Member: joe don A
Location: nova scotia canada joe_don55@hotmail.com
Date: February 09, 2003
Time: 09:36 AM
joe here alkie letting go of the past is something all of us have to do , if we want the program to work . if nothing changes nothing changes. we'll be right back in with our old so called freinds an drinking again so letting go is a big part of getting sober for me wish you all another 24 hr, let go let god joe
Member: gary s
Location: upstate ny
Date: February 09, 2003
Time: 10:11 AM
hi i am just out of detox and rehab--5 months i feel lost......and hestitant. if someone has time.....please let me know. thanks.
Member: Shelagh B
Location: Manchester UK
Date: February 09, 2003
Time: 10:27 AM
Great topic, as Joe said we all as achaholics all have to let go and change. Letting go of old ideas and old aquaintances takes time and at first it hurts to let go, we have had our old ways so long they become a part of us and for us to let go we think we have to give up us; not so in giving up the part of us that caused us to reach for the drink in the first place we rid ourselves of the compulsion to pick up that first drink whenever our egos are deflated by dissapointment, resentment, anger, happiness in fact any emotion that we drank on we have to let go and change the way we react to all these emotions, we will all at some point encounter all or some of these and the way we deal with them is the key to the quality of our sobriety. By keeping in touch with our HP in my case this is praying everyday for guidance to make the right choices and to take the right path towards peace in my life. I get a lot of peace of mind when I attend meetings with the friends I am making, admittedly I dont LIKE everyone but I do LOVE them all for helping to keep me sober and free from the fear I always had when drinking. Change is scarey but worth it and not half as scarey as that first drink.. LOL shelagh
Member: Tim H.
Location: J
Date: February 09, 2003
Time: 12:48 PM
Joe Don, I like your comment about "our old so-called friends." I had been sober for two and a half years when I suddenly had one of those old ideas. It was New Year's Eve, and I thought I could just hang out with a couple of former drinking buddies and enjoy the "good old times" without drinking. That led to my month-long relapse. I have to let go of old ideas every day and pray for the new sane ideas that will keep me sober.
Member: E.T.
Location: Calif.
Date: February 09, 2003
Time: 05:54 PM
Gidget,When I got sober I did not give up any of my friends.My husband and I moved out town Bakersfield for 7 years.When we got back,every one was clean and sober.We still party,we chose to do it clean and sober.Only by the grace of GOD. Peace to all
Member: E.T.
Location: Calif.
Date: February 09, 2003
Time: 05:55 PM
Gidget,When I got sober I did not give up any of my friends.My husband and I moved out town Bakersfield for 7 years.When we got back,every one was clean and sober.We still party,we chose to do it clean and sober.Only by the grace of GOD. Peace to all
Member: Mike C.
Location: (LA) Lower Ala
Date: February 09, 2003
Time: 06:01 PM
Doing the same thing or things and expecting different results. Going back to the parties, bars, and hangin out with the partying crowd will result in me taking that first drink. When I came to AA I was told that I would have to change everything about my life. I would have to become willing to do what it takes to stay sober "one day at a time". Many years have gone by and by following suggestions I have managed to stay sober. Letting go of the hanger on friends, seedy bars, and the chaos of drinking has in the end been a blessing.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: February 09, 2003
Time: 09:15 PM
When I came to AA, one of the first things that I was told was...that you all were going to teach me how to change the way I think about alcohol. That statement got my attention. I was never told that before in previous attempts. That is the only "old" idea that I had to get rid of. It tells me that over and over again in our Basic text. Tells us in there that the delusion that we can drink like other people has to be smashed. Tells us that we will never gain control over our drinking. From the medical point of view, alcoholism is a progressive and sometimes fatal disease. The only way we can stop the progression of alcoholism is to stop drinking alcohol. Once I change the way I thought about alcohol then other "old ideas" changed almost automatically. I swapped old playgrounds for new ones, Old friends for new ones. In fact. None of the old places wanted me and none of my old friends wanted me. They had more to do with getting rid of me than I had getting rid of them. Bill az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: meg
Location: centraloh
Date: February 09, 2003
Time: 09:49 PM
Hi, meg and an alcoholic if there ever was one. Letting go something I should have done my first time around. I was part owner of a bar and that got me after a year and change.This time around I sold my interest in it and stopped my contacts with the people there. It isn't always easy since at times I have to go for occasional stop to get checks etc.. Before I go I make a conscious decision to get in and out asap. I pray to my higher power and if offered a drink I politely decline and tell the person I am an alcoholic. You should hear some of the replies. My favorite "If your one what does that make me?" I still don't have a reply for that one yet. Pray, go to meetings,call your sponsor, do what ever you have to. Life and sobriety are to important. Gary S. upstate, hang tough, ask anyone for AA for help, if they can't help more than likely they can point you to someone who can (that's part of step twelve). Read the comments here. Read the BB. Pray. FIND A WILLING SPONSOR even a temp. Real life after rehab is hard But if I can, with a lot of help then you can also.My prayers for you. Keep coming back. Peace to all of humanity.
