Member: Brian F.
Location: Florida
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 1:52:45 AM

Comments

My name is brian, and i have been back off the wagon since june. I hurt my back, and have been on workers comp., and started feeling sorry for myself. I attempted suicide in september, but an act of 'god' intervened. i have no other explanation. I hate myself and where my life is going, but don't want to change. I feel trapped. I know i need to do something in order to survive, but am unable or unwilling to make any commitment. I feel totally lost, and my local AA group is full of hypocrites who insult anyone who slips. I am embarrased to go back. help me please.


Member: Robert L
Location: Arkansas
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 3:29:27 AM

Comments

This is Robert and I'm an alcoholic. I feel for you Brian, I have been through similiar circumstances, attempted suicides and feeling the world was against me. That was while I was very depressed. After some professional help and medication the world appears to be a different place to me. People are kinder, the sun shines brighter, because my perception of the world has changed, for the better. You have not mentioned any doctor or therapist's help, so I hope you will seek some out, if you havn't already. I also had the ides that a local group didn't want to help me, again I cannot trust my feelings at that time to have been "true" but I simply went to another group where I felt comfortable, even traveling a little further to get there. A sponsor can help greatly too.


Member: sonia and cat
Location: uk
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 4:16:06 AM

Comments

Hello world

For nine months in the fellowship i drank on and off, i felt at times that no one would want me in the rooms. After all i was a stupid cow that couldnt get the message. I cant comment on your group brian, as to whether you are right in your perception of the group or whether your perception is the problem. But i can relate feeling, going to another group might be wise, or going to that group and standing your corner, giving help to others that feel the same. I read once that every snowflake in an avalanch shouts not guilty, maybe that is how the group is and it will just take one of the "snowflakes" to say hey what is happening. There is not a genius in the world that has not had to go against the common belief. It is my experience here in England that slips are common, we are alcoholics and we drink, As a person that has "slipped" you may offer a new dimension to the group. I personnally want to change, i want a better life and if that means me changing i will change, I stopped drinking not only to stop the pain, not only through fear of dying,but i believe that by stopping drinking and going through the steps and feeling the pain that that causes, that i will have a happy future, i have hope today, find a groug that talks about recovery, that is where i got my hope and my courage fom, and i still do, because there are times when i lose it, and i use the fellowship, even if i feel i should be "better" now i try to be honest and admit where my pain is. if you have no choice of the group, go back and tell them how you feel and try and do it without blame, Dont tell them where you feel they aree wrong, but tell them how you feel about using the group , because you have slipped, the only way forward for me is though being as honest about me and the way i feel as possible, not always easy and i dont always get it right, but that is ok because i am me, and the me today is just a nice person, trying to find her way.

sorry for rambling, i hope i havent given too much advice, it is not my place, i dont know you and i dont know the group, i have wonderfull groups and support around me, i wouldnt be here if my groups had been the cold groups i hear about in places, lots of love to you all.

insane.sonia@ntlworld.com


Member: sunny s
Location: New Bedford, Mass
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 6:29:03 AM

Comments

So, what if the topic is relapses? Slips..whatever you call them.

Not everyone is going to come in and work the steps on the first round. Some people just aren't ready to surrender to a spiritual solution...maybe never will.

I'm very grateful to have 11 years and counting, but I know that could end. They told me when I came in that people who worked the steps got the miracle. They emphasized ALL the steps, 1 through 12 in order, with a sponsor. Fortunately I believed them. Fortunately, I was given the strength and courage to do the steps. All I had to do was ask for it. I didn't know or believe that at the time. I was like the drowning person trying to choke the lifeguard with my intense prayers.

I was desperate and willing to believe that I was powerless and insane. I was willing to surrender when I heard that was the answer. I'd surrendered to the lies that the disease told me often enough. I knew how to surrender, it was just that I always surrendered to the disease and the lies. Surrendering to a higher power that was friendly and loving was a strong jolt to my system. Isn't it weird that we aren't afraid to surrender to something that takes us to hell but scared shitless of surrendering to something that will take us out of hell?

As for people not being kind to folks who relapse, maybe you need to go to meetings with more sobriety?


Member: katie r
Location:
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 7:44:40 AM

Comments

Jesus - what I would give to say "I'm 11 years sober"


Member: Ronald Parent
Location: Peru
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 9:36:17 AM

Comments

Hello Everyone,

My name is Ron and I`m recovered alcoholic. I too can relate with Brian F. about being closed in and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. My last drunk I attempted suicide while taking anti-depresants and all pissed up on whiskey. I entered AA and abandoned my self to my group "Rexdale United" in Toronto, Canada; I found a sponsor and tried to do everything He said and tried to follow ALL the suggestions given to me. Though all suggestions where first filtered througfh my sponsor prior to application. I continued to fanticize about death for the first year, I saw death as a nothingness that meant peace. Only through the grace of God and many members of AA, I slowly began to recover. I did many things wrong in recovery, though I was willing to try and make them right. Service helped me to get out of myself long enough so that God could do his work. Today God and AA have blessed me with contiues sobrity since Jan. 16/88 I have served my fellows as Coffee maker through to Class B Trustee here in my new country. Today I have A NEW PAIR OF GLASSES. There are many people that attend this meeting that are solid and can be of great help. I agree with Robert and that professional help would be of great benifit. As for the TOPIC SLIP. It was explained to me that SLIP means that S-sobrity L-Looses I-its P-priority.

Love and Service


Member: miriam w.
Location: baltimore, maryland
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 10:43:48 AM

Comments

My relapses helped me to discover there is no easier softer way and things don't get any better. The only way is through complete abstinence one day at a time, attending meetings, getting and using a sponsor and working the steps. Things don't necessarily get better but you will.


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 10:52:03 AM

Comments

I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic, sober today by the grace of God and AA. I can relate to what Brian is saying. I had a period of several months sobriety, only to pick up again and be right back where I started, only at a whole new level. It was like I had to make up for the time I "lost" while I wasn't drinking. Then God finally took pity and saved me from myself. Maybe you are not ready yet, Brian. But the best place to wait while you are getting ready is not at home by yourself, isolated with your best thinking. The best place to wait for the miracle is with people who understand. I know of no other place but AA where you are going to receive the loving support you need while you are becoming ready to finally quit. Get to a different meeting if the one you go to is no good. You already know our program--go to meetings, pray, get a sponsor, work the steps, and don't drink today, no matter what. Come on back. We need you and love you. Fred


Member: Leslie M.
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 11:47:47 AM

Comments

Hi, Brian,

Fred M. from Maryland hit it right on the head: go to meetings, pray to the God of your understanding, get a sponsor, work the steps, and don't drink, no matter what. Actually, some of the oldtimers keep it even simpler: "Don't drink and go to meetings." It's a shame that some of the folks in your meetings are mean to people who have relapses, but you can't control them. As my boyfriend, who has 15 years of sobriety, says: "We're all there because we're not all there." So I guess mean comments will be made sometimes. But for any unkind remark I've heard in the rooms during past two years, since I became sober, I've heard hundreds of thousands of words of kindness and encouragement. Let the mean people concentrate on their own stuff. There are too many wonderful people in AA to worry about the inventory-takers. And the good people are there to help you.

God bless, Leslie M.


Member: Marie C
Location: NJ
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 11:49:50 AM

Comments

Is it fair to say that you keep slipping if you haven't really given yourself to the program yet? What I mean is, although most people come to the program in a lot of pain and carrying a lot of baggage, not everybody that gives AA a try is convinced that they are truly alcoholics and that they will die or be institutionalized if they continue. Some people (like me) needed to come to AA, hear about the all too predictable paths of alcoholics then go try to continue my life and see if I could change my future. I found it really disturbing to watch my life go downhill - just like the BB and you all predicted! But for the grace of God, I accepted my addiction before I had the chance to act on the suicidal thoughts (that MANY alcoholics share).

In my early recovery days, I was also hurt by people who I felt were shying away from me. What happened to us all accepting each other for who we are, right? Well, truth is, I needed to realize that this program is for saving my life FIRST, social benefits are second. In order to save my life, I had to follow a very big suggestion which was stick with the winners! Those other people who were avoiding me were saving their lives too. Many of the people I was gravitating to were new combers, like me. They obviously didn't feel their own sobriety was strong enough to risk. Once I realized this, I was able to silently cheer them on.

Now with 11 years, I'm going to share one other thing that - as I just thought of it - reminds me of what I need to apply to a current situation in my favorite women's group. Here it is: Take what you need and leave the rest behind! (They can't ALL be hypocrites) Funny how this stuff just keeps working over and over :)

Love & Peace


Member: wouter
Location: nl
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 1:39:52 PM

Comments

Wouter, alkie, sober for almost 17 months. Never had a slip, and i like the acroniem sobriey looses its priority. Because i was also smoking pot 20 years every day, i didn't have real trouble kicking the habbit, no tremors or delirium, nothing. But mentaly I was in deep shit, and now and again I read and reread books like the one Megan Moran wrote in 1985 " lost years,confessions of a alcoholic women ". She theaches me, a man, a lot because alcoholism has no gender boundaries. Books like that keep me sober, looking at my past keeps me sober, and realising who i used to be for far too long keeps me sober, writing on this site keeps me sober, feeling good keeps me sober, feeling bad keeps me sober, people at the AA in my hometown who slip keep me sober.

I like me, I like winning from the old me, who wasn't me really. I am me finally.

Thank for sharing.


