Member: Tami R
Location: NH
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 7:48:13 AM

Comments

I am working on the first step. Why does everyone have to hit bottom to realize that sobriety is the only option left? I really dont know any alcoholic who decided just to 'get better' on their own. It usually took a horrific event or many to snap us out of it.


Member: Glen
Location: Tx
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 7:57:35 AM

Comments

Tami, hitting bottom is a great topic. What you said is the way I feel when some complain about the court ordered attendees - we were ALL forced in by spouses, family, employers, courts, or by simply feeling so bad. Nobody woke up and said, "Hey. let's go see what those AA's are doing, I'll bet that's fun!" So I think we do what we can to help "raise the bottom", and for me that means sharing what it was like for me early on, before the alcoholism progressed to where it was the end, If I do that, hopefully someone will connect and not have to go thru what I went thru. Maybe one of those court orderd folks, or someone whose spouse made them attend.


Member: Chris H.
Location: KS
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 8:46:34 AM

Comments

This is a wonderful topic. I've read the stories in the BB and some of them are very scary. I don't want my alcoholism to progress to that point. But, I think for me I had to nearly "prove" to myself that I indeed am an alcoholic. I've gone through this period of experimental drinking the past month or two and I discovered the other night that I failed the experiment and can now proudly wear the title alcoholic. My bottom isn't nearly as bad as some, but did involve smashing the bumper of my car into something (I don't know what) and my husband telling me to choose between drinking and my marriage. Being sober is now my goal. Thanks to this wonderful site and hopefully finding a f2f meeting soon, I'll stay sober. Thanks Tami for the great topic.


Member: Bette
Location: Seacoast
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 9:36:05 AM

Comments

Hi- I guess its' ok to post in both the "newbie" discussions and this one. I just posted my first message in the other. So rather than repeat myself totally, it's there if ineterested. Hitting bottom- yep, that's where I'm headed if I don't turn things around ASAP. Lost my husband (but that's kinda ok- he's a jerk anyway (I would normally use another word or two but will refrain of of politeness). Also lost my job- which was not alcohol related directly, but maybe indirectly (lack of incentive, etc).Lots of losses. I could go on and on. But my two biggest fears right now are losing my kids and my health. Still have my kids and my doc says health is ok (but hey it's an HMO so who knows how thouroughly he checked- a little humor thrown in here). Bottom line- no pun intended- is that I'm damn close to hitting bottom. And I know that I am the only one that can pull myself out of the pit- or at least start the process. And so the question has been asked- why do we have to get that low before we do anything? I don't know. I've done lots of readings,studied the medical and psychological theories, etc... I don't know why people like me and all of you, who have so much potential-for ourselves, our loved ones, the world- would willingly throw it all away for "just one more drink".


Member: Valerie M.
Location: Canada
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 9:46:31 AM

Comments

Thanks for the topic, Tami! My last night of a ten year stretch of drinking was "bottom enough" for me. I was deliriously dancing around thinking I was so "happy" - when I was actually crying. I was newly married and had done my usual send my husband out for the night so I could concentrate on getting plastered. I was sick and went immediately back to the kitchen to pour myself another drink. When I woke up the next day, I was so despondent, not understanding why I was "doing this to myself" - not realizing that I was in the grips of a deadly disease. I phoned AA and spent the next hour on the phone with a very nice man who convinced me to get to a meeting. I shakily went to an open meeting - my husband came with me - and it was the start I needed to stay sober. So, it may not have been a "lose everything" bottom, but it was enough for me to make me want to get help. I was at a point where I couldn't go on like I was anymore. Now, 9 years sober, I'm still just as grateful to be well as I was the first week, two weeks and month...thank you for letting me share.


Member: DonF
Location: NH
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 10:12:32 AM

Comments

Chris H. in KS: Find a F2F meeting. There are people there who already love you even if they haven't met you yet. Don't drink. Go to meetings. Ask for help. Let it happen. That's it. God's grace. Unmerited favor. If you're in a small town like I grew up (or failed to do so) in KS, anonymity would seem to be a problem. But it's not. If they knew you, they knew you had a drinking problem even before you did. Me, I had to move sixteen times in six other states, go through two wives, a lotta girlfreinds, six jobs, and dozens of cars and motorcycles before I got sober. The more I learn in AA, the more I can look back and recognize signs of my drinking problem, and realize how I settled for less at several junctures, and didn't know it at the time, and it was all about loss of values and making decisions around where the parties were, and where the "good times" were to be had, i.e. the drinking opportunities and the people who drank like I did. Come with us, we need you as much as you need us.


Member: Paul W
Location: Michigan
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 10:14:03 AM

Comments

Hi everyone I'm Paul an alchoholic. Great topic Tami, thanks I hope everyone will consider commenting only once this week, as the posting rules suggest. This week, I think I need to listen. Thank you


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 10:26:23 AM

Comments

Great topic! For me I had to reach a bottom which made me humble enough to ask for help, but didn't keep me sober. Then I went to another bottom, when I began to see the nature of my disease, but bull headedness led me to drink again. My last bottom showed me I had to make other choices rather than run from my fears and problems, by drinking. This bottom proved to me the results would always be the same and gave me a true willingness to move on to step 2, where I had to get over myself enough to give God a try. Some realize this without ending up on the street or in the hospital. The important thing is that this egotistical drunk know this before I am truely willing to go to God first with my problems.


Member: Mark W.
Location: home of the world's largest croquet wicket
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 10:37:12 AM

Comments

Tami, Thanks for the great topic! When it gets down to it, the reason we alcohloics have to hit bottom in order to sober up is that we are not willing to admit that we have a problem prior to that. This bottom occurs at a different level for each of us. Some find the unpleasant feelings of hangovers enough. Sleeping in the gutter urinating on oneself motivates some. Others NEVER hit bottom! Both of my parents lived the last few months of their lives in abject misery, caused by the ravages of alcohol. Mom, in a coma, dad with no liver function. Not pretty in either case. Third stage was horrible to see as well, because they both had a hate on for every person, place and thing in their lives towards the end. Was MY personal bottom hit from seeing them? NO! I had to keep drinking for a time before I was ready. Since then I have seen the description that best fits reality. There are but three results of alcoholism. Locked up, covered up, or sobered up. I chose sobered up. I hope that all here do too. Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: Tim H.
Location: Japan
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 10:49:49 AM

Comments

Hi, Tim, alcoholic. The problem is ME and it has always been Me. Before I hit bottom, I had 1000 different people and things to blame all my problems on. I hit bottom when I finally realized that I did all this to myself, and that on my own my unmanageability would completely destroy me.


