Member: Scott W
Location: Houston, TX
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 9:22:14 AM

Comments

Good morning all! Today is day 28 and I would love to hear from you guys on how you survived your first 90 days. My sponsor is taking me through the steps and yesterday I did step #3 and it affected me much more than I expected. I felt overwhelmed by God's love for me. Thanks to all who want to share.


Member: Evin
Location: Beautiful South Florida
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 9:31:48 AM

Comments

My name is Evin and I'm an alcoholic.

Congratulations Scott, you're doing great. And I promise you that as good as you feel now it will continue to get better.

My best advice is some that I'll pass on from what I heard at one of my home meetings. Success in this progam is like a three legged stool. 1. Sobriety, 2. your sponsor, 3. attend meetings. Simple and straighforward.

Keep coming back and rememeber what I regard as the most important words in this fellowship - the last sentence in the AA preamble..."Our primary purpose is to stay sober and to help another alcoholic achieve sobriety."


Member: Robert B
Location: Nova Scotia
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 10:46:33 AM

Comments

Congrats Scott,keep on getting to at least one meeting a day,try different meetings and different types,read the BB and other AA literature,hang out with your new AA freinds,get to a round up,in other words cram yourself so full of AA and recovery that you don;t have time to miss your old drinking life,and make no mistake about it,you will miss it,its normal to.You can't possibly make such a large change of lifestyle without missing the old,even though it may have been killing you.Booze was my best freind,and it wanted me dead.It had me unemployed,alone,poor and sick.But I still miss it sometimes,kinda like an old girlfreind who was fun but totally bad for you.Watch recovery films.Attend meetings at de-toxs.A little of the"there but for the Grace of God"is good for you.And remember,time goes fast,soon you'll be picking up a 6 mos. chip,so try to enjoy it,the newness of sobriety.You don't ever have to go back to that old insane way of living again.Be gratefull for each new sober day and the AA program.Pray.Hope this helps,and good luck.


Member: John H.
Location: In.
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 11:13:15 AM

Comments

Congratulations Scott, for your 28 days of sobriety! My name is John, an alcoholic.Keep up what you're doing that has given you 28 days of sobriety by the grace of God and the AA program.

For me the three legged stool is this order, 1. Sobriety; 2.Meetings; 3. Get a sponsor. It took me many meetings before I asked a person to be my sponsor, one I was sure was truly working the program and that I could relate to. Before arriving at that decision my feeling was that all were my sponsor to some degree, and it gave time to make a choice that might be durable.

You can probably compare your feelings now with those of your recent drinking days It sounds like now is much better than then. Question yourself whether you want to return to drinking. No? Then keep up what you're doing now plus applying the advice you will be getting from your fellow members here and at meetings. Remember it's God's speed that counts, not one's own. i.e.One day at a time! God's speed and good harvests!!


Member: Jeff J
Location: North Idaho
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 11:27:25 AM

Comments

Hello All, My name is Jeff J, Two little things got me thru the first year of sobrity, beside the normal, meetings and fellowship. They were "Keep it simple" and "This to shall pass"!! I really needed "Keep it Simple" because I wanted everything now and was always looking for that short cut, lucky for me I had a sponser that would just keep telling me I'm right where I'm suppose to be and that I'm not there yet. He was a big book thumper and wouldn't let me jump ahead.Or get sidetracked on other things. And as for "this too shall pass" well that kinda explains itself. When things got rough,I never beleived it, but prayed it would, and all those people that came before me were right. I was stubbern and had alot of days of doing this program "one minute at a time". Also the old getting out of myself by helping others saved me! Scott keep up the good work, try and have fun in sobrity, and don't complicate the program, like they say it is a simple program. But sometimes it is hard to do. Listen to your sponser and other of course, sometimes they sound nut's but there is experance there.And start eyeing that service work I never really felt part of until I started doing service work. Of course that came a little latter then 90 days, but there is always cups to wash and things to set up. Jeff J. imrule62@hotmail.com


Member: VickieH
Location: Alabama
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 4:12:51 PM

Comments

Hi Scott, Vickie, alcoholic. Thank you for reminding me how I was feeling during those times. The first time i saw a man I use to drink with, pick up a 90 day chip, I thought, well if he can do it, I know I can. Getting back home, the cravings set in. It was suggested to me that I keep Chocolate or Honey for these occassions. Having none, I went to a local convenience store and loaded up! The cashier gave me a strange look but I didn't care. I was at the turning point where I was willing to do anything to not pick up that first drink. I went back home called my sponsor, and, of course, her comment was,"This too shall Pass" I hated that one! But I have learned to use it, most time on a daily basis. Just hang on tightly to what you have heard and read. IT WORKS! I am living proof. You are a miracle in my eyes. May God Bless you, Vickie H


Member: VickieH
Location: Alabama
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 4:12:59 PM

Comments

Hi Scott, Vickie, alcoholic. Thank you for reminding me how I was feeling during those times. The first time i saw a man I use to drink with, pick up a 90 day chip, I thought, well if he can do it, I know I can. Getting back home, the cravings set in. It was suggested to me that I keep Chocolate or Honey for these occassions. Having none, I went to a local convenience store and loaded up! The cashier gave me a strange look but I didn't care. I was at the turning point where I was willing to do anything to not pick up that first drink. I went back home called my sponsor, and, of course, her comment was,"This too shall Pass" I hated that one! But I have learned to use it, most time on a daily basis. Just hang on tightly to what you have heard and read. IT WORKS! I am living proof. You are a miracle in my eyes. May God Bless you, Vickie H


Member: Sharon G
Location: PS
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 5:40:43 PM

Comments

Please, I am an alcoholic. Have not totally decided to stop drinking yet but know that I must. My counselor has told me I must go to meetings, but I can't make myself. Does anyone have any advice?

Sharon


Member: Jeff J
Location: North Idaho
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 6:32:47 PM

Comments

Sharon Go to some meetings and try it out, sobrity isn't contagious and you might hear something you can relate too. Jeff J imrule62@hotmail.com


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 6:51:24 PM

Comments

Sharon,

You either are an alcoholic, and need the meetings, or you are not and don't. The fear is with us when we make that leap of faith. Reading the archives of this site, and the Coffee Pot will reveal that many are afraid of the first meeting. It will also reveal that those that decided to make themselves go, come back delighted that they went for the most part. You did not describe your situation, but you are in treatment of some kind. If you are there because of problems in your life, be aware that continued drinking will in no way ease these problems. Ask any of us here. I feel that the fact that everyone else in the meeting is there for the SAME reason you are going should be enough to calm the fear enough to allow you to conquer it. I wish you victory over this dreadful dis-ease, and know that in my case, it would still be in control of my life were I still alive, had I not gone to my first AA meeting (AND many since).

Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 9:50:35 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Lessa, and I'm a grateful, recovering alcoholic. Thanks for getting us started here, Scott. Congratulations on 28 days. I also congratulate you on already finding a sponsor and working the steps. I came to the program because that was a condition of my treatment. Otherwise, I wouldn't have gone to any meetings at all. I mean, group therapy for alcoholics was painful. And I had gotten to know the people in therapy. Meetings were agony. It took me alot longer than a month to feel comfortable, much less find a sponsor and start working the steps.

What I found very helpful for me, was getting into service work, as someone here mentioned in a previous post. I was asked (told?)by a wise 'old timer' that it would do both me and the group alot of good if I'd help make coffee. So, I went in and made coffee well before the meeting started. That way, I was there for the 'meeting before the meeting'. I got to know other folks in the program. And we got to talk about alot more than was covered in the meeting.

I would suggest that you ask your sponsor about service work...and, if you're not already getting to each meeting early and staying afterwards to talk to other members and get to know them, think about doing so. Again, congratulations.

Sharon, you said you're an alcoholic and have not totally decided not to drink. Are you sure you're the one deciding? Or has alcohol got ahold of you and you CAN'T decide. I always meant to stop. Like you I knew I had to. But I couldn't do it on my own. Go to some meetings and listen to other people describe 'powerlessness'. Good luck to you. And I hope to see you at a table someday.


Member: Jan B.
Location: Syracuse, NY
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 10:03:30 PM

Comments

Great topic Scott - especially for me another newcomer. I went to my third meeting tonight. I don't have a sponsor. How do you go about that? I am not sure what to do and how do you approach someone? There is one woman at the meetings that has been very nice, but I feel like I don't know her or anyone well enough to ask them to be my sponsor. I am only on the first step and that is admitting that I am powerless over alcohol. I would love more information, but am afraid to ask for it. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Ed G
Location: South Dakota
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 10:16:32 PM

Comments

Hi my name is ed and Im an alcoholic. Glad to hear about your 28 days of sobriety Scott. Thats great! Keep up the good work! When I got into this program I also couldn't imagine surviving the first 30 days much less 90 days. My first sponsor kept telling me how to survive the first 30 days.

Go to meetings Don't drink Go to meetings Read the Big Book Go to meetings Don't drink Go to meetings Read the Big Book Go to meetings Talk to your sponsor Go to meetings (and so on)

Just keep doing what you have been doing. If you have 28 days it must be working. Remember that God Dosen't make any junk.

Sharon Im glad you reached out tonight. I know how scary it can be going to your first meeting. I too avoided meetings for about four and one half years. I thought I could do this on my own. WRONG!WRONG!WRONG! Trust me when I tell you that this program cannot be done alone. It takes other people that have been there and done that to make this program work. I can honestly tell you that I was blown away by the sencerety and honesty I witnessed at my first meeting. If you are alcoholic like I am you will finally meet people that think, act, behave, like I do when you go to your first meeting. I spent my whole life searching for that before I came to AA.

If it would be easier for you to go to a meeting with someone else, just look in the phone book under Alcoholics Anonmymous. Call the number and ask if there is someone who would be willing to go to your first meeting with you. Ill bet you will be suprised at the response that will be there for you.

thanks for letting me share, and have a great week.


Member: Geoff M.
Location: Maryland
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 10:38:58 PM

Comments

Scott, congratulations on 28 days. I remember the first time I picked up a one month chip, it was as if that little piece of aluminum was solid gold.

I've made it through two "first 90's". Luckily, the second one took and I haven't found it necessary to go back out. What I would suggest is (A) Get a sponsor if you don't already have one - they will guide you and help you over the rough spots; (B) Hit 90 meetings in 90 days - this will help break the habit of drinking every day; and (C) Get the AA book "Living Sober" - it's not (by any means!) a replacement for the 12 steps, but it contains a lot of great suggestions for living a happy, sober life.

Keep coming back. Geoff


Member: Carroll S.
Location: Hot Springs, Ar
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 10:39:47 PM

Comments

hi! everyone, glad your here, especially newcommers. Haven't figured out yet when your not a newcommer, still learning after a few thousand one days at a time. Hope I never get too old not to learn.

accepting my alcoholism was one of the hardest things i have ever done. Excepting a power greater than myself didn't take as long. Turning my life (thoughts) and my will (actions) over to this power was even easier.

Scott W. hang in there, life is wonderful, just remember to stay out of GODS way and let him work through you.

Sharon G. our disease is alcoholism. I didn't get mine at Alcoholics Annonymous, I drank alcohol to get mine. Go to meetings, Try it for 90 days, if its not for you we will refund all your miserys free of charge. I can guarntee you will not catch alcoholism by going to meetings.

Had a good day today and if I'll do what people suggest I'll probally have one tomorrow. Thank you for being here for me.


Member: Kris R
Location: California
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 10:50:52 PM

Comments

Hi, I am Kris, an alcoholic. Attending one of the out patient programs for alcoholics and sober 21 days. Scott, glad to know that you are doing well and have a sponsor. I am in the process of getting a sponsor and planning on attending aa meetings. Trying to locate any aa meetings for health care professionals. Sharon, just the fact that you said you are an alcoholic is the first big step. Don't let the drink decide whether you need to quit or not. You owe it to yourself. Good Luck.


