Member: turnup
Location: tenn
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 2:20:38 AM

Comments

turnup here, alcoholic. i guess the worst thing i've had to deal with in sobriety, so far has been the relations with my family.Any advice would be gratefull for. Seems like none of the kids or wife trusts me, been sober 2&1/2 yrs, am doing my best to make LIVING amends for my past behavior, but just seem like any progress in this area is oh so slow and very fragile. Guess time just takes time.Would really like to hear other peoples experiance....turnup


Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 3:20:23 AM

Comments

I'm Chuck, an alcoholic

I have chosen a beacon to guide me through all the turmoil of my past and present life.

Is what I am doing right with the God of my understanding. Am I trying to be loving and kind to all.

I cannot control what other people are saying or doing. If I am trying to live right with God I will not allow others to criticize, condemn or abuse me. I agree it took me awhile to achieve this state one day at a time.

Peace and Serenity


Member: Brian L
Location: Michigan
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 3:52:30 AM

Comments

My name is Brian, I am an alcoholic

It took my family a long time to trust me. I guess I can umderstand why. I broke many promises when I was drinking. I was fortunate, my wife was going to Alanon and that helped I think. I went to 1-2 meetings a day and called my sponsor frequently for the first 1-2 yrs. I drove guys to meetings who couldn't drive. That helped me be grateful for what I have. The rewards of sobriety will come, keep on keepin on

Brian


Member: (((((((((((IMP))))))))))))))
Location:
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 4:03:51 AM

Comments

merry christmas everybody......you too lu-lu wherever you are hiding

(IMPOSTER)


Member: Wouter
Location: neth
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 5:51:25 AM

Comments

Wouter, who used to be stoned every day and drunk in the end every other or third day for twentysomething years. My former girlfriend told me a strange thing last week: she thought I certeainly would start drinking again if we would have stayed together. I think she just so amazed that I finally quit those stupid habits, booze smoke and weed. She is wrong, o yes she is! I am free, it feels terific, and then there is the money. I bought an expensive leather coat the other day, it's bloody beautiful. Couldn't buy this and other things 1 and 1/2 year ago. My father, still an alkie, sent me a cristmascard with the short sentence of a famous Dutch (very dead for centuries) author, saying " every-thing works out fine" ('alles kom rech'). This a big compliment from my old man. He can see the changing for the better in me. Love my old man, poor sob. Intelligent, funny, realistic and in denial, till he drops dead. Somehow people with drinking disorders keep on denying. Stange, isn't it. I did, for years and years. Strange, looking back. It was all so obvious, the accidents, the hangovers, the moneyshortage, the unfinished studies in construction and law, to name a few. The relationships ruined, misbehaviour, cops, the works. IT IS OVER

Thank who ever, and thanks to me. And thanks to you too.

Merry etc ect.


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 8:00:32 AM

Comments

i was out christmas eve night,i was out driving,i passed by many barooms,they where all closed up...i remembered when i was drinking i would have been driving all night(drunk) until i found one that was open,i would have this need to be in a bar drinking ,thinking this was the right thing to do.this time of the year i drank so much more than usual,in this fog,acting like i was enjoying every bit of it,but inside ,i was so horrible i was very very sick ,alcohol ruled my world i couldn't stop.that way of living was almost 3 years ago.today i'm sober,living life on life's terms,facing the music ,i have a trust in God today ,and in my fellows at aa,today i walk the walk,i am free from the bondage of alcohol and that is a gift in it self.merry christmas to all...thanks for being here,love and peace...i'm tony a grateful sober alcoholic


Member: Joel H.
Location: N.C.
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 8:50:23 AM

Comments

I'm Joel, an alcoholic. Today has been a great Christmas, sober, and well. The Big Book talks about the women some of us drunks encounter and that a lot of them are pretty special. I consider myself very fortunate when it comes to family. I try to treat them with respect and understanding, but I falter as we all do. It takes a lot of patience and love for us to get better, towards ourselves and others in our family. I try to listen better, solve problems together, and trust my higher power with the results. My recovery comes first, as long I remain sober and try to practice these principles in all my affairs as best I can, My life and the lives of those around me will be a lot more stable than they were before. One Day At A Time...


Member: Johm M.
Location: Orange County CA.
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 12:31:53 PM

Comments

Alcoholic John, grateful to be sober God Bless everybody and thank you Bill & Bob for this legacy


Member: Marty G.
Location: Manitowoc, WI.
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 1:24:49 PM

Comments

Trust took a long 3 years, in my family. My other half would actually go through the parking lot at our local aa club, if I wasn't home when I said I would be looking for my car. Who could blame him, I never did come home from work when I said I would, so why trust me right away when it was an habitual happening? It takes time to trust anyone else you don't trust, however it happens eventually! Thanks for listening.


Member: Mike An
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 2:37:51 PM

Comments

Hey Everybody, I'm Mike and I am an Addict; I would like to congratulate anyone celebrating anything today as well as Christmas. Today, by the Grace of God I am celebrating 5 years of recovery. I have only been able to do this for the last five years by following God's Will and working the 12 Steps to the best of my ability on a daily basis. You know, there are many people who are aware of my recovery and support it; whether they understand it or not. There are also many people who know me and still don't trust me. That is okay. I am not responsible for their feelings or perceptions; my responsibility is to God. I have found that as I continue to climb the Steps these situations work themselves out. All I have to do is keep doing what I'm doing....


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 2:46:25 PM

Comments

Hi all, I'm Bob and an alcoholic.

Great topic. It's the one that takes the most patience, I think. And the comment about making 'living' amends is right on. It isn't my words people believe, rather my actions and behavior over TIME. This forced me to improve my relationship with G~d. Development of my spiritual program helped me take the focus off what other people thought of me, and put it on things I could do something about: me.

It took me 20+ years to earn a really shitty reputation and relationship with a lot of people, family included. That's not going to go away quickly.

The skills developed for having patience along the way, have helped me have patience now, after I have made errors and harmed people. Verbal amends with sincere humility are important, but not as important as a committment to changed bahavior - progress, not perfection.

I have fun, open and honest relationships with my children and grandchildren today. It is a gift and blessing given me by our fellowship and the grace of G~d...and time.

Happy holidays to all, Bob


Member: Dermott  R
Location: U.K.
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 4:02:09 PM

Comments

Hi Christmas night here. It takes time to heal all the wounds we inflicted but God and patience will work it through. Eleven years now sober, stick with it;it does work and a Happy Christmas to all looking in today.

D.


Member: Tom P.
Location: NE IA
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 4:41:09 PM

Comments

Hi Tom here and i am an alcholoic. My sponser tells me it is none of my business what my family thinks of me. The question is do i trust myself. This is where the FEAR comes in for me. The answer is no. i have never been what you would call trustworthy when it came to my drinking or my actions resulting from drinking. Today i am learning throught this program to put my trust in GOD and when i do things work out. The main things is it is usually about FEAR and God as i understand god is the only way for me to deal with it. This is my 12th Christman sober and may rank in there with some of the not so best. i have isolated myself up here in NE IA where it is 0 degrees and 2 feet of snow. Thanks for this opportunity to share. This will help me stay sober today HP be with you all.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 5:52:52 PM

Comments

HI all. Bill here, Alcoholic from Arizona. Good topic Turnup. My advise if I were your sponsor would be to read the Chapter 9 in Alcoholics Anonymous. "The Family Afterward". In the third paragraph on page 122, it tells us the stopping drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition. And it tells us that "Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is to some extent, ill."

Alcoholic drinking will make you a stranger in your own home. The your family adopts to it. The sober spouse usually takes over and holds the family together. Then months or years down the line, the alcoholic seeks revovery and once again becomes a stranger in the home. On top of that the recovered alcoholic wants his or her old job back after a few months into sobriety. No wonder things get tight. :)

It takes time to become alcoholic enough to lose a family and it takes time to win them back. A combination of AA, Alanon and Alateen will speed the process.

My personal adventure in this matter is this. I divorced a wife and six daughters in 1973 because they were interfering with my drinking. She remarried. I got sober in 1981. Today I have my former wife, my hubby-in-law, and all six girls back in my life. Or rather they took me back in their lives. I visit them every year in Virginia Beach and am welcome into their homes. My hubby- in-law even likes me. :)

Over the sober years, I have walked two daughters down the aisle. Was an usher in a third daughter's wedding. Sat in church up front with my former wife and hubby-in-law. And just a couple of years ago my youngest got married. Her Step-Dad walked her down the aisle and got the first dance. But she did reserve a second "first dance" to honor me as her "real" father. And even had a special "older" Frank Sinatra song for us to dance to. I still get a wee tear in my eye from time to time. Just thinking about it.