Member: John H
Location: Manchester UK
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 11:50:28 AM

Comments

I agree that we all appear to have different rock bottoms. Mine was 12 weeks ago but it wasn't dramatic - I just realised one evening, whilst mywife was out, that booze had a bit of a grip on me rather than the other way round. I didn't get into trouble first - just a die-hard heavy social drinker (the 'know-alls' at f2f meetings all shout 'YET' at that point). But this evening there was a difference - I suddenly realised that my life was revolving around drinking opportunities, and I was enjoying over-indulging. I liked getting boozed. I could foresee that it would get worse if I carried on so I rang AA and asked for help. I was cajoled into going to a meeting - a reluctant sceptic at that time- but it was the best thing I ever did.I soon realized I had a real problem and now know I'm an alcoholic. I go to f2f every night now except when I go out with my wife and I feel fantastic most of the time. I've just got a sponser and am about to work the Steps. It works, doesn't it? Just don't pick up the first drink and go to meetings on a regular basis.


Member: Buce N
Location: Houston Tx
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 11:59:18 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Bruce and an alcoholic. My bottom came in june of 1983 when I discovered that booze and drugs stopped working for me. For so long it would do for me what I could not do for myself (which was just about everything). I had to face the man in the mirror. Today I replace the booze and drugs with God, family, my group, good friends, church because I have discovered that that is what really works. Not just for the moment or as a temporary fix but as an ongoing solution to my problem....ME. God bless you all and thanks for being here for me.


Member: Robert T.
Location: Beaverton Or.
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 12:08:27 PM

Comments

Robert, alcoholic, It took me many tears to realize that just maybe I could surrender to win. I didn't have to die. When I was 11 years old I had a paper route in downtown Kokomo,Indiana and saw drunks laying in store fronts in the mid 60's. I thought how hopeless. 37 years later I experienced the same thing, except it was under a bridge. I fully understand what may be next. I love this program and I totally thank God for showing me another way. Thanks Tami. I am glad you're here.


Member: Terry J.
Location: Kansas
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 12:16:30 PM

Comments

Terry here, I'm an alcoholic. Yes, hitting bottom is a very good topic. I had thought MANY times surely things had gotten bad enough, that I would stay sober. Didn't for 17 years once I went to my first meeting. Why? I guess I just couldn't accept the fact I couldn't control anything concerning my alcoholism. Cunning, baffling and powerful is an understatement for me. Patient is also a quality of alcohol for me. It will wait and wait until I THINK, and it could strike again. The first thing I always said is I just don't understand! What's to understand? I can't drink and today I don't want to. Just for today. My last drink was a 7 day black out traveling drunk that took me over 4,000 miles and put me on life support. While lying in a room to be transferred, it occured to me there was nothing left to think about. That's when clarity came to me. The loss of pride and ego to the point where my Higher Power could reiterate the message I had first heard years ago. I'm very grateful to be sober the past few years. It has been worth anything I've had to change. There are LOTS of meetings in Kansas:) Every body have a great week, it's good to be here among sharing folks. Thanks! gratefultogod1@yahoo.com


Member: John H
Location: Indiana, USA
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 12:25:17 PM

Comments

Glad to be here to share with you, from John, an alcoholic. I probably hit rock bottom many times over the years without realizing it. When I began to be aware, there was not enough honesty to resist just "one more drink". Well, we know what one more drink brings, more situations,more poor relationships, more troubles, more aches and pains-- in short, hell on earth. Is that first drink and its aftermath worth the misery pain to self and others? Will the future of drinking bring on more serious experiences? When we can honestly see that the answer is NO, that we cannot drink alcohol anymore, a day at a time and are then committed and willing to stop drinking--we are at the bottom and then prepared to climb to higher planes by working the AA program to the best we can. Patience, with faith in the program and the Higher Power will guide us to a spiritual understanding of life on life's terms Our views will be postive, constructive and of service in all areas of our life. God bless you all.


Member: Dawn
Location: California
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 12:32:58 PM

Comments

Hi, Denial for years. I just enjoy partying, I said. Everyone else drank as much as me. And the big one, how could I really face the next day knowing I could not drink. As 1982 approached, making bad decisions, marrying a very wrong man and finally, trying to take my life because I could not endure another day. Then facing myself and family -- I have a problem. Did I have to "hit bottom" before I let go of false pride and reach out. I look back and say to myself "if I haven't married him" I would have been ok. "If". I also look back and bless my "bottom" because as of today I have 20 years of soberiety. Not all easy years. Even recently had a close call. I have to watch that "fear" thing that grips me. For me it was going to ftf meetings daily for a long time -- at first not even hearing what was being said, but I was there. My very first meeting, a man bought me the BB. Recently after my last close call, heading for a ftf meeting and being embraced by all. Yes, I bless my bottom because I have had another 20 years of life without looking through a bottle.


Member: wilma j
Location:
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 12:52:10 PM

Comments

good morning; I am a co dependant person wife and child; As far as hitting bottom I feel that it is an awakening that makes us co dependants alckies and druggies realize that we are truly sick and need help, No matter what road our bottom leads us too. Whether for example its throwing out the drunk because we cant take anymore, Or wakeing up to realize that you are sick of being sick and tired. But the bottom line is Once you are at your bottom You can climb back up the ladder to life. With the grace of god and the best bunch of people I have ever met to lead you along the way. I thank God for this realization and for makeing our lifes better here at home. May your higher powers lead you all on your way to recovering , One day one hour or 1 minute at a time.


Member: Hugh M
Location: Drayton Valley Alberta Canada
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 2:05:51 PM

Comments

Hello my name is Hugh and I am an alcoholic every one has a different low, alcohol picks no favorites: school teachers ,truckdrivers, heads of huge companys, politicians,or the derelict in the street ,it is a disease that we will all have till the day we die.We are all fortunate to have found AA At the time that we did. So I agree that if it takes the courts or a relative to give us that much needed push and if it changes one life or saves one life as it has mine then so be it thanks Bill and Bob and my sober friends for another 24


Member: Glen
Location:
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 2:49:33 PM

Comments

Terry, thanks for sharing that. One thing about it - after losing seven days and waking up 400 miles away on life support, there wouldn't be any doubt that you belong in AA.


Member: J-Rae
Location: N.D.
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 3:53:39 PM

Comments

Why must we hit bottom? Good topic. Because, I feel, that unless we see a bottom, or are at a bottom, we can't look 'up'. Sometimes, we need to be brought down to make us look up. I tried lots of things to figure out what my problem was.....not knowing all the while that my problem was ME, or rather, denying that fact. Everywhere I went, there I was. When I entered AA, others shared their stories about their alcoholism. They told me, "If you don't think you're one of us, just go back out there and try it again, and if you're not a drunk, great, but if you are, your misery can gladly be refunded, and then some." Well, I didn't have much else TO lose. So, if I gave this AA bit a try, I DID have something to gain....life. I couldn't have realized that if the bottom hadn't been raised up for me. I was spared that last 10 or 15 years of misery. At the 'bottom' of my problem was ME. I'd followed myself around long enough to know that. All those masks I was wearing were being torn away. What was left was ME. So there I was, at the bottom, under all that crap....materials, stuff, relationships, family, job, I was under all that mess I made of my life, and I had to get there to find out the truth of my problem....ME....SELF WILL RUN RIOT, allright. And if I wanted to get out of that hole, I had to stop digging. When I stopped digging, I was at the bottom. Simple. Thank you all for being there, and letting me share.


