Member: Flora K
Location: SE USA
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 8:09:41 AM
Hi-Flora K alcoholic- It is Monday at 8 am local time. Surely I'm not the first one here. Is something wrong with the computer system that maintains our discussion? If we are in need of a topic, how about "acceptance". When I first came into this program it seemed half the meetings I attended were about acceptance. I am very slow to grasp our simple principles, however, and need to work on acceptance on a daily sometimes hourly basis. I try to remember that this program works for me if I work it. Nothing else ever worked to ease my miserable outlook on life. Thank you all for being here.
Member: Tom
Location: Midwest US
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 8:37:45 AM
I am an alcoholic drinker. Brand new to that admission and the AA program. Have not been to a face-to-face meeting yet, but anticipate trying that soon. I have been reading this site for about two months and the AA Big Book on line. I think my question ties in with Flora's topic. Is release of personal resentments necessary prior to acceptance? I noticed it is not worked on until Step 4.
Thanks in advance for any responses. Although I have not committed myself to this program yet, I believe what you are doing is great - and so does everybody else in all the self-help material I have been reading lately.
Member: Mark J.
Location: Philadelphia
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 8:42:49 AM
Mark J alcoholic. Flora has a good topic - one which alcoholics often struggle with. I too have a hard time with acceptance. It seems for me the hardest thing to accept is other people. Facts of life and the weather, I get aggravated about sometimes, but at some level I know I can't change them so I let it go. In my stubborn, stupid self centered head, though, I always get angry when people don't act the way I want them to. How dare they speak to ME that way! Don't they know who I am? And I proceed to try to change them. Of course, this doesn;t work and I get miserable. So the answer for me is, focusing on how I can change myself, while learning to accept that those around me may change for the better, or then again they may not. But I get to choose how I react to them.
Member: Tim V.
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 9:12:36 AM
Big Book pp 449-452 has some nice thoughts on acceptance.
For myself, I find that it is difficult to intellectualize acceptance. I rely more on my behavior. For example, if I go to meetings, talk to my sponsor and try to work the program in my daily life, then I think my acceptance of my disease is good.
TOM: There are no rules about how we get better. It seems most people get better best when they stay focused on themselves. But after booze, the order that we tackle our problems is up to the individual. In my case, it was the most glaring defects, that bothered me daily, or embarassed me the most. My anger was on the top of the list.
Member: Terri S.
Location: Wis,
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 10:35:07 AM
Thanks Flora,Great topic, Terri Grateful Alcoholic here, Acceptance was by far the hardest for me that's why it took me over 3 year's to get step 1)Cause I thought I was not powerless over any thing),Suborn & thick headed is putting it mildly,unmanagable life yes the cops would not leave me alone, & my job revolved around my driver lic, Then after my last white chip I picked up I had someone say, Can you predict the out come of your drinking, I thought most the time,(Honesty) that meant not all the time so I couldn't, 1 DUI every 2 years was no good either,If I could of predicted it I would of stayed home & drank that night, That was the begening, Then I learned on changing other people was a waste of my time too, so I decided to work on my problems & it worked, also making sure, That's were my Acceptance was a killer, Powerless not me, thats for wimps,that how wrong I was, I never seen a wimp strong enough to stick around only the strong survive,& the one that are truely tired of being miserable,Ive also seen people too smart to get the program never to dum. Thanks for letting me share, have a wonderful 24 every one. Welcome to the new comers, this is a gift & a new way of life that I hope that no misses, There so many levels of grow that it will keep you in awe,
Member: Chris S
Location: Minnesota
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 11:55:41 AM
This is my first experiance on this site. I am going to do this one day at a time. I don't have a clue yet about how to clean up my act but I know I have to. I have a hard time dealing or admitting that have have a problem. Now more than ever I have to come to terms with it. Im a addict.
Member: robert j.
Location: sunporch
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 12:18:35 PM
Great topic Flora and Tom,towards the end of my drinking,I would step outside myself and look at what I had become,it was not a pretty sight. I was disgusted with me, but did not know what to do about it, AA found me and showed me I did'nt have to live that way anymore, along with working the steps , going to meetings, and reading the Big Book, the one thing that stands out in my memory of early recovery, was the Serenity Prayer...especially concerning acceptance of who I had been, and who I was becoming, keep coming back and take care.
Member: Lyle S
Location: in the construction trailer.
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 12:33:54 PM
Hi. My name is Lyle and I am an alcohlic.
Good Topic. Good for me and good for my friend and sponsee who is struggling with acceptance. I hope he reads this.
Tom: The steps are in order for a reason. 1st step - We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and our lives were unmanageable. These are the only two things we have to accept in the beginning. The important thing to remember is the word WE. WE DO THIS TOGETHER. That is why the program works and why it is important for you to accept that you are an alcoholic. The way to win the battle is to surrender.
My sponsor told me two things when I came in. I must be 100 percent HONEST and I must LET GO of my RESENTMENTS. Step one through three are the acceptance steps. We accept who and what we are. We accept that there is a Higher Power that CAN help. And three, we accept His help. Until we do these three simple (but not easy) things, we can not face our resentments properly. Without help, it is too much for us, but there is One who has all power.
I liked what you said, Terry S. I too have seen those who are too smart to get this program, but never too dumb. Our disease is a THINKING disease more than a drinking disease. We have tried to think ourselves into good acting. What we must do is surrender to the program, do what is suggested, and act our way into good thinking.
Thanks for beeing here for me. This is becoming my new noon meeting, since I am not downtown to catch the meetings at central office. I did find one close by here on wednesdays and guess what. It's a Step 123 Discussion. It is good for me to go back to beginnings beacause I start over every 24 hours.
Member: cisco m
Location: montreal
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 1:00:01 PM
hey how is it going? we got a couple of first timers here online. so talk to us.
Member: Lindy W
Location: Harrow, England
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 2:53:55 PM
I'm Lindy, an alcoholic
Thanks Flora for your great topic. I think of acceptance as being ellusive - now I got it - now I don't. So I got to keep on trying.
For me, it is not like a blanket that covers everything. It is more like a window to try and look differently at a problem.
My first job is to accept my alcoholism. With that I have to accept a whole raft of things. Like, I cannot drink like normal people - when I start I don't know where I'll end up. I have to have help with this - I cannot do it alone - so I need meetings and sharing. I am not special and different (Thank God), there are so many others just like me.
And so much more. I do best if I don't think about too much, just do it - One Day At A Time.
Love and best wishes to you all.
Member: paul
Location: uk
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 3:01:53 PM
Big step! Acceptance. Even though our loved ones & sometimes our friends & colleagues can see who we are, we have to do this ourselves. Therefore, I place my trust in my HP.
If I don't get to share again this year I would love to wish every one of you a very happy Christmas & a wonderful Millennium.
New year's resolution: To attend more Face to Face meetings.
Love Paul.
Member: Hilary C.
Location: Washington
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 5:30:44 PM
Hilary here, alcoholic. Acceptance is such a big concept and it covers so much of my disease. I mean, I couldn't accept that I was an alcoholic while I was drinking and I thought I was drinking because I couldn't accept what was happening in my daily life (or in my past--lots of resentments) and when I quit drinking I didn't want to accept any help or advice and it goes on and on and on. However, as long as I accept who and what I am (and, with that, continue to believe that there is a reason for that who and what) and allow everyone else the chance to be who and what they are, I don't carry resentment and my disease remains in remission. With that, I'll try another 24. Love to all.
Member: Paul D.
Location: Dunn, NC
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 6:30:27 PM
Hey Y'all, I'm an alcoholic, my name is Paul. Acceptance is a great topic. I had trouble with accepting this disease for a little over 9 years. But like Lyle already mentioned.. a little honesty would have helped. I too played the intellectual and continuously got in the way. Somewhere along the way I began to realize that people who came in when I came in were looking better, sounding better, in short - getting better. But I wasn't. I was terrified. I began to believe that I would be the one who would never get this thing. Finally - my last detox-rehab-theraputic community. I had to make it work this time. I had to surrender... But it was a victory in itself - the fighting was now over. I grapsed at this fellowship like "the drowning seize a life preserver". I began to listen with new ears all the stuff I'd heard over and over. But now I worked at honesty - "to thine own self be true" took on a new meaning, and I practice rigorous honesty like I never knew. I had to - lest I loose the ability and fall back into deception. Desperation for a new way life kicked in. I worked the steps - not just read/quoted them. I reunited with my sponsor and began to talk to him about things I weren't doing - not what I was doing. I got active with my group. I took commitments and went on others committments just to be there with my group. I made things happen - Now sobriety had a twist called recovery. I stayed out of relationships for my first year and worked on Paul. I got to know and love Paul - and then I didn't need a relationship to make Paul feel OK.. I was no longer alone with my worst enemy. I now had a relationship with me and a higher power. And I accepted my disease and felt confident that I could live a useful life as well - so long as I took my medicine. And now, 11 years later, and 1 day at a time, I proudly accept myself as an alcoholic. And I owe this to every one in AA, because if'n it weren't for people allowing HP to work through them, there would be no AA. So I thank you all. And thanks for letting me share that.
Paul D. ... and Happy Holidays to every one of you..
Member: bcr
Location: COVILLE. WA.
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 6:33:01 PM
Acceptence is an always present issusu,changing form.My issue is accepting that I am without a mate. Recently my fairytale of prince and princess was destroyed. It is a dream I'm sure we all have, of finding someone to share our lives with. I need to accept that I have a great family and friends, and myself, and accept that life doesn't always give us the fairytale. or at least not consistantly. .....Having trouble accepting .... Bcr
Member: JCP ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 6:35:47 PM
One (choice) was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help. Alcoholics Anonymous, p 25.
The outcome of acceptance seems to depend on wisdom to know the difference--what to accept, not to mention the ever-elusive courage to change things at all. I for one did a lot of acceptance while drinking of things I might not otherwise have had to put up with.
Acceptance does not mean putting up with stuff, I don't think, but for me it meant "getting real" about what I could do about it, and the courage to accept help.
The real acceptance is not putting up with things, but actually receiving the spiritual help to do what needs to be done.
This I have received from A.A. beyond all imagination.