The youngest also made a comment in and email not long ago that I will never forget. I mentioned how grateful I was that She (and the others) had taken me back into their lives. She answer with: "Well Dad, it had taken all of us some time to grow up". It took some seventeen years for the process to complete. And well worth every day.

A God Shot: the disc jockey messed up and played my song first. So I did indeed get the first dance.

So Turnup. Give youself time to heal. Give your family time to heal. It may happen. I may not. That is not for us to decide. Good luck. Merry Christmas

Bill az-bill@primenet.com


Member: Craig P
Location: NC
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 6:48:03 PM

Comments

I am 4 1/2 yrs sbr now and dealing with my family is one of the most difficult things I'm dealing with now. When I first got sober they were done with me. Now my family wants me around but I have a hard time dealing with my sis who is 10 yrs wo a drink but not going to meetings.This Christmas has been one of my worst ones sober.You know though I'm SOBER!!!!!!!!!!!


Member: alcoholic
Location: trudging the road...
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 7:00:57 PM

Comments

hi i'm an alcoholic

today i'm sober by the grace of god. i returned to my old f2f meeting and found out there are even more clients there lol. i guess i am meant to be in that meeting as i havent been able to find a better group.

i guess in terms of the topic, the only thing that comes to mind is this, this is an action program but i also recognize that we do amends when it will do no harm. i suggest you talk with your sponser and make up your mind what action to take.

i know i have had the right balance of making amends and making day to day amends by being sober. i have recognized through (although not instantly)working with my higher power, working the program, and trying to do my hp's will, the right balance which most importantly has helped me stay sober (hope that made sense)

merry xmas, i'll take another 24, keep coming back, it works IF you work it.


Member: OBSERVER
Location: EARTH
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 7:02:53 PM

Comments

I DEMAND A RECOUNT LOL


Member: Dawn R.
Location: Canada
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 7:37:04 PM

Comments

I'm Dawn and I'm an alcoholic. The family thing has never been that easy for me either. I ran away from home at 16 to put distant between myself and my family. I wanted to live and drink and not have anyone witness the things that were going on in my life. I always seemed to do that (run away). I'm now 32 and still pretty much by myself. I tried one of those AA romances' around 6 months sober, which ended in May of this year, because my recovering alcoholic boyfriend liked watching the TV more than anything else at the end, so I left.. The rest is pretty harsh stuff, because I just about killed myself trying to make that relationship work(by myself)and he just went out and moved in another girl 3 weeks after I left, I was with him for 2+ years. The moral of the story, trust God, depend on God and I am not God. This alcoholic has learned the hard way that I have no control over anything (or anyone) except my own decsions and IT IS up to me what I'm willing to settle for. As for the rest of my family, their pretty proud I finally quit drinking. I have a sister who moved to the city I live in and we are forming a great relationship. I went back to school early in my soberity and my work life is real good and rewarding today. So I try to count my blessing and if something doesn't work and I know I'VE put my best effort in. I move on,because I have to. My soberity depends upon my ability to "change the things I can" like the pray says. This of course doesn't include people.Dawn R.


Member: shirley m.
Location: orange,ca.
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 10:06:59 PM

Comments

good things come to those who wait!!! hang in there turnup,16yrs. ago my family won't come around me,now they spend the christmas at my house!!!!!


Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry, N.H.
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 10:38:31 PM

Comments

Happy Holidays. I'm Rhonda and I'm an alcoholic. This is my second sober holiday season and it has been even better then last year. My relationship with our 3 children is better than ever but the relationship with my husband has been quite difficult. Just when I feel like we are making progress something will happen to prove otherwise.

I can only change myself which will automatically change others response to me. To thy ownself be true. I have to stay grateful and remember to give thanks to my H.P. God. I love AA and the Steps. Thanks you God


Member: Charley B.
Location:
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 11:28:41 PM

Comments

Thanks for the topic Turnup. I was single when I sobered up. Took my father 5 years to acknowledge my membership in AA. I have an older brother who quit talking to me 'cause I sobered up. That relationship is still pretty tense 14 years later (just when we seem to get it together, something tears it apart). Some of it's him; some of it's me, but slowly we seem to be working on it. We expect too much of each other. I know I expect a lot from him. I got to deathbed amends a year and a half ago to an uncle. Hopefully my brother and I will patch our stuff up before then. Christmas and holidays in general make these memories the worst part. Do I call; do I not call? How deep will the conversation go? It's always toughest with family. But by the Grace of GOD I do not have to ddrink over it today. Ya know, it just feels good getting this part out. Peace ane Merry Christmas to you all.


Member: Stan M.
Location: Findlay, OH
Date: 12/25/00
Time: 11:38:09 PM

Comments

Happy Holidays all! I'm Stan and I'm definitely an alcoholic.

Familys--- Hmm. It took me years to mess up the relationship with my family, and it hasnt taken nearly as long to repair it. That's the good news. Now for the bad news:

IT TOOK LOTS OF WORK! And I don't mean the kind I figured out. The rule of life that has restored my son to me, and repaired my relationship with my ex-wife (we're better friends than when we were married), is spelled out in our Eleventh Step: "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Take note that the Step says "His will for us", not my will for myself. When I was newly sober, I wanted to gain the respect of family, friends, and associates immediately. After all, hadn't I made a great sacrifice by giving up my best friend (alcohol), and started going to those dumb meetings where they called me names (alcoholic)? WHAT AN EGO! It took a long time to find out that I wasn't calling the shots.

The only way I've found to stay sober is to rely daily on my Higher Power, and to follow His directions. The rest fell into place, but in His time, not mine.

The Big Book describes me as an "egomaniac with an inferiority complex." It's true. I think I know it all, and disover how little I really do when others don't share my ideas, especially in their reaction to me. When I don't take the initiative, follow my Higher Power, and rely on His plans, people respond favorably to me. So I've learned to practice Step Eleven.... It took just about eleven years :)

At 13 years, I've had a couple that are really rewarding. I jsut wish I'd started on those Steps a lot earlier in my recovey. I thought I knew it all. But then again, I probably needed all that pain to make me teachable. All I know for sure is that I like what's happening today.

Again, Happy Holidays, and if you can learn from my mistakes, I thank my Higher Power.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Dan H.
Location: Glennallen, Alaska
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 1:03:32 AM

Comments

Dan H. alkie here. Boy, do I ever remember what the first few years were like in regard to my family. Seemed like no matter how much I changed they just didn't get it. Apparently people that have lived in insanity and misery get very used to it,,,and feel uncomfortable when things start to go right. They are not used to that. I found this out through an alanon site. I sat my family down and discussed it with them and asked them to try to heal along with me. It took time and YES... it does start to heal. At least for us it has. Staying honest in all our affairs and getting the right perspective on things is so very important. Merry xmas Everyone. It is only 22 below F. here tonight and it COULD be 60 below.


Member: Tim K.
Location: New England
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 8:44:59 AM

Comments

I'm Tim, alcoholic, and the topic speaks to my heart this holiday season. I've been sober 10 months now and some of my most difficult work has been trying to repair the broken trust between me and my wife of 3 years. Last Friday she told me that, in spite of my sobriety, the damage had been too great and she didn't think she could ever trust me again: she was leaving. This came as a huge blow to me after all the work I have done but, after a few days of pure hell, things are beginning to clear. What becomes clear is that all I can do is repair myself and turn everything over to HP. While I am responsible for my drinking, I cannot take the "blame" for my wife's inability to trust. Fundamentally, it's not about my will and what I want (I don't want to lose my house and my family); it's about doing all I can to make things right but then letting go and submitting to a higher authority. Sometimes there's no "happy" ending, sometimes it's not fair.

Whether people trust us is not up to us. We can certainly give them every reason not to, or we can live "right" and be honest and try to foster trust. But ultimately all I can do is put my faith in a higher power and try to accept the things I cannot change.

Peaceful holidays...


