Member: Brian F
Location: Berwickshire, Scotland
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 5:54:22 AM
My name is Brian, and I'm an alcoholic. Didn't expect to be the first here. I was looking for some connection this morning. Guess I've found it. So I'll suggest, "giving it away to keep it" In my drinking days, I held on to so many people, places and things. I was so afraid that if I didn't hold on tightly I'd lose it. I would only give something away if I expected toget something "better" in return. When I came to AA, people welcomed me, the smiled, hugged me, gave me cups of tea. They gave me lifts to meetings, brought me into their homes and their families. The suggested getting involved. I started turning up earlier, staying later, talking to people, not listening mind you, talking. I got involved in intergroup after about a year, I was invilved in the Lothian and Borders covention. This helped me a lot in my "normal living" to hich I was bulding a bridge. It put me in regular contact with sober people, in a less structured way. I took these lessons into my workplace, where I learned "how to handle situations that used to baffle me". I became involved in others ways too. I believe that is the essence of recovery, for me getting involved. It was suggested that I "get in the middle of the lifeboat", now I'm there I fel I also have to start rowing too!!Cos if I don't I'll just drift. Now, I still get to meeting early, I still wash cups, now I can give people lifts to meetings when asked, I just drive the car, they "take" me to some meeting, I may not have went to. I'm trying to stay sober by giving away what all the loving people of this fellowship gave, and still give to me, thank you one and all.
Member: Andrew T
Location:
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 8:55:10 AM
I'm Andrew and I am an alcoholic. I have been at the program for many years but keeping falling back. Recently, I have been having problems with the "obsession". I fight it out of my head but sooner or later it drifts back. I realize that it is normal but these thoughts take me out of the present, the only place where I have any chance of establishing a concious contact with God. This is what disturbs me the most. I feel weak and fairly defenseless.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 9:16:50 AM
HI. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. Fine topic Brian F. Apropos for the upcoming yule as well. On the surface this looks like a 12 Step topic. ".....carry this message to alcoholics..."; but it goes a bit deeper than that. Those who are working out of the Big Book will find the description of the Third Step, found on pp 60-63, mentions that self, selfishness, is found in one form or another some 19 times. It tells us that the first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. In the promises we will find that self-seeking will slip away. Our preamble states that our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholic to achieve sobriety. We have no other purpose. The sides of our hallmark; the triangle in the circle, are named Service and Unity with Recovery at the base. We must give it away to keep it. But first....We have to get it. Thank you all for being here and being a part of my sobriety today. Bill, Email: az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Christos C
Location: Kalamata Greece
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 10:08:00 AM
My name is Christos and i am a alcholic. There are no meetings here.I was living in Athens were there are meetings twice a day and I had contacts with other members.With God's will i haven't had a drink since June 14 1998 one day at a time.Sobriety is not always easy and i am a livine example as many other members in our fellowship.My topic will like to be in God,s hands.I know it is not me but in my higher power because if it was me then i would be druck and dead today. i am greetful to be sober for today. Christos C Emailchilasc@yahoo.com
Member: Rich E.
Location: Birmingham , Mi
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 11:06:56 AM
hi, my name is rich E. I am an alchololic from CA, but working in Detroit area. I am working long hours with many serious and casual users. It is hard for me , I have stayed sober but it has caused deep soul searching on many occaisions. I often feel like i have failed and now a benefit has been taken away from me , because of my abuse of it. I generally feel proud that I have dodged another bullet. I call upon my higher power like I never dreamed , i would. I guess , I am so spoiled , that I feel I should have what I want when I want it. . Whwn you get your tonsils out as a child , it is not so hard. When you learn to cope as a child it is not so hard. But as an adult getting your tonsils out and learning to cope , sre serious business. God bless all
Member: Buddy S
Location: New Orleans
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 12:22:17 PM
Good morning. Buddy, an alcoholic. I too have been in the program for many years, with mixed success. New sobriety date is 12/13/02. Trying desperately to keep my focus on recovery. Went to an AA/Alanon f2f this morning. Those are always good for me. I always thought that newcommers gave to me merely by showing up; gentle reminders if you will. I hope that my presence at the meetings does the same for others. I've turned my life and that of my family upside down. Lot's of pain here. Got to keep the focus on recovery.
Member: landscape ray
Location: scotland
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 12:33:14 PM
hi landscape ray here nice to hear from cristos c and rich get contacts in detroit and socialise with them buddy good luck and stick in there scotland for ever
Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 1:08:57 PM
Hi, my name is Sarah and I am a recovering alcoholic. Great topic ... giving it away. I agree with what Buddy said, we start giving it away the moment we 'open the door'. Reminds me of the saying "When one door closes, another door opens". I am senior in the process of downsizing(selling my home, the closing is on Dec. 30th) so I will be off line for awhile. Hopefully I will buy a mobile home then I will be on line for the meetings. I will not have the online benifit of your Experience, Strength and Hope(your giving it away) but will have with me your shared Experience, Strength and Hope to help me 'think the drink thru'. Thanks, one and all for sharing.
Member: winkie .c.
