Member: J.L.<>scared
Location: Newark
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 01:06:13

Comments

Hi my names John Alkie /Addict And i'd like to talk about dealing with life on it's terms,,being i have no control over it . i'm scared and really confussed and I need input on how you all handle Life sober some times ,,GOOD or BAD !!!!!!! thanks


Member: Bob P.
Location: Poway,CA
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 01:17:45

Comments

Hi there fellow sobriety seekers. /been sober some months now, but am getting sidetracked by workaholic tendencies currently. My sponsor is helping me stay on track with my reading, and he will lead me through the steps soon. I love this program. So may helpful folks! And the meetings are a real eye opener for me. I told my beautiful bride that I need my meetings like some folks need church- to stay on track. I drink tons of water and sodas. My boss, who has decades of "one day at a time"s carries around a cooler full of sodas and gatorades-so we don't get to thirsty on the jobsite. I have adopted this habit lately.


Member: Todd P
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 01:53:39

Comments

Todd, Alcoholic here. Thanks for the topic John. I have been around for a few 24 hours now and sometimes still have a problem with life on lifes terms. It has been one hell of a journey so far. Some times when things seem to be going great, life jumps up and bites you right on the ass. Those are the times When i need the program the most. I have learned over my life that no mater what my problems are, they are never so big that a drink wont make them worse. These are the times when I have to hit my knees and ask for help. I also have to do the hardest thing of all. I have to reach out to others in the program and keep trudging. I have learned that as long as I keep doing the next right thing, when I come out the other side, I will be stronger. Thanks again for the topic and keep coming back.


Member: Navyjoe
Location: Mountain View & Sunnyvale
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 04:04:55

Comments

J.L.. The program has many slogans. When I first got clean and sober. The fellowship had these sayings on the wall, all in order. LIVE AND LET LIVE, EASY DOES IT, BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD, THINK...THINK...THINK. FIRST THINGS FIRST. If you take the first words from each one, the sentence would be this my friend. LIVE EASY BUT THINK FIRST. That is what I try and do on a daily basis. Don't react but act upon life and anything that comes your way. I did not know how to live before the program. Today I would not trade my worst day sober for my best day drunk. Life just is what it is....LIFE. AA taught me alot. This is how I sum up the words LIFE AND LOVE. Life is Love Interacting Feelings & Emotions. and LOVE is Life Overreacting Various Emotions. Both of these words go hand and hand for me. AA taught me how to love, care, and be concerned about me first. When I learned how to do that is when I could give it back to someone else. I also learned that my name is Navyjoe, I am a child of GOD, and I have a right to be here. I am powerless over people places, and things. I turn it over to GOD. I Ask for his help and try and do his will and not mine. GOD will not give me anything that I cannot handle. He did not get me this far to drop me on my head. I believe that GOD has a mission for all of us, like the blues brothers movie. I am on a mission from GOD. Sometimes all I can do is suit up and show up for life at times. This too shall pass. The 20th of September, tomorrow, I will be celebrating 14 Years clean and sober, only by the grace of GOD, One Day At A Time. No matter what happens in my life....If I have 10 problems and pick up...I still have 10 problems. Drinking is not an option for me today. I know that there will always be light at the end of the tunnel. I pray that I will never leave 5 Minutes before the Miracle. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Michelle G.
Location: Seattle-till tomorrow then homeword bound
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 05:10:38

Comments

Navyjoe, Happy Birthday. It is wonderful to here from some clean and sober time. 24 hrs. at at time. congrates

john, I have experienced scared and usually come out on the other side with a lesson. Fear is not letting love in, sort of. What you fear is what if's; at least for me. What if's can really eat at you and then the dis ease of this creaps in to set up the stage for relapse. I realize that when my emotions are running I am not in control. I have taken over the wheel of my life and told God to move over. E-motion; energy in motion, I agree to the one's before me that meetings help grately.


Member: gwen d
Location: plains of colorado
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 05:21:46

Comments

when i have problems dealing with life on life's terms and i take a closer look, usually it involves self centered fear. you know...afraid that i am not going to get something i want or am going to lose something i already have. really don't like looking at my feelings and then the causes and conditions that lead to them and my behaviors, but have found that when i hurt bad enough then i become willing. keep thinking i won't have to do this anymore, but then my HP gives me the opportunity to grow some more. my sobriety date is 10-15-84. time has passed very quickly and very slowly. if i don't take the first drink my problems with life are taken care of, sometimes by practicing the program's 12 steps and sometimes just by being patient. if you don't have a sponsor, please get one. just having one person know everything about me and still care for me made it worth the effort to try what was suggested. not only did i end up with a sponsor but a very dear friend that i can still tell everything to.

am working nights this month so will be able to read this site daily. am grateful you are here because my f2f meetings are hard to make on this shift.

GD340@hotmail.com


Member: Mae M.
Location: New York
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 06:56:15

Comments

Hi! My name is mae and I am an alcoholic, I deal with life on life's terms "one day at a time' for 32 years... It works if you work it... Make 90 meetings in 90 days if you can't make as many as you can, plenty of phone #'s and use them the nights you can't make meetings. Or even come in here..Just keep coming and don't pick up.. Hang in there, I will pray for you.. Have to go to work now, luv you all....


Member: Eileen H
Location: New York
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 06:59:51

Comments

Hello everyone!! I am an alcoholic. My name is Eileen. John in Newark . . . thank you for the subject . . . and Navyjoe!! Thank you so much for your input. That was so very inspirational I printed it out for future reference. Congratulations on your Anniversary, too!

Michelle G., good idea to mention a sponsor. At times we're just too close to our own problems . . . it's good to bounce them off someone else for input.

The day I finally realized that I was an alcoholic . . . and not just a heavy drinker, binge drinker, out-of-control drinker, or whatever else you want to play with to call an alcoholic . . . and surrendered that the only way to stop this merry-go-round was to go back to AA was the best day of my life.

Day-to-day living IS life. With a body full of drugs or alcohol or both . . . you're not living . . . you're just existing. And surely, you can't deal with life in THAT condition.

John, there is nothing that could possibly happen in our lives that taking a drink/drug would correct or make better. Just picture the scenario: "Eileen, you have cancer. You're going to live 6 months. Better get drunk every day, honey, that'll make you cured". Or, how's this scenario: "Eileen, you son just got hit by a car and died. Better go get drunk, that'll bring him back to life." Or, another scenario: "Eileen, your apartment just burned down. You've lost everything. Better go get high that'll fix it all."

They only thing I can think of to deal with LIFE on LIFE'S terms is through the 3 "P"s . . . People, Program and Prayer . . . the Serenity Prayer.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Christa
Location: USA
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 07:16:22

Comments

John,

I think it helps learning how to get our priorities straight. What is important to us and what isn't. Then concentrate on the important things. I went to a seminar aboput "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People". You can also buy the book, but that gets boring at times, I found. It's not only about being effective in your job, but in your life 24 hours a day.


Member: Tim S.
Location: Hollywood, Fl
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 12:23:07

Comments

How many times have I heard those slogans; "You are NOT alone" and "The root cause of my disease is SELF CENTERED FEAR" You would think that after 21years of sobriety, one would have a handle on this thing called "Life". That's the point. We're not suppose to! The Steps are a process by which we leave that responsibilty to God. "My best thinking got me here in the first place". The other point is that when I pray, pay attention to what I am asking for because God always answers. For instance; If I ask for Patience and Tolerance, I always seem to be confronted by Impatient and Intolerant people to practice on. Better to add; and the power to carry that out. (11 Step) "This too, shall pass". It always does. Thankyou for letting me share.


Member: Geri W
Location: Va
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 12:33:51

Comments

Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. Hi folks.

Isn't it amazing that one would think that one could live life any other way? Once I realized I was powerless over alcoholic and that my life had become unamanagable, the rest was simple. I admit it was tough to admit I needed to restored to sanity - but it was true. So now I have a new Director of the show and I concentrate on doing what is put in front of me. I ask for direction and guidence every morning and throughout the day. I have found that the teacher appears when I am ready. I just have to remember to be open, honest and willingly. And for me, that is a full time job. I finally figured out that what others do is not my business. It is how I react to their actions that counts. My Higher Power, whom I choose to believe is God takes care of me. I am blessed with His Grace and love and I will be led through whatever is put in from of me. Life is what happens while we are waiting for the "big" stuff. No more waiting for me. It's the here and now that counts.

All have a great, sober 23.


Member: aimee b
Location: denver
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 13:29:01

Comments

john,i know how you're feeling .i'm lost,lonely and very scared. i have only 4 days and feel like i'm in a fog. in the past 3 days i've been to 7 meetings looking for the revelation,i've got the "Book" and so many phone #'s i don't who to call first, and i don't know where to begin when i do. so anyone out there if you have hope to share with me, plese do! alkie & druggie in denver.


Member: Rick S.
Location: B.C. NV
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 14:59:18

Comments

My name is Rick and I am still an alcoholic. The steps of AA are in order for a reason...when you first get sober you have to get honest with yourself that you are powerless over alcohol - that your life has become unmanageable. Meaning you can not control the craving for alcohol. and your past decisions have sent your life into a tail spin. So now here you are not drinking...and your present decisions are still not bringing your life out of the dive. So you have no choice but to Believe in a power greater than yourself to help you with these decisions. If you can do this now you must Turn your Life and Will over to the care of God (power greater than you) as you understand him. Now during any time of the first 3 steps you are not completely honest with YOU your life will continue the dive. For me I look at it like this...My life was a mess because I asked God to get me out of trouble AFTER the shit hit the fan, now I ask him for advice BEFORE the shit hits the fan. Simple. Living life on lifes terms is just that...dealing with the terms as they are handed to you, not running from them or hiding in a bottle from them. To do this you need to ask God and people for help and advice. Then take the advice and suggestions from someone besides You. If you are new this will become more clear as your head clears up, trust the program and you will see. In closing...a very wise man once told me "the things you fear the most you will make happen." When you think back at some points in your life you will see your part in making this so. Thanks...Seee Yaaa !!!


Member: Lisa LC
Location: Ventura County, CA.
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 15:03:38

Comments

Hi, my name is Lisa LC and I am a alcoholic and a addict-

Welcome Aimee and John. You guys are in the right place. Being scared is okay. I was scared and so is everyone when comming into this program. Aimee, you are doing exactly what your supposed to be doing. Keep up with all the meetings, that's great! Read the Big Book at night before you retire and any other time you want to feel "Okay" about things if your feeling strangely between those meetings. Do not overwhelm yourself with worry. Just sit back and listen at your meetings and take what you understand in. It does seem so overwhelming at first and I can remember this feeling also. Don't have all these High Expectations either. Just live in the MOMENT and not to worry about the next minute, day or week and so on. This makes it easier and I was taught this early one. I am not like this "OLD TIMER" and really don't have a whole lot of time. But, I have been around AA since 1991 and eventually, you will understand more in "God's" time, not your time like I have had to experience. It truely is a wonderful program. Learning how to cope and "Live life on life's terms" is amazing. Anything that come's our way, we know that God, AA and the fellowship of AA will help us through and we Will eventually get to the other side of that dark tunnel that we may be in. The other side is Light and Bright and allows us to see that AA really does work if we allow it to. Just keep an Open Mind and remember that you NEVER have to go through anything, problem, feeling alone! And also that remembering that there is ALWAYS someone out there in a worse place then us, (ME) and we can help them too. It makes us feel better and we gain strength by giving back what has been so freely given to us. Reach out at the meetings and listen to women share and if there is someone sharing on what feels so close to how you are feeling, go and ask that woman to sponser you. This way you don't have to go crazy with all the #'s. Use those #'s if you cannot reach your sponsor in a time of need. I hope I have not confused you more, Aimee. Please stick around and feel the MIRACLE of AA in side you. You Will eventually understand what is being said in the meetings in time. Thanks for allowing me to share and I'll talk to you when you would like. Lisa LC / LCRMOMX3@cs.com


Member: Shelly W
Location: Arkansas
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 15:23:14

Comments

Hello I am Shelly a very grateful alchololic. Living life on life's terms. Great topic. My first time here also. I have been sober over 20 years now and still have difficulty doing this but I do it because I am convinced that I will drink if I don't. For many years during my drinking escapades, I spent most of my time pissing away my life by running to and through the bottle. It was much easier to deal with life by just not dealing with it and getting drunk instead.

Then I did this strange thing called getting sober and working the program of AA. I say strange because it was out of the norm for me not to drink away my problems. In sobriety I have learned that to deal with life on it's terms means to live it. Not piss it away as I did in the past. While I regret some of things I missed through my drinking, I also am very grateful for all that I have experienced since this wonderful thing called sobriety came into my life.

What I mean by living life is just that. I do what I have to do to move forward regardless of what I perceive is ahead of me or behind me. It's what is in front of me now that matters most. On those occassions when I don't move it is due to self serving fear (what will I lose?, what won't I get?, what will people think of me?, etc). This kind of fear is something I can't afford to let drive me anymore. Many times it has been a very painful road for me, but more often than not, it has worked out okay in the end.

So, John (J.L.) and aimee b, keep pushing forward regarless of your fears. Once you are finally in it (life that is) the fear seems to just go away. But if you choose to live in the fear you will surely miss out on all that this wonderful God given adventure has to offer. Go to meetings and talk about your fears and concerns and get a sponsor that will listen and provide some good support. Remember that life keeps moving forward with or without us and when we live in paralyzing fear it passes us by. It is so much better if we choose to participate in life rather than just exist in it. After all that is why God blessed us with this wonderful thing called sobriety. Hang in there and trust that it will truly get better.

This is a great site. Thank you for letting me share with all of you.


