Member: anonymous alcoholic (DOS 12/12/90)
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Time: 8:05:45 AM
topic: where would I be today, if I had never found AA?
Member: steve r.
Time: 8:22:09 AM
hi, tom-alcoholic. I really didn't "find" AA. It kinda was shuved up my butt while I wasn't looking. But now that I'm here, I'll quote (as is usually the case with us) a fellow member who recently died with 40 plus years sobriety in AA: "If I told you how bad it was, you wouldn't believe me, and, if I told you how wonderful it is now, you still wouldn't believe me." May you allow your HP to envelop you and keep you peaceful as the world goes flying by.
Member: Al B
Location: Columbus, Oh
Time: 9:47:53 AM
Jails, institutions or death is what I've heard in the rooms. For me; it would be death. When I first came around AA, I wanted to die. Life, as I was living it, really sucked and if there was a God, he was playing a cruel joke on me by letting me live. But, in AA I found hope. Then I found that life was not screwed up but my attitude and perception of life is what was screwed up. And I also found that there was a loving and caring God that loves us all gave us a way out of our own hell. I never would've dreamed of the rewards of staying sober one day at a time and working the steps the best I can would've been so rewarding. Thanks for the topic as it allows me reflect, with gratitude, on where I was and where I am now. Happy Holidays to you all. Al
Member: Pat H.
Location: Northern Va.
Time: 10:42:48 AM
I'm Pat,I'm an alcoholic. I would have taken a slow miserable descent into hell and a living death;followed by oblivion. I need to be reminded of this on a daily basis. Thanks
Member: Bonny G.
Location: Hot Springs, AR
Time: 11:21:41 AM
Hi all, Bonny, grateful recoverying alcoholic. I don't need to wonder where I would be if I had not been introduced to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Christmas Day of 1988 I was given the gift of my Big Book with a meeting schedule, I had carried my oldest sister to a meeting at the 34th Street Group in Pine Bluff after she came out of a treatment center. To my surprise a lot of folks I'd known for years where there to get and stay sober, One Day At A Time. I came into the halls of AA in July of 1989, only to revisit the grasp of alcohol in 1993, for a few 4 months more. Today I have 9 years of sobriety, and am truly grateful. My older sister never remained in the AA fellowship and past away this January. I was fortunate to realise where I made my mistakes in the program the first time around. I have "been here" and "done that," and I hope that today I am a good example of what this fellowship truly is. A wonderful place to be, if you are an acloholic. After watching several friends in and out of the program pass away, due to never stopping or due to a last slip, I'm hoping I have had my last drink. Because my greatest fear is that I'll never sober up again. Today I am blessed with another member of my family being a part of the fellowship, and it is truly a joy to watch her grow. I thank God for allowing me the gift of sobreity, and I hope that I am passing it on as Bill W. and Dr. Bob passed it on to others like me.
Member: LANDSCAPE RAY
Time: 1:06:31 PM
HI LANDSCAPE RAY MY LATE MOTHER MADE THE PHONE CALL I WAS ASLEEP AT THE TIME HER BLACK SHEEP HAD SHOWED UP AT HER HOUSE AFTER LEAVING 15 YEARS BEFORE TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE A HAPPY LIFE BUT BOOZE GOT IN THE WAY SO SHE DECIDED TO PHONE A.A. AND SEE WHAT THEY COULD DO WHAT NOBODY ELSE COULD DO AND 16 YEARS LATER I AM STILL GRATEFULL TO HER SHE DIDNT SEE HER 10TH AND 11TH GRANDCHILDREN BUT THEY KNOW HER I TELL THEM ABOUT THERE GRAN AND HOW SHE SORTED THEIR DAD OUT,GOD BLESS MOTHERS,, LOVE FROM BONNIE SCOTLAND AND HAVE A GREAT AND SOBER XMAS RAY
Member: laura s.
Time: 2:56:44 PM
my name is laura. last night i was drunk--again. today i'm depressed. i tell myself that i'm either not going to drink, or if i do drink, i tell myself that i'm only going to have a few. i never follow through, i always end up drunk. i don't believe my body, mind, and spirit can take much more. i feel weak, tired, and scared. i suffer from extreme anxiety, sometimes it gets so bad i have to go to the hospital. this morning, i started to have another attack so i took some medicine to keep it from getting to bad. i know what started this attack, i'm angry with myself for getting drunk again. my head hurts. i need help but i feel like i have to keep it secret. my boyfriend drinks and so do many of my friends. i think they'd tell me that i don't have a problem and that i just need to relax. i need help. thanks for listening laura
Member: Jeff T.
Time: 3:25:22 PM
Hi i`m Jeff an alcoholic. Where would i be if i was not here? I would be out there eather getting drunk or nursing a hangover, still trying to figure a way out of the living hell that i was in. I would be running with the four horsemen thats for sure! It would be a long slow death, cause i never had the courage to pull the triger. Thank God & you good people of AA i dont have to live that way today. ((Laura))You dont have to live the way you say you are living IF you dont want to. Its all up to you. There is a solution & its in the doors of AA, here you will find the answers to you problems or a way out of the living hell that we have experenced. Good luck keep coming back Jeff
Member: Robert F
Location: Nova Scotia
Time: 4:28:48 PM
Like Jrff.if I was still drinking,Id be doing the same nightmare living as before,thou I know I couldn't last long.The remousre and depressions,horrible sickness,chills and sweating,being completely "spooked"and only wanting a drink or some drugs to numb me,trying to fathom how Im getting out of the latest mess,not wanting to try.The jumping off place,I reached it,and don't want to go back.Im going to an all to infrequent meeting tonight.I need it.
Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Time: 4:56:04 PM
I'm Kathy and I am an alcoholic. Without AA today...I would either be dead or sitting in jail. I came sooo close to both of those things. Today I know that it is by the grace of God that I found AA or it found me...whichever the case is. Thanks for the topic, I needed the reminder of what it use to be like, what happen and what it is like today. Merry Christmas to All!
Time: 7:07:20 PM
I am so very gratgeful to have foudn this site.I have 3 days sobriety and need help. cannot go to a physical meeting. Have been following the vitamin regimen in "7 weeks to sobriety" and it really halps, but also need someont to talk to. all of your stories are touching. thank you for being out there. ab
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Time: 7:31:39 PM
Quite frankly. I haven't the foggiest where I would be had I not gotten into AA. Probably dead. Or worse, I would more than likely still be alive and not into recovery. Bill. Email at: email@example.com
Time: 7:59:37 PM
I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. If I hadn't made it to AA, I'd be drunk for sure. If I weren't drunk, it'd be because I would be in jail or dead. In my city the other day, a woman was driving drunk at about 11 o'clock in the morning. Her car jumped a curb and ran over a woman pushing her baby in a carriage. The woman driving kept going after she struck the woman with the carriage and was pulled over a block down. She was unaware that the baby carriage was wedged into the grill of her car and she'd been dragging it along with the infant who had died still in it. God bless her. God bless her. All I can think to say.
Location: NOrthern California
Time: 11:26:01 PM
Hi. My name is Daphne and I'm an alcoholic. Laura, I'm glad you wrote with us here. I hope you will find your way to a meeting in your area. I think you'll like us. We can help. Where would I be if I still drank today...? Honestly, I don't know for sure. But I'll bet I would probably be bemoaning my fate, nursing a brutal headache, crying how cruel the world is and how I never get a clean shake. I still fall into that sometimes now, even! But, now I know where to go. I know there are tools for me to use to return to sanity. And I daily thank God and AA for my life today.
Member: daniel m
Location: new york
Time: 11:43:02 PM
Dan M. I would be drunk. Even though life can kick me in the teeth sometimes I know a drink would only make it worse.I am a better person today than I was in 1996. happy holidays!
Member: Mike W.
Location: Hillsdale, Mi. USA
Time: 11:53:07 PM
I'm an alcoholic, and my name is Mike. (((Laura S. ))) (((ab from NH ))) I can only hope to encourage you and say that if you really have a desire to stop drinking, and I beleive that anyone who gets the courage to reach out and get some help does want it, Then you are willing to be willing. When I showed up at my first meeting, I was welcomed and made to feel like I belonged there and felt a real concern and love from YOU PEOPLE,, that was fairly strange to me.. I wish that I had taken things a bit more seriously when that I had first been introduced and been in my early sobriety. But You Folks kept telling me " Keep Comming Back" " It'll Get Better " " We'll Love You Until You Can Love Yourself " God I hated hearing that. I was misserible inside my own skin. I hated myself.. I didn't deserve anybody's love ( or so I thought at the time ) If you only new what I had done..Who I really was inside, there's no way you'd want anything to do with me.. I walked around with what felt like a knot inside of my gut the size of a 10 dollar pizza. I had no Idea you all had felt the same way before you had tried working these steps. I can't,,, God Can,, and I think I'm gonna let Him !! Wow !! Trust God,, Clean House, and Help Others.. That is AWSOME.. The results of working the first 11 steps is Having a spiritual awakening..!!! Thats AWSOME.. Theres Promises that come true for EVERYONE who works for them..God has done for me what I couldn't do for myself. If I'm in a boat out in the middle of the lake and it catches fire, and I cry out to God for help, When I jump out of that boat, I'd better be willing to do a little swimming, cause chances are he's not going to cause that lake to dry up so I can walk up to shore on dry land.. ! Thats all I got, Thanks for helping me to be me ! May your stockings be filled with sweets, and May the Reason for the Season Fill your hearts and minds through Him who Loves us all.. Blessings.. Mike W. firstname.lastname@example.org
Time: 12:52:11 AM
Time: 12:52:23 AM
Time: 1:14:15 AM
HI all, Kathleen here alcoholic. I would be dead most likely had I not got into AA when I did. I was close to death when I did get here, seizures from withdrawl. Gage thanks for the reminder of how fatal a disease this is, even for the innocent. I thank God I never killed anyone when I was drinking and driving. Thanks to the program of AA (the 12 steps) this once skid row alcholic is "reasonably happy" and very grateful for what I have today, a good job which I love, and many friends and the fellowship of you all. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season.
Time: 2:45:10 AM
I really don't know if I would be alive or dead. All I know is that I am so very grateful to God and the program of AA that ever since I set foot in an AA meeting I have not had to pick up a drink. I was feeling sorry for myself and stressed about the Christmas. I have not been able to get to face-to-face meetings because of an illness. Thank you for all of your comments. I need to remember what real pain is. Thank you God for this life I have.
Member: Tina W.
Time: 4:44:58 AM
I am very grateful that God brought me through the doors of AA. If I were still out there, I know I would be dead. If not physically, then certainly emotionally and spiritually. What an awesome blessing in disguise... I am an alcoholic, with a program that gives me the simple kit of tools I need for a purposeful life. Working the steps, prayer, and an excellent sponsor from God not only keep me sober, but happy also. Thank you!