Member: Craig L
Location: Beaverton, OR
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 2:00:59 PM

Comments

Iím Craig and I suffer from the incurable and fatal disease of alcoholism. Recovery is an individual experience. I felt I was thoroughly entrenched in the program of AA. I had worked the steps, was doing service work and even started to sponsor people. I also envied those with years in the program and frequently doubted they were actually as sick as me. I was not depressed or agitated when I stepped back into my addiction. In relapse I returned to the insanity, but I now had my joyous experiences in AA, to amplify the despair I chose to embrace again. During the last days of my relapse I gave up fighting. I finally conceded to my inner most self that I was done battling and I was ready to let alcohol kill me. As others have mentioned here, it was a miracle that I found myself in the hospital drifting in and out of consciousness. After I had stabilized they took me to a detox center, where I continued to experience a profound sense of surrender and humility, but this time to a higher power, which I cherish and practice to this day. My perceptions were also a bit distorted when I first returned to my groups, but I prayed, as I knew my life depended on it. It is that conscious contact which now gives me the strength and courage to face awkward or uncomfortable situations. To those still struggling, I pray you will find the aspects of yourself which keep in a self centered Universe, so you can move out into the Grace, you deserve. Thank you for helping me here today.


Member: Jane A
Location: New Jersey
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 2:10:25 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Jane A and I'm a recovered alcoholic. Brian, I am very sorry to hear about your group not being sympathetic to people who relapse. My suggestion is to go to another group, although at some time I think it is appropriate to consider if the perception of your group is real or fancied. I only say this from my own experience because I used to go to a women's meeting where I thought the people were not very kind to me, I was not in a good place and I interpreted tough love as criticism. I am not saying that that is your case by all means I do not know your group. I just always find it important to take a look at myself if I am troubled. At any rate you have gotten some great suggestions by people here. Find another group or tell your group how you feel in the spirit of friendship not anger. I only have to commit myself for today not forever so maybe that could help you with your lack of commitment right now. One of the most important things that I had to learn in recovery was not to go by my thoughts and my feelings when they are yucky. They are not real, they are only fear. FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL


Member: Betty R
Location:
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 2:28:40 PM

Comments

Hi Brian my name is Betty and I'm an alcoholic.I know what you mean about feeling sorry for yourself.I was clean and sober for 7months and slipped back itno the bottle since April of 99.I started off thinking I can handle this but I have to realize I cannot,My girlfriend left me and things got worse,I too tried to kill myself and I am glad I wasnt very good at it,now I too am looking for support because my actions under alcohol have been terrible. I think also you should find a different support group,we all need each oter to get us through these trying times and negativity doesnt help.


Member: salem oregon
Location: snow snow snow
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 4:00:59 PM

Comments

its snowing in salem oregon yippie!!!!!!!!!!


Member: Nicole B
Location: MA
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 4:03:14 PM

Comments

Hi,

I am an alcoholic. I am still very young and I want to stop drinking before it becomes to late. I am sick and tired of waking up and living with the fear that I have embarassed myself while drunk. It happened again this weekend. I am so full of guilt and shame . . . see, I turn into a different person when drunk. I become someone that I wouldn't want to know, let alone be. I really want to stop but part of me is afraid to go to meetings out of fear that there will not be many others like me (early 20's and female). I just don't know how to cope with the guilt and shame and fear anymore. And I don't know deal with those whom I embarassed myself in front of.


Member: Lloyd French
Location: UK
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 4:04:56 PM

Comments

Remember it's not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog.


Member: William.A.
Location: High-Point.
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 5:55:14 PM

Comments

Hello. My,Name is William ,and I would like to speak about the person who seemed to be hopeless and started drinking after he was out of work for a short time . Please rtemember that what I say is my-opinion only and if you choose to talk ity to heart it is strictly your responsiblity and yours along, if the people say that you are to be held responsible for your drinking than you are to be held for your not drinking,some off us have been threw an awful lot of pain and suffering to get what ever soberiety we have and in order for you to achieve the same you will have to a. ST OP drinking and then after you have done that for awhile you will have to works some steps in your live,yes you will have to read/or reread the big-book with some one that will not take your bull and do some things that you havent been willing to do as of yet, remember this is my opinion,if you want to get sober you just might have to do these things,or die not trying or live suffering for the rest of you time on this earth.Live& Let Live---means just that (to Live) not just suffer quietly.

read page (164) in the Big-Book,where it says come and join us as we trudge the road of HAPPY destney.

I wil Love You until You can Love Yourselve enough to start living and not keep trying to kill yourself and make others suffer along with you,Also remember what the core of our desiese is .


Member: jeremiah m
Location: oh
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 6:46:47 PM

Comments

hello

ive never met one recovering alcoholic whoes problems didnt seem to multiply after begining their recovery. at least i know mine did. i feel its because i began starting a new life from scratch. one that im not accostomed to. i was once told to live a very basic life the first year of recovery, meaning not to make any drastic changes. weither it be dating somebody new, moving, changing jobs,ect. so i just try to take things slow. one day at a time


Member: jeremiah m
Location: oh
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 6:50:44 PM

Comments

hello

ive never met one recovering alcoholic whoes problems didnt seem to multiply after begining their recovery. at least i know mine did. i feel its because i began starting a new life from scratch. one that im not accostomed to. i was once told to live a very basic life the first year of recovery, meaning not to make any drastic changes. weither it be dating somebody new, moving, changing jobs,ect. so i just try to take things slow. one day at a time


Member: Donna
Location: Indianaish
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 8:03:28 PM

Comments

Hi everyone. I've been sober a little over 4 yrs. To the new person, or someone coming back....don't be so hard on yourself. Just try to stay sober one day at a time. Use what you need and leave the rest. You have a whole lifetime to work a program. Pray to your higher power. Don't have one? Use AA. You'll find one of your own eventually. Ten out of ten people die so don't take life so seriously. Talk to other recovering people. Help someone. For me, getting out of myself is the best way to forget about alcohol, or my depression, or my problems, or whatever is eating me. Love yourself, God made you and He does not make mistakes. Serenity, Donna


Member: Marty G.
Location: Manitowoc, WI.
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 8:50:33 PM

Comments

Hi all,I am Marty, a recovering alcoholic, soon to be 6 years in Jan. It did not happen the first time around for me either. It took 30 years of playtime before I decided I was beaten, and became honest open and willing.I found out I needed to change everything in order to maintain my sobriety.One thing I remember an old timer saying; Don't drink, go to meetings, and read the big book. As far as letting people places and things bother me; I take what I need from meetings and leave the rest there.Hope this helps some. HOPE is alive. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: alcoholic
Location: trudging the road...
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 9:23:13 PM

Comments

Hi i'm an alcoholic

i too can identify with what the person who introduced the topic. i was young, "scarely more than an alcoholic" when i began drinking at age 13. by the time i was 18 i was contemplating suicide. luckily through the intervention of my mother i was placed in a treatment center. halfway through things were not going well, i had a spiritual experience which had changed my formely agnostic life. from there it took two years of an emotional roller-coaster and dry drunk to realize that i needed to change ME

through the aa program i learned h.o.w (honest, open minded, and willing) and began to listen. because it is an action program, i got a sponsor, began reading the big book, attended meetings, cleaned house (several times cuz i was such a liar), and sought professional help including marital therapists.

now, after 12 years of sobriety (14 dry) at the age of 34, i am a professional, married (still in therapy, no one promised a rose garden), and mainly have problems in living. i am grateful to my higher power, the aa program, and to those who came before me who showed me a different way.

incidentally, ALCOHOL IS A DEPRESSANT.

i'll take another 24, it works it if you work it, keep coming back, thanks for letting me share.


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 9:41:09 PM

Comments

Mark, dope fiend alcoholic, Ya know, today at times I feel as if I'm at the end of the shotgun barrel and the light at the end looks a long ways away. I guess have a bit of time in here and having devleoped a faith that works for me, I know today this feeling will pass as long as I don't drink or use. Everything else in my life can go, and I'm willing to give up, just to keep from taking that first drink or a drug. My hope and salvation comes from a loving God who carries me. There's an old military saying that goes: If it works, don't fuck with it. This deal works. It's been the only thing that's ever worked in my life. I ain't gonna fuck with it, I don't want to die. That's whats out there for me, death. That's what the Big Book says. So I'll keep trudging the road of happy destiny, trying to do what is suggested. Hell, I got an e-mail today from a guy I 12 stepped 13 years ago. Man that feels better than any drug or drink ever did.


Member: salem
Location:
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 9:43:43 PM

Comments

its snowing in salem ore


Member: LU-LU  president of the I LOVE LU-LU CLUB
Location: yiiiipppeeeee
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 10:01:48 PM

Comments

to the new person, don't let ANY of us love you to DEATH! BE HARD ON YOURSELF and i mean that in a "Loving" way! be hard enough on yourself to get honest about what it is YOU MUST DO in order to get on with your life, time takes time but you won't get any going in and out of A.A. if you have been "in&out" more than a couple times... get real, quit fucking around with your life,A.A. WORKS. IF YOU WORK IT.how 'bout this one: DON'T DRINK OR USE NO MATTER WHAT!! if you do THAT ONE you'll "make it" if you do the program as outlined in the beautiful big book, you'll most likely make it AND be happy alot of the time "rarely have we seen a person fail who has THOROUGHLY followed OUR path!!!


