Member: SLIPPERY
Location: SLIDING
Remote Name: 24.223.158.196
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 08:45 AM -0400

Comments

It is my opinion that it is not necessary to have a sponsor.Why in the world does anyone need someone else tell them what to do.Fact is we are all going to do whatever we want to do.All we want to do is not drink,so how is a sponsor going to control your decision to drink.The purpose of a sponsor is to teach you the program and to make sure that you are doing the program the way that it was taught to them.How insane is that???Beware,sometimes you just might wind up sponsoring your sponsor.Just because they have been in the program longer than you does not necessarily mean that they know more about real life than you do.They may know a little bit more about the program,but that is usually about all they know more of.NEWCOMERS,be very careful about choosing a sponsor if you indeed think you need one.Stay away from the control freaksthey usually cant run their own life outside the rooms of AA so why would you think that they would be qualified to run your life,either inside or outside the rooms of AA.


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 10:31 AM -0400

Comments

The previous post is a good example on how not to work a program. He/she is very sick. I'm sure their are many who post here that can attest to that. I for one became good friends with my spponsor and would have been lost without him. Sponsor's are very helpful, like teachers who share their experience. It's good to at least get a temporary sponsor until you find one that works for you.


Member: davidh
Location: Nashville T N
Remote Name: 68.52.234.57
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 10:38 AM -0400

Comments

DAvid H alcoholic, Get a sponsor if you want to stay sober and sane. A good sponsor is supposed to guide you throught the steps not run your life. slippery is still very sick and thats what can happen if you dont work the steps. yeah you might can put some time together through the fellowship but if you want to stay sober get sponsor and work the steps. PS Find a sponsor who is also working the steps


Member: Babette
Location: Jerusalem
Remote Name: 82.166.152.23
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 10:50 AM -0400

Comments

I've picked a sponsor by looking for someone who "has what I want". In this case, I picked a woman that works the program with sincerety, always has time for others, is independent, doesn't take life too seriously and goes to meetings. In the past I've had sponsors that said "do as I say not as I do" which didn't work out very well. I couldn't believe someone who didn't walk the walk. One in particular had l7 years of sobriety and seldom went to meetings but would tell me to go to a meeting every day. Now, I wouldn't expect someone with l7 years to go to a meeting every day (something would be weird there) but once in a while, at least. I've had controlling sponsors too who manipulated me into going to certain meetings she liked and I had the car to get her there. It didn't hurt me, got me to meet different people and it's only in looking back do I see her self interest.There's all kinds of people out there but as a person who always wanted to be like someone else (in the past usually not a positive example) it's been easy to find someone I'd like to be like when I grow up. Not a clone of this person, but me with the qualities I learn to develop with her help and guidance. Sponsorship is a wonderful thing and for me, has always become a special friendship.


Member: DaveC
Location: Fla
Remote Name: 200.118.59.196
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 10:51 AM -0400

Comments

Slipery isn't necessarily "sick", just really misinformed. Unfortunately there are a few sponsor horror stories out there. When you're ready, find a good sponsor you're confortable with. You'll be helping each other stay sober. Give it alot of thought as to who you ask to assist you. If you discover it's not working out, you aren't obligated to stay with that person. I'd also suggest finding someone with some established sobriety (years or more). Sponsorship isn't mandatory--just highly suggested. When you're ready to reach-out to a sponsor--you'll know it. What have you got to loose??? Slipery----keep coming back--it gets better!!!!!


Member: Gabrielle P
Location: Northwest Ohio
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 10:59 AM -0400

Comments

Gabrielle grateful recovering alcoholic....Unfortunately the information about Sponsorship that Slippery gave is not true....I could not be where I am today if I had not had one and kept one....have I had to change or replace a sponsor? Yes many times....I have grown and so out grown the needs of a particular sponsor or moved into an area of personl growth that required someone with differetn experiance....most of my 16 years I have had two sponsor....one who helps me with the Steps and now the traditions of AA and one who I respect to help me with Spiritual growth....do i find that still necessary? Absolutely! I am my own worst enemy and I will justify my behavior to meet my needs...but my sponsor calls me on my behavior and rightly keeps me on the right path..... In The beginning I would not have stayed in the program without one. I was too afraid I would really die.... just too afraid that I would not make it back if I did not do what they said and get a sponsor and share my life.......it has worked that way for me for a long time can't see any reason to change that fact.... I cannot fail until I stop trying, In Sobriety, In AA, In Life Gabrielle


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 205.188.116.195
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 11:03 AM -0400

Comments

Hi Everyone and a happy Easter! Ain't it great two be sober for my 2nd Easter! Sponsorship is very important to me. I had some duds but God gave us a brain to figure that out. When you find the right Sponsor you will intuitively know it is right. You will have someone to call when the going gets rough or if you have a question. For me I had a few moments that I did not want to drink but I was emotionally a mess and did not know what else to do. That is when I WAS GLAD I had a sponsor. They gave me the gift of understanding and hope. They made it through the rough spots and so could I! I believed they believed before I COULD ON MY OWN. I saw hope that one day I could be like them. The best gift of sponsorship by far for me a low down, dirty drunk, lush, good for nothing, was sobering up with a sponsors help and having a women approach me a year and a half sober and ask me..."Kelly, I like the way you seem happy all the time and positive, I want what you have, will you be my temp sponsor"? Ahhh, yes! By far the best gift of sponsorship is to be asked to help another person to get it. To give back what was so freely given to me by my own sponsor. In a nutshell, it was my life! Have a nice Easter, Kelly :)


Member: SLIPPERY
Location: SLIDING
Remote Name: 24.223.158.196
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 11:05 AM -0400

Comments

Guys,I have been sober for over 15 years and I am here to tell you that anyone can do it.Whether you have a sponsor or not,it is simply up to the individual to not drink.It is not mandatory to have a sponsor to stop drinking,as a matter of fact the whole program is simply a suggestion,is it not?You will need a sponsor in order to learn the proper way to live the program.The steps by BTW never even mention alcohol or how to stop consuming alcohol.But they do dwell on God and that is what the program is all about,nothing to do with using or abusing drugs or alcohol.It is simply an alternative lifestyle for anyone who is willing to be sponsored into that particular lifestyle.It is not a bad thing,it is a good thing.I do KEEP COMING BACK,after 15 years why would I stop now.It works if you work it,it wont if you dont.Right guys.I love you all.


Member: SLIPPERY
Location: SLIDING
Remote Name: 24.223.158.196
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 11:10 AM -0400

Comments

Gabrielle, Unfortunately,what you stated is untrue.Fact is what I said and what you said and whatever anyone else says is simply an opinion,is it not???Just because you needed a crutch does not mean that everyone will need a crutch.How true is that?There is no one size fits all cure for choosing to drink.that is a decision that one has to make,just like the decison whether or not to get a sponsor.


