Member: Donnie M (D.O.S. 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va.
Date: 10/13/2002
Time: 9:35:35 AM
Hi to and welcome newcomers. I am a alcoholic and my problem is Donnie. I have heard people say that at meetings and thought What in the hell are you talking about? But I have came to a time in soberity that the compulsion to drink has been lifted, but my problem today is still learning how to do deal with all the different emotions that arise through the day. I have to seek outside help for health issues and I know I have to communicate with others in and out of the program to continue to mature both mentally and spiritually, but it becomes hard when the commitee starts its meeting between my ears and I start to get the "Stinkin Thinkin". I guess my topic would be. How do you handle other problems and continue on this road to happy destiny? I hope I made some kind of sence. God bless all and thanks for being here.
Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date: 10/13/2002
Time: 10:26:34 AM
Hi! I'm Kathy and I am an alcoholic. Donnie you sound just like me. I think they call it Living Life on Life's Terms. When I first got to AA I had no tools (weapons) to fight with. All I knew was.. if I drank the problem would go away, at least for a little while. Today when the committee starts I...Read some mediation material or the BB, take a walk, call my sponsor/friend, go to a meeting F2F or on-line, ask my HP for help, try to help someone else. I have found the the stinkin'thinkin' will also pass just like the urge to drink did.
Member: Ronnie
Location: US Virgin Islands
Date: 10/13/2002
Time: 11:21:03 AM
Well,I usually think back, back when I became sober. There are so may stories and lectures that I heard and lived through that go through my mind, especially when I see a really drunk person, or a person not being able to stop drinking. I say to myself, there but for the grace of God go I. It brings me back to that time, about 15 years ago when I promised my family to go to treatment, to get them off my back, and to figure a way to use again. Well, don't know what happened, but sobriety wasn't all that bad, and as I keep remembering all those meetings and statements and usual AA sayings, and now I always am grateful to my family for forcing the issue. These days when something really bothers me, I just work it through. No need to drink it away, and let me tell you, I would have in the past! Now I can truly say I am happy, joyous and free as promised! Have a good week.
Member: Kirsty A
Location: Turkey
Date: 10/13/2002
Time: 11:26:07 AM
Hý. I'm Kirsty and Ý'm an alcoholic. Donnie, Ý can totally identify with you. Ý have emotions now that Ý didn't know Ý had. Sometimes Ý even get confused about what my real emotions are and what is just the poor me,s etc.. Does that make any sense to anyone. Ý'm living away from home just now and can,t get to many meetings. However, Ý keep regular contact with my sponsor and my HP and Ý believe if Ý keep contact with my HP, Ý can't go far wrong. Ý try to stay calm when dealing with life and ask for direction. Remember your HP won't give you anything in 24 hours that you can't handle together.
Member: Mike A.
Location: El Cajon, CA.
Date: 10/13/2002
Time: 11:53:42 AM
Hi, my name is Mike and I'm a real Alcoholic. That's so true what has been said, I don't have a drinking problem ,I have a SOBRIETY problem.I drank because I couldn't handle sobriety When I first tried getting sober I couldn't handle what was going on in my head and a drink would make things appear to be better.So it's like the saying."You can't think yourself into right living, but you can live yourself into right thinking.As was mentioned earlier doing things to get out of self.Prayer, meditation,applying the steps in your life,talking with sponsor one on one, being a part of and give back which was so freely given.Life gets easier,and so does sobriety.Step 10 in the big book (pg 84-85)say's it pretty well,"And we cease fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol.For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.We react sanely and normally, and we will find this has happen automatically. We will see that are new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on are part it just comes!That is the miracle of it.Thanks for listening have a geat day and be good to yourself.Stay safe,sane,sober.
Member: Adam H.
Location: Chicago, IL
Date: 10/13/2002
Time: 3:32:44 PM
Adam, alcoholic. I hear you, Donnie. You know what happens when you take the alcohol away from a drunken maniac? You get a sober maniac. That was the problem with me when I got here; I really did not have any tools for living sober besides using rage to cover up fear. AA taught me--and still eaches me one day at a time--to use new tools for living. AA has really helped me learn what kindness, courtesy, justice and love really are, and how to bring those virtues into my life through service and step work. Today the miracle for me is that I have gratitude where there was a lot of self pity, I have a lot of hope where there used to be a lot of despair, and I've learned a great deal about courage to face the fears I have rather than throw a temper-tantrum because I can't control a situation. How do I handle other problems as I walk this path? One day at a time I don't drink, I get to meetings so I can be reminded of the new tools I have for living, and I try to remember that my life is in the care of God and AA. Grateful to be sober.
Member: Kimberley.
Location: woodland washington
Date: 10/13/2002
Time: 8:59:47 PM
kimberley here alcholic, i always ask got to remove the thought or action, and that truly helps, just talkig about things also takes the power out of it, there is a chapter in the big book, called aa taught him how to handle sobriety its the last one of the stories it has alot of useful iformation, its also okay to seek outside help, after all alchol is but a symptom, and more will be reveled, so here we grow again,thanks to all of you who give to my sobriety.
Member: Chuck M.
Location: MI
Date: 10/13/2002
Time: 10:31:56 PM
I'm Chuck and I am Alcoholic. The BB says that we are different than other people ... our ideas, attitudes, belifes and emotions. If we practice these 12 principles these ideas, attitudes, belifes and emotions will change.
Member: bill b
Location: illinois
Date: 10/13/2002
Time: 10:52:39 PM
im bill and im an alcoholic. i remember when i was newer and thought that after i was sober a while i wouldnt have any problems anymore.after nine years i come to expect problems as a part of life.and the problems i have now i never thought i would have. i have a wife (beautiful),a mortgage,a daughter, and not enough time to do everything i want to. all these problems (sarcasm) are things i never thought would be in my life, so when the weight of the world seems to be to much. i remember what i use to be like, thank god for continuing to pour his grace on such an ungrateful jackass and try to be of help to someone. talk to your sponsor and keep coming back.
Member: carlena
Location:
Date: 10/13/2002
Time: 11:42:42 PM
i know i am an alcoholic but not really. i find the need to drink to relax after a busy day to get all the daily stress under control. i work every day, i am nurse, and i am the team leader for my office. i used to drink because i was depressed but now its not the same. i deal with so many different situations daily and this is the only way i can take a deep breath and put my focus on myself and my family. it's almost like i feel like a "normie" does when he or she gets home from a long day at the office. i realize i should not drink because i know very well where it can take me. but this is how my life is for now and i can accept me for who i am. i know it's probably wrong and not good for me but i don't know what else to do.
Member: Alejandro V.