Member: Trish K
Location: So. California
Date: February 09, 2003
Time: 11:43 PM
Hi I'm Trish and I'm an alcoholic. I haven't participated in these discussions for a couple of weeks - combination of nothing to say and not in the mood to write anyway. I am 66 days sober today and I am relieved, thankful and grateful, but somehow not "settled" about it all. Let's see TOPIC: Letting go of old ideas - that's probably just the perfect thing for me to see right now. That's a hard one. I was never a "party" drinker. I am pretty much a loaner with the exception of my Husband and young son. I drank at home - when I'd get home from work till I just couldn't drink anymore. I'd wake up tire, hung-over, guilty and afraid. This began happening all the time and knew that one of these times I might just not wake up. The negative talk about myself that constantly goes around in my head - it's hard to get rid of. I have started going to F2F meetings (sometimes 4 per week), which gets me out of the house and offers a "safe" environment for me to share and meet new people. So far I haven't done any "real" sharing. I just don't have anything "interesting/humorous" to say. Even with going to the meetings, (which my Husband just "doesn't get" but hasn't precluded me from going to)...I still have this "hesitance" this wall if you will -- and I know that until I can get over that "stoppage" I will never begin to let go of the old baggage and begin to accept the life that AA has to offer. (I think that I haven’t pursued getting a “Sponsor” yet because I am unsure of the response that will elicit from my Husband – (too involved) and I would have to deal with that wall. He loves me and is glad I am sober, but is one of those people who don’t think you have to bring your “problems” out to others to have them solved. You have a problem you deal with it.... (which is why I am at AA, as I feel I am unable to stay sober on my own). I have stayed sober so far just by my own sheer will power. Maybe there is a Higher Power helping me, but I honestly don't "feel" that. Even in other areas of my life where the underlying issue is obsessive/compulsive behavior (such as eating/weight gain) I can't "let go of old behaviors". I joined WW and I am still doing what I always did rather than following their program -- and have seen no results. What's my problem????? I am so close to just giving up! I just don't seem to know how to "LET" me fix myself or open up (really open up) and accept any help that might be offered. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Shawn C
Location: S carlina
Date: February 09, 2003
Time: 11:54 PM
Member: Shawn C
Location: S carlina
Date: February 09, 2003
Time: 11:54 PM
Member: Landscape Ray
Location: scotland
Date: February 10, 2003
Time: 09:31 AM
When i got sober i had to get rid of old ideas, to bring that baggage into my sober life would have been costly! " change" was my sponsers words to me< he used to say if you come in here a bastard you will still be one unless you change your thinking and your actions! im only one drink away from a "thought" regards Ray
Member: Kim C
Location: BC, Canada(bc_girl@mail.com)
Date: February 10, 2003
Time: 10:28 AM
Day 3 after slipping....starting again....nothing else to say...I wish you all 24 hours of sanity and sobriety, Kim
Member: Thomas W.
Location: New York City
Date: February 10, 2003
Time: 03:31 PM
Thomas,alcoholic.Hang in there Kim C.I had a slip recently too.I went out for a week after sixteen months sober but today is fifteen days back.You don't have to say anything.Just post some gibberish and sign your name so everybody knows you're making it.You KNOW it gets better.ODAAT,Thomas.
Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date: February 10, 2003
Time: 03:48 PM
Hi..I'm Kathy and I'm an alcoholic. To Trish--I could have written your letter 3 years ago. I think you are at the point of needing to get a sponsor. Remember..it says in the BB...half measures availed us nothing. I know for me the hardest times in my life are when I am "on the fence" and needing to make a decision and live with that decision. I think Alanon meetings would help your husband, if he will go...mine will not go. And that says to me this is YOUR PROBLEM which I don't think is good for a marriage. It sure sounds to me like you are on Step 3 and needing to turn your will over to God but not knowing quite how to do that...this is where a sponsor can help you.
Member: Trish K.
Location: So. California
Date: February 10, 2003
Time: 04:05 PM
Hi, I'm Trish and I'm and alcholic - Thanks Kathy. I know there is truth in what you say -- guess I just needed to see it in blue and beige. This week I will see about the Sponsor, and I will pray for my Husband. Yes, it is MY PROBLEM - and I have to fix it -- as long as he's willing to let, and if that means for him he has to leave - so be it. I guess it will all unfold as it should. I offered to leave in the Summer (different reasons but same core issues) and was told "That's not an Option" so I will take care of me and give it 100% and see if maybe I can be the next walking miracle. Thanks, I'll keep you posted (so to speak)....
