Member: Rich R, s-l-o-w-l-y- recovering compulsive person
Location: Detroit (richr_srcp@hotmail.com)
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 10:06:52 AM
Dry Drunk? How's that for a topic?
Member: lawanda a
Location: florida
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 10:19:36 AM
I need to here something on step 3.
Member: lawanda a
Location: florida
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 10:19:54 AM
I need to here something on step 3.
Member: Rich R, s-l-o-w-l-y recovering compulsive person
Location: Detroit (richr_srcp@hotmail.com)
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 10:23:06 AM
Now how is that for a coincidence? I need to hear something for a dry drunk and 13 minutes late lawanda posts the answer (step 3). Thanks HP! :-)
Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 10:24:36 AM
Rich R,
Right on, we are all slowly recovering, some just admit it more easily. My last dry drunk was when something happened at home. I went off the deep end, and had absolutely wild thoughts of what was going on. I ended up making amends the next day to one of the children, as I had thought something was being clandestinely done, and in fact it was just something occurring because of teen age irresponsibility. I got the most out of this happening, as I got to see myself when I allowed the "stinking thinking" to take over, just as it had many times when I WAS drinking. Yes, I was sober in that I had had no alcohol, but NO I as not sober, as I was thinking as I had when drinking. Dry drunk, yes. Enjoyable, no. Learning, however slowly, yes, thank GOD (higher power if you choose).
Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: Amy L
Location:
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 12:08:50 PM
I don't know what that means Dry Drunk?? I have heard the term but, I don't get it, is it not drinking but acting drunk?? or is it being mad because you aren't drinking?? I have tried to figure this out before when I have heard it, Someone posted something about "coming off of a really bad dry drunk" awhile back, Whats that??
Member: Corinne B.
Location: Camino, CA
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 12:26:22 PM
When I get on a Dry Drunk, it is when the big bad ol' ego returns and the sweet li'l pink cloud has gone bye-bye. I start thinking I can do things on my own again, without the help of HP. Yep, that was pretty neat to see part of the answer come up after the topic got posted. I say part, because it takes me being restored to sanity (Step 2) to come off a dry drunk.
I think most of us who stay sober any length of time go through these bouts of not being sober, but just being dry, without alcohol to escape into when faced with challenges during our sobriety. How long those dry spells last can determine how big a risk I put myself at for actually taking a drink. During periods of just being dry, rather than being sober, I feel all out of sorts with the rest of the world. I have very little serenity, with lots of chaos going on in my pea-brain instead.
As a woman, I tend to go through this about once a month, during the premenstrual cycle. I go look at my calendar whenever I fall back into being the Supreme Bitch that I can be, and almost always, when I look, it'll be 10-14 days before the next period is to begin, and then I realize, hey, it's not really a true dry-drunk at all!! It's just hormones! Yippee!! And I feel better instantly, hopping right back up on the little pink cloud! LOL!!!
So, for me, a dry drunk, like a drinking dream now and then, is going to creep in from time-to-time. I just don't beat myself up over this state of mind, anymore. We have ebbs and flows in life, like any other person. I try my best not to give it too much power, asking God to remove and replace the "shitty committee" whenever it gets too loud, which, gratefully is not very often, nor for very long, anymore. In fact, it had been so long, I forgot it even existed for awhile, until recently, when I got my Primary Purpose all mixed up. Glad that didn't last too long, and I have been able to Let Go and Let God, once again.
Member: Sam J
Location: Southeast
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 1:41:36 PM
Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my name is Sam. I fooled around the edges of AA for many years without successfully getting sober for any period of time. I was unwilling to believe in a power greater than myself. After about 11 years of this failing polcy I got a tiny bit of honesty. I looked around me and saw others who were staying sober and they said they depended on a power greater then themselves. For the first time, I opened my mind just a tiny bit and was willing to just ask "If there is such a thing as a God, will you please help me?" The terrible compulsion that I had lived with for so long left that moment and has not returned to this day. This sudden relief from the compulsion to drink left me convinced that there is a God out there who is willing to help me. I honestly believe I turned my will and my life over to my Higher Power at that moment. I never do anything perfectly and I take it back at times. However I don't keep it for very long. (I screw things up in a hurry). Turning my life and will over to my Higher Power sure makes life a lot easier. Most things in life, I can't handle but my Higher Power can. I don't have to fight those losing battles any more. I know that if I ever get away from AAfor any length of time I will lose contact with my Higher Power and that terrible compulsion will return. If it does I know that I wil be unable to fight it on my own. I feel that this was my last chance and tht if I ever drink again I will never make it back. I still remain close to AA because I love the life that AA has given me. I had no serenity and peace of mind even before I began drinking. I can honestly say that I am glad I drank my way into Alcoholism and came to AA and learned how to live. For the first time in my life I have a degee of serenity and peace of mind. Of course I hurt a lot of people along the way, for which I am greatly sorry, but it has been worth the suffering I did to find this satisfying life. Thank you so much for allowing me to share. Sam
Member: LeeEllen
Location: MI
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 2:24:57 PM
Hello all - LeeEllen here and a grateful recovering drunk. Thanks Rich & Lawanda for the topic.
After more than 8 years of sobriety, I just came out of an extended period of a "dry drunk." This year has been full of crisis, deaths, chaos and I lost my hold on my program. I went thru the motions of praying, talking to other AA'ers, but I'd forgotten to do one thing --- LISTEN.
Last week, a poster here shared something he'd gotten from another AA'er (if I remember correctly). Immediately after I read what he said, I printed it out and it's now on the refrigerator. It states "Good Morning LeeEllen. This is God. I will be handling all your problems today. I do not need any of your help."
I need black & white reminders. Prior to reading this, I was back in "control." My steering is terrible --- depression, anger, self-pity, thoughts of drinking again, hopelessness, plus Lord knows what else, was where my taking control took me. When I read the above saying, I realized that I'd finally LISTENED!
When I listen to my Higher Power, there is no conflict. Too often, I turn off the "audio."
Thank you to the fellow-AA'er who shared this with us last week. You don't know how much you helped this drunk. God Bless. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Dry Drunk
Location: http://www.addictions.net/drydrunk.htm
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 3:32:07 PM
Dry Drunk By: Michael R. Niehaus
Alcoholic Anonymous members use the term "stinking thinking" when a recovering alcoholic's old attitude from the drinking days reappear. If the person talks and behaves somewhat as if he or she were still drinking members call it a "dry drunk".
Members of twelve step programs have long been aware of the above progression and have termed it a "dry drunk". Their experience suggests that the origin of the "dry drunk" can be found in both physical and psychological factors. The acronym H.A.L.T. (Avoid being Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired) calls attention to the need for good nutrition, emotional equilibrium, relaxation, recreation, and socialization to prevent a relapse.
Most of these symptoms are reminiscent, of the period when drinking, and a return to drug consumption may even be considered. The chemical dependent who may be attending twelve step meetings regularly, is completely unprepared for these symptoms and wonders, "How can these things be happening to me sober?" These feelings are so alien to expectations when "things have been going so well," and so gradual in onset that the alcoholic may again deny their existence, although their development is obvious to his or her family and associates. However, a careful exploration of these facts and a reassurance that this is a common experience that can be successfully overcome will begin to reverse the process and speed recovery. Unfortunately, if the process remains untreated, it is likely to proceed to a relapse.
Although chemical dependency, like coronary artery disease and other chronic conditions, does tend to relapse, a "dry drunk" is not inevitable and relapse can be prevented. The history of many alcoholics attests to the fact that once they have discovered the fellowship and pursue the program honestly and devotedly, even those who were considered "hopeless" relapsing time and time again, now almost miraculously begin to lead lives of increasingly improving quality.
Heightened feelings of anxiety and uncomfortable physical accompaniments such as mild tremors and slight sweating are common before a relapse. Vague symptoms of depression surface, and sleeping and eating habits are disturbed. Sleep may be fitful and restless with long periods of insomnia alternating with feelings of exhaustion and excessively deep sleep for hours. Appetite diminishes, meals are missed, or "junk food" is craved. The person feels irritable, is easily moved to anger, and is generally more unpredictable emotionally. A feeling of withdrawal, of boredom and listlessness, of inability to go to twelve step meetings, may alternate with intense feelings of resentment against family and friends, and explosive outbursts of violence. With the passage of time the depression becomes deeper, nothing seems worthwhile, and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness take over.
Member: Nils W
Location:
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 3:58:08 PM
Yes, dry drunk, thats me. I thought when I stop drinking everything will be good. People say its a state of mind to feel good and one can control the feelings. For me, I have to be most watchfull when I am tired, hungry or both. We are after all like my old sponsor said a species with thousand of year old instincts. So when I feel paranoid, angry or afraid I need teach myself to ask myself whether I have had regular meals, drank enough water, did I smoke too much? Did I drink too much coffee? AFter all, even normal people get high on caffeine and lack of sleep or not eating properly. Oki, this is just my 2 cents while trying to live just today. Take care.
Member: m.
Location:
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 5:25:20 PM
I love all of you.
Member: Liz
Location: Kenya
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 5:35:07 PM
Hi I'm Liz and alcoholic For me dry drunks are characterized by childish tantrums (mostly in my head but nevertheless there).When I feel like the world is not behaving as I want it to;I know I definitely going thorugh a dry drunk phase.When I feel this way its time to retreat and read some A.A. materials or pray to my God, often this does help to return to the sanity I momentarily loose when dry drunk.
Accepting the power greater for me was accepting that I was not the boss, never was ,never will be.I can't tell exactly how or when this happened;I just know that today I do and I don't feel the need to question that anymore. Perhaps the beating I got from alcohol was enough to make me believe this and not question it any further. Thats why God is the one I turn to when things are out of my controll (e.g. dry drunk) because I am now aware that there are things that only God can handle.
Thanks for the chance to share and God bless.
Liz
Member: Oracle
Location:
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 6:28:20 PM
Ya know what a dry drunk really is? It's a man that has no money, If he had any money, he wouldn't be sober any longer. So a dry drunk then: is more of a who than a what; Someone said one time: "I'm just a drunk" and it follows that if a drunk ever ran out of money, he'd be a dry drunk. Its someone that is sober apart from his desire, he has no desire to stop drinking and could hardly be called a member of AA.
In response to step three, It means that from this day forward we shall comit ourselves to whatsoever is written in the scriptures. It means that we are willing to discontinue our lives according to the world and its self help books of so many verious kinds and verieties, howsoever important they may seem to the world. And, Have with our decision in step three said yes, to the step, the third step that devotes our lives to the word of God through the big book and whatsoever it says therein. And, It shall be, That having studied the scriptures to show ourselves approved of God by our stedfastness therein, We shall also have a spiritual awakining, one that, shall by that selfsame spirit of God instruct us and teach us in the way that we shall go, and guide us with thine eye. Only then shall we have love, joy, and peace in the holy ghost and overcome the world by our faith....
Member: confused
Location:
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 7:36:09 PM
I am confused, could somebody just lay it out there!!! Am I just stupid or what??
Is it classified as ALL these things:
Wanting to drink but not doing it and being mad about it?
Acting silly like you are drunk, but you are not?
Being an ass, for any reason under sun?
being depressed, hungry, tired and lonely and poor... are all signs of a dry drunk?
I think I am gonna choose door number 1 Wanting to drink but not, and being mad about it.
Maybe it just means something different to everyone
Member: Mark W.
Location: Near large croquet wicket:)
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 7:54:37 PM
Comfused,
That often IS what is being described as a dry drunk. It does though relate to the stinking thinking we revert back to when in this state. The resentments come back with a vengance, and cause all sort of havoc, especially within us, as we now know the whats and whys of this kind of thinking, as well as the results. A dry drunk is unpleasant and can be avoided by living the program given us in the big book. Sorry for the double dip, but could not resist.
