Member: Mojo
Location: CA
Remote Name: 198.81.26.74
Date: March 21, 2004
Time: 03:09 PM -0500

Comments

HI, New to all of this...I have not had a drink for 32 days. Not drinking doesn't seem to be the hard part, it is all the other emotions surrounding not drinking. Is anger connected to the removal of alcohol in one's life, or is it the awakening of suppressed emotions? Is it shame that one's mind and body are not capable of handling alcohol the same as others? How do you deal with accepting what many consider a weakness? Any thoughts? MoJo


Member: O.B.
Location: Austin
Remote Name: 66.69.201.234
Date: March 21, 2004
Time: 04:35 PM -0500

Comments

My name is OB, I'm an addict, alcoholic. I remember when I finally made the decision to stop drinking there wasn't much difficulty with not taking another drink. I had gone through so much crap that I knew was directly connected with my drinking that I was SO ready to quit. The hard part was knowing what to do with myself, with my emotions. I white knuckled it for a few months and was miserable. Then I started to connect with people, which was extremely difficult (it continues to be gargantuan battle for me). I think it's imperitive to connect with people in sobriety, to talk or to write, let someone know what your thinking. If it's difficult at first, don't worry. Things get easier. "This, too, shall pass" I've often heard people say. It is HARD for me to let go of old ideas.. about myself, about how I should live my life, about life in general. I am hell bent on basing my self worth on what I think others think about me. I have to remind myself all the time how crazy this is, but this too gets easier with time. I guess letting go of old ideas goes along with surrender. I don't know why this is so difficult.. why would I want to hold on to ideas that drove me to insanity? And yet I hold on to them for dear life. Guess if I'm gonna let go, I need some help from my HP to show me how to do that. Thanks


Member: Bob W
Location: Grimsby UK
Remote Name: 62.254.0.30
Date: March 21, 2004
Time: 04:54 PM -0500

Comments

Mojo, Accepting that you cannot take a drink is NOT a weakness. It is a strength, and one that many people, if they were truthful to themselves, would love to have. Stay Sober Bob W,


Member: Elliott W.
Location: Kodiak, AK
Remote Name: 12.65.132.185
Date: March 21, 2004
Time: 04:56 PM -0500

Comments

My name is Elliott and I am an addict and an alcoholic. I am having a hard time myself with letting go of old ideas. I don't believe that I need to let go of everything. I enjoy a lot of who I was before, during, and after my active addiction. These I believe are my character traits that were given to me by God. In my disease, I managed to take what God gave me and turn them into defects. My character defects are simply my character traits under the control of my alcoholic brain. I am not going to let anyone convince me that I shouldnt' listen to loud, obnoxious music, or that I need to dress in a more socially-acceptable manner. I don't want to offend anyone, but as long as I'm true to myself, I should be fine, right. I know that qualifying a statement with "but" can be justification. That is why I am having a hard time with knowing what to let go of. At the same time, certain things aren't keeping me from growing spiritually at the moment, so I need to let God take care of that. It has been suggested to me to do what is in front of me -- the Next Indicated Thing. I think I need to work on my inventory before I get any of this untangled. Thanks for 12th stepping me.


Member: Liz H
Location: chappaqua, NY
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: March 21, 2004
Time: 07:02 PM -0500

Comments

Hi all - Liz, alcoholic here......letting go of old ideas was hard for me at first because for a very long time I "ran most of my life". My self-will turned on me, yet it was an asset at first so it was all confusing for me. The 12 x 12 states that our character defects / shortcomings are "instincts gone awry" so we all started wtih good instincts yet they got out of control for many of us. Letting others in was the hardest part of letting go olf old ideas for me. It started with running things by my sponsor then it led to honestly sharing ALL of my thoughts and feelings with those that i trusted. That, in and of itself, was letting go of old ideas because MY old ideas told me "don't share, don't tell - keep things to yoursefl, they can't tell you anything" - those were sick thoughts that were keeping me sick! Elliot - i heard a lot of "I" in your sharing....remember, this is a "WE" program - together we stay sober, alone we WILL drink again..... OB - as far as what others think about you....years ago my sponsor told me something VERY profound which at that time i did not understand a bit but which has helped me immensely since, and that is: "what others think about you is NONE of your business"; i pass that on to you and wish you all well in sobriety a day at a time.....