Member: STEVE C
Location: UNITED KINGDOM BASILDON
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 8:13:57 PM
HI IM STEVE I AM AN ALCOHOLIC I LIVE IN ESSEX UNITED KINGDOM AND LOT LONG RETURNED FROM A MEETING SUBJECT CHRISTMAS WHAT DOE IT MEAN TO U? WELL TO ME I AM USALLY PISSED RIGHT UPTO THE TEE BUT THIS YEAR I LIVE FOR TODAY ONLY MEANING THAT I HAVE DONE FOUR WEEKS WITHOUT A DRINK NOW AND I ONLY SAY NO FOR A DRINK ONE DAY AT A TIME AND PLAN THIS FOR THE FUTURE SO DO THE SAME AS ME MAYBE THIS YEAR I'LE BE SOBER TO SEE MY TWIN 3 YEAR OLD GIRLS OPEN THEIR PRESENTS WITH JOY AND HAPPINESS I WISH YOU ALL A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND CERTAINLY A HAPPY SOBER NEW YEAR FOR 2000
Member: Robbie M
Location: Fla.
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 8:52:14 PM
I am an alcoholic and my name is Robbie my sobriety date is March 28th 1988. I have a problem today.My husband who is an addict has been smoking pot. I did not know untill this morning. He has stayed sober off,he has gone out and used coke 3 times since we were married, we have been married almost 4 years,This is my second marrage.I had 2 little girls and we had a third. I knew him as a friend in AA for years after I was divorced I met him again [he had an ad in the newspaper] so we got together at the time he was living sober and I thought he was okay he went out for the first time about a year after we stated dating.each time he said he would never do it again. I have gone to AA the whole time. The last time he used coke was 2 yrs. ago, Now he is smoking pot.I reacted like a nut case I felt betrayed nonTrust has been a terrible issue with us. He always cuts AA down. I told him he is an addict if if you use anything tour going to use crack again, he said he can handle it that that is my beleif system and his is changing this man has been through so much do to his disease and he is still in denial. I feel like our whole world has fallen apart,I feel betrayed.
Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, florida!!
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 8:57:31 PM
hello my name is richard, i am an alcoholic......that was really the very first part of acceptance that i needed to come to grips with.......with out it i could not go forward into my recovery!!! then came comprehension of exactly what that meant .......and god removed the desire to drink..and left the cross of alcoholisim for me to carry!!!!!
Member: Robbie M
Location: New port richey, fl.
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 9:34:35 PM
I forgot about acceptance. Robbie
Member: Joe L
Location: arkansas
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 9:35:53 PM
hi joe and i am a alcoholic-grateful to be sober today by the grace of GOD as i know him.Acceptance that i cannot take that first drink and that if i work my steps and go to my meetings and work the program i will live a better life today!! thank you all for being here and in those rooms and keep coming back. evertone have a great day!!! joe
Member: Jacqui E
Location: Lisbon Ohio
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 9:44:24 PM
I'm Jaqui, alcoholic. Acceptance is what I have to have in order to experience serenity. My ability to accept things the way they are is an act of faith. It's not easy but I do notice the difference in my serenity level when I show faith in my higher power. When I question my higher power there is turmiol and discontent, acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. I just remember that nothing in this world happens by mistake.
Member: Jacqui E
Location: Lisbon Ohio
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 9:44:46 PM
I'm Jaqui, alcoholic. Acceptance is what I have to have in order to experience serenity. My ability to accept things the way they are is an act of faith. It's not easy but I do notice the difference in my serenity level when I show faith in my higher power. When I question my higher power there is turmiol and discontent, acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. I just remember that nothing in this world happens by mistake.
Member: kevinm
Location: fl
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 11:34:43 PM
Kevin alcholic, I am not very good on that subject, and did not understand the effects of step six, step seven, for me I must go thru extreme amounts of pain, before I can change or learn. The pardox's you here in the rooms are so true, surrender to win, you have to give it away to keep it, how important is it, you are only as small as your problems,hang on and let go! The only answer I know of , help someone else in recovery, God bless you all
Member: Sara J
Location: San Francisco, CA
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 11:40:11 PM
I am a retread. I relapsed about 2 years ago, and have been having a great deal of trouble staying sober this time.
I realized at a meeting 2 days ago that the reason I relapsed was because I lost my job and didn't accept that fact. I didn't have time to wait and see what God had in store for me. I simply defied His will and went out and used. And it's been hell ever since. I believe I am having trouble staying sober now because I am not accepting God's will in my life. I know I'm an alcoholic, but when I use I just don't care about God's will in my life and break conscious contact with Him. I hope I get it soon, because I'm treading on thin ice.
Member: KathyK
Location: Pa
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 11:41:25 PM
Hi, Kathy in Pa. This is a perfect topic for me, probably because I am so lacking in it. I drank on Saturday after 10 days sober. Guys were drinking thought that I could too. After all, I did so well for 10 days. All I found out was that I am an alcoholic, I can not drink and all the stuff that clutters my mind needs to be thrown away. I tend to remember every little hurt. I know that I was the one that screwed up the checkbook, left the laundry get out of hand, and drank on weekends instead of cleaning my house. I tried to never say no to anyone that asked for something, I spoiled my husband because I was afraid that if I din't he wouldn't love me;afterall what is there about me to love? So now I am dealing with all this crap, have loads of resentment, and keep trying to tell me that I matter. It is overwhelming. Tonight I balanced that checkbook. I made a list of what I need to do tomorrow. Staying sober is on top. I am going to af2f meeting on Friday. I will talk to you every day. I don't want to be an alcoholic, but I am. I guess this is the first thing I will accept. Until I can accept the nxt little nugget. I will do things one minute at a time. Thanks for the subject and the support I receive here. KKinPA
Member: Bob H
Location: West Chichagof
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 12:18:59 AM
Bob alcoholic
I have to accept the fact that I am not in control. the job of General Manager of the Universe is taken and I'm not it. Plan the event and let go of the outcome. Low expectations and high acceptance. Robbie M My experience to share is having lived with someone using after many years sober. I realized, after two years, while sitting through family week at the spin dry that I was scared shitless I was going to be the next one out. My rage subsided in proportion to being able to accept the anger and rage as misplaced fear. I was still sober. Check out al-anon is my strength. God promises us a safe landing not an easy passage is my hope for you. Stick with the winners and all that.Yee Haa (((KK in Pa))) you are my online rhyme. Forget the laundry and all that do the next right thing.
Peace Bob H rsrlh2@yahoo.com
Member: Bruce G.
Location: Memphis
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 12:52:05 AM
'Lo friends,Bruce,alcoholic, Accept others as they are, Accept things as they are, Accept life as it comes, Accept my own humaness, Accept that I am not alone or different, Accept that I need God and others in my life, Accept that there are things about myself that I need to take correct actions to change. = A daily program for living. See Big Book for instructions.
Member: Anita G
Location: Las Vegas
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 1:35:15 AM
I've been in and out of the program several times and am currently coming back again. I'm having a hard time going back to a face-to-face meeting because of my lack of trust. I haven't had a drink but am struggling with doing drugs. Please help me. I am afraid the drugs may lead me back to drinking, which I don't want to do. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Member: Avril G
Location: N
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 3:24:50 AM
{{{TOM}}} Acceptance first and foremost, then we work on the rest of the steps. as you rightly said, we deal with resentments in step four through to nine, so for now, acceptance of the first step is all you need to concern yourself with. Easy does it, Tom, but DO IT, and welcome aboard.
{{{ROBBIE}}} Does the NA fellowship have their own version of Alanon?? If so, get there, and accept that your partner has a problem, and lok for the courage to change the things I can. (I am a double-winner with Alanon and AA)
{{{ROOM HUGZ}}}
Page 449 is well worn in my Big Book. It falls open at this page. I am not only powerless over alcohol, but also over People, Places and things. So what do I do about it??? Accept the things I cannnot change, or find the courage to change the things I can, and only with the help and love and support of AA members, especially my sponsor, I sometimes have the wisdom to know the difference too.
This is a wonderful journey, and any journey, no matter how far, starts with the FIRST STEP.
Keep on keeping on, and thanks for being there for me again today.
Goodie@cwcom.net
ICQ 47039989
Firetalk (Goodienuff) 163879
Member: Jack B.
Location: Cumbola, Pa.
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 5:01:10 AM
Hi I am Jack a real alcoholic.Acceptance for this alcoholic, is simply the first three steps.I was told when I came into the rooms of this wonderful fellowship, that I was not guaranteed a pain free life, I was guaranteed a life free from the pain of alcoholism.They told me that if I made the 12 steps of AA my way of life, I would be able to ACCEPT, not necessarily like whatever came my way one day at a time without having to pick up that first drink. Today based on this simple acceptance I have been able to come to accept myself and life on God's terms one day at a time without picking up that first drink.
Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 5:43:03 AM
My name is JC and I’m an alcoholic.
Thanks for the topic, Flora and Tom.
It’s been fairly easy to accept I was powerless over alcohol. I’ve been beaten so many times I was fed up. As for people, places and things, I had to fight a little more before finally understand some of them will not change (the way I’d like it at least). I had to accept them to live a good, decent and happy life. It’s not granted 24 hours a day though, still have to work on it. Specially in my family ring. It’s ok with my coworkers, friends and the outside world, but when it comes to my wife and kids, I still have a little bit of pride left from time to time : “You’re gonna act like your Lord and Master tells you to, and don’t talk back. It’s my way or nothing!” (“Get a grip, JC, you’re not God”, oh yes, that’s true, I forget it sometimes).
Chris and Cisco, hang in there! AA’s worth a try, phone them and go to a meeting in your area as soon as possible (just a suggestion, of course. But if it worked for us, maybe it will for you). Of course keep coming back to tell us how you feel.
You can find the Big Book online http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/index.html
And face to face meeting lists http://www.soberspace.com/region.htm
Thanks for letting me share. jc.toller@euronet.be - ICQ 36308407.
Member: jerry e
Location: mississippi
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 6:13:38 AM
im jerry im alcoholic, im also powerless over life. i am a stubborn slow learner and i pay the price in lack of peace. i hear all who have spoken ahead of me on the topic of accceptance and i have empathy for all of you. i love all of you. you are stuggling thru each min of each hr of each day as best you can and i am too. i must accept that i am doing the best i can to number 1 stay sober number 2 seek Gods will for me. 3 accepting His help to carry His will out. today i am going to try to turn all to His all powerful hands. when i fail to turn it over i pray i will forgive myself and try again. to all who are stuggling to stay sober today, you are not alone. God is with you and so is all of the members of alcoholics anonymous. lets hangin there one min at a time by asking God to remove the desire to drink or use and by going to meetings and talking with another drunk when temptation is heavy. God bless you thanks for being herej
Member: ChristineC
Location: Upstate NY
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 6:21:31 AM
Hi - This is my first time here - Have not been to a meeting yet Amazing that the first time here you are talking about the first step. Acceptance is going to be my challenge - I started out as an overeater then had stomach surgery to take care of that problem now I drink too much. I guess I should of taken care of the first addiction before I had the surgery. I wish there was a surgery for Acholism because it is such a demeaning disease All your comments have helped me for my first visit.
Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 7:14:45 AM
I'm Fred and I'm and alcoholic. Here are some of the things I've learned to accept since I first admitted I was powerless over alcohol: My problems and blessings are only special because they are mine; everybody has problems and blessings. My needs are no greater or less than those of others, they are just mine. Taking a first drink may kill me. For sure, it will cause my wife to leave and my children to lose respect for me. God is the answer to me staying sober. He performed a miracle and I am alive and sober as a result. I cannot stay sober alone; I have years of daily proof of this. If I drink, someday I'll die alone. Acceptance to me is the realization that living life according to my plan did not work. I have to daily seek God's plan, and work to carry it out in order to stay sober, productive, and sane. Thanks for letting me share. Love, Fred
Member: :-(
Location:
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 8:50:30 AM
How about we get some different topics on this site. Week after week the topic is either, gratitude, acceptance or patience. Let's get some REAL LIFE topics going here because sobriety is much more than these pie in the sky topics. Sorry people but I am sick to death of all the magical talk like "I just turn it over....", "I just trust in God", blah blah blah. Let's get into some reality here because this is getting OLD quick.
Member: Tim V.
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 11:28:23 AM
:-( , maybe you have something to suggest? Perhaps the 4th step, maybe the 10th. What step are you working on anyway?
Member: Georgiana
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 11:36:00 AM
Acceptance... hmmm... that's definitely one I'm not terribly good at! One of my favorite parts of the program, though, is the seeming paradox that it is only when we accept things, people, situations, ourselves etc. as they are that they can then change - the old 'what you resist, persists' dilemma. It was only when I accepted my drinking that I could stop; it was only once I found a place where people would love me as I am, warts and all, that I was able to grow and leave some of my worst faults behind. It's not something I pretend to understand... it's a continual source of amazement on many levels, even though I've been sober a few years now.
I don't think this is a pie in the sky topic - I find it to be a very real, messy, and difficult issue that I have to face daily in some way, shape or form. The ideal of complete trust in a higher power and the resulting serene acceptance of all situations is one I consistently fail to achieve. What usually winds up happening is a tug of war with God, which I will declare a ceasefire in when it becomes apparent that I'm losing. The times when I have managed to 'let go' of whatever issue it is that I'm trying to control have led to amazing serenity and a real feeling of going with the flow of life... the rest of the time, it feels like I'm swimming upstream against a very strong current. But the calm does occur more frequently than it used to (certainly more than it ever did when I was drinking!), and it brings resolutions/solutions that are far better than any I had thought of myself, so I keep trying to turn things over - most of the time, at any rate!
Anita - you're right, the drugs probably will lead you back to drinking. And, difficult though it may be, going to meetings is likely the best way to steer yourself away from that path. Can you trust the program enough to give it a shot, even if you can't trust people particularly right now? It's a struggle, I know - all I can say is that for me it has been worth it a thousand times over.
Member: Robert M
Location: Atlanta
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 1:25:14 PM
Bob here, an Alcholholic. I too am a retread having been in and out of the program twice, the last time out about two years ago. I need to come back in but am having a hard time with it. It's been very obvious to me that I'm an alcholholic, but accepting it has been another thing. That's my acceptance issue. I'm very fortunate that I'm what has been termed "high bottom" in that I haven't lost my job, my family, my life. Yet. I'll keep coming here and some day get the courage to accept my limitations and turn this over to someone more powerful. Thanks.
Member: christine D.
Location: Mabank, TX
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 1:33:56 PM
Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
Member: Stan
Location: outside the construction trailor
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 4:07:43 PM
I only pray that I am ready to accept. I was 1st stepped last night. Though I felt guilty of the sin, I knew that these people would give me what I need "tough love". I don't care if I'm a retread, what I need to learn is accepting that this is a thinking desease.
My sponsor keeps telling me 2 simple rules: 100% Honesty & No Resentments. When I start intellectualizing all this, those two simple disaplines go right out the window. I too am in a state of flux in a new city trying to start a new life. When I let people,places,things control me, it totally blinds me to what HP has in store for me.
For today I did something they told me to do last night. I called someone who gave me their phone number and thanked him for caring/sharing. I now have a new friend and another person to call.
Member: steve p
Location: uk
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 4:54:14 PM
hi steve aloholic I feel acepting is at first the hardest thing you do i am sober at this moment in time but i dont feel like staying that way but now the first drink will do the damage so what do i do i feel like crap so much on my mind and not sure which way to turn i dont want to go back to the drink and know if i do i am going to stay that way inclined not to stop and lose all and in other words it is self-abuse i cant handle it right now any comments for me please leave i'le be back on line in approx two hours from now please any advise please do leave as i do need the support right now
Member: stephanie hohio
Location: ohhio
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 4:57:34 PM
hi everyone strephanie h grateful aa er.the 12by12 11th step prayer is helpful to me with acceptance. the attitude of gratitude is the key to my acceptance. if i try to work with othersm or to be of service where ever possible it helps;
Member: Donna M
Location: Northern sask.canada
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 6:37:12 PM
hello everyone!I cant believe I am in an AA meeting thru the internet I live in a remote community and dont have the access to meetings
Member: Steve G.
Location: South Point, Ohio
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 7:04:33 PM
Hi everyone my name is Steve and I am an alcoholic' have been all my life,in my opinion, and found out clinically 16 years ago and began learning how to live in the rooms filled with friends of Bill W.. In my life, the problem of Acceptance never goes away completely. In some ways I have ''accepted'' this fact. The glaring facts of my addictions has never been difficult to me and wouldn't for most if you knew my history and that of my families'. It is the foibles of everyday life that are sometimes hard for me to digest. As many have said before me, I want to direct this life and many of the people in it. You know, a sort of" my way or no way" attitude. I constantly pray, which has been AA's greatest gift to me, for help in this matter. This must work because I have been sober since '83 and even though this attitude trips me up in life I continue to accept my addictions and by the grace of God as of today still have not found the need to ''indulge''. I talk too much but in closing "Acceptance" is an ongoing process with its up and downs but most of all it means to me that I not only accept the facts of my addiction..life is ok without a 'buzz'..I need the 'medicine' of AA...and I keep my relationship with my 'higher power'.,and I accept that these ideas will need to be lifelong pursuits. Thank You for your patience and may God Bless all of us.....Steve
Member: JohnV
Location: Canada
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 7:38:21 PM
Hi friends, I am an alkie, my name is John, i came on this AA location by chance, glad i found it, I have been sober by the grace of God and the fellowship of AA for almost 12 years now and found that unless i face my disease of alcoholism head on i'm lost. So to day i face every day as the first day of the rest of my life.God bless each and every one of us
Member: KathyK
Location: Pa.
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 7:59:05 PM
GUYS, i'M COMING ON AGAIN AND i GUESS ddING. I listen to all of you and just want to embrace you. I am a fallen lamb and have been beating myself up since Saturday night. I have been sober since them. Let's get our act together for no reason other than we need to stay away from alcohol for awhile. Stop everything, the beating up, the abusing, the bad mouthing. We have a sickness and are reaching out to be treated. We try and please all those but ourselves. Kirsten, the drugs are as bad or worse than alcohol. My e mail address is grinzer51@yahoo.com. You don't need the drugs. If you can say goodbye to the booze, you can say goodbye to the drugs. I am sorry for DDing today. There are too many of you out there hat are hurting. I am a newbie and hurt with you. United we stand: divided we fall. KK in Pa
Member: Bonnie Z.
Location: PA, USA
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 8:00:50 PM
Hi, Bonnie here, alcoholic. I couldn't introduce myself that way at my first few meetings, took a little over a month, I think, until I realized I had the problem. I accepted and still do accept that I'm an alcoholic, and I thank the Creator for that because AA has shown me how to live. What a blessing!
I used to think acceptance meant you had to like something. I soon learned it means: that's life, and you either live with it or you don't. The Serenity Prayer comes into play--if I can't change something, I must accept it. Page 449 has been drummed into my head many times, sometimes I got tired of hearing it, but it was necessary to hear it, over and over so this stubborn person can get it once and for all.
A welcome to everyone here, it's because of all of you that AA continues, it does work!! Hello Paul B., Avril, JC, Bob the GM :) , good to see you. Hang in there folks, I know that my Higher Power doesn't give me any more than I can handle: I may get upset, ticked off, blah blah blah, but I won't drink if I use the tools I was given. July 4th, 1989 was my Independence Day.
Have a good evening all.
Member: kevinm
Location: fl
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 9:55:36 PM
welcome back all of you,you never have to feel this way again, and you never have to drink again, i heard those words at my first meeting 7/29/94, they were right, i was wrong, i cried like a little kid, but have learned to laugh again, it feels wonderful, its simple but not easy, 12-steps, start now, when you finish 3, sit down and do 4, call some one and take you fifth, the relief i got from this was un beliveable, a wave of peace i cannot begin to explain, it's the sixth and seventh that have rough ever since, when all else fails try helping someone else. recovery begins when one alkie talks with another.
Member: matt B
Location: Sooke BC
Date: 12/14/99
Time: 11:52:32 PM
Hi I'm Matt and I'm an Alchoholic. for me , Acceptance is caused when I stop Fighting the world around me , work with the parts I can,and avoid getting in the way of the more unpleasant parts, . the result is a kind of serenity . I seldom get angry in traffic , or the work place as I feel that all I can do is my best and if that is not good enough then someone else may do better. I still strive to improve , this may be why some say that acceptance is elusive, here today gone tomorrow. our ability to "change the things we can" flucutates daily and with practice improves steadily . For this reason ,we must occaisionally try the boundarys of our acceptance to make sure we are not becoming complacent ! Acceptance , and the serenity it brings is not a static condition, aswe grow and heal spiritually we become able to change things for the better that we accepted in the past , I won't ramble any more than tosay thank you all for being here and thankyou for my sobriety (6 mon last week!) bye for now , Matt B
Member: matt B
Location: Sooke , Canada
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 12:10:27 AM
To Steve P in UK , take heart friend the first thing to grab on to is the FAITH inthis promise ,, your life will get better if you avoid that first drink , . Maybe not much at first but it will get better. BELIEVE IT . this is one of many promises but even by it self it can be enough IF YOU HAVE FAITH. lose the fear of being let down , of failure and give yourself the freedom that comes with trust . This program works ,I can't begin to explain why ,,,it JUST DOES !I and all the other members of AA have zero reason to mislead you. It has worked for us , It can work for you , My prayers are with you keep coming Back!
