Member: Pat H.
Location: Va.
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 7:51:14 AM

Comments

Hi,I'm Pat,alcoholic.I've been going through a lot of major changes in my life this past month and I'm thinking about what they===that alcoholics hate change.I'd love to hear how other people handle big changes in their life.I know whatever else happens I can't handle it unless I'm sober.


Member: Donnie M (D.O.S. 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va.
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 7:59:37 AM

Comments

Hi to all and Happy New Year,

I am Donnie and I am a alcoholic. this past week has been a rough one I have been sober for nearly three years and I have been going through a mental and phsyical withdrawal like never before. I did all that the program has taught me to do I called my sponsor and talked about it, I went to meetings, I read the book`s and I even have got down on my knees and asked God for help and I am here to tell you it did not work I was hopeless, so I got up on Friday and called my doctor and he thinks I am having some type of panic disorder. I have been put on some anxiety med`s and he is well aware of my addiction`s and I have not really had a desire to drink, but I do know that if I would not have looked for help out side of the program that I don`t know what I was going to do. I am feeling better today and I owe all of this to what I have learned in this program. If anyone can get a topic out of this I would be grateful for some ideas how you handle your depressions and other crisis in your lives. I would also like to thank Staying Cyber for doing what they do because there have been some times in the past this was the only meeting I could get to and it is truly a God sent program. I will shut up and thank you all and will see you next year. GOD BLESS ALL


Member: Ian T
Location: Wales
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 8:27:49 AM

Comments

Hi Im Ian and alcoholic, going to try to give up from today!! I've only just discovered the site and hope it will help me through the long nights. Just been looking at the coffee pot meeting - whats all that bickering about?


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 9:06:31 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Mark, a grateful, recovering alcoholic. Pat, Donnie, Ian, I feel all people dislike change. It is probably based in fear. In the past I reacted by running to my old friend alcohol. AA taught me how to avoid doing so. It gave me tools and suggestions that have taught me better ways to cope with changes. The year 2001 will be a memorable one for me. My divorce from a woman I loved was finalized. The company I had worked at for twenty five years let me and many others go. A new company hired me after finding out I was available.

Many changes that in the past I would have used to excuse my bad behavior (read that drunkeness). I am still sober today. This season has been tough. I keep falling into depression. (poor me:) Today I have the tools to get back out rather than digging the hole deeper. For that I am very grateful.

It is my sincerest hope that all here get the "it" one sees when entering an AA meeting. I feel at times that I too have "it", and giving it away is the only way to keep "it", so here I sit early Sunday morning on the next to last day of 2001 writing this for others to see.

Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: John
Location: Springfield, MO
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 9:07:45 AM

Comments

My name is John and I'm an alcoholic. The first person up, Pat, mentioned she'd like to know how other alcoholics deal with change. I've only been sober two weeks this time around, so I don't feel like I have a lot of wisdom to impart, but I can tell you how I feel about change: I don't like it very much at all.

The only changes I like are the ones that are my idea and even then, I want to do it my way. I realize this is a shortcoming, but as always, admitting it is the first step. I hate surprises, and the holidays are frought with surprises! It's not the good surprises, like presents, that I'm complaining about. It's the zillion visitors and incoming relatives, in-laws, out-laws, kids, grandkids and all their friends that drive me crazy.

Here I am trying to find a quiet corner to retreat to so I can figure out how in the hell I'm going to stay sober today through all the pandemoneum and chaos. I turn on my computer to attend an online AA meeting and my teenage grandaughter sits down at it and starts playing. So I retreat to the living room to try and relax and watch a movie and my college age daughter and her friends turn on the MTV --- LOUD. I even went to bed early last night thinking if I got up at 2:00AM, surely it would be quiet by then... they NEVER wear out.

In my two week opinion, change stinks! Right now, the lofty ideals of the 12 Steps are way over my head... I'm concentrating on Step One... that's enough for now. Time enough for the other steps later. Heck, even the Serenity Prayer is out of my league at the moment. I'm just struggling to get a grasp on the first line: "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." That's enough for now. And isn't constant change inevitable? Isn't change itself one of the things we cannot change? If that's true, then my only option is to pray to my Higher Power that He will give me the serenity to accept change.

As my mother (sober for 40+ years) used to say when things got overwhelming: "This, too, shall pass." As I look around my messy, untidy house; floor, furniture and every horizontal surface covered with dishes, boxes, sneakers, toys, jackets and even sleeping college kids I cross myself (a good catholic boy) and thank God that this, too, shall pass.


Member: Jeannette Z
Location: NY
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 10:33:11 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Jeannette and I'm a very grateful recovering alcoholic. Funny, for me big changes are sometimes easier to accept than the little ones. I think I accept the big ones easier because for some reason I realize those I don't really have control over, but it's those 'little' changes in my life that seem to really stir all kinds of emotions and insecurities. When I struggle through a change, most of the times it's because, like a true alcoholic, I project the end result as negative. On a daily basis I have to talk to my Higher Power and remember that He wants me joyous, happy and free and therefore any end result of change, will be for the better. A lot of the times though I still think I know better than my Higher Power what's good for me. One thing I have ALWAYS found, when I have Let Go and Let God and accepted HIS plan for me, things have worked out better than anything I had going in my head. In retrospect, as painful as any change might have been, no change that He has put in my life has been for the worse of me, rather every change has, in time, proven to be exactly what I needed.

I wish everyone a very happy and blessed New Year. Keep it Simple!


Member: John H
Location: Indiana, USA
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 11:09:16 AM

Comments

Hello from John, a recovering and grateful alcoholic. A new year approaches, 2002, and many of us wonder what problems and challenges we will face,changes that will throw us into a down mood.

There will be changes, some we may like and some we will dislike. First I must focus on today, each day, not what may or may not change. Secondly, it's important to me to keep a positive outlook as nearly as possible--that is a daily committment. Third, I want to eliminate the expression of "hate"; "hating" does me in, so to speak. It produces a chemistry in me that acts somewhat as a poison that debilitates my ability to act productively.

That is why I find going to meetings so important and necessary. The rooms radiate optimism, friendliness, caring and sharing for the new and old comers. This helps to eliminate the negatives in our lives and turn our attention that there is love and comfort in the program as we work it.

I came into the program at the age of 68. In February I will have an 84th birthday and over 15 years of continuous sobriety, thanks to AA and it's guidance. Obviously, I've seen many changes over the 84 years, remembering when the first radios came in the early 20's , seeing Charles Lindbergh in 1927 after he made the first transcontinental air flight over the Atlantic to Paris from New York. Changes take place more rapidly now than then in my opinion, more reason to invest your lives in the gainful program of AA.

So take courage, go to meetings, read and STUDY the Big Book, 12/12 and others, get a sponsor, recover, unite and serve as best you can. Pray and meditate to and with your Higher Power. Keep the faith; life can and will be better. Reach out for the attitude of gratitude for the support you get from AA. Have you not heard these suggestions already?

May you face 2002 with an increased sense of serenity, courage and wisdom. Reduce, if not eliminate despair, by staying sober a day at a time and going to meetings each week when you can.

God blesses us all; when we jot down the good happenings in our lives and keep coming back. Happy New Year!


Member: David M.
Location: Melbourne,FL
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 1:22:01 PM

Comments

Hi my name is David and I'm a Alcohoic. I have clean and sober now for 2 years. My life is getting back some what. I still have some problems to over come in my life, but I am getting through them. By going to meetings and reading the BIG BOOK. Have a happy new year and keep it one day at a time.


Member: Stacey
Location: rooted in my little house in the big woods
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 1:38:11 PM

Comments

Hi all: actually, I feared and avoided stability for a long time. I was raised in the military and then joined the army; so I moved around quite frequently for the first 26 yrs of my life. I had plenty of acquaintences but no real friends. A few yrs ago, I married a man, bought a house in the country and "settled down". I'm just now learning to open up and let friends into my life and my heart. Before, it was too easy to just up and move. Finally realized that the only thing that didn't change, was me - my feelings, my fears, etc. I carried those around with me wherever I went. Today, putting down roots is a good thing. I think I will let it happen. I still get the urge to bolt, but here I remain........ Now, I must really deal with my problem. I think my need for change is somewhat satisfied in my work - I work in intensive care unit at teaching hospital - boy oh boy, things can change at the drop of a hat! Anyway. good topic. Happy New Year's to all. May 2002 bring good fortune and happiness and most of all, sobriety.


Member: Gage
Location: South LA
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 2:53:13 PM

Comments

Hi, IAN T., I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. There's plenty of good to be had at this site. I've met a number of good friends here, and I've learned that I can love and care for folks that I wouldn't even know by sight. Nonetheless, I feel like I know some of them very well. One, by the way, is an old cuss living in Wales. Perhaps you two can get together and compare notes. Oh, and don't be too alarmed by anything you see in the CP. Like most drunks, we get into a scrape now and then, but there's plenty of fun and fellowship to be had there as well. Welcome!

Hi, Pat. thanks for the topic. Truth is, I haven't been sober all that long and am so amazed at not feeling the need for a drink every minute of the day that I'm still on that pink cloud a lot of the time. That may make me one of the worst people you could talk to about this, but, if it counts, I will say that I came to one morning in a panic when it hit me that I'm a father and my duties as a father were not going to wait until I felt up to them. I think a lot of this is about just getting back into living. Life on life's terms. That includes change. Fortunately, you and I know that anything's possible. (Remember when you thought it was impossible to make it a day without a drink?) Good luck.


Member: Scott G
Location: Nor Cal
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 3:27:00 PM

Comments

Change, does anyone like changes that he or she cannot control?, I don't. I have grown up an alcoholic, and really dislike what I've become!I now know I "Must change!", and am finaly willing to try. For I have a beautiful wife and two wonderfull boys, who I put through way to much as a result of my drinking. Before my family decides to make a change to better their lives, and get away from the alcohol,I must realize I still have the contol, to change my situation. I have tried, half-heartedly,to quit my drinking in the past, but am now trully going to try. With the support of people that have changed, I feel I can better the lives of myself, my family, and someday, even others, looking for change


Member: Lyla D
Location: Polk City, Fl (the place with no snow)
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 4:57:51 PM

Comments

Change, don't like it,, but sometimes I have to accept it as part of life. Every day there are small changes that one adjusts to without even realizing it. The pattern in the flow of traffic, little things at work that you don't even notice. THEN, something big comes along, a new boss or computer program at work, a new neighbor or a new friend that you have to learn about and that's when I need to remember that change is a good thing. They installed new software at work and as with all things new, there were snags and we all complained, even the none alkies. Now, we wonder how we survived without it, amazing!

The biggest change I went through this past year was the loss of a beloved aunt, that raised me, introduced me to my favorite form of alcohol, got sober and encouraged me to get sober. I miss her in my soul and in my heart. I still get excited when something new happens in my life and I can't wait to share it with her, then I remember, she's gone. I cry, sometimes, I laugh at things she laughed at and am now able to start remembering the fun and joy that we shared. Change is not always what we want in life, but it makes this alkie grow, that's what it is all about, isn't it? HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!!!!!!


Member: Jan BB
Location: Paris, France
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 4:59:07 PM

Comments

Good topic Pat, thanks! My life has changed and I have changed so much since I came to AA, this last time, eleven and half years ago. It seems like the most constant, next to sobriety, one day at a time. In this time, I've had slow changes, over time and those life changing types, the one's that seem to happen in the snap of your fingers, that change ones life, forever. My reaction is the only thing, in most of these instances, that I have control over. I agree with you that staying sober is the best way to get through these changes. Not all are dreaded, but most have had some degree of fear of not knowing the outcome, or how a postive outcome could come about. If I let go, relax, and let my HP move me through it, all feel's and works out much better. It is when I hang on so tight, forcing an outcome out of fear, that any change becomes almost unbareable. Prayer has helped and guided me through those moments best.


Member: Rocky
Location: Tasmanian wilderness
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 5:13:54 PM

Comments

Hi everyone.Today the wilderness I am in is such a beautiful place to be.Remembering the alcholoic wilderness where I came from 10 years ago I can only truely thank the God of my understanding for this freedom which has been given to me.However I first had to ask for it, and remembering the punishment which I had to put myself through to arrive at the point where I sincerly ment it has been indelibly stamped on my memerory.I hope it will stay that way. There has'nt been a day pass since I put down my last drink that I havent thought about what it was like. Belonging to and being part of society has to be the best buzz you can get,active service in AA about the next. The next year will be another adventure a day at a time and I wish us all a sober and prosperous New Year.


