Member: Cindi P.
Location: Chippewa Falls
Date: January 12, 2003
Time: 11:00 AM
Hi, my name is Cindi P. and I am an alcoholic. I started out recovery with a sponsor selected to get me out of treatment. She had a sponsor I admired, and I often talked to him, but not much to her. Mostly, I looked to the group for support and answers to my questions. After moving here, I selected a sponsor who had lots of sobriety and attended the same meetings I did. Then, a friend started going to meetings that actually used the big book, and I found a sponsor who had done the steps just like they are found in the big book and she did the same for me. It took almost 7 years, and I was pretty miserable until doing the steps. In each situation I watched the women in the meetings I attended to see if they had similar experiences to mine, or got recommendations from aa's that I trusted. So far I have not been turned down by anyone I asked to sponsor me. I hope that the quality of my sobriety will always be strongther because of my depending on the experience, strengh, and hope of another member of AA.
Member: AZbill
Location: From AZbill
Date: January 12, 2003
Time: 11:06 AM
Hi. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. The first thing I do when someone asks me to sponsor them is hand them the AA pamphlet (P-15), "Questions & Answers on Sponsorship". In this pamphlet it tell us what a sponsor is and what a sponsor is not. In AA sponsor and sponsored meet as equals, just as Bill and Bob did. Essentially it works like this: An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program share that experience on a continuing, individual basis with another alcoholic who is trying to get and maintain sobriety. This is not a "Boss/Employee" relationship. I do not take on the "if you want what I have then you must do what I do" attitude. My first sponsor was sober one day and I was sober seven. I had "12 stepped" him that morning. He believed that AA would work and I did not. The only reason I went to AA that night was to accompany him. He asked me to. That was over 21 years ago and we are both sober today. :) That cannot be challenged. This program works if you work it and it won't if you don't. Email: az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Kim V
Location: Mars Hill, NC
Date: January 12, 2003
Time: 01:01 PM
Hi Kim V, alcoholic. When I came into the program this time I was desperate enought to do everything my sponsor suggested. I don't think she would have stuck with me otherwise. I would never turn anyone down who asked me to sponsor them but if they drank instead of calling me they would need to find a new sponsor. I believe in the tough love approach as there is no EASIER SOFTER WAY. People who think there is, just are not ready. But we can still plant the seeds of the AA message within them and still work withe the alcoholics that have hit bottom who have the desperation that it takes. Of course this is just my opionion. It is my responsiblity to make sure the hand of AA is there for any alcoholic who needs it and for that I am responsible. Still Powerless Kim V
Member: Janet L
Location: Costa Rica
Date: January 12, 2003
Time: 01:06 PM
Hi, Janet here, alcoholic, I hear all the time about how important a sponsor is, but was always reluctant. Finally 8 years ago, I asked this woman to be my sponsor,, and she was cruel and mean to me. I needed a softer touch for sure. I stopped calling her after a while (how do you fire them anyway) and hooked up with an angel named appropriately "Grace" who listened non-judgementally and offered encouragement and cheered me on. As of now I only have 18 days but I have asked a special person to be my temporary sponsor---until I can get a ftf person. And a more wonderful, gentle, compassionate person could not be found anywhere else, and I thank God for my Temp. So now----I am going to be one of the ones who says: GET A SPONSOR!!!! Love to (((all)))) and to my (((sponsor))) Janet
Member: Kevin C
Location: Detroit
Date: January 12, 2003
Time: 03:30 PM
Hi, Kevin C here from Detroit. I tried for several months to be a "lone wolf" in the program and make it without a sponsor. (I didn't want anyone telling me what to do.) MY WAY didn't work to well for me... I relapsed so many times in succession I lost count. My pride was finally so broken that I became willing to take some instruction. I began to look around the f2f meetings I was attending for someone I felt I could relate to and who really seemed to be the kind of person I wanted to grow to be more like. It wasn't long before I heard someone speak in a way that really "clicked" with me. When the meeting closed I went up to him with great fear and trembling and mumbled, "Would you ever consider being my sponsor?" It was the beginning of a great friendship, and has proved to be one of the very best decisions I have ever made. My sponsor is not God, nor does he try to be, but he has proved to be a much needed encourager, occasional ass-kicker, mentor, and guide through the steps. Now I wonder why I ever tried to make it alone! This is a "we" program. It works if you work it!
Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date: January 12, 2003
Time: 04:46 PM
Hi..I'm Kathy and I am an alcoholic. Right now I am on my third sponsor since coming to AA over three years ago. I think eachone of them came to me at "just the right time" in my soberity. My first one helped me get through the first three steps but then when I got to step 4 she decided she needed to focus on other things in her life. My second sponsor died after helping me through Steps 4-9. Now I am into the maintenance steps and God has led me to a lady with 18 years of soberity and I want what she has. I went for several months between sponsors, each time something happened with them, thinking that I could do this program without sponsorship. Although I did not get drunk I don't think I grew which I feel is a very big part of this program. I also now am a sponsor and it took me awhile to learn that I can not keep her sober. All I have to do is share my experience, strength and hope and if she gets sober then that is a bonus. Me sponsoring her... is to keep me sober.