Member: BOBBY C
Location:
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 8:36:30 AM
HI ..I BECAME ALMOST OVERWHELMED WITH THE DESIRE TO DRINK AGAIN YESTERDAY AND JUST NEEDED TO REMIND MYSELF THAT HELP AND OTHERS ARE IN THE BOAT WITH ME
Member: :-(
Location:
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 10:11:03 AM
Sorry to double dip as they say. Wanted to briefly say to Tim V (Poconos, PA). I would welcome a discussion on the 4th and/or 10th step instead of all of this superficial babbling; however, Tim, remember that both steps instruct us to take a "personal" inventory not other peoples. I suggest you re-read the steps before attempting to take my inventory.
Member: ;-)
Location: A higher plane
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 11:30:51 AM
:-( then I suggest you visit the 12X12 meeting, we are currently discussing the 10th step.
You appear to be projecting a bit here though. It seems to me you are taking everyone else's inventory. I only asked for your help in making things better. (A little tongue in cheek, I confess.)
;-)
Member: Andres
Location: Colombia
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 11:44:16 AM
Andres here, alcoholic/addict.I'm having real trouble accepting the fact that I'm what I just said I am, an alcoholic. Alcohol wasn't my preffered drug and I generally didn't drink, but it was increasing as my ailness progressed. I still have ideas cross my mind that I'll be able to learn how to drink some day. The thought of messing everything up scares me. I still have have the desire to drink more than I have the urge to use, I can only pray to God to give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Thanx for being here, best wishes.
Member: Richard H
Location: south central Ky
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 12:09:21 PM
Hi.Richard Alcohlic Frist time sharing in this meeting. acceptence for me did not come easlity but after enough pain i had no choice but to let go and sunnender or die.I thougth death was what i wanted. but for some reason God gave me a desire to live.my biggest fear of being sober was that life would be no fun. Boy was i wrong. with the help of you people i have found a better life then i could of thought.to all new commers hang in there acceptence comes after seeing it work in others .Then the faith will come and faith is the key to acceptence.
Member: Dan H.
Location: Alaska
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 12:11:49 PM
Alkie here and my name is Dan. This is definately NOT a pie in the sky discussion...at least not for me. My first 2 years in AA weren't a pretty sight because I had not fully let go and accepted things as they are and will be. After I learned to accept and turn things over, the next miracles began. Even being the perverted, hermit, self centered ass that I am, after accepting my creators help and talking with him daily, did life get better. Before July, I was still smoking pot and it was making life almost as miserable as when I used to drink. Now I'm FREE and much happier. Welcome to all the new people and hope they can all find a face to face meeting SOON, because online helps but is nothing like getting a hug when you're down. Accept the fact that there will be much drinking going on around us in the next 3 weeks and that we aren't able to drink responsibly....so we won't. Thanks Everyone. dirtydan@alaska.net
Member: kd
Location: ca
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 12:40:43 PM
With 6 yrs sober in AA I still find that acceptance isn't something that I can "manage". When I'm open, willing and honest and live the steps, acceptance "shows up" in my life.
Member: Carol
Location: Columbus, GA
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 7:03:13 PM
I don't have to accept anything! I am an alcoholic whether I accept it or not, whether anyone else believes it or not. I will always be an alcoholic. The way out is through honesty, openmindness and willingness. These spiritual principles will help me change so that I don't have to return to drinking as a solution to a spiritual malady.
-), I agree. I log on hoping for some "meat" in this discussion. My solution, only visit once a week and go to a real meeting every day.
Suggestion for a topic next week. Staying away from the FIRST drink. Thanks all.
Member: Robert
Location: Nashville
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 8:47:32 PM
Acceptance is the key because that's what it says in the Big Book. If I continue to fight people, places, and things, I am absolutely miserable and thinking like I was when I was drunk. I often find myself comparing my life to those around me and begin to wonder why I don't have more or can't provide this or that for my family. Major character defect that often arises. However, due to the awareness and other gifts of this program, a moment of reflection quickly leads to gratitude for the simple things that I do have in life. The house might be falling apart, but I have love of family and an employer who I hope wants me to stay on the payroll for another year. Before coming into AA three years ago I had none of this. Acceptance is the key. I balance that principle with the serenity prayer which also gives me courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. Hopefully, before the night is out, I can accept the fact thst I have the flu again!
Member: steve p
Location: united kingdom
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 9:11:08 PM
to:~matt b in sooke/canada- seen your reply thanks ile keep coming back- i am trying to stay off the drink i failed that today but theres tomorrow ile be sober again to say no thanks anyway best wishes to you & all
Member: Roy S
Location:
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 9:23:24 PM
Good topic? Thanks for all the good comments. Acceptance has been a key in my continued recovery. If I hold things in and try to fight instead of accepting it as my HP's will, that's when things start going badly. That was one of the things I found out about myself while I was drinking, and I know that I cannot allow myself to get back into that kind of thinking. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Jerry B
Location: Akron, Oh
Date: 12/15/99
Time: 9:54:59 PM
Hi there. Jerry B Alcoholic 11/29/95. Wow! Just scanned the comments. Typical AA meeting -- a good topic, insightful comments & a couple of resentments! Feel right at home.
RE: Topic -- I find it very easy to not accept something; it's almost my nature to 'try to fix' or otherwise impart my will into the situation, and quite frankly, some times it may be necessary to do so, such as at work. But for me, the key is to accept that I have done all I can do with a given situation. I'm not one to simply 'turn it over.' Frankly that's much easier said than done. I think the reality for most of us is that we like to think that there's something we can do about some situation that doesn't meet with our approval. The risk, of course, of such an approach is loss of serenity, peace of mind, and to the greatest extent, loss of sobriety. People with more time than me have told me that the biggest 'difference' between where they were say, 5 years ago and now is that they get to acceptance quicker.
So, I feel that acceptance is a process, not an event. And the longer I trudge the road, hopefully the shorter that process becomes.
Member: Jesse H.
Location: Detroit
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 5:12:18 AM
MY NAME IS JESSE H. AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. I'VE BEEN DRY FOR 13 DAYS AFTER HAVING NO ALCOHOL FOR TWO AND ONE-HALF YEARS. I STOPPED GOING TO MEETINGS AND MY RESENTMENTS LED ME TO DAILY DRINKING FOR FIVE OR SIX MONTHS. I HAVE STARTED GOING TO MEETINGS AGAIN AND I TRY AND READ THE PROGRAM LITERATURE MORE THAN I DID BEFORE GOING OUT AGAIN. MY ONGOING DEPRESSION OF ABOUT THIRTY YEARS HAS BEEN A HUGE OBSTACLE AGAINST MAINTAINING MY SANITY. I HAVE USED PRESCRIBED MEDICATION FOR MY MENTAL ILLNESS BUT I HAVE DECIDED TO TRY AND WORK THE PROGRAM INSTEAD. THE LITERATURE HAS BEEN HELPFUL. I HAVE READ THAT RESENTMENTS HAVE DESTROYED MORE ALCOHOLICS THAN ANYTHING ELSE. I CERTAINLY HAVE PLENTY OF RESENTMENTS TO OVERCOME. SOMETIMES I THINK ITS HOPELESS;BUT I'M STILL WILLING TO TRY AGAIN. I DO KNOW THAT THE HEALING PROCESS TAKES TIME AND AS LONG AS I'M ALIVE; I HAVE A CHANCE TO RECOVER. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT I'M BETTER OFF NOT DRINKING FOR THE PAST 13 DAYS THAN I WAS DRINKING FOR FIVE TO SIX MONTHS. THE ACT OF DRINKING ,ITSELF, MANIFESTED SLOWLY OVER A PERIOD TIME BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS NO LONGER ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL. I REFUSED TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT DRINKING AGAIN WOULD CAUSE ME MORE HARM THAN IT DID PREVIOUSLY. I HOPE THIS HELPS SOMEBODY OUT THERE.
Member: Paul Q
Location: Toronto
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 7:08:50 AM
I'm beyond human aid............
When I start my morning with my GOD,
and realize its not my life I work for him and
LNB (life is none of my business).
Acceptance in all my affairs becomes automatic.....because I'm not running the universe anymore.....
Member: STACEY P.
Location: NJ
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 7:59:10 AM
HELLO,STACEY ALCOHOLIC,IM 2 DAYS OUT OF REHAB AND HALFWAY TOWARDS THE FIRST STEP OF ACCEPTANCE. I ATTENDED MY FIRST OUTSIDE MEETING LAST NIGHT AND AM GREATLY LOOKING FORWARD TO MY NEXT,TONIGHT,OR MAYBE EVEN TODAY. THE STEP OF ACCEPTANCE SEEMS TO BE ONE OF THE LONGEST ROADS I WILL EVER HAVE TO TRAVEL, BUT IM ON IT,AND WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET THERE! NO MATTER HOW LONG,OR TIME CONSUMING,ITS MY LIFE. I WANT WHAT YOU HAVE,AND AM WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS TO GET IT!
Member: Tom H.
Location: Central coast of Ca.
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 12:05:49 PM
Hi, I'm Tom an alcohoic, I like Flora's topic on acceptance. Most folks in A. A. since 1976 when the 3rd edition of the Big Book was published,don't realize that acceptance was in the 1st & 2nd editions on page 100. It says 'follow the dictates of your Higher Power and you will live in a new and wonderfull world, no MATTER what your present circumstance is" Thanx
Member: frank k
Location: long island n.y.
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 1:49:16 PM
i'm am still drinking although i have a strong desire to quit. any and all sugestions would be greatly appreciated, as my life is in fact going down the toilet. thank you all in advance.
