Member: Lori O.
Location: Seattle
Date: 11/7/99
Time: 9:50:14 PM
Member: Melody H
Location: Ont.Canada
Date: 11/7/99
Time: 10:24:31 PM
spiritual awakening?
Member: Rick S.
Location: BC NV
Date: 11/7/99
Time: 10:30:00 PM
My name is Rick and I am still an alcoholic... "Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity" seems to be on my mind lately. When I had enough "fun" and needed to get a handle on my life I came to AA. I had controlled everything and everyone around me for so long there was no power greater than me...in my mind. I trusted nobody absolutely nobody, and there was nothing I could not do. I was told to trust in God, well I believed in God so that was B.S. cause I wasn't sober. I was told to get a sponsor, well I wasn't telling anything to someone I did not know, and trust my life to one person...How stupid did you think I was?! Then someone pointed out that everybody who has stayed sober before me had to trust in a power greater than themselves or they were drunk again. So I made a decision that I had to trust something if I was going to make it, that something was a group of people on thursday night in Boulder City NV. They became my higher power until my head cleared up enough to understand what they had and how they had gotten it. Since then I have a few 24hrs under my pillow and I know that believing in God and trusting in him are 2 completely different deals. I am forever in debt to that original group of drunks for returning me to sanity. If you are new and you don't trust anything or anyone that's OK, in time you will...but to get that time you have to go to "in person meetings" cause this aint the same. Do your self a favor, don't drink or use long enough for your head to clear up so you can understand what the people are talking about at the meetings then decide for yourself if they have what you want...if not they will gladly refund your misery. Seee Yaaa !!!
Member: Rob R.
Location: B.C. Canada
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 3:20:38 AM
Thanks,to Melody H. for the topic,Spiritual Awakening,great topic. BB appendices 2 tells it like it is.The first paragraph states. The terms"spiritual experience"and "spiritual awakening"are used many times in this book which,upon careful reading,shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms. If you can relate to that paragraph as I can there is a very real chance that,you know what a spiritual awakening is.
Member: Paul Q
Location: Toronto
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 7:33:08 AM
This is the objective page 569 and 570 of the "BIG BOOK"
How do I get one?
The Path (process) is in the first 164 pages of the "BIG BOOK".... Its not at meetings, its not in a sponser.... its a contract between you and GOD.... Take the action contained in those pages and you will under go a transformation of the spirit.........the first 100 new it thats why they laid it down for us....... These men and women "RECOVERED" as it states from a seemingly holpess state of mind body and soul.....
I chased it in the rooms for over 12 1/2 yrs and never had one......As I thought with "TIME" in the fellowship I would get one of these experiences.......watch the EGO its powerful........
I found a person as explained on page 18.......He took me through the path one on one...... I had a spiritual experience......
Fellowship = 10% Spiritual Program of Action = 10% GOD = 80%
Hope you all find this transformation from SELF to SPIRIT ...... its simple but its not easy............
Love and Service pquigley@sprint.ca
Member: 7th Tradition
Location: Pass the Hat
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 7:39:02 AM
There are no dues or fees, we are self supporting through our own contributions.
Member: Tim V
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 9:22:42 AM
"THE result of these steps".
My sponsor, Art D., told me that the 12 steps were just suggestions, unless I wanted to get better, then they were "you'd betters".
Getting better meant haveing my problems go away, today getting better means getting better.
Member: Linda S.
Location: Quebec
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 9:25:06 AM
Hi friends my name is Linda. I am an alcolholic. My spiritual awakening happened last January on an intensive weekend at a church resort in Laval. It was my first time and I wasn't sure what to expect. I met some remarkable women and got a lot of weight taken off my shoulders. I got to speak with one of the nuns after the weekend in private and got to share a lot of fears with her. She sat there and didn't judge me, she just listened. She made me feel loved and gave me suggestions to get over my fears of being alone. I came home on a big high and I felt this was my contact with my higher power. It's like there's a old cassette playing in my head and I have to replace with a new one. One day at a time. I have to remember I have to teach my self new ways and it takes time and patience. I'm the type of person I need results right away. This cassette has been playing for 25 years and it's not going to change overnight. I just want to comment on something off the subject. I was watching t.v. the other evening and saw an ad on Alanon and Alateen and a number on the internet. I've only had access to my own computer for the last two weeks and decided this morning I would try and find something on A.A..Well voila I am here. I would just like to say thanks because I am unable to get to as many meetings as before but now I feel I still have my connection with the fellowship. Thank you again and have a great and sober 24 hours.
Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 11:02:13 AM
I'm Fred and I'm and alcoholic. Thanks, Melody, for the topic. During my 17 year drinking career, I was able to quit once for a couple of months on my own. Needless to say, it didn't last, and I fell to the first major temptation that came along. I went to an entirely new level of drinking. In my way of thinking, I was trying to make up for the time I'd "lost" while I was sober. I should mention that I had a proper mid-west church upbringing, but during my drinking years, I had strayed from God, questioned his existence, and even took philosophy courses which stressed the "free choice" of human existence. I was a thinking drunk. One day at the end of my drinking days, I had a particularly bad binge. I woke up the next day in worse shape than normal. I knew that morning that my life was falling apart. I thought that if things continued, the best part of my life was probably behind me. My wife was going to leave, my job was suffering, my kids were getting older and could now sense I was a drunk, and it was just a matter of time before I would be truly alone and totally free to drink (and eventually die drunk). I had reached my own bottom. I was ready to admit defeat. I got on my knees and prayed for the first time in many years. I asked God for forgiveness. I don't remember the exact prayer, but in essence, I said I was beaten, that I could not continue like this, that I was begging for help. I asked God to please take over my life. Well, what happened is a miracle. God has led me step by step and day by day through a new wonderful life. It was shaky at the start, don't get me wrong, but God kept showing me choices and new ways of facing the day. I got involved with other people and other activities. I asked God to show me how to be a role model for my kids, and the answer was always, "Just do what is right." One day at a time and with God's daily help, I'm a different person now. I went for years alone in recovery with only God's help. Some of you know I "found" AA just a few months ago. I feel another miracle has happened to me. I'm no longer alone, but have people just like me to help God keep me sober. A spiritual awakening? I'd say I'm an example and I'll tell anyone who will listen. Thank you God and thank you AA for keeping me sober today. By the way, that first prayer to God happened on February 19, 1979. By the grace of God, I haven't had a drink since then. Thanks for letting me share. Love, Fred
Member: Rick G.
Location: SA
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 11:55:24 AM
I'm Rick and an alcoholic. Well, I have had my "faith in people" shaken badly lately. I shared a good amount of intimate personal stuff, character defects, etc., with a person I had felt was spiritually sound, they'd helped me before, but this time I was terribly betrayed by that person. They not only hurt my feelings about the personal stuff I shared with them, they also shared my inventory with someone else, and told the other person terrible opinions about me as a result, and then told my friend to not associate with me anymore. I am unbelievably hurt over all this. My friend actually came to me and talked with me explaining what had been said, and told me not to worry because they still cared about me, understood, and would not let someone's rage ruin a great relationship.
