetings what I've been going through the past few weeks. Guess I'm afraid the old pattern of thinking will return, followed no doubt by the old pattern of behavior. The Big Book says alcohol is cunning and baffling and I'm sure it is. But it is my ability to rationalize my way into believing that I "may not be an alcoholic" that really baffles me. I'll never "know" because I'm too good at splitting hairs and rationalizing. No withdrawal symptoms means no addiction. No addiction means no alcholism. Right? No alcholism means drink til you die. That my friends is insane thinking. Can I just "accept" that I'm powerless over alcohol and that my life is unmangeable when I drink? I'll find out. Ed
Member: Eileen C
Location: Oradell NJ
Remote Name: 67.81.24.48
Date: April 21, 2004
Time: 10:30 PM -0400
Hi, I only have 5 days today and am getting very fustrated at myself for continually relapsing. I am only 19 yrs old and sometimes feel as if i am too young to stop drinking although I want too more than anything and have already caused so many problems for myself. I am so sick of hating myself, and waking up with that horrible feeling of shame guilt, just wondering what I might of did the night before. I really want and need to get sober but I can't seem to get this program right. For some reason I sometimes get the feeling like I once again need to prove to myself that I have a problem even though I already have all the proof I need; I already have one DWI, blacked out at least half the time I drank, hate the person I have become, and have been trying to stop drinking since I was 16 but still haven't seemed able to get it right yet. I am determined to stay sober this time by going to meetings. My problem is I am really shy and have hard talking to others and getting connected with people in the program. That is why I am trying to share my fustration on line. I guess I should call but this is the next best thing. I just got back from a meeting but still feel so isolated. I feel bad keeping on going to meetings after relapsing but I've got to keep trying. At least I have today. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: kg
Location: texas
Remote Name: 68.93.105.86
Date: April 21, 2004
Time: 11:24 PM -0400
hi- kg alcoholic. good question. i found out that normal drinkers usually never have to ask themselves that question. i have a disease that tells me i don't have it. "you can always tell an alcoholic, you just can't tell'em much" keep it simple!
Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 68.165.62.32
Date: April 22, 2004
Time: 01:11 AM -0400
Ed, It's great to see you again! I know exactly how you feel, not exactly, but prety close, I'm sure. Doesn't matter what age. I remember always just wanting the party to continue, even if it was just relaxing with a few drinks after work. But I rarely had a few. Did my damndest to control my drinking when my mind always screamed for more. Ah, that elusive calming buzzzzzzzzz. The obsession of the mind that tells our body it's okay to drink like normal people after knowing one just doesn't do it for us. Funny thing is I'd always just want to get to a place with my drinking that made it all feel just right. I call it "The ten minute zone... it ususally happens after about 4 or five stiff drinks. WOW. If i could only sustain that... Wow. In that zone, I'd be just who i wanted to be. People could understand me better, and I just loved the world for a few minutes. But I always ended up surpassing that "zone" everytime. That's where the trouble followed. The cool thing about sobriety today is, booze doesn't dictate my life anymore. I found a process in working the 12 steps that helped me find a new zone, and it lasts way more than ten minutes. AA helped me find myself, really. I can accept who and what I am and can expect to feel the highs and lows of life without alcohol depedance. Name any dependance besides cigarettes (I'm working on that one) and I'll honestly say I don't have to depend on it anymore, especially relationships, good or bad ones. I've got freedom to move, freedom to feel and freedom to express anything I want to so long as I don't drink. It's so simple, that anyone can do it. It would seem to me that you've worked way to hard to get to retirement to miss out on what might be the best years of your life. It can be so different, so new. That new life begins with what you're doing now. When all else fails, helping another drunk, or helping others in general will set you free. Love and Service. When I finally came off the street back in 86 and got a room at my parents house and half a chance to get it right again, I was going to meetings with vodka in my large white hen coffee. All I had was a desire to quit drinking and I was told that was all I needed to become of member of AA. The rest of the story was unreal, better than anything I could have ever have imagined. Linoleum floors, fold up chairs and burnt coffee still suck though. But the people, the people, the people. Thay are out there. If you're serious about surrender, search high and low for the people in the fellowship that will help you change your life.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: April 22, 2004
Time: 07:42 AM -0400
Hi ((Eileen)) and WELCOME! It is so wonderful you have identified the problem at 19! Do you realize what a gift that is? My son Ryan is also an alcoholic at 19. He will be 20 in May and he is my heart. He goes to meetings with me once in a while and has not had a drink since Christmas. I am so proud of him! He prefers a young peoples meeting that has 50 or so alcoholics his age. He also goes to Alanon sometimes with his girlfriend. I don't push him because I want him to handle his disease, in his own way and I do my program the way it works for me. The important thing is that we are both sober and working a program of recovery. It's hard sometimes to realize my son has the same disease I do and it started with both of us at age 13 being blackout drinkers. I really respect my son for realizing he can never drink in safety and stopping on his own and attending AA. I wish I "got it" younger. I kid Ryan and say do you realize that you will have 11 years sober at 30? He laughs and says, I hope so Mom. Keep coming back Eileen, Kelly :)
Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.7.158
Date: April 22, 2004
Time: 08:04 AM -0400
Thanks, Jim. Yeah, the 10-minute zone pretty much captures me. Love it, but can't stay in it. And yes, for the most part I've found that like being around the people in the rooms and even on occasion helping someone with a word of encouragement. But I've also found that I can't too closely identify my not drinking with good feelings about AA. If I do, a disappointment knocks my crutch out from me and I fall. More silly thinking, no doubt, but I've already admitted to that. Good to talk to you, Jim. Ed
Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 68.164.230.197
Date: April 22, 2004
Time: 10:03 AM -0400
I hear you, Ed. It took awhile for me to find the right people and the right balance of AA. But I really believe it took awhile for me to really see my expectations held me back every time. I learned all that from a man that was willing to take me through the steps properely. You can people like that in AA. Best wishes.