Location: iowa
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 4:05:04 PM
to give away what we have learned from others, gives 100% return.i know service work is a big part of staying sober, it keeps us busy physically and mentally and in contact with other members. families give to one another and a.a. is my family, that takes me as i am, they give their love ,time and resources willing. winkie.c. iowa
Member: Dennis H.
Location: Austin TX
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 4:49:20 PM
Hi, I'm Dennis H. and I am an alcoholic. I have to agree thoughly with BillAZ as to the root of our problem, that being selfishness, self-centeredness and self seeking. For the alcoholic, the only way I know of to get out of one's self is to actively become involved in the program of AA. This requires being there for anyone who reaches out thier hand for help. We do not promote AA. We let our actions do the talking. There will come a time(s) in an alchoholic's life where no human power can stop him/her from taking the 1st drink. Bill W. writes that we can insure against this by working with another alcoholic therefore getting out of yourself.
Member: Dorine
Location: Canada
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 4:54:43 PM
Whatever you are giving away please send it my way. I think I'll take a walk and I'll see what my higher power has in store for me today.
Member: Cher
Location: Maine-iac
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 6:15:18 PM
I think giving back is a good topic for me today too. Service in AA is the only thing keeping me going lately. I have not worked since February of this year and I don't expect to any time soon. I do not have any income either and life is tough. Chronic pain has me feeling like a victim and hopeless and almost helpless. The AA jobs that I got somehow elected to are keeping me focused and active enough to survive. I also want to that JanBB in Paris for sending me a Christmas Greeting and a super photo. I am afraid I cannot at this time send back cards even though I want to. I really love this website even when I hate it lol. I sometimes hate my home group in town here too, but I get over it eventually. I guess that is all I needed to share here for now. Thanks for being here even though I lurk and read a lot. Cher duh Maine-iac
Member: Steve F
Location: MA
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 6:25:24 PM
Hi All, Steve, Alcoholic. Thanks for the topic, Brian. While I was cleaning my house, today, I came across an etching on a piece of glass that said, "The only love you keep is the love you give away." Now the topic is "Giving it away to keep it." I should be used to things like this happening in AA but it never fails to amaze me. Anyway, regardless of whether it is in the rooms or out of them, I always feel better, when I am being of service to others. I think it says something like that, somewhere in the reading, that that will eventually happen to us as we work the steps. (don't quote me on that)Well, I seem to be drifting away from the topic, so I'll bid you all adieu. Take care.
Member: Deb Sz
Location: NH
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 6:27:12 PM
Hi Deb Sz I went to a meeting in Hampstead NH last night. It was raining, and attedance was minimal. We talked about volunteering in the group, and I am thinking about taking a more active part in this local group. Maybe next Sat. I will show some initiative and ask what I can do to help. I am new to sobriety (32 days) and not feeling very brave. I will say a prayer tonight for lost souls like me who want to help but need to learn how.
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 8:52:11 PM
Lessa E here, grateful recovering alcoholic. Thanks so much for a GREAT topic Brian F. Good time of year to remember that giving what I have - whether it be sobriety/the program or the love my HP whom I know as God shows me - is an absolute requirement for this drunk to stay sober. Like you, I held onto people so tightly, I used to drive them away. "Things" I had never made me happy, but served more as a magnet for others. So, when I drove some people away, I acquired more "things" thinking folks would flock to me. But neither my things nor my selfish self appealed to most folks and I ended up alone. When I came to the rooms, I was shocked at the outstretched hands, the acceptance. I didn't understand this giving away idea. Sad to say, I did service work only if I was recognized for it. I made coffee, cleaned up, chaired meetings, was a GSR only as long as people recognized it. And when they stopped noticing, I moved on to the next thing that got notice. Wasn't all that long before fellow AA's stopped noticing, since I wasn't a beginner, and it is, after all, part of the program to do service work. And, finally convinced that this ungrateful group of people did not deserve the great *I*, this drunk stopped going to meetings. Not surprisingly, I ended up going back out there. With disastrous consequences. But because of those consequences, I was forced to acquire some humility. And was finally willing to go to any lengths to get the program. What has also been ironic - but has saved this drunk's butt - has been the grace with which other AA's have shared their sobriety. It has caused shame on my part to realize just how little I was willing to give away when I went through the first time and how open and helpful others have been. I first started reaching out to others because it was part of the program and I was doing what I was told. It's gradually becoming something I HAVE to do, to keep my sobriety. Thanks very much for letting me share. lessa_e@hotmail.com
Member: David H
Location: Nashville,TN
Date: 12/15/2002
Time: 9:10:41 PM
David H. alcoholic,Giving it away is a good reminder of what I must do in order to stay sober. Going to meetings, sharing, talking to newcomers,working with others, service work. The list goes on.
