Member: ROB M
Location: ALASKA
Date: 11/14/99
Time: 11:19:28 PM

Comments

how about self honesty,i decieve my self into thinking i can drink normally and thinking i am something that i am not.


Member: Evelyn P.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 12:40:48 AM

Comments

Hi, great topic. I belive honesty is like an onion. The longer you stay sober and the more you work the steps and on yourself, the layers of dishonesty will be removed. I lied to myself for many a drinking day and when I first got sober I was still lying. I was really unable to face the truth about myself. With the help of the steps and my H.P. I became willing to face the truth (the B.B. said willingness is the Key) and the healing began then. When I had the strength to face me and my demons. I was able to be honest and I become more honest daily.


Member: Bill Mc
Location: Sacramento
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 1:00:14 AM

Comments

When I first got to the program I would brag about how stubborn I was. After many inventories I found out I was being contrlled by total FEAR and PRIDE. I did not want anybody to know I did not know. Tomorrow is my AA birthday. My moment of clarity happened on the 15th of November 1975. Been quite a journey. Ialso had a belly button birthday on the 17th of Oct. My 78th. If the age thing is a problem for you I would like to share something with you. I know a lot more about being young than you do about being old. O.K. Don't drink and don't die and you can become an elder statesman. One line in the big book changed my life. When the Spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically. That line touched my whatever, and I began to search for the spiritual side of the program. I've never been sorry for that decision. As for the topic "What are your Facts". Try Looking at the facts with honesty. Love to all.


Member: Randy H
Location: Daly City CA
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 1:03:33 AM

Comments

Ever since I made a decision to quit, I'ts been a search for truth. Yet alot of times I don't want to see the truth about myself. I was always a bigger lyer than I was an alcoholic. I'm afraid of who I have become. I have forgotten who I really am, a PERFECT CHILD OF GOD. I have to remember that every day. The only way I can do that is: clear away the wreckage that is blocking me from that knowledge by telling on myself about the things I have done and do (exercise in faith,letting go), go to the people I have hurt and make it right (if I can), and the whole reason for me to do this is so I can go out and help others to remember that they too are PERFECT CHILDREN OF GOD TOO. It's not about me anymore, it's about what I can do for others. think about it, when your truly thinking about another's well being, how big are your own problems? mine seem pretty small. Remember, if selfishness and selfseeking created all of my problems than unselfishness can make them diminish.


Member: Tom D
Location: Sydney, Australia
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 4:14:26 AM

Comments

My name is Tom, and I am an Alcoholic; for Bill Mc in Sacramento I have this to say - I thought that the "don't drink and don't die and you can be an Older Sober Member" was my invention; still, I am not going to get a Resentment out of it! Will all my fellow Alcoholics out there please give thanks for the life of a man who died last month, a Presbyterian Pastor who was also a Physician, Alfred Merriweather, the man who dried me out in 1979? Alf was not an Alkie, but he understood our illness very well, and humbly accepted that he could dry me out but only AA could get me sober and keep me sober. He wanted me, he said, to be "happy and healthy" - thanks, Alf, I am happy and healthy. Without Alf, I would have died at 42; now I am a Senior Citizen, God help us! And God bless us all.


Member: Tim V
Location: 7th Tradition
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 8:56:05 AM

Comments

There are no dues or fees, but we do have expenses... visit Pass the Hat and get a treasurer report.


Member: KEN      N.
Location: KELOWNA     CANADA
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 9:53:24 AM

Comments

MY name is KEN & the topic honest is really good. if U can't be honest with yourself how can U be honest with GOD, or YOUR fellow MAN . I was very dishonest in my drinking days, & I can say without a dout the program has tot me to be honest & to treat people the way i want to be treated if U try to go back out ALL your BAD habits come back. I know been there done that I have been sober awhile now it took alot to make me the person I am to-day & I do LOVE ME to-day if YOU have a 12x12 read page 99 until U understand it. thank U for letting me share


Member: KEN      N.
Location: KELOWNA     CANADA
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 9:55:01 AM

Comments

MY name is KEN & the topic honest is really good. if U can't be honest with yourself how can U be honest with GOD, or YOUR fellow MAN . I was very dishonest in my drinking days, & I can say without a dout the program has tot me to be honest & to treat people the way i want to be treated if U try to go back out ALL your BAD habits come back. I know been there done that I have been sober awhile now it took alot to make me the person I am to-day & I do LOVE ME to-day if YOU have a 12x12 read page 99 until U understand it. thank U for letting me share


Member: Jim B
Location: Lansing Mi
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 11:52:14 AM

Comments

Good topic! I find that I would lie even if the truth would benifit me. When I first got sober I had to learn how to be honest now it just comees naturally (most the time)


Member: Tedd T.
Location: Omaha, NE
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 11:57:28 AM

Comments

My name's Tedd, and I'm an alcoholic. Honesty is a tough one. I have always thought of myself as being very honest. But as I look back at my drinking days, I can see that this is not the case. I would have to look my parents in the eyes and tell them that I haven't been drinking. Even though my words would be slurred and I probably wreaked of alcohol. But now, I can look them in the eyes and tell them anything, there is nothing left to hide.


Member: Connie S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 12:19:40 PM

Comments

Connie here, alcoholic and addict. I came into the program of AA lying to myself, trying to lie to others and God. I cannot lie today. Getting sober doesn't hurt - getting honest does. When I had to get honest or get drunk again, that's when I started my recovery. Staying sober isn't hard, living with an honest Connie today is not as bad as it was, it does get easier. Thanks for letting me share. Wishing everyone a peacful, sober day.


Member: Mike
Location: Here
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 2:22:35 PM

Comments

Self honesty is probably the hardest part of this program for me. Randy H I like what you wrote but I must say one thing about the subject of "self" If we don't take care of the "self" first we are of no use to others. There was a slogan in AA that I used to hear alot that went "this is a selfish program." If I had not heard that, I would have avoided taking care of myself and would have gone off half cocked trying to help others. First, I was in no shape to offer any help to others and avoidance of "self" was the path back to drinking. Second, I had to concentrate on me for a long time in order to see what really made me tick and how I could get better.

I am sorry to say that I don't hear alot about taking care of one's "self" anymore. There seems to be this big push forcing people to get out of themselves and help others. That is awfully scary to me since I know what I was like when I first got sober and what I am like when I am in a tough place (emotionally and spiritually sick).

Self honesty to me is admitting what I really feel in my heart and soul and then doing something about it, other than drinking. It is very hard to follow my heart sometimes because I still have those old destructive tapes playing in my head like....

"everyone says that this or that is wrong."

"God will send me to hell and punish me if I do that."

"I will not be liked/loved anymore if I do this or that"

and the list continues.

The truth of it all is that self honesty is the key to opening the door to freedom for our souls. I must practice everyday by asking my heart and soul "what do you want and need today?" Then with the assistance of my HP I have to go do it, get it or make it happen in some way. Not easy but simple.

So for me getting out of self only happens when I get into self in order to be honest. Thanks for letting me share with you guys this week.


Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 2:30:27 PM

Comments

I reckon the writers of our basic text in the Big Book just knew what we were all about when they changed one word in the preamble. It was changed from ....an honest desire to stop drinking, to ....a desire to stop drinking. Great foresight there, I reckon. Honesty??? Hmmm,well....