Member: Kris R
Location: California
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 10:50:55 PM

Comments

Hi, I am Kris, an alcoholic. Attending one of the out patient programs for alcoholics and sober 21 days. Scott, glad to know that you are doing well and have a sponsor. I am in the process of getting a sponsor and planning on attending aa meetings. Trying to locate any aa meetings for health care professionals. Sharon, just the fact that you said you are an alcoholic is the first big step. Don't let the drink decide whether you need to quit or not. You owe it to yourself. Good Luck.


Member: Joy S
Location: Alabama
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 10:55:25 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Joy, an alcoholic. congrats, Scott on making it 28 days. Hang in there, go to meetings, read the Big Book, call your sponsor, ask Higher Power for help each morning and thank Him each night and above all take it one day at a time.

Hi, Sharon. The suggestions above will help you too. I know how scared you must be because I've been there. You'll have to make yourself pickup that phone but DO IT! Reach out. The sober folks in AA would love to help you. After all helping you will insure and enhance our own sobriety. You're already reaching out just by going online to a meeting. Let us help!! God bless you!! Joy


Member: Bob S
Location: Washington State
Date: 9/9/01
Time: 11:52:33 PM

Comments

Hello! My name is Bob and I'm an alcoholic. Congratulations Scott on 28 days. It is not easy to surrender but keep going to meeting's, working the steps with your sponsor, and trusting your higher power. Sharon. I struggled with myself and alcholism for a long time. Only after going to meetings, working the steps, and remaining sober could I see how much it was controlling my life and it was out of control. Meeting's are a start to a better way of life and I encourage you to attend. Just go and listen maybe you can relate to those around you. Good luck to both of you.


Member: Annie K.
Location: BlueRidgeMountains
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 12:39:24 AM

Comments

Congratulations to all! Not drinking is a scarey and tough ride to take in the beginning. Why,when I was your age, they didn't even have aluminum 30 day chips, they were all plastic LOL But seriously. As bad as the early days of sobriety were for me, they were never as hellish as the drinking. I was sent to AA by the courts after I got out of jail and sentencing on a DUI. I had no intention of ever going...I'd move to Canada first! Suffice it to say, I went. I was a daily drinker who was usually buzzed by 10AM and blacking out by 4PM. There was nothing glamorous about the way I puked my way through life. Or wrecked my family. Or skidded my way to the bottom of the foodchain. I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror in the mornings, and neither could anyone else. I really should have known better, as probably half of my dead relatives all died of alcoholism. But I thought I was different. HA! Alcoholism took me right down the same path it takes us all. Like you, Sharon, for years I kept thinking I was an alcoholic but wasn't ready to do anything about it. Because I was AFRAID. What would I do if I couldn't drink? How would I get through the days? How would I handle all the demons in my head? I finally walked into that AA meeting, and the people there were smiling and laughing and having a great time. I was shocked! I thought they must all be wet brains! Someone walked up and looked me right in the eye and said"You never have to drink again if you don't want to", and I thought-shit. Pal, maybe you don't have to, but you don't know what it's like for me. I have to drink to survive. And that's how life was for me. Today,in my 12th year of sobriety, I have to not drink to survive. Thank God! I sat in those rooms and listened to people tell their stories. And they were MY stories. I thought I was the only one who did the things I did and felt the things I'd felt. But the community of AA wrapped around me like a big warm blanket. And for the first time maybe ever--I felt safe. I learned unconditional love here. I learned that I could practice being honest about my feelings here. I started growing up and being teachable and being loveable. Ah, Sharon...do yourself a favor. People with drinking problems don't often find there way here accidently. The God who loves us all leads us to a place where we can make a choice--stay in the misery, or step out into the sunlight. What's it gonna be? What do you want? All a sponsor is is this : Sober Person Offering Newcomers Suggestions On Recovery. Just one hand reaching out to take the hand of another. Leading each other out of the darkness. The nicest thing you can do is ask someone to be your sponsor, Jan. Look around at meetings, listen to women share, and when you find someone who seems to have what you'd like to have, -ask her. Make sure it's someone who has been sober long enough to have worked the steps.And if, down the road it she doesn't seem to be working for you, don't feel the least compunction about firing her and finding a new one. It's okay--we really understand. Good luck to all who've recently decided to trudge this road to happy destiny. Remember: If you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got. Thnink about it! Love and fellowship, Annie K.


Member: Joe K.
Location: Huntsville, TX
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 1:07:31 AM

Comments

I am an alcoholic; my name is Joe K. It is because of a power bigger than me that I found in the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous that I am sober today. I am as grateful as I know how to be for that.

Congrats Scott for 28 days sobriety. I "survived" my first 90 days of sobriety because there was a Power bigger than me doing things for me that I could not do for myself. I knew before I got here that I had lost the battle with booze, and I was open to try ANYTHING that someone else had found to work in their lives. Most of the suggestions I received have already been repeated in previous posts, so I won't add anything, except that it works.

Sharon, my prayer for you is that your DESIRE to stay sober out-weighs your "perceived" NEED. Escape from this deadly disease did not depend on the whim of a counselor or simply because my drinking was causing me problems. I had to drink myself to the point where I would seek sobriety "with the desperation of a drowning man." Only then was it possible for my ego to step aside long enough to allow that Power to accomplish in me the miraculous.

Thank God and AA.. if I die tonight, it won't be because I'm drunk.

chillbmp@totalzone.com


Member: Kasey
Location:
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 1:18:50 AM

Comments

Hi Scott,

Congradulations on 28 days !!!!

I remember being there, could'nt wait to get that chip. One month, wow I thought I was going to cry in frount of everyone. I was so proud of that chip, I had my friend drill a little whole in it so I could put it on my key ring.

I would really suggest getting the book living sober. It helped me a great deal. I wish I would of had it from day one.

Have plenty of candy, cakes, or whatever your favorite treat is. You will need sugar. Don't worry about weight gain in the beginning of journey everything will equal out later.

Start a Journal, use a cheap spiral notebook or a composition notebook. Nothing fancy, Write in it often, when your happy, sad, mad, upset, or whatever you feel at the time.

My sponsor and friends of AA told me MEETING MAKERS MAKE IT....... I never wanted to go when I was happy. I thought why I did'nt need it. But someone needs you and to see other people HAPPY helps them think......I want what they have.

After my first month some of the joy passed and headaches, and sleeplessness set in. Don't give in to it if it happens to you. I was told that was my alcoholic brain saying OK where's the beer its been long enough. "This to shall pass" and it did, thank GOD. PRAY when you need help, he listens and sometimes answers quickly.

Stay away from all your drinking friends. Most of them will not help you, they will try to get you back in thier fold. I lost most of my friends because I wanted to better myself.......guess after 10+ years of friendship they were'nt my friends after all. Very few are proud of me. Get involed in AA, the people are great. Travel to other meetings with some other AAer's. That is alot of fun and good way to get around without being by yourself.

The big 3 month chip was the greatest feeling of all. I was so excited, it was like I was getting an award on tv or something. I had the whole room in an uproar even the quiet ones.....lol.

GOODLUCK.......I know you can do it. I come in every now and then so I'll watch for your post and check on you from time to time.

p.s. it's 1:17am here so Happy 29 days to you

Kasey


Member: Ray
Location: Hope
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 2:45:34 AM

Comments

Admitting, accepting, surrendering my disease of alcoholism daily, sometimes by minutes; listening and inquiring; going to meetings even when it felt unnecessary (90 in 90 days); sticking with the winners as drinking buds were slippery dudes; carrying something sweet for those urges that crept up suddenly without notification (candy); keeping it really simple and leaving the analyzing to the old timers in AA; putting egotism aside and shared with others who were sober (carrying bad junk for me not a good way to travel); going on 12 step calls; fixing the meeting up / cleaning up afterwards; being grateful for the little things including the big one: not drinking. Keep coming back!


Member: ML
Location: San Diego
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 3:46:29 AM

Comments

Hi, there:

A good topic, indeed. Forces us all to keep it simple, and everyone loves to help another recovering person. So Scott, you've helped everyone by introducing this topic. Where I first got sober, "90 in 90" is the recommendation, and I agree. I'd come home at night from work and meetings (sometimes 2 or 3 in one day); then maybe coffee with other sober people, then a phone call to my sponsor or another sober person -- so tired that the thought of putting on "my rock 'n' roll shoes" couldn't even raise its weary head (I was mostly a bar drinker). It was a good kind of tired. I liked myself and what I was doing. I felt like I was putting my life in the hands of a higher power. Any day when I don't feel like that, now, I realize I need to do more praying and/or talk to someone to get back on that track, 'cause it's such a good place to be.

My only other recommendation, other than starting to work the steps with a sponsor, is to be as honest as you can with yourself and at least one other person, if not meetings, about anything that comes up that you need to talk about. Secrets can be a problem for us. It's good to clear them, along with any worries, out of the way before they can turn into anything larger.

And I really like what someone earlier in the meeting said about comparing how you feel now with how you felt when you were drinking. I like that one so much, I wish it was a slogan! I'm going to use it from now on whenever I feel any denial of my alcoholism start creeping in. Since my drinking was periodic, my denial tends to be periodic, too - I'll be sailing along with no doubt that I'm an alcoholic, then be hit by a drink signal/denial so hard it practically knocks the wind (or sobriety) out of me. I'm learning to prepare for those times. Ongoing sobriety is worth working for - it just keeps getting better. I thank God every day for not only my sobriety but for the certainty that I'm an alcoholic. Surrender rules.

Love to all,


Member: Neil C.
Location: Hamilton Ont.
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 6:42:54 AM

Comments

for me it was just one day at a time and kept my self surrounde by aa members and supportive family members and attend lots of meetings. But for me getting a grsp of the third step was like a lock that opened the door to freedom and a god of my understanding. So my only advice to you is to pray for god's will for you each and evry morning and give thanks and ask for forgiveness every night. What this did and does for me is to remind me that I"m not in control of the show but just a player. Wich for me was and is a graet burden lifted off my shoulders. So today I take care of the small stuff and anything I can't handle my higher power gets. lucky him lucky me and good luck to you Scott!


Member: Rich R, s-l-o-w-l-y recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit, MI (richr_srcp@hotmail.com)
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 7:21:13 AM

Comments

Scott, first of all congratulations on your 29 days. Second, great topic. My two cents worth on that topic comes from my own first 90 days. My answer is: MEETINGS! At my first AA meeting I remember some people saying 3 things: #1) You are the most important person here tonight (I felt like sh_t, still hungover from the night before. So, I was already starting to doubt their judgment), #2) Try to go to 60 meetings in 60 days (In 10+ years I have NEVER heard anyone say that again and I've been to around 2000 meetings! Did they sense that I couldn't make it to 90?), and #3) take what you can use and leave the rest (sounded like I was going to like AA if it wasn't going to be an all-or-nothing deal).

#2 really upset me tho! I didn't drink everyday, what the heck did I need an AA meeting everyday for? So, when I left that first AA meeting of mine I was definitely NOT going to try for 60 in 60, no way.

Funny thing happened, as I continued to go to daily meetings, I was hearing something at each meeting that I needed to hear for that day. (I have come to realize that is not exactly a miracle, I needed to hear a lot of things and there are always a lot of things said at a meeting, all I needed was to find one match.)

I kept track of my meetings and at the end of 90 days (I had heard other AAs tell newcomers that the real deal was 90 in 90 and if you don't like the results, you get to leave and your misery is refunded) I had been to, can you guess?, 91 meetings! I loved the meetings. And, I truly beleive that is exactly what helped me survive my first 90 days.

Scott, thanks for taking me back down memory lane, it was fun. Good luck to you, enjoy your recovery journey and thanks again for the topic!


Member: MaryP.
Location: Dallas
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 7:52:10 AM

Comments

Good morning. I haven't been to a meeting in probably 3 weeks. I have been sober over 5 years now and just needed to get some recovery before starting my day. This is my first time doing an online discussion about aa and staying sober. Just wanted whoever is out there today to know that I am here and if this is a meeting, what the topic is.