Member: Ingrid R.
Location: NE
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 10:07:16 PM

Comments

Hello! My name is Ingrid, and I am an alchoholic. I understand where Brian is coming from -not because the groups I found were antagonistic, but because I did not "fit in." They did indeed try to be receptive at first, but they were ingrained in a routine and familiarity with eachother that seemed (and I use that word very operatively) to exclude me. At the time, though, I thought that I could overcome my disease with a little support. For a while, that mentality enabled me to temper my intake. It didn't last for long. I have yet to return to an AA meeting, even though I've moved to a new town. I know I have a problem, but my life so far functions well. I see the light dimming at the bottom of each bottle, though; I know I have to change...Where can I find the catalyst? --If you've got at least one foot in the door, Brian, keep going! You are farther ahead than many.


Member: Tim P.
Location: OH
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 10:16:00 PM

Comments

Brian I can relate. I had had some sobriety then I hurt my back, I was given Vicodin for the pain. After that I became lax on going to meetings and a drink followed by several more was in order. I had relapsed. I had to fall some more before I was humble enough to back to a meeting. As far as what other group members thought about me I am not certain. I just remember not liking myself. Finally one fella asked me if wanted to be miserable or maybe have some of the happiness that he and others had. I listened but didn't answer him. I knew I wanted to be happy but I didn't want to quit drinking. I suffered more misery but I kept trying and after several months I began to see hope. Give yourself the chance even if it doesn't seem anyone else is it just may take time for you to notice is reaching out to tou'


Member: Joy
Location: Bartlett Il
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 10:19:07 PM

Comments

Hi, Joy here (alcoholic)Lu- Lu that was a really great post.. You said it all- right .Thanks so much I always need to hear it straight. With respect and a sober 24today, Joy


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 10:20:24 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!

I've experienced many of the very same things that you have, Brian. First, I would suggest trying to take it only "One Day at a Time." Second, I would suggest that you do everything you CAN do, if attending a meeting is impossible.

This helped me under similar circumstances. Perhaps, these suggestions will be helpful for you. Stick with it!


Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, MA
Date: 12/11/00
Time: 10:42:37 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Steve, and I'm an alcoholic. A thought for Brian, and anyone else who has slipped - remember what it says in the Big Book - that our past is our greatest asset. Your slip is now part of your past, and therefore part of your greatest asset. You can use it to help yourself and others recover from alcoholism. If you're uncomfortable in your old AA group, I agree with what a lot of people are saying - try another meeting.


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 2:25:36 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack a real alcoholic.Once we have put togeher our first twenty fours hours of sobriety, we know it can be done.The key for me is that third tradition.On a daily basis, my resolve to stay sober has got to be greater than my desire to get drunk.My goal in life is not to pick up another drink for the rest of my life.However the only way I can attain this goal is one day at a time. I have had 1 slip, it occured shortly before Halloween 1987.One and 1/2 hours after I left my first detox, another member of AA who had told me that he had learned how to control drink sat in a bar in Frederick Md. showing each other how we could control drink.I have just celebrated on Thanksgiving day 13 years of continous sobriety.If I can stay sober, anyone can. To pick up a drink today for me is DELIBERATELY FORGETTING I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. To Brian welcome back, don't give up on yourself, God hasn't and we haven't either.If you haven't had a drink today, you are a member in good standing of Alcoholics Anonymous. Thanks for great topic and allowing me to share.


Member: sasha
Location: texas
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 2:58:21 AM

Comments

Brian i agree with others that suggest going to another meeting where you are accepted no matter what as an alcoholic with a desire to stop drinking. i had 8 years of sobriety when two years ago i decided to start drinking again (i don't believe in slips i set myself up because i wanted to drink) my biggest problem was i chose to stop doing what was suggested but i also let those other people and their opinions become more important than myself and my sobriety. i now have 30+ days of sobriety and when i share about my experience about going back out i have nothing but positive reaction. people need to here that things don't change they only become worse. i am grateful that i was able to make it back unlike some others i have known that haven't. i guess the point i am trying to make is your experience about going back out helps many other alcoholics and may make a difference in their life. if you only help one other alcoholic that is all it takes. keep going back to meetings and doing what is suggested and if you need a new meeting for god's sake find one fast.


Member: Graeme.B
Location: Jersey Channel Islands
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 4:53:19 AM

Comments

Hi Brian, It's a couple of days since your posting. I hope youre doing OK. Try to keep it in the day if you can. I know it's not easy to get back into the rooms after a slip, jump, whatever you like to call it. When I was first around I jumped back into the bottle on and off continously for 3 years till I let go absoloutly, so I know where you are coming from. Each time I walked or stumbled, back into the rooms there were some sniggers but mostly I was welcomed back with open arms. If I had opened my ears only to those critical wafflers I would still be out there drinking or dead or wet brained in some asylum. We can find plenty of excuses to pick up a drink but No reason to. Keep with the winners, stay in the rooms, Listen to what you need to listen to, leave in the rooms what you dont. Keep in the middle of the Lifeboat not on the edge, as you surely will enentually slip again. Try after a period to get involved in service with the fellowship, and you won't look back. It worked for this Alkie over 9 years of sobriety thats appx 3300 days, 3300 miracles a day at a time. Go for it Brian, Best wishes, email if you wish, Graeme (graeme.blomps@localdial.com)


Member: Frank C.
Location: Yreka, CA
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 7:20:21 AM

Comments

Hi Brian..an old friend of mine used to say that we (in alcoholics anonymous) have earned our seats at the meetings. And I agree. I know that the people who stay away from the meetings for any purpose don't seem to stay sober and the ones who continue to go to the meetings seem to stay sober longer. As I read once... Many meetings, many chances, Few meetings, few chances, No meetings, no chances! Have a good meeting...you've earned the seat!


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 11:03:05 AM

Comments

reading the big book or reading grapevine mags. or coming to sights like this one,that helps me stay sober.of course human interaction at a live meeting is the best.i read somewhere that i should ..do the things you don't want to do..i like that because it helps me pin point some things i have been avoiding.i believe staying sober is a state of mind that requires constant maintenance to keep,through prayer and aa and people in and out of aa.everyday i have to take a personal inventory,i have to remember i am powerless to booze,by doing this maintenance i have not had a drink of booze in almost 3 full years...my life has changed dramatically for the better,it makes me want to climb a mountain top and screem...thank you God ,i am free...daily struggles are part of life,ment to be endured .i look at life as a exausting task asigned to me,when all is said and done i really only have today,how can i be of help to mankind today?that is what i ask God in the morning....aa and the steps will keep us all sober,but you have to lay down your guns and surrender, stop the fighting...you lost. today i look at booze like a bomb,it will blow apart any life.....ddtmm...thanks for being hear,i'm tony an alcoholic


Member: Brian F.
Location: Florida
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 2:38:49 PM

Comments

I only found this site the other nite in a drunken stupor when i ran out of beer. I still haven't made a meeting yet, but i haven't bought any more beer either. I have another apointment with my shrink tomorrow, maybe i can shower and change clothes for that. I know that i cant get any better with alcohol. Thank all of you for your love and support. I am glad i found this site.i will keep coming back here till i get the courage to go back and face the people who know me in my home group.Might even call my old sponsor today, who knows.


Member: Lucy
Location: PDX
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 3:06:24 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Lucy and I'm an alcoholic.

I can totally relate to Brian's experiences. About a year ago, I went to my first AA meeting solely on my own will (i.e. not out of rehab or counceling) -- or what I then believed was my own will. I had no idea what the meeting would be like, and to be honest, initially thought that the entire concept was gobbelty-gook. I went to meetings only sporadically and kept drinking.

The months went by, and I began to meet some people. They were nice and seemed very genuine. I remember one woman said she was praying for me because I was having a hard time getting sober (although I wouldn't allude to that when I spoke in meetings). I remember thinking: "Whoa! This random woman is PRAYING for me! What in the world?!" But it was the first time that I realized how seriously people took the program and the disease. Sure, I was an active participant in meetings, sharing my woes, but I only talked to sort of get some instant relief -- talking about my drinking worries to people who didn't know me and wouldn't judge me because they were "real" alcoholics. Only this lady knew that I wasn't really giving myself to the program.

A few months later, I moved to Oregon. At first I ignored my problem, thinking it would just go away with my move -- but of course I ended up at AA again, this time with a general understanding of the program. This time, I'm trying to LISTEN and absorb more -- rather than simply thinking up something clever to say when it is my turn to speak. I'm trying to ASK FOR HELP, which means meditating, approaching others with questions, reading, and opening my mind and heart to the concept of a nuturing higher power that I can truly believe will help me. Now I'm realizing that things that seem like coincidences really aren't, and that I'm MEANT to be a member of AA and learn to face my fears and begin to know/love myself again.

I've been sober for only a few days, but I finally feel like I'm "getting" the program and can see how it can be a way of life, perhaps a challenging one, but a way more fufulling one than a life muted by booze and bitterness.

Each day is "the first day of the rest of your life." Learn from the past, face the facts -- we have a fatal, incurable disease -- and work the steps toward recovery.

Thanks for letting me ramble! Lucy


Member: Sandy
Location: cool, colorful Colorado
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 5:11:04 PM

Comments

I'm another one who didn't get sober right away in AA. I wanted MOST of what you all had, but I didn't really want to quit drinking to get it. It was the Big Book and my outpatient counselor (thanks, Earl C.) that hooked me, but then my first home group -- Freedom I aka "Billings" in Chicago -- who put up with my big mouth and loved me just the way I was! It wasn't the first meeting I went to, either. The first one made me so uncomfortable I asked Earl to recommend a different one. The first year I regularly attended that one AA meeting per week, and continued to drink, but a lot less. Progress not perfection, I thought! As what should have been my first birthday approached, I told my home group, "I can't have a cake. I've had slips." Nobody shamed me or lectured me -- even indirectly. They kept loving me & telling me to keep coming back.