Member: Les M.
Location:
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 5:44:25 PM

Comments

Hi, this is L.M., almost 3 yrs. sober through AA. I guess I haven't had very many huge changes over the past two years, but I do know that the fellowship advises against making any major changes in ones first year sober, and I wish I'd done it their way instead of my way. I thought I knew better than all the hundreds of years combined, quality sobriety and got involved in a relationship at 6 months sober. Thought I really had it all together. Well, at almost three years, I'm discovering, every day, how much I DON'T know and how much I still DON'T have together. But I'm beginning to understand what makes me tick a bit better, and, you guessed it, I wish I hadn't become involved in that relationship. We're still together, but it's just a matter of time before it all goes south, for good, and I know it. With a clearer head, I would not have chosen a relationship with this person. As Dave Mason wrote, there are "no good guys; no bad guys" in this situation, "we just disagree." Too different. I'd advise anyone in early sobriety to back off from relationships for awhile, as lonely and depressing as it may sound. People in the Fellowship know the real deal, in the rooms and as conveyed in the book "Living Sober." But who knows ... I do trust the God of my understanding, and there's nothing I can't turn over to Him. Even the consequences of a not-too-bright decision made in early sobriety. Love to all, and a happy and sober New Year!


Member: Kevin Bumby
Location: Farmington , NM
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 5:52:27 PM

Comments

Kevin, alcholic. Hi there and hope you all have a happy and prosperous new year. After being sober a little over iiyrs, I find I don't like change anymore than other folks. I used to react differently than other folks. I did not like not being in control. So with all the feelings of fear, self pity, and the like I came up with alot of good excuses for taking the first drink. As the result of going to meetings, getting a sponser, reading the bigbook,working the steps,and having a friend in GOD. When change comes today I cannot find one good reason to take that first drink. Change is the only constant in my life today. So when change comes for those who are new as it will, DO NOT DRINK EVEN IF YOUR ASS FALLS OFF! IF IT DOES GET TO A MEETING AND LET THE PEOPLE THERE HELP YOU PUT IT BACK ON.


Member: Joy
Location: alabama
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 7:03:47 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Joy an alcoholic sober 4 1/2 yrs. I am still so amazed at this freedom I have found thru the AA program. my life has changed so much, I can't even describe it all. Many of those changes have come about thru quite painful lessons, some of them repeated again and again because I'm so hard headed.

I still am resistant to change, don't care much for the holidays due to the change in my comfortable routine, I guess. And I can certainly relate to John from Springfield about the need to escape for a quiet moment away from all those damn people. It is a HECTIC TIME OF YEAR. But at the same time, I feel grateful that I can participate (and remember) these times with my family and friends and DO IT SOBER! I can enjoy healthy relations with others today and feel a part of something, as opposed to apart from it all.

Thank God for AA and all of you! May God bless you as he has blessed me and even more.


Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 8:11:22 PM

Comments

Hi all, Lessa E here, happy, grateful, recovering alcoholic. Thanks for the topic today, Pat.

Change is something this alcoholic absolutely HATES. And for me, its roots are in the fear of the unknown. In my darkest drinking days, I lived in a nice house - that I never bothered straightening up or cleaning or doing much of anything to. I isolated myself, never doing anything at night but drinking. I stayed home on weekends and drank. My friends drifted off one by one. Did I like waking up every morning with a dreadful hangover? Being alone on my birthdays and holidays? Being so ashamed of my home that I was too lazy to clean that I dreaded the front door bell ringing? NO!!! But, I didn't know a different kind of life. And I was too scared to try something new - to change.

Thank heavens for AA!!!! In the last 18 months, I've had changes in my life that I had no control over. I got laid off from my job, suffered a nasty leg/back injury, etc - things that 'normies' seem to handle with aplomb, but things that would have given me a good reason to go out and get drunk before. How did I handle them this time - that was different than in the past? One day at a time - working the steps, keeping in close contact with my Hp whom I choose to call God, working with a sponsor, reaching out to other alcoholics and going to a TON of meetings. Have I liked it? Heck, no!!! But I've grown from it. And the ironic thing is, the more changes I've gone through, the more willing I am to make more changes.

I put one foot in front of the other, trying to do the next right thing. And I have faith today that my HP whom I choose to call God has a plan that's better than anything I could have imagined.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Patrick R.
Location: Warren. Mich
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 9:44:52 PM

Comments

I am really glad that there is an internet for aa members. I work many hours and am not able to get to regular meetings. All the comments are read are very helpful to me. Thanks for being there.


Member: Chris S
Location: Asheville
Date: 12/30/2001
Time: 10:18:12 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Chris and I am an alcoholic.

Thank you all for sharing. I needed to read what you wrote tonight. I am too experiencing change. I believe changes are constantly occuring in my life, even though I am not always aware of them. I too experience fear and have many different ways of reacting to it. I have been sober for over 10 years now and can't believe the situation I put myself in this past year. Until then I stayed real close to the fellowship constantly going to meetings, getting involved in service, and on the phone with another aa on a regular basis. Reaching out whenever possible or whenever presented with an opportunity to give back. Coolest thing just happened. I took a break from writing this because my first sponser called me. We haven't talked in about six months. He lives in another part of the country so we don't get to see each other. It is so cool to have relationship that have lasted this long and to see the parallels in our lives and realize how blessed we are to be sober in this fellowship. Well as I was saying. This past year I tried to force some changes in mylife. As a result I developed a serious resentment and came to hate my employer. I tried for over a year to get through the guy and to change him. I finally got so sick, began to realize if I continued to fight God's plan for me, I could end up drunk. I got back to the steps and increased my meetings and contact with other aa's. I began to pray about the resentment and turn my life over to God. A few weeks after I got back on track, my employer and I had a great meeting and he is helping take a step in a positive direction in my career. I have to continue to have faith becuase I do not know what I will be doing or where I will be living 90 days from now. I do know that there is a plan, and keeping my sobriety and my relationship with God is number 1. I will be experiencing some large changes. Most of me can't wait to see what is going to happen. Part of me is scared, and that is ok. I can stop and ask God to remove my fear and direct my attention to who he will have me be. It is much easier for me if I keep in mind that any success that I have in life is because God keeps me sober and manages my life!

I wish everyone a very happy new year!!!! God Bess, Chris S


Member: Bill S
Location: The Frozen Tundra
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 12:09:42 AM

Comments

Greetings, I'm Bill, and I'm an alcoholic. Here I sit at the beginning of a new year, after 7-1/2 years of sobriety, beginning again. I try to tell myself I didn't see it coming, but all of the signs were there. I quit going to meetings, stopped confiding in my support group and started believing that I had all of the answers. Before I knew it, I was back to my old drinking style. By the grace of God I have managed to reconnect with the Fellowship after only a short period of insanity.

While we all are uncomfortable with change we must embrace it. Change keeps life fresh and alive. Change gives us new opportunities and a chance to meet new people. I know it is sometimes difficult to see the positives in bad things that happen, but letting go of the fear and letting God drive can be the only way to survive.

What we really need to do as alcoholics is to do as the program dictates. Keep going to meetings!!! Work the steps, submit to God's will, serve one another and stay humble. I only wish it hadn't taken losing my sobriety for a month to realise how fragile it can be. God Bless you all and wishes for the best in the coming New Year.


Member: Linda
Location: South
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 1:27:49 AM

Comments

Hey I am Linda. A grateful recovering alcoholic. Change is not an option. If we are rooted and grounded with a firm foundation we will not get to tilted when change comes. Before sobriety I never submitted my life to anything except alcohol. Today through the steps I can experience change with comfort and ease like never before. The spiritual awakening did in fact occur after step 12. I try to look to GOD rather than looking at the problem. Today it is not about me. I am very excited about the changes GOD has in store for a new year. The best is yet to come. Just like a coffee pot, it has to be plugged in to work. I think I will stay plugged into AA for today


Member: Kathy
Location: Northeast
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 4:39:11 AM

Comments

My name's Kathy - I'm an alcoholic. I was very pleased to read in an earlier post "I know I have to give it away to keep it". I certainly needed to hear that. Often I isolate by just reading the posts and not contributing.

John H. - thank you for posting. I was thinking I(at 69) am probably the oldest one here tonight when yours came up.

Change is difficult for all of us, but can be so exciting. I have to just let go and let God -as my faith grows my fear lessens. This year in particular has been one of enormous change for everyone. Am so grateful to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and to have been introduced to this new way of life.

Best wishes to all for a Happy, Healthy and Sober New Year.


Member: LeAnn
Location: Out West...
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 5:01:33 AM

Comments

Hi all... I am LeAnn and I am an alcoholic. Happy New Year Everyone, May it be filled with Serenity. Thanks for the topic Pat. I am like the the majority of alcoholics. Change does not go down well. Two years ago I had the roughest year of my sobriety. A phone call destroyed my life long dream and a second phone call wiped out pretty much any remaining hope. My husband got a job in a remote area that I really don't like and I had to leave everything secure and safe at a time when I felt I needed it most. I have been sober 16 yrs. and that year just about did me in. If it weren't for the fellowship I wouldn't be here tonight. This last year has been one of acceptance. I admit at first it was anything but graceful. But because of this program I have found ways to deal with these changes in my life in positive ways. I'm real big on the slogans. Mainly because they're short and to the point, and when I'm hurting my concentration level won't allow for anything lengthy. Things like: Keep it Simple, Put one foot in front of the other, Do what is in front of you and move on, Trust God/ Clean House & Work with others, and yes, even This too shall Pass. Because I'm an alcoholic who when in misery likes to wallow a bit I'm not always real pleased to hear of these simple little tools that help, if I allow them too. But because I am an alcoholic who wants the best sobriety I can have everyday I do my best to practice these things. Then one day I find it isn't a constant struggle anymore. My smile is real again. There is hope again and there is even a glimmer of new dreams again. That is not saying that the pain is completely gone. It isn't. It is better. Today I can live with changes that at first I thought were going to kill me. Because of this program I can be happy, joyous and free. My Daddy always said, Life is a series of adjustments. It seems to me that Daddy was right. Because of this program I have tools today to help me with all my adjustments, big or small. Stay safe and stay sober. God's speed. LeAnn


Member: James A
Location: Levin New Zealand
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 7:06:09 AM

Comments

Hi my name is James and Im an alcoholic Im from New Zealand WE have had a great New years eve party for AA members tonight we had a great time without booze Its 1/1/2001 1;07 am in New Zealand happy New Year everyone


Member: Steve K 
Location: Bethel N.Y.
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 1:19:23 PM

Comments

Hi i`m Steve alcoholic I never liked change, because it would upset my way of living, and this could change my set up way of using alcohol to give me the crutch that I needed to exist in my way of doing what I thought had to be done my way, and change (fear) may not enable me to drink which was the most important and my priority in living. By going into rehab and using AA I finaly found out that I had other charactor proplems that would cause me to use alcohol to get me through a normal day. Now I have been sober for 15 months, I find great help from my HIGHER POWER and reading the 24 hour book every day. With this I get the strength I need, but we all have different ways of doing it, as long as it works. I still have fears but I know that it will pass, and alcohol does not take anything go a way it makes it more of a problem. People I know can`t believe the changes I have made, but it was not easy to become humble and admit that I was a true alcoholic I still run into some people that think I am still a drunk but I am powerless over that and let it go by. Good luck to you, and may GOD bless. Have a good new year.


Member: jenifer d
Location: moving
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 3:45:26 PM

Comments

may we all look forward to a year of sobriety no matter what other changes take place in our lives. I had an interesting experience at a party the other night. I found myself in the company of people that I do not like to get to personal with. A glass of wine was set infront of me and the time came to lift and sip. It tasted terrible !!! I'm sure it was a good wine, no one else made any coment on the lack of appeal. I got it down to a third by the end of the night, that's my first drink in three years and I had no trouble leaving it there !! Give me juice any time !!! If anyone had told me this three years ago I would have laughed and said that for me to leave a drink was not possible. I learnt something that night. I don't like alchohol any more. I can ask for a pop or a juice with my head up, I have nothing to hide, I just don't like alchohol, thank you. Has this happened to any one else? i have wine in my fridge for my guests tonight and I know now that it is safe as houses in there.


