Member: Ruby B
Location: In the mountains
Remote Name: 24.25.157.232
Date: February 08, 2004
Time: 10:55 AM -0500
hi all ruby here and still sober (day 7) read all your post and appreciate every one of them. Especially yours Stanley, you have no idea the way that i truly wish that i could go back and change the things i have done. my children have suffered from my disease more than anyone else. They have seen me drunk and falling down, they've seen me throwing up, they have listened to me rant and rave in a drunken stupor, they have seen men come and go knowing that they were only there for one thing. No i am not a proud person. i have not been a good mother and i pray that you never have to see the look in ayour childs eyes as so many of us have. however if you are like the rest of us and you continue to drink you are probably doing damage that you also do not see. i wish you love and thank you for your reminder of what i was ----i need that too... but for today even though i wish i could i know i cannot change the past "accept those things i cannot change" but for today i will not drink and therefore will expect different from my life, "change the things i can", and even thogh i value all your opinions i will not worry about what yu think of my obvious character flaws "accept the things i cannot change" love to you stanley you just helped me stay sober today (Ed, Kelly, Angela))) thank you for your thoughts and i realize that the process is slow but i already feel stronger. the dt's are gone except for the shakes. Helps stir up my coffee right. LOL I went through a closet this morning trying to clean up some (house is in just amuch a mess as i am))) and found a box of pictures. Started looking at them and had a funny lightbulb moment that i hope you will humor me in sharing there was a time about six months ago i was out for a friends birthday and the bar we always went to had raised their prices on beer.of course we all couldn't believe that a bottle now cost $3.00. oh my god the nerve. well this am looking through those pictures i came across several that made me stop and think. ther is one of brian and i on a snowmobile trip to canada (we looked happy) but the sled is now gone... i sold it so i could havemoney to drink. then there was a picture of our rafting company. (yes we used to own one) boy did we have fun well until i stole all the profits to pay for my drugs and booze. all we have left is one raft and some paddles. then there was one of myself and two dear friends in Nashville, went there so patty could record a gospel song "before i knew the Lord" (great tune) but anyways they don't see me anymore because my excessive drinking drove them off. and last but not least by a long shot was a picture of brian and i and the three kids, and now i have all but lost them (temporarily i hope) ironic isn't it that i bitched about paying $3.00 for a beer when the real price was more than i ever imagined i would be willing to pay *SICK* well not today god willing!!!!! stay sober minute by minute and hugs to all you are so precious to me love, ruby
Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: February 08, 2004
Time: 11:19 AM -0500
Ruby - Notice how easy it was for you to forgive Stanly. We are much tougher on ourselves than we are on others. I know. Been there, done that. As a matter of fact, I'm still there and still doing that. But now I know it ain't healthy and I'm working to change that. Ask God and he will forgive you. And who are we to be tougher on ourselves than he is. I think you have a good attitude and a great sense of humor. I can see how the shakes would help stir the coffee :) but I wouldn't have thought of it. Have a great Sunday! Ed
Member: Jenny M.
Location: Washington
Remote Name: 63.191.224.164
Date: February 08, 2004
Time: 11:25 AM -0500
Hi jenny here an alcoholic with 6 months sober. Thank you Ruby for your honesty. I too have been drunk and irrational around my kids. At 2 weeks sober my 17 year old son went out and wrecked his car and hurt himself real bad as well as totalled the car. I thank God I was sober when this happened and was able to get through it. I believe my drinking showed my son that it was ok and now he is dealing with the agony of the consequences. Alcohol destroyed my childhood. I was sober for many years of my childrens life but began drinking again in their early teen years. I wish I could take it back. But I can only learn from it and move on. Working the steps and always being grateful for this program/remembering where I came from keeps me sober.
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: February 08, 2004
Time: 01:16 PM -0500
Wow, what wonderful posts. I want to thank all of you for my daily reminder of where I have been and could be tomorrow. But not for today. The honesty you all show is just unbelieveable, and helps all of us in ways you don't even know. Maybe our past isn't so nice in many ways, and like some of you I also get flashbacks of moments that could have so drastically changed my life as I know it. It really makes you wonder if there really is some sort of plan, and what part of that plan the drinking played? I do know that for some reason we alcoholics become incredible communicators when the fog has lifted, and become true pillars of our community. I really wish I would have that time back that I wasted drinking, but without it would I love each and everyday as I do now? I'll never know. What I do know is that I thank all of you for your time and strength. Here's to another sober 24 for all of us.
Member: Jim
Location: Elgin, Illinois
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: February 08, 2004
Time: 01:51 PM -0500
Angela, My roots are from Edinburgh, name is Roth. It's been generations since my ancestor's moved from Scotland to Northern Germany, then to America in the late 1800's. You're a Scott after my own heart. Still don't like hagas though. Good share about spiritual progress. Once we start discarding our old ways and adopt new ways, we get better. The Big book states on page 64.... "When the spiritual malady (our disharmony with God, ourselves, and the rest of the world) is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically." Ruby, Food for thought... I thought I wanted my old life back again after a few weeks sober, then once I had it back, I drank again. I through with my old life now. I couldn't possibly really love my kids effectively unless I learned to live WITHOUT THEM for awhile. I learned to get sober first and foremost, otherwise I would drink again. Big Book page 98......."He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job -- wife or no wife -- we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God." TO ALL.... SPONSORSHIP is only effective only if the Sponsor and the Sponsee are able to recognize that the power does not come from the Sponsor, it comes from a higher power. But.... here is the catch.... sometimes that Higher Power might be the sponsor temporally, or the group, or AA in general, until the person wanting to recover can form a stronger belief system. See how that might work...? Once a firm belief system (higher Power is established) A Sponsor should only guide the Sponsee through the work (steps). The Sponsee does most, if not all of the work for themselves. Good to know those things when one is in the market for a good sponsor, who BTW, should be firmly grounded in his or Her Belief in a Higher Power and the BIG BOOK's program of action (12 steps) Wanting to get sober and staying sober are two different things. It takes ACTION and more action and more action and more action and more action..................................The sooner the action is taken, the better chance for recovery. We've been too easy on ourselves most of our life. With willingness to change, comes immediate action. Have a Sober Sunday all. Best wishes to all in your search for sobriety! Being here at this site, at this moment, fuels my desire to change and grow. How does the moment feel for you?