In order for me to protect my interests (Feed my addiction) I had to develop certain 'skills' Lying was one which I developed to perfection. As an actress, I could convince anyone of anything. The only reason I never got to a prison cell is down to my ability to tell lies and prove them!!! I have never been convicted of any crime since I was expelled from school aged 15yrs. BUT, I did help the police with their enquiries on a few occasions. Today, I have discovered through the 12-step programme of recovery, that 'The truth will set you free' And today I can be totally honest and it is much simpler to live this way. When I write a cheque today, I don't have to check and re-check the name on the cheque book, to make sure I sign the right name. I do not have to worry about someone tpping my shoulder, and asking me to accompany them.

These days, the only person I try to con is me and I still do it, knowing full well that I am going to suffer for it, but then again, I have accepted a lot of things by '...grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty..' One thing I have learnt is that I am a human being, and I am not infallible. I am NOT super woman, super nurse, super mother, super daughter..... I am a human being trying to achieve progress, not perfection, and if I screw up, I do not have to beat myself up for it any more. I try on a daily basis to be honest, and when I achieve this, I do not need to remember what I said to who, in case I am reminded later of something I have said which isn't quite true.

I do know that Honesty is the way I CHOOSE to live my life today...AA gave me that choice, and for that I am eternally grateful...An that's the complete truth. Thansks for being here for me.

Goodie@cwcom.net

ICQ 47029989


Member: Susan S
Location: Tahlequah, OK
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 7:21:26 PM

Comments

Susan, alcoholic and child of God. I find my trouble with being honest to those I care about (whose opinion I value) is the hardest. It is so much easier to tell them what they want to hear and I want them to think the absolute best of me. In the process of working this program I have learned that honesty must start with myself...to love and value me is the only way I can truly love others. The years of drinking created a pattern of lying to myself and others to justify my behavior; unlearning this behavior is a process I go through one day at a time. Today, being honest with me involves telling myself that I am worthwhile, I am blessed, I am loved, I am human and when I make mistakes and tell those little white lies, I can make amends and come clean because I am forgiven. God bless you all and thank you for sharing with me.


Member: Nikki H
Location: St. Louis, MO
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 8:15:37 PM

Comments

Honesty. Hmmmmm. When I first came to AA my first bout with honesty was the first step. "Admitted", to admit, you must tell the truth. Why do we lie, fear of course. Fear something will be taken away, or not given. Honesty, even if it isn't pretty, has always helped me to look at myself in the mirror in the end. Sometimes honesty is elusive, sometimes it is not a question of truth or lies, sometimes it is a matter of learning who we really are. Sometimes people use honesty as a way to beat themselves into the ground. That, in and of itself, is not really honest. If you are honest, you will see the good and the bad, you will take stock of all that you possess, and know that, through sharing with others, you are one of many.


Member: mark s.
Location: Estes park, co
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 8:37:02 PM

Comments

My name is Mark and I am an alcoholic. Good topic-- Never did like to be honest with myself.Still find I can tell others the truth but can easily decieve myself.Old habit, I guess.Self-honesty still becomes the first defect I must overcome on a daily basis.The desire to drink was removed years ago but the old behaviors never die, it seems.If I cant be honest with myself, how honest can I really be with God and others?keep coming back, it works(if you work it!).Thanks for sharing.


Member: Marv T
Location: Husker land (NE)
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 8:54:37 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Marv and I am an alcoholic. Regarding the subject of being honest to yourself, which is a good topic, I find that sometimes what I think is the truth about myself related to something is not always true. I think that is where my sponsor comes in---I run (talk to him) things past him and he usually can tell me if I am diluting myself or if I have a true and honest grasp of what it is I am dealing with. Thanks for permitting me to share and for having this web site for us AAs.


Member: Flossie B
Location: Hobemma, Canada
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 9:23:49 PM

Comments

Hoesty can be scary at times, but if I am to recover I must look within, to the place where the memory stores all those experiences that have to be healed. In looking at myself with total honesty I no longer have those secrets that tormented me. I now look back without sorrow. I believe in my abilities and take reality in stride. I must say that I would not have survived without a sponsor. So for the new commer I can only say get yourself a sponsor. Good Luck everyone. I pray that the Creator shine his light on you. May he lead you with his love. wisdam and Courage. Floss


Member: Muriel L
Location: Hobbema.Ab.
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 9:34:30 PM

Comments

Hi, not meaning to deviate from the topic me and my friends are sitting around and wondering where the World Conf is in Y2K. Appreciate the info. I like your topic been in the program for a bit now and I can only say that it has gooten better in all aspects of my life. I attend regularily and just work at it. Later Muriel!


Member: Steve R.
Location: Scituate,Massachusetts
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 9:56:28 PM

Comments

Hello great topic. I've been angry with Honsty for a while now. I can remember back in my drinking days of lying to oh so many just so I could benefit from it and it was usualy the benefit of my drinking. After becoming sober my Honesty grew as I had a grater respect for people & life. I realized without Honesty there is only a dark hallway of seeing the outside. I have been angry at my boss lately becuase he uses the term "oh the Gremlins did it", If I say I didn't do it, I did not do it, I think my co-workers bounce around Honesty as just another word, but for the many who have become to honor Honesty it is a tough situation when dealing with your true feelings. I have to remind myself stick to your guns you know you are Honest and God knows it and that's all that matters. God Bless And Thanks for listening.


Member: Nikki B
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 9:57:55 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Nikki and I'm an alcoholic. I never had a problem being honest with everyone else when they asked me a question, and I always had an opinion.

Getting honest with the point that I know something is not right, but I will blind myself to the truth.

I have learned to be honest with myself so that I do not have to go through so much pain as I use to because I want things another way and if I wait, it will happen.

Getting honest to me is sitting down and looking at the facts and saying it may not be the way I WANT it to but, so it must be the way I NEED it to be and letting go.

Thanks for letting me share!!!


Member: Jim B.
Location: Roi Namur,RMI
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 11:29:49 PM

Comments

Hi, My name is Jim b. and im happy to know im an alcoholic and grateful to be sober today. i still have trouble with the topic honesty. im much better at it today after some days of practice and working the steps and trying to live the aa principles. i find in the real world it is not possible to be totally honest in all circumstances with all people and being an alky i tend to want it all or nothing. so for me i have to accept that it is an on going process and there will be times when i wont measure up to my own expectations of myself. the program teaches us to strive for progress not perfection and i can live with that for today, thanks


Member: John d
Location:
Date: 11/15/99
Time: 11:52:48 PM

Comments

Why do so many people believe that self sacrifice means being honest with yourself? In fact it is just the opposite. When we deny ourselves joy are we really being honest with ourselves? I think not. God wants us to be happy, joyous human beings. I think there are to many people out there who interpret letting go and letting God as living in misery and if we just pray hard enough somewhere along the line we will be rewarded. Life is to freaking short and we only have today! The longer we spend pissing away this glorious life God gave us by being miserable the better our chances are to die miserable. Not for me, thank you. Self honesty for me is making the choice NOT to live in misery and pain anymore! It works.

Thank you all for the shares.


Member: Doug K.
Location: Hart, Mi
Date: 11/16/99
Time: 12:02:04 AM

Comments

My name is doug and I,m an alcoholic.

"The deceptions of others is nearly always rooted in the deception of ourselves." As Bill Sees It, pg. 17.


Member: Paul Q
Location: Toronto
Date: 11/16/99
Time: 7:13:14 AM

Comments

I'm a 2 face liar an "actor" on a stage!

The Big Book layes it out exactly.........

Getting honest and owning my own shit had to be the most difficult part along the path of recovery.......