Member: Norm P
Location: Indiana
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 10:17:50 AM

Comments

Great topic and I feel a rambling dissertation coming on so you can bear with me or scroll by. This applies to more than just family.Don't we all want MORE until life is PERFECT(by our own definition?)Isn't that an impossible dream? Doesn't it all boil down to acceptance? This is a journey,not a destination;the road is not a smooth one and sometimes we are called upon not just to accept temporary setbacks but those which at least SEEM to be permanenent. And so it is with me. Until a couple of years ago,I lived in that world where recovery gave me everything I wanted and much I never expected. So why...why...why is my life such a mess now? It seems to me there is only one way to survive, to go "back to basics." All the chaos tells me to be grateful I don't need to drink today(or even have thoughts of it),to be grateful for what I still have instead of dwelling on my losses,and to walk in humility with the God of my understanding(knowing that His plan is always better than mine.) And I must not pass up opportunities for spiritual growth in the desert. I have been reminded I am still powerless over alcohol and my life is definitely unmanageable;the worst thing I could do is to decide everything would be better if I ran the show. In life,some of us are dealt a tough hand;our job isn't to win the game,it's to play the hand we're dealt as best we can because we win if we do that. If we drink,we lose.


Member: Sharon Frey
Location: cool, cloudy, Portland, OR
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 10:25:18 AM

Comments

Good morning, Happy Boxing Day! This was the FIRST time in my 22 yrs of being sober that my children came home on Christmas Eve and I was ask to go to my son's for dinner on Christmas day. I had resigned myself to that never happening. My son has so many BAD memories of Mom and holidays, schooldays, everyday, that it has taken all these years for me to be welcome in his home.. sober. Time and continue to work the program of AA has brought me to this point before I die. A great time was had, even though I had to add the word "teasing" or "joke" before some statements for my son not to be reminded of the past.. someday, I hope this boy will start working this program. He quit drinking and using during my 1st year of soberiety as he had to drive me to the meetings 3 times a day after I had my stroke, and since the windows were open, and my wheelchair had to be pushed into the meeting room, he had to listen to the meetings amd decided to quit drinking so He wouldn't have to go to those meetings for the rest of his life like Mom. A good Christmas inspite of my husband's chair being empty this year. Don't give up hope with families.. God knows what is is doing not only with our lives, but theirs also. Have a great day!!!!!! Love and prayers, Sharon


Member: Kelly F.
Location: Brussels
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 10:28:37 AM

Comments

Happy Holidays to all. I'm Kelly F. and I'm an alcoholic. Just a little over a year sober and this topic really speaks to me. I think I'm changing a great deal, and this is hard for my husband. Although he is thrilled to have me sober, I am no longer as pathetically pliable and dependent on him as I was when I was drinking. I know that my alcoholism has done much damage in our marriage, but I have so much hope since coming to Alcoholics Anonymous. I can only take care of me and at least if I stay sober we may have a chance.

Sometimes it seems that he is threatened by my spiritual growth and my willingness to try and become the woman God wants me to be. Lately, I felt like I was constantly trying to see my part in everything, but after talking to my sponsor, I realize that it was another way to "control" the situation and play the martyr... Just before the holidays I took the action to hand these current problems over to the care of God and Let Go. I am so grateful for the tools of the program. All my life I would drink to escape from any conflict and I don't have to do that today.

Thanks for letting my share.


Member: Sherina
Location: Bluegrass
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 10:46:06 AM

Comments

Hi all, Sherina (ALCOHOLIC!!!!!) here. I keep having to remind myself of that fact. What a great topic! It is comforting to hear others of you are dealing or have dealt with loved ones being unable to trust. Sometimes I just want to scream "I'm doing everything I can to make you trust me!" because it hurts me when someone questions my judgment. After reading everyone's post I realize that I am responsible for the way people in my life perceive me. I also see that it is going to take <<<TIME>>> to show others that I have changed. And depending on how badly I have hurt the people I love the most will determine how long it will take for them to see that I am sincere. Turnup, I can totally relate to your situation. It is hard to look into the eyes of someone you love and know that you have let them down. Hang in there. If you are sincere they will know it. "IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME!


Member: SCB
Location:
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 11:44:30 AM

Comments

Thanks, Norm P., for what you said about acceptance, survival, and going back to basics.Sometimes things do get tough. I am as you say, grateful I don't need to drink today and for what I still have, and so very very grateful for AA. Thanks, Turnup, for such a great topic; I have always found family to be one of the most difficult areas, but just keep on keeping on, as one of the other posts said. Just had my 16th sober Christmas; so glad to have found this site.


Member: Ken S.
Location: NWUS
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 6:23:02 PM

Comments

Ken Alcoholic I was thousands of miles from my birth family, and four years from my x wife when I sobered up. Upon getting back with my "folks" I read and reread "83-88" in the Big Book daily, it pretty much told me, I could discuss my past with them, but to leave their side of the street alone, and let them clean it up should they choose.... Later the Big Book reminds me that, wife, no wife, job, no job....I can still stay sober. Anyway, great room, great topic for the holidays, and just another chance for me to keep sobriety atop the priority list of life..

p.s. I don't know how, but it seems as thou as I get heathier, my family continues to do the same....Yes, there is a long period of reconstuction ahead....Thank God for that


Member: Mike H.
Location: S>W> Florida
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 7:24:35 PM

Comments

H i everyone I'm Mike an alcoholic, I have been sober for almost 2 yrs. now (thank God) and I think my famlily is finally starting to trust me. When I was drinking my kids could never count on me for anything, little things that ment alot to them just didn't seem that important to me. I was more intrested in getting drunk and parying with my friends. Now I have 3 beautiful grand kids and you can bet your life that I will never let that happen again. Trust is somthing that is very hard to build, it's even harder to rebuild. Thanks for listening. Mike


Member: Mike L.
Location: NW Iowa, USA
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 8:07:53 PM

Comments

A timely topic, Turnup...Thank you.

I still felt myself being "eyed" when I went to the cooler for a soda this Christmas. This was the 3rd sober holidays for me, but in my family, it's usually "just a matter of time" before we're back to the bottle. I guess I look at trust much like most who have posted so far, Trust, like respect, has to be EARNED. And like most of us, I did a lot of things to give people occasion not to trust me.

Although I feel that I have changed a great deal through the steps and fellowship of AA, many still see me as just "On-the -wagon-watch-him-fall-off" kinda booze hound. Eventually, they will come to see it differently...Or they may not. Either way, I can only do my best and practice the principles. If someone chooses not to see me differently, it's THEIR problem and I can't fix it for them, nor do I wish to.

Funny thing is, the people who REALLY matter to me, Parents, siblings, nieces/nephews, girlfriend...Trust me now. I won't hold my breath for the rest.

Peace, Mike L.


Member: Melissa
Location: Texas
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 8:22:13 PM

Comments

Melissa, alcoholic & addict. I found out that my family was as sick as I was in their own way. And there were members that preferred I stayed sick rather than be exposed to the light of the solution. But that's their journey & experience. I hope & pray that they will forgive me but we will never have healthy relationships until we're all living in the solution.


Member: lu-lu
Location: head angel ica
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 8:45:49 PM

Comments

mike l, sounds more like paranoia to me.....


Member: Pat
Location: NY
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 9:48:22 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Pat and I'm an alcoholic. Thanks to all of you for your encouraging words. It gives me hope that I'll get back someday what I once had. This holiday season has been real tough. I've been in and out of the rooms now for over 5 years. Seems like I start to get my life back on track and then I pull the rug right out from under my own feet (this time the Police did it for me). Why should anyone trust what I say anymore? And why do I have such a problem with working the steps? I know they work! Thing about it is that I'm surrounded by family and friends that still love me and want to help me stay sober, but I've only succeeded in making my relationships and my life worse. Not only am I an alcoholic, but now I have some pretty tough legal problems to face. I know what I have to do (inpatient) but Iím so worried about my job and losing what I still do have. I know the focus should be on my sobriety and not on whether or not people trust me. Time to let go and let God.

Thanks for letting me share. Happy Holidays to all.


Member: William.A.
Location: High-Point.
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 11:19:14 PM

Comments

Hello,William.A.Alkie.

I really like what Chuck had to say about his experience with this topic. It really takes time to let others see that we have really changed our way of doing things noow that we have placed the cork in the jug.

If it took years for some of us to become Alkies than it will probably take the same amount of time to become trust-worthy in the eyes of thoes that have suffered with our drinking,we could be more than a little dis-- appointed if thoes we are trying to convience are-not willing to believe thaat we have change our ways based upon what we say to them in our- early recovery.

I would like to go on record by saying-- to our friend that started this topic,try work- ing with a sponsor and maybe you can/will find that middle of the road which can expel the guilt ,shame&remorse that most of us have gone thru...

love you today. William,A.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 11:42:38 PM

Comments

What's it going to take, Pat? Perhaps you have not hit your bottom yet. Give me a holler. I made it to the alleys, wrapped around steam pipes, hung out on restuarant roof vents, and lived in a chicken coop.

Because I can share that, and if you believe that, you may not have to go that far. But if you are alcoholic you will get there with little effort.