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 11:32 AM -0400

Comments

Glen the knucklehead can't control himself as usual. What was requested by sober members on the amount of posts on the early sobriety page per week?


Member: SLIPPERY
Location: SLIDING
Remote Name: 24.223.158.196
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 11:41 AM -0400

Comments

JIMMY JAM, You are in violation already this week on the early sobriety page,nothing new you do it every week. Glen, I am done on this page for the week.I very seldom venture off of the pot.But I did today,I am sorry if I offended anyone.HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE.


Member: Jenn P.
Location: Poconos
Remote Name: 216.222.244.87
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 02:10 PM -0400

Comments

My experience in how to get a sponsor is to ASK. At first, I did not want a sponsor. Still trying to do it myself, which didn't work. I was dry about 6-7 months, and still totally unmanageable. I finally took the suggestion and with much trepidation(fear) , asked a woman at the meeting I regularly attended to be my sponsor. She was very helpful, and helped keep me sane and learn how to put the steps in my life. I later was led to another sponsor who turned out to be my best friend in the many years we were together.I liked what she had and hoped to get it for myself. I followed what she did to the best of my ability. She was a great example of how to work this Program in all areas of her life. Since she moved away we are still great friends, but she suggested I get a local sponsor who could see my face in the meetings and I did that. My sponsor now has been wonderful for me also. For me, having a sponsor is just one more tool of this porgram I love so much. I really think the willingness to get a sponsor was one more act of turning it over for me, and I have been helped by it many times. Enjoy another sober day!! I am!


Member: Babette
Location: Jerusalem
Remote Name: 82.166.152.61
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 05:25 PM -0400

Comments

I just want to disagree with Slippery on that using a sponsor is not a crutch, it is a tool which one of our members mentioned above (wasit Jen? Oh, boy I have CRS really bad I had to only keep it in my head for five minutes. And besides, what is a crutch? It's a tool to help someone with a broken leg. Most of us come in here battered bruised physically, mentally and emotionally.And maybe we need a "crutch" bad connotation that it has. Are the Steps a crutch? Aren' going to meetings? You can take all the suggestions and say this about them. Why are we picking apart the very things that help us. Not having a sponsor works for some people, fine, but don't go professing how it can work for many more, since you are the exception not the rule.


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.231.160.24
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 05:44 PM -0400

Comments

Hi, Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. In AA, sponsor and sponsored meet as equals just as Bill and Dr. Bob did. Essentially, sponsorship is when an alcoholic who has shown some progress in recovery shares that experience on a continuing, individual basis with another alcoholic who is attempting to attain (or maintain) sobriety through AA. An interesting aside; My first sponsor was sober a day or so. But he had something I wanted. He believed AA would work and I did not. Stayed with me a few months, the blind leading the blind. That was many many years ago and we are both sober today. The sponsor I have today gave me my anniversary coin and said, "I am Bill's sponsor, but he probably has 99 others." Yep, if I cannot get him straight away, I have tons of others I can count on and do. Thanks to you all for being here for me. Love ya, Bill


Member: Kathleen
Location: Florida
Remote Name: 209.165.13.74
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 05:45 PM -0400

Comments

Hello all, Kathleen here alcoholic. Well one good thing about slipperies post is that it has prompted folks to share the good things about having a sponser. I met my sponser in Detox and she had that sparkle in her eyes and a peace about her and she had what I wanted. WE went through the steps together and in my opinion she helped to save my life. I had tried this program before her, had bad experiences with sponser and etc etc... I hear an elderly man speak at the Log Cabin meeting (remember that one Bill) ...and he said something I'll never forget. He said.."don't ever put all your faith and trust in the people of the program because we are all sick people trying to get well, put your faith and trust in the program, the 12 steps."....and that really helped me a lot as I had put a few folks in AA on a pedistool and was crushed when they turned out to be human...lol..... live and learn. Glad ya'll are here. Peace Kathleen


Member: Corinne B.
Location: Northern CA
Remote Name: 66.81.39.220
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 08:29 PM -0400

Comments

There's a great pamphlet at most f2f mtgs "Questions and Answers on Sponsorship. " I like to give one to newcomers along with other pamphlets geared to answering newcomer type questions that the BB might not necessarily address. My very first sponsor down in Merritt Island, FL in 1986 was a lady named "L" - I thought, wow, this really IS an anonymous program - actually, her name was El, short for Elinor... She offered me my first cup of coffee, she winked at everybody, and I thought she was absolutely the most spiritual person around - and she was. She was sponsored by Marty, who was sponsored by another woman whose name I forget right now, who was sponsored by someone who had been sponsored directly by Bill W. Cool Beans!! Anyway, since El, I've had probably 5 or 6 other sponsors and only one turned out to be a bad experience. Luckily, I had enough experience to ask others what I should do, got my information verified that the woman did indeed exhibit very bizarre behavior and simply had other mental problems besides just alcoholism that she was dealing with (severe bipolar disorder, I think it was and still appears to be to this day), and so I moved on to someone who helped me get through the work I needed to get on with. The main reason I bring up this sort of experience is to say that there might be others who've had one or two bad experiences with sponsorship, but the beauty of this fellowship is that there will always be someone else you can ask for help. There will always be someone ready and willing to help you find out the truth about yourself, if you are truly willing to take a look and work at effectuating actual changes from within. Some people won't cut you any slack, and will constantly seek to cut you down a peg; those who are still staying sick and who never pick up the tools to change themselves. They can't stand to see others actually get well, while they sit there full well knowing they haven't and probably won't because they just simply can't be entirely honest with themselves. Or maybe they really don't know they're still sick, because they just cannot see within. Those are the ones we just have to pray for, so that we don't react to their problems. And we must remember, those are their problems, not our own. Let it go, just let it go...