Member: ROB R.
Location: B.C. CANADA
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 15:36:20

Comments

HI ROB RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC: Ive had a hard time with life on lifes terms the last while.after many bad past relationships with practising alchoholics,and a few yearsin this wonderfull program,I finnally met a great woman who is clean and sober.The problem is she wont go to those mtgs.As a result her comunication skills are poor.going to mtgs. has taught me to be open and honest with people,but it takes two to comunicate.very frustrating to say the least.I can't read her mind and she keeps everything inward untill ready to throw it all at me at once.(been there and done that).I guess the problem is for me to deal with life on lifes terms,I have to stay in today.what was said a week ago or a month ago is hard to deal with today.(GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY)and.thy will not mine be done.THANKS to all of you I have a way to voice what I feel today without fear of being judged for it.The good news is as of Nov.and the good lord willing I will be celibrating 7 years clean and sober.PROOF that if I live one day at a time it works...any one like to share your experience,strength,and hope? e.mail me at rrichard@bc.sympatico.ca


Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 16:54:16

Comments

Fight FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) with FEAR (Face Everything And Recover) Living life on life's terms is the hardest part of staying sober. Putting the plug in the jug's the easy part, the rest needs lots of hard work, patience, and tolerance ( and meetings, a programme, a sponsor...) Many of us exclaimed, "What an order - I can't go through with it"... I love one of the slogans which the al-anons use, which is 'HOW IMPORTANT IS IT?' Is the problem REALLY a big mountain, or is it merely a molehill?? BUT, it is NOT the lions which get ME - NO SIR, It is the little fluffy bunnies which get me!!! Give me a REAL problem, something to get my teeth into, like how to solve the problems of the universe, and I can cope with all of that, the job delegation, the overseeing of events, etc. etc.... BUT, let me put my fingernail through my tights, just when I am ready to walk out the door, and OH SHIT!!!!! GIMME A DRINK!!! SPONSOR>>>>HELP!!!! Sound stupid?? You better beieve it, the little things like that are the big problems in my life, you know the teeny-weeny stupid little things which are 'not worth sharing about' In the fullness of time, they will ALL band together to give me a bloody bad time. SHARE IT, no matter how trivial it may seem, don't undermine your feelings, tell it like it is, either to someone on the phone, in a meeting, after a meeting, by e-mail (my address is below) ANY WAY you can - SHARE IT!!! That is hoe I live with Life on Life's terms. It really is true that A Problem Shared Is A Problem Halved.

Good Subject, JL, stick with the winners, you too, AIMEE, Keep on keeping on, and feel free to e-mail anyone who posts their address here.

Goodie@cwcom.net

ICQ 47039989


Member: Karen F
Location: Cuba N.Y.
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 17:39:54

Comments

I hate my life!!!! Every time I try to stop drinking I end up having a 3 day bender. I last about 2 weeks, that is the extent of it. My life has really been stressful lately ( 6 months) and I find I drink every day. I have gained a lot of weight, 15 lbs, and feel awefull about myself. I know to some of you that sounds shallow but I was an extemely attractive woman before the weight. I am so depressed I can't stop drinking I am in this stupid cycle of I drink to forget then forget it and drink. I tried a couple of meetings.....Hardest thing I ever did I must say. They were not for me. I found this site and can relate to a lot of you. I am a female and I am looking for some female support of some of you who have made it. I am also married with children. If you feel you can help me give your E-mail so I can respond to you personally. This is a last ditch effort for me. I want to feel that sense of life that you all talk about so often. Thanx for your time. Love Karen


Member: Jen P.
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 18:58:43

Comments

Jen here, alcoholic and grateful. So many good things have been said that I could just say "ditto".It took me 20 years to "take " step one, but I am so glad I did. Today, I deal with life on life's terms in many of the ways listed above, especially prayer and listening to God talk through others in the program. It is such a relief to know that I don't know everything. Someone has been through eveything I am going through, all without drinking. I let them tell me how and take their suggestions. It has worked so far for five years, and I have been through plenty of hard things in sobriety. There is never a reason for me to take a drink. I love my life today. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Pattw/2tees
Location: Oregon
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 20:14:42

Comments

Hi, everyone, Pattw/2tees very alcoholic here. JL, Aimee, and Karen, fear is the basis of my alcoholism and when it rears its very ugly head and runs rampant, so do I, Forgetting Everything is All Right. Life keeps on happening, and I have to stay in the moment because that's where my God is--not in the past or the future, but here, right now. Sometimes that's very difficult, but it's necessary for me.

This morning I felt myself beginning to slide toward the black place of depression which hasn't happened to me in quite some time. There was apparently no external reason for it, but some things were going on in my head that were unacceptable. I can't afford to let the Board of Misdirectors in my head run the show. Was getting really squirrelly and they proceeded to tell me that I didn't want/have to go to my Sunday Big Book meeting. Scared the daylights out of me. You can believe that I got there in record time, saying the Serenity Prayer the whole say, sat myself down, and we were on Chapter 3, "More About Alcoholism." Huh. I, too, have been sober for a few 24 hours, and I know that in addition to its being "cunning, baffling, and powerful," my alcoholism is PATIENT, waiting for me to succumb to the siren song of, "Oh, life is just so difficult, things aren't going my way, and it would be such a nice thing to sit and casually sip a nice vodka martini." I never sipped anything in my life--I guzzled. And A martini was never enough, just as 15 wasn't enough. So I get myself to a meeting when I get "whelmed", talk with at least one other member of AA in addition to my sponsor.

As was mentioned above, LIFE is what we are supposed to learn to deal with, and with that blessing of life, we also get to enjoy it. Came home from my meeting a changed woman (for which my husband was certainly grateful). Got my balance back for now, anyhoo.

Hang in there, folks, we have this beautiful Broad Highway to walk on the way to Serenity. Thanks for letting me share. Room Hug (whoever started that, thanks!!), Patt


Member: johns
Location: tampa
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 20:48:37

Comments

JL,Aimee, and Karen and others Welcome. come on in, have a seat and we can talk. John here grateful recovering alkie. Thank God for AA and this site and the people involved. Life on life's terms--great topic. When I finally decided "enuf is enuf" about five years ago, I got back to the rooms of AA aftera fifteen year absence (AWOL?). Ihad wasted all that time waiting for the program to do its magic and cure me. Now I realize Igotta do the work and the program will, too, and help me to deal with life on life's terms--not mine. Welcome to all, and thanks for letting me share. P.S. To NavyJoe-for me, if I have 10 problems and pickup, I immediately have at least 11 problems. I did understand what you meant though- the problems don't go away.


Member: ElJay
Location: Seattle
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 21:30:26

Comments

ElJay, here - grateful recovering alcoholic/addict. Life on life's terms...whoa! I've been around this program "trudging the road of happy destiny" for a few twenty-four hours, but life still manages to cause me confusion. Mostly in my relationships with other people - why can't they just do it my way??? I guess that I've really come to the conclusion that I really am the source of all my problems and it is my "habits of thinking" that cause me trouble. Today, thanks to you folks and my higher power, my compulsion to drink and drug has diminished so I not so much plagued with the discomfort and fears that accompany early recovery. However, after syicking around for a while, I've learned that addiction is not the worst of my problems. You see, it's not my drug and alcohol habits that cause me so much pain - it's my thinking habits. When things get really awful, I have to take the Second Step and accept that I can't figure my way out of a paper bag - let alone the trials of life - without God's help. When I turn it over to God, I return to a place of balance, equanimity, and peace (or acceptance, at least). We have a saying, "PAIN IS INEVITABLE, BUT SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL." Go ahead and feel it, then give it to God. He never gives us anything that we can't handle.


Member: Bonnie Z.
Location: PA, USA
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 21:34:31

Comments

Bonnie, here, alcoholic. "Life on life's terms"? Boy, oh boy, did I have trouble with that one. I was told over and over, "read 449"(grrrrrrrrrrr, you know the page). After getting lots of advice, and sometimes only taking the one, "just don't drink one day at a time" I began to take more of the advice. I actually began to UNDERSTAND it. One of the most important things I learned about acceptance was, I can accept it, but I don't have to like it.

Joe, I have to disagree with you :) . If I have 10 problems and I drink over them, I at least have one more problem: I drank. Then, most likely, that 11th problem brought me 10 new ones. But Joe's point folks: the problems don't go away when you drink. Thanks Joe.

I have been through a great deal in recovery. Divorce, death of a parent(and friends-in recovery and in their addiction), loss of work, moving, you name it. Did I drink-NO! Did I want to?-NO! My attitudes needed a lot of work, however. They're getting better every day, and ALL OF YOU help me to do that. Thanks for being here-and please, keep coming back and NEVER GIVE UP!!!! Love you all.


Member: Norm  f
Location: Maine
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 22:15:41

Comments

Norm alcaholic when I was first sober I had to baby sit my son and was afraid to do it alone u see i had just got out of a mental insitution because of bose met my sponsor at a meeting ask him and some of his friends to come for coffee after meeting i couldnot tell him i was scared to be alone with my son so they came over before my sponsor left he told me to read step TWO and for the first time in sobriety i felt some real peace sobriety has had its ups and downs but it has been very profitable i am so greatful for all you guys you loved me when i couldnot love myself life is good most of the time today. thank you luv norm. one day at a time


Member: June P
Location: Colorado
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 23:06:39

Comments

Many times I was told early on Fear knocked, faith answered. That if I was afraid, to get up and identify the fear. What it was I was afraid of, once it was identified I no longer was then afraid. It worked Now I look to see what and where it comes from and if or if not I am over-reacting as in olden days of drunkeness. Happy Sobriety Birthday, It works.


Member: Ben F
Location: Oregon
Date: 19 Sep 1999
Time: 23:20:47

Comments

Hey, Ben drunk doper. Life deals you some pretty screwd up stuff. It took me a while to realize that it did the whole time. I spent so much time wasted I didn't know life was always a pain in the butt. I had some stuff happen recently that really sucked. I was telling my sponser about it all and he said "That's the thing about sobriety, you have to feel all this stuff." The thing that helped though, was talking to my sponser and getting it all off my chest. If it wasn't for him I never would have made it this far(70 days) and I'm gonna need him and everybody else in the program to keep me on the right track. Things seem to get a little easier everyday, but everything still sucks on occasion. Thanks


Member: JCP ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 00:22:15

Comments

J here, a grateful alcoholic: For me, "life on life's terms" has not been an A.A. expression -- not one out of the Big Book. I thought it came into A.A. discussions via rehabs -- I have met people in A.A. whom my employer sent to rehabs, but for seven years I had covered my daily alcoholism (the expression was "covered my ass") so assiduously that I was afraid to ask for a rehab. I don't have any problem with what's been said. Rick S. gathered it together: "Living life on life's terms is just that. . .dealing with the terms as they are handed to you, not running from them or hiding in a bottle from them. To do this you need to ask God and people for help and advice."

And Eileen H. was succinct. "The only thing I can think of to deal with LIFE on LIFE'S terms is through the 3 'P's . . . People, Program and Prayer . . . the Serenity Prayer.'"

I think we are really talking about Higher Power categories, but I also was slow to come around on that, until my lingering hang-ups were just overwhelmed. Suddenly after generations of alcoholism in my family in several cities there was none. Some of us died of it and some came to A.A. and younger ones (knock on wood?) seem to have lacked the bad examples to get them started.

Even if I could have understood what "Higher Power" meant, I could not have asked for more rewards. The worst thing in my life since then was not alcohol-related. In other words, we can't make it happen, but with a little more trust (speaking for myself at least) we may let it happen. I don't mean this to tell anybody anything, I'm still working with it.

dixyflier@usa.net


Member: James Lupp
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 00:28:54

Comments

Hi, James Alky.

Life is. I didn't know what life's terms were until I had them outlined for me, with the help of AA's twelve steps. The principles of the steps, traditions and concepts. That made for 36 principles to start with. They began with the honesty of step one. I looked at the mess I made. "I was a self-made man and look what I made!" First, I had to resign as General Manager of the Universe.

Things got alot simpler from that point. I'm just here to perform the roll as He asigns. I came into AA ill-equipped to deal with anything. Everything I knew had to undergo a change. Lack of power! That was my delemma. I had to find a power by which I could live. Step two provided me with a tiny bit of open-mindedness, and step three gave me the keys of willingness to make a start into some action from me.

Life did just fine without me while I was drunk. It could just do without me while I do the work from the Big Book with my sponsor. After all, I can't overhaul an engine while it's still running! I would look at those promises on pages 63 and 83. And pray that those things would happen(RIGHT NOW!) I don't recommend that prayer to anybody! OUCH!

AA also stands for attitude adjustment. So some say. Once my attitude started changing, life just looked alot different. It had to get different. If it stayed the same, I'd die drunk. Or worse, live the way I was living.

My sponsor told me I am on God's time, that in the first three steps my own life is none of my business. And if it were, that my business would stop at the end of my nose. That all that gets turned over to God.

The sharing here is just what the doctor ordered. God brought out the big guns this week! What a joy it is to read your posts and say "Me too!" Instead of what I used to say!

Thanks to all for 12 stepping me today. Have a great 24.

The snow started flying today, and the colors of fall are in swing. WOW, now there is some of life's terms! The seasons come no matter what! In the fellowship of the Spirit. anniel@ocinet.net James L.


Member: Aaron J.
Location: Omaha Ne.
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 00:32:42

Comments

Aaron alcoholic. Great Topic John. I'd like to say Welcome to all the newcomers, as well as Keep coming back your important here! Life on life's terms that's no fun that means I have to be accountable to the people around me, and I have to do lame stuff like show up to work on time and give them a dime for their nickel. Those are all the things that when I was drinking and drugging I thought that robbed people of there freedom. I thought freedom was doing whatever you wanted to do whenever you want to do it. And if you happened to miss a birthday or an anniversary well that just happens sometimes. And through all my action while I was drinking and drugging I was a whipping boy to my emotions. The four HORSEMEN lived in my head and I thought I had no choices but to follow their lead. What I have come to find in AA is that by being accountable and by not letting my emotions run ramped in my life I have found the freedom that I craved. It's freedom of knowing that I am no less and individual and no more an individual than any of you folks. I am equal! Do not get me wrong SHIT still happens in my life and people still don't act right. But they no long own my soul when they don't treat me the way I think I should treated. Something my sponsor told me that really helped, but pissed me off then was that I no longer had the RIGHT TO BE ANGRY. THAT FOR AN ALCOHOLIC OF MY TYPE RESENTMENT IS THE #1 OFFENDER AND THAT IT SENT MORE FOLK DRINKING THAN IT KEPT SOBER!! Just because I am sober does not mean that the world would become a "sweet and rosy place where everyone tip toed around me." PEOPLE ARE GOING TO ACT WRONG my job is to treat them with dignity and respect. Because I could see them in a meeting later and they might really need my help or I need theirs. I've talked long enough thank you for allowing me to share! Aaron J.