DENIAL = Don't even know I'm lying

Today as soon as I wake up......I must follow the instructions laid down in the Big Book or my mind disease will kick in and the actor will get on stage ........very dangerous place for me........

God Bless All Of Us..............

Love and Service pquigley@sprint.ca.


Member: Rand N
Location: Las Vegas NV
Date: 11/16/99
Time: 7:14:28 AM

Comments

My name is Rand and I am an Alcoholic. "To thine own self be True" For me; I really have to follow that axiom, or I will fall back into the many forms of self pity, self delusion and self destruction that kept me drinking all those years. I was so full of fear and anxiety I wouldnt see the truth about myself. It was just to darn painfull and I would be right back to the bar again. When my sponsor suggested prayer and the big book suggested 12 steps it really was a big order for me. but I was desparate. I knew I had to do something so I gave it a try. It didn't work at 1st and I almost gave up hope altogether. But it was little bits of the truth -- Yes I really am an alcoholic -- Yes I really can't manage my life -- No I don't believe that God can help me -- I really am insane to behave this way --these were the the truths that once I began to work on myself and do the steps, that eventually set me free -- It was long process for me; still goes on today one day at a time. I accept what I am, like it or not. I just ask God to do his will, say the serenity prayer so I may know the true from the false and make corrections when needed. If I fail I just do it again until I get it right. Today the fears are a lot less frequent and when they happen I don't think drink anymore I think instead "God where did I screw up How can I be of service what is your will for me". Eventually I get out of the rut and I am better for it. I dont have the burden of the liquor anymore and God's grace keeps me sane enough to be glad I found AA and the fellowship of the spirit. So I keep coming back Thank-you


Member: Flora K
Location: SE USA
Date: 11/16/99
Time: 8:25:56 AM

Comments

Hello, My name is Flora K and I am an alcoholic. It is amazing to me to come to this site and find so many people who feel a lot the wayI feel and think as I think and struggle with the same issues. At these times I almost feel being an alcoholic is a blessing. Honesty was hard for me because I knew that coming to AA and facing the truth about my condition meant I would be better off if I didn't drink. But I couldn't imagine life wihtout alcohol. I had to reach the point described in the Big Book where I couldn't imagine life with alcohol either before I had the honesty to admit I had to go to AA and face reality.


Member: JCP ^/^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 11/16/99
Time: 9:18:46 AM

Comments

J here, a grateful alcoholic: What if I became more honest but I was wrong?

For a long time in A.A. (seemed like forever), I thought to be honest that I was not making it. Not trying to kid anybody, I just avoided the subject.

Went for months without taking a drink, but still believing that sure as God made little green apples I would drink again. I had dreams about it--not dreams about giving in but dreams that started at a bar, already beyond the first drink.

Makes no sense, looking back. I went seven years without missing a day (or night) of drinking. The day between my first two A.A. meetings exceeded hope I had long ago given up. As the bar juke sang, "Who dooo, who do you think you're fooling?" I thought it would not happen, and then that it would not last.

Too late to start being an expert now. In A.A., maybe unlike most other associations, being wrong can save your life!


Member: "Yawn" R.
Location: Gold Country, CA
Date: 11/16/99
Time: 9:53:03 AM

Comments

My name is "Yawn", and I am an alcoholic/addict.

Oddly enough, this morning I was thinking about "maybe I'm a little different, maybe I have some other real problems, maybe alcoholism isn't the issue, maybe ..., maybe ..." Then I took a look at all the women I've dated, or at least those that were sick enough to be attracked to me (I think these girls are called co-dependants, future Al-Anon's). Then I remembered that these girls always dated alcoholics before me, so....... maybe the evidence/pattern is clear - I'm an alcoholic. At this point, I told myself "C'mon Yawn, who's kidding who. Let's be honest."

Thank you God and AA for letting me share.


Member: Charlene L.
Location: all over the place
Date: 11/16/99
Time: 11:14:59 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Charlene L. and I'm a grateful alcoholic. It is so nice to be able to share with you, since I get to travel alot and meetings are few and far between. As for the topic in honesty, well I haven't done my fourth step yet and don't have a sponsor so to honesty part is a challenge. I have too much time in my head and that's a hard place to be at times. I do have 18 months sobriety and have been in and have been clean for 10 years. I find it very difficult to work my program on the road, but I never give up trying to find some support, somehow my Higher Power manages to put in from of me what I need the most. Thank you for letting me share, I will be back for sure. Another 24 for you all.


Member: Melanie C
Location: Scarborough, England
Date: 11/16/99
Time: 11:56:39 AM

Comments

My name's Melanie and I'm an alcoholic.

I hated the word "honesty" when I came to AA 3 and a half years ago. At my very first meeting I was so astonished when people shared their stories with such deep levels of honesty, and I just knew I was in the right place; for my alcohol addiction certainly, but I couldn't believe you people had the same defects as me!

When members shared about their dishonesty, all the lies I'd told and all the memories of my dishonest actions came back to me, and I didn't feel alone and different any more.

Through doing the steps with my sponsor, going to regular meetings, and being in service, I no longer live with such guilt and shame as I did when I walked through the doors of AA. I have been able to deal with most of my past (the rest I'm still working on!) and the things I always swore I'd take to the grave with me are now out in the open.

The only secrets I keep today are other people's secrets which do not affect me, and I don't find it necessary to tell people I'm dying of made-up diseases!!! Like all alcoholics I know, I am quite a convincing liar and actress, so I try on a daily basis to be rigorously honest.

I do still struggle with being honest, but it is becoming much easier now. I only stole my last toilet roll from a public toilet a couple of months ago, so I am by no means perfect!!!

Just as with my alcoholism, I usually have to hit a painful rock bottom before I'll do anything about my defects of character. As far as the defect of dishonesty goes, I just don't want to live my life like that any more.

My sobriety depends on my honesty.


Member: Sherri H.
Location: Somerset, PA 15501
Date: 11/16/99
Time: 12:55:35 PM

Comments

My name is Sherri H, cross-addicted. In my using career, I've really become proficient at self-disillusionment. But I have realized that this "street skill" is no longer necessary to my survival, and my survival now depends on sobriety. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Sherri H.
Location: Somerset, PA 15501
Date: 11/16/99
Time: 12:55:52 PM

Comments

My name is Sherri H, cross-addicted. In my using career, I've really become proficient at self-disillusionment. But I have realized that this "street skill" is no longer necessary to my survival, and my survival now depends on sobriety. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Rachael M.
Location: Napa. Ca.
Date: 11/16/99
Time: 10:39:19 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Rachael, alcoholic. Honesty is a good subject. I still struggle to be honest after two years of sobriety. My life before getting sober was one BIG lie. I would tell people anything I thought they wanred to hear to get what I wanted. Money, sex, friendship, alcohol, whatever. I remember talking to total strangers at busstops and completely fabricating my existence. I lived in a complex web of lies with family, friends, and institutions. The person I lied to mostly was myself. Today it's not like that. The type of honesty that I struggle with today is much more subtle. Self honesty. What do I really want? Who am I really? If I tell this person how I REALLY feel what will they think? Wher do I want to go for dinner[when asked]? etc. etc. Anyway progress is the point. That has definately occured. For that I am gratefull. All of my so called BIG secrets are no longer secrets. I can't tell you what a relief it is to share those things with another person. IT is something that has to be done to achieve relief. Bye.