Location: Chelan, WA
Date: 10/14/2002
Time: 1:31:36 AM
Alcoholism is something that runs in my family. My uncle died of it about 7 years ago. I know my real dad will die of (whom I just met 2 years ago (I'm 33). So for me is a matter of life and death. I have been in the program since 93 and have 3 relapses. It comforts me to know that Bill relapsed many times (or was it Bob? but I also don't want to relapse forever. What can you tell me about relapses and what's best to avoid them? I'm on my third try and like I Like to say- I think my last one- to save me some embarrasement, there i go, ME>ME>ME... Thanks for your thoughts and ideas. 24 Hours
Member: Alejandro V.
Location: Chelan, WA
Date: 10/14/2002
Time: 1:32:57 AM
Alcoholism is something that runs in my family. My uncle died of it about 7 years ago. I know my real dad will die of it(whom I just met 2 years ago (I'm 33!). So for me is a matter of life and death. I have been in the program since 93 and have had 3 relapses. It comforts me to know that Bill relapsed many times (or was it Bob? but I also don't want to relapse forever. What can you tell me about relapses and what's best to avoid them? I'm on my third try and like I Like to say- I think my last one- to save me some embarrasement, there i go, ME>ME>ME... Thanks for your thoughts and ideas. 24 Hours
Member: Ralph K
Location: Lexington, Michigan
Date: 10/14/2002
Time: 3:46:48 AM
We learn from the discussion on step 10 in 12 and 12 that whenever I am disturbed it is because something is wrong with me. Period. Not anybody, anything or anyplace else. Just me. This really does make things simpler to deal with. 'Kinda narrows the focus to the issue. This causes us to de-emphasize reactions and emphasize actions. There is also a corollary to this axiom which states that we alcoholics cannot afford the luxury of dealing with "justified" angers. These are better left handled by professionals, ie. police, lawyers, ect. Stay free.
Member: Tom F
Location: South Bend, IN
Date: 10/14/2002
Time: 7:46:27 AM
Hi, Tom,Alcholic. I have found that fear is the biggest priblem I face. It blocks out all contact with my HP and I have a hard time working my way back to a loving, listening, relationship with my HP or any of the normies in my life. Today I try to thank my HP for all his gifts and this tends to keep me out of the fear out of the center of the universe as well. Love to all and a another sober 24.
Member: Marv L
Location: Laurel,Ms
Date: 10/14/2002
Time: 8:00:26 AM
Hi,Im Marv,recovering alcoholic.Early on,after I came to AA,I took some comfort in hearing that when we begin sobriety,we become restless irritable and discontented.I see now why this happens:I had become dependent on alcohol to deaden the pain of reality,and dealing with reality was just too much to handle sober!! BUT,there were steps to take,and as Donniesaid,ourideas,attitudes,beleifs and emotionsCAN change,by working the 12 step program.As Az-Bill quoted last week,even if we"re sober,Chit still happens,lol! HEard once that in the head of all recovering alcoholics is an " Itty Bitty Chitty Committee" that tells us we dont hafta put up with the way the world treats us,and then stinkin" thinkin"follows.The change that hit me first was the idea that a loving Higher Power would help me,then,I saw the program worked for others,and that a drink SURE wasnt an answer.Thanks to AA,my face-to-face group,rooms like this,my sponsor,and SEEING that I dont have to sweat the little stuff and again become restless,irritable and discontent,I am enjoying life on lifes terms.And, theres a LOT to enjoy under bright October skies I never would have lived to see if I hadnt begun my AA journey.Happy recovery to one and all!!
Member: sydney A
Location: Norwich VT
Date: 10/14/2002
Time: 9:12:59 AM
Hey Donnie, I'm sydney and I'm a W.Va.-born alcoholic with barely 6 months of sobriety in AA after 50+ years of more-or-less continuous drinking ... grateful to relate that soon after coming to AA much of my drinking obsession was removed directly as a result of asking for help from my Higher Power. AA teaches me to live sanely with the emotions that come up in my daily life ... that while they can often be painful and upsetting, it's a lot healthier to feel them directly than to hide from them. I came to recognize that it was by attempting to hide in an alcoholically armored fortress that I kept myself isolated, lonely and increasingly sick during all those drunk years. Working Step 4 is teaching me that I when I'm about to wax judgemental about somebody's annoying behavior, I can use that tiny little warning twinge of shame to help me stop and cool it... instead of stupidly following the situation into a full-blown resentment and maybe uncontrollable anger. That was my "before pattern". Now, if and when I fall into the pit of anger and become outwardly agressive and hurtful, I have Step 10 to guide me back to emotional equilibrium.. I can ask for forgiveness... and I'm working on learning to forgive myself. Once when I had fallen fully into an red-hot angry resentment and shared it at a meeting, I was told to do what we're told on p552 of the Big Book...pray for the resented person. What a joy for my mind when that resentment was "miraculously" lifted away and my misery and anger were replaced by peaceful calm. Steps 3 and 11 show us what to do to be ready to meet life's emotions with courage and confidence. Turn it over, pray and meditate. Thanks for suggesting a great topic. sydney
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 10/14/2002
Time: 9:46:24 AM
As the big book says and others before me mentioned all of my problems are me. When my alcoholism was active, I believed every fleeting fear and emotion that popped into my head, was real. When I was in pain, pain was all there was and all there ever would be. After awhile, I began to practice living with the fears, because I knew things would change. Now a part of me goes into it and allows me to experience and grow through it, while another part just observes and reminds me of the presence of God. Today it sounds weird, but I find myself grateful for the challenges and opportunities to grow closer to my God. This would be impossible for me without you and AA.
Member: Jack H.
Location: Orlando
Date: 10/14/2002
Time: 10:05:23 AM
Hi everyone. My name is Jack and I'll always be an alcoholic. Thanks for the great topic Donnie. I've been fortunate enough to be sober in AA for quite a few years. It's been a long time since I have had the desire to take a drink. These days I believe that my drinking was a symptom of my other problem -- ME! The cartoon factory between my ears frequently tries to convince me that people, places and things are wrong. My Higher Power, working thru the people in the meetings have taught me that I can't change those people, places and things. When things get to bothering me I spend extra time at meetings and working with other recovering alcoholics. This always gives me the ability to get out of myself and laugh at the cartoon factory. Peace, and a happy, sober 24. Jack
Member: Owen K
Location: San Leandro, Ca
Date: 10/14/2002
Time: 12:20:47 PM
hi all. as an alcoholic, i'm a selfish self centered person and the only time i experience true serenity and peace is when i fully surrender my will and life to my HP. when i experience "stinking thinking" i check my motives for my actions with rigerous honesty and always find that my motives are self seeking. so i pray for my Hp will and that my selfishness be lifted beleiving that it will.
Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 10/14/2002
Time: 1:56:29 PM
Hi, my name is Sarah, I'm a recovering alcholic. Great topic ... definition of the problem. As a practicing alcoholic I could not defined the problem, and the only solution was a drink. The program of A.A. ...has given a gift of a 'new difinition of the problem with a gift of a new difinion of some solutions'. Temperamentally 'my drunken EGO' can be on the depressive side, full of guilt and self-loathing(the problem is 'me') or 'my drunken Ego' can be inclined to self-righteousness or grandiosity (the problem is 'you'). The program of A.A. ... the shared Experience, Strength and Hope, the spiritual principles taught in the Steps and Traditions and a "Healing Power" have given a gift of a 'new definiton of the problem with a new definion of solutions to the problem'. Thanks!
Member: Dawn H
Location: California
Date: 10/14/2002
Time: 8:07:46 PM
Hi, I am an alcoholic grateful for family, friends, ftf meetings, group theraphy, online meetings. My pattern in life was to drink enough so my problems didn't seem as important. When I stopped drinking, the bottle was replaced by fear. Fear of everything - fear of never sleeping again, fear of never laughing again, fear of making love for the first time without being drunk. Wow. Lots to deal with. I went to meetings daily, read books, called family members more than they wanted to hear from me. Making a simple decision about putting air in my tires became today's big problem. Sitting in my home saying the Serenity Prayer with tears streaming down my face. Asking God to take away the fear. Then gradually day to day having small successes. Laughing at myself. Meeting new friends who "knew me as sober" and accepted me with arms open. The journey of a "dry drunk" began. Who says when you stop drinking, all your problems go away. No one. I still have fear in my life when I let it in. But now I have the power of God, family and friends and a sober self to deal with it.
Member: Marty M
Location: Oakland Ca
Date: 10/15/2002
Time: 12:13:02 AM
Hi I'm marty and I have 173 days clean and sober. I'm very glad to have found this website and to know that there are others out there that are having the same problems I am. Right now I'm getting very restless! my financial situation sucks as well as my employment situation. I have really low days and some okay days lately the thing that gets me through is prayer. I pray to God everyday to help me find the courage to get through this difficult time in my life and I also think back to the person I was when I was drinking and think if I can survive that then God will help me survive this and eventually things will get back to normal
Member: Jack B.
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 10/15/2002
Time: 2:24:26 AM
HI, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. As we grow in sobriety, making our 12 step program our way of life, we learn to live our way into sober thinking, as opposed to thinking our way into sober living. When I stray from the 12 steps of A A, I resort to my old way of thinking, that being barstool mentality. For today, I try to keep it simple by using the following suggestions I was given early in sobriety. 1. Don't pick up the first drink no matter what. 2. Trust God. 3. Clean house when and where necessary. 4. Help another alcoholic. This is not a bad way to live. However there are days when I deviate from the above and follow this route. 1. Don't pick up the first drink no matter what. 2. TRUST Jack in all my affairs and be totally miserable. Thru God's grace, On November 23rd, God willing I will celebrate 15 years of continous sobriety, and I can say from the bottom of my heart, that my worst day sober is far better than my best day drunk. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.
Member: Dennis H.
Location: Austin Tx
Date: 10/15/2002
Time: 11:00:14 AM
Grateful to be sober today and for all that my HP has given me. This is the attitude I must adhere to when the "stinkin thinking" pops into my head(and it will ocassionally, I'm an alcohalic). I follow the gratitude list with the thought "Am I really doing what my HP has put in front of me or has Dennis taken it back?" Step #3 asks that we turn over our will and life to God as we understand Him. I cann't do that when I'm running the show ,can I?
Member: Lisa K.
Location: Lex. Park, MD
Date: 10/15/2002
Time: 1:09:33 PM
Wow! great topic! since moving in 2000, losing my son 11/2000, giving birth 7/2001 and going to give birth 2/2003....I am living proof of "life on life's terms!". I struggle with the "ism" part of sobriety and fail to pick up those "priceless" tools we learn along the way. The best thing I've found is to get an "immediate" response, talk to another alcoholic, state the problem, seek solution. Funny how in seeking the solution the problem takes on a whole different personna. If I can get enough distance, I can see my part, but that doesn't always happen. I've seen other's such as myself, those with multiple years sober, barely doing the deal, go back out! I don't want that and am doing what was "suggested" of me by contributing online. Hope "today" is a good day.
Member: Dusty A. burgess
Location: Jackson, MS
Date: 10/15/2002
Time: 1:58:54 PM
Hi I'm Dusty, I live in Jackson, MS. I am now, by the grace of God, 3 1/2 months sober. Some people take a look at my amount of sobriety in months and don't look at the amount of time it took me to get to that point and what I've acomplished since. I am sooooo grateful to AA and the amount of time I spend everyday following my program. Knowing there is risk of relapsing everyday has brought me closer to God and I ask him everyday to keep me sober and in the evening I thank him for it!! Listen to what God is telling you and make your meetings.
Member: peter,s.
Location: england
Date: 10/15/2002
Time: 2:57:19 PM
Donnie.Do the next thing right!!.Thats our program in a nutshell,weather dealing outside or inside the fellowship.Keep it simple.
Member: peter,s.
Location: england
Date: 10/15/2002
Time: 2:57:35 PM
Donnie.Do the next thing right!!.Thats our program in a nutshell,weather dealing outside or inside the fellowship.Keep it simple.
Member: peter,s.
Location: england
Date: 10/15/2002
Time: 2:57:54 PM
Donnie.Do the next thing right!!.Thats our program in a nutshell,weather dealing outside or inside the fellowship.Keep it simple.
Member: Evin D
Location: Sunny South Florida
Date: 10/15/2002
Time: 4:14:32 PM
Donnie, Great to hear that you're sober and on the right path. Here's what I've been told to do daily (or as close to as possible - progress not perfection!). 1. Go to a meeting 2. Pray to your HP 3. Meditate 4. Write down your daily inventory (see P 86-88 of BB) 5. Help another alcoholic. As I wade though sobriety stuff happens - life happens. Not always fair but if I do the right thing it all eventually works out. The Promises of AA sure do happen as we complete Step 9. Stick around - it keeps getting better! Evin
Member: Jim B.
Location: W. Mich.
Date: 10/15/2002
Time: 7:56:50 PM
Hi, I'm Jim from Michigan, an alcoholic. Grateful to be sober today.A lot of great comments already, the emotions don't go away with sobriety, they come with being human - and that's incurable so we must deal with it. I recently became unemployed so am dealing with some feelings I'm not accustomed to lately. Normally I'd be trying to forget my situation by drowning my thoughts, but I don't have that desire. Instead I have chosen to deal with the cards I've been dealt, especially since I have much to do with the deck I'm playing. Strange as is may sound, I feel less fear and insecurity than when I was employed, making very good money. My wife and I are getting close all over again, learning things we didn't have time to about each other. So I guess what I'm saying is losing my job is a negative, but I have decided to make something positive come of it. I'm falling in love with my wife all over again, helping out around the house more than ever and just being a good husband. I was always too busy to do any of that before. The trick now is to keep it up once I start working again. Until then, thanx for listening and being there. At a FtoF meeting today our topic was gossip, reminded me of a phrase I'm sure many of you have heard - "Alcoholics are the only ones who can look down on others from the gutter." I choose to keep my side of the street clean and let my higher power judge me and others. I find if I simply try to live by the Golden Rule, decisions are really pretty simple most of the time. Take care and keep comin' back!