Member: Jackie
Location: England
Date: February 10, 2003
Time: 06:20 PM
Hi Trish I can relate to you, my partner denies the extent of his drinking and has said I'm as obsessive about AA as I was about drinking. He also feels left out that I talk to other AA's all the time especially when somethings worrying me.I had to stop living with him when I went into Treatment but cant let go because I love him. Yesterday he held a pint of beer under my nose and tried to get me to drink it! I've just talked to an AA friend's husband who said he's heard him share in "Aftercare" and he doesn't take my recovery seriously. I can't imagine my life without him but I'm scared that he'll lead me back to drink and I'm so fed up with EVERYONE, AA friends, drinking friends, non drinking friends, family and workmates telling me I deserve so much better and that he's bad news for me. I don't know what to do, every time I've tried to end it before I've gone back to him.
Member: Jason L
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: February 10, 2003
Time: 07:27 PM
Hello,my name is Jason L,and I am a recovering addict/alcoholic.For me,letting go of old ideas is one of the most difficult things to do.As the saying goes,old habits die hard.For me,letting go of the fact that I cant use ever again is hard because part of me does want to use again,but the only things that are stopping me are my soon to be wife,and my daughter.i am clean today because of them,as well as for them.The life that I live now is the one that I have always dreamed of,but I am scared of myself.Where do I go from here?
Member: darlene L
Location: Pa
Date: February 10, 2003
Time: 09:11 PM
Hi my name is darlene and i'm an alcoholic a very grateful alcoholic. i have been to this sight a few times, tonight i couldn't get to a f2f so i thought about coming here, i'm so glad i did boy (Trish) i truly thought i was the only one in the world who didn't party and go to bars. i would get home from work then hit the bottle till i either passed out or run out of booze.then the next morning the guilt and remorse set in .I also feel the same way at F2F meetings. i don't have a sponser. last week they passed a paper around about being a sponser you had to have one year sober. well when the paper came to me i eagerly searched the womens names to see if any were interested in being sponsers. none nada zilch .I am 37 days sober, i live in a very small coummunity. basicaly the people at that meeting are at the other meetings. what do i do???? i have been praying about it and trying to leave it with my higher power but i keep taking it back then i have to give it back again does this make sense? all i really know is this if i go back to acohol there will not be a second chance for me i don't know how i know i just know i'm only getting this one chance, so by golly i'm gonna do whatever it takes no matter what i can't he can so i'll let him even if that mean i have to hand it back a thousand times every day
Member: Karen P.
Location: Wrightsville & Atlanta, GA
Date: February 10, 2003
Time: 10:48 PM
Hello, I'm Karen,and I am an alcoholic. I am almost a year sober now, and still in the process of getting rid of old ideas regarding alcohol. I'm thinking that getting rid of the old ideas will mean replacing them with new ones. I am still at the point that I notice where the liquor stores are and whether they are open, and think about stopping for dinner at places where I could have some wine with dinner. Shared a holiday dinner with my adopted family, which is a drinking occasion for them, and of course, was for me (sometimes to the point of embarrassing my partner). This last one I attended sober for the first time, and man, was I bored. Boring as well, I'm sure. Anyway, my thought is, that I'm going to have to find new ways of being entertained or I will continue to yearn for what I used to do. I'm not there yet, but at least I'm thinking about it. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Trish K.
Location: So. California
Date: February 10, 2003
Time: 11:47 PM
Hi, I'm Trish - Alcoholic - Karen, I read your post and smiled! I was just through something very similiar within the past few months -- attending "family" outing/gathering SOBER probably for the first time with that "mix" (the former family, etc....) and I developed a major headache (from the stress) and I guess the alcohol tempered that for me and then to my suprise --- I too was BORED beyone belief. I even left at one point for about 1.5 hrs. and crawled the mall just to kill time. Man I wanted a drink that day -- badly -- first time too - coincidence? You are not alone.
Member: Patti N.
Location: Pacific, Mo.
Date: February 11, 2003
Time: 12:15 AM
Hi everyone, I am a grateful recovering alcoholic named Patti. I just found this site a few days ago, (so glad I did)..I just returned from a meeting a little while ago,and I just want to tell Darlene that I was in the same position as her , not being able to find a female sponsor. It seems that it wasnt meant for me for a very long time. The men in the program in this area outnumber the women 2 to 1. Anyway, I used the meetings, the people in the program, the tools in the 12+12, and the big book, the 3rd step prayer, the serenity prayer, and friends in the program. How long before I found one? I have been in the program 3 1/2 yrs, and I found one 2 weeks ago. I hope it doesnt take you as long, but however long it takes, there will always be people in the program there for you, so keep the faith!