Member: David H
Location: Nashville
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 4:09:40 PM

Comments

Bottoms are a good topic. The elevator keeps going down on alcoholicsthat keeps drinking. My bottom was pure misery when the dreaded 4 horsemen Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despare were my costant companions. I had made a decision to be fearless and thorough and do what it took to get sober and its been working for almost 4 years. However,as far consequences go, They can be a great aid but they won keep you sober. I know a guy who recently got drunk and if his porole officer hears about it, he will do 20 in the state pen. He has already spent about 5 years of his life there.


Member: Jeff T.
Location: Nebraska
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 4:43:10 PM

Comments

The nice thing about hitting bottom is there doesnt have to be more than one. When i look into the empty milk jug i see only one bottom? The same goes for me & my alcoholism there doesnt have to be more than ONE bottom. This to some extent is what they told me at my first meeting. From that day on i have remained sober thanks to a higher power & you good people of AA.


Member: Roz V.
Location: NYC
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 6:05:42 PM

Comments

Tami, Thanks for the topic. I know for me it was important to "concede to my innermost self" that I was an alcoholic. In order to do that I needed to hit a bottom that was low enough and painful enough that I didn't have any doubt. I hit bottom after daily drinking, lying, cheating, stealing. After becoming a person that was so desparate, depressed, and ugly that I didn't recognize myself in the mirror any more. I was suicidal all the time. When I went to my first AA meeting on 6/81/91..little did I know that I would leave that room becoming an alcoholic but I did and it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me. Keeping my bottom fresh in my memory keeps me sober 11 1/2 years later...I NEVER want to return to that misery again.


Member: Elaine
Location: Atlanta
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 7:17:54 PM

Comments

Hey there all. I hit bottom and hit it hard. Felt like diving into a swimming pool absent of water. Bette, you will lose your kids. That was my bottom. Stop drinking now. I am happy to say now, after drying out in a treatment facility near here, I am sober 14 days - and will never go back. Dont let your bottom be mine - also my second husband said today we are divorcing next week - but I truly think by sobriety is affecting this one - he is an alcoholic too - I think the changes have been too much because our lives revolved around the drug. I hate that stuff - I think of a poision sign on it whenever I see a wine bottle - that was what I drank. You woulnt dring clorox - would you? Dont dring alcohol - pure posision for us. With my higher power now - I will get through this. The loss or children - and now my quest to regain them - with God - will be my strength. Love to all -


Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 7:23:09 PM

Comments

Hi! I'm Kathy and I am an alcoholic. I think we have to hit OUR bottom because of that big word "DENIAL". Alcoholism is the only disease that tells us we don't have a disease. I agree with J-Rae that we have to be brought to a point to ask for help. For so many years I was a social drinker and had fun drinking so there was no reason to stop. The last 5 years of my drinking is when I started having bad consequences from my drinking. The drinking was not fun anymore it turned into an obsession and I still wasn't ready to stop until I started having back problems....The Judge, The Police, The Family were all on my back so I had no where else to go but UP. Everyone has their own bottom and I don't think you can get sober until you hit yours. You have to want to NOT DRINK more then you want to drink.


Member: Kellie R.
Location: Arizona
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 8:13:53 PM

Comments

Hi, I am Kellie and I am an alcoholic. Hitting bottom is a painful topic for me, but I am at a place in my sobriety where I am just so dam tired of the mental obsession to drink. My first bottom came about two years ago. I was newly married and had been closet drinking for about 8 months. I holed up in my home alone, kicked out my beautiful husband and proceeded to drink myself into oblivion for @ a week. a friend and my husband interveined and I was taken to the hospitol by the police, alcohol makes you crazy and I was crazy and managed to escape and went right to a grocery store and stole a bottle of Rumplmintz. I came to about 36 hours later lying in my own vomit behind a dumpster,covered with cactus and scratchesd blood.I remember nothing. I walked to 2-3 miles home and climbed the Ponderosa tree to my condo balcony, my husband who was frantically worried called the police again after I cussed him out for my predicament. My arms and legs were strapped to a cot and after @24hrs. in the emergency room was shipped to a detox unit then a 28 day treatment program. Since that I have tried to commit suicide twice while heavily intoxicated and have not had more than 5-6 mnths. of sobriety, I always say I have reached my bottom and I know better than to drink, but my stinkin'thinkin' alwawys gets me in deep trouble. I have almost lost my wonderful and supportive husband and have sent my son to live with his father while I try and take care of me and get this thing once and for all. My last relapse was justas wild and crazy as the calmity Jane that I grew up as, they say that you stop maturing when you take your first drink and are alocholic, well I am about 8yrs.old and have alot of catching up to do before I get to be an adult. Thank god for a wonderful sponsor who pulls me out of the toilet and a family who loves me, I know that I a have to overcome my self-defeating feelings about myself, that I do not deserve to be loved.Heck I do not even know what a feeling feels like, but I know I am getting closer to being human. I know I want to live, be healthy and most of all be sober. I am grateful I am sober today and reading everyone's entries reminds me to keep all those nightmares of where alcohol has taken me very green. Kellie


Member: Dennis H.
Location: Austin TX
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 8:20:39 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Dennis and I'm an alcoholic, sobriety date 3/28/98. Everyone has to find thier own bottom and mine came after trying to sober up on my own for a week (had to,job related). I remember buying beer thinking that I wouldn't drink it. After 3 days off the sauce, I was totally out of my mind and ended up in the E.R. I just couldn't do it by myself...I had to have help. My only friend left was a member of AA and suggested that I go to a meeting with him. I resisted at first, then relented when the pain became unbearable. I went to my 1st F2F. Best move I've ever taken! I was not alone anymore. Here were a group of seemingly happy people living without getting plastered daily. I finally found my home. If you are having a problem with booze, don't wait till everything worthwhile is gone from your life. All you need is a desire to not drink for whatever reason.