Member: Von
Location: OH
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 3:03:12 PM
Hi family! Von here, grateful recovering alcoholic. Flora, great topic. Tom, only an alcoholic can help another alcoholic, it's our greatest gift - go to a meeting, do it today. There's been a lot of positive things on this site. I'm grateful to see so many newcomers. I'm thrilled to see the depth of sobriety on this forum this week. For the newcomers, read carefully what is said here. Tim V, and:-), I love you guys, you are good examples of this fellowship. Read the BB page 449, get a book today and start reading. For newcomer Chris, you talked about not being sure if alcohol was yet a problem, one quick test is to ask yourself, when you take any mind-altering substance, do you become a different person? Does it take you places you didn't want to go? Does it make you do and say things you didn't want to say? Does it take from you more than you were willing to give? Do you say, "I'll just have one drink, and the rest is history?" We alcoholics have an allergy that means we cannot consume alcohol period. The BB talks about 3 ends: jail, prison, or 6 feet under. It's a guarantee if we continue to drink, which brings me to the issue of codepedency. Robbie, I feel your pain. But you are not in charge of your partners life, and only you choose how you are going to feel. There is a wonderful book out there, (a life saver for me) called "Codependent No More", pick it up today. Sara, thanks for sharing your pain, did you consider that the reason you relapsed was because you are like me, an alcoholic? The road to freedom begins with the first step. Kathy K, been following you and hurrahing you along. I'm proud of you and I believe in you. If sobriety is on top of your list, go to a meeting now. Also, someone once told me to go to as many meetings as I used to drink. "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path..." Anita and Christine C, welcome home, accept your disease and go to a meeting, AA is the only permanent cure for alcoholism. I'm worried about our brother :-( who said "pie in the sky", "magical talk", any topic is important in AA because we are all one drink away from a drunk whether we have 2 hours sobriety or 20 years. Dear newcomers, listen to the comments that make sense, that enhance you, and help you cope. Our disease is very serious because it kills one of us every minute of everyday. Lastly, Robert, I too was a high bottom, until I joined the program. In fact, I'm also what you call a high functioning drunk. Most of my successes came in drunkenness. Someone told me, "no one can ever hit your bottom for you, only you can, and only if it hurts right." You decide. Don't wait until you've lost everything to find out.
For all of you out there, Merry Christmas and never leave until the miracle happens!
"AA never fails people, people fail AA."
Member: Andy H
Location: UK, Immingham Sunday
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 3:14:03 PM
Hi, My names Andy, I'm an alcoholic, I've just crawled back to the fellowship after 6 years of gathering extra evidence!, prior to this I had been sober for 4 years, today I can accept what I knew for a fact 6 years ago, I can also accept that my pride very nearly killed me and just about destroyed my family, yets have happened, yet when I shaked back through the doors my true friends were there with there arms wide open. I was accepted back, with so much love and care it's amazing. God Bless You All
Member: Gerald T .
Location: tuscaloosa Al
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 5:14:04 PM
truly enjoyed the comments from everyone on acceptance.Ihave been dealing with accepting the fact that im A addict for a long time. reading the big book has showed me that I don't have to be ashamed of my disease. I always thought that I was alone in my feelings. through the program of alcoholics anonymous I have been able to see that through working the 12 steps and listening one day at A time I will be on the right road to recovery.
Member: Robert J.
Location: Oakland, Ca.
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 6:51:00 PM
Alcoholic ,my name is Robert. From Oakland, Ca. For the new members welcome home oyu are in the right place, and please stick around. It has been a long time since I've been here. Tom as for the comment on the release of resentments before acceptence. The release of resentments come after the acceptence of us being alcoholic and our actions. When you can accept that you can work on releasing your resentments towards yourself first. I like the topic of acceptence. I do have problems with it but, I know if I go through the 3rd step I get acceptence of alot. I don't know if I'm makin' a whole lot sence right now 'cause I'm hungry, and I'm gonna take care of that right now but, I will check back. I hope I can be of help sometime if not now.. Remember that our sobriety is gift from god, what we do with it is our gift back to god.. Stay sober and god bless...
Member: Patrick W.
Location: Knoxville, Tn.
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 8:03:48 PM
Hello my name is Patrick w. I've enjoyed the disscussion this week.For this drunk the emotinal reaction to not accepting life on it's own tems is the Oppurtunity that allows me to look at the deepest of all defects and that is self rightousness. which I believe comes right under the illusion that I am God. The illusion that I could ever drink succesfully again had to be smashed. It was. The notion that I somehow was the rightful heir to the throne of complete and total self induldgence has to be the root of all instincts gone awry. The Twelve steps when applied to the very nature of relationships and looked deeply upon lets me see the distance between myself and the God I am trying to imitate. It has been journey that has brought much peaace to this worn out heart and much happiness to the people who have watched the change. Sure do love the oldtimers who gave so freely of thier experince that perhaps true joy could be found. Thank God,Thank you all see you next week. Till then if nobody told you today they love ya. God does and so do I. Patrick w.
Member: Arlene C
Location: Northeast Washington
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 8:40:18 PM
Hi, my name is Arlene and I am an alcoholic. I am having trouble even thinking that a discussion on acceptance is superficial. For me acceptance has been the key to my program. It hasn't always been easy to accept life on life's terms. For some reason I thought that some how I had to come to understand or like what was happening to accept it. When through the love a tough love sponser, I came to a point where "I could just say it is what it is, I don't have to like it. But I am no longer fighting anything or anybody" I was able to move on in life and in this program . One of the hardest things for me to accept are my own feelings and emotions. It is much easier for me to deny them or pretend they don't exist. Only by acceptance, of the fact that I am an imperfect human being,can I do a daily tenth step, which is what keeps me centered.
Member: KEN N.
Location: KELOWNA CAN.
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 9:19:12 PM
HO, HO ,HO, MERRY XMAS TO EVERYBODY, my name is KEN I have been in this A.A. for over 21 yrs. & the topic is good I love AA & ALL new comers .
Member: Kelly B
Location: NY
Date: 12/16/99
Time: 9:34:44 PM
Hi - Kelly and I'm an alcoholic. Good topic this week. It was actually easier for me to accept that I was an alcoholic than it is to accept me - just the way I am. I've always hated the fact that I was not skinny or beautiful and always compared myself to everyone else. Wrong attitude! To work this program and achieve the results I want, I need to accept me and all of the things about me, including my alcoholism, and learn to be a better, happier person. Grateful to be sober - thanks for being here.
Member: Rick W
Location: Iowa
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 12:24:52 AM
Hi my name is Rick and I'm an alcoholic.Good topic Flora.After I accepted the fact that there is a God and I'm not it, I started to accept who I was and liked it. I was to hard on myself and tried to be perfect. I truely believe I was an alcoholic from my very first drink. Thanks for letting me share!!
Member: D.S.
Location: west coast
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 2:02:32 AM
page 449
Member: john d
Location: nw usa
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 2:45:48 AM
hi,i'm john-alcholic :the program has taught me that acceptance is the answer to all to all of my problems in life.i accept that i do not have the power of choice when it involves drinking.i have to accept that i could not manage my own life and my best try at it was a total failure.i have also learned to accept others and events for what they are,it is not my job to change anything but myself and my attuitudes.i feel the acceptance of others most at meetings, where we are all just human beings who are tring to stay sober one day at a time.thank you for letting me share.
Member: Zeke
Location: Schoolcraft, MI
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 12:50:48 PM
HI:Iam Zeke, just a drunk trying to stay sober. It took me five years on the first step before I realized that, (comming to after a drunk, I would wake up and admit that I was an alcoholic, many times over and over). Five years in the program and I finally relized that I had to accept the fact that I have an incurable desease. I have lived the last 23 years in the AA program without God and because it will not be his fault if I slip. Remember AA is not a pulput to preach religion but I beleive that you must develop a personal spiritial program. GOD = Group Of Drunks. "I AM ONE DRINK AWAY FROM A DRUNK". I said this 23 years ago and say it every day.
;-), I have to agree with your comments on 12/14/15/99. But why are you so gutless, that you use a code name and no location? You sound like good AA, but total honesty is why my program works. But as my wife says that I must accept you and your code name. I cannot change you, can I? But to agree with you, I have read a lot of talking the talk, soap operas and Pity Pots.
Each person on this site is trying to stay sober, For the new people take the cotten out of your ears and stick it in your mouth. And remember one of the truest truisms in AA is "This too Will Pass"
Member: Tim V.
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 3:27:35 PM
Hey Zeke, remember "love and tolerence are our code" If you follow the thread, I was the only one talking to :-(
But forget all that, we are in this together... you, me, Father Paul, :-( and all the rest.
"Having had a spiritual awakening as THE result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and practice these principles in all our affairs.
More blessings.
Member: ;-)
Location:
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 3:38:25 PM
Zeke..."this too shall pass." How profound!!! Just another superficial line used by AA. Just tell 'em to grin and bear it. Isn't that similiar to white knuckling it? I can't speak for every alcoholic but I can say that white knuckling things or just fluffing things off with statements like "this too shall pass" are not very effective ways to stay sober. In fact it is the gutless way of dealing with our desease and life in general (isn't that the word you used, gutless?). So all you newcomers out there don't buy into that junk! "This too shall pass" is a joke. It is only another way that allows avoidance of the very issues and feelings that led us to the booze. The truism you all need to remember here is that if you sit on your butt and never take action, you will never be sober. Sitting and hoping for something to pass gets you NO place, in fact it will only get worse because you are not dealing with whatever is at hand. You have to take the ball into your hands and run with it. In other words, it means you have to do the WORK.
Get Real Zeke!
Member: Steven L
Location: San Bernardino, CA
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 4:35:30 PM
This too shall pass has helped me with much of my journey upon this well travelled path. Also the saying that has been my test of my program is: "You're as sick as your secrets." That was the straw that broke this alcoholics' denial down to the core and still helps me with honesty and open mindedness--after almost 12 years of no drinking, meetings, conventions, prayer, the steps, the steps, the steps, sponsorship, service...ad nauseum. But it works! I am about to go on a vacation for two plus weeks from a job that I get well paid to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable. Only in AA could a selfish, self-centered, sot like me be reborn to live a productive life which has enabled me to live with unresolved problems and find a higher power which never lets me down--as long as I still constantly seek him in all my affairs... BE WELL and happy holidays
Member: Jeff R.
Location: Alberta
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 7:06:16 PM
My name is Jeff R. and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time at an on-line AA meeting. Acceptance is a good topic of thought for me at this point in my recovery. I am at day 13 and am still feeling a great deal of shame, remorse and guilt. I know the quick fix for this is to start planning the next drink.