Member: Bill
Location: Fla
Date: February 11, 2003
Time: 05:08 AM
My name is Bill and I'm an alcoholic. Every once in a while I get the thought of old friends. I'll think that I can just drop by to see how they are doing. I know that some of them are probably still drinking. If I were to act on these thoughts I know that I would think that maybe I could "have a few" with them. The guilty feelings from taking the first drink would probably keep me from having too many but, guaranteed, it wouldn't last. Given enought time I would most certainly end up back in the same situation (DUI, jail) I was in two years ago. That is something that I don't ever want to go through again. Thanks.
Member: Jackie
Location: England
Date: February 11, 2003
Time: 05:13 AM
Darlene, I've been desperate to find a Sponsor but like most female AA's found women are way outnumbered by men. I've been told my HP would give me one when I really needed it, and to keep praying. Last night I was in the real pits when someone called, I've been thinking of asking her but was scared of rejection. She offered to be my Sponsor! I feel so grateful and do believe my HP is working despite me. I've been sober for 3 1/2 months but it's been tough. I find it hard to cope with life and don't know how I'll get out of the chaos my drinking created. Keep the faith.
Member: sonia
Location:
Date: February 11, 2003
Time: 06:24 AM
Letting go of old idea's. I agree that the way i viewed alcohol had to change, it was delusional, as i read earlier here. But so much more of me had to change, how i saw tea totallers, how i viewed spirituality, motherhood, what i thought love was, ((Jackie)) there is a book i once read that gave a definiton of love as extending oneself for the spiritual growth of another. Love isnt about need. I learned how to love myself in this fellowship, how to treat myself with respect, To treat myself as i would have my daughter treated. Having learned how to do these things for myself i have learned how to do them for others. I have learned what loving another means. i have changed my attitude today 100%, I no longer see bastards and evil, i see sick, i see me. I no longer think out there is my problem, i know that my reality in my head is the problem, I also know that i have the solution. I trust. I have compassion (not feel sorry for)Every day i stay sober i have the opportunity to learn and to grow. I no longer see doom and gloom. DONT DRINK. DONT FUCKING DRINK. Get a sponsor and work the steps to the best of your ability, want it and you shall have it.
Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date: February 11, 2003
Time: 09:42 AM
My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. Early on, I had no idea what old ideas I was supposed to let go. Since then, I learned that the Twelve Steps contain principles and actions 180 degrees opposite of my natural way of thinking and acting. I simply needed the willingness to take these certain steps. As I did, I had to let go of my old ideas, because the taking of the actions indicated in the steps changed the way I think. You can’t think your way into right actions, you act your way into right thinking. Joe – e-mail: joep041699@mindspring.com
Member: Diana G.
Location: London, Ontario
Date: February 11, 2003
Time: 09:59 PM
Last year when i "quit" drinking, i gave up all my drinking buddies... I got 6 months in and went back out because the boredom and lonliness was driving me nuts. The morning after I felt like crap and picked myself up again. I have been sober for a month now and I am looking for a different route... I am going to meetings and STAYING in contact with my AA friends. I wake up feeling good, no headaches, no explaining to do, etc etc! So right now I am taking it one minute at a time...
Member: Totally Green
Location: under my Sponsor's wing
Date: February 12, 2003
Time: 01:50 AM
As a newcomer, it has been advised to me, that i should let go of my OLD IDEAS. and after that it would be in my best interest NOT TO HAVE ANY MORE IDEAS for a little while... i told my sponsor to %$#! right off! and when i felt better i did the steps. My life really sucks cause i have all the personality of a wet paper bag...and yet i think the world of myself. needless to say i get alot of funny looks from those that are far more cultured in this disease. You should see me chair a meeting, it's quite an experience, i ask all the brand newwies' to share/dump on the whole hour.. cause their my pals in sobriety. I hate anyone who is remotely able to see through my facade' and i stay far away from those who i secretly think are better than me...cause i won't have any of that! and i'm so paranoid and neurotic, that if i were to be reading this right now i would probably think that "somebody is sending me a message" ooowwwwhhhhhhh! but other that that life is supper!. and i'm so happy to be sober, so thanks so much to everyone for letting me share
Member: genderly gene
Location: kamasutra
Date: February 12, 2003
Time: 02:05 AM
I am sooo dishonest! I feel like Satan! I am full of hate... full of resentment towards life and everyone and everything in it. I don't get this AA thing. and i really don't even care. I just show up at those......meetings, and i get angrier and angrier and i feel more and more messed up.. i hate it! I hate this site! and i hate you! go fuck yourselves AA! Oh thank you so much for letting me vent that. i feel so good now.. anyhow.. i'm human, i have these feelings, why should i nicey nice about it. that's the way it is man. I gotta say i'm sexually perverted, and i try so hard to hide it from others, i put on a mask and pretend to NOT BE what i am... and there are some members who i'm convinced can see the truth about how much i like sex.. they drop little one liners after the meetings.. make me blush and feel really embarrassed... interesting word..em-bare-assed,,, anyway, so.. i'm not gay, but i like men that are much younger than me,, for obvious reasons. I know alot of PROPER type people.. are frowning on my act' oh well i'm sober and gettin some! i'll bet some of them are only sober.