Member: Amber
Location: Wendell, Idaho
Remote Name: 198.60.233.2
Date: April 22, 2004
Time: 11:44 AM -0400
hello all. Well imagine my surprise when an internet search led h\me here and then the subject was unbelieveably the one that has bothered me the most lately. I was going to meetings for a while and then we moved. It got me away from my PO and everything. I thought I was fine. I heard lots of people tell me that I din't have a problem and that I was just fine. I mean I have friends that could look at me and tell methat there were some issues I had to deal with but I wasn't listening to them. I got stopped the other night after being to the bar and fortunately for me I live in a small town and he had a bigger fish to fry that night and took me home instead of to jail. I have a lot that I am going to have to do to make sure that I don't go and right now it is scaring me so bad i just want to cry all of the time. I know Ihave a problem. I am an alcohoilic but when I first moved here I wanted to be like everyone else and be able to do what I want. I know now that I can't but I really wanted to. I regret things I do after I drink and now it has gottne me in trouble once and almost did a second time. I can never sit down and have just 1 I will want many many more than that. I am only on day 2 but hopefully I can get through this without going to jail and losing my kids and everything else I hold dear.
Member: Tracy
Location: Little ole England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: April 22, 2004
Time: 04:20 PM -0400
You know I have never thought about this question in such a b/w way...The "HOW part came later...the second part of the question "Do I know if I am an alcoholic" was the hard part....I never really knew what being "alcoholic" was...I thought it meant you slept in the street 24/7..smelt and was an inch away from death...so I never knew "I" was an alcoholic because a lot of what I thought made you one hadnt happened on a 24/7 basis...but once I became aware of my powerlessness and heard in AA that others who were just like me were alcoholics thats when the HOW kicked in...I now knew because I identifield with others...thats "How I knew" thanks Trace
Member: Mary O
Location: Long Island
Remote Name: 24.47.62.111
Date: April 22, 2004
Time: 09:06 PM -0400
Hello. I'm Mary, and I am an alcoholic. There is power in those words. All the years that I told myself I didn't have a drinking problem, it nagged at me that maybe I did. But no. I would try to cut down. After all, I was not a homeless, schizo with a police record. I couldn't be one of "them". Next time will be different. The "next times" got worse and worse until I finally realized that if I didn't stop the booze it was going to stop me. How do I know if I am an alcoholic? The answer to most questions is in the question itself. I am only on day 11 but already I feel so much better. Yes, there is all the guilt, regret, pain, but I have already established relationships with some wonderful people in the program and with God. I know I can do this, not by my own strength but through the strength of the lord and my fellow alkys. God bless you all and good luck to all of us on our journey!
Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.231.160.24
Date: April 23, 2004
Time: 04:35 AM -0400
Hi! Bill here, Alcoholic from Arizona. How do I know if I am an alcoholic? Simple. For one thing I did not wake up one morning, yawn and scratch and say, "Wow!! what a great day..I think I will go to Alcoholics Anonymous". Nope..I was in trouble and alcohol was involved. I came to AA, I read Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and looked my personal adventures and it became clear that (a) I was alcoholic and could not manage my own life. What a relief that was to me. I thought I was totally and incurably insane. But no, I was only an alcoholic and I could get some relief. I could recover. Today I no longer suffer from alcoholism. I am still an alcoholic, but I no longer suffer. Thank you very much, I love you, Bill
Member: Holly
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 38.225.248.2
Date: April 23, 2004
Time: 10:30 AM -0400
Hi, I'm Holly and I'm an alcoholic. I've got 5 days today (again for the millionth time). Thank you Jim for really putting it into perspective...that 10 minutes of the warmth, wherein I love the world, things aren't as bad as they seem, life is going to be okay..my sadness dissapates for just a few moments. My relationships with people are okay...then well, I start to get "stupid"...I don't know how many times I've really mad a true ass of myself. I mean I'd just do things that I'd really not want to, flirty stupid things. When I think of how many times I could have been hurt, or killed someone behind the wheel, or gosh only knows. God has spared me for a reason, a purpose. I just wish I jump forward to see what. I'm still feeling dreadfully downhearted and very tired. I suspect I'm still reeling from my last binge. Alcohol and valium...again pathetic. What happened? I'm 34, I wasn't supposed to have this horrible costly thing. If I were to be really honest, I might consider my alcoholism a symptom of my disallusioned "dreams"...I was caught up in the "who's who" stuff...you know, I married the big attorney, had the big house, tried to keep up with the Jones', always feeling insufficient...always not good enough...always unhappy because it was so unreal, so empty. I got caught up in the "more" part of the disease...if I married the man my mom thought I should, then I'd be happy, if I joined the right sorority, had the "right" friends, drove the right car...horsecrap...yet I'm still caught up in it somewhat. I catch myself feeling less-than. Only God can release me, fullfill me, love me, heal me...I was able to pray again this morning for the first time in a long time. I love our Lord and give Him thanks that he's given me yet another chance. I prayed for all on this site and all addicts everywhere. We have a disease that tells us we're just fine, for 10 minutes that is. Love, peace and blessings... Holly P.S. Eileen, honey, you're a very smart young woman...you've made a good, mature, healthy decision for your life. Get involved in mountain biking, or sailing, or join a running club...seriously, life without the bar scene can be fun...AA people can be very, very cool... I love you all.
Member: Holly
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 38.225.248.2
Date: April 23, 2004
Time: 10:34 AM -0400
Sorry to post again, but thank you Jackie. I appreciate your peace, love and hope. I'm feeling a little better today, but still a work in progress. love and peace Holly hollyannplh@aol.com let's all keep in touch, this is a "we" program.
Member: ladymoonstar
Location: waldport,ore
Remote Name: 64.28.48.212
Date: April 23, 2004
Time: 01:27 PM -0400
ladymoonstar,recovering drunk............i knew when drinking became my best friend.......then my enemy........thanks
Member: KellyM
Location: WA
Remote Name: 66.10.15.76
Date: April 23, 2004
Time: 03:16 PM -0400
how do you know? i think it takes a lot for a person to admit it to themselves. sometimes it takes an outside force to help you understand. sometimes it takes a tragic event unfortunately to help you see. hopefully you get that chance to realize there is a problem before it is too late.
Member: Babette
Location: Jerusalem
Remote Name: 82.166.254.35
Date: April 23, 2004
Time: 05:23 PM -0400
((Eileen)) It takes courage to come back to an AA meeting and say you've relapsed. Some of us have to hit our bottoms while in the program. I was very shy and self conscious when I came in and my sponsor told me to share it so I said at a meeting " I'm new and feel very shy and uncomfortable sharing but I have to do it to stay sober. " That was an opening for me because people right away knew that I needed them to reach out to me and several did. And I had to say it again and again until I no longer felt shy and uncomfortable. It passed! And I bet it would be the same for you if you try it. I remember my first drink of beer at age l6, the feelings of I finally found something special that allowed me to be me without caring about what others thought. I felt so wonderful and free and felt that this was my secret. I knew in my heart that I was alcoholic. I chased that feeling for 20 years and never got it again. It was only when I came into AA that I felt the freedom to be me,got that feeling of acceptance and peace that I was always chasing in alcohol. Actually everything I looked for alcohol to do for me, I have found that through AA these things happened naturally, soberly. What a gift!