Member: Ger C
Location: Co. Cork, Ireland
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 8:37:03 AM

Comments

Thanks Scott and Good Luck.

And thanks Kasey cos' I'm in the headaches and sleeplessness at the moment and still as tired as the day I came out of the treatment centre 6 weeks ago. But, I'll keep coming back knowing that it's just another phase in this mind boggling, crazy thing called recovery which sometimes feels like hell on earth but mostly feels better than the time before. And everyone says it gets better and after that it improves and after that it gets better. So what I keep telling myself is "Everyone can't be wrong"


Member: Tom M.
Location: Homosassa  Florida
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 10:58:30 AM

Comments

Well Scott there's not much I can add. You have been given some very good instructions. Some not so good or kind. Take what you can use and forget the rest. This program works but you have got to want it to work. No can do it for you. Your sponsor can't, your mother can't, only you. Good Luck and keep coming back.


Member: Susan W
Location: Charleston SC
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 11:02:03 AM

Comments

Wow! This is exactly what this alcoholic needed to hear. I am so close to going back to AA and giving it my total conviction. I want to, I need to, I'm afraid to. Ger C, you're right, everyone can't be wrong!


Member: Kate H
Location: Troy, NY
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 1:24:49 PM

Comments

Hi, everyone. I'm Kate and I'm an alcoholic.

Thanks to all the newcomers for helping me to remember what it was like in MY first 90 days. Took me a couple of tries to get past 30...and to admit that I am an alcoholic (out loud). Just doing that, saying the words to people that understood how I was feeling, made such a difference in my life. I came into the rooms because I couldn't "cry" any more...just leaked a lot. Couldn't feel anything anymore except shame and despair. Accepting that I am powerless over alcohol and that my life was out of control was a huge task for me. Sometimes, I found I had to do it over and over every five minutes in order to stay sober. Some days, I still do.

When the craving got bad, I'd promise myself that I'd drink....later. Sometimes just five minutes later, or when I got home, or after work or after going to a meeting...just some period of time that I could manage. When that time was up, the craving had usually passed but if it didn't, I made myself another promise for a little later on.

As my mind cleared and I started to try to understand what was really happening to me, I found out what people, places and things "triggered" my desire to drink and started to avoid them. Certain songs (Piano Man by Bill Joel for sure) would be certain to bring on a desire to drink...I had to learn to change the channel on the radio if it came on...so simple, but it never occured to me til someone said it in a meeting. Driving alone in the car - a big no-no...solution: take somebody to a meeting who can't get there on their own.

HALT is another trouble sign for me (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) Any combination of two or more and I'm in deep crap. For me, this means trying to figure out what I was up to when a craving started and trying not to let that combination happen again... basically taking care of myself (a totally new concept for me!)

I guess one of the most important things was to Give Time time. ..to let Time heal my wounds. Give myself time to do the next sober thing before I pick up. I can't expect that the whole mess that my life was when I was active is going to disappear now that I'm sober. The only sure thing is that picking up a drink won't fix anything.

Early on, an oldtimer gave me a white one day chip. I have carried it in my pocket ever since (along with my two year medallion) up til last week. I passed it along to someone else who had just a few days sober and gave them the same advice I was given. "When you want to drink, put this on your tongue and when it dissolves, THEN you can drink." I also told him that I had washed the chip well just that morning.

Keep comin' back, everybody. It works if you work it, so work it...you're worth it.

Love, Kate


Member: kendra k
Location: hartford
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 2:21:57 PM

Comments

Scott- you are very inspirational to me because i am only 17 and have been through various treament facilities and none have helped but I started going to AA and now have six days sober, the most i have had in years. I too need some support from people because it is really hard giving up all your friends and going to a meeting with all "old" people. stay up! we can do this!!


Member: Been there
Location: ODAAT
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 4:12:13 PM

Comments

kendra I refer to myself as more mature age wise, sobriety wise we all are very young, I only have today same as you age has no significance if you want to stay sober.


Member: Claire
Location:
Date: 9/10/01
Time: 4:24:56 PM

Comments

Hello all, in keeping with Scott's topic of the first few weeks. As a newcomer I find the toughest part is the drive home on Friday nights (or most nights for that matter) Making it home without stopping for a bottle of wine is difficult. It was what I turned to most days after a hard time at the office or romantic nights with my boyfriend. But there is nothing romantic about seeing myself the next day after one too many. Or the depression that was sinking in that I have a problem with alcohol just like everyone else in my family - that I tried to distance myself from. As the song goes "we are family". Thanks for letting me share - thanks for the topic Scott, good luck - your not alone.


Member: test
Location:
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 11:36:52 AM

Comments

TEST


Member: TEST2
Location:
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 11:57:52 AM

Comments


Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 12:10:21 PM

Comments

Hi I am Ed an alcoholic, Will I made it thorough a other day. I keep saying this even though I been sober for almost 2 years now, it seems to be getting easier. I go to meetings, read the Big book contiune with the 12 steps. I thank my higher powder each and everyday. Just take one day at a time.


Member: **
Location:
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 12:17:14 PM

Comments

Recovery from alcoholism! Is it a lifetime process?


Member: Yvon P.
Location: Midland, ON. Canada
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 12:34:24 PM

Comments

Hi Ed! My name is Yvon I'm a recovered alcoholic! Nice to hear from you. I can relate as my first 2 years in the fellowship almost killed me. The only thing I did was, "Don't drink and go to meetings". Although meetings were and are very important, the fellowship without the Program did little to bring about that Personality Change sufficient to bring about recovery. After my second birthday I was so depressed that I was willing to go to any lengths to get it! The alcoholic who still suffers is not by necessity always the alkie who's still drinking. So, I went and got a sponsor who had something that I wanted. His homelife was in order, had the respect of his co-workers, his neighbours and his house was obviously in order. I didn't really like him but obviously he had something I wanted. This guy told me that he would simply carry the message to me exactly the way that he received it from his sponsor which was through the Big Book. He taught me to use the tools which would help me establish and maintain a new relationship with my Higher Power and consequently, the people around me. He taught me that my dependence was always to be upon God, not him! That was a few 24hrs ago and today I have and am experiencing every single promise that great Book said I would if I followed its clear-cut directions. I used to be sober cause I had to be. Today I'm sober cause I want to be! As long as I continue to Clean House-Trust God-Help Others, that should never change!!!!!!!!

Have a GRRRRRREat Day !!!


Member: Kevin B
Location:
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 2:11:55 PM

Comments

I feel that these online meetings/discussion groups are nice and importantly needed, for the alcholic who needs more from AA, and for the person who at times needs more security. My name is Kevin, alcoholic, and sometimes I'd rather remain more anonymous than I would be attending a meeting in person. Does anyone feel this way? And congratulations Scott, and everyone else for another week of sobriety.


Member: Kevin B.
Location:
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 2:35:06 PM

Comments

I'd like to think that the past weeks events never happened, as I'd like to wake up and not have the drink problem or many others. These things, however, can be worked on, and they seem more minor today to me than ever. Sadly, the drastic events of Tuesday, are not, and will require a multitude of time, and work, until they even begin to fade from the collective conscience of our respective communties that form our collective states, that make this nation. However, caution is needed as well as proper action. Just as used in daily sobriety. Thanks for the page.......


Member: david b.
Location: lexington ma.
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 3:14:32 PM

Comments

my name is david and i am most surely an alcholic. have had and lost this great gift we all that are or were sober enjoy. i am trying to come back!! this is my first day of staying away from that first drink. i hope i can make it again. the first step is always the hardest. my heart and my girl tell me i can do this. so i am reaching out to all of you who know what the loss of long term sobriety means. any help would really be appreciated!! odaat!!! david b. arlington ma.


Member: Jim H
Location: LVNV
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 6:44:02 PM

Comments

We have all had that experience, David. September was my last drink "this time". I have an advantage now that I did not have in the past- a strong desire to keep my family together. I have a loving, supportive wife and some grown children whom I need to lead by example. We all have our issues to deal with, but it's taken me many of my 48 years to figure out no matter what my struggle, alcohol only compounds the issue, never resolving it. It may at times be postponed, until I sober up. But never resolved. I'm mustering all my faith in my Savior to summon His help. I know that is the only way I'll be able to cope with the difficulties in life. If you made it one day, then you can do another and another, until eventually, if you really want it to, those drunken days will fade on one horizon as the new, sober days dawn on another horizon. New friends or support from sober friends and family can be our biggest ally in this time of need. think of our brothers and sisters who perished this week and our struggle seems kind of insignificant. Hang tough, you have plenty of prayers going out for you.


Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Key West Fl
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 7:23:49 PM

Comments

Hi Family Charlie Darlie here a very gratful recovering alcholic, and I am going through some changes here, but at least this time they are my choices, and not being made for me. My partner of 23 yrs works for this business which is closing up, and our apartment is right above it, actually the business has been sold, which means our apartment has to be vacated by the 20th of Oct, and being as we live in Key west the rents are extremely high, annd so we decided to move completly. We were going to move when I retired in 1 1/2 years, so this is bought it to closer date. But I find I have not gotten upset or wacko over this, and have been trying to do the next right thing. Ithe first thing I did was find all the meetings in the new area, and that felt good as my sobriety comes before anything. Have been checking the newspaper from that area and looking for rents and jobs, and applying to what ever is avaiable at low prices for rent. Also we have to get transportation as we live in a place all we need is bicyclesand for 4 yrs without a vehicle . But like we both say we have done most of the leg work, and have prayed on it, and turned it over to God. Boy does all that sound strange to me as I never used to think like that. I think being a recovering alcholic is great, and it has helped me overcome alot of things I used to get upset and drink over. God Bless all who ever suffered with the tragedy that has occurred on our great country. I am PROUD to be an AMERICAN.


Member: Jeff
Location: Northern CA
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 8:58:42 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Jeff and I am an Alcoholic. I am glad the site is working and I am glad to be sober today. When I saw the topic I pulled out my journal that I started the first day I decided that would try AA again. I knew could not drink and was scared and needed help. My first 90 days are very much like they are now. I went to meetings, I prayed, I wrote in my journal, I tried to take the simple actions in the 12 steps and I talked to other alkys. I procrastinated on things that seemed difficult and I still do.

Today I am an alcoholic - I can't drink without getting drunk and I can't stay sober without AA and God. The first 90 were pretty amazing to me now when I go back and read them. Today I know that it was some power greater than myself and AA; and not me. That makes me see today in a very special way. Today I am still amazed every time I take an AA action that I do not want to do - I have been given the gift of sobriety and so much more. My book says that we have recovered from a seemingly hopless state of mind and body. Today I have hope - I know that there is a way - it is not mine but I get to see it and participate.

Tomorrow if everything goes according to plan I will wake up and remember that I am alcholic, that my life run on my will can not be a success, then I will decide to say my 3rd step prayer and the others I borrow and then sit still for a few minuts. Then I will drink some more coffee and see what's next - I really do want to see how things turn out. The stuff I tried to write about may not seem like much - but it is everything to me. I was not like the heros, or leaders, or men of faith I see on TV. I may have died drunk by now and taken someone out with me; never having had itended harm sober; but knowing what I was capable of while drunk when I picked up the first drink. Today I have a chance. I love AA and God and my country even though I don't always understand. Thanks to everyone for being here.