Member: Steve H.
Location: NE
Date: 11/16/99
Time: 11:18:52 PM

Comments

Hello, I'm Steve and I'm an alcoholic/addict. Early in my sobriety,I was certain that this amazing program couldn't work for long on anyone as far gone as I was, but I dearly enjoyed each day of sobriety and kept postponing my drinking and stoning. For a long time I avoided discussing my lack of faith in this program and myself,thinking that my A.A. bros and sisters would not approve. When I finally shared my doubts,I found many folks with sobriety had felt the same at some time. I stopped worrying and started working the program in hope of eking out a few more 24s of freedom from booze. Anyway years passed,amazing,unbelievable wonderful stuff happened,and By God, Ican still postpone a drink for another 24. Life is awesome! Thanks for being here.


Member: Ches B.
Location: San Diego, CA.
Date: 11/17/99
Time: 1:19:30 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm chess and I'm an alcoholic. Honesty is something that comes and goes with me, lately a big topic, seems when I start looking at other people being honest with me, I see it relates more the honesty I have with myself. Intimacy through self exploration, meditation and being open minded towards others/ thanks fore letting me share


Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 11/17/99
Time: 5:57:57 AM

Comments

My name is JC and I’m an alcoholic.

Self honesty began when an old timer told me “Try to be yourself and not to act as if ...”. I was a few weeks sober and drinkin’ N/A pastis. That day I accepted myself as I was. An alcoholic, never to be a social drinker. I shifted to coffee and soda (not in the same glass of course).

Thanks for letting me share. jc.toller@euronet.be - ICQ 36308407.


Member: Andres G.
Location: Colombia, South America
Date: 11/17/99
Time: 7:23:01 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Andres and I'm an alcoholic/adict. I only have a few months being clean and sober and it's been really hard for me to be honest. I sometimes don't know if I'm being honest or if uncontiously I am being dishonest with myself.

The biggest problem I have with being honest comes when I have to accept the responsability that comes with honesty. I have to face the situations with nothing to ameliate my emotions. I am glad to see that it gets better with time, and it has been better since I stopped.

I still have a great tendency to behave as other people want me to and it takes a lot of effort to be honest with them.

Thank you for letting me share and hope you all have wonderfull 24h ahead of you


Member: Nancy K.
Location: Las Vegas NV
Date: 11/17/99
Time: 9:58:45 AM

Comments

Hi :-) My name is Nancy and I'm an alcoholic/addict.

i have 93 days sobriety today - and just starting on my 4th step. I took my 3rd step with my sponsor last night, after having delayed it for a couple of weeks, because I couldn't honestly say that I was willing to turn my will and my life over to my HP. What a feeling of peace came over me when we finished! Now I really have to start getting honest. I have lied so much and so often for the past 18 years that I don't know what is the truth and what is a lie half the time. I feel like such a false front. I know that I have little if any chance of staying sober if I do not get rigourously honest.

Thank you all for helping me stay sober today. you give me hope


Member: Scott S.
Location: CA
Date: 11/17/99
Time: 12:42:15 PM

Comments

My name is Scott and I can honestly say that I am an alcoholic and that I need help every day to stay sober. Thanks for helping me today. Maybe next week I'll have more to say, but nothing more honest than I just did.


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 11/17/99
Time: 12:47:20 PM

Comments

hi tony alcoholic,..once the truth is said it's said,but lies seem to keep coming back,they never go away.being honest i free myself of all that entanglement.speaking the truth helps keep my head clear,when i see people i don't have to worry about which bullshit story i gave them....or was it them?...being honest is a huge part of my recovery.thanks....keep it simple...


Member: CindyD
Location: New York
Date: 11/17/99
Time: 2:21:48 PM

Comments

Hi everyone! Honesty is the key to sobriety for me. Sobriety has blessed me with a conscience. My HP can reach me much quicker when I'm not fighting a lie or the guilt that comes after. AA has taught me that to be honest with myself..wil then help me be honest with others. Progress Not perfection. This program has saved every aspect of my life. Thanks for helping me stay sober today...


Member: Chris H.
Location: Florida
Date: 11/17/99
Time: 3:08:21 PM

Comments

Hi folks! Chris here Alcoholic/addict. Well I'm back from all of my travels and didn't take a drink. I did hold champagne in my hand 3 or 4 times to be part of the group. Although I did not take a drink, I must feel guilty about it, because it came out in my talks with my sponser even though I did NOT given it a second thoughtafter I did it. I guess I realize that I was playing with fire being that close to alchohol ( just a sipaway!), and that I had better not do that again. I guess I could just as easily taken that first a sip as not , especially since I have not been to any meetings lately. I need to realize that I am in a precarious position, especially with the Holidays coming. I geuss it was good to be honest with you guys so I would have the chance to think it through before I get in the situation again. Come to think of it, I am around alcohol a lot ( all of my husbands friends are big wine drinkers and toasters), and mabey if I honest with myself (the topic!), I get tired of being the only one who toasts witha glass of water...I get tired of being different. Mabey this has been red flag for me to see what is going on inside of me , so I won't fall into a trap of drinking.. Well I guess you can see whatn Honesty does for me!! It is the key to my sobriety . I have a hard time telling myself the truth unless I go to meetings...But what a freedom there is in being Honest. I feel so much better tell you guys about this. Often I don't want to be honest in meetings, because like a true alcoholic I am afraid of what you guys might think. However, whenever I bight the bullet and am honest , the rewards are so great!! See you all next week....


Member: Gabrielle P.
Location: Mansfield, TX.
Date: 11/17/99
Time: 3:20:56 PM

Comments

Hi Gabrielle, Grateful, Recovering Alcoholic here. How wonderful to be back and to find a subject that haunts me even today. I lived my entire life from the age of 9 as a lie. I was deceived by my family into believing I was worthless and no good and would never amount to anything and I believed them and set out to "live" my life as they predicated I would. I lied and stole and cheated every human being I came across. If you had something I wanted it became mine one way or another. I honed my survival tools and developed morals and scruples such as people had never seen before. When I look back I see it as someone mentioned before about an onion only in reverse. Layer upon layer of dirt upon the windows of the house in my heart where God was suppose to live. When those windows got to the point that no sunlight could penetrate them anymore, I fell to my knees and sought courage to ask the one who was always there watching over me long after I had shut Him out, what was happening to me. He answered me in a way I never expected, I "saw" myself and all I had done to hurt others and cause pain to them. I had tried to commit suicide for the 6th time. But the truth was I really just wanted to stop feeling the way I did. I went to a mental institute where they attempted to "save" me. It had no affect until they started taking me to A.A. meetings. I didn't listen at first, I couldn't hear. Then one night there was this woman sharing, her life had been totally different she was raised in a good home with loving parents and had everything a girl could want. But she talked about how she had this big hole inside and that no matter how much she drank or how many pills she dumped into it she had never been able to fill it up. I related to that, I finally heard what so many others had tried to say and failed at. She spoke about coming into A.A. and learning about unconditional love. She told how hard she struggled with changes in her life. After the meeting I asked her to be my sponser but she declined. She told me when I was ready to get out let her know and then she would. I contacted her when I got out and she did become my sponser and for 8 yrs she stood beside me teaching me how to love myself, forgive myself and then to become myself. I thank God for her everyday, I have had to move and obtain another sposer but the gift of love that she had given me will last a liftime. Thanks for letting me share. In Sobriety, In A.A. In Life!