Member: Anna W
Location: NC
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 8:52:59 PM

Comments

Hi, Anna/Alcoholic, For me it was definately loosing someone. I lost my husband who was my best friend. Also, I couldn't stand the running around in circles and lying to myself. Then try and keep up with all of the lies I told everyone else. Whew, It was no wonder I couldn't concentrate on my job or my husband. Now that I have fessed up and told everyone that I lied to (the ones I remember) I feel like the whole world has been lifted off of my shoulders. Everyones "Bottom" is different. I have a great sponsor and a great HP. Thanks and I'll pass


Member: Jay L.
Location: Arizona
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 10:21:22 PM

Comments

I don't know that everyone has to "hit bottom" in order to gain membership into AA. My life got progressively worse over the last few years due to my alcohol consumption and I couldn't stop drinking on my own. I saw my dependence upon the drink becoming stronger as well as that intuitive feeling about getting a DUI within the next 6 months if I didn't stop drinking altogether. I tried everything under the sun for quite a few years, but I just couldn't stop drinking. I began to really 'need' alcohol! I loved what alcohol gave me, but I couldn't stand what it took away from me, in return. Step 1 became my reality when I came to the conclusion that I couldn't drink just one or two beers and call it a day. It took me many years to get to that conclusion, but once I did, the First Step for me was in the books, at least for today.


Member: CM
Location: California
Date: 10/27/2002
Time: 11:02:24 PM

Comments

Thankyou for the topic. I easily forget how bad I get when I am at my bottom. I care of little else but how and when I get my next drink to fix me. But, it took a few weeks of sobriety to admit that I was unmanageble because upon the arival of AA I still had a life to lead but I could easily see that I wouldnt have it for much longer if I stayed on the track I was on and in an insane frame of mind. Thanks to AA and all of the steps I can say that God makes my life managable and keeps my sober by his grace, not always by my intention.


Member: Bette
Location: Seacoast
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 2:29:22 AM

Comments

Hi- I'm breaking the requested rules and posting twice in one week. But I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone's stories. I am realizing that I am not alone in this. And Marie- thanks for the blunt reality check on my kids. The thought of losing them, or screwing up their lives, is devastating. The husband is gone- talk about co-dependency there-it's better for both of us. But my kids!!! I have to stick with this for me and therefore for my children. They are far more important than alcohol. I've got the motivation- now just have to find the strength. EVERYONE who posts here is helping. Thank you all so very much.


Member: BobB
Location: Vanderbilt Mi
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 5:17:18 AM

Comments

Hi, Bob here, alcoholic. My bottom came sudden. One day after drinking/drugging it no longer worked! I could not escape. I would be drinking and then pass out. No inbetween, no "feel goods" I couldn't forget. Booze quit doing it's job and I was more scared than I had ever been. That was in 1983. By using AA's book and doing what it said without arguement or debate, I took the 12 steps and have been sober since then. I don't need it now. Don't want it now. Am I willing to put effort behind what I say I want? If not, I don't want it. Your bottom is where you want it to be...look before you sit down !!


Member: max c
Location: houston tx.
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 7:16:12 AM

Comments

hello everyone I have come 2 believe the bottom has nothing 2 do with anything or anybody. 4 me it was internal I was dead on inside. had finally traped myself. cornered by me. could not fight,buy,talk,or screw my way out of the pain this time.the pain was 2 great.Pain drove me in and is still my great motavator.had nothing 2 do with what I had or didn't have.had it lost it had it lost it over and over again.none of that was my problem.my problem was me.when It was the best i didn't deserve it when it was worse i didn't deserve it. I was screwed.could never b happy.whew what a way 2 live.because my life was run on fear and pain. drugs and drink had taken over and i didn't even know it.how smart i am.thanks 2 aa and u people i don't have 2 live like that anymore.and the good news is u don't eather.that bottom is inside u if your reading this.dont wait till the bitter end 2 c ityou can get out now.I know however bad I may think it is it will get worse if i drink.inside i know that everything is ok no matter what i think or how i think i feel.thanks 2 the 12 steps.I have found out that i can have what they have. (the 12 promises).and do want it.thanks 4 letting me share.have a good one and gl 2 u.16 days 2months.and 5 yrs ago. i came 2.


Member: Tami R
Location: NH
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 8:38:19 AM

Comments

You people are awesome. I have had tears in my eyes reading these stories! Thank you so much for writing all of them. I am going to court today for the ALS hearing for the DUI , I've been sober since. I'm fighting a constant headache and apprehension and anxiety but I pray that God's will be done and that this too shall pass to a better, happier life for me. God Bless you all.


Member: Leland
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 10:51:15 AM

Comments

I agree with everything posted here. Bottoms do seem necessary and they are very subjective. When I started my venture into AA, I wasn't exactly sure if I was a full feldged alcoholic. In fact, I thought myself as an "in control periodic." Over that first year, more and more became clear to me. Memories of deeper bottoms, black outs... you know, all the stuff we drunks have a tendacy to do. I was home! That was the great awaking for me. What baffles me is watching someone else hit bottom, then hit another and then another, each more horrific than the last. I must be weak in that regard, because I recently saw someone hit a bottom where he believed there was no solution. Suicide became the only way to escape his problems. I know from my experience, and from the experiences you all share here and in meetings, that there is a solution not only to our drinking problem but also our living problem. I am grateful today for everyone here, especially the newcomers. They show me that this is the best working solution around and that the magic of the steps continues to reshape lives.


Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 11:08:04 AM

Comments

My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. I heard a man say in a meeting that hitting bottom is a feeling, not an event. I related to that. I came into AA two days after my drinking ruined my wife’s birthday. But had I waited any longer, that particular event would have become justifiable in my mind, and I would have been drinking. Alcohol allowed me to accept conditions that I previously found unacceptable. Early on, I told myself I would never drive while drunk, but I was able to accept that I drove while drunk. I told myself drinking would never affect my job, yet I was able to accept and justify having to go into work late because I woke up still drunk. What I could not accept was the deep down despair that came from knowing that I was doomed to continue to drink daily without a care of what happened to me, that nothing in my life mattered except drinking. I have not lost a lot of things or people in my life YET, but I was facing those hideous Four Horsemen mentioned by David H – Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, and Despair. (BB p. 151). Thanks Tami for the topic and all the great comments.


Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 11:52:41 AM

Comments

I think I hit my bottom when God decided I'd had enough. I quit drinking on my own hundreds of times and the longest I ever made it was 10 days, the second longest was 3 days. After one heart felt promise to myself I didn’t even make it an hour! I had called AA and even gone to a few meetings 12 years ago and then again 5 years ago. Why did this time stick (for 5 months - one day at a time)? My answer is the grace of God and fellowship of the program. I heard that trite phrase 12 years ago and again 5 years ago and both times thought it was a crock! Now it is my explanation for why I posses a little bit of serenity. If we could have achieved sobriety another way our loved ones would have done it for us. It was not theirs to give. It is ours for the asking though. Today I am sober, and I am afraid and I am confused and I need your help. But I am ok with this today. I am a new member of the human race and being afraid and confused and needing help is part of the price of admission. For many years I drank to get away from those feelings. Thanks for being there for me and for loving me when I can't always love myself. Peace


Member: Frank E.
Location: Dickson TN.
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 2:43:56 PM

Comments

HELLO,Im a GRATEFUL recovered alcoholic named Frank.I think it was pride\ego for myself.I was out there for around 27yrs.So you know for 27yrs.`I had the answer for anything`.No one wants to admit their defeated,I didnt.I am one of those who lost Everything except my life,almost lost it many times.I guess I just kept thinking`sooner or later I`d get it right`.Then when I realized I was defeated I didnt know what to do except numb out some more.It finaly took my 6th DUI and a very wonderful Judge to find AA.It took a to find My GOD,& with my GOD & AA today my life is great.Thanks family.


Member: JohnV
Location: MO
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 3:40:14 PM

Comments

Hi everyone. My name is JohnV. I am an alcoholic. There comes a time when time has run out on our options to live the life that we always imagined. This is when the consequences of what we have done or experienced is too great to bear. We just can't keep doing what we have been doing. If it is a bottom in our lives, we may decide, enough is enough. There is hope and there is recovery. We cannot do it alone. The beauty of the AA program starts there. We find help. After all, the life that we had up until our awakening was necessary to get us to thinking another way. The turning point had come. Now we just needed to stick around long enough for the "miracle". It is a thing of beauty when it happens...


Member: Cec H
Location: cowtown
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 5:02:28 PM

Comments

Hi all Cec H alkie here. The bottom I hit smashed all notions that I could drink like a normal person ever. Not now and not in 20 yrs. I think that's one of the reasons why I've enjoyed my sobrity over the years.


Member: Lou S.
Location: East Coast
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 8:49:31 PM

Comments

Hi Lou S.,Alcoholic.. I've hit many bottoms in my life.I have a DUI and 2 DWI's that I got all within a five year span. In reality I should be in jail but with the help of a great lawyer I was only sent to out patient programs and probation. My first out patient program lasted 6 mnths. During this one I was really trying to stop drinkinking. My conselor was always suggesting that I go to AA meetings because he felt that the program 1 day a week was not enough. Well I at the time thought it was 2 much. My 2nd out patient program lasted 14 months and I went 3 days a week, but I was so against it that I would drink any chance I could (with out getting caught on a UA. But all this still didn't make me hit MY bottom. I finally did hit MY bottom when my wife was going to leave me and my son of 14 wanted to kill me. My daughtrer had broken her leg a few weeks before and in my drunken stupidity I kicked her bad leg. I have been sober since... I no it's not a long time (nine Days) but for me it seems to be a new awakening. I pray to my HP every day and go to meetings everyday. I'm sober one day at a time. Thanks for letting me share.. lou942@optonline.net


Member: Marv L
Location: Laurel,Ms
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 9:00:40 PM

Comments

Hi,Im Marv,alcoholic.Whatta topic! When we say we share our experience,strength and hope,sometimes I think we overlook the value of experience-both in the agony we faced,and in the solution we were told would help us get our lives straightened out.Thanks for your share,JohnV..thats whata bottom is:a turning point,and that only comes when we cant see life WITH or WITHOUT alcohol..The BB refers to "our scorecards read zero"and its THEN we are ready to work the twelve steps.What we learned thru pain made us teachable,and the steps help us change. Im not the fella who drug in half dead and beaten by alcohol, to my first AA meeting on a hot August night in "81--this program has given me a new life,including people like you who speak the language of the heart,thanks for your strength,and your hope,too.I like this sober life,my wish is that all who want what we have will join us! Pass it on!


Member: Chuck W.
Location: San Diego
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 10:19:45 PM

Comments

Hi Chuck/alcholic, and methaphetimine abuser, It is so weird to be here and find a topic such as the one being discussed. You see today I hit bottom again! I am so tired of being tired of being tired of drinking. Why do I keep going back. Have I hit my final bottom?? Please God help me.My life is so out of control ..... we all have our own place where dispair becomes over whelming. I am so sad today ...... I can't even go into the details ...... but being here .... gives me hope now ....... thank you all. Chuck


Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: 10/28/2002
Time: 10:54:48 PM

Comments

Hey to all, My first rock bottom was back in 94, lost everything!!! Family, friends, mega trouble with the law and running, untill I had no place to go!! Had my own mom tell me one day that she did'nt know who I was and no longer wanted to be around me, What a wake up call, You see I'm very close to my family and that was like taking a dagger in the heart. So I totally quit on my own after that, just worked myself to death, That lasted for 2 1/2 years, then drank one day and woke up three days later. Ok, I won't do that again, HA HA. lasted another 2 1/2 years, doing ok now. Lets try some control drinking, I'm better now,(yeh, right!)I lasted 1 1/2 years doing that, only drinking on social occasions. Them BLAM! One lead to ten thousand, holding on to my seat, ready for the plane crash. Went to AA for the first time a month ago after I lost the car, all my keys, broke into my own home and had no idea of the entire night. So for me, Its happening all over again. This time I know I can't do it myself so thank God for people like you and in the AA fellowship helping me see the light. Its not easy, but I don't any other choice but to die from this disease. No thank you I will try to live. Thanks for hearing me today! It can only get better in AA, My way, obviously, does'nt work. Have a good night all!!!!


Member: JimB.
Location: RMI
Date: 10/29/2002
Time: 12:11:18 AM

Comments

Hi all, Jim B here happy to know I'm alcoholic and grateful to be here clean and sober. Thanks for the great topic and shares! I haven't thought about my last drink in awhile but I agree its important to keep our bottom green. My last drunk entailed fishing some left over chicken scraps out of the KFC dumpster because I had no money as I was unemployable and in the midst of another of my "hair of the dog" binges. I had a little room with a common bath and kitchen in a run down flop house apt. All my neighbors would flee into they're rooms when they saw me coming cause I had borrowed money from everyone of them and bummed whatever they had to get high on. I routinely stold they're food from they're refrigerators and burglarized they're rooms for chump change when they were out. Finaly I ended up homeless because I spent the rent money getting drunk. When I came into the rooms of AA I found out I was not terminally unique after all. "Alcoholism", as Dr. Silkworth described it to Bill W., "is an obsession of the mind coupled with an alergy of the body." Once I take any alcohol into my body it sets off the mental obsession or craving for more and more. The way my body process' alcohol is different from the average temperate drinker also. That is why it was necessary for me to admit complete defeat regarding my ability to control my drinking. I could not stop once I started and I could not, not start. By finally admitting my powerlessness in step 1 I could finally stop trying to control my drinking and my life. This step is what laid the groundwork for the remaining steps and by the grace of God I have not picked up a drink since that day. Thanks for 12 steppin me!