Member: Elizabeth E.
Location: southeast usa
Date: January 12, 2003
Time: 08:49 PM
Hi, my name is Elizabeth and I'm an alcoholic. Just coming back from a weekend getaway without a meeting. This was my first getaway without a meeting in 4 years! I'm ok. My first sponsor was the friend who introduced me to AA, then the group and about 3 months I got a sponsor. My first sponsor became "inactive" whatever that means and I have had my current sponsor for 7 years. God has given me the gift of sobriety and I give it back by being a sponsor. I could not be a sponsor without having one! I wouldn't even try it. "Rarely have we seen a person who has thoroughly followed our path!" Who is "we" and "our"-we of Alcoholics Anonomyous are 100 men and women who have recovered.... I would rather follow the path of 100 drunks who have "solved the drink problem" than one who has an opinion! Alcoholics Anonymous works, it works extremely well. It just works better when you don't drink. Thanks for allowing me to share.
Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: January 12, 2003
Time: 10:11 PM
I'm Gage and I am an alcoholic. Everybody who made it without a drink today is a winner. Everybody who didn't make it today, remember tomorrow, if it comes, will be a new day. (But please don't push your luck -- put the cork in the bottle and don't take it out for anything.) I don't have much to say about sponsorship. I have a guy who's been a friend to me and who has helped me with the steps. However, I don't believe even the wisest, kindest, soberest sponsor in the universe would be able to help me if I weren't willing to take the steps.
Member: Kathleen
Location: Floral City, Florida
Date: January 13, 2003
Time: 09:59 AM
Hi Kathleen here and I first came into AA in 76..didn't stay sober till 82 when in detox met a woman who came in and chaired an AA meeting there. I asked her to be my sponser after I had a seizure from withdrawl and she had a sparkel in her eyes.. She belived in working the steps the way the big book lays it out and also belived in not waiting...none of this "you aren't ready yet"...why wait to have all these promises come true..:) I also have to say that this is a "daily repreive" like it says in big book..I had a date of sobriety of 10/21/82 and drank again in 97...date of sboreity now is 4/1/97.... and I learned a couple years after having that wonderful sponser she only had 6 months sober at the time she chaired the meeting in detox...she was an angell.. thanks for being here for me..
Member: Paul . Q
Location: Toronto
Date: January 13, 2003
Time: 04:19 PM
One way to find a sponsor that has had what is promised in our big book. Which is Step 12. Ask that person if they can take you through the path which is laid out in our BIG BOOK. If they can't run as far as you can from that person. There are people recovered in AA and there are people that are not recovoered.
Member: joe ddon a.
Location: nova scotia canada joe_don55@hotmail.com
Date: January 13, 2003
Time: 05:50 PM
hi my name is joe an i am an alcoholic. im 6 mo.s sober an i don't have a sponser yet. i use the group an the old timers as my insperation, an that seems to work for now . i beleive a sponser is someone you have to put your faith in an open your hole being to. an that for me is a vary big step to take maybe in time i'll find someone i beleive in but for now i'll just keep on doing what is working wish you all another 24 hr.s joe
Member: Helena
Location: Australia
Date: January 13, 2003
Time: 06:33 PM
Hi Helena here, Alcoholic and 6 months sober today !! I am onto my second sponsor in AA and find that having someone who has only your best interests at heart to touch base with regularly is a great comfort to me in my everyday struggle with this disease. I have very strong feelings about choosing a sponsor carefully because when I first came into the program of AA I was in such a state of confusion and hopelessness I would not have trusted myself to choose an outfit for the day let alone a trusted mentor to help me on my journey to recovery. I found myself in the position of having to re-evaluate what I wanted in a sponsor a few months into my recovery and decided to take some time and put a lot more thought into who I asked to sponsor me this time. One thing I will say is that there are people who "target" the newcomers and become sponsors not because they honestly care about the welfare of their sponsees but because they have an egotistical investment in being a sponsor - this is not a healthy way to begin what is usually a vital relationship in recovery. My current sponsor is interested in my wellbeing and makes a point of introducing me to other recovering women who she thinks will be positive and growth enhancing influences in me life. My sponsor doesn't pretend to know everything and does not expect me to rely on her and only her for my answers - however, she is generous with her truth and encourages me to find and honour my own truth - drawing inspiration from her and other women I have met in the program. We have made the Big Book the fundamental basis of our study time but I can draw knowledge and inspiration from other sources as well, knowing that I will not be condemned for going "outside the Big Book". I am so grateful that my Higher Power put this women into my path and that eventually, I was able to see that she could and would help me on my path to recovery. I trust my sponsor's motives in sponsoring me and know that in helping me she is strengthening her own recovery - so we are partners in this journey and our partnership is based on trust and caring respect for each other. As you can see, I am pretty happy with my sponsor and very happy to be 6 months sober today - thanks for letting me share.
Member: Wahooo!
Location:
Date: January 14, 2003
Time: 12:03 AM
Congratulations, HELENA! Well done.