Member: Margie P.
Location: New York
Remote Name: 24.47.80.210
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 08:58 PM -0400

Comments

People can lead you to God, thankfully, but no one, not anyone, can tell you how to live your life!! That is between you and GOD! The steps of the Big Book are meant to help you find that spiritual awakening to find that eternal sponsor. People are needed to keep you humble and conscientious. The steps were meant for more than one person to participate in especially 5, 9, 10 and 12, we need people in our lives. Pick those that have found a spiritual awakening through these steps, do the steps with them, and then enjoy the beautiful friendship God has placed in your path. Share your knowledge to help another and let God be your never ending companion throughout! Peace and love, Margie P.S. Hi (((Trace))


Member: mark m
Location: columbia tn
Remote Name: 205.188.116.195
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 08:59 PM -0400

Comments

hello to all, mark m here ,alcoholic,havn't been here in a while but still c/s (11mos on the 13th) Slip man, THE BOOK (pg xvi it states that only alcoholic can help another alcoholic)(and god of course) so i think that it is a MUST to have sponsor and so does THE BOOK now you might not need a sponsor but alot of people do maybe your just not drinking but do you live a happy and spiritual life? work your steps (must not do 12)


Member: SueK
Location: Palmcoast
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 09:00 PM -0400

Comments

Hi Sue, alcholic..How I got a sponser? I heard it suggested over and over again..almost every meeting I went to. It seemed to me that these wonderful people who daily told my story,also told me suggestions on how to change my life. Go to meetings, get a sponser, work the steps, do the next right thing and above all Dont drink. I jumped in...I subconciously knew that the people there in those rooms were there to help me, help save my life. I did what was suggested. My sponser now and my sponser (friend) up north help me on my path on rebuilding or rather, starting a life. I know that without these women and their experience strenght and hope..I could wander off my path. They give me the directions and I do my best to follow them.I am grateful for a program that suggest that you dont go it alone..because I have felt alone for way to long. Thanks..have a good night everyone.


Member: Stephen C
Location: North Stratford,N.H.
Remote Name: 165.121.133.32
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 10:00 PM -0400

Comments

hello,to everyone,well stephen here alcoholic and on how to get a sponsor,well ive got you ll for a sponser and aspecially the ones that have a year or more and those that have less then a year,why you ask;because i dont need to go back to my old ways and i want to stay sober so bad i can taste it,and i love to help anothers,ive got a sponser and hes glad to see that ive been keep myself,helping anothers,and also said that it only gets better if i let it,and so if there is anyone out there that just needs a friend or someone to talk with,im here and im responisable and you can reach me at fruitbomber20027@hotmail.com and germgrabber2000@yahoo.com


Member: roze
Location: Penna.
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 10:23 PM -0400

Comments

Roze here alcoholic. I got my first sponsor after about 3 weeks sober. for me having a sponsor is a good thing,i can ask her questions about the program & she is supportive & loving. i also have friends i've made thru this program & we help eachother all the time. when you're at a meeting & you see OR hear someone that sounds like they know what they are talking about...they just might be the sponsor for you! also my sponsor has never told me what to do,she makes suggestions but it's always my choice.i am an alcoholic who wants to stay SOBER


Member: Kate
Location: Boynton Beach, FL
Remote Name: 66.153.178.77
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 10:50 PM -0400

Comments

HI! Kate, alcoholic.Iam new to this web page, but am very excited to have found it. Anyway, about sponsorship. In my own personal experience, I was about 6 months sober and with no sponsor, I was the most miserable I have ever been. I needed someone that I could look to for guidance, and that would help me through the steps. I have never been involved in the program before and i needed all of the help that I could get. After a few more months of insanity without a drink. I found a lady that I now call my sponsor. She is a wonderful woman. I also have a problem because I, and I am sure no one else does this, lie to myself and pretend that everything is ok. She is the one that I have to see through that and to make me feel ok with whatever is really going on, and walk me through it. I suggest that a person new in sobriety get a sponsor. They can introduce you to so many new people, meetings and they also can help guide you to a new and exquisite way of life. Thanks for letting me share....


Member: Steven062802
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.131.190.84
Date: April 12, 2004
Time: 12:34 AM -0400

Comments

Hi there. My name is Steven and I'm an alcoholic. When I first got sober I was just, well, numb. One of my first friends in the program introduced me to the man who would be my first sponcor. He is an old timmer who gave me the program the hard way...just like he got it. The first thing he made sure that I knew is that HE wasn't going to keep me sober...that was quite a shock, because I thought it was his job. He knew that he couldn't keep me sober...I had to be willing to be sober and do the work...he taught me three wonderful words to use when I didn't know how to express my feelings (restless, irritable and discontent), he introduced me to the steps and told me how he had worked them so that I had some context to work from. When I did my fifth step...he shared some of his own stories. He was never my friend...as such. He was my sponcor...a mentor for the steps. I had, or was gaining, friends. When we had worked the steps and got to a point where I wanted to explore other parts of the program (mainly service outside the meeting levels) I asked him if I could change sponcors...I didn't have to ask him, but I respected him (still do) so I asked for his suggestions. Now, I have another sponcor who works a little softer/kinder program and is also my service sponcor. When I am feeling restless, irritable or discontent...I call him. He doesn't tell me how to fix my problem, but rather asks me what I think I need to do...and oddly enough, I usually have a good idea of what I have to do. I now have two of my own sponcees...THEY show me that by being a sponcee I help my sponcor stay sober. It feels like a conga line at times...everyone in front and behind just helping everyone stay in line. I love having a sponcor and BEING a sponcer has probably been the highlight of my sobriety. All the best, Steven


Member: Adam H.
Location: New York, NY
Remote Name: 64.232.156.194
Date: April 12, 2004
Time: 09:47 AM -0400

Comments

Adam, alcoholic. On page 18 in the Big Book is a paragraph that helps answer the question of how to get a sponsor: "That the man who is making the approach has had the same difficulty, that he obviously knows what he is talking about, that his whole deportment shouts at the new prospect that he is a man with a real answer, that he has no attitude of Holier Than Thou, nothing whatever except a sincere desire to be helpful; that there are no fees to pay, no axes to grind, no people to please, no lectures to be endured--these are the conditions we have found most effective." These are the criteria that were suggested to me and the ones I continue to follow. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 24.48.38.226
Date: April 12, 2004
Time: 10:00 AM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, I am on Day 8. :-) I do not hae a sponsor nor do I want one. I think that this is a very personal adventure and something the I don't want to hash out with someone else. I found that you come to rely on others. I feel this way because of the boyfriend I have been so distraught over, he was my crutch, loosing him made it seem like life was over or something. Now its been almost a month and I feel stronger inside because I am doing something on my own. I have also been doing alot of on-line meetings, which is also open as a 24 hour chat room on off times. Anytime I feel I need to speak to someone, its there that I go. It helps alot. I guess you could say that entire group is a sponsor of mine, I guess you could say that I sponsor myself. I think that i have come a long way this time around, I have tried so many times before. Now i know that I don't need alcohol in my life and staying with the group is making sure that I contiue to realize that. So I guess I am going with the vote that I don't think you need a sponsor, although I know it helps to ensure your sobriety expecially during desperate times.