Member: D.F.
Location: USA
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 00:54:28

Comments

To Karen F. (Cuba N.Y.) You are not alone - AA was the last chance for me...there just wasn't any where else left to try and I was overwhelmed by unbearable pain and fear .... I drank EVERY day for maybe two years - the harder I tried not to drink, the stronger the complusion seemed - until AA. It takes ALOT of courage to have gotten yourself to a meeting! All that is needed is a desire to stop drinking and I hear that in your comments....keep coming here until you can try a different meeting. You are worth alot more than what you weigh... there is more to you than can be measured on a scale! AA kept me sober even in a house full of alcohol (my husband said it was my problem and why should he suffer and refused to remove any liquor except wine.) I'm grateful for nine yrs of sobriety, yet, I was most amazed by my 24 hour coin because it had been so long since I'd been sober for 24 whole hours. I have children too. I'd like to hear how you're doing? - please write debjf@mediaone.net.

Life-on-life's terms? I cannot do this without hope, help and a higher power. Just when I think I've got it....life has a way of showing me that I really don't and I need to trust my higher power! I can't do life-on-life's terms alone and I don't think I'm suppose to anymore. When I remember that I cannot control people, places and things - that helps too. Lately, I find myself comparing my life with my view of other's lives - if I only had their house or their income or freedom, or (once in a while) their family.....I think I do this to avoid facing my own house, my own income and my own family! If I can't handle my own, how could I handle theirs? Plus, what I think someone else's life is like is usually not at all reality. I've heard that if everyone threw all their problems into a big bag and mixed them up and you had your choice of which ones to take out, you'd still take your old ones back. If I don't face some issues now, they'll just come up in some other situation or with some other person again and again until I do face it. "I can,t, God can, I will let him..." I repeat that.


Member: Bruce G.
Location: Memphis
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 00:59:46

Comments

'lo fiends, IB Bruce,alcoholic, My God is a father and friend to me today, it helps to think of life as "life on God's terms". Knowing he is in charge helps me to be much more accepting and tolerant of the things that come my way. Bless all.


Member: Micky B.
Location: Seattle
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 03:51:02

Comments

Hi there Karen F...we have all been where you are right now! Feel free to email me, and I'll try to share some of my experiences with you. My advice to you and all "newcomers" is to get hold of the Big Book ! At most meetings you can get one, even if you're broke. They want to help you. Then get someone to help you through the book, a sponsor. Someone who you like the sound of in the meetings. But no matter what, don't drink or use and read the book! It may not make so much sense right now, but at least glance through it. Read some of the stories in the back. You can relate to some, I'm sure! AA has been extremely successful in helping alcoholic/addicts for over fifty years!! It is the most successful way to recover around (statistics prove it!). Try it out, It certainly won't hurt you. It's free, it's simple, and you'll have lots of help if you ask for it! I will send out a prayer for ya, and hope I hear from you soon. soberdog@excite.com


Member: Luke K
Location: New England
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 11:13:48

Comments

Hi, Luke still alcoholic, worse than ever. I do want to try again though. I just put down a 1.75 liter of rum in 3 days. My body has such a tolerance now that it didn't make me as drunk as I thought it would have. It just made my body and mind miserable. I know this is off-topic but I need to ask this. Part of my problem this time was that my wife (who is not an alcholic) wanted me to get the rum so she could have a drink (she is only 20 and can't buy it for herself yet). I probably wouldn't have drank if I hadn't gotten this but I felt like she shouldn't be punished for my lack of control over alcohol. Any comments on how to deal with having alcohol in the house would be appreciated. Is it too much to ask of other family members to also give up alcohol so that you won't be tempted because it's in the house. Thank you, Luke [lukekeffer@hotmail.com]


Member: FloraK
Location: SEUSA
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 11:14:01

Comments

FloraK, alcoholic. When I first heard the expression "living life on life's terms" I was shocked. Why would anyone want to do that? I wanted to force events to my liking and was willing to go to any drunken length to do so.I needed to hear that my best thinking had qualified me for AA. I needed to surrender to a power greater than myself. I was lucky because I was able to recognize that trusting a power greater than myself (other than alcohol)was clearly an approach I had never tried and my life had never felt right. Here was something new to me. And I am a miracle today. It works if you work it. To Karen, please try several different meetings, try 90 in 90, try women's meeting or young people's or whatever sounds comfortable. Stick around until you hear your story. We've all been where you are.I have kids (one in sobriety)and at first I got sober for my daughter even though people told me I had to do it for myself. One last slogan, keep going to meetings until you want to. Another 24 to all!


Member: Clint B
Location: Germany
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 12:30:18

Comments

Clint, Alkie/Addict. Been sober six months. I have had good days and I have had crappy days. Here's what I do. I keep it simple. Go to a meeting every chance I get. Talk to my sponsor all the time. Talk to my friends in AA all the time. Read all the AA books all the time. Talk to my God all the time. Listen to the message of fellowship all the time. Be honest with myself and others all the time. For me it works. I was shocked too when the big bad alcohol man tried to mess with me after 2 months sober, but we beat his butt!! My good days outnumber my bad. The best thing is that I AM NOT DRINKING! Life is beautiful and I'm blessed. Never going to give up my faith and hope in this program. My prayers are with all you wonderful drunks, especially you that are finding it difficult. If it weren't difficult how could you learn to be a better person?


Member: Tom A. 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 13:08:23

Comments

Good Morning to All on Staying Cyber's Discussion meeting dealing with "Life on Life's Terms." Thank you JL in Newark for the topic and I might add there have been some very good suggestions posted.

My name is Tom A., a JOY filled alcoholic today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and this program that has given me "A New Way of Life." We don't here that to much anymore that AA is actually "A Way of Life" just like drinking and drugging is "A Way of Life" and this program has also told me that "my problems are of my own making." I beleive that today and every morning I now have a choice. The biggest fear I had when I got to AA was dying drunk and today that fear has been taken away one-day-at-a-time. I have discovered that the AA way is indeed an easier softer way to deal with "life on life's terms."

Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!

God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net


Member: Shelly D.
Location: Ind
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 13:11:45

Comments

Hi, This is Shelly.Been here before and have relapsed so many times I can't count. (And I am very scared.) The times I have made months sober, I find that I am not thinking so much- seems the cunning, baffling power of alcohol "sneaks" thoughts into my head. I have been to meetings and feel good afterward, but lately after a week of nothing, I am getting nervous I would "replace" one addiction for another- ie- addicted to meetings instead of booze. Can any of you out there got past that? I want to get my life on track, but really do not want to be part of a "cult"?! (Please do not take offense at that.) Karen, for what it is worth, go to a meeting or two- at least you won't feel so "alone." To me, that is the best thing I have got out of AA so far. Thanks for listening.


Member: GABRIELLE P.
Location: MANSFIELD, TX.
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 15:31:06

Comments

HI! GABRIELLE GRATEFUL RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC HERE. I LIKE THIS TOPIC IT IS SOMETHING WE ALL FACE DIFFERENTLY. I HAVE ALREADY READ SOME THINGS HERE THAT I MAY TRY MYSELF. I FIND WHEN I AM THE MOST AFRAID IT IS BECAUSE I AM AFRAID TO REACH OUT TO SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW.I MOVED BACK HOME TO TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER WHOM HAD SUFFERED SEVERAL STROKES. I WAS AFRAID TO SET FOOT ON THE PLANE,I WAS AFRAID TO GO TO MY FATHERS HOUSE, I WAS AFRAID TO FIND A.A. HERE(AND I HAD 7YRS 6MOS.) BUT I NEVER FELT ALONE. I HAD MY TWO CHILDREN AND WHAT WE COULD CARRY ON THE PLANE AND MY FAITH IN GOD THAT EVERTHING WOULD BE OKAY. I WAS petrified!!!! BUT I ASKED MY HIGHER POWER TO HELP ME AND HE DID. I FOUND A NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS ( I HADN'T SEEN THEM FOR 9 YRS.)I FOUND A JOB, MY KIDS FOUND NEW FRIENDS AND I FOUND A.A. WAS THE SAME HERE AS IT WAS BACK HOME. I LOVE THIS PROGRAM IT ALLOWS ME TO "LIVE IT,FEEL IT AND THEN TO LET IT GO" IREAD THE BIG BOOK EVERYDAY AND IT NEVER FAILS TO REVEAL SOMETHING NEW TO ME I HADN'T SEEN BEFORE. SO KEEP COMING BACK AND KEEP TRYING DON'T QUIT A MINUTE BEFORE THE MIRICLE HAPPENS. WAIT FOR IT AND BE PATIENT IT ISN'T ALWAYS EASY BUT IT SURE IS WORTH WHILE. I CAN'T IMAGINE TRYING TO LIVE WITHOUT THE PROGRAM AND I DON'T BELIEVE IT IS A CULT BUT IT IS A WAY OF LIFE AND FREEDOM FORM THOSE PEOPLE, PLACES AND THINGS WHICH USED TO HOLD ME IN BONDAGE. THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE!

IN LIFE,IN SOBRIETY, IN A.A.


Member: AA
Location:
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 15:41:24

Comments

BIG BOOK ON LINE : http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/index.html


Member: Anna-marie G
Location:
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 16:07:17

Comments

Hi, I've been dependent on alcohol for about 20 years. My husband doesn't appear to notice. I'd love to have the courage to stop drinking. I'm not a "group" person so I don't know how to become involved with A.A. Please help, Anna-marie G


Member: STEPHANIE L
Location: CANADA
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 16:25:11

Comments

Anna Maria G.

Help yourself before it gets to bad for you. I know whats it's like to be in despair. it's a very painful place to be. Have faith that you can do this. Lots of people are willing to help. Call an A.A. hotline and get the help now. Just try not to pick up a drink for today. I'm 21 years old and will be celebrating three years of sobriety on this Thursday the 23. Today is the eve of when my mother committed suicide 9 years ago. I have very painful memeories of this and it still hurts deeply. Sometimes I still want to drink all those hurtful memeories away but I choose not to. I don't have to pick up a drink today with the help of feeloe alcoholics and my higher power. I don't know if you believe in God but I sure do. God is watching over you. He will help just let someone help you. ASk God to take the obsession away from you. My point with all of this is that no matter what you don't have to pick up a drink today. Do yourself a favor and help yourserlf cause you deserve it. My prayers are with you today.

My prayer for everyone today is another 24 hours.


Member: Joe B
Location: NW PA
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 16:37:57

Comments

Hi, in the Big Book the guy who wrote Dr. Alcholic, Addict uses the term "accepting life on life terms." I can do something with that and I've read many wondrefull ways it's done on this page. Have a good 24


Member: J.D.
Location: Texas Hill Country
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 17:15:29

Comments

JL Fear is a great motivator but it want work for very long.I encourage you to go to an AA meeting and ask for help.This whole program is based on "WE" and not "I".In the beginning,just not drinking and going to AA meetings is all I could do.Asking for help was extremely hard but I did it anyway and am still sober today.We can't keep it unless we give it away,so quit being so selfish and ask for help.I've been sober since Jan.2,1985 but only because I became a part of and not apart from.United we stand...divided we fall.Come on to AA and find that place called home that you've never had before.Just say a little prayer:God,please give to me the willingness to be willing to be willing...and then take action and get you butt in an AA meeting.You only have one thing to lose and that's your misery.Come on home!!!!!


Member: Cookie
Location: LIMA-PERU
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 18:08:58

Comments

Hi, first time here and believe me I think this is great! I have printed everyone's comments to re-read them tonight (now I am at work so it is not proper to take that much time) well, the thing is I am of course and alcoholic, I have convinced myself of my impossibility to drink sometime ago and what I can say is that this program WORKS, I have attended AA since 1992 and failed twice but thx God just for less than 4 months in both cases, so now I am in the right track, where I feel safe, where I have control of my thoughts (I guess I would never ever be capable of this, honestly) of my decisions (before I was totally, completely unable to decide anything!). Well, you're talking about life as it is meant to be, let me tell you I found my balance in DOING WHAT I AM SUPPOSE TO, IN DOING WHAT MY INNER VOICE TELLS ME TO, just be a good girl, doing the right thing, HOW HAVE I ACCOMPLISHED SUCH AN UNBELIEVABLE GOAL? First, STOP DRINKING, no alcohol in my life, no risky situation that will jeopardize my sobriety, no too emotional enviroment for the same reason, IT IS, ME FIRST, ALWAYS, MY BALANCE FIRST ALWAYS...Second, READ, LEARN ABOUT MYSELF, ABOUT ALCOHOLISM, ABOUT AA BROTHERHOOD, about STAYING SOBER...Third, SPIRITUALITY, doing good things, working hard, being a good daughter, a good sister, a good girlfriend, a good niece, grandchild, etc. MY BEST EXPRESSION...JESUS! IS HARD! IT IS SO HARD and sometimes I just want to give up but then I have my INNER VOICE, ROOTS THAT TOOK TIME TO BUILD, STRONG ROOTS THANKS GOD, ONE ADVICE, WORK IN YOUR ROOTS WHO WILL GUARANTEE YOUR SOBRIETY TODAY, THIS 24 HOURS, BUILD THEM IF YOU RELAPSE, BACK TO THE WEAKEST POINTS, REEVALUATE RECOVERY, BUILD YOUR ROOTS...GUAU! HUGE COMMENTS FOR 1ST TIME! LOVE YOU ALL MY DEAR SISTERS AND BROTHERS, ILL KEEP IN TOUCH SOON =)


Member: Angela
Location: NY
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 18:40:53

Comments

Hello all - I always enjoy reading everyone's messages and am still struggling to become sober. To Annie from NY WHO POSTED 2 DAYS AGO -I COULD HAVE Written your story - I too am home with children and a husband who works late and I too drink beer to find a release from being alone and bored. I cannot attend meetings until his work schedule allows it. I am afraid to keep drinking yet afraid to totally give up my "companion". Like Karen F. I too have gained some weight when I had prided myself on keeping in shape - it seems I just kind of "gave up" on everything - including fighting my drinking problem. If any of you ladies or anyone else for that matter would like to try and help each other via e-mail I would truly appreciate it. I hope to get to a meeting in the future but right now I could really use a support system of others feeling what I feel and maybe we could help each other. Please e-mail me at BLincks @ AOL.com.. Thanks....Angela


Member: Carol
Location: Florida
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 19:29:27

Comments

Hi, everyone. When I first got sober I couldn't understand how one day I could feel so good about life, sobriety and myself and the very next day, feel so bad about life and myself. After 13 years, I now understand that I can feel bad about life and myself, but I have always been glad that I didn't drink over those feelings. I understand that I don't understand much about my emotional sobriety, except that it is so delicate and worth preserving. Many days, I just hang on from moment to moment, but many, many more days I just breeze along hardly able to remember those bad days. I know for me that I don't experience pain to any lesser degree today than I did years ago, it just doesn't last as long. Nothing is worth drinking over. I have a spiritual malady and my "higher power", i.e. Good,Orderly,Direction; Group of Drunks or Gratitude, Openmindedness and Discipline are always available to me to lead me to that power. Thanks all for your comments. I am in a hotel every night this week and this helps when I am unable to get to meetings.