Member: Stuart B
Location: Arizona
Date: 10/29/2002
Time: 12:48:26 AM

Comments

Wow, great topic, I pray I never forget my last drunk..blacked out passed out in someone's yard at 2:00 am, after partying at a bar, I was trying to get into someone's house, I don't know if I thought it was my house or what, a guy was screaming "I almost shot you." When I came to staring up at police officer's boots. What I have come to learn is that the worse the bottom, the better the chance of recovery, as you can truly surrender, there can be no doubt of powerlessness. Now I can look back and laugh, at the drunken episodes, while they are no laughing matter, there can be laughter because there is a solution, a release, and a powerful creator than can supply my every need. God, has been very good to me in my 13 years of sobriety, wonderful wife and children, job etc. All the good things in my life are contigent of working the program and staying sober a day at a time...thanks to you all for the gift of sobriety today!


Member: PappyPaw
Location: Michigan
Date: 10/29/2002
Time: 10:42:19 AM

Comments

I am Pappypaw, I am a grateul alcoholic.Thanks Tami...I am working the First step too. I had a wonderful thing happen right off today ..I woke up sober. I can spend today as I wish because I have a choice. I am going to have another day of soberiety. I had to go through the gates of "Hades" into the Inferno to fimd my "bottom" too. Few who go through the "Gates of HADES" are able to make the "U-turn" and find a way home to a "New way of life". You are so very lucky to have found all these wonderful people who will share their "Spiritual Strength" with you and help you find a "Way to live" where you never have to drink again. God Bless you Tami, "Easy Does It". Keep Coming Back. PappyPaw ><>


Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 10/29/2002
Time: 11:54:03 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Sarah and I am a recovering alcoholic. I would like to share my personal Experience, Strength and Hope. Hitting bottom ... was a painful topic for me because I am a retread. I thought I hit bottom in 1981 the first time I went to treatment, a halfway house and A.A. meetings and I stayed sober for 10 months. Then I drank and tried to kill my self. I went to treatment again, a halfway house again and meetings again. Also, during this time I had to deal with the disease of cancer. I stayed sober for 1 year. But I drank again, this time I asked to be committed to a lock up treatment facility. I then went to a halfway house, to meetings and stayed sober for over 3 years. But I drank again. Today, I have stayed sober for 5+ years ... have I hit bottom? I don't know but I do know I have changed from an abused child(feeling I didn't deserve to own my Experience, Strength and Hope) to an adult who understands and is able to take responsibility so that God (a God I choose to call a "Healing Power") and I own my Experience, Strength and Hope. So hitting bottom is no longer a painful topic, the best I can do is stay sober today. Thanks, one and all for sharing your Experience, Strength and Hope ... it helps me and a "Healing Power" to own my Experience, Strength and Hope. Keep coming back.


Member: CW
Location: DE
Date: 10/29/2002
Time: 12:21:37 PM

Comments

I think we have to hit bottom or come close to it because otherwise it's easy to kid ourselves into believing we are just like everyone else. Look around, lots of people drink, why can't we? Until things start going bad, you just don't realize, or don't allow yourself to, just how much it is effecting you, your life and those you come in contact with. It's like being dieting, most of us won't diet, until we outgrow those clothes in the closet. When things first start getting snug, you rationalize they must have shrunk, or they were cheap. Once everything is too small you sort of have to open your eyes to the fact that maybe your gaining weight. We all know we should exercise and not smoke, but how many people really put any effor tinto these things befor the heart attack or the bad lung x-ray? You know, it's funny though. Since I quit drinking four years ago, when I look around now, I see that a lot less people drink than I used to think. They also consume rediculously small quantiites. There are actually people that have a drink or two rather than a fifth or two. And nobody seems to try to pace themselves or use a beer in between to help limit the shots. Oh well, different perspectives show you different things. Anyway, I wish you all a sober day, or lunchtime or minute. Hope this made sense to you all.


Member: CW
Location: DE
Date: 10/29/2002
Time: 12:35:10 PM

Comments

P.S. No matter how high or low our personal bottoms are, they are our bottom because there's nowhere to go but up. We still have bad days, but they are never as bad as our drinking days.


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: 10/29/2002
Time: 2:12:50 PM

Comments

Ah yes.... My bottom was not the most spectacular, but it was truly a living hell. Like many alcoholics, I had done significant damage to my marriage. After losing two jobs in two years, I escalated my drinking to a new level (sure, the drinking will help me solve my problems! Talk about denial!). I found another new job and kept the drinking at a high level, celebrating my new found employment. I got pulled over by the police, and to make a long story short, two very nice young policemen let me go home. I had an open beer that spilled all over me and I was drunk. For whatever reason, they did not arrest me that night. This does not happen in this day and age. Anyway, shortly after that, I began waking in the night, every night, at 3:3o AM shaking, covered with sweat from head to toe, in extreme anxiety and panic. Total fear. I finally admitted to myself that I had a problem with alcohol and that I needed outside help. I was beaten and fearful. I called my good friend (now one of my sponsors) and told him I needed to go an AA meeting. Today, almost six months later, I have a genuine sense of hope for a better life. This program works, as long as I become open, honest, and willing. My bottom was horrible and I don't want to ever go back there. Today, I understand that I don't have to drink again and I can do this one day at a time, thanks to God and all of you in this fellowship we call AA. Thanks to all of you who help me stay sober! Peace.


Member: Greg N
Location: MI
Date: 10/29/2002
Time: 4:57:09 PM

Comments

I was not as "lucky" as Bill P. when I was pulled over by two police officers after an evening of drinking. But in retrospect, thank god for that. It was the whole process of a DUI and the awakening that it forced in me to realize that I am an alcoholic! Now, after a few years of sobriety, I thank god that the bottom that I hit wasn't even lower with more dire consequences than what it actually was. I thank those officers today for forcing me to admit my problem and address it with the continuing help of AA and support from all of you. Thanks!


Member: Roseanna
Location: seattle wa
Date: 10/29/2002
Time: 7:16:32 PM

Comments

When i think about the bottom I hit, THAT keeps me sober! I was so sick, that after balooning up to the size of a 9 month pregnant woman, I went to the dr. the day before Christmas ('98)and he confirmed for me that I was NOT pregnant. I was so sick, that I went home and felt sorry for myself and STILL drank! I went to a custody hearing smelling of alchohol and looking like crap. I lost custody that day. My dead husbands sister got my two boys. And yes, I STILL DRANK! I ended up in the hospital finally, TWICE, because my liver had finally had enough of me. I don't remember a lot of the hospital part. Friends and family came to see me. The best part came when I had a little one-on-one with my creator...I had the choice to die right then, or fight my a-- off to live. The Creator showed me in my minds eye the two adorable boys that I gave life to, and He also showed me the husband I had lost. (he overdosed on heroin). How could I let my children live the rest of their lives with both parents dead from the disease of adiction? I have been sober for 3 years and 10-1/2 months. I have lost alot, but I am more happy to be sober than I am sad of all my losses. I get to visit my boys every three months, and have been for the past 4 years - I have not missed a visit. My youngest just turned 10, and my oldest is 15....and he e-mailed me for the very first time on monday. That is SO worth living for. Thank you so much for all your sharing. A-Ya-Te-He! peace.