Bill

az-bill@primenet.com


Member: Tracie M.
Location: Atascadero, CA
Date: 12/26/00
Time: 11:51:22 PM

Comments

Hi, Tracie alcoholic....one year this month. I have seen people go out, and know it could happen to me, I stick close to the program because I don't trust this disease, God has brought me this far, and I am extremely thankful. I can't worry about people trusting me, I have spent my whole life worrying about what people think of me, and its a good feeling to let that part go. I struggle today with expectations, and things people omit to do....like for instance, I make my phone calls, but no one calls me.....My sponsor didn't give me a chip for my one year. Do I pray? Yes, all the time. When I feel self pity, I try to do something for someone. I believe in love and Service, and it gives me a good feeling as well as maybe helping someone. This growing pain is driving me nuts, and I know that pain causes growth from the little experience I have. Believe me, if I could only think of myself for my basic needs and deny the rest, I would choose that!......of course a spoonful of guilt on top of wanting a silly chip lodgically does not make any sense to my mind, but my emotional side won't cooperate with my brain. I trust in God to keep me sober, I don't trust myself, therefor I don't expect my family to trust me either. If I could only drop all expectations of people, I would be more content and at peace. I could say hello and smile, and never expect a hello in return. For you, and for me, this too shall pass, and that, ever so slowly. Hang on for the ride, take a deep breath, and know your not alone. God Bless


Member: Andi G.
Location: California
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 12:31:05 AM

Comments

Hi I am Andi and I will be 18 next tuesday, god willing, jan2 2001. anyway, I need a question answered and don't know where to go to get it answered. I apologise for the shift. If people could tell me what "cross talk" is to them I would deeply appreciate it. It is going to be a topic at the next steerign committee meeting. I was told over and over agin that it was,"not to comment on another share" in a meeting. Whispering, though annoying is not cross talk. anyone?


Member: Steven L
Location: Mentone, CA
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 2:10:56 AM

Comments

Turnup in Tenn: I'm 12+ yrs and my ex-wife trusts me it happened somewhere along the way of walking my talk. I believe in the saying 'you're as sick as your secrets' when I live a life of transparency everyone else's doubts and concerns take care of themselves. My sponsor has really mad an impact on teaching me what is my business and that which I have no control over--It starts with meditation on the meaning of the Serenity Prayer and meanders throughout the Big Book. 10+ years ago I met someone else, got married, had two wonderful children and last May she found someone else and I discovered in California if your spouse wants out there's not much you can do. I'm working on forgiveness--and she and I are treating each other with respect, consideration and even some compassion. No one ever said it would be easy--only simple.. If I can do it anyone can stay sober. As long as sobrity is the priority I find everything works out the way my Higher power wants it to be--my job is accepting that which I cannot change. My sponsor calls these things "opportunities to grow". It is up to me what I do with the challenges of life--I thought my worst nightmare sober was getting divorced--I have not drank through that. I have more time for meetings, I talk to friends in the program and work on the only commandment added since Moses, and I definitely am not Christian: Love Each Other--that's with no conditions! I found the hard way loving conditionally in a marriage is a formula for divorce.. Be Well and don't drink no matter what--it will work out in Gods' time


Member: Jack B.
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 2:33:57 AM

Comments

Hi I am Jack, a real alcoholic.When I think of fixing the wreckage of our past, the first thing that comes to mind is step nine.Also one of the promises states that we will not regret our past nor wish to forget it. For me I understand that everything I had to do, ie hurt people,was necessary to bring me to the rooms of AA and this wonderful way of life. I also understand, that although my past actions have been forgiven, that doesn't necessarily mean they are forgotten.If I try to practice these principles in all my affairs, no matter how long it takes, sooner or later even the most hard crusted person still smarting from my past actions may come around.This is a program of spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection.If I am not ready in step nine to accept the fact that I may never be forgiven, then I am not ready for step nine.I must accept me first and foremost, the good, the bad, and the indifferent about me.Once I have forgiven myself,and acceopted myself, only then can I accept others opinions of me.I approve of the way I live today, thats a miracle considering the empty shell of a human being that entered the rooms of AA 13 years and i month ago, Sober thru the amazing Grace of God,& the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless all.


Member: mag pie
Location: tenn.
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 2:42:22 AM

Comments

I believe cross-talk is when someone else starts asking question, commenting on someone else share, giving advise in the meeting, but whispering is not.


Member: Carol M.
Location:
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 4:45:13 AM

Comments

I have a tendency to overthink solutions. When it comes to my families trust, I have learned there is only so much I can do in 24hrs. "Getting out of myself" seems to bring me good results, as I am not so resentful of demands. Do what you can do, then backoff for awhile. Let it be, there will be an answer. Then act, graciously.


Member: Mark D
Location: Concord, NH
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 9:37:39 AM

Comments

Well- Iguess I needed to hear this. All you folks with years of sobriety feeling good about your families STARTING to trust and be close again. Here I am a big 31/2 months- and I'm getting annoyed that my wife is concerned that I've missed some meetings that I had been going to at lunchtime. I was dealing with Christmas shopping and birthdays so something had to give. I was making my Sat. Sun. Mon. meetings after all. She's just afraid of me getting off track. Thanks for ,helping me stave off a resentment.


Member: GLENN
Location: NJ
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 10:07:10 AM

Comments

Hi my name is glenn and i'm a drunk I can't stop drinking . I don't remember Xmas Eve or Day I spoke to people on the phone? what did I say?I don't drive but I have a job,and a place to live.I know I need help I'm tired of being alone.......


Member: Von
Location: Akron
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 12:08:28 PM

Comments

Thanks for the topic Turnup. Progress not perfection. Family relations are tough and thank God the big book has two whole chapters on it. This morning I also read in "Doctor, Alcoholic, Addict" where the writer says that the real value of our recovery expresses itself in our homes (my interpretation, not a quote). You talked about slow and fragile progress. I can totally relate, however in my exerience, the "slow" was the others and the "fragile" was me and my ego. It sounded like you have been quite committed to making amends to your family, but are disappointed by their reaction. Where are you in the steps?

I found in recovery that as I worked the program, I changed from the inside out. Whether others changed or not wasn't my primary issue. As I changed, my perceptions changed, behaviors changed, choices changed, pretty much a lot of things. This seemed to happen quite unconsciously on my part.

What are "LIVING AMENDS"? Are you still trying to run the show and consciously do things to PROVE that you are different, or are you really different? What are your motives? It's not simply a matter of believing in a Higher Power, but I need to also put my trust in Him.

Jack B from Palo Alto hit the nail on the head for me. To accept the fact that I may never be forgiven, to accept myself, forgive myself and approve of myself. Thank you so much Jack for illuminating something that has made my 9th step quite draggy and half-hearted at best for a few months. I really needed to hear that and it has helped me more than you could ever imagine.

The 9th step says "direct amends" but it doesn't tell what type. Oftentimes, my Higher Power lays out what that is either directly or indirectly through others. Otherwise, there I go again, trying to run the show. Check it out, it's in the BOOK!!!

Turnup, talk to your sponsor. Read the big book. There is a lot more to sobriety than making LIVING AMENDS.

Remember what our primary purpose is. When the family thing gets too painful, reach out and help another alcoholic. Invariably, we gain a lot and often, we get our guidance and answers from working with others.

God Bless.


Member: LU-LU
Location:
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 12:48:34 PM

Comments

GLENN,

GET A LIFE


Member: Miriam W.
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 12:50:15 PM

Comments

Wow! a lot of good sharing. Families and trust. It has to be earned. For me my family took me back just 3 months after asking me to leave. There was a lot of resentment on the part of my oldest son who is 18 as he carried the ball so to speak and helped my husband in keeping the family together. My older son took care of the house and the 8 year old while going to school and working. He was going to have to step down when I returned and as I had done the same things over and over before his trust in my abilities to stay sober and do my part had to be earned. For my husband there was ANGER, at me at the disease and at what I had done. Wreckage to include immense debt, broken trust in a partnership and betrayal as yet again I didn't do what I said I would. It has been 10 months this time coming up on 11, Jan 2, 2001 and I am doing what is suggested, going to meetings, I have and utilize a sponsor, and work the steps to the best of my ability. My family loves me and respects what I am doing one day at a time. Trust is coming slowly and the anger and resentment dissapates in time. My daughter however who is an extended part of our family still has resentment issues towards me for the past and present. Things I have done and things I cannot do for her now. She was here for the holiday and has legal issues she must face which may require jail time. She has a 4 year old who we were going to take in, but after this visit we've realized that we our not able to do this. My daugher also wanted to relocate and stay with us if she does have to go to jail, but we have come to realize after this short visit over the holiday, it would not work due to her angers and resentment as well as her behavior. We told her this morning before she left that we would help as much as we could, but these things we couldn't do..and her anger and resentment started to escalate, as she doesn't see her responsibility in any action. Anyway its a long, long story of which I'm sure you all have many that may be similiar. I haven't made as many meeting this week as I usually do so I am glad you all are here. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Michelle M.
Location: Orange County
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 2:48:24 PM

Comments

I was caught driving from the police. I have to say that it opened my eyes. I am learning alot now and keeping an open mind.