Member: Donna S. for Sister in The Spirit!
Location: Fresno, CA
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 12:04:19 AM
Hi, Donna S. Greateful Recovered Alcoholic! Stinkin' Thinkin'--Thank you for sharing and move on to the next indicated thing. Don't hold on to those thoughts for more than four seconds unless you are willing to travel the road less traveled first. Meet your gorilla and head off in the other direction. Choice's are the gift's of the new days one at a time given us here in AA. Stay with God all! Love your Sister in The Spirit! Donna
Member: michael b.
Location: az
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 12:44:44 AM
hi. my name is michael, and i am a recovering alcoholic and addct, sober today only by the grace of god and the fellowship. thanks for the sincere shares. welcome newcomers. excellent topic, donnie. "the committee" or "stinkin' thinkin'" can be a real pain in the butt, if you let it. I have found, that as time passes in sobriety, i have access to the power, i.e. i have a choice about whether i want to let "the committee" get the best of me. usually, i'm vulnerable when i'm angry.
Member: Marcy I
Location: NC
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 4:31:15 AM
Greetings, Great topic-as I was reading the comments I noticed - 1) The committee never completly leaves! 2) How I deal with 'them' is an idication of my serenity and my relationship w/ my HP. When I was newly sober I ran away from the meeting in my head for a while. Then I recovered enough to face some of the 'stuff' that was going on inside me. By then I had some 'tools' to use. But I did not do it alone- I still try not to do it alone. I have to tell someone what is going on w/ me-still, after 18 years. Sometimes it is my sponsor sometimes it is my sponsee!! But I have to tell someone if is affecting my serenity-even if it is just garbage. My mind is like a bad neighborhood-I try not to go there alone. When the 'stinkin thinking' starts I know I have to get busy-weather it is writing-it down, going to a meeting , putting my hand out, cleaning up, volunteering, making a gratitude list- but get out of that "neighborhood"! Until I get to the place again where I can deal better w/ what life has placed before me. ---And then the gratitude really sinks in. Thanks for letting me share and thank you for a great 'meeting'.
Member: George H.
Location: Iowa
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 5:35:02 AM
Hello, I'm George and a substance abuser (alcoholic and drugs). I am not real sure about this Donnie, it dont ring a bell, but I will be honest and say that I have not been to an actual meeting for years. Where I lived, I used to attend lots of meetings years ago, then I just faded away from them. It's not that I had any problem with AA, just that I was staying sober and I got on with life, got into hobbies, volunteer work, jobs, and other stuff, and there just were never enough hours in a day. I must also say that the topic of alcohol became stagnant after awhile too, and my substance abuse became more part of my past, because I was so involved in other things that I did not crave the alcohol or drugs anymore. This is not advice to anyone, just what I did, and since I was sober, that was what mattered. Several years ago, I relocated to the rural country to achieve my life long goal of running a farm, because of my love for animals. I took on a mortgage, and lots of debts and other problems along with the farm, and soon found that I was in a deep hole financially. The same time my dad died, and I took that real hard, and that was when i slipped and drank. I did not continue drinking, but it scared me to realize that I had done it. But, rather than get all spooked over it, I just decided that tomorrow was my first step day, and I had to get on with life. I have always hated guilt, and was not going to bury myself in it, knowing I had done wrong yesterday, but had to look toward tomorrow. That was about 4 years ago. Since then, I have had a few more drinks, and each time I feel terrible about it, yet I have not drank enough to ever get drunk, just had a few beers. Each time I have tried to convince myself that since I am older, I can now drink socially, and since I am able to drink in moderation, I really wonder if I can?????? But, I feel the risk is too great. When I was young and carefree, and had no responsibilities, I just lived to drink, and do other substances. I am proud of the fact that I have been 100% free of all other substances for well over 20 years, but those darn beers tempt me every so often.... The thing is that when I moved to farm country, I never realized how tough of a life it can be. I dont mean the physical work, because I enjoy most of that. What is tough, is finding employment, making ends meet, and worse of all, keeping from depression. I live alone, although I got my animals, but no people. There are no AA meetings for miles and miles, and in winter, I can end up stranded for days at a time after a heavy snow. I am single by personal choice (and lack of the right person), but would prefer someone to live with, but find no one. The mentality in this part of the world is best described by most of those redneck jokes you hear, except this is in real life. Around here, people drink, get drunk, roll their trucks into a ditch, and no one really makes much notice of it, unless someone dies. Those that do not drink, are usually very involved in religion. I am spiritual, but avoid religion, and I also avoid the drinkers. So, in the end, I am alone all the time except when I am at work. I originally came from near a larger city, and there were people from all walks of life, but many whom I could relate, and many who were recovering. Here, I am lost on an island. I love the farm life, don't get me wrong, but the area where I am living is nowhere land. I now know I made a mistake moving here, moving this far away from the cities, but it was all I could afford, or be stuck in the city life forever. The reason I looked up this site today, is because I am really getting to the point that I know I can not continue this life. The economy is getting worse, my job hours are reduced, and I may end up bankrupt. I have been trying to do it one day at a time for so long, but each day something else is broken, another bill arrives, and the problems are mounting and getting deeper. I have one option, and that is to go back to my old life near the city, and I know I'd have a job waiting for me, but I worked so hard to get this far, and I am no young kid anymore, and starting over will not be easy. But the worse part is that I'd have to part with my animals, and in all fairness to myself, they are the love of my life. Each one of them is special, and I have found more love in them, than I have ever found with any people. It's losing them that keeps me fighting, but I know that soon, I will not be able to fight enough to stay afloat. I have just gotten too far in debt, both financially and emotionally. If I lose my animals, I will lose everything that I love. I really have no family anymore, and to me, my animals ARE my family. Like any good parent, they will fight till they lose their last drop of blood, and that is what I am doing to keep my family (of animals), but due to several recent problems with employment, several more broken vehicles, several sick animals, and other things, I know I am way in over my head. The state where I live does not assist those in need either. No one really cares around here, at least not till they find a person near death, and they they toss the person in the hospital, or a jail cell for a few days, and then toss them back onto the streets. I feel like I am in a cage, and each day it gets smaller, and soon I will be crushed in it. Anyhow, I was craving a beer tonight, and it's too cold outside to get the comfort of being with my animals, so I went and got some soda, and found this site. I have not drank for several months, and wont drink tonight. But tonight has been one of the tougher nights I have had to deal with in a long time. So, here I am, and now I'll say goodnight! Just to make myself clear, since many of you are probably city dwellers, by animals, I mean farm animals, not dogs and cats that are easy to move. George
Member: Jay L. (Feb. 8, 2001)
Location: Arizona
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 9:40:25 AM
I heard it said in a meeting just yesterday, that there were three key elements to a healthy day. Excercise, eating properly and going to a meeting. The 12 Steps have, and continue to offer me a little sanity throughout my sobriety. I can get negative about things in a heartbeat, that's my nature I guess, so to combat my natural inclinations I have to stay close to the program and to G-d. Though I don't do any of these things as consistently as I'd like to, I'm still far better off than when I came into these rooms and for that, I'm eternally grateful.
Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 10:43:11 AM
Bill P. here, alcoholic. - To Marty M (Oakland, CA). - Marty, hang in there. I have 160 days sober and can relate very well to what you said. My financial situation really sucks right now. I have a wife (that still drinks) and three wonderful children, and a lot to be thankful for. I too get restless, and begin to wonder "how am I going to live life sober and enjoy it fully for the long-haul?" This program gives me the help that I could not find on my own. It's all of the people like you that keep me hopeful and keep me coming back to learn more about long-term recovery. I know I can stay away from the drink on a day-by-day basis but I also know that it's my thinking that must change in order for me to stay truly sober and find the hapiness that we are all looking for. Thanks for being here, and keep praying, reading, and making it to meetings. This too shall pass. Peace.
Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 12:55:20 PM
Hi everyone. Kim here - alcoholic. Ahhh.... living life on life's terms and dealing with the ups and downs that come with it. Good topic, ((Donnie M.)). I have three tools that help living in "the sea of life." The first one is ACCEPTANCE. I may not like what goes on in my life sometimes, but by accepting the fact that it's happening helps me free up valuable thoughts/actions towards things I can change - me being one of them. Second, GRATITUDE is a huge tool in my arsenal against "stinking thinking." For example, I may not like my present employment at the moment, but I try and remain grateful for work when so many are unemployed. An attitude of gratitude will help the stinking thinking I can wallow in as an alkie. Third, but definately not least or the last tool to help me "keep sane" is OWNING MY SIDE OF THE STREET. I can not control people, place and things. Period. But, if I am aware of my motives - my actions - my thinking - then I can live comfortably in my own skin. When I blame circumstances on outside forces, I give up all the power to them. When I see my part in something, even if it's as something as simple as my not getting my needs met in some way, at least I see things for what they are and don't feel victumized anylonger. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: StephP
Location: BC
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 2:55:53 PM
This too shall pass. Stephanie Addict/Alcoholic. Thanks (BillP. I haven't been to a meeting in 5 months, I relaspsed on alcohol over the summer and have been too ashamed to go to a meeting. I have finally found the nerve to go online thinking that I wouldn't be able to relate to anyone here either, but then I read your message and I realized that time heals. Thank you.
Member: Tami
Location: Washington State
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 4:00:53 PM
Tami, alcohol is my "drug of choice". And yes I am an Alcoholic. I would just like to say that this group disscusion is really super. I find that after I read what you all share here, it seems as though it's like what I like to call "my cup of coffee." It wakes me up, warms me and helps me start my day, another 24. The HP in my life works through you all in meetings and through my sponser, and only ten can it work through me. Thank you all... tammibob@msn.com
Member: Tami
Location: Washington State
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 4:02:41 PM
Then (woops!)
Member: Tami R
Location: NH
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 5:06:33 PM
I'm seriously wondering about Christmas as usually for the past two years we have had it at my sisters. Everyone drinks except my parents and the kids. Its a huge wine fest. This will make me nuts. Three weeks tomorrow and the THOUGHT of being around wine all over the place makes me quiver. Any suggestions?
Member: pbs
Location: ohio
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 6:07:48 PM
Donnie, thanks for the topic. I feel peter gave the best solution to all our stinkin thinkin--Do the next right thing. I'd not heard that and be sure, peter, I will use it. For any of the group who is suffering in sobriety--isn't it grand of our HP to let us get sober before we're hit with life? Life happens, and I'd rather deal with it sober. My own experience is that life after sobriety hit with soap opera drama--bam,bam,bam-with really painful events; I was sober and able to deal with whatever came my way. No, not easy, but what is the alternative? Love and unity, Pat
Member: Margie
Location: Long Island, NY
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 8:58:17 PM
Hi, my name is Margie and I am a grateful alkie and a druggie. Life on life's terms is draining for an inexperienced liver like me. My whole life I hid from responsiblities, didn't even know how to use a checking account when I came into the rooms of AA in my early 30's. I relied on others to do for me. I surrounded myself with enablers, made sure of it. Just so I could blame them for all of the wrong doings in my life. Now that I have somewhat of a grip on being responsible, (it is daily learning) I feel empowered, getting to know the real me. I am responsible, the 12 steps and the other tools of recovery have taught me how to be a contributing member of this planet. For that I am eternally grateful. Many situations feel overwhelming for me, but I try to take them all as a learning lesson. To learn about me, relationships, God, and the joys of life! Two steps forward one step back, sometimes three, at least I am moving in my OWN journey. Thanks for letting me share. Keep coming back and don't drink! Love and blessings to all!
Member: Leah K
Location: Mass. usa
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 9:10:34 PM
Donnie, I believe that the book says trudge the path of happy destiny.To trudge means to walk delibratly. Going along with so many other key elements of the program, being delibrate in sobriety has affected me possitivly in so many ways. Restraint of tounge and pen. Thinking before I speak or act. Ect. ect. So to answer your question. "Now that my obsession has been lifted, how do I deal with me and everyday feelings and experiences?" My experience: keep doing the next right thing. If you honestly don't know what that might be from time to time, call a friend or your sponcer. Pray. And if your in a situation that doesn't allow time for you to check yourself with somebody else, use the tools you've been given. The patience,compassion for others, ability to think clearly, check your own motives ect. and chances are you'll do just fine. Take care all. Leah K.
Member: Kevin B
Location: Patt. La.
Date: 10/16/2002
Time: 11:47:48 PM
Hey all Kevin here, I remember hearing someone share that everything on their 4th step was because they were under the influence! Alchol made them do it! Not me 99.9% of my 4th step was comitted by me before I started to drink! I am trying to say alchol was not the culprit kevin was! So alchol allowed me to live in my skin!That told me kevin was the problem!My first sponser asked me to consider if how i handled life might be wrong! I had never considered that! Until my life was such a mess I became open minded ! Now I try to live with courage and gods grace has allowed me some dignity! I as the big book tells me in the promises know how to handle situiations that just used to baffle me! So long as I maintain my spiritual program! Sometime when my computer (mind) does'nt work I use someone elses! Pray Pray Pray ! Thanks Kevin
Member: Barbara M.