Member: Ruby B
Location: In the mountains
Remote Name: 67.51.231.185
Date: February 08, 2004
Time: 02:20 PM -0500
hi all- back from a meeting and still looking for a sponser. had a few offers but need one who is willing to be tough on me and not let up. i'll keep searching and will find the fit when god wants me to ((Ed)) love you!!! forgiveness of others is easy. and really as far as i see there is no need to forgive stanley- he was just pointing out a truth. i did tramatize my children but i never stopped loving them and i can hold on to that truth along with all the others. you are one of my greatest strengths these days- keep talking to me ok!!!! ((jenny)) as with you my kids are my world. there are times when i let them down but they still believe in me and they are a large part of my strength. thank you for your sharing it makes me feel stronger and stronger. ((Ann)) you and all the others here are responsoble for helping me stay sober today. honesty is the only way that this will continue. hugs to you ((Jim))) thank you for making me think. when i relapsed 7 years ago i had finally won back the trust and commitment of those who now i have lost again. i realize i have a co-dependency problem. i have thought in the past that i would be okay if only i could get others in my life to understand and make me happy. if they were happy so would i be. but reality is that as soon as they were truly back my thinking became that "can't be i was ever that bad or they wouldn't come back" WRONG!!!! i was that bad and even worse. now i am basically empty. i love my kids and husband and someday hope to build a life with them but i know i need to find me without them. the search is long and tedious but it will be well worth the struggle. love to all minute to minute i WILL STAY SOBER Ruby
Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: February 08, 2004
Time: 04:16 PM -0500
Ruby - Glad to hear you made it to a meeting today. And if I were you I'd not rush finding a sponsor. As Jim indicated, it's finding a good one that's important. When I first went thru that process almost a year ago, I didn't even know why I needed a sponsor. Assumed it was to show me the AA ropes, help me find good meetings, etc. Only now do I see that the primary, if not the only, reason for a sponsor is to help/push you thru the steps. In my first go around, I thought meetings were the be all and end all of AA. The steps were talked about but not emphasized. Think I had AA stood on its head. As I got into the Big Book, I began to see my error, but by then I was on my way out. Didn't know it, but my mental outlook had changed...and not for the better. JIMR I would like to ask you a few questions outside this forum. I wouldn't ask you to post your email address here, but here's mine -- ed3406@cox.net -- look forward to hearing from you. And from you too Ruby, Kelly, et al. Ed
Member: Kim M.
Location: FL
Remote Name: 66.32.113.70
Date: February 08, 2004
Time: 07:52 PM -0500
Ruby, Thank you for your sharing. It reminds me to stay very greatful for what this program has offered me in the past 6.5 years. My life was somewhat like yours, but my children were taken from me, by the judge and my ex-husband. I now have the children back into my life along with a new husband, a 2year old and his daughter. What a life Sobriety brings when I am willing to change, accept and get on with life. ALL: When I first came in I did not know how to get a sponsor or even what one was for. But I soon found out, did not rush to get one but took my time. AA people were telling me to use this one or that one, like they were on sale and could be returned if they did not work for me. I did not know that I was suppose to do most of the work. Finally I heard one day, as long as I kept my mouth shut, to pick a person (men with men and women with women) that you wanted what they have. They did not tell me that the materialistic things was not in the bargin of getting a sponsor. So i picked a person who never had children or a husband and was hard and rough. But she had what I wanted : a house, fancy car, education, lovers, money, boat and so on. Least to say she was not purely honest with her program and was out and in jail the first month we were together. When I was three months dry I found another sponsor who was kind, considerate, knew her way around all the AA literature and held no punches when it came to her survival in the program and her life. By that time she had what I wanted and needed in my life: Sobriety, living one day at a time without a drink or drug, a higher power whom she called God and a smile on her face and in her heart when times were good and bad. I wanted that life. And so 6.5 years later, I have that life and try as she has taught me to uphold my Sobriety no matter what and who try to get in my way. I got the monkey off my back, I just had to ask for the help.
Member: Mav/Mark
Location: Albany, NY
Remote Name: 171.75.160.116
Date: February 08, 2004
Time: 09:59 PM -0500
OK, this may be my shortest share ever, here goes; JUST ASK SOMEBODY!!! It's easy!! Why do people make it seem like it's so hard? Hell, all the ego-freaks running around in the rooms who think they know everything about AA, they'll damn near get their freak on when you ask them, geez louise. The funny thing is, a sponsor is NOT necessary and NOT spoken of in the big book, but hey, do whatever you want, just don't go crying when they try and run every little aspect of your life as there are a LOT of control maniacs running around in AA. Anyways, if you do want to get one, try this out; Go to a meeting, observe how the people act, listen to what they say, pick someone you think has good sobriety, tap them on the shoulder after the meeting and say these 6 simple words, "Will you please be my sponsor?" How hard is that? NOT very people....Hey, might not hurt to try it, besides if do mess up and get a control freak, fire their ass and tell 'em why. Lovingly of course....LOL....Sorry, Not my shortest share, but you get the idea, right?
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.222.180.26
Date: February 08, 2004
Time: 10:49 PM -0500
Hi ((All)), How to get a sponsor? Well, I can only tell you that I have done and a few mistakes I made in this area. I was told in rehab to get a sponsor as soon as possible when I got out and into AA. The first lady I heard speak I wanted to ask because she had a great story. I didn't and today I am so glad I did not. She went back out shortly after that after 10 years. I asked three other women who seemed to be good choices but was told they already had enough sponsee's. I kept looking and asked a woman at my regular meeting and we talked on the phone about our drunkalouges mostly. She had not been through the steps and I wanted to start mine. She moved away and I kept looking. I asked another lady and she said no and referred me to another lady. That lady was very nice but a high bottom drunk and I felt we were not compatible. I kept looking and I asked a lady in my BB meeting. She was distant, uncaring but did direct me in the steps. Once when I really needed her she blew me off so that was the end of that. I asked a lady in my homegroup after she did help me with my issue but then told everybody my business so anonymity was an issue. I fired her and a few months went by and at a meeting someone mentioned a lady to me. I went to her and so far so good it has been working out. she is kind and caring and has been very thorough helping me with my Steps. She practices the principals in all her affairs, that I can see, and I respect her. To the newcomer I know that I have had a lot of sponsors but the main thing is don't give up if your sponsor does not work out. I was so busy trying to find a sponsor I took the first one that said yes. This is a partnership and an important one. You want this woman to be a teacher and not just a friend. Someone who has been through the Steps so they can help you. Someone that treats you with kindness and respect and that will respect your anonymity. It would have been easy to say screw it after a few but then I would be working my own program. I am really trying to work the program the way it is laid out so I kept looking for the right sponsor. It finally happened! They say that when the student is ready the teacher will appear. It happened that way for me... Kelly :)
Member: Gage
Location: swamp
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: February 09, 2004
Time: 02:37 AM -0500
I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. I don't know if you even need to mention the word "sponsor" if you don't want to. Ask someone you know if they've taken the Twelve Steps. If they have, ask them if they'll help you take them. Maybe you don't need someone to help you understand them, I don't know. But you'll be a lot more likely to take them if you have someone helping you. I needed that, and I'm the smartest man in the world.
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: February 09, 2004
Time: 05:27 AM -0500
Hi, Ann here, alcoholic. I just wanted to share that I believe there are two sides to sponsorship. The newbie side where we need guidance from someone who has been in our shoes. Someone to give us the crib note version of AA which gives us the strength we need to go on one day at a time. There is nothing as important in your sobriety as sharing and listening to those who have been there and have succeeded! But there is the other side. The need of the sponsor to be a positive part of someones recovery. The need to help someone who was just like they were and they know they can help them get thru the hard parts without experiencing the problems maybe they did. The most wonderful thing about AA is that when we get better, we help others get better. It is a win win situation. My sponsor was new to the area and 9 years sober. She found me. She liked what I was saying and where I was coming from. I reminded her of her I guess. A a person who is only a little over 4 months sober, I can tell you that without reading this forum, I would forget the past very quickly and possibly go on back to my old ways! With you and my sponsor, I'm happy and sober again today. Help yourself and another. Find someone whom you admire and ask. It helps all of us. Here's to another sober 24 for all of us. And thanks again.