Member: TERRI
Location: DENVER
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 20:06:47

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Terri and I am an alcoholic of the hopless variety. Once I start drinking I cant stop. And even if I take a break I cant keep from picking it up again. God and A.A. have made it possible for me to accomplish the greatest feat of my life and that is to live sober one day at a time now for a few 24 hours. The way this happened and continues to happen every day is I get up in the morning and I ask GOD to keep me sober, I talk to another alcoholic (which means going to meetings where I can meet them) and finally thanking GOD every night. My sponser told me when I first got sober "After you ask God to keep you sober in the moring the only thing you have to try to do after that point is the next right thing". My solution for all of my problems today are found in this program. Dont quite befor the miracle happens for you!


Member: Pattw/2tees
Location: Oregon
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 20:31:56

Comments

Hi, all, Pattw/2tees, grateful alcoholic. Just a note to those brave people who are taking the first step and ADMITTED they are powerless over alcohol and that their lives are in a muddle. I heard early-on a wonderful statement, "Come on in and join us in AA. Work the program, learn about yourself, and do that for 90 days. If you're still convinced that you can do it alone, we will refund your misery." Best of luck to you all. Do you know how brave you are to make a move toward quitting? There is a solution--please join us.

I also understand the drinking at home, which is what I did, working full time, coming home, kicking off the old shoes and pouring myself a very large "martini" (for which read, "straight vodka over ice w/several olives"). Not fun, and it doesn't appeal to me now, but I did it for many years hoping something would change. That "something" had to be me, but I didn't find that out until I actually got into recovery and began learning and listening. What a journey it is, a real adventure, more exciting than anything I did drinking. Today, I'm free, and that is a blessing from God.

Well, my "note" is becoming an epistle, so I'll say thank you for letting me share. "Trust God, clean house, help others." Patt


Member: cyndi y
Location: atlanta
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 21:15:33

Comments

living life on lifes terms--a very good topic! hi everyone i'm cyndi, alcoholic. i have about 9 monts and am really scared myself. i would guess that i am not living lifes on lifes terms very well. everything seems to be a big deal to me. i am having feelings and emotions that i never knew i had and don't want to have...i have had some pretty scary days lately with my addictions, emotionally i have been a wreck and have really wanted to use, but thank god i haven't done that. everyone has shared such wonderful and heartfelt things.i can certainly relate to some of the pain and excitement that i have read so far. this group seems very loving to me (a little different than i have encounted at some of my meetings here). i don't have anything wonderful to add. sometimes it seems have to hold on as hard as you can. atleast that's what it seems like to me. thanks for letting me share.


Member: Bruce A.
Location: Bovard,PA
Date: 20 Sep 1999
Time: 22:40:12

Comments

Living life on life's terms is what "sobriety" is all about. I couldn't handle life before so I drank to escape reality. Now we have to face life and find a a Higher Power to help us. Life is scary at times . This is when I have to work the principles of this program even harder. Admit powerlessness, Find a H.P., Clean house, make amends and give away what we find here. Love, Honesty, Purity and Unselfishness. Love you all Bruce A.


Member: Joe H
Location: Arizona
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 00:07:35

Comments

Hi all, I'm Joe, alcoholic. There has been some terrific postings this week and I appreciate each and every one of them because I pick up tips from the old timers and the newcomers remind me that it still sucks out there. Thank you all. Living life on life's terms is something that's given to us in the promises. How we percieve it is our own deal. For me, a lot of it boils down to my attitude, the one and only thing I have power over. If you take the word attitude and match it to the corresponding numbers in the alphabet, it adds uo to 100. If my attitude stays at 100, life gets a helluva lot easier. I find that there aren't any big deals anymore. If I let my alcoholic attitude take over, it's a downhill pair of skids. Usually ending up with "Poor Me", which could lead to "Pour Me". Because of this program and a terrific Higher Power that is in my life today, that kind of stuff just isn't in the game plan. Thanks for 12 stepping me today and I wish everybody another 24.


Member: Big John M.
Location: Modesto, CA
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 00:18:51

Comments

Hi everyone. I'm John, a real alcoholic. What a good topic with some really great sharing. I don't know what I could possibly add except my experience for some of the newcomers that seem to be attempting to do it "their way". I tried doing it "my way" for 11 years from '83 to '94; with and without a sponser, lying to my sponser, just doing steps 1 and 12, studying Zen, getting a graduate degree in Psychology to "figure it out", etc. etc. etc. Needless to say I never stayed sober for more than a few months. When I was finally defeated and admitted to my innermost self that "I" could not get or stay sober, became willing to follow the suggestions of the Program, and asked my Higher Power for help, the miracle happened. The obsession was lifted on July 6, 1994 and has not returned. Today I can live life on life's terms using the principles of the Program and the suggestions of those who have been there before me. It's simple but it isn't easy at times. But, my God is it so much better than those years of having a huge hole in my gut that filled itself with FEAR!. When what you're doing finally gets so uncomfortable and painful that you are finally willing to walk through the fear of doing something new and different, you will experience the miracle too. I hope it's soon. Call the hotline; go to a meeting, get a sponser, read the book, work the steps; live it one day at a time. It really works and there are a few million of us miracles that can attest to that fact. I will pray tonight that you allow God's will to be done in your life too. Join us. Life is so good sober no matter what happens. Good night and God Bless!


Member: CATHY E.
Location: PHOENIX, AZ
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 01:16:21

Comments

Hi, Cathy E. here alcohlic/addict! Most of the time when life is difficult it is because I am trying to run the show and I am ignoring God's will. Call other recovering people, talk to your higher power daily and ask for help because we cannot do this thing called life by ourselves. I don't believe that God intended for us to. Reach out!!!!!!!!!!


Member: Bob H
Location: Land of Ocean Mists
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 01:41:11

Comments

Bob Alcoholic I gave up booze with the help of God some time ago. Been through the steps more than once. my problem is PP&T. Letting it all live rent free in my head. Self Centered Fear was a thread I saw in the postings and need to keep in mind. I also like the FEAR acronym renditions and would like to hear (see) more. This on-line meeting is my link to the AA world other than the phone lines. Meetings here are me and a big book with so many memories attached I can barely read the inside cover for tears. Once past that part is OK all the time. Second time I've logged on here, many more to come. Going to be a long winter Thank God and you people to be here and sober. FEAR to rsrlh2@yahoo.com


Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 03:55:53

Comments

My name is JC and I’m an alcoholic. Thanks for the topic, John, dealin’ life on life’s term is something very easy for me. Well, in theory at least. I have all the tools, they’re in the AA program. I have to accept (with serenity!) the things (and people) I cannot change. No need to lose energy to fight over things I have no power upon (or people who don’t act or think the way I’d like they would). Or I have to ask for the courage to change the things I can. That one doesn’t fit for people, except for me. I can change myself and my ways of seeing things (positive instead of negative) and cope with people. That means, for me, to take a stand and act. Till’ then that wouldn’t be a problem, if I knew when to accept and when to change. That’s the hardest part, getting the wisdom to know the difference. And for that one, I’ll need a couple of more centuries of living that program, one day at a time. But there’s good news, the more I share my daily situations with sober friends, the sooner I know if I can or can’t do something about them.

Thanks for havin' let me share. jc.toller@euronet.be - ICQ 36308407.


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 07:29:11

Comments

I'm Fred M and I'm an alcoholic. Thank you, God, for sending me to this site and thanks, God, for all the wonderful people who share here. Thank you, Tom A, for sharing your fear of dying drunk. I have that one big time, and hope with God's help, I'll be man enough to stay sober when it's my time to look death in the eye. Thanks, Shelly for talking about how alcohol sneaks thoughts into your head. Also, concerning your fear that you'll just get addicted to meetings instead of alcohol, I'd offer that at least the meetings won't kill you, put you in jail, or make you lose your job and family members. Thanks, Garbrielle P, I love you! Good luck, Anna-marie G, I have been exactly where you are. Cookie, great post, I learned from you.

Facing life on life's terms. Well, as I've stated before, I stopped on my own (with God's help) 20 years ago, so did not have the wisdom of a sponsor to help me thru the steps, so I missed some, though I tried. After thinking about it for several weeks, and reading the posts on this site, I made amends to my wife last night for all the years I was a drunk and all the crap I put her thru. I can't believe I never did that before last night. This site helped me realize I had not worked the steps very well. My next step, again motivated by these posts, is to start going to meetings. This to me is a test of whether I can face life's terms. I know it's the right thing to do, and I have to face it and do it. I'm getting closer, but it's hard.

Thanks again to all the wonderful sharing and stories. Love to all, Fred.


Member: richard c
Location: Auchterarder
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 08:57:37

Comments

Hi John Alkie Thanks for your topic. By now I can see you helped a lot of people by sharing your fear. "Life on life's terms" is a bit like this according to my experience of it - instead of trying to "change the world", I am learning to "change my mind ABOUT the world. In this respect we are back to Step 1 and the principal of powerlessness. If I can learn how to practice my amission and acceptance on a daily baisi using something like the "Just for today" card I will find and live the beauty of life in "surrender". This is the invitation to trust, sit back and experience the flow of loving energy that is the source of creation itself Richard Perth Scotland


Member: Freddy G
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 14:54:34

Comments

Hi there. Life only can control you if you let it. I'm lucky because I've learned to accept things for what they are (most of the time). Life is beautiful, it's the stuff that happens in it that suck. It's how we react to our problems that will determine how our day unfolds. I am lucky, too, because I almost died 6 months ago, and that event makes me appreciate every day, whether it's sunny or not. I ask God each morning for peace and serenity for the coming day and as I go thru that day, as long as I can remember that He will protect me, my serenity keeps me calm. I am lucky.


Member: Ann-marie
Location: Chicago
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 20:20:52

Comments

Hello. Ann-marie here from the City of Big Shoulders and probably many alcoholics like myself.

Life on life's terms. Hmmmm. I have yet to go to a meeting, but I know I need to. I have a date set and everything. For me -- not having even yet read the table of contents of the Big Book -- I feel that me simply accepting the fact that I'm not able to control my drinking is accepting life on life's terms.

I'm sure once I get to the nitty gritty of those first months of serious sobriety, I will face new challenges -- like dealing with boredom and alone time or learning to behave booze-free in social settings.

Anyway, it is inspiring to read about so many success stories. I hope I have the strength to not only not drink, but to not feel like I need it to soften the realities of life.

Thanks for letting me spew my random thoughts. later!


Member: Donna N.
Location: Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 21:20:50

Comments

Hi all, living life on life's terms is really scarry to me. I use to have trouble just accepting life itself. Since I have been in the program I have learned that life really is a gift...it is a gift because it was given to us by a higher power. What that means to me is, acceptance of the not so good stuff along with the acceptance of the really good stuff...we cannot have one without the other...that is what I have learned, to accept..I have also been practicing living in complete honesty. This is very difficult..especially with my family who lives in a constant state of denial of all that is not to their specifications. For me living life on life's terms means acceptance and honesty and with that comes fear. The only way I know to help with my fear is to face it, dont run away like I always use to do, just face it and be stronger for it..and get help...ask for help when you need it. Thanks for listening.


Member: DonF
Location: NH
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 21:23:21

Comments

Don, recovering alcoholic. Great topic. Some great acronyms at top of list. One more: "SOBER--Son Of a Bitch Everything's Real." We gotta deal with everything. On it's terms. No more exit-stage-left with a drink. Some things we can postpone, but we can't procrastinate. Things pile up. "God invented time so everything wouldn't happen at once." TIME: Things I Must Experience. Just do it a day at a time. We can't stay sober for a year, or 20, just a day. We have a day of reprieve, based on maintenance of our spiritual condition. Don't drink, go to meetings, ask for help, let it happen. How to put together 10 years? Don't drink, and don't die. Every day. The monkey that was on my back didn't die...he's in the corner doing pushups, getting ready for the chance to jump back on.