Brian and Ingrid and Nicole -- don't give up on yourselves or on AA! We need you as much as you need us. That's how this deal works. Great posts from everyone as always. Thanks for letting me share & I'll keep coming back.


Member: Heidi O.
Location: Madison, WI
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 5:45:19 PM

Comments

Hello everyone, my name is Heidi and I am a student at the University of Wisconsin Madison and I am doing a project on "putting a face" with alcoholism. I understand if no one would like to respond to my post, but I was hoping that if anyone would like to share their story about the struggle with alcoholism, if you could contact me about it so I can contribute it to a book I am making. The book is similar to Chicken Soup for the Soul in that it has real stories about the struggle with alcoholism. This book will be used to help educate others on what it's really like to deal with alcoholism and hopefully help others make good decisions with alcohol. You can remain completly anonymous if you wish and you don't even have to tell me your location. I am hoping that this will help others and maybe it could help you to share your story also. I appreciate any feedback I can get and I hope everyone has a great holiday season.

Sincerely ~ Heidi O. hkolsen@students.wisc.edu


Member: htU
Location:
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 6:27:38 PM

Comments

heidi,theres no one home here but a bunch of drunks,you might say we're all out to lunch here if you know what i mean !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

htU


Member: mary
Location: racine, wisc.
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 7:48:09 PM

Comments

heidi, the idea of putting a "face" on alcoholism kind of goes against the AA credo of anonyminity (sp?). whatever you chose to do with your project, please don't make having this disease "cute" and inspiring, a la chicken soup for the blah-blah. it's serious shit and people who suffer from it need more than a coffee-table book to address it. by the way, are you an alcoholic or simply an academic?


Member: Mike L.
Location: Iowa, USA
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 8:24:59 PM

Comments

Brian, I didn't make it my first time either...Decided to try it "my way" and lasted less than 1 month. Since being completely mashed flat by alcoholism and my own best thinking, I have given up and joined AA wholeheartedly...Although, I didn't have the FAINTEST idea what some of you were talking about at first!!! It took time, the big book, and a good sponsor, but today it's been more than 2 years since I took a drink - But to me, it was yesterday.

I also had to try 3 different groups before I found one I felt like I belonged in...But that was most likely my reactions rather than the group in general, now that I look back on it.

There is also no shame in seeing a professional or doctor if you suffer from clinical depression. It has been my experience that it can be helpful.

As for NICOLE - My home group has members ranging in age from 12 (Yes...12!) to 80+...I've found that more young people tend to attend the night meetings, but that just my experience with a few clubs. No, you're not too young to be an alcoholic. But, how old are you going to get trying it the other way? AA old timers say there are 3 final destinations for people who drink like we do - Jails, institutions, and death. Personally, I had to experience 2 of them and nearly 3 before I sobered up at 30...I hope you might give us a try.

Peace, Mike L. mjlyons@uswest.net


Member: LU-LU head Angel
Location: and president of the I LOVE LU-LU CLUB
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 9:34:21 PM

Comments

hey ((((( brian)))))))) seems you are the topic... suicidal huh? THATS heavy, you say you are unwilling to make a commitment or a change that as humphry bogart would say, THATS TUFF...NOT a whole lot can be done with an attitude like that! are you not greatful for ANYTHING?a home, a computer, a brain, hands ,breath, ears,the ability to speak read write? ANYTHING?. the beautiful big book says, something like, burn into the consciousnes he can get well regardless of any one. the ONLY condition is that he TRUST GOD and CLEAN HOUSE.(Pg.98)recovery is NOT dependent on people!it IS dependent on the relation with GOD!(PG.100)GOOD THING cause contrary to what the program of A.A. teaches us there are a whole lot of judgementle assholes that call themselves members,y' know, love and tolerance is our code, live and let live,i'm sure some of our finest elders had to "go out" a few times, till they finally got honest with themselves and "surrendered to THE FACT THAT THEY WERE COMPLETELY FUCKED AND ALCOHOL HAD ALOT TO DO WITH IT. yeah,yeah, it is a symptom, but the alcohol,among other things had to go before any changes could start taking place(for me).i'm pretty sure the wonderfull Bill Wilson did NOT get sober the first time he tried either! you my friend are in good company. fuck those idiots, at the meeting go there and listen anyway!try to keep quiet for a while, and the ones that are out right mean to you... ignore them. or get me thier phone # i"ll take care of them!!! stop this suicide bullshit how do you expect to get any attention if you are dead. i've heard it said; don't kill y'self in the first 5 years you will be killing the WRONG person..you can stop feeling sorry for y'self now it is just too sad and boring, get to a meeting read the book write write write, find a sponser and quit fucking your life away... one more thing about"RELAPSE" you know why there is no suicide anonymous? there is alot of relapse... in S.A. Y' CAN'T GO IN AND OUT... In A.A. Some people can( some die though)good luck lil'newcomer luv LU-LU


Member: Ed A
Location: Wa.
Date: 12/12/00
Time: 11:49:19 PM

Comments

I really can't respond to the message from Brian except my heart goes out for him and I will pray for you! I have not been to any meetings, quit drinking 3 years ago on my own just to get my first DWI last weekend.I can tell you one thing...By NOT going to the meetings certainly did NOT help me out...so I think this time I WILL GO!!! Not to change the subject, but does anyone have any suggestions for me going to my first meeting.


Member: LU-LU  head Angel   and
Location: President of the I LOVE LU-LU CLUB
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 12:14:33 AM

Comments

(((((ed)))) a suggestion for going to a meeting? well, ah yea i suggest you go to a meeting... go to ALOT of them! Don't know where one is? call 411, ask for A.A. someone will probably come and take you to a meeting if you ask!this guy, Clancy says wa. is in it's "infantile stages of recovery... and he was not kidding! so go to ALOT of meetings, but even more importantly read the book,Alcoholics Anonymous, theres another one called The 12and12, thats with an A.N.D.... if you read those you may be able to have a pretty good idea of who is and who "aint" about alcoholics anonymous, and it will help you in choosing someone to guide you through the steps.. good luck in your new and improved life lil' newcomer. luv LU-LU


Member: The crazy world of Avril G
Location: Belgium
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 10:13:18 AM

Comments

Below is a link to a very helpful recovery site for anyone who wants to 'discuss' any aspect of alcoholism/drink problems/problems relating to their own or someone else's alcoholism etc. Just go here, register your username and password, enter the lobby and you will be met by wonderful people most of whom are recovering either with AA or Alanon, and they will be happy to help anyone who asks.

http://www.alcoholismhelp.com/index/html/sgp34.html

I am a 'retread' numerous times over, having just recently (July 2000) reached 10 yrs of sobriety after 17yrs of association with AA. NOT a problem with AA, or the meetings or the people therein, BUT a problem with ME!!! The billigerent one.

Thank GOD that eventually God did for me what I could not do for myself!!

AvrilG@sobervoices.com

goodallavril@hotmail.com

Anyone is free to e-mail me if they so wish


Member: Mark D
Location: Concord, NH
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 1:13:03 PM

Comments

To Brian- Did you think that you would get this much attention when you logged on? Do you realize that people, total strangers from all over the country and other countries as well can relate to your situation, and have taken the time to give you their support and advice? What this SHOULD say to you is that there are people out there who feel good about themselves now who felt as badly as you feel now; probably worse. No matter what kind of miserable piece of shit asshole that you have convcinced yourself you are (or put some real effort in actualizing that characterization); others here have done worse. We've gotten better. It's taken time. Usually it's hardest at the very beginning. But you can do it. No one can do it for you. If your meeting sucks-find another! I've gone to meetings that sent me straight out to get a 6-pack after.

It's possible that you didn't relapse at all. Maybe you just haven't hit your real low point yet.Scary as that may sound, you've got to get to that point before you REALLY admit you are powerless against this disease. It sounds like you are more pissed about this than truly humbled. Be grateful for the things you have. Be grateful that this many people care to try to help. Know you? No, we don't know you personally, the color of your eyes, what kind of music you like etc... but I'll bet we know some of your worst secrets; the lies that you've said to cover up; the shame that you feel; the tricks that you pull to hide your drinking; the rotten things you said to others while drunk; the fights you've been in-these are some pretty intense feelings and we can share them with you. Trust in the fact that some really awful miserable bastards have come through this and turned out pretty happy. Keep checking in here at the VERY LEAST.

To Lu-Lu; I know I've been a Lu-Lu basher but your postings have been very clear, direct and I expect, helpful to Brian.