Member: Sheri
Location: wyoming
Remote Name: 204.227.205.36
Date: February 09, 2004
Time: 11:51 AM -0500
Sheri here Sober 51 days today!! I have been in and out of this program for 29 years. Yea I would get a little time. I even went thru treatment at a very young age. This time is different I want something better. I believe that what they say; get a sponsor, go to meetings and work the steps. I went to meetings for three weeks 1 a day at least and watched and listened. I have always hated asking anyone for anything I can handle it you know. I can’t tell you how hard it was! man! But after I asked and she said lets meet to talk and get to know each other to see! I felt so relieved, I needed to humble myself, again I believe I am ready to go to any lengths to change my life! this time one day at a time. So far so good too she is right out of the book and when I don’t like what she wants me to do It hasn’t failed that I needed to do it and it felt good when I was done. I thank you for letting me share. ODAAT SHERI
Member: Sheri
Location: wyoming
Remote Name: 204.227.205.36
Date: February 09, 2004
Time: 02:36 PM -0500
Sheri here again but i have asilly question what does BTW stand for I see it but do not get it and this site gives me a high I know why my HP lead me here I hear what i need over and over thanks Sheri
Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: February 09, 2004
Time: 02:47 PM -0500
Sheri - Presume BTW is short for By the Way. And congrats on 51 days. Hope your new sponsor does indeed work out for you. Where in Wyoming are you? I have family in Greeley, Colorado. Ed in VA
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.223.172.8
Date: February 09, 2004
Time: 02:49 PM -0500
Hi ((Sheri)), BTW means, by the way. Like: by the way I hear we are in for some snow. Glad you found a sponsor that is great! keep up the good work and good attitude! ((Ann)), I really liked your post. You sound like you found the perfect sponsor or better, you each found eachother, nice. ((Gage)), I know your the smartest man in the world next to Mav but you guys have a different experience then us women. Just believe me on this :) It is good you guys posted about how you got a sponsor. Lets ((all)) stay sober today just because we are worth it! Kelly :)
Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 67.117.217.77
Date: February 09, 2004
Time: 04:18 PM -0500
hello all, kathy alcoholic, it is great to be getting to sort of know you all here. it is nice to feel connected here since i am not yet really connected in a f2f meeting. i know i need that but it takes time for me, too much fear still in the way. getting a sponsor was hard for me. i have been in and out since 95. I have always been too afraid of people. Afraid of the answer no. I am totally amazed at what KELLY went thru to get a sponsor. I would have given up and drank. anyway. i met with my new sponsor for the first time yesterday. i lucked out as the night i was going to ask her if she would sponsor me - she came to me and said i needed to get going on the steps and she wanted to help. wow. did that ever feel awesome. going from feeling totally alone and anonymous to a person reaching out to help me. i know that is what i need to do when a new person comes to a meeting i am at. even if just to give them my number. i hate how i went to meetings new and not a soul said boo to me. so i have a sponsor by GOds grace. reading all your posts is a huge help. God has graced me with 54 days sober, I know i sure didnt do it....things are getting better. my husband and i are getting along again. my best friend died yesterday and i didnt become a drama queen and drink over it. i am sad but also a bit numb - anyway. i wish you all lived in my neighborhood and we went to f2f meetings together. you sure are an awesome group of people. love and prayers to you all. Kathy
Member: Sheri
Location: wyoming
Remote Name: 204.227.205.36
Date: February 09, 2004
Time: 04:18 PM -0500
Ed I e, am in Gillett,Wyoming just a 100 miles from Sturgis S.D Sheri
Member: Ruby B
Location: In the mountains
Remote Name: 24.25.157.232
Date: February 09, 2004
Time: 06:43 PM -0500
Ruby here still somewhat insane but sober. day is going ok but had a run in with some old drinking buddies. they showed up at my door with a 12 pack and wanted to visit. they heard i was not drinking and wanted to assure me that i didn't have problem.... I really had a difficult time not buying into what they were saying but i know that they may feel threatened. like by me admitting i have a problem that that means they do. i tried to tell them that i was and can only say that I have aproblem and must stop. I told them of my trip to ER and they still said i just needed to back off the shots. I have to admit I want to beleive them I want to be able to sit down and laugh and have abeer with the only friends i realy know. It makes me sad to think i need to leave them behind to avoid them but listening to them will only make me sicker and lead me back to hell... i am so scared sorry bad moment there. i will not drink and i keep praying for god to not let me think that i can. love you all. i will stay on this side and not drink minute to minute Ruby crazyfriends3@hotmail.com
Member: Grateful to be sober
Location: Michigan
Remote Name: 216.86.80.12
Date: February 09, 2004
Time: 10:33 PM -0500
((Ruby)) Hang in there with us! It is extremely threatening when a drinking buddy tries to recover, another "hint" that what we are doing is wrong and harmful to ourselves and others. It was a decision I had to make for me in the same situation 7 years ago. All my old friends had to go by the wayside with the booze. I made new sober friends who cared about me much more than the ones who just wanted someone else like them to bolster the image of being normal amoung many. Love you, hang in there, it's worth it.
Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: February 09, 2004
Time: 10:44 PM -0500
Hi all. Went to another f2f meeting tonight -- third day in a row. Also wrapped up 3 full weeks of sobriety as of today. Talked with an old timer after the meeting -- actually, I'm older than he is but he has 16 years in and I have 21 days. His advice (which echos something somebody said here earlier) was don't worry about a sponsor, just find someone who seems to know what they're doing and saying and ask them to help you through the steps. Sheri - not familiar with Gillett, but in that part of the country I'd be you don't have a wide assortment of AA meetings to attend. Ruby - We all have to guard against insane thinking. Well maybe I should just speak for myself. I have to guard against insane thinking. I'm proud of you. Turning away your old drinking buddies took a lot of courage and/or determination to stay sober. Look forward to hearing from you again tomorrow. Ed
Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Remote Name: 67.124.65.21
Date: February 09, 2004
Time: 11:45 PM -0500
Stacy, alcoholic. ((Gage)), always happy to read your posts. You make me laugh. I'm very smart too. I came to AA and after 30 days told myself that if I didn't take action and ask someone to help me get started on the steps (I was told that I could always change my mind later...the thing is to just ask and start!) that I was sure that I would drink again. I knew I couldn't do that. I needed help. I wanted help. I asked my sponsor one evening and I'm getting ready to do 8th step amends. The step work that I've done along with the direction this person has given me have brought me so very far in the past 10 months. I'm grateful to God and this program for changing me one day at a time. Blessings to all.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.223.172.8
Date: February 10, 2004
Time: 10:25 AM -0500
Good Morning Everybody, So glad were all here! ((Diane)) how are ya doing??? ((Ruby)), I am so proud of you! That must have been tough to see a 12 pack at your door. When I got out of rehab my old drinking buddy had me over for dinner and set me up to fail too! She asked if I knew how to make her a Martini and I said no so she left me in the kitchen with all these open bottles of booze. She went to the bathroom for like 5 minutes and when she came back I said I wanted to leave. I get calls about every 6 months to see if I'm still on the wagon but other than that our friendship is over. She can't just come here for coffee because she is an alcoholic. My rules are that I don't hang around people that drink in front of me, no alcohol in my house, and I stay out of bars. It works for me but you really find out who your friends are that way! I have all new friends now that don't drink. I met them in AA. They call me to say hi and how am I doing...they care. What a concept! Good job hon. Kelly :)
Member: Ruby B
Location: In the mountains
Remote Name: 24.25.157.232
Date: February 10, 2004
Time: 11:49 AM -0500
Hi all ruby here and just wanted to let you know i am still sober. i spent the night waking up and repeating this pray (God, stop me from thinking like this with yu i can stay sober) obviously worked cause i'm here today. thank you for understanding my situation and i don't think i have to worry about that particular group coming back for awhile anyways. i gave them a mirror image they didn't want to see. ((Ed )) 3 weeks Congrats. My god that seems like along way off. Time sure creeps when your struggling. I am so proud of you and keep doing the F2F they are obviously working for you. ((everyone)) you are my strength when the rest of the world implodes on me. thank you for holding me up until i find my legs. love to all, stay sober minute to minute Ruby
Member: mh
Location: uk
Remote Name: 195.93.34.7
Date: February 10, 2004
Time: 12:06 PM -0500
Hello all, Mark here from UK. just a quick word to thankyou all for your comments makes me realise I'm NOT on my own. Only stopped drinking a couple of days ago. Binge drinker I seem to be....do you use the same word! But as of late it has spiralled out of control and each time it truly depresses me that again I've had no control over it.......as yet. I'm an intelligent man but accept that I have had this problem for many years and have only now taken my first step towards accepting that I cannot control myself as regards to drinking to excess each and every time I go out. I never know quite where I'll end up or on what day I'll be that exhausted that I have no choice but to go home. The worst feeling is the total remorse that my actions cause me to feel over my irresponsible behaviour to the ones that matter most to me.....and each time I am utterly and totally convinced it will be the last time, that THIS time I will take it easy.....not drink so much, go home at the end of the evening.....yet as of late this simply doesn't happen. I'm not sure how being on here may help at all accept that perhaps your strength and conviction to helping yourselves may in some way rub off on me! I a nutshell my own worst enemy is me because once a week or so has elapsed I convince myself that I was'nt THAT bad and that hey.....it's purely sociable....but if it was then why do I grieve so much at these more frequent lapses.... I guess you are all ahead of me because you're all honest with yourselves...... I'll be logging on here to see what developes over these next few days....Love to all.
Member: Sheri
Location: wyoming
Remote Name: 204.227.205.36
Date: February 10, 2004
Time: 12:54 PM -0500
Hello all; Sheri here Allki addict on day 52 and so grateful that I am not alone. I too have had friends come over with drugs and alcohol and was able to send them away with out using. Even had one of them call me and ask how I was able to send them away. I got the opportunity to tell her that I was going to at least 1 A.A. meeting everyday cuz I can’t stay clean and sober without the meetings and my HP. She then asked me to take her with me, which I have. I know she is still using though, so I do not go over to her house only take her to meetings. I have to give it all to my HP I am powerless over all of it I am so grateful that he is with me and that I have meetings to go to Ed there are 3 meetings a day here in Gillette as well I think NA has some meetings to I don’t care for those though. I do get a bit upset how many people are court ordered, it seems like a game to some of them, and I want this, I do not want to play games or waste my time. I went to A.A. because I wanted to die, If I had to continue living like this and my G~D sent another friend over 53 days ago, when my husband and I were fighting he had his hands around my neck he was going to hurt me bad, and knock on the door. He took us to a meeting we have both been clean since and both go to at least 1 meeting a day we can’t fix each other but with God’s Help and A.A we can make an effort to help ourselves. Gods grace has been a miracle even our children are feeling the good. We have thrown everything we have in to that big book and I try every morning to ask for his will and to help me think I am so grateful for all of you and this site as well as the people here at the f2f meetings that I go to. Well I sound insane, I am still, but I am sober and clean by his grace and thanks to you! Odaat Sheri
Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: February 10, 2004
Time: 03:00 PM -0500
Mark in the UK. Sounds to me like you've made the first step -- admitting you can't control alcohol. That is THE critical step for each and everyone one of us. Had another one of those light bulb moments this morning. I realized that very early on I had asked God to take away my desire to drink. What I was slow to understand is that he did. The rough times I've had came not from really wanting a drink but from being upset that my life style had to change. I have turned my life over to God -- or at least tried to -- but the old Ed keeps trying to reclaim sovereignty. Think I'll ask him to remove some of the other crap from my life too. Wait a minute. That's a few more steps down the road isn't it. Better get on those steps. There's some other stuff I really want to be rid of. Ruby, Sheri, Kelly, Kathy, Mark - maybe we should develop a prayer list. Reading your posts here helps me keep my mind focused on what I have to do. Ed
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Remote Name: 65.102.43.100
Date: February 10, 2004
Time: 03:59 PM -0500
Getting a sponsor was not easy for me. I kept hearing “men sponsor men and women sponsor women”, but I am gay. At the gay meetings I heard different rules for sponsorship. It was all too scary and confusing for my poor alcohol befuddled mind, so I went back out until I had no choices left. I picked my first sponsor for the wrong reasons. Fortunately, he had real sobriety and wouldn’t put up with any BS from me. We met once a week and we read the first 164 pages together, when we were done, he had shown me how he did the 12 steps and I had done them the same way. It was important for me to be honest with someone, which was not easy for this pathological liar. My sponsor understood this is life and death, folks! I always look for that same belief in a new sponsor.
Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 67.117.217.22
Date: February 10, 2004
Time: 04:05 PM -0500
Hello everyone, (((ED))) I think a specific prayer list is a good idea. We can each just list our request in a post and individually keep track for each person and his/her need. If you all tell me a speficic thing I will certainly pray for you and it! RIght now I am struggling with some resentments against my friends family (the one who just died). I guess I cold use prayers to let go of those. I am really tired and dont have much to say. Just wanted to see how you all were and check in. Still sober. My prayers are with you all. Kathy
Member: Ruby B
Location: In the mountains
Remote Name: 67.51.231.185
Date: February 10, 2004
Time: 04:43 PM -0500
hi all Ruby here and still sober. ((Mark )) you are here and that is what matters. Admitting that you are not in control of the bottle i know was the hardest thing for me. it goes against everything i ever grew up thinking. i had a uncle who was an alcoholic and i thought he was so weak but now i realize that one has nothing to do with the other. i have tried to quit using pure willpower and everytime i relapsed i just fed my self-hatred. Keep coming here. This great group of people have helped me stay sober for 9 days now and i truly believe without them i wouldn't be able to say that. try to get to a face to face meeting though. it helps to remind you that you are just one of thousands with the same disease. ((Sheri and Ed, katd)) thinking of you and love the idea of each of us listing what our special need for the day is and having others ppray for that specific thing. For today please pray that God will keep my thoughts away from the bottle and my old lifestyle. That the obsession will end. Thanks To everyone here, stay sober and remember that maybe we can't imagine staying sober forever, but we can do it for this minute and the next and the next until God removes the urge. love and hugs to all Ruby
Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 64.165.10.222
Date: February 10, 2004
Time: 06:13 PM -0500
One more thing, sorry. (((RUBY))) (and anyone who needs to hear this) I was complaining and holloring on this site a couple weeks agao that the urge to drink would not go away. I only have like 50 days but my own experience is that each day the desire to drink gets a little less. I can even go whole days now without thinking that I HAVE TO HAVE A DRINK. And that is a BIG change. I have my bumps and I am very green, but just wanted to put out those words of hope. Hugs to all. Kathy
Member: Ruby B
Location: In the mountains
Remote Name: 67.51.231.185
Date: February 10, 2004
Time: 07:44 PM -0500
((Kathy)) Thank you for your honesty. I wasn't here a couple of weeks ago but it's nice to know that the obsessive urge does litten up. You are wonderful and I'm so glad that i have met you thru this site. You keep me coming back. Thanks and stay sober. ((Everyone else)) Have a great night and remember if you don't take that first drink your one day closer to serenity and a new and beautiful life minute to minute Ruby
Member: Laur H.
Location: Aurora, IL
Remote Name: 206.148.81.77
Date: February 10, 2004
Time: 11:10 PM -0500
Hi. I'm Laur. I'm so new I'm zero minutes sober. Maybe I'm not even in the right place to ask this question. When I told my therapist that I within the last couple of weeks decided I was an alcoholic, she asked me if I had ever thought of going to an AA meeting. She took me by surprise. I thought I could actually kick this myself. She said then why haven't you? Can a AA and a sponsor help me do what I think I should be able to do myself? Does a sponsor call me at home? At work? I'm trying to keep my addiction "secret" from my two daughters and my work. My daughters are 11 and 12. I want to quit for them as well as for myself. I know I'm being a bad role model for them. But they have never seen me drunk, thank God. Never. But I have been warned that alcoholism only gets worse, so I need to quit now. How do I get through one day without drinking. Is detox a good idea? I'm scared. I'm confused. Please share your thoughts with me.
Member: mh
Location: uk
Remote Name: 195.93.34.7
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 04:16 AM -0500
Hi to all.....read your script Lau and guess you and I are much in the same dilema.....time wise. I think it's cool that you have found this site because I guess it shows in some way you want to change otherwise you would'nt have sought it out..... I too have never let my 8 year old boy see me drunk.....but the other day for the first time ever failed to be at home when he was dropped off with his best friend at my place...he was taken to his mothers but the point is although he did'nt see me drunk it still had an effect on his day for sure.....so I feel things could progress for the worse given time. I'm the most inexperienced on this site but feel the comments from all the other guys may be of help......I hope. I myself am a normal everyday intelligent guy with my own business and moderately successful.....and to be totally frank thought a place like this was for down and outs (sorry guys)...but have figured I thought like that to dissassociate myself from my own problem.....their all cool....all like me I guess.....all normal apart from this one common denominator. I wish you well lau......can't say if I'll last much more than a week myself but i guess we'll see. Love to all.
Member: Glen H
Location: Tx
Remote Name: 129.120.160.6
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 09:40 AM -0500
Laur, several thought come to mind...as to doing it yourself, if I could have quit by myself, I would have; I needed help to stop drinking. We don't "make" anyone get a sponsor, but suggest it. If you read what we call the Big Book... http://uts.cc.utexas.edu/~clyde/BillW/BB_Introduction.html ...you'll see the program for sobriety that we affectionately refer to as "The Steps"...as to keeping it "secret", most of us that tried to keep it hidden find that everyone knew of our problem but us and was in denial as much as we were...your kids may not know but I suspect work knows; if you drink very much at all -- well, there's no other way to say this -- you smell. Bad. ...most of us find that we didn't need detox, but withdrawal kills and we aren't doctors. If you try to quit, and find yourself getting anything but a little jittery, you should seek medical attention. Getting a little shaky is normal and will usually go away after a few days. ..I'd suggest that you read a little of the Big Book, maybe the stories..and try to find a meeting where you'll meet people who have the solution to your dilemma.. you can find Aurora meetings here.. http://www.chicagoaa.org/meetings/meetings2.php ..also, plese continue to come here, we care..
Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 09:52 AM -0500
Laur & Mark - One thing for certain is that alcoholism is a progressive disease. It will in fact get worse until you do something about it. And if you are an alcoholic -- and only you know the answer to that -- AA can & will help. As a general rule -- I think, I'm fairly new too -- a sponsor will not call you at all -- especially if you ask her not to. The idea is for them to help you thru the 12 steps of AA and be there for you when you need someone. You call your sponsor. Who is AA for? For anyone who is willing to admit they are an alcoholic and wants to quit drinking. Sure, some hit a hard bottom -- the down and outers -- but others, like me, have been functioning alcoholics. Not sure if I ever missed a day of work because of drinking in over 40 years of doing both. Messed up a lot of other things though. If you're not sure, try going to some meetings. Listen to what they're saying and see how they appear to you. Despite some common misconceptions, you don't have to identify yourself as an alcoholic. Took me a couple weeks to decide to do that. Glad you found this site. Keep coming back. Ed
Member: Kim M.
Location: FL
Remote Name: 66.32.113.1
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 10:37 AM -0500
Laur & MH, I am also glad that ya'll have found this web site. I needed to her what ya'll shared for my circumstances were about the same. I thought if my family, friends and others found out that I was an alcoholic they would love me less and disassociate me from them. Not only that they would have me committed to an instution. So I continued to hide for many years until I hit my bottom. That was when I stopped caring about anyone and anything that would stand in my way of a drink. I forgot I had children (9&13). Left them at school and did not care to pick them up. The priest brought them home with a phone number. The oldest dialed and the youngest filled in most of the blanks that I could not remember. I tried quitting on my own. I moved several times into counties that were dry and could not sell any alcohol in the stores. Where people did not know me or did not care too. The closest place was 45 miles from the house. Holding a job was impossible. I tried just drinking on weekends. I could not cut back the withdrawls of 25 years was to much for me. I did go into a rehab for detox and therapy. What I thought about my family not knowing was a mistake to me. They knew, they could smell the stentch, they could hear and see the personality change and the constant moving only made them confirm their belief that I was not a sane individual. And Laur I did the same, I will quit for my children to have a mom. Wholeheartily I had to quit for me and me only. It was all or nothing. I wanted it all and that is where my new life began through AA and God. it has saved my life and I will pray that one day it will do the same for you two.