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: January 14, 2003
Time: 02:40 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. When I looked for a sponsor, I looked for someone who was a good listener, some one who was practicing the principles in all his affairs, but most importantly I looked for someone who was openly displaying his love and gratitude for being sober. I didn't want someone who was sober but walking around like the next of kin to rigomortus. I also looked for a man who knew he was just a messenger of our BIG BOOK, not it's author. The man I chose passed away with 46 grateful years of sobriety. My sponsor today, most importantly is there if I need him, but my sponsor Tom looked after me while he was with me, now he looks after me from heaven. Thanks for allowing me to share, and God Bless.
Member: Sue C
Location: KC
Date: January 14, 2003
Time: 11:15 AM
Hi all, Sue, alcoholic. When first sober, (1988), I chose one of very few women who attended my group. she helped me do the 4th step but i always felt uncomfortable talking to her. when i changed groups after 2 years, i finally asked the woman who sponsored everybody to be my sponsor. again, there were few women and it became a kind of popularity contest (who sponsored the most). we took another stab at the steps but again, i always felt like i was bothering her when i called or asked for some time after a mtg. I became 'unteachable' and got bored with mtgs, stopped going and relapsed a year later after dabbling in other substances. This time, 5 months sober, I am at another group, different part of the city, and i just found a sponsor. I was afraid to ask one woman because I heard that she was suicidal and another was newly sober. without going around and taking everyone's inventory, or comparing length of sobriety, I asked the woman I wanted, because i was finding too many reasons to NOT get a sponsor. So far, so good. She believes in working each step entirely and thoroughly before moving on the next one, no hurry, just build a solid foundation. I hope some of my ramblings have helped someone else. Just get one. If you need to change, you can always do that later. I have always put off this task and I always got drunk. I'm sober today and grateful for it.
Member: Kathy P.
Location: Mass
Date: January 14, 2003
Time: 02:14 PM
Good after noon everyone. As with several of the topics on this site, I can't contribute personal experience since I don't go to meetings and use this site as my support group. Having said that, I am 11 weeks sober today and doing fine. I do need to remind myself however to get back to reading the AA literature that I have here at home. It helped me a lot in the beginning but I've neglected it lately. Have a great day everyone.
Member: Kim V
Location: Mars Hill, NC
Date: January 14, 2003
Time: 08:41 PM
Kim here alcoholic. sue I agree with you about getting a sponsor right away. We can always find reasons not to and you are right we can change sponsors later anyway. i tried to email you Sue and must have got you eamil address wrong. Mine is kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us Still Poweless Kim V
Member: Rebecca
Location: Upstate NY
Date: January 14, 2003
Time: 11:09 PM
Hi my names Rebecca and i'm an alcoholic. Well, i'm pretty new in sobriety (i was in a boarding school for 3 years and just left it)Though i am not going through the same sturuggles that some are in early sobriety like coming off the drugs or alcohol phisically, i do and am struggling with other things. One is the whole sponsor thing. i was told how important it was to get one and so when i saw someone that i thought was right i asked her and she accepted. but now i find myself being afraid to call her. not because she's some evil mean person or anything like that, but i'm just a little freaked out, and don't know what i'm supposed to do exactly. i know i should call her, but get scared that i won't have anything to say and she'll think i'm a complete idiot! this is my experience for right now, sorry that it's lacking strength and hope. :-) (Rebframe@hotmail.com)
Member: Trish K.
Location: So. California
Date: January 14, 2003
Time: 11:54 PM
Hello, my name is Trish K. and I'm an alcoholic. I have 40 days, and I'm so grateful. I don't as yet have a sponsor. I did ask one individual, but she felt that she was too "close" to me and that she didn't "DO THE STEPS" in the "traditional" sense and that she would be doing me a disservice if she agreed. Additionally we live several hundred miles away and it was felt that we should be able to have more "F2F" interaction. So, I am still attending meetings and taking it all in and in time I will find myself a sponsor (or one will find me). I have read the BB and am going to BB study meetings (Women only), 12 x 12 meetings and speaker meetings. I feel strangely at home at these meetings. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Heather F.
Location: Jax, Fl
Date: January 15, 2003
Time: 12:00 AM
Hello everyone- Heather, alcoholic (addict). I am just a little over 9 months sobber now and do not have a sponsor again. I have go through 2 sponsors since I first came to AA in Feb. The first time I did not get a sponsor at all and only went to one or two meetings a week and I drank after 6 weeks. I would not recommend that to anyone. It is discouraging for me to have to find another sponsor. Rebecca, I felt the same way about my first sponsor and I was afraid to call her. I was really afraid of telling someone exactly how I felt and for once being brutally honest. Then I thought I had it all figured out with my 2nd sponsor- she's been sobber a long time and I wanted what she has- but then she got into a relationship and did not have time for me any more. Now I must find another one and reading through the page here I see that many people have the idea of what a sponsor should be. I most agree with the gentlemen who said that a sponsor should be equal. I think that would work best for me. My last 2 sponsors I felt that if I did not do everything that they wanted me to do that I was "bad" and was not going to stay sobber. Now I know that I do want to find someone who will talk to me instead of talking down to me and someone who also has time. I've gone, I would say about a month without a sponsor and eventhough I do have a great network of women in the meetings that I go to, I know that I need to get back to working with the steps. AA has already changed my life so much and I don't want to lose focus. Thank you everyone for sharing.