Member: aaron w.
Location: somerset, nj
Date: 11/17/99
Time: 4:15:13 PM

Comments

hi family- my name is aaron and i am truly an alcoholic. i have not been to this meeting in a while. what a great topic it's good for all, the old timers and the new comer. it took a very long time for me to understand the real meaning of the word honesty. i have been sober since june 1992 and on any given day i am not totally self honest. just yesterday i went to a meeting and the greeter meet me at the door, reached out her hand and said welcome! how are you? and i responded, i am FINE, how about you? but if i had been self honest i would have said not so good today, because i felt like crap. you see, when i active i was in denial i stayed in denial so long it became a habit of denial. until i could trully deal with my denial there were no chance for self honest. i must addmitt it's much better now. but on any given day that ole dirty, low-down, cold blooded DENIAL will creep up on me. and if you ask me how am i doing today i will say fine when i am really not. so one day at a time i try to be as honest as possible in all my affairs. thanks for a good topic and thanks for letting me share.


Member: Jenny S.
Location: Al.
Date: 11/17/99
Time: 6:39:17 PM

Comments

Hi, Jenny and an alcoholic. It's pretty rough, this being honest stuff. I've found for me that dishonesty comes from one big deep down in the spirit feeling--fear. And it's an ugly one. Fear makes me do all sorts of things I don't want to...like lying, like hiding, like denying. What a relief it is to discover that I'm ok, and that the closets I'm scared to open really don't have any boogie men. The boogey men are inside me, and when the light shines in on em they're about a half inch tall. Thanks for the meeting, all.


Member: not sean connery
Location: new england
Date: 11/17/99
Time: 11:27:22 PM

Comments

to me honesty, relates alot to the first step admitting and accepting powerlessness I must honestly look at my drinking and think about how it has screwed up my life. And accept that i cannot drink in safety today!


Member: Big John M.
Location: Modesto, CA
Date: 11/18/99
Time: 1:14:41 AM

Comments

Hi, everyone! I'm John, a real alcoholic. What a great topic and great sharing! A couple of my experiences follow. Early on I would go to my fellowship every night and rant and rave in explicit and exquisite detail about the wrongs that had been, were being, and would be, heaped on me by my future ex-wife during our bitter divorce proceedings. All the old hands would nod their heads in understanding and acceptance of this newcomer's pain and FEAR controlling his actions, and in their unconditional love and acceptance, let me do what I needed to do. Thank goodness, a few months later my sponser gently suggested to me some limits on what I ought to share at group level and what was appropriate for sponser/sponsee work. However, if it had not been for the acceptance by the oldtimers of this insane beginner, I might not have made it through all that and be alive and sober today! Anyway, a few months later after 4th Step work, seeing my part in all of my perceived injuries, I no longer had a need for the ranting and raving. I thank God for this Program daily! What a relief I found in the 4th and 5th Steps.

Another quick thought about the topic of "self-honesty"; the word self is a real key for me in the honesty area. I have learned in my sobriety how extremely important SELF honesty is and how dangerous completely blunt honesty with others can be; particulary with "normies". I have to be careful today WHO I am totally honest with. There are sick people out there who can take information one really shouldn't have given them and harm one with the knowledge gained from one's totally honest response about any number of subjects from what you think of a boss's idea to a truly honest response about how you are feeling today. Be careful out there! Not paranoid; just careful. I am going to make this a relatively short post for me. I am exhausted, but so grateful for all of you who have helped me learn and share and live and love in this gift from God; our Program. Good night and God bless!!


Member: Art H.
Location: Midwest
Date: 11/18/99
Time: 1:48:02 AM

Comments

Grow up! The saying get honest with myself is a bunch of crap. We either see the truth or we don't. The fact that the truth hurts like a Son of a B--- is why in the past I have said "oh I need to get honest with myself" when I said that, what I really was saying is poor me, I have a sickness so forgive me everything I have done. Bull--- If you beat your kid when drunk, you can't expect him/her to say it's ok I know you did not mean it, you were sick after all. Bull bull bull shit. Own the behavior, make amends the rest of your life a day at a time, the only thing we gain by saying we were sick is that maybe, just maybe if I take steps to get well I won't repeat the shit.

I know I came on strong with some of the "you & we" statements, what I need to say is all I mentioned above is meant for me, it only is what I have learned about myself & what I need to do to get better, if some can relate good, if not, thats ok, but sorry if anyone took offense, I did not mean it that way.


Member: Mike
Location: Here
Date: 11/18/99
Time: 10:24:36 AM

Comments

Art H, how about you growing up! You need to go back and read every posting here and get off your high horse. No one here is making excuses for their past nor do I see it written in any posting that being honest with oneself was a way to not own up to bad behavior. NO WHERE IN AA IS IT WRITTEN OR STATED THAT WE NEED TO BEAT OURSELVES UP EITHER! We did enough of that during our drunkeness. Getting sober means getting honest with oneself and not continuing with the same insane behaviors and patterns. Beating ourselves up is nothing more than a continuation of the sick cycle that eventually led us to the bottle.

So don't berate people here for speaking from their heart. Your way is not the ONLY way. And your opinion is just that YOUR OPINION and nothing more!!


Member: Randy  H
Location: BritishColumbia/kelowna
Date: 11/18/99
Time: 11:57:11 AM

Comments

hi my anme is Randy and I`m a Alcoholic/addict this is my third time around in the program and i`m going to do my darndest to stay clean and sober this time up until a month and a half ago I had 11 1/2 months in and blew it because I chose not to deal with situations going on in my life Ichose to take the easy way out . So 1 1/2month later i`m back i`m going to do my very best not to make myself so vunerable / and when things are going wrong in my life i`m going to pick up that phone /or go to ameeting and share it with people who will understand me / but I tell you that the power of this program is so over whelming because it only took one phone call from afriend to bring me back home /today i`m not going to question why people do things like that if someone is going to put their hand out to help i`m going to place mine in thier`s and hope to do the same for other`s in the future.


Member: Art H.
Location: Midwest
Date: 11/18/99
Time: 11:58:18 AM

Comments

Hi all, my name is Art & I am an alcoholic. To Mike, I stated I was refering to myself based on what I have learned works for me the last 22 years. Again, I stated what I need to do. I have been around way to long to go around telling others to get off their high horse or tell them what they need to do. For too many years I played the I was sick game to excuss my behavior. Again for me, saying I am & was sick gives me a chance to get well and not go back. It in no way excusses what I have done, for that I must for my whole life make amends on a daily basis. I am sorry if I hit a sore spot with you. If you are an alcoholic, than all I have for you is my Love. By for now all Art


Member: Susan B
Location: Madison Co. Il.
Date: 11/18/99
Time: 2:25:42 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Susan and I am a alcoholic. Honesty is what brought me to AA. I knew I was an alcoholic. I had tried to quit drinking before. Was able to succeed for two years. Then after i felt better and got my life back on track I began drinking again. After I had evoloved back into my old life I finally admitted to my self that I have a drinking problem. This is the first time I have honestly admitted to myself that I am an alcoholic and I can not cure myself of this decease but, with the help of AA I can learn how to live with this decease. Once I accepted that my Alcoholism is an illness I was able to get the help I needed to get healthy again. I have to remain honest with myself and always realize that it is my choice to remain healthy. I thank you all for the support and I thank God for the abilty he gave me to help myself. God Bless you all. Susan


Member: sa
Location: wenatchee, washington
Date: 11/18/99
Time: 4:01:10 PM

Comments

hello fellow people, this is a very good topic well honesty is very important with one self and not lying at the beginning when i was drinking heavily i told myself that i did'nt have a problem but wjhen i received my evaluation from a center of recovery i was in the beginning of late stage alcoholism and i am only 24 years of age do you believe that I would really appreciat if anybody knows on any realtime online meeting that i may join that would be a real great help for me and my recovery thank you very much.