Even though my friendship is still intact with the person that I was slandered to, I am now feeling like the 5th step is a joke, or maybe, the fear and paranoia I used to have sharing with people was justified and I should just keep things to myself. Does anyone have any opinions on how I am supposed to have faith in a higher power, and the right level of faith with other people in the program so that I can do the steps without fear? I am very upset over all of this.
Thanks! (God bless all of you true friends!)
Member: roger a
Location:
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 1:39:34 PM
R, grateful recovering alcoholic. I too got on my knee's and asked for help as I was beaten. I still need to surrender and let go of some of the things that keep me obsessed and from being free, but at least with the teachings of AA I can work through them, and there are plenty of people to talk to who really do undersand. Since my awakening I haven't had the desire to drink, that was almost two years ago, but one day at a time. Regarding the 5th step, it is very important to choose a close mouthed friend, unfortunately it seems that your choice was not a good one, but people are human and we must remember that there are those sicker than we are, pray for them, for resentment is not something we can live with sober. Thanks to all for this site, thanks to God and AA for giving me anothe chance.
Member: Ed C.
Location: SC
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 4:45:50 PM
I'm Ed. I'm not sure that I'm an alcoholic, but I'm darn sure I have a drinking problem. I'm a weekend drunk. 100% sober during the week, then drunk one weekend day, usually Saturday, then hung over, terribly the other. My life is beginning to suffer. Church is very important to me, and it's difficult and embarrassing to go to Church hung over and smelling of alcohol. This is the first time I've reached outside of my family and myself for help. Comments?
Member: paul
Location: uk
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 5:18:41 PM
Hello ED.
A drink problem is a drink problem. You have taken a step in realising that you are powerless over alcohol, so am I, thats why I'm here too. Hang in ther buddy & try to get to a local meeting to meet people just like us face to face. Good Luck.
Member: Nikki B
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 5:31:10 PM
Hi everyone, I'm Nikki and I'm an alcoholic. I believed in a Higher Power before I came into these rooms. These rooms gave me the belief that my Higher Power is not here to punish me. Then the steps and traditions helped me believe that as long as I do the next right thing, that I will not be punished for what I have done.
This was my spiritual awakening.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Heather B
Location: California
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 8:00:09 PM
Hi my nmae is Heather and I am an alcoholic. I think "spiritual awakening" is a great topic. I have had a recent spirtual awakening that has been extremely powerful. After many years in the program I have started reading all the stories in the back of the Big Book. I had not done this before, probably only read a handful years ago. This has been a real eye-opener for me and I started doing this: "The very simple program they advised me to follow was that I should ask to know God's will for me that one day, and then, to the best of my ability, to follow that, and at night to express my gratefulness to God for the things that had happened to me during the day. When I left the hospital I tried this for a day and it worked, for a week and it worked, and for a month, and it worked - and then for a year and it still worked. It has continued to work now for nearly eighteen years." p.208-209 BB
I have applied this just as this "oldtime" and it has worked for me too .. bringing me the "spiritual awakening" that this is truly a ONE DAY AT A TIME program and as I turn my life over to GOd one day at a time I have come to realize as my relationship with God grows from this simple willingness and consistency so does my life ... so does my life.
Rick, I am really sorry about the awful experience that you described. As someone mentioned we are all not "well" yet and unfortunately some of us are sicker than others. The person's behavior is about themselves and not about this program. I am not sure how you chose this person but if you want to recover you will keep coming back and find an appropriate person to share a fifth step with. You do not even have to choose someone in AA you can choose as it says in the 12 &12 a "church" person like a pastor or priest or even a stranger.
Ed, I came to meetings for three months and said I had a desire to quit drinking, I had decided to not drink and just see what happened. After three months I had a "spiritual experience" when I read the preface to the stories "They Stopped in Time" in the Big Book. You do not have to be an alcoholic to stop drinking. The only desire for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. You can even keep drinking and just go to meetings and see if they have anything for you. Then you can decide. I was a periodic binge drinker. I had not been in jail, had a DWI , lost a job , etc... I am grateful that I "have been saved years of infinite suffering".
Member: Pattw/2tees
Location: Oregon
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 8:31:19 PM
Hi, all. Patt, grateful, recovering alcoholic. Thank you for the subject, Melody. I continue to have a spiritual awakening as the 24 hours pile up. Each time I hear people share at meetings, each time I am privileged to have a one-on-one conversation with another person in recovery, each night when I lay my head on the pillow and thank God for all my blessings, the awakening becomes more intense and fulfilling for me. That is the progress for me, and I must be in action to realize it, staying in the moment with my God.
Rick, so sorry to hear about your unfortunate experience. Please don't let that affect your sobriety--try to forgive the person who wronged you and move on. I keep having to tell myself that what other people think of me is none of my business; what is important is my opinion of myself.
Ed, find your local Alcoholics Anonymous in the phone book and call them for help. If there is no listing in your area, call the hospital, the churches, even the police department for a telephone number of someone in AA, then CALL them. Good luck, my dear.
Thanks to you all and have a wonderful 24 hours. Hugs, Patt
Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, fla
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 10:52:23 PM
hello my name is richard .i am an alcoholic......." having had a spiritual awakening as a RESULT of these steps,we TRIED to carry THIS MESSAGE to ALCOHOLICS, and practice these principles in all of our affairs......... it can take awhile to actually......comprehend , that what will happen for the alcoholic.......is really a DIRECT RESULT of mastering the steps.......and then applying the knowledge in our daily life.......i find so many people get side tracked on this one .........but what the heck.some are sicker than others and it just takes longer .......sort of like mssing an exit off the freeway!!
Member: lisac
Location: benton ky
Date: 11/8/99
Time: 11:12:25 PM
Hello, my name is Lisa and I'm a grateful recovering Alcoholic. Ed, for me a drinking problem turned out to be alcoholism. Attend an AA meeting, you have already met the only requirement, A desire to stop drinking. Alcohol did destroy my life in many ways, I quit going to Church too, due to the guilt of the way I was living. Life is so much better today, I've finally made a year of soberity after coming around for five years. For me just being sober another day is a spritual experience. This is a great topic, I so long for something spirtual to happen in my life, and I know more is let to come as long as I live One Day At A Time!!
Member: annie e
Location: germany
Date: 11/9/99
Time: 4:33:58 AM
my sponsor of 11 years has started drinking again. am terribly disappointed. would you say i should start asking around for a new sponsor?
Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 11/9/99
Time: 7:52:24 AM
{{{ED}}} I once read a story of a priest, 10yrs sober in AA who came into the fellowship because he did not drink all day and every day, but every 6-12 months or so, he had the biggest bender ever, and went into the pulpit to deliver his sermon, pissed as a newt. If anyone fronted him with this behaviour, he would be very aggressive, verbally, and the last time this happened, a couple went to visit him to discuss their wedding plans, but he was drunk, and a blazing row ended with him chasing them down his drive with a machette!!! This was the first of many moves, as the Bishop relocated him and his family, every time there was a problem. His family got sick of having to relocate every 6-12 months, so he realised he had a problem,,,,,He came to AA and the rest is history..... 'The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking' (Doesn't say you have to be an alcoholic, even)
Spiritual Awakening :- No flash of white light, no voices in my head, no sudden banging of drums or fanfares, (Thank God!!) NO, as page 569 of the BB tells me, "....the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms....." Mine was (and still is) a very gradual progress, the person I WAS drank to oblivion, every time I picked up a drink, the person I AM today need never drink again, and can live a decent honest, comfortable life without the need of drink or drugs. I have had that personality change.
Great topic, Melody, thanks
Goodie@cwcom.net
ICQ 47039989
Member: Walter S.
Location: Amargosa Valley, Nevada
Date: 11/9/99
Time: 8:39:15 AM
ED OF SC !!
Welcome to the wonderful world of sobriety....and thank you for sharing. It gave me goosebumps to hear a newcomer share this morning. Sobriety is much more than just "not drinking" as you will find out. Sobriety is a spiritual way of life that is truely wonderful and exciting. Please get in touch with your local group. You have friends you have not even met yet ! If you would like to share a little one on one, I would appreciate hearing from you: walterslack@netscape.net I live in a very romote part of the southwest desert so this is my morning meeting. Thanks for being there for me this morning. Good Luck
Member: MarS
Location: MD
Date: 11/9/99
Time: 9:04:51 AM
Good Morning All. My name is Mar and I am definately a drunk. After 13 years of what I beleieved to be solid sobriety, I picked up, I have been struggling to get my spiritual footing back and it is much different now. I have discovered that the line between serenity and insanity and sanity are very close indeed. I don't have a clue regarding where I'm headed or what will happen. Learning to trust in God again is proving difficult. "Spiritual awakening", again, I suppose mine will be of the educational variety. Please pray for me. Thanks.
Member: Kathi A.
Location: Florida
Date: 11/9/99
Time: 2:36:21 PM
hey. i'm kathi and i am an alcoholic. my first virtual meeting and it has been a good one. i've become slightly obsessed with my pc since its purchase and now i can use it as a tool in my recovery. i thank you for this site.
i like what richard s. had to say. my spiritual awakening is very much dependant on my stepwork. i knew that it would never be a "burning bush" thing for me. if it were, i would just dismiss it as an acid flashback and another step toward fullblown schizophrenia. not that i discount other's experiences, it's just that i've had to work hard on my relationship with God, just as the steps are simple but definately not easy.
i had a mentor, a therapist who served as my spiritual guide. he gave a treatment plan designed to help me know a God of my own understanding. it was an intellectually challanging task that opened up my heart.that was only a beginning. God doesn't work in my life unless i work for him. living life my way and thinking i know what makes me happy only serves to make me miserable.
so, for me, it's been a slow process, this awakening. i keep taking naps periodically. working the steps has been bloody hard. and i know that i'm the last one to notice a personality change.
for the guy who got burned on disclosing his character defects. i disappointed my mentor and he disappointed me over much the same scenario regarding indiscretion, now we barely speak.it wasn't worth it. forgive the one with the big mouth. it may only be your grandiosity that blew a slip of the tongue into slander.
this was a good meeting. thanks for allowing me to participate.
Member: Andi
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 11/9/99
Time: 3:38:04 PM
Thanks for all the suggestions. I just wanted to say one thing about a spiritual awakening. It happened when I was able to finally leave all of the horrible fear driven beliefs I learned as a kid in my formal religion. I had this idea that God was to be feared and that he was judging every move I made. After being sober for a few years I realized that if he really was that type of a God he would have gotten rid of me a long time ago because I have broken every rule in the book. Today I do not have to pretend to be something I am not and I now know that he loves me anyway. And sorry everyone but I disagree with kathy's phrase about not knowing what makes me happy. I use to not know what made me happy because I feared Gods vengence so I stayed stuck in misery. I now know thats all God wants for me and I am able to go for it without fearing his vengence. A big spiritual awakening for me. Glad to be back and sharing with you all.
Member: Gabrielle P
Location: Mansfield ,TX
Date: 11/9/99
Time: 3:49:19 PM
Hi Gabrielle, grateful recovering alcoholic here. I am so happy to be alive today and sober. What a wonderful gift that I have received. I have been suffering from a great deal of depression lately and I am glad to say that once again the program and my sponser have saved me from going "out". I don't know why but around my A.A. birthday every year I get this way. I question everyone's motive and become suspicious of people I normally would trust. I had a spiritual awakeing of sorts that I can't change this aspect of myself. I have a hard time even letting God handle it for me. I am so afraid that I will fall and not be able to come back. I have such a good life today but it seems around this time of year I start feeling like it isn't important anymore. My sponser says that I am "normal" in that since. I feel that I should be very happy. God willing I will be given 12 years on the 20th and I have this fear I won't make it. Does anyone else suffer this way? I am sorry this is off the topic but I am confused about my feelings. I just got a big raise at work and a promotion, my boss remembered it was my anniverssary and helped me fixed my truck,and yet I feel so down, I drag at the meetings and have that feeling of not letting anyone close because I have this fear. My mom was just diagnosised with lung cancer too and I guess this is part of it. any suggestions would be gratefully accepted at: iib1@aol.com or at my work gpp2280@pharmerica.com Thanks for being there for me and letting me share. In Sobriety, In A.A., In Life.
Member: Ed C
Location: Easley, SC
Date: 11/9/99
Time: 5:10:55 PM
Wow! I'm grateful for the heartening responses: pattw, heather, paul, avril, walter, and all who read what I had posted and had a positive word to say. Many comments were very insightful. I suppose who share something in common. I had never thought of myself as a binge, drinker, but, duh, I am! Many aspects of my drinking I ashamed to even think about. I believe in the power and mystery of prayer, and thank God for the kind words of all you. Tuesdays are a snap for me. The devil lies in wait on Saturday!
Member: Lisa E.
Location: Yonkers, New york
Date: 11/9/99
Time: 5:41:08 PM
Hi, my name is Lisa, I'm an alcoholic. 2 1/2 yrs sober and I feel worse than when i came in. I know that its no fault of the programs. I thought i had the spiritual awakening about a year ago, maybe i did and lost it. At this point, i am fighting having a drink tooth and nail. candide99@prodigy.net
Member: Murdoch M
Location: Scotland
Date: 11/9/99
Time: 10:54:15 PM
My wife andI are desperate to stay sober, but for 20 years have been unable to accept AA. Can antone identify?
Member: Murdoch M
Location: Scotland
Date: 11/9/99
Time: 10:55:17 PM
My wife andI are desperate to stay sober, but for 20 years have been unable to accept AA. Can antone identify?