Member: BJ  S.
Location: New Mexico
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 22:12:52

Comments

BJ here, alcoholic. This is the first time I have actually gone through and read all the entries on a topic. Pretty good stuff! I am "between" home groups. I live in a rural area and got kind of tired of the red necks and bleeding deacons at my first home group, which I was active in for my first 1 and 1/2 years of sobriety. Thank God for the Grapevine! Living life on life's terms has been a tremendous challenge for me. I have been able to start growing up in my 40's! I am dealing with a chronic debilitating illness, holding down a full time job, living alone with 4 dogs and a cat, and I have a tendency to go into BIG TIME self pity - but those ol' tools being mentioned have saved my life. I frequently experience being happy, joyous and free these days, even on the "bad" days. No matter how sick I am physically, I have a hot line to my higher power, and I can call someone in the program, do a meditation, or just sit here and BE GRATEFUL. I love being grateful - it turns my whole attitude around and helps me start the day over again. Thanks everyone for sharing, and for letting me share. BJ


Member: cassandra D
Location: indiana
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 22:27:27

Comments

hello everyone...this is cassandra. Im very new to this, im an alcoholic..i think. Im ashamed of my behavior when im drunk..im so sick of it.. I went to my first meeting. I liked it, im still scared. im lost in my life and have no terms right now.I love coming here and reading aal the hope you share with each other, it makes me feel good. please anyone help me with advice...cassred@yahoo.com


Member: Eileen H.
Location: NY
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 23:27:54

Comments

Don F . . . I was just going to say that :)) Seemed to me that a few newcomers and a few folks would like to join AA due to either a drug or alcohol addiction . . . have this program wrong!!

You CAN drink. You can drink TOMORROW. No one ever said you can't!! We ONLY said WE have no intention of drinking TODAY. For THIS 24-hour period.

Anyone out there that's figured out that they have MORE time than that . . . please e-mail me. I'd like to borrow some of that time, lol.

To those ladies who might want to talk about getting through a day without taking a drink . .. I would love to hear from you. I've got 3 kids of my own, one married, one in college and one still home. I work full-time outside the home, have 2 separate commitments at 2 separate AA home groups, and still manage to take care of the "home-front" :)) These things I do today because I sought the help of AA 5 months ago. AA has helped me to not drink today. And for this . . . I am eternally grateful.

By the way, I'm an alcoholic. My name is Eileen. I am reachable at: Eileenth@aol.com


Member: Tamara M.
Location: AZ
Date: 21 Sep 1999
Time: 23:31:24

Comments

Hi, I'm Tamara, a recovering addict/alcoholic. I remember when I first got sober. Everything was dull, gray and I felt like I was trudging through each day. No big highs, no deep lows. I thought "This is life?". Then I started going to meetings and meeting others like myself. I found out that life is what you make it and started to enjoy waking up in the morning without guilt about something I'd done the day before. You know that movie "Pleasantville"? Gradually the COLORS started coming back into my life and the best part was that I created them myself, without drugs or alcohol. Yes, some days are boring but I'm safe and sober and like myself. And I can go for a walk or call a friend and I can do anything I want and HOLD MY HEAD UP cuz I'm not using today.


Member: Ellen K
Location: West Texas
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 00:41:01

Comments

Ellen West Texas Hi, I'm Ellen and I'm an alcoholic and an addict and spent most of my life all screwed up. I know SCARY. If I hadn't been scared, I wouldn't have spent most of my life miserable! I probably wouldn't have begun to drink and use (trying to hide from the fear), and I wouldn't have been able to find this program. So when I say that Fear has turned out to be a good thing, don't think I'm totally out of my head. The only way to deal with fear is to call it by its real name and drag it out into the bright light. When you do that, you find out that lots of other people are afraid of the same things you are. Then somehow it begins to be lots less scary. I'm not saying that I don't feel scared any more......I do.....BIG TIME. But not as often and not as horribly as when I was first straight and sober. It does get better; you just have to outlast the crap! There are millions of us, and we all have each other to talk to, lean on, etc. The one thing I can tell all of you is that going to meetings is a powerful weapon against fear and general misery. You don't have to actively participate; just be there. The "vibes" or whatever you want to call the feeling in the meeting rooms will get to you if you keep exposing yourself to them.

If you are having trouble making more than a few weeks (or months, or whatever), look into treatment programs. At least there, while you are learning to PHYSICALLY live without your chosen substance(s), there are "babysitters" to keep you from falling down or running away. When you get out, go to as many meetings as you can. If you replace a drug or alcohol addiction with a meeting addiction, well.....at least it's not as harmful. And you can work on that or any other problems you come up with in the same way you will learn to deal with your substance problem. But chances are, you won't have to. Our way of life works - we want to share it with you. And what do you have to lose? Misery?

One more thing...if you don't have a higher power that you can relate to, I'll be glad to share mine with you. Even when I didn't believe in him, he still believed in me. I think you'll like him; he has a great sense of humor!

I love every one of you! Stay in touch with just one other alcoholic every day and share your fears. Hope you're not disappointed when you run out of things to fear; and I'm afraid that IS a real possibility. But I'm betting that you can handle it!

Thanks for the opportunity to share.........Ellen


Member: Jesse
Location: British Columbia
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 00:44:50

Comments

Greetings friends! I'm a grateful alcoholic and my name is Jesse. WOW. This is my first time to an on-line aa connection. I have laughed, grinned and cried as I read this tonight. There are so many of you that touched me and I can no longer remember all the names. I am a woman who started to get sober at the age of 18 and was finally successful at the age of 23. Scared? No kidding. I shook and vibrated for about the first 6 weeks. Partly withdrawal, partly terror. I too was afraid of joining a cult. That was one reason (of many) that I ran from every religion I ever checked out. No one was going to tell me how to run my life. I can only say that when I was desparate enough and my desire to stay sober was stronger than my desire to drink, I did what was suggested. I went to 7-10 meetings a week, I found a sponsor, I joined a group and I asked for help. Often. I also journalled every day to get all the craziness out of my head. Some days I had as many as 6 enteries. When there was no meeting (i.e. 2 in the afternoon) I went and hung out at the intergroup office. Or just phoned the AA line to talk to whoever answered. I wanted to drink every day for the first year and a bit of my sobriety. And I was plenty scared, and when I wasn't scared it was because I was busy being angry. Real angry. (anger was safer than fear). I did all that I was told to do as well as everything that I was told not to do. But somehow I made it through a day at a time. The days have piled up now and I have a few years under my belt. One of the things that has helped my was learning the definition of courage. It is not the absence of fear as I once thought. It is the ability to feel the fear and do it anyway. I am still scared at times in my life, but as a result of living the steps of this program, I now have faith that I will be okay no matter what happens. When I think about all that I have lived through when drinking and now in sobriety, there isn't much that can happen to me that I won't be able to handle - with the help of my sponsor, the power greater than myself that I have come to understand, and the fellowship of this program. I can say ditto to so much that has been shared here. To all of you who are just starting out or are struggling, please hang in. Many, many times I considered suicide (drinking wasn't going to work and I knew it) and my sponsor just kept telling me to hang in and not leave 5 minutes before the miracle happened. It took a very long time for the miracle to happen to me - but it did. I no longer have the obession for alcohol, the terminal emotional pain has left, and joy has entered my life. It was 7 years before I completely relented and did the steps the way they are laid out in the big book. I pray that you do not take as long as I. Let my stubborness and suffering in this program be the lesson for you. By the way, at the end of this year I will have 12 years of continuous sobriety with the last 3 bringing to life all my childhood dreams and then some. I now live in a remote and isloated place - God's country - doing what I love for a career. I have many many many gifts that have come my way and I would never have seen any of this had I not hung in. I wish you all another 24 hours of sobriety. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Jerry N.
Location: NEPA
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 02:03:57

Comments

I'm an alcoholic & my name is Jerry. It's great to be sober and I am glad you are all here to hrlp me stay that way, today. I work 2nd shift and found it more difficult to make meetings during the week, and you people make this a terrific site. When I first stumbled in the rooms, acceptance was more of a problem than alcohol, after all alcohol was just the symptom. I had a belief in a higher power, I chose to call God, but had no reliance. I felt that I was in charge of my own life, and when did not happen how (or when) I liked, it was up to me to take control. Needless to say, this was not successful, and caused many heartaches, resentments, and much pain. I agree to all who talked about attitudes. Life is an inside job, all that happens on the outside is totally dependant on my perception. Difficult times, and I've had my share in recovery, do not have to detract me from enjoying life. We have an expression in our area, we face difficulties as an "AFGO", that's an acronym for "another f-cking growth oppertunity". What that does for me, is to percieve the situation as another challenge for acceptance, and for my loving Higher Power drawing me closer to him. It enables me to take the first step in the right direction, not to self pity, anger, or all the other negative thought patterns that this alcoholic is most familar with. I would also like to add, that most of life's terms are not bad. Life is based on certain traits, such as karma, balance, and paradoxes. If you continue doing the next right thing, good things will follow ( you reap what you sow). There is no joy without sorrow, no pain without growth, etc. You can't keep it until you give it away. Another term in life is that you only have one day at a time, and I found that is the most rewarding way to live it. The final thought, I would like to share is the final part of the serenity prayer( not shared at our meetings) "taking this world as it is not as I would have it: trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next" Thanx to everyone for letting me share, keep coming back it works when you work it, and you deserve it. See you at the coffee pot. jerry GreatBender.


Member: Darwin D
Location: Brandon, Mb, Canada
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 02:44:01

Comments

Good evening everyone. My name is Darwin and I am a very grateful alcoholic! This year I have learnt an awful lot about dealing with life on life's terms. I was in a car accident and just about died. But apparently God has other plans for me; he just hasn't informed me of what they are yet. He will in his time. This is,IMHO, the best and only way to deal with life on life's term. Please feel free to substitute Higher Power for the word God if that makes you feel more comfortable. Thanks for everyone who has shared here tonight especially the Newcomers. You are the most important people here.


Member: Marg
Location: NZ
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 05:08:58

Comments

Hi Marg, alcoholic, this is my first time - very weird. Living life on life's terms - that is so hard. I basically would be fine if I didn't have to associate with anyone because I am so sensitive. What I tend to do is rent space out in other people's head (rent free too). I thank God for AA, it has given me a life, along with the help of my sponsor. I have just celebrated my 4th AA birthday and still feel like a rookie. I have so much to learn but don't have to do it all at once, although I would like to. The phrases get me through the day - especially "Thy will, not MY will" - so often I give it and take it back twice as fast. I love running the show but of course it doesn't work when I do so when I let God do it for me, it seems to work out okay. Basically I am not responsible for how other people feel about me, it's none of my business. My first instinct is to MAKE THEM LIKE ME, sooooo important! I can hate them but they're not alllowed to dislike me!!! Sound fair? no, but then again I am an alcoholic.


Member: Nancy F
Location: NB Canada
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 11:25:55

Comments

Nancy F here. Thanks for all the great reading! I am off work for several days with a bad allergic reaction which is quite disfiguring and I don't really feel like beint out in public. Nice to find a meeting on line that sounds just like my home group. I can relate to John and all you others who are experiencing fear. The saying I hated the most as a new comer was "rear and faith can't exist in the same heart." I had to do new things sober every day in spite of my fear and that was where my faith came from when I started to "experiment with prayer". I was terrified the 1st time I called my creditors and owned up to my responsibilities but God helped me through it just as he helps me through everything, good and bad today. I have learned that everyone has fears..... they just aren't paralized by them like I was when I lived in my disease. Thank you all for sharing all your encouragement and love.


Member: JJ
Location: right here
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 11:30:29

Comments

MY DAILY MORAL INVENTORY: LIABILITIES ASSETS Watch for: Strive for: Anger Self Control Self-Pity Self-Forgetfulness Self-Justification Integrity Self-Importance Modesty Self-Condemnation Self-Esteem Dishonesty Honesty Impatience Patience Hate Love Resentment Forgiveness False Pride Humility Jealousy Trust Envy Generosity Laziness Activity Procrastination Promptness Insincerity Straightforwardness Negative Thinking Positive Thinking Critizing Look for the Good! Fear FAITH

If something have helped me during my 24 hours is to try, always try to be better, GOD is by my side, I have the HIGHER POWER inside of me to do IT, TRY IT, PRAY FOR IT, JUST BE A LITTLE BIT BETTER THAN YESTERDAY...TAKE CARE


Member: JJ
Location: right here
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 11:49:16

Comments

Now I will try to do it clearer...(thought this formal will accept my tabs, wrong..ha..ha..) MY DAILY MORAL INVENTORY: Watch for Anger, Strive for Self Control; Watch for Self-Pity, Strive for Self-Forgetfulness; Watch for Self-Justification, Strive for Integrity; Watch for Self-Importance Strive for Modesty; Watch for Self-Condemnation, Strive for Self-Esteem; Watch for Dishonesty Strive for Honesty; Watch for Impatience, Strive for Patience; watch for Hate, Strive for Love; watch for Resentment Strive for Forgiveness; watch for False Pride, Strive for Humility; Watch for Jealousy, Strive for Trust; watch for Envy, Strive for Generosity; watch for Laziness, strive for Activity; watch for Procrastination, Strive for Promptness; watch for Insincerity, Strive for Straightforwardness; watch for Negative Thinking, strive for Positive Thinking; watch for Critizing, strive for Look for the Good!; watch for Fear, strive for FAITH SERENITY PRAYER: GOD grant me the SERENITY to ACCEPT things I CANNOT CHANGE, the COURAGE to CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, and the WISDOM to know the difference.

I am an alcoholic and have not drink these 24 hours. Thanks for allowing me to be here GOD. Love you all, Take care...


Member: Chris H.
Location: Coloado
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 12:14:15

Comments

Chris an alcoholic here.

What a beautiful meeting this is. Thank you all for the wonderful thoughts, suggestions, and hopes. I have much to consider.

At least today, I know when I'm experiencing fear, or insecurity. When I was drinking, I didn't really know what caused me to be afraid, and usually just tried to deny these feelings, and con myself into thinking that I would just be strong. These days, I see that some people don't even know they're scared. They just act scared and project their fears. You know, the old fight or flight reactions. Been there and done that, no thanks. I find it funny how fears can be contagious at times, you know, a scream in the dark can send a chill up your spine. I guess I'm sometimes guilty of screaming in the dark too when I'm scared. Ha ha. When I was drinking, I should have been afraid of alcohol, and not of life. Today, by the grace of God, I am not quite as afraid of life today, and I have a healthy ‘fearful' respect for what alcohol can do to me.

Today, I find it takes me awhile to separate my fears from the general, ‘oh God' feelings. I guess I am still in recovery, imagine that. I pray, and then usually first try a written 4th step and ‘fearlessly,' ha ha, search them out, and write them down. Today, it helps when I journal my fears too, and "get them out" on paper. At that point, I can usually just pitch them, or for more profound ones, those that don't go away immediately, I have the opportunity to face them, share them, and then do something about them today. I was amazed to hear how many people do this too, but why should I be surprised, I'm an alcoholic and in AA.