Member: joe W
Location: Lufkin, TX
Remote Name: 66.76.20.235
Date: April 12, 2004
Time: 11:37 AM -0400

Comments

I really loved this one. How fortunate it is that some who came to the program have the where-with-all to take up the steps and start walking right through them. I personally, was sicker than others and I had no friends who knew how to keep me sober or anything about AA. It just so happened that my sponsor adopted me after the twelve step introduction and took me under his wing. He allowed me to ramble on and on for hours about all of the "poor me" problems until I exhausted the past. I had to get to the end of the track before I could start a new journey. For the man who can do it himself there is a saying, " a man who defends himself has a fool for an attorney". My sponsor bacame a very good friend until the end of his life some twenty five years later. He never told me what to do. He made a few suggestions that certainly helped and he became a role model. I needed that then and now. Having someone to look up to is not that bad unless you are so narrow minded that you have convienced yourself that you are the best attorney that you can find. Then you are at step two and not unlike the grief process there are some things that have to be done in order to progress. Over the years I have seen people escape into AA and abandon their families, dry-drunk their way through life for years, without a sponsor and seemiling prospered so I am not here to judge them. What is better in our lives? A sponsor or not? AA gives you a choice to Think, Think, Think!


Member: Mark
Location: Albany, NY
Remote Name: 192.235.24.76
Date: April 12, 2004
Time: 01:27 PM -0400

Comments

I'll make this short and sweet, okay? As the control-freaks galore come out when this topic comes up, it's no great big surprise that the OPINIONS of many here are ill-founded and UNinformed, yet claiming to be fact... Generally they are the ones whom claim one "has to have sponsor" to either quit drinking, work the steps, or do practically anything else in life. That's ludicrous and if they'd check out their very own "bible," aka-big book- NOWHERE in the "manual" does it say one must have a sponsor for anything, INCLUDING the steps or stopping drinking...NOwhere, and yet they are the ones whom constantly refer to that as the text by which to guide their lives, why is that? I have yeah, my own personal "horror stories" with sponsor(s), but nothing compared to the many of any number of the others I've heard and seen through the years... Unfortunately, Slippery is right on the money---the vast majority of those looking to sponsor people are control-maniacs at best, and yet people get sober IN SPITE of having them, NOT because of having them... They more often than not lead to misery and disaster than being of any "help," unless you want help with more misery and nastiness/chaos in your life... They have on rare occasions worked out well too though, so it's just a chance that you either choose to take or not take, but it is in NO way necessary to get a sponsor for ANYTHING... In fact, a good therapist whom is NOT a recovering alkie is the most preferable to those who have been so enlightened to the core of what the whole deal is really all about... So, in short it's simply different for everyone and nobody here can tell you to either get a sponsor or not get one. They can help, or they can hurt. They may be a life-giver, or they may suck the very soul right outa ya. Do you really want to take a chance with people who tell you you have to do what they say, or do you want to make your own decision? If the latter, where do you truly want to look for somebody to "guide" you in your decision making process, AA or elsewhere? I'd advise to consider all your options before making your choice and not limiting yourself to the rooms of AA for ANYTHING where an actual decision about ones life is concerned beyond simply not drinking like a pig...


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Remote Name: 216.148.246.134
Date: April 12, 2004
Time: 03:56 PM -0400

Comments

When I first came into the rooms of AA, the term sponsor really freaked me out, and since I was an isolator and wanting to do everything alone without your help, I didn’t want to ask you. Instead I sat in the rooms listening and hoping you would say enough for me to understand what a sponsor was. The fact is I couldn’t see beyond my own limited thinking. I kept hearing “nothing changes, then nothing changes”, I didn’t want to drink again, so I got over myself and finally asked you for help. I had to reach outside of my comfort zone. Be fearless, reach out to another in the program, if they become your sponsor GREAT!!, if not then you’ve just made another good friend. By doing this, I am no longer that pathetic angry drunk sitting alone in my room feeling sick and lonely.


Member: Joni N.
Location: Pollock Pines, CA
Remote Name: 158.222.224.68
Date: April 12, 2004
Time: 05:51 PM -0400

Comments

There are three ways to learn a subject: I can read books about it; I can go to an expert and have that person teach me; I can read books and I can go to an expert who can guide/teach me. AA works on the third way...and this is the choice I've made to learn about the AA program that not only helped me to stay sober but introduced me to a way of living I never imagined possible. The choice is yours. BTW I found the third way the quickest and easiest route to recovery. Hugs, Joni Peace and Love


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Remote Name: 216.100.73.60
Date: April 13, 2004
Time: 02:12 AM -0400

Comments

I am grateful for my sponsor. There have been MANY times in this past year where I would have "snuck out" of AA and slipped back into my old way of thinking (I don't have a problem...I've blown this out of proportion...I'm not really an alcoholic)which would have led to drinking absolutely! She has beeen there to remind me of where I was when I came into the rooms. I am so happy I bit the bullet that night and asked her to help me get started. That's when I knew that I might be willing to change.


Member: Carrie S.
Location: Los Angeles
Remote Name: 67.117.46.76
Date: April 13, 2004
Time: 10:31 AM -0400

Comments

Carrie, alcoholic. You need a sponcer in early sobriety to work the steps. After that, how you work your program is up to you. For me personally, I could not have gotten sober without a sponcer to show me the way. At the present time I do not have a sponcer, but I am looking for one so that I can finish steps 8 & 9. I also want a sponcer so that I can be a sponcer. Working with others is how we get to stay and grow and it's the greatest gift we can give ourselves. Even if you are not sponcering, just talking to new comers is a great way to remember what it was like, be thankful for what you have today and help to ensure your sobriety for tomorrow. God bless.


Member: PattyP
Location: Maine
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: April 13, 2004
Time: 02:03 PM -0400

Comments

Patty, Addict and Alcoholic. I am so glad I found this meeting. I was sober 13 years. I had someone I called "sponsor" but we never worked steps or read the big book. She taught me to avoid a drink but I was depressed and miserable the whole time. One night I deceided to have 13 beers for 13 years and spent the next 7 years tring to get back to this program. Well I am back and I know what doesn't work. Today I have a sponsor who is helping me work the steps and study the big book. I only dared ask her if she was available as a temporary sponsor. She said I am available as a sponsor. So I said OK will you be my sponsor. It was that easy and has made all the difference in the world. Thanks.


Member: Holly
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 38.225.248.2
Date: April 13, 2004
Time: 02:27 PM -0400

Comments

Hi all! Holly here...drank again last night. I don't know why. Things were well, but alas, the minute 5:00 comes upon me after a day or two of sobriety, I just feel like I go on auto-pilot and cruise to the store for my ride home. If I get another DUI, I will go to jail for a long time...trust me, I did a weekend last summer and just about freaked out, but obviously not enought to stop drinking. Thank you all for discussing the sponsor thing. I read Slippery's note and of course, agreed, I could do this myself...didn't want to have to work with anyone...THEN, I really started to think about this...somethings gotta give. I emailed my two friends (sponsors) and finally was honest with them...I'm not good at being honest. I don't like to tell the truth of my useage. I go to meetings, and well, I just don't really discuss the date of my last drink. I kinda disgust myself. Don't know. Thanks, though. Perhaps confessing this to another makes it a little more easier.