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, Alaska
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 1:29:42 PM

Comments

Mark, dope fiend alcoholic I was sitting here reflecting on when I was a newcomer in this gig. I was raw, I was full of pain, anger, resentment, confused, despair, terrified of what was going on. I was in a foreign country sitting around tables listening to people talk about those innnermost feelings, and experiances I was going to take to my grave. These people were laughing about them. It totally bewildered me. The first time I shared at a meeting, afterwards this "oldtimer", came up to me, pulled me aside and told me that I had active addition, nothing constructive to share, and that I had to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth. "How dare he"!! Didn't he know who I was? What was up with this? Then a little while later I ws told that: "One can't be too dumb for the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, In my case, I needed to start praying for ignorance." I just wanted to pop this guy's face inside out for saying that to me. But ya know what? It's been the best direction I've ever been given. I daily ask God to bless me with ignorance when I'm too smart for my own good. That oldtimer who told me I had nothing to share but active addiction? He was dead on right too. Until I got into the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, until I started to work the program of action that's laid out in the Big Book, I didn't have too much to share. I thought I had all the answers, I was hip slick and cool. Look where my best thinking and actions got me, sitting in a room full of smoke and coffee fumes, shaking so badly I had a tough time controlling my bodily functions. Yeah, I was hip, slick, and cool alright. I never went to a treatment center, I was surrounded by those "foreigners" and my supervision at work, and never left alone for the first 90 days I was clean and sober. I was dragged to a meeting every night. I had coffee, cigarettes,and Hershey's Kisses bought for me, I had one sick dope fiend alcoholic working with another sick dope fiend alcoholic. I was told that I did more for them, then they could do for me. I didn't understand that at the time. I do today. I was taught how to live a day without booze and dope. I was taught how to be responsible in my own life and for my own recovery. I was shown by example how to walk like I talk. I thank God for them oldtimers back in the Frankfurt West Germany area who tolerated my incoherent babblings and allowed me to vent the years of pain, frustration, and surpressed feelings on them. They'd just smile at me, pat me on the head, and tell me to "Keep coming back Mark". At the very first meeting I was dragged too, there was an O-6 Full Colonel sitting there, sharing his shit in the meeting. Being the manipulative drunk I was, I filed that information away to use against him when I needed an ace in the hole. Well, after the meeting, he came up to me, gave me a big hug, and told me to "Just keep coming back Mark." I was in such a fog, so dazed and confused, I took it as a direct order, and that's what I've done for all the years now. Been around the world in sobriety. Been to a couple of mini shooting incidents, and a declared war. I've seen and done things that no human being should ever have to do, all in the name of duty. And you know what? I just keep coming back, and don't drink or use in between meetings. Everything else, I do the best I can at. I honestly try and make an effort, do the work. Today, that prayer Footprints, that was on the wall in the meeting hall at Rhein-Main AB, the prayer that overwhelmed me at first, that is reality in my life. God carries me, I just do the footwork. Trudging the road of happy destiny. I could write,and have written, pages of the journey that sobriety has been for me, but I gotta go take care of my 19 month old twins. What a trip, this sobriety gig.

Mark


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 4:57:02 PM

Comments

Kim here... alcoholic.

I'm not quite sure of the topic this week, but the underlying theme appears to be new sobriety, relapse and reconnecting to AA. On that note, my experience with relapse and walking back in the halls was about my EGO. I had 21 months of sobriety and relapsed for 4 months. I hit a bottom that I thought was a "yet" for me and was ashamed to go back to my home group. I was the secretary of my group for the first time the night I relapsed... thanked them from the podioum for allowing me to have the position as I felt "it was what I needed to stay sober." An oldtimer came up to me in the parking lot and said he was impressed with my honesty and what I was doing... staying connected and service work... would definately help me stay sober. I left that night, picked up my boyfriend, stopped at the package store and bought a twelve pack and ended up in a black out after buying more booze and stopping at the drug dealer's.

When I got sober again, I was ashamed and felt that my group members would judge me, so I didn't return to that meeting. After being sober for about 7-8 months, I finally had enough courage to walk back into that hall. No one made any derogatory comments to me or asked me to leave. Where there things said "behind my back?" I don't know and frankly today, I don't care. AA has taught me that I am no better, or less than, anyone else in the halls. That relapse allowed me to ACCEPT my alcoholism in a way I had never before... totally. I was two months sober when I joined my now current group and it's funny, but my original home group has now folded and some of the members have joined the one I'm in now!

Bottom line is that I have earned my seat in AA, relapse or no, and it's all my FALSE PRIDE if I allow my feelings about what others MAY think or say about me to effect my sobriety.

That's all I have to say for now. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: SuNNy
Location: WA
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 5:39:56 PM

Comments

Ya know, I can totally relate. I wanted what I wanted, and I wanted it day before yesterday. Reality is -- I get what I need. Today.

I wanted to be sober more than anything. The post that stands out the most to me is the gal that wants more than anything to be 11 years sober. Please stay in today, and next thing you know, it will be tomorrow and you can say that you are sober 11 years. If that is important to you.

What I really have is a daily reprieve. I am sober today. Just for today, I haven't had a drink Brian, because like that gal I refer to, I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I wanted to live more than I wanted to die.

And guess what, it snowed about a quarter of an inch in Vancouver!!!!


Member: Johnny C
Location: New Orleans, LA
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 6:12:25 PM

Comments


Member: Johnny C
Location: New Orleans, LA
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 6:21:52 PM

Comments

My name is Johnny ,alcoholic, addict 10 years clean. This message is for Brian. I can only tell you that I go to meetings for many things but mostly it is for myself. I do not want sobriety to lose its priority (SLIP). I too wanted to end it,and there are times still when I say to myself " I got sober for this??" But those moments pass. When I feel that way I know that helping others get me out of myself. Keep going back Brian and work it.


Member: LU-LU head Angel
Location: president of the I LOVE LU-LU CLUB
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 6:43:56 PM

Comments

((((((MARC D in N.H.)))))) i'm not sure, was that an ..."amends?it almost sounded like it but, oh never mind. (((((((Edd in WA.))))))) hey did you go to a meeting yet? how many days d' you have now?((((BRIAN)))are you o.k.? make it to the meeting? where are you... we care y'know


Member: Dee G.
Location: Missouri
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 7:17:24 PM

Comments

Wow! I've just read some powerful stuff. I attended (read, was sent) to my first AA meeting in 1973 in sunny So. CA. Next time I went (was sent) was in 1983 in SE MO. Then in 1990 I checked into a mental hospital after trying to commit suicide. Was I an alcoholic? I certainly didn't think so. I still looked good, smelled good, thought I was good, etc. etc. You know what they said? "You're not crazy, but we believe you have a problem with alcohol". Who did they think they were? Didn't they know who I was? Got out of the looney bin, stayed dry for a couple of months, then life started getting to me. Eighteen months later, I checked into another mental hospital - another city, another state. Got the same response "you're not crazy, but we really think you have a problem with alcohol". The day I was discharged from that nut house, I went to the nearest bar just to "prove I wasn't an alcoholic". HOWEVER, the seed had gotten planted all because my counselor was a recovering alcoholic. She said I didn't have to quit drinking for the rest of my life, just don't drink for twenty-four hours. That was 9 years ago. I still haven't quit for the rest of my life, but I CAN GO 24 hours without a drink. I started going to AA, read the BB, finally got a sponsor - really I didn't do anything right the first two years, but just kept going to meetings. I had no life anyway, my husband had divorced me, my children were hardly speaking to me, I driven all my friends away long before and even my doctor thought I was too strange to help. I say all this to say, no matter how many slips, no matter what you've been through, no matter what life brings your way today, you don't have to drink for the next 24 hours. That G.O.D. word you've been reading throughout the postings could mean Good Orderly Direction. Don't let anyone or anything come before your sobriety. Bless you, Brian. Thanks for reminding me where I come from and what I am today.


Member: merry christmas
Location: happy new year
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 7:24:14 PM

Comments

farts farts farts,tarts tarts tarts hearts hearts hearts carts carts carts farts farts farts fart tarts fart tarts heartcarts heartcarts hearty farttarts hearty farttarts merry christmas and a happy new year


Member: sam b
Location: nj
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 10:00:49 PM

Comments

hi im sam alcoholic. a good day for me is when i dont drink. a mediocre day is when i have a few drinks and can stop. a bad day is when i start drinking and dont stop till its blackout time. the one truth i know is that if i never take that first drink, i'll always have good days.


Member: ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
Location: IS FART TARTS
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 11:08:48 PM

Comments

FARTS FARTS I LOVE FART TARTS


Member: ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
Location: IS FART TARTS
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 11:08:54 PM

Comments

FARTS FARTS I LOVE FART TARTS


Member: ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
Location: IS FART TARTS
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 11:09:00 PM

Comments

FARTS FARTS I LOVE FART TARTS


Member: OBSERVER
Location: EARTH
Date: 12/13/00
Time: 11:44:10 PM

Comments

I TOO HAVE BEEN CRITICAL OF MS. LU LU...HOWEVER, I MUST COMMENT...I HAVE ENJOYED LULU'S LAST FEW POSTINGS.

FART FAN...GET A LIFE!


Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person
Location: Deetroit
Date: 12/14/00
Time: 12:36:12 AM

Comments

Yippee, I just celebrated 10 years of abstinence from alcohol!!!


Member: Cheri
Location:
Date: 12/14/00
Time: 12:36:35 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, My name is Cheri and I am an alcoholic. I do not write to often on this but my heart went out to Brian. I am truly sorry for your pain both emotionally and physically. I broke my back about 18 months ago and can remember the powerlessness I felt and still feel from time to time. Remember your physical pain will get better but will take alot of time. I found for myself that working the first step everyday and not only applying it to the drink but also to my back (disability) I have a greater acceptance of the pain. I remember also the depression I suffered, I had a baby two weeks prior to my injury (I fell down a flight of Oak wood stairs) so now I have a broken back and an infant and a little boy 3 years old to take care of. I was in constant excrutiating pain, I was working the steps to the best of my ability, making meetings when I can, but a Sponsor was a key thing for me. I had someone to talk to about my pain. But eventually this wasn't enough anymore and I needed to go for and accept outside help. I have 6 years in the fellowship and still felt very uncomfortable about "outside" help. But I can tell you today I am so grateful I decided to get help. I never gave up the fight for I believe anything is possible if we stay sober. I still suffer from physical pain but gratefully not on a daily basis due to a pain management program I am on. I guess Brian I'm just writing you to let you know there is help and hope. And even though you may feel uncomfortable with the group you are going to you have choices, you can either go to another group or go back to this one with your head up high, take what you need and leave the rest. Focus on you and your sobriety. I know for me also I was MUCH MORE Sensitive when I was in pain and a depression, I honestly felt the way you described. Your worth it and know that there are always rainbows after rain. I will pray for you and hope that you have brighter days.