Mark W. LMW007@ail.com
Member: Sonny
Location: Cleveland
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 8:03:32 PM
Okay,hey"confused" ur not stupid. A dry drunk is basically being sober but not going to meetings,not calling ur sponser, not being of service to AA,and acting like the idiot u were when you were using,and having all the chaos in ur life that comes along with it.---That's what sponsers and meetings and AA contacts and the program of AA is for-to teach us how to live and to be free and to deal the best way we can. This way we can have the peace and serenity in our lives,and not to act like we used to. I hope this helps! Thank God and thank u AA!!!!!!
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 8:05:26 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only bu the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks to all those who sincerely shared!
Not much more can be said to define "dry drunk." From my own experience, I have found a "dry drunk" to cause me to be irritable and quick to anger, as well as moving me a step closer to a drink or drug.
Fortunately, up to now, I am aware of what these symptoms indicate and it moves me to examine how well I am practicing the AA program, i.e. what can I do to get off the "dry drunk."
Member: Donnie M (DOS 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 8:18:56 PM
Hi, to all the alkie`s and welcome newcomers. I am Donnie and I am an alcoholic. I was alway`s told if your on a supposed dry drunk, That you need to take a look at the way you are working the program. I`m not judgeing anyone, but I know all a dry drunk is thinking about the problem to much. I have been in the program a few twenty four`s now, and when I`ve heard people talking about dry drunk`s it is not very long after that they are drunk. I have had drunk dream`s and they scared the shit out of me, but if I sat idol long enough and thought about it all it gets me is that stinkin' thinkin', so I try to do A.A. service work and talk to another alkie everday and to thank my higher power in which I call God. I thank God every night for my day he has given me and be greatful even if it was a bad day, cause my worse day sober is by know mean`s close to my best day drunk. I`ve rambled enough, so thank`s for letting me vent a little of my sickness and GOD BLESS ALL.
Member: Tim R.
Location: Northern Calif.
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 8:57:07 PM
Evening;
I'm Tim & I'm an alcoholic. When I refuse to no longer accept the fact that, I'm powerless over most everything that is going on in and around my life, I become fearful & angry. Usually when I'm not getting what I want or I am afraid of losing what I have. I start acting without good intent & my old overblown ego jumps out to the forefront (I become that old jerk again). That's my definition of a dry drunk.
Thanks to "the mystical/magical higher powers that be" for the program & fellowship of AA. Where I can hear & see the lessons I continually need to learn; so that I can once more,stop myself from being that old jerk and get back onto the path toward alcohol abstinence, atlered attitude & appropriate action.
Thank you for allowing me to share, I remain,
Yours in sobriety,
Tim
Member: THUMPER
Location:
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 10:39:57 PM
Now Now O-R-A-C-L-E,(over-rated-audacious-christian-lamenting-episodes) let`s not forget what Bill W. wrote toward the bottom of pg. 87. "There are many helpful books also."
Member: THUMPER
Location:
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 10:41:33 PM
Now Now O-R-A-C-L-E,(over-rated-audacious-christian-lamenting-episodes) let`s not forget what Bill W. wrote toward the bottom of pg. 87. "There are many helpful books also."
Member: THUMPER
Location: Temporal Zone
Date: 9/30/2001
Time: 10:52:04 PM
now now Mr. Oracle, let`s not forget what the Big Book says toward the bottom of pg. 87. "There are many helpful books also." It does suggest `therein`.
Member: Carmelo K
Location: Hollywood
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 12:13:24 AM
a dry drunk my dad was one for while then drank again and died, but myself hmm ive been a dry one thats why i started to get active in meetings again and try sobriety for the 20th time lol well i do have a 1 1/2 but far from damn cured my head always plays tricks on me or was it my ego ? hmmm anyways ill shut up now :)
Member: Gee L
Location: CA
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 12:57:30 AM
Hi I'm Gee, Alcoholic
The definition of dry drunk to me is being abstinent of alcohol with no 12 step program. Feeling hopeless and out of control.
Member: Gage
Location: South LA
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 1:19:03 AM
Hi, my angels, I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic because I crossed a line somewhere in the course of my drinking and I can't go back on the other side of that line, so thank God for you.
I tried to sit on the first part of the first step (what's that, a half step?) for three years a while back and then I did the sensible thing and went and got drunk for fifteen years, which ended one of the most miserable episodes of my life, my "dry drunk". I came back after fifteen years to find out what I had missed the first time and it's this: everything. Thank God for that fifteen year drunk because it equipped me to take the first step in its entirity, which I did the morning I drag-tailed back into A.A. (I'll tell you though that had I not been soooo smart when I got here the first time, I might have been able to save myself that long drunk. I might have been willing to ask and honestly answer the following question: If my drinking and my life are still within my power to manage, then, what in the hell am I doing sitting in an A.A. meeting?.)
I don't know how I took the second step. How did you take it? I just listened and wanted to believe until I chose to believe and then actually came to believe. In the meantime, I do what I can. Make coffee and wash coffee pots mostly. (There are actually people in my group who know how to make coffee and wash pots. They let me do it because they are kind people who know I need to feel a part of this thing. And it's working.) I took the third step about a week ago. I just did what it says in the book. I don't think God has a rating system for how well you do these things. I didn't see any angels, as a man in my group likes to say, but I do feel better. Now, I'm working on the fourth step, because it comes after the third step.
Note: The above post took forty-five minutes to construct and edit, because it is real important to me to sound like I'm doing better than any of you. I'm not. Also, none of what you see here is original. Every freaking word of it was cribbed from someone else who cribbed it from someone else, ad infinitum. (You see there, I can't just say "on and on" because I've just got to make you think that I am soooo smart. I'm not. Ask yourself this: if this guy is sooo smart, what's he doing here.) Love you. Take the steps.
Member: Maureen W.
Location: Oregon Coast
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 2:13:53 AM
Hello all, love the posts, I can still remember what Sam and Gage said, and all of you make sense, even Oracle! I think we are all dryrd up when we don't trust in God. He has the power to make everything OK some day, only we screw it up. Lessons are hard to learn, especially when it takes so many trials.
Member: Dan Smith
Location: North Florida
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 7:27:05 AM
Hey everyone, dry drunk, not drinking and lost my spiritual conditioning. I have a few things that I would like to share that my sponsor shared with me. 1 H.A.L.T. , Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. with each of these 4 things going on inside me I'm 25% closer to a drink. 2 Never stop doing the steps. 1 thru 12. I learned to do this by taking people through the book, and steps, that way I am continually going through them myself. To keep this gift, so graciously granted us by God, we must give it away as freely as we obtained it. Those wondering what a dry drunk is, to me, it is not doing my spiritual maintenance, and starting to lose my daily reprieve. Please read pgs 569-570, in your Big Book. that is the answer to this whole program. Of course that is only my opinion, and we all know what opinion's are like, my opinion, and $1.80 will probably get you a cup of coffee. Good day to all, may God Bless us one and all, your friend in growing, Dan.
Member: Ger C
Location: Ireland
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 8:34:10 AM
V. interesting. How people's thought differ but give an identical over all impression when you've read the whole lot. I think that within the general framework of the AA or 12-step programme everyone finds their own programme that works. A Dry Drunk is someone who either has no programme or has lost their way. Many AAs had periods when they were dry drunks b4 AA. Anytime that an alcoholic gives up drinking - to prove they can do it (for a day, week, month or even 25 years) but doesn't CHANGE then they are a dry drunk. Still maintaining all the old ideas and habits with their accompanying loneliness, pain, resentment and hoplessness leaves the drunk still miserable. The only that's different is that sitting in that bar they have no alcohol in the glass. As alcoholics our own way doesn't work. We have proved this over and over to ourselves and eachother. "IF NOTHING CHANGES, NOTHING CHANGES" - that one has helped me. I've just been trough a dry drunk - but it was short lived because I identified it for what it was quickly, called a halt to 'my way', and surrendered.
Member: Amy L
Location: Iowa
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 11:36:43 AM
Wonderful job explaining this, I really get it!!!!
I also see now that my husband is a being a "Dry Drunk" currently! he is not going to AA or doing any reading or doing anything!! he just isn't drinking, he is a real "blockhead" and I don't know is I should even try to explain any of this to him!
He went to AA for about 3 years several years ago but of course he failed, because he wasn't really working the program, I truely feel that is why he failed. I don't know if there is anything I can do for him?? any thoughts??
Member: Sharing
Location: Zion
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 12:19:03 PM
The third step is what is need for a dry drunk! I know I had to look for something more powerful than alcohol, and found it in the third step! When I first started to take a more honest look at "God as we understood Him" in AA, I had no idea what I was getting into! This was a few 24 hours ago, and I am still at it! The religion I was brought up in did nothing to instill any confidence in me towards God, as they taught me He is a mean hateful God that tortures people for all eternity if they don't abide by what the church they go to teaches. I just couldn't swallow that stuff, so I was very much inclined to rebel against it, even at an early age, for I had my first eight years of schooling by the hand of nuns at a Catholic Parochial School! So even though I wasn't consciously thinking of drinking to get away from all that stuff about being tormented in a "hell" forever, the seeds for a career in alcoholism were certainly being planted!! And needless to say they found fertile ground! Then as I grew older I started to hear that Jews were no good for this, that and the other reason; and Protestants weren’t worth the “powder to blow them to hell” either! Not in the classrooms did I hear this, but at home and in other circles I was going around. Being an impressionable youth I suppose I was quite disturbed by all this, for it still bothers me today! So to make a long story short, I did start to get extremely honest with myself in AA, and when I started to advance in spiritual things I fell in with a bunch of people who were just students of the Bible, not affiliating themselves with any of the well established religions, but just meeting in each others homes on Sunday morning to have Bible study meetings. Well I found out through them that there is no such place as a “hell” underneath the earth, that it is all a conspiracy of sorts to keep people enslaved to false religions through fear! That was a great burden to be rid of for me, and then I started to really to grow along spiritual lines.” So for God to remove my shortcomings, and I suppose I still have some, took a long time, but I stayed with it “One Day At A Time,” and will continue the same! For now since a new fear of “terrorism” is spreading throughout the earth like an frenzied epidemic, people rush about seeking some refuge in these false-religions, and there is none! And I have confidence that I will be able to prevail against all this fear and war-mongering with only the Bible in my own home and without any hypocritical religions!! “One Day At A Time!”
Member: Mark W.
Location: Near the BIG croquet wicket
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 12:33:27 PM
Amy,
I saw your post here and the pot. Perhaps he would recognize himself in the posts here (suggest he read them maybe). or maybe you could suggest that you and he read a story from the BB and see if YOU identify with the character in it? We both, being alcoholics know that he will as well, but we are never going to be able to fix him, so let him come to realize what he needs to realize on his own.
Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: Mark D
Location: NH
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 1:09:59 PM
Sorry to get off the subject, but I posted something last week on the Coffee Pot that kind of got lost. I realized that the CP's not the place for real focused dialogue.
The gist is. I've heard at meetings that you are only as sick as your secrets. Being a real manipulitive drunk (mostly manipulating myself) who could win a gold medal in an Olympic rationalizing competition; I could isolate my worlds, home, work, friends-- and act differently in each of them. I didn't even consider drawing those mental boundries as keeping secrets. Now I try to be me, accountable for me, and as comfortable with me as I can be everywhere I go. The one place that does stay seperate from disclosure in my life is -- AA! I do relate very broadly things discussed in AA with my wife, who is not in the fellowship, nor needs to be. It hit me one day when a woman hugged me at a meeting twice. The hugs themselves were purely of solace and comfort, so there's no issue there. The reason it struck me, other than she is quite attractive, is that I hadn't hugged a woman since 9/11 when I comforted my wife. I live at home but we are s-l-o-w-l-y building our intimacy after my drinking again a few months back. If I had been having 'normal' relations with my wife, these hugs wouldn't have got my attention as they did. But it made me think. How do you maintain anonymity in AA without it being a breeding ground for secrets?
Member: Mark W.