Member: karen a
Location: florida
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 5:16:52 PM

Comments

hi my name is karen and having a difficult time with sobriety. my boyfriend who clean 3 years from cocaine says he can control his drinking and he keeps taking me out to bars and strip joints. as long as i'm with him, i can drink. he is very controlling and is very averbally abusive. i am very dependant on him and i don't know how to get out of the relationship. i am drinking now waiting for my boyfriend and roommate so i can fit in with them when we go out tonight HELP!!!!!!!!


Member: karen a
Location: florida
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 5:17:56 PM

Comments

hi my name is karen and having a difficult time with sobriety. my boyfriend who clean 3 years from cocaine says he can control his drinking and he keeps taking me out to bars and strip joints. as long as i'm with him, i can drink. he is very controlling and is very averbally abusive. i am very dependant on him and i don't know how to get out of the relationship. i am drinking now waiting for my boyfriend and roommate so i can fit in with them when we go out tonight HELP!!!!!!!!


Member: Foey
Location: TX
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 5:21:31 PM

Comments

HI I'm Foey and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time here, I just recently moved into the twenty-first century and got a computer. By God's Grace and the fellowship of AA I haven't had a drink since Sept. 93. When I first got to you guys someone told me that they couldn't promise me life would be all rosy, but they did promise me that it would change, and thank God it did! It's not always been what I thought I wanted, but it's always been what I've needed. I don't like change because I fear it,but like anything eise I'm afraid of I just ask God to walk with me through it and he always has. My faith grows everytime and each new change good, or bad gets alittle easier to face, sometimes even exciting. Working with other alcoholics and giving back what was given to me helps in any situtation depression,fear ect. Thanks for your fellowship-Happy New Year to all and God bless.


Member: Wanda R.
Location: New  Jersey
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 5:21:42 PM

Comments

Hi Family, My name is Wanda and I am an alcoholic. First I'd like to thank the God of my understanding whom I choose to call Jesus Christ for another day clean and sober. Since coming into the fellowship of AA (1988), there has been alot of changes in my life all for the good, even though there were situations that I had no idea of how to handle, I took the suggestions and the "tools" given me. At times though I couldn't see the forest for the trees (if you know what i mean) I was so busy looking for the big answer and for perfect days, I missed what God is trying to either tell me or show me. Sometimes forgetting that I'm not perfect I try to bring about the perfect change needed in my life only to cause me many days of grief

By God's grace and the process of recovery I've grown in so many areas of my life, AA and God has shown me the way , but its up to me to stick and stay work the program to the best of my ability inspite of the fear of change and not being in control of the out come. You know how we are, so use to (so called) taking care of business and the real only thing we ever thought we handled was the booze and the drugs and guess what they had us! ALL the TIME!! So today in my life I'm trying to keep it simple I'm discovering new areas in my life. What the program means when it talks about emotional sobreity,showing up,being an active participant in my recovery with the help of my sponsor and life's teachings I never knew I had the ability to change or even look at it. One of the biggest gifts the program has given me is the grace to accept life on life's terms (not always easy) but when I let Go and let God things do work out. Humility is and other of the gifts of God and the program. It has taught me to ask even if the fear of rejection lurks in my mind I can still work through it by doing it, thats the reward and it sets me free. Just for today I choose not to let the fear of change overwhelm me. God has shown me growth in this area. There was a time when I would panic about about change and to make a decision would paralize me emotionally. It took alot of prayer awareness and support from others who knew just what I was going through emotionally and mentally to help me work through the fears. God put people real sober people in my life and He still does if I just quiet my self. My prayer for us all is to have a great and sober New Year with God's Grace the steps and the faith that works under all condition we too can stay clean and sober ODAAT GOD BLESS, Wanda


Member: karen
Location: bradenton florida
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 5:33:28 PM

Comments

hey karen again. does anyone care what i am going through? i am scared and need to stop drinking. HELP ME#!!!!!! please. my boyfrined is coming over soon and i am afraid to say "no".


Member: Rev. Pamela
Location: Wharton, NJ
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 6:07:16 PM

Comments

Karen, thanks for sharing. I care & hope you get this. Say no & tell him to leave. Noone can force a drink down your throat! If he is violent with you, call the police. I have been where you are at. Thinking I needed my boyfriend(headache)in my life & taking a lot of emotional, mental & spiritual abuse. I was afraid to be alone. Boy talk about CHANGE!!! You can do it Karen, go to meetings, hang out with the woman, read the book Woman Who Love Too Much & if needed get therapy. You can change, but you have to walk through the fear with the help of a Higher Power. This is from a woman who had no self esteem, lived with a coke dealer who was also a drunk & was scared d of being alone with her thoughts. Through the grace of God, I love myself, have 12 year sober, am self employed & a minister. If I can do it, you can Karen. I hope everyone has a safe & SOBER New Year!


Member: Stan R
Location: South Central Michigan
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 6:38:51 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Stan, a recovery, grateful alcoholic. I never liked to change anything because it usually involved some kind of pain. However much what I was going through hurt I at least could deal with the pain because I had gone through it before. Changes would cause pain that I was not familiar with and I was (basically) scared of it. But they say in this program "No Pain, No Gain". So I knew that in order to grow up I was going to have to face what ever problem there was.

I remember that when I first got sober they told me I only had to change one thing; and that was everything. My friends, my hangeouts, my outlook on life and all those other things in my life that fed my alcholic thinking. It was not easy but by working one day at a time and listening to those who came before me (and those that came after) I have managed to put together quite a few 24 hours since my first meeting.

To everyone at this site I wish you continued soberity in the coming year.


Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 8:02:51 PM

Comments

Karen, welcome ... I hear you. You want change in your life, I too have been where you are.

I was a confused, hopeless alcoholic (believing the verbal abuse I was recieving, in fact I would even drink for the verbal abuser to show how right the verbal abuse was ... I was a confused, hopeless drunk).

But I knew I wanted change!

Maybe ... I was really something more than just a confused, hopeless drunk ... Maybe ... I could have a life as a woman to be loved and respected, a woman giving love and respect.

The shared Experience, Strength and Hope that is shared in the room of A.A. has given me a changed life. This changed life is not a fast change like the change a drink bring(every thing is fine, and/or if it isn't I can put up with it with the drink in me).

This changed life started with step one ... I don't have to take a drink today ... I don't believe I have to be a confused, hopeless drunk ... so I don't take the drink.

I do this every day, one day at a time. I listen to other's Expereince, Strength and Hope every day, one day at a time. It has given me a changed life ... I am a woman to be loved and respected, I am a woman giving love and respect.

Karen, phone A. A. ask for someone to help you. They will help you ... they helped me, they help others too.

Happy New Year one and all. Thanks one and all for your Experience, Strength and Hope, it has given a "Healing Power"


Member: Jason S
Location: Syracuse, NY
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 8:34:28 PM

Comments

Hi all, my name is Jason and I'm an alcoholic. Just got out of detox today. I was sober for 4 months prior to my relapse and am once again feeliing very down and having thoughts of suicide.


Member: Fiona B
Location: Cornwall
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 8:38:19 PM

Comments

Hi Pat, I am sorry to hear that it sounds pretty stressful. In my experience, praying to understand God's will really helps. Sitting still in a quiet room for 5 minutes per day in the morning (even the bathroom!) can provide a good space for this. Writing three pages of 'anything' as soon as I wake up is a really great excercise for dealing with fear (which I guess is what we are talking about?). A meeting per day is essential to me when I am fearful.

Karen- (and other people who are looking at this site but not been to a meeting)- this site is a support for AA, in no way does is have a solution. I urge you to call your local AA office (in the phone book) and ask someone to take you to a meeting as soon as possible. There is a solution- get to a meeting and read the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous' (they will sell it in the meeting). (Could I ask that there is something written much more prominently to this effect alongside each page of the site?)


Member: Carmen
Location:
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 8:59:07 PM

Comments

Donnie, my thoughts go out to you...I was put on an antidepressant, Zoloft, for almost 8 months. It didn't help. I went to my doctor, and cried some tears, and he put me on Effexor and Buspar a few weeks ago, and I feel like myself again. He also referred me to a free session with a therapist at a local university. I don't know if that will help, but at least I am banging on doors. It's a weird thang, to know what is right for me to do, and to have to encounter obstacles that I never expected. Happy new year to ya, and best of luck!


Member: Lyla D
Location: Polk City, Fl
Date: 12/31/2001
Time: 9:54:32 PM

Comments

Karen, please get in touch with your local AA and you can e-mail me at ldragonreader@aol.com

Jason, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please e-mail me if you would like to talk or just dump.


Member: JACK B
Location: PALO ALTO,PA
Date: 1/1/2002
Time: 2:13:02 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. Thru the Grace of God and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I have enjoyed 14 years of continous sobriety. From making the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous my design for living, I have found that I am able to live my way into sober thinking, as opposed to thinking my way into sober living. This enables me to deal with change, whatever on a daily basis. God does for me what I am incapable of doing for myself in all my affairs. There isn't anything that can come into my life that cannot addressed by our 12 step program. Thanks for allowing me to share, God Bless and have a Happy and safe New Year.


Member: Andrew A-L
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Date: 1/1/2002
Time: 5:09:04 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Andrew an alcoholic & cocaine addict. Change, change, change!! That's a pretty big word in my life right now. I just spent 2 weeks in rehab and now have 26 days clean. My whole life right now is a process of change. This is the toughest thing I've ever taken on but I already KNOW that it's going to be the most rewarding. I didn't drink or use yesterday (12/31) and my only goal for today is the same, anything else is a bonus right now. I feel I've just got on the world's biggest, fastest, twistiest, bumpiest rollercoaster - it's gonna be scary but a whole hell of a lot of fun. My seatbelt is tight, this is one ride I'm determined not to fall off of!! : ) One thing I know for certain - I've just enjoyed my first clean and sober holiday season in 20 years and thoroughly enjoyed it. The best part is I can remember the looks on my kids faces this time even before the pics are processed! It took me a long time to accept that I had to stop boozing & snorting, I convinced myself that I enjoyed it. The truth is that 80% of the time I felt like s**t! NO MORE!! 2001 was a depressing year in lots of ways but I just know 2002 is going to be my best year in a good while. After dismissing as crackpots, I now embrace the ideas of AA. I have a sponsor and have just started atending a Sunday morning Big Book study meeting that I know will help me start out on this long road....... I still have problems identifying with the spiritual stuff but now even have an open mind towards that. Ironically people around me tell me they've recognised a spiritual change in me but I must have missed it! : ) These are all major changes in my thinking and lifestyle that are still new and exciting. Tell me the novelty doesn't wear off!!

I need to stop rambling now, if you read this far - Thank you.


Member: Mark B
Location: Southwest Asia
Date: 1/1/2002
Time: 5:20:51 AM

Comments

Mark, dope fiend alcoholic. There is no pain in change, just in the resistance to it. I've learned that the hard way through the years. I've also learned I change about as gracefully as a dog on ice, with all four paws splayed out sliding in it's stomache. When I get out of the way, try and accept what's coming down the pipe, look at the change as another AFGO, (Another Fucking Growth Opportunity), I can muddle through and learn and grow. I heard a long time ago that one either grows, or goes around here. The only way to grow is through change. If this were easy, everybody would be doing this, it ain't, nor is it for the faint of heart. But booze and dope, beat me to the point of being willing to do anything to get out of the pain, even change. So I press on, and trudge the road of happy destiny. When I was out there, I was all about doing the same thing, the same way, over and over again, expecting different results. It didn't work. So I had to change, I have to change. I got comfortable existing in life in the booze bottle until it turned against me. Then I had to change or it would have killed me. Is it scarey? Damns straight it is, but God didn't bring me this far to drop me, so I press. Now, I gotta go to meetings and piss and moan about it, I gotta write and try and rationalize about it, I gotta think I can come up with an easier softer way, but in the final analysis, I have to change or I'll drink. The blueprint is in the book. It requires no original brainpower or thought on my part, so its simple for an overly complex ego-maniac like me. I was told a long time ago that I could be too smart for the program of Alcholics Anonymous, but I can't be too dumb. In my case, I need to pray for ignorance a lot. Nike commercial, when it comes to change, JUST DO IT. Besides, it's not the final destination that matters, it's the journey, that's where the growth and the living take place at. I'll keep coming back, I might get a bit different.