Member: schaub
Location: Tucson
Date: 11/18/99
Time: 6:04:49 PM

Comments

I feel at times I try so hard to be honest I end up hurting people. I'd tell my family. Why can't I drink I am not a child. I've even hit bottom and still thought I could drink. Maybe I just derseved it. It was God's way of punishing me. Yes I even blamed God. Then I said, but it's how I feel. I couldn't handle all the emotions of being an addict. I still have alot of regrets. Although learning to be humble was the only way for me. Staying sober isn't so bad. It was all the glamour of using that provoked me in the lifestyle I was living. Thanks for listening. I'll leave without a sound.


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 11/18/99
Time: 9:11:12 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to all the newcomers! And thanks everyone for sharing!

A week or two back I shared, on this very topic, that the 4th Step was where I really made an first extensive effort to get honest with myself, and I am genuinely grateful for that Step.

Of course, this is a daily challenge, and, too often, an AA discussion of honesty revolves around being honest with others, as opposed to being honest with ourselves. Nevertheless, as I shared on self-honesty only a short time ago, I would like to reiterate something John touched upon about being honest with others.

Recognizing that in order to be consistently honest with others we need to be honest with ourselves, the Big Book also says we have to be especially discriminating about being too blunt concerning others or being too honest about ourselves with others, including some AAs but even more so with those outside the family circle.


Member: Tom A. 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 11/18/99
Time: 9:13:52 PM

Comments

Good Evening To All Who Have Posted and Reading this weeks topic - Self-Honesty on Staying Cyber's Discussion Meeting. My name is Tom A. and I am sober today by the grace of a worderful Higher Power and the teachings of this AA Way of Life.

A special thank you Rob M. up there in Alaska for suggesting this topic. There are three priciples that I learned here in AA, Honesty, Openmindedness and Willingness and I have found them to be helpful in my daily joourney in sobriety. The first paragraph on page 58 of the Big Book is another tool that reveals the way to self-honesty for me. I offer it as a suggestion.

I have enjoyed the posts this week. All of them are good! There is Self-Honesty present in each one, that is if we honestly look for it.

Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!

God Bless - Tom a. ate@gte.net


Member: Roy S
Location:
Date: 11/18/99
Time: 10:27:09 PM

Comments

Self-honesty is truly a topic that hits close to home. It was extremely difficult for me to be honest with myself when I first came into AA. I really thought that I could still go back out and be a "social drinker". Boy, was that wrong. After running into a brick wall for the ump-teenth time, I finally got the courage to admit that that was just not the case. That was the first step to self-honesty, and I am constantly taking more, thanks to AA. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Shannon A.
Location: Viva Las Vegas
Date: 11/19/99
Time: 12:29:02 AM

Comments

Hi. I'm Shannon and I'm an alcoholic. First time in this forum. It's very nice. I wanted to go to a meeting tonight and couldn't due to the hour. This fits the bill. Anyway, the topic of honesty is a good one. My dishonesty has always eluded me, except in hindsight. This was definitely true when I was drinking. In sobriety, when I am living my life without the conscious effort of including a higher power in all areas, I also am unaware of my dishonesty. In other words, without this conscious awareness of the need of a higher power, my fears creep back into my life and my character defects are very quickly in full force. I have definitely been plagued by this cycle both drinking and sober. The difference in being sober is that I have a glimpse of a belief that a higher power would provide me the opportunity to let go of my fears. I also have the related experience of people in AA who have expressed getting beyond a lot of difficulty with a dependence on a higher power. They also describe being happy and free, two things I always wanted when I was drinking. The difficulty of trying to live without a higher power in sobriety has forced me to, like one gentleman said earlier, work on the "spiritual problem". It is a relief to me today to believe that the rest will work itself out if I do. I definitely have surmised that I cannot rid myself of my fears and experience freedom based on my old methods.


Member: Mike
Location: Here
Date: 11/19/99
Time: 12:44:40 AM

Comments

Man oh man, the cheer leading & quoting of the book, impressive. Oh gee, I was honest with myself & dispute the pain I feel oh oh so good.

A.A. saved my life, you people are so good, oh thank you for posting one & all, I can relate to each of you, you are so wonderful. When I am honest with myself I can do anything. What a great freedom to be able to be honest with myself & of coarse you. I just love you guys so much.

Really be honest, Share & take a risk and state details, or not, quote something out of the book that says "nah nah I don't have to." No wonder only one out of ten people who really try A.A. stay sober five or more years. (That number comes from AA's study on itself)


Member: Bill L
Location: Gold Coast Australia
Date: 11/19/99
Time: 1:29:14 AM

Comments

Hi, Bill L from aussie here. 1st time in this forum for several weeks and i've been missing it.Great topic, honesty, and one I have always pretended to have under control. Of course there have been times when I have been rigorously honest and at those times my life travels along without to many dramas'. BUT, for a good deal of the time, dishonesty, in one form or another creeps in, resulting in disharmony. Fortunately constant meetings help me keep this from causing too much damage to myself or others.I have found that I have to keep the AA programme and way of life at the forefront of my thinking if I am to have peace of mind and heart for myself and my family.


Member: jerry n.  Great Bender
Location: NEPA
Date: 11/19/99
Time: 2:20:09 AM

Comments

I am an alcoholic, and my name is Jerry. It's good to be sober today, and thanks to all who shared. Self honesty can be a difficult task at times, especially for those of who lived lives of deception. Rationalizations and justifications were my primary modus operandi. I was unable to take any responsibilty for my actions as long as I blamed others or rationalized it to satisfy my very vunerable ego. I lived a lie. My self esteem was so low, I did not want anyone to see the me I thought I was. I'd wear a mask whereever I went, the outside of me was never consistent with the real me, it's not surprizing I relied on alcohol and drugs to continue the facade. Old timers told me if I kept coming back, I might meet the most important person in my life, me. When I started to take the blame out of my life, and began searching true motives, I was able to uncover my deception. My life was a burden to me until I discarded some of the lies which constructed my attitudes. I was not the poor helpless victim of circumstance, but; I reaped the fruits of my choices. The appendix in the BB about Spiritual Awakening lists three key factors necessary for the miracle to happen; honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. My first attempt at a fourth step was helpful, but even after a couple of 24's, I find deeper revealations of my own inventory. I must continue to strive to be as honest as I can with myself today, and recognize where my dishonesty still has it's hold on me. But with all honesty, I can say today,"It's great to be sober." Thanks for letting me share


Member: The Real Mike
Location: Here
Date: 11/19/99
Time: 9:59:50 AM

Comments

Who ever you are using my AA member name, why don't you get some guts and use your own name. It is clear you do not agree with the concept of showing love and compassion for others, which is fine, but don't hide behind someone elses name because you are gutless. As for your statistics, who cares! Been sober more than 5 years and so have many others on this site, so your stats are meaningless. If you wish to be nasty and make fun of people then post it on the Coffee Pot.

My apologies to all here for posting this here and not the coffee pot. I will make sure not to do it again. Just wanted to make sure our little imposter got the message.