Location: nera the BIG croquet wicket
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 1:56:49 PM
Mark D.,
It seems that we have lived the opposite sides of the same life, or intermingled at least. This IS difficult, until we realize that a hug is just that, no more. Some time ago, I related a story here that my, now ex wife had me followed on AA home group night, as she was sure I was doing something wrong, or I would not be leaving the house. After the settlement, I got the report from the P.I she hired (I was unaware prior to this). It seems that he followed me to the meeting, reported on those that went out to smoke at break, then when we left. After waiting for yours truly, because I do not rush off, he was finally leaving, and realized he had a flat tire! Higher power does work here! It sounds to me like you are feeling some things that you should avoid. In my drinking days, I would have blown up the hugs totally out of proportion to reality, just as you allude to, at least in your head. That hug was yesterday, and not meant for anything other than what yours to your wife the elevnth was, so leave it in the past. Just an opinion, but I believe INMHO, a wise one.
Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: MATT M.
Location: DELAWARE
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 5:34:54 PM
MATT HERE.ALCOHOLIC BY NATURE;SAVED BY THE GRACE OF GOD & THE PROGRAM OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS.HEARD SOME THINGS WORTH REMEMBERING ON THIS TOPIC SO FAR.I FIND MYSELF QUESTIONING MY MOTIVES,ACTIONS AND HONESTY ON AN HOURLY BASIS THROUGHOUT MY DAY;IF I DON'T I'M LIKELY TO REVERT TO MY "DRY DRUNK" ATTITUDES EVEN IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT.I CAN'T AFFORD THAT MOMENT.I USUALLY ONLY HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF OF ONE PERTINENT DETAIL AT THESE MOMENTARY LAPSES OF SOBER THINKING:I DON'T WANT TO DIE.I HAVE A DISEASE THAT TELLS ME I'M SMART ENOUGH TO STAY ALIVE WITHOUT HELP FROM MY GOD AND THE PEOPLE IN THE ROOMS;MY DISEASE LIES TO ME LIKE THAT DAILY.MY DISEASE DOESN'T SAY "PLEASE" OR "THANK YOU";IT HITS ME IN THE THROAT 'TIL I CHOKE TO DEATH.I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF THAT IF I PICK UP AGAIN I'M GOING TO DIE.AND I DON'T WANT TO DIE.SO WHEN YOU FIND YOUR THOUGHTS REVERTING TO THE OLD "STINKIN THINKIN",PLAY THE TAPE BACK ONE MORE TIME & ASK YOURSELF IF YOU'RE READY TO DIE.GOD LOVES YOU & SO DO I. MATT M.
Member: Marc W
Location: CA
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 5:41:49 PM
A dry drunk is somebody who doesn't use or change their behavior. They still remain cocky, self-centered, and selfish, as I was when I was actively using. For me, I have to continue to take a personal inventory and when wrong, promptly admit it....step 10.
Member: dk
Location:
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 7:10:02 PM
As an adjetive the form 'drunk' is used after a verb while the from 'drunken' is now used only in front of a noun.'They were drunk last night'. 'A drunken patron ruined our evening'. Using 'drunk' in front of a noun is usually considered unacceptable in formal style, but the phrases 'drunk driving' and 'drunk driver', which have become fixed expressions, present an exception to this. DRUNK;(adj) Intoxicated with alcoholic liquor to the point of impairment of physical and mental faculties. DRY;(adj) Free from liquid or moisture.
Member: John O'L
Location: DFW, Texas
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 7:24:58 PM
My name is John and I am an alcoholic. I would define 'dry drunk' as being when a person has a serious drinking problem and decides that they will cure this problem by quitting drinking for a period of time, or perhaps they decide that they will quit drinking forever. A former friend of mine claimed that he would quit drinking forever, but 'only have a beer on his birthday!" Now, I tried this method several times back when I was having a lot of alcohol-related troubles back before coming into AA. I lasted between one and ten months. Each time, I was very difficult to be around and I can never say that I felt good about myself. Each time, I came to the conclusion that my period of not drinking proved that I was not an alcoholic, and therefore I could resume drinking safely. Each time I proved this theory wrong! In The Big Book, there is a story of an exceptional man who didn't touch a drop for 25 years, after deciding that he wouldn't get anywhere in business if he continued to drink. As soon as he retired, he resumed drinking and was dead of alcoholism in a short period of time. Many of my friends in AA tell me of someone who decides to 'quit on their own" and lasts for years without taking a drop. My beloved Uncle tried to quit on his own, and died of cirocis of the liver shortly after he resumed drinking. His dry period lasted a little over a year, so he was able to go longer than I ever was. As one of the stories in The Big Book says: We don't have a drinking problem as much as we have a living problem. We can stop drinking for a time, but it is staying stopped that is the problem. And, without a connection to a program and a Higher Power, such as is found in AA, it is almost impossible for us to do it on our own. If it were possible for us to do it on our own, then we probably would not have the drinking problem in the first place - we would have been able to take care of the problem at the first hint of our having trouble with alcohol. Even now, it is possible for me to get on a 'dry drunk' as soon as I begin trying to deal with my alcoholism on my own. Sometimes it is tempting to me to think that I am a big strong man who is so very intelligent and good and noble that I could easily maintain sobriety without any influence or person outside myself. Such a thought makes me feel like I am a lone heroic figure standing to face the hurricane on my own. The reality of the situation, as I have discovered it for myself, is that the quality of my life is much higher if I keep in contact with other AA's, read the big book, read the Grapevine, surf the AA sites on the Web, keep in touch with my Higher Power, pray daily for guidance, etc. However, as soon as I slack off on these and related activities, I find the old negative thinking returning. For me, resentment leads the list, and my resentment has freqently led to relapses and, of course, to dry drunk episodes over the years. This is an excellent topic. When we forget where we came from and how we got sober and start to think we can do it on our own, we are in great danger of drinking once again. I pray that God will save you and God save me, too, from such a horrible fate as this!
Member: Suomynona
Location:
Date: 10/1/2001
Time: 7:26:36 PM
Remember the song: "How dry I am"? (Thats a dry drunk): How wet I'll be, if I don't find the bathroom key....
Member: dannie s
Location: west virginia
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 12:17:06 AM
hi my names is dannie and im an alcoholic. when i am spiritually at work i have peace, but when i rest on my laurles i get empty pretty quick. it is best for me to keep moving one day at a time and looking up for help and reaching my hand out to help always. god be with us who could stand against us DANNIEDEBBIE@AOL.COM
Member: Doug.D.
Location: Arizona.
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 12:59:06 AM
My name is Doug and im a alchoholic.For me I must remember that im not God .Whenever I foget that,instead of being returned to sanity;I return myself to insanity,by doing insane things over and over again.
Member: Connie C.
Location: Northern California
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 1:17:05 AM
I'm not sure I believe in the "dry drunk" theory. Sober is sober is sober. I have had days, weeks, even months when I could have done things better, when I was angry, depressed, disheartened....times when my behavior wasn't wonderful....but if we stay sober through those times, we haven't failed. Granted, if we're faithful about taking suggestions, we have a better chance to comprehend the word "serenity" and to know peace, but plain sobriety is a miracle in itself. If I get nothing else out of life but the grace of not having to drink, it will all have been worth it.
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 2:19:28 AM
Hi I am Jack a real alcoholic. Dry drunk is a great topic. For me the moment I get away from God, Steps and meetings I am headed for a period of time which I like to refer to as Bar Stool Mentality. I survived for almost three and 1/2 years outside of A A, because all I thought I had to do was just not drink. I can honestly say the only thing I got from just not drinking was misery. There are days when the absolute best I can do is just not drink, but today having a firm commitment to God and our 24 spiritual principles makes living sober a whole lot easier. We learn from the steps to live our way into sober thinking as opposed to trying to think our way into sober living. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.
Member: Leif B.
Location: Isle of Desolation
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 4:05:54 AM
SOBER is Gratitude,and living ; DRY is self-pity,and existing . "When I focus on the problem , the problem increases ; when I focus on the answer, the answer increases .. "- Big Book :"Doctor,Alcoholic, Addict ." Started drifting into a Dry Drunk myself recently ;Thank all of you for helping me find my way back . Judas Priest ,do I have a long way to go !Reached out to people on the dreaded 'phone ;only one out of a half-dozen reached back-but that was enough . The lump of ground chuck in my skull was advising me again :"Well ,AA has changed -no-one wants to help their fellow alkie anymore and poor me Quack , Quack , Quack ! " Had to tell myself : Rule #62,Brother ! Went on a commitment to another town :had a meeting before the meeting -dashboard therapy-the meeting itself,and a meeting after the meeting (kitchen AA ) - a three-fer! Went into the meeting so self-concious and full of self-centered FEAR ,and left singing a Bob Dylan song - and I can very seldom sing when there are people about . GER : Thank you for your crystalline perspective -you may be almost as brilliant as I am ! LAWANDA A . : My favorite Step:readit recently (when I finally found my Step Book(!) THE KEY IS WILLINGNESS Someone who wants to do something will find a way ; one who doesnt will find an excuse. Which reminds me : There are a thousand Excuses for picking up a drink , but not one Reason .
Member: The crazy world of Avril G
Location: Belgiu via Barnsley UK
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 5:53:16 AM
Like {{{CORINNE}}} and doubtless many others of the female persuasion, I too am ruled by the old hormones, and find myself in a 'dry drunk' state on a monthly basis!!! LOL A 12-step programme and PMS do NOT walk together hand in hand in my experience, though these days I CAN accept it for what it is today, and when I tell myself (OR rater when my DISEASE tells me) that I suffer worse PMS sober than I did drunk, I KNOW it's a lie, it's just that PMS made for more drinking to blot it out, and I probably made my behaviour worse by imbibing anyway, difference is, in the drinking days I didn't CARE!! I rode roughshod over everyone in drink, today I try my best NOT to ride roughshod over anyone.
Most of my thoughts/opinions have already been said by you people re: the dry drunk syndrome, except ONE slogan which I always use whenever I am 'feeling down and acting up' KNOW GOD, KNOW PEACE - NO GOD, NO PEACE!!
I have never forgotten the incident which shocked me out of my first bout of dry-drunkenness!! I had been an absolute bitch with my (then) teenage daughter for days, and shared this in a meeting one night, and was told I needed to make amends to her, get my act together and start acting like someone who was trying to get SOBER, NOT someone who was trying to get drunk again!!
I went home and promptly made the amends, but what she said I will never forget, "Mother, DON'T bother, you'll apologise today and tomorrow you will start the same shit over again, so don't waste your breathe, you are worse NOW than when you were pissed, at least when you were pissed you passed out eventually, NOW you NEVER stop!"
I was 3 years sober at this time, and my daughter is now 23 and married, and we are best of friends, and it is her I have to thank for showing me that my 'sober' behaviour was anything but. She also taught me that BEFORE making amends, I have to analyse my behaviour, (another step four on the particular incident may be necessary) CORRECT the behaviour, and try as best I can NOT TO repeat the behaviour, and only THEN is it time to make the amend, knowing that I don't intend to continue acting out the dry drunk.
If I was to smack you in the mouth and apologise for it, if I do it again next week has the amend been worthwhile and sincere?? Has it hell!! The only thing which is constant is CHANGE!!
Thank you all for helping ME to change ME!!
SOBRIETY ROCKS!!!
goodallavril@yahoo.co.uk
Member: Mark W.
Location: near the BIG croquet wicket
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 6:59:55 AM
Avril,
Just couldn't help myself after your post.
#62
Overheard, third day at new job. Female to male in hall. You now why they call it PMS? No,I don't. Because mad cow disease was already taken.
Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 9:35:24 AM
I am an alcoholic dry drunk to me is acting like an insane person without drinking. I am dry drunk at times when I am filled with resentments hatred and not being humble dont let go of things that bother not willing to change.I act selfless blame others for all of my insecurities and problems.Igonore everything I share from other greatful AA members.