Member: Josh A
Location: baltinore
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 10:28:53 PM

Comments

Scott aside from meetings and the 12 steps get lots of exercise when I first got clean I exercised every day so that I had something to do to keep me from sitting around feeling the effects of withdraw besides you body could probably use a refreshing change it will help stay strong and keep up the good work


Member: Joshua   A
Location: Baltimore
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 10:39:07 PM

Comments

David go to meetings all of the time surround yourself with sober people if you can the beauty of being human is acomplishing things we never thought possible you can do anything you put your heart into so put your heart into your life


Member: joshua
Location: Baltimore
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 10:43:24 PM

Comments

Kevin this is the first time I have used this site and I think it is wonderful I get the time and space I need to listen to what others have to say and if I miss something I just reread it also I am very shy and this site lets me speak freely


Member: joshua
Location: Baltimore
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 10:53:11 PM

Comments

Kendra I deerly comend you on your time sober as a teenager giving up all of your old friends and old ways will be a real test however you can do what you need to do for yourself this is your life you are living not anyone elses so take good care of Kendra we need you to


Member: joshua
Location: Baltimore
Date: 9/16/2001
Time: 11:08:38 PM

Comments

Sharon G this is about taking control over your life, I an not talking about will I am talking about saying to yourself now or today I will not drink and I will do whatever I have to do to get my life in a sane and managable manner thousand or even millions of people do this every day and you are no more messed up than me or anybody else regardless of your past experiences ! you are worthy of a great life


Member: James L.
Location: New York
Date: 9/17/2001
Time: 12:21:47 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Jamie, and I'm 25 years old. This is the first time that I'm admitting that I have a problem and I believe I am still in denial. I don't know if I need help, but I definitely need someone to talk to. If you remember how you felt in the beginning and would like to offer me some help and support I would really appreciate it. Please E-Mail me at JamesLone@aol.com Thank You!


Member: G.T.
Location: South Louisiana
Date: 9/17/2001
Time: 1:42:16 AM

Comments

Hi, Jamie. My name is G.T., and I'm an alcoholic. I'm what the Big Book calls a "real alcoholic". Like yourself, I was pretty young when I went to my first A.A. meeting. I was 29. That was quite some time ago. I stayed without drink for 3 years thereafter. Then, I began drinking again. I drank for 15 more years. I just could not give up, but I had lost control of my drinking and, as the Big Book says, "no real alcoholic ever regains control". It's true. Maybe, Jamie, you won't have to do what I did to get here. I can tell you this: The very fact that you have questions about your drinking says something about you. YOU decide what that may be. But people don't come here for the coffee. I know how you feel, though. The wonderful thing is, Jamie, that as long as you are breathing in and out, there is hope. I'm proof. Life's good. Come have some of it. God bless you.


Member: Sue P
Location: Hopatcong, NJ
Date: 9/17/2001
Time: 7:25:10 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Sue and I am an alcoholic. I just got out of detox. Was released in a day and a half because of insurence resons. Any way I did drink again and have been pretty upset about it. I was hoping to go into a rehab but again my insurance said no. I was told that since I never was in an out patient program I had to try that first and if I fail then do the in patient. I am so mad about this insurance! Any way the good news is I found this great sponsor someone who brought a meeting into the detox and met him at his homegroup last night whioch is 40 miles from where I live. It was a great meeting. I been trying to get sober for at least 10 years and some time I just think that it's not Gods plan for me. I hate to drink and I hate what it does to me. I want to be sober sooo bad! any way I have today,


Member: Old NY AA
Location: Out West
Date: 9/17/2001
Time: 1:17:36 PM

Comments

Sue:

I'm an alcoholic whose been in Hopatcong NJ many, many years ago! But I always remembered that place, especially the area around the lake! It was a very nice place in those years, but as I said that was a long time ago! I guess I had a drink or two or whatever there in Hopatcong, but have left that stuff alone many years ago too! So if I could do it, why then you could do it too! Just stay away from that first drink, stay in touch with the sponsor you like, and things will indeed get better for you, "One Day At A Time!" I think like you too. When I recall what a pitiful wretch I was when I was drinking it makes me cringe! And I wouldn't go back to that no matter what! Let all else be damned, I am not going to drink today!!


Member: Liz
Location:
Date: 9/17/2001
Time: 1:28:36 PM

Comments

Hi, I am Liz. I am a alcoholic. I have tried several, several times to quit. I love myself when I don't drink and I hate myself when I do drink. I go all week and do great, never really wanting to drink beer then Friday comes. I obsess over how I will not drink that night and last Friday night I was able to make it through the night without and felt so good Saturday morning! Then i had a really bad day on Saturday and decided I would go get a 12 pack and pretty much drank the whole thing by myself. I felt so horrible the next day. Sick to my stomach, wild headache, lethargic etc.. wasted my whole Sunday with a huge hangover. I am so sick of this.It seems I have so much resolve during the week and then I break down on the weekend with always the same result. I feel like such a failure and such a loser not being able to control myself and do what my heart really wants. I want so bad to not drink. I just have to make it happen no matter what! I have to try to go to meetings( find it hard with my kids) but I really want it.


Member: Jimmy K.
Location: West Texas
Date: 9/17/2001
Time: 1:55:16 PM

Comments

I am a grateful, recovering alcoholic and my name is Jim. I have been free from the bondage of chemical slavery for 429 days.

I remember well the feelings, fears, and activities during the first 90 days around the program, this time around. I did what I was told. I got a tough sponsor who loved and encouraged me while guiding me throught the steps. I went to over 100 meetings (at least one every day) and I prayed two prayers every day, even if just to say "please help" in the morning and "thank you" at night. I went to a lot of step-study and Big Book study meetings, and I went through the Joe and Charlie Big Book study on tape. I kept my mouth shut for a long time at meetings, because I was full of shit and had nothing to contribute. My sponsor took me on a number a 12-step calls, and we visited several hospitals and treatment centers. I emptied a lot of ashtrays and took out the trash. I made coffee and cleaned up after meetings. When I wasn't at work, which was quite often, I was at the club playing cards or just shooting the shit.

I was a 14-year alcoholic/drug addict. At the end I was a daily user of whiskey, crack, and heroin. I had been "around" the program for several years, and did manage to get 30-60-90 days here and there. I even got a 6-month chip once (while recovering from a nice little 10-day runner). The problem was me and my unwillingness to "go to any lengths" and to be IN the program. I skirted around the edges, and picked up some of the lingo, but I was never able to get ahold of anything lasting. When I did what those rotten old-timers told me to do, my life got very different. I have never had it so good, and I love them for caring enough to show me how to live!

Today, I attend at least three meetings every week, sometimes more. I have a home group, and am still active in service work. I still empty ashtrays and trash cans, sweep floors and scrub toilets, and you know what, I'M DAMNED HAPPY TO DO IT!!!! I go on 12-step calls with guys I sponsor now, and we visit hospitals and treatment centers. I make and drink a lot of coffee, and still help clean up after meetings. I also go to work every day I'm supposed to be there, work with a sponsor, just started back to school to finish my degree I started so long ago, just ended a sick 4-year relationship, I eat healthier and exercise, get the rest I need; I bathe every day and brush my teeth, I wear clean clothes, I don't rob people, and most importantly, I no longer have to drink alcohol or shoot dope to exist. I have been given freedom to live, I have a relationship with a God I understand, and I love life today.

THANK YOU FOR MY SOBRIETY!


Member: wk
Location: n
Date: 9/17/2001
Time: 2:30:57 PM

Comments

WTC towers gone, Pentagon also under attack, 5000 minimum people dead, and all we talk about is me, i and myself.....

almost a third wordwar in the making in third world countries, and we talk about me, i and myself......

????


Member: Gage
Location: New Orleans
Date: 9/17/2001
Time: 11:40:41 PM

Comments

Okay everyone ease up on the me's, myself's, and I's because WK in N wants us to. You see, WK, you're a little stuck on the "me" thing also. Live and let live, babe. Probably a lot more hearts are breaking over those unspeakable horrors here than you know. I have a four year old son. When I read about the three year old on board one of the hijacked planes I broke down and wept like a baby. I haven't spoken to anyone who isn't torn seam to seam over this, but they're staying sober by the grace of God and with the help of A.A. That's what I'm here for. I've got to stay sober even if New York is burning. Love to you.


Member: db
Location:
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 6:53:45 AM

Comments

hello hope are cite host is still with us. Is this site out of NY. today is 18th and still no change.


Member: brad g
Location: maryland
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 11:35:41 AM

Comments

Hi everyone...um yeah, well, I have only been to one AA meeting (and that was about a year and a half ago), but I've also been to a psycho-therapist concerning my drinking. Well, to make a long-story short...I tried to stop drinking over a year ago....it didn't work....I did have control over my drinking for awhile, but it seems as though I just transferred the addiction to cigarrettes...now I drink and smoke like a fiend...and it seems out of my control to stop...I definitely want to, but it seems as though everytime I think I've got some sort of control, I end up at the store with a pack of cigs....and I can never turn down an invitation to the bar (not that I drink everyday...probably two-three times a week, but when I do drink I can't limit myself) Any suggestions??? Anyone relate????


Member: Brad G
Location: maryland
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 11:53:50 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, I have a question for anyone who cares to answer...I'm 22 yrs old and I've come to the realization I cannot continue with my lifestyle...I feel physically awful. I was a division I athlete just one year ago and now I feel like shit every morning (even the mornings when I don't drink and when I do drink I feel like I'm dying the next day...or two). So, here is my question: How??? I know it may sound ridiculous, but I can't attend meetings and follow steps...I've always been a very independant person (funny how I've develope such a dependancy)...I've only been to one AA meeting (that was over a year ago) and I've been to an alcohol therapist...I seemed to have control of my drinking about a year ago...but it seems all that happen was I developed an addiction to cigarettes....now I have that to deal with along with alcohol... Anyone relate??? Any suggestions???


Member: Sarah A.
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 12:55:10 PM

Comments

Brad, Alot of us can relate to what you are going through. I too came to the realization at 22 years of age that I could not continue drinking. I was miserable, and had lost everything. The physical and mental pain was almost too much to bear-I was sick and dying at age 22!! I went to treatment, and that stopped my drinking for a long while. I did not go to AA meetings or seek any help. That didn't last. The mental obsession with chemicals was still there, and I eventually drank again. I couldn't control it on my own anymore, and it was just as bad as when I left off. The only alternative for me was to go to an AA meeting and ask for help. My best suggestion is go to an AA meeting, and tell them what's going on. Be honest about how you feel and where you are at. Find a sponsor, and keep going to meetings until you get it. Young peoples meetings are a great way to find people you can relate too. Hang in there and good luck!


Member: Brad g
Location: Maryland
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 1:34:50 PM

Comments

Thanks for your response sarah....it seems as though I inevitably receive the same answer over-and-over again: "go to the meetings." I suppose I may be a little ignorant of the importance of these AA meetings (I mean, I've only been to one). However, the one meeting I did go to did not appeal to me. I suppose I felt as though I didn't belong, or I was just a person lost in the crowd...plus, I really didn't dig all the religious emphasize...I'm an atheist and I felt as though religion was being pushed on me a little...can you (anyone) tell me what is so important about these meetings...I'm not exactly sure what they have to offer as far as getting me to stop drinking.


Member: Bev L
Location: So Cal
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 3:15:28 PM

Comments

Brad,I'm an old timer, my sugestion to you agrees with all I've read. Go to 90 meeting in 90 days, and dont drink between meetings. If you don't identify in that time you are welcome to return to your previous hell. Good luck


Member: Able to give
Location: Around
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 3:55:58 PM

Comments

A great calamity has fallen upon many people in NY & Washington, DC. Yes! And it has affected just about everyone who has heard about it! To adjust to such a thing is a matter that is different with everyone of those people too! If I have found the secret to staying sober and trying to control the stress of this situation and I share that with others by telling them, “what happened to me,” then I am not at all being selfish about this matter, but I am thinking of others. Maybe not too many will agree with what I say, but as the saying goes, “you cannot please them all!” So I believe in the doctrine of first doing what is right for me, and with that done, I might be able to help others. If not, at least I had the proverbial “good intentions” I’ve had so much experience with! And I learn something every step of the way!! I am not the “Great I Am!” but he who needs is greater than he who has!!