If I were to say to you that I do not want to drink ever again that statement would be false. I DO want to drink. I do NOT want the consequences of drinking. I must accept that I can not drink beverage alcohol. I can not even toy with the idea. My emotions rule me and guide my intellect to that place of insanity. I must put my intellect back in the driver’s seat. I want to live without alcohol, in comfort.
Why is it so hard to admit defeat? Why can I not evaluate my own behavior and draw logical conclusions?
Today is day 13. I am without drink but I am tired and miserable. I know that a drink would cure the pain. I also know I have a disease and must commit to a treatment care program rigorously if I am to survive.
To day I got a sponsor. I am reading the big book and I pray. I attend meetings. The mechanisms of the program are simple and meetings are the hub but the wheel has some rocky ground to cover.
Member: ;-)
Location:
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 7:08:32 PM
Steve L, glad that it works for you. I have a number of 24 hours under my belt as well and have a very hard time watching newcomers walk into these rooms and say "my sponsor told me that this too shall pass and all I need to do is pray for patience." That is a pretty dangerous thing to tell a newcomer. It has been my experience that praying for my desease to pass is futile and useless. It sounds really nice and all but when it comes down to the rubber meeting the road it means having to get off my butt and work the steps if I have any hope of staying sober.
Sorry for the 2nd post. Won't be back after this. Didn't mean to stir up the pot, just tired of the superficial statements with very little substance.
Member: Zeke
Location: Schoolcraft, MI
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 8:15:21 PM
Hi I am Zeke, just a drunk trying to stay sober. Acceptance is the topic. This too will pass. Has nothing to do with not working your progam. I underline, your program. It really means that when the wolfes are at the door and every thing is caving in on you and you think that you cannot cope and a drink will help, you must remember, that this too will pass. Because you have to accept the things that you cannot change. and the only thing that you can change is you. Remember how you used to handle the wolves at your door.
(simi negative princess) ;-) Step meeting are held on the 12 and 12. (steo four and 10) O! by the way just how many 24 hours and not in code please. Honesty.
I am not sorry for the double dip. Tim V: what is ment by a thread?
Member: DS
Location: west coast
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 8:21:12 PM
page 449
Member: Chris H.
Location: Florida
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 8:56:12 PM
Hi ALL..CHRIS HERE ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT/BULIMIC I'm at a place where I don't want to hear about acceptance, because I don't want to accept that I won't get serenity until I surrender to God's will. One wonderfrul thing about this program is that I learned that if you are not willing, you can ask God for willingness. " Lord, I am willing to be made willing." What a miraculous change for me, because I used to beat myself up for not being willing. Yet, There didn't seem to be anything I could do about it. This morning I prayed for willingness to be self honest and to admit that I have to give even more things up (more shopping). Christmas is especially hard for me because I want to be obsessive about everything.I need to accept that I can't do everything I want to , because of the CFS that I have, and be greatful for what I can do. Someone mentioned an attitude of gratitude. Thats what I need. I just answered my own question. Thanks all for being here. To the strugglin people on this sight...Keep coming back until the miricle happens..don't drink..ONE DAY AT A TIME..I need to hear allof that myself!!!Merry Christmas and sober NEW YEAR TO ALL..(all these ads on t.v. about champagne are getting to me!)
Member: Kathie F
Location: New Orleans
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 10:13:46 PM
Hello-my name is Kathie and I am an alcoholic. Just saying that is a form of acceptance for me. I have been in the program now for three months and I am very grateful that I now have a means to go about dealing with problems that in the past I could/would not accept and would drink over. I have been very good of late at consciously letting go of things. I have found that when I do let things go-then my serenity is better and I am less anxious. I get more done, etc. Accepting a HP has been difficult for me. I realize that I not only need to Let Go-but I need to let God as well-but it's so hard. I have never done anything like that in my life (god was for the weak-or so I thought!) Intellectually, I understand that I need to Let God-it is only then I will gain acceptance over things and truly be able to let them go. Why can't I just do it? When will this come naturally for me? Oh...I re-read what I have just written-no doubt in my mind I am an alcoholic. At least I am not a drunk anymore.
Member: Tim V
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 12/17/99
Time: 11:13:54 PM
Zeke, "thread" refers to a topic that is mixed in with other topics in a multiperson discussion.
Now, someone else has picked up the ;-) symbol. I used it the first 2 times when responding to :-( I'm sorry I added to any confusion. I wasn't trying to hide, rather, inject a little humor.
As we all know, we all take ourselves too seriously sometimes.
Also, misunderstanding seems to happen alot here probably due to the lack of nonverbal clues such as nodding and smiling etc. And the delays in feedback time.
I still enjoy this, and find that sobriety always seems to shine through the confusion.
Blessings
Member: kathyk
Location: pa
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 3:45:08 AM
ey Gang, I am DDing here. Let me know if I am wrong, But there sems to be some sniping going on here. No matter what we are still in the same boat;that could be the Titanic, unless we are here for each other. Love and for God's sake PEACE to each other. We've ahd enough crap in our lives. KKinPakathyk
Member: Frank D
Location: Vancouver WA
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 4:25:43 AM
Howdy, I'll be Frank with you I am a alcoholic! Acceptance is a every day happening for me, no I can not change any one but myself. I for sure know that this to shall pass, use that phrase alot and know it works for me! Working on Five years, no alcohol or drugs. I work on acceptance one day at a time and look forward to working through any issue knowing I have the steps of AA to work with as to find acceptance. My HP has not let me down, I might have to humble my self as to get somewhere but the growth is awesome.
Thanks to all for being here & God bless us all!
Member: Doug S
Location: BC
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 6:11:55 AM
Thanks everyone for sharing. I am back after a two year binge, feeling emotionally screwed up, what else is new. Awesome topic, G O D is working for me already. Things happen for a reason. I wish everyone another 24 hrs !! I must start remebering I too am human, and kept my mouth shut and listen. Acceptance is the start of my recovery.
Member: Toni
Location: Melbourne, Aust
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 8:00:37 AM
Hi All, I'm Toni (the only Aussie here apparently) and I'm a recovering alcoholic. This is my first time sharing on-line; I am a complete luddite (only just discovered computers this week! :-) I think it is a very good topic. I have been sober now nearly two and a half years. I could'nt really accept that I was an alcoholic at first. I was very angry at people who could drink and kept thinking it wasn't fair. I was very angry at alcohol advertisements on the radio and television but today I find it much easier accepting the first step. I realised today at a meeting I can accept that I have choices today. I can choose what I say and where I go today and if I'm in a place where I feel uncomfortable I can choose to leave. I still find it hard to accept other people and their faults. Acceptance plays a big part in my recovery today, when I find myself not accepting other people I come back to step 1 powerless over other people and what they do. I love being sober and very grateful to AA and my higher power. Thanks for being there. From Toni r people situations such as other people sometimes.
Member: MARY K
Location: BOSTON
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 10:05:12 AM
mary, alcy.
short version of the serenity prayer:
F--K IT !!!!!
Member: Gloria Jean
Location: Northern Ca.
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 10:05:57 AM
Hi people, Gloria Jean. Today I have been sober for 9 months and It's still hard to believe I've done it. I have never stayed this sober in probably at least 25 years. Accepting things as they are and not trying to change things to the way I WANT them to to be has been a real challenge but, I am working on it all the time and have come to really like my life just the way it is. I think things happen for a reason, and God get's me through it....
Member: t.b.
Location: Maryland
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 12:00:35 PM
Hello, my name is Tommy, and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time sharing, but I have been visiting the site for a little while now. Thanks for the site and the topic. I think I struggle with acceptance more than anything. I have a hard time accepting people and situations for what they are, and I constantly get frustrated when I can't change things for my benefit. But I know that through time, working the steps, and with the help of my higher power one day I will be able to accept life on life's terms. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: ;-)
Location:
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 12:07:29 PM
Hey Zeke, SHUT UP!
Member: Iris
Location: amsterdam
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 1:16:21 PM
HI everyone i'm Iris grateful alcoholic today I read some good about acceptance. Some things I already learned to accept, for instance that I'm an alky and that I will stay an alcoholic for the rest of my life and more of these truths (for me anyway) but today I had a hard time with the feeling that I lost somebody dear to me, not that I really lost him, but it feels like the relationship is changing, and I have troubles to accept that.
I go through anger, powerlessness over my actions (like calling and I don't want to) and grief, for me that's feels all like an accepting-process. Writing here, I see my powerlessness over persons, people and places and feel much better and able to cope with it.
Very happy with the felloowship and God who'd saved my life, so that today I can learn and think (not to hard!!) about things like this! I wish all of you Happy Holidays.
Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 1:26:42 PM
Good Afternoon to everyone who has posted on Staying Cyber's weekly discussion meeting.
My name is Tom A., a grateful sober alcoholic today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and this forgiving fellowship known as Alcoholic's Anonymous.
Thank you Flora for the topic dealing with acceptance. I'm not quite sure of how many times I've heard it discussed along with many other topics since my entry into AA on July 25, 1960, but for me that's how the miracle happened. At my very first meeting one of the speaker's said "Any damn fool can stay sober for twenty-four hours" and I had to accept that I had not done that in an awful long time. a little later that evening I reenter my favorite watering hole and in typical fashion I ordered a Budweiser, but the bartender did not immediately respond to my order and those ten words filtered through my alcohol soaked brain and I changed my order to a Seven-Up and have remained alcohol free one-day-at-a-time since that day. To me that's acceptance! A more recent example is that I have come to accept you double posters on this site, because if that's what keeps you sober today, I'm willing to listen to what you have to say.
Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!