Member: Suzanne P.
Time: 10:00:44 AM
Hi, Suzanne, alcoholic. Without AA and the sobriety of mind and body I would definitely be in a psych ward. I would have lost custody of my children and I would be completely lost. Had I not been able to clear away the debris and the dark cloud of insanity brought on by the twisted attitudes and thinking of a drunk, I would never have been able to clearly see who I am and what I truly need to change. I am extremely grateful for my sobriety and the sober thinking that comes from working the program.
Location: Santa Barbara
Time: 11:14:24 AM
So grateful that today I can imagine where I would be if I WAS drinking, rather than the misery of imagining what life would be without drinking. Another gift of sobriety is another level of freedom. I know where I would be, same place as my dear cousin. Middle of October he took his own life. In my opinion a large factor of that was his drinking and using. We are... were very similar in many ways. Simple victories sometimes are the sweetest. Each morning we I see my ceiling, I'm grateful for one more opportunity. Each night IF I have done what is suggested, I go to bed another day sober. <<Laura>> I hope you surrender yourself to the program and meetings in your area, and hope you know what a lucky person you are to be able to have another chance at this thing.
Member: Mike H.
Time: 1:07:56 PM
Mike,I'm an alcoholic. Thanks for all the reminders about where I'd be if it were not for AA. Several of my family members are "out" there providing me with real live examples of how this disease twists and kills us. My brother-in-law is locked up after violating his work release agreement. He's there after his sixth DUI in 11 years (different states).He thought he could enjoy a few glasses of wine with lunch (dirty UA upon his return). My sister-in-law is out on the streets, the family has cut her off after her fourth attempt at treatment centers. Another brother-in-law has seven years sobriety and was VERY close to relapsing into drinking last week. He was busy "empire building" and "power driving", failing to "enlarge his spiritual life". Thank GoD he woke up in time to call for help!! I'm so grateful for the program of recovery (STEPS) and the people in the Fellowship. Combined they have kept me seeking close, conscious contact with a Power greater than myself and in a position to carry the message to alcoholics. ((Laura)) ((ab)) AA works if you are willing to at least be willing. I hope you can find your way to a face to face meeting in your area as others have suggested. The number for your local AA Intergroup office should be in the phone book. Look under "Alcoholism". They will have times and locations of meetings, perhaps even a ride to a meeting, if you need one. Yours in Fellowship -- Stay in the Solution Love, Mike
Member: Bob P.
Location: San Diego county
Time: 5:08:07 PM
I was on my way to loosing everything, but most of all loosing my familys trust and respect. This program off AA restored that ( ove time) and got me on the road to a very healthy relationship with God in my life. Thanks AA!
Member: Steve F
Time: 7:25:36 PM
Hi All, Steve,Alcoholic. Good topic, thanks. I was a blackout drinker and a drunk driver. I believe I was destined for death or prison had it not been for AA and my higher power. I believe I got here through the prayers of others. Like Leland, I couldn't imagine a life without alcohol. I knew I was an alcoholic (but wouldn't admit it) twenty years before I made it to the rooms. However, I couldn't fathom life without the "neighborhood bar". I used to call myself an "under-achiever". What a hoot!! I was a drunk. Anyway, thanks for the reminder. Although, my first sponsor never hesitated to remind me of the same thing whenever I whined about something. He always told me I was supposed to be dead, in jail or in an institution and that I should shut-up and go help another alcoholic. So, Laura and anybody else who wants to stop drinking, stop by and see us in the rooms of A.A. You, also, keep us sober. Take care and have a safe and sober holiday everybody.
Member: Billy Jay
Time: 8:37:01 PM
Hi I'm Billy and I am an Alcoholic. I am so grateful to AA for helping me keep sober for over 25 years Had I never entered the rooms of AA I would probably be one of 3 things. Dead, In prison possibly for murder or locked away in some mental hospital. Instead I have a wonderful life and peace beyond my wildest dreams. Great topic. The people who have came onto the meeting telling me they are hurting and struggling with this illness of alcoholism my heart goes out to them and I will pray to the God of my undersatnding to touch them. He comes through for me and still does every day. thanks for being there all you guys from thousands of miles away. the power of AA is all around the world and we are so lucky to have it.
Member: janet L
Location: Costa Rica
Time: 8:43:55 PM
Gage, I feel for that woman and her child, and I also FEEL for that driver. I wish it was not true. I heard a story like that when I lived in NYC 20 years ago. Maybe it's not true. I pray that it's not true. Can you imaginge the anguish of all the people involved??>????? Oh, by the way< I was flagged over by Costa Rican Police on my way home-=--=-- and he kept telling me to breathe on him (I was very drunk and had my 10 year old in the car. He went back to his car to call " headquarters" and I threw it into first gear and got out of there, pulled off to a mountain village and sobered up for a few hours. It embarasses me now that my 10 year old remembers, and thinks I could have driven both of us off the mountain that night. Alcoholism is not a good thing, especialy when your children watch you do it right under their noses. I am glad that I am sober today, and by the grace of God I made it up the mountain that night. Love Janet
Time: 10:06:55 PM
I would hope I was dead because I was like Laura trying to quit every day and every day I would get drunk and the sense of hopelesness that consumed me was unbearable and I wished to die. God did for me what I couldn't do for myself and now I have learned how to stay sober one day at a time. I want to LIVE!!!!!