Mark


Member: Curtis L
Location: Goliad, TX USA
Date: 1/1/2002
Time: 6:29:58 AM

Comments

Mark said it "the pain comes from fighting the change". Oh, the old desire to control and play God. Doestn't work. Old ideas availed us something; the same old pain and misery we'd been getting from them. ~~~~ I'm an alcoholic named Curtis, and I tried to play God for a long time. Just didn't have the power or the smarts. Step 3 is my portal to change. God either is or He isn't. I have all the faith in the world that he is omnipotent, BUT He gave me free will and a brain, and sometimes I try to "get my way".. OK, I always try to get my way. My sponsor told me sixteen year ago; make your plans, take your actions, and although I have the results planned out, I must leave the results up to God.When things don't go 'my way', I talk to Him and ask him if I need to try again, maybe a different way. If I'm open to his will, I'll know whether to accept things the way they are or give it another shot. ~~~~

So, for Curtis, change is each time the clock ticks, and the sun rises. All new and subject to change. Prior to AA, I imagined myself as a juggler with 47 objects in the air, and if anyone added anything to my "act"; it would all crumble. Now I'm mostly a free spirit and able to do whatevr God puts in front of me, and can usually accept the results of my actions as His will for me at the moment. (My old self will does creep in and try to get it's way planning and trying to manipulate the results to my own selfish motives, but it usually doesn't work. So, trust God and be happy. Love and hugs in the fellowship from old crazy curtis curtis093040@selectrec.net


Member: Patricia
Location: New York
Date: 1/1/2002
Time: 10:18:26 AM

Comments

Hi Family, HAPPY SOBER NEW YEAR! Pat, Thanks for the excellent topic. When I first started in the program, the most difficult changes I had to make, were staying away from People, places, and things that were going to affect my sobriety and serenity. This at the beginning sounded impossible. The only life I knew was to have a bottle of booze at my side at all times. It was the hardest change in my life to put the plug in the jug.

I had to share at meetings how I was feeling. I cried my eyes out, and had such anger and rage inside me. I have 11 year sober today! Truly a miracle. The AA program and people, have helped to me reach this point ONE DAY AT A TIME! TO all Newcombers and People coming back, stick with the winners, share at all meetings from the heart, and try to walk through changes fighting the fear. PLEASE EVERYONE HAVE A SAFE, SOBER NEW YEAR. Love to all.


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota , fla....
Date: 1/1/2002
Time: 12:01:52 PM

Comments

i am an alcoholic , my name is richard . Love , Peace and Happiness to all. sobriety date dec 28, 1985......5848 days in sober life style...odaat...works sometimes osaat.. to our friend karen ...i am in sarasota ...email me and perhaps we can figure out what to do ....rjpmoody@webtv.net....your friend richard m.


Member: mike m
Location: west
Date: 1/1/2002
Time: 1:51:25 PM

Comments

My name is mike and i am an alcoholic. I got to the point in my alcoholism where the steps, while not looking good, didn't look so bad. I was at the point where I didn't really have anything to loose. i wanted my life to be different and doing the steps, even badly, was real different. Doing the things that are suggested to me by the Big Book and the people around the tables of AA brings about change. Doing what i want to when i want to was the old way and doing the things that sound like good ideas but that i don't really want to do right now is my path to change. i guess it is time to get into gratitude now so i will go write a few more thank you notes. Happy New Year. mike an alcoholic


Member: William P.
Location: B.R.La.
Date: 1/1/2002
Time: 2:51:35 PM

Comments

Bill P. here, I'm powerless over alcohol. 20 plus yrs sober.Many of them thru anxiety to depression & back again. With no happy, joyous & free. For you see, I was not in the program (THE 12 STEPS)of AA. I just went to meetings & didn't drink.(DRY DRUNK) It wasn't until I got into steps 4 thr 9. Where I learned to "Name It, CLAIM (OWN)IT, that I could "TAME IT" Today I have a little SERENITY & SANITY to go with the not drinking.Today my program, as I walk thru the 12 steps is,"ONE FOOT INFRONT OF THE OTHER, DO WHAT IS IN FRONT OF ME TO BE DONE. USE MY BEST JUDGEMENT, LEAVE THE RESULTS UP TO MY HIGHER POWER. Then if I want some serenity, "GET INTO ACCEPTANCE"

" CHERISH The Moment, it not the burndens of to day that drives us madd, it is the REGRETS(resentments) over yesterday, and the FEARS of tommorow"

There is NO situation in my life SO BAD or can get SO BAD, that I Can't make it worse by pouring alcohol on it.

Baest advise I ever heard. God or no God, Steps or no steps, drink or no drink, Keep coming back, for you are in the right place. If you keep coming back, "YOU WILL FIND YOUR GROUNG TO WALK ON.

May the FORCE be with you, smile apon you & give you peace. One day at the time.


Member: susie
Location: fl
Date: 1/1/2002
Time: 3:26:51 PM

Comments

karen i went to the strip joint but i couldnt find you


Member: Cher
Location: Maine
Date: 1/1/2002
Time: 9:30:52 PM

Comments

God, grant me the serenity to accept the situations I cannot and should not manipulate, the courage to change the things that might just be my responsibility, and the insight to listen to your instructions in these matters.

That might do it.

*smiles Cher


Member: luke
Location: west
Date: 1/1/2002
Time: 11:38:31 PM

Comments

change is always a part of life,if it wasn't we would all still be crawling around on the floor in diapers.


Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 1:04:52 AM

Comments

I'm Chuck, an alcoholic.

My experience tells me that human beings are resistant to changing their thinking and beliefs. I had beliefs that were killing me (the only way I can feel good is by drinking).Yet I fought changing that belief to the doors of death.

It was only when I could surrender, just a little, that maybe there was something wrong with my thinking. That it was not life threatening to admit that I was wrong about some things I believed. It only took a crack in my defences for healing to start by doing the steps s outlined in the Big Book.

Peace and Serenity.


Member: Maria R.
Location: SE Arizona
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 1:30:33 AM

Comments

Maria, alcoholic/addict... Thank you all for being here... This is my first time and I am really glad to be here. First, Karen and Jason, please call AA in your areas. there you will find people who understand your pain and confusion and will be glad to help you. I swear to God, there is a solution, change is possible, if you want it. Reach out, someone will reach back.

Right now I am going through a very painful change, not in resistance to it but in the greiving of it, 4 weeks ago my fiancee decided that he could not trust me and moved out. He chose to be filled with fear, instead of being blessed with love. I miss him and know that there is no way it will work, because there are so many ways he wanted to isolate me from others....I can see this now that some time has passed. This hurts alot. It has been a huge process of acceptance... He will simply not hear that I am trustworthy, and now is spewing nasty gossip about me around our very small town. I thank God for my years in this program, because I know that I am powerless in this situation. A part of me wants to respond in kind, to be cruel and viscious too, but I know better. It seems that his is my opportunity to learn firsthand what Jesus meant when he said "turn the other cheek." Like John H. from Indiana said, I must eliminate all expressions of hate from my life. I feel hurt and attacked, but all that I can do is look at my part in it, go to meetings, talk to my sponsor and PRAY MY ASS OFF. I know that hatred is a dead end street, it only leads to more of the same. The miracle in all of this is that today I can feel my grief, admit to my anger, and just be with it. I know it will fade in time, and I am willing to do the work to learn more about myself from this. One thing is for sure, I am on my knees with my heart open to God in a way that a never have been before. And I actually thank my ex for this...And for all of it.

I also thank everyone for writing in. I needed this meeting tonight. Bless you all. May we all learn and love with a spirit of compassion for ouselves and each other in this New Year. Maria R.


Member: jon d
Location: upper left edge
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 3:27:34 AM

Comments

alkys hate change? i dunno, maybe. part of my recovery from a hopeless state of mind and body is to embrace the simularities so i no longer need feel apart from....life. as one of god's children [read; human being], i sense that we, people, most always prefer the familiar, over change. a natural instinct. alcoholism has provided me with plenty of instincts run amuck, in this case, clinging to the familiar at great destructive cost due to my FEAR of [inevitable] changes. a fear magnified by my alcoholic desire to control [booze, people, outcomes]. a fine kettle of fish! natural {healthy] instinct turned inside out and spiraling toward destruction. thank god for powerlessness, my touchstone for the willingness to invite changes, at least the type offered with the 12 steps. i feel compelled to state the obvious, that nothing changed [ironic, huh?] by thinking about the steps, action was required. i say this because i tend to avoid the step work [change] in favor of the familiar old idea [magicical thinking] for quite a while, but when i started to 'own' my fractured instincts, steps 4,5,6,10, and open myself for a god given alternative, 7 & 11, the fears started to slip away. the replacement [part of a psychic shift; my spiritual experience] feels something like this; today i have a profound sense that my set of circumstances past, present, and FUTURE are OK, mainly because if i didn't have this set, i'd have another set to react badly to!! but they'd still be mine! god is good. still alcholic, jon


Member: karen a
Location: bradenton, fl
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 10:35:43 AM

Comments

my name is karen alcoholic and addict. thanks to everyone for the advice. my boyfriend did come over the other night and became over-raged. we got into a fight and told him to leave and he said never call me again. i went haywire that night and went barhopping myself. i met up with friends and drank so much that i hardly remember that night and also missed celebrating new year's. my trigger is my anger and my boyfriend. i came home lastnight and my parent's were so upset and how i hurt them AGAIN!!!!!! my dad is a functioning alcoholic, but is in denial. my whole life was based around drinking. why did i have to get this disease and what did i do to deserve it? i am very depressed right now and i don't want to feel anymore. i want to isolate and never go back out again. i hurt. 2001 was the worst year of my life. separation from my husband who was arrested for dom. viol. lost my apartment, in debt, controlling boyfriend, hurting my son and everyone else around me. the list goes on. i hope 2002 is alot better. my first day of sobriety and i feel awful. it seems like everyone hates and i feel unloved. i'm scared of what my father might do. thanks for reading. GOD BLESS. susie, i couldn't find you either. HA HA. jason and andrew, i'm in the same boat and stay in touch please.


Member: Tim H.
Location: Japan
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 10:55:16 AM

Comments

Tim, alcoholic

I'm like you, Patricia. The most difficult changes I'm facing are staying away from people, places and things that are affecting my serenity. On New Year's Eve I went to an AA meeting and then went to a bar and "celebrated" the New Year. Somehow (only by the grace of God) I managed to stay sober there, but now all I can think about is going back there and getting wasted. I've got one and a half years of sobriety on the line. I hope I make it back to some serenity. Thanks for being there.

Tim pxn03627@nifty.ne.jp


Member: cb
Location:
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 11:24:47 AM

Comments

Karen A. I've been in your shoes so many times I can't count. Here's what I recommend. Go to 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, and work the steps. You'll hear this over and over again, but I am telling you this because this has worked for me, a day at a time, for the past 18+ years.

I know what it is like to be on that merry-go-round, and not being able to get off. You can make it to sobriety. Just get to a meeting each day, and don't drink between meetings. This site is not a meeting, but at times we run into caring people that give us a bit of experience, strength, and hope.

I will pray that you pick up the phone and call an alcoholic in your area, go to a meeting, and get a sponsor.

Many blessings to you in this coming year, and I hope you find peace, serenity, and sobriety in 2002.

cb


Member: SandyC
Location: Scotland
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 11:35:45 AM

Comments

Happy New Year from the land that brought the world whisky and on behalf of all my fellow Scots let me say to alcoholics everywhere ... sorry about that! Not a drop passed my lips this year for the first time in decades and I didnít miss the Ďwater of lifeí one bit. No hangover, no fears about my behaviour. I didnít ever think a sober Hogmanay was a possibility and Iíd like to say to all other newbies that while the daily battle still has to be fought, it can be won. But it is not just about being able to take it a day at a time - itís also about change. I donít just want to be sober today, I also want to be a different person, hopefully one who is not so selfish and self-centred. This sounds a liitle pious and I donít mean to come over like someone who has Seen the Light, because I aint found a God (or even a doorknob) to surrender to yet. Iíve found that by not taking that first drink my life has changed in a natural kind of way - many of my fears have gone; my kids no longer worry about drunken phone calls from me or ones from others telling them that dad is in a mess again; I am starting to appreciate the present more; hope is gradually returning. I could go on and on, but I can honestly say that all the changes have been positive ones even though some may have been painful.. At a recent AA meeting a speaker said alcoholics are lucky people because they have the chance of a new life. I second that emotion and donít want to repeat the mistakes I made in the first one, so there has to be change. Once it was Scotch (and vodka, gin, wine, and beer) that dictated most changes (mostly bad) in my life, and now it doesnít (at least not today!) Itís all still a way from being hunky dory and as I said I face a daily battle, but thank goodness for the changes that have happened.