Member: Ed A
Location: Wa
Date: 12/14/00
Time: 1:29:18 AM

Comments

<<<Lu-Lu>>> I have not had a drink for 4 days...but today I actually thought of alchohol for the first time and said to myself that it sure would be nice to have a beer...but did not.I got back on line to certain web sites and by the time I got done looking at what other people have been through and are going through, I did not want a drink anymore. I have not been to a walk in meeting yet, just to web meetings. But next week I am going to start going to regular meetings.


Member: Bert.K.
Location: Victoria   Australia
Date: 12/14/00
Time: 6:47:07 AM

Comments

Hi Bert.K. here from Australia. What a shame I have been reading and posting to this site for some time now,and how unfortunate to see this wonderful site go to ruin with BAD languish and very long winded postings. I am out of here and look for a more decent A.A. site. I feel so sorry for the new sick alkie who comes to this site. Bert.K.


Member: Ronald Parent
Location: Peru
Date: 12/14/00
Time: 9:45:32 AM

Comments

We all have a different percpective!!

I feel that this site is much much better this week. Thit has been more focused on the theme and there has been less character assinations. There aspects at times that I too find un distasteful though I must look inward and see why? Usually it is because I AM being lacking in the principles of Tolerance and Patients. I must remember a few things:

1- I am here for my recovery, Step 12 states ..practice the principles in all my affaires. It is alot easier to begin to practice those principles within AA, beacause AA allows me to be sick long enough to be get well.

2-Others have the same right as me to have AA as a safe haven, to be me. My first yaers in AA I too had a poor language. F... usually followed God because I was so afraid what people would think of me. Also F... was and at times still is the greatest way to vent what I felt. See I often didn`t know what I felt and F... or other words expressed what I felt though I didn`t know.

3- As for long postings. That is what I like about this site. I can choose which ones I want to read. In meetings if a person rambles on I have to site there and listen. Here it is easier to take what I like and live the rest. ( I have seemed to contraduct myself , I will have to meditate on that- what about pacients and tolerence)Most Important is that a member shares from his/her heart and In the act of sharing the grace of healing can take place.

Love and Service


Member: LU-LU head Angel and
Location: President of the I LOVE LU-LU CLUB
Date: 12/14/00
Time: 4:08:28 PM

Comments

BYE BYE BERT...AH HA HA HE HE HE ((((((((((ED in WA.)))))WOW 4 DAYS! THATS GREAT!!!!! good for you 4 days is way harder than 4 years, it will get easier, and of course you think of drinking,you are an alcoholic... aren't you?the beautiful big book talks about being tempted(do you have the big book?)it says something like when tempted we recoil as if from a hot flame that we react sanely and normaly.(course they talk about this happening more than 1/2 way through the steps) The book is so full of really positive stuff i learn so much from it,and alot at meetings too.Ed, please try to get to a meeting,BEFORE next week would probably be better,weekends can be tuff for newcommers.do you live some place that does not have a lot of meetings, i don't understand why you would wait.a real meeting with real people may do you good,i'm going to one t'nite. it's in a sober living place, we are listening to the "joe n charlie tapes,IT SMELLS REALLY BAD THERE LIKE PEOPLE DETOXING FROM HEROIN AND SPEED, BUT I LOVE THE JOE N CHALIE TAPES SO I GO ANY WAY...


Member: 0b2
Location: ethermania
Date: 12/14/00
Time: 4:35:40 PM

Comments

what do people detoxing from heroin and speed

smell like anyway????red phosphorous?a little pp2?lead aceatate?efedrine?psudophedrine??lu-lu just what do they smell like????????????

0b2


Member: EARTH OBSERVER
Location:
Date: 12/14/00
Time: 6:15:20 PM

Comments

TAKE A HIKE BERT YOU BIG WEENIE


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota , fla
Date: 12/14/00
Time: 8:59:46 PM

Comments

hello to you my fellow reader....my name is richard, i am an alcoholic......Our III tradition is clear about the, only requirement for membership in an aa group......some meetings are open and some are closed......they are , however for alcoholics.lik me ...and like you ......12/28/1985 will be my 15 yr anniversary !.....one day at a time .i have come close to relapsing ...but did not take a drink! remember ..we deal with alcohol , cunning, baffeling and powerfull.......with out help it is to much for us ........ so please remember and never forget .do not drink and go to meetings ......love , peace and happiness to all.!


Member: Rick
Location: Texas
Date: 12/14/00
Time: 9:22:59 PM

Comments

Great advise, Lulu. You know, you really are nice when people aren't attacking you!

Ed, if you don't have the big book right this instant, you can find it at the following website:

http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/

richard, Thanks for the insights- simple, yet powerful.


Member: William
Location: Western US
Date: 12/14/00
Time: 11:32:21 PM

Comments

Brian - I can't help you, but God can, as can working the 12 steps of the program of AA, but it means you have to be the one to go back to the meetings... How long do you want to continue as you are? That is entirely your choice... It took me every ounce of courage I could muster to get back to meetings after being away for many years... I left because I let certain types of people get the better of me (like those that say one thing in one place, yet behave another way in another place), and today I realize I don't have to give away that power... It's not what God would have me do, either.


Member: sierra
Location: Canada
Date: 12/14/00
Time: 11:43:36 PM

Comments

Without any registration or controll this site has gone to hell in the last couple of months and I say the best of luck to you all and good bye. When I come back and need to do some type of registration then I will participate.


Member: john h
Location: abbotsford, canada
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 2:40:21 AM

Comments

I have been to many a.a. meeting ovet the years and at times there have been some folks who i have thought were rambling on, but hey that was my opinion. the thing i like about this site is that within afew lines i can scroll right past some off the postings that i am unintrested in and go right to something that is off intrest to me. to everyone getting a little disgrunteled with anonymous ramblings, try scrolling and keep the faith. To brian, keep going to meetings and try others untill you find one that works for you. i won't go into my horror story but like many others who use this site i have my own horror story and after listening to others i finally found a group that i accepted and who accepted me and life is one hell off alot better than it once was. good liuck and keep at it, as only you can do it when it comes right down to it


Member: Michael R
Location: san diego
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 3:58:06 AM

Comments

Dear Brian I know exactly how you feel. I have been sober for three years and I still get depressed and feel trapped. When you are tired enough and it will motivate you to jump into this program with both feet, no holds barred, all guns blazing. I just started my first step again with a sponsor who seems to care. You are not hopeless and part of the disease is that we hate ourselves. F#@!! what oldtimers think. You are doing this for you only, period. It's never too late. Plus you were able to post a pretty good message so you still have a brain that works. This program isn't about ego trippin' about how much time anybody has. I cant speak for anybody else but I really hope that you can get sober and find that inner peace you are looking for. I promise you will find it if you give up, and give A.A and your Higher Power a chance to prove it. You are worth saving Brian. Remember God will never leave you or forsake you. He didn't bring you this far to let you down now.


Member: LU-LU...feeling a bit sad
Location: in this winterwonderland
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 4:10:57 AM

Comments

(((((((RICK)))))))A kiss and a hug 4 you...(((((((((SIERRA)))))hurry hurry maybe you can catch up with bert,y'all can start your own meeting,forget the 12&12 sounds like you wont be needing the traditions specially 1,2,3,& 9 to mention just a few.((((((((((((((Ob2))))))))))sounds like you have some "es&h in that area...honestly,i could not tell you the exact contents of the oder, i just know the oder.its foul.all the heroin newcomers i've had smell exactly like it... as do thier homes.its a funky smell,i know that much.pour little heroin addicts seems they have a much more difficult time getting and staying sober.my roommate did "speedballs,and i'm starting to worry a bit for him, he had 1&1/2 years when we met,went on a 3 day run bout 4or 5 months ago, and recently started "just"smoking pot... he is not as happy,productive,or sweet,like before yesterday,he coped to his recent assholishness. said he'd called his old sponsor,and they were to meet today... but instead when i got home he was downstairs smoking pot with his new friend.i don't know why i'm telling you all this it just sorta came out.Thanks. luvLU-LU


Member: gst
Location: alaska
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 5:44:14 AM

Comments

My name is Greg...and I am an alcoholic. I've been actively practicing for the past couple of years (on and off) and have a strong desire to stop drinking and turn my life around!


Member: UNBELIEVABLE
Location:
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 11:27:28 AM

Comments

WHAT TIME DO THE PARENTS COME TO PICK UP THE BRATTY KIDS? THEY HAVE BEEN LEFT ALONE TO PLAY TOGETHER UNSUPERVISED FOR TOO LONG. LOOK, THAT ONE'S NOSE IS RUNNING AND HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW.


Member: 0b5
Location:
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 12:45:01 PM

Comments

stick em in the closet,and lock it


Member: me
Location: to you
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 2:19:07 PM

Comments

sierra,

DONT GO AWAY MAD.........just go away!!!!