Location: woodland wa
Time: 11:27:36 PM
hi kimberley here grateful recovering alcholic, I dont know where id be if i pick up a drink but i do know where ill be if i dont!! that is a quote from doctor bob, i love my life i have been given a grace which is beyond my comphrension, thank you 12 steps and 12 traditions, merry christmas to you all. I know there are alkathons all over the place for those of you who dont know what that is. it is meetings that are going 24 hours a day to keep you sober through the holidays call aa they will tell you where keep coming back it does work,
Member: Kelly M
Location: New Hampshire
Time: 11:28:07 PM
Hi All, I'm Kelly an alcoholic. Without AA I think I would be dead, spiritualy, mentally and psyically. AA turned it all around and took me in and nurtured me back to a state of health where I can learn the tools to living without alcohol. I have a ways to go in the steps but I'll get there. I can't imagine having the strength to do It on my own without The AA Program. A big thanks to AA and a Merry and sober Christmas to all.
Member: Dan G
Location: north Ca
Time: 1:18:00 AM
Before I came to AA I was a liar a cheat and an all around miserable person. I drank to feel I drank to not feel heck I drank for every thing that made up my shallow existance. Had I not found the program when I did I am almost certin that the bottom I endured to get to the halls of aa (which was no picknick)would have seemed like a walk in the park compared to the type of mental decay I had adopted as a model for my destruction.
Member: Brian F
Location: Berwickshire, Scotland
Time: 2:57:49 AM
Hi my name is Brian, and I'm an alcoholic, great topic, thanks. Laura and ab, I pray that you hang in there, it's worth it I'm like AZBill, if I was still drinking, I don't know where I'd be, cos when I was drinking I couldn't guarantee my behaviour. I look at the people who are still drinking, or have picked up that first drink again, and the one's I identified closest with are now dead. They took their own lives If I have to think, and I do have to, where would I be, that would be me to, I believe. Because physically, I recon I could have went on drinking for a few years, but mentally I was beaten. If I could have stayed drunk all the time I don't think I would have gotten sober! Cos drinking wasn't oblivion for me, it gave me illusion that I belonged, anywhere I went. Then when I wasn't drinking I would constantly have those hideous four horsemen, terror, bewildermentfrustration and despair as constant companions til I could take no more and I would drink again. I never tried to commit suicide, I once took steps t end my life. It wasn't God's will that I was successful, for that and AA, which I was brought to 4 years later, in 1996, had I haven't picked up a drink since then. And since then I've faced those 4 horsemen many times, dealing with the reality of life, but NEVER alone now, because I have God, a 12 step programme and REAL friends today, thank you all for being there for me and reminding me of where I've came from. I've heard the saying "keep coming back", I also like "don't go away". Great topic Brian@finnie0696.freeserve.co.uk
Location: Rochester NY
Time: 3:05:50 AM
topic: where would I be today, if I had never found AA?..............DEAD! Yeah, I know everybody says that but, I believe in my case it to be true. I wanted to die, I couldn't really see how I was going to go on. I was in a dire state of dispair, depression and, hopelessness. I was in the middle of a very large mess of myself's and alcohol's making. I was going to drive my car at a very high speed into the bridge abuttment to end it all before, I was forced into AA by the court system. Now, like any good alcoholic; I didn't believe that AA could help me with my drinking/living problems. What did these people know about Drinking or Living problems? lol It took me over five years of trial and ERROR (mostly error) to finally make a commitment to staying clean & sober. So, if it wasn't for a few cool people in AA encouraging me to keep trying to stay sober I would not be here to tell the tale....thanks kjoe
Time: 5:02:27 AM
I would be dead or killed someone for sure! AA gave me a life...what I had before AA wasn't living!
Time: 9:06:09 AM
I am an alcoholic I would say that i would be dead if I had not had AA and stopped drinking .I remember the first day when i went cold turkey it was 4years back I went into withdrawals like having DT"S I was cold. shivvering could not sleep for almost 14days shaking lost my mind could not concentrate think strainght diarrea and much more with this severe dehydration this meant that I was very close to dying if I had continued my drinking behavior now thanks GOD and to aa members that I am alive and thank GOD for giving me another chance to live again.
Member: Terry G.
Location: Phoenix AZ
Time: 10:16:43 AM
Hi,Terry grateful alcoholic.If I were still drinking,I'd be drunk now instead of caring what happens to Laura.I'd still be married to an un-grateful bitch,my son would still be in jail.My daughter was useing drugs at 13,and wanted to kill herself.I hated my life,and knew everyone else hated me to.I've been sober now since 6/22/95,My ex-wife is no longer a bitch,she's the loving mother of my children.My son is in the army airborne(God bless him),my daughter has just bought a buisness in Maine.I have a beautiful Bride of four years now,and a God who loves me and only wants the best for me and you.Linda just ask Him to HELP,He will.He did for me,and still does.Go to a meeting we don't bite.Remember God loves you to,this day and everyday.
Time: 11:54:51 AM
annoymous says: 'where would I be if I never found AA'? My reply, simple as it may be is this: 6 feet under looking up at you.
Time: 11:56:07 AM
When I stop at Step Seven for a review, "smugness" usually is one of my undesirable shortcomings. But you know something? I have seen the ugliest side of (my) life. And I have, most certainly, cheated death. This is because AA has shown me a better way of life, and I wanted it. For today, (and that's all I want), I AM among the living. ><
Member: Mark W.