Fears for me can be rational or irrational. The rational ones are easy to deal with, because there are always solutions within the program of AA on how to face and deal with these fears. Some fears are ‘sign posts' warning my mind that I am truly facing risk. I get to work through these. Other fears are just my reactions to ‘screams in the dark,' and serve no real purpose in my life, but to give me a quick thrill. For me, fear seems useful if it keeps me out of trouble, or provides me with the attention I need to plan for taking a reasonable risk.

Usually, after facing my fears, and planning on how to deal with them, they just melt away like the wicked witch in the "Wizard of Oz." However, sometimes, after planning to take a risky action, my fears stick around. I then sometimes get angry at my fears, and rise to the challenge, and do what I have to do anyway. For example, there were times in early sobriety that I was afraid to go to AA meetings, because I was scared of what others would think of me. Well, I decided it took more courage to do something to make my life better then it did to wreck it, and I chose to be happy about going to meetings regardless of what other people thought.

Also, there are times, I take fears as a ‘sign posts' that things are not quite alright, and there may be something I have not yet considered. This position usually forces me to take time out to pray and meditate about my situation, and through a conscious contact with my HP, the answers come, in time.

I have been told that all fear-based emotions are the result of facing, perceiving, or experiencing a loss. For example, change means loss of things as they were, and therefore change and uncertainty can create fear, even if the end result of change would mean we experience a better situation then before the change. Fear is usually followed by other emotions, like denial, depression, anger, and finally acceptance.

And, acceptance is the key for me today. My fears tend to melt, and I do the right thing for me at the time, when I make a conscious contact with my HP, and listen to the answers, before I take action.

Thanks for letting me share. I think I'll just sit back and continue to reread all your wonderful postings.

Thanks so much people. You are all a God send for me right now!


Member: Albuquerque John
Location: Scotland (today)
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 13:22:17

Comments

The only message I can pass is the one that was given to me – very very simple Pages xiii-164 of the Big Book text book all alcoholics use. Step 3 was the key for this real alcoholic, a life run on self will got me into a hopeless state of mind and body. That was the point where I had to give up thinking I could run any show, including my own. The key word in this step is “decision” because a decision without an action is essentially worthless.

After continually getting a sober sore head, full of anger and resentment, I had to throw in the towel sober, get on my knees, find that power and I remember the night clearly, out in Luna County desert. Wakened up next morning, went into town, that night straight into a Step 4. One week later Step 5. From the knowledge gained in Step 4 had to work on the elimination of my fears, resentment and anger from that day to this day.

Simple, the problems of an alcoholic centre in the mind not the body, and if we don’t treat the mind we go nowhere.

BJ New Mexico: How’s it going over there in the Land of Enchantment? Long time sober real recovered alcoholic here – found the solution to what he thought was his problem in the Duster Group Deming New Mexico. Now happy joyous and free real recovered alcoholic, member of Native American group out of ABQ. Where are you in NM my friend?

Vaya con Dios


Member: Jade D.
Location: Arizona
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 13:58:21

Comments

Hi There! There are so many great comments that I hope this fits in. Life on Life'e Terms is not easy because, as you know, we have to Let Go andLet God and that is much easier to say than to do. As I tend to be a control freak, huhuhuh surprise, I want things my way and they can not always be that way. SOOOO, the only thing that I have a choice in is how I respond to Life on Life's Terms so that is my form of control in the situation and once I realize that, I determine which course of action to take. I realize that that is enough of a job to keep me busy for awhile. Thanks for taking the Time to read and recognize that my opinion matters..


Member: Jean K
Location: Louisville, Kentucky
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 16:03:07

Comments

This topic is great. I haven't been here in a while but God brought me here today for a reason that I now understand. I got up this morning and read my daily meditation and then read these postings. Now I know what I have to do with my current situation. I don't want to bore everyone with the details of my problem but I do want to share what my daily prayer read today. Here goes- "Embrace Change. You don't have to fear change. What you need to fear is things remaining the same. When that happens, life has stopped. Life is evolution. Your life is constantly, quietly evolving each moment into something different, something that adds gracefully, beautifully, and perfectly to what was. You can trust that process with all its insights, clarity, confusion, and emotions. You can trust that process with its peace, joy, laughter, and its side trips. Learn to honor and love the process of continual evolution and tranformation. It's how things grow. It's how you grow. It's how life is. Learn to embrace change."

These postings along with that daily reading are certainly not coincidences but God's message to me about what I need to do. Thank you all so much for being here.

Yours in sobriety, Jean


Member: Vicki S.
Location: Florida
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 16:51:22

Comments

Greetings -- Vicki(Alcoholic, Addict) here. That best advice I ever got about living Life on Life's terms was "it's not what you're given, it's what you do with it." On difficult days, I've run that saying through my head like a mantra..it always grounds me; then, I have the opportunity to ask what's the best I can do in whatever situation I'm in. That phrase isn't really different than the Serenity Prayer, and it works for me. Thanks all for being here.


Member: JCP ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 17:47:59

Comments

Meetings:

http://soberspace.com/region.htm


Member: doug  b
Location: sarnia ont canada
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 20:59:26

Comments

22/9/99 hi doug alcoholic my coments on living life onlifes terms are deal with things as theycome up trusting in a higer power trying not to run the show myself being able to acept that i;m just a drunk for you new guys gals go to a lot of meets call pepole get a good sponsor go to some AA conventions see 400 to 500hundred people danceing it,ll blow your mind


Member: SHAWNA L.
Location: PLACERVILLE,CA.
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 22:08:56

Comments

Hi ya'll.I'm SHAWNA an alcoholic.Life on life's terms is a hard thing to except sometimes but nothing I do can change ehat GOD has instore for me.It is usually when I am trying to control my life when it gets insane.So I try on a daily basis to turn it all over to my higher power and as long as I keep it there I am able to accept life on lifes terms.JEAN Iam from LOUISVILLE myself and I miss home so much ecspecially THE ICEHOUSE.MY E-mail address is darbs@jps.net if you would like to e-mail me.Well I must go for now.Thanks,SHAWNA L.


Member: J.L. {John}
Location: Newark
Date: 22 Sep 1999
Time: 22:45:46

Comments

Hi all John {J.L.}From newark,,and I just wanted to thank everyone so far for there input and there suggestions,i'm not new to the program,but i'm having problems with it,that is why I picked this topic.and I just wanted to say i'm not as scared as I was when I wrote the topic the other night,,,cause of people like you helping me,,and slowing down and taking it a day ,hour ,and minute at a time if need be, but it's working and i'm feeling alot better :>) SO THANKS!!!! can't wait to read more peoples suggestions//Letters


Member: Billie B.
Location: Georgia
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 00:18:31

Comments

hello everyone! I'm Billie and I'm an alcoholic! living life on life's terms is a great topic. during my drinking i thought that the world revolved aroung me. now i know that today for me it is easier doing the next right thing than it is not to. the steps are what got me out of myself and showed me that in order to stay sober, i have to live life on life's terms. when i have fear about life or whatever,i know that i have a LACK OF FAITH. that's when i have to look at myself and find the problem. god has never not been there. i may not see the answer at first but it does come in his time. LEARNING to rely and trust on my HP which i choose to call god is why i'm sober today. keep coming back and don't quit before the miracle happens.....because it will happen! thank you all for being here. sober 5-1/2yrs. to any young people.. i got sober at 22 and now am almost 28. remember never to young and it does work IF you work it. no osmosis here at A.A,


Member: Eileen C
Location: Far West Texas
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 02:06:37

Comments

Hi, Eileen - Alcoholic and Addict - My way to live life on life's terms comes back to page 449 in the "Big Book". Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. I only have to worry about today, yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may not happen. I just have to accept today. The first thing I embrace every day is the fact that I am an alcoholic and addict and I am powerless over other people, places, things as well as alcohol and drugs. I turn the day over to my HP, and ask him to keep me sober today. If I start feeling out of sorts I stop and look at how my acceptance is off. Usually it is because I have started focusing on ME and I am trying to run everything. Usually this is due to self centered fear- I am afraid I will not get what I want or lose something I have. When this reation comes to me-- Which can sometimes take awhile, I stop and do a tenth step right then. Sometimes it takes a meeting or talking with my sponsor or another recovering alcoholic to help me see how far out of acceptance I am. When I reach the end of the day I thank my HP for keeping me sober for that day. I also look at the other things I have to be grateful for that day.

I guess the key to being able to live life on life's terms is acceptance and gratitude.


Member: TJ
Location: Transit in Europe
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 06:08:32

Comments

Big Book Pages xiii-164 Recovery Program of first one hundred of AA. We who practiced the principals found the solution to what we thought was our problem in these pages. See, I, like Albuquerque John, don't have a secret. If we had we would still be selfish. The Big Book that all real alcoholics use gives us the tools in these pages to handle life on life's terms - then we can be happy joyous and free.


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 07:12:17

Comments

I'm Fred M and I'm an alcoholic. I already posted once this week, so this will be short. Jesse, from British Columbia--thanks to you and thanks, God, for speaking to me thru Jesse. Jesse said he has learned that courage is not the absence of fear as he once thought. It is the ability to feel fear and do it anyway. After I read that 10 times, I realized I was waiting for a time when I was not afraid to go to my first meeting. That time will never come. I called the national office and talked to a great guy and this afternoon after work, I will go to my first meeting, after not having a drink since 1979. Thanks, Jesse, and thanks to God for sending me to this site.

I love you all. Fred


Member: SuzyQ
Location: NJ
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 07:38:04

Comments

Sue, alcoholic. Sometimes my current situation seems worse than before I decided to take action. I know it only SEEMS that way in my own mind. I know that it was so scarey to make all these changes in the first place, mabey thats why it took me so long. I have to admit that its not been so difficult. Some of the gifts I have recieved so far are priceless. Lifes terms- lately feels like a raw deal to me and I have to remember, I made them what they were and I can choose to let God make them what they could be. Patience seems to be the key for me, and let me tell you I am not good at being patient. I have to turn over to God over and over again. And please get me to those meetings, a ride?, a babysitter?, the time?, and please noone with a problem more immediate than my need to get to a meeting. Thanks for being here when I cant make a meeting.


Member: Debs ..
Location:
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 11:26:45

Comments

... We were so close and yet so far :(


Member: .. ..
Location:
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 11:38:58

Comments

... Prayers!


Member: Laura G.
Location: BC
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 14:01:29

Comments

Hi I'm Laura, and I'm an alcoholic.

I really appreciated all of the wonderful responses to this topic. I needed help with this fear thing today!

Thanks!


Member: Darlene A.S.
Location: Kingston, N.Y.
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 14:44:52

Comments

Hi, I'm Darlene A.S. and I'm an alcoholic/Addict

This is my first time visiting this site and I don't know how I've gotten by without it. I've got 5 wonderfull months clean and sober. I've been to 2 meetings already today and I'm planning one more this evening. I think Eileen H. from N.Y. said it best with her remark "nothing could possibly happen in life that taking a drink would make better." Also Todd P's comment that he learned "that no matter what your problems are, they're never so big that a drink wont make them worse." I wouldn't trade my worse day sober for my best day drunk/high either!!! Karen F.- I can identify with the depression over the 15 lb. weight gain. Continue working on the inside while working on your outer appearance. My weight fluctuates 15 lbs. or so, but my friends and family (husband, too...in fact he prefers me a little overweight to the skinny/sickly way I looked when active)accept and love me anyway. I'm starting to love myself reguardless of my extra 15 lbs. of weight which is the first step of losing the weight--feeling good about yourself so that you don't feel the urge to indulge in overeating/alcohol/drugs. I live in Ulster County NY...I'd like to hear recovering and/or struggling women in my area at kiss_9@hotmail.com Thank you all for sharing/thanks for letting me share Darlene A.S., Kingston N.Y.


Member: John B.
Location: Florida
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 15:23:41

Comments

Hi - I'am John B., an alcoholic. I am 25 years old and have been dependent on alcohol since age sixteen. This is my first day sober. I am very scared. I am very successful, have a beautiful wife,a nice house, and everything going for me; however, I feel that I am losing control. I feel lost and lonely. I am not happy with myself or the life I am living with my wife and family.

Living life on life's terms ? I do not know what that meens...I feel that I have had a pretty good life...but looking back - looking at the way I feel inside (not the way people think I feel) I know I am kidding myself.

I woke up this A.M., and felt that God was telling me something. Came to work - went directly to the computer - and typed in stop drinking - and found this site. I have read every comment this week, all of which are very intresting. I am still very scared and really do not know where to turn. I do not want to tell my family and friends that I feel that alcohol is a big factor in my life, but I know I cannot do it alone.

Need Help, John B.,Tampa


Member: jrr
Location: HARMONY ON THE LAKE
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 16:51:49

Comments

john b.. welcome to the beginning of a great way of life. now get to a real live AA meeting, this is strictly entertainment. if folks found a way to get booze.. they can find a meeting. look in your phone book. don't worry about figuring it out, just don't drink. this deal works better if you don't drink while you try to do it. though the ONLY requirement is a DESIRE to stop drinking. so..do not be discouraged away from meetings if you in fact drink again. it is not required, though you will hear a lot of re-treads give you their own version of trying to get sober. the deal is.. if you don't drink you will not get drunk. period. end of sentence. after you get through whatever physical discomfort you have, and if you are prone to seizures or are not sure, for crissakes do not Detox on your own. go to a hospital.people do die from the DT's. trust me when i tell you i wished i was dead when i went through them.. not pretty or fun. But after you get over the physical mayhem.. and it may take awhile. get busy. get a homegroup. that is join a group.. that you can be involved in.. say.. the wednesday 7pm Miracle group. that is the name of it.. you show up early, say.. 6pm.. you say: " hello i need help, and a job to do.. i want to help set up chairs. do you have any temporary sponsors available? " then after you get involved.. and acclimated to the folks who ARE involved.. you will soon see a new approach to LIFE. and yes, they are going to hammer you on the god thing. just know this--- it is a god of YOUR understanding, or for that matter, MIS-understanding. just dont' rely on YOURSELF anymore. if you had so much on the ball.. and could run your affairs so well.. what the HELL are you doing in an AA bulletin board? you will do fine, just go slow.. the big problem i have noticed is those that in their own mind get too well too fast.. this deal takes time and effort.. mostly it takes an honest desire to be honest.. with your ownself.. now get off this thing and get your ass to a REAL LIVE meeting.. this deal works.. i promise! peace, jrr


Member: Drew
Location: georgia
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 18:29:03

Comments

I'm Drew and I'm an alcohlic. Hello everyone and greetings from the south, home of bootleg. I just wanted to re-iterate what the gentleman before me stated that this is a form of entertainment. Although I enjoy this type of interaction it is very important that I connect with other alcoholics on a human level. newcomers please bring yourselves to the real thing and then tell us how you liked it. I was so isolated before coming to AA I was unable to form any type of partnership with anyone, but after some time and god's patience things began to improve. Life on life's terms? Either I live this way or I return to alcohol and live by those terms, those are my realistic options today. All I can say is it is much better today than it has ever been...life.