Member: Miranda C
Location: Vermont, USA
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 8:03:30 PM

Comments

Hi Brad G - Miranda-alcoholic here I am also a newcomer having been going to meetings for a little over a month and sober now for 19 days. I am very bothered by the emphasis on a Judeo-Christian God in meetings. The meetings I've attended end with the Lord's Prayer and I do find it offensive. My brother tells me that it's just words and it's the sentiment that is important and I suppose that's true. Many people have suggested prayer as an aid in staying sober. I figure it can't hurt, so I do pray to the whatever it is that I feel animates the world. It's not an old white guy with a beard and a dress I can tell you that. I sometimes wonder if I mean the words I say (my own, I'll be danged if I pray some prayer somebody made up a thousand years ago) but my brother tells me (he has been in AA for a year and a half now) that it doesn't seem to matter if you mean it or not, it works anyway. The meetings do help keep you sober even with all the religion you have to put up with. Take what you need from what people say and leave the rest. You will meet many people in AA who may strike you as rather smug in their beliefs and who are convinced that going to 90 meetings in 90 days and believing in their God "The Almighty Father" is the only way to stay sober. It isn't. You will also meet many people in AA who don't feel that way. Everyone you meet in AA can be helpful to you in some form. The hardest part is asking for the help and not dismissing it out of hand if it isn't exactly in the form you like. If you don't like the tone of the first meeting you go to, try another one. They are not all alike. I do read the literature, I have a copy of the Big Book and read it. A lot of it you will find condescending in the extreme as well as terribly dated but sometimes you find little nuggets of value in it. None of it can actively hurt you or change your beliefs if you don't want it to and I do know that going to these meetings helps me stay sober. The value in the meetings for me I think is other people expressing feelings that I have had and thought no one else did. Try it anyway. Nothing says you have to keep going if you don't want to and nothing says you have to believe in God to go.

regards,

Miranda


Member: DB
Location: KC
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 9:28:09 PM

Comments

Hi I am Alcoholic. By an Act of Providence I have been removed from alcohol and my last drink was feb.2 1994. Can you relate to this Brad. It took all of the 12 steps of alcoholics anynoumous and many AA meetings to achieve this,and I relize that all i have is right now and I am grateful for all my sobriety,it takes a lot of work. Willingness, patience and labor and the instruction are in the Big Book.


Member: Mary Louise
Location: Indiana
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 9:32:03 PM

Comments

Welcome, Brad. I have been around and involved in AA for awhile. The most important thing I remember from the early meetings was that people suggested I have an open mind. I thought I did. Wrong!! I sure had to work at opening up my closed way of thinking, but AA folks are patient. I don't know how to explain what happens at meetings, but I believe it to be a miracle. I go to a meeting every day, seven years later, and the miracles just keep happening. You might give it a try....you can always go back to the old way of life. But you might be selling yourself short if you do. Life is good today. I am grateful to be sober....and I am grateful to be alive. Good luck to you.


Member: Brad g
Location: Maryland
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 10:25:29 PM

Comments

Well, first of all, thanks everyone for the input! I hardly expected this amount of responses. So, here is (at least with my case) the dilemma (disclaimer: I can hardly express the thoughts and feelings...I can usually articulate really well; however, I'm still sorting things out in my head, so bare with me)..ok, my dilemma: 1. I'm a college student (a very busy one at that matter) and the only AA meetings around here are a 35 min drive from me...I honestly don't know if I have the time. 2. I'm not exactly sure what it is I need right now and I don't know if AA has the answer, b/c I go through bouts of the "old" strong-willed me and I'm 100% confident in my direction and what I need to do to accomplish my goals...however, I still have the romantic side of me which wants to have those dharma bum nights of wine/whiskey/beer/drugs and enlightening conversation/poety/philosophy/romanticism (unfortunately, it's the mornings that kill me. 3. I've accomplished many feats on my own...and I feel a little ashamed that I may need help with this task. A huge part of me says: "Stop whining about your problems to others and deal with it yourself...you always have and you can!" 4. Drinking isn't always a bad experience with me...(many of you have mentioned hitting bottom..I'm familar with the idea..I was expelled from an Ivy-league university because of dumb-ass drunken behavior), but that behavior was my behavior...alcohol may have influenced me, but...well, you know! Fact is...I suppose I sound as though I'm making excuses...well, they're convincing in side my head. I suppose I'm just a little confused, I've always had a firm grasp on everything until about two years ago... Ok...I have one question for whoever: When I drink, I feel fucking elated. I get drunk and rule the world...I harm no one...I'm a peaceful ruler. I suppose my question is this: Can I find that elation elsewhere (besides sex: that elation is far better and there is not a soul here who could convince me to stop having sex)? Don't get me wrong, I'm not a typically depressed person...I'm mosty very happy and I find many pleasures elsewhere, but not the out-right freedom and carelessness I feel when I'm drunk...

ok, I'll cease my rambling


Member: S.
Location: Sacramento, CA
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 10:35:09 PM

Comments

Hi. I'm S., an alcoholic. I think one of the best suggestions that anyone gave me when I was a newcomer was to take what I could from the meetings and leave the rest. It worked for me. Also, to "bring the body and the mind will follow." The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.


Member: Donnie M (DOS 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 11:23:00 PM

Comments

HEY Brad in Maryland, I am Donnie and I am an alcoholic and I to thought I did not need people, but the fact is you just can`t do it by yourself. I would say if you don`t think you have a problem then why are you thinking about it so much. I don`t mean to sound like a prick, but if you think you can drink normal than by all mean`s go do it, cause there isn`t an alkie alive that would sit here and say they don`t wish they could go out and drink one or two but the fact I can`t hell we can`t and that`s what makes this program work is to get the I`s out of our lives and let the we`s in. I had to take a lot of drink`s and drug`s to get were I`m at and I can`t say I would change a thing I just wished I would have changed sooner, But for the grace of God I did. I would just try to tell you try going to AA and listen and share when the time is right. All you have to do is ask and the help will be there. I`ve typed enough I hope to see you at a meeting. and GOD BLESS ALL.


Member: SHIMMY JIMMY
Location: 12 PACK BUDWEISERER
Date: 9/18/2001
Time: 11:47:56 PM

Comments

THE END IS NEAR....

IM GETTING DRUNK,.......


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 2:03:07 AM

Comments

Brad g,

You are exactly where I was before I "went" to AA. Your problem with the religious part of AA is common. Take what you need and leave the rest is a common saying in AA. I still do that today, and I believe that most others do as well. Do you have time to get drunk? Do you have time to do the things it took to get thrown out of a fancy school? You ALREADY KNOW that you cannot fix it alone, or would not be in this conversation! That is O.K. because those of us "in" AA have pledged to keep a hand out to the next alcoholic seeking help. You are presently it. The excuses you made for not going to AA are legitimate reasons that your demon has given you to avoid what you know you need. We all have our own demons. Call them what you may, demon came to mind, because the rationalizations that I came up with all seem so lame today, that I find it hard to believe I could have actually believed them.

You are at a decision point. The alcoholic mind is trying to do everything it can to keep you from making the decision that you know you must. No one else can make it for you, but I and others here can tell you what their experience has been. Reguardless of which way you decide, we will be here "at AA" when you decide, IF you do so before the alcohol kills you as it did both my parents.

I was on my fourth marriage, and it was near tanked when I decided that I wanted to get sober. Both parents had died within a couple of years before, and I was still drinking. I was miserable, and it did not appear to be changing for the better. Both of my kids disliked me to the point I never saw them. It has been years now. I have made amends to both parents, ended the marriage, and a carreer with the high tech company I was working for. I am not as wealthy as I was before. What I do have today is a relationship that is working. Kids that want to see and interact with me. A job that pays well, but is far less stressful, and a way of life that I am proud of.

Thanks to AA for all the positives that I can be thankful for. My faith is in my higher power today, and I call that higher power God, BUT, as you have a problem with the God thing, that is perfectly allright, We all have faith. An example is in the big book about the electricity that lights that light when we throw the switch. Do you expect it to come on when you hit the switch? Then you DO have faith. The issue is learning to direct it to the purpose you desire. AA teaches the tools to do so.

The elation? Yes it can be had. I get it today when I see the lights come on in a newcomers eyes that has made the decision and has started to work the steps. The idea that I have today what I have is an elation that I can only feel. Describing it is difficult, but feeling it is easy. The serenity prayer says it all.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

See, I realize today that I will always be an alcoholic, I cannot change that. I can change the way I behave, which allows me to receive many blessing that I otherwise would not. I now recognize the difference in most cases.

I wish you the best Brad g. I hope your alcoholic mind does not force you to avoid the cure for many more years, as mine did. Mark W LMW007@aol.com


Member: Chombo C.
Location: California
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 2:49:55 AM

Comments

Hey Brad G. You are not an alcoholic, keep on drinking what you really need is to learn how to drink. Don't waste your time in this site.This site is for people that have a sincere desire to stop drinking. If you know somebody that have the desire tell her/him about this site.Have one on me I am an alcoholic and I know I can't drink. Chombo


Member: LeeEllen
Location: MI.
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 9:37:20 AM

Comments

Hello all - I'm LeeEllen and a recovering alcoholic, sober by the Grace of God since 7-29-93.

Brad - One of the things that I was told when I first came to AA was to take the cotton out of my ears and shove it in my mouth.

I was definitely NOT a religious person --- I wasn't sure how I felt about a Higher Power, but I knew it wasn't for me. They all told me to just be WILLING to believe in a power greater than me.

I too was in denial, and could find any and all excuses for drinking. #1. I was functioning at my profession and I too was very "busy." #2. I'm also strong-willed and had direction (I thought) and conviction (yeah, right). #3. I had also accomplished quite alot "on my own" -- at least I THOUGHT it was on my own. #4. I had many "good times" while drinking too --- I never fought, thought I never hurt anyone, was a happy drunk. But guess what -- I was wrong on all points and was too self-centered to see beyond my own nose.

There is plenty of elation to be had sober. Right now, it doesn't sound like you're quite ready to quit drinking. But I can almost guarantee a few things --- You'll begin to lose friends (if you haven't already). You'll have legal problems somewhere down the line (DUI, etc.) Your grades in college will decline. You will alienate family. If you happen to be working now or later, you will have problems on the job. Your financial situation will deteriorate. You will be lonely, sick, your health will fail, and a multitude of other calamaties. You WILL hit bottom, if you live long enough.

Until you're willing to go to ANY lengths to stay sober (like driving 35 miles), your life will be just a vicious circle of drunkeness and hangovers. You're not ready now --- I hope to God you make it to AA in time. I don't say these things to be cruel, but to let you know what it took for me and many other alcoholics. God Bless. Peace, LeeEllen


Member: David B.
Location: Ma.
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 10:17:18 AM

Comments

hey fellow travelers!! i just wan:t to thank all you folks for the encouraging words and thoughts,today is day 5 and i think i am gonna be o.k.,my mind is beginning to clear and the act of being present feels preety goood.just for today,my world is truely a betterplace,as i dfont have to be a slave to booze any longer. i made a promise to me this morning and i will keep that pact with h.p. and i till midnite!! it is just as simple as that. what a gift this site is!!! thanx to all !! pray for peace. thanx also to jim h.,your story runs parrale to mine. i just turned 46 yesterday!! thank you man!! odaat!!! God bless us al!!!

David B.


Member: Greg N
Location: MI
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 10:35:48 AM

Comments

Brad G, Hopefully my experiences can help you to decide what it is you're dealing with right now, and if not so be it! I have to disagree with Chombo C (or was he being sarcastic?) regarding a potential problem. I've learned that if I think enough of it to come to this site and put thoughts and questions concerning my behavior in writing that I've most likely got some degree of a problem. Like you, I also questioned the severity of my issues, but the fact is that you must see some need to change, so do it. If it's the higher power thing that you have a problem with, make that part consistent with your own beliefs (or lack thereof) but make it work. I have taken much from an old-timer in a meeting that I attend from time to time and he's got this thing nailed...1) keep it simple, 2) don't drink, and 3) go to meetings. If you can do the 1st two things successfully, you've done it! But more likely than not you'll end up needing a meeting from time to time too. Like you, I'm young and well educated, and have dealt with the idea of not drinking in a peer group of drinkers at a time when this is the thing to do. Just trust me and know that it can be done, very successfully, and it's really better in the end. Good luck.