Member: Linda S.
Location: CA
Date: 10/29/2002
Time: 10:59:04 PM

Comments

Good topic, just got a call from a newcomer, after 90 sober she drank. Why - I think I'll send her to this page. I have a question, What is F2F and BB meetings. I know she'll ask and I've been around for 9 years and I don't know these terms. Guess you can tell I don't do the web site much. Stay sober God Bless Linda S.


Member: Lou S.
Location: East Coast
Date: 10/30/2002
Time: 12:18:33 AM

Comments

Hi linda S, F2F means face to face meeting or (mtg). BB is the short term for the big book of aa. Hope I helped... Stay sober.


Member: MaureenP
Location: TUCSON, AZ
Date: 10/30/2002
Time: 10:25:55 AM

Comments

My name is Maureen and I am a grateful, recovering alcoholic. This is a great subject, hitting bottom. I was 24 years old when I got sober in 1975. I was told about bottoms and didn't really understand the concept except that at the age of 24 I wanted to die if I had to live another day the way I was living from one drunk to the next. I was also told that I had another drunk in me but may not have another recovery. That scared me, it still does after 27 years of sobriety. I never want to go back to hell I was living in, and as long as I never forget the way I felt when I came into AA I have a better chance of not going out on that next drunk. I do not believe I have another recovery in me and I don't want to find out. For you newcomers, like Chuck in San Diego, I know you feel like hell today, but if you stay sober, get a sponser and go to AA meetings, one day at a time you will begin to feel better and get some inner peace. God Bless you all! One day at a time.


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 10/30/2002
Time: 12:08:30 PM

Comments

((Tami R.)) Good - no - EXCELLENT - question: "Why does everyone have to hit bottom to realize that sobriety is the only option left?" Hmmm... If I had the answer to that question I could have saved myself a lot of pain - my family a lot of pain and worry - and I would have gotten sober before any of the "bad stuff" happened. For me, the reason that I had to hit bottom was pretty simple: I was an arrogant, self-centered woman who KNEW how to handle herself - who KNEW how to fix things - who KNEW how to make things happen. My delusion was so great that I try to control my drinking and drugging for many years, confident that I would someday be able to drink like "normal" people and when I just got things "right" on the outside, my insides would follow suit and I wouldn't want to drink to oblivian. Hitting bottom in 1999 SHATTERED the illusion that I had anything resembling control when I drank. Actually, hitting that bottom helped me to realize my powerlessness over alcohol and how truly unmanageable my life became when I drank. When things "weren't that bad" prior to my bottom in 1999, I would be in such denial about my powerlessness that I would continually try to drink in safety - only to wind up wondering why I drank so much and was in pain most of the time. Also, hitting MY bottom (because every person's is different) humbled me enough to 1) take suggestions and 2) as for help. I would have NEVER done those two important actions if I hadn't been in the emotional/physical/spiritual pain that was my bottom. Bottoms are a GIFT, really. Because once we bottom out - we can become that empty vessel and begin a new life of sobriety.


Member: Vee
Location: Midwest
Date: 10/30/2002
Time: 3:11:05 PM

Comments

Took 15 years of research to become convinced my disease is very aggressively progressive inthere and I must battle it from out here just as aggressively, by working the AA Program, and working it daily and hard! My bottom at age 60 had serious legal consequences. I'm grateful to HP every day there are no serious health consequences. My disease blossomed at age 45, but through the fog I recall a life of happiness and productivity. That's what I'm after now. My one ambition is to die sober. With this Program I truely believe that is possible. With this program I can overcome the legal problems. The promises in the BB do come true. One day at a time, that's all I'm after. Just for today; Thanks to all of you out there and in here with me.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 10/30/2002
Time: 8:48:10 PM

Comments

Hi. Bill here alcoholic from Arizona. Lots of Arizonies in here this week. Why we have to hit bottom is a good question. Very early in our textbook "Alcoholics Anonymous" there is a heiarchy of drinkers. Talks about the moderate drinker, certain heavy drinkers and the alcoholic. As mentioned ahead of me, I too did not wake up one morning, yawn and scratch and say, "Wow what a great morning, I think I will join AA". I do not believe any spouse, judge, boss, can pronouce us alcoholic. But we can quickly diagnose ourselves by trying some controlled drinking. Drink and try to stop abruptly. Try it more than once, thus getting a full knowledge of our condition. (BB p.31/32). It is not a matter of "raising or lowering" the bottom. The bottom has already been defined. It is not a matter of how much we lose. Or how far dwon the scale we have gone. Each and every one of us must reach our bottoms. Many of us travel the same road. Others travel different roads. The bottom line is that we all hit our bottoms. And that bottom is defined as the point where we drink ourselves into two options. Seek recovery or die. Thank you for being a part of my sobriety today. Bill. email: az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Cyndi S.
Location: Oregon
Date: 10/30/2002
Time: 9:59:34 PM

Comments

Hi- I guess we have to hit bottom so that we can hear Step One at an AA meeting and have it pierce through all the denial, deception, and self will! I know that's what happened to me wayyy back in Sept 1986 at my first meeting. What a great meeting it was. Those early years of sobriety were rich with an understanding of a loving God and a hope for the future, that things can get BETTER...one day at a time. Sometimes, having many years of sobriety can be a drawback, because one can become "complacent" in sobriety, forgetting the joy of recovery. That's why it's good to have OTHER STEPS to move on to! Thanks Tami for a great topic!


Member: Cyndi S.
Location: Oregon
Date: 10/30/2002
Time: 9:59:53 PM

Comments

Hi- I guess we have to hit bottom so that we can hear Step One at an AA meeting and have it pierce through all the denial, deception, and self will! I know that's what happened to me wayyy back in Sept 1986 at my first meeting. What a great meeting it was. Those early years of sobriety were rich with an understanding of a loving God and a hope for the future, that things can get BETTER...one day at a time. Sometimes, having many years of sobriety can be a drawback, because one can become "complacent" in sobriety, forgetting the joy of recovery. That's why it's good to have OTHER STEPS to move on to! Thanks Tami for a great topic!