Member: Danette R
Location: BC, Canada
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 18:34:50

Comments

Good afternoon to all members of the fellowship...

My name is Danette and I am an alcoholic. I am proud to be able to share with other gracious alcoholics...

We all have a common bond and that is the desire to stop drinking..We have admitted that we were powerless over alcohol --that our lives had become unmanageable.

We turn ourselves over to a Higher Power...the universe will take care of the details.

I have used alcohol since 1980, letting it control me and my thoughts...I have come to realize that thoughts come and go, and we can't get hung up on them...

I long for liberation...and by admitting that I am powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable I am taking my first step....Am I getting this right?

Life on life's terms...

LIFE IS A GIFT FROM GOD AND THAT IS WHY WE CALL IT THE PRESENT:):)

I love you all unconditionally and wish you a wonderfully sober day.

This site is a special gift to us all...Thank you all for sharing...


Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, Massachusetts USA
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 18:39:16

Comments

Steve, alcoholic

Hi John B. You sound a lot like me, except it took me about 27 years longer than you to figure out what my problem was. Save yourself the 27 years of further agony and try an AA meeting. Just call the number for AA in the front of your phone book. That's how I got started. I'm 53, and I've been in AA for 7 months now. I'm finally starting to understand why I did all the crazy things that I've done in my life. And as a bonus, I haven't had a drink for 7 months. If you'd like, email me at skfischer@mediaone.net. I'll be happy to answer any questions. Good luck!


Member: Annie A.
Location: NY
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 22:16:44

Comments

Hi, Annie the Happy Hour Queen here! ANGELA of NY I would love to e-mail each other for support. I will e-mail you tomorrow, as it is late and I'm tired now but wanted to reach out. Also KAREN F of CUBA I know the despair you feel and if you would like to join in on this little e-mail session, perhaps we can give each other strength to get through a day. CASSANDRA D, please also feel free to e-mail. I'm certainly not claiming to know how to get through this or that I have answers but perhaps we can give each other strength and encouragement to at least get started in the right direction. I do know that I feel a comraderie here and would like to start some kind of support system in addition to this. I also know that I have to go to a live meeting and give it a shot. So ladies, if you like please e-mail me at palamo@advinc.com Eillen H, your post gives me hope and I would also like to contact you tomorrow. Thanks for sharing your e-mail. And thanks to everyone else!


Member: BILLW
Location: CHESAPEAKEVA.
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 22:33:11

Comments

HI BILL W. HERE ALCOHOLIC.BEEN SOBER FOR 40 DAYS. FEAR HAS PLAYED A BIG PART IN ME STAYING SOBER.I AM 39 YEARS OLD STARTED DRINKING WHEN I WAS 15.MY FISRT DAY WAS THE HARDEST.THE PEPOLE IN AA MEETINGS DID NOT LOOK DOWN OWN ME ,THEY REACH OUT AND OFFER A HELPING HAND.THAT PUT FEAR IN ME.BUT THE MORE I WENT THE LESS FEAR I HAD.YOU SHOULD GO TO MEETINGS AND GET A SPONSOR.SOMEONE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN TALK TO.ME I HAVE TWO,I AM HAVEING A HARD TIME SO I TALK TO THEM .THEY HELP ME OUT,WE CAN NOT PUT ARE PAST AWAY. BUT WE CAN LIVE ONE DAY AT A TIME.AS LONG AS WE CAN DO THIS WE CAN SUVRIE ALL. WE HAVE TO REACH OUT AND AKS FOR HELP.I HAD TO IT WAS WITH MY JOB.SO DO NOT BE SCARED TO ASK ANYBODY FOR IT . THANK FOR LETTING ME SHARE GOD BLESS !!!!! BILLW.


Member: MaryJ
Location: Seattle
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 22:39:58

Comments

Hi,

I'm Mary and an alcoholic. I think the advice of one day at a time is good. I think all of us sober or not get scared and confused because life is never predictable and it does go out of control. I have to run, my day seems out of control and I need to get some closure to it.


Member: Rick S.
Location: B.C. NV
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 22:53:20

Comments

My name is Rick and I am still an alcoholic. John B from Tampa call AA in your town they are in the phone book, get to a real meeting. If you have questions...get a "Big Book" and read it. If I can help drop me a line. dsixberry@aol.com Seee Yaaa !!!


Member: Mike
Location: Ottawa
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 23:07:01

Comments

Hi John, Mike here, I've been sober for 11 years. Fear comes and goes. Drinking stays and just gets worse. My best growth has always happened after facing fear. You will find the answer to fear in the 4th step. Live in the now. This too shall pass!


Member: steve t
Location: fl
Date: 23 Sep 1999
Time: 23:48:12

Comments

Steve alcoholic.John b i to at one time had a wife and good job.Lost everything i had.When i walked in to my first meeting no wife,no job, no car and not a dime to my name.With the help of my h/p and AA 8 Years latter i have a good job,house and real friends.I did relapse after 3 years and the missery was refunded.So please go to a meeting and talk to your wife about it. ONE DAY AT A TIME IT DOES GET BETTER


Member: DonF
Location: NH
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 00:06:36

Comments

John B. Welcome to a new way of life, if you choose to come with us. Likewise, I reiterate, "get to a real meeting." Life on life's terms? Means I'm not that important. Life happens, then you adjust, a day at a time. I gotta get humility to get well. Surrender to become victorious. Doesn't make sense to our super-elevated instincts. Relying on my own devices I got drunk, and I would again. Pick up the tools of the program: Don't drink, go to meetings, ask for help, let it happen. HOW it works: Honesty, Openness, Willingness.


Member: Karl K.
Location: MO
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 00:40:37

Comments

Hi all--I am Karl/Alkie. Been sober a few yrs. Very new to cyber-world. Just listening tonite. appreciate your comments. I will be back


Member: sam
Location: out there
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 00:41:28

Comments

Hi John, scared? Here's how my days gone today. Big problems all round, I stand to loose my home, my business all because of financial situations that I cannot control. But guess what, tonight I will go to bed sober. And that is one huge victory for me! And I wouldn't swap that victory for all of the financial security in the world! This bad time for me will pass as yours will too and in the meantime we just grow stronger and more secure in ourselves, and boy! am I proud of me tonight!


Member: Jesse
Location: British Columbia
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 01:04:32

Comments

Hi all. Grateful alcoholic named Jesse here.

Way to go Fred!!! So glad to read that you're checking out a meeting. To John B in Florida: as others have said, get out to a meeting and get some phone numbers of people so that you can get support/help outside of meeting times. I posted earlier so will keep this short. You say you haven't lost your job or your home or your family. Just add YET to the end of that sentence. You are fortunate enough to "stop in time". You do not have to go to the bitter end before quitting drinking. Good luck. Jesse.


Member: Todd H
Location: ohio
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 01:08:53

Comments

hows everyone? i'm on my second twenty four hours, and feel like sh#@, but i'm gonna keep after it cause if it can work for thousands of others then maybe the almighty will let it work for me. i saw something in some of the faces i saw at that meeting and god willing i want it too!! anything has to be better than drinking myself to death... like arnold said "i'll be back". i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. thanks for listening.


Member: Bob H
Location: 58 N  136 W
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 02:33:29

Comments

BOB Alcoholic -FEAR is it? This is an excellent topic for me right now. My life is a wallow of self centered FEAR. I roll in it and wonder why I smell like it. Prayer and meditation bring me out of it. Anger brings me out of it. Lets see which way should I go here ? Logging on was an excellent choice for me this evening. If I could I would head for a meeting. This option is a good one. Lots of humor and AA buzz words. GLAD to be here and sober. Thanks God


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 03:43:57

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to all the newcomers! And thanks everyone for sharing!

While I'm not an expert yet at living life on life's terms, I do know that the most important thing I need to do each day is not pick up that first drink, and for me that is dependent on my practicing the principles of the AA program to the best of my ability. And as someone emphasized earlier, this revolves around a one day at time program.

As far as this one day at a time thing goes, I don't think its importance can be stressed enough either. I can honestly say that as time has passed I have made some real improvements in living life on life's terms by acting on the one day at a time principle. For one thing, I am now less likely to let yesterdays emotional turmoil interefere with my sober life today. This is a great stress reliever and helps tremendously in preventing me from getting depressed or overwhelmed, both emotional states that could threaten my sobriety. Of course, some days i do better than others at living life on life's terms, but I think this is only natural. The key today is, again, that I am better able at accepting and putting yesterday's setbacks behind me.


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 03:44:25

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to all the newcomers! And thanks everyone for sharing!

While I'm not an expert yet at living life on life's terms, I do know that the most important thing I need to do each day is not pick up that first drink, and for me that is dependent on my practicing the principles of the AA program to the best of my ability. And as someone emphasized earlier, this revolves around a one day at time program.

As far as this one day at a time thing goes, I don't think its importance can be stressed enough either. I can honestly say that as time has passed I have made some real improvements in living life on life's terms by acting on the one day at a time principle. For one thing, I am now less likely to let yesterdays emotional turmoil interefere with my sober life today. This is a great stress reliever and helps tremendously in preventing me from getting depressed or overwhelmed, both emotional states that could threaten my sobriety. Of course, some days i do better than others at living life on life's terms, but I think this is only natural. The key today is, again, that I am better able at accepting and putting yesterday's setbacks behind me.


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 07:55:40

Comments

I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic. I'll keep this short. Went to my first real meeting last night and all I can say is a ton of weight was lifted off my shoulders. Thanks to all on this site who sent me to my first face to face. I'll report more in next week's discussion.

Fred


Member: CG....
Location:
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 09:38:40

Comments

...Close is not progress after 1 full year! ...Fear is why we remain far away & apart! ...Inaction has destroyed us!


Member: Mel K.
Location: NY
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 10:29:17

Comments

Take it to the coffee pot CG etc. that is a place for casual conversation. This is a discussion meeting, and the topic is about fear and living life on life on life's terms.

Okay, thanks folks!


Member: paul o
Location: dallas
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 10:48:27

Comments


Member: glo
Location: abq
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 12:53:20

Comments

Hi, Glo alcoholic here. Great topic! Just this week I've experienced getting on the other side of some internal insanity caused by trying to live life on my terms. I'm 5 yrs sober and am working the steps again, starting with #1, with my sponsor. The message that has come in loud and clear is that in order for this alcoholic to live life on life's terms I've gotta stick really close to steps 1,2 and 3, particularly #3! I may not have gotten that had I not started working the steps again. Just another example of God working in my life.

I heard in a meeting once that fear lives either in the past or in the future but not the present. This seems to be true for me so far. My fear is based either on a past bad experience or on the unknown. At any rate it's not based on the here and now. So, I'm beginning to think maybe that's where I need to live, in the present. I just love reading some of the postings from the newcomers that say things like, "I'm not really a group sort of person" or "I've found f2f meetings aren't really for me"...Do y'all think any of us were comfortable at first?? We're all alcoholics, isolation is one of our most common traits. I think the Nike commercial says it best...just do it!

Peace and happiness to all as we continue to trudge the road of happy destiny.


Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 14:22:13

Comments

Sorry for double post, but have to say a big THANK YOU for all the inspirational sharing here this week, and to all new to sobriety, keep on keeping on, and FRED......WELCOME TO AA!!! It is wonderful to hear you made your first meeting....Be even better to hear you made your 2nd/3rd..etc. Love Y'all, and anyone who wants to e-mail, my address is below.

Goodie@cwcom.net

ICQ 47039989


Member: Patt
Location: Oregon
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 16:32:48

Comments

Good morning, all, Pattw/2tees grateful, recovering alcoholic here. What wonderful messages here--way to go, AA!! I love it when newly sober people reach out to help those just coming to us. It shows me that they are compassionate and loving. That's the purpose of this whole program--"whenever anyone, anywhere reaches out..."

Fred--Congratulations to you on facing your fear. I know that fear, no, TERROR, and pride kept me from this program of life for so very long. God truly spoke to you through Jesse. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

John B.--Welcome, my dear. Reaching out is so important. Repeat of the above information--get yourself to a face to face meeting, ask for help, get the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" (known affectionately as "The Big Book") and read it. The first 164 pages are the way it works for us, if we are willing to work it. It may not "compute" at first, but keep at it. Go to more than one meeting, as there are all different kinds. You'll find one that fits you. Just keep coming back so that you can hear how others live it.

Todd--Way to go!!

Annie--You sound very uplifted today. Good for you, keep at it. Will e-mail you.

Thanks to all who shared. jrr, you really hit the nail on the head. Thank you.


Member: Linda M
Location: Cape Cod Mass
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 16:50:47

Comments

Linda here,Angry alcoholic.Fear and living life on lifes terms is unbearable for me.I am angry most the time because things are not how I want them to be.I am always afraid that I will drink out of anger or should I say spite.Ive been sober for 10 months now and Ive slipped twice.But sometimes I look for a reason to drink.Ive went to meetings before but I am to uncomfortable and I get destracted.So this is my first meeting on line.Im praying to have more luck.