Member: Babette
Location: Jerusalem
Remote Name: 82.166.151.150
Date: April 13, 2004
Time: 03:54 PM -0400

Comments

I am having a craving for a drug or a drink. I called my sponsor and it helped for a little while. I have relapsed many times before and don't want to again. I have drank about 6 coffees, smoked cigaretts, and it's still on my mind. The problem is I'm bored. My mother and kids were with me all day and all I could think was I'd be in a much better mood if I was high. Not a long binge, just something to take the edge off. This is the longest I've had a craving last and it's really getting me down. I have like 5 or 6 weeks of sobriety (I'm not counting days this time, done it too many times before and failed) Iwant to say I'm sober today because that's all that really counts. I can't get anything to use or drink tonight and I'm praying this will be lifted by the morning. If anyone has any suggestions, I'd appreciate it. THanks. Babette


Member: KellyM
Location: WA
Remote Name: 66.10.15.76
Date: April 13, 2004
Time: 04:24 PM -0400

Comments

at first i thought it would be difficult to find a sponsor at AA just because you want someone you connect with but for me it was actually easy and such a relief to have that person there for you. no one understands you as much as someone who's already gone through it. my sponsor has been a huge help and i appreciate all the time and love they show me.


Member: Barry D
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada
Remote Name: 68.145.97.110
Date: April 13, 2004
Time: 06:20 PM -0400

Comments

Sponsorship... i tryed to work it on my own for far to many years, in order to get out of myself i needed to begin by trusting and reaching out to others for help. There's a reason they call it the thousand pound phone. The man who i was to finally trust as a sponsor first advised i not listen to him, he suggested that a number of people have a very warped idea about what sponsorship is and or isn't. He sugested that i first qualify my search and thinking, start by obtaining and reading the entire AA leaflet, "Quest & Answers on Sponsorship". It helped remove many of the quest i had about what sponsorship is and isn't. He suggested i consider someone with no less than 5 yrs working the Steps, someone who i liked what they had. He had 20+ yrs at time. He suggested i get a sense of who prospect sponsor was by first taking time to go for coffee or calling by phone. No one can give away something they don't have, and an AA can spot someone who's full of it. Suggested that at every discussion meeting i raise the topic of sponsorship, Step 12 and listen. Suggested i read Working with Others. In the mean time since i was so bankrupt (body, mind and spirit) he suggested i take ownership of room by volunteering to chair, wash coffee cups, wash ash trays, make coffee etc. Resentment, i couldn't beleive this guy was asking me to do this stuff. There were days i washed coffee cups in ash tray water. He invited me to a roundup and volunteered to buy my way in, un be knownst to me he had volunteered me to make coffee for the whole round up. The other laughable part was that i was using an alias name and joined the group using that alias, that rounup sort of fixed that notion. Who was i fooling ??. i didn't know any better but there is a thing called self worth and confidence which i hadn't had in a long time. i began to feel a sense of belonging. After i recovered from all my bouts of anger at him and AA, i ended up asking him to be my sponsor. He asked me if i was prepared to work, otherwise he was too busy with others who really wanted what AA had to offer ???? All my sponsors were Ass,,,,,, , but you know i wouldn't have had it any other way. I wanted to be sober so bad had they asked me to stand on my head i would have tryed. Whats remarkable was my ability to rationalize/justify after that 90 day fog started to lift that i had my brians back. i took it all back...many times over and can still today. Yes there are EGO power driven maniacs out there, so find one that isn't. i have so much gratitude towards the old timers in my life today that i can't put it into words...Gratitude. i pray everyone else can be as fortunate, my past idiocy occasionaly becomes topic for discussion over coffee and we all laugh. Thanks for the great shares and my sobriety.


Member: FC
Location: CA
Remote Name: 12.72.72.198
Date: April 14, 2004
Time: 01:55 AM -0400

Comments

Hi Folks, I view sponsership like dating, you never know who or what your gonna get. Sometimes it works out, other times it don't. So keep looking till it feels right to you. If your trying to hard to make things work out its probaly not right for you. You'll know when it clicks. Early on I had a bad experience and it took years to come back. But i did the dumpest thing I only relied on one person not the program. Took years to figure that one out. Your always gonna hear stories of the good and bad, but in reality, its what you make out of it! Anyways have a good night all and keep coming back, it works for me!!


Member: Demetri
Location: NJ
Remote Name: 67.82.109.97
Date: April 14, 2004
Time: 03:56 AM -0400

Comments

((((Lisa M)))) Congratulations on another sober day!!! Do You need to get a sponser maybe maybe not. I do!!! I've had two so far. I have problem reaching out for help when I need it. I also have problems opening up to new people. What I know is there are people out there succeeding in soberiety and some of them probably know better than me how to do it because I don't. I want to find a good relationship with someone in the program with lots of clean time that knows how the program works and with whom I can share the more distressing things I have done and work through my feeling about them. I don't know how to do it alone I need fellowship, I need other addicts and alcoholics who have been where I have been to show me the way do I like that fact NO I hate it but since I also never could stay sober on my own I think it's something I will have to accept. Love one another as I have loved you. Demetri


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.231.160.24
Date: April 14, 2004
Time: 04:41 AM -0400

Comments

Welcome Back Babbette.. Nice to see you posting again.. Bill


Member: chuckm
Location: Alberta
Remote Name: 209.197.146.93
Date: April 14, 2004
Time: 04:49 AM -0400

Comments

I'm Chuck, an alcoholic. By following the program outlined in the Big Book I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I have learned more about the AA program by sponsoring people. I do it for their benefit because that's God's will for me. I get the benefit because I am doing God's will. Sponsor is defined as one who takes resonsibility for another. My job is to show the newcomer the problem (not alcohol) and the solution as found in our text book. By showing the steps as found in the book Alcoholics Anonymous the newcomer is taught to depend on the principles not on me (tradition 12). The sponsee's job is to admit their way is not working and they need to learn a better method of running their life. To be a sponsor I think I should have done the steps and be living with some peace and serenity. I heard on a tape some of the best advice, if you have a sponsor and he tells you anything ask him to show it to you in the Big Book. If it is not there get another sponsor because that one can kill you. A friend is defined as a relationship for mutual benefit that is neither sexual or family. You can have a friend helping each other who has not done the steps for mutual support. A sponsor is more like a teacher. When I have guided people through the steps and taught them the importance of the traditions then our relationship, if continued, becomes friendship. AA teaches we are all equal. That is the strength of AA. Peace and Serenity


Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 24.48.38.226
Date: April 14, 2004
Time: 03:52 PM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, on Day 10. Yeah! Having fun latley and trying not to concentrate on this thing, its nice to let go of your issues sometimes. Saw an old friend on Monday, went to her house. It was great. I remembered who I used to be before all of this stuff started coming into the picture. I remember how I used to look and how happy inside I was and started thinking that after all of this stress goes outta my life, I know that I will be that person again. Someone who is simply happy. I wish everyone the best as they move forward with the journey. Glad to have a good day today, glad that things are working out as they should. Made friends with my ex boyfriend fianlly, it feels good. So I guess I could say at this moment life isn't so bad. Who would have thought I would have said that 10 days ago. I know its just a good day, but its great to have.