Member: Stephen C
Location: North Stratford,N.H.
Remote Name: 64.91.166.13
Date: March 21, 2004
Time: 07:08 PM -0500

Comments

Hi to everyone,and welcome to Mojo from CA and glad to here that you have made it for 32 days and so hope you make it for 32 more and more and so the topic is very good,because i have alot of old ideas and so i pray to my higher power to have them removed and i know that i dont have to drink over them today,and so keep coming back youll like it and so if there is anyone out there that needs the hand of A A im here and responisible and i can be reached at fruitbomber20027@hotmail.com


Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Remote Name: 67.73.141.87
Date: March 22, 2004
Time: 12:01 AM -0500

Comments

My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. Letting go of old ideas, I had to start with alcohol. I had always thought of alcohol as the solution, and that I could drink like normal people. Such old ideas needed to be smashed. I had to understand a new idea, worded as in Step One, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable”. With the help of others in AA, relating to their stories and their descriptions of being powerless, and reading “The Doctor’s Opinion” in the Big Book, I learned the truth about my relationship with alcohol. We have a problem of both body and mind. A bodily abnormal reaction results in craving more alcohol once we ingest alcohol, and an obsession of the mind that tells us someday, somehow we can drink like normal people. I had to learn that new idea. Another old idea that needed to be smashed is the idea that I have the power by myself to fix this problem. If I am powerless over alcohol, then I needed some kind of power outside of myself to solve the problem. I always thought that I was the center of my universe and that all my problems would either be fixed by me or were unfixable. Elliot, don’t be too concerned about loud obnoxious music or style of dress. Other old ideas began to become apparent as I started on Step 4 and continued onward through the steps, and continue to be revealed as I attempt to practice the Twelve Steps in daily life. Joe - joep041699@mindspring.com


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 68.164.231.141
Date: March 22, 2004
Time: 12:43 PM -0500

Comments

We deal with 3 diseases when we first come to AA. Disease #1: The physical allergy (body processes alcohol differently and the allergy manifests itself after we take the first drink by triggering the "phenomon of craving") Of this we can not be cured as of yet. alchololics cannot drink period. Prescription... Total abstinence from alcohol. Disease #2: The obsession of the mind. If we don't surrender conciously everyday (Humility), the ego grows back (subconcious thought that we can drink normally)Precription... steps 1,2,3,10,11,12. Disease #3.The spiritual malady, which is the trickiest of all to conquer. We are spiritualy sick when we first come around... and some are still spiritually sick with years of sobriety (white-knucklers). The spiritual disease is how we view ourselves, our Higher Power, and the world around us (others)We're totally whacked in this department. We alcoholics are in total disharmony with oursleves, our HP, and the world around us. As the Big Book says in chapter called, "How it works" on page 64... "Once the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically." How do we RECOVER from the Spiritual Malady...? Precription: Getting rid of old ideas by adopting new ideas. It has nothing to do with still wanting to listen to loud music or wear clothes to be different. That doesn't hurt ourselves or people around us. It's about changing. It's about not hurting ourselves and people around us anymore. Infact, it's not about us anymore. It's about helping others. We strip out the old us and rebuild the new person by practicing these beautiful steps. We disgard our character flaws, and practice the opposite of what we practiced for many years. When we were angry, we now forgive... when we were lustful, we are now kind and considerate. When we were fearful... we now practice courage. There is real work to do if you want to change. Steps 4,5,6,7,8,9 will not only show us who we really are and what we did, but these steps will help us clear the wreckage of the past (our old ideas) so that we can learn and practice new ideas and beliefs, lean to live sober, leran to be in "harmony" with our higherpower, ourselves, and the world. It really works if you... Best wishes to all! Real alcoholics hate the "W" word. It's all about ACTION. P.S. if someone ask you if you want a drink... jsut tell them. No Thanks... I'm allergic.