Location: US alcoholic
Time: 1:53:53 PM
Where would I be? If still breathing, (not six feet under), probably in jail for acting on the hateful things I so often thought of doing to those I should have been closest to. Or perhaps, still well within my own universe and totally drunk. can't tell whether I would have lasted this long or not. Today I am none of the above. The thinking still may not be totally on track, but I do have frineds within the fellowship that are more than willing to help me when I so need direction, and am unsure whether the next step falls into GOD (Good Orderly Direction), or not. How we were, and how is it now? Well, the one woman who loved me enough to marry me twice, even though I was a worthless human at the time, called and asked me for help today. She has known me for over thirty years. We have both been married to each other and others. I sobered up well after our second marriage was over, and we were both married yet again. She and her husband have had their troubles, and my daughter has chosen to live with me instead of them. This woman knew that I would help if I could, and also knew that her husband had asked that she not call me. Their problem today is not one that I could help with, other than soothing words that hopefully get her through the worst of the crisis. Just what is the difference in the above? There is not any possibility that I would ever have spoken to her again after the second divorce, not that my daughter would be living with me, had I not joined AA and sobered up! Still an alcoholic? Yes, I still have the stinking thinking at times. Yes, I'll always be an alcoholic, BUT I don't ever have to be drunk again, nor do I have to show others that I care for what an ass I can be when I fall into the old habits. Gratitude is the word for today, Christmas eve. I don't have to look far to find something to be grateful for. It is my sincerest wish that all of you don't either this day. Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: Rosie V
Time: 2:19:50 PM
If not for AA I would probably be reliving the same christmas as last year. At someone's house I didn;t know...drank all the booze...was pissed off that more people didn't bring booze because we ran out and could get any more. Basically, depressed and hateful, mad at the world for everything. Life is not like that this year. I am aware, I am here. Life is hard when you have to live it on its own terms, but at least it is real. God bless AA and all its members. xxxooo Rosie
Member: Harry H.
Location: Lowell, MA
Time: 4:15:23 PM
But for the Grace of God that I am here. Where I would be today without my Higher Powers intervention, I don't know. I got a very precious gift to get here. I call it the GiftOfDesperation. Yes, jails, institutions or death. I could have a choice of either one if it wasn,t for my Higher Power.
Member: Melissa M.
Location: Paint Bank, VA
Time: 7:08:37 PM
Hey my name is Missy and I'm an alcoholic. Life seems so different for me now since I've gotten out of the treatment center I was in and despite how weird this may sound I sometimes find myself wishing that I could go back there to the sheltered atmosphere I became accustomed to. I see that I changed so much while I was in treatment and it seems like everyone else changed to...for the worst. After talking to my sponsor she explained to me that those people had probably been that way all along and I was just now enlightened enough to know. I am truly grateful to my Higher Power which I chose to call God for giving me the gift of Just for today and another moment in sobriety. If not for the program and the people I have found in AA I would be dead...the institutions and jails would've been bypassed. Thanks for letting me share
Member: Donnie M (D.O.S. 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va.
Time: 7:54:39 PM
Hi, all Donnie here and this a great topic. I do not have a doubt I would have been dead by now. I would have taken myself out of this world or the alcohol would have. I have been granted a life today I never could have dreamed and I owe all I have and all I ever will be to the AA program and my higher power in which I choose to call God. I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and may everyone have a even better New Year. God bless all.
Member: Robin C
Location: Stone Ridge, NY
Time: 11:13:17 PM
I know for a fact that without the fellowship of AA who enlightened me that I had a high power that I choose to call God...I would undoubtly be dead. Not that I was alive when I was drinking. I was a character out of the movie "Night of the Living Dead". Walking, sometimes talking, but no feelings, didn't care, and had no reason to. Alcohol kept me that way and I did not know any other way to live. I thank God and AA that I have a new life and people to share and care with, about and for. Even with the holiday and feeling crappy about them...I am happy to be sober and alive today. Just for today....
Location: West Michigan
Time: 11:32:25 PM
Where would I be if I hadn't found AA? I would not be sober. I would not be sitting at a computer next to a beautiful Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. I would not have tons of presents under the tree as I do. I would not be living with my sweet children who are sleep waiting on Santa Claus. But most of all, I would not have PEACE. I thank God for AA and for all of you. Merry Christmas. Laura, God can truly help you stay sober One Day At a Time. He is doing it for me (Sometimes, one hour at a time). Stay connected. The program and fellowship of AA definitely works.
Member: anonymous alcoholic (DOS 12/12/90)
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Time: 5:41:00 AM
What a wonderful response to the topic. It reminds me of the movie "It's A Wonderful Life" (and Dickens' "A Christmas Carol"). Like George Bailey, alcohol has shown us a life not worth living. But, some angel has shown us AA, allowing us to 'WAKE UP' from the horrible nightmare we were living. (I just love that scene when Scrooge wakes up on Christmas morn and throws open the shutters - HE IS ALIVE, perhaps for the first time in his life!!!) Thanks for letting me share. Thanks God for this wonderful idea called AA. Thanks for all the people (like YOU) who keep the idea alive. And thanks today for the gift of your son, that we may know life abundantly! Merry Christmas to all!