Member: Kathleen
Location: Florida
Date: 12/16/2002
Time: 1:05:08 AM
Hello All...Kathleen here alcoholic in Florida. Congrats DebSz on 32 days...thats terrific and helping out in the home group helped me tremendously in the first years of sobirety. I made coffee for two years and that was a wonderful way to get to meet people as they came in and I eventually began to feel a part of. One of the promises "no matter how far down the scale we have gone we will see how our expiernece can benifit others" is so true. Thats the sharing of our ESandH with each other. I'm enjoying reading the shares here and can relate to alot of what has been said. My home group is very important to me. I don't make alot of f2f meetings but the homegroup is a must, for me. Sometimes just being a sounding block for someone is a big help, more to me than to them probably. Real good to see you Cher and can relate big time to the chronic pain/victim feelings, especially this time of the year when the cold seems to make it all the worse. Thank you all for being here for me.. I need ya'll...Kathleen
Member: millions
Location:
Date: 12/16/2002
Time: 3:56:00 AM
I�m Samantha, an alcoholic. I�ve been bewitched and bedazzled with sobriety. I love it! For those who cannot get to AA where you lay your head at night, contact GSO and ask to join LIM. (Address is in your copy of the Big Book) Or start an AA group yourself. GSO will help you. ~ suggestions only. Rowing slowly allows my eyes to see and my ears to hear and my heart to love. Taking the steps and not the elevator turns my life around and shows me a new way to live without alcohol. If I can do it, you can too!
Member: peter s
Location: uk
Date: 12/16/2002
Time: 4:12:22 PM
If fresh water runs into a pond but has no outlet it stagnates.That is exactly what happens to the alkie who finds our answer but does not pass it on.I have seen with my own eyes the baffled and bewildered members of the aa who hug it to themselves then wonder why thier still crazy!! My sponsor taught me well. Many a time i plod off to yet another service commitment or 12 step call and think"not another one". By the time i get home i feel well,mentally emotionally and spiritually. Keep at it.
Member: peter s
Location: uk
Date: 12/16/2002
Time: 4:12:47 PM
If fresh water runs into a pond but has no outlet it stagnates.That is exactly what happens to the alkie who finds our answer but does not pass it on.I have seen with my own eyes the baffled and bewildered members of the aa who hug it to themselves then wonder why thier still crazy!! My sponsor taught me well. Many a time i plod off to yet another service commitment or 12 step call and think"not another one". By the time i get home i feel well,mentally emotionally and spiritually. Keep at it.
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 12/16/2002
Time: 4:44:29 PM
My final relapse left me totally defeated. My sponsor gave me a ride home from detox, because I was afraid to be home alone. I was not used to others being helpful. I tried to express my gratitude to him for supporting me through the horrible experience, he just said �now it�s your turn to do the same for the next person�. I thought to myself �Yea Right!�. I had never been there for anyone, not even my dying mother. I was/am terrified of drinking; to guard against it I decided to become the guy who would be there for everyone and anyone who asked. LOL. Today, I have learned a lot of lessons about giving it away. Today, aside from making recovery the center of my life, I go to hospitals and recovery centers. I simply tell my experience, honestly convey my sense of Joy, then I detach from the outcome, I know today I can�t make anyone get it. I can only express the gratitude for the relief today, from the bondage of myself.
Member: Jill A
Location: Alaska
Date: 12/16/2002
Time: 5:55:08 PM
Craig your actions speak of your spiritual committment to sobriety. I have disconnected from meetings because the same boring things were said over and over. I did not hear recovery and how it worked and became discouraged. Perhaps contrubuting here and learning from all of you here will get me back into the AA meetings again. 12 years sober, it seems I have something to give away but no one to share sobriety with. The need to connect sent me to the computer to find on line meetings. I live in the bush of Alaska so meetings are far away. This on line thing seems like a good way to become included again.
Member: Theresa B
Location: Sanger, Texas
Date: 12/16/2002
Time: 8:10:26 PM
Evening all! Theresa here, alcoholic. Great topic, giving it away is the only way to keep it. haven't been to a f2f meeting in a long time, been moving. three times this year, geographical changes for educational reasons but finally found a town and school to get my masters from. Miss my old home group in Austin but that was a lifetime ago. Need to "just do it" but having more trouble attending a meeting than I ever did drinking or quiting. Recovery has been good to me, 11 years last May, and I carry all the ES&H with me from my first 5 years. As they used to tell me there are only three times to go to a meeting, 1. when you want to, 2. when you don't, and 3. just because. But no matter what, DON'T DRINK. Thanks for cyber-sobriety and AAs everywhere!
Member: Vulcher
Location: near something smelly
Date: 12/16/2002
Time: 9:07:27 PM
"giving it away" seemed odd at first to me because you see, i didn't have much in the beginning but i was willing and some took me along on their 12 step calls: a demonstration of what i later learned to be part of the 12th step. now i'm active in aa: doing tings where ever possible. setting up the meetings, chairing, being a trusted servant in service work, and passing on what was so freely was/is given to me. if we didn't have to 'pass it on' inorder to keep it, i know none of us, including me, would be sober and here for the alcoholic looking to get rid of the monkey on his or her back. glad there is so many of you * grin *
Member: Don F
Location: Waukegan IL.