Member: Cec h
Location: Cowtown
Date: February 12, 2003
Time: 08:08 AM
Hi all Cec H alkie here. Old ideas I had to let go of. 1. I can drink normal after a few months being sober. ain't going to happen I 'am not normal when it comes to booze. 2 Life owes me, bull I owe life. 3 I donn't need any help, bull I need all the help I can get. There's a few more I just donn't have time to list them. Another 24 to go please and have one for yourself.
Member: insane
Location: insanity hall
Date: February 12, 2003
Time: 10:31 AM
((genderly gene)) your shock tactic means nothing to my sobriety.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: February 12, 2003
Time: 11:23 AM
Hi all my friends in AA, I'm Kelly a very bad alcoholic. I guess I'm with a lot of you that I need to give up the old idea that I can never drink in safety again. Never, nada, zip, ziltch. My willfullness is no match for alcohol which kicked my ass all over town. Being strongwilled was always one of my best assets in life but not with alcohol. I fought too long and too hard and lost the fight along with a lot else. Winning is still important to me but I just have to be smarter about which battles I choose and if they are worth fighting in the first place. Most of my battles with alcohol started in my head long ago and I won those but then alcohol shut my brain down and made it physical. It went in for the 'kill' shot. Dt's, shakes, sweats and trying to keep ahead of them was a lot of work/ drinking. It still took a year of that misery to surrender and I try to keep it fresh in my mind. AA helps me to understand why I am the way I am. I'm a drunk, always was, always will be. I choose not to drink today. (The human brain is a complex organ with the wonderful power of enabling man to find reasons for continuing to believe whatever it is that he wants to believe). Voltaire. Think, Think, Think... Kelly
Member: martha h
Location: iowa
Date: February 12, 2003
Time: 12:29 PM
my name is martha and i am new to this. i have been an alcoholic for most of my life but the last 2 yrs its been an everyday occasion. it used to be i could go get drunk one night and then not do it for months or yrs but now its nightly. i want to stop and i know i need to but the letting go of the past is the problem i wake up with it, i go to sleep with it and i drink to escape from it but its always there in my head, so much pain,loss and hurt that the drinking for a little while makes me feel better until i drink more. i need someone to help me learn to let go of the past for i can live again. thank you martha
Member:
Location:
Date: February 12, 2003
Time: 12:49 PM
Hi ((martha)) the fact that you know you are thinking drinking is a start i have spent the last 26 yrs doing that and have only relised that my family paid the price as much as me becuase in body i was there but not in mind i was living dead the only thing that has change me is AA. tracy.v@ntlworld.com
Member: genderly gene
Location: kamasutra
Date: February 12, 2003
Time: 02:02 PM
((insane))...and it doesn't bother me at all that you view my comments as "shock tactics".. it's people that think the truth is so terrible that make recovery impossible for others.. it's fear based period. We all have things, secret thoughts, and a dark side, it's part of being human, there's a saying... that "A NOBLE MAN, IS NOTHING MORE THAN SOMEONE WHO SAYS ONE THING AND "THINKS ANOTHER" To accept that side of our natures, and to stop fearing it so much is the way to freedom for me..remember fear and pride beat us back everytime we try to look... so what are you so proud of today? the fact that my shock tactics mean nothing to your sobriety? good for you.. as for me i'm proud of my willingness to be humble...hope you have a great day. i wish you another 24 sincerely.