Member: Amy
Location: Iowa
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 10:26:07 AM
I asked this yesterday and I had only one response (which I do appreciate)
How can I help a dry drunk get better, is this possible..Hubby is on a dry drunk 6 1/2 weeks now..I say its time to get it together?? Comments???
Member: Don
Location: La.
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 11:39:32 AM
Hi, I'm Don and I'm an alcoholic. Only been sober 70 days.I'm having trouble with the Higher Power concept. I can't figure out what my Higer Power should be like and what I want and need from Him. I know I need to be able to trust Him but that's about it. I pray to stay sober and that I'll be able to learn to trust my Higer power, but thats about all because I heard I should't pray for anything for myself unless it would help someone else. The trouble with that is I could rationalize that winning the lottery or a brand new car that I want would be beneficial to someone else. What should I exspect from my H.P. What' yours like? Any feed back would be greatly appreciated? THANKS, and sorry for not sticking to the topic.
Member: steve
Location: cyber sace
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 11:47:49 AM
If you are also in the program you might want to talk about how the steps are working in your life. steps 6 & 7 are usaully good ones to help one see where their stinking thinking might be affecting others in there lives. if one can take an honest look at there dry state of mind it might be enough to get them back to meetings.
Member: Amy L
Location: Iowa
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 12:33:46 PM
Don, I am new to all of this also, your have more time in this I do. but I have never had a problem with God or HP, I talk to God as you would a friend, tell him anything I want.. and ask for his help and guidance from time to time. He always answers me in ways I don't expect and sometimes not the answer that I want, sometimes I have to ask questions again because I missed the answer, and then all of the sudden I will know the answer or something will happen that will make me say AAAHAhhh, so that's it!! There is no one more trust worthy..Don, No One!! ask and you shall receive!! sometimes in ways that will blow your mind (happened to me about a month ago) I don't know what you are talking about "not praying for yourself, only if would help someone else," What the @#$%??? is this some sort of religous thing you were told or what.
By the I am a catholic
Member: Mark W.
Location: near the BIG
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 12:35:28 PM
Amy,
Remember Step 1 Admited we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanagable.
Does this say the alcohol WE drank? It does NOT. We are powerless over the alcohol the others drink as well. We cannot control what the other guy does or does not do. Read the story of the director in the big book (within first 164 pages). Just as we cannot control what someone else drinks, we cannot control how they act. That is why I made the suggestion I did yesterday. If HE sees himself behaving badly, perhaps he will do something about it. Otherwise you have a difficult choice to make about now.
Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: Mark W.
Location: near the BIG croquet wicket
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 12:35:46 PM
Amy,
Remember Step 1 Admited we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanagable.
Does this say the alcohol WE drank? It does NOT. We are powerless over the alcohol the others drink as well. We cannot control what the other guy does or does not do. Read the story of the director in the big book (within first 164 pages). Just as we cannot control what someone else drinks, we cannot control how they act. That is why I made the suggestion I did yesterday. If HE sees himself behaving badly, perhaps he will do something about it. Otherwise you have a difficult choice to make about now.
Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: JB
Location: Maryland, USA
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 12:37:16 PM
Greetings all. Great topic-dry drunk-To those who have a hard time understanding what that is, try reading the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous-SEVERAL TIMES! It is riddled with examples and ideas of our disease and how it affects our minds and our lives. It says that our real problem is not alcohol-the first step should be a "kicker" for that one. "We are POWERLESS" is the key. It says too that lack of power was our dilemna, that alcohol was but a symbol. It tells us that our real problem is selfishness and self centeredness. There are countless examples of this principle in the book. If you are serious about recovery and are willing to go to any lengths to get it then you are ready to take certain steps-the first one is to admit you are POWERLESS!. Surrender. One of the most important principles in my recovery. I would say that if you don't know what a dry drunk is, then you probably haven't read the book enough. I suggest repeated study of it and keep coming back!!!!.......
Member: Lori Mc
Location: Tennessee
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 1:00:41 PM
Hi I'm Lori and I'm an alcoholic...I have heard alot of good stuff on dry drunk and step 3...I remember when i started out in AA and everything sounded greek to me...all the slogans and the steps...that's why things a repeated over and over again...I'm not going to get it all at once...I could hear people explain what a dry drunk was but until I experienced it I was still clueless...I have been around the tables for 13 years and there are still things I don't know and by the grace of God I have been able to remain teachable...As for Don...A higher power is what you want it to be...for several years I used the people around the tables because a group was greater than myself...My higher power has grown in many ways over the years and has just taken another huge growth spurt...all of the information of this program comes in time and we don't get it all at once, if we did we would probably drink over it...I know I am right where the God of my understanding wants me and that's good enough...what a great site this is...I really appreciate everyone's comments...it sure brightened my day...If no one has told you today I love you and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it...
Member: Tammy H
Location: Indiana
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 2:04:51 PM
Addiction is a spiritual disease and i think a dry drunk is one very unhappy person. Its so easy to slip back into the insane thinking , but to have nothing with which to numb oneself would make for a very unhappy person. I've been sober about 3 months, and i cant believe how my life is changing, i mean, EVERYTHING. So far the hardest part for me is loneliness because all of my old friends use something, and i guess i just miss the socializing, so i try to hit the meetings hard, but it still gets lonely. I just finished my 3rd step, and giving my will over to my Higher Power is extremely difficult, but i know He's got my best interests, and wont let me down, I just need to be patient...Thank u all!! and I love ya. blonde_moment68@excite.com
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 2:32:23 PM
As always, a great topic. Two different counselors in outpatient treatment told me I came from an alcoholic family. Well, my parents didn't drink much at all so I thought they were crazy. Oh sure, my dad was always angry. He was an incredibly controlling person. He was resentful of anyone who achieved anything more than he did (even the kids!). He was fearful of trying anything new. He hated life and yet refused to do anything about it. Just like the adult I became only I drank and some of those defects were magnified. I know now you don't have to pick up a drink to act like a drunk....you can be a 'dry' one. So, I did, indeed, grow up in an alcoholic household, of sorts. Thank God for AA. I'm so grateful I have a program that lets me admit my powerlessness. And tells me progress is ok.
Regarding the higher power....when I first came to the tables, I used the God of the faith I had grown up in. Heck, after a year I even started teaching religious education. Then I went back out there again. And things got horrible. I didn't feel like my God had betrayed me. I DID think I had betrayed Him and I wasn't worthy. And I was terribly confused. Steps 2 & 3 were really tough (of course this drunk likes to complicate things.) Today, acknowledging an HP sometimes simply meaning I am powerless over people, places and things. It means I am not in the pilot's seat. And someone/something/nobody is - whom or whatever isn't important. The only important thing is recognizing I'm not in charge.
Member: Bill M.
Location: Southeast
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 2:50:04 PM
Thank you, Sam J. for your comments. I'm a newcomer, and have been attending local meetings often (several nights a week), but have had a problem with building up any length of sobriety. I had nearly three weeks of sobriety in August, after attending meetings since the 2nd week of July this year. Before the three weeks were up, I relapsed, and have been "out" ever since. I still go to meetings and get up every day resolved that I will not drink again. I am thoroughly still stuck on Step 1, as I know my life is unmanageable and I believe as I state in meetings I am an alcoholic and that the "cunning, powerful, baffling" alcohol is in control and not me. So your comments helped me a lot. Also I was asked by someone I confide in, who is not an A.A. but a paid helping professional, who believes in the power of the program, "what I thought I could do differently that would make the program work for me?" I know the answer is to become more involved, to share at meetings, to get a sponsor, to work the steps and to call people when the compulsion comes to me. I thought it all had to do with resolve, since I had no clue as to how to have a dialogue with a Higher Power. Slowly, I think, hope that I'm getting the message. I heard about this site in a Grapevine issue article, and think it's super. Thanks for letting me share. An Alcholic Bill M.
Member: Chas B.
Location: Texas
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 3:59:21 PM
Dear Bill M.
Your post rings very familiar to me. "Resolve" has a lot to do with this program, for sure, but not the way I expected it to when I joined. For years I failed to quit drinking despite thousands of mornings of honest-to-goodness resolve. I used every ounce of my brain and will power to quit drinking, and I never could. When I came to I heard a lot of talk about Higher Powers and God, which I had never concerned myself with before. Never once prayed before. But if these people were telling me this is what I ought to do in order to acheive sobriety, I would do it. They said if I even had only the vaguest, fuzziest notion as to what or whom my Higher Power might be, talk to Him. You can ask him to remove cravings. Believe me, this helps plenty of people besides yourself! It doesn't matter if you don't know exactly whom you're talking to. Many of us don't. After doing this for just a short time, the strangest thing begins to happen. First, you begin to enjoy talking to your Higher Power (you may even call it praying at this point), and secondly, life gets better and becomes clearer in inexplicable ways. My eyes and ears became more in focus, feelings of compulsion began to ease up. And the program became much less intimidating. I suggest you resolve yourself to willingness, openness, and honesty, and I truly believe good things will follow. Thank you for letting me share. PS - Keep coming back!
Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 5:02:33 PM
Hi I am Ed an alcoholic, Will the frist time I tried to quiet drinking I was a dry drunk. I didn't go to meetings, I didn't do the 12 steps or even read the big book. I was always angry and hurting every one and any one that was there or got in my way. I have been sober this time for about 2 years. I go to meetings, work on the 12 steps and read the big book and listen to people around AA. Just do one day at a time. Keep in touch with your higher powder.
Member: Aitan S.
Location: Nairobi
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 5:50:00 PM
Hi, I'm Aitan and I'm an alcoholic. I have been through many a phase of alcoholic behavior, ... complementary to my thinking. I do know one things, that it depends more on what I am not doing rather than doing. I think that there are seven basic steps to avoiding the dry drunk - or wet drunk for that matter - "problem": (1) having a Big Book ... and opening it daily (2) having a God ... and using 'Him" daily (3) having a sponsor ... and calling him often (4) having a homegroup ... and going there always (5) having a commitment ... and being grateful for it (6) going to as many meetings as I can ... and participating in them whenever I can (7) searching out sponsees ... and being open to them (whether tough love is "your" thing or not is of "your" own chosing)
I believe that Bill & Bob wrote the Steps for complicated people, and tried to help in simplifying them to the best of their ability. The Steps are the backbone to recovery ... endnote. If only I would just continue to being devoted to them daily, life would be hunky-dory. But I am not and, therefore, I get into the dry-drunk routine when I "slip" of in a unhealthy direction. I must only believe that the only true mistake I can make is not learning from a mistake ...
later, Aitan.
Member: Ann
Location: Michigan
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 8:18:02 PM
Hi, I'm Ann and I'm an alcoholic. I just started in the program in mid-July of this year and have been doing my '90 in 90'. I've been at home sick today and could not make a meeting and have just found AA online for the first time.
This discussion group is great and I so appreciate the topics. I've been sober for nearly 80 days and this program has been an amazing revelation. But I'm also realizing more acutely what my 'dry drunk' behavior is now that I am more conscious to life!
Thank you for your sharing--I've been working on steps one, two and three since beginning in July and this discussion and learning from your experience is very helpful.
Member: TMG
Location: North
Date: 10/2/2001
Time: 8:49:09 PM
GREETINGS TO TRUTH LOVERS!!
http://www.geocities.com/tmgnorth/
This website has to do with current events in the world, which in so many instances have no clear meaning and are oftentimes interpreted by factional people, places and things that have as many different outlooks and interests as their numbers total! So if an interested observer seeks the true meaning of what these occurrences might be, they are more times than oft left in a state of confusion that in one way or another usually promotes stress and their many aggravations that provoke ill-health! This is indeed a quite unique website for it publishes significant and sometimes even terrifying news events and other issues and how they relate to their only true meaning, to be found in scriptural prophecy! So then being this is so, and there are no kind of commitments requested by the management of this website, it will undoubtedly receive much opposition as it is often hard to digest! Its intention is to help people who might be interested in this, and is in no way political or biased to anybody or anything other than the truth!!