Member: HTU
Location:
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 4:48:47 PM

Comments

lu-lu

get a life

htU


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 6:57:30 PM

Comments

I'm Fred and I'm and alcoholic, sober today by the grace of God and AA. Thanks for the topic, Turnup. Family relations and trust for recovering alcoholics, what a topic. Since getting sober a few 24 hours ago, I've learned only a little. One of those things is that I can't control anything but what goes on inside me, and the actions I take and choices I make. Everything else, and I mean everything, is beyond me. So, what I work on is me. Another thing I have learned is this. If I strive to live in rigorous honesty, following the suggestions set forth in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the choices I make don't hurt people. In fact, they help and nurture people, including me. After years of this striving, the family has learned to trust me again and count on me to be there when the chips are down. When another AA member asked me the same question you asked, Trunup, all I could offer was, "Act worthy." I think I'll stick to that answer here. Act worthy long enough and you even start to trust yourself again. Everything else that's going to happen, will happen. Thanks for letting me share. Love, Fred


Member: gerry m
Location: atlanta, ga
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 7:29:44 PM

Comments

Merry X-Mass to all on this site. This is such a learning experience for me. After being around for 55+ years and meeting many many people, I am realizing that many of them were (and probably still are abusers) I am not an alki, but have abused "the drink" on occasion. I have visited this site, (and enjoy it very much)and several other sites, an I must say that when put into the situation of being sober (by the way, I have not had a drink for 40+ days)trust has never been an issue in my family life. I have a fully stocked bar in my basement. I do not feel tempted, nor do I feel threatened by it. It does not call my name - and it does not follow me around the house. Why??? because I trust myself. I also have to trust my friends. Trust them not to push drinks to people who really "do not want" or "do not need" another one.

I have gone to meetings where they all feed from one another, not sure if they look for that trust from one another, but it is a close friendship that shares the strength needed to stay "sober".

Trust is something you have to have in yourself! And if you trust yourself, the others will follow. And if they don't - they may just not be worth having around!

Hope all have a great 2001! Cheers! (with ice water - of course)


Member: Olivia
Location: TX
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 8:39:57 PM

Comments

HI everyone, Im Olivia and Im an alocholic. When I look back on my past, I see so clearly now how I took advantage of people, places and situations. How I could never make a commitment to anything in Life for too long a time; I could never make a commitment to myself. Since sober, this is the one thing I really try to work on; following through on my commitments. In my early sober years, I did lose a few friends and a long term partner. They just couldn't believe me anymore (like the boy who cried Wolf). It was hard to let those people leave my life and I realized at that time just how untrustworthy I had been. I also realized that the AA program is about MY sobriety and whenever I let others down, I let myself down. I try really hard now to measure myself by my follow through on commitments. I do hold my head up though and believe my past is gone like the wind,my future is just a promise and today is all I have. My sponsor told me "trust is a gift that is earned". God Bless, walk slow and drink plenty of ice water.


Member: od
Location:
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 10:09:17 PM

Comments

michelle m.,

we're still looking for you.

officer dicknose


Member: OBSERVER
Location: EARTH
Date: 12/27/00
Time: 11:17:30 PM

Comments

LULU

JUST A THOUGHT...SHARE "EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH, AND HOPE," NUMB SKULL LOL


Member: Dawn R.
Location: Canada
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 12:15:25 AM

Comments

Dawn here again, I just want to thank everyone who shared on this web site through the Christmas season. I spent the last 6 days working, It's been my main source of AA, except for the meeting I attended on Christmas eve. I hope you all are well and have a safe and sane New Years.

To you Glen, I have felt like you have many times. I relapsed on and off until Sept 1996(my soberity)since 1993. I don't have any magic words or advice, because I believe the magic is in the program itself. I just kept coming back and made a decision to give the program the same effort I gave my drinking. You know what, I think it worked, that and A TRULY open mind. Peace to you Glenn, you are not alone anymore unless you want to be. Dawn


Member: lu-lu
Location:
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 12:50:26 PM

Comments

whats a "numb skull" mean????????


Member: earth observer
Location:
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 2:22:24 PM

Comments

im not sure


Member: Linda S
Location: NJ
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 2:30:23 PM

Comments

Someone in AA once said that it takes 5 years in recovery before you begin to think clearly and I think that's true. All you can do is work the program, call someone if you want a drink and accept the fact that your family relationships may or may not work out but that it's going to take time and that you need to take care of yourself. I had 15 years sobriety last Sept; during that time my teenage daughter died from heroin; my sponsor died; and last summer my husband almost died. I didn't drink; I'm not smarter or less sick than any other alcoholic but I work the program and it finally clicked and I'm grateful. Use it; the corny slogans, the 12 steps and most of all, the other people in AA who are also trying to stay sober.


Member: SCB
Location:
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 3:00:13 PM

Comments

Linda - thank you. I too have fifteen years; the last 5 years have in many ways been the hardest, with deaths and difficulties: but not lifting a drink, and as you say, family relationships may or may not work out; I need to take care of myself. Thank you for reminding me of these things and reassuring me that I am not alone. I do know I am not - I just need to be reminded!


Member: Ed A
Location: Demming, Wa
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 3:40:35 PM

Comments

<<<Lu-Lu>>> It's been 19 days sober!!! Had a couple of real teasers over the holidays...but I stayed sober and did not touch a drop...Wow has my life changed...don't know what to do with it...except start over (atleast my play time) see ya & thanks to all


Member: Tom A. 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 3:56:31 PM

Comments

Good Afternoon to all who read and post on Staying Cybers Discussion Meeting.

My name is Tom A., a grateful sober alcoholic by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and what I have learned in this fellowship we call A.A. since July 25, 1960. One thing I have learned is that we always get what we need in the program when we need it not necessarily when we want it. As this a suggested program of recovery, I would simply suggest what I have been doing over the past several years and that is including one step and one tradition in my daily devotional time. I discovered somewhere in my journey that the 12 Traditions have the power to repair relationships and they are a vital part of my daily program. Another thing that has helped me is this, I have an expanded view of family and that has help me to understand our relationships to each other. This I know that A.A. lifts up a loving God, who loves you, and inspite of myself loves me too. You see I did not love Tom when I arrived at the doors of A.A., but I do now. Infact, during my first year in the program I stood in front of the bathroom mirror each morning and sang this song to myself "I love me, I love me, I'm wild about myself" after awhile I discovered that I did love myself and that allows me to love you. All I can say Turnup you are making progress and that is what this program is all about. I thank everyone again for being. Have a Happy Sober New Year.

God Bless - Tom A., ate@gte.net


Member: Jen
Location: Chicago
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 4:45:13 PM

Comments

A great topic! My experience so far (7 years in recovery) with familiy is that it is still taking a long time! I grew up with two actively alcoholic parents, so 3 out of our 4 immediate family members are drunks. We did a lot of damage to each other. Seven years later, all 3 are sober (a miracle!), two in AA and one dry. Tho everything is still not "OK." There is still a lot of hurt, pain, distrust, etc. Another miracle recently has taken place. I actually spoke about this to my father (the dry one) and he acknowledged that we all have communication problems, and volunteered to go into family counseling! Now I never thought that would happen in a million billion years! All I know about this is that the healing is very slow, but that God could and would IF SOUGHT. I just want to say thanks too b/c right now I'm stuck at work and flipping out of my head over something that just happened. I'm going to a F2F meeting in about 2 hours, but it helps so much to check in to the ESH on this page! Love Jen.