Member: Just an Ex Drunk
Location: Everywhere
Date: February 12, 2003
Time: 04:19 PM
"Some of us tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was NIL......... until we let go absolutely". Get that folks the result was NIL(not 25% or 50% but NIL) Let Go and Let God people
Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: February 12, 2003
Time: 07:08 PM
Kim V here alcoholic. Letting go of old ideas. I always was the stubborn type. The Big Book says we try to find a easier, softer, way. There isn't one. That is why as when I read the posts I hear so many people going back out. Even in the rooms of AA out here I hear all the time of people that had 10 years going back out, some make it back to these rooms and some don't. There is no easier, or softer way. The Big Book says we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. I guess I would like to pass this message along also. For me it took going to prison for 5 years, while being seperated from my daughter, not seeing her but one time in those five years, for me to hit bottom. I hate to see other people have to go that far. But after 6 1/2 years of soberity I now can honestly say my best day drinking was never better than my worse day sober. I am not longer irritable and discontent. I am now happy, joyous and free and I am grateful the hand of AA was there for me. So for me there is no room in my life for old ideas. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Diana G
Location: London, Ontario
Date: February 12, 2003
Time: 10:16 PM
It took me a long time to stop worrying about the past and what people think... I just got there in the past month. I no longer beat myself up when i make mistakes! Its wonderful. Thank you to you all :)
Member: Amy B.
Location: Oklahoma
Date: February 13, 2003
Time: 02:08 AM
I'm Amy B. and I'm a dual addict. Just started AA a week ago and I'm worried I'm going to be very lonely without my old friend's. I really want to be clean and sober, but how do you just ditch your so called friends like that. They will want to know what's up, what do I tell them? And talk about changing old way's? What's the first step in that direction? Need any suggestion's from anyone who can help. Thank's for letting me share.
Member:
Location:
Date: February 13, 2003
Time: 04:23 AM
http://www.healthrecoverycenter.com
Member: kim V
Location: kvaughn@madsion.main.nc.us
Date: February 13, 2003
Time: 07:03 AM
Kim V here alcoholic. Amy did you even read the last 3 posts before, you asked how do you just ditch your old friends just like that. Well here's ther hard truth Amy. They are not really your friends. True friends would not stand by and watch you kill yourself with alcohol and call it partying. yes these so called friends are probably just as sick as you. But I know for me I couldn't be of use to anyone until I got sober. When I went to prison for 5 years where were my so called friends. I was lonely being a active alcholic because I got to were there wasn't too many good times left, just misery and problem after problem, and lots of pain. When we talk about the AA FELLOWSHIP we are not just talking about going to a meeting and not talking to anyone. We are talking about meeting people, becoming involved and making life long friends. It takes a tremendous amount of courage, but I walked into a small meeting of women upon my release from prison, told them I had just been released and knew if I ever drank again I would die and that I needed there help. Guess what, they welcomed me with open arms and loved me for who I was unconditionally, with all my character defects and all. So Amy you ask what do you tell your friends who ask? You tell them you want to live, not die, and you want hope not despair, and you want to be useful in this world not useless and that nothing else would make you happier than to see them take the same journey as you are going on but that all your OLD IDEAS have to change for it too happen. If the act interested hand them a Big Book, if not say good bye and wish them well. Amy there is no easier, softer way. You already had the answer you needed in the earlier posts. You just want someone to tell you what you want to hear. Sorry today it is about rigourous honesty. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: mike w.
Location: michigan
Date: February 13, 2003
Time: 09:42 AM
hi i am mike, an alcoholic. Have visited here many timnes over past couple months and found strength in reading of other's thoughts. Today is day #86 clean, the most i ever did w/ will power was 40....i had to disengage from old "friends"...and during this time, they have not called or visited.....i have met people in AA and enjoy learning each time i visit the tables......Thankyou Kim V. for your sharing! Liked your thought: " my best day drinking was never better than my worst day sober". Will remember that phrase....thank you.....
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: February 13, 2003
Time: 10:39 AM
For (Amy), I'm with Kim. I think you already know the answer and its a tough pill to swallow. Your true friends will stick by you through thick and thin and respect you enough to not drink around you. The ones that fall by the wayside were never friends to begin with. I lost my best friend after rehab in October. We were drinking buddies and friends for years. She always liked to say that she was an alcoholic but I was a worse one than her because she did not drink every day. When I got home from rehab there was a message from her saying I did not call her the previous day and did I check myself out and get drunk? I called her and said that I was home and not drinking so she invited me over for dinner. At dinner she asked me how to make a martini and I said I did not know how. She started pulling out bottles and mixing a drink then went to the bathroom and left me with the booze for a few minutes. She proceeded to have a few drinks during dinner and then I left feeling like I was being set up. The next week after a meeting a few of us went to the coffee shop. I was standing outside with a friend and everything went black. I woke up in the ambulance. I spent all night in the ER and they said I had a seizure from coming off alcohol. I got 7 stitches in my forehead and my AA friends brought me home. Pam stopped by to visit me and was shocked at how bad I looked. She left and that night at a meeting a friend said she stopped by the AA club and asked if I really had a seizure or got drunk and fell. They told her what happened and she left. She called and I asked her why she would ask my friends that and she hung up on me. I have not heard from her since and that is fine because I don't need anyone trying to sabotage my sobriety. Once I stopped drinking it put the focus on her, she wanted to see me fail. That is not a friend. My friends now are in the halls. They call me and we hang around just because we enjoy eachothers company, no hidden agenda! You are just in AA a week so make a meeting a day and say hello to everyone and you will have friends in no time. Good Luck.