Location: Florida
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 12:15:11 AM
Hi all - I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic. This topic is near and dear to my heart as like most others, I struggle with the stinkin' thinkin'...but I'm reminded that freedom is guaranteed when I depend on God, not Barbara, to direct my behavior. (BB -page 237). > For Tami R. - when I'm forced to be in a situation where there will be alcohol (although I usually try to stay away from such environments whenever possible) - I always stay far from the serving table/bar - and I keep my glass full with ice and soda. Good luck...
Member: Ray C
Location: Haines Alaska
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 5:21:05 AM
Hi...Ray C alkie...I too just have to keep it simple and just do what I have to do.Like you Donnie the desire is gone but confusion and hurt can still cloud my life.Like whats been said I use the tools from the program and any other form of help that works.Sometimes it's just nessasary to hurt some and remember if you don't drink you won't get drunk.I've learned stinken thinkin passes so just hang in there.
Member: Tom M D.O.S. 5/25/86
Location: Southern Central Michigan
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 7:21:45 AM
To Tami R- You don't have to go into any drinking situations if u don't want to! Just give urself permission not to go. We have choices today! Anything that is going to threaten ur serinity or soberity is a red flag! If u do decide to go just leave urself a way out when things starting getting uncomfortable! And by all means ask God for guidence in the situation. If nobody has told u today that they love I'm telling you all that I love u and thanks for helping me to stay sober today!
Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 9:29:49 AM
Thanks for your comments Tom. I agree that especially in early sobriety, I need to stay away from places where my guard can get let down. The typical old drinking situations (big parties, social functions, weddings, reunions, etc.) are triggers that could launch me on my way to that first drink. 5+ months sober now, I do not wat to lose all that I have gained in AA. You're dead on right about making sure to leave yourself a way out of these unguarded situations. I've used this option several times. I also relate to having such a freedom of choices today, living in sobriety. I no longer have to worry about many of the things that used to burden my spirit. This is a spiritual illness that will kill us, if we let it. I try to be as honest, open, and as willing as I can because I know this is the key to long term recovery. Thanks for being here, and I love all of you.
Member: Greg N.
Location: MI
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 10:12:59 AM
I have found that it's been easier to confront the "everyday" problems now that I've been sober for almost 3 years than when I was drinking...nothing like a good stiff drink to completely turn your thought processes upside down! As for the difficult situations that all of us alcoholics face (parties, holidays, etc.) I find that if keep in mind what I have to lose by lapsing and believe in the program AND in myself that the difficulty passes rather quickly. We just have to believe in ourselves. Thanks
Member: PappyPaw B.
Location: South Central Michigan
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 10:14:18 AM
I am PappyPaw, I too am a grateful recovering alcoholic. I had a wonderful thing happen right off this morning...I awoke sober..now I have a choice on how I will spend this day. I choose to give myself another day of soberiety. "Let go-Let God" seems to be the topic. Step three is the start and step eleven drives the nail home for me. I too tend to be impatient for results or unhappy with "His" choice for me. I need His will not my will to face the business of each day and need to continue to grow into quality life. With the help and spiritual strength from the AA group I have these tools I need each day. Good topic that takes us beyond the sheild of the meeting to face the real day ahead. Thank you Donnie. PappyPaw ><>
Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,IL
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 10:18:41 AM
I am an alcoholic to me staying sober has not been easy for me I try to lead a spritual life on daily basis which helps me focused on my recovery. it helps me work my steps 4th and 5th at all times. It further prevents to helps me to keep my senses under control no parties no good time no attachments with things that will couse u to have pain and misery in my life.thanks to aa and alanon
Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,IL
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 10:18:49 AM
I am an alcoholic to me staying sober has not been easy for me I try to lead a spritual life on daily basis which helps me focused on my recovery. it helps me work my steps 4th and 5th at all times. It further prevents to helps me to keep my senses under control no parties no good time no attachments with things that will couse u to have pain and misery in my life.thanks to aa and alanon
Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,IL
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 10:18:51 AM
I am an alcoholic to me staying sober has not been easy for me I try to lead a spritual life on daily basis which helps me focused on my recovery. it helps me work my steps 4th and 5th at all times. It further prevents to helps me to keep my senses under control no parties no good time no attachments with things that will couse u to have pain and misery in my life.thanks to aa and alanon
Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,IL
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 10:20:02 AM
I am an alcoholic to me staying sober has not been easy for me I try to lead a spritual life on daily basis which helps me focused on my recovery. it helps me work my steps 4th and 5th at all times. It further prevents to helps me to keep my senses under control no parties no good time no attachments with things that will couse u to have pain and misery in my life.thanks to aa and alanon
Member: Doc
Location: USA
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 10:20:56 AM
Hi, Doc here, I am an alcoholic. Donnie I find it interesting that you could remove a problem by drinking. It floated my problems to the side and made room for new ones that always came. When the "Booze" wore off they were all there waiting for me. I too am good at "taking it back" when I should be "Letting it go". Hang in there, go to meetings, read the BB and do not "DRINK". Doc
Member: Lowell M.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 10:34:03 AM
Hi folks my name is Lowell and am alcoholic. I don't seem to have too many problems with my thinking and actions when I work at keeping my life simple, regular meetings, daily prayer and meditation, serving my family,fellow travellers and community and sharing my thinking with my sponsor or someone else I trust.
Member: Leland
Location: SantaBarbara, CA
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 11:46:05 AM
I'm a bit shattered this week, but I'll return to that in a minute. As one of my first sponsors would say, "We suffer from an uncontrollable emotional nature" which in turn affects our thinking and actions. Indeed, stopping drinking is a great start, but keeping things in order both with my thinking and my emotions are a bonus of sobierty. Hence, the message just above this is to the point: keep it simple and do the suggested basics. The Steps continue to keep me level, balanced, "on the beam." Now, this week started off with my dear cousin (who was like a brother to me growing up) took himself out with a shotgun. Ultimately, if you boil it all down, he was one of us that tried years ago for a couple of weeks to live sober. It didn't take, or his willingness was there, or ... hell, I don't know. What I'm left with is a clear indication that a) this is a killer disease, it wants us totally out of the game, and 2) the solution to my living problems is in meetings, steps and the fellowship. I pray for anyone that struggles like my cousin to know that there are thousands of other options and that they have the strength to deny this disease the ultimate control.
Member: Hamish
Location: Sydney, Australia
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 12:15:44 PM
My names Hamish and I'm an alcoholic. Yes, I can relate to this topic. "Do the next best thing" as per above is great advice.I often say to myself "Hamish stay in the now" and try and move on. It helps to hand myself over to god. I often as is suggested in the big book say the serenity prayer when I feel uncomfortable. I make a point to say "thy will not mine be done". This point is important for me - thy will not mine. Let's remember, alcohol is only the symptom. I drank to fill the gap inside me and now I can fill the void or gap with gratitude and love. It's the first drink that does the damage. One day at a time and go to meetings. Thy will, not mine, be done.