Member: Bruce G. out of room\/
Location: WeloveyouMurdoch
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 1:33:51 AM
Lo friends, I am Bruce,alcoholic, Yeah Murdoch, I can identify with that! AA is foreign in it's concept to me until I TRULY accept the fact that I am an alcoholic. At that point I become TRULY open to the reality that I am no different than anyone else in the world of AA. They are alcoholics, I am alcoholic, perhaps I can learn from THEIR experience and find a way to become free from the grip of this insidious disease.I don't have to accept the things they say if I still feel that I am "different" in some way, but by doing so I only prolong my own suffering. Nothing that I have tried on my own has been of any help. Only when I begin to look at how I am the same as those in this fellowship do I begin to learn, grow, and become free to willingly live in sobriety. The "spiritual awakening" that you see discussed in the preceding posts has been the greatest of the many blessings that I have been granted as the result of accepting my alcoholism, accepting those whom I found in AA as being just like me in that regard, accepting what they told me had worked for them as a real possibility for the solution to my own misery, and accepting that I would have to do those things that they told me I must, in order to have what they have found, and then DOING IT.
Member: Vicky B
Location: Syd Australia
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 2:35:39 AM
hi everyone my names vicky and im an alcoholic great topic just to realize that im an alcoholic is a great experience in itself and to experience a day at a time sober well thats another experience not to be missed by all who can. all i want to say is sometimes we tend to look to hard for things, when all we need to do is keep it simple and simply we will keep it. thanx everyone
Member: KEN N
Location: KELOWNA BC CAN.
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 3:15:06 AM
Member: KENNETH N
Location: KELOWNA CANADA
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 3:20:56 AM
I'M ken & i'm an alcohalic Just wanted to say it's my first on the web & i was pretty down & after reading to-day i feel good it was a very good topic I've been in AA for 21 yrs this topic always gives me a lift thank-you
Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 4:59:37 AM
My name is JC and I’m an alcoholic. Thanks for the topic, Melody. I would talk of spiritual awakenings in my case. I don’t think I waited to come to the 12th Step and to practise all the others in my life. As soon I haven’t focused all my energy on not taking the 1st drink, my life began to change and I could be aware of little things in life that lifted my clouded spirit. Examples? The smile of my children, the freedom not to drink, sunny weather, wonderful landscapes, bird songs, great friends all around me, a walk in the nature without carrying a six pack of beer, a whole new sensation I could enjoy a lot of things like I never did before, .... (you name it). And as time went by, I found more and more and I could thank my Higher Power for having found Him (at last). Thanks for letting me share. jc.toller@euronet.be - ICQ 36308407.
Member: Flora K.
Location: SE USA
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 7:44:02 AM
Hello, Flora K. alcoholic, Spiritual awakening is a great topic for me today but talk of spiritual anything was my excuse not to go to AA for many years of drinking. I confused a spiritual program with aggressive religious evangelism and that's what I feared to find in AA. Plus I saw that AA had worked for an acquaintance of mine and I realized I might stop drinking in AA if I was lucky and I couldn't imagine life without alcohol. Finally I was beaten, I had come to the jumping off place, I couldn't imagine life with or without alcohol so, pushed by some nonalcoholic friends, I forced myself to call for help. An AA member came to my home and took me to my first meeting. Noone pushed or even mentioned religion. For the first time in my life I was hearing from others who felt about life as I did. (They called it the alcoholic personality, but that was ok. I was glad to accept that characterization if it meant not being alone anymore.) I admitted I was powerless over alcohol. I realized that the simple, spiritual tools of the program offered a completely new way of dealing with life for me. Therapy, achievement, whining etc. hadn't worked. I was told that I could make the people in meetings my higher power but that being human they would let me down. Still I complained about the actions of my fellow members. Finally someone asked what I expected. He said "We are just the same drunks you see in bars. The difference is that we are sober." I realized I was seeking perfection and let it go. Another sober 24 to all.
Member: Dana
Location: New York
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 8:30:56 AM
Hello everyone. Nice to have this site! I can really identify with many things said here. I had my first spiritual awakening when I had about two years of sobriety and had just finished working the third step with my sponsor. The feeling for me was that everything was okay and, no matter what, everything would be okay. All my worries, fears, anxieties, resentments, angers, etc. didn't have to exist if I truly used the word "care" in the third step; that we turn our will and our life over to the CARE of God as we understand him. I could for the first time in my life say to somone (my Higer Power), "I can't do this alone (and sometimes not at all), please help me take care of it" and "it" could mean anything, my will and life, my family, my job, the future, etc. When I am able to practice this (progress, not perfection!), I truly can handle problems which used to baffle me. Thanks for the topic and thanks for letting me share.
Member: MaryJ
Location: Seattle
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 2:02:04 PM
Hi, I'm Mary and an alcoholic.
Spiritual awakening does have alot to do with the topic in the Step Meeting. I guess I have been through several spiritual awakenings and I think that it is good for me to have these awakenings because sometimes I get stagnant in my faith.
Step 6 says that "were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." I don't know if one can go through this step and not experience a spiritual awakening.
Thanks to all who have shared.
Member: MM
Location:
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 2:41:54 PM
Hi, My name is Margaret and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time at this site. I have a regular noon meeting on Wednesday, however, I have my grandson for the week and I am unable to attend. I pray, think about my fellow group members and stay sober a day at a time. How does this relate to the topic of "Spiritual Awakening?" I did have one and I'm still sober. In my drinking days I gave everything to alcohol: my children, husband, home, self-respect, sanity, etc, etc. I'm very, very, grateful to be sober today and to be trusted with my grandchildren. There was a day when I could not be trusted. Thank-you for the opportunity to share, I needed to connect. I love being sober.
Member: KEN N.
Location: KELOWNA canada
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 2:50:58 PM
I am KEN & I'm an alcoholic I have a really hard time with icealation & making friends in A.A. since i sobered up I just want to be alone. i find myself going to my old BAD habits I want to be happy & learn how to love not only myself but other people also i have tryed to understand GOD but can;t what am I doing wrong? I took a 15 year cake two weeks later i went back out i have been clean & sober for 20 months now but not happy with myself CAN any PLEASE help me with iceilation?
Member: Tom A.
Location: CArlisle, AR
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 4:33:10 PM
Good Afternoon to everyone on Staying Cyber's weekly discuusion meeting. my name is Tom A. a grateful sober alcoholic today, by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and the teachings of this progam we call AA.
Thanks Melody H. up there in Ontario, Canada for this weeks topic - Spiritual Awakening!.
My first spiritual awakening happen on my way home from my first AA Meeting on July 25, 1960. My puked streaked Plymouth automatically turned into my favorite watering hole and I entered and ordered a Budweiser, but Millie the waitress didn't hear my order and I changed that order to a Seven-Up and I haven't found it necessary to take a drink since that moment in time. At that meeting, one of the speakers said that "Any damn fool can stay sober twenty-four hours" and this damn fool hadn't done that for a long time. I took the speakers advice and even today it is my planned defense against taking that first drink. I'm still that damn fool!
I thank everyone for their posts this week and especially welcome all the newcomers. Remember "Any damn fool can stay sober for twenty-four hours."
Enjoy your sobriety Today!