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Remote Name: 65.102.61.160
Date: March 22, 2004
Time: 01:05 PM -0500

Comments

My sponsor often would irritate me when he said “You only have to change ONE thing; EVERYTHING!” another irritating thing he says is “This is an inside job”. Neither of these statements made a lot of sense early on, but today I they make perfect sense. My drinking was a symptom of a 3 part disease, physical, mental and spiritual. Part of my mental illness was to keep doing the same things over and over, expecting something different to happen. “The courage to change the things I can” means I have to be willing to consider every idea I hold just may be wrong


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.231.160.24
Date: March 22, 2004
Time: 09:22 PM -0500

Comments

HI Bill here, Alcoholic from Arizona. The longer I stay sober The more I am convinced that the program of Alcoholics becomes more of a start living program than it is a stop drinking program. This is a direct result of getting rid of my "bad" ideas of the past and replacing them with new and better ideas of today. Not matter what comes down the pike for me today, so long as I do not drink I will have a change to resolve daily living problems. Thanks for being a part of my sobriety today..all you posters. Take care, Love ya, Bill


Member: Ed Z.
Location: USA
Remote Name: 65.221.53.212
Date: March 22, 2004
Time: 10:40 PM -0500

Comments

ed z.an alkie. Mr. Mojo and everyone trying sobriety. There is a very good reason why many people think that the first year is a gift filled with hard work. I drank for 25 plus years to change the thought and habits by placing a "plug in the jug". This takes forever. For me it will probably take 25 years. We never cared much about behavior while drinking, unless we got in trouble. I and others firmly believe the longer without alcohol and many things evolve seemingly on their own. "Easy does it." Just quit booze and cool "analysis paralysis" Duh, duh, you may even live longer, find the bird of paradise cheeping your song. Rots a ruck.


Member: chuckm
Location: Alberta
Remote Name: 209.197.147.106
Date: March 23, 2004
Time: 03:45 AM -0500

Comments

I'm Chuck, an alcoholic What old ideas do I let go? I have many ideas, which ones do I let go? The answer I found was this: Any time I argue with the AA program found in the Big Book there is an idea I have to let go. These ideas were what was killing me. I fix my spiritual malady by doing the steps. Step 12 says I have a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps. Peace and Serenity


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 64.12.96.77
Date: March 23, 2004
Time: 04:17 AM -0500

Comments

Letting go of old ideas. I didn't. They disapeared. I found that with sobriety, this too healed itself over time. It is a work in progress as I'm only 5.5 months sober, but I have found it impossible to have my old ideas while thinking straight (ie sober thinking). A lot of people say we drink to cover up something that we don't want to face, or to lesson the effects of some life changing event. I did. All I did was extend the inevitable. During these last few months, I've spent quite a bit of time changing things. Talking with people I needed to talk to, making sure I do something to move myself forward everyday, and most importantly realize that everyday sober is a gift. It isn't as hard as people try to make it. Just look around you at the world and nature and realize how much you DO have and go from there. If we start with a positive, good things happen. Here's to another sober 24 for all of us.


Member: Angie d.o.s. 11/16/02
Location: Costa Mesa California
Remote Name: 4.21.203.3
Date: March 23, 2004
Time: 02:51 PM -0500

Comments

I read this on another Site ... liked it so i thought i would share it We all have three persons to contend with in our lives: The person we were, the person that we are, and the person we wish to become. If we can forgive the person that we are, and believe in the person we wish to be, Then we will have a happy life filled with forgiveness, acceptance and hope for each tomorrow.


Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 24.48.38.226
Date: March 23, 2004
Time: 02:51 PM -0500

Comments

Hi, I am finally letting go of alcohol and the belief that it is something that will bring fun and good times with friends. I guess I have been trying to do this for about two years now. I have battled with the thoughts that I can conquer this problem and be able to have just a few, I have thought badley because I can not have just a few. I went through ALOT of denial. Now I just openly admit it. I don't say that I am a receovering alcoholic or anything, who wants to introduce thierselves as that :-), but I do say that I don't drink and that I get outta control when I do. Its really just a general statement that people seem to understand. I had to let go of all my old friends, which I have done now for about 7 months. I had to give up going out-to bars, clubs, the kinda thing that a single 27 year old does, and just get used to doing nothing. Although I was doing this all hoping to change, I still felt that I could have a few drinks at home with different friends, now that I am away from what I thought was the cause of my obsessive drinking. But of course it just turned into nights of chaos and drinking right through until the alarm went off tellingme I should be waking up for work. I usually get pretty depresse, go into a cubby hole of sorrows for about a wee or two and then my littel mind tells me once again, this time I have learned my lesson and I will just have a few. Well I am sure everyone here knows that no matter how strong you feel you are "this time" it always seems to end up the same way. Sometimes I make it with one or two, but the problem is I never know when I will just have one or two or when I will end up drunk and someplace I don't know. So I am letting go of the idea that alcohol addss anything to my life. I don't want to drink it anymore. Whats the point. It is nothing but trouble. And for those who don't have trouble with it now, might some day, who knows. I can't sit and think about why I can't just have a few I can only think of it as something that is polluting my body for one and my life so whats the point. For now these are my thoughts, hope they last. I am two days sober today.