Member: Ob2000
Location:
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 2:29:46 PM

Comments

LOOK UNBELIEVABLES CROTCH IS RUNNING...AND THEY DONT EVEN KNOW IT.GROSS.SOMEBODY CALL THIER MOMMY OVER TO WIPE IT UP.EEWW GROSS.


Member: Ob2000
Location:
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 2:29:53 PM

Comments

LOOK UNBELIEVABLES CROTCH IS RUNNING...AND THEY DONT EVEN KNOW IT.GROSS.SOMEBODY CALL THIER MOMMY OVER TO WIPE IT UP.EEWW GROSS.


Member: yea
Location:
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 3:42:46 PM

Comments

wet wipes,and handcuffs.


Member: TE HE HE AH HA HA HA
Location: I LOVE SOBRIETY AH HA HA HA HA
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 3:51:14 PM

Comments

ah ha ha ha he heheheee ah aha ahha ah ah h h hh hh ha ha HA GHAHA HAHA HA HA AH AHHH AH


Member: Amy J.
Location: Iowa
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 5:01:38 PM

Comments

Hi. I'm Amy and I am an alcoholic. I am very grateful to be currently associated with some "newbies" who are trying this program again. What a pleasure to hear the hope of finding a new life. If I turn my back on the revolving door account then I will surely relaps myself. I can't afford to be judgemental and not listen to where they were so I don't have to go there. A very wise woman once told me, when I was trying to get my ex to clean up, that he needed every drink and drug to write his story. I feel that I got this program only when I had every drink needed to make me sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am very sensitive and egocentric. I don't want anyone to judge me. I found that my most harsh critic is me. Thank God, A.A., and strong sponsorship for my current tenure in this program. God does for us what we can't do for ourselves. Bless you all.


Member: OBSERVER
Location: EARTH
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 7:06:32 PM

Comments

OB...HEY DOES THAT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCTS...SAVE YOUR RANTINGS FOR THE COFFEE POT.

HEY...I AGREE WITH THE PEOPLE WHO ARE FED UP WITH THESE IMMATURE POSTERS BUT HELL...IT'LL TAKE A LOT MORE TO KICK ME OUT OF THERE


Member: Elaine
Location: American livin in the UK
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 7:25:57 PM

Comments

This is my first visit to this site, and I have to admit: I have mixed emotions about it. If you dont mind, I'll voice a few thoughts:

For those who are struggling with sobriety....just hang in there. Dont quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens! (Its not original, but "RARELY have we seen a person fail who has THROUOGHLY followed our path.....")

For those unhappy about this site.....I understand frustration at myself and others, when things "aint my way"......but I was once told, "if your home group [site] aint the best group [site], dont change groups [sites], help make it better". Dont know if that applies, tho.

For those who make snide comments to those that are unhappy and then go on to quote the traditions.......I wonder where YOUR "love and tolerance" is.

Personally, I'm grateful for the opportunity to be sober, live another day, learn a bit about myself and my place in this world (which ain't "the center of the universe" anymore). I'm grateful that I have been able to learn from my experiences (and the experiences of others) before AND after getting sober. I only started on this journey of sobriety 17 years ago. I've got a LONG way to go!

Peace and Serenity~


Member: Ed A
Location: Deming, Wa. USA
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 8:26:39 PM

Comments

>>>Lu-Lu<<< Hey...it's been 6 days and only had 2 days that I really wanted a drink! The reason I can't make a meeting till next week is I have to pull stand-by at my job every other week and this is my week. But next week I am going to two of them at different places. Where I live at there are only small meeting sites...10-15 people...I have to go 30 miles for a big meeting.Anyways...I feel great so far but I know that it is not going to be this easy all the time!!!!thanks for the support!!!


Member: Ed A
Location: Deming, Wa. USA
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 8:26:59 PM

Comments

>>>Lu-Lu<<< Hey...it's been 6 days and only had 2 days that I really wanted a drink! The reason I can't make a meeting till next week is I have to pull stand-by at my job every other week and this is my week. But next week I am going to two of them at different places. Where I live at there are only small meeting sites...10-15 people...I have to go 30 miles for a big meeting.Anyways...I feel great so far but I know that it is not going to be this easy all the time!!!!thanks for the support!!!


Member: razzle-dazzel
Location:
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 10:29:52 PM

Comments

earth observer,

ok you go girl!


Member: David
Location: KC MO
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 10:36:00 PM

Comments

I am Dave I am an Alcholic. It is smart to be sober It is mucheasier to stay sober than get sober. Hi lu lu


Member: mable
Location: texas
Date: 12/15/00
Time: 11:42:08 PM

Comments

sick people on here,, very ill


Member: Nancy Brennan
Location: Crawfordsville, IN
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 3:17:19 AM

Comments

Hey everyone, I'm an alcoholic & my name's Nancy!

Brian, please hang in there. I too used AA as a revolving door for many years before I became "willing" to do what was suggested to me in those rooms. Yea, I agree, there are alot of assholes, but there are also alot of people who know what the hell it takes to stay sober. I too, had to drink all that I did to get to where I am today. I am no longer beating myself up for my relapses, I've had to turn them into positive experiences & learn from each & every one of them. IT ALWAYS GETS WORSE, IT NEVER GETS BETTER!! I have to remind myself where I was & then look at where my life is today. {2years & 1 month sober} This is the longest ever!! I've been at it since 1993. I love AA & what it's done for myself & my boys'!! There is NO "son of a bitch" going to drive me out of those rooms either. One last thing it's people just like you & I that "KEEP COMIN' BACK" & shares our experiences, that keeps this program going. You just helped me remember that that pain is still out there, & I can have it back at any given time just by picking up that first drink!! I've lost all that I want to lose!! Today I choose not to drink!!

Thank You Brian!! Please hang in there! Give us a chance, it's a beautiful world out there through sober eyes!

Nancy Brennan


Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,ILL
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 6:35:21 AM

Comments

i am an alcholic recently i traveled overseas i was trying to find aa meetings but had some difficulty instead i found several invitation to the party's where serving alchol was a style it was to resist the temptations> the only aid i could find was the higher power i immersed myself into my past thinking that GOD gave me another life i am not going to let it go waist agian. spirituality and meditation helped me get through this time. I saw relapse so close to me i thank god it did not happen.


Member: Anne B
Location: Florida
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 9:48:47 AM

Comments

Brian I too fell off the wagon a number of times and I also felt embarrassed to go back to my group but a gentle soul stood by me who had similar experiences and was just celebrating his lst anniversary and sober or not was my friend. That was in December of 88 and we are both still sober today. God help you and remember you really can do this and most of all life really is good sober. Today I am a good person and a professional and proud of myself. The walk is hard at the beginning but it does get easier I promise and again life really is good and believe me I never, ever thought I wanted to stop drinking, never. Ask for help for someone or something even if in a room all by yourself and just keep asking it will happen.


Member: clr
Location: calif
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 1:11:51 PM

Comments

Hi folks, I'm an alcoholic and today I have a bad hangover. I thought about having a beer to feel better but figured if I did that I would really be an alcoholic! You know if you don't drink everyday your not an alcoholic. I drink only once a week but get totally ripped and most the time blackout. Of course then I feel real bad and remorseful and hope that I won't do that again. Thanks Brian for being honest and I hope you have several days of sobriety. I am going to try to start today and everyone's comments are helping. I will try to find a walk-in meeting but I also feel like I will be judged and not taken seriously. I really want to quit drinking, I would love to say I have been sober for years...... maybe today God will let me start sobriety. I am a newcomer and tomorrow prayerfully I can log on and say I didn't drink today. I don't want to hit rock bottom or end up in the hospital. I just want to get sober.


Member: Kris C
Location: Colorado
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 1:40:49 PM

Comments

Hello all. I am Kris and am currently struggling to get sober. This past year has been the biggest battle of my life - it seems surreal in a way. I was attending AA and was sober for 5 months - I was really starting to feel good for the first time in at least 10 years. Then I got overconfident. I couldn't attend my 7pm meeting anymore and I thought I could stay sober on my own anyway. I couldn't and didn't. I have been struggling for the past 6 months on my own, staying sober for various amounts of time, then slipping. Each slip takes more and more out of me emotionally and spiritually. So yesterday I got a new AA schedule and in addition I made a call to an addictions counselor who I will see next week. I honestly think that this can't go on anymore, I have to "win" this battle or I will lose everything. Thanks for the topic of slipping. It happens, but I haven't found many people talking about it. I wish you all the best and thank you for this wonderful site and place to share.