Date: 12/16/2002
Time: 9:13:32 PM
Great meeting, bush of Alaska huh. lol, I sometimes wish I was in the corner of the world all by myself. I am lucky to be here with people around me to share with. Even if I would like to be alone, I am so glad that I found people like you. My program sucks and AA'S PROGRAM WORKS. THANKS Don
Member: Don F
Location: Waukegan IL.
Date: 12/16/2002
Time: 9:15:15 PM
Great meeting, bush of Alaska huh. lol, I sometimes wish I was in the corner of the world all by myself. I am lucky to be here with people around me to share with. Even if I would like to be alone, I am so glad that I found people like you. My program sucks and AA'S PROGRAM WORKS. THANKS Don
Member: Steven H.
Location: NYC
Date: 12/17/2002
Time: 8:04:53 AM
Giving it away... a good topic. To Christos, when I was in Greece three years ago on my honeymoon, I went to meetings in Athens. I had heard from Intergroup in NYC that there was also a meeting in Chania , Crete. So when my wife and I got down to Crete I tried to find it. There was no evidence of any AA in the church I had been told about but as I walked out I saw a guy across the street standing holding a guitar case. He turned out to be the "meeting". Turned out that the church had ended the relationship with AA. The other AA's had left Crete and this one sober Scandinavian guitar player would show up each week in case any one tried to go to the meeting. We had a great meeting (just the two of us, plus my "civilian" wife)in the park across the street. He was a great example of giving it away (in order to keep it.) Thanks.
Member: Monica C
Location: Philly
Date: 12/17/2002
Time: 12:20:08 PM
Good Morning or Afternoon family, my name is Monica and I am an alcoholic. I haven't posted in a long time. Very busy at work but today when I read Brian F's experience with passing it on.... I was moved because I remember I do have a purpose today. I love in the big book, where it mentions time after time, to work with someone, to help someone, to spend time with newcomers, to listen to someone struggling. Bob and Bill know the truth that alcoholics are very self-centered people and the only way to get rid of self is to put another human being in our path. Someone that we can give to - instead of giving to ourselves, someone to listen to - instead of just listening to ourselves, someone to encourage - instead of self-encouragement, someone to comfort - instead of being comforted, someone to pray for - instead of selfish prayers..... I guess the program and the fellowship is all about living the St. Francis Prayer in our lives, such a challenge, but so rewarding and beautiful.... God Bless you all, God Bless AA!
Member: robin
Location: delaware
Date: 12/17/2002
Time: 3:13:39 PM
hello everyone...wanted to check in with 8 straight days...feeling much better...haven't smoked either...i don't have much soboriety, so sometimes i don't feel as if i am qualified to offer advice...however, i have plenty of experience in getting drunk, acting like a fool, and getting into trouble..this past week i have been staying with a family because i cannot go home..they have 3 kids ages 12, 16, and 19..i have known them since the were born almost..and i'm sure they've heard a few stories about me..in any case, this week i told them a few things personally..i wanted them to hear from my mouth to their ears what abusive drinking can do..that it doesn't discrimanate from race, gender, stature, or age..i wanted them to know that they would eventually be put in a situation where alcohol would be offered to them...and i told them to not even start..to think of me and all the problems it has helped create in my life..i'm not sure if i did the right thing, but i am concerned for their future..i started when i was 12 and at 31 i'm still learning..
Member: Jackie W
Location: Winnipeg Canada
Date: 12/17/2002
Time: 3:33:57 PM
Thank you for the topic. It seems that I always start reflecting at this time of year and remembering past Christmases in early sobriety. Something Craig said reminded me of something a sweet lady said to me in my first year of sobriety. She had been so kind, loving and giving and I looked at her and said, "How am I ever going to thank you?" She smiled and said, "Pass it on." I'm not sure I knew exactly what she meant right then, but I have a better understanding today. I know that when I start feeling "Poor me" that I had better start working with another alcoholic. It gets me out of self and does so much more for me. I can only hope it helps them as well. I always have to remember that "when anyone anywhere reaches out I want the hand of AA to be there and for that I am responsible". Thank you for helping me stay sober today.
Member: JL
Location: The Beach
Date: 12/17/2002
Time: 3:40:40 PM
The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is so beautiful in its simplicity. It took me quite awhile to begin to understand what "you have to give it away to keep it" meant. Just the fact that we are all sharing our ES&H is giving it away. I find myself e-mailing and posting more often, simply because I want to give away what was so freely given to me. I share as much as possible in meetings so that the newcomer might hear something and catch on as I did. The readings this month in Daily Reflections are all about the 12 Step. The holiday season is also about giving. So please give it away wherever possible.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 12/17/2002
Time: 8:19:24 PM
I have just located an old file "Slips and Human Nature" written by Bill Silkworth of the "Doctors Opinion" It really turned on the light bulb for me. It may help over the holidays. I will email it to you on request. Bill. email: az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Jeff T.
Location: Ne.