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: February 13, 2003
Time: 05:46 PM
Lessa E here, very grateful recovering alcoholic. I think the hardest/toughest 'old idea' to get rid of for me was the one that if I just stopped drinking, my life would be fixed. Putting the 'plug in the jug' was just the start. The first time I tried AA, my life got so much better so quickly - before I did a thorough and fearless moral inventory - that I took it for granted. Thought I was doing it on my own. Maybe it was ok for others - the weak willed? - to have to change everything in their lives, but mine was going so well, all *I* had to do was stop drinking. Well, one disastrous relapse, alot of humiliation and after finally becoming teachable, I realize, for this drunk, there is no easier, softer way. Believe me, if there was, I would've used it. Just about every old idea I had has had to change, beginning with the notion that if I simply stopped drinking, my life would be fixed. *I* was/am the problem; the drinking was but a symptom. lessa_e@hotmail.com
Member: gallagher
Location: seoul, korea
Date: February 14, 2003
Time: 01:07 AM
genderly gene, it sounds like you have some issues. hey, it's okay to vent -- it's actually healthy. stay sober, that's the important thing. you keep mentioning the "dark" side to your sexuality. you claim that you aren't gay, but , gene, if you're male and you like younger men, uh, that means you're gay or bisexual. get over it. welcome to the 21st century. i'm straight, but i have gay friends who are perfectly okay with their sexuality. now, if you're talking about pedophaelia, get thee to a therapist!
Member: Lisa K
Location: michigan
Date: February 14, 2003
Time: 09:13 AM
Hi! I'm Lisa an alcoholic who learned a long time ago, If I'm ever gonna live happy joyous and free I have to let go of the OLD ideas. #1 being the insanity of this disease that I can have just ONE drink! I have Never had just one drink in my life. The so-called FRIENDS we had before are truly not friends at all. They dont care about us they just want a drinking buddy! the only REAL friends I've ever had are in this fellowship. It is hard for us when we look at having to give up our old friends but 1 day at atime you'll find out they dont want to be your friend anymore when you get sober. you wont have to get rid of them they will leave on their own. they are just as sick as we are they just havent admitted it yet! we are only as healthy as the company we keep! If we hang out with using people we WILL use. letting go of those old ideas gets easier when you WORK the steps. dont drink,go to meetings and get a sponsor and do whatever they tell you too and remember we WILL love you till you learn to love yourself! keep coming back and thanks for letting me share.
Member: Ollie K
Location: Midlands, UK
Date: February 14, 2003
Time: 05:14 PM
Hello I'm Ollie and I'm an Alcoholic and I want to share with you a comment which was shared at my last face to face AA meeting. One guy suggested that when we joined AA at first we threw in the towel, but we held onto the corner of the towel. If we wanted to suceed with this programme we had to throw the towel in and let go completely. In surrender would come victory. I feel that when I threw in the towel completely I was able to walk away from a lot of things that happened in my past. I could say "that was yesterday, what can you do about it today? nothing! okay then lets deal with today! :-)". This helped me a lot. Peace Out, Ollie.
Member: Melanie
Location: Ohio, USA
Date: February 14, 2003
Time: 11:59 PM
Hi, I'm Melanie, an alcoholic. Wow, I could respond to so many of you personally, but I don't want to fill up the whole page here. I'll just tell what happened to me. When I came to AA I was so whipped that I would change anything if it might improve my life. I found that the 2 most important words for me were openmindedness and willingness. First, I needed to be openminded enough to listen to all the well people tell their stories without judgement. Drop the disbelief and judgement about things like prayer, God, inventory...anything I could find uncomfortable or objectionable. Just listen and believe it worked for all these people. Then I needed the willingness to ask for help and take suggestions. If I am not willing to follow some suggestions I will get nowhere. Lastly, I'll share that sobriety had to be my top priority. I'm no good to job, family, myself (or WW) if I don't put the sobriety first. Not one "life long friend" called on me when I suddenly dropped off the face of the earth. AA gave me new friends. Ladies, if you are having trouble finding a sponsor, ask a woman you respect to introduce you to her sponsor, or ask a man to introduce you to someone active. Keep with it gand, it really does get better. Love and blessings to YOU!