Member: Marv L
Time: 6:01:46 AM
HI,I"m Marv,alcoholic.My answer to the topic question is that I dont know where Id be if it hadnt been for AA ! Christmas sure was miserable drunk! Ever notice how even the law of gravity stops working for drunks? It kept making my Christmas tree fall,and me,too! AA helped me rejoin the human race twenty one sober years ago and,looking back, only with your help have I made it! The final paragraph on page 164 of the Big Book ends with"Abandon yourself to God as you understand God.Admit your faults to HIm and to your fellows.Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find,and join us."I wish you a sober Christmas,everyone,thanks for helping me get a life! I still know only a little,and plan to catch a noon face to face meeting--feels so good be be here and there in the circle of caring,loving,sharing friends!
Member: Bill G.
Time: 8:17:05 AM
Bill here, real alcoholic. The program of A.A. will not open the gates of Heaven and let you in, but it will open the gates of hell and let you out. I would still be in that living hell if not for God and A.A. Merry Christmas Y'all!
Member: Joy V.
Time: 8:48:05 AM
Excellent topic! A good reminder for me to be grateful about where I am at this moment; which is in relationship with God, sober, relatively sane, a solid roof over my head, wonderful friends who love me, breaking the cycles of dysfuntion and addiction in my family, able to help others etc. etc. I have no doubt that I would probably be in a mental institution, jail or have committed suicide if it wasn't for God and His help with my recovery and deliverance from the bondage of addictions. I am sad remembering my co-worker who committed suicide via drug overdose around this time last year. He put up a good front and no one knew how depressed he was. I know I'm not responsible, but looking back now I see he did throw out some clues. I've had a hard time forgiving our company for the way they dealt with his death (cold bastards!) Obviously I still have issues with them, but God gave me an inspiration about something positive I can do. Anyway, I was mainly mentioning all this as a reminder to myself (and you all) to NOT put up a front; to let people know when I'm hurting. I'm one of those people who used to "hide" in the program. I was "in" the program but really still isolated. Reaching out makes all the difference. Merry Christmas to all. He's the reason for the season! Be blessed.
Member: Dennis E
Location: Orlando, FL
Time: 5:35:12 PM
Thanks for the great topic, and for everyone who shared. I woke up this morning and realized that I have been forgetting what AA has done for me. Reading all of your comments has helped me remember yet again what I have today that I never had, even before I started drinking. Bill Wilson said that the job of AA is to make us citizens of the world. Without AA, I would be only a sad, unpleasant memory today. But with what AA has given me, I am now a citizen of that world. And easy or hard, it's great to remember that I have choices, and can have a better today than I had yesterday. And on this day that celebrates a miracle of birth, I have the miracle of not having to take a drink. I hope I never forget how wonderful that is, and how, as hard as I tried, I could never do that on my own. AA helps me to take the "holiday spirit" with me 365 days a year, and hopefully spread it around. Thanks to all of you for letting me share, and have a safe and happy holiday season!
Member: Dennis H.
Location: Austin TX
Time: 7:16:07 PM
Hi, Dennis H. here, without AA I'd still be drinking and drugging wondering why the world was out to get me, why I didn't have any friends, why was my "luck" so bad,why do I feel like pounded dog sh*t all the time, why does the other guy get all the breaks,...et al. AA filled in the blanks, thank you H.P.! Seasons Greetings to all :)
Member: Nikki J
Time: 8:39:46 PM
Hi Nikki-alcholic I remember my last relapse very well. I wanted to be dead. I prayed to god to take me or help me. Thank you god. To day I am sober and clean. If it wasn't for my god, my sponsor that day I believe I would of died. I am very gratiful for my true friends in A.A. where I feel unconditional love. Thanks for the topic- Nikki
Location: Cocoa Beach, FL
Time: 10:57:06 PM
Location: Cocoa Beach, FL
Time: 11:48:08 PM
I am a newcomer. I was sober for a very short time. To comment on the topic.I had to seek my Jesus and except that I ain't him.He is running the show not I. I had to comment myself to the big book .Alot has changed for the short time I have commented myself to becoming sober.I go to a lot of rooms and see the happiness of 1,000's of strugging souls.It works IF YOU DO IT.
Location: indy indiana
Time: 8:07:17 AM
by now i probably would be dead.........it was just around the corner when i stopped. or better then dead would of been to of woke up in a mental instituion or jail cell after killing someone with just enough brain cells left to know i had had a choice in the matter. i am so glad i found this site. i have been sober 17 years, but i am fighting this depression all of a sudden and not liking who i am. i sound like a new comer again and feel like one. its back to the drawing board to figure out one more time what the hell is up with me now? i am grateful though that i know the solution is not found in a bottle or a needle anymore, and this to shall pass. welcome to all the newcomers - this is the greatest journey you will ever expereince. God Bless !!!!!
Member: Kim G.
Time: 12:09:48 PM
If it wasnt for AA I would either be in jail or dead. I am so grateful to be sober today. Laura it sounds as if you need to get off the pity pot and go to step 1. If you dont totally and completely surrender you will continue to drink. I refuse to be miserable today and you can make the same choice! I am just very grateful for another sober Christmas!
Time: 12:52:34 PM
I was 4 years sober but not attending AA. Last summer I relapsed, I would probably be dead now if not for my children getting me into a program. This was my 3rd treatment and I am finally admitting that I will not be able to do this without AA. During those 4 yrs I was sober I was still thinking like a using alcoholic..."I can do this on my own, I don't need anyone's help. I sure don't want to go sit with a bunch of drunks I don't know and listen to their stories. I have better things to do with my time." Well, I found that there really are no better things to do with my time than AA. It is there that I find the support I need. And now since I found 1 woman's mtg I like it really blows me away that I can say ANYTHING there and not be judged and sometimes it helps me to listen to someone's story, it reminds me of where I don't want to be!
