Member:    Norm F                     
Location: Maine
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 00:13:56

Comments

Remember when. So often we get complacent


Member: anonymous
Location:
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 00:42:33

Comments

i am very gratful i found the halls .when i got here i had lost my mind. after 11 years of still one day at a time i feel good most of the time. boss had driven me to the nut house and my family not far behine. You see i had finally told my last lie and got honest with myself about how F up boss had me me well solong and thanks AA for my life Love anonymous


Member: JCP ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 00:58:16

Comments

"We have to grow or else deteriorate. For us the status quo can only be for today, never for tomorrow. Change we must; we cannot stand still."--As Bill Sees It, p. 25

J here, a grateful alcoholic:

Thanks for the topic. Status quo was my goal in life during years of daily drinking, trying to persuade myself it was "quo." and not skidding downhill swiftly.

By contrast, A.A. focused on the present, not shutting any doors on the past, but the only way we could ever make any solid amends was by dealing with the present, one day at a time. Dixyflier@usa.net


Member: Jay T.
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 00:58:37

Comments

Hello, everyone, J.R.T., increasingly grate- ful recovering alocholic, here. Your topic is short, yet to the point, Norm, and I can certainly relate. All too often, My big fat ego can get way too wrapped up in some pretty trifling matters and I can take for granted how fortunate I am as a person with the disease of alcoholism. Right now I am concerned with some relatively small problems at work and how to sell my house in the best manner. I can spend a lot of spiritual energy on this stuff, and not spend enough spiritual energy helping fel- low alcoholics to recover or being as grateful as I should be that my Higher Power has relieved my compulsive obsession to pound down a bunch of booze and destroy my life. I am relatively young and I have my sobriety, my health, and my future thanks to the goodwill and mercy that God as I understand him through Alcoholics Anon- ymous graces my life every day.

Thanks for the Reality Check


Member: L.M.C.
Location: ARIZONA
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 01:10:13

Comments

For myself i have to remember to do the things I did when I first became sober,went to meetings, asked my higher power for help each day, went to my home group no matter what, stayed involved in service, worked with newcomers,used my sponcer as if my life depended on it,[it did]and follow the steps, stayed with the winners! Nothing I did yesterday will keep me sober today. It is Gods Grace that I am. Thank you all for my real life!!!


Member: John {J.L.}
Location: Newark,De.
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 02:11:11

Comments

Hi my names John{J.L.} alkie/addict,, thanks Norm for the Topic.Getting Complacent in my recovery is a scarey thing,,,for when I get complacent that meens i'm not using the program to the complete ability ...I like to do things on a regular Basis Like Meetings and stuff like that,,,,,but if i don't go to new meetings and meet new people then my recovery is limited to the one room.If I get to relaxed cause things are going well,,,then something usually goes wrong,,,,

I was asked to speak at a meeting tonight and my first thought was no,,,cause I have been in a bad space...but I spoke and it was a good thing caus eit got me out of part of my funk....and if that isn't complacent {LOL} then I dont know what is...and at the end a few people came up and thanked me :>),,,if I stayed still and didn't speak,,only the man upstairs knows what will{would} happen,,,,for me as well as for the other person...

I guest what i'm getting at ,,is that getting complacent is like getting smart all of a sudden,,,it doesn't fir into my program and could be very a very dangerous thing for me . so long as I remain teachable,,,keep hitting ,meetings,making new friends in recovery. and remember that I only have a daily ,,,,, Reprieve!!!Then I will have a chance for another day,,one at a time....{i'm using the Letter "I" cause I can only speak for me, but but this is a WE program,,cause I couldn't do it alone} Thanks for Letting me Share John// J.L.


Member: Bob H
Location: 58 N  136 W
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 02:24:35

Comments

Bob Alcoholic When I first came into the rooms a friend for life told me if you can't remember your last drunk you haven't had it yet. I remember that occasion clearly the memory hasn't kept me from becoming complacent. I am realizing that I must grow or wither Homeostasis and recovery are seemingly mutually exclusive. This link is a major portion of my lifeline these days thanks to all. Peace


Member: Tony S.
Location: Knoxville,TN,USA
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 04:01:36

Comments

Hey Group! An A.A. meeting online, how wonderful! The topic reminds me of an expression I once heard, "The body heals and the liar returns." I can definitely to that... Glad to be here.


Member: Andy J
Location: Telford,UK
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 05:00:44

Comments

My family is breaking up.I NEED TO STOP.


Member: Bruce A
Location: Bovard,PA
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 09:06:56

Comments

Hi Family Bruce A. , Alcoholic. When I first cmae around in Feb. of 1983 I was scared. I thought I was going out of my mind. I was suicidal. I thought i was just taking up space on this earth. After trying A.A. for 3 mos. I thought i knew everything so I tried to stay sober on my own. After three more mos. of misery I finally surrendered. I have been sober 1 day at a time since 9-10-83. WE can stay sober together. All we have to do is listen to the suggestions of the A.A. program and take action.LOVE ya all ,Bruca A.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Colorado
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 15:04:53

Comments

Hi, Chris here and I'm an alcoholic.

This certainly is an important topic in my life right now, as I am not being given the opportunity to be complacent in my program. I am facing a spiritual growth opportunity that is forcing me to examine my character defects, and make every attempt possible to move past them. I am having to reach as far as I can to be in touch with my higher power so that I can be available to others in a good way that is healthy for them all. I have again learned that I cannot be available to others until my spiritual house is in order.

I am finding that "I am responsible." I am responsible for my happiness, and have found I am also responsible for my own heart breaks in life. When my life becomes more than I can handle, it is because I am trying to run the show, and not allowing God to direct my actions. God puts wonderful people in my life for a purpose, because he loves me, and wants me to grow. While I usually find my life is realitively easy to deal with on a daily basis, as a result of doing this program, I find that other things which mean a GREAT DEAL to me are very hard for me to resolve without a lot of God's help. I have much to overcome now, but believe in my heart that when I can get past my self imposed limitations, with God's help, that a new wonderful world will open up for me. I am trying very hard to follow God's path so that I can share his love with those around me, and really appreciate all the prayers that have been sent to me during this time in my life.

All I can tell you from my experience is that complacency does not last forever, and the time will come for us when we will have to do the program like our lives depend on it.

God Bless you all!


Member: Chris H.
Location: Colorado
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 15:51:44

Comments

Hi I'm Chris and I am an alcoholic.

Eventhough my life has been generally good through the grace of this program, today, I am 'not' being afforded the opportunity to be complacent with my program, and I'm having to face my character defects head on. By removing the comfort of my defects of character, and by focusing my heart on God's love, I have found that I am responsible. I am finding that I am the barrier in the way of my own happiness. When I find a way through my self imposed limitations; however long it takes, I will then be able to fully appreciate the gifts of this program, the sunlight of the spirit, and God's love. I am now experiencing one of God's growth opportunities.

God puts wonderful people in my life for a reason, so that I can grow spiritually, and become more happy, joyous and free, and so I can share God's love with them, as well.

I am an alcoholic, and I have a God sized hole in my soul, that cannot be filled with any amount of material things to make me happy. This spiritual vacuum can eat up everything I have or could take from others, and would still crave more. Only God's love can fill this spiritual vacuum in my life, and once filled, I can then be be fully available to love and care for those around me the way I am supposed to be present for them, and can again be shining star in my life for others to see.

The only thing I can truly say about complacency, is that, if you are like me, it will not last, and as I am finding, I have to do the program like my life now depends on it. However, as hard as my life is right now, I am excited about making it through to the other side, and I have faith that this program can get me there.

God bless to you all, and thanks for your prayers, they are making a difference in my life.


Member: Don R.
Location: Georgia/USA
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 19:11:05

Comments

Hi I'm Don and I'm an real alcoholic, formally of the hopeless variety. It's only by God's amazing grace working through the program and fellowship of AA that I have'nt found it necessary to take a drink today and for that Im truly gratefull.I was a drunk alcoholic for 33 years and a sober one since May 5 '92 and I get a little better each day as a direct result of CHANGE. I hated and feared that word, but when you are a recovering alcoholic change is the name of the game.Get a sponsor,don't drink, go to meetings,practice the principals and work the program. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Tamara M.
Location: AZ
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 19:44:54

Comments

Hi....Tamara,alcoholic/addict. The topic is complacency. When I relapsed after 5 years, it was because I thought it would be "OK" to have a few beers. Im other words, I thought I was "cured", that I could be NORMAL again. All the tools I had used to stay straight were put aside. Now I'm starting over, with the basics, at Step One. I hope to use the shame & guilt I felt with the relapse to boost me out of this hole into a watchful program. This time I've put more safe guards in place and am not concealing my illness from myself and those who care for me.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Colorado
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 21:10:20

Comments

Oops! Sorry for the double post. I thought my first message was lost. Oh well, take what you want and leave the rest.