Member: Cyndy R
Location: placerville, california
Remote Name: 63.204.74.64
Date: April 14, 2004
Time: 07:03 PM -0400

Comments

Hi all! I'm an alcoholic my name is Cyndy. You know I too looked for a sponsor who had something I wanted. I laid all the ugliest stuff I have done and a was recieved with open arms, was not judged, was not refused, was not persecuted. What a relief to finally have peace. To sit down with another alcoholic and finally let go with stuff I have held on to, it's unexplainable. Please don't just pick one on a spur of the moment! Take your time and build trust in the 12 step community. Thanks all.


Member: Andrew
Location: Calgary
Remote Name: 24.71.223.140
Date: April 14, 2004
Time: 07:09 PM -0400

Comments

I


Member: Andrew
Location: Calgary
Remote Name: 24.71.223.142
Date: April 14, 2004
Time: 07:21 PM -0400

Comments

I asked my present sponsor to show me the way he took these steps to recovery after seeing him at a meeting soon after coming back to AA. I have seen him around the rooms for years and have always admired his calm demeanor and quiet strength. It turns out that we have a lot in common as to past experiences and attitudes. As Chuck says, he is showing me the problem, and leading me through to the solution. We are in a Big Book study together, and taking the Steps as suggested when we get to them in the study. We are the same age, come from similar backgrounds, and are becoming friends, as Chuck described. This deal works. Love that learning curve. paxaa@hotmail.com


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 205.188.116.195
Date: April 14, 2004
Time: 11:46 PM -0400

Comments

BABETTE....IF YOUR READING THIS CALL YOUR SPONSOR. IF SHE IS NOT HOME GET OUT YOUR PHONE LIST AND CALL UNTIL YOU GET SOMEONE. Then just talk, talk, talk... Arrange to get to the soonest meeting tomorrow. I know you can make it through this!!! E-mail me anytime...keleeemo at aol.com. Turn it over Babette and I will pray for you my friend Babette in Jeruselum tonight. God Could and Would (((IF))) he were sought! Huggs, Kelly


Member: Angela B.
Location: Marshfield
Remote Name: 66.228.69.226
Date: April 15, 2004
Time: 10:54 AM -0400

Comments

Hey everyone Angela alcoholic here. I'm still pretty new to this site but I read the posts every day and like what I see. I have some things on my mind that I should probably get out so I guess this would be a good place to start. This past weekend I went to a conference with a couple friends and ended up hooking up with one of them. It was someone I have been attracted to for awhile and we had a really good weekend together. The problem is my best friend who is also someone I was recently in a relationship had asked me not to be with anyone he knew as that was the one thing that would really hurt him and I really didn't think I would do that. And yet I let it happen anyway. I don't have a good explanation at all, just that I wanted to. I thought I was at a different point in my sobriety that I wouldn't hurt someone who means a lot to me but that just goes to show that I don't really know much about much right now. And maybe at 51 days sober I shouldn't. We came back on Sunday And Monday morning I woke up feeling like I was going to be sick. It was guilt and fear mostly and also that I was upset about letting myself slip back into old behaviors. I took the day off work because I was a mess. Last night I went on a commitment and then met up with the guy I hooked up with to talk about what happened and to let him know that I had to tell my best friend. I called my best feiend and told him and went to his house to talk and it was horrible but then he told me that when he relapsed two weeks ago he had hooked up with some girl too. So now I don't know what to think or do. He wants to be in a relationship with me but I know that I'm not ready for a relationship at less than two months sober. And I think I would rather just be friends with him anyway but he can't do that because its too hard to hang out with me like nothing ever happened between us. So now I lost my best friend and I still feel horrible.. But I'm not going to drink over it so I guess I am getting somewhere... It's just a little hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now you know? I just want some peace...


Member: KimM
Location: Pompano Beach, FL
Remote Name: 63.135.65.199
Date: April 15, 2004
Time: 11:12 AM -0400

Comments

If you are not sure on how to get a sponsor, Please read the pamphlet first. I of course did not take this suggestion, I picked someone who landed herself in the slammer a couple times for things other than alcohol. I thought(stinkin thinkin) that it was supposed to be a person that had something in her life that I would like to have. She had all the material things I wanted. So I picked her. Fortunatly, for my sake it did not last but a month and then I read the pamplet. Oh, it was not the material things, it was how this person regain their sanity through working this program inside the rooms and outside the rooms, rigours Honesty. So I did pick another sponsor. I went with a woman who I also met in rehab. She was one of the therapists, not mine though that would of been to close for comfort. She is my very best friend and after working the steps we still remain friends even though she is not my sponsor anymore. Some people keep the same person all of their recovery years and some of us move on in different directions. I moved into a different direction based on my belief of God and her belief of a HP. I was religous and she was not. I find that the suggestion of getting a sponsor in this program is only to aid you in your recovery process of the 12 steps. And a friend is always a good thing to have when you can't even love yourself. And that is what your sponsor becomes, a friend.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: April 15, 2004
Time: 05:40 PM -0400

Comments

Hi Angela, Congrats on 51 days! That's awesome! It sounds like you decided to try what they call, "Boy meets girl on AA campus". Do you have a sponsor? If you do it would be good to consult with her on dating early in sobriety. I myself did it and like you it was a disaster. I left it alone till 9 months and then have been dating the same man off and on for 17 months. I had to get the program before I got involved with anything else. Take all the suggestions for now and just forget about what happened and move on! Your sobriety comes first! Best Of Luck, Kelly :)


Member: stuartf
Location: london uk
Remote Name: 217.43.246.174
Date: April 15, 2004
Time: 07:35 PM -0400