Time: 2:11:33 PM
Hi to laura and ab,i know what you are going through,i wake up each morning trying to remember what i did and who i upset last night and promising i will not drink to night,i have been going to AA since 1996 and each time i am sober for a few weeks i convince myself i don't have a problem and i can take a couple of drinks and leave it,but i always seem to end up back to square one.i just pray to god something will be differant the next time i go to AA and i will be able to stay sober,i know i am maybe much help to you but knowing i am not on my own is help to me.i am going to try and get to an AAmeeting tonight,that will be a start and if i can walk into an AA meeting and talk to other alcoholic's hopefully something will be differant and i can keep at it
Time: 2:23:02 PM
Can anyone give the names of other useful websites
Member: Rob V.
Time: 3:18:20 PM
Very simpply I would be dead without AA if I was lucky enough to die.More likely I would be still living that horrible nightmare we all know so well.I certaintly wouldn't be celebrating my 40th birthday today and looking forward to celebrating my 8th AA birthday on 1/21/03. AA is the ONLY thing that ever worked for this alcoholic and I thank you all for my sobriety. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Time: 3:25:46 PM
HI Maurice http://www.winnerscirclemeeting.com/meeting_room/meeting_room.html and http://www.aa-lamps.org/chatpage.html may give you a start. Both are online formerly chaired AA meetings. Winners circle meets every night 9:30am and pm eastern time.. WC is experiencing some growing pains at the moment can can use some support. I have just recently found the Lamps..They meet 7:00 pm our Pacific time +8 I think. You are probably Greenwich mean time are you not? Don't know much about them but the meeting I attended was good. Bill email email@example.com
Member: Eddie C
Location: Northville, MI
Time: 4:32:01 PM
Hi, My name is Ed, I'm a recovering addict. If it wasn't for the AA program, I believe my destructive lifestyle would have broke or destroyed me by now. I feel so much better waking up not looking for an escape or high to aviod my real life. This is all still so new to me, but I thank God for my family and friends for understanding. Yesterday I an week clean, and everyday I'm feeling better. Thanks A.A.
Time: 4:32:05 PM
Locked up, or covered up.
Member: Clayton S.
Location: San Jose CA
Time: 2:00:05 AM
Where would I be without AA? I know I would still be doing the things that brought me here four years ago, the same mistakes, over and over, the same sorry expectations and excuses what this time it was going to be different how I had made up my mind......AA for me is thinking outside the box, it is trying something new, admitting, accepting and moving on finally growing up by not making the same mistakes over and over. Try this thing it really works..........
Location: sate of self pity
Time: 6:32:59 AM
Depression. Is chosen as a response to things I don't like in me or around me or both. Exception is that depression called "Clinical" brought on by severe shock as a surgury/accident etc. Depression is simple as Inidan in Arizona showed me. He said walk into a low bowl like area and once there said.."you are in a depression, now get out" I said I didn't know how. I was only looking at where I was, not how i got there. He said, "how did you get there?" I said I walked into it by choice. He said "then if you don't like it, walk out and quit feeling sorry for yourself" Check story of Bill W who was in a 13 year depression. Self-pity over one aspect of his life. Your choice.
Member: Debbie H.
Time: 7:16:06 AM
With my luck I would still be alive, still be trying to kill myself everytime I drank, still be hope-less, panicky, irritable and discontent. I would still be in so much pain spiritually that I would be paralyzed to think, smile, laugh (unless it was at someone elses expense), hanging out with those who drank "worse" than I did, puking everynight, swearing it off every night with the bed spins until 9 or 10 am the next morning the insidious thought would arrive..just one...I can handle that! I would still be neglecting my children, myself (I didn't shower much or brush my teeth or eat)and every thing would be about ME! Uck, I don't have to live that way today but it sure is good to remember where I came from! I NEVER felt gratitude or hope before coming to the rooms of AA, that is the truth, what precious gifts from my very first meeting..no wonder I kept coming back. I hope new comers all over receive those precious gifts (old timers too!) take care all.
Member: Dick L.
Location: Tallahassee, FL
Time: 12:29:36 PM
Dick L., grateful to be recovering alcoholic, beats all my other options. I was about half-way through a suicide plan - someone told me in the early part of that process that I was suicidal. I told them I didn't think I was. 7 weeks into sobriety I realized the truth. I was suicidal. I had a clear plan and I was following it through. Today, I thank God. I have the opportunity to grow and learn and heal. I don't have to take a drink to face the day. I'm off for the holidays. When I go back, I'm facing an almost certain layoff. I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself when I suddenly got a call from another alcoholic. He'd just gotten out of jail. He was looking for some work. I told him of my situation. He said, "There's options. There's a lot of things that need doin' out here. Sometimes getting forced into a career change is the best thing that could happen." We never know from where HP's word will come. We just have to be open. I was feeling like a loser when he called. Now, I see a glimmer of hope. As someone pointed out earlier, though: There isn't anything that is so bad that a drink won't make it worse. Thanks, y'all, for being here and in the rooms.
Time: 10:28:26 PM
Hi, I'm Barry and I'm alcholic. I now relize nothing in my life has change since I quit the drink. I still have a job, my wife, my kids, still pay bills and put up with all the same stuff. What has changed is my attitude and outlook upon life, and it is nothing more than a desision I make everyday. I owe my life to AA.