Member: John  S.
Location: Indiana
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 23:00:47

Comments

Hi,I have been working hard on emotional balance in my life.I have had to learn to slow my mind down and communicate with control and patience.I have had to learn to be agoodlistener also and respect and understand the feelings of the person i am coomunicating with.I also i have been able to not get too up or too down and with Gods help i will continue to do that because as everyone knows this is all ongoing at a one day at a time basis.


Member: Al T
Location: Bethlehem, Pa
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 23:16:30

Comments


Member: Al T
Location: Bethlehem, Pa
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 23:16:36

Comments


Member: Joe H
Location: Valley of the Sun
Date: 03 Oct 1999
Time: 23:41:09

Comments

Hi All, I'm Joe, an alcoholic. Complacency is a real easy trap to fall into. When I first came around the program there was a real fire there and it stayed with me for six years. Then complacency set in and I became bored with and too smart for AA. I tried staying away from meetings for 18 months and that sure didn't work. I didn't drink but came damn close. So back to AA I went with my tail tucked. The fire's back now and has been for two years. I hope it's always there. Wishing everyone another 24 hrs.


Member: dj
Location: norfolk
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 00:16:37

Comments

i cant add till god sees fit for me say how glad i am to be here. ok today god bless


Member: Rob R
Location: B.C. CANADA
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 02:01:38

Comments

ROB: recovering Alcoholic, Great topic.Thanks to all who shared thier experience,strength,and hope.I experienced some of the worst days of my sober life due to an attitude of complacency.The good news being what don't kill me makes me stronger,provided I don't pick up that first drink. 30 days from now ,God willing I will be cellebrating 7 years of sobriety. Working the program Works!


Member: James Lupp
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 02:10:06

Comments

My name is James, and I'm an Alky,

I remember when; I drank, passed out and bitched in-between. A very predictable life! The hell of wanting so much to believe the lies I was telling myself and others. The hell I bought to other people in my life. I remember the disgusted looks from everyone I came into contact with, stinking from head to toe, and wishing death would come with the next drink (but it better be a good one!) I remember trying one day at a time to beat the drinking game! I lost!

Even with all that, I got complacent and arrogant and made all the mistakes Bill W. said I would. I forgot to pray. I forgot gratitude. I forgot alot of the things you told me and I forgot where I came from. This memory of convenience got real baffled. God kept me away from a drink inspite of myself. And did today!

I simply started over. What a great gift. This starting over. Out of this detour I got an opportunity to learn something I "thought" I already knew.

What I hope I've learned is; If I stick to the basics, I don't have to 'get back to them!'" If I can learn from my mistakes-that's sanity returning. If I can learn from your mistakes, that's sanity returned! Thank you for 12stepping me.

In the Fellowship of the Spirit. God Bless. James L. Drop a line annie@ocinet.net


Member: Albuquerque John
Location: in transit
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 02:37:16

Comments

That’s why I come to AA – for the maintenance of my sobriety and to remember that Special Moment. My special moment - my moment of Clarity - the moment I knew the gig was up - the moment I knew my body could no longer take alcohol. But my mind wanted it. Nowhere else to go but to AA - and I am very fortunate AA came to me. In that seemingly hopeless state I have never forgotten what happened from that day till now.

Where else in the world can we remember that moment except in the rooms of AA. No matter where I am in the world I always make it my business to participate in AA. For months now because of work and family related matters I am thousands of miles from my home group; however, that doesn’t stop me from participating in AA. My gratitude can’t be expressed in words; it can only be expressed by passing on to the suffering alcoholic that there is a way out of whatever he or she thinks they are in. And all it takes is a big book a pot of coffee and one alcoholic talking to another. As the lady from Chicago says in her chapter Keys of the Kingdom - in return for a bottle and a hangover we have been given the Keys of the Kingdom (pages xiii – 164, 12 wonderful Steps). And you know something - every time I cross that city my heart gives a little bump and I look out the window and say “Thanks you special lady and the rest of the first one hundred”.

Vaya con Dios my friends

PS Glad to see you here James L in Colorado - safe sound and sober - with you in Spirit


Member: Joanne G
Location: NSW AUSTRALIA
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 04:07:28

Comments

Hi. My name's Joanne and Im an alcoholic. Complacency. I greatly fear it. Ive been complacent most of my life. I cant afford such an extravagance in my life anymore. I realise now my life depends on it. I will be one year sober next month and never want to lose what Im gaining through the amazing collective wisdom and fellowship of AA. Thank you.


Member: Bonnie Z.
Location: PA, USA
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 09:12:13

Comments

Hi, Bonnie here, alcoholic. Thanks for the topic Norm, and thanks to all who shared before me. HI BOB! Al, would be good to hear another PAer, share something! Andy from UK, you're in the right place, and keep coming back-some of your countrymen are on here(and I can put you in touch with others).

Ok, for the topic-I cannot afford to get complacent, can't forget where I came from. As it has been said, if you forget history you're doomed to repeat it.

A few years ago, I went to visit a friend who worked in a bar. No big deal, I thought, I have a few years and I'm just drinking soda. A friend of mine(sober, too) said, "I'm impressed." I told him not to be so impressed, it was stupid, as I found myself getting comfortable with the environment. At that point I knew it was time to go. I have to remember how bad it was, I have no desire to go back to that life(well, wasn't much of a "life", really).

This deal is worth it. I have met many real friends, not like the fakes that were in the bar, and gone when the drink was. No matter what happens to me, I need not drink over it, or I'll just bring myself new problems. Keep coming back, y'all, this is the real deal. Lots of love to you.


Member: 7th Tradition      Tim V.
Location: Treasurer        Poconos, PA
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 09:34:29

Comments

There are no dues or fees, but we do have expenses. We practice the 7th Tradition, which states that "we are self supporting through our own contributions". AA members, please visit "Pass the Hat"


Member: Luke K
Location: New England
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 09:44:19

Comments

Hi I'm Luke an alcoholic. This is a good topic. I have now been sober 2 weeks and as I continue to feel better I try to take a few minutes each day to think of the HORRIBLE times drinking, the effects of my actions on others. If one is not careful, one can dwell on the (seemingly) good times drinking and not remember what it led to. Once one's mind only connects negativity to drinking things get much easier.


Member: GABRIELLE P.
Location: MANSFIELD, TX.
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 09:46:00

Comments

HI ALL! GABRIELLE, GRATEFUL RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC HERE. I LIKE THIS TOPIC ALOT. IT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO REFLECT BACK TO WHEN I COULDN'T LOOK MYSELF IN THE MIRROR OR GO OUTSIDE IN THE DAYLIGHT BECAUSE SOMEONE MIGHT "SEE" ME. I KNEW IF I COULDN'T LOOK WHO ELSE WOULD WANT TO. AND THAT WAS JUST THE OUTSIDE OF ME!! I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT THEY WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THE INSIDE OF ME LOOKED LIKE AT THAT TIME! I REMEMBER WHEN THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK WAS "I DON'T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY ANYMORE" I WAS VERY SICK AND DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. MY SELF CREATED REALITY WASN'T WORKING ANYMORE!! WHEN I GOT TO A.A. THAT WAS WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR ME AND I WROTE ABOUT IT MANY TIMES. I STILL WRITE DAILY WHAT I HAVE LEARNED AND WHAT WAS GOOD AND BAD ABOUT TODAY. IT HELPS ME KEEP FROM BEING COMPLACENT. I CALL PEOPLE I HAVE MET IN THE ROOMS LATELY AND FIND OUT IF THEY ARE OKAY, NEED A RIDE TO A MEETING, OR ANYTHING ELSE. I GET ON MY KNEE'S AND THANK GOD(WHOM I CHOOSE TO CALL MY HIGHER POWER)THAT I DIDN'T DRINK ONE MORE DAY.I REFUSE TO GO ANYWHERE WHERE THERE IS ALCOHOL SERVED (BARS,GAMING ROOMS ETC.)BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST ME NOT TO BE TEMPTED. I ONLY FEAR THE FIRST ONE THE REST WON'T MATTER AND THAT KEEPS ME REACHING OUT TO OTHERS. I BELIEVE IF I CONTINUE THAT WAY THERE IS LESS CHANCE OF SLIPPING. MY SPONSER ALWAYS TELLS ME IF YOU STAY OUT OF SLIPPERY PLACES YOU CAN'T FALL. AND THAT WORKS FOR ME. THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE TODAY. IN SOBRIETY, IN A.A., IN LIFE! 11-20-87


Member: Shelly W
Location: Arkansas
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 11:09:28

Comments

Complacency to me means not having the faith and trust in my Higher Power to change something in my life. I reach certain comfort levels in sobriety and my life in general that cause me not to want to change because its the easier softer way. What happens though is that something or someone eventually comes along that forces the change to happen even when I try desperately to fight it. I use to think that change was a bad thing but after I got sober I realized that complacency could kill me and change was the medicine I needed. Did I like it? No way!!! Often times it was very painful to go through the effects of such change but in the overall scheme of things I always felt better than when I just sat around hoping that things would be OK. Sitting and hoping did not get me sober and will not keep me sober. I now try to embrace the changes that are presented to me and walk through them with the knowledge that whatever happens is ultimately for my higher good. I am not saying that I always willingly walk through these experiences because I still find myself fighting things I do not like. I fought getting sober, I fought my divorce, I fought getting a new job, I fought moving to a new country, and on and on and on. But now looking back at these things I can see how much I have grown from finally surrendering and just accepting that I must go through them in order to remain alive and sober. Complacency kills and I have no room in my heart or life for it so I pray every day and ask that I be given the strength and courage to walk with my Higher Power into the valley of joy.