Member: Melissa B.
Location: Canada
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 12:09:39 PM

Comments

Change is a great topic, thank you. I'm so scared of change that I can hardly bear to think about it. So I don't think about it. (Much).

One of the things I heard loud and clear early in my sobriety is 'the same woman will drink again'. That horrified me. I just cannot go back to drinking, no matter what it takes.

But I learned through good sponsorship and guidance from other people, sober for a long time, that the steps accomplish change, slowly and effectively. So I don't think much about change, now. I just try to live in the steps and have some trust. This works when I just let it work.

To all the newcomers, AA can and does work. It has accomplished miracles in my life. God bless all of us, Melissa, an alcoholic.


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 12:10:09 PM

Comments

Hi everyone. Kim here, recovering alcoholic.

Yeah, change is hard whether we are initiating it or are powerless to stop it. Why? I believe, for me at least, it all comes down to FEAR. Fear of the unknown mostly.

That's where FAITH comes in. I can not be fearful and faithful at the same time. So I ask my HP to remove the fear and ask that His will be done and trust that things will work out. I have to ask that my fear be removed DAILY when big changes are going on and sometimes, when changes are beyond my control and they come with a fair amount of personal pain, I ask for help a lot more than once a day.

Fear of change = Lack of Faith. I try to displace my fear with faith and trust in God and the process of my recovery.


Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 12:48:13 PM

Comments

((Karen A in Florida)) you are worthy of love and you will find that most, if not all, of the folks of this site will love you. I love you. You took a big step in getting rid of the abusive boyfriend, and the abusive exhusband, now treat yourself well. Treat yourself as friend. I spent most of my life abusing myself after my childhood abusers were gone. My wife commented one day, "You know Rich, your excesses do not hurt them. This just hurts you and people who love you." Ouchh!

I was caught in a cycle of abuse, sounds like you are too. Life can and will get better, but you have to get help to make that happen. Keep coming here and get to a f2f meeting asap. My company's EAP - Employee Assistance Plan was very helpful. If you have a similar resource, use it. Call your local womens shelter for resources.

Take care.


Member: Richard D.
Location: Centreville, Va.
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 1:12:10 PM

Comments

I have recently gone through several major changes in my life. Relationship breakup, Financial difficulties, unemployment. I don't know how I could ever make it through without a drink or drug if I didn't have this program, the people in it and God. Thank you all for being here. I'll keep coming back because my sick self would find my way into some hellish situations if I didn't. Thanks for listening to my babble.


Member: Leslie M.
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 3:49:41 PM

Comments

Karen A. in Florida, the post from cb was right on the money -- do a 90 and 90; 90 AA meetings in 90 days. And, ask someone to be your temporary sponsor. I would look for someone who insists that you be honest under any and all circumstances, and tell you to get off the damned pity-pot when you're parked there. In my experience, that's what most alcoholics need, myself included. I didn't need a sponsor to coddle me, I needed a sponsor who had the good sense and bluntness to call me on my numerous forms of B.S. It's kept me sober for almost three years, somethin I never would have imagined would be possible -- a day at a time. Good luck.


Member: Leslie M.
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 3:50:23 PM

Comments

Karen A. in Florida, the post from cb was right on the money -- do a 90 and 90; 90 AA meetings in 90 days. And, ask someone to be your temporary sponsor. I would look for someone who insists that you be honest under any and all circumstances, and tell you to get off the damned pity-pot when you're parked there. In my experience, that's what most alcoholics need, myself included. I didn't need a sponsor to coddle me, I needed a sponsor who had the good sense and bluntness to call me on my numerous forms of B.S. It's kept me sober for almost three years, something I never would have imagined would be possible -- a day at a time. Good luck.


Member: Jen
Location: West Coast
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 4:03:34 PM

Comments

Jen here, alcoholic. Just popped in for a 'quickie', I'm home for lunch and feeling anxious and weird. Thanks all for being here, I read all the posts, laughed some, related some, felt marginally better. Not a big fan of change, but I like what Williams said: most of the injuries we gain, we get in the running away. Fuck if it ain't sooo true. Now if I could just figure out what I'm running from! LOL

Thank you guys, it's nice to check in on the net.


Member: karen a
Location: bradenton fl
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 4:08:38 PM

Comments

hey everyone. karen A in Florida. thanks for the advice and the support. it seems like everyone is against me. i'm glad i have all you on my side and will listen. i am scared. i feel lost and just scared on what may happen next. fear of the "unknown". i wish i could rewind the tape and play it over. maybe i wouldn't feel like this right now. i love you guys and stay in tocuh.


Member: Dee R.
Location: Santa Clarita CA
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 4:29:18 PM

Comments

Hi everyone Im Dee, and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic.My sobriety date is 2/21/95. Change is part of life and we dont do very well with change unless its our choice. We are selfish and self centered how dare someone else change something that affects me. I too have had my share ofchange in the 7years Ive been blessed to be sober, but I can always find away to deal with it as long as I am working in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and notin the program of Dee. My life is the best its ever been and I try every day to screw that up, thank god that aa gives me people who tell me not to screw that up, because I am an alcoholic screwing up is familiar to us... sobriety and doing things the right way are not.....so its us who NEEDS changeeven thought we might not like it. Thanks for being here and for sharing...AA works if you work it!


Member: Allen M
Location: Los Angles, CA
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 6:29:42 PM

Comments

Hi my anme is Allen M and this is my first online attempt at AA. I have about 8 months clean and I am in a treatment facility working as a Outreach Coordinator. The road thus far has been a hard one and it has taken me over 13 years off and on to get this past 8 months. All I kow is that the type of place that I am in is helping but the day is coming soon to leave from here and certain issues are coming up. I am reaching out on this site because all day I am on line and need to get my meetings in anyway I can so I thought this would be the best place to reach out. I hope someone can relate becasue this is my first time trying this on line stuff.. Allen M


Member: Carolyn (d.o.s. 5/2/82)
Location: south east
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 7:03:48 PM

Comments

Carolyn - alcoholic

Hello family - you are wonderful - alcoholics are the greatest people once they get a little aa in there heart -

i hav e to have things put in a plain clear way so i can not twisted around to be something i want - i had a hard time with accept - could not do it no matter what i did - when i was ready my HP sent someone with the right words i could understand - to accept does not mean i have to like, be happy and overjoyed - all i have to do is accept what ever as it is and stop fighting - accept and get on with living a sober life -

Fear i was asked to spell - ok F E A R - what does f e a r mean F = false E = events A = apearing R = real false events apearing real = most of stuff i fear never happens - so all the time i spent on it was wasted = what i need to do is get back into today -

One thing i was very good at even befor i found aa and soberity - i could stand tall dig my heals in and no way was i going to change - someone told me i should try to be flexable - look at the trees in a storm - the ones who are tall and will not bend with the wind are the ones to come down - the ones who are flexable and bend with the wind will stand to see another day -

I could not talk to many but thanks to my HP there were some i could - some of my best learning came in the parking lot after the meeting in one on one talking - i would stand there and spill my guts and

don would never fail to ask me a question when i would run down - Have you asked god what he is trying to teach you now

thanks for being here i need you in my life carolyn


Member: Ron Y.
Location: Costa Mesa, CA  Sobriety Capital of the World
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 7:35:07 PM

Comments

Change. Change. First of all I got a sponsor or he got me. I got the oppurtunity to listen to someone else's advice. I love AA. The longest I have gone without a meeting is 4 days. I have been sober since 1983. Back then in AA it was suggested don't take anything that affects you from the neck up. I know it was really hard for me to sleep & sit still for the first year in sobriety. Simple things like eating alot of sugar and drinking coffee would keep me up til all hours of the night. Then I would go to work in the morning on lack of sleep. Seems like I was a bit irritable from lack of sleep. So I got a 2 cup coffee pot instead of a 10 cup quit drinking coffee at night meetings. Being the type of alcy that would always drink a full pot it helped my anxiety to cut way down on the caffeine. Everyday is a Bonus!!!


Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 8:19:49 PM

Comments

Hi Ed alcoholic, Dealing with changes was hard for me. I always had to do things my way. I decided to let my Higher Power do things that are right for me, it seem to take away alot of stress. There are still changes that seem to bother me some what but I pray to my higher power and it all works out. I realize that change is a part of life. Keep going to AA and read the Big Book.


Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 8:19:52 PM

Comments

Hi Ed alcoholic, Dealing with changes was hard for me. I always had to do things my way. I decided to let my Higher Power do things that are right for me, it seem to take away alot of stress. There are still changes that seem to bother me some what but I pray to my higher power and it all works out. I realize that change is a part of life. Keep going to AA and read the Big Book.


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 11:07:29 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am an alcoholic, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Thanks for the sincere shares. Welcome newcomers!

Good topic, Pat. Past experience has taught me that being extra vigilant about sticking with the AA program of recovery to the best of my ability has kept me sober during major changes in my life.

Of course, this doesn't mean that I don't experience mystifying, emotional turmoil during these changes; it only means that being extra vigilant under these circumstances has kept me sober and thus given me an opportunity to learn and develop character.


Member: Beka L
Location: Macon, GA
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 11:26:04 PM

Comments

Hey everybody! It is snowing in my part of the world today, so I didn't get to a meeting. I am really glad to find this site. On the topic of change, being sober is a change for me today. I am only a little over 90 days sober. New Years was different for me because I didn't go with all my "friends" and boyfriend to the annual party and get wasted. I sat on the couch and cried while Dick Clark strongly promoting his 30th year on tv. But I woke up Jan. 1 sooooo happy to be sober.

Actually, my sponsor has been telling me I need a little change in my life because if I keep to things the same I may end up in a bottle again. So, since I got a snow day off from work, I rearranged by living room today and it feels pretty good to see things differently. I know that with the support of this fellowship and "One Day at a Time" and the idea that things will look better tomorrow, I don't have to drink anymore. Thanks for being here, it feels good to share. Beka


Member: S.L.D.
Location: midwest
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 11:32:36 PM

Comments

Big change <<< topic I everyone! I'm an alcoholic, who invited big change in my life by moving from the eastern usa to the midwest. It was a fast move meaning that I did not come here to the midwest several times so I could get an idea what was in store for me. Bags were packed, car was gased up, zoom to the midwest. I left AA home group, AA sponsors, AA friends, family and other friends - everything that had been familar to me for a long time. It has taken me 2 years to adjust to my new surroundings, find an AA group and get connected; plus doctors, dentists, banks, grocery store - the whole gambit. I have new critters that I never had to deal with up close and personal = bobcats, cougar, coyotes, scorpions, snakes, etc. Recently I acquired a long-distant AA sponsor, a home group that I attend when ever I can locate someone willing to get me there as I cannot see at night to drive safely. Plus, joined an online AA email group. Slowly I'm making friends. Still getting lost whenever I hop in the ole car to go toodling. Everyday of my sober life deals with change. No two days are alike. Have you noticed? thanks for the topic


Member: S.L.D.
Location: midwest
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 11:53:19 PM

Comments

Oops! I forgot to share how I deal with change. I use the "basic tools" = don't drink, go to meetings, talk to AAers/ sponsor, read the Big Book, HALT,Serenity prayer, this too shall pass, easy does it but put the foot in front of the other foot, take time out for me; seek outside help if necessary, bring this topic up at AA meetings, do 12 step work/or service work (get involved with AA), read my gratitude list, dance a jig with the broom, sing songs, pray and work the AA program to the best of my ability. Rule 62= don't take myself or anyone else or anything else so seriously that I'm going to cop a resentment. Ask for help: no false pride.

AA hugs to all!


Member: Bobbye E.
Location: McKinney TX
Date: 1/2/2002
Time: 11:56:35 PM

Comments

Hi Bobbye here, real alcoholic and recovering addict. Grateful and amazed. You know that commitment that voice in your mind murmers about: "the step won't work on this" or "a meeting is not going to change anything this time" Actually the step 2 insanity keeps working for me. I still just know when my head and my feelings are out to get me the program won't help me this time. It always does, one day at a time.