Member: Bonnie C   -   5/30/80
Location: Seattle
Date: 11/19/99
Time: 6:36:34 PM

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here (((ROOM-HUG))) thank you dear family for giving Thanksgiving meaning. Everything I have to be thankful for I received thru sobriety. Self-deception, To thine own self be true. the biggest lie I would tell myself is that someone else was responsible for my problems or my drinking. When all the while my problems ALL stemmed from the decisions I had made. But it's so much easier to blame you for them. thanks for the good stuff family. Dear God please bless all who venture here. love and hugs, bon


Member: Cathy S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 11/19/99
Time: 7:24:23 PM

Comments

My name is Cathy, and I'm an alcoholic. What a wonderful topic! Thanks to all who posted -

Honesty. That has been one of the absolute hardest parts of this program for me to maintain. When I first got to AA, I had absolutely no clue. Someone else mentioned here that they would "lie even if the truth sounded better. Well, that was me too! I Had To, what would you think if you REALLY KNEW ME? I had competely fabricated almost every aspect of my life, all to get what ever I needed at the time, money, alcohol, drugs, sex, you name it!).After a while, I couldn't tell the Truth from the Lies. I literally started to keep track of it in my day-planner!

I think that the first time that I had ever been truly honest with myself or anyone else was the day I woke up after my last drunk and realized I just couldn't take any more.I needed help.Then I called a "friend of a friend" and asked for help. That was probably the first time I was honest with another person. She did indeed get me to a meeting that night. That has been a few 24 hours ago now. Being honest is still an issue that I need to strive towards on a daily basis, but my gosh has it ever gotten better! I think what has helped me the most is working my 4th and 5th step with my sponsor. When I couldn't quite let myself "see" my part, My Sponsor certainly helped point it out! Once I owned up to "my part", and shared it with another person and in the presense of God, the healing began for me.

I still struggle, but waking up without the shame and fear of being "found out" for a few 24 hours sure feels good! What motivation for me to continue trying my hardest best to be honest with myself and others! Thank You all for the leasons you teach me every single day,Thank You for teaching me to LIVE!! God Bless -

csatt@home.com


Member: Pattw/2tees
Location: Oregon
Date: 11/19/99
Time: 11:56:30 PM

Comments

Good evening, all, Patt grateful, recovering alcoholic.

"What do you mean, honesty??? I've always been honest. Take back money if I'm overpaid, play by the rules at all times, give you good work for my pay. Good grief!!" Yes, well, look at me on the other side of the fence when I was going from one liquor store to another on alternate days so they wouldn't know that I was drinking so much. Swear that I'd NEVER drive drunk--but did, and in a blackout, dear God. Sneak "just a little more" vodka while my husband was out of the room. Didn't realize until I came into the program that the one I was really lying to all the time was ME. Today it's still difficult to stand up to myself, look me in the eye, and say "get REAL, dear!". When I'm faced with a character defect that is blatantly trumpeting in my ear, I find that doing a mini-4th step on it RIGHT NOW is really helpful and gets me back to right size.

Thank you for the topic, Rob.

Trust God, clean house, help others.

Hugs, Patt

P.S. The 2000 International Conference is in Minneapolis and the applications are available.


Member: robert j.
Location: sunporch
Date: 11/20/99
Time: 8:21:43 AM

Comments

When I was 4 we were visiting relatives and I decided to take all the magnets out of the alphabet letters on my cousins play desk..I was the only one there who COULD have done it..but would I admit to it ? .... the insanity starts early in some of us. The sad truth is that those incapable of being honest have nothing I want and usually do not make it. take care.


Member: Andi
Location: WI
Date: 11/20/99
Time: 10:24:05 AM

Comments

Hi Andi alcoholic. robert j; you are right about dishonesty starting early in life. We are taught as children to suppress our feelings and emotions and play the games that society puts on us. Then we we reach adulthood and we cant figure out why we feel so miserable but we sure "look good" because we are doing what society and others dictate.

We are told not to do this or that because it is wrong and certainly should not listen to our inner soul because only society or religion knows what is right for us. In the meantime we die a slow painful death inside because we remain dishonest to ourselves and then we discover that the drink numbs us from having to feel so terrible about our charade.

It is only through this program that I was able to go back to that innocence and stop letting society and other people dictate my life. I go by what I feel and often times that goes against other peoples wishes or expectations. I have learned over the years in AA that it is not wrong to love myself enough to bring peace and happiness to my soul, therefore, I have to accept the fact that there will be those that will be disappointed by my actions.

Many religions teach that misery, pain and suffering is the road to reaching God but this program taught me that self love and honesty is the right path to God. I no longer have to suffer in silence and just settle for people, places and things that do not work for me. I can look inside and admit "this is what I feel and this is what I need to do about it." Then I go do it.

Thank God for this program.


Member: Jason L.
Location: Calgary
Date: 11/20/99
Time: 1:56:35 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Jason and I'm a alcoholic. I am afraid I might be one of those who is incapable of being Honest. I have been in and out of the program for most of my adult life. I am now 35. I smoked a joint yesterday I know this is aa but for me it is all part and parcel of my recovery and learning how to be honest. to me it is a slip I've recently relapsed after a perod of sobriety that was my longest 16 months and am having a difficult time staying clean and sober I haven't given up yet. I love my life when I AM SOBER. I want it I just feel so weak and selfish. I know there is a better way of life and today i will choose it. I want to be an honest sober man. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Bonnie C   -   5/30/80
Location: Seattle
Date: 11/20/99
Time: 5:31:26 PM

Comments

((jason)) dear heart, the book is talking about those that are incapable as the ones in institutions or on the streets that need or have drool buckets hanging off their ears so you can't use this anymore as your reason. You'll make it cause u want it!!!!!! Your post has so much honesty in it. Dang guy, just do it~~~!!!!!!!!!!! Don't give up. When you're ready and you want it more than anything, you will have it. go to meetings, 90 meetings in 90days, I went every day for my first 5yrs cause i wanted it. sometime 2,3,4,times a day, get phone numbers and use them, get a sponsor that has done the steps, take suggestions and don't drink or use in between meetings, when pain comes, embrace it for it is God's way of showing you that He trusts you to grow. stay out of slippery places, you usually cant find pot or booze at a meeting or the home of someone who is clean and sober. Simple but not to be done alone, thats why we are there and here. If you haven't done these things that are suggested at almost every AA meeting then you havent wanted this program. When you do want it, it's yours. It works if you work it but you cant get it thru osmosis, just by hangin out. It wasn't easy for any of us. there are no shortcuts or half measures. they avail us nothing. Don't mean to come down so hard, but I don't want to lose you. You know it can be done and I'm sure in the 13months u were sober you helped many, in yrs to come they will approach you & let you know how much. we need you. love and hugs, bon --- sorry for the double post but his post talked to my heart, God bless all who venture here.


Member: MARY K
Location: BOSTON
Date: 11/20/99
Time: 9:12:24 PM

Comments

hi - i'm mary and i am most definately an alcoholic. good topic - tough one - but good. whenever i think of self honesty i think of humility. i never had a problem admitting i was an alcoholic - i had a problem obtaining and keeping the desire to stop drinking. god willing, a day at a time i've been sober quite a few 24 hours now. i was taught when i got here that as long as i had the willingness and did "the footwork" that i would be as honest as i was capable of being at that particular time. Progress not perfection. Thank God for that little reminder. Still now when i catch myself i put into practice the 10th step - apologize and do my best (with God's help)to maintain that constant vigilence regarding this particular defect. For me there are so many things i must try to keep in the forefront of my mind. I don't beat myself up as i used to. I know in my heart that i am striving to be all that God wants me to be - and it is a lifetime practice and i'll never be quite "done". What a trip it has been - I love self discovery (it used to scare me to death). Once heard at a meeting - try to remain green - green things grow. God bless you all and those you love.