Thank you once again my dear follow drunks for letting me be a part of your life today and most important for being a part of mine. Until next week.


Member: Jim L.
Location: NE
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 12:15:30

Comments

Jim here the alcoholic.

Great topic, I can relate to much of what has been said. You all have my attention, I really needed to hear this topic today. Chris H., I know where you are at, I have been at points in my sober life where I had to drop everything and put God number one in my life. Sometime things get tough, I know that hole you talk about. I had to deal with me first when I got here, and I have had to do it again since, when my life went out of control. The BB talks about it on page 128. I wish you well in your path. Shelly W., couldn't have said it better, HP or bust is real No.#1


Member: ThomasW
Location: Buffalo,ny
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 12:52:24

Comments

Every day when I awake, I remember where I came from, my last remeberance of my last drunk is always close. I have no room to get comfortable, thanks for letting me share, make it a great day....


Member: Joanna
Location: NW
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 13:29:56

Comments

Joanna-Alcoholic: Very gratefull to be clean and sober today. My first year I was so excited to learn a new way to live, I loved everything AA and my sponser taught me. In my seconed year I was getting over Mr. Wonderfull who broke up with me when I had 11months. I did alot of nothing. I was stuck in complacency and did not even know it. But what I did not realize was that God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. I still went to meetings everyday and every person in my life was in the program and my sponser watched me. I am gratefull, for I was miserable, but it was my choice. I see that now. The old timers I know say, Never leave the basics". I had heard when your ass falls off go back to the basics, I say Never leave them! Go to meetings(if you got a spare minute,go to a meeting), Pray(daily), talk to another memeber of AA everyday away from a meeting, help a newcomer, read the BB& 12x12, call,talk to your sponser. Being compacent is easy, I just forget who I am and where I came from. Today, I can not afford that. My first sponser said to me, "What are you?" I did not know the answer, she said "Your a member of AA first above anything eles, for without it you are nothing" I thank God, and every Alcholic for my sobriety. Thanks. Take it Easy! Joanna


Member: scott
Location: uk
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 15:50:56

Comments

Thanks for the intro!


Member: Jack L.
Location: Indiana
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 17:02:25

Comments

At ten mo. sober I have started having problems with complacity. I don't attend meetings like I did.And I no longer have that pink cloud feeling like I did. I question others motives, and I'm disappointed that some people come to meetings for other reasons than to stay sober. I know I can only work on myself. But sometimes I just want to tell them, if they are here for anyother reason than to stay sober and help others recover from this killer, than get the hell out. But I don't I just turn it over to my higher power and it all seems to work it self out.

P.S. This is my first shot at this Cyber meeting so I hope I'm doing it right. It sort of like being ten months sober I don't know a thing!


Member: Cheri D
Location: washington
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 17:11:53

Comments

Cheri alcoholic,I have fourand a half years sober and have realized for a long time time that I dont know how to stay sober without the help of AA and everyone in it.I do struggle with complancy at times,making the motions but not really asking for help,feeling I can do it myself. Asking for help has been one of the most diffucult thing for my ego to do.Going to meetings has usually been the easiest motion I do.If I'm not at least showing up to meetings I am in trouble.I need to here from newcomers to remind me where I have come from and I need to humble myself on a daily basis to ask my HP for help.thanks,


Member: Fred S.
Location: VA.
Date: 04 Oct 1999
Time: 22:35:00

Comments

My name is Fred. I am an Alcoholic. Oneday while sitting in an alley in a small Maryland town. In need of a bottle of wine. I spotted a drinking friend coming down the alley. It was Tommy S. Since I hadn't seen him in a few months I figured that He'd been to sea. He was a merchant seaman and alsways went to see when he needed drying out. I said Tommy, do have enough for a drink. He gave me enough for a pint of White Port and when I returned and offered him the bottle he shook his head and said,"I don't drink anymore". He'd just returned from the program at the nearby state hospital. He told me that the next time that I was locked up that if I ask the judge to sent me for treatment that he'd do it since they couldn't refuse a first request. Two years later in July 1965 I finally got around to asking the judge and he looked at me and said that it would be a waste of taxpayers money. He told me that I was too far gone. The arresting officer stood up and spoke on my behalf and told the judge that he thought that it would be a good move. The judge looked at him asthough he needed some help also but relented. That trooper carried the message to me eventhough he wasn't an alcoholic. He told me that his father was a recoverying alky. I only wish that I could say that it worked that first time but it didn't. Nor did it work the second or third time. The third time was my last trip there but I did stay sober longer than I ever had in my life eleven months. I know today that I was even too sick for this program at the time and I struggled from 1/19/69 until 1/21/80. The longest time that I was able to put together was 2 and a half years. I often just go out for a day or two but my friends wouldn't let me stay out there. Thank God for those folks who had more faith in me than I had in myself. Getting out of myself, oneday at a time and reach out to others. They are my keys......Fred


Member: Jeff F
Location: POCONOS
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 00:03:17

Comments

My name is Jeff and I am an alcholic. This is my first time on Staying-Cyber as my Sponser and his wife were kind enough to GIVE me this computer a few weeks ago and I am still learning how to use it. About complacancy. Although I practice the 12th Step and try to carry the message to other alcohlics and am active in the program, I come to the meetings with selfish intentions. You see, when I go to a meeting and here a newcomer talk about how he wanted to kill himself just last week, or here about someone who was once active but stopped coming around and now they are in jail, jobless or , sadly, DEAD, it takes me back to 4 years ago when I was at the end of MY rope and by the grace of GOD made it into the rooms of AA.


Member: Patt
Location: Oregon
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 00:23:16

Comments

Hope I can get this off to the CP--something happened the last time I tried. Maybe I wasn't meant to share at that moment??? Hoho. Patt, grateful, recovering alcoholic. God grant me the grace to NEVER become complacent and to rest on those oh-so-comfortable laurels. Lordy, when I think of how easy it is for me to just get lazy in AA--slow down on the meetings, quit talking with my sponsor, make breakfast and start doing housework before I pray and meditate, blah, blah, etc.--I know it's just a step away from sloughing off all my hard-won sobriety. Doing the next indicated thing keeps my feet and my mind moving forward. I can tell that I think I'm well and wonderful when my mind starts wandering at meetings and material things take precedence over what you are saying--things I need to hear. When I think I've got this thing by the tail, it turns out to be a tiger. Doing The Deal is a lifetime effort and is worth every minute of time I put into it--the rewards are huge--and I like them!

Thank you, God, for helping me to stay clean and sober today and thank you for all the yesterdays.

Blessings on all of us struggling human beans. We are so lucky. "Trust God, clean house, help others." Patt


Member: Frank J.
Location: West Texas
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 00:37:36

Comments

Hi I am an alcoholic my name is Frank it is amazing that thing that I have been struggling with the most happens to be complacency. Sometimes I get so busy with things that will keep and forget what my priorities are. I must remeber that without sobriety I have nothing for very long.And a miserable life without Meetings and the do things. Thank you for being there and another day sober


Member: NAVYJOE
Location: SUNNYVALE & MOUNTAIN VIEW
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 03:19:16

Comments

IN CASE YOU DIDN'Y KNOW "Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship".....designed and administrated by a bunch of ex-drunks whose only qualification for membership is that they can'y hold their likker and don't want to learn how. It has no rules, dues, fees--no nothin' that any sensible organization seems to require. At meetings the speakers start on one subject and end up talking about something entirely different, concluding by saying, "I don't really know anything about the program except that it works."

The groups are always broke but always seem to have money; they are always losing members, but always seem to grow; they claim AA is a selfish program but always seem to be doing things for others. Every group passes laws, rules, edicts and pronouncements which everybody blithely ignores. Members who disagree with anything are privleged to walk out in a huff...quitting forever...only to return as though nothing had happened, and to be greeted accordingly.

Nothing is ever planned more than 24 hours ahead--yet great projects are born and survive magnificently. Nothing in AA is according to Hoyle--how can it survive? Perhaps it is because we have learned to laugh at ourselves; God made man--He made laughter too. Perhaps He is pleased with our poor efforts and makes everything run right no matter who pushes the wrong buttons. Maybe He is pleased not with our perfection but with our sincerity; maybe He is pleased because we are trying to be nobody but ourselves.