God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net
Member: Jim H.
Location: Houston,Texas
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 5:55:41 PM
Hi My name is Jim H. and I am an alcoholic. This is the first cyber meeting I have attended and it feels strange to type those words after 3+ years of saying them. To Ed and Murdoch - I can relate because I did not think AA was for me, either. The main reason was that, if I admitted I was an alcoholic and joined AA, then maybe it would be a problem to continue drinking, which is what I did not want to accept. When I finally did come in to check it out I was blessed with some very practical advice that removed a lot of blocks for me. "One day at a time" was important. Not forever, not for a year a month or a week, just for right now. I could do anything for a few minutes. Then I was told to wait to wait in all things but most especially to wait to take the next drink. Not wait forever, just till this afternoon, or tonight, or tomorrow. I could do this. Soon I had what to me was an unbelievable 30 days, and the craving was gone. I did what I was told - read the Book (not a lot) prayed (some) got a sponsor and used him (begrudgingly) and it worked, at least so far. After so many years of trying to figure everything out myself it was a relief to simply follow instructions.
One last thought I have is that I have not been hungover on Monday in 3 years. Mondays were the worst - I started Friday afternoon and rocked into I collapsed Sunday. I felt like death on Mondays and usually Tuesdays too. I don't have to live like that anymore.
Thanks for the discussion.
Member: Cathy S.
Location: TN
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 8:15:43 PM
My name is Cathy, and I'm an alcoholic. Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I have been really down lately, mentally, physically, and most definitely spritually. Periodically, I take control of my life back from the very capable hands of God, and my "self will runs riot". Before I even know what hits me, I'm in terrible shape. I thank God and you people for reminding me, "I can not do this alone". God Bless You All - I'm going to my homegroup!
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 11/10/99
Time: 10:14:33 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to all the newcomers! And thanks everyone for sharing on an excellent topic!
I think my spiritual awakening as a result of having worked these steps and not picking up that first drink is far too rich an experience for me to express in the little space I have here. Perhaps, the best way to sum it up is to say that the spiritual world and life is real today for me, and not some abstract concept.
I believe I mentioned in a post several weeks ago that when I was in my first year of sobriety I shared in a meeting that I knew about church, the Bible, the Quran etc. but that I didn't know anything about spirituality. Today I do know a little about the spiritual life, and I can recommend it, although spiritual growth is like other types of growth--no pain, no gain.
Member: Rhonda V.
Location: E. Dorset, Vermont
Date: 11/11/99
Time: 12:42:19 AM
Hi Everyone, My name is Rhonda and I'm an ALcoholic. This is my first time at this site and I think it's wonderful. Ive been sober for a year and a half now. My spiritual awakening was induced by god and the Vermont state police who pulled me over for my 4th D.W.I. I was convicted in June 98 to serve a minimum of 2 years on house arrest and to go to an Intense substance abuse program, which I have completed. I must say I was pretty upset at that state-boy for pulling me over and arresting me, but now I look back and I wish I could get in touch with him to thank him for popping me before i killed someone and for getting me back into the program, as I went along in the 10 months of substance abuse and the endless aa meetings, I started to see that my idea of aa was taking on a whole new meaning, I started to talk to some of the people and i liked them. I followed some suggestions and wala.. things started to change for me. I still have a lot of tough times but I'm getting through them without having to pick up a drink and like they say in aa, My worst day sober is better then my best day drunk, this is all too true for me. I love being sober and I love my new life and it's all because aa was there for me and the fellowship is there and I love you all. God Bless! Thank-you for letting me share.
Member: Cheryl C.
Location: Central NY
Date: 11/11/99
Time: 1:23:32 AM
Hello everyone. This is my first time at this site and I to think its great. I have been clean sober for 13 years as of October 16. I don't go to too many meetings anymore and I know I should. It feels good just reading the postings from other revovering folks. Thanks for listening Cheryl
Member: Jeff S
Location: Northern California
Date: 11/11/99
Time: 1:27:03 AM
Hello my name is Jeff and I am a recovering Alcoholic. This is a great topic for me. I have been a cronic relapser over the last three years. Fortunately, gods grace has kept me alive long enough to realize for me that my spiritual awakenings have come subtly.
My relapses have continually proved that I cannot drink with out consequences. My greatest awakening came to me through the wisdom of my 41/2 year old daughter.
I was taking her home to her mother's after a long weekend together. I was just finishing a long term extended care program out of state and realized that my drinking and drugging had removed me from her life. As the over whelming self pitty started to hit me my daughter recognized my pain and asked me what was wrong?
I told her that I was going to miss her very much and that I was very sad that I could not be with her every day. After several seconds of silence. My daughter looked at me and said, " But I am here right now Daddy"
I hold on to this to remind me that all I have is today. Her youthful innocence is that hope I remind myself with when things get tough. By staying in today, I have a chance to grow spiritually and sucessful say I have one more day of sobriety under my belt.
But for the grace of god I am sober and I will get to see my daughter after thanksgiving. I am traveling with business and needed a meeting. this is my first meeting on the net. I really needed this meeting.Thank you for what you all have shared. It has helped me get through another lonely night of early sobriety.
Member: pamella f
Location: iowa
Date: 11/11/99
Time: 1:44:08 AM
I'm a staying cyber virgin. However, I'm anxious to participate. Spiritual awaking--I've had several. The most recent--I have faced the enemy, and the enemy was me.
Member: Sue B.
Location: Tacoma, Wa
Date: 11/11/99
Time: 2:20:00 AM
Add me to the list of first timer's here. I have felt so alone tonight and was "surfing" around to see where I could "connect" and God brought me here! THAT to me is a spritual awakening. Each time God does for me what I cannot do for myself. I had nearly 9yrs and let it go in the midst of trying to avoid the pain of another divorce.How could I possibly go through that again? Well when I "heard" my God say "that's enough"! I knew I had to walk through the tough stuff, one more time, or I'd surely return to the escape of alcohol. I did get to the other side, with many spiritual awakenings in the process and I now have 2 yrs again. But the shame of the slip kept me from admitting it for one whole year. What a power- either way - it's the power of the lie or the power of the truth. Truth is what sets me free! Thanks to all for being here.
Member: Shaun R.
Location: Tucson, AZ
Date: 11/11/99
Time: 7:19:23 AM
Hi I'm Shaun and I'm an alcoholic. I am now 31 years old. I stopped drinking for about 6 and1/2 years. Last year I moved to finish school and in November started drinking again. A couple glasses of wine at dinner at first but now things have gotten out of hand and I find myself wondering "why"? In the last year I have pushed away everyone close to me.I have become disconnected with God and all the simple joys in life.I know that I need to start the path of sobriety again but I am afraid. A few people close to me know that I have been drinking but I am ashamed to admit to my family that I have fallen. Maybe this is my "spiritaul awakening" being able to admit to the world that I have a problem and need help.I am lost but tonight God pointed me in this directionnad even though it is a small step I know that it is a step in the right direction. Reading other peoples entries has given some comfort that I am not alone in my struggle with alcohol and that I can change my life. Please pray for me as I will pray for all of you tonight.