Member: Jim
Location: Elgin, Illinois
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 01:42 PM -0500
Laur & mh, If you find you can't quit on your own and that you really have no power where alcohol takes you after the first drink, then it is a pretty good chance you have a problem. You've already asked for help, the first step. You will find if you seek that help there are physical and mental aspects of alcoholism that you have no control over. So keeping the problem from others because your embarrased about it is like keeping the fact that you suffer from the symptoms of diabetes secret from your medical doctor. Good advice from Glen about the physical withdrawls, they are dangerous if they go beyond a general shakiness. But AA can help you immediately. Don't delay the help for even one day. It helps immediately by identifing with others who had/have the same problem. You will find that your problem is not unique. And that you are not alone in facing the problem. That was a great comfort for me. And that there is a way out of the vicious circle of drinking because it makes me feel better but then having to drink more the next day cause I was remorseful about my actions the day before. Do this daily or binge drink every weekend and the problem compounds itself quickly. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. In AA there are no dues, no prerequisites on who drinks more then others or has a greater problem, or any commitment due on your part to check it out. We don't keep the solution secret, we don't have secret handshakes, and there are no real rules to follow, just suggestions that have been timed tested to help you relieve your dependance from alcohol. You only need a desire to stop drinking. The solution is near you as we speak. For me, just knowing others who had shared a common problem and found a solution to that problem was an amazing godsend. In Aurora and the uk You'll find meetings very close to your home. When I first came around to AA, I found there were AA meetings within blocks of my house and from work. Hope to see you both on this site again. Good Luck
Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.226.19.154
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 06:37 PM -0500
Hi Bill here, Alcoholic from Arizona. Choosing a sponsor is as informal as everything else in AA. Sponsee and sponsored should meet as equals, Just as Bill and Dr Bob did. I would be very leery of sponsors that make demands or uses the word pigeon. Be really careful of those who insist you share 4th and 5th step information. These steps are between you and the God of your understanding and you are not required to share that information unless you choose to. None of my sponsors required it. I did indeed share that info but it was my choice. The ideal is an alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery system. However, I was sober 6 days and my first sponsor was sober one day. But he had something I wanted. He believed AA would work and I did not. We worked the steps out of the Big Book. We made it fun. We sometimes camped out on the South Platte on weekends and he taught me how to fly fish by day and we helped each other in the program at night by the campfire. On top of that he was a great camp cook. :) Sounds silly but that was many years ago and we are both sober today. I wear this program like a loose garment. Love you. Bill
Member: chrissis
Location: milton keynes, england
Remote Name: 195.92.67.78
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 07:13 PM -0500
Ruby B Thank you so much for your share. I felt my eyes well up with tears, because what you shared was exactly like me 2 years ago. It's is so easy to forget and I need to be reminded constantly. I have not had a drink since 13 July 2002 (one day at a time). I love AA and I need every alcoholic from the old timer to the newcomer. AA has never turned its back on me, although I have turned my back on it a few times (not in the past 2 half years). It is the best thing, best thing I ever did. Thank's again for your share it touched me so much. Chrissi chrissismall@yahoo.com
Member: chrissis
Location: milton keynes, england
Remote Name: 195.92.67.78
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 07:20 PM -0500
Dear all, My emotions seem to have settled down now after RubyBs touching share. I had been around AA for about 4 months and got drunk again (for the 3rd/4th time). Only difference about being in AA this time was I kept dusting myself off and getting back to the meetings. I knew I had to get this thing or I was going to die. Part of that was plucking up the courage to get a sponsor. No mean feat I thought she would send me away, but she didn't and today we are very good friends and probably sponsor each other. I must stress here the importance of joining a group and doing service in that group. I thought all this advice was utter crap and just a sly way of getting newcomers to do the jobs, like making the tea washing up. Wrong!! I have been privileged to be asked by two ladies to be their sponsor and the rewards from that are absolutely unbelievable. Just Ask!! that's all it takes. Good Luck one and all. Chrissi
Member: Kristin
Location: Virginia
Remote Name: 67.249.222.19
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 08:08 PM -0500
Gage, So you're the smartest man in the world? Please... please... share with me how you found a sponsor. The smartest woman in the world. :) may I please have your email address?
Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Remote Name: 198.81.26.74
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 08:55 PM -0500
When I finally got to AA, almost to late, I was not only a drunken bum but an atheist absolutely stuffed with false pride. It was soon apparent to me that with my crummy attitude I could not possibly do the program and would soon be drunk again. I was told to pretend to be a theist and pretend I was not a proud fool. I found a man who was always talking about God and the spirituality of the Program. Also, he snitched on himself by telling us about his mistakes at participation meetings. He was always happy and laughing and having a good time and he was all chewed up with metastatic prostate cancer. He had what I needed so I swallowed my pride gathered about me what courage I could and asked him to help me. He said he would if I was willing to take the Steps of AA following the instructions in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous. I was and it all worked fine before he died. I chose a sponsor who seemed to have what I lacked and what I needed to change my life for the better.
Member: Ruby B
Location: In the mountains
Remote Name: 67.51.231.185
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 10:31 PM -0500
Hi all Well on day 10 and still sober. How this is happening is nothing short of a miracle. The good Lord has given me the strength to face this disease head on and start having some sanity in my life. It has been so long since I have felt that that i was unsure what it was. Sanity had all but left me to the point where death was looking like the only way to get away from the worst enemy I have ever had---MYSELF!!!! 11 days ago I prayed to die. Wished that I would just be allowed to find peace. The very next day I found this site. Coincidence I think not!!! Had another good visit with kids and they are coming for the weekend and Brian will be around should I need him to step in. I know it is soon but I need to confront some of the demons that lurk in my head and the major one is that I failed as a mother. I am being given a chance to change that and God willing will be able to create a healthy, respectful relationship with all of them. Shakes are much better. (Had to actully use a spoon to stir the coffee..LOL) Continue to try to take in nutrition and having pretty good luck with that. and I got a 86 on a exam at school today!!!!! Funny how the brain works better when it's not so foggy. (((Laur and MH))) So glad you are both here. I have little advice for you since I am sober only 10 days but I can relate to your concerns and fears. I will say that if you try to do this alone, your right you may not succeed. This disease feeds on our stubborness, our unwillingness to admit we need help, our fears of what others will think. Well I realize that you may think no one else knows but in reality probably people know more than you think. Even the most secretive of drinkers leave a trail of clues. Don't let this disease rule you. You obviously know the seriousness of your own problems and that makes you just like all of us. There unfortunately is no degrees to this disease. No one is a worse alchoholic than someone else. I f you haven't hit a bottom, lost a job, embarrassed your loved ones, hurt countless others and forgot where you are and how you got there.. these things are only your yets if you continue to drink. You will not be able to help it this disease will eventually consume you until you won't even be able to recognize your life as you once knew it. Trust me the bottom sucks and i beg you to keep coming here and reading the post, ask for help and be willing to accept the fact that if you truly believe your an alchoholic you cannot control your actions as far as drink goes.. Not now and probably not ever. Don't drink because none of us knows how low that bottom can go until you actually touch it and trust me it's not pretty. You both show thru your words and actions that you love your families. Is that drink really worth risking losing their respect, their admiration, or actually them althogether?? only you can make that call but PLEASE don't kid yourselves into thinking that could never happen to you because it could. There is hope though. thru this program and the love and support you get from the people who know exactly how you feel. Use allof us. We do care more than you can ever imagine. (Chrissi)) Thank you!!! I can't put into words how i feel but will send you an e-mail when i figure it out. Stay sober ODAAT ((Ed)) Where are you sir?? miss you and love ya ((everyone else)) God love you all and stay sober minute by minute if you have to. Just don't drink. Love, Ruby
Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 10:51 PM -0500
I'm here Ruby and still praying for you. I'm really impressed with what you've accomplished in such a short time. Are you going to meetings? I sort of drug my feet on that for a while, but have been every day now since Saturday. I've been reminded of what I had forgotten. The honesty that makes this online group work is repeated in the rooms. There is no other group of people like a room full of recovering alcoholics. As one fellow told me this evening after the meeting -- "this is the only place you can come where everybody really wants you to succeed." That's a neat concept. Oh, there are self centered people there, but no one is just waiting for you to fail so they can take your place or your ________. Stay well Ruby. If you've emailed me and I missed it, I apologize. Lots of spam and virus messages in the inbox the past few days. Love. Ed
Member: Laur H.