We don't know how, but it works, and members keep receiving their dividend checks from the AA investment.

IT'S SMART TO STAY SOBER!!


Member: Ken VW
Location: upstate NY
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 07:41:30

Comments

Hi, I'm Ken, and believe it or not, I am an alcoholic. hmmm, complacency. let's see. it took me 31 years to realize I was a hopeless drunk. My first tries at the program didn't work. Thank God a group of fellows said something I liked at one, and my recovery began. I was clean and sober for almost two years, then I got smarter than y'all and went out on my own program. With my "new" marijuana maintenance, I haven't been drunk since. (almost 5 years now) well, it's only taken me 5 years this time to realize that i am as miserable today as i was before i found the program. and i don't drink. no desire to. but i'm far from sober. i'm coming back, cause i don't like it here anymore. i'll never rest again, but i hope to be able to relax again. we are a bunch of sick puppies, aren't we. thanx for letting me share. "my first time" %^}


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 09:07:54

Comments

Good morning. My name is Bill and I am an alcoholic. Nice topic Norm. The Big Book warns me about how easy it is to get complacent.

In the early steps I got right with God. In the middle steps I got right with my self. Then, I was able to get right with you all in the 8th and 9th. Now for all intents and purposes, I am into recovery. I am out of the tunnel and into the sunlight of freedom. All I have to do is maintain that posture.

In the 10th Step is the warning. It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on my laurels. Too busy being succesful. No time for sevice. Making less meetings than I need. Not practicing the traditions (Especiallly the Seventh. *G*). No time to help another alcoholic......

Our symbol, the circle in the triangle is likened to a 3 legged stool. The legs being the three legacies of AA recovery, unity and service. We need all three legs for stability. Take away one and we get a little wobbley.

You see, I never did finish my last drink. I left it on the bar top and walked out that back door never to return to a bar again to drink. I know that that drink is still there waitin for me at Waldo's (Now the White Front) bar in Louisville, Colorado. "Come,Bill, come drink me".

I know that I had to step on every stepping stone along the way to get where I am today, but if I forget, even for one minute, where I came from, I could be back out there pounding on that bar..."How in the heck did I get here?" Again

Thank you all for being here and being a part of my sobriety today. I love you.

az-bill@primenet.com


Member: El
Location: PA
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 09:16:20

Comments

Hi, I'm El, grateful recovering alcoholic.

Complacency. Eleven years in the program and I am still afraid of what one drink would do to me. I can tell when I begin to get complacent - I get critical! Always, I need to be thankful and remain positive. We sure are survivors.

And anyone out there that wants to stop drinking - don't give up. I swear, we have all been through it. It's a process. You can't get there by giving up.

Sure, if I drink EVER again I imagine that I will be the homeless person going through the trash cans in broad daylight. Maybe, I'm just scared shit. That's OK too.

AA sure has made me into a better person. A little more fragile, a little braver a lot kinder. Love to all.


Member: Rob D
Location: Plymouth,MI
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 11:36:16

Comments

Very good topic. I got complacent, had almost a year of sobriety and guess what? I went back out with a vengence!! Drank more than I ever did. I have just started going back to meetings. Before I went back out I thought this program is a bunch of BS. I know how to control my drinking....Sound familiar to anybody? I am struggling very hard right now with not drinking. I don't want to drink anymore, but I just can't seem to stop. It's killing my marriage and it is most definitley killing me. I am going to put my web address in this posting, so if anybody can offer any help it would be appreciated.


Member: mae m.
Location: new york
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 11:48:58

Comments

hi! my name is Mae and I am an alcoholic, today, tomorrow, and always. If I don't want to forget that I need to attend meetings to remind me of where I came from... I heard once those whp forget are doomed to repeat. I do not want that to happen to me. The way I do not become complacent is by keeping in tuch with all of you, and sharing my thoughts with you so you know where I am... It is you who are going to know when I become complacent, and make sure to tell me.... I have 32 years, I still make at least one meeting a week, my home group. I still speak at meetings, I still sponsor, I have 4 sponcees right now, one just celebrated 29 years, she also still attends meetings, etc. one has 15, years, one has nine years, and one has 16 years... My first suggestion to all of them is to make meetings. Now i have a sponcee who just celebrated 25 years in june. She does not attend meetings. She goes to church. I keep telling her to go to at least one meeting, but no she will not. She called me a little while back, very depressed, so I suggest she get back to meetings. She went that night felt great, and the next day too even without the meeting, but then she stopped going at all, and got depressed again... this is a repeat about 3 times. Last night I just said to her she was a relapse waiting to happen. p.s. she already went to the dr, to make sure nothing else was wrong, and there isn't. This is just to show all of us how when we get complacent this can happen to us too... DON'T LET IT HAPPEN it is easier to stay sober then to get sober... Luv ya all mae


Member: Chris H. 
Location: Florida
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 14:18:35

Comments

Chris H. here Alcoholic/addict.. Boy is this what I need to hear...(It usually is)... Because of my using and also because of a chronic condition that I have, I have been "out " of life for quite sometime. I am healing, thanks to the grace of God. However it is a little difficult getting back into life.. I had my best friends 50th birthday party to go to where there was ALOT of drinking...I was fine,but I am facing another party this week-end and a week long wedding trip ( someone else's wedding) and after that another business trip. I KNOW that there will be ALOT of drinking at all of these events... I have always been o.k. at big parties..it was always in smaller settings that I drank. But I will be busy and tired , and feeling insecure ( with out a drink to block the feeling of inferiority), and worried about my husbands reation to how I act (long story)...and on & on....so... I really needed to hear about complacency and how to keep it green. I will not be able to go to any meeting in these settings, but I can call my sponser. ( I have called her from all over the world---the best money I have ever spent!)--She always helps me to see things as they really are --and to handle things one day at a time...Hey, I just realized that I can borrow someones Laptop ( in my family) and hit this meeting while I am away!!! Great! These are the only meetings I can go to now anyway. Thanks guys!!!


Member: Mary J
Location: PA
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 15:17:28

Comments

Hi I'm Mary and I've been in the fellowship for 37 Days. I get complacent already thinking I don't need to do my 90/90 , dont need to call my sponsor and bother her, etc. But when I go to a meeting, I'm rewarded inside my mind body and spirt. I need to start raising my hand and not be afraid and just look at my shoes. It is so nice when people in the rooms approach me with just a small gesture or word of encouragement. Thanks.


Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, Massachusetts USA
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 17:47:13

Comments

Steve, alcoholic

Welcome to Mary J. and all the other newcomers!

Thanks for the topic Norm - It's certainly important for me to "remember when." I've only been in AA for about 7 months, but I did most of my heavier drinking many years ago. It would be very easy for me to forget how things were.

Lately, my disease has been "romancing" the drink. It says things to me like "Wouldn't it be great to go have a martini at the Ritz Hotel" (in Boston.) Now, I did have a martini (or two) at the Ritz - ONCE in a 37-year long drinking career. But most often, the reality for me - the reality I need to remember - was standing in my basement laundry room, in my underwear, taking a long pull right out of a bottle of whiskey. That's how "glamorous" my drinking usually was.


Member: Ann-marie
Location: Chicago
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 18:10:00

Comments

Steve,

Exactly. I totally relate to your point. I'm ALMOST at the stage where I can muster the nerve to go into an AA meeting and address with an issue that I've kind of ignored for years.

But the "romantic" part of drinking that's so often portrayed in movies, TV -- and yes, my past -- will be somewhat hard to get over.

Like you mentioned about the basement incident, I've had some really ugly encounters with the bottle -- and THAT's what I need to remember. That's why I'm here, for god's sake!

For me, it's important not to avoid places like "the Ritz," but to make it fit who I am -- through by the company I keep or the alkie-friendly drinks I order there.

I want to remember why I'm going to make this commitment, but I also don't want to sell my life short because of it. With a little creativity and optimism, I think I can have the best of both worlds (to a point -- I don't think I'll be hanging around the local pub anymore or indulge in drink-oriented excursions, etc.).

Anyway, thanks for your comment. I really related to it.

Ann-marie, Chicago


Member: Becky M.
Location: Altadena, CA
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 18:34:07

Comments

First timer to Staying Cyber-congrats to the computer geeks who make the program available in every language possible. I'm MISS COMPLACENT right now and hating it. Due to a fresh knee surgery 5 days ago, my mobility has been greatly limited and I have become dependent on others for transportation. I could go on with a few more excuses I suppose but the truth of the matter is I can't sleep at night, restless, bored and given too much time with myself and my own condition.

This is a very dangerous position for an alcoholic. I have 119 days today and am already slacking off. Thanks for the topic, it is probably the answer to my late night prayer to my God for help to staying sober just one more day.