Member: Gary,T
Location: Vilonia, Arkansas
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 1:54:49 PM

Comments

I'm Gary,and i'm a real alcoholic.Brian I to got sober in a town where the "Bleeding Deacons,"looked down on most everyone,that wasn't on the same spiritual hilltop as they were.Or shall I say same social, and economic, background as them.The "Big Book" talks about us having our heads in the clouds,but our "Higher Power"would rather us have our feet on the ground where we could be of more use to him and our fellows. I had 10+ years of sobriety, or for me 10+ years clean and sober.And in September of 2000 a couple of our dogs got in a fight,and in the process of trying to get them broke up i got bit and it broke the radius bone in my right arm.At the E.R.they called an Orthapedic Surgeon to do possible emergency surgery and so on.To get down to it,I was given meds for pain which I abused and have since changed my sobriety date.You see my coin and the program tells me "To Thine Own Self Be True."People have asked me why I changed my sobriety date.I abused the meds,and to my own self be true.I've had people tell me in the past,I had this long or that long and I threw it all away.I didn't throw anything away I had 10 good years of sobriety."Dig".I have a good friend in the program that had 20+years at one time.If someone askes him how long he's been sober, he tells them "all f%&*ing day".Hey,Brian;That's all we've got.Keep your head up man,but not in the clouds.The advice people have given about going to other meetings is right on time.As far as the "Bleeding Deacons" like my sponsor has told me for 8 years "watch em" they'll take care of themselves Sober Thoughts, Gary,T


Member: Gary,T
Location: Vilonia, Arkansas
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 2:02:18 PM

Comments

I'm Gary,and i'm a real alcoholic.Brian I to got sober in a town where the "Bleeding Deacons,"looked down on most everyone,that wasn't on the same spiritual hilltop as they were.Or shall I say same social, and economic, background as them.The "Big Book" talks about us having our heads in the clouds,but our "Higher Power"would rather us have our feet on the ground where we could be of more use to him and our fellows. I had 10+ years of sobriety, or for me 10+ years clean and sober.And in September of 2000 a couple of our dogs got in a fight,and in the process of trying to get them broke up i got bit and it broke the radius bone in my right arm.At the E.R.they called an Orthapedic Surgeon to do possible emergency surgery and so on.To get down to it,I was given meds for pain which I abused and have since changed my sobriety date.You see my coin and the program tells me "To Thine Own Self Be True."People have asked me why I changed my sobriety date.I abused the meds,and to my own self be true.I've had people tell me in the past,I had this long or that long and I threw it all away.I didn't throw anything away I had 10 good years of sobriety."Dig".I have a good friend in the program that had 20+years at one time.If someone askes him how long he's been sober, he tells them "all f%&*ing day".Hey,Brian;That's all we've got.Keep your head up man,but not in the clouds.The advice people have given about going to other meetings is right on time.As far as the "Bleeding Deacons" like my sponsor has told me for 8 years "watch em" they'll take care of themselves Sober Thoughts, Gary,T


Member: Cheryl S
Location: Beaver Dam, WI
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 2:16:32 PM

Comments

My name is Cheryl and I am an alcoholic/addict. This is my first visit to this site. There are a lot of helpful and caring people here, which is refreshing, since I have to agree with Brian about the feelings I get from my local groups. I've been scared to go to a meeting for some time now because of the negative feelings I get from being there. They have a 'clique' quality about them and I feel shut-out, like I don't belong. I've been getting sober since about 1990, and screwing up in-between. So here I am, going after it again.


Member: LU-LU president of the I LOVE LU-LU CLUB
Location:
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 4:05:27 PM

Comments

razzle dazzle oh i just love that razzle dazzle,had to say it...((((clr)))God IS willing,are YOU?(((David in Mo.))) hello to you too,i gotta agree its kinda like it took 17 years to finally stop,and it only takes one day to stay sober...((mable in tx.))very perceptive,rocket scientists need not apply (((((ED in Wa))))) six days? SIX DAYS? that is excellent! SIX DAYS YIIIPPPIIIEEE, 6 days is way more difficult to get than 6 years. good for you.I never heard of denning is that in the state of washington?is it near seattle?or idaho? yakama? where is it? 10-15 people in the meeting huh, thats about how many were at the one i went to last nite. i got sober in a big city the average meeting size was 50-100, some even 300-400.Lots of "eye candy"it has been tuff adjusting,cause its way different out here.no "eye candy" sometimes it seems they got a different book then where i came from.DO YOU HAVE THE BIG BOOK?how bout a dictionary, they told me to use it when i read the book. it helps. Ed, its nice to hear you feel great, try not to let any one scare you off your so called "pink cloud"and guess what YOU DON'T KNOW, it just might really be this easy! some people get sober,and very early on the obsession is lifted. it helps a lot to have NO reservations, the book says "must have NO reservations. then of course theres a long period of reconstruction ahead. if you do "the stuff" it will get way better, not to say y' won't experience some freaky shit in the future,but A.A. will help you learn to deal with it in a more positive way.6 days huh, that is really big.gotta go my sponsie is coming over i'm gonna show here how to make candles today, think i'll run over t' the coffee pot and ruffle some feathers first, b'bye luv LU-LU


Member: ((((((imp)))))
Location:
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 6:29:39 PM

Comments

lu-lu,

to the coffeepot....we go...........

(((((imp))))))))


Member: OBSERVER
Location: EARTH
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 7:42:17 PM

Comments

DONT DRINK....JUST TODAY


Member: me
Location: skidrow
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 9:35:47 PM

Comments

ok ill try


Member: DB
Location: KC MO
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 10:02:07 PM

Comments

My name is David I am an alcoholic. I can not drink and live and of myelf I can't stay sober. I can't drink because of the body and can't stay sober because of the mind. the disease of the real alcoholic. The allergy and the obssesion. I am gratefull that the 12steps of AA has significance in my life Today. An act of providence did the job what a miracle.


Member: Tom A. 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 12/16/00
Time: 10:02:28 PM

Comments

Good Evening to all who post and read on Staying Cybers Discussion Meeting. Tom A. here, a grateful sober alcoholic today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and this fellowship we call A.A.

Haven't looked in on this site in awhile, but thank you Brian F. for the topic. Glad you have made it back and want you to know that your are the most important one on this site this week. Afterall, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking and as I was told my very first night in A.A. July 25, 1960 "Any damn fool can stay sober for twenty-four hours" and I've made that my daily practice since that night. I still go to meetings and belong to several online A.A. e-mail groups and try to post on this site from time to time. You can do it Brian! You have come home.

I was wondering why we have so many double posts on this Discussion Meeting site. If I remember the instructions suggest that we post only once a week on the topic. Also, I wish the trashy folk would go somewhere else.

Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!

God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net


Member: Susan I
Location:
Date: 12/17/00
Time: 4:45:48 AM

Comments

Tell me if any of you go thorough this; I feel like the majority of people at work don't like me and my fellow AAers. I feel like there's no hope. I had a year sober and took a drink. Okay, I had a lot of drinks but it was a one night thing. I have four months now, I'm back in the program but I'm still miserable. I know it's my alcoholism and the sick thinking that goes along with it which is making me miserable. I just don't know how to get out of it. I want to be happy joyous and free again. I feel like my life is over at 31 because nobody likes me. I know this sound so pathetic guys but it is really how I feel inside. Maybe I had my chance at a great life and blew it when I took that drink four months ago. Why do I feel this way? So miserable? What do I do? How can I get through this awful depression? I pray all the time and ask God to help me and guide me but still this hopelessness remains. I think I must have slipped back into the insanity part of my disease because I have a lot of really screwed up perceptions. What do I do? Should I get an agressive sponsor?


Member: LU-LU alcoholic/alcoholic... sound redundent?
Location: so does, alcoholic/"addict" 
Date: 12/17/00
Time: 4:52:29 AM

Comments

(((CHERYL))), beaver dam?can't imagine any one from a place called beaver dam being snooty...so y' get negative feelings when you go to a meeting,say y' feel they are shutting you out... seems like you dont belong? at the risk of being attacked by the people who have no respect for SINGLENESS OF PURPOSE, I wonder, do you go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and "identify as an alcoholic/"addict"?I pulled that crap in early sobriety and my sponsor cornered me after the meeting and told me that when i'm in an A.A. meeting i'm to identify as alcoholic."but i'm an addict TOO,"so what, she told me,principals BEFORE personalities! that includes your personality too!so what if you did drugs this is A.A. the A. stands for alcohol! try for once to be part off ,you dont have to try so hard to be unique to be different,keep it up and you talk y'self into believing you are so different y'dont belong here. then she talked to me about singleness of purpose,wow 1990 thats a long time to be a new comer i hope something changes for you. good luck really


Member: DB
Location: kc
Date: 12/17/00
Time: 12:44:23 PM

Comments

AA is a fellowship designed and administered by a bunch of ex-drunks whose only qualification for membership is that they can't hold there booze and they don't want to learn how. It has no rule dues or fes nothing any sensible organization seems to requre. at meetings the speaker starts at one subject and winds up talking about something entirely different and concludes by saying he doesn't know anything about the program except it works The groups are always broke but always seem to have money to carry on there always losing members but always seem to grow. they claim AA is a selfish program but always seem to be doing something for someone else Every goup passes laws edits and pronouncements which every one ignores Members who disagree wiht anything are priviledged to walk out in a snit quitting for ever only to return as nothing happened and to be greeted accordingly. nothing is seemed to be planned 24hrs ahead yet great projects are born and survive magnifisiantly. Nothing in AA is according to hoyle How can it survive perhaps it is we have learned to live and laugh at ourselves God made man and laughter too WE don't know how it works but it does and members keep on receinving dividents checks from there AA investment and it is smart to be sober It is much easier to stay sober than to get sober.


Member: OwenK
Location: Canada
Date: 12/17/00
Time: 7:13:20 PM

Comments

Can anyone here trll me if anybody has ever gotten sober without local meetings? I have been dry for 14 days, no physical effects went to a party last night and stayed on the tonic water, no desire to drink. Depressed because my wife asked me to leave but feel great that I am facing it sober! I may be facing divorce to a woman who I have loved painfully for over 20 years, yet can accept it. I can't help feeling that I may be in a very dangerous place as far as drinking goes. Any ideas? Anyone? I know if I start to drink again, my life will end in all ways.


Member: michele
Location: ca
Date: 12/17/00
Time: 7:22:55 PM

Comments

THANK YOU!! TO THE CRAZY WORLD OF AVRIL G IN BELGIUM, I REALLY AM ENJOYING THE WEB SITE YOU POSTED. HAVE ANOTHER 24, michele in ca.