Member: Mike R
Location: FH
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 4:48:23 PM

Comments

Mike an Alcoholic, this subject is a hard one, If I make. I,m dealing with the reconstruction of my family and the bad part is I've been sober for awhile. I dealt with, If she was back, my life would be better, but I've always been the common denomiator in all of my problems. I had to be rigourisly honest she may never come back, that's ok, but I have to work on myself. I couldn't just half way quit drinking and I just can't half way work on myself, I have to change with every fiber of myself to beable to say, the best of my abilty, it's been real painful but thats a given and that changes too! thanks for letting me share


Member: Eileen
Location: Pa.
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 6:17:30 PM

Comments

Tom A Great to read your post. You always seem to help me. Wishing you all a happy, healthy, and sober New Years. Eileen


Member: ???????????
Location:
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 7:52:12 PM

Comments

ed,

where is lu-lu????????????????


Member: mw
Location:
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 8:50:06 PM

Comments

montgomery wards bit the dust...............

yeeea.....yipppppiieee


Member: Valerie B.
Location: Georgia
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 9:07:28 PM

Comments

Hi. My name is Valerie and I am an alcoholic/addict. I became sober approximately 10 years ago. I went through much of the process of the 12 steps without knowing that was what I was doing. Both of my children are alcoholics/addicts and during treatment for them I sought counseling and was able to face that I am as well. I have times of guilt for not recognizing and acting on my children's behavior sooner, but I know that I cannot change their behavior for them. My youngest child is currently in a recovery residence and is finally doing very well. My oldest child is still heavily in denial even though he has had housing failures due to his addiction and since he started using crack a few weeks ago he has lost all his worldly posessions except for the clothes on his back. I struggle with guilt for somehow bringing them to this even though I know that I did not. I am grateful to God for delivering me from my drinking and for making me into a new person. I am trying my best to let go of my children and put them into God's hands. I hope that years down the line we can all be sober together.

Thanks for listening. This is my first visit to the site and I look forward to checking in often!


Member: TOM G.
Location: avondale nfld canada
Date: 12/28/00
Time: 10:13:31 PM

Comments

Hi i,m tom I,m an alcholic first time ever on line meetings Thanks turnip good topic I expected my family to change just because I thought I did ,but I learned early in AA one day at a time I did,nt get this sick over night so it takes a while to gain trust from my family they got sick with me or I should say I made them sick also that happens when you live with untreated alchoisum , turnip try practising one day at a time ,pray to your higher power and wait for the answer, be careful what you pray for --HE has three answers they are [YES--NO-- and wait a while.happy Xmas to all I wont say MERRY cause we had enough merry ones... yours in soberiety TOM


Member: andrew M.
Location: Arizona
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 1:33:31 AM

Comments

I don't think calling each other names is recovery based. I hope you all read the books and literature for the program. The fellowship is a good support system but the program itself is in the reading. I ahve heard so many things that are not AA anymore. They may be good things to hear, but they come from tx centers, outside informational books, magazines, but AA is in AA aproved literature. Take care of yourselves over the New Years eve gig. Have fun and be safe.


Member: TossR
Location: Australia
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 6:07:59 AM

Comments

Hi - I,m Toss & a happy sober alkie, just got on the net & wanted to say hello to the world. I got into aa to get my partner off my back. I learned what the problem was & found support,friendship & hope. It did get better, & that continues. Happy New Year.......


Member: MC
Location: Chester County, PA
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 7:24:40 AM

Comments

Hello, My name is MC and I am an alcoholic. I am a neophyte at this - only 5 days into the program and I thought the first 4 days were "not so bad", yet this morning I woke up and I feel as though today is a day in which I am emotional and really need to hang on. I have an active alcoholic hisband who mentioned last night that perhaps I could do this in moderation. I retorted that, no, I could not. I had to do it this way and I do not want to go back. I must have slept on those words as I woke up with them and I am working on dispelling those thoughts. It is too early to call my sponsor so I thought I'd reach out on-line. May God help me with this day! Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 9:17:58 AM

Comments

Hi Ed Alcolholic, Trust is hard to get back once it is lost. Since I've been sober I've been working on getting the trust back from my family. Some days it is harder than others. But I hang in there. One day at at time.


Member: Dr. D
Location: Concord, NH
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 9:41:48 AM

Comments

to Gerry M in hot 'lanta. Well, maybe you is and maybe you ain't an alki. I don't think that I'd go near a face to face AA meeting if I didn't have some doubts. or even check out this website. I do believe that there are two kinds of people in this world; the people who's internal wiring gets redirected and overridden when that chemical kicks in; and those that occasionally have a little too much and find the after effects not worth the trouble. Not that they'll never drink again, but they sure aren't in any hurry to try it out again for a while. AA's are by neccessity a rather zealous lot. They're all dealing with a problem that has caused a wide range of problems in their lives and the lives of those around them. We're not too objective when it comes to drunks. So, if you don't have a problem, I'd find plenty of other things to do with my time. But if you find that you end up doing stupid things as a result of drinking, you know where to go.


Member: Tracie M.
Location: CA
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 10:42:05 AM

Comments

Hello MC, If you would like some correspondence, please e-mail me. I would love to be of service, and I know first hand the emotional turmoil. tracie@thegrid.net


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 10:53:51 AM

Comments

Mark dope fiend alcoholic I hear a long time ago that one has to give time, time. I thought that was bullshit when I first hear it, but today, I understand what that means. I drank and used drugs for a lot of years. I gotta give this thing a lot of years to work. People I hurt in one way or another, aren't just going to welcome me back with open arms just cuz I'm sober. How did that go on those old EF Hutton commercials? I have to earn it. I also know that actions speak a lot louder than words, and it takes time to compile a track record of actions in sobriety. And thats assuming I make absolutely no mistakes in this sober world. I got some news for people, I still fuck up on a regular basis. Today, when I screw up, I can own my mistake, and there are actions that I can take to clean my side of the street. I also learn from those mistakes and don't generally repeat them. The viscious circle has been broken. I'm not doing the same thing, the same way, expecting different results today. When I recognize there's a problem, I take action on my part to correct the problem, I strike out on a new path, until I make the next mistake. Chuck C from Mojave CA always used to tell me "Around here asshole, you either grow or you go. Part of growing is making mistakes, learning from them, and pressing on". Good advice. I had to learn to give time time. God teaches me to be patient, in this instant gratification world. I'll keep coming back, I might get a bit different, and anything is better than what it was.

Mark


Member: efh
Location:
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 5:14:52 PM

Comments

just dont take my neme in vain.

e.f. hutton


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 6:07:19 PM

Comments

The sum of it all according to relations with family depends upon the which of the two roads of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous we are speaking of. The first being the road that leads, which is toward the world; the second is the road that follows, which is the road that is to Godward. Against the most of us the first road is the road most taken, those go about with their efforts mostly pertaining to the amends steps with little or no attention given to the spiritual steps of the program. They as it were go about to restablish the third dimension forsaking the forth. Those on the other hand that take the other road that tends toward God rather than the world look to the spiritual steps of the program forsaking the amends steps. They are the ones that have to their credit that "Thine enemies shall be those of thine own household." This they accept which is completely contrary to the acceptance that the other road here mentions. Can then there be a path taken to where both these roads are one? The answer is No!


Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,ILL
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 7:48:23 PM

Comments

trust takes long time to develop but takes no time to shatter. when i was drinking i did everything i was not supposed too then i was introduced to aa meetings and higher power which changed my life around now i try to remember make extra effort as to be nice kind caring to other needs and keep reminding myself of steps 4 a 5 and work on it.


Member: bn
Location:
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 8:25:20 PM

Comments

im an applehead


Member: ....
Location:
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 9:29:24 PM

Comments

yes you are


Member: OBSERVER
Location: EARTH
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 10:05:08 PM

Comments

LU-LU

YOU ARE A NUMBSKULL LOL


Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,ILL
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 10:18:11 PM

Comments

trust takes long time to develop but takes no time to shatter. when i was drinking i did everything i was not supposed too then i was introduced to aa meetings and higher power which changed my life around now i try to remember make extra effort as to be nice kind caring to other needs and keep reminding myself of steps 4 a 5 and work on it.


Member: DCampos
Location: San Bernardino
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 10:22:16 PM

Comments

Newbie......Have to finally admit...have a problem...got a dui.......drunk from noon to midnight daily last four years........friends are thin.....family looks the other way....but in a deep relationship that has faith...before it was cute..now I see the ugliness... I am not the good person I was.....and need some help taking time one day at a time......please...listen......I care.....


Member: lu-lu
Location:
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 10:29:00 PM

Comments

dcampos,

hey are ya working right now???

lu-lu


Member: BLAIR
Location: CANADA
Date: 12/29/00
Time: 11:06:03 PM

Comments

Hi,I'am an alcoholic.It seems when we come into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous we set out to make everything right,we go about making amends and tell everyone we are sorry so they will like us,when we don't even like ourselves.We want everyone to trust us when we don't even trust ourselves.I learned along time ago from the oldtimers that it all takes TIME and i should focus on staying sober, going to meetings everyday talking to a sponsor and asking my HIGHER POWER for help in the morning and things will work out inspite of myself,it all takes TIME.