I love you all. God bless! Becky


Member: Becky M.
Location: Altadena, CA
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 18:36:25

Comments

First timer to Staying Cyber-congrats to the computer geeks who make the program available in every language possible. I'm MISS COMPLACENT right now and hating it. Due to a fresh knee surgery 5 days ago, my mobility has been greatly limited and I have become dependent on others for transportation. I could go on with a few more excuses I suppose but the truth of the matter is I can't sleep at night, restless, bored and given too much time with myself and my own condition.

This is a very dangerous position for an alcoholic. I have 119 days today and am already slacking off. Thanks for the topic, it is probably the answer to my late night prayer to my God for help to staying sober just one more day.

I love you all. God bless! Becky


Member: Julie W.
Location: NH
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 21:55:08

Comments

Hi, im Julie, and Im an alcholic. 16 days sober.I missed my meeting tonight so I thought Id check this site out. Complacency? Im too new at this to become complacent. I can only ask my higher power to guide me, and keep me in the day. Quoted from 'Each Day a New Beginning" "We each have a destiny.We may have veered of the path in the past, and we may never veer off it again. But we'll be guided back, and our paths will intersect. None of us is traveling alone." I am grateful I didn't pick up a drink today. God bless!


Member: TOM K
Location: NS
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 22:32:44

Comments

MEMBER TOM K LOCATION MS DATE 10/5/99 TIME 22:30 I FEEL I LEARNED AN EASY LESSON IN COMPLACENCY. VISITED MY FIRST SPONSOR LAST WEEK IN FLORIDA ON THE OCCASION OF HIS 50TH AA BIRTHDAY, HE TOLD ME OF AN ACQUAITANCE IN FLORIDA WHO HAS 42YRS OF SOBRIETY, STOPPED GOING TO MEETINGS AND WOUND UP DRUNK AND DIED. I CANNOT THINK OF A BETTER EXAMPLE OF COMPALCNECY.

INCIDENTALLY MY FIRST SPONSOR CONSIDERS ME A TEENAGER WITH 16 YRS OF SO BRIETY. I THANK THE HIGHER POWER FOR PUTTING THIS MAN IN MY LIFE AND FOR HIS HAVING TAUGHT ME THIS WONDERFUL PROGRAM. TOM K


Member: Mike P
Location: MD USA
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 22:38:20

Comments

On the topic of complacency I cannot recall where it talks about that in the book Alcoholics Anonymous. But what I do know is that there is a section that may relate to teh term complacency nd taht section is in the form of a warning an actually ominous warning:

"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. what we really have is a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we MUST carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities."

I attempt to maintain my spiritual condition by the working of the 12th step which includes practicing principles in all my affairs. Including all my activities in AA.


Member: Dwyn Appleton
Location: Alberta
Date: 05 Oct 1999
Time: 23:58:56

Comments

Hi my name is Dwyn and I am an alcoholic, pretty hard to be anonymous with a name like that! Topic hard for me to follow this time around, just want to say thanks for being everywhere!! Got my coffee and smokes and enjoying the meeting. Happy 24!!Pokey_38@hotmail.com


Member: Heather B.
Location: California
Date: 06 Oct 1999
Time: 12:16:59

Comments

"All went well for a time, but he failed to enlarge his spiritual life. To his consternation, he found himself drunk half a dozen times in rapid succession."p.35 BB

Although I suspect this passage refers to a relative "newcomer" I believe it speaks to me with 12 + years of sobriety as well. Often I have been humbled when someone with "double-digit" sobriety shares in a meeting that they have had a relapse. It reminds that alcohol is indeed "cunning, baffling and powerful".

My experience is "enlarging" my spiriutal life along the way has been a key to long term sobriety. I don't think "enlarging" my spiritual life is limited to going off to a mountain top to pray ... for me one way I have enlarged my spiriutal life has been to get married and learn how to live and share my life with and love another person but not just with words but in action and deed.

The day that I refuse to grow spiritually will be the beginning of the day that my sobriety is at grave risk.

"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily repreive contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."p.85 BB

Heather B.


Member: Joe C
Location: Scottsdale, Arizona
Date: 06 Oct 1999
Time: 13:13:53

Comments

Pretty good stuff here. Just the topic I needed and I was pointed here by none other than my ex-wife in Denver (DC - I hope you are reading). I am in a bad place (my 2nd divorce) and I called my ex last night because she is a wonderful person to talk to. I know that sounds stupid but she always seems to be there when I need it. Anyway complacency came up in our conversation as something that I needed to address and she told me to come to this site and read about it. So here I am. Been sober for quite a while but I am always in need of insightful thoughts from my family of alcoholics. I have enjoyed reading everything here and found some answers while reading. I will come back and maybe then I will have something worthwhile to share but for right now I just need to take.

Thanks for letting me be here and get what I need.

P.S. DC you are the best. I am always amazed by your strength to just get back up and dust yourself off and keep plugging along with so much on your plate (a familiar statement huh?). I wish I had that same courage. If you need me I am here for you too.


Member: Lorraine W
Location: MN
Date: 06 Oct 1999
Time: 13:32:20

Comments

Hi,

I'm an alcoholic. Good topic! I have been feeling really "edgy" today and a little voice said "Go to the Web". What a great topic. I have been feeling pretty sure of myself lately and the other night I had a "drinking dream". Needless to say, I woke up in the morning pretty shook up and afraid. They last night I chose to argue with my husband...as a way to pass the evening. Hmmm...yes, sounds like I'm suffering from a dose of complatency and I need to do some extra work on my program insteal of less work. Thanks for the great topic, and thank you all for sharing which helped me do a reality check. :-)

Lorraine W


Member: SuzyQ
Location: NJ
Date: 06 Oct 1999
Time: 16:35:17

Comments

Sue here, alcoholic. Today is a good day, thank you God! Complacent, OK, I need to spend more time on prayers, especailly in the morning. I have to keep up finding sitters to get to those meetings. Yes I definately need to not let me ex fog up my mind. READ MORE! Got to work on finding that sponser. Thank you for giveing me the reminder to get my mind back on these things.


Member: John B
Location: Limavady, Northern Ireland
Date: 06 Oct 1999
Time: 16:39:48

Comments

My gratitude goes out to my fellow members about complacency. I identify with all who had shared and i realise that when i can get into myself by being complacent, i can put my higher power and the 12 steps to one side and try to do it MY way. I must like torturing myself but until i totally surrender sincerely and take alook at my defects, especially pride. My love goes out to you all. God Bless. THY WILL BE DONE NOT MINE.


Member: Terri
Location: Colo.
Date: 06 Oct 1999
Time: 19:22:37

Comments

Terri alcoholic, Complancy for me means that I am afraid of something and/or I dont want to change. I get afraid to go to ftf meetings because I dont want to be called on, or I dont want to do inventory because there is going to be things about me that will need to change and amends to be made, ect. So..I sit on my laurels and start thinking I can stay sober without all of you and this program, I've done exactly that and I drank. Not by missing one meeting or even two but by the changing of my attitude to go to any lengths to stay sober. I hate that because now I cant use any excuse to not do the things I am asked to do, or I am putting myself in a position to pick up a drink. I have to aks my H.P. to remove the fear and help me be willing to move forward. I love this sight you guys have given me alot of strength these past few weeks and I appreciate it. Thanks for letting me share


Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 06 Oct 1999
Time: 21:21:34

Comments

Great topic. I do remember when, unfortunately. Life was pretty bad, even though I did a pretty good job convincing myself it was pretty good. After getting into AA, I was able to see just how bad it had gotten and luckily was able to get the help I needed. However, I do need a reminder time to time to make sure I do not start to think it might be better the way it was. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: GWEND
Location: COLORADO
Date: 07 Oct 1999
Time: 04:58:17

Comments

Thanks bonnie! i thought that i was just not feeling like doing meetings and stuff until i read your post. been sober awhile and about five months ago i tended bar to make some extra money. thought it meant i was doing good, but you made me take another view and i see that i had lost my fear of drinking. a speaker i heard once said that if i go to bed at night saying of course i'm sober, then i think i have power over alcohol. don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but i needed a reality check! thanks.

Luke, so glad to hear that you have two weeks. you e-mailed me and i haven't been able to get back to you. have been wondering how you were doin. hang in there. it does change and for me it has gotten better and better. just sometimes need a wakeup call. i am grateful that program people have always been there and that my HP puts what i need in my life when i need it.


Member: Mike L
Location: Wash DC
Date: 07 Oct 1999
Time: 13:17:40

Comments

I'm glad I found this site-thanks for making it possible. I wanted to get away to a meeting at noon today from work, but couldn't so here I am. Thanks to Norm and all who shared. I went out after 8.5 years and so I guess i know something about the dangers of complacency. I'm back just a little over 30 days and so very grateful for the little bit of time and serenity I've regained. I need to remember how hard it has been to get back-and always keep it fresh. Thanks to the lady with 32 years fro pointing out the need to keep goint to meetings to "REMEBER" what it was like.