God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net
Member: STEPHANIE HOHIO
Location: OHIO/ OREGON
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 2:25:36 PM
GREATFUL ALCHOLIC. ONLY MY 2ND MEETING ONLINE. MY NAME IS STEPHANIE. GREAT TOPIC. THERE SEEMS TO BE ALOT OF CROSS TALK. IVE BEEN SOBER FOR MANY YEARS NOW SO I CAN ACCEPT THAT. TO THE NEW COMMERS. REMEMBER YOU DONT HAVE TO DRINK NO MATTER WHAT,EVEN WHEN YOU WANT TO. MEETING ARE FULL OF PEOPLE WETHER IT BE FACE TO FACE OR ONLINE, AND WELL THE PRIMARY PUPOSE IS TO STAY SOBER AND CARRY THE MESSAGE TO ALCHOLICS WHO STILL SUFFER. UNFORTANTLY OPINONS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES EVERY ONE GOT ONE. THE PROGRAM OF A.A. IS IN THE BIG BOOK OF ALCHOLICS ANONYMOUS, READ THE BOOK, WORK THE STEPS,AND FIND A SPONSOR THAT WILL TAKE YOU THROUGH THE BOOK. TRUST THIS PROCESS, AND YOU WILL THEN FIND A POWER GREATER THAN YOURSELF TO TRUST, A WAY TO CLEAN HOUSE AND WILL HAVE SOMTHING TO SHARE WITH OTHERS, AND YOU WILL RECIEVE A NEW WAY OF LIFE, AND A NEW FREEDOM FROM ALCOHOL. FOR EVERYONE ELSE THANKS, LETS TRY TO CARRY THE MESSAGE AND NOT THE MESS. ABANDON YOURSELF TO GOD AS YOU UNDERSTAND HIM, ADMITT YOU FALTS TO HIM AND YOUR FELLOWS, CLEAR AWAY THE WRECKAGE OF YOUR PAST,GIVE FREELY OF WHAT YOU FIND AND JOIN US,WE SHALL BE WITH YOU IN THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE SPIRIT AND YOU WILL SURELY MEET SOME OF US AS YOU TRUDGE THE ROAD OF HAPPY DESTINEY, MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU TILL THEN
Member: brian
Location: ct
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 3:01:07 PM
Hi everyone, I'm Brian & I'm an alcoholic. aceptance is a great topic. It took me 20 years to figure out that I CAN NOT drink like other people. I CAN NOT just drink on the weekends. I CAN NOT just have a couple. I had to accept the fact that I am an alcoholic. But that is only the begining. I knew I was an alcoholic but I could not stop! Try as I may I could not stop! I grew to hate myself more and more for the weakness. I knew I couldn't quit on my own. I had to accept help, accept God back into my life. It was not easy but I have 14 months of sobriety now. Thanks to God and AA. I have a long way to go still, but I know that if I continue to accept God in my life and surrender my will to his. ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!
Thanks for listening.... Peace to all
brian
Member: Zeke
Location: Schoolcraft. MI
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 4:30:53 PM
Hi I am Zeke, just a drunk trying to stay sober one day at a time, and I am one drink away from a drunk. Sharpen your quills pigeons. Iam back!
I love it. Finally honest feelins. ;--)
Is acceptance still the topic? Two acceptance in my program that was very hard for me was "Principals over Personalities". (Still have trouble with certain aspects) and of course the third step. It took me 23 years before I understood this statement: "I love everyone in AA but I do not necessarily like everyone".
So I beg you if you quote the big book on my behalf please add the complete text. I have never read it.
My wife just told me she enjoys the way that I bring out the Christianity in people.
Is there anyone from Rochester MN. out there. My wife and I have to go to Rochester MN.,this week. Thanks to the internet I have made all my travel plans, reseverations and even have a map to the AA club and meeting times. Please do not warn them that I am coming.
Member: Connie S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 5:39:28 PM
Hello everyone, Connie is my name. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. It's only by the Grace of a loving and forgiving God of my understanding and my many friends in AA that I can say I am sober today and very grateful for my sobriety. Acceptance is a very common topic for alcoholics. When we were active alcoholics, we couldn't accept anything. That's why we drank, or at least speaking for my self, that's why I drank. I have to accpet things today for who, what and when, all that stuff. If I don't, I know I will drink again. I am just a common ordinary drunk, growing up in public. Did drinking ever make any problems better or make them go away??, no it did not -- not for me-- it only created new problems to drink over (more reasons to drink more) and made the old ones worse. I was so self-centered - only thinking of my little pitiful self - not realizing how fortunate I really am and was. Now I know for me acceptance means facing life sober, that's what AA teaches me, how to live sober. I'm glad all ya'll are here and glad I am too. Wishing everyone a sober Christmas and Happy New Sober Year!
Member: dd
Location: can
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 7:41:34 PM
Hi I have been around aa for 2 years. I can not get it in my head that I am an alcoholic. there is no doubt in ddmy mind that I am an addict but why this is keeping me stuff I don't know. I almost feel I have to go back out and drink to find out. can a person be addicted to to pot but have used alcohol most of one's life without being addicted to alcohol if they mainly drank on weekends.
Member: dd
Location: can
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 7:46:32 PM
Hi I have been around aa for 2 years. I can not get it in my head that I am an alcoholic. there is no doubt in my mind that I am an addict but an alcoholic,keeps me stuff I don't know. I almost feel I have to go back out and drink to find out. Can a person who was addicted to pot but also used alcohol most of one's life on weekend's be not addicted to alcohol?
Member: Bert
Location:
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 7:59:25 PM
my name is Bert, and I'm an alcoholic. Acceptance is the key to my serenity today. I once heard in a meeting a gentleman judging his serenity by how angry he got when people didn't wave back to him while riding down the highway on his scooter. I know as long as I don't turn around and follow the person who did not wave than me there's hope for me. on November 30th I celebrated my fourth birthday thanks to Alcoholics anonymous and a power greater than myself. My prayers are with you, don't drink today.
Member: Paul T.
Location: NOR CAL
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 9:42:21 PM
My name is Paul T. I'm an alcoholic. This is my first online AA meeting. I have been going to "face to face" meetings since July 4 1996. That's right. In my neighborhood they shoot off fireworks to celebrate the fact that Paul doesn't drink anymore! Acceptance was hard for me to come to grips with. I just WOULD NOT accept the fact that I needed to do something about my drinking. I would not accept the fact that I was responsible for my actions. I would not accept that I was at all to blame for ANY of my problems. One day I opened the door to our local fellowship and announced " my name is paul, I'm an alcoholic" .By muttering those words, I accepted a lot more than I ever had.
Member: Bud V.
Location: FSJ ,B.C.
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 10:13:59 PM
hi! bud - alcoholic. first time at this mtg. acceptance?--pain usually brings me back to step 3-I must continue to be responsible for the effort/action - HE is resp. for the results. am new at on-line,but plan to be with you often. tks. for being here.
Member: roger w
Location: md
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 10:22:56 PM
Member: matt m
Location: atlanta, ga.
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 10:29:37 PM
Hello, my name is Matt and this is my first visit. What a wonderful use for the www! I've been going to meetings for a while now and have experienced the pain and the freedom which follows working the steps for the first time. Good topic. I had no trouble accepting the fact that I was an alcoholic. I realized it in my mid teens. The trick for me was accepting that I was worth 'saving'. My mantra, day in and day out, was: "I wish I were dead." Being the good alcoholic I was, I couldn't be bothered to do the work necessary to accomplish even that. Okay, I didn't have the nerve. I was resigned to a slow suicide...I had accepted it. It took a felony conviction and the threat of a long time in prison for me to see that I needed to change my life philosophy. With the help of my H.P., some good sponsors and a new way of living in twelve simple steps I am learning to accept myself as I am. So long as I see ways that I can become a better person for others and at least try, I trust that my H.P. sees me as worthy of his help. If someone like him wants to partner with me, I gotta' be worthwhile. Thank you all for being here!
Member: rroger w
Location:
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 10:31:36 PM
HI, I WAS REALLY LOOKING FOR A LIVE VOICE MEETING. MY TYPING SKILLS STINK. IF ANYONE CAN POINT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION I WOULD APPRECIATE IT. THANK YOU.
Member: MARY K
Location: FL
Date: 12/18/99
Time: 11:06:43 PM
I'VE BEEN SOBER FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS, I'M NOT A NEWCOMER, BUT I HAVE TO WORK ON ACCEPTENCE EVERY DAY. LIFE STILL HAPPENS, AND SOMETIMES IT ISN'T TOO GOOD. I HAVE HAD TO ACCEPT THINGS THROUGH OUT MY SOBRIETY THAT WHEN I LOOK BACK ON THEM, IT IS TRUELY A MIRACLE THAT I AM A SOBER PERSON TODAY. I CAN GET A LITTLE WACKY AT TIMES, BUT I HAVE THESE PRECOUS GIFTS OF THE PROGRAM TO HELP ME ALONG THIS JOURNEY OF LIFE, AND TO MAINTAIN THE LIGHT SHINING WITHIN ME. WHEN I FIGHT THE ACCEPTENCE ISSUES, I AM AT MY DARKEST. IN MOOD AND IN SPIRIT.
Member: Mike R.
Location: WY
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 2:26:21 AM
Hi Mike R alcoholic greatful to be hear and be sober. I find that if I accept the fact that there is not anything so bad that going and drinking over it isn't going to make it worse. And if I remember that every thing I need to know about how to live a happy and sober life is right there in the first 164 pages of the text book (BB) for a happy and sober life. Then by the grace of my HP is all I have to do is the footwork i.e. maintain constant contact with my HP, meeting with my sponsor, attending meetings,READING the BB, STUDYING the BB, WORKING with other alcoholics. Then every day I grow to be a much better, happier, and accepting person. Simple but not easy whats anything worth if you don't have to work for it? Thanks for letting me share Happy Sober Holidays and remember Keep It Simple. MR
Member: MICHAEL R
Location: SAN DIEGO CA
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 2:46:17 AM
WHATS UP.MICHAEL ALCOHOLIC. IVE HAD THE PRIVILIGE OF BEING SPONSORED BY DR.PAUL.HE TOLD ME TO PRAY IN THE MORNING FOR GOD'S WILL TO BE DONE AND THEN WHATEVER HAPPENED AT THE END OF THE DAY WAS MEANT TO HAPPEN. HE ALSO SAID HE REALLY DOES BELIEVE THERE ARE NO MISTAKES IN GODS WORLD. ONE THING PAUL SAID TO ME FLOORED ME. AT SIXTY DAYS OR SO I CALLED HIM BECAUSE I WAS DEEPLY DISTURBED ABOUT MY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE. HE SAID GOD WENT THROUGH ALOT OF TROUBLE TO MAKE ME HOW I AM AND PROBABLY WANTED ME TO LOOK HOW I LOOK.
Member: MICHAEL R
Location: SAN DIEGO CA
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 2:49:33 AM
WHATS UP.MICHAEL ALCOHOLIC. IVE HAD THE PRIVILIGE OF BEING SPONSORED BY DR.PAUL.HE TOLD ME TO PRAY IN THE MORNING FOR GOD'S WILL TO BE DONE AND THEN WHATEVER HAPPENED AT THE END OF THE DAY WAS MEANT TO HAPPEN. HE ALSO SAID HE REALLY DOES BELIEVE THERE ARE NO MISTAKES IN GODS WORLD. ONE THING PAUL SAID TO ME FLOORED ME. AT SIXTY DAYS OR SO I CALLED HIM BECAUSE I WAS DEEPLY DISTURBED ABOUT MY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE. HE SAID GOD WENT THROUGH ALOT OF TROUBLE TO MAKE ME HOW I AM AND PROBABLY WANTED ME TO LOOK HOW I LOOK.