You can find this truly honest website at:
http://www.geocities.com/tmgnorth/
And it is most helpful for building on the third and eleventh steps!
Member: Jeff B
Location: Northern CA
Date: 10/3/2001
Time: 12:37:39 AM
Hi My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. Dry Drunk - two word topic -step three - two word topic. I really like what Connie said about dry drunks. There are certain days of my drinking career that I would have traded just about anything for a "dry drunk" instead of a "wet drunk". In general terms: the mornings after blackouts, hospitals, jails, etc. I am not sure that I would ever call someone a dry drunk. It sounds really bad. I also appreciate the person (dk) who looked the words up in the dictionary - that's cool.
On any one day not drinking has to be enough. Some days are so much better thanks to AA and God (good, higher power, life). I call myself an alcoholic today because to me it means that I am a person who used to get drunk (very & often), I could not just stop drinking on my own or control my drinking on my own, and now with the gift of AA and some sober days I am trying for something better. I have found a soulution in AA that really works. Alcoholics Anonymous is a book that gives me precise instructions on how to find a power greater than myself that will solve my deliemas for me.
Like so many above change happens slowly for me. Admiting that I'm an alcoholic and that probably no human power can save me is easy today. Remembering that my life run on my will can hardly be a success and making a decision to turn my will and life over to some power besides me takes some effort on my part. Clearing the wreckage of my past and trusting God are sometimes very difficult. Trying to help where I can and letting people help me is diffcult too at times. Since AA found me, or I found it, or was lead, or whatever happened I have not drank for 1497 days. That has not happened since I was 12 and I am 33. AA and God get all the credit for my sober days. AA is a big deal for me; I love it. Restless, irritable, discontent days count too- I can learn from them and try to do better today with His and Your help. The bad days we get through without drinking can become an asset if we try to share our experience strength and hope with another alcoholic, or dry drunk, or person who wants to stop drinking but just can't seem to do it themselves, - all like me....so thanks to everyone for being here. jdbvabeach@msn.com
Member: For Mark W.
Location:
Date: 10/3/2001
Time: 6:39:10 AM
What part of the following ELUDES you?
"The format for this meeting is a week long Topic Discussion. We ask that all sharing in this meeting be limited to the topic as it relates to your alcoholism and that each person try to share only once per week (this is not a chat room)"
Member: T.H.
Location: IN
Date: 10/3/2001
Time: 9:12:21 AM
Mark, thank you for your comments. You keep doing whatever it takes to keep yourself sober. True, there are guidelines we all need to follow, but they are only guidelines. We all need to remember: Honesty, Willingness, and Open-mindness
Member: Gage
Location: LA
Date: 10/3/2001
Time: 11:04:53 AM
I'm Gage, and I'm an alcoholic. Don, maybe you're thinking too much. I sure do. The funny thing is that the concept of a HP sort of came because so many of the early AA's had a problem with the concept of a God. (Read the Chapter to the Agnostics.) At first, for me, (and I've heard lots of other people say it) all I knew was that here was a bunch of people who had the same problem that I have but were able to make it through the day without a drink. Right there is more power than I had. So, I guess the group itself was a Higher Power for me. As to praying to that power: I prayed the prayers not even out of blind faith ('cause I had no faith) but out of "hope", because the power that I did believe in, my group of sober drunks, said it might help. Keep it simple. We don't have to be smart.
Member: ViniB
Location: L.A.
Date: 10/3/2001
Time: 12:25:29 PM
Hello, am Vini maybe an alcoholic, dry drunk.... i guess after reading most of the comments i kinda got the meaning of it. if i stop to think about it now, it is probably what leads me back to drinking again. how i've tried to stop and been sober for up to 3 months, but i fail at the end. thanking you everyone for the comments and understanding. hopefully, i'll revisit the site later on.
Member: Vicke H.
Location: Alabama
Date: 10/3/2001
Time: 12:39:34 PM
Hi Family, Vickie, Alcoholic. Dry drunk, boy, I spent a many a day on those trips. Glad I can recognize whe starting down "that path".What my precious sponsor has taught me, was very simple. I want to drag my feet instead of picking them up. Want others to do my foot work, for me. Not wanting to be a "part of" but worlds apart, squirming around on my pitty, hating those who are able to laugh and enjoy theit life of sobriety. Not diving in, like doing so in a nice cool pool of water and getting my feet wet. Allowing fear to enter my subconsious, and take over that day. The simple part that I almost missed was that I can start over any time of the day. The Serinity Prayer has been my salvation along those spots when the briars are scratching me. Jumping in, getting my feet wet, feeling good that I did something that just may have helped someone that day. For me, it's like a parade. We see people maching down the street and say, gee, I wished I could have been in that. Then you see those who just can't contain themselves and they jump right in and join the parade and have the best time of their lives. I allowed alcohol to rule my life for so many years, I almost missed that parade. My HP played a real funny on me yesterday. He truly has a since of humor when it comes to me, or I'd have never stayed sober this long. Riding along in a brand new car, the sirens went off. Being out of town and unaware that is was to happen, I pulled the car over, we four piled out and hit the ditches. Thinking we were under an air attack! LOL People are ataring at us as they drive by. We all began to laugh as soon as the fear left out shaking bodies. LOL I have MD and am afraid of being blown up? LOL We laughed so hard, dresses in high heels and dirty from the ditch, we all filed in to the Steak House. People stared. We are smiling, not embarrassed, (they aren't in the program, just "normal"! LOL I said grace before we ate. I said, HP, funny joke. Go bug Sanders!!!! LOL Sanders, Susan sends her reguards and prayers. I say hug Lil Fellow and tell nim that his daddy is a poot! LOl Have a great SOBER day.
Love & Prayers,
Vickie
Member: Flip
Location: iowa
Date: 10/3/2001
Time: 4:43:49 PM
Member: John H.
Location: Indiana
Date: 10/3/2001
Time: 8:43:57 PM
Years before ever picking up a first drink of alcohol, I had feelings of insecurity, anxiety, fear, inadequacy, neglect, self pity, envy, jealously, resentment, anger at some time or other. Then I picked up that first drink, ad infinatum that seemed to better mmy moods, at least I thought so.
Drinking progressed to being absolutely obsessed and dependent upon alcohol, my "medicine" to cure my ills.
As we all know now, that program was one of self destruction that interfered with other lives. My faith was in the materiality of a liquid called alcohol. It took reaching, recognizing, admitting that I am unable to drink socially, that I drank ultimately to avoid facing life on life's terms and that program leads to hell on earth.
The AA program has led me gently and with patience and understanding to follow the 12 steps and 12 traditions as best I can at this point of time-- leading me to understand and believe in God a never before. The program leads me to my dependency on faith in God. This answer has led to facing life on life's terms for 15 years and one month of continuous sobriety.
Does negative thinking enter my mind? Absolutely! What should I do? Recognize that such started me to drink in the first place. That then tells me that I'm only an arm length from picking up the first drink, that I'd better shift gears and let God's and the program's joy and positiveness flow thru my veins rather than alcohol! God blesses those who asks for God's blessings rather than one's own desires.
Member: May
Location: Winnipeg
Date: 10/3/2001
Time: 10:35:03 PM
i don't know which is worse,dry or wet drunks.Either one for me would be equally destructive.My dry drunks,however,have been more confusing because I didn't actually drink,but I sure wanted to.I assumed that all I had to do to be happy and healthy was not drink.I forget that wanting too much,too soon and losing sleep over it would drive me nuts.Pretty soon,I want to have a couple belts to ease my mind.When that thought hits me,I get my ass to a meeting,fast.There I hear about "slips" and that takes care of my desire to solve my troubles with a shot or two.I don't want to return to my old life.But sometimes the old me comes back and I expect way too much.Dry drunks,like myself at times,seldom practice humility.I thank my HP that other alcoholics are here to remind me.Take care everyone.Thanks,bye.
Member: Adrene G.
Location: Northern Calif.
Date: 10/4/2001
Time: 1:00:55 AM
My name is Adrene and I'm an alcoholic. thank you everyone for all your sharing. Now I know what's been going on with me for the past two months. It's probably been longer than that. DRY DRUNK..I've been off-centered for awhile and I haven't been able to figure it out. You have opened up my eyes. I have had all the symptoms...anger, irratability, resentful,sleep less nights, ad infnitum. Setting myself up for maybe a drink? I know one thing though. I have gotten really lazy about going to meetings, calling my sponsor, working the steps, reading the Big Book. I have 3 years sobriety. I have worked really hard to retain these short years of sobriety. God has given me a gift of "awareness". You all have helped me with that awareness of what has been going on with me. I have come to realize that we as alcoholics and most people have built-in forgeters in our head. Sometimes we forget. Thank you for helping me to remember where I came from.
God Bless, Adrene
Member: Ruby S.
Location: MI
Date: 10/4/2001
Time: 6:45:45 AM
Being a dry drunk has, in the past, led me back to the bottle. I don't think I really new what was going on at the time, but hearing from all of you, I see clearly now. When I am that miserable, there seems to be no escape. I feel like I don't fit in, and that I am undeserving anyway, so its hard to ask for help. It seems that now that it is probably the most important time to ask for help, and I better get off the pity pot and seek some humility if I want sobriety, which I do. It helps to know that others feel that way at times, and there is strength and support to be found. Thank all of you.
Member: Rich R, s-l-o-w-l-y recovering compulsive person
Location: Detroit (richr_srcp@hotmail.com)
Date: 10/4/2001
Time: 7:00:03 AM
Thank you everyone for your sharings, they were g-r-e-a-t. The reason I picked this for a topic is (surprise, surprise) I think I have been going thru a dry drunk for quite awhile. It's not only a DRY drunk because even tho I haven't had a drink of alcohol in 10+ years, I have used other substances and activities as a substitute for the alcohol, so I was still 'self-medicating' instead of using the steps/program to cope with life on life's terms.
It's interesting to me that when I do focus on something, like a dry drunk for example, then my awareness is heightened to hear other stuff. I was in an Overeaters Anonymous meeting this week and someone mentioned "fat serenity". I thought "that's the opposite of a dry drunk". In OA we refer to fat serenity as a person who is using everything the program has to offer (steps/meetings/support/etc) EXCEPT abstinence. I guess either way the person is short changing themselves, because the real miracle of 12-step programs is you can get both abstinence AND recovery from the unmanageability of life if you are willing the "follow the path".
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Fearless Leader
Location: ma.
Date: 10/4/2001
Time: 8:03:49 AM
Boy What a great topis. I've been "surfing", and thought that I'd try to find an online AA cause I lost my AOL and can'''''''''t get to one of my favorite meeting anymore. These "Dry Drumk" symptoms are hitting home! Here I am trying to figure out why I feel so shitty when in reality things are going in a possitive direction, and that has to be it.
Member: Mike M
Location: Greater Cleveland
Date: 10/4/2001
Time: 9:21:32 AM
Can anyone comment on the use of substitute addictions by a dry, and sobering, alcoholic? I just happen to adore the taste of the coffee bean, a taste I nurtured in the rooms of AA and the Starbucks and Xandos of Boston and DC. I used to drink regular all day, but realized I was a jacked up and endangered my long-term cardiac health. So now I drink one cup of high-test each morning and switch to decaf from then on. I just love the taste; sue me. My question is, is it a "dry drunk" to just switch from guzzling one fluid to guzzling a less pernicious one, if all of the other elements of my life are constructive?
Member: Tom M
Location: Homosassa Florida
Date: 10/4/2001
Time: 11:29:43 AM
Hi everyone, Tom M. a recovering alcoholic. Don't know too much about the subject. So I will continue to read and learn. Have read some real good things. Thanks for being here .
Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 10/4/2001
Time: 2:05:36 PM
Vicki H., thanks for your experience, strength and hope. I remember when I first came to AA I wondered about the laughter, you described it perfectly ... "We all began to laugh as soon as the fear left our shaking bodies". Who would have thought a "Group Of Drunks" would have the solution in their experience, strength and hope. Thanks. Keep coming back.
Member: JimB
Location: Planet Earth
Date: 10/4/2001
Time: 3:20:46 PM
Hi all JimB, here. Happy to know I'm an alcoholic and gratful to be sober today. "To thine ownself be true" seems to be a fitting watchword for this topic. Afterall who else would know how out of sinc I may feel that I am in regards to when I am expieriencing symtoms of a dry drunk. What works for me may get someone else drunk. Since we are not made alcoholics by some universal "cookie cutter" mold, we each exhibit different reactions to lifes expieriences etc. Having been around the program for a few 24 hours I have had various instances where I have expierienced the feeling of being on a dry drunk. Also I have gone through the gamit of dependance on other sources of stimulus to make me feel OK in my own skin. Some of which include cigarettes, coffee and not the least, the internet. But having faced these lessons at other times through out my recovery, I always return after an initial period of shock and dismay to the things that work for me and keep me sober and somewhat sane. I.e. reading the literature, going to meetings, doing service work, working the steps, and talking about my feelings at meetings and with other recovering drunks. The first step is the biggest for me. Just recognizing that I feel I have a problem and do not feel good about a certain area of my behavior and recovery. However I try to minimize the collateral damage I do to myself by beating myself up for not having a perfect sterling program. I get back to basics and remember that it is a one day at a time program. As long as I do not pick up a drink I am continuing to move forward and can direct my energies towards a solution to my other addictions that are causing me discomfort. Thanks for 12 stepping me.
Member: Evin
Location: South Floida where the weather is gorgous!
Date: 10/4/2001
Time: 3:56:34 PM
My name is Evin and I'm an alcoholic. Dry drunk - everything but the booze. Being a dry drunk is defined as not drinking without a program to provide the support recovery.
I become a dry drunk as soon as I stop going to meetings. I spent the first 1.5 years in the program attending meetings every day. Then I got a great job and I stopped going to meetings. I'm grateful that my sponsor allowed me to keep in touch with him over the 1.5 years I didn' go to meetings.
Over that time, little by slowly, my alcoholic behaviours began to slip back into my life. My ego took over again, my anger levels rose, I became more self centered, I allowed myself to be dishonest...it all came back. I lost that super job because of my negative behaviour and in hindsight I'm glad. I was awfully close to picking up a drink. I had become an asshole at home again.
My wife approached me one day and suggested gently that I go to a meeting. I did. And I still do six months later and I love it. And that is my medicine against dry drunk behaviour.
It works for me.
Member: tiffany m
Location: canton oh
Date: 10/4/2001
Time: 6:01:28 PM
dry drunk hugh thats like going through the motions of day to dat with the fog still hanging over your headjust pretending your working your program but in the back of your mind still thinking about that drink and how you wish it the good o'l days when no one knew you were an alcholic
so you thought!! it is about not wanting to really admit you have a problem .
Member: Donna J.
Location: Midwest
Date: 10/4/2001
Time: 9:55:28 PM
I probably just got done with a big dry drunk phase. I didn't have a drink for 7 months because I was living in a place where it was simply not allowed if you wanted to live there. I didn't appreciate sobriety and didn't like the restrictions. Got out eventually and have been drinking off and on for weeks, always with very bad consequences. Right now I've been sober about 24 hours (literally). I feel awful cause I let my husband down today; he was having some surgery today 2 1/2 hours away and I didn't go because I was so hung over. They say meetings help ease the guilt and shame. I could really use some of that right now. I want to be the best person I can be. Not drinking AND going to meetings are probably a good start. (Honey, I hope you will forgive me).
Member: Anne B.
Location: midwest
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 12:35:13 AM
Well I have never done an on-line meeting before. More than once I have been unsuccessful in trying to find one. I stumbled on this one tonight knowing that I have got to get back to meetings somehow. It has felt impossible since my youngest son got verbal, just over a year ago. (single mom, no where to leave the kids, no good day care meetings.) I have been on a long hard dry drunk. I hate the refections of my behavior that I see in my children's eyes and I hate the way I see and hear myself acting. I know I was guided here tonight. I was beginning to think that if I am going to be this miserable I should probably just go drink. Thank you so much. I'll be back.
Member: Julia S.
Location: Virginia
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 12:42:15 AM
Hi, I am Julia and a newcomer alcoholic here. I have enjoyed all the posts about dry drunk as I am just getting around to dealing with my alcoholism a year after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. I have self medicated for 25 years for the powerlessness that comes from being mentally ill and consequently just reinforced that powerlessness. Although I am on a ton of psych. medication I am still tempted to drink. But now when I am not drinking I can understand better why I still exhibit those inappropriate behaviors, like raging at my daughter, when sober. I liked the comment from the person whose daughter said she was glad when her mother was drunk cause she knew she'd eventually pass out. That made a lot of sense to me. I have a social phobia connected to my illness which makes it difficult for me to start attending meetings. Please put in a good word for me with the HP to help me find the strength to overcome this fear! Shalom. Julia.
Member: L.C.
Location: TX
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 1:46:41 AM
Thanks Gage for your comments about being a "smart" alcoholic, that was VERY helpful to me and thanks yall for the topic I really needed this one! LOL
Member: mm
Location:
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 10:07:23 AM
Member: TMG
Location: North
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 3:04:04 PM
For the third and eleventh steps:
"Better is a patient search for the Supreme consciousness of God, rather than a hasty submission to confusion and desolation!!"
http://www.geocities.com/tmgnorth/
Member: Bobbye E.
Location: McKinney, TX
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 4:23:43 PM
Whew! Lots of whacked out stalker stuff in the eithers. In a process my self. Not personally, have a sponcee with some really scary stuff. 3 weeks of phone contact and bam shows up with a baseball bat. Careful, of those broke pickers, yall.
Do not get me wrong, nothing like a relationship to grow from and insure commitment to the steps in your life. However: CAUTION to our newbies this is a lovingly offered SUGGESTION. Anyone with 'Time' in the program that wishes dating, regular contact and more and you happen to be under a year in abstinence or clean time/sober . . . You are a volunteer in an ugly and dangerous Step. The Thirteenth Step process.
What is a 13th Step - where someone with 'time' in uses the pose of being a safe recovery person to create a 'relationship' with new members in the recovery groups.
This situation Ladies and Gents is a Wolf in Sheep's clothing. Remember we did not end up in AA because we sang to loud in the choir. We got here because there was no where else to go. We were emotionally immature.
Its the 12 Steps, the Fellowship, the growing relationship with a Sponsor (a person usually of the same sex)who has time and has worked all 12 Steps. This is the first 'healthy' relationship most of us ever experience. Its healthy cause we learn for the first time to grow through the steps and learn to let God be God.
Cause addiction is addiction, wheather it is alcohol addiction, drug addition, sex addiction, or codependency. With out the steps these isms cut us off from our support, the fellowship, and the sun light of the Spirit.
Please, please, please, if you must we will love you anyway. We will support you in your process, we all know we have had our own and will continue too. Remember this rule of thumb 'we are only as sick as our secrets'. If you can not talk to your sponce about Mr or Ms Wonderful, your embarrased, they make you feel funny, you get turned on and hooked in to the naughtiness of it . . . These are RED FLAGS.
Put your recovery first, 90 meetings in 90 days, share in or after every meeting, get a sponsor, call the sponsor regularly, read the black part of the book, and keep coming back. It works it really does!
We just take a while to heal, and some are sicker than others.
Thanks for letting me share.
Bobbye bobbyee@ivillage.com ICQ 58286454
Member: chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 5:44:48 PM
Chris H. Here----alcoholic/addict/bulimic---Dry Drunk...Humm..It has been explained pretty well in the previous posts...IT seems to happen to me when ,inspite of being sober, I do all of the things I did when I drank(except, of course, drink). IT's when I don't work my program and don't practice these pronciples in all of my affairs. I get filled with fear and anxiety. I do not have any serenity. I don't call my sponsor or another a.a.'er..I don't talk about what is bothering me..I don't ask for help, andI eventionally emotionally crash and panic. Pretty soon a drink looks like the only thing that will solve my problems. Luckily, after being in the program a few years, I have learned to recognize when I begin to do these things, and have learned what I have to do to stop the cycle of destruction. I call my sponsor, get to a meeting and begin talking.( Writing often helps too)---Pretty soon I beging to feel the fog lifting and the darkness doesn't seem so dark. I guess that is what they mean when they say,"just don't take that first drink"...IF you just don't take that first drink no matter how bad you feel---you willl eventually figure out that the program gives you the tools to solve the problems that the drink never did. Thanks for letting me share@!!Love to you all!!!
Member: steve troubled
Location: s.l.,n.y.
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 5:50:50 PM
Hi, Steve alcoholic. I think I just did a dry drunk. I go to an out petient rehab
Hi Steve alcoholic. I think ijust did a dry drunk, I go to an out patient rehab I have been in rehab for 1 year. I am doing great accordind to the rehab, my probation oficer, and my family coucelor. I need to get my licence back now to get a job where i worked before, I was told to sit down with the rehab director, but my wife says to go to a higher court and start things over her way. I went back to my old way of yelling, and screaming that i want to do it my w ay and lesten to these other people so as not to start trouble and stay on the good side, now we are not talking and she does`nt want to be involved and won`t drive me where i have to go like probation and ect. This is the first time i felt like a drink but didn`t because i picked up the big book, and talked to someone my HIGER POWER, and it worked Did l do the right thing. Thanks for listening!
Member: steve troubled
Location: s.l.,n.y.
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 5:54:38 PM
Hi, Steve alcoholic. I think I just did a dry drunk. I go to an out petient rehab
Hi Steve alcoholic. I think ijust did a dry drunk, I go to an out patient rehab I have been in rehab for 1 year. I am doing great accordind to the rehab, my probation oficer, and my family coucelor. I need to get my licence back now to get a job where i worked before, I was told to sit down with the rehab director, but my wife says to go to a higher court and start things over her way. I went back to my old way of yelling, and screaming that i want to do it my w ay and lesten to these other people so as not to start trouble and stay on the good side, now we are not talking and she does`nt want to be involved and won`t drive me where i have to go like probation and ect. This is the first time i felt like a drink but didn`t because i picked up the big book, and talked to someone my HIGER POWER, and it worked Did l do the right thing. Thanks for listening!
Member: steve troubled
Location: s.l.,n.y.
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 5:54:42 PM
Hi, Steve alcoholic. I think I just did a dry drunk. I go to an out petient rehab
Hi Steve alcoholic. I think ijust did a dry drunk, I go to an out patient rehab I have been in rehab for 1 year. I am doing great accordind to the rehab, my probation oficer, and my family coucelor. I need to get my licence back now to get a job where i worked before, I was told to sit down with the rehab director, but my wife says to go to a higher court and start things over her way. I went back to my old way of yelling, and screaming that i want to do it my w ay and lesten to these other people so as not to start trouble and stay on the good side, now we are not talking and she does`nt want to be involved and won`t drive me where i have to go like probation and ect. This is the first time i felt like a drink but didn`t because i picked up the big book, and talked to someone my HIGER POWER, and it worked Did l do the right thing. Thanks for listening!
Member: steve troubled
Location: s.l.,n.y.
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 5:54:45 PM
Hi, Steve alcoholic. I think I just did a dry drunk. I go to an out petient rehab
Hi Steve alcoholic. I think ijust did a dry drunk, I go to an out patient rehab I have been in rehab for 1 year. I am doing great accordind to the rehab, my probation oficer, and my family coucelor. I need to get my licence back now to get a job where i worked before, I was told to sit down with the rehab director, but my wife says to go to a higher court and start things over her way. I went back to my old way of yelling, and screaming that i want to do it my w ay and lesten to these other people so as not to start trouble and stay on the good side, now we are not talking and she does`nt want to be involved and won`t drive me where i have to go like probation and ect. This is the first time i felt like a drink but didn`t because i picked up the big book, and talked to someone my HIGER POWER, and it worked Did l do the right thing. Thanks for listening!