Location: Aurora, IL
Remote Name: 206.148.80.115
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 11:51 PM -0500
Laur here and thank you to all you kind strangers who have my same problem. Am amazed that you responded to my questions and concerns. There really are a lot of folks like me out there. I have lots of questions, but they are not about how to get a sponsor. Where should I be chatting? It seems like since I admitted to myself that I have a drinking problem and am an alcoholic, I have been drinking even more. When I look at my 24 hour day it is already busy with teaching my Emotional Disorder kids at the middle school, and helping my own adolescent daughters with their homework...going shopping for the new pants they both need because they've grown out of all of theirs, cooking, cleaning, etc. I know these sound like excuses why I haven't gotten to a meeting yet. It has been about 7 days since it was suggested to me to go to AA. After school I am the scorekeeper for the girls basketball team. Now my daughter has a tooth problem and that will take tomorrow afternoon if I can get her into the dentist. Can an online chat help as much as a meeting? I am feeling completely COMPLETELY overwhelmed. I feel like I could have a breakdown. I feel preoccupied with thinking about my alcohol problem, and it is really tough teaching my group of kids anyway. They are all having aggression issues and 4 of the 8 got written up for fighting and other things today. I told someone that I thought that I should quit and become a grocery bagger. As hard as that job might be, it seemed better than my own. I love these kids, but boy, today was really hard and I felt like such a failure with them all. I want to go into detox soon, but Valentine's Day is this weekend and my birthday is the next. Are these excuses, or am I just trying to keep normality and meet the expectations of my kids and my role as Mom. Sorry if this isn't the place for all of this. Need input. I thank God for each of you out there who read this. I pray that He is helping you in your life... Between daybreak and bedtime, I don't have time or energy these days to meditate, to listen to Him, long enough without falling asleep. Advice and prayers accepted. I feel like a leaf on a tree in autumn, ready to fall to the ground. Thanks. Laur
Member: Laur H.
Location: Aurora, IL
Remote Name: 206.148.80.115
Date: February 11, 2004
Time: 11:56 PM -0500
Laur here again. I'm a single mom with very little support, if you can't tell already. How do you other single moms do it? Love and respect to and for you.
Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: February 12, 2004
Time: 12:11 AM -0500
Laur - Being male, I can't even pretend to answer many of your questions. However, with regard to where you can ask AA related questions, I'd say right here. Don't worry about getting off topic. Detox? From what you've said earlier, I wouldn't bet you would need it. But we're all different in how we react to withdrawal. I for instance had been drinking heavily for many, many years but suffered no significant physical withdrawal symptoms when I quit last month. But withdrawal can be dangerous, especially if you have any other significant health problems. A doctor might be your best guide. And if you just need some time away from your hectic schedule to focus on dealing with this problem, that's understandable too. Others here can no doubt give you better advice than I. But please do know that you can come to this site for support while you try to figure other things out. (And you know, now that I think about it, I believe my drinking picked up too as I was moving toward quitting. One last hoorah, or something like that.) Ed
Member: Laur H.
Location: Aurora, IL
Remote Name: 206.148.80.115
Date: February 12, 2004
Time: 12:59 AM -0500
Laur here. Thank you, Ed. Bless You.
Member: SC Tech
Location: x
Remote Name: 66.223.56.135
Date: February 15, 2004
Time: 07:41 PM -0500
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Member: Gage
Location: swamp
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: February 15, 2004
Time: 10:18 PM -0500
Kristen, it's gage022501@aol.com
Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 67.117.217.68
Date: February 15, 2004
Time: 11:11 PM -0500
Havent been able to post since last week .... hmm. 2/13/04 Hi all, I had a rough night last night. Out of the blue the desire to drink gripped my like no bodies business. I kept praying and telling myself that not drinking would not kill but drinking will kill me. Even though it felt like I was going to die if I didn’t drink. I called my sponsor and she wasn’t home. I don’t have any other connections so I have left myself in a tight spot. As I was walking out the door to buy some booze the phone rang and it was her. I told her how I was feeling and we talked. Slowly the feelings passed. Valuable lessons for me were to wait it out second by second, calling someone in the program really does help, having more than one person you can call is important, pray lots, don’t pick up no matter how hard it is to not do it. I feel better this morning. Not great but…. I did not drink and am very grateful to my HP about that. 2 months ago I would have just drank and been telling you all I was starting at day one, AGAIN. Thanks to you all. Hope everyone has a peaceful day full of hope. Kathy
Member: Rita
Location: Northeast
Remote Name: 24.154.40.21
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 03:21 AM -0500
Hello to all, my name is Rita, I am an alcoholic, just 60 days ago, I posted a desperate letter to all for help. I went to an intensive outpatient group 12step therapy (in the evening, Laur) and meetings every day since, at lunch hour. I can't say it has been easy, it has not. I was a binge drinker, not a daily drinker yet, so when the urge hits, its strong and surprising. Last night just laid in bed and cried, and prayed, something new for me in the last months. Vowed I would buy some booze, not tonight but tomorrow, but the night ended, I feel a little better after my meeting tonight, and no I did not drink. My life has not suddenly gotten better, my marriage problems are now in the bright bare lightbulb spotlight of sobriety, and I feel so lost at times. I have a sponsor, but many newcomers came in over the holidays, and she has not had too much time for me. I have used the phone however, in a time of crisis. BUT, I don't hurt from booze, I am not hung over or ashamed of myself, I am not trying to hide my breathe,my bottles or my activities. So I am grateful. Ruby, it is evident how intelligent and warm and full of humor you are, you deserve a good life, hopefully, our HP will take the urge from us soon, Take care all, thanks for letting me share. Rita
Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 205.188.199.181
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 07:06 AM -0500
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Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 07:18 AM -0500
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Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 129.120.160.6
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 07:37 AM -0500
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Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 129.120.160.6
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 07:37 AM -0500
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Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 129.120.160.6
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 07:39 AM -0500
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Member: Glen H
Location: Tx
Remote Name: 129.120.160.6
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 07:41 AM -0500
testing again
Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Remote Name: 209.86.96.60
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 07:58 AM -0500
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Member: SC Tech
Location: x
Remote Name: 66.223.56.120
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 08:49 AM -0500
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Member: Tim G.