Member: kathyk
Location: pa
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 3:04:02 AM
Dear dd, I also thought that because I only drank on weekends that there was noting wrong with me. Afterall, I worked hard all week. I was even sober for 10 whole days and then drank to reward myself. Do you know how many weekends I have missed? I spent my Friday nights drinking vodka, which pretty much shot the hell out of Saturday. Then I spent Saturday night doing the same thing. Which shot the hell out of Sunday. I lost my days off. Nothing got done, laundry built up, husband was pissed, Xmas tis ear is a ast miute excursion. We are weekend drinkers and think that because we fuction all week long we have that right. We owe it to ourselves. What have we lost those two days? We can't drink. We like to think of ourselves as social drinkers, but we aren't. We are alcoholics, We want so much to prove that we aren't. Yet, where was a good life this weekend? What did we accomplish? What quality time did we spend with someone? Dear person, I am your mirror image. I have lost too many days. I will not count the days that I am sober because I can only take it one minute at a time. The state store always looks so inviting on Friday night. Please join me and let's see what sober wekends are. KKinPa
Member: Avril G
Location: Northampton UK, for now
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 7:37:18 AM
{{{{WELCOME TO ALL NEWCOMERS}}}}
Voice meetings are available on
also quite a few of us from Staying Cyber site are connected to Firetalk
Http://Firetalk.com
It requires a full duplex soundcard, which most modern computers should have.
Hope this helps.
Member: Avril G
Location: N
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 7:45:07 AM
Firetalk http://www.firetalk.com
Member: Lori J.
Location: Virginia
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 11:05:15 AM
Hi, my name is Lori and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time here. If it's OK to change the topic, I'd like to hear comments on how to open up to people and allow people to get to know me. I've been in the program for 14 months and I know I need other AAs to stay sober, but I'm having great difficulty trusting people.
Member: Steven H.
Location: nyc
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 11:22:49 AM
Hello everyone, I'm Steven and I am an alchoholic. This is an amazing long list of shares this week on and around acceptance. Before I got sober I used to ironically say to myself that of course I was an alchoholic. Both my parents were alchoholics so with my drug and alchohol use it seemed logical. But I thought I could manage. Eventually I did realize that I was also powerless in a very tangible way. That I might ultimately not be able to work or take care of myself or my family. When I realized that I became really frightened.After that the universe began to help me help myself. I stopped drinking , then smoking pot and eventually went into AA. This week on Christmas eve I celebrate 7 years in AA. 7 years ago I went into a men's meeting and committed to sobriety and AA. Not on my own terms- which up to then had included drinking fake beer and mood-altering medication w/o a prescription- but in AA's terms via my sponsor and other recovering alchoholics. It is also my 46th birthday this week. I didn't get sober until I was 38. The last seven years have been wonderful because of sobriety and AA. Acceptance for me is a daily issue just like all other aspects of recovery. Re-committing through prayer, meeting, talking with other alchoholics, sponsor, reading litearature. I just have to keep doing the same actions that were suggested to me seven years ago to the best of my ability. I think this site is amzing because drunks from all over the globe are talking to each other. I also partciularly appreciate all the newcomer's, returning AA's, and all others new in whatever way to sobriety, all your sharing helps me to accept that yup, in point of fact, I really am an alchoholic. So thanks to all.
Steven H.
Member: dd
Location: can
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 11:28:58 AM
Hi KK. Iam really glad you reponded. I have been living the sober life, because of the fear of where a drink will take me. I have had a procedure on my heart and the doctors claim that alcohol could cause more trouble. I really get confused about having to get step 1 100%, I also did all the things you mentioned in your response and feel very guilty for not giving my daughter the time and love she really needed. My mate and I choose to drink every weekend and party. I see history repeating itself because I now she my daughter doing the same to her daughter. I am glad that you both have quit. My mate still drinks. I actually have stopped going to aa meetings because if I don't go their I don't have to decide if I am alcoholic, a heavy drinker, or what. I can just be satisified that I have a drinking problem and can't drink due also to medical reasons. I keep thinking to get step ! 100% I will have to go and experient and I really don't want to. I know it is such a better life than being stuck in bed on sundays because I am too sick to get up. I then would waste, another 3 days trying to feel better, just to go and do it again on Friday. I guess when I read the big book and they talk about the true alcoholic and the heavy drinker, I get confused. Also my mother used to go on benders for 3 months at a time and I swore I'd never end up like her. I am scared to try to have a drink to prove to myself that I am addicted or not addicted. I might have some confusion in my idea of addiction. I knew I was addicted to pot and cigs because of the terrible time I had trying to quit, yet I drank all my life but only on weekends and once I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, the experience of quitting was nothing like the other two addictions. I have no trouble saying I was addicted to the other two. I used them both daily. I would love to come to terms with this problem without having to go back out there to prove a point and accept that I am an alcoholic. Maybe I don't like the word or something. This step ! of acceptance is sure causing me problems and fear of harming myself by experimenting, which the big book suggests, frightens me because of my heart problem. It is really wonderful to have the support of others who do not drink and I find I don't really know any people that don't other than the wonderful bunch of aa people who understand what it feel like to live life on lifes terms.
Member: John R.
Location: Lexington, VA
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 12:47:08 PM
Hi I am John, an alcoholic. This is my first visit to the site. Darren gave me the address. Neat. Acceptance has been a difficult issue for me as well. After almost 6 years sobriety I still wander at times and the answer is always acceptance. My sponsor says, hey John, when that issue is bothering me, [1] I need to go to a meeting, or [2] I need to read the big book or some aa literature, or [3] I need to call my sponsor, or [4] I need to pray to my higher power, or [5] I need to medatate and see what God says, or [6] work a step, or [7] go on a 12 step call. And you know Florida, my sponser is always right for me, because when I do one of those things acceptance falls into place for me. Have a great day.
Member: Matt B
Location: Sooke BC
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 1:38:46 PM
Hi I'm Matt and I'm an Alchohlic, (hi Matt) . I've had a pretty good week so far , Acceptance has been on my mind since Monday last . I go to regular meetings in town on Mondays and I also came here last monday . Accepting that I was powerless over alchohol was a lot easier to intellectualize than it was to truly practice ,.I have always prided myself in my abilitys to overcome any problems encountered in my life . but when it came to managing my life with booze i was unable to maintain the same control . I was able to manage my life to accomodate my drinking but that was alcholol managing me . Realizing that alchohol was taking on a master role in my life scared the hell out of me . How could this organic compound take on this role in my life without me realizing it? The same thing was true of other drugs and I had realized at that time , without the help of AA that I was powerless against their lure. This may be why I grasped onto the concept of step #1 so easily. But putting this into practice in my day by day existance , without the reminders of daily hangovers or missed commitments ,is dfficult for me , and I see in my AA meetings that it is difficult for others as well . This is why for me, it is very important to keep going to meetings . I may have been sober for the last six months but my Alchoholism is still as strong as the day I stopped drinking. I am still on step one , I want to be totally comfortable with this step before I continue . I want my sobriety to be a permanent and enjoyable expirience and so far it has been just fine . I hope the same for all of us (meaning YOU) and have a great week!,,,Matt B
Member: Stan B
Location: Delaware
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 1:43:42 PM
Hi I am Stan. Since it is the 19th and past the time for a new topic, I will propose a new topic. Acceptance for another week is too much for me.
How about discussing the concept of "no longer being a door mat."
When I first got into this program many years ago I was far from being a door mat. In fact I was someone you did not want to approach at all because I was always right. I then worked this program because my life depended on it and I ended up going to the opposite extreme. I believed that I was the cause of every single mishap that occurred in my life and spent a lot of time beating myself up. It took a number of years to figure out that AA does not advocate that we become door mats or if we are that way when we come in, we do not have remain that way. I have had so much guilt associated with the end of my marriage and spent many years letting my wife treat me like a piece s__t. I suppose she was making up for the all the times I was an ass hole but it still did not justify my accepting her treatment. She would threaten me every single time I showed any disatisfaction in our marriage and I would back down because I became a "door mat" for her. I really believed I deserved it.
Well, to make a long story short here, I finally came to the realization that I do not have to suffer for the rest of my life because of my past mistakes and/or behaviors. I made my amends and it was time to move on. I finally stopped the cycle of beating myself up and said NO to that type of treatment from my wife. I have since gotten up the courage to leave that marriage which was the best thing I ever did for myself. While my wife continues with her threats and guilt trips, I remain true to myself and tell myself that I do not have settle for that anymore. It infuriates her to no end that I no longer give her that control and that I am able to move forward on my own. I wish her the best, but the fact is that it is over between us and I will no longer accept being her "door mat" by letting her guilt me into going back to a loveless marriage.
This program has given me the ability to be responsible enough to make such strides in my life. While I am sorry for my past sins, I am also happy that I can love myself enough to say "NO" to being a door mat.
Thanks for letting me share and/or lead this week. God Bless you all this Christmas week.
Stanb2001@aol.com
Member: ROB R.
Location: B.C. CANADA
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 2:57:53 PM
Hello,Rob greatfull Alcoholic here....STAN,in response to your suggested topic of not being a door mat.I can very much relate to what you are saying,expesially where ex's are concearned.I too alowed myself to be my ex wifes door mat until I was told that it takes two willing participants to play games,and that if I simply quit playing the game the game is over.P.83 B.B. states(AS GOD's PEOPLE WE STAND ON OUR OWN FEET,WE DON'T CRAWL BEFORE ANYONE...)
Member: ROB R.
Location: B.C. CANADA
Date: 12/19/99
Time: 3:01:51 PM
Hello,Rob greatfull Alcoholic here....STAN,in response to your suggested topic of not being a door mat.I can very much relate to what you are saying,expesially where ex's are concearned.I too alowed myself to be my ex wifes door mat until I was told that it takes two willing participants to play games,and that if I simply quit playing the game the game is over.P.83 B.B. states(AS GOD's PEOPLE WE STAND ON OUR OWN FEET,WE DON'T CRAWL BEFORE ANYONE...)