Member: Sarah A.
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 11:41:27 AM

Comments

Sarah Alcoholic. I just had to chime in again here. I agree with what Chombo said. If you are not an alcoholic, and you don't have a sincere desire to stop drinking, A.A. may not be for you. But, as Bev said, going to 90 in 90 certainly won't hurt you. If in that time you come to the conclusion that you are not an alcoholic, or you are not ready to stop, you can return to your old life. Simple as that. Thanks for listening.


Member: Denise B
Location: Missouri
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 12:40:46 PM

Comments

Hi Everybody!

Hugs to all! - - And thanks for being here.

Today is my 2 year AA Birthday!!!!!! And I never would have imagined I could do it - and now I have.

But I know this all would not be possible

- Had I not accepted my own powerlessness over alcohol - and essentially a hell of alot of other things as well.

Having belief in a power greater than myself has changed my life in ways I never thought possible. I love life once again.

Leaving everything on my shoulders was a futile effort. It got me nowhere - and could never get me ahead.

That "Power" led me to AA - as it has for all of us. And when I finally took it all seriously . . . Or as I like to remind myself ". . . half measures availed me nothing . . ." - everything began, slowly but surely, to fall into place.

Everything from the past has led me to this point in time - and I wouldnt change that for anything.

Having a belief in that power greater than myself, going to meetings, having a sponsor, working the steps (if you're too lazy to do 'em - at least start reading 'em at the meetings with the feeling they are meant to have - and soon you will remember, and understand, and feel 'em too - that's when I became ready to actually do 'em), reading the literature, talking. I used to feel so stupid speaking at meetings - until so many people came up to me to tell me that something I said, that I thought was just a rambling, stirred something in them.

I love you all. We all come from the same place - and share the same feelings. And I thank God for each and every one of you - because I know that if I had no one to share these thoughts and feelings with - I would surely be dead.

I thank God for today! And for all of you. And I'm here for anyone who needs me (deniseb@socket.net).

Love and lots of Hugs!


Member: Bev L
Location: So Cal
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 1:45:51 PM

Comments

Hi David B, Congratulations on your Happy Birthday. I was your age when I came for help and now have many years. I'd like to share my daily program with any one who cares to read it. The reading of AA litiature and some spiritual literature each morning is essential for me to keep an even emotional keel. Talking with at least one sober alkie each day keeps me in touch, and I still go to one or two meetings a week. I hope you find the life of happiness and growth that is possible if you hang in there. Love Ya, Bev


Member: Gerri M
Location: S.E. Alaska
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 2:44:49 PM

Comments

Hi Im Gerri an alcoholic, Been sober for over 2 years now,so I still feel new @ this. I remember my first meetings; I would go because I could identify with the mind-set of other alcoholics. They were fighting the same screwy mind games that I was fighting. I didn't believe that I was an alcoholic at the time, but I could identify with the insanity. So I'd go to a meeting just for the knowledge, then a little while later I'd go drink. Felt comfortable with that for awhile...then my drinking bouts increased and got closer together. I didn't go to anymore meetings for the "knowledge"...the more I drank the more my alcoholic mind convinced me that I didn't need AA.Wwell to make it short, I had to hit my bottom to see the light. Some people don't LIVE through their bottom. Yesterday I was to pick up an old drinking buddy for his first AA meeting. I was so happy to finally get Bill to come with me. I went to his house at the time he was going to go, and his whole trailer was wrapped in up in POLICE CRIME SCENE TAPE. A policeman was stationed in the front of his house...Bill was beaten to death the night/morning before in a drunken brawl! All hope was crushed for me ,Bill was my first "guest" I would hve brought to a meeting. He was a sweet guy even though he looked like a wild man. I never knew him to be violent when drunk...it was the other guys that got violent and killed him. And the guy was his nephew! Bill didn't survive his bottom, and whose to say if he did survive that even that beating would have been his bottom? Im sad and angry...we joke alot at AA, but underneath its deadly serious buisness. All you newcomers take a good hard look at your lives (when your sober)I pray your bottom wont be as low as Bills. Thanks for listening, Gerri


Member: Janice
Location:
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 8:05:59 PM

Comments

Since the topic has not change this week and I am only on day 10 - I have a question relating to the original question -ways to stay sober. I have been going to the meetings, saying my prayers daily, I've been trying to meditate. I just came home from work and holy shit do I want a drink. This is crazy! I can't stand these thoughts. I want a drink so bad I am walking up and down the hall in my house saying please God make this craving stop. I took a shower, made myself a tonic water, ate dinner, I am doing EVERYTHING required by AA - so why won't this feeling pass. There is no meeting at this time so I decided to go online. I don't have a sponsor yet - still looking. Any suggestions on how to survive this because I feel helpless right now.


Member: Tech
Location: Barry L
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 8:21:32 PM

Comments

Last Monday there was a problem as a result of a routine upgrade on the web server which caused an inability to post to the discussion and 12 and 12 Meetings for most of the week. We also were having problems accessing the site to update it until yesterday, rather than shorten this weeks meetings by refreshing on tuesday, I made a decision as a Tech to leave last weeks topics continue until this Sunday.

I am sorry if this has caused any disturbance or confusion.


Member: Mary Louise
Location: Indiana
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 8:33:04 PM

Comments

Just hang in there, Janice....and get out your Big Book, or Living Sober, and read. If you don't have either of those, pick up the phone and call someone in AA....or call the AA answering service for someone to talk to. Just don't drink, no matter what. We've all been where you are...and have made it through those times, sometimes a minute at a time. A drink will not make anything better for an alcoholic. Good luck to you. Stay in touch.


Member: Chombo C.
Location: California
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 9:32:50 PM

Comments

Janice, I suggest you to look for a cyber group like in msn.communities under addictions and recovery. If you don't have the Big Book is on line on recovery.org/aa/bigbook. I also suggest you that next time you get to a meeting get some phone numbers.Take it easy you can do it,is going to pass and you will feel stronger afetrwards.Don't get that first one.Hang in there. Chombo


Member: Brad G
Location: Maryland
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 9:33:55 PM

Comments

I have read everyone's postings and I have spoken with a recovered (recovering) addict/alcoholic friend of mine who was there for me the first time I tried to sober up. He dared me (again) to try to go a specific duration without drinking and see if I can do it. Now, I've tried this before, but I suppose I was a little bit less serious than I am now. I haven't had a drink since Sunday night, but I'm typically a weekend drinker...I suppose this weekend will be my first test. Only trouble is my g/f wants me to go to this big drinking bash this weekend...I promised I would go, but I don't think I can go and not drink! I suppose that will be the ultimate test... Well, anyhow, thanks everyone for you input...I'm going to give it an effort (at the time I didn't think Sunday night would be my last drink...hopefully right?!!)

Ok, just making that statement has made my heart beat faster...lol...so..this may sound stupid...but, what do I do now??? When I do find I meeting, what do I do? Just go...by my self? Any suggestions?


Member: jimmy
Location:
Date: 9/19/2001
Time: 10:01:05 PM

Comments

osama bin laden is a homosexual.

he has sexual relations with mountain goats.


Member: Gage
Location: New Orleans
Date: 9/20/2001
Time: 2:07:10 AM

Comments

Hi, Brad. I'm an alcoholic and my name is Gage. Yes. Go to the meeting. You could call A.A. in your town and speak to someone. They can suggest a meeting for you and will probably either meet you there themselves or have someone be there to meet you if you ask. Otherwise, you can just call and find out where and when meetings are held. Then, just go. Tell someone there that this is your first meeting. I want to assure you of one thing. We have nothing to sell. We will try to help you stay sober if you want to stay sober. If you don't want to stay sober, we really don't have a thing to offer you. Good luck.


Member: MATT M.
Location: DELAWARE
Date: 9/20/2001
Time: 5:03:51 AM

Comments

HI GROUP,JUST LETTING YOU ALL KNOW THAT IT REALLY HELPS HAVING YOU FOLKS TO TALK TO BETWEEN REAL MEETINGS.AS AN ALCOHOLIC MY NATURAL STATE IS LONLINESS BUT I CANNOT STAY INSIDE MY OWN HEAD RIGHT NOW.THESE ROOMS LET ME BE REMINDED THAT THERE ARE ALWAYS MORE A.A.'S OUT THERE....THAT I'M WITH OTHER ALCOHOLICS NO MATTER HOW GEOGRAPHICALLY SEPARATED WE ARE.AS ALWAYS,THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE.LOVE,MATT M.


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 9/20/2001
Time: 6:39:25 AM

Comments

Brad g,

In the event you really do want to stop drinking, you will tell the g/f that you cannot/will not go to the bash. This program is for you, not her, and setting yourself up by going to a drinking bash is just that, setting yourself up for failure. Your initial post and this one show me that you do want to quit, but are not sure you are willing to do what it takes. AA will be there when you are ready, if you become ready before it is too late. Acceptance does not come easily, nor quickly to some. That's O.K. but be aware that there's very little chance of staying sober if you go. Thrown out of yet a second school? Maybe not this time....

Make the time beneficial. You had said before that you did not have time to get to the meetings. Your mind is fooling you Brad! The time that the bash would take would be far longer than an AA meeting, even with a long commute, now wouldn't it?

Having been the designated driver for my ex-wife many, many times, I can relate to the draw. It has been a year and a half since I was in the bar she wanted us to frequent. I'd bet they would bring me a pitcher of tea, and a glass upon my sitting down, even today. I agreed to go to the bar with her often, as she too is an alcoholic. It was very difficult to accompany her to these places, even though I had several months sober before she and I reunited. I still love her, but am not particularly remorseful that we are now divorced. She can drink any time she pleases, and the consequences are all hers now.

Brad, I hope that the aqbove convinces you that you should opt for a mtteing instead of the bash, but want you to know that there are people here praying for you, no matter which. Mark W. lmw007@aol.com


Member: Jeff
Location: Northern CA
Date: 9/20/2001
Time: 9:52:58 AM

Comments

Hi My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. Brad, If you think you are or may be alcoholic there would be no better place than an AA meeting. If you even want to stop drinking meetings are a great source of information. Yes, just go.

If you doubt that you are alcoholic or if you don't want to stop drinking the party sounds good. My opinion means little. I have been reading you posts and I hope you find what you need. Drinking is great for non alcoholics. I would drink as much as possible if I were not an alcoholic.

I have found that I can't drink safely; more than that I have found that I can not stop drinking for more than a few months without the help of AA and a power greater than myself that I call God. Sometimes I just call it good. I always wanted good. I found what I needed at meetings - You may find it at your 2nd or 3rd or 20th. Anyway good luck.

Thanks to everyone for being here.


Member: Janice B.
Location: Syracuse
Date: 9/20/2001
Time: 11:43:58 AM

Comments

Thanks for the words of comfort - I stayed away from the alchohol which was so difficult because my boyfriend came home with a 12 pack. I went to bed with a book. Felt better for it this morning. Thanks again.


Member: Chris
Location: Fla.
Date: 9/20/2001
Time: 6:12:27 PM

Comments

Chris Here--alcoholic/addict/bulimic--To Janice--hang in there---this too shall pass---Whan I used to have the feelings like you are having, I used to thinkthat they were going to last forever. But they would pass, and they would pass more quickly if I would emplement the program. Calling my sppnsor or another recovering alcohlic would help...ANother thing that I used alot in the early days was " do the next right thing". If I would just do what ever I thought I was supposed to do next---often by the time I finished that , the feeliing would have begun to fade. --I think that this has been an especially hard week for all of us. I have found myself needing to go back to alot of the basics in the program. i have found that I have needed to not be so hard on myself, and give myself time to grieve over this thing. " Progressnot perfection" was a saying that was so important for me in the beginning. And I sure need it now. I am feeling and doing alot of crazy things , and then beating up on myself. That way of thinking just pushes me towards a drink. The grace i found in the program in the early days was such a gift. I really need a f/f meeting and need to be in a place that I can feel safe to feel the things I am feeling without criticism. The A.A. way of life is such a healthy way for this alcoholic to live!! Until next week!!!Thank you all for being here!!