Member: Pete S.
Location: Portland, Maine
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 12:51:56 PM
Hi, everyone. My name is Pete, and I'm an alcoholic. A word to the relapsers here who may be afraid to go back to meetings because of a slip: I've been through it (several times, unfortunately for me) and the ONLY thing I ever heard from anyone was "Glad you made it back." Everyone in AA has been tempted at some time. I doubt that you will ever see anyone in a meeting who can't imagine what a slip is like. And anyway, your sobriety is way more important than what somebody else in a meeting may think of you. I see a few people in meetings that I don't like very much, but I certainly don't wish them drunk! So, the long and the short of it is this: Go back to AA. Do what you have to do to get back in the middle of the program. You will save your own life AND you will be a power of example to others. God bless.
Member: Corinne B.
Location: SunnyCool, CA
Date: 10/17/2002
Time: 7:36:04 PM
Hey ((Donnie)) great topic, for "dealing with our different emotions that come up once sober, the committee, and the stinking thinking we fall prey to" are all part of a continual process that most non-alcoholics wouldn't have a clue about! Which is one very important reason why we Alkies need each other. Some of the tools I've recently employed are: 1) Putting notes up around my house, telling me what not to do when my own Alcoholic Insanity Strikes. 2) Praying out loud and/or on my knees for God to remove (whatever, fill in the blank). 3) Calling, Emailing or Posting to other AA members or members of my church & asking for help to get through the rough time. 4) Reading the Bible or the BB. 5) Writing in my journal. 6) The biggest, most important, thing has been, admitting when I am wrong and making the much needed amend when I know I've screwed up again. I cannot hide behind denial of the fact that I still say the wrong thing to others, or still tend, at times, to ask unreasonable questions of (or place unreasonable demands on) other people. It's wonderful if I can see it on my own, but there are times when I am charged with facing a truth when someone in my life takes the time and compassion to gently (or not so gently sometimes) point out the error of my ways to me. How do I respond? That's the measure of how I apply the Program in my day-to-day life. If I deny I did anything wrong, yet deep inside I know I've just been busted, then I hope I can continue to realize at that point that no matter how much time it's been since my last drink, I still have much needed work to do, and I better get real busy, real quick. I also know that God has the great capacity to forgive, and he passes that capacity on to us humans, and ultimately, I know my friends, past or present, love me for the work-in-progress that I am. If they can't do that for me, I simply learn something I needed to see about the frailty of being human, and what a hard job it is for some more than others. My compassion, I hope, grows in that process, too.
Member: John G
Location: Michigan
Date: 10/18/2002
Time: 12:00:33 AM
Great subject: The third step prayer asks God to remove from us the burden of self. It is comforting to know that I can turn it over instead of letting me mess it up. My best thinking got me here. I see a lot of very good stuff on this subject. What works for me is staying close to the program. Asking my higher power for guidance throughout the day, reading from the big book or other AA publications, Attend a meeting, Call my sponsor, and thanking my higher power at the end of another sober day. These five "basics" were taught to me in my home group and I find if I get away from some of these things, my spirituality suffers and it is harder to deal with the real world. Spiritual progress - Not perfection.
Member: Tami R
Location: NH
Date: 10/18/2002
Time: 7:11:04 AM
Thanks for suggestions all. I realize as said in meetings that anything we put ahead of our sobriety can be taken away. Sobriety needs to be first. Regardless of peoples feelings, I need to do what it takes to keep my safety, serenity and sobriety first.
Member: Charles M
Location: wolfville Nova Scotia
Date: 10/18/2002
Time: 8:35:41 AM
My name is charles and i am drunk who didnt have to have a drink today this is my first time here on this site and its been nice to see that i am not alone there are days when the my thoughts and my thinking take me back to the good old days of drinking my mind tells me its going to be better this time or you are only going to have a couple of drinks but today i know that my mind is a lier you see it took me 15 years to get 214 days of honest sobriety because my mind lies i know that today counts and the only way it can count is by me not taking that first drink or drug i wouldn't change my worst day of sobriety for my best day drinking my way or Gods way and today i choose Gods way. I wish all who reads this another 24 hours of sobriety Gods love and good luck
Member: Gene K
Location: New Jersey
Date: 10/18/2002
Time: 11:34:15 AM
Member: Gene K
Location: New Jersey
Date: 10/18/2002
Time: 11:50:36 AM
Hi,I am an alcoholic,wife, mother and grandmother of 8 dearly loved kids-age 4-13.Have been strugglong with AA for 2 years.And not being very successful-that first drink is the killer.I am also a compulsive gambler-with help from my HP and great friends in GA,over2 months since I last visited a casino.Iternet ones were where I finally hit bottom.Now am trying to work first 3 steps of AA.Can easily say I am powerless over alcohol,and accept that my only hope is thru my HP,God.Have been to severalF2F meetings of AA but hate myself when I admit to still drinking.It is that first glass of wine,for sure that I have to avoid.The second et al are my downfall.Enough rambling for today.Have a great weekend all Genie from the Garden State :):)
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 10/18/2002
Time: 12:38:48 PM
HI all, Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. I have made a lot of bad decisions in sobriety. I have fallen into that "seemed like a good idea at the time" syndrome quite a number of times. Most of these decisions have been reversible. I have never made the decision to take a drink. That one may not be reversible. I learned a long time ago that if I do not drink, then I have a chance to resolve most any problem that comes down the pike. I have faced a few biggies over my sobriety. Been fired. Mother died. Faced my own death. I was terminal in 1994. Not once did the thought of a drink overtake me. In most cases the physical compulsion to drink leaves most of us in three to five days. We are detoxed. That mean we are no longer toxic. The Steps helps us deal with the mental obsession. The psychic change. Change of thought. We rid ourselves of "Stinking thinking". I believe the 11th Step is the key. Tells me what to do when I get up. Tells me how to get through the day. Tells me how to deal with problems that arise. Tells me what to do when I face indecision. Tells me what to do when I go to bed. It is ok for me to make mistakes today. But that is conditional. The conditions being that I must make every effort to correct that mistake and I must extent that same privilege to others. Thank you very much for being a part of my sobriety today. Bill az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Jennifer K.
Location: Dallas, TX
Date: 10/19/2002
Time: 3:37:18 AM
Hi all, Jennifer, GRA. Came in tonight looking for my mom (yes, like mother, like daughter). Haven't seen her post in a while. I love the topic, Donnie. This is what AA is all about. Only in the first step is our problem with alcohol mentioned. Everything after that is about life. I'm just beginning my second year of sobriety and was told tonight at a candlelight discussion meeting that this is a very critical year for my recovery. Kind of scary, but I have witnessed too many miracles in and around my life in the past year to keep me from going forward with a great amount of faith that I can do this thing called living life on life's terms, one day at a time. Before I got here I thought I was right and the rest of the world was wrong, then I thought that I was wrong and the rest of the world was right. Now, I believe that I can be right or wrong and the world can be right or wrong, it doesn't really matter. What matters is "Can I be right and accept the wrongs of the world, and can I be wrong and forgive myself, make amends and get back to living in the present?" I believe I can. This program has taught me that anything is possible as long as I trust God, clean house and help others. My eternal gratitude to my HP, AA and ya'll. Keep comin' back! It DOES work if you work it!