Member: Jan
Location:
Date: February 15, 2003
Time: 05:28 AM
Hi, Jan, alcoholic. For me, one of the best things that has worked for me is clear imagery to explain some of the ideas of AA. One of those is "let go of the rock." Being addicted is like carrying around a really heavy rock. In order to grasp recovery, you have to let go of the rock of addiction. When you put down that rock, you can pick up recovery. A similar idea (and one that works for me) is the idea that you are walking across a riverbed and the stones are spaced far apart. In order to step on the next stone, you have to jump off the last one. The point is, you can't keep one foot (or hand or any other part of you) clutching to addiction, and make the jump to sobriety. You (and I) have to actually let go of addiction, and feel that odd leap into sobriety. And once you are there, you can move forward. I hope that makes sense, becuase it is the model that makes sense to me. :) jan
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: February 15, 2003
Time: 10:47 AM
Hi(((Jan ))), Thanks for the tools to add to my toolkit. I could visualize the second one especially and that feeling of letting go. The longer I am in AA the more I believe there are no coincidences in life. I was supposed to speak at the crisis center last night but it was double booked. I ended up hearing a woman I have wanted to hear for a while now with 14 years of continuos sobriety. I was nervous about speaking because the crisis center is mostly younger addicts and alcoholics or older career cases that have a hard time grasping AA. They have trouble understanding a lot of the lingo and dated words in the Big Book. I will speak next week and use your models if you don't mind. Even if I can just plant the seed I will be happy. I did not get it myself the first time around but when alcohol brought me to my knees I went running back to AA. God bless, Kelly :)
Member: genderly gene
Location: check out change
Date: February 15, 2003
Time: 05:02 PM
((Gallagher)) honey.. i am very aware of what IS gay and what IS not gay... like i said i'm not gay. I'm a very attractive female, i'm woman all the way.. and i feel proud of the fact that i like younger men.. but pedophilia? come on... get your mind out of the gutter,,, P-l-e-a-s-e. And thanks for the compassion buddy; but i don't have alot of issues.. THAT'S WHY, i can express myself the way i do.. I am okay with my humaness' i have accepted my feelings, my desires and although they may seem riske' to some, i don't need to people please and make excuses or try to hide it anymore. i suppose you could say i am the type who doesn't care for the phony facade's of people who have totally denied thier humaness, their natural desires and thoughts, people who beat themselves up for how their very god has made them. People who talk like aa programed robots, who know all the good things about what the program is, but miss the best part, which is who the hell they are. And nothing seems more sad than those religious-abusive cristian goody good's who try to convince others that they have all the answers..for everyone else.. no matter what your cultural background and so on. how intrusive! and full of fear they seem. man NO-ONE here has all the answers, The steps and AA have given me that, and alot more.. i have the promises today, coming and going, in my life, i've been "DRY for a long time, but have only really gotten "SOBER in the last while.and my life is awesome! and i shine with the god of my understanding so much of the time... people can sense it when their around me.I got so much from my god..i am very grateful for what i have to share with you today. another 24 to all.
Member: Kinderly Keen
Location:
Date: February 15, 2003
Time: 08:14 PM
Genderly Gene from Kamasutra(?). Do you mean the Karmasutra? Do you know what it is? I'm sure you do know that it is a sex manual, that's obvious. However, it was intended to usher young newlyweds into a realm of sexual gratification that would enhance and solidify their marriage. I'm just wondering what the connection is to anything you've been talking about here.
Member:
Location:
Date: February 15, 2003
Time: 08:16 PM
Sounds like Marsha from Guam has reincarnated herself. Newcomers, AA is like the world - some of the sickest and some of the sanest. Take what you need, and chuckle at the above.
Member:
Location:
Date: February 16, 2003
Time: 02:22 AM
Genderley Gene from Kamasutra is the classic example of any alcoholic who refuses to get honest & grow up via working all 12 steps with a good sponsor - most commonly uses sex as the substitute for alcohol - uses sex as a means to deny fear & great insecurity - sprews loads of bullshit expecting to justify & hide all the fear & dishonest
Member: annie p
Location: South Yorkshire, U.K
Date: February 16, 2003
Time: 02:32 AM
For me "Letting Go" is about knowing that I don't control the world; it is about letting other people do their own thing and not trying to control them; it is about realising that I don't know what is best for other people and most of all knowing that I don't know what is best for me. I think the slogan from the AA rooms says "Let Go and Let God". I am still learning how to do that.