Member: Kelly M
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 10/31/2002
Time: 12:08:33 AM

Comments

Hi All, Thanks Tami for the, "Why Bottom?" question. My thoughts on this are partially due to Bill Wilson's experiment in the 30's. He picked the worst bottom of the barrel drunks he could find to try the AA program on. The lower the alcoholic was the better they did in the program. Why? Cause they had nothing left to lose and everything to gain. They were emotionally starved wrecks who were shown some love and fellowship in AA. Many recovered and remained sober and in the program. For me I had to lose everything to booze. Powerful, cunning and baffling it had a stanglehold on me. I was morally and spiritually bankrupt. It took all of me and left just an empty shell. As Kim D. said, It left her an empty vessel but ready to be refilled. That is where I am at now. Working a hard program and beginning to be filled again with love and hope. I went to three meetings today and why? I needed three meetings today thats why! I feel sooo much better. Just like I had to drink every drink I drank to surrender heart and soul to alcoholism. I know the beast will be sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear to feed him but as long as I have a breath in my body I will fight him, call my sponsor, go to meetings and don't drink. Thanks for listening... Kelly


Member: Jim D
Location: FL
Date: 10/31/2002
Time: 3:51:16 PM

Comments

Great topic. I was told that you hit bottom when you stop digging the hole. AA has helped me to stop digging the hole and instead build a solid foundation.


Member: Alan M
Location: Oxfordshire, England
Date: 10/31/2002
Time: 4:18:22 PM

Comments

Why do we need to hit bottom? It's still a mystery to me. A very dear friend of mine once said to me, "I don't want to die but I don't want to stop drinking." I'll never forget the look in her eyes as she said it. She was in advanced stage of liver failure, in great pain, yellow from head to toe, purple bruises all over, skin and bone but with distended stomach, couldn't walk, hadn't eaten for weeks, on her way to the hospital where she died in agony two days later (of this disease and nothing else). She and I used to drink together in just the same way and I have no way of explaining why I hit bottom (stopped digging) and she didn't. The only thing I can think of is the Grace of a God that I didn't even believe in at that time. Sometimes I'm not given the understanding but I certainly am grateful that, for whatever reason, I was chosen to hit bottom and have been sober now for 3,992 days, by the Grace of a God I still don't understand but definitely belive in. He has done for me what I couldn't do for myself. And thanx to all you in AA for showing me that I had a God and also for showing me how to live sober one day at a time. I'm still sad my dear friend never got to find out just how fabulous a sober life can be. God bless you all.


Member: SF
Location: DC
Date: 11/1/2002
Time: 2:49:43 PM

Comments

I'm Sarah, alcoholic and coke addict, I didn't think that I belonged in AA my first couple of months because my low wasn't low enough. I would hear stories like the ones in this thread and say to myself "they are real alcoholics". I recognize now that I belong and the bottoms that I had are begining to remind themselves here and there. Now that I have almost 4 months of sobriety, it is becoming much clearer about the connection between misery and my usage. I didn't think I had a very low bottom yet I have been raped, attacked, lost a husband, lost credibility at work, lost friends, gained weight, have not reached my potential, embarrassed myself and the list goes on ALL a direct result of my drinking. Yes, I still have a place to live, a job, a car and other material possessions but my low was low enough for me and I don't want any more. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 11/2/2002
Time: 10:00:17 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. They told me when I came into A A, that we all had to hit our bottom. They told me that bottom could be at 34th floor of the most exclusive penthouse in New York City, or it could be in the gutter. My personal bottom was somewhere between that 34th floor, and the gutter, and it's as far down the ladder of life I ever want to go again. I surrendered to the disease of alcoholism, and I have not had one regret since. God willing the 23rd of November will mark 15 years of continous sobriety and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in this world. I am truly grateful that thru God, our 12 steps and our wonderful fellowship I have a life beyond my wildests imagination. For this I hope I can always remain grateful. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.


Member: Zach H
Location: Philadelphia Pennsylvania
Date: 11/2/2002
Time: 2:01:34 PM

Comments

I heard something or read something about "An alcoholic has the ability to take one drink and think he can handle another and another and so on." I think for me that was were I was in my life, no matter what was going on with me while I was drinking I was used to the chaos and I grew up with it, my life felt unmanageable but I felt the alcohol in no way contributed to that unmanagibility. I came near death to realize alcohol was takeing my life from me the whole time. With faith in a hire power and following his will for me,surrendering, "My way didn't work," i fond the strengthe to manage my own life. Today I don't drink over the good or the bad, I continousely am mooving foreward with life rater than trying to drown it out with booze. I'm only 17 years old and I am greatfull I can live a sober life today; I actually remember all the remarkable things I do in this world, because I am sober. I've seen maney people in caskets, "But for the grace of god there goes I."


Member: Ol timer
Location: internet
Date: 11/2/2002
Time: 4:34:04 PM

Comments

"Why do we need to hit bottom? It's still a mystery to me;" Tis a spiritual question you ask; If it were not for God doing what he does which is also a mystery we would remain in our sins having started out in the world as we all do accordingly; As its written: "For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures; Titus 3:3


Member: Liz H
Location:
Date: 11/2/2002
Time: 9:26:16 PM

Comments

Hello my name is Liz and I am an alcoholic. I love my HP and give thanks every day for my sobriety -- just two months. I ask you folks who have been around longer: why do you suppose it is that we refer the Higher Power or God as we understand "Him" not "Her" or "God as we understand God"? God's not really gender-specific, right?


Member: Tina S
Location: California
Date: 11/2/2002
Time: 9:50:02 PM

Comments

Hi! I'm Tina, and I'm an alcoholic! Great topic! Hitting bottom is not necessary. Then again, everyone has their own idea of what their bottom was. The Big Book states that we can raise the bottom so that people aren't as shaken up as many of us were when we got here. I had to kill all reservations and excuses to drink. I was not done. I didn't want to stop until it almost killed me. I couldn't cope with life and wanted at one point to go on to the bitter end. I believe that God stepped in before I had that chance. I soon realized that I was given a new lease on life. I thank God every day for my sobriety. It's a precious gift.


Member: Tina S
Location: California
Date: 11/2/2002
Time: 9:50:23 PM

Comments

Hi! I'm Tina, and I'm an alcoholic! Great topic! Hitting bottom is not necessary. Then again, everyone has their own idea of what their bottom was. The Big Book states that we can raise the bottom so that people aren't as shaken up as many of us were when we got here. I had to kill all reservations and excuses to drink. I was not done. I didn't want to stop until it almost killed me. I couldn't cope with life and wanted at one point to go on to the bitter end. I believe that God stepped in before I had that chance. I soon realized that I was given a new lease on life. I thank God every day for my sobriety. It's a precious gift.