Member: Don F
Location: NH
Date: 07 Oct 1999
Time: 21:46:54

Comments

Don, recovering alcoholic. Complacency? I like the way the 12/12 book says it under step 3, page37 "...instinct and logic always seek to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual development." Also, you hear around the halls, "My own best thinking got me drunk." Stay around the halls, and get the best thinking of the fellowship, the consensus of successfully recovering alcoholics, who "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." The key words, are TURN OVER, not "made a resolution", or "became strong enough".


Member: Pamela P
Location: Colorado
Date: 07 Oct 1999
Time: 23:19:50

Comments

Hi, I'm Pam an alcoholic. So grateful for this discussion tonight. Chris, thanks so much for sharing. I was scrolling down the page because I was in a hurry as usual. I happened to see Colorado so I read your post. I have been talking about being complacent for sometime lately and not doing anything about it. I am responsible for my happiness, and also for my own heart breaks hit me like a ton of bricks. Also "the spiritual vacuum can eat up everything I have or could take from others, and would still crave more." Reading that reminded me of the 12x12 so I got it out and started reading. Step 4. After reading your post I realized that I am going to have to work the program again like my life depends on it because it does. I only hope that I can get excited about making it to the other side. Thanks again Chris. I believe God put your sharing on this site for a purpose and he definetly must want me to grow. Tears.


Member: Raymond
Location: From a Distance
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 09:27:19

Comments

Hello All,

on the topic of complacency, I believe the best asset I have is the memory of my last drink. At the start of every meeting, we always have a "few moments' silence to remember why we are here". I always use those few moments to remember my last drink. I was closer to insanity then than I have ever been before or since. The memory of it is still very fresh in my mind. The reason the memory is so fresh is because I go to meetings on a regular basis. At meetings, I get identification and reminders. If I get the privelage of talking to a newcomer, then I usually get a very vivid reminder !

I have not got complacent about meetings, but I can get so preoccupied with life in general that a whole day can go by and I don't remember that I am an alkie. The only way I know to get round this is to relax ("Easy does it") and grab a free minute or two. I can use this to recall where I came from and compare it with my life now.

Raymond


Member: Chris H.
Location: Colorado
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 11:44:48

Comments

Pamela P., thanks! It helps to know of someone in the same boat.

I was recently told by my sponsor that when I face the loss and destruction of all that is familiar to me, and do a fearless inventory, or just face the way things are, and clear up the painful wreckage of my past, "what will remain within is that which is good," a connection to God that is spiritual, and indestructible. I guess that none of what I really do matters much until I have my house in order, and that is where I am at. Sometimes life is just hard, but faith moves mountains and I'm moving on, and look forward to the future. Thanks again Pamela.

Joe C., I can relate when you said, "I am in a bad place" ...I have a thought, someone I really respected told me that if your getting the same results try something different. ...I know that putting on jeans and going for a hike with a friend usually makes me feel better, because it gets me out of myself, and nature brings me peace. Doing things with people in the program, or just helping someone who needs a hand also picks me up. I try to remember, those well worn words, " and this too shall pass." Just a thought. Good luck!

Thanks group. God bless you all!


Member: Deb C
Location: Colorado
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 13:19:25

Comments

Deb here and most definitely an alcoholic. I went to a new meeting last night and heard 3 people talk about relapses which brought a flood of thoughts into this thick skull of mine all relating to complacency. I vividly remembered and felt the pain of the very things that brought me through these doors. The night spent in a Chicago jail and waking up the next morning so hung over I could barely walk, the endless years of feeling like I was not good enough for anything or anyone and then the futile search for that one “thing” that was going to fix me. Needless to say, a flood of tears started and I could not stop. I rushed home and called my sponsor who so wisely made her usual statement to me “The further away you get from your last drink, the closer you are to your next.” So I spent the rest of the night remembering and getting as close as I could to those desperate times and prayed much longer than usual. This morning, the mirror reminded me what I could wake up to if I don’t stay close to where I came from. I call it an emotional hang over.

Joe C: Yes, I read your post and am happy you came in and shared. Thank you for your kind words, but I must tell you that the “Dust”, as you so call it, is not coming off as fast as it used to. You know what you saw and heard when I first walked in the doors of AA many years ago. Help support me by reminding me what she was like and who she was!

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: James L.
Location: Indiana
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 13:47:16

Comments

Hi, James G. learning about meetings on the internet.


Member: Joy P.
Location: seabrook, TX
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 13:54:45

Comments

Hi there, I like this topic. The first three years of my sobriety I lived and breathed the program, I am grateful that I had such a strong foundation. Around eight years I started going to less meetings, getting involved with "life", power from my job, property and prestige, etc. I attended a meeting one night and heard a woman tell my story only the ending was different, she went back out. I chatted to her afterwards. My higher power put me in that place at that time for a reason. I am terrified of ever going back out there.

I go to meetings as often as I can. I have had many changes in my life over the past year and a half and have moved three times. The first thing I do when I go somewhere new is look up the number for central office. Sometimes I feel like a newcomer when I am in a new place and I have to start all over again, putting my hand out, getting phone numbers and sharing.

I have really needed the program and my friends in it recently and I'm so glad that it's there for me for the good times and the bad times. At this point I am needing to work with a newcomer. I am starting to get too involved with my own problems both real and imagined. Once again, I am extremely grateful to have the program of AA and I hope that when I start to feel complacent God will give me what I need. A reality check.


Member: Denise K.
Location: Carson City, Nevada
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 16:09:15

Comments

Hi everyone, Denise here, a grateful alcoholic.

As usual, another fantastic topic. I really don't think there are any bad topics in AA, when I don't like a topic, it's because I'm seeing something about myself that needs more work! So, of course, being an absolutely grateful person in AA, I read on!

Andy J: I pray that your short but eloquent statement means that you are ready to surrender to a new spiritualty, and walk away from the booze. Remember, spirituality doesn't necessarily mean "God" or conventional church-going thoughts. You are free to choose your higher power. Put down the bottle, get on your knees, and ask for guidance. Believe me, it works. I was out there for over twenty years, convinced that I could not live my life without this poison. Thankfully, I finally bottomed out and during my last drunk, called out to a higher power I didn't know existed. The miracle happened then, and it only grows! I'll be praying to Creator for you. Look up local meetings, reach out your hand and your heart will follow. Get a copy of the Big Book and read pages 83-84, the promises. They will come true for you, as they have for countless others!

dkawkeka@govmail.state.nv.us


Member: Denise K.
Location: Carson City, Nevada
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 16:17:20

Comments

Hi everyone, Denise here, a grateful alcoholic.

As usual, another fantastic topic. I really don't think there are any bad topics in AA, when I don't like a topic, it's because I'm seeing something about myself that needs more work! So, of course, being an absolutely grateful person in AA, I read on!

Andy J: I pray that your short but eloquent statement means that you are ready to surrender to a new spiritualty, and walk away from the booze. Remember, spirituality doesn't necessarily mean "God" or conventional church-going thoughts. You are free to choose your higher power. Put down the bottle, get on your knees, and ask for guidance. Believe me, it works. I was out there for over twenty years, convinced that I could not live my life without this poison. Thankfully, I finally bottomed out and during my last drunk, called out to a higher power I didn't know existed. The miracle happened then, and it only grows! I'll be praying to Creator for you. Look up local meetings, reach out your hand and your heart will follow. Get a copy of the Big Book and read pages 83-84, the promises. They will come true for you, as they have for countless others!

dkawkeka@govmail.state.nv.us


Member: Denise K.
Location: Carson City, Nevada
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 16:23:57

Comments

Denise K., here again. Sorry about the second posting. Sometimes I click too fast. I have to remember "Easy Does It!" I have been reading so many wonder comments on this topic. Thanks to all of you for helping me keep a quality of life in sobriety that I never dreamed of!

Happy, Joyous & Free (more often than not.)

Denise


Member: Joe C
Location: Scottsdale, Arizona
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 18:50:23

Comments

I am not a regular here yet, but I do know that we are to stick to the subject. I just wanted to say thanks to Chris H for acknowledging my post and the advice. I also just want to let Deb C know that you asked me for help and support. Go to the coffee pot section of this site and it is there.


Member: Debs M
Location: New Zealand
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 20:00:13

Comments

I am not a regular here yet either, but I am pleased I have found this site. I know about complacency having suffered from it more than once in the last ten years of sobriety. Fortunately I attend regular meetings of AA here in New Zealand so I am not going to totally forget who and what I am. One of the greatest advantages of face to face meetings is that listening to newcomers describe the horrors of where I came from, and seeing the state they are often in, reminds me that, but for the grace of God through the fellowship of AA, I will go back there.

My periods of complacency have not led me back to the bottle, but they sure do take away the wonderful quality of life I enjoy when I remain grateful for the blessings in my life. It is easy to go back to the dry drunk mental state, and so hard when there to take the steps I know are necessary to return to a more sober way of being. I am grateful for the fellowship and the opportunities for service that have so often lifted me out of myself in those times.