Member: steve troubled
Location: s.l.,n.y.
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 5:54:48 PM
Hi, Steve alcoholic. I think I just did a dry drunk. I go to an out petient rehab
Hi Steve alcoholic. I think ijust did a dry drunk, I go to an out patient rehab I have been in rehab for 1 year. I am doing great accordind to the rehab, my probation oficer, and my family coucelor. I need to get my licence back now to get a job where i worked before, I was told to sit down with the rehab director, but my wife says to go to a higher court and start things over her way. I went back to my old way of yelling, and screaming that i want to do it my w ay and lesten to these other people so as not to start trouble and stay on the good side, now we are not talking and she does`nt want to be involved and won`t drive me where i have to go like probation and ect. This is the first time i felt like a drink but didn`t because i picked up the big book, and talked to someone my HIGER POWER, and it worked Did l do the right thing. Thanks for listening!
Member: steve troubled
Location: s.l.,n.y.
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 5:54:52 PM
Hi, Steve alcoholic. I think I just did a dry drunk. I go to an out petient rehab
Hi Steve alcoholic. I think ijust did a dry drunk, I go to an out patient rehab I have been in rehab for 1 year. I am doing great accordind to the rehab, my probation oficer, and my family coucelor. I need to get my licence back now to get a job where i worked before, I was told to sit down with the rehab director, but my wife says to go to a higher court and start things over her way. I went back to my old way of yelling, and screaming that i want to do it my w ay and lesten to these other people so as not to start trouble and stay on the good side, now we are not talking and she does`nt want to be involved and won`t drive me where i have to go like probation and ect. This is the first time i felt like a drink but didn`t because i picked up the big book, and talked to someone my HIGER POWER, and it worked Did l do the right thing. Thanks for listening!
Member: Robert P
Location: Yorkshire UK
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 5:54:55 PM
My name is Robert. I am an alcoholic. By the grace of God and the Fellowship of AA I have not taken a drink since my first meeting seven years ago. I have learnt that being a dry drunk is just one of the steps towards drinking. As long as I want to be sober more than I want to drink, I can maintain a happy, joyous and free sobriety with the help of the 12 Steps. My life was in pieces, I was in pieces, the lives of those around me were in pieces. Today my life is good, beyond imagination, I am happier than ever before and I am truly grateful. I believe I have worked for my sobriety and I know I have been rewarded and blessed. I read and hear about dry drunks and abhor the thought as much as a drink. I know I do not have to suffer from the dry drunk syndrome. My experiences in AA have taught me that. Thanks to all of you for reminding me.
Member: steve troubled
Location: s.l.,n.y.
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 5:56:19 PM
Hi, Steve alcoholic. I think I just did a dry drunk. I go to an out petient rehab
Hi Steve alcoholic. I think ijust did a dry drunk, I go to an out patient rehab I have been in rehab for 1 year. I am doing great accordind to the rehab, my probation oficer, and my family coucelor. I need to get my licence back now to get a job where i worked before, I was told to sit down with the rehab director, but my wife says to go to a higher court and start things over her way. I went back to my old way of yelling, and screaming that i want to do it my w ay and lesten to these other people so as not to start trouble and stay on the good side, now we are not talking and she does`nt want to be involved and won`t drive me where i have to go like probation and ect. This is the first time i felt like a drink but didn`t because i picked up the big book, and talked to someone my HIGER POWER, and it worked Did l do the right thing. Thanks for listening!
Member: steve troubled
Location: s.l.,n.y.
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 6:12:58 PM
Hi Steve alcoholic, I think i just did a dry drunk thing. I go to a rehab for 1 year and have 4 months to go, I spoke to my theropist today and he said to speak to the rehab director. I do very well in rehab, with probation and have excelent reports. I need my licence back to go to work but have to finish rehab. I want to speak to the director but my wife wants to blow this whole thing up and start with courts and other things.
i don`t want to rock the boat so i started screaming and yelling like i did befor. I felt like a drink but did`t i went to the big book and my HIGHER POWER and it work. Thanks for listening !!
Hi Steve alcoholic. I think ijust did a dry drunk, I go to an out patient rehab I have been in rehab for 1 year. I am doing great accordind to the rehab, my probation oficer, and my family coucelor. I need to get my licence back now to get a job where i worked before, I was told to sit down with the rehab director, but my wife says to go to a higher court and start things over her way. I went back to my old way of yelling, and screaming that i want to do it my w ay and lesten to these other people so as not to start trouble and stay on the good side, now we are not talking and she does`nt want to be involved and won`t drive me where i have to go like probation and ect. This is the first time i felt like a drink but didn`t because i picked up the big book, and talked to someone my HIGER POWER, and it worked Did l do the right thing. Thanks for listening!
Member: steve troubled
Location: s.l.,n.y.
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 6:16:07 PM
Hi Steve alcoholic, I think i just did a dry drunk thing. I go to a rehab for 1 year and have 4 months to go, I spoke to my theropist today and he said to speak to the rehab director. I do very well in rehab, with probation and have excelent reports. I need my licence back to go to work but have to finish rehab. I want to speak to the director but my wife wants to blow this whole thing up and start with courts and other things. I went to my HIGHER POWER and the big book and it worked. Thanks for listening !!!
i don`t want to rock the boat so i started screaming and yelling like i did befor. I felt like a drink but did`t i went to the big book and my HIGHER POWER and it work. Thanks for listening !!
Hi Steve alcoholic. I think ijust did a dry drunk, I go to an out patient rehab I have been in rehab for 1 year. I am doing great accordind to the rehab, my probation oficer, and my family coucelor. I need to get my licence back now to get a job where i worked before, I was told to sit down with the rehab director, but my wife says to go to a higher court and start things over her way. I went back to my old way of yelling, and screaming that i want to do it my w ay and lesten to these other people so as not to start trouble and stay on the good side, now we are not talking and she does`nt want to be involved and won`t drive me where i have to go like probation and ect. This is the first time i felt like a drink but didn`t because i picked up the big book, and talked to someone my HIGER POWER, and it worked Did l do the right thing. Thanks for listening!
Member: Ric L.
Location: Vallejo, Ca
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 6:43:03 PM
Hello...This is new for me, I am afraid and need help
Member: Dayle
Location:
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 6:50:43 PM
Hi. My name is Dayle and I'm am alcoholic. I have just discovered this meeting and am just so glad I found it. My first birthday is coming up soon and was doing really well until about a week ago & I think I've been on a dry drunk since, so this topic was right on and all the comments have been really helpful. I'm off to a meeting now, but wanted to say thanks to all who shared. I feel like I've hit a pot of gold with this site!
Member: steve
Location: s.l.,n.y.
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 6:59:38 PM
steve alcoholic sorry i messed up the comments
Member: Andrea S.
Location: West Palm Beach
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 8:10:34 PM
So I guess the subject is DRY DRUNK. Nope, Im not one of those, I seek the program, work the program and diligently search within to find the me that i once lost. No need to be a DD when all the tools of AA are right there just asking to be accepted. Love this new life. Have zest for the first time in years. Have passion for the breath that i breath. God loves me. Go after what you want and you will get it in full blessing and more. Nope, no need to be a dry drunk unless I am willing to give up my quest to be happy, joyous and free. And I'm not.
Member: Misha
Location: Dallas
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 8:50:28 PM
Bobbye E, good stuff. Sharing from Zion, whoever you are, you hit the nail on the head. Thanks.
Member: Claire H
Location: Pacific Northwest
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 9:20:37 PM
I'm Claire and I'm an addict. What a great forum and a wonderful topic. I'm relatively new and have just over 6 months clean. I am so pleased to find an on-line meeting/forum to come to whenever I feel the need. Sometimes getting out to a meeting is difficult, and I hope this works out as a great option for those times I can't get to a regular meeting. Thanks for being here!
Member: Diana H
Location: Phoenix, Az
Date: 10/5/2001
Time: 10:04:54 PM
I'm Diana and an alcholic. Dry drunk's. I go in and out of that type of mentality at the current point in my sobriety. As a matter of fact, my fiance and I were just talking about getting to a meeting because we're bot trying to avoid too much of that state. I was trying to find a meeting list and found this, so it's just like always, when you need something from God for your recovery, it's right there.
It's so easy to put off my recovery when things are comfortable. But I can be sure if I don't find another alcoholic or someone in recovery to talk to, I can plan on acting like a drunk. I don't even have to drink to do that.
I've been sober this time for 3 years. I had a 2 year relapse after almost 8 years last time. It was because of taking things forgranted and not taking care of my head and being open and honest about where my head was with others in the program.
I'm sure not perfect now. I need to go to more meetings and I need to speak with my sponsor now.
I don't want to let being a dry drunk turn me into a active drunk or addict.
I have to ACTIVELY do something to work with that drunk in my head. This was my solution for tonight, and tomorrow I've got to take it a step further and get out with other alcoholics and listen to what they have to say about recovery.
I need to focus on where I was, what happened and where I am now. The good things that have come of it. I don't need to sit and talk about how much of this or that I could do and whine about what's wrong now.
To get out of the down feelings that cause me to get to a dry drunk state, I need to tell myself.
Wow, you had yourself so down last time, you thought you'd never be able to pull out of that one. You thought you'd never have a life again. But look, my kids were gone for 1 year and 9 months. Now,they've been back 3 years and I have everything almost back.
I stillhave legal stuff I'm paying off and some wreckage to live down, but it's coming together little by little.
That's what I need to focus on when I'm getting neurotic and my heads getting unscrewed.
Good luck to all of you, God bless you and me and the USA. Our troubles are small in comparison to many who have been through so much recently.
This has been very helpful and I'm glad to see this exists. Thank you all for your comments.
Diana from Phoenix
Member: To ANNE B. in MIDWEST
Location: Dallas
Date: 10/6/2001
Time: 12:34:52 AM
Hi, I'm Chris and I'm an alcoholic. I DO NOT LIKE crosstalk, but I have to say to ANNE B. in the MIDWEST, I think if you were to call intergroup or call a local AA club there would be someone there willing to watch your kid while you went to a meeting. I know if I knew someone that couldn't find a babysitter so that they could go to a meeting, I would volunteer. I would consider it 12 step work to help you. I wish you lived in Dallas. My screen name on AOL is "skaliwagg" Let me know how it's going. Take care, and if you put your program first you will be amazed before you are halfway through. Thousands of us can attest to that.