Member: MM
Location:
Date: 11/11/99
Time: 9:33:13 AM
Margaret, alcoholic here. I was very skeptical about this "online" meeting, however, I must say it does help in the interim. As I read some of the comments I see how alcohol can drive me crazy. The insanity of the first drink and the insanity of shame. This is a 24 hour program and I have to remember not to get all wound up about lenght of sobriety. 24 hours...this is what we all have before us, as was stated earlier: "any damm fool can stay sober for 24 hours", I guess that includes me! I realize this next question isn't about spritual awakening, (or maybe it is), I would like to know how my fellow alcoholics treat cooking with "extracts" and things like Balsamic vinegar. Both of these things have alcohol, unless the extracts are imitation. What happens if you eat something with real vanilla extract in it that has not been cooked? Also, I've notice on some chocolate, the ingredients read: "chocolate liqueur". Any experience with this? I thank my Higher Power for this day of sobriety and I thank all of you for sharing. hang in there and as Earl, an old timer I know would say, "DON'T GIVE UP TOO SOON, THE ANSWER MAY BE JUST AROUND THE CORNER". First things first.
Member: sally james
Location: surrey uk
Date: 11/11/99
Time: 1:34:52 PM
To Mr and Mrs Murdoch in Scotland. AA has helped many people and changed many lives but it is not right for all. I have found that accessing cognitive and motivational methods, eg motivational interviewing and relapse cycles works better for me, (no offense to 12 steppers) Your local drug and alcohol team through health or social services should be able to point you in the direction of people offering this type of work, same problems, same aim it just uses a different focus.I have respect for AA as it has helped so many, but it was not the right approach for me.I now feel for the first time that I have found freedom from that awful 'tug and pull' of alcohol, a lot of which seems to be about not disliking myself and perhaps more importantly not being afraid of doing well.I have bad and difficult days but try to be kind to myself, even when I mess up. Each time I drink problematically I use it to learn more about what the danger spots are for me, (this is not an excuse for drinking however) anyway good luck to all!!
Member: Ed C
Location: Easley, SC
Date: 11/11/99
Time: 5:09:05 PM
I've praddled about myself and haven't added anything to the focus of discussion, spiritual awakenings. Let me share. This past weekend I planned my weekly drunk for Friday night. That way I would be sober and not hung over for church. As my wife sings in the choir, I sat with my 11 month old granddaughter in a pew. For the first time in a long time, I was able to smile, chat, and greet others. Normally, I have a hangover and avoid eye contact, or just stay home. Miraculously, K sat in my lap the whole hour (she's a very active toddler) until communion. After communion, I slipped out with her into the narthex, set her down, and watched her toddler around. Outside, it was a beautiful indian summer day. I got on one knee next to K and gave thanks for the day. It was a pristine day of clarity with the spirit of the lord and my precious grandchild. Just as easily, I could have been home hung over. To lose the precious time God gives us to spend with our loved ones is a tragedy.
Member: Cat B
Location: Sydney, Australia
Date: 11/11/99
Time: 5:27:06 PM
Hi, my name is Cat and I am an alcoholic. I got sober in AA almost 6 years ago and picked up a drink twice in the past three weeks.I gues what I have learnt from my last drunk, 7 days ago , s that there is no problem that alcohol will make better. Drinking only makes things worsen never better.Your problems are still with you when you stop drinking and your head aches and you feel dreadful. I now have to get sober again and reading everybodys comments here as reminded me of the importance of "One day at a time". Thankyou. To anybody that feels really bad and is considering picking up a drink, please believe me it does not make things better, especially when you have all the AA knowledge in your head, it just makes matters worse.
Anyhow, good luck all, keep coming back.
Member: Susan S
Location: Tahlequah, OK
Date: 11/11/99
Time: 10:38:26 PM
Hi, I'm Susan and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time on this site, too, and I feel blessed to have found it. In my year and 2 months of sobriety I have had too many spiritual experiences to list. I used to be self conscious about my "burning bushes". But I have learned that God gives us all exactly what we need and I really needed to see his wonders. I don't know a whole lot about anything but I do know that my spiritual awakening is the realization on this day that I am not drunk (I should be)and I am not full of remorse or self-pity. By the grace of God, I am no longer a sucking black hole in the universe and I thank you all for being here for my sobriety.
Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 11/12/99
Time: 2:55:21 AM
How wonderful to see so many newcomers here again this week, and I am grateful that I have access to this world-wide online AA recovery.
{{{SUE B}}} In particular, you made me feel so grateful, since I am now 9yrs sober, going through my 3rd divorce (First in sobriety) and although I am suffering emotionally, and financially right now, I have not needed a drink or drug. Your post reminded me of the little word YET!!! I can not afford to take my sobriety for granted. Thank you all for reminding me of that. I do hope you al keep coming back to this site, because I, just like you, cannot do this on my own.
Goodie@cwcom.net
ICQ 47039989
Member: Carolyn L
Location: Alabama,USA
Date: 11/12/99
Time: 12:28:09 PM
Hi,I'm Carolyn a greatful and blessed recoverring Alcoholic I have just a feew 24 hours under my belt but i agree that so many small things create a spiritual experience and a new understanding of my higher power just the fact that I remained alive to make it through the doors of A.A is amazing to me I took stupid risks when drinking and the repercussions were seldom recognized as a problem until the night I hit bottom. Now through my higher power,the steps and the ffellowship of A.A. life is not only good but each day becomes a joy ---each experience is new and beautiful last night at my local meeting I was blessed by being able to hand over 12 white chips to newcomers that was a truly spiritual feeling for me of a power greater than myself working in the room I thank God every day for choosing to allow me this way of life.
Member: BJ
Location: Austin, TX
Date: 11/12/99
Time: 12:40:41 PM
My name is BJ and I am an alcoholic. This is also my first time on this site and I do appreciate all of your comments. I have been in and out of AA for 14 years. I am once again in need of help from my friends in AA. I was ashamed of loosing my sobriety and the fact that I failed. I does help to see that I am not alone in a desire to once again find my way back. Thanks to all for being here. BJ
Member: RANDY
Location: KELOWNA B.C.
Date: 11/12/99
Time: 3:35:00 PM
my name is RANDY H i am just coming back to AA i have been clean & sober for three days & i'm scared to go to meetings because of the shame & guilt . i almost made 1 year & alot of stuff happened & i went back out i realize now how dumb it was & i should have called my sponcer but now i feel i let him down & don't know were to turn right now .thank-you forletting me share
Member: Terri S.
Location: Wis.
Date: 11/12/99
Time: 9:40:53 PM
Hello,my name is Terri I'm a Greatful Alcoholic, Ed C. your in the right place.Glad your here & to all the new comers or suffing ones,we are so glad your here. I can never repay what's been giving to me so freely,one of my real awakenings was when I was told that the steps are suggested & so is a parachute when jumping out of a plane, they both will save your life, Shaun R. glad your back, GOD BLESS YOU ALL EACH & EVERY ONE. FEMALE ONLY PLEASE tcsiler@win.bright.net if you need to talk one on one. I'd be glad to. See Ya
Member: Terri S.