Member: Kat
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.91.174.173
Date: April 23, 2004
Time: 09:29 PM -0400
I've known I was an alcoholic long before I ever said those words out loud... but that's not what I want to share about tonight. I just came from a meeting and a guy was getting his 20 year medalion. He invited three speakers up - all guys and they all talked about how others reached out to them when they crawled into the halls of AA. Well, I didn't crawl. I had done lots of healing work before entering AA, I had quit alcohol for almost four years prior and finally knew this time that I needed support and structure to have true sobriety. But everyone thinks I "have it all together" and tells me all their troubles and no one ever really asks how I'm doing. Maybe I'm projecting something that I shouldn't?? I'm happy that I'm sober and I have a great life. But without this site, I would feel very lonely in my sobriety. I have tried calling people but rarely get a call back... well not entirely true, yesterday I called a woman I admire in the program and she called for me tonight when I was out at my meeting. But does someone have to be sitting on a bar stool with a beer en route to the mouth before someone reaches out to help??? Maybe I'm just having the "poor me's" tonight and can only see things from this pitiful perspective. But I feel alone in all of this and my sponsor hasn't returned my calls three times in a row and quite frankly, I've given up on her. I feel like I'm kind of in limbo. I have no desire to drink, but I do have a desire to have someone help me really understand AA. I have ten months under my belt and feel like I'm crawling to the one year mark. Thanks for letting me share all of this. I will keep you all in my prayers and hope you will do the same for me. love, Kat
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: April 24, 2004
Time: 01:08 AM -0400
Hi Kat, I understand what you are saying. If your anything like me you are wanting to get the most benefit from AA. I got itchy at 7 months and started Big Book Step Study. It is AA bit more like an AA Expresso! It is really amazing. You may want to check it out. As for your sponsor after 3 no return calls she does not care or is too busy to be sponsoring you. She is doing you a diservice and you are also shortchanging yourself. Look around for someone else and I hope you find her. Luv, Kelly :) http://www.bigbookstepstudy.com/
Member: Jake T.
Location: Woodridge
Remote Name: 66.158.60.254
Date: April 24, 2004
Time: 12:42 PM -0400
I drank too damn much, that's how they knew and I eventually got the message. I pissed people off, lost money, jobs, wife and kids, Dui's, and finally myself. AA was the only chance I had left. If you think you have a drinking problem, chances are you do. Don't waste years of questioning whether you have a problem like I did. Get to a meeting, swallow your damn fool pride and quit being a wrong-way type of guy/gal. AA should of been called thinker's anonymous. Life is good today, but I worked hard to shed my old life. It was well worth the effort. Don't drink, trust God, clean house, help others is all you have to do. See you round the tables.
Member: Angela.m
Location: Scotland
Remote Name: 195.93.34.7
Date: April 24, 2004
Time: 01:48 PM -0400
Hi everyone, it took me along time to accept that I am an alcoholic and will always be an alcoholic. I held on to wonderful DENIAL,AROGANCE and DISHONESTY for a long time. I always thought that I was not as bad as any other alcoholic. I thought that "they" had some nerve putting my children on the "at risk" register. "They" also had some nerve for trying to end my career. "They" also had some nerve putting someone like me in a treatment centre. I would show "them".I did not see my responsibility or my part in all of this. Even at this piont I thought that I was not "that bad". I had been in the treatment centre for about 4 months before the real truth began to hit me. About 2 weeks later I was in SHOCK, I could suddenly see the truth, it was not the outside factors that caused my drinking, but my drinking had causes my life to become a route to complete self destruction. I am truly greatful to these people, I have managed, with a lot of help and love, to regain my life and maintain my sobriety. I'll keep going one day at a time, thank you for helping me to stay sober. love to all. Angela.
Member: Holly S
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: April 24, 2004
Time: 08:15 PM -0400
Hi I'm Holly, alcoholic. Day 6. Had an okay day, found out a Saturday without alcohol is okay. You know, for all the crapes and scuffs I've gotten into, I"ve managed for 34 years to continue to deceive myself. Okay, for a while 30 days or so, I'd believe I was an alcoholic...then I'd get some sort of confidence, then well, I'd get the phone call from an old friend to hang on her boat or something and off I'd go. I NEVER drank appropriately. It was always about the buzz, the "high". I went to boarding school, my friends were older, drinking age was 19 in Canada (I'm Canadian) and well, from the first touch of alcohol to my lips until I passed out or well did something else stupid, I was out for the drunk. I had a DUI when I was very young, one out-patient rehab, then a messy divorce, went back out and ended up with two more DUI's in six months. I went to rehab for 28 days...was sober for a while...I even went to a meeting with my probation officer in the morning half cut. I'm still on probation. My depression and binge last weekend pretty much left me so low I can't stand it. My sadness is just way too much. Am I an alcoholic, heck, I've had over 100k of therapy all of the best say that my alcohol was just a symptom. Well, before I continue anymore I think I'm not going to work anymore on trying to figure it out without eliminating the alcohol. Sorry about babbling. I'm just tired.
Member: RalphK
Location: Iowa
Remote Name: 12.217.224.245
Date: April 25, 2004
Time: 06:30 AM -0400
We're all in the right place as long as it keeps us aware of our disease. Day 15 here; had some cravings yesterday; went to a meeting (actually 2 in a row); still sober--& grateful for another day. Weekends are still hard for me but I expect (at least HOPE) they'll get easier over time. Best wishes to all! Ralph