Date: 12/17/2002
Time: 8:21:53 PM
Hi i`m Jeff alcoholic. I would like some advice if i could, maybe some of you folks have had or still have this problem in your family. Well here goes it, you see i have a step-son (aaron) who lives w/ this dad (ken),Ken is a alcoholic from way back he was at the meetings when i got there some 13 years ago, he has since slipped & has not came back that i know of. Anyway Aaron is going through Ken`s alcoholism with him, all the broken promises to stop, one divorce due to drinking, late nite phone calls from the bar, fired from job`s etc... you get the picture. Aaron is a good kid (16 year old ) he reads the bible, goes to church wants to stay with his dad, we have tried to get him to come life with us but his life is set in his home town (school friends etc...) likes life in the big city. Well resently Ken has been picked up for another DWI. And of course has promised to stop drinking this time, a few days later he calls aaron from the bar- drunk, this just breaks the kids heart to see his dad do this to himself. My wife & i just don`t know what to do, Aaron say`s he wants to come live w/us but when it comes down to it he can`t leave his dad. I am trying to get Aaron in touch w/ alanon & alateen but its hard being some 200 miles away. Should i drive the 200 and slap some sence into Ken or what! Get some guys together & 12 step Ken whether he wants it or not ? I dont know what to do, maybe i`m to close to the hurt to do anything. Aaron & i talk when we can eather on the phone or when he visits. My sponcer tells me to not interfear in Gods handy work, but it hurts me to see my wife & aaron go thro this pain . What do you all think? Am i doing what i can? You can e-mail me if you wish , i will answer all. Sorry if this does not jive with the current topic. Thanks for listening! I just needed to blow of some steam.... Jeff (tannjeff@hotmail.com)
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 12/18/2002
Time: 1:08:33 AM
MY Name Is Bill. I am powerless over alcohol. Mine and everyones else's...
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 12/18/2002
Time: 2:27:27 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. Giving it away to keep it, quite simple means to me that I must give back freely what was freely given to me. Nothing has been proven to work better at helping the alcoholic get out of him or her self than working with another alcoholic. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.
Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,IL
Date: 12/18/2002
Time: 9:02:54 AM
I am alcholic to me "giving away is giving away all the love affection u can give. Submit to God;s will.I have detached myself from most of the things like greed/anger/ resentments and any time i forget these basics I look back and ask myself what did I do wrong.and I will have an answer what can I give now and then I would find peace within myself.thanks to aa and alanon.
Member: Christina P
Location: Louisiana
Date: 12/18/2002
Time: 10:17:31 AM
AnilG Isn't Mt Vernon, Il near Steeleville Il. I'm always looking for an AA meeting when I and up there visiting my inlaws. Would you e-mail me a contact number? Would be so appreciated. cparsons@sport.rr.com
Member: Juliet N
Location: Stoneham, MA
Date: 12/18/2002
Time: 12:52:17 PM
My name is Juliet and I am an alcoholic. I just read this meeting and was about to go on to the next thing on my "to do" list when I realized that I should say something even though my alcoholism tells me that I have nothing to say. I should claim my seat. Having been sober for more than a decade, thanks to my higher power and my foundation in AA, I find myself not raising my hand and sharing. My alcoholism tells me "no one wants to hear what you have to say" and this disease is still so strong (I have alcoholism not wasm) that I find myself listening to that stinking thinking. The point being that I have maintained my sobriety, One Day At A Time, and I should share how I got sober and stay sober, for anyone who needs to hear that message. Meetings are one of the best places to share your experience, strength and hope. You never know who might hear what you share and get thru another day without picking up. Even if I have shared that same suggestion a hundred times before. I am so grateful for those people who raised their hands when I was knew. The things that came out of their mouths were so amazing to me. And it is those same things today that will help both the newcomer and all of us to not pick up that first sucker drink, just for today. This time of year I try to keep the focus on what I have in my life rather than what I "think" I lack. Trust God, move forward and don't drink no matter what.
Member: Mark Y
Location: Chatham Virginia
Date: 12/18/2002
Time: 2:06:07 PM
Hi,I'm Mark and I'm a alcoholic. During my first 2 years of soberiety the only way I stayed sober was to help others.It saved me time after time.I know early on I didn't have anything useful to give away but if it was just to give someone a ride or a place to stay I did it.I watched as a friend in my meeting group changed from a depressed quiet person into a confident man talking of God, helping others and most of all he quit talking of problems and started talking of solutions.He became my sponsor a short time later. I didn't like a lot of the things he suggested I do.But I wanted what he had and I did. I met him at 2 months sober and he took me through the steps at 6 months,after making me read the text of the big book countless times.We went thru the steps in about a day and a half.I had several sponsors prior to that and never got past the 3rd step.I'm not saying to rush through the steps,they have to be done honestly and correctly with someone that has something to give away. I'm coming up on 9 years Jan.4th and I havent thought about drinking since that first year.But I haven't felt right latley.I just don't go to meetings lately.And I haven't felt that I have anything to give away.I know the solution for me now is to get back to meetings and try to help others. Thanks for listening Mark
Member: GeorgeM
Location: Boston
Date: 12/18/2002
Time: 3:00:42 PM
Wow, Talk about getting what you need. This topic brought me back a ways(14 yrs). It was the first thing I remember hearing and it drove me crazy! "How can I give it away if I don't have it" I would cry. And I was told(amid the knowing smiles) to keep coming till you get it. I still don't know somedays if "I have it" to give away. But I'll leave that to my higher power. Their driving the bus now. I'm just learning to enjoy the ride. And what a ride it has been.But to get back to the subject, if you don't get it at first don't worry -it will get you if you really want it. I don't know if that makes much sence.But if it helps one drunk to keep away from a drink for one day- well then it was worth it. Peace,love and keep sober! GeorgeM
Member: susan c
Location: dracut mass
Date: 12/18/2002
Time: 4:58:45 PM
i agree in order to keep it i must give it away but i was also taught keep some for my self
Member: J-Rae
Location: N.D.