Location: Wis.
Date: 11/12/99
Time: 9:40:57 PM
Hello,my name is Terri I'm a Greatful Alcoholic, Ed C. your in the right place.Glad your here & to all the new comers or suffing ones,we are so glad your here. I can never repay what's been giving to me so freely,one of my real awakenings was when I was told that the steps are suggested & so is a parachute when jumping out of a plane, they both will save your life, Shaun R. glad your back, GOD BLESS YOU ALL EACH & EVERY ONE. FEMALE ONLY PLEASE tcsiler@win.bright.net if you need to talk one on one. I'd be glad to. See Ya
Member: Big John M.
Location: Modesto, CA
Date: 11/12/99
Time: 11:28:01 PM
Hi, everyone! I'm John, a real alcoholic. What a great topic! ( Of course, I've never met a bad topic; just ones I didn't want to face at the time. Facing myself can be damned uncomfortable!) There has been such super sharing, and, great quoting of the appropriate areas in the BB, that all I can add is my own personal experience.
I first went to a meeting in November of 1983 and declared myself an alcoholic. Then, I started working real hard at "listening to the differences". I hadn't been to jail, got in fights, beat my spouse, lost my job, and on and on. I didn't know about the concept of "YET" (you're eligible too). So, convinced that I wasn't like all of you sick people, I went back out. This began a pattern of going to meetings and trying to work THE Program into a customized "MY" Program, (ie. Steps 1,2,3, and 12 and I'm done), for 3 or 4 months, then, once again convincing myself that I was unique, staying drunk for the next year or so. I did this over and over for 11 years. The damnedist thing happened during that time. All those "YET"s, or least most of them, happened. ( a couple are waiting patiently for me to do a little more research into whether or not I really have a problem.)
Well, in early July of 1994 I was whipped and truly surrendered. I checked myself into a treatment facility, and after 4 days of being sedated with phenobarbitol so the seizures of the DT's wouldn't kill me, I sat up on the edge of my hospital bed and sent a plea up to my Higher Power to relieve me of this obsession in any way He saw fit. That included death; I had already attempted suicide. I wasn't afraid to die. I was afraid to live! From that day, July 6, 1994, on, I have NOT had the obsession to drink. I believe that may be a spiritual experience.
Now, my spiritual awakening has been a real process that has happened gradually over time as I have applied another of the gifts from my Higher Power, our blueprint for living, THE Program, to my daily living. My life is absolutely wonderful today compared to the soulless, empty shell I was over 5 years ago. And, I have walked through some tall cotton in sobriety. A heartattack and surgery, an awfully bitter divorce, remarriage and two alcoholic, addict step-sons, fight for custody of my son, and on and on. I have not found it necessary to take a drink through this and other stuff. Through the Grace of my Higher Power, God as I understand Him, I have grown and learned and loved and shared through the gift of our Program; THE Program.
I thank God every night for the gifts He has given me: Sobriety, the Program, love, acceptance, all the work He has done in my life through all of you who share with me, and way too much to put here tonight. Thank you all for all that you have done for me. Forgive the length of this post; I had a need. God bless you all and good night.
Member: Chess B.
Location: San Diego, CA.
Date: 11/13/99
Time: 3:32:20 AM
my name is chess and I'm an alcoholic. I think the best gem I've ever heard a about "spiritual awakening" was this. The seeker asked Buddha "Buddha, are you a God?" and Buddha replied "no, I am awake". A spiritual awakening from being anesthetized for so long has occurred over a long period. But after 7 years in the program, I feel I am finally "awake". In the beginning though, I remember simply feeling alive for the first time, raw and at times painful though it was. Today, I finally feel like I can begin to play with my marbles so to speak and what a joy that is! Another definition for spirituality that rang very true for me was from the Dali Lama. He put it very simply for me. "Spirituality is relationships. our relationship with ourself, with our community and with God." amen.
Member: Sydney W.
Location: San Jose, CA
Date: 11/13/99
Time: 11:51:02 AM
Hi guys, I'm Sydney and I'm an alcoholic/addict. I'm 20yrs old, and my 4 year b-day is on monday!It's my first time at this site, and I think it rocks! The "language of the heart" has now extended over the web. That's hot. Margaret, about the whole "what's okay trip (ingrediant wise)" I know how you feel, and what I was told is "what feels okay to you?" I am extreamly paranoid about that, I won't even touch food that has been cooked in alcohol (even though it's all cooked off). But, I have a sober uncle, who is one of my favorite people in the world, and he drinks non-alcoholic bear (he has 26 years of sobriety). I don't even use mouthwash! But,that is because when I was on house arrest I used to get loaded off of scope, and nyquil. It's all what makes you feel good. SPIRITUAL AWAKENING: awesome topic. I like to think of it as when we were loaded are souls were asleep, non-functional, non-useful. When we got sober, God said to us "So, you're going to wake up?" And he helped breath the life back into our souls. Once again, we enjoy life, we can laugh, we can cry, we can scream, we are alive, and amongst the living. And even though it might suck to be sober sometimes (like when you can't party like you used too), no matter what happens, you are aware of it, and you are participating in life. And after awhile, it feels good to have your life.
Member: Sue G
Location: u.k.
Date: 11/13/99
Time: 4:35:41 PM
Hi,my name is Sue,& im an alcoholic. I am currently only 5 months sober,and a first time user of "staying cyber".I very nearly lost my son to social services due to my drinking but i am proud to say that since finding AA my life has found meaning,instead of trying to find my next 'fix'.I have however (due to home life) started to feel myself start to weaken ,I am in need of support and caring at this time,which I hope i can find here and in other rooms,I am still dry and do not want to slip,but my home life makes me feel like he wants me to fail,am i losing my mind?.HELP
Member: Sue G
Location: u.k.
Date: 11/13/99
Time: 4:36:40 PM
Hi,my name is Sue,& im an alcoholic. I am currently only 5 months sober,and a first time user of "staying cyber".I very nearly lost my son to social services due to my drinking but i am proud to say that since finding AA my life has found meaning,instead of trying to find my next 'fix'.I have however (due to home life) started to feel myself start to weaken ,I am in need of support and caring at this time,which I hope i can find here and in other rooms,I am still dry and do not want to slip,but my home life makes me feel like he wants me to fail,am i losing my mind?.HELP
Member: Carroll
Location: USA
Date: 11/13/99
Time: 8:00:03 PM
To: sally james. Why bother posting your "outside opinions" on an AA site. Keep coming back and good luck to you.
Member: bobbyb
Location: Florida
Date: 11/13/99
Time: 10:14:17 PM
Hi, I'm bobbyb, and I'm an alcoholic. My spiritual awakening came last june 12th when I FINALLY realized that after 8 years of trying get control of my alcoholism I couldn't do this on my own. I got to my knees and asked the Lord for help. I went to a treatment center and really didn't care who knew. I surrendered!