Location: Toronto, Canada
Time: 2:49:56 AM
I suppose I will never know what would have happened without AA, but I do know that my depression was getting worse and worse, and that with each iteration the suicidal thoughts became more and more "real", and that the whole thing got worse when I drank. I kept winding up in various hospitals talking to the Crisis Intervention Team about suicide, my anxiety was *way* out of control, and I got to and then passed the point where I couldn't function at even a minimal level either at home or at work. Even with a lot of AA, staying sober is still damned hard, so I would have to say that without AA I too would probably be dead. For me, drinking is suicide in slow motion, but that speeds up every time I go back to it. I am four and a half months sober this time around, but getting really strong cravings, maybe because of Christmas? I hate being an addict, having to admit powerlessness to have any hope of getting on with life. I know that if I do the "do things" and stick with the program long enough, things will get better -- I can even see it happening already -- but I am just so exhausted from the exertion of it all.
Member: Cec H
Time: 3:16:28 AM
Hi all Cec H alkie here. Where would I be if I hadn't found AA. Dead.
Member: Randy E.
Location: Ghana, West Africa
Time: 6:02:04 AM
Mental Institute, Prison, or Dead. The shit I pulled all over the World and still here to tell about it, tell me there is not a Power Greater Than Myself!!! Hell, I just would never reach out. Not been to a physical meeting meeting in over a week now, but thanks to sites like this, I can stay plugged in. No meetings in the part of the World I'm in.
Member: carlton c
Location: NE USA
Time: 6:56:46 AM
Hey all you sober folks. Thanks for the inspiration.
Member: Jan BB
Location: Paris, France
Time: 10:05:41 AM
I can honestly say, who would really care, except, perhaps, my mother and father. The drinking and using were getting me more and more alone, just the way it likes me. For me, to stare at what might have been/if only is a waste of time. Flip side, sober, life has gone beyond anything I could ever had imagined. So I now live each day, doing my part and opening to what life brings. That is what I learned in AA and other things, one sober day next to another sober day. firstname.lastname@example.org
Member: tom h
Time: 4:42:21 PM
hi, tom h.-alcoholic. first time online user. very happy to have found this resource. never occured to me to search online for a meeting, but now i am here and would like to share. i was introduced to aa by the michigan court system at a very young age. i always resented being forced to go to meetings, thus never went then or the other two times in my life the court ordered me to go. 15 years later here i am! i think i am what would be called a binge alcoholic. i have been drinking 20+ years, and for about the last 7 years everytime i drink (about once a week) i get hammered and blackout. for years i have been trying to quit! i hate alcohol and everything associated with it, everytime i drink, i regret it, yet i still trick myself into thinking i can stop after a few, deep down i know i cant and have known for years. i dont know why i continue in this relentless cycle. i have been sober now for a month and a half, and thankfully have no intentions of drinking. i am not sure what made me check for an online meeting today, but i am glad i did. this is my first time back to aa in roughly 10 years and i already feel a little better. thank you for your time, hope to be back soon!
Member: Jim B
Time: 7:03:31 PM
I'm Jim and I'm an Alcoholic. Today is the 5114 day free from hell.With out AA I have no idea where I would be.I thank God and all you AA folks.
Time: 8:05:18 PM
Ditto what Bill G. said about the gates of hell. I'm out and can accept life pretty well on it's terms. My HP has a wicked sense of humor some days but sober I can laugh at her jokes. Thanks for all your comments and the support of this group esp. when I have a bad cold and can't get out to the "f2f". I am gratefully recovering.
Member: Elizabeth E.
Location: Southeastern USA
Time: 10:36:15 PM
"The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight." p xxvi-Doctor's Opinion Where would I be - dead. DEAD.
Member: Monica C
Location: Philly, PA
Time: 1:55:29 AM
hello family, my name is monica and I am a recovering alcoholic. Wow that feels great to say. I can just say it and it feels so OK, so me, and I am so proud to have found you all. My life without AA. Let me remove the AA and change around the words. WITHOUT MY LIFE. Life is about living. Life is not about dying or existing. I have a purpose..... so simple but wonderful... I remember what the big books tells me over and over. Trust God, Clean House and Help Others..... what a beautiful way to live my saved life. HAPPY NEW YEAR and if no one told you today, I love you.
Member: Leif B.
Time: 3:56:47 AM
Where would I be if I had not found AA-? If not locked away or dead , in one or another stage of insanity - denial progressing towards "Suicide By the Installment Plan "suicide outright , or , worse , a living death -my EXISTENCE being merely a " ..tale told by an idiot , full of sound and fury , signifying nothing ;"* "..Nothing to look backward to with pride, nothing to look forward to with hope ; and so now, and never any different ."** Horribly enough , I've felt like that for awhile now , having drifted away due to other Issues , although not drinking , becoming quite dangerously Dry .Again! When WILL I learn I cannot stay sober alone ??? I'm a stubborn Yankee - a loner - Not A Joiner as they used to say - what was it they also used to say ..?Something about alkies being loners who cannot stand to be alone ? So it is . Siiighh .Gotta roll up my sleeves and -finally - do a thoroughgoing Fourth Step . It Works If You Work It , Charlie Brown ! * : Shakespeare ** : Robert Frost , "Death of the Hired Man ."
Member: Kathy K.
Time: 4:00:08 AM
tom h. - Michigan - Glad to have you with us. Please continue to post so we can get to know you and be of help. Where would I be without AA? Dead - no doubt whatsoever. Thank God I have this new way of life and the fellowship of all of you to help me along the way.