Member: Connie C.
Location: Northern California
Date: 9/21/2001
Time: 2:23:31 AM

Comments

Brad G., If you "don't have the time" to drive 35 minutes for the possibility of getting sober, you're not ready for AA yet. In fact, I'd venture to say you're probably not ready to stop drinking. After attending a single AA meeting, you are ready to pronounce your opinions on what AA offers, and you already dislike it. That's okay. When I first learned about AA it sounded to me like a bunch of goody-goodies who held hands and prayed because they didn't have the backbone to stop drinking. I drank for some years after that, and by the time I came into AA I didn't have any opinions or excuses left. I'd have crawled 35 miles to a meeting if I'd had to, that's how desperately I wanted to stop drinking. You don't have to get that desperate for AA to be able to help you, but you do have to want sobriety more than you want anything else. If you're alcoholic and you keep drinking, you won't have any studies to worry about. You won't have anything at all left to worry about, because you'll be dead.


Member: matt m.
Location: delaware
Date: 9/21/2001
Time: 7:15:22 AM

Comments

Hi Brad.Hope you keep coming back even if only to this cyber meeting.Help comes in many forms if we open our souls to allow a bit of light in.When i came to A.A.I had nothing left to lose but my lifeand I'm grateful to my higher power that it happened this way.If i hadn't lost my wife,house,job,car and self-respect I never would have met the open,accepting,non-judgemental and loving human beings that have never failed me since i held out my hand for the first time in these rooms.I'll tell ya a secret,Brad.I'd sneak into meetings even if I wasn't an alcoholic.We sincerely pray that you join us if you decide that you do indeed have a drinking problem.We're not going anywhere.Love,Matt M.


Member: Mike M
Location: Midwestern US
Date: 9/21/2001
Time: 9:46:40 AM

Comments

I haven't been drunk since Oct 1995. I had three ounces of beer once day in May 1999 and six ounces of beer once in June 1999. I did not have one sip between Oct 1995 and May 1999, and not one sip since June 1999. Sometimes I go to meetings and sometimes I don't. I usually like meetings. I meet nice people and hear little nuggets of wisdom and get a couple of cups of coffee for $1. A guy dared me to go one year without either a meeting or a drink so I did. Then I came back to meetings because they're nice. I could drink socially today if I spent all my time thinking about managing my drinking, but if I had to think about it that much my drinking is already unmanageable. I have a relationship with my Higher Power today, but I don't owe that to AA, I was working on it before I came to AA. AA has helped me seek reconciliation with people I had fallen out with, and it has helped me get some of the tools that help keep me sober. I'll never drink again and I'll probably always keep in touch with AA. I call myself an alcoholic today. AA is one of the great human innovations of the twentieth century. The ONLY requirement is a a desire to stop drinking. Don't drink and you won't get drunk. Come to meetings and you'll meet us. Pray on your on terms on your own schedule in your own way.


Member: gs
Location: Texas
Date: 9/21/2001
Time: 11:00:41 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm g, an alcoholic, Brad, If you can't go to meetings and do the steps and you are a real alcoholic. Then your other options are jails, institutions or death. You decide!


Member: Vincent F, Williams 1
Location: Atl. Ga.
Date: 9/21/2001
Time: 6:46:58 PM

Comments

Hi,my name is vincent f. williams 1 and i'm here to see if I have a promblem!I haven't drank anything all year until march 30th 3-days b-4 my b-day.I got an dui and that's why i'm here.I may have a drink 2-3 times a week ,and i don't drink to get drunk,my drink is gin&juice. Like I said i don't get drunk,but on march my bal. was .138.


Member: Vickie H
Location: Alabama
Date: 9/21/2001
Time: 7:19:56 PM

Comments

Hi Family, Vickie, alcoholic. (((Vincent)))) No one but you can decide if you are an alcoholic. From experience, I was in denial for twenty somethings years, because of never having a DUI, never having a accident,(by the Grace of God)etc. However, other ptoblems with the police was my reason for intering my first meeting at AA. Deep down inside I knew that I had a problem with my drinking and drug use. I wanted someone else to tell me, a doctor, perhaps to diagnose me. My drinking was only a symptem of my problems. I have a "thinking" problem. AA is only a suggestive program, so I suggest you attend a few meetings in your area. Listen, and if you are a real alcoholic, not only will you be able to relate to the things others say about themselves; you will hear your own story told. What helped me was to ask the God(of your understanding) to help keep me sober just that day. When he does, and he will, then don't forget to thank him. If you can't get to a meeting, call you hotline. It's listed in the front of the phone book and they can give you a contact to call. You had the courage to write to this meeting, so pick up the phone and call when the urge hits. It works, however, you have to work it. Keep coming back. For the very, very sick person who continues to annouce his intentions of drinking, please get help. You will die if you don't. It's okay to be as sick as you wan to be, however, not at the expence of others. Go to an AA meeting in your area and pull these stunts. You will be taken outside, and asked to leave. I hope you get this. For those who are feeding into his fire, you are wasting space as well as your time. God Bless All of you and AMERICA FOREVER.

Keep It Simple

Love & Prayers,

Vic


Member: SZ
Location: Daytona Beach
Date: 9/21/2001
Time: 9:20:09 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm SZ, a grateful, recovering alcholic. Keep coming back, it works if you work it. Love to you all.


Member: Tony
Location: U.K. Scotland
Date: 9/22/2001
Time: 4:22:24 PM

Comments

Hi there my names Tony and i'm an alcoholic. I came across this site today and it was so good to see as i never knew A.A. was online. I also noticed theres not many if not any U.K. people maybe I need to do as our program says "Give freely of what you find and join us" I particularly noticed Sharons contribution and reminded me of myself all those years ago, and I remember a person saing to me. "Tony you are better off in here kidding on your an Alcoholic ! Than out there trying to kid on your not ! lol hope you find the peace love and contentment I did to within the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous !

I am glad to be alive and very grateful to be sober "Keep Up The Faith" and ill save this site to favourites for future. lol


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 9/22/2001
Time: 4:45:05 PM

Comments

Tony,

There are a number of UK located folks on the voffee pot regularly. Good to see yet another. Don't let the side discussions about the happenings, and retaliation deter you from joining us there.

Mark W. St. Louis


Member: Miranda C
Location: Vermont, USA
Date: 9/22/2001
Time: 6:38:49 PM

Comments

Hello All,

Miranda here - alcoholic. On the original topic of how do you get through your first 90 days: I wish I knew!

I had a really long day today, woke up at 5 to drive my son to Manchester, NH so he could meet his father and go fishing for the weekend. Then turned around and drove back home just in time to make a Saturday morning women's meeting I like, a quick trip to the recycling center then I had to go to work. I'm a network administrator for a community college and when the computers don't work I have to figure out how to get them working again, saturday or no. It was a long and frustrating afternoon. Boy howdy did I want a drink on the way home. Just one ya know, just one frosty vodka and grapefruit on the back porch would be so, so nice...

I drive right by a liquor store on the way home and man it was hard today. I cried all the way past it and all the way home.

Miranda


Member: janice
Location:
Date: 9/22/2001
Time: 11:02:19 PM

Comments

i have a pimple on my butt


Member: Kent H.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 12:22:23 AM

Comments

I'm coming up on year sober and I want to personally thank every recovering alcoholic who reads this for saving my life. Yes, YOU! Why you? You say you don't even know me? Well, if you're an alcoholic, you know me pretty well. And no matter where you are and whether you've been sober for one hour or for 50 years, YOU are what makes AA work....and if it weren't for AA, I'd be dead. Or worse: in that living hell that made me wish for death. So thanks for welcoming me back (again and again), and thanks for freely sharing your experience, strength, and hope. You saved my life. I am eternally grateful.

I love you all, Kent H.


Member: Gage Z.
Location: New Orleans
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 4:17:54 AM

Comments

I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. My first experience in A.A. was in 1982. I stayed sober then for a little over three years, but I have to say that I wasn't very happy about being here then. In fact, my third year was miserable. I wanted to drink, and, of course, that is what I eventually did. I was very young, but as I look back on it, I know that I was a full blown alcoholic even then. Anyway, I left A.A. with the thought that I would rather die drunk than to ever go to another A.A. meeting. I almost got my wish. I came back pretty much on my knees about 7 months ago, and I have been trying really hard to avoid half measures this time. I feel that if I don't make it this time, I'm probably not going to get another chance. I've been taking it a day at a time (and thank God for that little bit of wisdom), and there have not been too many days when I felt like I needed a drink. In fact, usually the thought of a drink repulses me. But I know from experience what a sneaky rat bastard alcohol can be. It scares me. Sincerely, I want to stay sober. Most days, I'm so happy just to be sober that I feel like I can handle pretty much of anything with a little help. I'm trying to do the steps and have someone who's helping me to understand them. I try to be completely honest about myself with this person. I do have a problem with being forthcoming about how I feel sometimes. That is, sometimes I know something is wrong, but I just don't know what to call it. A couple of nights ago in a meeting at my group, one of the members was upset about something and as she was speaking she began to weep. She paused, and then she said, "I just want someone to love me." When I left the meeting, I started to weep on the drive home because I could never have said that face to face in a room full of people. Not even A.A. people. I guess it's pride that keeps me like this. I thought that alcohol had beaten all of that pride out of me. I don't feel unloved, but what I want to tell someone is that all of my life, or for as long as I can remember, I have had these feelings of guilt that I don't have the words to describe. It's hard for me to even look another person in the eyes. I feel like I'm lying even when I know that I'm telling the truth. This has gone on since I was a child, (and I am way far from being a child now.) Another thing is, for no reason that I can put my hand on, I have times when I feel as if I'm going to pop. I just want to be invisible, or just to go away. Today has been one of those days. I yelled at my son horribly. He's only four. He's my heart, and I feel awful. I'm so afraid that I'll make an emotional cripple out of him like I apparently am. I thought that I had at least taken step two, but now I don't know.


Member: Mark W.
Location: St.  Louis
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 8:31:46 AM

Comments

Gage,

Your post was moving to me. You did not give your age, but I can give my experience. My parents willingly GAVE me the feelings you describe. They were both alcoholics. They have both died of the dis-ease we share. Near the end they were miserable and hateful to those around htem as well. Dis-ease is what alcoholism is really. We are never at ease with ourselves, as you describe.

The AA program gives directions and tools to overcome this lack of self worth. Gage, you need to do a thorough fourth step, and get it out in a fifth step with your sponsor. I know the pencil weighs at least four tons, but to get beyond how you feel now, you must. The result of your last experience with AA is the result that happens to those who choose not to follow the steps, and include the actions required to follow them. You will find that after your fifth step, the feeling of release is so wonderful that it is hard to believe we struggled and avoided so much for so long. I was no longer in the prison I had built ! You need to release yourself from your prison, too.

Years later, my son who had told me to get out of his life and swore he would never talk to me, not tell if he were marrying, not tell me when children arrived, called this week. We speak often, and both enjoy the conversations. He tells me he loves me, and today, I believe. I tell him I love him, and we both believe. My 17 year old daughter came to live with me July 2000. Wife filed for divorce August 28th, 2000. My duaghter so loved her stepmother, as did I. My daughter and I discussed the situation, and we are still together. She said the situation was that "Perhaps God put me here, because this was coming, I'll stay with you, dad."

Gage, as you can see from above, my life has changed for the better. There are lows today, as when the woman I loved wanted out, but drink was not a choice I chose, and today IS better than those yesterdays of drunkeness and remorse. Please do what you know you must. It may be hard to do, and see what the gain is to be, but belive me when I say the gain is there and worth it!

Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 10:03:51 AM

Comments

I am an alcoholic my first 90 days were very miserable I nearly died 'cause of dehaydration Dt's I thought I wont live bu HP has some other plans for me I got in touch with AA and I have been sober ever since.thanks to AA and greatful Aalanon members for helping me out life so nice without alcohol that I can appreciate it now.


Member: Tony
Location: U.K. Scotland
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 10:39:01 AM

Comments

Hi I am Tony and I am an Alcoholic,

Would just like to say thanks to Mark W for your kind reply and your unconditional acceptance of me !

and thanks to all who contributed and gave me food for thought today thank you all !

"Keep Up The Faith" Always Grateful To be Alive And Sober :-)

Tony


Member: LORI S
Location: FLORIDA
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 2:15:11 PM

Comments

HI! I,M LORI AND I'M ALCOHOLIC. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO STAY CLEAN FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS. I HAD 10 YEARS OF SOBRIETY WITHOUT ANY HELP. I PICKED UP AGAIN WHEN LIFE GOT TOUGH - THINKING MAYBE I CAN BE LIKE OTHER PEOPLE AND ENJOY A GLASS OF WINE. TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT- I AM MUCH WORSE THAN EVER BEFORE AND NEVER WOULD HAVE BELIEVED THAT THIS WOULD BE SO HARD TO GIVE UP AGAIN. I HAVE ATTENDED AA MEETINGS AND TREATMENT GROUPS - BUT CAN ONLY MANAGE 5-6 DAYS AND PICK UP AGAIN. I WORK HARD AND AT THE END OF THE DAY - THOSE STRONG CRAVINGS START AND I LOOSE THE BATTLE IN MY HEAD. I FIND MYSELF ALMOST OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE- PULL IN TO A STORE AND BUY SOME WINE. I DON'T CALL ANYONE WHEN I'M LIKE THIS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE STOPPED - BUT THE NEXT DAY I AM REGRETFUL AND START A NEW RESOLVE.- HELP! WHAT CAN I DO. IF ANYONEONE HAS ANY THOUGHTS I WOULD APPRECIATE IT.


Member: Kent H.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 2:55:24 PM

Comments

To Lori, 1. Pray...as often as possible, even when you don't mean it. Use the Serenity Prayer and think about what it really means. 2. Get a sponsor...and call her every day whether you feel good or bad. 3. Attend as many meetings as you possibly can. 4. Read the Big Book every day...even if only a paragraph. When you get to the end, start over again. 5. Work the 12 Steps with as much honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness as you have in you. Use your sponsor. 6. Quit shaming yourself. It doesn't do any good...in fact, it's a way of telling yourself that you don't deserve to succeed. 7. If "One Day At A Time" doesn't work, break it down into hours...or minutes. 8. Remember that you must ask for help. If you could do it alone, you would have. 9. Find an activity or hobby you enjoy that isn't associated with drinking. 10. Don't forget to laugh....Life is far too important to be taken seriously.

Serenity, Kent


Member: Gage
Location: NOLA
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 3:24:08 PM

Comments

To MARK W in St. Louis: Thanks for your reply. Yes, I think this was given to me as well. But whether it was given to me or whether I found it under a rock, it is mine now. And I want to be shed of it.

Your experience with the fourth and fifth steps sound wonderful and miraculous. Thankyou for telling me about it. As I read your post, it occurred to me that I have successfully taken the second step -- because I believe you: I believe you are a drunk like me, I believe you do in fact know how I feel, I believe that you have found in the steps a way to stay sober and sane, I believe that it can happen to me. Isn't that all that the second step requires of me? I'll tell you what else, Mark, I believe I'm going to take your experience and try to make it my own. I'm going to do the third step, complete with the prayer, on my knees, with another person. I'm going to do it today. And then, I'm going to get started that inventory. And whenever it's done, God willing, I'm going to give this crap to someone and throw it back into hell where it belongs.

Thankyou, Mark. You, and people like you are my Higher Power at present. I'll keep you posted.

Oh, and when my son got up this morning we played rough house together. I told him that I am sorry for yelling at him yesterday. I told him that it was not his fault that I was angry and that it was a bad thing for me to take it out on him. I think he understands. I told him also that it's okay for him to be mad at me. He said he wasn't mad, but that I had scared him. I asked him if he was still scared. No. I just held him and told him that I love him and that he's a good boy. I didn't know anything else to do. I'm trying to take being a dad one day at a time as well. How'd I do?

Thanks again. I'll be back in touch soon. Prayers for you.


Member: Steve S.
Location: Florida
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 3:24:29 PM

Comments

Hello,

My name is Steve and this is my first comment on this site. I have to admit at the start that I'm still at the point of of believing that I can control my drinking, drink socially, and enjoy it as many of my friends do and as I have for many years. Though I drank rarely during the first 30 years of my life, alcohol abuse has since damaged my life, personally and professionally, in the past 20 years. I have to say I'm fortunate to have a big family and people who love me (brothers, sisters, sons, grandchildren, and a wonderful woman who is the love of my life) but I have to be perfectly honest and say I don't want to commit to (admit to) the need to give up a glass of wine during dinner or beer during Sunday afternoon football. (This has occasionally become 10 - 12 beers and a 4-hour nap.)

Keep up the good work! Your discourse is so positive, supportive and informative.

Steve S.


Member: AL
Location:
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 4:00:37 PM

Comments

Gage)) I don't come here to the discussion room very often, but I read your post and I was thinking oh...he's got to tell his son he is sorry!!! I am so glad to read that you already did that!!

Steve S)) glad to see you here, 10-12 beers during a football game is NOT Controlled Drinking my dear!! its the occasionally that turns into constantly!! be careful... don't think because you are grandfather that you are immune or to old to have this disease sneak up on you!! thats the funny thing about alcoholism..it doesnt care who you are, how old you are, how big or small your bank account is, what race or religion you are...it just likes us all whether we like it or not. Another thing.. we all wanted to be social drinkers or thought we were for along time before we knew or admitted we werent!! Admitting it.. is such a battle, I wish you all the best. Read the coffee pot section you may find some direction there. there are some boneheads posting there, you will soon meet Jimmy..take him in what ever matter you like with him what you like.


Member: LORI S
Location: FLORIDA
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 4:42:27 PM

Comments

THIS IS LORI. BACK AGAIN AND DISAPOINTED THAT I HAD VERY LITTLE RESPONSE EXCEPT FROM KENT. I LISTENED TO WHAT YOU SAID BUT FEEL THAT THESE ARE SAYINGS. THAT I'VE HEARD THEM OVER AND OVER. DON'T GET ME WRONG I KNOW YOU BELIEVE WHAT YOU SAY. THE PROBLEM IS THAT I NEED SOMETHING ELSE. TODAY THEY HAD AN ARTICLE ABOUT PEOPLE WHO WERE IN CARP AND WAITING FOR ROOM IN A TREATMENT CENTER. THREE PEOPLE DIED WITH -IN THE LAST MONTH. I'M AFRAID I'M NEXT. IF I CAN'T GET HELP HERE. WHERE SHOULD I GO


Member: GraceD
Location: STLMO
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 5:06:13 PM

Comments

Lori, do not lose hope. As long as you are breathing, it IS with you(even though it does not feel that way). Action is the key. You cannot think your way sober-you must act it. By that I mean go to any length not to drink one day at a time. Feeling better will come if you stay sober. Take direction, take action and ACT your way into right (sane) thinking. I was taught that on my own I could not think my way into right acting and boy is that true!! In the beginning I hurt enough to do whatever they told me. I didn't wait to believe it would work~thank goodness for that. But I saw and felt the hope of others who were getting and staying sober. Belief and faith came after. So did feeling better~you'll have to ride out the cravings as you call people , reach out in meetings and in the meeting after the meetings. But don't lose hope~rarely has a person failed . . .thnx-hp@prodigy.net


Member: shimmy jimmy
Location: its a secret
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 5:31:36 PM

Comments

al,

what is bonehead,jimmy no bonehead,but jemmy got b i g bonehead in pants.......


Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 5:58:32 PM

Comments

((((Lori))))-

You have to WANT it. I got and stayed sober for 5 years without an organized program. Thought I could manage it on my own as well. Didn't work. I even went through one intensive outpatient treatment and alot of meetings. Didn't work. I didn't want it bad enough. Found myself coming home and drinking myself into oblivion almost every night.

I wanted the 'good things' my first experience with sobriety gave me. Without listening to platitudes, lame (or so I thought at the time) slogans and having to be accountable, I wanted my sobriety back. And it didn't work for me until I decided I really wanted it. And was willing to go to any lengths to get it.

Don't know what your personal situation is, workwise or insurance-wise, because you didn't mention it. Most work places have an Employee Assistance Program. This is a group of folks who work with folks in their company on a variety of problems, including addiction. They can see that you get help and that the help you get is covered by insurance.

If you DO have insurance there's something else you should be aware of. Most insurance companies only pay for inpatient treatment for as long as it takes to detox. Once the drug of choice is out of your system, you're placed in outpatient treatment. My own experience lasted 5 weeks the first time and 7 the second trip through. Each required I stay clean during the entire treatment time (they could demand urine tests if you appear intoxicated). And I had to start attending AA and find a sponsor.

I highly recommend treatment for folks who have quit on their own. I learned about the disease. I learned how to open up to other people, which made the later attending of AA less painful. The downside of outpatient I found was that alot of folks were court-ordered and didn't take it seriously, unlike AA. But I needed it...twice.

It's up to you, girl. If you want help, help is available. But, you have to want it more than you want to drink. I had to admit I was powerless over alcohol (like 'having' to stop every night to pick up booze.) I had to want, ask for and learn to accept help, which was tough. But what a reward!!!! I don't have to do it alone. And I don't have to do it for the 'rest of my life'. Just a day at a time.

Good luck to you!


Member: lori
Location:
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 6:47:37 PM

Comments

Lori)) Please stop posting in all Cap's and listen to Lessa


Member: MIKE  L
Location: florida
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 7:25:33 PM

Comments

Hi kids, LORI, what you are experiencing is known as the phenomena of "progression", alcoholics that stop drinking, for any reason, for any amount of time, have the experience of feeling and behaving as if they have been drinking steadily and increasingly. Its like falling asleep on a bus, you're much further down the road when you wake up even though you had nothing to do with the ride! After not drinking for 24 yrs, I can't imagine where I would end up if I began again. Alcohol was killing me then, I would most probably be dead very shortly after starting. SO... that said, a long long time ago, the way people got sober was to go to meetings, thats all there was except the nut house. It still works, treatment is great, for those with the time and money but nothing has the success rate of AA. At my work we will gladly take your 20 thousand dollars and tell you all about alcohol, but at the end of 28 days you still have to go to meetings, a day at a time, for the rest of your life. Sucks huh? Not as much as dying at your kitchen table choked on your own puke. Get used to the idea of feeling worse than you ever have in your life for a few days, keep a journal and write it all down, in a few days you'll feel better, in a month, even better. Alcoholism is a disease of a-loneness. If you don't get out there you'll die alone with a drink for a headstone. Besides, what do have to lose? you seem about as miserable as you can get now. Tell them you're new, do what they suggest, GOOD LUCK< MIKE


Member: Bob S
Location: Washington State
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 8:47:10 PM

Comments

Point well taken Lessa! Until an alcoholic wants it, finds there higher power, and surrenders... it usually doesn't work. I tried several times to stop drinking and did successfully for periods of time. Only when I fully came to want it and reached out for support in many ways have I been successful. Take it one day at a time, go to meetings, and keep the faith!


Member: matt m.
Location: delaware
Date: 9/23/2001
Time: 9:53:45 PM

Comments

hi lori,a.a. might not be for you.(although it saved my life)check out some other programs like MODERATION MANAGEMENT,RATIONAL RECOVERY or S.O.S.these all have web sites.see if they perhaps work for you better than a.a.good luck,matt m.