Comments

How to get a Sponsor Step 1 - Pray to whoever your concept - real or imaginary - is of a Higher Power to be guided to the right person Step 2 - Listen for strong recovery - ie people who seem to be getting on with life, are generally content with their lot, don't bang on about their drinking all the time, don't bang on about their problems and issues -even thought they probably have some/a few/a lot, share a degree of common sense, share about their experience of the steps and how they have helped them recover, are generally helpful and welcoming and don't seem to be up their backside about themselves, talk to newcomers or keep a look out for strangers at a meeting and make a point of welcoming them. The more you observe someone doing a fair chunk of that stuff go on to Step 2 - Ask them. And if they agree, ask them if they have been through the steps as laid out in the Big Book with a sponsor - don't pick anyone and certainly don't ask anyone who has just stopped drinking and has never worked a programme. Especially dangerous of this category are people who have not had a drink for a long time and have never done the steps - you see, these people are probably not even alkies - because they can stop drinking themselves, so they have power over alcohol, so they aren't powerless - the fundamental first prerequisite for recovery = be very careful about these people; they could cost you your life if you listen to them and follow what they do. Step 3 - Ask the person to take you through the programme. Don't hang around and don't listen to abyobe who says stuff like "We'll do one step a year" or "Let's wait a while until you get better then we'll do the steps" or any crap like that. Step 4 - Be willing to go to any lengths


Member: stuartf
Location: london uk
Remote Name: 217.43.246.174
Date: April 15, 2004
Time: 07:40 PM -0400

Comments

(That should read "anyone" by the way and not "abyobe")...and finally, Step 5 GET ON WITH IT, GET YOUR LIFE BACK AND YOU WILL STAY SOBER FOREVER, IF YOU CONTINUE TO FOLLOW CERTAIN RULES. - A good sponsor will tell you what these rules are. God Bless


Member: stuartf
Location: london uk
Remote Name: 217.43.246.174
Date: April 15, 2004
Time: 07:46 PM -0400

Comments

If there are any strugglers or newcomers who come to this web site and are serious about their recovery....don't even consider following the advice of people like Slippery or Mark; it could cost you your life!! seriously!!...get on with this programme and get well. You can and you will if you follow this simple programme


Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 24.48.38.226
Date: April 16, 2004
Time: 01:21 PM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, well I thought I could have a glass of wine while watching a movie at home, but it didn't work. I drank the entire bottle. So I guess I am back on Day 1. I think that I have to just forget about the mistake and keep trucking. Going to a meeting tonight with my sister. I am excited to do that. She and I used to be very close and I guess with our issues, both of us having problems, hers is more so on the drug side, we have been pulled apart. I have been disappointed in her and not wanting to hang around her, but then again look who's talking. She called me while I was drunk and I drove to see her, yep, drinking and driving again, I am so disappointed in myself. We were going to get wild together, it has been a long time, but the next day, we were both wondering what the hell is our problem, I missed work. Came up with a great excuse to save myself, my low blood sugar, but now I have to get my doctor to sign some papers stating this is a medcial condition that might keep me from work in the future. Great, more lies. Although I do have this, I know its not the reason but I have to pretend that I am almost diabetic so much that its just ridiculous. Each time I think that I will quit. Each time I never make it to a meeting. Well this time I have someone to help me with it, my sister and if that gets me into the door then good. I think, well I hope that i make some friends so that I am not alone with this anymore, someone to call and talk to at least when I think I can have one glass of wine. Its so strange how I can have so many horrible things happen and then actually sit and think that this time will be different. I mean how many times will it take me to get it through my head that its never going to be different. Do I have to loose my job, my apartment, everything? I think that God is with me, because if not I would have been fires a long time ago. Anyway, thanks for listening.


Member: Babette
Location: Jerusalem
Remote Name: 82.166.247.210
Date: April 16, 2004
Time: 06:47 PM -0400

Comments

It's me again. Thanks ((AZ Bill)) for the welcome. I got past that craving and it was pretty much gone by the next day. I always gave into cravings before, I never sat one through and took action to diffuse it. I wouldn't call people in the past cause I knew they would talk me out of it. This time I called about three people, shared on here and the CP and got it out of my system. My life is pretty boring now, I've got to take some action to build a life for myself.My kids are teenagers and have their own lives. So a new phase in sobriety has come upon me. It's always something . (Roseanne Roseanadana)


Member: Babette
Location: Jerusalem
Remote Name: 82.166.247.210
Date: April 16, 2004
Time: 06:47 PM -0400

Comments

It's me again. Thanks ((AZ Bill)) for the welcome. I got past that craving and it was pretty much gone by the next day. I always gave into cravings before, I never sat one through and took action to diffuse it. I wouldn't call people in the past cause I knew they would talk me out of it. This time I called about three people, shared on here and the CP and got it out of my system. My life is pretty boring now, I've got to take some action to build a life for myself.My kids are teenagers and have their own lives. So a new phase in sobriety has come upon me. It's always something . (Roseanne Roseanadana)


Member: Lise
Location: Alberta
Remote Name: 24.71.223.142
Date: April 16, 2004
Time: 08:21 PM -0400

Comments

Lisa M.- Don't get discouraged with yourself. It just proves how cunning and baffling this disease is. With me it always started with I've been sober a few weeks now I can have one, one would turn into two etc, etc. After my first dui I said I never would drink and drive again, I managed to rack up four more before they pulled my license for 7 years. I said I'll never let it interfere with work, eventually I was fired from two jobs and just walked away from five more (they interfered with my drinking). Some people are high bottom drunks, some are low bottom drunks. I look at people who come into program and still have jobs or can drive or still have their family and friends and I hope that they get it and get it before they lose everything. If I had gotten it ten years ago I could have saved myself and my family alot of grief. You will hear it in the rooms, and yet to the end of your statements. I haven't lost my job....yet. I haven't lost my family...yet. Do that, it helps. Good luck


Member: JANEANp
Location: DESTREHAN, LA
Remote Name: 68.96.35.26
Date: April 16, 2004
Time: 10:05 PM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone. I am new to this website. I have been in this program off and on for about a year. I recently just got back from impatient treatment , but have to go back because I got kicked out for not minding my own business. Anyway, this decision has made me a lot stronger and makes me want to do better. I am going back to treatment in May to finish what I started. I picked up my one month chip today at AA. I am so glad that I have made it through the 30 days. My goal is to pick up a lot more chips. I am so glad that I found a program that is positive and spiritual. I feel that getting a sponsor is extremely important. Yes, I have had some bad experiences with a couple of sponsors in the past. However, I do "keep coming back" so I will find the right one for me. Today was a good day because I did find someone that could be a suitable sponsor for me. Having a sponsor is important because you can't do this alone. Plus, you have to have someone to help you work the steps. It is easier to do the program when you have someone that has worked the program to guide you. Well, I am happy to be here, and I will keep coming back!!!