Member: DEE M
Location: Calgary Alta
Date: 11/13/99
Time: 10:18:44 PM
Hello all my name is Dee and I am an addict/alcoholic. I thank you for your topic, it is a beautiful one. I remember at about 2.5 yrs sober...I was walking to work one winter morning and it hit me. I AM NOT THAT IMPORTANT. Not only that, but I'd better start contributing, and give back what I have been so freely given. Well lets just say that worked, until I stopped believing it. I went back to school to learn and to serve. I began forgetting once I was ther the importance of the meetings and the deadliness of the disease. My EGO swallowed my heart. I drank two weeks ago for the first time in 4.5 yrs and it was awful. In fact every time I drank in the last two weeks something BAD happened...surprise, surprise. Not really. I know what I have to do. I also know that it wasn't that I didn't have a strong program because I did, I just stopped practicing what I learned, and believing what I knew. I went back to my home group this morning, and man what LOVE. God Bless them for their welcome, I know I would return the favour to anyone of them, or you in a second. That's how it works. I am sitting at home tonight with four days sober. It's Saturday...and I feel like drinking. Crazy? No sick...I am sick and I need help. I thought writing this down may help it to pass. Cognitively I do not want even a sip of alcohol...then why the pull. 3 words. Cunning, Baffling, and Powerful. Thanks for reading, and I wish each and everyone of you another 24 hours.
Member: Mark
Location: Upstate New York
Date: 11/13/99
Time: 10:54:51 PM
I do not no if I have had a spiritual awakining as of yet. As a matter a fact I have been some what unhappy the past couple of years. aaaaI have yet to drink, but it would not be hard. I believe that the only thing stopping me is the fact that things will only get worse. What do I do? Feel free to e-mail some support. marcos@frontiernet.net
Member: ezduzit81991
Location: Kentucky
Date: 11/14/99
Time: 1:31:03 AM
hi, my name is ezduzit, and i'm an alcoholic. been sober 8 years, some good, some bad. i believe that we have many spiritual awakenings, and that as long as i keep having them i know that i'm growing. the spiritual condition is contigent upon spiritual maintenance. that is something i have to work on everyday. thanks for letting me share. e-mail me at: ezduzit81991@yahoo.com
Member: Ann P.
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 11/14/99
Time: 2:48:53 PM
Hi, I'm Ann, alcoholic and grateful, Thanks to all the posts, your sharing is wonderful. I believe that the spiritual awakenings are the 'Higher Power's communications to us. Whatever they are and happen to us is conditional to our spiritual fitness. I have 22+ years of soberity and I still do not have a direct line to my HP. Reading the posts today has helped this alcoholic, to realize where I'm in need of renewed efforts. To the Murdocks, Sally's post might give you the motive to experiment some more, please give it another shot. For you and all newcomers, try going to 90 meetings in 90 days, if you do not like what we have, you can have back your misery. I have not learned anything on my own, people have passed on the program of AA to me . One of the ditties that was passed to me was: it isn't how much you may drink or how often you drink but what you do when you drink. Would you perform the same if you were drinking coffee or coca cola? If the answer is no perhaps you do have a problem. You have tried it your way, why not try another? If you had cancer would you give 90 days to what may be a lifesaver medicine? If you look like a duck, walk like a duck, maybe you're a duck? Which drink gets you drunk? Don't know, well, look at a train coming down the track, if you step in front of it, its the engine(first one), that kills you not the caboose. Bring the body, the mind will follow.
To the slippers, welcome back. The HP has protected you, MANY never make it back from only one slip. I quit thinking about drinking and slipping when I conceded deep in the heart of me, that I was truly an alcoholic. Until that time, some little part of me wondered if I could drink like others.
Annie, for me, I would need a new sponser, only an opinion. Ric G. SA: I had a 4th step paperwork stolen, never recovered. I know your pain. Just for the record, the BB lists alot of choices for sharing the 5th before with an "understanding" person. I believe this was not an accidential suggestion. One of the ways I dealt with this was to broaden my sharing, owning my own stuff thereby maybe helping others but freeing me from my fear of revelations. Good Luck.
Sorry this is long, but had to do it. Keep coming back, it works.
Love, Ann P. Oklahoma
Member: Sirens
Location: Iceland
Date: 11/14/99
Time: 4:14:43 PM
Clean and sober, a new life.
Member: Marilyn M
Location: Near Seattle
Date: 11/14/99
Time: 4:37:34 PM
Hi, this is my first time here. I've been sober for almost six years. I guess I have a spiritual awakening every time it hits me how different life is now. How good life is now and how things have affected my son. Every time I am there for him at a school function or take him somewhere fun and I get tears in my eyes because I am able to do that.
Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit
Date: 11/14/99
Time: 4:37:43 PM
My spiritual awakening STARTED almost 9 years ago when I found this fellowship. More has been revealed as I continued to show up and try to have a somewhat open mind. I'm sure there's lots more in store for me. I hope I don't do anything stupid so I don't receive the benefits of this program. Thanks for the topic.
Member: John.L
Location: Newark,De
Date: 11/14/99
Time: 4:51:36 PM
Evening all,,,,I was wondering if we could make the topic this week,,getting involved in AA not just going to AA,,,,being part of your recovery ,,,for awhile now I have been up and down in my recovery. but it seems like when i'm in a slump. it's because i'm just going to aa,not involved in aa....I have alot to be happy for now adays.I have a life for starters,I have John back,but most of all I have a second chance today.and I owe it all to AA!!! people seem to think that going to meetings will get them sober! at least I thought that way at first..but then one day I got involved in AA,and a whole nother part of my recovery opened up to me .You all and rooms like this have taught me that nothing is worth drinking over,nothing ,,,my home group has taught me what it's like to have friends today to do sober things,how to have fun with out alcohol,or any other substance .
I guest what i'm getting at ,,,is that since i've gotten involved with my recovery and not just expected to recover.my life has gotten a little better. I still have bad days,don't get me wrong,but it is because you all have loved me till I could love myself.you have shown me a way of life,with out using ,you have given me hope and a chance today.and for that i'm Gratefull/Happy/& Sober /Today
Hope you all have a Safe and Sober Day thanks for letting me share . John.L
Member: DJ S
Location: Newmarket On Canada
Date: 11/14/99
Time: 10:22:04 PM
Hi ... I am an Alcoholic and my name is DJ ... my first time typing on the net ... feels ok
Just wanted to thank everyone that shares here ... i read all the comments and try to relate them to what is going on in my recovery.
My Spiritual Awakening ... is the times that I think of God's Will for me or the feelings of others .... before my will or wants ...
I wasn't like that when I was a practising drunk. A change of personality that makes me happy to be me .... A change from wanting to drink and get drunk to wanting to be sober and part of life. Life at home ... at work ...and in the Fellowship ... Active and Participating in all areas of my life .... a promise made to me by AA .... to be returned to usefulness.
Keep typing and sharing please ... i love the honesty ....
Keep Coming Back .... Love ya