Member: mike h.
Location: pontiac,mi.
Date: January 15, 2003
Time: 01:17 AM
hi, i', mike an alcoholic. i am thankful to read all of your thoughts on sponsors - i do not have a sponsor yet and have been attending meetings looking for a home group. i have also experienced some of the same things mentioned about wanting to feel comfortable with who i ask to sponsor me. i have been sober 56 days which is longer than i ever have been and going to aa and understand i am powerless over alcohol, working the steps and the BB. i especially enjoyed comments of Bill in Arizona and have read him before - thankyou bill. And to all others that wrote, thankyou, your thoughts are good strength. Working on staying clean another day.
Member: Kathy K.
Location: Northeast
Date: January 15, 2003
Time: 06:11 AM
Kathy K. Northeast - an alcoholic - interesting discussions about sponsors - KATHY P. MASS.- Please get a sponsor, even if only a temporary one, before much longer. Using this site is good, but please get to meetings also to perserve those ll weeks of sobriety. We need to be in the physical company of other alcoholics. You're making good progress - please let us know how you are doing. REBECCA - Upstate NY - Please don't be afraid of a sponsor. Try to get someone who has been in the Program awhile(5 yrs. plus) It will take time to get to know each other. You do that by calling her every day - if only to say - "Hi - it's me - I'm doing OK - just checking in with you." HEATHER - I don't agree with getting a sponsor who is "equal". We need someone with solid sobriety who can help us learn the Program and guide us through the Steps. I waited over a year to ask someone (big mistake). Never really felt part of AA 'til I became a sponsee. Mine is half my age - we are still together 17 yrs. later!!
Member: Kim C
Location: BC,Canada(bc_girl@mail.com)
Date: January 15, 2003
Time: 10:19 AM
good morning ((ALL)) Kim here, alcoholic, not drinking TODAY.Day 21 of my sobriety. I am grateful for each 24. I spoke at length to my sponsor last night....I am working on Step Four. Time to start peeling off the layers and really look at myself, and the parts of myself that allowed and or aided me in my alcoholism. Scary! I wish you ((ALL)) a wonderful, sober Wednesday! Much peace and love, Kim
Member: joe don
Location: nova scotia canada joe_don55@hotmail.com
Date: January 15, 2003
Time: 11:23 AM
joe don here im alcoholic an recovering a sponser to me is someone who'll be my best friend share his inner most feelings an mine too go to meetings together spend time learning how to live life on lifes terms helping each other to live sober untill i find that person i'll get a temporary sponser an work on living sober thank you for your ear keep the coffee pouring joe don
Member: Debbie M.
Location: Holland, PA
Date: January 15, 2003
Time: 09:12 PM
Hi, my name is Deborah and I am an alcoholic. I am 8 days sober. YES!!! (This time) I would like to start off by saying "Hats off" to KATHY K - NORTHEAST I agree whold heartedly KATHY P -MASS should at least try AA meetings. If I would have stuck with them 3 years ago. I would not have totalled my car, compression fx of 2 vertibre's, lost my job because of Doc apts. and rides to work on time. And, just think "I got off easy" DUI Driver AKA Stupid. I could have taken another persons life. How could I live with myself. Lucky for me I got on my 2 feet. Got sober. Got a job with 2 great atty's. Found a great person to be my sponsor. She took me to my 1st mtg. back. It was a 1st step meeting on my 7th day sober. GO FIGURE and today I am ready and willing to take the steps to ensure that the rest of my and my family's life is to treasure and not toss in the trash like the bottles of my past. I trust that God is there for me as he allways is and he and my sponsor, Maria, will push me forward. God help me and God Bless you all. Thanks for listening to me.
Member: Chris J
Location: NY
Date: January 15, 2003
Time: 10:49 PM
Hi I'm Chris & I'm an alcoholic. When I first got out of Rehab I followed the suggestion "Get a sponsor or temporary sponsor right away ." Well I did just that and I did not find this person to be the best sponsor (great guy and all) but I had asked him and he said yes....After a week or so of going to meetings I found someone I felt was more right. Well all of a sudden I felt awkward and I did not want to hurt the first guys feelings but I knew I needed the guidance of someone else. I cursed the Rehab for making that suggestion because I just asked the nearest person to me who had time sober. What should have been suggested was that I go to as many meetings as possible, scope out the people who A) had a few years sober B) had good sobriety C) were not on a power trip D) someone I could relate to. Had this been the suggestion: my first few weeks in AA would have been less awkward and more productive. I thought I would pass this on because I see so many newcomers raise their hand and say "I need a sponsor." and I just know they are fresh out of treatment and are following that same suggestion. Maybe my experience is unique but I doubt it. Thanks for letting me share!!!!!