Member: KellyM
Location: WA
Remote Name: 198.108.89.38
Date: March 23, 2004
Time: 05:22 PM -0500

Comments

if your serious about getting sober, etc. then you have to let go of old ways, old ghosts, old ideas, etc. and the best way to do that is to get yourself a sponsor. someone who's already lived in the trenches and can really be there as a supportive, positive person in your life.


Member: bill w
Location: naples florida
Remote Name: 205.188.116.131
Date: March 23, 2004
Time: 06:33 PM -0500

Comments

for me to live a life for 36 yrs with the same old bad ways is not going to change over night..i pray daily for god to help me change my ways and to let his will be done in my life...i dont know what his will is but,i know what his will is not....the bad things that im trying to change..today life is good...ty and keep coming back


Member: Elliott W.
Location: Kodiak, AK
Remote Name: 12.65.132.185
Date: March 23, 2004
Time: 06:39 PM -0500

Comments

I'm Elliott and I'm an alcoholic. After posting my little rant above, I checked back here to read different posts. I glanced over the ones where I saw my name (imagine that ;) and totally ignored everything else. The post that helped me the most didn't have my name in it. Thanks, jimr.


Member: suzanne
Location: upstate NY
Remote Name: 66.218.28.127
Date: March 23, 2004
Time: 08:50 PM -0500

Comments

Hi O.B. First time visitor to this site ... when I read your post, I felt as if I had written it myself. This is such a scary time in my life - no one in my family understands, even though I have tried to tell them about my troubles ... they simply refuse to see it. Because I have a very high-profile job, a lot of responsibilities and all the rest, they think that I am perfectly okay, and that I am simply exaggerating the situation.


Member: Adam H.
Location: New York, NY
Remote Name: 64.232.156.194
Date: March 24, 2004
Time: 10:25 AM -0500

Comments

Hey folks! Adam, alcoholic. When I was new, I had a sponsor remind me time and time again that my best thinking got me in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous with my hand up. He never wanted to hear MY interpretation of what we were reading in the Big Book, nor was he interested. He used to tell me, "If I wanted to hear what you had to think about this book, I woulda asked YOU to sponsor ME!" I used to hate it when he would say that; I felt so trod upon by this man that I had asked to help me (ha ha). But I kept my mouth shut, because one of the most important old ideas I had to let go of was that I didn't need anyone to tell me ho to do anything...that if I couldn't figure it out for myself, then it didn't need to be done. Living by those rules isolated me from everyone I cared about and a lot of people who cared about me. I wouldn't even let the people who wanted to help me do so becauseit had to be on order and on my terms. Surrender not only to alcohol but also to that kind of relationship with people was key for me. I had to let go of the idea that I could do it on my own. Thank God I was finally able to do it so that I could get the guidance I needed to do life sober. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Chris W.
Location: Key West, FL
Remote Name: 68.223.163.12
Date: March 24, 2004
Time: 12:25 PM -0500

Comments

It was not so much the physical things that needed to change (I still wear my hair in a tail). What really needed changing was my inability to ask others for help. For years (of course, while drinking) I felt abandoned by God and like a whole separate part of humanity. I worked well, I was nice to people, I would give you the shirt off my back.. but all the time I was doing this so that maybe you would like me. I really knew, though, that you wouldn't like me once you really got to know me. And if I asked for help you would surely break out into hysterical laughter before saying no way. The last couple of years have been ones of incredibly hard work on all of this - because I WANT TO BE SOBER - and if that's the case, then I have to be open, ready, and willing to change and that means asking for help. One of the other things that I need to change is my tendency to ramble so I'll sign off for now. Love and Peace from Key West.


Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Remote Name: 209.244.4.106
Date: March 24, 2004
Time: 01:35 PM -0500

Comments

Thanks for all the great shares. I am stuck on step 4 and am struggling with letting go of an old resentment. I was sexually abused as a child; however I cannot remember all the details. The memories started coming back to me after I quit drinking. My biggest resentment is against some dark character I cannot clearly see (may be a priest, just not sure). Is it possible to forgive this person, and move past my resentment without even fully knowing who did what and when?


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.231.160.24
Date: March 24, 2004
Time: 01:54 PM -0500

Comments

HI Rich P from Colorodo. I got Sober in Louisville, CO. Boulder County. We don't let go of resentments in Step Four. We just list them (column 1) Find out why (Col 2) How it affects us? (Col 3) and our part in it (Col 4). We all have a part in it even if it is only just being there. It is not always our fault. But it has to be dealt with. And yes it is possible to forgive. One of the definitions of forgive is to stop being angry at. We can do that and still just not ve around the person(s) involved, Email me if you care to. Bill


Member: terry k
Location: ontario
Remote Name: 69.193.144.132
Date: March 24, 2004
Time: 07:09 PM -0500

Comments

I am Terry an alcoholic. I have quit drinking many times but never have made it for very long.This is a day one for me and I am hoping to get it right this time. I have come to realize that I need to change I have fought hard against AA for a long time. The only time I have made it for a mere couple of months was through AA. That was the only time as well where I even began to like myself a little. I am tired of going through this over and over. I am going to have to change my approach before my chances are up. I have become seriously depressed and am starting to be scare of attempting suicide or something during these episode. Thanks for all your shares.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: March 24, 2004
Time: 10:18 PM -0500

Comments

Hi Everyone, Kelly an alcoholic. Changing old ideas? Lots of good posts on it. For me it was like reinventing myself. I was such a sick puppy when I came in I took a lot of suggestions and they took after a few months. I realized in step meetings how flawed my thinking was and what I had to do to change it was to change (ME). First and foremost was throwing my will out the window. That I willingly flung out the window because I had made such a mess of my life by relying on it. Yep, it had to go but who would make the decisions without me doing it? That's where step 3 came in. I turned my flawed will over to a power greater then myself. Bingo, Life started becoming so much easier. God does for me what I could not do for myself, stay sober and stay the hell out of the way! I have a sticky on my bathroom mirror that say's, "Dear Kelly, I don't need your help today. Thank You, God". It is a great reminder. Today, 99% of the time I am happy and the 1% I'm not is when I take my will back. Take care and don't drink. Kelly :)


Member: Fergy
Location: Kitchener Canada
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: March 24, 2004
Time: 10:48 PM -0500

Comments

Hello friends, I am only 17 days sober and loving it ...I want to thank all of you for being here and sharing and caring. This has been the best investment I have had to date.


Member: Gage
Location: swamp
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: March 25, 2004
Time: 12:42 AM -0500

Comments

I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. I am also the smartest man in the world. This is a problem. It is an awesome responsibility being the smartest man in the world and it is made doubly hard for me by the fact that I am so damned stupid. I was stupid when I arrived at the doors of AA, but at least alcohol had given me such a thrashing that I was humble. I think I will survive being the smartest man in the world as long as I can remember what it was like for me on that first day when I slinked into my first meeting. For one thing, there were people not anywhere near as smart as me who in spite of the fact had not had a drink in a very long time. I could only open one eye at a time, stank of stale beer and whiskey, could not even say my name without wanting to hide under my chair, and these people were kind to me. They welcomed me back when I returned the next day, and they even gave me the important job of washing the group coffee pots, (which I still do.) They told me they wouldn't give up on me if I wouldn't give up on them, and they have held to that promise to this day. It's very hard being the smartest man in the world, and where alcohol is concerned, it never did me a bit of good to be so smart. It is much more rewarding to just be a sober guy who takes care of his family, does the best he can, admits when he could have done better, and washes the coffee pots for his group, gratefully. These are new ideas to the smartest man in the world. Ironically, it took a group of uncultured ex-drunks, some of whom are barely literate, to get those ideas across to me. Like I said, I'm pretty stupid for the smartest man in the world. Peace to all of you. Please join me in another sober 24. We can do it together.