Member: Kirk A
Location: michigan, lake mich side
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 17:39:02

Comments

hi all,kirk here/ cross addicted/ good topic... first time for me, here. fear the great destroyer.. it kills many a dreams most while they are still just dreams..stopping you before you even start, at laest thats my story. for me living in fear allows me to continue to be a user, and abuser, both of chemicals and people, but one day at a time i'm gettin stonger, PRAY, PRAY, and PRAY again, and if that don't work PRAY again... any way you all understand. god bless you all have a sober day!!!!!!!!!!!!


Member: kirk
Location: mich, lake mich side
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 17:44:30

Comments

i for got to add my e-mail address its vksmwings@hotmail.com, for those who may be interested. i can use all the support i can get..... thanks


Member: Bob P
Location: Atlanta
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 18:53:15

Comments

Bob P. Real Alcoholic Atlanta This is my first time on the internet. Had a pigeon who got drunk doing AA on the internet. Had a pigeon who got drunk doing AA in meetings. Finally figured out what got them drunk: alcohol

I was around AA a long time before I finally figured out the little sound bites were just someones opinion and not necessarily the program of AA. Especially the one about living life on lifes terms. It does not always get better. Sometime it gets damn bad, but by and large while it does not necessarily get better it generally stops getting worse.

The program is in the big book and within the first 164 pages of the current edition. Most all the rest is someone's opinion and if not reconciled with the book it is usually suggested to leave it alone. I used to bring up all this touchy feely stuff to my sponsor and he stongly suggested I follow the directions as set forth in the book which always had the solution as to how to live life on lifes terms and not drink in the process.

If I have been on a soapbox about the big book I hope you continue to find me there.

Step one is the problem, step two the solution and the program is in between,"living life on life's terms (for the alcoholic, that is)."


Member: Todd H
Location: ohio
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 22:35:19

Comments

one more twenty four....thank god, thank you, stay tuned i have the rest of my life....i hope...life on life's terms i'm living it i think...maybe thinking is'nt a good idea, just let go let god...


Member: Cynthia
Location: Calif.
Date: 24 Sep 1999
Time: 22:52:42

Comments

Hi; I am having a very difficult time right now because I think my husband may be cheating on me or setting it up. We are both program. I am told he is flirtatious with one woman in particular. We don't attend the same meetings. It is difficult to accept this. I do not want to be "suspicious" or "paranoid" however, I also do not want to be foolish. I don't want to discuss this in meetings because I don't have real solid facts, just someone's interpretation & we have both been around a while. I feel very betrayed. I know this is not topic & apologize. Any advise?


Member: Letty C.
Location: PA
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 00:09:20

Comments

Hi..my name is Letty & I am an alcoholic. Living Life on Life's Terms..its takin a while to understand that. In the early days it was all about not drinking. I didn't really have a life without the drink because my life revolved around getting drunk. After the fog cleared and things started happening to me that were what I perceived a nightmare(some really were). I started learning about life on life's terms. That is when the steps of AA kicked in. At first I learned them kinda like the you learn the alphabet when your young, then you learn how to really apply the basics. That's what happened with the steps. For me the hardest part about dealing with life is people not all of them only the ones that appear to make life difficult for me. The first thing I do is step 1, (we) I am powerless over people, places and things. I have to pray to God to bring me back to sanity-step 2, then I do my best to give the situation to God-step 3...by that time a lot of my steam is taken away. If it isn't keep repeating them, call a sponsor, go to a meeting. That's what worked then & it still does. As they say God doesn't give us more than we can handle! Another thing that I remember that a lot of folks mentioned is whatever happens just don't drink. And, as someone else mentioned acceptance. If I want to live sober, I need to accept things for how they are, I can only make it better if I'm sober because only then can I learn from my mistakes..when I was drinking I didn't learn from my mistakes it was a vicious cycle..Thanks everyone for sharing..I'm new to internet meetings, enjoying them a lot, thanks for being here!


Member: Jayne L
Location: Surrey, U.K.
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 13:08:45

Comments

My name is Jayne, I'm really new to computers and totally new to this meeting, hello out there to all you recovering people, its really excellent to find this site.

keep on keeping on Jayne in U.K.


Member: Cyndi
Location: Ohio
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 15:21:33

Comments

Hi Jayne. Welcome to the wonderful world of cyber space. I come to this site when I need to 'get my head on straight'.

Thanks for the great comments so far.


Member: Tammy.L.
Location:
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 18:55:31

Comments

This is a great site.I keep reading this site hoping that I will get the strength to live my life on lifes terms and stay sober,I honestly want it but Im struggling.I havent stayed sober for more than 4 days at a time latley.Before I could stop for months but now I feel really scared.Im going to keep on reading this site because I need you.


Member: Gus L.
Location: Michigan
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 19:01:19

Comments

Hi! I'm Gus , an alcoholic. This is my first time at an internet A.A. meeting though I've been sober 15 years and have regularly attended meetings all that time (maybe the reason I'm still sober?) I live life on life's terms by my understanding of the 3rd step...my life is in His hands so no matter what choice I make, as long as it is not to drink, I'm going to be O.K. His will and mine are in accord...He wants me soberand so do I. Accepting reality, the way it is isn't scarey anymore when I know that together God and I can handle anything..I've faced death of a parent, divorce, remarriage, my husband's serious illness, job changes and relocating sober...in fact nothing is the same as it was 15 years ago. The most important change is that I'm comfortable in my own skin now and I have a way to cope with daily life without drinking . 15 years ago,my choice would have been not to continue living..God's gift instead was a worthwhile life,,,I'm glad He knows better than I!


Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 20:20:20

Comments

I like all the great comments so far, especially what Gus said. Living life on life's terms is easier when my will is actually God's will. The terms, as long as they do not include alcohol, are easier than they were before. It sounds simple, but that's what works! Thanks for letting me share.


Member: steve t
Location: fl
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 21:04:16

Comments

Tammy L if you honestly want it.THEN GO GET IT. Go to a meeting,raise your hand and tell them you are a alcoholic and need help.The love and support you will get is GREAT.Its one of the hardest things i have ever done.That was the frist step for me to begin living life on life's terms


Member: Lonny
Location: Georgia
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 21:08:27

Comments

Hello I am Lonny , alcoholic. When I first came to AA , I had no since of humor ,no hope ,not much of a life. sound familiar? In order for me to grow, I simply had to stop fighting any and everything. sounds simple, huh? In order for me to do this, I must constantly practice acceptance. If I can find the humor in most situations and remain compassionate I can usually take life as it comes. Acceptance, for me is the key. Today, I can laugh, joke, have genuine fun. Thank you God and AA.


Member:   Jerry O.
Location: Clarks ville, Texas
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 21:25:57

Comments

Hi my name is Jerry an alcoholic new to this type of meeting what I have to remember is that fear was a great motivator for my drinking and I try to remember 24 hours at a time is that my soloution is found in step 2 and thats been working several 24hr periods now. Blind faith is not easy for people who are full of fear. Remember trust God, clean house, and help others And it works if you work it.


Member: Tina
Location: Georgia
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 21:33:15

Comments

My name is Tina I'm an alcoholic. Tammy, in three days, one day at a time, I will pick up my first year chip. For me the key to that is one day at a time. I could not just go to meetings and not drink.For me I had to get and use a sponsor, work the twelve steps in the order they are written, pray and do the next right thing too. Sometimes it's all I can do to put one foot in front of the other. Today I can live life on life's terms with the help of my higher power which I choose to call GOD.


Member: Luanne
Location:
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 21:53:58

Comments

Saturday Night and I ain't got nobody. I've got somebody but he's out getting drunk! What a creep you say ? Insensitive it's true. Hi! my name is Luanne and this is my 2nd time thru. My addictions came full circle and came this time in a form so totally different from the first. At the age of 24 I Admitted to being a alchoholic. I sought out sobriety and found help thru the grace of god and the support of A.A. Somehow, at sometime I had forgotten the alcoholism is a disese. I had successfully remained sober for 11 years. Not an easy task, what with alchohol being so deeply inbedded in my family gene's. Each of my family members is an active alchoholic at this time. I however, have been sober , one day at a time , for a cummulative total of 20days. I feel good, I feel strong and I feel lonely. As much as my husband wanted me to stop drinking, as much as my husband wants to support me, he can not , he is an alchoholic in denial. The more I do to improve my life. The more activites I become involved with the more he feels threatened. The more he feels threatened. the more he acts out. I choose to be sober and live a life of sanity ! I work the program and the program works. Need help ! Love this person very much. My life depends on being sober. What do I Do !!!!!


Member: Luanne
Location:
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 21:54:25

Comments

Saturday Night and I ain't got nobody. I've got somebody but he's out getting drunk! What a creep you say ? Insensitive it's true. Hi! my name is Luanne and this is my 2nd time thru. My addictions came full circle and came this time in a form so totally different from the first. At the age of 24 I Admitted to being a alchoholic. I sought out sobriety and found help thru the grace of god and the support of A.A. Somehow, at sometime I had forgotten the alcoholism is a disese. I had successfully remained sober for 11 years. Not an easy task, what with alchohol being so deeply inbedded in my family gene's. Each of my family members is an active alchoholic at this time. I however, have been sober , one day at a time , for a cummulative total of 20days. I feel good, I feel strong and I feel lonely. As much as my husband wanted me to stop drinking, as much as my husband wants to support me, he can not , he is an alchoholic in denial. The more I do to improve my life. The more activites I become involved with the more he feels threatened. The more he feels threatened. the more he acts out. I choose to be sober and live a life of sanity ! I work the program and the program works. Need help ! Love this person very much. My life depends on being sober. What do I Do !!!!!


Member: Luanne
Location:
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 21:54:51

Comments

Saturday Night and I ain't got nobody. I've got somebody but he's out getting drunk! What a creep you say ? Insensitive it's true. Hi! my name is Luanne and this is my 2nd time thru. My addictions came full circle and came this time in a form so totally different from the first. At the age of 24 I Admitted to being a alchoholic. I sought out sobriety and found help thru the grace of god and the support of A.A. Somehow, at sometime I had forgotten the alcoholism is a disese. I had successfully remained sober for 11 years. Not an easy task, what with alchohol being so deeply inbedded in my family gene's. Each of my family members is an active alchoholic at this time. I however, have been sober , one day at a time , for a cummulative total of 20days. I feel good, I feel strong and I feel lonely. As much as my husband wanted me to stop drinking, as much as my husband wants to support me, he can not , he is an alchoholic in denial. The more I do to improve my life. The more activites I become involved with the more he feels threatened. The more he feels threatened. the more he acts out. I choose to be sober and live a life of sanity ! I work the program and the program works. Need help ! Love this person very much. My life depends on being sober. What do I Do !!!!!


Member: Ida M
Location: MT
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 22:12:50

Comments

Hi Luanne -

You asked "what do I do?". You knew what to do for 11 years and you knew what to do 23 days ago. You stayed sober. You did it once, you can do it again. I think it's great you are staying by your loved one -- but rememeber - you have no control over him - just like you have no control over alcohol. Focus on yourself. Be good to yourself and give yourself a break tonight. You have the support of thousands of people and your higher power to get you through this. That's more real and more powerful than the support of your husband. We all want the support and love of our spouse - but if it's not there - it's just not there. Sometimes you have to lean on strangers. That's what got most of us through the hardest times. You know in a personal meeting we would all hold hands and say the Lords Prayer. Even though all your cyber AA buddies can't physically hold your hand - we are pulling for you. Do the right thing - stay sober for yourself. Good Luck!!


Member: KATE N
Location: WAUKESHA, WI
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 22:29:39

Comments

KATE N WAUKESHA, WI

I TOO UNDERSTAND YOUR FEAR. I HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR ONLY A FEW DAYS...AND THE ONLY THINGS KEEPING ME GOING ARE...MY FAITH IN GOD..MY LOVE OF FAMILY...AND THE REALIZATION THAT I AM TIRED OF LIVING A LYING, DISHONEST, UNHEALTHY, AND SECRET LIFE. MAY YOUR HIGHER POWER GIVE YOU STRENTGH TO OVERCOME YOUR FEARS. GOD BLESS


Member: Tamara M.
Location: AZ
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 22:32:26

Comments

Hi...Tamara here,Alcoholic/addict. Yes, one day at a time sounds easy but it isn't. It's hard not to keep replaying those old tapes of our shortcomings and hard not to worry about what will happen tomorrow. It's hard to be patient and just relax, enjoying each day to it's fullest. JUST FOR TODAY...my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying my life without the use of drugs or alcohol. JUST FOR TODAY...I will be unafraid.


Member: Bob M
Location: MT
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 22:40:26

Comments

Hello everyone, I'm Bob and a recovering alcoholic. Just found this sight and not very good on computers. Just wanted to say been sober for 19 months and thank my higher power and wife for that! Been dragging my feet about going to meetings lately but after reading some comments I will start going again! I beleive right now I'm going to start on step one again because I'm a slacker and feel not improving any. So long for now.


Member: myra b
Location: new jersey
Date: 25 Sep 1999
Time: 22:44:48

Comments

hello my name is myra and Iam an alcoholic..Hi luanne. i really sympathize with you. i too have an alcoholic husband that is in denial. my difference is that i haven't been with him for over 3 years yet i still love him dearly. i live in the hopes that one day he too will receive the aa messsage. i am 33 years old and i currently only have 1 1/2 months sober and iam feeling great about making this change in my life. i wish i could help my husband, but the best thing to do right now is to help myself, and continue to pray for him. we recently went to a meeting at an outpatient program of mine, (he came as a guest...) and he stated that he enjoyed it, but that he didn't think he would go back. eventhough i know my sobriety is the most important thing to me right now, i still want to reach out to him.but i also realize that he has to want to get sober. until then there really is nothing else i can do! i can only lead by example right now. hopefully one day your husband will find the message of aa, but for right now, feel blessed that GOD has given the message to you!! good luck with your sobriety, and remember....saturday night doesn't have to be lonely....you can always go to a meeting!!:)thanks for letting me share.