Member: Bob B
Location: Vanderbilt MI
Date: January 15, 2003
Time: 11:45 PM
Bob, alcoholic. I chose a man to sponsor me I had been taught to hate as a child. He was black. but I learned from day one, I was lost, needed direction that worked. I was seeing so many go out trying it "their way" and always angry and guilty. Not for me, as I quit to get rid of all that garbage. I found a man who knew the book, could and would teach me how to use it. I hear others say they have many sponsors but in doing that, if each of 4 tell me to go in a different direction over the same issue I am more lost than ever. The book says, "if you want what we have" so take their inventory and if you are willing to bet your very life on what they offer, go for it and especially if they piss you off since they found a way to get to you right away. I lost my first sponsor with 42 years a few years ago, got another with 29 years and still use him. I need HONEST, caring feedback when my own thinking gets squirrely. I would be a fool to live without someone to help me look at me. Sponsors...my hat is off to you.
Member: J-Rae
Location: N.D.
Date: January 16, 2003
Time: 05:34 AM
Sponsorship...great topic. J-Rae, alcoholic here. When I went to treatment, even though I didn't label myself alcoholic, I did have the desire not to drink. My life was a mess. The treatment people suggested I get a sponsor, if even a temporary one, BEFORE I got out of treatment. Well, I'd been trying things 'my' way for long enough, and it landed me nowhere, so I thought, "What the heck?" I listened at the meetings for someone who had what I wanted (serenity, sobriety, experience strength and hope, and a life)... Actually, I wrote down 'prospects' for a while, and then asked someone, finally, to be my sponsor. She said she would, temporarily. We didn't read the BB together, or the 12x12, but when I'd call her whining with my "oh my gosh, what do I do now" crap, she just told me to say the Serenity Prayer, even if it was just the First word. That worked for me until I had been around a while to search more diligently for a sponsor who seemed to be practicing the principles of AA in her life.... My first sponsor wasn't offended in any way when I told her I finally had found a permanent sponsor, which, I feel, is appropriate behavior for a recovering alcoholic. I still chat with the first sponsor from time to time as a friend of Bill W., but my sponsor now works the steps with me. She had been through much of what I went through, and had lots of experience, strength and hope to share on those issues. God put her there for me, I am convinced, as so many other blessings through His grace... Thank you all for being here....Keep coming back!!!
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: January 16, 2003
Time: 11:05 AM
I'm a real alcoholic. I can make anything very complicated. When I first "dabbled" around the rooms of AA, I kept hearing get a sponsor. The word sponsor implied to me some kind of exclusivity. A sponsor was someone who helped you get into private clubs. Then I heard "men sponsor men and women sponsor women", but I was gay. At gay and lesbian meetings I heard "lesbians sponsor gays and gays sponsor lesbians". I decided I better keep drinking. It all seemed too overwhelming at the time. Then King alcohol finally pounded me into total submission and willingness. Understand my disease had me in the grips of profound insanity, so when I finally did choose a sponsor, I picked a very handsome young man and I was very attracted to him. My perverted mind created all kinds of fantasies around him. That attraction could have been very bad for my recovery. He was not gay, but had enough recovery not to judge me. He helped and helps me with the steps, which brought some sanity to me and a real spirituality. Today, I could never fully express my gratitude for the peace of mind and serenity AA and the steps have brought. I no longer live in an insane world of sexual misconduct and other addictive compulsive behaviors. I truely Love others and myself. Today, I sponsor both men and women, straight, gay, lesbians and undecided. For me, recovery is a matter of life and death. I believe God did not intend for any of us to waste our lives in the hell of addiction.
Member: sonia
Location: uk
Date: January 16, 2003
Time: 04:40 PM
Hello World I wanted a sponsor straight away. (hostage) was a more fitting word for what i had in mind, i wanted someone to be responsible for me, make my decisions for me, and in general look after me and listen to my shit. I have had three sponsers, i fired one, one fired me, and the present one, and i honestly beleive that at each stage of my sobriety each sponser was what i needed. I have sponsored someone myself, but i have to say i still find that task a scary one. So i avoid it. I am friendly with all of my sponsers, (i got fired as a sponsee not as a friend). I am sober today, that is a miracle. Just for today. sonia
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: January 16, 2003
Time: 06:12 PM
Lessa E here, very grateful recovering alcoholic. Today I cannot imagine working the program without a sponsor, someone I'm accountable to. But it wasnt' always that way. I've had two sponsors who did not work out. And two who have been great. And, if/when I need to find a new one I'll look for the following: will they share their own story with me? If not, they're hiding something. Will they tell me how they've worked the steps....we're supposed to be sharing ES&H, not issuing orders. Have they sponsored others? And, just as importantly, will they hold me accountable? I'm still a drunk...I will try to wiggle out of things or I'll indulge in a character defect because...well, I enjoy it. I need a sponsor who'll call me on this.\ If a person is honest and open in their recovery, if they are willing to share their ES&H, if they will help me find what they have, well, I NEED them. I'm finding more and more it is definitely the *WE* of this program that is helping me stay sober this time. And I need the *WE* of it. The *I* last time, the attempt to work the steps on my own when my sponsor moved and the next one didn't work out failed me miserably. And this time, I'm willing to go to any lengths. Thanks for letting me share. lessa_e@hotmail.com
Member: John A
Location: Manchester (UK)
Date: January 16, 2003
Time: 06:30 PM
Hi, my name is John A, and I'm an alcoholic. This is the topic I have been waiting for, I read all the shares with an open mined and visit other web site on this subject, I do not have a sponsor at the moment, this is my choice, It is fine people saying get a sponsor, but when you are new to AA, and had no one too share with in your drinking days, for me a sponsor has to be some one you can trusted and you can only get that trust from going to meetings and listening to others share. I have done this and got it down to 3 or 4 guys that I would trust to have a one to one with. Today I have asked one of these guys would he consider being my sponsor, He did not turn me down, he said he was only 3 years sober and that he had always been told you need some one 10 years or more, He offered his phone number and arranged to meet at a meeting over the weekend and have a talk about it. I choice this guy, as we have nothing in common only that we are alcoholics. So I ask this Group is 3 years to young? Thanks for all your shares John A.