Thanks Debise K, and I agree - reach out your hand and your heart will follow. Yours in fellowship,


Member: Pamela P
Location: Colorado
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 20:35:52

Comments

Thank-you everyone for all the discussion. I am going to a f2f meeting tonight. I was going to go to the highschool football game but if I am working the program like my life depends on it....I decided I would go to the game until it was time to be at the meeting and then be at the meeting. Still wanting to run and just stay at the game but because of all the talk of REMEMBERING how it was I need to be at the meeting. I need to go and talk about How It Really Was! Thanks again everyone.


Member: Elsa
Location: Portugal
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 20:44:21

Comments

Once I enter the door of faith ,and I felt being alive again.My higher power keeps guiding me into life and it gets better every 24 hours.The promises bekame reality and my mind was rebuilt.,The atraction today is to those who are still sofering and don´t know about the two Alcoholics who one day found a solution They also don´t know the first hundred are now millions all around the world,they don´t know they have a chance to be one more. Today I know my Program is my Life and all of you my big family. WE ARE LIVING IN THE SPIRIT; and I´m just growing. with the tools A:A gave me Sobriety comes first and honesty comes next with an open mind and an open heart to keep it. I can´t be nothing but grateful to this wonderful programe and to you all to be there for me..


Member: AshleyK
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 22:51:58

Comments

Hi, everyone -- I'm new to this site and am just so grateful to have found it! I just celebrated my 9th anniversary, yet I haven't been to a meeting in 4 months. Talk about complacency! I've lived all over the country in sobriety and some places I've liked the meetings and some not; I haven't found the right one(s) yet here in Portland. But, I've been reminded by reading your entries that sobriety is the ONLY reason that I have the wonderful life I have. And, to keep it, I must remember what they used to say in DC where I first got sober: meeting makers make it! But, what do you do when you can't connect? Act as if, I suppose. Thanks for being here!


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 23:00:34

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to all the newcomers, and thanks everyone for sharing! Great topic!

I think the best gauge of complacency under ordinary circumstances is how close we stick to the AA program and how willing we are to pass on to others which was so freely given to us. For me, this begins with Step One, i.e. admitting that I am powerless over alcohol.

Every day, that I don't pick up that first drink and try to practice the principles of the program to the best of my ability is a day that I am admitting I am powerless over alcohol AND a day that I am not being complacent.

I need to be reminded on a daily basis that only a power greater than myself can keep me sober, not my own thinking.


Member: Lynn S.
Location: Pueblo Colorado
Date: 08 Oct 1999
Time: 23:29:25

Comments

Hi!,Lynn here.I sure didn't have a clue for 10 years what you could possibly be talking about! I have now found today.There are no words to discribe the gift I celebrate every day. Now I don't give myself time for getting complacent. I live the program.I found the WINNERS and I live and learn from and with them. I am real,and I stay real with lots of service work and spending time NOT thinking so much anymore. It never fails,"The more I give the more I get"


Member: HÅKAN.L
Location: SWEDEN
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 04:10:42

Comments

HELLO MY NAME IS HÅKAN ANDAIM AN ALCOHOLIC AFTER TWO YEARS IFINDE THE WAY BACK TO AA BECAUS I CANT STAY SYBER ONE MY ONE AND I THANKS GOD THERE I HAVE AA TO TURN TO ITS GIVES ME HOPE HAPPINES THERE IS WHERE IM BELONGE IHOPE YOU CAN READ THIS BECAUS IM NOT SO GOOD AT ENGLISH BUT ITRY THATS HO MATTERS THANKS. HÅKAN


Member: RH
Location: ALASKA
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 12:16:33

Comments


Member: RH
Location: ALASDKA
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 12:28:50

Comments

I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I AM GLAD I FOUND THIS PAGE,I AM A LONG WAY FROM MEETINGS MOST OF THE TIME,I GET VERY COMPLACENT AND MY PROGRAM QUITS WORKING BECAUSE I QUIT WORKING IT,I HAVE BEEN IN AND OUT OF AA FOR 15 YEARS,THE LONGEST STRETCH OF SOBRIETY I HAVE IS THREE YEARS,I HOPE I AM BACK TO STAY THIS TIME,I HAVE HAD TWO FRIENDS COMMITE SUICIDE IN THE LAST THREE YEARS DUE TO DRINKING AND DRUGS,THE LAST ONE YESTERDAY,AA IS PROBABLY MY ONLY HOPE FOR LIVING A CLEAN SOBER AND HAPPY LIFE,ENOUGH RAMBLING FROM ME,THANKS


Member: Carol
Location: Georgia (USA)
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 15:08:23

Comments

"The problem with the alcoholic center in the mind and not the body. . . ." If I am thinking any of the following, I am in trouble.

I am too healthy, too wealthy, too young or too smart to be an alcoholic. Also, the "what's the use" thought is a killer. Keep coming back.


Member: MaryJ
Location: Seattle
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 17:03:10

Comments

Hi,

I'm Mary and an alcoholic. I can still remember when and it is still easy to get complacent. The most dangerous people in my life are me, myself and I. If I don't hold these egomaniacs in check I am in big trouble.

I really enjoy coming to Staying Cyber since I too have been having some trouble getting to my regular meetings. My work schedule should change at the end of this month so that I can attend some sessions in person, but this is a great alternative, but still not as personal.

I'm going outside to enjoy the beautiful day in the Pacific Northwest.


Member: Ken Wasnock
Location: Eastern PA
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 18:27:37

Comments

RIGHT OF CHOICE

A smile, the sound of a friendly voice,

reminds me of my right of choice,

everything is just right, just now,

life is as good as you allow,

each moment in time is when we live,

to smile, to care, to love, to give,

each precious breathe is a gift of love,

from deep within, from high above,

keep it simple, keep your glass half-full,

if you get tired of pushing, get a rope and pull,

the load’s only as heavy as the weight of a thought,

be grateful for the moment, it’s all you’ve got,

don’t blame, complain, waste your time,

if you need a smile, I’ll lend you mine,

don’t regret the past, project on yet,

try for the best, it’s what you’ll get,

believe in life, trust in you,

the Joy is in the Journey, enjoy the view.

KWW


Member: JACK M
Location: ENCINO CA.
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 19:02:23

Comments

JACK HERE AT THE 48TH SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA CONVENTION IN PASEDINA CALIFORNIA.JACK SAYS HAVE A GREAT DAY UNLESS YOU HAVE OTHER PLANS. JACK CAN BE REACHED AT JAXHAPPY@EARTHLINK.NET


Member: Richard
Location: Costa Mesa CA.
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 19:40:19

Comments

I'm Richard a grateful sober alky for almost 16 yrs. From the time I got sober until this year life was always getting better, with all the normal ups & down. This year I'm confronted with my mortallity. I have a new medical diseses, that will kill me if I don't take the medication. OK. I take the medication. The medication kicks my ass, and I have to stay in bed (musules don't work). I thought my life was over, but I didn't give up. The men from my stag meeting take turns coming to get me for the meeting once a week. How lucky can I be to have friends like this. Only in AA.


Member: Joe M
Location: Arizona
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 20:05:55

Comments

COMPLACENCY IS A GOOD TOPIC.IF I AM NOT WORKING THE PROGRAM AND GOING TO MEETINGS,I INEVITABLY FALL INTO A DRY DRUNK.I HAVE HAD MANY BLESSINGS IN SOBRIETY...ONE OF THEM MY TWELVE YEAR OLD SON. I ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY HIT HIM WITH A GOLF BALL TODAY...I AM VERY GRATEFUL HE IS OK.... IT IS SO EASY TO FORGET OUR BLESSINGS THANKS FOR BEING HERE ONLINE


Member: Fred S.
Location: VA.
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 20:45:13

Comments

My name is Fred and I am an Alcoholic. I must be doing something right for a change. Its been sometime since I've had to deal with complacency. As long as I walk my talk, I won't have a problem. Since losing my mother nearly two months ago, I'm sometimes into my guilt mode. Not being there as much as I should have. Her best friend told me,"Your mother loved you". I knew that and often told her that I loved her and also that I wish that I'd been a better son in my younger days. She always replied,"You're doing okay now". We spent some rough times together in my childhood years. She was a regular drinker until 1954 and then she and my step-father changed their lives and lived a beautiful life together. I'm sober today only by Gods grace and this fellowship. Protecting this gift of sobriety is my most important goal. It all begins with the first step. We admitted---- not I. We can do together what I could never have done alone and for that I'll be forever grateful. Fred


Member: Joe S
Location: California
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 21:09:18

Comments

Hello Everyone, I'm Joe, an alcoholic. I have hit bottom. 8 days ago I lost my wife and kids. I'm a new member to A.A but having a hard time finding meetings in my area that are somewhat close to home. There was one listed in the yellow pages but I wasn't fond of the neighborhhod it was in. Can someone please help me and let me know where to go for a more detailed list? I'm sorry this is outta context for the topic but i need to get my foot in the door first and find an AA meeting, Thanks all :)


Member: Gabby
Location: Or.
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 21:15:14

Comments

After eight years in AA (one relapse at 4 and a half years)....Three years sober, currently, I find that I am going to more meetings, doing more step work, keeping in rigorous contact with my sponsor....than I did when I first got sober. Was I complacent when I relapsed? Yes. That pretty much says it all...My life is AA. I can no longer separate my AA and "Other" life, or my "other" life will take me down.