Member: JANEANp
Location: DESTREHAN, LA
Remote Name: 68.96.35.26
Date: April 16, 2004
Time: 10:17 PM -0400

Comments

Hey, I am Janean(alcoholic and addict) Babette, I know exactly where you are coming from. I have been sober for 30 days, but the last couple of days, I have been craving big time. I had to get rid of my boyfriend because he was a horrible influence on me. That to me was a huge step. I think you are doing the right thing by posting and coming back. Do you go to AA meetings that are not on-line. I just got out of inpatient treatment and doing the 90/90 thing. I am going to do my best to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I now have a homegroup and picked up a temporary sponsor today. She is very insightful and we have a lot in common as far as our using history. Do you have a Big Book yet? I am doing my best to read a chapter every night. I am not saying you have to do these things, but this is what has helped me. I hope this helps you a little bit. Take care and keep coming back :)


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 68.165.60.241
Date: April 17, 2004
Time: 01:27 AM -0400

Comments

Bad experience with sponsors? How 'bout bad experience with sponsees? Looking back when I was looking for a sponsor... if i could only find a guy that would understand me. I heard horror stories about these ego maniacs that made some of the guys I knew do shit like make coffee before a meetings, greet people, pick up newbies from the VA hospital and bring them to the club, make them go on 12 steps calls or answer the phones, sweep and mop up after meetings... and God forbid, make them call THEM every day at a specific time before work and after. I couldn't become some asshole's lacky. Yet the guys that had these wackoos as sponsors, were recovering faster than me, or they seemed to be recovering faster. Hell i was still on step 0, that step between quiting drinking and step 1... while just a month ago I was willing to do anything to take the heat off my problems. I did everything i thought possible to recover before, self awareness and self help books, geogaphical changes, Detox, rehab, AA (so i thought). I knew more about myself then was safe to know. I new I was depressed all the time, that i even thought of offing myself, had it all planed to drive off the skyway with my beater, but was afraid I'd survive it and be cripled for life. I used to fantasize how people would miss me, how many people would be at the funeral, all that crap. Then, I thought about my kids and how they'd remember Dad was coward, a loser. The fear would criple me again and I'd surely drink sooner or later. I was my favorite subject. It was easy for me to inventory me, my inventory was based on what was wrong with you. I knew all about AA after years in and out. There were the people that seemed to struggle, the people that lied that they were recovered (me), and then there were those pretencious bastards and bitches, that clique of so-called happy campers of the A and A. You know them, the ones that had to have a private stash on the side, the ones that got there eraly and went out for coffee, went to picknics and sober dances. Either they lied about being happy or they just lost to many brain cells from drinking for years. I steered clear of them. Had it come to this? Was I doomed to linoleom tiled floors and fold up chairs stale cookies and rotgut coffee?And now I had to find a nazi sponsor? The hell with that noise. I was on a mission. I was going to find a guy that understood me, maybe. Maybe I could do it on my own, maybe... but that sure as hell didn't work last time.... if I could only catch a break and get a job, make my wife and family understand what I was going through. I was the sensitive artist type, you know? The guy no one understood, but spent way too much time making you understand me anyway. I needed a guy like me that was going to take me under his wing and figure this thing out... It was going to be a team effort. If he and I could get together and work on my problems, get in touch with my feelings, figure out my woes, then we could start to find the root cause of all my troubles... a major part being that people were pissing me off. Maybe we could come up with a plan to affect a change in all of them so it'd make my life easier. Maybe we could develop a game plan that would strengthen my resolve, maybe I'd adopt an attitude of 0 tolerance for dealing with assholes... starting my soon-to-be-x wife's bitchin'. I was hanging on to a thread between another DUI and facing jail time, and my wife taking what little I had left in an over-financed house. I finally had know where to stay and was too proud to ask my parents, they'd probably refuse me anyway, but I asked them anyway. They gave me one month to find a place. Man, that burned my ass living back at my parents house again. I had a routine that i'd leave their house before sunrise and get home after dark. My mother said i couldn't stay if I refused to give her a wiff of my breath when I came in and I had to continu go to meetings anyway because of the DUI. I started to go to different meetings now, what the hell was I missing that this AA thing never worked before? I had to try something different and put off the firery crash for a while (always the procrastinator) People in the program kept talking about the steps. That scared me, especially the amends part. And the fricking steps always pointed to you know who... God. Did I have to become God's lackey now? What the fuck? All this talk about turning my will and my life over... what was that all about? How about a step like, Come to believe in jim for once... or turn your will and your life over to the care of me, try thinking about my problems. Anyway, there was this guy that ran a back-to-basics meeting on Wed. I remember he was reading a passage in the Big Book about a guy named Fred... didn't know what chapter back then, but the passage was from chapter 3, "More about alcoholism." The way he was reading felt like he was reading it just to me. He'd glance up from time to time and we'd lock eyes for a split second. He seemed to be directing the story to me, personally. He read the matereal as if it were second nature to him, like it was his story. And as I listened, the story suddenly became my story... I read that chapter reluctently once before, but never got it before, these guys were from the frickin' 1930's... but as this guy kept reading and looking up at me, it seemed like he had it memorized... chills started running up my spine. And then something clicked. This was the guy I was looking for........... To be continued... I finally find someone who understands me... or ...a sheep in wolve's clothing?


Member: Demetri
Location: NJ
Remote Name: 67.82.109.97
Date: April 17, 2004
Time: 01:37 AM -0400

Comments

((((Lisa M)))) Hey Lisa nice to see you back again. I got worried when you didn't post a couple of days ago. Believe it or not YOU'RE DOING GREAT YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING you keep coming back. It's so hard at first to see our addiction for what it is it's like we keep having to test different varieties of ending up in the gutter. I continuously tried new ways to stay sober wine, beer, one drink, I just won't get drunk, i'll just smoke weed, yes I used drugs too, but the results were always the same I would go over board and wish I could take back the things I'd done. You're going to meetings? When did that happen? that's fantastic!!! Keep working a program of recovery. You will find your way!!! My brother and I are both in recovery now actually he is still in a rehab and I'm not sure how much contact I should allow myself to have with him this early because they say we should stay away from other people in early recovery - chances are I will ignore that one as we've always been close, but on the flip side we've always dragged each other into the mud again so I will make my decision once I can see if he is working a program of recovery or not because my recovery has to come first. I just would like to say one more time GREAT JOB!!! You have a wonderful life ahead to look forward to!!! Love one another as I have loved you. Demetri


Member: mark m
Location: columbia tn
Remote Name: 205.188.116.195
Date: April 17, 2004
Time: 08:55 PM -0400

Comments

markm here ,alcoholic, this is for all the newbes there are people that come to this site that are not alcoholics or addicts thet just want to bash this site and say alot of bad and wrong things to get you back out there like they are (slip daves mav)