Member: John H
Location: Manchester UK
Date: January 17, 2003
Time: 06:23 AM
Hi John - I don't think 3 years is too short - don't think there is a magical timescale either! If everyone had had to get 10 years under their belts this Fellowship would never have got off the ground! Does he have a hidden agenda? Perhaps he's a sponsor Virgin and feels anxious about taking on such a big responsibility. I was lucky with my 'choice' - got a guy who tells me straight, understands the programme and, as the weeks go by,is learning what makes me tick.Told me last night that he first thought me an arrogant prick (correct) and who was I to 'pick' him when I asked him? I took it for granted he would be pleased to sponsor me - no humility in me at that stage! I'm learning fast though. Suggest you meet with your man anyway - I think you do need a sponsor now 'cos you're doing as well as you can without one but you need to work the steps thoroughly to build permanent, solid sobriety.Willpower, reading and f2f isn't normally enough. Give me a bell if you want to chat more about this. Prayers with you. John
Member: Chris F.
Location: Indialantic, Fl.
Date: January 17, 2003
Time: 08:01 AM
Good Morning! I'm Chris and I am an alcoholic. I need some advice on something. I will be entering a therepeutic community called Phoenix House in a couple weeks and I was wondering how I should approach the sponsorship question. Do I even need a sponsor there? I will be in this program for approximately 18 months, and it is designed to gradually introduce yourself back into society through months of "working" therapy. Basically, it is a long rehab program. Any suggestions? has anyone else gone through this process of a "therepeutic community"? Thanks for letting me share. Chris F.
Member: Donna
Location: Florida
Date: January 17, 2003
Time: 08:37 AM
I am glad Dr Bob did not have to wait for Bill to have 3 years sober before he could be his sponsor. For me a sponsor found me, we started going to meetings & talking to & from meetings & just kind of fell into it. Reason being I had not asked anyone to sponsor me as I had been told a man sponsors a man, etc. Well there were no women in my area working a AA program or even going to meetings. I was going to meetings with a man who had 16 years. There was no other attraction except help with AA program. Without him I could have never have worked the steps. I believe in sponsorship & if this is a God given program then let him give you directions. Remember our best thinking got us here. If you are anything like me, I had no idea what I needed. I believe everyone is put in my life for a reason. Regardless who you ask if your heart is right I believe it will work out. My sponsor always said to pray about anything. So pray & go get a sponsor.
Member: Tracy V
Location: England
Date: January 17, 2003
Time: 09:11 AM
Hi My name is Tracy and i am an alcoholic 2 days sober. went to my 1st AA meeting wednesday nigth and felt spiritually connected to an older man there but as i have been told women sponser women it put me off but as going to the AA was the best choice i ever made I think i may work on this man as my spnoser choice if i get the guts to ask him. Love to all of you Tracy V
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: January 17, 2003
Time: 12:59 PM
Hi Tracy, Congrats on two days clean and sober! Just to throw my two cents in and for what it is worth I think men should sponser men and women sponsor women. I also met a wonderful man in my first couple weeks that I connected to spiritually and still do. He is a good friend and answers all my questions and we go for coffee sometimes. Would I ask him to sponsor me? Well No cause he works AA as it is laid out and would not cross that line. He has long sobriety and can spot a potential train wreck a mile away. I would also worry about working certain steps with a man but that is just me. Everyone also has their own relationships outside AA to contend with without someone from the opposite sex calling all the time. I think you can have a woman sponsor and still use this man for guidance. Bill W. looked at all potential problems when creating the AA program and it works if you work it. Good Luck, Kelly
Member: Tracy V
Location: England
Date: January 17, 2003
Time: 02:02 PM
Thanks ((Kelly))point taken. Tracy
Member: John A
Location: Manchester (UK)
Date: January 17, 2003
Time: 04:15 PM
Thanks ((John H)) I will Phone u Saturday John A ...Thanking u all for your Comments on his share. Open to share by e-mail. yourwine@hotmail.com
Member: Opals
Location: MI
Date: January 17, 2003
Time: 10:37 PM
Tracy, there is nothing to prevent you for having him as a friend or a spiritual advisor. You can have a woman sponsor and many friends or advisors. Good luck on day 3!! And congrats on getting to an AA meeting!