Member: James B
Location: Florida
Date: 10/6/2001
Time: 2:10:28 AM
Sobriety and a new "nic" name hit me at about the same time. My name is Jim, and there is no question that I am an "IC" of the lowest order.This is my first time into this meeting, so I am once again a new comer. Many one days ago I stimbled into this program, in Millington, Tenn.. A wonderful old fogie who has long since passed away, immediately took me under his wings and started to teach me some things about AA. The first was, if you want to stop drinking...you have my permission. Second; drinking is only a small part of alcoholism, a very small part. The first step says: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable; the punctuation mark - was selected for a specific reason, won't bore you with the details, but at this point, where the dash is, is the point where this program becomes a life maintenance program. No longer do we have alcohol to blame for our shortcomings, here we begin to see our life as it is/was and make a path to a new and different one. Third; making a path does not stop with taking steps, the direction those steps go are the path spoken about in the first sentence of the fifth chapter: "Rarely have we sen a person fail who has followed our path,..." Fourth; There are no slips in AA, we are all only one drink away from a drunk, some plan to have a drunk, some get drunk to have a plan. Fifth; dry and drunk do not belong in the same sentence; Dry is the way I drank martinis, Drunk is the results of drinking the martinis. To have a dry drunk implies that I have had a dry martini and gotten drunk. We are powerless over alcohol,(the martini,or whatever your choice was), even when the actor in us only imagines its existance. Sixth; Sanity is what the eleven and one half steps are about, never again be fooled into believing that anything you think is true is. I am insane, or as Chuck C. once said, a "tongue chewing, babbling idiot drunk." I cannot rely on anything I think. I have had periods during my sobriety that I would like to call dry drunks, however they were simply periods when I allowed myself to believe that I knew the right thing to do, or say, or think, or feel. The time will come for each of us when recognition will set in, the games we play will become clear and we have to shut up and let clearer heads prevail. The only clear head I know is my higher power that I love to call God. Which brings this very long comment to Don from La.. Here is what to expect from a higher power: exactly what he wants for you, know what that is? me either. Developing the oath to sobriety is only implied in the big book, but to walk in their steps you must find your own direction. GOOD starting points: Sponsors, Twelve and Twelve, Meetings, service, Give away what you have, no matter how little you think that is, we are insane, deluded, actors that must find the roll that we were assigned, by the wisest of all directors...GOD, may you find him now. Thanks for the time, I have a passion for your sobriety: sanity. Great love to you all
Member: scottb
Location: indiana
Date: 10/6/2001
Time: 2:33:43 PM
imealyinmyrecoveryyetsoadrydrunkisafirststeptodrinkingicantdothatitwouldbeaquicktrip
backtothehellthatdrinkingbringsme.formeijusthavetoconcentrateonwhatsgoodformeand
myprogram.iwillfindameetingordosomethingtogetmeinthenextmintilligetanhourthenreflec
tbackthatthelastsoberhourwasbetterevenwiththecravingthanifiweredrunkandblackingout.
ithankthetablesforthierstrengththeygiveandthepeoplewhovisitthemformeitstruelywherei
getmypowertoovercomethisdiseasethatihave.
Member: Les M.
Location: San Diego
Date: 10/6/2001
Time: 4:16:42 PM
I've just discovered this and the Twelve x Twelve Meeting. What a wonderful idea. Thanks to all those who make it possible and keep things moving,and to the contributors.
At any rate I.m not quite sure what is meant by the term "dry drunk", but as usual, lack of knowledge is not going to hinder me in voicing my opinion. So, there are times when I really need a drink, there are times when I do remember the good times I had early in my drinking career, there are times when having nothing to worry about but where that next drink is comming from looks perferable to facing lifes' real problems sober.
Occasionally, I loose contact with my Higher Power and things become bleak. At times, I've lost control, while sober, and ended up having to make amends, which I hate to do, at least before I make the amends, afterwards I always feel elated, full of self-confidence, proud of myself. There are times when I'm terrified, angry, envious, stingy, of suffer from all the other short comings I have. Is this being on a "dry drunk" or just another sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous displaying the fact that I'Les M.m human?
Love all of you, and thank all of you so much for sharing. Don't forget to carry the bum.
My wife, the alanon, just walked in, read the topic and told me that a "dry drunk" is someone who quites drinking, but does'nt take the steps. Oh well.
Member: Bill C.
Location:
Date: 10/6/2001
Time: 4:46:42 PM
Hello, my first post. Glad to be here. My name is Bill C. and my sobriety date is 9/6/79. I have spent the past hour reading this thread from beginning to end. Some great things have been shared about dry drunk. {First let me say, that no matter what anyone says, dry is better than drinking. It is very difficult to work a spiritual program while drinking. In my personal experience before I sobered up and all of the "news from the front" in the drug and alcohol war is not good. At least that is what people who are picking up desire chips again are reporting as I listen in meetings.}
I was however, somewhat disconcerted that no one commented on what the Big Book and the 12 x 12 have to say on the subject of Alcoholism.
I learned early on that there is a big difference between "dry" and "sober". The BB says that alcohol was but a symptom, now we had to get down to causes and conditions. Drinking or not (dry), I am like the BB says: I am like the actor who wants to run the whole show, wants to arrange the lights, the ballet and the scenery in his own way. If only his arrangements would stay put, everybody including himself will be pleased." That is me when I don't do the things I need to do to take care of myself: Go to meetings, read the BB, call my sponsor, talk about what is going on in my life.
In addition, the 12 x 12 on pages 36 and 37 are pretty clear to me about how my behavior is if I am just not drinking: Oh, yes, respecting alcohol, I have to be dependent upon AA but in all other matters I must still maintain my indepence... See, that is what almost killed me. Surrender. Allowing other people to tell me how to live my life. That is where I bowed up for years. I did not want to hear what they had to say. Unless and until, I could let someone (my sponsor) know everything about me and then allow him carte blanche regarding my (insane, dishonest) thinking, I was going to continue to behave in very "insane" ways.
Initially, I was like the 12 x 12 says in tradition 5 My sponsor sold me on one thing and that was sobriety. At the time, I couldn't have bought anything else.
Webster defines Sober as soundness of mind. Now that is not something I can always claim for myself. I have an obligation nonetheless, to strive for that with the help of the people who love me and help me stay sober.
Member: Tarita M.
Location: Utica, NY
Date: 10/6/2001
Time: 10:19:08 PM
Hi Group,
My name is Tarita and I'm an alcoholic. Great topics. To me a "Dry Drunk" is simply living life without the use of alcohol or drugs and with the same old attitudes and behaviors that we possessed when we were active in our addictions. I've been in the program a little over a yr. and in that time it was brought to my attention that The 12 Steps also had Principles that are associated with each one. 1. Honesty 7. Humility 2. Hope 8. Brotherly Love 3. Faith 9. Self-Discipline 4. Courage 10. Perserverance 5. Integrity 11. Awareness of God 6. Willingness 12. Service If I am practicing these principles in all my affairs both, in and out of the rooms, then change is inevitable and I'm not in that "Dry Drunk" mode. Remember, "We can't think our way into sober living, we have to live our way into sober thinking" and that comes through Faith that goes along with Step 3. Making the decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, we should want to know if the old us is pleasing to HIM. I don't think so! We were self-centered, full of false pride, carried resentments, dishonest, had E.G.O's which is Easing God Out. All these things have to be replaced if we are practicing the program to the best of our abilities and we will know peace. Now, I know that doing things my way is what got me here in the first place and it was rough. Today, there is a God in my life and he won't put me through any more than I can handle, with him. That means I have to make the intial effort to do my part and He'll handle the rest. Another thing I do is look at my past and examine my Now, my Now is a helluva lot better with God steering my ship. Thanks for letting me Share.
Tarita M.
Member: mary k
Location: geauga county
Date: 10/6/2001
Time: 10:19:20 PM
mary here please work with me here, this is the first time i have ever touched a keyboard.
also forgive my spelling.
a dry drunk is a person that has cleared their body of their drug of choice but have done nothing else. they do nothing to change their life in any other way. needless to say they are then are " sober " but very resentful and/or angry. they don"t do anything to change their behavior or lifestyle. say this person used to drink at home every night in front of the tv faithfuly watching re-runs of dobie gillis now sits in front of the tv trying to figure how maynard became stranded on an island without "the dob" or his bongo drums. a dry drunk doesn"t do a "searching and fearless moral inventory". a dry drunks life or relationships don't change in any way because he does nothing to change him or herself.
it is shame really because the dry drunk will never experience the exotic relief of serenity. the dry drunk doesn't have the courage or desire to "change the things he can". the really sad part is that he really feels that he has made a change in his life.
Member: Noel
Location: California
Date: 10/6/2001
Time: 11:22:56 PM
Hi my name is Noel and I am an alcoholic/addict/bulimic.
Ric L: I’m new to this and afraid too. Hang in there; don’t quit.
Mike M: I think that most addicts will substitute given the chance. It seems to ease the transition, but probably only prolongs it. While it is better to limit a substitute drug or be a dry drunk instead of a wet one, my understanding is that all drugs in excess are bad and most addicts should never take any, even if prescribed. I can abuse nearly anything including exercise, food, caffeine, TV and physical pain. I try not to fool myself into thinking that I am sober just because I only have one drink or don’t drink alcohol but anesthetize myself with TV or excessive exercise so that I can fall asleep. A dry drunk is not sober. An addict is not sober until he or she gives up alcohol, narcotics, caffeine, nicotine or any other substance that he or she abuses in order to avoid pain – even if that pain is merely boredom.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. Thank you for listening.
Member: Sarah B.
Location:
Date: 10/6/2001
Time: 11:32:53 PM
Hi Everybody, I can't place it right now, but I think that somewhere in the literature is the phrase "Emotional Dry Bender". So in addition to all the good comments above, I think for me a dry drunk occurs when I am under the control of my emotions like I used to be under the control of alcohol; Like yesterday when I was so angry I could not see straight let alone get anything useful done all day. And afterwards I felt a little sick and weak kind of like an emotional hangover.
I have to use these tools for these states just like I used them to stop drinking--so I went to two meetings in the last 2 days, one online one F2F, prayed, reviwed my inventory on the issues, recalle dmy sponsor's suggestions, practiced kindness and tolerance towards the person I was angry at--and today I feel better. It took awhile, but not as long as a physical hangover used to take to get over..... Grateful to the program that I can use these tools so dry drunk doesn't turn into a wet one.
Member: Mary Louise
Location: Lafayette
Date: 10/6/2001
Time: 11:37:28 PM
I love it....the comment from the Alanoner..."someone who stops drinking but doesn't take the steps." How much more simple can it be stated? I have a million thoughts about what a 'dry drunk' is, but I learned early in recovery to Keep It Simple. Thank you for such a wonderfully simple definition!
Member: Barry L
Location: PA
Date: 10/7/2001
Time: 12:40:53 AM
Hi I'm Barry and I'm an alcoholic,
I do not understand the term "DRY DRUNK" when applied to someone working the program?
I'd like to thank dk for the definition of Drunk and the english lesson. I can not be DRUNK in any way, shape, or form unless I put ALCOHOL into my body!
When I used to quit drinking on my own, sometimes for months or years, I was not a Dry Drunk, I was Sober. However I never did anything to change the root causes of why I drank (my alcoholism), so I was therefore doomed to return to a drink.
Upon seizing The AA Program after my last drunk. I applied and continue to apply the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions to my life. I have had a Spiritual Experience defined in the Big Book pp. 183 as "personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism" This is the state I call SOBRIETY, and it is a state I must work to maintain.
I have days when I can be an asshole, or when I get depressed, or when I am intolerant, etc. etc. these are all part of life sober or drunk. If I get drunk, all of these defects are magnified 10 or 20 fold.
I was taught the program is a buffet dinner, I can take one step up to the table and just have a cheese sandwich, or I can take all the steps to the end of the table, and have salad, roast beef, lobster, caviar,etc. I choose the later, some only choose the first, but as long as neither of us drink any alcohol with dinner, WE ARE BOTH SOBER.
Thanks
Member: Kent H.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 10/7/2001
Time: 3:24:45 AM
Best one-liner I've heard at a meeting in a long time:
"Sometimes I mistake my blessings for my entitlements."
Gratefully Yours, Kent
Member: Paul R.
Location: Kirkland, WA
Date: 10/7/2001
Time: 4:55:59 AM
After my first trip though the steps, I was living the good life. The Big Book promised me that if I did the steps and relied on a Higher Power, I would recover from alcohol. However, I found out that I had to keep doing Steps 10, 11, and 12 to keep growing. Maintaining was standing still. If I was growing, I was moving away from my last drink. If I wasn't growing, but maintaining or slipping, it was toward my next drink. When I am not practicing the program, I lose my conscious contact with God. Then I start the "drinking thinking" or interjecting my self will. Back come my character defects and I turn into a raving, non-drinking alcoholic.
My solution has been to keep up with the program through Steps 10, 11, and 12. Simply put, they tell us to clean house, trust God, and help others. When I am doing that, my will is God's Will.
Thanks for the great topic.