Member: Karen S.
Location: Alaska
Remote Name: 209.165.150.195
Date: March 25, 2004
Time: 02:13 AM -0500

Comments

Hi, I'm Karen, alcoholic. "Letting go of old ideas." Well, my old ideas were that I could just have one drink in a night...I could eat a sandwich before drinking to maintain some control...I could drive even though I planned to drink. The list goes on. I also thought I was a great person who was so nice and thoughtful and smart. When I started doing step work with my sponsor in AA, I found out that I never had any control over alcohol and that I was not so nice afterall! I judged myself by my intentions, when the truth lay in my actions. My actions were marked by selfishness, dishonesty, resentments, and fear. What a surprise! I also found out I wasn't so smart when I couldn't stay sober without the help of a sponsor who walked me through the steps. That realization leveled my pride...and I was able to grasp that I rarely will know what will happen next. So, I pray like I mean it, asking God to direct me to His will, not mine. :-)


Member: KimM
Location: Pompano Beach, FL
Remote Name: 64.118.240.97
Date: March 25, 2004
Time: 10:32 AM -0500

Comments

I am a grateful recovering Alcoholic and my name is KimM. Letting GO of old Ideas: Alcohol was not an idea to me it was my way of life. All my ideas though revolved around alcohol( how to get it, when to drink it, where I could get some more and how much should I drink at a time). When I stopped drinking, got out of the fog, my ideas changed to: go to a meeting, get to a meeting, how many meetings can I go to and should I go to more than one meeting a day. Meetings were my safe place instead of alcohol. Through going to meetings all my ideas changed and I began the process that many people talk about "Willing to go to any Lengths" and one thing changes "Everything".


Member: Fergy
Location: Kitchener Canada
Remote Name: 64.12.116.72
Date: March 26, 2004
Time: 01:52 AM -0500

Comments

Hi Friends, read all your comments and found them to be very helpful, this is day 19 for me. Terry K of Canada keep the faith. This is not my first attempt at staying sober either. Terry we invest a lot in drinking and we both know that there is no return on that investment. Having been sober only this short period of time I for one don't miss the damage and wreckage drinking left behind me or the physical damage and hang overs. Terry stay with it ....it will only get better.


Member: Tracy
Location: Little ole England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: March 26, 2004
Time: 06:22 AM -0500

Comments

It's taken my a while to "Let GO" somedays I grab it all back..but the more I "Let Go" the easier it gets...to me letting go of other people's stuff is the biggest freedom apart from the freedom of alcohol...today I am not "Everything" and Everything is not me.. Keep trudging and working the steps and you will have a life beyond your wildest dreams trace62.v@ntlworld.com


Member: Kathleen
Location: Florida
Remote Name: 165.247.75.251
Date: March 26, 2004
Time: 05:14 PM -0500

Comments

Hi all, Kathleen here, alcoholic. Saw it in a few posts. I too have a very hard time, still to this day, asking for help. I get the thoughts of "I've been sober ................long I should know better. And then, because I don't ask for help, I dive into a deep depression, where I just stay in bed for 3 days and don't eat, don't sleep good and just play sit in the pity pot. I really never did have to let go of the idea that I could drink just one because I knew without a doubt that I couldn't. I was a skid row drunk and loved it. Living on the streets has a sort of freedom to it. My health had got to the point that I couldn't get drunk and I couldn't get sober, my blood pressure was at stroke level and my liver was so swollen I looked 10 months pregnant. I wanted to come to AA to get well enough to be able to drink and get the euphoria that comes with it. But God interveened and I saw hope when I came in the rooms and love, and deep down inside somewhere I thought maybe, just maybe you folks could help me to stop hating myself and stop all the guilt and self loathing. It works. The steps are a pathyway to "a new freedom and new happiness." But I have to keep up the daily things in order to keep those promises in my life. And that means I have to stop trying to "run the show"...... Very grateful you are all here today and to the fellow who has suicidal thoughts..you are not alone, seek help. To the person who was sexually abused as a kid, me too. I had to have outside help for that one but it worked. I would venture to guess if in an AA group of 1000 recovering alcohlics how many of them were abused as a child, 999 of them would raise their hand. Thats the thing see, we are really not alone unless we choose to be. Thanks for being here for me. Means there is hope that this stuff I'm going through will be gone...if I want it to be. Peace Kathleen