Member: Anonymous
Location: Sober AA
Date: January 17, 2003
Time: 11:08 PM
For the benefit of women alkies, isn't it nice that Bill and Bob didn't mind sponsoring women? what would the women of today do if that thinkin had prevailed then? If you are drowning are you saying only someone of the same sex can save you? odd ??? NOw if you are thinking of some other kind of program to add to your 4th step then look around and find one of the "cherry pickers" that love to see newbies come in. Suggest you get smart and get sober and forget the homegrown ideas. Sober...look it up in the dictionary. Nothing to do with sex !
Member: darlenel
Location:
Date: January 17, 2003
Time: 11:12 PM
Hi i'm darlene i'm an alcoholic. i've been sober for 14 days. only by the grace of god i'm i alive please tell me how to get a sponser i want to do this right. i went to one aa meeting and they acted holier then thou you know what i mean? now i'm afraid to go to another one i thought i would find caring ,loving people boy was i wrong. i was in a treatment center for awhile we had aa or na meetings every day. was i wrong to think that a regular aa meeting would be the same? it was a not a meeting where i felt i could share anything they watched the clock. i felt like a bug on display. no one even asked my name. thanks for letting me get this off my chest i feel better. i'm taking it one day at a time.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 04:00 AM
Hi Darlene, I'm new at AA too, 4 months. I go to a lot of meetings and try new ones all the time. The ones that I don't like I cross off in my meeting list. Hopefully you have more then that one to choose from. Sounds like a bummer meeting you hit where it wasnt only dry it was crispy. Don't be discouraged and try a new one tomorrow. Ask the person chairing the meeting if he knows of any temporary sponsors. You can also ask women at the meeting if they know of anyone. After you attend some meetings you may find someone you would like to be your sponsor or decide to stay with your temporary sponsor. It is important for you to choose someone you feel comfortable with and can relate to and you respect. I talked to my sponsor on the phone for over an hour today! We get along great, are the same age with same aged kids and even drank the same. I made sure my sponsor was not a toll call also because I can't afford a big phone bill, just something to consider. Congrats on 14 days that is awesome. I hope you find some meetings you like soon..... Kelly
Member: Tracy V
Location: England
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 04:04 AM
Hi Darlene my name is tracy and i am an alcoholic, sorry your experience was bad i went to my first AA meeting wednesday and for the first time in my being i felt love in the room only one person approached me but i was so scared i think i pushed him away please go to a another one and you have shared here good Tracy.
Member: MikeF
Location: Los Angeles
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 06:39 AM
MikeF here-Alcoholic Sorry to be off topic but here I go.... Two days ago my beautiful wife of ten years told me she wanted a divorce. Out of the blue. "We are going down different 'metaphysical' paths", (whatever the hell that means.) Although we've disagreed on things over the years like everyone does, we've never had a fight. We been to a counsler to handle some minor issues and just the other night she told him how well I was doing with my drinking habit. This morning, she said "believe it or not, I still love you but I want to be alone.' Then she left me with the house, the animals (no kids thank God) and bills and checked into a hotel, said she'd be back Sunday. I KNOW there is no one else involved, for that much I'm sure. My guts are in my throat and my hearts in a meat grinder. I can't stop shaking and I seem to have chills. I'm chain smoking and tempted to hit the bottle. I haven't eaten in two days. If anyone has ever been through this, please tell me how you handled it. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? I'm wondering if she's had some sort of mental/physcial breakdown. Do people actually have those? (BTW, she doesn't drink)She's 44, is it possible it's a menapause thing? If so, she's had a historectomy, do women still have menapause after a historectomy? Anybody been through this type of situation before? What do I do? Any advice is greatly appreciated. The bottle is not the answer, I know, but right now it's sure looking good. Thanks
Member: Kevin C
Location: Detroit, MI
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 09:28 AM
Kevin C here, alcoholic from Detroit. Mike F, I haven't been through what you're going through, but I sure hurt for you as I read your post. The only thing I'll contribute on the subject of you and your wife is: remember that we are powerless over other people. She may come back, and she may not. Hard as it is, you can't change her. The only person you can work on is YOU, and you know that picking up that first drink is only going to lead to more insanity, pain, and misery. Why not hit an AA meeting (or more than one) right away? You don't have to be alone right now. The meetings won't provide a "quick fix" for your marriage, but they can help you stay sober this 24 hours. You are in my prayers.
Member: Joy S.