Location: PA
Remote Name: 24.238.76.33
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 09:11 AM -0500
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Member: Tim G.
Location: PA
Remote Name: 24.238.76.33
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 09:12 AM -0500
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Member: Tim G.
Location: PA
Remote Name: 24.238.76.33
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 09:12 AM -0500
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Member: Tim G.
Location: PA
Remote Name: 24.238.76.33
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 09:17 AM -0500
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Member: Tim G.
Location: PA
Remote Name: 65.120.69.44
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 10:18 AM -0500
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Member: angela
Location: scotland
Remote Name: 195.93.34.7
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 10:40 AM -0500
hi ti everyone. ))Ruby(( come out of your wee hiding place in that mountain. Missing you here. ))Laur(( I'm also a single mum, (3 kids 2 at school)I have a 2yr old. I've found a very small meeting, no smoking, and I take her with me to this one. The first time I took her I was afraid of the response. Then I remembered that my sobriety was more important than my fear! It worked out fine.Other women with long time sobriety talked aboout their experience and difficulties in early sobriety. Siobhan (my baby), wqas made very welcome. There are other meetings that I would not take her to also. ))Jim(( sorry I didn't reply to your E mail. I pressed the wrong button, and deleted your address. I hate haggis also!!! Callum (13yr old son) loves it. Missed you all, love and prayers Angela
Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 152.163.241.182
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 10:48 AM -0500
Hi I'm Mike and i'm an alcoholic: Thank you to the techs for getting the site back up, I missed you alls shares! I can still hear the freindly reply Hi Mike! The way I got a sponser was to go to meetings and not drink in between meetings. Eventually I mustered the courage to ask someone and they either said yes or no. Usually it was the same gender person and they had demonstrated thier sincerity through actions to me and to the group. I was a basket case so most people were better off than me and wanted to "carry this message" so I had lots of willing help, and it did pay off since I've been sober ever since. However, For many years I did not do the maintenence and I've paid the price spiritually and vocationally and I'm glad I found this site. Thanks to all of you for being here! Mike
Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Remote Name: 65.59.9.207
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 10:56 AM -0500
My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. The only criteria I would have for choosing a sponsor would be that I find somebody who would guide me through the Twelve Steps, having himself received similar direction. But there are many different paths, with no absolute rules, as evidenced by the experiences posted here. I am absolutely convinced, however, that I could not guide myself properly through the Twelve Steps without the assistance of somebody with some experience in doing so. Sure, the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" contains instructions on how to take the 12 Steps, but I really did not hardly begin to understand what I was reading until I had actually been sober and working the steps for a significant period of time. ==== Laur, if you are not going into detox in order to keep drinking, or if not going means that you are going to be unable to quit drinking, then those may be excuses. Have you tried to not drink, yet? One thing is sure - we can not get sober while we are still drinking. ====Rita, welcome, and thank you for sharing about "going to any lengths". ==== I just became aware that there is now an "official" online Big Book at http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/ You will need Adobe Acrobat reader to view many of the files, which you can download free here http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readermain.html Joe - joep041699@mindspring.com
Member: Tim G.
Location: PA
Remote Name: 65.120.69.44
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 11:18 AM -0500
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Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Remote Name: 65.59.9.207
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 11:28 AM -0500
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Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 68.165.59.122
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 12:37 PM -0500
Great to see you all again. I was worried about you guys, but glad to see some problems overcome by calling fellow AA's, sponsors. But that just goes to show us the tru reliance should be on HP, BB and F2F meetings, not Staying Cyber although it's a great suppliment to our programs. katd, remember that action part? You did the right thing trying to contact you sponsor, but try to remember the sooner you take action in steps 4,5,8,9 the sooner you'll overcome the spiritual malady. The urges will begin to dissapear. "When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically." Big Book page 64. Sometimes doing some of the work with others beside the sponsor, who might not be available all the time, helps. Do what you have to do. I did my 4rth step without my sponsor initially, took the 5th with him and got advice to go back on my 4rth and rewrite part of it. Talk to your sponsor about a 4rth step format. There are also really good tapes on Big Book studies to help you understand the steps and a working format for the 4rth step. One great piece is "the Joe and Charlie BB study" which is available in dowloadable mp3 files online. This is good stuff but is also supplimental to a good sponsor relationship while going through the initial work/steps. Nothing replaces or is better than a good sponsor. But a good sponsor will always stress the reliance comes from HP ,not them. In fact, they help rely less and less on them as time goes buy. It's a beautiful thing. Like a father or mother watching their child crawl, walk and finally run. Here's the link for Joe and Charlie BB study Not only a good BB study, but a good brief history of AA throughout. http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?action=category&id=13 To all those still struggling: In your prayers, ask God for the courage to do the work/steps to change. Thsi is a program of action unlike anything you'll ever experience. It takes honest, openmindness, and a busload of willingness. Have to, need to, want to love to... do the work. Keep trudging the happy road all.
Member: sheri
Location: wyoming
Remote Name: 204.227.205.36
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 03:11 PM -0500
Hello All Sheri here Alki I just wanted to say how I relate to most of the Newcomers as I am one. I have had several in and outs. In 94 my husband killed himself, we had three kids 2,4,12 I had years worth of excuses, I would sober up for awhile but always go back out. Why because I did not get a sponsor nor did I read the BB the most Important thing I did not allow my HP in my life I could fix me. Today I have a sponsor I go to a meeting everyday and I read that book. They say look for similarities in a sponsor? I looked for something I wanted I watched for 4 weeks before I asked. She really is nothing like me however, she has 13years and she is happy and she did the steps out of the book. I want to be happy they say you can not give what you do not have so I figure she can help me to at least be happy. I was willing to do what it took to get drunk or high I am finally willing to go to any length for sobriety. My kids are loving it at first the were a little hurt I was gone a lot still am but I am already happier so they do not argue when I go to meetings they see the change. It feels so good. This is what I want And I will have it ODAAT with MY G~D, MY SPONSOR, MY MEETINGS!! Meetings are the most important part for us newcomers you just have to make time. This site and others like it are as well a blessing but you really need to go to face to face get phone numbers they will be there for you . Laur What is it all worth to you? being a single mother who has a full time job I can relate however, I just got to the point that I had to make time and it took up some of the drinking time being at meetings? Love you all thanks for letting me share ((ED, RUBY<LAUR<MIKE)) Sheri
Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 07:52 PM -0500
Sure is good to see all of you again. Been going to meetings regularly, but missed this forum. Damned technology sure makes us dependent in a hurry. Started a business 10 years ago and didn't even have email. Now we're about 96% internet driven. If it goes down, like this site did, for very long -- we're dead. Gotta run...to a meeting. God bless you all. Ed
Member: Kim M.
Location: FL
Remote Name: 66.245.13.229
Date: February 16, 2004
Time: 07:56 PM -0500
Laur, hope and pray that you are still in these rooms. Bring your children to meetings. I did and still do. I chair meetings with my 2.5 year old present. I belong to a large group, some people will mind if children are present, but most of them do understand that sobriety is the most important thing in their lives, just as it is mine. I drag my butt and my children to meetings even when I don't want to go. My sobriety is a must manitenance for me with or without children present. KimM