TO JOSH IN CALGARY - just keep coming - don't quit (and don't die) before the miracle happens. Believe that i believe. Mary K


Member: Art H
Location: Midwest
Date: 11/20/99
Time: 9:49:58 PM

Comments

Hi all, my name is Art H. & I am an alcoholic. Alot of really great things have been said. I know I shared earilier about sometimes using self-honestly as a cope-out, I meant that for myself only. It is something I used to hide behind. Being a somewhat ok con artist, I used alot of the things we are taught in the program as a away to hide from my true self.

I have only been sober since I woke up at 6:am, the fact that I have had over 22 years of these mornings in a role only means I if I am not careful am closer to my next drunk.

I Love the new-comings, they keep me close to my last drunk, & without that I would lose the meaning of what AA is all about for me.

I am so greatful for the time I have had in recovery, I have been up & down in it, at one point sure of myself & how things "SHOULD" be, other times so full of doubt I was tempted to give up.

I remenber between 3& 5 years how on top of things I was, & how sure I was what others needed to do. Than at five years thinking I had arrived, being disappointed because I knew there was so much I did not know. Than between 7 & 10 years I was so humble I made myself sick

Between 10 & 15 years I hardly went, thinking if I didn't have it be now I never would. Finally between 17 & 22 years, coming to see at least for myself, I am just a normal person who does not drink, no pats on the back, just a normal guy with problems like everyone else, but for me I need help to make sure I dO not try & deal with these porblems with alcohol.

I know some, like I did when I thought I knew it all, will make lite of what I have said, which is fine, as I now speak for myself & not so others can be impressed with what I have to say.

By all, Art a simple old alcoholic signing off for now.

PS To Mike from "HERE", again I am sorry if you took offense at what I said, it's just at the time it hit a bad spot in how I used to be & almost brought me down, I really was intending the message for myself & anyone else who could relate but not judging at all. It does not matter if you believe me or not, I just try & make amends at times I see a need to for myself. We are all differnt, so where you are at in your early recovery does not mean I truly know where you are coming from. BUT THE FACT YOU STATE YOU ARE IN RECOVERY MEANS I HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR YOU IN MY HEART. HOPE THE BEST FOR YOU, & LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.


Member: Eileen H.
Location: Queens, NY
Date: 11/20/99
Time: 10:15:50 PM

Comments

For those interested in sites with AA on-line meetings, there is AA On-Line. I believe the keyword is Alcoholics Anonymous. From there you can go to meetings, and look up phamphlets, etc. I know the meetings are for AOL users. If other sites are added down the road . . . I don't know.

Happy Birthday to Bill Mc . . . loved what you had to say!!

Wishing you all a safe 'n sober Thanksgiving.

Eileenth Alcoholic / Sober today


Member: Max S
Location: Midwest
Date: 11/20/99
Time: 11:41:59 PM

Comments

My name is Max and I'm an Alcoholic. I've only been sober for 1 week and have never attended an AA meeting. I just wanted all of you to know that I enjoyed reading all of the postings and they certainly give me somethings to think about. I guess you can say I was kind of forced into being honest with myself when I ended up in the hospital with very low potassium and sodium levels in my blood. That's as close to "hitting bottom" as I care to get. Looking forward to next discussion. Thanks for sharing.

Max


Member: The Real Mike
Location: Here
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 1:39:30 AM

Comments

Art H, thanks for the kind. Although, I think I might have jumped too soon (just a little thin skinned lately). I apologize also and hope you will accept my amend as well. There is someone else using my member name to post some negative stuff so I just wanted to say this before he/she tries to start trouble again. Thanks again and no harm done, I am just a little bit too senitive these days!

Andi, I hear ya and I am with ya on everything you wrote. You had some good HONEST stuff to share and it has helped me. Keep hanging on.


Member: susie e
Location: new mexico
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 2:01:39 AM

Comments

there is a reason for the words "to thine own self be true" on the back of our sobriety tokens. think about that one.


Member: breda k
Location: jerusalem
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 3:44:15 AM

Comments

New Topic

I would like to suggest "self Acceptance"

as the topic for this week. will be happy to share if this is accepted LOL Breda


Member: ron.c
Location: ca
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 4:14:04 AM

Comments

had to seperate from normie girlfriend today but its ok this relationship was going to end up with a marriagr and a divorce thank god im aware today thanks aa


Member: ron.c
Location: ca
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 4:14:32 AM

Comments

had to seperate from normie girlfriend today but its ok this relationship was going to end up with a marriagr and a divorce thank god im aware today thanks aa


Member: bob.l
Location: ny
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 4:18:15 AM

Comments

youll be ok ron.c god has a different plan for you


Member: Joe  L
Location: arkansas
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 9:13:56 AM

Comments

hi i'm joe and i am a alcoholic i am grateful today to be sober by the grace of god to thine own self be true a very good statement from aa i am learning to be true life is so much better have a great day and i'm still sober


Member: MARY K
Location: BOSTON
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 9:21:40 AM

Comments

hi all! i'm Mary - an alcoholic. Good to be sober today - good to be alive. self-acceptance. hhmmmm. When I arrived at AA this last time - I was totally bankrupt - physically, emotionally and most of all spiritually. Hey, if I felt ok about myself - why would I be at AA? Full of guilt, remorse, anger, self pity and the like, the "old timers" just kept telling me to keep coming - things might not get better but I would get better. My reply? "Ya right". Through many, many, many meetings, many discussions with my sponsor and mentors, many prayers and the 12 steps- slowly, slowly i went from complete self loathing to thinking "Maybe, just maybe, I ain't all that bad".

Progress - not perfection.

I will never forget one particular discussion meeting. While sharing I said - "Ya know - if I wasn't me I would want to hang around with me"!!!!! And I meant it! MIRACLE! To this day, many 24 hours later I still think that is one of the nicest things anyone could ever say about themselves. Love myself? I guess so - not sure. I love family members who I wouldn't choose as friends. We are all God's children. You as well as me. Human beings with flaws. Thank God for that.

I'm not a quoter but it goes something like this: "We put unrealistic expectations upon ourselves, upon others and upon God". Try to be kind to yourself - be gentle. As long as we keep coming and "do the footwork" it does get better (sometimes worse first - but eventually better). PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION.

God bless you all.


Member: Shane m.
Location: Calgary Alberta
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 11:07:33 AM

Comments

hi my name is shane m. honesty is like getting out of the bubble i lived in to see myself from a very neutral prespective and throwing away the selfishness i held so close. i love me today thx to god and you people. and the gratitude shows <:) calgary alberta (link group)


Member: robert j.
Location: sunporch
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 11:26:43 AM

Comments

Good topic Breda, have not thought of this for awhile, kinda related to our last topic, for me anyway. I get along ok with myself today...thanks to AA, before I worked the steps I could'nt live with myself, let alone anyone else. My life today consists of a continual working of steps, 10,11, and 12, they keep this train on track. And of course I have to remember to strive for progress and accept imperfection, but in the beginning I had to accept that I was an alcoholic, and if all I ever did was maintain sobriety...well back then, that would be enough. Have a good day, we're just trying to live now, the way we should have been living all along, had we knew how, take care.