Date: 12/19/2002
Time: 2:21:36 AM
Hi and welcome everyone. J-Rae here, alcoholic.......Giving it away in order to keep it....... Great topic. It states in the Big Book that you can't give something you don't have. If anyone has stayed sober by the Grace of God and Alcoholics Anonymous, they have something to give. Some things you can share are.... Your story. You may never know who will relate to it. There are many who have tried to help us drunks.....Doctors, psychologists, counselors, etc. But the ones who can really help are those that have 'been there'. We share a disease, and it's easier to believe there is a solution when you hear of one that has 'been there, done that', and you see their life is better now that they're clean and sober. ......It states also in our literature that 'You can help when noone else can'. That's how this program got started over 65 years ago, and it has worked for millions ever since. One drunk sharing with another their experience, strength and hope. It has saved my life, and I hope that it will be here to save someone else's, and that is why I must give it away in order to keep it. Thanks for letting me share and for being here and helping me stay sober another day. ~J-Rae
Member: vida babikiene
Location: maryland
Date: 12/19/2002
Time: 7:45:44 AM
i was trying to talk to someone
Member: vida babikiene
Location: maryland
Date: 12/19/2002
Time: 7:46:12 AM
i was trying to talk to someone
Member: vida babikiene
Location: maryland
Date: 12/19/2002
Time: 7:51:50 AM
please talk to me please send me amessage back
Member: vida babikiene
Location: maryland
Date: 12/19/2002
Time: 7:52:50 AM
please talk to me please send me amessage back
Member: Joy V.
Location: Arizona
Date: 12/19/2002
Time: 7:54:53 AM
Good day all, Well these posts blessed by socks off as they say! I was just thinking we're all eligible for PMS (Poor Me Syndrome)and there's nothing can snap me out of self-pity like doing an act of kindness for someone else. When I have given myself the discipline of fasting from self-pity I've always been amazed at the level of "self" thoughts running around in my mind. Oy! Much of the time when I wake up I'm thinking about my own concerns right out of the box. I know with God's help that is changing. I also have to look at the condition of my heart, because I can be doing boatloads of service and still be self-obsessed. This prayer helps me a lot: "Create in me a clean heart, oh God; and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10. Wishing you all a blessed New Year.
Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: 12/19/2002
Time: 8:48:18 AM
Vida - This is not a live chat room, but it's a good place to get support and advice if you want to stop drinking or are already in recovery. Check out the Early Sobriety Page here, it's good. Thanks for checking in and keep coming back! Peace.
Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: 12/19/2002
Time: 10:21:38 AM
Bill P. here - alcoholic. Joy - Thanks for reminding me of Psalm 51:10. Great message in a simple prayer. I do Contemporary music in our church and we did a song with that as the main line recurring throughout the song. Very powerful stuff! A "clean" heart. Sounds like rigorous honesty to me. Thanks for being a part of what's keeping me sober today. Peace be with you and have a blessed Christmas!
Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: 12/19/2002
Time: 11:43:01 AM
I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. I went three years one time white-knuckling it, and I would never want to do that again. When I made it back to AA, about my third meeting, it just hit me to stay after and help clean up. I did it and left there feeling better. So, I did it the next meeting as well and have not stopped doing it since. That's not a big deal, and I'm able to do more now, but I swear as little a thing as just cleaning a few coffee pots and putting away some chairs might be, it was enough to keep me sober. And I am not white-knuckling it! I seriously haven't felt like I needed a drink for a while now. That has allowed me to get on with the steps, and it's allowed me to honestly enjoy being sober. I think my obsession with alcohol may actually be gone, but I'm not going to test it -- I'll just keep cleaning those coffee pots. I've shared this with some new people and have noticed that the ones who've been doing this sort of thing are still around. This may not be exactly what is meant by "service", but it really was all I could do when I came to AA. It must have been enough.
Member: Leland
Location: Santa Barbara
Date: 12/19/2002
Time: 1:52:42 PM
Giving it away seems to be the topic, but in my opininon surrendering is another angle on this topic. It seems there are good number of new people posting here, which absolutely excites me. Welcome to the solution. For me, over the last 10 years, new levels of surrender have been presented and sometimes I can let go and other times I don't. But I can't give anything away until I surrender. First meeting when I raised my hand as a newcomer was a surrender of my notion of what an alcoholic was, and that I was. Working the steps is always a surrender of my brain thinking it knows better. And committments whether to another person on this path or to stack chairs are surrenders that I'm not unique, because I'm no better or worse than anyone else. The pay off of surrendering has been freedom. First from the drink, then from the bondage of self. I still delight in watching others experience and my own experience of new levels of being happy, joyous and free. Tis the season, so for all on the path, stay close and lean into the program.