Member: Patrick
Location: Columbus, OH
Date: 10/19/2002
Time: 11:13:37 PM
Thanks for everyone's comments. I am relatively new to the program and have gotten into some real stinking thinking. Could not get to a f2f and so tried this...I'm grateful.
Member: Sheila C-R
Location: Sacramento, CA.
Date: 10/19/2002
Time: 11:58:54 PM
Hello, my name is Sheila, and I am definitely an alcoholic! This is my first time on this list. I am so glad that all of you are here!! Thanks for sharing, Donnie. I, too, can relate to your topic. At some point in my sobriety, I came to believe that the answers to my problems, all of my problems, is working the first three steps on each one. I also came to believe that nothing that happens in my life, is an accident. IMO, the reason I am here, alive, is because God isn't through with me yet. I believe that life is about learning the lessons that the God of my understnading, whom I found in AA, has things S/He wants me to learn. I seem to learn best, by making mistakes. I have come to believe that God is always with me. My God knows, and cares about me. It has been almost 14 years ago, that my husband died from lung cancer. He was a member of AlAnon. I wanted to die, along with him. My God had other plans. Thanks to my HP, the program, and the people in this fellowship, I was able to get through the nine months of his dying process, and the first few years of grieving, without having to pick up a drink. When I was new to the program, I often heard it said in meetings, that going to lots of meetings was like buying insurance. That when the rough times hit, the foundation I lay down, with lots of meetings, kicks in. It sure proved to be true! In ten days, I am flying to Germany, to spend the rest of this year with my son, and his family. This is my second trip, in three years. I have some mixed feelings. Excitment, happiness, and some fear. I have come to believe that whatever I am feeling is God sent. IMO, God gave me all of my human emotions. I believe my feelings are meant to be felt. To be with my feelings. For Terri R. I hear you and I understand. Being with my family of origin, over a holiday, has been a definite problem for me. Again, working the first three steps, is my solution. My first sponsor taught me to always be sure I had transportation, so that I could leave any painful, or, difficult situation. Many times I have left a family get together, and said I needed a meeting, if asked why I was leaving. Going from family events, straight to a meeting, saved my sobriety, a number of times. So, when going into a situation that may be difficult, it helps if I check to see where there is a meeting, that day, or, night. Thanks for letting me share. Sheila Sacramento, CA. DOS: 5/11/1981
Member: anonymous alcoholic (DOS 12/12/90)
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: 10/20/2002
Time: 4:35:26 AM
Donnie, this topic (like SO many others here) is GREAT for me. I mean it is right where I am, right now! Thank you for coming here and having the Courage to admit that you are not only an alcoholic, but you still think like one. One of the baffling parts of alcoholism for me is that it doesn't have that much to do with alcohol. Let me explain... I haven't had any alcohol in almost 12 years and I can honestly say that I don't even think about alcohol. So some people (like my wife) might say, 'ummm tell me again, why do you keep going to AA?' The answer is that I still NEED AA. In fact, I may need AA more now than I did 12 years ago. You see, Donnie, to be honest with you, I have only worked the steps half-assed. I kinda did what I had to in order to get by. I did them to get certain people off my back, not because I wanted to, or better still because I NEEDED to. But, part of this still sick brain of mine knows that I really do NEED to do all 12 steps to the best of my ability. That means with no reservations. But, the still sick part of me says "no I don't, I've given up alcohol (and some other things), so that's enough. I don't have to do the 3rd step completely (turn my will and life over). I'll just hang onto some of my will." Well, Donnie, you can probably guess 'the rest of the story'. My will is the same stinkin will that got me to drinking so much. So, it's my will, NOT my drinking, that is the real problem. As long as I don't want to 'give up' this stinking will of mine, I will continue to whine about whatever. And, it is baffling to others too becuase they say 'well he's not drinking, but he doesn't seem that happy either!' Donnie, thanks for allowing me to think and ramble about what is really going on with me and to see more clearly that the alcohol was (for me) only about 10% of the real problem. I am going to 'keep coming'. I wish you well my friend.
Member: JimB.
Location: RMI
Date: 10/20/2002
Time: 5:25:16 AM
JimB happy to know I'm alcoholic and grateful to be sober today. Great topic and lots of terrific shares. This program has my claw marks all over it as I have struggled with all of the cards dealt to me in life while utilizing the tools we are given in the rooms. "...courage to change the things we can and wisdom to know the differance." I have tools like acceptance and willingness to seek Gods will when I am faced with situations that I can not change. Sometimes I need to remember to live the program rather than just working it because it is how I deal with life when I am not in an AA meeting which is the real challenge. Admitting powerlessness and seeking one who has all power rather than relying on self will. Often it means being willing to expierience the feelings of despair that come with not being able to change a situation. But I've learned that this is how growth and learning is aquired and how I earn my sobriety one day at a time. If I dont pick up a drink today, I am a winner and I know "this too shall pass." Thanks for 12 steppin me!
Member: Jim K.
Location: West Texas
Date: 10/20/2002
Time: 5:42:44 AM
Hi to all. I am a grateful recovering alcoholic and my name is Jim. I haven't had to do any alcohol or other dope since July 15, 2000. What a great topic. I have recently discovered some wonderful and troubling things about myself--drunk or sober, if my alcoholism is left untreated I am a nasty creature! I am going through a divorce and a bankruptcy, and have sat down with a sponsor to look at the truth about me all over again. And the truth is, my character defects are coming out in more subtle ways leading to the same destructive ends they did before. I am the same bastard I was when I crawled in here, just a toned-down version. Yes, living life on life's terms is paramount, but in order for me to do this, I must remain in close contact with my home group, my sponsor, friends in the program, and GOD!!! Like the Book says, resting on our laurels is easy to do, but not a good idea at all. I must constantly be practicing the growth steps (10-12) and stay just as honest, open-minded, and willing as I was 27 months ago. I found once the newness of sobroety wore off, my -isms were able to slide right back in. Keep it fresh and new. Keep up with service and continue to reach out to new alcoholics seeking recovery. Do not stagnate. Recovery is like walking up a down escalator--you have to progress faster that the disease or eventually, it will take you down. Remember that little alkie/junkie/fill-in-the-blank is doing push-ups in your stomach and just waiting for you to slip. Pray, meditate, and be aware to avoid the slip that might lead to ultimate destruction. LOVE EACH OTHER