Wow! John from Indiana, I read your post earlier today, what a gift you gave me! I am in that 15th year and wha do I appreciate the changes, not that I always jump to the front of the line to embrace them.

What's going on right now is well I asked for help from the family doctor, you know some professional help. I have never been emotionally availible enough for long enough to know I was uncomfortable, let alone depressed.

I have spent years passionately grateful that the suicidal piece was removed with the compulsion to drink and drug.

I have wrestled with the willingness to ask for help myself, cause I have made it so far. Well I know in my heart of hearts it does not have to be that hard. So its day three with a very mild antidepressant, perhaps it will help with the oversensitivity the steps and God have not yet smoothed over.

Taking it a day at a time, thanks for letting me share. Takes what it takes. Love yall.


Member: Maria R.
Location: SE Arizona
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 12:57:57 AM

Comments

Maria R. alcoholic/addict...great day to be sober...glad to be here.

Hey Karen A.. go to a meeting! It's true what everyone has been telling you...go and go and go and go. There you will find real people, in the flesh, to help you learn to love and care for you in ways you never imagined. And there will always be people outside of AA who don't understand our disease, because that is what it is, a progressive, fatal disease, so going to meetings every day for the first 90 will help you to feel, and even know, that not everyone is against you. We are for you. I understand your pain and confusion... I remember my first monthes of sobriety and how I always felt like there was an avalanch of emotions waiting for me to move into just the right position so it could smother me...But as tough as it was to learn to feel, God has never given me more than i can handle. When I got sober, I got better. And today i am still getting better...and I have more fun in one afternoon clean and sober than i used to have in 6 monthes of drinking. And you know what the greatest thing is about that? I remember every bit of the fun I had. It is truely awesome. So stop right now, get out your phone book, look up alcoholics anon. in your area, and dial that number...find a meeting and get to it today. Remember, any shame you have experienced or inflicted upon others is not unheard of in the rooms of AA. There is nothing you have done that we haven't. We are a group of people who have gone down really far, really hard, and we help each other come up, one day at a time. Email me: airamira@yahoo.com. Thanking God for one more day, Maria R.


Member: Me
Location: Here
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 3:38:55 AM

Comments

Change isn't something unusual. It happens everyday. It should be something we depend on. It is living with it and not feeling guilty everyday. I feel guity, that is not something I can change easily. Honest to God, I havn't done the 4th step enough yet to accept that I have done wrong. I know I've been wronged, and I must learn to forgive. I havn't even figured out what I feel guity about yet, or what I should change. But God willing I will. And He will give me the strengh to do IT! This is one little cookie that needs to change it! I guess I'm "it". I must find _ _. Love to all


Member: nicky m
Location: south of the mason/dixon line
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 7:59:07 AM

Comments

I am an alcoholic-addict, my name is Nicky. By the grace of God & the help of this fellowship I am grateful to be sober this day. Maria from AZ, I liked your comments, and Karen A, I hope you are hanging on. It gets better, or it gets different...speaking of change. I have been sober 4 months now (...and 1 day, but who's counting?..lol) I have been in and out of AA for many years, and I reckon I've decided to follow a few suggestions, & try it the AA way. Can I NOT drink? Don't know. But I woke up this morning and said a little prayer, and today'll find me in a meeting at some point, so if I don't take a drink, there's a pretty good chance that I'll stay sober today(...this hour...this minute...).But I can't do it alone,& it takes work, for me, (and that's a change). I could write pages about the changes I've gone through these few months. I feel like I'm in a constant state of change, only I'm not hanging on so hard. Being afraid of God only knows what is slowly being replaced with faith in the program...That's not to say that there aren't days when it feels like everything has changed, or worse yet,that everything needs to change! But I know that no matter what goes down, I'll walk through it sober, with the help of AA, and God's grace.


Member: Connie S.
Location: Riverside N.J.
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 8:17:59 AM

Comments

Hello all, I am beginning to love this site. I'm and alcoholic and my name is connie. This past week, my disease has been getting up before me and I hate when that happens. I am trying to avoid the pity pot big time. Going back to the beginning, pick up the phone, go to meetings, reach out... I have been praying for awareness. I know God has put something in front of me, and I must be missing it. Whenever I feel "wanting" or like something is missing, that usually means I am looking too hard. So time will tell. God Bless you all... He already has


Member: PK
Location: UK
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 8:20:50 AM

Comments

Paul here, Alcoholic. Sober for a while now, (Newcomers, itís not a competition)

Good topic, Pat. Change to me? Lots of it, it started along time ago when I was a boy, I remember being the innocent lad liking life most of the time.

Then I was introduced to this thing called ĎAlcoholí gradually over as longer time as I hadnít drank since birth, I got to half my life I had been drinking then more.

The changes started when I drank because I drank no other reason, I lost everything that Iíd worked for. So I changed from one end to the other.

I stopped for a change! Stopped because I was dying, really. Iíd lost 3 stone, I didnít eat much maybe once a week, then that wasnít much, vomiting blood and the list goes on. I stopped all that, a struggle but worth everything, I had to change.

Iím now Optimistic in everything I do. Always look on the bright side of life. Look where Iíve gone wrong and act on it, in a positive way, the only way is to change for the better. To be able to go to bed at night with the thought Iíve done all I can today to the best of my ability.

Iíve been studying at College. Agreed with the wife (ex now) Ďshe had to goí. Living with my lad for now. Helping others to achieve sobriety. I can get up in the morning with a clear head, not thinking what the hell happened last night.

I find ĎIt Tremendous to be free from outside changeí to me!

Love to Youís All

Paul K


Member: I am I say!!
Location: Around!
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 12:24:12 PM

Comments

I have noticed a lot of changes in my life lately too! I know I have to stay away from the first drink to be able to control the situation that involves my life, for if I don't, all will be lost! I also have a lot of other "first" evils to avoid, and once I master the primary "first" again after the changes take place, (whether they are here to stay or just a passing thing who knows?), but I have to remain in control of my life, not yours, but my life! So if that is my intention, there should be no need to be at odds with anyone! Or so one would think! But it doesn't always work that way, as there are always people, places and things that don't want you to have the ability to control the important things in your life! And so if they just persist in such devilish behavior, sooner or later they are going to have to be stepped on and kept underfoot!! I wonder if any of you agree with this?


Member: mary k
Location: NE ohio
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 12:27:15 PM

Comments

dislike of change = fear of the un-known, we all know that, but aren't you seeking change just by logging on to this web-site? Chaos is a wonderful excuse for using your drug of choice, so why would I want to "change" a disfunctional life style?...hum????

karen it sounds like your "drug of choice" include your boyfriend. Now I'm no expert, but it seems to me that people who love us want the best for us, want us to be healthy,and happy; does that sound like him? don't get me wrong, I have been where you are and i know how difficult it is. Something I was told early in my sobriety has stuck with me and gets me through many hard times: ANYTHING YOU PUT BEFORE YOUR SOBRIETY YOU WILL LOOSE ANYWAY.

Last but most important is the peace and spirituality I have gained by finding my HP. It sounds goofy to some people, but by "letting go and letting God" things have a way of working out much better than when I tried to be in control.


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 12:48:39 PM

Comments

Thanks for the interesting topic. It seems self evident that we alcoholics are afraid of change. As a young boy I remember wishing that I could curl up inside an iron ball and hide. I feared everything, I was always depressed as I always considered that everything that brought me happiness would always change into something sad. My loving pets were going to die someday, I would have to face my parents death, so on and on. My fear of the future took me to the hell my alcoholism could feed on. I was one sick puppy. Some of the sanity that God has restored to me in sobriety is to see the futility of living in either the future or past. If I can stay present, to what is actually happening instead of all the drama and chaos my ego likes to create, then I am assured joy and serenity. The steps have helped me to recognize when my character defects are trying to be in control again. Everyday, all day I try to turn my will over to God and keep an open mind Change only becomes something to fear when I fail to recognize the loving omnipresence of my God Simple but not easy!.


Member: Shannon D.
Location: Illinois
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 3:36:07 PM

Comments

Hello, everyone. This is my first time here. I have only recently decided that I think I might be an alcoholic. I am in my mid-twenties and nearly all of my social life revolves around alcohol. Unlike Karen, my boyfriend is very supportive, but I'm not sure that he understands just how bad it might be. I've been taking Paxil for several months now, and I once thought that my anxiety was the problem. I now realize that my drinking is much more the problem. When I get lonely, I drink wine at home by myself or go to the local bar and have a few too many. I always tell myself that I will not do this anymore, yet I do. I become very emotional or even say mean things when I am drunk, and I am having trouble just keeping my drinking to one or two socially. I realized that my drinking was a problem when I hide it from others or lie about what I was out doing. I have not yet been to an AA meeting, and I'm nervous about it. I am also nervous about being around my friends socially, and not drinking. I guess this is where the CHANGE comes into play for me. I recently went to AlcoholicsAnonymous.com and took the quiz on there about being an alcoholic. I checked nearly every symptom. I have many supportive people in my life, but I'm not sure if I am ready to tell them about this. Is that a bad sign? Also, how is the best way to handle social situations without drinking? Thank you to everyone out there for your comments. They have really opened my eyes.


Member: Joe M
Location: Bayonne, NJ
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 3:46:21 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic-addict.

For me BIG change can be a wonderful thing or a nightmare. It depends if it something that is pleasurable or painful.

I have had both in recovery. It has been said many times here; change is as much a part of life as breathing.

It took me many years to unlink change and drinking. I'm told that I have a body that sick and a mind I cant trust! Thats why I need this program, and today I want it too. There is an old timer here (probably everywhere) that tells me -No matter what happens in my life don't drink. " If your ass falls off put it in a wheel barrow and get it to a meeting. I live by this today---there is no reason to drink-change is inevitable.

I also know the difference between the fellowship and the program and that is integral to my sobriety and what allowed me to get sober and stay sober this time.

Also the 11th step prayer and the serenity prayer with some guidance and meditation helps me to change for the positive and grow in this beautiful program.

Thanks,


Member: We stay pyed away the hours
Location: Changes..
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 5:29:13 PM

Comments

There are changes in our lives according to the world, And there are changes in our lives according to God; Those that are of the world tend toward the old way of thinking, toward the flesh, toward pride of life, and the customs of those that seem to be in control somewhat. It is these folks that have made our lives unmanagable, so much so that we are faced with quiting drinking just to get by, we are faced with quiting drinking, not in order to win, but to keep from loseing still further. If we are to be rigorously honest, we must admit that the world is almost an unlivable place and its high time to find that recourse that God offers thru obedience to the faith that bids us overcome the world. Changes of the world come upon us more often than we conclude to do them, they befall us, and apart from our willingness, we must try to adjust accordingly if we plan to continue therein; But the faith and the program bids us make another kind of change, that even of government, the government of our lives refocused from the system of the world to the system that God has layed down for us in the scriptures, that we might prepare our hearts to seek the lord and haply by this we might find him and follow that wisdom from above that supersead the wisdom of this world, and, in so doing be restored to sanity, a sanity that is not according to what the common order of things seems to think but rather what God esteems even as its written:.. "God made man upright, but he presued many inventions" Seeing then that we will all be taught by God, these changes that are of the world only add to our urgency of finding that higher power that will instruct us and teach us in the way we shall go, having reached a bottom, one that bids us sell what we own and follow our lord, One that says "store not up for yourselves treasure on earth where moth and rust corrode, it speaks of a better way and an abundant life that stores up for ourselves treasures in heaven where thieves do not break in and steal where the little that a righteous man has, is better than all that feasting and the strife thereof, for we brought nothing into the world and its certain we can carry nothing out, so then if we have food and clothing, let us be content with that. This is the handy work of God to change us accordingly to esteem little rather than much it is divine guidance that will teach us: give us this day our daily bread, and let the world chase after what it will....