Member: Janice P.
Location: Chicago
Date: 12/19/2002
Time: 5:45:49 PM
To me, "Giving It Away" means unconditional love, for alcoholics and non-alcoholics alike. Before entering the doors of AA, I kept a mental scorecard of who had done what for me and when. If I did something for someone and got nothing in return, I was angry and resentful. It never occurred to me to do something for someone just for the sake of being kind and helpful, and not so I could expect a faovr in return. What a simple concept!!! If my Higher Power shows me unconditional love as he did all those years I was actively drinking, why shouldn't I do the same for others? It doesn't have to be anything big... little things are good too. Going from selfish to selfless is very difficult; it is something I will need to work on the rest of my life. Doing for others is so important and a major foundation of my recovery. Sober and happy holidays to all.
Member: robin r
Location: delaware
Date: 12/20/2002
Time: 10:05:25 AM
hello everyone....13 days and going strong...thanks for the discussions....God Bless
Member: DON B
Location: EPSOM NH
Date: 12/20/2002
Time: 11:21:04 AM
HI DON B ```````````````````I listen to all suggestions that i nhear at an aa meeting and try to incorporate them as i finish one sober day and get started in the next day Then by doing my best to help another alchoholic the 12 promisses all come true for meive been sober 20 years now but if you got up before 9am you have more sobriety today then i have GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEPYOU SOBER
Member: William S.
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Date: 12/20/2002
Time: 12:53:52 PM
Hi, my name is William and I am an alcoholic. Brian, thanks for the topic..it was just what I needed today. I remember when I first came in, a couple of brothers grabbed me at the coffee pot and told me "We love you, man...keep coming back". Naturally, I questioned THEIR sanity; called them names like "loosers", "liars", "cons" while I drank coffee and lied to them with my smile. Two things happened: 1. I kept coming back and 2.They kept cornering me at the coffee pot and telling me "We love you man..keep coming back". After about 6 months of this, for whatever reason, I began to entertain the idea that(even if these two were crazy)they sure seemed sincere. Then I thought "Well..if they are sincere..maybe there's something left inside that's worth loving.." Sure enough..I found a couple of things that night..then a couple more a week or two later. A decade later I realized that what these guys did for me was love me until I could love myself and then love them back. It was the softest blow to the head I ever had but went all the way to my heart and I keep coming back.They gave me what they had so I could give what I have..today I have a grateful heart brother named Brian to remind to concentrate on what I give rather than what I get...Walk in dry places brothers & sisters.. e-mail:ghost_whu_walks@yahoo.com
Member: Craig P.
Location: Minneapolis
Date: 12/21/2002
Time: 4:15:03 AM
This is for you Andrew...Frothy emotional appeals seldom suffice, so my experience tells me that if what you're doing isn't working, take different actions. Get a sponsor who has done the steps, be willing to develop a relationship with your very own God, take action. I love the Big Book... it says all we need to do is clean house and trust in God! I wish you the very best and feel free to email me.
Member: anonymous alcoholic (DOS 12/12/90)
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: 12/21/2002
Time: 4:39:40 AM
Brian, I agree with William from Ohio, what a great topic. It just may be the most important principle of recovery for me. Giving things away, in order to have even more. Sounds like a paradox to me. Given my brain, I definitely wouldn't give anything away unless I expected to get much more in return. So, I really wasn't giving at all. I was investing or making a shrewd 'deal'. Then I found AA (or AA found me) 12 years ago. In my first few weeks I met a guy named Norm (who passed away this year). Norm loved newcomers. He would talk and talk to me out in the parking lot after the meeting. So much so that I thot, 'when will this guy shut up'? When I quit drinking on 12/12/90, I quickly decided to quit smoking as well (NOT one of my brightest ideas!). Anyway, what I actually did was to quit BUYING cigarettes, figuring that if I didn't buy them, then I wouldn't smoke them. Of course whenever I went to an AA meeting I would 'bum' a smoke from someone there. Unlike today, most AA meetings back then were smoking meetings. So, at one meeting I walk up to Norm and ask if I can bum a smoke. Norm is sitting there with a pack and a half in front of him on the table. He gives me THE HALF PACK! I said no Norm I just need one. He insists! So, I offer to pay him for them. He refuses. He mentions something about 'paybacks', which I didn't quite understand then. But, I am impressed by Norm's generosity. Later I come to understand that 'paybacks' in the fellowship are similar to 'paying it forward' (there was a book and movie by that name several years ago, about a teenager who came up with a school project to change the world by having students do big favors for 3 other people and asking them to do the same). So, a few months later when someone needed a ride home at my meeting, I quickly volunteered. This was my opportunity to pay Norm back and show him that I learned this AA principle. ~~~ One more story and then I'll be quiet (I am now a little like Norm with the talking thing, too). We vacation each year at the ocean with our large family. By the end of the 2 weeks I really NEED a meeting. So, off I go to a 7am meeting in town. I get there early and sit next to a stranger. We start chatting and it turns out he is the speaker today. He confides that he HATES speaking. Not only that but he is NOT a morning person and hates 7am meetings. Why the heck is he even here, I ask? Because his sponsor has drilled into his head 'whenever anyone from AA asks you to do something, don't think, just say YES. Don't you know his talk was excellent and just what I needed to be able to go back to the 'funny farm' and function. Now, whenever anyone in my recovery programs asks me to do something, I try not to think about it. I just say yes. Doing that simple thing has taken me into some marvelous experiences, believe me. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Amy M