Member: Yolanda T.
Location: Houston, TX
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 9:13:35 AM

Comments

greetings. i am yolanda, an alcoholic.

i was sober 10 years. went out. its been 3 years since, now i am 19 days. the whole 10 years my family did not treat me to cool, yet i was not too cool either. i always had drama going on. if no drama, i would try to commit sucide -- oh poor me again. no wonder why i am getting sober again. i am 23 days, pray for me. at this point i don't care how they treat me, i just want to stay sober.

happy new year to all.


Member: ashley s
Location: ct
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 9:54:19 AM

Comments

i'm an alcoholic and addict, my name is Ashley. I am having a hard time right now dealing with my family. I am visiting them for the holidays and i think i have stayed too long and now it is snowing and i am stuck. I am sober which is a blessing. My dad is an alki and mother an enabler. THey both do not think i am an alki and they are nuts. It is hard working my program and taking care of myself in this toxic place, but i do the best i can and pray like crazy. I keep reminding myself that this too shall pass. And all i can do is give time time and take care of myself and trust GOd's plan for me and his plan for my family. It is so wonderful to meet people in program who have similar situations and can offer unconditional love and support.

THanks for letting me share.


Member: ROSEY1
Location:
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 10:36:38 AM

Comments

HI, ALL

CAN SOMEONE TALL ME HOW TO KEEP IT EASY?? IAM 2 YEARS OLD AS OF NOV. 19 TH I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SEPT THREE, I HAVENT BEEN TO A MEETING IN 9 MONTHS I STILL CANT GET THE HOLE THING


Member: 13 steppin
Location:
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 1:24:47 PM

Comments

hi rosey,

i can help you.i like the smell of fresh tuna.


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 2:05:11 PM

Comments

Ashley S.: Looks like you're in Connecticut..call the AA Central Office there and ask for the name of a woman on the 12th step call list. You'll at least be able to talk to someone if you can't get to a f2f meeting. Good luck and G~d care for you. And you're right, they are crazy (sick) and you're not...you're getting well and don't fit in there very well any more. Most of us have been through the same. Bob


Member: Christine C
Location: MA
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 2:19:20 PM

Comments

Hi. Relationships have been on my mind terribly the last few weeks. I'm so in love with someone who has been married happily for many years, and only cares about mew as a friend; I'm married to someone who hates me and the world, who hassles me constantly. My only good relationships are with my children, who have turned out kind and loving. Of course the catch with raising children is that you have to teach them to go out on their own and to love other people more than they love you. Love and peace to you all,thankyou for being here.


Member: fred
Location:
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 2:55:49 PM

Comments

christine,

what are you trying to say???????

fred


Member: Annie K.
Location: BlueRidgeMountains
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 4:56:07 PM

Comments

Thank you, God! Just when I start thinking I'm the sickest drunk I know,I come online for the first time and find out once again that I'm not as unique as I think. I'm just another garden-variety drunk. By the grace of God, I haven't had to drink for about 11.5 years now--ever since that "nudge from the judge" sent me head over heels into AA. My relations with most of my family have improved markedly but mostly my relationship with me and my God have exceeded my expectations. The Promises tell me..."sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly" - but I still want things to happen in my time. I trust in the experience,strength and hope I find in my fellow AA's and the more I learn to trust, the more I am trusted. The more I give, the more I get. Ain't sobriety grand?? Thanks for letting me remind myself just how good I've got it, and IT WILL GET BETTER! love,annie


Member: Colleen J
Location: USA
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 5:48:07 PM

Comments

Hi my name is coleen and i am alcoholic. I had been sober 16 months until i relapsed last sat. - i now have not had a drink in over 1 week and feel much stronger than before. However my husband drank then as well and since then hasn't stopped. I am lost as to what to do. This has happened 3-4 times since we met in AA over the last 16 months and i fear that he will never remain sober, having tried for 16 years. I am finally realizing that he is ony hurting himself but he is hurting me too, financially and emotionally. I should leave but I just can't bear to see him suffer. I however, can not pick up a drink and need strength from somewhere I don't know. I am praying continuously and asking anyone if they can please offer me any guidance or should I turn to Al-anon?


Member: Mary K
Location: Boston (Raynham)
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 6:03:44 PM

Comments

Hi everyone!

Happy Holidays to all!

Family trust, hmmmm. For me it came down to Expectations. If it comes at all it comes in God's time, not mine.....and this alcy still hates that fact but has needed to accept it in order to live serenely (most days - lol).

It was wonderful to read Von in Akrons share on 12/27. That was me, the director. Telling everyone how much I have changed and how I should have earned their trust by now (at X amount of sobriety). I cringe at that behavior now, how self-righteous and indignant. I am currently over 12.5+ years of continuous sobriety due only to the Grace of God and meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The forgiveness that has been granted me from some members of my immediate family came when I least expected it and in God's (and the forgiver's) time. Once I let it go of my expectations of God, of myself and of others, I was able to live my life in the day. To appreciate the good moments and hang on during the tough ones.

My sister still has not forgiven me and long ago cut herself and her children off from me. I wish it were different but it isn't. I did the damage and I have made my amends, the rest is not up to me.

THE WORD AROUND THE HALLS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS IS HOPE !!

God bless all.


Member: Dee R.
Location: Winter Wonderland on the East Coast
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 8:08:55 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Dee and I'm an alcoholic. We have a blizzard here and I was unable to get to a meeting, so a friend pointed me to this site. Thank God for technology!! I just reached my 30days on Dec. 21st. I have a family of alcoholics, mostly extended family. However, I learned how to be a functional alcoholic from my father and siblings. When I told them that I was an alcoholic, no one believed me. Now they are resistant to my changes. I'm twenty-four and we are all co-dependant--it has been driving me crazy!! When ever I walk out the door to go to a meeting, I feel like I'm abandoning my parents. They give me the "puppy-dog" eyes and wonder why I have to go to so many meetings. I didn't spend the holidays with them because I couldn't handle all the disfunctional alcoholics in my family. They semi-understood, but they are still in denile. It is horrible living here because there is alcohol all around me. My father is drinking every night like usual, and my mom even has beer with dinner now. Sometimes it drives me mad. Especially when I'm home alone. H-A-L-T is a constant with me. I really needed to share because I can't make meetings all day long, like I would like to--I barely make one a day. My sponsor is great--she gave me all of the literature. I started a journal. Now I'm working on step 1. I'm trying, but I'm going nuts. I had an accident right before Christmas--a guy hit me, his fault--and my father, the great alcoholic himself, had the nerve to ask me if I had been drinking. Then when I had a cup of water in front of me, he had the nerve to pick it up and sniff it to see if it was alcohol. I'm going crazy!!! Thanks for letting me share.


Member: sam
Location:
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 10:29:10 PM

Comments

dee, isnt life grand??see you can vent all you want here.and always remember,....you can pick your nose,but you cant pick your family....... ................the truth is we're all in denial about something or another.......oh the tragidies of life...........two things are guarunteed in life......you are born....then you die.....thats it and no more.what everyone does with there life between that time is up to them.i kind of think life really is way to short as i have got older.i lost the last 20 years in the bottle and dope.what a waste....then again, what a party!the sad thing about it is,i have nothing to show for it.then again the good thing about it,is that when im dead i couldnt take it with me anyway!!!!!!!!!!!right???!!


Member: reality
Location:
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 10:38:53 PM

Comments

sad but true...................


Member: Anessa C.
Location: Midwest
Date: 12/30/00
Time: 11:30:14 PM

Comments

Anessa, alcoholic: Thanks for the topic, Turnup. Do you think you could begin to think of your "living amends" as the way you are SUPPOSED to be acting? That way it won't seem like a chore. I remember when I was about two years sober, I developed this resentment that none of my children seemed to be impressed or grateful that I was now always available to them, helpful at homework time and not hung over in the morning, (quite cheerful, actually). In my mind there should have been some kind of reward for the effort of staying sober. Dear heavens!!!!! I was SUPPOSED to be sober. My family at the very least deserved a sober mother. The rewards were there and I did not recognize them until my sponsor kicked my behind and taught me the meaning of direct amends---the admission of wrongdoing and the attempted restoration of whatever I had deprived another human being of. Was it emotional security? money? good name? serenity? and on and on. Only I can know what. It took more than a few years for my youngest to stop sniffing my soda pop when he thought I wasn't looking. That's part of the pay-off but, acceptance is the answer to all my perceived family attitudes today. I can only improve my own and with the help of a good sponsor, my fellows in the program and a timely recourse to step three, I'm usually able to avoid wallowing in it. There's a lot of really good discussion and sharing here. I can take a lot of it to the bank. Thank you!!!