Member: Jessica P.
Location: Indpls. IN
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 5:59:54 PM

Comments

Hello everyone, I am Jessica, an alcoholic. I am having a real hard time trying to figure out why I drank? I am currently in Florida with my parents because my husband didn't know what else to do with me after three treatments. I to can relate with Karen, I have had abusive relations in the past. I started drinking very heavy the past year, I have done things I would have never done to jeopardize my life and my sons. I have never felt more alone, Why can't I get a hold of this, and still yet if I was able to go out and get that bottle I would right now so I don't have to deal with all the screw ups I have caused. My husband says, "I can't come home until I have 30-60 days under my belt. He has not been to a meeting, nor family night at a stress center I was attending. He wants an explanation of why????? I don't know why, all I know is that the more he tells me how much I have F**ked things up the more I want to drink, and just fall of the earth. Someone help me because I am not hanging well.

Completely Alone, Depressed, Confused, ECT..... Jessica P.


Member: Dave
Location:
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 7:04:52 PM

Comments

Jessica P. I'm Dave, an alcoholic. I self medicated because I hurt a lot too. The problem with alcohol is we think it is a solution when it is the cause of our disasters. I finally had to surrender to that fact. What has worked for me for a number of years now has been to go to meetings every day, and get a sponsor, same sex, that can walk me through the steps. You do not have to do this alone, and all you need to recover is the "desire" to stop drinking. All I can tell you for sure is the program has worked for me a day at a time, and has given me my life back. T

This deal is voluntary, you can come and go as you please, if others have what you want (sobriety) then you can have this too. I had to put AA number one in my life, or more appropriately, sobriety, which I attribute to the help the program gives me.

Don't give up before you get the miracle!

Many blessings to you Jessica, you can have it if you want it!


Member: Mari
Location: Indiana
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 7:53:30 PM

Comments

Well, I probably don't like the idea of 'change' any more than any other alcoholic....but I sure like the CHANGES in my life that have come about as the result of sobriety!

Talk about the difference between night and day.....boy,howdy!!

To stray a bit from the topic, I would like to say for Jessica's benefit that today it absolutely does not matter WHY I drank....because I KNOW I drank because I am an alcoholic. Most people do not understand that....they don't have to. And alot of folks don't believe that the compulsion to drink for an alcoholic is stronger than almost any other need. My drinking ranked right behind breathing in importance for my survival.

Who in the world can understand that but another alcoholic???

One of our mottos is "To thine ownself, be true". My sobriety is absolutely the most important thing in my life today....for without it, I am of no use to anyone or anything.

I don't think that is selfish....I believe staying sober is the greatest service I can do for God, and for my fellows. Period.

Good luck, Jessica. There are lots of good meetings in Indy....I went to lots when I was in treatment there...and there is good sobriety too....all you need to do is ask for AA help when you get back home. One day at a time.


Member: Carol
Location: NE Georgia
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 8:05:40 PM

Comments

Joe, from NJ. Great sharing. I haven't been to this site in a long time, because so many of the posts are people who just don't or won't go to face to face meetings. "Frequent contact with newcomers and each other is the bright spot of our lives." Pg. 89 of Big Book.

Experience it!

As far as change is concerned, why would I think that I would be exempt from change. I sit in meetings and hear others share their fears when change occurs, and I think it won't happen to me? How self-centered is that.

Don't drink - no matter what!!


Member: Kathy G.
Location: Northeast(CT)
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 8:48:56 PM

Comments

Hi all, My name is Kathy and I'm a REAL alcoholic. That will never change. However, I will change the things I can, and find the wisdom to know the difference between what I can and cannot change.

Keeping it simple in CT.


Member: Charisse C
Location: NE
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 9:29:04 PM

Comments

Hi. I'm Charisse and I'm an alcoholic. I'm on day 3(60 hrs) of sobriety now and am so scared that I have every ailment possible developing now. I've been reading the internet articles on many topics, and don't know if I should just continue to believe and be strong, or if I need medical assistance. The only symptoms I think I have are sweats at night and difficulty sleeping. I don't shake and don't want to drink. I believe it gets better, and just wanted to hear if anyone else was scared at my stage. Thanks.


Member: jw
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 10:25:01 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is james and I am an alcoholic. Charisse it does get better, just hang in there. You are responsible to not pick that first drink up. That for me was the hardest lesson to learn. I was never religous. Put it true find your higher power. Good luck


Member: Caroline P.
Location: Texas
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 10:50:09 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone! I am on the back side of countless changes. Thank goodness I did more than was asked of me when it came to getting sober. I went to meetings daily for at least 5 years. Saw councelors. Got professional help in changing careers. Followed the old-timers around. Studied the Steps and the Traditions. Spoke in jails, high schools, and treatment centers.

The point is, I went to "any length" and you can too..I realized I would do anything for drugs and alcohol. Why not do the same for your recovery? It works

Change is very scarey sometimes. I handle it by focusing on the solution. (Mentioned above) Step work is primary, but also to get myself out of self pity, I must go to meetings. There I discover some how that someone else has worse problems. Suddenly, I want my own problems. I remenber when I was struggling with accepting that my knee was totally destroyed due to multiple surguries. I could not run anymore ( Iwas an athelete) I was so deep in my sorrow. Then a couple of days later, this guy came into the meeting with a partial leg. I finally saw that someone else always has it worse. If you are sober today, you have a better chance at handling change. It also helps me to know the stages of change, so I can learn to understand emotions. It goes something like this: 1.Denial 2.Anger 3.Depression 4. Acceptance.

The road may feel very slow. But, if I am on it, then at least I know where I am going. Gods Blessings on you all.


Member: jeff o
Location: san diego
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 11:51:27 PM

Comments

I'm here to admit-once again that I am an alcoholic. I started a binge on saturday. Had my last drink sometime last night.Now I'm in the incomprehensible demoralization stage. I'm terrified. I've had long periods of sobriety (months= and 1 stretch of a year and a half.I guess I've never fully accepted AA-though I've been to many meetings. I can't seem to be honest with myself, or the group. What scares me most is wondering if I am one of those "who are constitutionally incapable"- Just wanted to share.


Member: carlene m
Location:
Date: 1/3/2002
Time: 11:56:55 PM

Comments

hi..i'm carlene alcoholic. change can be a real bitch but i think it usaually happens for the best. fear is my number one obstacle when it commes to change. but i don't think that's why i drink and stop..drink and stop...i can be enjoying a nice time with family and friends and not think about having a drink until out of nowhere i think to myself..what's one..that's no big deal. i try to justify that i've been without a drink for so many days and just one won't be a problem...it creates a huge problem!just a half of a glass of wine starts the visious cycle for me. i can't figure out why i do this. is it fear..boredom..i don't know. i have a great husband, great job, nice home, i get to enjoy walks on the beach with my dog everyday. i go out of my way to help others but i do get resentful sometimes that i don't get what i expect in return (usually just a thank you or a recognition is all i ask). the best thing i enjoy about having a drink (especially wine) is that warm feeling you get from even the first sip. but he sip turns into a glass..then another glass and sometimes another glass. i don't even like the way it makes me feel by then. so why do i continue to do things like this to myself?? thanks for listening!!


Member: Laura N.
Location:
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 12:21:57 AM

Comments

Hey, my name is Laura and I am an alcoholic who is being dragged kicking and screaming into sobriety...talk about change....I am VERY aware what my drinking has done to my life and those around me. The most recent thing that has happened in my life is the loss of someone that I care deeply about because of our mutual alcoholism that we have participated in together. For each of our reasons we turn to alcohol to relieve our pain and unfortunately the alcohol has brought greater pain. I have tried to stop before and so has he. This time it appears that change must happen because I have gotten drunk and exploded like a volcano at him while he was drunk resulting in a physical fight with me calling the cops and not owning up in one case of starting the hitting. My life is a mess and so is his...he's in jail (though I will say that most of the charges against him have not a thing to do with me, but rather his own actions outside of our relationship when we weren't together)I'm on the outside knowing that I contributed to him being there because of my own alcoholism and efforts to protect myself from my own actions while under the influence....uhhh....I know enough to know that we are each responsible for our own actions and that I alone am responsible for changing myself...that I can't change him so I am ready for a change because what I am doing is getting me nowhere fast but at the sametime I am dealing with other changes that would be overwheleming to anyone...let alone someone who depends on alcohol to get them through. Guess I am getting alittle wiser to alcoholism because I am going back to AA and counseling...change is coming am I am really afraid..


Member: Leif  B.                                    
Location: Isle of Desolation
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 2:47:09 AM

Comments

Donnie , I guess you're discovering, as all of us must , that this is a World of Unending Afflictions, Alcoholism being only one .

I remember going to a meeting one Sunday afternoon a few years back,and feeling more and more desperate and alone as I rambled on for God knows how long,wishing for nothing better than a nice bullet in my brain . A couple Alkies , a man and a woman, pulled me aside outside the hall and talked to me for I dont know how long. Eventually I settled down .Those folks saved my life that day .The thing is, I cant tell you anything they said except one thing : "Prayer and Meditation,kid-that's the answer." Now,999 out of 1000 times , before that I'd have brushed that off in any number of ways-closed my mind,said :"Yeah,But-", or "What-if" or whatever,but THAT day I was ready to listen AND apply what I heard.

Now I'd just love to tell you that,with regular Zen medition,Prayer,a proper diet,exercise and generally just being a Good Doobie ,that my Anxiety and Depressions which I've struggled with (along with every other Alkie I've known)all my adult life , have dissolved and now I'm Happy,Joyous,and O!So Free! But Alas all Life being a struggle ..well.let Bob Dylan say it :

"Life Is Sad..Life's A Bust..All We Can Do,Is Do What We Must ; We Do What We Must Do..And We Do It Well ."

We do as much as we can,when we can.That's all.Sober isnt always Gravy Days,but it beats the Hell out of the alternative,doesnt it-?And I venture to say that if you DONT think so, you havent eyeballed the alternative lately .

Suffice to say,there's no such thing a s too much meditation,Prayer,or too many attempts to help and/or understand your fellow Alkie .

Listen to your Doctor(s) but remember that they're not Gods ;(although quite a few of them think they are!)

An old Greek saying goes "It Is Part Of The Cure , To Wish To Be Cured ." ( Not that we're ever cured,naturally. ) All I'm saying is if you listen the the part of yourself which wants to be Healthy more often than the part of you which wants to be Sick,and self-destruct,you might just stay alive and in one piece,if not always ecstatic .


Member: Maria R.
Location: SE Arizona
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 3:38:49 AM

Comments

maria, alcoholic/addict... Hey all you new comers, don't worry why you drink/drank...That's what alcoholics do. We do it when it feels good and we do it when it feels terrible. The major miracle is when we stop drinking...that is the magic and the mystery, not why we drank. Some alcoholics came from great, functional, clean and sober homes, but the first time they drank, they knew they had found the answer. Of course, it stops working after a time and that is when we embrace change and get clean and sober...go to meetings, clean house, help others, do the steps with a sponsor... Man, these are the changes that really serve us, each positive change in sobriety is a miracle and a victory for God. i have regretted alot of the things I have done out of fear and self will, but I have not regretted one single thing I have done in service to my spiritual growth.

And on the life is suffering thing, i can say that while it can be painful, mostly i find it thrilling and enjoyable. right now I'm in the middle of an extremely painful break-up, but I still love life...I feel that God wants me to be happy on earth, to allow my energy to flow with balanced radience... So i think suffering is a part of life, but not it's core, and mostly i focus on the joy of family, friends and sobriety... and the adventure of cutting through and releasing the illusions which keep me from experiencing the sunlight of the spirit...

Embrace it all,

Maria R.