Location: Chas.SC
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 10:10 AM
Joy S. here 2 years sober today. Logged on to say that it can be done and YOU can do it. I didn't know if I could stay sober with the program and I knew I couldn't without it. The program of AA works and one of the most helpful aspects is getting a sponsor and truly taking advantage of sponsorship. Calling, talking honestly, letting out some of the confusion and anger or whatever you have.Everyone starts out as a newcomer and I am amazed at what God has done for me.Hang in there- you are right where you should be.Aside to Mike F.Are you listening to your wife? I find it hard to believe she has to be having either a breakdown or a hormonal episode to want something different. But the sooner you start listening without looking for some off the wall answer, the better chance you will have to work things out. I am not saying this to hurt you, but if it occured to me, it probably did to her. I wish you all of the best, and she obviously respects you without a drink in you, so please hold on for your own sake. Remember to get some sleep and eat and talk to some other AAs, stay away from your danger spots right now.I have been in some tough spots and the best way to start is by assessing your own part in things.(thats all you can control anyway)I will be praying for you- and all of you on this site. Don't drink, go to meetings, get a sponsor, get on your knees. God bless.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 03:18 PM
To Anonymous, Sorry if I came off trying to say that everyone that sponsors someone from the opposite sex is looking for sex not sobriety. I just wanted to point out my opinion based on what many have told me on sponsoring and my own experience. Men with men and women with women (pg.243 Dr. Bob). Also no major changes in the first year. I have heard it enough to know it is not a locally spawned idea. There have been many speakers who talked about relapsing soon after marrying or getting involved in the first year. I have never heard of cherry pickers but of 13th Steppers. The term was coined by a woman named Lil on (Pg. 97 of Dr. Bob). It's a funny story. My only experience with that was two weeks sober I was asked out to coffee with a man with many years in AA, old enough to be my Grandfather. We took his tool truck and once inside the conversation turned from friendly to gross. I sat through coffee listening to how bad his marriage was and all the women he scored with in the program. On the way back to my car he opened up a tool chest and showed me a pack of Viagra. I could not believe it. I got out of the truck and ran to my car with a bunch of his friends cheering from the auto body shop. I felt so defiled. In new sobriety you have to be careful is all I'm saying. We are very vulnerable at this stage, at least I was. Now I take my own car and go with groups for coffee mostly. I hang out with women from the program and have devoted my first year to AA and working the program not dating...Keeping it in AA. Kelly
Member: Nikki P
Location: memphis, tn
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 05:55 PM
Hi!! My name is Nikki, I am an alcoholic, I was sober for 15 days, and am drinking as I write, I tried has hard as I could to stop but my body and mind cried out!! I was weaker than I thought!!! I am a slave to this poison!! why!! why!! I must be functional because I can go to work, I pay my bills on time!! no one knows me would think that I am sick, I know that I am and so does God! I can't fool him, so what do I do now!! I have a beautiful home, a nice car and I am always together when I leave home... I have camoflauged my drinking so long no one knows that I can't function without it,I am afraid and ashamed to go to an aa meeting in my area because it would get out in the small community that I live, I have read all the books and know must of the symptoms, but I am afraid to face my problem openly. Honesty is the only way and I already know that but how do I do that and save face???? (ROCK BOTTOM)I have to much pride to admit that!! I probably am at that point right now for me. I am reaching out for help on this site and I know that this to is a cop out because you people don't know me!!How do I reach out to my freinds and loved ones without being an embarasment to them I need help!! and am to fearful to reach out!! How do I do this?? HELP, HELP, HELP
Member: Kim V
Location: Mars Hill, NC
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 07:29 PM
Hi Kim here alcoholic. Nicki I hear your pain and desperation. You say you live in a small community and that nobody knows about your drinking problem. That is what I thought for years, but you know what. They know. The first part of getting help is reaching out and admitting your are powerless over alcohol. All I can say is that you will do so when you have had enough pain. Chris F your going to a 18 month rehab how wonderful for you. I did that and it is a great expereince and you will have plenty of time to find a sponsor as you get toward the end of your program there. What courage you have to have taken on such an awesome journey. Darlene please don't give up. I would try so other meetings. I have found women's meetings especially great the energy is much different and finding a loving, caring sponsor is much easier in this atmosphere. Good luck. Still Powerless Kim V
Member:
Location:
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 08:20 PM
We are generally the last to know that we are alcoholic.....
Member:
Location:
Date: January 18, 2003
Time: 09:20 PM
no, we are the last to accept it, we know it
Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 01:06 AM
Hi all, read everyone's post, thanks for sharing, it helps me keep on the right path. Tonight I like to talk about forgiveness! I try not to remember the past much, and put my focus on today and tommorrow. By saying the Serenity prayer each day, I know I can't change the past. But, I'll be damn if the past doesn't catch up with ya. Something I have been trying to forgive to succeed with my future, has once again to come to the surface and bite my in the butt. I have been trying to forgive my past for a long time and have been overwhelmed with success! But now, that this has resurfaced, I once again feel angry and resentfull! Old feelings are coming back, and I know this is not the right way to feel after I spent almost a lifetime trying to forget. Do I go one on one with this person early on in my sobriety? Or do I look the other way? Anyways, have a nice night and don't drink!
Member: AZbill
Location: From AZbill
Date: January 19, 2003
Time: 01:36 AM
Forgive: To stop being angry at; to give up resentments against. Look it up. It also means to pardon but generally we do not have that kind of power. We do have the power to forgive. Bill; email: az-bill@mindspring.com