Member: fred s
Location: canada
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 12:07:28 AM

Comments

Hi I'm fred and I am an alcoholic 19 christmas eves wihtout booze and I love life more than ever. Not all things have gone great but at least I have been alive to enjoy the turmoil.


Member: Ronald T.
Location: Phila
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 12:08:01 AM

Comments


Member: Ronald T.
Location: Phila
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 12:16:31 AM

Comments

no excuses and gods help will do what nothing else will - keep us sober! life is hard for sure and a great challenge, but we cant afford to make this hard,or mix the two. just expressing an oppinion from my own experience. aa saved my life.


Member: dave
Location: eugene oregon
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 12:16:39 AM

Comments

ronald t. from philly,

talk to us ron,i sure do miss them sidewalk vendors with the salted soft pretzels there.its been over25 years since ive ate one.do they still sell them there???

curious on the west coast


Member: Ronald T.
Location: phila pa
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 12:31:55 AM

Comments

yea they got em and there good the hot dogs are good too and i got some in the freezer just in case just stayin sober here keepin it simple and feedin my face


Member: dave
Location: eugene oregon
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 1:34:06 AM

Comments

right on ron!

stay sober and happy new year!

dave


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, florida...
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 5:26:28 AM

Comments

good morning on this last day of 2000....my name is richard , i am an alcholic ! one day at a time seems to be a realy good way to approach recovery. do not drink and go to meeetings .......people who drink are not available for recovery..people who do not drink are in recovery....some one is out in front and the rest of us fall some where.behind .......in single file and bunches......have a good one and may god bless you and all those you love.......


Member: Iris
Location: here
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 9:59:22 AM

Comments

So happy x-mas is over


Member: Carol W
Location: Denmark
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 12:40:03 PM

Comments

My name is Carol and I am an alcoholic. Being sober is the most wonderful gift that could have every been bestowed upon me. I am an american, got sober in Scotland and now live in Denmark. Before getting sober I moved around a lot, carrying my alcoholism around. I can very happily say that I enjoyed my fifth year of sobriety on 26th December, and now I carry my sobriety around. It doesn't matter where you go in this world, AA is there for you if you want it and sobriety is there for you if you want it. I choose to have a happy and contented journey as I have a super higher power who stays close to me at all times. I woudl be lying if I said the last five years have been all great. But I believe that the good and bad go together to make me a stronger person. My family trust me, why, I do not question after all the carnage I put them through. I am grateful for that, do not question the reason why and on a daily basis try to keep the trust intact. Trust comes in many ways, conversations, actions, things I do in my daily life...it all adds up. Thank you to AA for a lovely sober Christmas and god willing a sober New Year.


Member: me
Location: here
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 12:58:19 PM

Comments

lu-lu

happy new year.............are you still in jail???????????????/


Member: Graeme B
Location: Jeresy Channel Islands
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 1:09:15 PM

Comments

To all my friends in the Fellowship, may you all have a happy healthy sober New Year. Thanks for being there for me in 2000 and I hope we see many more newcomers in 2001, as this realy does work if you work at it. Best wishs Graeme.


Member: blair
Location: canada
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 1:55:16 PM

Comments

HI,How is everyone on this last day of the year, I hope things are great I hope everyone has a HAPPY NEW YEAR and a SOBER ONE.My mind has been on Rosey's problem on how to keep it EASY and I hope some other people out there can share thier experience,strength and hope.This is only my opinion,when I read your letter you said you were only 2 years sober and having a problem with step 3 and 9 months away from meetings,if I came to my sponsor or went to a meeting and wanted to discuss this I would get a ear full. My would tell me that I'am TRYING to run the whole show myself,thinking I'am still number 1 and I DON'T need a HIGHER POWER especially when I don't go to meetings FOR 9 MONTHS and you want to turn your life over to a higher power when your running the show and by the way your life is still unmanageable.He would tell me to get back to my meetings and things will get easyer. I really hope things work out for you ROSEY. P.S. I really didn't like the comment that was made right after your's Rosey,some people are sicker than others.


Member: Joe
Location: Canada
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 10:08:04 PM

Comments

Hey, Dee do you think maybe at 24 years old, you might want to get your own life, your own home and quit worrying about what your parents are doing. Here in Canada your an adult once you hit 18 years old. Just wondering???


Member: vlb
Location: Atlanta
Date: 12/31/00
Time: 11:33:09 PM

Comments

I've been carrying this around all day. Today would have been my 25th wedding anniversary. We let drugs, alcohol and just plain meaness destroy us. My husband eventually died of severe chronic progressive MS. I cleaned up so many years ago, but our kids are now in deep addiction. I wish sometimes I just had someone to help share the load.


Member: Dee R.
Location: N.J.
Date: 1/1/01
Time: 3:28:12 AM

Comments

Dee, alcoholic Thanks Sam for your comments. Happy New Year! I kept it sober and away from the family.

Hey Joe from Canada--I did 90% of my drinking before I was 21, and I was in college. I didn't work at first--just charged everything to credit cards that I was easily given from every bank I applied with. After two years of that, I came back home and worked two jobs for the past 3 or 4 years. I am even starting my own business. However, debts are large, and I'm paying them off, along with my college loans. So, yes, you are right, 18 is the age of adulthood, but I decided to pass on it and drink. That is why I'm an alcoholic. But, business is good, and my day job is good--I just recently stopped drinking, I stopped charging, and now the debts are going down. I'll let you know when I become an adult. One Day At A Time! Keep it Simple and Sober!

Peace everyone!!

Happy New Year!!


Member: Tom Z.
Location: N.Y.C.
Date: 1/1/01
Time: 5:56:20 AM

Comments

Being active in service work for the most part of my sobriety, I have managed to do just about everything wrong from borrowing money to 13th stepping new women members. I, by the grace of God, have not taken a drink. After completing a term as DCM, I've been asked to continue to serve in one of our districts chairs. Should I bow out or continue to serve?


Member: Rod C
Location: launceston Tasmania
Date: 1/1/01
Time: 6:33:20 AM

Comments

It took sixteen years for the penny to drop that I was making amends every day of the week my sponser keep telling me that you make amends once and live the princibles of our program you are on the road to recovery every mishap our three children made was because I'm an alkie,and held up as a bad member of AA. my wife attended Alonon meetings for seventeen years in that time the slogan on the chairperson table ask me why am I here to stay sober one day at a time. Happy festive season from Australia


Member: Guy U.
Location: Charlotte, NC
Date: 1/1/01
Time: 1:32:04 PM

Comments

Hi all. Guy here an alchoholic. Being as it may I have but one family memeber left who has not fully succumbed to the ravages of Drinking and drugging. Be grateful you have a family to work towards. I have to remain sober . maybe one day I'll have a family and hopefully they will respect me since they hopefully may never see me drunk. I am grateful for today. Alone but sober.


Member: Annie K.
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
Date: 1/1/01
Time: 1:35:10 PM

Comments

Re:vlb from Atlanta- I can really relate to your grief, but every time I go to a meeting or open my BB, I'm reminded that I can't change the past. What I have is today-that's the PRESENT! The gift of keepin'on no matter what is a lifesaver. Like you, I made such a mess of my life my whole life and left grievous wreckage in my wake. Thank God, I only had one child whose DNA is filled with the disease shared by both his parents' families. By the grace of God, he is coming up on 2 years clean and sober...for years, I never knew which bridge he was living under for months at a time. It made my early sobriety a struggle, like so many other things did. Oh, I get it! Early sobriety is a struggle! But there is someone to help you share the load and that someone is the God of your understanding, who will love you through it all. And the people of AA who will reach out and take your hand if you show up and put your hand out. Over and over, they told me that my kid had a higher power too, and I wasn't it. God had to let my son go through all it took to get him here, just like He did me. Today, I "don't regret the past". It has come to be a useful tool that helps me to be of service in AA. I am grateful to be entering the third millenium sober and useful and HAPPY,JOYOUS, and FREE. Thanks for letting me share. Hang in there-it will get better.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 1/1/01
Time: 3:15:25 PM

Comments

To VLB in Atlanta. Go ahead and share your load. I spend some time in "May Retta" :) so I am not all that unfamiliar with your area.

Bill az-bill@primenet.com