Member: Tom M
Location: Homosassa  Florida
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 10:09:41 AM

Comments

HI All, My name is Tom M and you know the rest. To Pat who started the topic (How do you handle major change.)Great topic. I could use all the old clecheys (Probably selled wrong) Like "first things first" I don't know if I can be of help Pat, all I can do is tell you What it was like for me and what I did. I first got serious about this program. For a long time I didn't. I could not understand why I could not go for very long before I got Drunk or Hi again. I guess I just was not hearing what I was being told by those who were staying sober, or I just didn't want too. Finally I guess I just got so sick and tired of being sick and tired that I started to "Listen" I was hearing, I just was not listening. Once I did, I started doing just what these folks were telling me who were staying sober. I got me a sponsor. I went to meetings every day, and for much more than 90 meetings in 90 days. I sometimes made two or three meetings a day. I was fortunate I lived in a place where there were several meetings a day. I got a "Big Book". I started reading it. The book and my sponsor said to work at the stepts. I did not drink "ONE DAY AT A TIME!" Guess what Pat. I am still doing these things one day at a time. It has been more than 9 years since my last drink, TODAY. Its a great way to live. Just try it. OH I found a higher POWER too Pat. Mine just happens to be JESUS. God Bless and thanks Pat you helped me stay sober one more day. If you read this e-mail me and let me know how you are doing. (tess1@talkz.com)


Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 1:39:20 PM

Comments

((jeff o)) you sound like someone who is very honest and cabable of owning what you have done. Not at all like one of those "who are constitutionally incapable". I would love to have a year and half sober, I don't even have 2 months yet. I respect you, hell I admire you. Keep with it my brother.

peace


Member: Chris H.   
Location: Fla.
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 5:46:39 PM

Comments

Chris here, I'm an alcoholic/addict/addict-----BOy , as a true alcoholic --I hate change, but through this program I have learned that it is possible and that it is even good for me. It has really helped me to read the posts here today because I have been procrastinating a change that I need to make. I have been projecting that the worst(ALso typical alcoholic thinking!) will happen . I know now that if it si what my Higher Power wants it will be for the best...Well, happy new year to every one...in hopes that we will all have happy, healthy, sober years!


Member: Rachel L.
Location: Alabama
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 6:25:45 PM

Comments

Hello everyone my name is Rachel and I am an acoholic and an addict.This is my first time to the site and I really enjoyed coming.I've been really going through alot of withdraw lately and it really scares me.My parents don't want to beleive that I really have a problem(I'm still there little girl) so its been really hard to get to meetings. A few days ago a close friend of mine died.. he got shot in the head at the young age of 15. I dunno, I took his death really hard and all this stress really makes me wanna drink.I really hate changes in my life that are out of my control.I haven't been to a meeting in a few days and I havent called my sponser either. I can feel my self slipping already and I've only been sober since November. But despite everything I know I can stay clean and sober if I put my mind to it.If anyone can tell me what they do when they start to slip I would be very grateful!Thanx for listening and I hope everyone had a good New Year.God Bless!


Member: just wondering
Location:
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 7:01:30 PM

Comments

is elvis hiding out in graceland,or is he really dead?


Member: Mari
Location: Indiana
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 7:59:26 PM

Comments

What do I do when I feel myself slipping??? I take that to mean slipping away from the AA program and all that it offers.....not slipping into a drink.

It is real simple....I go to a meeting. Any AA meeting. Doesn't have to be a familiar one, or my home group, or one that my sponsor will be at. ANY meeting, the sooner, the better. A men's or women's meeting will take a group conscience to welcome a suffering member if they are not 'qualified' to be there.....just GO to a meeting.

And don't drink.

God has supported my sobriety as long as I am willing to put forth some effort.


Member: Cha
Location: So. Florida
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 9:16:51 PM

Comments

As an alcoholic in the begining change was hard but being a spontaneous person, I adjusted easier than some in some things and harder than some in others. The Serenity Prayer is a good source for change. I analyze it according to my situation and usually come up with some clarity. After being around the rooms for a while you and doing the positive things necessary to stay sober, you come to realize that as the Promises say, you will intuitively know how to handle situations which use to baffle you. Change has become a part of the journey that I know must be endured. The Serenity Prayer allows me to analyze what's important, what's not, what I can do something about and what I can't. After summarizing I know that I will be okay at some point and that's all I need to know to make it. I don't get twisted in the what if's. Today I know that I have come a long way and have improved my life beyond my wildest dreams and there is more to come. You see, when one door closes another door opens. Sometimes this is where the fear is but sobriety has taught me that I can endure and I don't have to do it alone. I have friends, meeting, a sponsor and tools. If I don't use them I can put myself in a situation that may be detrimental not only to myself but also others.


Member: Robin
Location: NY
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 9:48:06 PM

Comments

Robin alcoholic, I am just writing because I can not get to a meeting at the moment and am very frustrated with my computer. Everytime I touch the F-ing thing something goes wrong. Ticks me off. My first thought was a drink. Second thought was call someone. Third thought was turn the computer back on and give it hell. Do not quit untill the miracle happens or the computer blows up. Talk about change. two years ago I would have just drank. God life is good. Can't wait till I go on retreat next weekend with sober women. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.


Member: Davie H
Location: Prestwick Scotland uk
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 10:16:40 PM

Comments

Change Hi my name is Davy and I am an alcoholic I have been sober 24 years. And when I got to AA and things started to happen I did not like change I was told to go to many meeting and find a sponcer and I did all this and changees started to happen the firt change for me was getting up out of a warm bed and having a shower in the morning just what it says in the just for today card. Some of the changes I did not like going to find a job was one of them.I had a wife and she is still with me today and I thank GOD for that.I was using her name instead of the foul names I called her and I have two grown up daughters they dont rember me being drunk And I thank aa and GOD for that I started to take them out for walks and now they tell me it was great funI started to change in the home that is where I did all the hurtfull things and if I am honest I loved the changes that were going on in the home . I have been many places since getting sober and did a lot of wonderfull things.I just wish I could give some one a bit of my soberiety butI cant do that so if they keep going along to AA they will get hope and they two will get some of the changes that a lot of us have today. Yours in the fellowship of AA DAVIE PS I will be 25 years sober on the 29th April 2002o.d.a.t and the credit all goes to AA


Member: Therese B
Location: Vancouver Island
Date: 1/4/2002
Time: 11:05:24 PM

Comments

Therese B here. I have a poster in my bathroom about change. MANAGING CHANGE The real voyage of discovery is not seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes. Marcel Proust


Member: Lyla D
Location: Polk City, Fl
Date: 1/5/2002
Time: 12:04:24 AM

Comments

KAREN A. There are a lot of good meetings in Bradenton. Lived there for 12 years. If you want some contacts, let me know and I'll see if I can get some numbers for you. You can reach me at ldragonreader@aol.com. In the meantime, call Phil at central office and tell him I told you to call. I think he'll remember me. Just tell him Lyla and Dale-he should remember both of us. Hang in there, girl and get to meetings.


Member: Kathy
Location: Northeast
Date: 1/5/2002
Time: 5:27:23 AM

Comments

My name is Kathy - I'm an alcoholic.

Carlene - you ask why you "do it". Because you are an alcoholic - it's a major symptom of this disease - telling us we don't have it. Once we accept being an alcoholic (Step 1), we can get on with our recovery.

I was taught the basics - no matter what - don't drink, go to meetings, ask for help, get a sponsor and call her every day. Get on my knees every morning and ask my HP(whom I choose to call God) to keep me away from a drink for the day. At night get back on my knees and thank Him for another day of sobriety.

AA has played an extremely important part in my life these past 16 plus years of sobriety. There has been an enormous amount of change during that time, but by sticking close to the basics I've been OK.

Let us know how you are doing. We care-----


Member: Carol C.
Location: MA
Date: 1/5/2002
Time: 3:48:27 PM

Comments

Hi, Carol, grateful alcoholic, 5 months sober today, yeah, after many relapses this past summer. Prior to that I had 17 months, it was great. Regarding change - when I look back at things that worried me, they are no worry at all today in my life. Time seems to heal all. So when I worry, I try to think, 2 months from now, I won't even be concerned with this problem and all will be fine.


Member: Jessica P
Location: home - Indy ; Dads Florida
Date: 1/5/2002
Time: 6:16:27 PM

Comments

Hi everyone in AA land, it's Jessica again. I know it has only been a short time since I wrote for the first time. Things really haven't changed much other than I know that I have to stay sober, for me, so I can be a great mother. My son is my life. I am also a little confused as to what I want with my marriage and if he even will be able to trust me again. When I was @ the Stress Center, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, if anyone has any knowledge of this disorder, I would love your imput. I have read up on it and it fits, however, I don't know if i drink because I am sad, alone, happy, or I just plain like it, but it continues to mess my whole life up. I have and continue to feel no self-worth, I want to go back home to my support system and the people at AA that love me and make me feel special. But, I am afraid that it will make it to easy for me to go back out and drink.

I need your help, there is not but 2 meetings a week here. Jessica P.


Member: Ken B
Location: Winnipeg Manitoba Canada
Date: 1/5/2002
Time: 7:02:05 PM

Comments

Ken alcoholic;" Life is what happens when your making other plans." John Lennon. Big changes usally come over long periods of time but it's the fast upheavails that we have to watch for.

constant vigelance! The little bumps in the road are some times the hardest to take though. Stay close to the fellowship and sponser and all will be well. At least this has been My experience. God bless and happy trails.


Member: rodney b.
Location: louisiana
Date: 1/5/2002
Time: 9:39:39 PM

Comments

hi ... rodney/alcoholic ... first time to this site and i have enjoyed the read ... we are so blessed to have a universal program of recovery and a "design for living" that really works .. thanks to the program, i no longer have to "figue out" why i drink ... the Book gives me a very simple answer ... "men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol" ... i can live with that ... one of the primary reasons i need the program (and many meetings) is so that i not forget the effect my drinking has had on family and friends ... "some people ought not drink", and i am one of them ... (if you know what i mean) ...

the changes i've experienced since coming to aa have been way too many to list ... however, once sobriety (recovery) becomes the number one committment (evidenced by daily meetings, sponsorship, prayer (in the simplest form), the Book, working with others, etc.), the changes become exciting ... as the book so states ..."it (aa) is an experience you will not want to miss" ... aa an "experience ... wow, what a concept ..

the simplest of words remain so true ... "keep coming back" ...

there is a way out ... peace ...


Member: KK
Location: TN
Date: 1/5/2002
Time: 11:52:43 PM

Comments

This program is all about change. God must transform me or I will not stay sober. If I not tired enough of being the way I was I will go back to drinking. This disease is fatal. The purpose of my disease is to kill, steal, and destroy me. So I must surrender, buckle up and hold on because life is gonna change, way better than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. There is always more!!! that more is more of GOD. It is a spectuclar view from the palm of Gods hand ISAIAH 49:16


Member: joe k.
Location: Huntsville, TX
Date: 1/6/2002
Time: 1:42:55 AM

Comments

My name is joe k. and i am an Alcoholic.

PAT -- thank you for the topic. I was told two things when I came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous: 1) The only thing you have to change is your whole life; and 2) Nobody likes change except a baby with a dirty diaper.

Some years back, I had a gravel driveway that was about a mile long. The rains and constant use would inevitably cause the drive to rut and erode, making the drive in and out very uncomfortable at times.

I also had an old John Deer 8020 tractor with a front-end loader and a box blade to pull behind. Being a novice tractor operator <and a drunk one on top of that>, I figured I could just jump on the tractor and fix the drive. Of course, I usually created more of a mess than when I started. My wife finally convinced me to leave the drive alone and let nature take its course.

After about 3 months of continued access and erosion on the drive, I finally had all I could stand of the constant dodging and bumping. As I climbed aboard the old John Deer, my wife asked me what I was about to do.

I replied to her sternly, "I don't know if I'm gonna make it better or worse, but I'm gonna make it different."

My walk through sobriety has been just so. Change is uncomfortable, but how comfortable is the familiar? If I do the things that are outlined in the BB of Alcoholics Anonymous, change is GOING to happen. It is a natural and spiritual result of the program of action.

Dr. Jung explained it best when he told Roland H. that the "ideas, philosophies, and attitudes of these men were SUDDENLY <emphasis mine> cast to one side, and a new set of ideas, philosophies and attitudes replaced them." I have to tell you, this DOES NOT "feel good." This has happened to me in the years that I have been working through the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Although uncomfortable, my new "driveway" has seen many improvements, and has even taken new directions. The changes have not just been physical in nature (divorce, marriage, job changes, financial status, etc.), but they have also been spiritual, mental and emotional.

I was afraid of becoming a "celibate monk" when AA started talking about change. I am far from celibate, and although my head may look like Friar Tuck's, it was a fear with no substance. The changes have made me a better man, a better husband, a better father, a better friend, and a better worker -- an all around better child of God.

Thank you all, Alcoholics Anonymous, and God for this gift of sobriety. God bless you all on your journey.

joe k. chillbmp@totalzone.com


Member: Maria R.
Location: SE Arizona
Date: 1/6/2002
Time: 1:50:34 AM

Comments

Maria alcoholic/addict...thanks for a great first week at this site everyone...Happy Sunday!


Member: father fletcher
Location:
Date: 1/6/2002
Time: 7:43:43 AM

Comments

happy sundea