Location: BAKO_CA
Date: 12/21/2002
Time: 6:46:07 AM
Honestly--I didn't read the thoughts above. SORRY! I believe at this point I am closer to death (at a physical-real-level) than I have ever been before. Life seems to have stopped for me. Life................it's something I DEAL WITH EVERYDAY--Oprah doesn't---------------Yet somehow I believe her faith could turn my life around. Could it be? At one point it could of been--but now I wonder if she'll ever hear my words. SO HERE GOES====I LEAVE MYSELF OPEN TO YOU--MANIFEST YOURSELF TO ME. What were all the words the mind wouldn't let go --the tapes that continued to play they left me reaching for a bottle just for the chance to keep them playing--saying live wouldn't be the same without a guilty conscious, a heavy heart, and a determination to let the bottle numb my mind, my pieced togher soul, and the essence of myh being...being of what I would like to know. Yet it is the cresecendo of self-hatre that penetrates creating this love of self-hate. I am credulous in my understanding of me--pompous in the belief that I can obstain from me--unhinged in the reality that is me. It all makes s3ense in the nonsensical existence I have claimed for what can only be d3escribed as my life. The burning of the ulcers ostrensibly repalces the deadening facts of yesteryear, yesterday, today, tomorrow, and that which will be.
Member: Brian F
Location: Berwickshire, Scotland
Date: 12/21/2002
Time: 1:17:09 PM
hi my name is Brian, and I'm an alcoholic. Thank you to all for what you have given me this week, by sharing your experience, strength and hope. Amy I can so identify with the confusion of your post. People at meetings told me "it" would get better, I thought that meant my bank balance, my love life, and loads of material things. What I later heard was, the "it" was the Inner Turmoil", now that has got better!! I'm grateful that I can give today, sometimes I don't know what I'm giving, but if I live my life as I believe God, as I understand, wants me to then I may be sowing a seed. I'm thinking of the excerpt from the big book, Dr Bob's Nightmare, "I spend a great deal of time passing on what I learned to others who want and need it badly. I do it for four reasons, 1. sense of duty 2.it is a pleasure 3.because in so doing I am paying my debt to the man who took time to pass it on to me 4. because every time I do it I take out a little more insurance for myself against a possible slip. There have been many people on my recovery journey how have taken time to pass on what they were given, for that I will be eternally grateful. Thanks for being there, keep coming back Brian@finnie0696.freeserve.co.uk
Member: Trudy
Location: WA state
Date: 12/21/2002
Time: 1:41:46 PM
Hi. My name is Trudy and I am an alcoholic. I'm very grateful to be a member of AA and recieve all the blessings that I have. One thing I'm constantly reminded of is that we can not give away what we haven't got. I believe everyone who has been sober for 1 day has something to give, I need to keep in perspective what I know from my own experiences and what useful info I have to pass on. For example I couldn't tell someone how to do 12 step work if I never had, but if I was sober for 24 hrs I could share that with someone who just walked in the door. As the big book say, one alcoholic is uniquely qualified to help another in a way no Dr. or mental health professional or man of the cloth could. We have been chosen. Thanks everyone for being here for me so I have the gift of sobriety one more day.
Member: Robert T.
Location: Beaverton, Oregon
Date: 12/21/2002
Time: 4:40:13 PM
Hi, Robert alcoholic, I believe anyone with even one minute of not drinking can share their experience with another alcoholic. I believe everyone has something to share or some experience to share with somebody. It surely takes all of us to carry the message. Without that A.A. would surely not live on. Happy Holidays!!!
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 12/21/2002
Time: 8:03:40 PM
Thanks Robert.. I was sober 7 days and my first sponsor was sober one day.. Lots of folks today would have told him he was not ready yet. But two things were true. One I did not believe AA would work. Two he came up to me at the end of our first meeting with a new Big Book in his hand and said, "I believe this thing might work" I wanted what he had at that point. A belief in the program. We did it. Not well but we did it. We both went on to new sponsors and deeper meanings That was 21 years ago. We are both sober today. Bill at az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Eddie B
Location: Miami
Date: 12/21/2002
Time: 10:43:54 PM
I was told there was only "one catch" to this thing called AA... if I found something that worked for me, that I had to simply "pass it on"...that was 15 years ago, and that "catch" holds true today.
Member: Bob P
Location:
Date: 12/22/2002
Time: 5:26:53 AM
thanks Eddie. you keep it real simple :-)