Member: paul v
Location: ssm ontario
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 21:15:30

Comments

this was the first time i found the AA chat line after only six weeks of trying to do things by myself see how god works to keep me from being complacent as long as i keep looking for my next meeting i will stay sober.Welcome to the newcomer i think you to may have found the right place keep comming back.


Member: Judith G
Location: New Zealand
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 21:40:46

Comments

Hello there ! My name is Judith and I am an alcoholic, a long way away from most of you, but very close in the fellowship of the Spirit. How good it is to meet and greet you all and to be able to share once again the I do remember, that I cannot forget why I reached AA, and how that happened.

But I am ever-mindful of the fact that I am not cured, and that complacency will be the death of me. The "one wouldn't hurt me" idea has not died in this alcoholic - so you can imagine how grateful I am today to be sober by the grace of God, God in whom I trust with all my heart, God who is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. Yes, there is a solution !!

God bless you all.

Judith.


Member: Ramona M
Location: Chipley,Fla
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 22:14:34

Comments

Ramona here an alcoholic, complacency for me is a killer. When I find myself there it is only because I have put other people, things,events ahead ofAA this will GET ME DRUNK. Thanks for a good topic and lot good comments.


Member: Tim C.
Location: Washington state
Date: 09 Oct 1999
Time: 22:27:17

Comments

Hi, my name is Tim and I'm an alcoholic. I have been graced with sobriety for a few 24 hrs.. In my time in the program I have noticed that the majority of people that go back out to do more research are the people that seem to forget the importance of regular attendance at meeetings. While I believe that online meetings is a wonderfull tool in recovery. I dont think that they should take the place of face to face meetings. I know that when I am bouncing off the walls my friends in my home group and my sponsor take notice and talk to me. I know that AA is the last house on the block for me and that I have nowhere else to go. I hope that I never forget where I came from as I know that that same life is still waiting for me too pick up that first drink. The longer I stay sober means two things, 1) that I am farther away from my last drink,and 2) That I am just one day closer to the next one. I also know that there will always be another drink out there with my name on it, what I dont know is if there is another recovery in me. It is said in many meeting rooms that the doors in AA swing both ways, but let us not forget that too many times they can slam shut on our way out the door. I along with countless others have lost many a freind to the temptation of just one more drink. Instead of keep coming back, I sometimes prefer to say "dont go away". Thank you for letting me share.


Member: Jerry N. Great Bender
Location: NEPA
Date: 10 Oct 1999
Time: 01:56:00

Comments

I am an alcoholic, and my name is Jerry. Thanks to all who shared, it's been a great meeting. The tools I use to avoid becoming complcent; 1) "One day at a time". I am not cured I only have a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition. 2) Gratitude. If I don't take my sobriety for granted, I will continue to keep it as a priority in my life. 3) "Practice these principles in all my affars". There are plenty of situations in this alcoholics daily walk, that require me to work my program. 4) Steps 10 through 12. Thanks again to all, I presently work 2nd shift, and as result I only make 2 face to face meetings per week, it's a pleasure to come home at 1:00 AM and sign on to stayincyber.


Member: Andi
Location: Wausau, WI
Date: 10 Oct 1999
Time: 02:04:19

Comments

I am Andrea a greatful alcoholic. I hope that I am the first to post this week because I really need to hear about the topic of Guilt. If I am not the first one here then maybe we can have 2 topics this week. I have been struggling with guilt for the last 4 years and have just recently realized that I have been effectively controlled by other people. I have been in a loveless marriage for a long time now. Dont get me wrong I loved my husband when we married and I still love him but not in the way that I need to in order to remain married to him. So for the last 4 years I have been trying to leave the marriage and have had difficulty because he has used our kids (3 boys and a girl)as a way of controlling me through guilt. Well I finally left 3 months ago and I have never been more happy (and my kids are doing just fine to). Thats actually not the problem though because I know I did the right thing. The problem has been with my sponsor. She knows my husband and likes him very much and has been systematically laying a big guilt trip on me by pointing out how immoral I am for leaving. I know that my husband has been talking to her and between the two of them I have been bombarded with a bunch of guilt filled threats like "God will never forgive you" and "you are not in Gods light because of what you are doing". My sponsor has even gone as far as to say that the program of AA frowns on things like that. I got so fed up with listening to her that I finally started going to meetings in other towns to meet new AA people and talk about this with them. Not one person in those meetings told me that I was immoral or that God would turn on me because I left my husband. I have since fired my sponsor and have asked another great lady to take on that role. I have also followed through on the divorce proceedings and feel very good about it. I would like to hear about guilt this week from all of you because I feel very sad thinking that there are people in AA (like my former sponsor) who use guilt to control other people. Isnt there a saying in AA that says "screw guilt"? Cant wait to hear from you all about this.


Member: Gabby
Location: Or.
Date: 10 Oct 1999
Time: 04:13:56

Comments

Guilt can be a positive motivator, if it is coming from the gut and is, indeed, a reaction to actions we have taken that we would not feel comfortable exposing to our Higher Power. On the other hand, what I know to be in sync with my Higher Power's will, is all that is important. It's like, when I have had the thought, "If I take a drink, noone will know." My Higher Power will know, and that is the important thing. If or motives are pure, and we are not harming ourselves or others....if we know that we are making decisions upon our knowledge of God's will for ourselves, then other's judgements will not have so much power.


Member: John  {J.L.}
Location: Newark.De
Date: 10 Oct 1999
Time: 09:03:56

Comments

Hi all it's Me ,,John alkie/addict How about if we discuss dealing with recovery,,,on a daily basis,,,sometimes it maybe easy as just waking up,,,but then there are other times when i don't want to wake up and just want to curl up in a ball,,,i've been having these emotions lately ,,,and there scaring me ,,,cause i don't know what they are,,,i'm sober today because of people like you all,,,and the rooms of AA,,,but i'm scared and need to know am I nuts or is this just a phase we all tend to go through. Thanks for listening ,,,J.L. {John}


Member: INDIANAJACK
Location: JEFF
Date: 10 Oct 1999
Time: 09:21:46

Comments

Interesting topic this guilt thing. I have noticed for myself, when I make a decesion these days, if I feel good about it I know I made the right choice. But if I have guilt feelings I probably didn't do what my hp's will was and I got back into making choices using my will. It's than when I have these guilty feelings, I have to go back to the 3rd step, and rededicate my decession to turn my will over to the God of my understanding. Then I have to work the 10th step. And continue to take invetory. And if I'm wrong proptly admit it. Always when I make a decession, if its my will I'll get guilty feelings. This is my key barometer. And I must work it that way or else, I might wind up drunk. And I don't won't to go there.


Member: Shelly
Location: Arkansas
Date: 10 Oct 1999
Time: 10:25:03

Comments

I am Shelly an alcoholic. Another great topic this week and I am glad that I get to participate. Guilt. I do not agree that guilt is a great motivator I believe that and have seen how guilt can be the demise of many recovering alcoholics. That is not to ssy that for some it may motivate but it is also evident that for many it kills their recovery. Andi I hear what you are saying and I have been there also. I spent half of my life feeling guilty over things that I had no control over and allowed others to control me by accepting their guilt trips. The end result was always a drink or I should say a drunk. I was in a marriage that no longer fulfilled me and was slowly killing me but my husband was not the one to use guilt to control me. It was the other way around. I used guilt to fight our separation. I mean I used everything but the kitchen sink as a way to get to him. It took me a while to realize that I was trying to make someone stay with me who no longer loved me because I was afraid of being alone with me(how sick is that). Once it was pointed out to me that I was trying to control the outcome of the situation by making my ex feel guilty I stopped fighting and found later that our divorce was the best thing that ever happened to both of us. I caused a lot of damage by what I did and ended up making many amends over it but it taught me that this guilt thing can go both ways. I can either accept it from others and be controled or I can dish it out and drive my self nuts trying to control. Either way, guilt can cause much harm and you are right that this program has a "screw guilt" slogan. To me that means that if I hang onto it in any way I can start walking down that path to my next drink because it is another one of those dangerous defects. So to make this very long story shorter, Andi, I agree "screw guilt" and live your life as God wants you to. Joyfully.

Thank you all for another good topic this week and I will be back again next.